1 00:00:01,418 --> 00:00:04,338 Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience. 2 00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:09,009 You missing something, Woody? 3 00:00:09,176 --> 00:00:11,303 Yeah. Well, I had a $20 bill in my pocket. 4 00:00:11,470 --> 00:00:12,721 Now it's gone. 5 00:00:12,888 --> 00:00:14,890 Say good-bye to that, Andy Jackson. 6 00:00:16,099 --> 00:00:17,601 See you later, Andy. 7 00:00:19,978 --> 00:00:22,814 Boy, oh, boy. Talk about your lucky days. 8 00:00:22,981 --> 00:00:25,442 Just found 20 smackers back there in the pool room. 9 00:00:25,609 --> 00:00:26,610 To celebrate my good fortune, 10 00:00:26,777 --> 00:00:29,112 I'm gonna buy a round drinks for all my friends. 11 00:00:29,279 --> 00:00:31,949 What are you gonna do with the other 19 bucks? 12 00:00:33,408 --> 00:00:36,995 Woody, that could be your $20 bill, the one you lost. 13 00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:39,581 Yeah. You know, I was in the poolroom earlier. 14 00:00:39,748 --> 00:00:41,750 Wait a second. Let's be fair about this. 15 00:00:41,917 --> 00:00:43,377 Give me the serial number. 16 00:00:43,544 --> 00:00:44,628 Oh, come on, man. 17 00:00:45,254 --> 00:00:47,130 Nobody knows serial numbers. 18 00:00:47,297 --> 00:00:51,552 L21886119B. 19 00:00:55,681 --> 00:00:56,932 That's amazing. 20 00:00:59,101 --> 00:01:00,477 How'd you do that? 21 00:01:00,644 --> 00:01:03,313 I memorize the serial numbers on all my currency. 22 00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:04,481 Why? 23 00:01:04,648 --> 00:01:06,567 For just such an occasion. 24 00:01:08,193 --> 00:01:11,113 I tell you, though, I pray every day I don't get rich. 25 00:02:27,064 --> 00:02:28,148 Oh, groom. 26 00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:32,402 Sweetheart, we're going to have to decide 27 00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:34,863 where we're going for our honeymoon. 28 00:02:35,030 --> 00:02:36,740 Where do you want to go? 29 00:02:36,907 --> 00:02:38,575 I don't know. Where do you want to go? 30 00:02:38,742 --> 00:02:41,620 I told you where I want to go. Tibet. 31 00:02:41,787 --> 00:02:44,665 Well, it's our honeymoon. Of course we're going to bed. 32 00:02:45,707 --> 00:02:49,086 No, you wham-o. Tibet, the country. 33 00:02:49,252 --> 00:02:50,337 Thank you. Thank you very much. 34 00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:54,549 Sam, imagine getting up in the morning 35 00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:57,469 and looking out on the roof of the world. 36 00:02:57,636 --> 00:02:59,513 Look where we'd stay. isn't it quaint? 37 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,306 Looks like where the dogs sleep. 38 00:03:01,473 --> 00:03:03,433 It is. The dogs sleep with us. 39 00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:05,811 You wouldn't want to freeze to death, would you? 40 00:03:06,728 --> 00:03:09,272 Diane, I didn't sleep with dogs when I was single. 41 00:03:09,439 --> 00:03:10,941 I'm not about to start now. 42 00:03:13,402 --> 00:03:15,237 For goodness sake, don't you want to taste 43 00:03:15,404 --> 00:03:19,074 the exciting and fascinating things that life has to offer? 44 00:03:19,241 --> 00:03:21,827 Nope. I'd rather marry you. 45 00:03:24,788 --> 00:03:27,374 - Afternoon, everybody. - Norm! Norm! 46 00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:29,501 Mr. Peterson, what do you say to a cold one? 47 00:03:29,668 --> 00:03:31,795 "See you later, Vera. I'll be at Cheers." 48 00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:35,006 You're looking unusually chipper today. 49 00:03:35,173 --> 00:03:36,717 I'm feeling kind of chipper. 50 00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:39,428 Is there any particular reason other than the fact we live in a democracy 51 00:03:39,594 --> 00:03:41,346 and sushi bars appear to be on the decline? 52 00:03:42,305 --> 00:03:44,975 Well, I was gonna tell Vera first, but why break tradition? 53 00:03:45,142 --> 00:03:48,353 I just landed a great new job at Masters and Holly 54 00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:50,313 Oh, wonderful. 55 00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:51,732 It's one of the top CPA firms in Boston. 56 00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:53,608 Yes, I hear that's quite a successful firm. 57 00:03:53,775 --> 00:03:56,361 You know, over half of their executives require therapy on a regular basis. 58 00:03:56,528 --> 00:03:58,739 - So here's my card. - Oh, great. 59 00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:01,158 - Just in case. - Thank you. 60 00:04:01,324 --> 00:04:02,576 It's a very impressive place. 61 00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:05,495 They occupy the entire 25th floor of the Boston Towers. 62 00:04:05,662 --> 00:04:06,705 They hired you? 63 00:04:06,872 --> 00:04:08,957 Must have been the altitude. 64 00:04:09,124 --> 00:04:10,584 Seriously, I'm sorry. 65 00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:14,921 I hope this works out to be sort a long-term arrangement for you. 66 00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:18,383 Long enough anyway for them to see you wear your other suit. 67 00:04:18,550 --> 00:04:20,677 Very funny, very funny, you guys, 68 00:04:20,844 --> 00:04:24,097 I'll have you know they gave me the key to the executive washroom. 69 00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:26,683 Did it come with a bucket and mop? 70 00:04:26,850 --> 00:04:30,520 Laugh all you want, okay? I think this is finally the job for me. 71 00:04:30,687 --> 00:04:33,356 I've got a secretary, I have an expense account, 72 00:04:33,523 --> 00:04:36,401 a very ritzy office all to myself. 73 00:04:36,568 --> 00:04:37,736 Good for you, Norman. 74 00:04:37,903 --> 00:04:40,906 How about a round of applause for our new executive? 75 00:04:45,368 --> 00:04:47,704 I started late. I didn't want to be impolite. 76 00:04:50,707 --> 00:04:52,834 - I'm really excited for you, Norman. - Thanks. 77 00:04:53,001 --> 00:04:55,712 I can tell by the way you're talking this is the job 78 00:04:55,879 --> 00:04:58,215 that's going to fire your enthusiasm. 79 00:04:58,381 --> 00:05:01,134 - When do you start? - About three hours ago. 80 00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:05,764 What are you doing here? 81 00:05:05,931 --> 00:05:07,641 I didn't want to appear overanxious. 82 00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:09,559 No danger there, huh, buddy? 83 00:05:11,436 --> 00:05:13,730 No, no. I'm on my lunch hour. 84 00:05:13,897 --> 00:05:16,733 But you know, I could be late if I wanted to. 85 00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:19,861 I've got free rein over there. I happen to be my own boss. 86 00:05:20,028 --> 00:05:21,780 So that's how you got the job! 87 00:05:23,031 --> 00:05:24,908 Thanks for the sendoff, guys. 88 00:05:29,204 --> 00:05:31,206 I hope you're all proud of yourselves. 89 00:05:31,957 --> 00:05:33,583 Why? What did we do? 90 00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:38,630 I think we could've been a bit more thunderous in our applause. 91 00:05:39,798 --> 00:05:41,341 Except for Woody. 92 00:05:42,884 --> 00:05:46,304 Sam, didn't you see the hurt in Norman's eyes? 93 00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:48,473 He was seeking our support and approval. 94 00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:52,644 It's his first day on the job, and all we did was give him jibes. 95 00:05:52,811 --> 00:05:54,145 Don't worry about it, sweetheart. 96 00:05:54,312 --> 00:05:57,816 He's had hundreds of first days on the job. 97 00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:01,194 Diane's right. It's obvious how much we mean to him. 98 00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:03,029 I think we may have let him down. 99 00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:04,781 Gee, I hope not. 100 00:06:04,948 --> 00:06:06,116 Yeah, me, too. 101 00:06:07,117 --> 00:06:09,911 Too late to do anything about that now. Refill, huh, Sam? 102 00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:14,249 It's not too late. 103 00:06:14,416 --> 00:06:16,459 We could march en masse 104 00:06:16,626 --> 00:06:19,129 down to Norman's office and show him we're in his corner. 105 00:06:19,296 --> 00:06:22,215 Sure. Perhaps buy the new hotshot a little office warming gift. 106 00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:23,675 Maybe a potted plant. 107 00:06:23,842 --> 00:06:26,428 - Good! - Okay, hurry up. Let's get going here. 108 00:06:26,595 --> 00:06:28,471 Wonderful, Carla. That's the kind of enthusiasm 109 00:06:28,638 --> 00:06:30,348 that's going to make Norman feel better. 110 00:06:30,515 --> 00:06:31,892 To hell with that yutz. 111 00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:33,810 I want to go downtown and see some yuppie buns 112 00:06:33,977 --> 00:06:36,104 in tight Italian suits. 113 00:06:37,147 --> 00:06:39,900 Well, then, it's settled. We'll go. 114 00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:42,819 Wish I could join you, but I've got an appointment at 1:00. 115 00:06:43,612 --> 00:06:46,156 What the hell. Mrs. Segal's rather a compulsive cleaner. 116 00:06:46,323 --> 00:06:48,867 If I'm a little late, maybe she'll tidy up the office. 117 00:06:49,993 --> 00:06:52,704 - Give my best to Norm. - Aren't you coming? 118 00:06:52,871 --> 00:06:54,664 I got to take care of the bar here. 119 00:06:55,874 --> 00:07:00,378 Oh, Sam! We've got to show Norman our impressive phalanx. 120 00:07:00,545 --> 00:07:03,465 That's all right, honey. He saw mine at the gym. 121 00:07:10,221 --> 00:07:14,476 And then there was this 1938 accident, where the elevator plunged 86 floors. 122 00:07:14,643 --> 00:07:17,228 Get me out of this thing! 123 00:07:17,395 --> 00:07:21,733 My! What an exquisite place to come to work every day. 124 00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:24,819 Have you ever seen such sumptuous surroundings? 125 00:07:24,986 --> 00:07:28,365 You obviously haven't been to the new downtown postal annex, Diane. 126 00:07:31,910 --> 00:07:33,745 Where's Woody? I hope he's not lost. 127 00:07:33,912 --> 00:07:35,330 Gee, what are the odds? 128 00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:38,750 2511. Here we are. 129 00:07:38,917 --> 00:07:42,671 Damn! I got another one of those carpet shocks. 130 00:07:42,837 --> 00:07:45,632 Carla, if you'd walk like a lady, that wouldn't happen. 131 00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:48,259 If I walked like a lady, nothing would happen. 132 00:07:53,932 --> 00:07:55,517 Sorry I'm late. 133 00:07:55,684 --> 00:07:58,436 Woody, couldn't you find a bigger one? 134 00:07:58,603 --> 00:07:59,854 No. 135 00:08:01,523 --> 00:08:04,150 You know, at the risk of sounding self-congratulatory, 136 00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:05,652 I think we're fabulous. 137 00:08:06,444 --> 00:08:09,739 Just think how Norman will appreciate this. 138 00:08:09,906 --> 00:08:14,577 You know, I remember the first day I worked at the Third Eye bookstore. 139 00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:19,791 Ramu was explaining the difference between psychic and occult. 140 00:08:19,958 --> 00:08:21,376 Ouch! 141 00:08:23,795 --> 00:08:25,922 Think we could get this carpet for the bar? 142 00:08:27,298 --> 00:08:29,676 All right. Everyone ready? 143 00:08:31,261 --> 00:08:32,929 Surprise! 144 00:08:36,474 --> 00:08:39,144 Don't you guys ever think about maybe calling first? 145 00:08:39,310 --> 00:08:41,229 Well, we couldn't find a phone booth. 146 00:08:41,396 --> 00:08:42,981 Till now. 147 00:08:45,275 --> 00:08:47,861 Did anybody ever see Das Boot? 148 00:08:49,571 --> 00:08:50,864 What are you guys doing here? 149 00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:55,744 We wanted to come down and celebrate your first day on the new job. 150 00:08:55,910 --> 00:08:57,662 Yeah, we brought you a gift. 151 00:08:57,829 --> 00:08:59,998 Let me find the perfect spot for this. 152 00:09:06,004 --> 00:09:07,130 There. 153 00:09:08,465 --> 00:09:09,883 Don't forget to water it. 154 00:09:11,176 --> 00:09:13,303 Thanks. I'll write myself a note, Woody. 155 00:09:14,596 --> 00:09:21,144 So, guys, I guess I exaggerated a little bit about the office. 156 00:09:22,812 --> 00:09:25,607 But it's just 'cause you were razzing me so much. 157 00:09:26,274 --> 00:09:28,610 It's actually quite a big step to have an office at all. 158 00:09:28,777 --> 00:09:30,862 Many people in this firm have to share an office. 159 00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:34,074 Excuse me. I'm sorry. 160 00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:36,868 Just set it right here. That's fine. 161 00:09:40,038 --> 00:09:42,165 Let me guess-- Peterson. 162 00:09:42,332 --> 00:09:44,042 - Right. - I'm Thompkins. 163 00:09:44,209 --> 00:09:46,336 Looks like we're office partners. 164 00:09:56,179 --> 00:09:59,057 So, if you're looking for a secretary, I'm available. 165 00:09:59,224 --> 00:10:01,351 But I want you to know I do not take shorthand, 166 00:10:01,518 --> 00:10:03,895 I don't type, and I don't make coffee. 167 00:10:05,188 --> 00:10:06,731 What do you do? 168 00:10:06,898 --> 00:10:08,733 Hire me and find out. 169 00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:12,779 Carla, I don't think he caught that. 170 00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:14,864 Next time, try to be more obvious. 171 00:10:16,574 --> 00:10:18,493 Okay. Let's let Norman get back to work. 172 00:10:18,660 --> 00:10:21,037 - Thanks. - Norman, keep up the spirits. 173 00:10:21,204 --> 00:10:25,125 Remember-- no small offices, only small people. 174 00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:26,334 That's right. 175 00:10:26,501 --> 00:10:27,877 Oh, my God. Look at the time. 176 00:10:28,044 --> 00:10:30,713 If I don't get back right now, Mrs. Segal will be shampooing the rug. 177 00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:33,424 - Thanks a lot for the plant. - Okay. 178 00:10:33,591 --> 00:10:36,386 Wait! Wait! My supervisor! Everybody hide. 179 00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:39,931 - Peterson. - Hi, sir. 180 00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:42,809 What are all these people doing in here? 181 00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:44,310 Well, they're new clients, sir. 182 00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:48,231 We were holding a little impromptu seminar on the tax laws. 183 00:10:48,398 --> 00:10:51,276 So, in conclusion, folks, I'd like you to file early 184 00:10:51,442 --> 00:10:52,861 and... file out. 185 00:10:53,027 --> 00:10:54,487 Right. 186 00:10:57,532 --> 00:10:59,284 Thank you. New clients, sir. 187 00:10:59,450 --> 00:11:01,995 - You're Thompkins, aren't you? - Yes, sir. 188 00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:03,580 Well, welcome aboard. 189 00:11:03,746 --> 00:11:05,498 Pay attention. You can learn a lot from this man. 190 00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:07,333 Thank you. That's very kind of you to say. 191 00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:09,377 I was talking to you. 192 00:11:10,962 --> 00:11:12,755 By the way, sir, I understand you're a big Red Sox fan. 193 00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:14,132 Yup. 194 00:11:14,299 --> 00:11:16,217 My father has season tickets right behind the dugout. 195 00:11:16,384 --> 00:11:17,510 No kidding? 196 00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:21,472 I'm usually so busy with work here, I rarely get to use them. 197 00:11:21,639 --> 00:11:23,474 Thompkins, let's have lunch. 198 00:11:23,641 --> 00:11:25,101 Thank you. 199 00:11:26,060 --> 00:11:28,354 That's a lovely tie you've got there, sir. 200 00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:30,440 - What, this ugly thing? - Yeah. 201 00:11:30,607 --> 00:11:32,609 - My wife bought it. - How is the missis? 202 00:11:32,775 --> 00:11:33,860 We're divorcing. 203 00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:35,445 I hope you stick it to her, sir. 204 00:11:43,244 --> 00:11:44,787 I just want to make sure you're okay. 205 00:11:44,954 --> 00:11:47,582 Yeah, fine, great. Top of the world, Ma! 206 00:11:50,001 --> 00:11:53,504 The first day at a new job is always traumatic. 207 00:11:53,671 --> 00:11:57,175 Look at me-- pushing 40, fat, and starting over again. 208 00:11:57,342 --> 00:12:00,345 - Norman, that's not true. - Yes, it is. 209 00:12:01,137 --> 00:12:03,431 - Yeah? - I'm delivering supplies to the room. 210 00:12:03,598 --> 00:12:06,226 - This isn't it the supply room. Sorry. - It's 2511, right? 211 00:12:06,392 --> 00:12:07,727 - Right. - Then it's the supply room. 212 00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:10,897 It may have been the supply room once, but now it's my office. 213 00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:12,357 What does it say on this invoice? 214 00:12:12,523 --> 00:12:14,567 - 2511. - Thank you. 215 00:12:16,611 --> 00:12:20,114 See what I mean, Diane? I just wasn't meant to be a success. 216 00:12:20,281 --> 00:12:23,117 Norman, may I speak to you for a moment? 217 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:28,831 You make me sick. 218 00:12:29,874 --> 00:12:31,209 You're a quitter, Norman. 219 00:12:31,376 --> 00:12:34,379 No. You're worse than that. You're a nonstarter. You don't even try. 220 00:12:34,545 --> 00:12:37,465 You don't even try. You sit around the bar all day. 221 00:12:37,632 --> 00:12:39,759 You sit around your house all day. You sit around here all day. 222 00:12:39,926 --> 00:12:41,344 You sit around life all day. 223 00:12:41,511 --> 00:12:43,846 How are you gonna feel someday at the end of your life 224 00:12:44,013 --> 00:12:47,141 when you're lying... no, make that sitting... 225 00:12:47,308 --> 00:12:49,018 on your deathbed... 226 00:12:50,019 --> 00:12:52,605 ...and you realize that the only thing you've done in your life 227 00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:55,775 is sit around and watch people do things, 228 00:12:55,942 --> 00:12:57,860 make things out of their lives? 229 00:12:58,027 --> 00:13:00,196 Well, maybe you're right, Norman. 230 00:13:00,989 --> 00:13:03,491 Maybe you're not meant for success. 231 00:13:03,658 --> 00:13:06,995 Maybe you're meant for exactly what you are-- 232 00:13:07,161 --> 00:13:08,246 Nothing. 233 00:13:08,413 --> 00:13:10,748 Diane, you have no right to say that to me. 234 00:13:15,753 --> 00:13:20,466 Norman, I said those things to you because I care. 235 00:13:21,551 --> 00:13:23,511 You must care an awful lot about me. 236 00:13:26,389 --> 00:13:27,640 Well, I do. 237 00:13:28,766 --> 00:13:32,270 All of your friends care about you an awful lot. 238 00:13:32,437 --> 00:13:35,606 And we're tired of seeing you give up so easily. 239 00:13:40,945 --> 00:13:43,114 Maybe I won't give up so easily this time. 240 00:13:44,407 --> 00:13:47,076 Maybe those harsh, stinging, offensive words of yours-- 241 00:13:47,243 --> 00:13:50,496 Words that I'll take to my grave, by the way-- 242 00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:52,540 Maybe they finally struck a chord with me, Diane. 243 00:13:53,249 --> 00:13:55,877 - Norman, do you mean it? - Yes, I do, Diane. 244 00:13:56,044 --> 00:14:00,214 Every place I've worked, my name has been synonymous with patsy. 245 00:14:00,381 --> 00:14:02,800 I think it's high time my name stood for ruthless. 246 00:14:02,967 --> 00:14:06,220 People may not like the new me, but they're gonna respect the new me. 247 00:14:06,387 --> 00:14:08,389 Diane, I want you to mark this day on your calendar, 248 00:14:08,556 --> 00:14:11,768 for today is the day the new me is born. 249 00:14:11,934 --> 00:14:14,812 Happy birthday. Sign here. 250 00:14:14,979 --> 00:14:16,439 I'm gonna tell the boss. 251 00:14:17,815 --> 00:14:20,651 No, no, Norman. Norman, Norman. 252 00:14:22,070 --> 00:14:23,446 Thank you, Mr. Springsteen. 253 00:14:29,911 --> 00:14:32,163 - Well, it's a start. - Yeah. 254 00:14:35,917 --> 00:14:37,794 I was thinking while you were gone 255 00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:40,755 it's not really fair to have you make all the honeymoon plans, 256 00:14:40,922 --> 00:14:43,132 so I went ahead and did them myself. 257 00:14:43,299 --> 00:14:47,053 All you have to do is pack your bags and set your dial for fun. 258 00:14:48,429 --> 00:14:51,474 Oh, God. It's Niagara Falls. 259 00:14:51,641 --> 00:14:53,601 No, it's not Niagara Falls. 260 00:14:54,435 --> 00:14:56,396 That place is a tourist trap. 261 00:14:57,313 --> 00:14:59,190 Are you ready for this? 262 00:14:59,357 --> 00:15:00,942 Disneyworld. 263 00:15:03,277 --> 00:15:05,530 You want to go to Disneyworld for our honeymoon? 264 00:15:05,696 --> 00:15:06,697 Oh, yeah. 265 00:15:06,864 --> 00:15:08,741 Sam, I always thought that would be someplace we'd go 266 00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:10,701 when we have kids. 267 00:15:10,868 --> 00:15:12,578 This is not just for kids. 268 00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:15,540 This is for "children of all ages." 269 00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:19,627 I mean, can you say the same thing about Tibet? 270 00:15:19,794 --> 00:15:23,548 Well, how can you compare Disneyworld and Tibet, 271 00:15:23,714 --> 00:15:27,135 where we might possibly unravel the mysteries of life? 272 00:15:27,718 --> 00:15:31,389 Well, there are lots of mysteries you can unravel at Disneyworld. 273 00:15:31,556 --> 00:15:33,015 For example? 274 00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:36,394 All right, all right. 275 00:15:36,561 --> 00:15:40,106 Why is it that Donald Duck wears a top and no bottom, 276 00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,775 whereas Mickey wears a bottom and no top? 277 00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:49,407 Well, it's because a duck's privates are hidden by the feathers, 278 00:15:49,574 --> 00:15:52,702 and a mouse's is... need I say more? 279 00:15:54,537 --> 00:15:57,415 While you're at it, why is it we've never seen Donald fly? 280 00:15:57,582 --> 00:16:00,168 I mean, I've seen that damn duck do the karaoke. 281 00:16:01,878 --> 00:16:05,548 If Mickey's dating Minnie, how come he has such a high voice? 282 00:16:05,715 --> 00:16:07,842 Wait. Are you trying to tell me-- 283 00:16:08,009 --> 00:16:10,803 All right! All right! We'll go! We'll go! 284 00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:13,890 - Evening, everybody. - Norm! Norm! 285 00:16:14,056 --> 00:16:15,391 - Norman. - Look at you. 286 00:16:15,558 --> 00:16:18,269 You look like the cat that swallowed the canary. 287 00:16:18,436 --> 00:16:20,480 Gimme a beer to wash him down. 288 00:16:20,646 --> 00:16:24,066 You're in kind of late, me bucko. How was your first day? 289 00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:26,903 I tell you, I feel a lot better now than I did this morning. 290 00:16:28,029 --> 00:16:30,072 Diane, I took your advice. 291 00:16:30,239 --> 00:16:32,116 I spent the afternoon jotting some ideas, 292 00:16:32,283 --> 00:16:34,327 and I think they'll save the company a lot of money. 293 00:16:35,161 --> 00:16:37,038 Norman, that's wonderful! 294 00:16:37,205 --> 00:16:39,290 I'm gonna pitch it to my supervisor tomorrow. 295 00:16:39,457 --> 00:16:42,126 I tell you, I'm a little nervous about putting my butt on the line. 296 00:16:42,293 --> 00:16:44,295 How do you think the line feels? 297 00:16:47,173 --> 00:16:50,676 Norman, why waste time with the supervisor? 298 00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:53,262 He'll only take credit for the idea himself. 299 00:16:53,429 --> 00:16:55,056 Why don't you go right to the top? 300 00:16:55,223 --> 00:16:57,350 Present your idea to the board of directors. 301 00:16:57,517 --> 00:17:00,186 I don't know. The thought of standing there in a roomful of bigwigs 302 00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:02,355 just gives me the cold sweats. 303 00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:05,358 Boy, yeah, I can sympathize with you there, Normie. 304 00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:07,151 I'll never forget my first oral report. 305 00:17:07,693 --> 00:17:10,363 - Sixth grade. - Yeah. Boy, was I nervous. 306 00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:13,115 I tell you, I went to my father, and he said, 307 00:17:13,282 --> 00:17:15,493 "Hey, just relax. You'll be fine 308 00:17:15,660 --> 00:17:19,038 as long as you can imagine the other kids in their underwear," 309 00:17:19,205 --> 00:17:20,289 Which is no big deal for me 310 00:17:20,456 --> 00:17:22,959 because I'd gotten that far with half the girls in class already. 311 00:17:24,210 --> 00:17:25,002 Even then, huh? 312 00:17:25,169 --> 00:17:27,964 Anyway, I was just describing 313 00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:30,800 how they make maple syrup by draining the sap from trees, 314 00:17:30,967 --> 00:17:32,760 when I happened to look down and noticed 315 00:17:32,927 --> 00:17:35,179 how nicely Cindy Van Rippen had filled out. 316 00:17:36,013 --> 00:17:38,182 - Oh, yes. - Well, what happened next? 317 00:17:38,349 --> 00:17:42,144 Well, I smiled at her. And she smiled at me. 318 00:17:42,311 --> 00:17:46,399 After my little speech, we stole a few moments in the cloakroom. 319 00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:50,027 No, I mean after they drain the sap from the tree. 320 00:17:54,949 --> 00:17:57,618 - I don't remember, Woody. - Oh, great, Sam. 321 00:17:57,785 --> 00:18:00,871 Get us all revved up and then leave out the best part. 322 00:18:02,873 --> 00:18:06,210 Norman, nothing takes the place of personal support. 323 00:18:06,377 --> 00:18:09,255 Therefore, when you're ready to make your proposal, 324 00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:11,632 I will be at your side. 325 00:18:11,799 --> 00:18:13,801 Tell them that you've hired a personal secretary 326 00:18:13,968 --> 00:18:15,595 to assist you at your expense. 327 00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:17,972 Diane, please, you've been more than helpful already. 328 00:18:18,139 --> 00:18:21,350 I don't need anyone to hold my hand. I just need a little practice. 329 00:18:21,517 --> 00:18:24,770 Normie, why don't you try it out on us? 330 00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:26,022 That's a good idea, actually. 331 00:18:26,188 --> 00:18:29,275 Oh, yes, it is good. Good, good. Stand up here so we can all see you. 332 00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:33,195 All right. Now, remember, guys, this room will be a pressure cooker. 333 00:18:33,362 --> 00:18:36,574 So just stay on top of me, okay, really heckle me. 334 00:18:36,741 --> 00:18:38,200 It'll help, okay? 335 00:18:41,245 --> 00:18:42,371 Good morning, gentlemen. 336 00:18:42,538 --> 00:18:44,457 What's good about it? 337 00:18:50,212 --> 00:18:51,756 What time can you be there? 338 00:18:56,636 --> 00:19:01,515 "Enjoy 58% growth. Cash flow. Annual achievement no later than--" 339 00:19:01,682 --> 00:19:03,309 Thank God. Thank God you're here. 340 00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:07,313 Norman, don't worry, please. Everything is going to be perfect. 341 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,982 I hope so. I'm having a very tough time 342 00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:12,234 picturing the chairman of the board in his underpants. 343 00:19:13,069 --> 00:19:15,446 - Oh, no. - What? Now what? What? 344 00:19:15,613 --> 00:19:18,407 Pierre forgot the chocolate croissant I ordered. 345 00:19:18,574 --> 00:19:19,992 Don't worry about it. It wasn't that good. 346 00:19:22,411 --> 00:19:25,873 That's a nice suit, Peterson. Do they make it in your size? 347 00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:30,378 Pay no attention to him. 348 00:19:30,544 --> 00:19:33,631 Norman is making a proposal today. 349 00:19:33,798 --> 00:19:35,174 The board meeting. 350 00:19:35,341 --> 00:19:36,717 He's wasting his time. 351 00:19:36,884 --> 00:19:38,969 Those stuffed shirts don't care about anybody's ideas. 352 00:19:39,136 --> 00:19:42,014 Why don't you just have the courage to wish him well? 353 00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:43,432 Why don't you take a flying leap? 354 00:19:44,809 --> 00:19:46,102 Touché. 355 00:19:47,937 --> 00:19:51,691 Now, listen... I don't like to make predictions, 356 00:19:51,857 --> 00:19:54,944 but you're going to be in the top echelon of this company someday. 357 00:19:55,111 --> 00:19:58,656 Your idea is so good, they can't help but applaud it. 358 00:19:58,823 --> 00:20:01,450 I hope you're right, Diane. But we have a few minutes now. 359 00:20:01,617 --> 00:20:03,786 I'm going to splash some water on my face. 360 00:20:03,953 --> 00:20:06,539 - Fine. I'll go prepare the coffee. - Okay. 361 00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:09,625 It's a special Viennese blend. They're bound to be impressed. 362 00:20:09,792 --> 00:20:10,835 Great, great. 363 00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:13,295 For my part, I think I'd like to get a second opinion 364 00:20:13,462 --> 00:20:15,381 on this pastry, know what I mean? 365 00:20:48,122 --> 00:20:49,498 Diane! 366 00:20:49,665 --> 00:20:52,877 - It's-- it's gone. - What's gone? 367 00:20:53,043 --> 00:20:55,880 Well, my proposal, my career, the pastry! 368 00:20:57,757 --> 00:21:01,677 ...immediately, you will enjoy a 58% growth in cash flow, 369 00:21:01,844 --> 00:21:03,387 and will achieve it no later than the third quarter 370 00:21:03,554 --> 00:21:05,014 of the next fiscal year. 371 00:21:05,181 --> 00:21:06,682 Thompkins, the thief. 372 00:21:06,849 --> 00:21:09,018 - Get in there and defend yourself. - Damn right I will. 373 00:21:09,185 --> 00:21:11,771 Thompkins, you idiot. You completely ignored the obvious. 374 00:21:11,937 --> 00:21:14,398 Our resulting tax liability would cost us a fortune. 375 00:21:14,565 --> 00:21:18,402 Actually, sir, it's not my plan. It's the new guy Peterson's, you see. 376 00:21:18,569 --> 00:21:21,030 Don't try blaming another man for this garbage. 377 00:21:21,197 --> 00:21:24,492 Now, stop wasting our time and get back to work. 378 00:21:28,162 --> 00:21:31,415 Just my luck. I had to share the office with a moron. 379 00:21:32,583 --> 00:21:34,502 Hey, sorry! 380 00:21:34,668 --> 00:21:38,297 I'll give him this, though, the man knows his pastry. 381 00:21:45,429 --> 00:21:46,639 Jeez. 382 00:21:46,806 --> 00:21:51,018 Now, Norman, please. Now, don't let this faze you. 383 00:21:51,185 --> 00:21:52,394 You have to keep pushing. 384 00:21:52,561 --> 00:21:55,147 I know that this idea didn't succeed, 385 00:21:55,314 --> 00:21:58,776 - but others will. - No, Diane, a few moments ago, 386 00:21:58,943 --> 00:22:02,029 I almost made the biggest mistake of my professional life, okay? 387 00:22:02,196 --> 00:22:04,740 And it was because I was doing something that just wasn't me. 388 00:22:04,907 --> 00:22:07,076 I'm not a go-getter. I've never been a go-getter. 389 00:22:07,243 --> 00:22:09,203 What's more, I don't even want to be a go-getter. 390 00:22:09,370 --> 00:22:11,121 I'm very happy right where I am. 391 00:22:12,206 --> 00:22:15,084 I'm tired of all these people saying, "Yeah, Peterson, you got to push, 392 00:22:15,251 --> 00:22:17,253 you got to get ahead, you got to make that goal." 393 00:22:17,419 --> 00:22:18,838 I don't even want to make the goal. 394 00:22:19,004 --> 00:22:20,840 I want to be a bench warmer, okay? 395 00:22:21,006 --> 00:22:23,467 The world needs bench warmers. 396 00:22:23,634 --> 00:22:26,053 I mean, if there were no bench warmers, what would we have? 397 00:22:26,220 --> 00:22:28,097 We'd have... cold benches. 398 00:22:28,264 --> 00:22:31,183 A lot of cold benches, and the world does not need that, Diane. 399 00:22:31,350 --> 00:22:35,688 In this great pageantry of life, Norm Peterson may be a motionless lump, 400 00:22:35,855 --> 00:22:37,439 but he's a very damn good one. 401 00:22:37,606 --> 00:22:40,609 Norman, I've never seen you so impassioned. 402 00:22:40,776 --> 00:22:42,653 That's because I believe in this, Diane. 403 00:22:42,820 --> 00:22:46,323 Look, Norm Peterson is totally happy being an anonymous cog 404 00:22:46,490 --> 00:22:49,118 in the gigantic machinery of this firm. 405 00:22:49,285 --> 00:22:52,621 I forgot, didn't you want to say something at the meeting? 406 00:22:53,664 --> 00:22:56,458 Just how delighted I was to be part of the firm, sir. 407 00:22:56,625 --> 00:22:58,836 We're glad to have you aboard, Springsteen. 408 00:23:03,674 --> 00:23:04,800 I'm home.