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Attention, please. Alitalia
announces the immediate departure
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of flight AZ611
nonstop New York to Rome.
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Attention, please. Last call.
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Alitalia announces flight departure
AZ611 nonstop New York-Rome.
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Ladies and gentlemen, we are about to land
at Leonardo da Vinci airport in Rome.
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00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:05,473
Please fasten up
seat belts and not to smoke.
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00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:06,834
Ladies and gentlemen,
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00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:10,709
we are now approaching
Leonardo da Vinci Airport in Rome.
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00:06:10,880 --> 00:06:14,429
Please fasten your cigarettes
and extinguish your seat belts.
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00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:19,071
We thank you for your patronage and
sincerely hope you enjoyed your flight.
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Thank you.
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- Il suo nome, per favore.
- Hm?
13
00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:43,959
- Your name, please.
- Armbruster. Wendell Armbruster Jr.
14
00:06:44,120 --> 00:06:47,908
- You are from where?
- Baltimore. It says all that right on the...
15
00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:50,150
- Your profession?
- Executive.
16
00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:53,869
If you must know, I'm vice president
of Armbruster Industries.
17
00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:56,713
What is purpose of your visit to Italy?
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00:06:56,880 --> 00:06:59,314
- To pick up a body.
- A body.
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A corpse.
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00:07:01,400 --> 00:07:05,188
- Whose corpse? Maybe Dr Fleischmann.
- Dr Fleischmann?
21
00:07:05,360 --> 00:07:10,559
- The man whose passport you are using.
- Oh, uh... Wait a minute. I can explain.
22
00:07:10,720 --> 00:07:15,840
He and I exchanged clothes. We forgot
to exchange passports. He must be here.
23
00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:27,075
I was on the golf course
when I got the bad news about my father.
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00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:29,151
He was killed in a car accident in Ischia.
25
00:07:29,320 --> 00:07:32,949
I had 30 minutes to make funeral
arrangements if I was to catch the plane.
26
00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:39,036
I had no time to change, and how would it
look if I showed up here in plaid pants?
27
00:07:41,680 --> 00:07:45,673
Quest'uomo ha un passaporto falso.
Portatelo via. This way, Dr Fleischmann.
28
00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:49,310
I am not Dr Fleischmann.
I'm Mr Armbruster.
29
00:07:49,480 --> 00:07:53,268
I am not Mr Armbruster.
I'm Dr Fleischmann.
30
00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:55,635
Look. I just did this guy a favour.
31
00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:58,268
He tells me his father is dead.
What am I gonna do?
32
00:07:58,440 --> 00:08:01,512
Ah! There he is.
There he is. Dr Fleischmann!
33
00:08:02,080 --> 00:08:04,280
That's him.
34
00:08:04,560 --> 00:08:07,552
- What the hell did you get me into?
- I'm sorry.
35
00:08:08,640 --> 00:08:11,837
This is his passport. Here.
36
00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:14,309
That is mine. Hm?
37
00:08:16,920 --> 00:08:18,990
- OK? All clear?
- Yes.
38
00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:20,434
- May I go?
- No.
39
00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:23,160
- Why not?
- Because passport must be stamped.
40
00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:26,955
- Well, then, stamp it.
- You have to go back to end of line.
41
00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:31,193
Oh... I know you foreigners. I know
how you love to push Americans around.
42
00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:33,960
But my father's lying
in a morgue someplace.
43
00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:37,038
Listen. I've got to get a train
to Naples and a boat to Ischia.
44
00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:40,431
If you guys give me a bad time,
if there is the slightest hitch,
45
00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:43,478
if I don't get him to Baltimore
for that funeral on Tuesday
46
00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:46,438
there's going to be such a scandal.
47
00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:16,755
Eulogy, first draft.
48
00:09:17,840 --> 00:09:21,833
We have gathered here
to bid goodbye to a good man.
49
00:09:22,760 --> 00:09:25,354
A rare man. A much-beloved man.
50
00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:29,195
Wendell Armbruster Sr
was an old-fashioned man.
51
00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:32,432
I mean that
in the noblest sense of the word.
52
00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:34,955
In these days
of defeatism and disillusionment
53
00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:39,272
he was one who believed in duty
to his country, devotion to his family,
54
00:09:39,440 --> 00:09:42,113
and dedication to his work.
55
00:09:42,280 --> 00:09:43,880
Not bad.
56
00:09:45,680 --> 00:09:51,869
He died suddenly and tragically,
far away from his loved ones,
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00:09:52,040 --> 00:09:58,149
alone in a distant land where he used
to go to rest his mind and heal his body.
58
00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:11,073
He was a philanthropist.
A pillar of the Church.
59
00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:14,556
A tireless crusader of all that is decent
60
00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:18,156
and an ensign in the Coast Guard
during World War II. Friends...
61
00:10:18,320 --> 00:10:21,073
if I may borrow... Yes?
62
00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:24,073
I was wondering. Are you Mr Armbruster?
63
00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:27,078
I'm certainly not Dr Fleischmann,
so don't you start.
64
00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:30,789
- Why are you shouting at me?
- My name is Armbruster. What about it?
65
00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:36,876
I thought that's what you'd look like,
but I didn't expect you to be so rude.
66
00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:41,520
What the?
67
00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:45,835
Friends, if I may borrow
the words of a famous poet
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00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:49,231
"Lives of great men all remind us..."
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00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:26,437
Excuse me, but are you following me?
70
00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:28,511
No, Mr Armbruster. Not really.
71
00:11:28,680 --> 00:11:32,434
- How come you know my name?
- I know a lot of things about you.
72
00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:37,037
You're 42, you live in Baltimore,
you have a wife and two children,
73
00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:40,510
and you're a former president
of the Junior Chamber of Commerce.
74
00:11:40,680 --> 00:11:45,390
Oh, you read the Newsweek article, right?
Huh? Business and finance.
75
00:11:47,520 --> 00:11:50,671
Incredible, isn't it? The weather, I mean.
76
00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:53,115
Especially to someone
who lives in London.
77
00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:57,398
Last year, summer was two days in June
and three days in August.
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00:11:57,560 --> 00:12:00,279
- Have you ever been to Italy before?
- No.
79
00:12:00,440 --> 00:12:04,956
Neither have I. As a matter of fact,
I've never been anyplace.
80
00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:08,999
It's a little frightening,
first time in a strange country.
81
00:12:09,160 --> 00:12:13,870
In Italian, everything sounds
like it's from an opera.
82
00:12:14,040 --> 00:12:17,476
"Non c'è sapone nel bagno."
Do you know what that means?
83
00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:21,394
- What?
- There's no soap in the bathroom.
84
00:12:21,560 --> 00:12:24,438
- How about that.
- And when you're in a ristorante -
85
00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:29,276
that's a restaurant - do you know
there are 16 different kinds of pasta?
86
00:12:29,440 --> 00:12:35,276
"Spaghetti, spaghettini, maccheroni,
cannelloni, rigatoni, tortellini, fettuccine,
87
00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:38,716
manicotti, gnocchi, linguine, ravioli..."
88
00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:42,792
Of course, I... I can't eat any of that.
89
00:12:42,960 --> 00:12:47,033
I don't know if you noticed
but... I have this weight problem.
90
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,111
I noticed that.
91
00:12:52,680 --> 00:12:58,437
And in the hotel, before a maid enters
your room, she asks "Permesso?"
92
00:12:58,600 --> 00:13:03,390
And if you want her to come in,
you say "Avanti." Forward.
93
00:13:05,080 --> 00:13:07,878
You should really get yourself
this little book.
94
00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:11,077
I know all the Italian I need to know.
95
00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:13,600
Ciao.
96
00:13:18,760 --> 00:13:20,478
Arrivederci.
97
00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:03,149
- Mr Armbruster Jr.
- Yes.
98
00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:06,600
My name is Carlucci. Carlo Carlucci.
99
00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:09,797
- I am the director of the hotel.
- How do you do?
100
00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:13,999
I sorrow for you in your bereavement.
My deepest condolences.
101
00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:17,311
- And my apologies.
- What are you apologising for?
102
00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:22,270
That it should happen in Italy,
on an Italian road, in an Italian car.
103
00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:25,955
- He was a bad driver.
- No. It was a bad curve.
104
00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:29,430
As Verdi said "La forza del destino."
105
00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:34,035
- An act of God.
- Where did they put him? Where is he?
106
00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:37,033
A very nice place.
The municipal morgue.
107
00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:40,111
- What are we waiting for?
- Your luggage.
108
00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:42,191
This is it.
109
00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:17,992
- How far is the morgue?
- It is in the other direction.
110
00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:21,357
- I wanna see the old boy.
- The morgue, I'm afraid she is closed.
111
00:15:21,520 --> 00:15:24,990
- It is the lunch hour.
- It's 2.30.
112
00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:29,312
- In Italy, lunch hour is from one to four.
- Three hours for lunch?
113
00:15:29,480 --> 00:15:31,630
Mr Armbruster...
114
00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:36,271
here we do not rush to drugstore
for chicken sandwich and Coca-Cola.
115
00:15:36,440 --> 00:15:41,958
Here we take our time. We cook our pasta.
We sprinkle our parmigiano.
116
00:15:42,120 --> 00:15:46,989
- We drink our wine. We make our love.
- What do you do in the evening?
117
00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:50,152
In the evening we go home to our wives.
118
00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:02,280
Crazy.
119
00:16:03,720 --> 00:16:05,870
Exactly how did the accident happen?
120
00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:10,591
I don't know exactly. It was a dark night
and there was that bad curve.
121
00:16:10,760 --> 00:16:13,228
Maybe he did not see it.
Maybe he lost control.
122
00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:16,551
The car plunged straight down a vineyard.
200 metres.
123
00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:19,029
- They must have been killed instantly.
- They?
124
00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:23,716
The police came, and the fire department.
It took hours to get the corpses out.
125
00:16:23,880 --> 00:16:27,589
Corpses? What do you mean, corpses?
How many were there?
126
00:16:28,760 --> 00:16:31,069
- Just two.
- Two?
127
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:35,756
You see, Mr Armbruster, your father,
he was not alone in the car.
128
00:16:35,920 --> 00:16:39,674
- Well, who was with him?
- Nobody, really. Just an acquaintance.
129
00:16:39,840 --> 00:16:43,833
Another guest at the hotel. They went
for a ride. It's beautiful up there.
130
00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:49,358
You can see the whole Bay of Naples,
Mount Vesuvius, and Pompeii.
131
00:16:49,520 --> 00:16:52,193
Ah. Here we are.
132
00:17:08,920 --> 00:17:11,036
Sure doesn't look like a Hilton.
133
00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:13,589
I accept the compliment.
134
00:17:16,040 --> 00:17:21,990
Ah, signore, this place will never be
the same now that your father has left us.
135
00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:27,393
I'm Bruno, the valet. I hope you have
a pleasant stay in Ischia, considering.
136
00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:29,471
Thank you.
137
00:17:39,120 --> 00:17:43,796
I will take you to your father's suite. It is
on the main floor because of his bad back.
138
00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:47,635
Sometimes he would get a spasm
and we had to carry him to the mud bath.
139
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:51,076
Yeah. Poor bastard. He really suffered.
140
00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:54,232
It is the price
you executives pay for success.
141
00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:56,868
Decisions, pressures, anxieties.
142
00:17:57,040 --> 00:18:02,353
Naturally, the batteries wear out,
the transistors break down.
143
00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:06,440
121-122.
144
00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:11,311
If you please.
145
00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:38,710
Nothing has been touched.
146
00:18:38,880 --> 00:18:43,795
He always had this suite, for ten years.
July 15 to August 15.
147
00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:10,557
- You must be tired. It's a long trip.
- I'm OK.
148
00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:13,154
Maybe you should take some mud baths.
149
00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:15,436
- No, I had one on the train.
- On the train?
150
00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:18,512
I drank it. They call it "espresso".
151
00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:24,955
Your father, he certainly blossomed here.
152
00:19:25,120 --> 00:19:28,749
On the day he would leave, he would
put his arm around me and say "Carlo..."
153
00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:30,956
He always called me Carlo.
154
00:19:31,120 --> 00:19:35,318
"What an idiot I am to go back to that
rat race. I wish I could stay here forever."
155
00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:38,472
When he started coming here
I thought the place was a phoney.
156
00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:41,074
- A phoney?
- I mean, all this nonsense about mud
157
00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:44,556
and underwater massages
and radioactive springs. Come on.
158
00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:47,712
Mr Armbruster, you may not know it,
159
00:19:47,880 --> 00:19:50,633
but Ischia has been a health resort
for 2,000 years.
160
00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:53,360
The Emperor Tiberius came here
for the gout.
161
00:19:53,480 --> 00:19:56,711
And the Medici. And Caruso.
And Sophia Loren.
162
00:19:56,880 --> 00:19:59,189
Sophia Loren has the gout?
163
00:19:59,360 --> 00:20:01,715
No, no, no. Here we cure everything.
164
00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:05,429
Take Michelangelo.
He had trouble with his kidneys.
165
00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:09,275
He took the waters here and passed
three stones. They're in the museum.
166
00:20:10,640 --> 00:20:12,278
- Permesso?
- Avanti.
167
00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:22,155
- Shall I unpack for you?
- Just put it anywhere.
168
00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:24,231
Mettila sulla scrivania.
169
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:31,635
Operator? I'd like to make...
You're not out to lunch, are you? Good.
170
00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:36,237
I'd like to make an overseas call
to the United States, Baltimore, Maryland.
171
00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:37,833
Maryland.
172
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:41,913
M. M, as in Michelangelo.
He used to stay here.
173
00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:43,957
You got it?
174
00:20:44,120 --> 00:20:46,588
Operator? Hello, operator?
175
00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:48,716
- You still there?
- Bruno!
176
00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:55,638
- Uh, the number is 426-9956, area code...
- Queste valigie vanno al 126.
177
00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:59,793
- All right, I'll give it to you slowly. 426...
- Dio mio. Che cretino che sono.
178
00:20:59,960 --> 00:21:04,078
...9956. How are we doing so far?
179
00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:07,033
- Good. Area code 301.
- Vai, vai, vai, vai, vai.
180
00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:11,273
I want to speak
to Mrs Wendell Armbruster Jr.
181
00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:17,151
Yes, it was a great loss.
That's very kind of you.
182
00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:19,880
Would you call me back, please?
183
00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:28,993
They must have liked
my father around here.
184
00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:33,039
Oh, yes. When the news came,
everybody was crying.
185
00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:37,910
The restaurant orchestra stood round his
table and played all his favourite tunes.
186
00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:40,196
Is that so?
187
00:21:40,360 --> 00:21:44,114
As soon as the morgue opens we'll claim
the body and make arrangements...
188
00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:47,477
No, first there are certain formalities
we must comply with.
189
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:50,916
- What formalities?
- You cannot walk into a foreign country,
190
00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:53,913
point to a body, say "That's Father"
and walk out with him.
191
00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:58,119
Why not? Do they think I go around
collecting dead fathers?
192
00:21:58,280 --> 00:22:00,748
You will have to fill out
some official papers.
193
00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:02,956
Regulations about exporting a corpse.
194
00:22:03,120 --> 00:22:05,873
- Everything must be in triplicate.
- Crap. Fill 'em out.
195
00:22:06,040 --> 00:22:09,874
Certainly. And then there is some
additional crap to be dealt with.
196
00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:11,640
Such as?
197
00:22:11,960 --> 00:22:16,033
We need a certificate that he did not die
from a contagious disease.
198
00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:19,795
Like what? Mumps or measles?
He died from drivin' over a cliff.
199
00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:23,430
We need a certificate that the body
has been properly embalmed.
200
00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:28,196
We need a mortuary passport. This has
to be issued by the authorities in Naples.
201
00:22:28,360 --> 00:22:30,715
Don't bother me with details. Just do it.
202
00:22:31,360 --> 00:22:36,115
You are exactly like your father. You have
to pay for the road sign he knocked over.
203
00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:38,396
- Bad curve ahead.
- Pay it.
204
00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:42,155
- You must settle with the Trotta brothers.
- Who are they?
205
00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:46,199
They own the vineyard where the car
went down. They want damages.
206
00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:49,676
- Well, settle with them.
- They are asking two million lire.
207
00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:52,752
- Then... How much is that?
- $3,500.
208
00:22:52,920 --> 00:22:56,629
$3,500 for a bunch of lousy grapes?
No, let 'em sue.
209
00:22:56,800 --> 00:23:01,078
I agree. They're crooks.
Then there is the problem with the coffin.
210
00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:05,836
- What's the problem?
- For export, a special casket is required.
211
00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:09,515
It must be lined with zinc.
It must be absolutely airtight.
212
00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:11,591
- It must be...
- Well, get one.
213
00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:13,796
There are none in Ischia.
214
00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:17,191
But fortunately,
I have located one in Amalfi.
215
00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:20,509
Then there's no problem, is there?
216
00:23:20,680 --> 00:23:25,390
I want a helicopter to take me to Rome so
there won't be a delay catching the plane.
217
00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:27,869
- The funeral's Tuesday.
- Tuesday?
218
00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:30,600
In the morning. 11.
First Presbyterian Church.
219
00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:33,598
Impossible. You must postpone it.
220
00:23:33,760 --> 00:23:36,320
I... What? What do you mean, postpone it?
221
00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:42,554
So many things to do. This is Saturday.
Tomorrow is Sunday. Nobody works.
222
00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:44,756
Somebody will work.
223
00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:47,480
Mr Armbruster, this is a Catholic country.
224
00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:50,473
Then we'll get a dispensation
from the Pope.
225
00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:53,117
For a Presbyterian?
226
00:23:53,280 --> 00:23:55,999
Come hell or high water
I am out of here by Monday
227
00:23:56,160 --> 00:24:01,280
because at 11 o'clock Tuesday, work at
every Armbruster plant will come to a stop
228
00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:04,392
so the 216,000 employees
can watch the services
229
00:24:04,560 --> 00:24:07,028
on closed-circuit television, in colour.
230
00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:08,918
Puerto Rico gets black and white.
231
00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:12,117
There'll be governors, senators,
congressmen, judges,
232
00:24:12,280 --> 00:24:16,114
the AFL-CIO, the glee club
from the Coast Guard Academy.
233
00:24:16,280 --> 00:24:20,114
The White House is sending Dr Kissinger,
and you want me to postpone it.
234
00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:21,680
No way.
235
00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:25,960
- Permesso?
- Avanti.
236
00:24:28,480 --> 00:24:30,710
Excuse me,
I'm looking for signor Carlucci.
237
00:24:30,880 --> 00:24:33,110
- They told me...
- I am signor Carlucci.
238
00:24:33,280 --> 00:24:36,158
How do you do? I'm Pamela Piggott.
239
00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:37,719
Piggott. Uh...
240
00:24:37,880 --> 00:24:40,440
You are not supposed to be here.
You are in 126.
241
00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:44,030
I know, but I need some help.
All these questions, all in Italian.
242
00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:47,590
Yes, I will be glad to help you.
But not now. I will see you later.
243
00:24:47,760 --> 00:24:49,273
Ow! Dammit!
244
00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:53,678
The faucet says cold
and I burned my hands.
245
00:24:53,840 --> 00:24:55,640
So did I.
246
00:24:57,200 --> 00:25:00,988
Then I looked it up in my book.
C stands for caldo.
247
00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:04,197
But that doesn't mean cold.
It means hot. Freddo means cold.
248
00:25:04,360 --> 00:25:07,193
- It's you again.
- Hello.
249
00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:09,470
- You know each other.
- No, we don't.
250
00:25:09,640 --> 00:25:12,632
- We do. We've been travelling together.
- Look, miss.
251
00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:16,270
On a train there's nothing I can do,
but when you barge into my room...
252
00:25:16,440 --> 00:25:19,637
I assure you, Mr Armbruster,
I'm not trying to pick you up.
253
00:25:19,800 --> 00:25:24,954
I'm here to pick up my mother.
They tell me I can't see her till after lunch.
254
00:25:25,120 --> 00:25:27,839
That's right. The place opens at four.
255
00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:31,635
I hate going there.
256
00:25:31,800 --> 00:25:35,156
I'd much rather remember her
the way she was.
257
00:25:35,320 --> 00:25:38,710
- But I suppose it has to be done.
- Yes, yes.
258
00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:41,678
Wait a minute.
259
00:25:45,560 --> 00:25:48,199
Your mother, uh, where is she?
260
00:25:48,360 --> 00:25:51,477
- In the morgue.
- What's she doing in the morgue?
261
00:25:52,560 --> 00:25:56,189
What do people usually do
in the morgue? She's lying there,
262
00:25:56,360 --> 00:25:59,113
side by side with your father, I expect.
263
00:25:59,280 --> 00:26:01,669
Side by side with my father? Why?
264
00:26:02,760 --> 00:26:06,116
Cos that's the way they were in the car
when the accident happened.
265
00:26:06,280 --> 00:26:08,350
I told you he was not alone. Remember?
266
00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:10,829
- My father and your mother.
- Why not?
267
00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:15,312
You know how it is in a resort hotel.
People meet in the dining room...
268
00:26:15,480 --> 00:26:19,678
- Look, I'm terribly sorry. I had no idea.
- Of course you didn't.
269
00:26:19,840 --> 00:26:24,436
I must have seemed like some sort
of monster. Please forgive me, Miss, uh...
270
00:26:24,600 --> 00:26:26,192
Piggott. Pamela Piggott.
271
00:26:26,360 --> 00:26:29,511
- If there's anything I can do for you...
- Yes, there is.
272
00:26:29,680 --> 00:26:32,831
- Could I have some Kleenex?
- I will get it.
273
00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:35,560
Would you like some brandy?
Or to lie down?
274
00:26:35,720 --> 00:26:37,756
- Don't worry.
- I don't know what to say.
275
00:26:37,920 --> 00:26:41,833
Somehow I feel responsible because
if my father hadn't been driving...
276
00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:46,755
You mustn't feel that way. If it had
to happen it was more or less ideal.
277
00:26:46,920 --> 00:26:47,920
Hm?
278
00:26:48,320 --> 00:26:52,632
Warm night, full moon,
island in the Mediterranean.
279
00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:56,270
At the height of the season.
What more could anyone ask?
280
00:26:56,440 --> 00:26:58,908
Of course,
I'm completely at your disposal.
281
00:26:59,080 --> 00:27:02,390
- Any difficulties, any expenses involved...
- Thank you.
282
00:27:02,560 --> 00:27:05,199
- Wait till you hear about all the red tape.
- I heard.
283
00:27:05,360 --> 00:27:07,954
For instance,
you need a coffin lined with metal.
284
00:27:08,120 --> 00:27:11,556
- Zinc. Better get a couple of those.
- I had trouble finding one.
285
00:27:11,720 --> 00:27:14,314
Come on.
You can dig up a couple of coffins.
286
00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:17,040
You want second-hand coffins?
287
00:27:19,480 --> 00:27:21,391
Is that Mrs Armbruster Sr?
288
00:27:21,560 --> 00:27:24,950
Yes, they would have
been married 45 years this fall.
289
00:27:25,120 --> 00:27:26,720
How sad.
290
00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:30,479
That's my wife, Emily, and the two boys.
291
00:27:31,720 --> 00:27:36,350
That's one thing I envy you Americans for.
You're all so thin. How do you manage it?
292
00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:39,751
Oh. Well, swimming,
horseback riding, golf...
293
00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:45,119
I've tried jogging on Hampstead Heath in
a sweat suit, but never worked up a sweat.
294
00:27:45,280 --> 00:27:48,352
- I just worked up an appetite.
- Oh.
295
00:27:49,840 --> 00:27:52,400
Worked up an appetite.
296
00:27:54,320 --> 00:27:56,720
What's that?
297
00:27:56,920 --> 00:27:58,638
It's a nightgown.
298
00:27:59,800 --> 00:28:01,836
- What's the meaning of that?
- Of what?
299
00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:03,911
- That.
- Oh, that.
300
00:28:04,880 --> 00:28:06,791
It's a mistake.
301
00:28:09,800 --> 00:28:13,509
- Here's another mistake.
- I wanna know what they're doin' in here.
302
00:28:13,680 --> 00:28:16,240
If I'm to get that second coffin
I'd better call...
303
00:28:16,360 --> 00:28:19,352
- Hold it. I want an explanation.
- An explanation.
304
00:28:19,520 --> 00:28:22,273
- Now, let me think.
- I'll help you.
305
00:28:22,440 --> 00:28:27,355
The valet forgot to pack these when he
moved my mother's cases into room 126.
306
00:28:27,520 --> 00:28:31,149
- Right?
- You cannot get decent help these days.
307
00:28:31,320 --> 00:28:32,320
Time.
308
00:28:34,640 --> 00:28:37,598
You mean her mother
and my father were shacked up?
309
00:28:37,760 --> 00:28:41,309
- I don't care for your choice of words.
- They were making it. Better?
310
00:28:41,480 --> 00:28:46,270
Mr Armbruster. Just because two people
are sharing the same suite or the same...
311
00:28:46,440 --> 00:28:49,352
that does not mean
there was anything improper going on.
312
00:28:49,520 --> 00:28:53,832
Now you're being insulting to my mother.
She was a very beautiful woman.
313
00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:58,551
She was. And a lady.
And your father was a gentleman,
314
00:28:58,720 --> 00:29:02,076
so no matter how bad things look,
you must believe me.
315
00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:05,277
I have an uncle in the College
of Cardinals. Would I lie to you?
316
00:29:05,440 --> 00:29:07,749
You're goddamned right.
317
00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:13,874
- They were making it.
- Son of a bitch!
318
00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:20,437
Do you know how old he was? 67.
A grandfather, with a bad back, yet.
319
00:29:20,600 --> 00:29:23,797
- I would be proud if my father were still...
- Aw, shut up.
320
00:29:23,960 --> 00:29:26,554
Your mother oughtta
be ashamed of herself.
321
00:29:26,720 --> 00:29:29,871
- Mother had nothing to be ashamed of.
- She was the perfect lady.
322
00:29:30,040 --> 00:29:33,396
Meets a rich American in the lobby.
One hour later they have drinks.
323
00:29:33,560 --> 00:29:36,393
Two hours later
she moves into his suite and then...
324
00:29:36,560 --> 00:29:42,396
- Actually, they met in the souvenir shop.
- What the hell difference does it make?
325
00:29:43,400 --> 00:29:45,391
That was ten years ago.
326
00:29:49,040 --> 00:29:50,951
Ten years?
327
00:29:52,480 --> 00:29:55,756
- This has been going on for ten years?
- Every summer.
328
00:29:55,920 --> 00:29:58,832
July 15 to August 15.
329
00:29:59,000 --> 00:30:02,310
All the time we thought
he was getting cured he was getting laid?
330
00:30:02,480 --> 00:30:06,314
Mr Armbruster,
this is neither the time nor the place.
331
00:30:07,120 --> 00:30:08,678
Goddamn fool.
332
00:30:08,840 --> 00:30:12,435
- Didn't he care what people think or say?
- It was handled discreetly.
333
00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:16,752
- They signed as Mr and Mrs Armbruster.
- Mr and? Oh, my God. Jesus Christ.
334
00:30:16,920 --> 00:30:19,992
Yes. What?
Am I ready to talk to Baltimore?
335
00:30:20,160 --> 00:30:23,038
No, I'm not ready to talk to Baltimore.
Who's calling?
336
00:30:23,200 --> 00:30:25,998
Oh, I'm calling. Oh, uh, put her on.
337
00:30:27,880 --> 00:30:30,189
Hello, Emily. I'm fine.
338
00:30:30,360 --> 00:30:32,920
The trip was fine.
339
00:30:34,280 --> 00:30:36,840
Just one of those
unfortunate accidents that...
340
00:30:37,000 --> 00:30:41,437
For what it's worth you can tell Mother
he didn't suffer towards the end.
341
00:30:41,600 --> 00:30:45,070
Hm? No, I'm workin' on it.
There's no problems, just red tape.
342
00:30:45,200 --> 00:30:51,514
Oh, questionnaires, permits, where do you
suddenly find two zinc-lined coffins?
343
00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:54,274
Two? I didn't say two.
It must be the connection.
344
00:30:54,440 --> 00:30:57,876
What would I do with two coffins? Huh?
345
00:30:58,040 --> 00:31:00,838
No. I'm sorry.
No, I didn't call the embassy.
346
00:31:01,000 --> 00:31:04,470
They're in Rome and I'm in Ischia.
What are they gonna do for me?
347
00:31:04,640 --> 00:31:09,156
How's Mother? Holdin' up? Uh-huh.
And how are the kids?
348
00:31:09,320 --> 00:31:11,675
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.
349
00:31:11,840 --> 00:31:15,799
Just a minute, Miss Piggott.
Where are you going?
350
00:31:15,960 --> 00:31:19,111
See you at the morgue.
351
00:31:19,280 --> 00:31:21,480
Um... Um...
352
00:31:22,200 --> 00:31:25,715
How are the funeral
arrangements coming?
353
00:31:25,880 --> 00:31:28,075
What? Who's Miss who?
354
00:31:28,240 --> 00:31:30,800
Piggott. Piggott, Piggott, Piggott.
355
00:31:30,960 --> 00:31:34,555
Miss Piggott.
Oh, she's... in the hotel.
356
00:31:34,720 --> 00:31:36,631
Works here.
357
00:31:36,800 --> 00:31:40,554
As an interpreter.
Of course you need an interpreter.
358
00:31:40,720 --> 00:31:44,315
Even when you go to the bathroom.
In this country, caldo means hot.
359
00:31:57,120 --> 00:32:00,635
- This is the morgue?
- Yes, sir. 17th century.
360
00:32:00,800 --> 00:32:03,075
The walls are that thick.
361
00:32:03,240 --> 00:32:05,800
The coolest place in town.
362
00:32:20,760 --> 00:32:22,990
Cipriani. Mattarazzo dov'è?
363
00:32:23,160 --> 00:32:26,550
Non è venuto ancora.
Dovrebbe essere già qui.
364
00:32:26,675 --> 00:32:27,675
Che facciamo?
365
00:32:27,775 --> 00:32:33,112
Lo so che sono già le quattro.
Ma bisogna aspettare.
366
00:32:33,280 --> 00:32:37,796
Ah. Good afternoon, Miss Piggott.
It's so nice to see you again.
367
00:32:39,400 --> 00:32:41,994
How do you feel?
368
00:32:42,160 --> 00:32:46,358
That's a silly question.
You feel the way I feel. Rotten.
369
00:32:50,520 --> 00:32:52,954
- We will have to wait. He is not here yet.
- Who?
370
00:32:53,120 --> 00:32:57,830
The... giudice istruttore che inquisisce
sulle morti violente. How do you say it?
371
00:32:58,000 --> 00:32:59,274
- The coroner?
- That's it.
372
00:32:59,440 --> 00:33:03,274
- Don't tell me he's still at lunch.
- Very likely. A coroner, he eats well.
373
00:33:03,440 --> 00:33:06,000
He knows all the widows.
374
00:33:07,880 --> 00:33:11,873
- Pretty flowers. What are they?
- In Italian they're tromboncini.
375
00:33:12,040 --> 00:33:14,918
Oh, you don't say.
What are they called in English?
376
00:33:15,080 --> 00:33:16,798
Daffodils.
377
00:33:22,160 --> 00:33:26,676
Now. Miss Piggott, when it comes
to dealing with the authorities,
378
00:33:26,840 --> 00:33:29,479
whatever happened between
your mother and my father,
379
00:33:29,640 --> 00:33:31,835
we're gonna have to be careful, aren't we?
380
00:33:32,000 --> 00:33:35,356
Don't worry about the hotel register.
We fixed it. No more Mr and Mrs.
381
00:33:35,520 --> 00:33:40,196
Let me ask you, moneywise, how you're
fixed? What do you do for a living?
382
00:33:40,440 --> 00:33:42,635
I work in a boutique on the King's Road.
383
00:33:42,800 --> 00:33:45,792
Well... I'm sure you could
use a little money.
384
00:33:46,040 --> 00:33:48,600
Anything within reason.
I'm pretty generous.
385
00:33:48,720 --> 00:33:51,951
You will keep in mind what's been
happening to the stock market?
386
00:33:52,120 --> 00:33:57,114
Since January, Armbruster Industries
has dropped 14 and a half points.
387
00:34:20,600 --> 00:34:22,591
Sorry, but the traffic was crazy.
388
00:34:22,760 --> 00:34:26,514
Mr Mattarazzo, let me introduce you to Mr
Armbruster and Miss Piggott.
389
00:34:26,680 --> 00:34:29,752
His mother and father
they are those from the accident.
390
00:34:29,920 --> 00:34:32,753
God acts according to
his mysterious desires.
391
00:34:32,920 --> 00:34:34,433
And we are nothing but threads
392
00:34:34,600 --> 00:34:38,115
guided by grand logic
of its labyrinthine design.
393
00:34:38,280 --> 00:34:40,032
We are but mere mortals.
394
00:34:40,200 --> 00:34:42,998
- Like music.
- Fragile as eggshells.
395
00:34:43,160 --> 00:34:48,359
Tiny as fly droppings in
that gigantic glass that we call life.
396
00:34:48,520 --> 00:34:51,159
Sorry, you know, but we're in a bit of a hurry.
397
00:34:51,320 --> 00:34:52,320
OK.
398
00:35:27,000 --> 00:35:28,911
The forms, please.
399
00:35:32,440 --> 00:35:34,351
All done. All filled.
400
00:35:40,440 --> 00:35:43,432
Swears Wendell Armbruster Jr
to be Wendell Armbruster Jr,
401
00:35:43,600 --> 00:35:46,319
and that this is your father's body?
402
00:35:46,480 --> 00:35:49,677
Do you swear that you are
Wendell Armbruster Jr,
403
00:35:49,840 --> 00:35:54,630
and this is the body of your father,
Wendell Armbruster Sr?
404
00:36:01,640 --> 00:36:03,358
- I do.
- Lo giura.
405
00:36:03,520 --> 00:36:09,356
OK. Giura lei, Pamela Piggott che questa
è la salma di sua madre, Caterina Piggott?
406
00:36:09,520 --> 00:36:11,954
Do you swear that you are Pamela Piggott
407
00:36:12,120 --> 00:36:15,635
and this the body of your mother,
Catherine Piggott?
408
00:36:27,120 --> 00:36:30,954
Miss Piggott, it is necessary
for you to swear.
409
00:36:39,160 --> 00:36:40,160
I do.
410
00:36:41,800 --> 00:36:43,711
- Lo giura.
- OK.
411
00:37:51,840 --> 00:37:54,400
- Thank you.
- Not at all.
412
00:38:14,120 --> 00:38:16,839
- I'm sorry. Go right ahead.
- OK.
413
00:38:29,160 --> 00:38:31,469
- Any luck with the coffins?
- Yes, sir.
414
00:38:31,640 --> 00:38:36,031
My brother-in-law in Bologna, who is
an undertaker, has two of those caskets.
415
00:38:36,200 --> 00:38:40,591
- He is sending them out on the first train.
- If the gentlemen want to sign.
416
00:38:40,760 --> 00:38:43,877
- You can sign now.
-Miss Piggott.
417
00:38:52,480 --> 00:38:56,439
- This is for you, miss.
- Thank you. She is very kind.
418
00:38:56,600 --> 00:38:59,160
Come on, just sign, please.
419
00:39:31,120 --> 00:39:33,839
Miss Piggott,
Mr. Armbruster.
420
00:39:34,000 --> 00:39:39,552
This sad circumstance does not have
the pleasure of meeting you has diminished.
421
00:39:39,720 --> 00:39:40,994
Goodbye.
422
00:39:41,160 --> 00:39:43,720
Not if I can help it.
423
00:40:00,760 --> 00:40:01,954
What happens next?
424
00:40:02,120 --> 00:40:04,953
The red papers go to Naples
for the export licence.
425
00:40:05,120 --> 00:40:09,272
The whites go to Dr Galuppo to certify
there are no communicable diseases.
426
00:40:09,440 --> 00:40:12,750
The green papers stay here
until we get the coffins from Bologna.
427
00:40:12,920 --> 00:40:14,751
- Go on.
- That's all.
428
00:40:14,920 --> 00:40:17,593
- But we have a problem with Naples.
- Like what?
429
00:40:17,760 --> 00:40:20,433
They're closed on Sunday.
But fortunately,
430
00:40:20,600 --> 00:40:23,194
my nephew knows an official
in the licence bureau
431
00:40:23,400 --> 00:40:26,836
and if he can get him to open
the office right after Mass...
432
00:40:27,000 --> 00:40:32,279
If you ask me, Carlucci, any foreigner
who dies in Italy is out of his friggin' skull.
433
00:40:32,440 --> 00:40:34,908
- May I make a suggestion?
- No.
434
00:40:35,080 --> 00:40:37,355
- I have a super idea, I think.
- Save it.
435
00:40:37,520 --> 00:40:41,991
With all this nasty business, zinc coffins,
health certificates and export licences,
436
00:40:42,160 --> 00:40:46,278
why subject them to that?
Why don't we bury them here?
437
00:40:46,440 --> 00:40:48,590
Why don't we what?
438
00:40:48,760 --> 00:40:52,116
There's a lovely cemetery on the hill.
They could be there together.
439
00:40:52,280 --> 00:40:54,191
- They'd like that.
- They would.
440
00:40:54,360 --> 00:40:57,511
- It would solve all the headaches.
- Absolutely.
441
00:40:57,680 --> 00:41:02,879
The Carlucci family. We have a large plot
up there. They would be welcome.
442
00:41:03,040 --> 00:41:06,430
Better yet, why don't we bury them
in the Blue Grotto at high tide?
443
00:41:06,600 --> 00:41:08,989
- Or in Venice, like Romeo and Juliet?
- Verona.
444
00:41:09,160 --> 00:41:11,993
Or we could build a shrine for them,
with an eternal flame.
445
00:41:12,160 --> 00:41:15,038
- It was just an idea.
- They were not the Unknown Soldier.
446
00:41:15,200 --> 00:41:20,115
They were the unknown lovers.
Let's just keep it that way, shall we? Hm?
447
00:41:22,760 --> 00:41:24,671
Let's go, Carlucci.
448
00:41:30,920 --> 00:41:33,673
Ask fat-ass if she wants a ride.
449
00:41:34,280 --> 00:41:36,669
Tell him no, thank you.
450
00:42:50,480 --> 00:42:56,635
He died suddenly
and tragically, far from his loved ones,
451
00:42:57,480 --> 00:43:03,271
alone in a distant land where he used
to go to rest his mind and heal his body.
452
00:43:03,440 --> 00:43:06,000
- Bullshit.
- He was a philanthropist.
453
00:43:06,160 --> 00:43:07,912
A pillar of the Church.
454
00:43:08,080 --> 00:43:13,438
A tireless crusader for all that is decent,
and an ensign in the Coast Guard during...
455
00:43:13,600 --> 00:43:17,718
A dirty old man, that's what he was.
Eulogy, second draft.
456
00:43:20,600 --> 00:43:23,831
Friends, co-workers, stockholders,
457
00:43:24,000 --> 00:43:27,993
we come to bury Wendell Armbruster Sr,
not to praise him.
458
00:43:28,160 --> 00:43:30,833
The evil men do...
459
00:43:31,000 --> 00:43:32,911
Ignore that.
460
00:43:34,120 --> 00:43:37,954
Wendell Armbruster Sr
was a man for all seasons.
461
00:43:38,120 --> 00:43:40,710
Permesso?
462
00:43:40,810 --> 00:43:42,316
Permesso. I mean avanti.
463
00:43:45,440 --> 00:43:47,715
- Buonasera.
- Buonasera.
464
00:43:47,880 --> 00:43:51,509
The suit, I pressed it.
The shirt, it's like new.
465
00:43:51,680 --> 00:43:54,194
Drip and dry. Great invention.
466
00:43:54,400 --> 00:43:59,315
Like electric toothbrush,
roller derby, Alka-Seltzer.
467
00:43:59,480 --> 00:44:01,596
I love America.
468
00:44:01,760 --> 00:44:03,478
That's a switch.
469
00:44:03,640 --> 00:44:07,394
I lived in America. Wonderful people.
470
00:44:07,560 --> 00:44:09,994
So friendly. So kind.
471
00:44:10,160 --> 00:44:14,392
When I left New York,
they took me to airport in limousine.
472
00:44:14,560 --> 00:44:17,996
They put me on plane.
They waved goodbye.
473
00:44:18,160 --> 00:44:20,958
- Who's they?
- The immigration department.
474
00:44:21,120 --> 00:44:23,156
- You were deported?
- Yes.
475
00:44:23,320 --> 00:44:28,314
But first class. In America, when they
deport you, they know how to do it.
476
00:44:28,480 --> 00:44:32,473
Big 747. Window seat.
477
00:44:32,640 --> 00:44:38,556
Beautiful blonde stewardess feeding me
with a spoon all the way across.
478
00:44:39,920 --> 00:44:42,388
- Handcuffs.
- Who'd you work for over there?
479
00:44:42,560 --> 00:44:45,632
- The Mafia? Cosa Nostra?
- Only part time.
480
00:44:45,800 --> 00:44:48,268
You see, by profession
I am a photographer.
481
00:44:48,440 --> 00:44:50,556
That's very interesting.
482
00:44:52,680 --> 00:44:55,672
You know,
you are exactly like your father.
483
00:44:56,560 --> 00:45:00,030
- Not exactly.
- I mean the size.
484
00:45:00,200 --> 00:45:06,196
So I thought if you wanted to change,
here are all your father's clothes.
485
00:45:06,360 --> 00:45:10,353
This is what he wore here, huh?
Plaids, bell-bottoms, two-tone shoes.
486
00:45:10,520 --> 00:45:14,399
He had one conservative suit
but he's wearing it now.
487
00:45:15,480 --> 00:45:17,550
He was a real sport.
488
00:45:17,720 --> 00:45:21,030
See this watch? He left it for me last year.
489
00:45:21,200 --> 00:45:23,316
Spiro Agnew.
490
00:45:23,480 --> 00:45:26,631
And he gave me this lighter.
491
00:45:26,800 --> 00:45:28,313
- Zippo.
- Uh-huh.
492
00:45:28,480 --> 00:45:29,959
- And a camera.
- Is that so?
493
00:45:30,120 --> 00:45:32,190
- A Polaroid.
- Mm-hm.
494
00:45:32,400 --> 00:45:34,960
Never served a nicer guy.
495
00:45:35,080 --> 00:45:38,834
And as for the lady, she was a pussycat.
496
00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:42,675
A natural blonde.
Skin like vanilla ice cream.
497
00:45:43,720 --> 00:45:48,919
Here they are all like black olives.
Me, I prefer vanilla ice cream.
498
00:45:50,360 --> 00:45:53,432
- Here. Get some ice cream. Goodbye.
- Grazie.
499
00:45:53,600 --> 00:45:55,830
They were such a swell couple.
500
00:45:56,000 --> 00:45:58,594
Always laughter, always wine,
501
00:45:58,760 --> 00:46:04,710
and always the sign outside the door - non
disturbare. They never got up until four.
502
00:46:04,880 --> 00:46:08,190
What was there to get up for?
Nothing's open. It's lunch time.
503
00:46:08,360 --> 00:46:12,273
And every night, the orchestra,
it would have to work overtime,
504
00:46:12,440 --> 00:46:15,477
because they would dance until dawn.
505
00:46:15,640 --> 00:46:18,712
- And then you know what they would do?
- No, and I don't care.
506
00:46:18,880 --> 00:46:23,032
When the sun came up over Mount
Vesuvius, they would go swimming.
507
00:46:23,200 --> 00:46:26,715
- No bathing suit, no nothing.
- No nothing?
508
00:46:26,880 --> 00:46:28,916
Like the man says on TV,
509
00:46:29,080 --> 00:46:33,392
in life you only go round once,
so grab all the gusto you can.
510
00:46:33,560 --> 00:46:35,516
Buonanotte.
511
00:46:35,680 --> 00:46:38,478
They were swimming naked,
right outside this hotel?
512
00:46:38,640 --> 00:46:40,949
- Why not?
- Oh, my...
513
00:46:44,600 --> 00:46:47,592
Everybody asleep, nobody watching.
514
00:46:49,880 --> 00:46:53,998
- Except you, I imagine.
- I always get up early to shine the shoes.
515
00:46:54,160 --> 00:46:56,993
And that's where the Polaroid
comes in, I guess.
516
00:46:57,160 --> 00:47:02,393
I couldn't help it. It was so spectacular.
The sun coming up on the Bay of Naples.
517
00:47:02,560 --> 00:47:06,439
- I know, yes, and Vesuvius and Pompeii...
- No, no, no, Mr Armbruster.
518
00:47:06,600 --> 00:47:10,275
I am not a landscape man.
Only portraits and figures.
519
00:47:10,440 --> 00:47:13,716
- How was your focus?
- Perfect. Colour, perfect.
520
00:47:13,880 --> 00:47:17,668
And the water here,
it is perfectly transparent.
521
00:47:17,840 --> 00:47:20,798
So are you, buddy.
522
00:47:20,960 --> 00:47:23,520
- Maybe you want to see the pictures.
- Maybe.
523
00:47:23,640 --> 00:47:26,552
- Maybe I can find them.
- I bet a hundred bucks you can.
524
00:47:26,720 --> 00:47:31,714
It's not a question of money. I just think
any time one American can help another...
525
00:47:35,920 --> 00:47:38,798
Sorry to intrude.
There are important developments.
526
00:47:38,960 --> 00:47:42,475
- Esci da qui. Fuori, fuori.
- Buonanotte.
527
00:47:42,640 --> 00:47:45,712
- What is it now?
- I have good news and I have bad news.
528
00:47:45,880 --> 00:47:49,714
About the coffins. There is a railroad strike
so they put them on a plane.
529
00:47:49,880 --> 00:47:51,791
- The airport is fogged in.
- Naturally.
530
00:47:51,960 --> 00:47:54,633
But it will fog out.
About the health certificate.
531
00:47:54,800 --> 00:47:58,634
I reached Dr Galuppo on the phone,
in the operating room. He cannot come.
532
00:47:58,800 --> 00:48:00,756
Why? How long's it take him to operate?
533
00:48:00,920 --> 00:48:04,390
You do not understand.
They are operating on him. Double hernia.
534
00:48:04,560 --> 00:48:07,154
So now we are trying
to get the doctor from Capri.
535
00:48:07,320 --> 00:48:09,914
- About the export licence...
- Go ahead, pour it on.
536
00:48:10,080 --> 00:48:14,835
You know my nephew in Naples? Well,
he is in Firenze, but he is going to help us.
537
00:48:15,000 --> 00:48:20,120
So he will take the plane from Firenze to
Naples, unless the fog moves to Firenze.
538
00:48:20,280 --> 00:48:22,669
All right, let's have the good news.
539
00:48:22,840 --> 00:48:28,710
That was the good news. The bad news
is... something mysterious has happened.
540
00:48:28,880 --> 00:48:29,880
What?
541
00:48:30,280 --> 00:48:32,396
You remember the bodies
in the mortuary?
542
00:48:32,560 --> 00:48:35,552
- Of course I remember them.
- Well...
543
00:48:36,360 --> 00:48:38,920
they're not there any more.
544
00:48:40,200 --> 00:48:43,033
What do you mean,
they're not there any more?
545
00:48:45,400 --> 00:48:50,520
They are missing. Signor Cipriani says
when he locked up the bodies were gone.
546
00:48:51,120 --> 00:48:53,156
Gone? Gone where?
547
00:48:53,320 --> 00:48:56,949
That is the mystery. When he looked in
at five the bodies were there
548
00:48:57,120 --> 00:48:59,509
and so was Miss Piggott.
549
00:49:00,880 --> 00:49:03,155
Miss Piggott?
550
00:49:03,320 --> 00:49:08,872
Lo ho visto la signorina
alzare la persiana e aprire le finestre.
551
00:49:09,040 --> 00:49:10,950
Ecco.
552
00:49:11,050 --> 00:49:13,916
He saw her pull up the shade
and open the window.
553
00:49:14,840 --> 00:49:16,751
That kook.
554
00:49:16,920 --> 00:49:19,275
That sentimental idiot.
555
00:49:19,440 --> 00:49:24,116
Mr Armbruster, please. You don't think
she took the bodies. That's preposterous.
556
00:49:24,280 --> 00:49:28,398
Preposterous to you and me. But not
to her because she's off her rocker. Hello?
557
00:49:28,560 --> 00:49:31,199
Get me Miss Piggott's room.
I don't know the number.
558
00:49:31,400 --> 00:49:33,550
- 126.
- 126. Just get her.
559
00:49:33,720 --> 00:49:38,191
Let us be logical. How could she manage?
A little girl like that, two bodies.
560
00:49:38,360 --> 00:49:40,920
She's built like
a Japanese wrestler. What?
561
00:49:41,040 --> 00:49:45,033
Well, try the lobby, try the souvenir shop.
How should I know? Get her paged.
562
00:49:45,200 --> 00:49:47,555
Cipriani will have
to report this to the police.
563
00:49:47,720 --> 00:49:50,154
No police.
We don't want any police or reports.
564
00:49:50,320 --> 00:49:53,198
We're gonna handle this.
Get yourself some ice cream.
565
00:49:53,360 --> 00:49:57,319
- You'd better check on that family plot.
- I don't believe it.
566
00:49:57,480 --> 00:49:59,755
- There must be some other explanation.
- What?
567
00:49:59,920 --> 00:50:03,117
Who else is gonna want those bodies?
Dr Christiaan Barnard?
568
00:50:05,040 --> 00:50:07,429
God damn you, Miss Piggott.
569
00:50:07,600 --> 00:50:11,673
Hello, Emily. How are you?
It's Baltimore. Huh?
570
00:50:11,840 --> 00:50:16,516
I'm sorry, no, I know. I thought
you were Miss Piggott, the interpreter.
571
00:50:16,680 --> 00:50:19,319
A ding-a-ling.
She keeps fouling everything up.
572
00:50:19,480 --> 00:50:23,871
I can't fire her. I need her. Um...
No, no, no, no problems.
573
00:50:24,040 --> 00:50:28,033
Just a few loose ends here and there
but I'm on top of the situation.
574
00:50:28,200 --> 00:50:31,510
Yes, Emily, I'm positive
there'll be no postponement.
575
00:50:31,680 --> 00:50:35,958
The State Department? Don't bother.
I don't need any help from them.
576
00:50:36,120 --> 00:50:39,590
Yes. I saw him this afternoon
at the mortuary.
577
00:50:39,760 --> 00:50:41,512
I haven't seen him lately.
578
00:50:41,680 --> 00:50:45,389
How's Mother? Mm-hm.
Well, I hope she's all right for the services.
579
00:50:45,560 --> 00:50:48,677
We don't want any hysterics
with television and everything.
580
00:50:48,840 --> 00:50:53,630
Thank God it'll be a closed casket. You
heard from Billy Graham? Good. Listen.
581
00:50:53,800 --> 00:50:58,237
What do you think if he did the eulogy?
Because I'm emotionally involved and...
582
00:50:58,400 --> 00:51:01,790
Well, ask him. What's all the noise
in the background? Oh.
583
00:51:01,960 --> 00:51:06,431
The kids are watching the Baltimore
Orioles. What's the score? Uh-huh.
584
00:51:06,600 --> 00:51:11,355
Well, um... give 'em my love,
between innings, and, uh, kiss-kiss.
585
00:51:12,440 --> 00:51:15,273
Where the hell is that Piggott?
Carlucci? Carlucci?
586
00:51:15,440 --> 00:51:18,352
- Carlucci?
- I checked with the cemetery.
587
00:51:18,520 --> 00:51:20,750
- No bodies. Miss Piggott...
- What about her?
588
00:51:20,920 --> 00:51:24,390
She is in her room. She will not
answer the telephone or open the door.
589
00:51:24,560 --> 00:51:26,755
Oh, she won't, huh?
590
00:51:26,920 --> 00:51:28,720
126, huh?
591
00:51:29,000 --> 00:51:31,000
126. Ah...
592
00:51:31,600 --> 00:51:33,511
Mr Armbruster, please, no violence.
593
00:51:33,680 --> 00:51:35,796
- This is a first-class hotel.
- Oh, sure.
594
00:51:35,960 --> 00:51:40,431
If she really is a kook, one wrong move,
one push, and she will fall off that rocker.
595
00:51:40,600 --> 00:51:44,149
- God knows what she will do.
- Yeah. Yeah, I'd better play it cool.
596
00:51:44,320 --> 00:51:47,232
Watch me, huh? Caldo. I mean freddo.
597
00:51:49,400 --> 00:51:51,311
Permesso? Hm?
598
00:51:53,800 --> 00:51:55,313
Permesso?
599
00:51:55,480 --> 00:51:57,596
Go away, Mr Armbruster.
600
00:51:57,760 --> 00:52:00,991
Miss Piggott,
would you please open the door?
601
00:52:01,160 --> 00:52:02,673
Go away.
602
00:52:02,840 --> 00:52:06,310
I have this problem because
there's no sapone in my bagno.
603
00:52:06,480 --> 00:52:09,677
There's no soap in my bathroom. Please.
604
00:52:09,840 --> 00:52:11,751
- No.
- No?
605
00:52:24,320 --> 00:52:26,197
Cool. You promised.
606
00:52:31,000 --> 00:52:32,752
Miss Piggott?
607
00:52:32,920 --> 00:52:34,831
Where are you?
608
00:52:36,840 --> 00:52:39,638
Aw, did I wake you up?
609
00:52:39,800 --> 00:52:44,191
Mr Armbruster, if you don't leave
immediately, I shall call the concierge.
610
00:52:44,360 --> 00:52:47,716
I've been giving a great deal
of thought to our relationship.
611
00:52:47,880 --> 00:52:50,838
- Operator?
- I suspect something's wrong with it.
612
00:52:51,000 --> 00:52:54,993
- Operator, get me the concierge.
- We got off on the wrong foot.
613
00:52:55,160 --> 00:52:58,391
I've been called plump.
I've been called pudgy, and chubby.
614
00:52:58,560 --> 00:53:01,552
But I've never been called fat-arse.
615
00:53:04,560 --> 00:53:07,279
- Did I say that?
- You certainly did.
616
00:53:07,440 --> 00:53:09,351
Shame on me.
617
00:53:10,520 --> 00:53:14,229
The truth of the matter is, I kind of like
girls with a little upholstery.
618
00:53:14,400 --> 00:53:18,791
I think most men do. I know we have
this chemical plant in New Jersey.
619
00:53:18,960 --> 00:53:21,997
You know what
our fastest-moving item is, huh?
620
00:53:22,160 --> 00:53:24,276
Silicone for injections.
621
00:53:29,040 --> 00:53:32,077
Take those models in Vogue,
like Twiggy and all the rest.
622
00:53:32,200 --> 00:53:36,591
Nothin' but skin and bones. A man gets
lucky and he ends up black and blue.
623
00:53:36,760 --> 00:53:40,958
You could even cut yourself.
Like makin' it with a pogo stick.
624
00:53:43,480 --> 00:53:45,710
Are you looking for something?
625
00:53:45,880 --> 00:53:49,919
When you first brought up this notion
in the morgue this afternoon...
626
00:53:50,080 --> 00:53:53,117
- What notion?
- About havin' the two buried together.
627
00:53:53,280 --> 00:53:56,352
I didn't think you were really serious.
628
00:53:56,520 --> 00:53:59,592
I'm as sentimental as the next man,
but we're grown-ups,
629
00:53:59,760 --> 00:54:02,069
and if you look at this realistically...
630
00:54:02,200 --> 00:54:03,600
Mm-huh.
631
00:54:10,320 --> 00:54:12,880
Oh... What I'm trying
to say is I can take a joke.
632
00:54:13,035 --> 00:54:14,035
- A joke?
- But...
633
00:54:14,135 --> 00:54:17,192
Lovers resting side by side.
Is that your idea of a joke?
634
00:54:17,360 --> 00:54:20,352
All right, where are they?
What did you do with them?
635
00:54:20,520 --> 00:54:23,512
- I don't know what you mean.
- You do. Quit horsin' around.
636
00:54:23,680 --> 00:54:26,797
I'm not to be shouted at,
under orders of my psychiatrist.
637
00:54:26,960 --> 00:54:30,635
- You got a psychiatrist. I'm not surprised.
- Because of my weight.
638
00:54:30,800 --> 00:54:33,837
He has me on a diet and pills
and self-hypnosis and sleep therapy.
639
00:54:34,000 --> 00:54:36,719
He wants me to sleep a lot
because then you can't eat.
640
00:54:36,880 --> 00:54:40,509
- Sometimes I sleep around the clock.
- Right now, all I wanna know is...
641
00:54:40,680 --> 00:54:44,389
Right now I'm going to have my dinner.
I'm going to hypnotise myself.
642
00:54:44,560 --> 00:54:47,597
If you want a discussion,
come back tomorrow afternoon.
643
00:54:47,760 --> 00:54:51,673
Tomorrow afternoon?
Don't you understand? I'm on a schedule.
644
00:54:51,840 --> 00:54:54,752
You're shouting again
and in my weakened condition -
645
00:54:54,920 --> 00:54:58,629
an apple three times a day
and a teaspoonful of honey...
646
00:55:07,120 --> 00:55:11,033
- Get me the dining room.
- Please call from your own phone.
647
00:55:12,680 --> 00:55:17,834
I'd like to make a reservation for two.
The name is Armbruster. Armbruster Jr.
648
00:55:18,000 --> 00:55:20,798
Oh, really? That would be nice.
649
00:55:20,960 --> 00:55:23,679
Shall we say in about 20 minutes?
650
00:55:25,200 --> 00:55:28,397
- Guess what table we got.
- Just turn off the light and go.
651
00:55:28,560 --> 00:55:31,393
Where they had dinner.
I thought that would be nice,
652
00:55:31,560 --> 00:55:34,870
if we had the same table,
same wine, same music.
653
00:55:35,840 --> 00:55:40,072
You should have heard the maitre d'.
He had tears in his voice.
654
00:55:43,520 --> 00:55:46,717
Miss Piggott, this is no time
to be stubborn or selfish.
655
00:55:46,880 --> 00:55:51,715
This has nothing to do with you or me.
It's more like a farewell gesture to them.
656
00:55:51,880 --> 00:55:54,440
They would like that.
657
00:56:00,200 --> 00:56:02,953
Shall we say in about 20 minutes?
658
00:56:20,200 --> 00:56:22,760
- Ah, Mr Armbruster.
- Hm?
659
00:56:23,880 --> 00:56:27,316
The fog in Bologna, it has moved out.
The coffins are on the way.
660
00:56:27,480 --> 00:56:30,836
Great. We had bodies and no coffins.
Now coffins and no bodies.
661
00:56:31,000 --> 00:56:35,915
I have searched the hotel with
fine-tooth comb. Even the mud baths.
662
00:56:48,280 --> 00:56:50,510
- Mr Armbruster Jr.
- Mm.
663
00:56:50,680 --> 00:56:54,309
Of course, you must be.
Same face, same suit.
664
00:56:54,480 --> 00:56:56,471
- Good evening.
- The table is ready.
665
00:56:56,640 --> 00:57:00,030
- I'm waiting for the young lady.
- Of course. Wait at the bar.
666
00:57:00,200 --> 00:57:02,919
Everything has been anticipated.
667
00:57:03,080 --> 00:57:05,958
- Mr Armbruster, here you are.
- What's that?
668
00:57:06,120 --> 00:57:10,591
A whiskey sour on the sour side, and
for the lady, a Bacardi on the sweet side.
669
00:57:10,760 --> 00:57:13,718
- That's what they used to have?
- Always.
670
00:57:13,880 --> 00:57:15,280
Always.
671
00:57:48,400 --> 00:57:51,631
That's the Baron von Schmetterling.
He's 90 years old.
672
00:57:51,800 --> 00:57:54,598
Been coming here since
before World War I.
673
00:57:54,760 --> 00:57:57,354
Remarkable.
This place must take years off your life.
674
00:57:57,520 --> 00:58:03,516
It certainly does. Every year, his nurses,
they keep getting younger and younger.
675
00:58:34,280 --> 00:58:38,114
I'm sorry to be late.
I had trouble getting into my dress.
676
00:58:38,280 --> 00:58:42,398
- Actually, it's my mother's.
- That's only fair. This is my father's suit.
677
00:58:42,560 --> 00:58:44,676
Here's your drink.
678
00:58:46,200 --> 00:58:48,794
- What's this?
- Bacardi for you, whiskey sour for me.
679
00:58:48,960 --> 00:58:51,599
- That's what they always had.
- Oh. I don't drink.
680
00:58:51,760 --> 00:58:54,797
Oh, look, uh, Miss Piggott, Pamela.
681
00:58:54,960 --> 00:58:59,750
If this evening is to be a salute to them,
then please don't louse it up. Hm?
682
00:58:59,920 --> 00:59:01,876
- Of course not.
- Salute.
683
00:59:02,040 --> 00:59:03,951
- Salute.
- Salute.
684
00:59:05,480 --> 00:59:07,630
To Mother and Father.
685
00:59:07,800 --> 00:59:10,109
Wherever they may be.
686
00:59:22,560 --> 00:59:23,788
Uh, scusi.
687
00:59:23,960 --> 00:59:26,633
I think the captain is signalling.
688
00:59:26,800 --> 00:59:29,360
- Table 12.
- Oh, yes, thank you.
689
00:59:35,000 --> 00:59:38,754
Welcome. I welcome you.
The orchestra welcomes you.
690
00:59:38,920 --> 00:59:42,799
- That was their favourite tune.
- Oh, how very thoughtful.
691
00:59:44,400 --> 00:59:48,678
~ Per dirti ancor nei baci miei ~
692
00:59:51,040 --> 00:59:54,396
~ Che cosa sei per me ~
693
00:59:54,560 --> 00:59:56,039
No, no, no, no, no. No.
694
00:59:56,200 --> 01:00:01,797
- Madam always sat on your father's left.
- Oh, of course. That was his good ear.
695
01:00:05,600 --> 01:00:08,831
Now then.
Shall we start with a little pasta?
696
01:00:09,000 --> 01:00:11,958
We have spaghetti, spaghettini,
spaghetti, macaroni,
697
01:00:12,120 --> 01:00:16,511
cannelloni, rigatoni, tortellini, fettuccine,
tagliolini, bucatini, agnolotti, bombolotti,
698
01:00:16,680 --> 01:00:20,593
hats, crosetti, bows, trenette,
pappardelle, tagliatelle, worms...
699
01:00:20,760 --> 01:00:22,955
Uh, tell me. What would they have had?
700
01:00:23,680 --> 01:00:27,719
A few gnocchi, a few ravioli,
and some green noodles, for colour.
701
01:00:27,880 --> 01:00:29,791
- Perfect.
- As for the wine,
702
01:00:29,960 --> 01:00:33,714
they would always have
a Biancolella 1961 with the pasta
703
01:00:33,880 --> 01:00:36,872
and a Corvo di Salaparuta with the entrée.
704
01:00:37,040 --> 01:00:39,838
Oh. Uh, any special entrée that they liked?
705
01:00:40,000 --> 01:00:44,357
Indeed. I have taken the liberty
of ordering duck à I'orange for two.
706
01:00:45,560 --> 01:00:46,754
Super.
707
01:00:46,920 --> 01:00:49,639
Not for me. I brought my dinner.
708
01:00:55,840 --> 01:00:58,673
In that case, I'll have the duck
à I'orange for two, for one.
709
01:00:59,360 --> 01:01:01,920
Would madam like
a little cheese with that?
710
01:01:02,040 --> 01:01:03,359
No, thank you.
711
01:01:03,520 --> 01:01:06,398
Shall I take it out to the kitchen
and have it peeled?
712
01:01:06,560 --> 01:01:09,199
- I'll manage.
- Very good.
713
01:01:17,520 --> 01:01:19,670
I admire your willpower.
714
01:01:19,840 --> 01:01:24,118
Mr Armbruster, do you know how much
I weigh? Nine and a half stone.
715
01:01:24,280 --> 01:01:29,400
That's 133 pounds.
I'm determined to lose at least two stone.
716
01:01:29,520 --> 01:01:33,798
Well, you came to the right place.
Michelangelo lost three stones here.
717
01:01:33,960 --> 01:01:35,871
- Salute.
- Salute.
718
01:01:41,200 --> 01:01:44,431
Bertram and I, we used to go
to an Italian restaurant in Soho
719
01:01:44,600 --> 01:01:47,194
but it was nothing like this.
720
01:01:47,360 --> 01:01:50,955
The waiters were all Greek
and the cook was Chinese.
721
01:01:52,080 --> 01:01:54,071
Who's Bertram?
722
01:01:54,240 --> 01:01:57,755
My boyfriend. We've been together now
for a year and a half.
723
01:01:57,920 --> 01:01:59,911
What you would call "shacked up".
724
01:02:00,080 --> 01:02:02,640
Would you like to see his picture?
725
01:02:02,800 --> 01:02:05,872
- Sure.
- That's Bertram. The one in the middle.
726
01:02:06,040 --> 01:02:08,508
- He plays lead guitar.
- Is that so?
727
01:02:08,680 --> 01:02:12,229
They're a terrific group.
They call themselves The Four Apostles.
728
01:02:12,400 --> 01:02:15,915
- Matthew, Mark, Luke and Bertram.
- And Bertram.
729
01:02:16,080 --> 01:02:22,030
He's also a terrific composer. Right now
he's writing a rock musical called Splash.
730
01:02:23,120 --> 01:02:24,120
Splash?
731
01:02:24,280 --> 01:02:27,192
Yes. It's about the sinking of the Titanic.
732
01:02:45,480 --> 01:02:50,156
You know, I must admit I feel rather guilty.
733
01:02:50,320 --> 01:02:53,232
Why? You're not eating.
734
01:02:53,400 --> 01:02:57,029
- I mean about Mother and Father.
- Really? Why? What about them?
735
01:02:57,200 --> 01:03:02,320
Well, here we are at their table enjoying
ourselves while they're lying there...
736
01:03:02,480 --> 01:03:05,074
Yeah, lying where?
737
01:03:05,240 --> 01:03:09,313
On the other hand,
they would have hated tears and wailing.
738
01:03:09,480 --> 01:03:12,472
They weren't exactly
a conventional couple, were they?
739
01:03:12,640 --> 01:03:16,030
Maybe I'll just have one ravioli.
740
01:03:16,200 --> 01:03:18,111
Uh, certainly.
741
01:03:23,000 --> 01:03:25,195
You know what they would do at dawn?
742
01:03:25,360 --> 01:03:27,635
- Go swimming in the bay.
- Yes, I heard.
743
01:03:27,800 --> 01:03:29,756
In the bay and in the nude.
744
01:03:29,920 --> 01:03:34,277
Then they'd lie on a rock,
basking in the sun like two baby seals.
745
01:03:34,440 --> 01:03:38,718
Baby seals! Why, that grey-haired,
self-righteous son of a... bitch.
746
01:03:38,880 --> 01:03:43,112
- You keep calling him that.
- Oh, look. I have nothing against sex.
747
01:03:43,280 --> 01:03:45,919
Premarital, extramarital,
you name it, I'm for it.
748
01:03:46,080 --> 01:03:51,313
I mean, just because a man's married, that
doesn't mean that he can't have a thing,
749
01:03:51,480 --> 01:03:53,471
you know, with a secretary or...
750
01:03:53,640 --> 01:03:57,349
Let's say you're at a convention
in Hawaii and meet some chick. OK.
751
01:03:57,520 --> 01:04:00,193
You swing for a couple of nights
but then, aloha.
752
01:04:00,360 --> 01:04:04,148
Oh, I see. You can swing
with ten chicks a year.
753
01:04:04,320 --> 01:04:08,154
That's OK. But if you love one woman
for ten years you're a son of a bitch.
754
01:04:08,320 --> 01:04:11,869
Love is for filing clerks,
but not for the head of a conglomerate.
755
01:04:12,040 --> 01:04:15,635
- 37 companies, the man had...
- Can I have a couple of green noodles?
756
01:04:15,800 --> 01:04:17,711
For colour?
757
01:04:34,920 --> 01:04:37,920
~ Catari ~
758
01:04:38,240 --> 01:04:41,070
~ Catari ~
759
01:04:41,170 --> 01:04:48,890
~ Pecché mme dici sti parole amare? ~
760
01:04:48,990 --> 01:04:54,850
~ Pecché mme parli o core, ~
761
01:04:54,950 --> 01:05:00,410
~ Mme turmiente, Catari? ~
762
01:05:00,510 --> 01:05:01,911
- Caterina.
- Hm?
763
01:05:02,080 --> 01:05:05,038
It's Italian for my mother's name,
Catherine.
764
01:05:05,200 --> 01:05:06,800
Figures.
765
01:05:07,360 --> 01:05:11,876
Your father used to call her Kate,
and she called him Willie.
766
01:05:12,040 --> 01:05:13,440
Willie?
767
01:05:15,000 --> 01:05:19,551
- And Kate. Well, what do you know?
- I'm sorry you never met her.
768
01:05:19,720 --> 01:05:24,475
- She was a bloody marvellous woman.
- I'm sure she was. Look, Miss Piggott...
769
01:05:24,640 --> 01:05:27,029
I appreciate how you feel
about your mother.
770
01:05:27,200 --> 01:05:31,478
If you wanna bury her in Ischia, why not.
But when it comes to Willie... my father...
771
01:05:31,640 --> 01:05:36,316
Basically, it's a question of weather. In
England, people should be buried indoors.
772
01:05:36,480 --> 01:05:38,948
How's the weather in Baltimore?
773
01:05:39,120 --> 01:05:41,680
- Not very good, really.
- Well, there you are.
774
01:05:41,840 --> 01:05:47,198
Here you have the sun 12 months a year.
There's no need to lie in a damp grave.
775
01:05:47,360 --> 01:05:50,318
It gets so cold and... so lonely.
776
01:05:52,560 --> 01:05:55,560
~ Cathars ~
777
01:05:56,080 --> 01:05:58,930
~ Cathars ~
778
01:05:59,030 --> 01:06:05,638
~ Why do you say these bitter words to me? ~
779
01:06:16,680 --> 01:06:20,070
Good evening. It's there for you
a certain Mr. Armbruster?
780
01:06:20,200 --> 01:06:22,191
- Yes.
- Can I talk to him?
781
01:06:22,400 --> 01:06:24,038
- No.
- It's an important thing.
782
01:06:24,200 --> 01:06:26,111
- I told her no.
- And I'll wait until cca'.
783
01:06:36,480 --> 01:06:42,350
I am the director. What
Would you like from Mr. Armbruster?
784
01:06:42,520 --> 01:06:46,752
- Do you mind if we speak English?
- Why English?
785
01:06:46,920 --> 01:06:50,071
I do not want anybody to hear this.
786
01:06:50,240 --> 01:06:53,312
- It is confidential.
- Who are you?
787
01:06:54,200 --> 01:06:57,192
Let us say I am from
the lost-and-found department.
788
01:06:57,360 --> 01:06:59,560
From where?
789
01:06:59,920 --> 01:07:07,156
Tell me. Mr Armbruster, is he perhaps,
by any chance, missing something?
790
01:07:07,320 --> 01:07:11,233
Or should I say, two somethings,
from the morgue?
791
01:07:12,200 --> 01:07:13,200
Eh?
792
01:07:20,000 --> 01:07:21,000
Argh!
793
01:07:22,040 --> 01:07:26,431
Look, I hate to break the spell, but
before you've lost yourself completely
794
01:07:26,600 --> 01:07:30,275
could I ask you just
for one moment to be reasonable?
795
01:07:30,440 --> 01:07:32,670
- I'll try.
- Now, just think.
796
01:07:33,760 --> 01:07:38,515
Come Tuesday there will be 216,000
people watching that funeral in Baltimore.
797
01:07:38,680 --> 01:07:41,956
What will it look like if there's no corpse?
798
01:07:42,120 --> 01:07:45,635
- That would look bad.
- It would be a catastrophe.
799
01:07:49,080 --> 01:07:52,470
- Hello?
- Mr Carlucci's trying to catch your eye.
800
01:07:54,320 --> 01:07:57,392
Well... Look, you don't know
the people in Baltimore.
801
01:07:57,560 --> 01:08:02,031
What was a beautiful romance they'll twist
into something ugly and sordid.
802
01:08:02,200 --> 01:08:06,716
- Oh, we can't let that happen.
- I'm glad you can see things my way.
803
01:08:06,880 --> 01:08:07,880
Huh?
804
01:08:08,160 --> 01:08:12,676
- But why should there be no corpse?
- No reason, if you'll just cooperate.
805
01:08:12,840 --> 01:08:15,673
- But what can I do?
- Oh...
806
01:08:20,400 --> 01:08:22,311
Excuse me.
807
01:08:24,600 --> 01:08:27,876
- What? I was getting somewhere.
- You're wasting your time.
808
01:08:28,040 --> 01:08:29,951
- She didn't take the bodies.
- What?
809
01:08:30,120 --> 01:08:34,113
I kept telling you. But there is a man
in the lobby. He knows where they are.
810
01:08:34,280 --> 01:08:36,874
He assured me
they are in excellent condition.
811
01:08:37,040 --> 01:08:39,508
He asks if you are interested
in getting them back.
812
01:08:39,680 --> 01:08:41,079
- Who is he?
- He won't say.
813
01:08:41,240 --> 01:08:43,549
He won't? He won't?
814
01:08:57,120 --> 01:08:59,509
- Don't annoy him. The price will rise.
- What price?
815
01:08:59,680 --> 01:09:04,470
- I don't know yet but I'm sure there is one.
- Ha. All right, you creep, where are they?
816
01:09:04,640 --> 01:09:08,872
- It's going to be more expensive.
- If you'd care to come with me.
817
01:09:09,040 --> 01:09:11,156
My car is outside.
818
01:09:37,720 --> 01:09:40,917
This is where the accident happened.
819
01:09:47,440 --> 01:09:51,752
We were all asleep in the house
when there was this terrible noise.
820
01:09:51,920 --> 01:09:56,357
So we ran to bottom of vineyard,
and the car, it is smashed.
821
01:09:56,520 --> 01:09:59,353
And the two, they are dead.
822
01:09:59,520 --> 01:10:02,318
And she is holding him like this.
823
01:10:02,480 --> 01:10:06,075
And the radio, it's playing "Hello, Dolly".
824
01:10:09,360 --> 01:10:12,318
- I think that's very touching.
- Yeah, it sure is.
825
01:10:12,480 --> 01:10:14,391
This way, please.
826
01:10:16,560 --> 01:10:19,233
O vide, San Gennaro?
O vide, San Gennaro?
827
01:10:19,360 --> 01:10:22,796
Tene la mmerda a' mmano.
828
01:10:35,200 --> 01:10:38,795
Mr Armbruster, Signor Carlucci,
this is Alberto Trotta.
829
01:10:40,600 --> 01:10:42,750
Arnoldo Trotta.
830
01:10:42,920 --> 01:10:45,229
Alfredo Trotta.
831
01:10:45,400 --> 01:10:47,197
Adolfo Trotta.
832
01:10:47,400 --> 01:10:51,154
This is Papa Trotta and Uncle Trotta.
833
01:10:51,320 --> 01:10:54,153
This is Grandpapa Trotta.
834
01:10:54,320 --> 01:10:57,710
- And I am Armando Trotta.
- That's a lotta Trottas.
835
01:10:57,880 --> 01:11:00,633
You bet your sweet patootie.
836
01:11:02,200 --> 01:11:06,352
Arnoldo and I, we used to work
with American armed forces.
837
01:11:07,440 --> 01:11:10,512
- Black market.
- What's your racket now?
838
01:11:10,680 --> 01:11:13,638
- Body snatching?
- Mr Armbruster,
839
01:11:13,800 --> 01:11:18,191
we sit down and write you nice
business letter asking for damages,
840
01:11:18,360 --> 01:11:23,354
and Signor Carlucci, he calls
on telephone and tells me to screw.
841
01:11:24,000 --> 01:11:26,036
I did not say "screw".
842
01:11:26,200 --> 01:11:28,634
I said "sue".
843
01:11:30,040 --> 01:11:35,672
Sue? You take bodies out of country.
We take case to court.
844
01:11:35,840 --> 01:11:40,550
It takes many years, and in the end,
all the money, it goes to lawyers.
845
01:11:40,720 --> 01:11:45,077
- So you just stole them?
- Stole? That is such an ugly word.
846
01:11:45,240 --> 01:11:49,313
Let us say we are keeping them
temporarily in, uh, escrow?
847
01:11:49,480 --> 01:11:52,995
- Where?
- They are very comfortable.
848
01:11:53,160 --> 01:11:56,197
With candles all around, and a baby-sitter.
849
01:11:56,760 --> 01:12:00,833
And you will get them back
as good as new for two million lire.
850
01:12:01,000 --> 01:12:03,070
Two... They think I'm some sucker.
851
01:12:03,200 --> 01:12:06,795
Two million lire for a piece of broken wall
and some crushed grapes?
852
01:12:06,960 --> 01:12:13,149
That's nothing. But when there has been
death in vineyard, the wine turns sour.
853
01:12:14,200 --> 01:12:17,112
- Who says so?
- Is old Italian proverb.
854
01:12:17,280 --> 01:12:20,317
- I never heard of it.
- All right, all right.
855
01:12:20,480 --> 01:12:23,199
Let us ask some old Italians.
856
01:12:23,360 --> 01:12:28,957
Nne, sentite, quannde per caso succede
cha rint' a vigna more coccoruno...
857
01:12:29,520 --> 01:12:31,954
Don't believe a word they say -
Neapolitans.
858
01:12:32,120 --> 01:12:34,350
- Let me deal with them.
- Neapolitans?
859
01:12:34,520 --> 01:12:37,910
That's bush league. I bargained
with the Teamsters Union. Watch.
860
01:12:38,080 --> 01:12:39,991
Hey, you, big Trotta.
861
01:12:40,160 --> 01:12:42,116
- Si.
- Si.
862
01:12:42,280 --> 01:12:46,910
- There you are. They know the proverb.
- The hell with that. I'm a very busy man.
863
01:12:47,080 --> 01:12:51,676
I don't want any haggling or dickering.
Here's my offer, fast, firm, non-negotiable.
864
01:12:51,840 --> 01:12:53,910
A million lire.
865
01:12:54,480 --> 01:12:59,600
Mr Armbruster, our family, it is big.
Our vineyard, it is small.
866
01:12:59,720 --> 01:13:01,711
It cannot support us.
867
01:13:01,880 --> 01:13:06,476
Three of our brothers,
they work in Carrara, digging for marble.
868
01:13:07,920 --> 01:13:10,480
With all the dust in the lungs.
869
01:13:13,120 --> 01:13:15,429
All right, a million and a half.
870
01:13:15,600 --> 01:13:19,275
Two of our sisters
are prostitutes in Milano.
871
01:13:19,440 --> 01:13:22,512
Other prostitutes,
they use Ferraris and Alfa Romeos.
872
01:13:22,680 --> 01:13:26,309
But our sisters,
they have to work on bicycles.
873
01:13:27,600 --> 01:13:30,512
OK, two million lire,
but not one cent more.
874
01:13:34,920 --> 01:13:38,833
- I could not have handled it better myself.
- Thank you.
875
01:13:41,960 --> 01:13:47,353
And now, we will have some wine and
some goat cheese, and play boccie. Yes?
876
01:13:49,920 --> 01:13:52,480
All right, here you are.
877
01:13:53,640 --> 01:13:56,677
- $3,500.
- That's two million lire. Isn't it?
878
01:13:56,840 --> 01:14:00,276
- We can not take this from you.
- Why not?
879
01:14:00,440 --> 01:14:02,431
You are such a good man.
880
01:14:02,600 --> 01:14:05,319
So warm-hearted, so simpatico.
881
01:14:06,760 --> 01:14:09,911
- We do not want this.
- What do you mean? Come on.
882
01:14:10,080 --> 01:14:13,311
Oh, we want it, but not in dollars.
883
01:14:13,480 --> 01:14:17,393
We take Swiss francs, we take
German marks, we take Japanese yens.
884
01:14:17,560 --> 01:14:21,997
But with your economy sick
like a dog... no dollars.
885
01:14:37,440 --> 01:14:41,638
To repeat - at noon
we meet behind the morgue.
886
01:14:41,800 --> 01:14:45,679
You will bring German marks,
we will bring bodies.
887
01:14:45,840 --> 01:14:49,071
We will also bring fresh flowers.
No charge.
888
01:14:56,040 --> 01:14:57,632
Buonanotte.
889
01:14:57,800 --> 01:15:00,997
Do you realise I've gone
40 hours without sleep?
890
01:15:01,160 --> 01:15:03,276
- I'm gonna hit the sack.
- I envy you.
891
01:15:03,440 --> 01:15:06,238
- When do you sleep?
- In the winter.
892
01:15:43,000 --> 01:15:47,391
Mr Armbruster? Your crêpes suzettes.
I've kept them warm.
893
01:15:53,880 --> 01:15:56,440
Morning, Miss Piggott.
894
01:16:03,040 --> 01:16:04,951
I hope you're not angry with me.
895
01:16:05,760 --> 01:16:08,911
- Angry with you?
- I ordered champagne for the gentlemen.
896
01:16:09,080 --> 01:16:12,629
Why not? I'm sorry I suddenly
disappeared. It was a minor crisis.
897
01:16:12,800 --> 01:16:16,190
- As long as you're not too late.
- I had to straighten something out.
898
01:16:16,360 --> 01:16:20,638
- You know the curve where it happened?
- You don't have a shoehorn, do you?
899
01:16:20,800 --> 01:16:22,631
- What?
- Oh. Never mind.
900
01:16:22,800 --> 01:16:23,800
Oh.
901
01:16:24,160 --> 01:16:28,756
I've been thinking about that funeral
in Baltimore. Where's it going to be?
902
01:16:28,920 --> 01:16:32,469
- First Presbyterian Church. Why?
- Cos I want to send a wreath.
903
01:16:32,640 --> 01:16:33,914
- A wreath?
- Mm.
904
01:16:34,080 --> 01:16:38,278
- With ribbons and something printed on.
- Like what?
905
01:16:38,440 --> 01:16:41,318
- I thought you might have suggestions.
- No.
906
01:16:41,480 --> 01:16:43,675
- What, no suggestions?
- No wreath.
907
01:16:43,840 --> 01:16:47,469
How about a simple "Ciao, Willie"?
Nobody would ever guess.
908
01:16:47,640 --> 01:16:50,677
Miss Piggott, the family
has specifically requested...
909
01:16:50,840 --> 01:16:54,196
Why don't you just give a contribution
to your favourite charity?
910
01:16:54,360 --> 01:16:57,397
- Shall I serve the crêpes suzettes?
- Not now.
911
01:16:57,560 --> 01:16:59,994
- If we don't hurry we'll miss it.
- Miss what?
912
01:17:00,160 --> 01:17:03,152
The sunrise. I don't know
why I'm bothering with these.
913
01:17:03,320 --> 01:17:06,437
- I'll have to take them off anyway.
- What with the sunrise?
914
01:17:06,600 --> 01:17:09,512
You know. Over Vesuvius
and swimming out to the rock.
915
01:17:09,680 --> 01:17:13,195
- You mean you and me?
- Wasn't that the whole idea?
916
01:17:13,360 --> 01:17:16,318
Fat chance. I'm sorry.
I didn't mean it that way.
917
01:17:16,480 --> 01:17:18,835
It's nothing personal, you understand.
918
01:17:25,000 --> 01:17:28,595
- Could you help me with my zip, please?
- Certainly.
919
01:17:29,960 --> 01:17:33,509
If you give me a minute I could
find us a couple of bathing suits.
920
01:17:33,680 --> 01:17:35,880
Why bother?
921
01:17:36,520 --> 01:17:39,637
I don't want you to think
that I'm stuffy or uptight.
922
01:17:39,800 --> 01:17:43,509
I'm considered a pretty groovy cat.
You know, tuned in.
923
01:17:43,680 --> 01:17:48,117
Like when I'm business in Los Angeles
I always have lunch at a topless... place.
924
01:17:48,280 --> 01:17:50,236
Oh, my... Uh...
925
01:17:50,400 --> 01:17:54,234
Just because I don't have the long
sideburns that doesn't mean that...
926
01:17:54,400 --> 01:17:59,952
Did you ever hear of Oh! Calcutta!? I've
seen it twice, and Carnal Knowledge, too.
927
01:18:00,120 --> 01:18:05,433
The permissive society, Age of Aquarius,
sexual revolution. I'm into all of that.
928
01:18:05,600 --> 01:18:09,275
Take the secretaries in our office,
always wearing those hot pants.
929
01:18:09,440 --> 01:18:15,117
There's nothing wrong with that, just as
long as they're worn by consenting adults.
930
01:18:15,280 --> 01:18:18,909
Please keep in mind that it's Sunday
and this is a Catholic country,
931
01:18:19,080 --> 01:18:21,753
and they may think it's in very poor taste.
932
01:18:21,920 --> 01:18:23,320
Pamela!
933
01:18:25,520 --> 01:18:27,397
Miss Piggott!
934
01:18:27,560 --> 01:18:30,791
Miss Piggott! Can you hear me?
935
01:18:30,960 --> 01:18:32,360
Pamela!
936
01:18:37,560 --> 01:18:39,278
Miss Piggott!
937
01:18:39,440 --> 01:18:40,840
Pamela!
938
01:18:42,280 --> 01:18:43,759
Miss Piggott!
939
01:18:43,920 --> 01:18:46,480
Can you? Oh, my God.
940
01:20:20,160 --> 01:20:22,116
Miss Piggott.
941
01:20:22,280 --> 01:20:25,636
- Are you all right?
- I'm fantastic.
942
01:20:25,800 --> 01:20:29,918
Uh-huh. I'll give you one minute to catch
your breath, then we gotta swim back.
943
01:20:30,080 --> 01:20:32,958
- Ah! What's the rush?
- No rush.
944
01:20:33,120 --> 01:20:35,111
It's just a little cold in the water.
945
01:20:35,280 --> 01:20:39,319
It's nice and warm here just lying
in the sun with your eyes closed.
946
01:20:39,480 --> 01:20:40,480
Yeah?
947
01:20:40,720 --> 01:20:42,676
- Are your eyes closed?
- Why?
948
01:20:42,840 --> 01:20:46,150
Nothing. Just... asking.
949
01:20:52,400 --> 01:20:53,400
Ah.
950
01:21:02,440 --> 01:21:07,275
Well, here we are,
basking like two baby seals.
951
01:21:14,200 --> 01:21:17,431
Wonder what they talked about,
Willie and Kate?
952
01:21:17,600 --> 01:21:19,909
I'm sure they didn't talk at all.
953
01:21:20,080 --> 01:21:22,116
They were just listening.
954
01:21:22,280 --> 01:21:27,195
To the wind and the waves and
the beat, beat, beat of their foolish hearts.
955
01:21:27,400 --> 01:21:31,393
Why not? When you're in love
you don't need words.
956
01:21:31,560 --> 01:21:35,633
A look, a touch, a sigh, you've said it all.
957
01:21:38,000 --> 01:21:40,753
That's not bad.
I should try that on my wife.
958
01:21:40,920 --> 01:21:46,517
Every time I come home pooped
she wants to know why I don't talk to her.
959
01:21:48,320 --> 01:21:53,872
Do you and, uh... uh... What's?
Uh, Bertram. Do you communicate much?
960
01:21:54,040 --> 01:21:58,955
- We haven't talked for six months.
- Beautiful. You must really dig each other.
961
01:21:59,120 --> 01:22:02,669
The fact is we haven't seen
each other for six months.
962
01:22:02,840 --> 01:22:04,751
The bastard walked out on me.
963
01:22:04,920 --> 01:22:08,799
Stole my telly, two Picasso posters
and my hair dryer.
964
01:22:08,960 --> 01:22:10,757
There's an apostle for you.
965
01:22:10,920 --> 01:22:14,549
He moved in with some skinny girl
in Kensington.
966
01:22:14,720 --> 01:22:17,837
When I found out
I tried to commit suicide.
967
01:22:18,000 --> 01:22:20,230
- No.
- Yes.
968
01:22:20,400 --> 01:22:23,836
I took my week's salary,
bought a suitcaseful of fish and chips
969
01:22:24,000 --> 01:22:27,834
and a dozen bottles of Guinness stout
and tried to eat myself to death.
970
01:22:28,000 --> 01:22:32,118
- Took them hours to pump my stomach.
- Was it worth it, for a guy like that?
971
01:22:32,280 --> 01:22:36,512
- It was stupid. But I've learned my lesson.
- Good.
972
01:22:36,680 --> 01:22:39,240
No more fish and chips.
973
01:22:43,080 --> 01:22:46,072
There is something to what it says
in the tourist guide.
974
01:22:46,240 --> 01:22:48,151
What does it say?
975
01:22:48,320 --> 01:22:51,198
It says Italy is not a country.
976
01:22:51,360 --> 01:22:55,558
- It's an emotion.
- Well, it's certainly been an experience.
977
01:23:02,200 --> 01:23:03,428
Uh... um...
978
01:23:03,600 --> 01:23:07,513
Miss Piggott, I'm afraid
that we have some sightseers.
979
01:23:25,840 --> 01:23:29,196
Please, Miss Piggott.
Where's your British reserve?
980
01:23:35,080 --> 01:23:36,991
Veni acca'.
981
01:23:39,080 --> 01:23:41,640
Here. Maybe you can use these.
982
01:23:57,040 --> 01:23:58,951
Buongiorno.
983
01:23:59,840 --> 01:24:01,751
Buongiorno.
984
01:24:24,720 --> 01:24:28,918
That was quite the loveliest night
of my life. Thank you.
985
01:24:29,080 --> 01:24:31,992
You're entirely welcome. See you around.
986
01:25:01,880 --> 01:25:03,996
Appartamento 100-108. Presto!
987
01:25:04,160 --> 01:25:06,355
Prima che sia troppo tardi.
988
01:25:06,520 --> 01:25:09,717
- What's up?
- Emergency in the baron's suite.
989
01:25:09,880 --> 01:25:12,440
- Hope it's not a heart attack.
- Wouldn't be surprised.
990
01:25:12,600 --> 01:25:16,388
No, no, no. It's not the baron.
It's one of the nurses.
991
01:25:40,560 --> 01:25:42,869
Good night, Willie.
992
01:25:44,160 --> 01:25:46,469
Good night, Kate.
993
01:26:26,040 --> 01:26:28,349
- Good morning, sir. Are you all right?
- What?
994
01:26:28,520 --> 01:26:31,353
They told me you asked
for two bottles of aspirin.
995
01:26:31,520 --> 01:26:35,672
Oh, that. I just needed the cotton.
Damn bells. Talk about noise pollution.
996
01:26:35,840 --> 01:26:38,877
There are 68 churches in Ischia.
They all want the business.
997
01:26:39,040 --> 01:26:41,998
- How's that nurse? All right?
- Yes, just a slipped disk.
998
01:26:42,160 --> 01:26:44,628
The three of them,
they were playing frog leap.
999
01:26:44,800 --> 01:26:48,190
- The word is leapfrog.
- I would rather not know.
1000
01:26:48,400 --> 01:26:50,516
- I come to give a report.
- How we doin'?
1001
01:26:50,680 --> 01:26:53,638
We are making progress.
I met with the Trotta brothers.
1002
01:26:53,800 --> 01:26:56,678
I gave them marks.
The bodies are back in the morgue.
1003
01:26:56,840 --> 01:26:58,751
- Good.
- The doctor examined them.
1004
01:26:58,920 --> 01:27:00,876
- I have the certificates.
- Coffins?
1005
01:27:01,040 --> 01:27:03,838
They arrived this morning,
all three of them.
1006
01:27:04,000 --> 01:27:06,434
- Three?
- The two from Bologna,
1007
01:27:06,600 --> 01:27:09,558
and that first one I ordered
from Amalfi. Remember?
1008
01:27:09,720 --> 01:27:14,748
- And there is no refund, no exchange.
- Big deal. Make a lamp out of it.
1009
01:27:14,920 --> 01:27:18,754
About my nephew. He got to Naples.
His friend let him into the licence bureau,
1010
01:27:18,920 --> 01:27:21,559
even though it's closed,
and he got the licence.
1011
01:27:21,720 --> 01:27:23,119
- Then we're all set.
- Mm...
1012
01:27:23,280 --> 01:27:27,637
yes and no, because this nephew,
he gets tickets for speeding all the time
1013
01:27:27,800 --> 01:27:30,837
and while he was in that empty building
he got to the file,
1014
01:27:31,000 --> 01:27:34,117
he removed ten of his traffic citations
and now he's in jail.
1015
01:27:34,280 --> 01:27:36,840
- The licence?
- They're holding it as evidence.
1016
01:27:36,960 --> 01:27:41,431
Not to worry. When the court opens in the
morning, I have a cousin who is a lawyer.
1017
01:27:41,600 --> 01:27:45,559
I will get to him straight away.
He is the worst lawyer in Naples.
1018
01:27:45,720 --> 01:27:48,996
But fortunately, he and the judge
have the same mistress.
1019
01:27:49,160 --> 01:27:52,118
Is that what you call Italian justice?
1020
01:27:53,400 --> 01:27:56,392
What about Sacco and Vanzetti?
1021
01:28:56,640 --> 01:28:59,210
Permesso?
1022
01:28:59,310 --> 01:29:00,591
- Permesso?
- Avanti.
1023
01:29:10,280 --> 01:29:12,953
When will you people learn
how to make decent coffee?
1024
01:29:13,120 --> 01:29:16,908
You know what I have for breakfast?
Hot Pepsi-Cola.
1025
01:29:17,080 --> 01:29:20,470
- What's that?
- Your shorts washed up on the beach.
1026
01:29:20,640 --> 01:29:22,835
What makes you think they're my shorts?
1027
01:29:23,000 --> 01:29:26,037
Maybe I'm wrong.
Maybe they belong to the young lady.
1028
01:29:26,200 --> 01:29:29,112
Just put 'em down, will ya?
1029
01:29:29,280 --> 01:29:33,353
About those photographs I mentioned.
Your father and his friend.
1030
01:29:33,520 --> 01:29:36,592
I have searched
and searched and searched.
1031
01:29:36,760 --> 01:29:38,876
- And?
- I found them.
1032
01:29:39,040 --> 01:29:42,032
Of all places,
they were inside my mattress.
1033
01:29:46,320 --> 01:29:48,197
- The complete set?
- Absolutely.
1034
01:29:48,400 --> 01:29:52,359
That's the beauty of Polaroid.
No negatives, and just one print.
1035
01:29:52,520 --> 01:29:54,636
What was it? I owe you a hundred bucks?
1036
01:29:54,800 --> 01:29:57,473
- No, please.
- You want Swiss francs or marks?
1037
01:29:57,640 --> 01:30:01,349
I told you. It's not a question of money.
I don't need money.
1038
01:30:01,520 --> 01:30:05,911
What I need is, uh... a visa.
1039
01:30:06,880 --> 01:30:08,996
- A visa?
- Yes.
1040
01:30:09,160 --> 01:30:11,833
I want to go back to America
and you can help me.
1041
01:30:12,000 --> 01:30:14,673
- How?
- You know all the big shots.
1042
01:30:14,840 --> 01:30:19,391
Senators, the State Department,
Dr Kissinger. You can pull strings.
1043
01:30:19,560 --> 01:30:22,597
- No. You've been deported as a criminal.
- A criminal?
1044
01:30:22,760 --> 01:30:27,470
I am not a criminal. I am a patriot.
You know why they deported me?
1045
01:30:27,640 --> 01:30:31,872
There were all these hippies
demonstrating in Washington Square,
1046
01:30:32,040 --> 01:30:36,909
calling our president filthy names
and burning the American flag.
1047
01:30:37,080 --> 01:30:41,596
On July 4.
With police all around doing nothing.
1048
01:30:41,760 --> 01:30:44,035
So I got pissed off!
1049
01:30:44,200 --> 01:30:47,192
And pulled my gun out of my holster.
1050
01:30:47,360 --> 01:30:49,590
And what do you think happened?
1051
01:30:49,760 --> 01:30:52,877
The cops arrested me.
1052
01:30:53,040 --> 01:30:55,110
It was a bum rap.
1053
01:30:55,280 --> 01:30:59,796
- Well, give me all the details and when I...
- Mr Armbruster, this can't wait.
1054
01:30:59,960 --> 01:31:03,270
You know that maid, Anna?
With the moustache?
1055
01:31:03,440 --> 01:31:06,193
- What about her?
- She wants me to marry her.
1056
01:31:06,360 --> 01:31:08,555
- Congratulations.
- God forbid.
1057
01:31:08,720 --> 01:31:11,188
If there is one thing worse
than a Sicilian woman,
1058
01:31:11,360 --> 01:31:14,397
it's a Sicilian woman who's pregnant.
1059
01:31:14,560 --> 01:31:17,597
- I must get out of here, fast.
- Uh-huh.
1060
01:31:17,760 --> 01:31:22,880
I sympathise with you, Bruno, and I'll do
all I can, but I can't make any promises.
1061
01:31:23,000 --> 01:31:26,072
I am counting on you, Mr Armbruster.
1062
01:31:28,480 --> 01:31:32,758
Because, you see,
I have other photographs.
1063
01:31:33,920 --> 01:31:35,638
Taken this morning.
1064
01:31:35,800 --> 01:31:39,349
Same rock, same sunrise.
1065
01:31:39,520 --> 01:31:41,988
Different bodies.
1066
01:31:42,160 --> 01:31:45,596
So you'd better try very hard.
1067
01:31:48,920 --> 01:31:49,920
Hey!
1068
01:31:50,480 --> 01:31:54,837
Wait a minute. Where are those pictures?
1069
01:31:55,000 --> 01:31:57,116
- Not in my mattress.
- You little crook.
1070
01:31:57,280 --> 01:32:00,556
- I'll beat the bejesus out of you.
- Buongiorno.
1071
01:32:00,720 --> 01:32:02,995
- Buongiorno.
- What a day. Do you believe it?
1072
01:32:03,160 --> 01:32:05,799
What about all those bells?
Smashing, aren't they?
1073
01:32:05,960 --> 01:32:09,475
- Smashing is right.
- If you need me, just ring.
1074
01:32:11,480 --> 01:32:15,473
- Is it all right if I go into your bathroom?
- By all means.
1075
01:32:16,600 --> 01:32:21,071
Oh! Don't let me interrupt. Finish your
breakfast. Isn't the coffee here fabulous?
1076
01:32:27,280 --> 01:32:28,880
What ha?
1077
01:32:30,000 --> 01:32:31,991
Did you burn yourself?
1078
01:32:32,160 --> 01:32:36,472
I weighed myself on my own scales but
I didn't believe it so I came here to check.
1079
01:32:36,640 --> 01:32:38,278
- I lost three pounds.
- Really?
1080
01:32:38,440 --> 01:32:41,796
After that enormous meal,
strawberries and cream this morning,
1081
01:32:41,960 --> 01:32:46,317
and bacon and eggs, and croissant
and butter. Wait till I see Dr Shaftesbury.
1082
01:32:46,480 --> 01:32:49,836
- They should defrock him or disbar him.
- Who's Dr Shaftesbury?
1083
01:32:50,000 --> 01:32:51,513
- My psychiatrist.
- Oh, him.
1084
01:32:51,680 --> 01:32:54,148
He said I was unhappy
because I was overweight.
1085
01:32:54,320 --> 01:32:56,993
Rubbish. I was overweight
because I was unhappy.
1086
01:32:57,160 --> 01:32:59,196
- See what I mean?
- Yes, I do. I think...
1087
01:32:59,360 --> 01:33:01,999
- How long will it take you to get ready?
- Why?
1088
01:33:02,160 --> 01:33:05,357
You know those carts
with the horses with the feathers?
1089
01:33:05,520 --> 01:33:10,310
I thought we could take a ride and stop for
an aperitivo or a late lunch somewhere.
1090
01:33:10,480 --> 01:33:12,436
- I'm starved again.
- I'd like to.
1091
01:33:12,600 --> 01:33:15,956
But there's so many things
I have to take care of here.
1092
01:33:16,120 --> 01:33:18,873
- It's our last day.
- Well, there's still tonight.
1093
01:33:19,040 --> 01:33:21,793
Same programme?
Dinner downstairs, sunrise and...
1094
01:33:21,960 --> 01:33:25,111
Uh, no. No, no.
No, last night, that was their thing.
1095
01:33:25,280 --> 01:33:28,590
I thought tonight we'd do
something different. Our thing.
1096
01:33:28,760 --> 01:33:31,069
Surprise me. Ciao.
1097
01:35:17,760 --> 01:35:20,957
Buongiorno. You can do my room now.
1098
01:35:21,120 --> 01:35:23,110
Scusi?
1099
01:35:23,210 --> 01:35:25,797
Può fare la mia stanza per favore?
1100
01:35:25,960 --> 01:35:27,871
With pleasure, miss.
1101
01:36:26,280 --> 01:36:28,840
- Permission?
- Next.
1102
01:38:43,360 --> 01:38:44,360
Hey!
1103
01:39:00,880 --> 01:39:02,199
Miss!
1104
01:39:02,400 --> 01:39:05,631
Oi, there's a naked female!
1105
01:40:17,600 --> 01:40:20,751
Mr. Director.
A terrible thing happened.
1106
01:40:20,920 --> 01:40:24,117
Bruno was found killed
in room 126.
1107
01:40:24,280 --> 01:40:28,353
Three shots from a revolver.
Poor Bruno. A scary thing.
1108
01:40:28,520 --> 01:40:30,431
What should we do?
1109
01:40:53,160 --> 01:40:55,360
Eight! Eight!
1110
01:41:01,000 --> 01:41:03,275
You need to call the police
immediately.
1111
01:41:03,440 --> 01:41:06,079
- Yes, sir, immediately.
- No!
1112
01:41:06,240 --> 01:41:10,074
Prima di chiamare la polizia bisogna
fare le valigie della signorina Piggott
1113
01:41:10,200 --> 01:41:12,714
e spostarle al 121-122.
1114
01:41:12,880 --> 01:41:15,075
Si, si. L'appartamento
del signor Armbruster?
1115
01:41:28,080 --> 01:41:29,832
Mr Armbruster?
1116
01:41:30,000 --> 01:41:33,595
Ah, here you are.
You call this a first-class hotel?
1117
01:41:33,760 --> 01:41:36,593
- If it is about the bed...
- Who cares about that?
1118
01:41:36,760 --> 01:41:39,320
- It's about the valet, Bruno.
- You know about it?
1119
01:41:39,440 --> 01:41:42,238
I know he's a blackmailer.
I oughtta kill that fink.
1120
01:41:42,400 --> 01:41:44,470
- It has been taken care of.
- What has?
1121
01:41:44,640 --> 01:41:47,200
- The fink is dead.
- Dead?
1122
01:41:47,320 --> 01:41:50,915
Murdered. He's lying in room 126
with three bullets in his chest.
1123
01:41:51,080 --> 01:41:54,516
- Miss Piggott's room?
- She had no part. It was the maid, Anna.
1124
01:41:54,680 --> 01:41:58,593
- She killed him and then she ran away.
- Terrible.
1125
01:41:58,760 --> 01:42:02,036
It's a tragedy. If you lose a guest
you can always replace him,
1126
01:42:02,200 --> 01:42:04,668
but to lose a valet
and a maid mid-season...
1127
01:42:04,840 --> 01:42:09,516
Listen. Bruno took some photographs -
perfectly innocent, mind you.
1128
01:42:09,680 --> 01:42:12,433
- But if they fell into the wrong hands...
- Don't worry.
1129
01:42:12,600 --> 01:42:15,194
They fell into the right hands.
1130
01:42:15,360 --> 01:42:21,196
I'm sorry, I had to look for a second. But
I had to make sure who they belonged to.
1131
01:42:21,360 --> 01:42:22,429
Thanks.
1132
01:42:22,600 --> 01:42:26,513
There is just one thing that puzzled me.
The black socks.
1133
01:42:27,600 --> 01:42:30,319
Is it because you are in mourning?
1134
01:42:34,600 --> 01:42:36,511
Va bene, va bene. Portale dentro.
1135
01:42:44,520 --> 01:42:46,954
- What's this?
- Miss Piggott's things.
1136
01:42:47,120 --> 01:42:49,475
We are moving them in here
as a precaution.
1137
01:42:49,640 --> 01:42:51,551
- Precaution?
- The police will arrive.
1138
01:42:51,720 --> 01:42:55,759
We do not want her involved. They will
start asking all kinds of questions.
1139
01:42:55,920 --> 01:42:59,879
- Who knows what may come out?
- Carlucci, what would I do without you?
1140
01:43:00,040 --> 01:43:02,759
I have often wondered about that.
1141
01:44:32,320 --> 01:44:35,790
- 126, prego.
- I'm sorry, but you have been moved.
1142
01:44:36,880 --> 01:44:39,440
- Moved? Why?
- I just follow orders.
1143
01:44:39,560 --> 01:44:42,120
You are now in 121-122.
1144
01:44:42,240 --> 01:44:44,913
But I was perfectly happy...
1145
01:44:45,080 --> 01:44:47,799
- 121-122?
- Mr Armbruster's suite.
1146
01:44:52,080 --> 01:44:53,080
Oh.
1147
01:44:54,800 --> 01:44:57,872
I'm sorry for the inconvenience.
1148
01:44:58,040 --> 01:44:59,840
Don't be.
1149
01:45:32,600 --> 01:45:36,170
Permesso?
1150
01:45:36,270 --> 01:45:38,629
- Permesso?
- Avanti.
1151
01:45:44,200 --> 01:45:46,760
- It's me, Pamela.
- Oh, hi.
1152
01:45:50,880 --> 01:45:53,872
I'm in the tub. Make yourself at home.
1153
01:45:55,040 --> 01:45:58,669
I must say, Mr Armbruster,
you do have some cheek.
1154
01:45:58,840 --> 01:45:59,840
I do?
1155
01:46:00,800 --> 01:46:03,473
Aren't you taking rather a lot for granted?
1156
01:46:03,640 --> 01:46:08,794
Just what made you think I would have
the slightest interest in this arrangement?
1157
01:46:08,960 --> 01:46:13,158
- Uh, did you say something?
- Not that I expected subtlety from you.
1158
01:46:13,320 --> 01:46:17,279
After all, you're American, accustomed
to having everything your own way.
1159
01:46:17,440 --> 01:46:20,512
You see something you want
and you just grab it.
1160
01:46:20,680 --> 01:46:23,990
- Uh, come again?
- London Bridge, for instance.
1161
01:46:24,160 --> 01:46:29,188
You simply took it apart, stone by stone,
and shipped it off to the Wild West.
1162
01:46:29,360 --> 01:46:34,388
Or the Queen Mary, with all that tradition,
sitting there off the coast of California
1163
01:46:34,560 --> 01:46:36,915
reduced to a floating cafeteria.
1164
01:46:37,080 --> 01:46:41,790
- What the hell are you talking about?
- Ah, such conceit. Such arrogance.
1165
01:46:41,960 --> 01:46:47,398
You act as though you own the world.
Playing golf on the moon. Now, really.
1166
01:46:47,960 --> 01:46:50,918
Me? I play gold at the country club.
A 12 handicap.
1167
01:46:51,080 --> 01:46:55,995
Then you wonder why people don't like
you - because you're like spoiled children.
1168
01:46:56,680 --> 01:46:59,274
- No manners, no consideration.
- Uh...
1169
01:46:59,440 --> 01:47:05,276
You don't just pick up the phone
and say "Move that bird in here from 126."
1170
01:47:05,440 --> 01:47:08,318
If I'm to have an affair with someone
I'd like to know first,
1171
01:47:08,480 --> 01:47:11,313
and not hear about it from the concierge.
1172
01:47:13,520 --> 01:47:17,513
- Oh, my God, the bags. Uh, wait a minute.
- A girl likes to be asked.
1173
01:47:17,680 --> 01:47:20,478
- She should be given a chance to say no.
- Miss Piggott...
1174
01:47:20,640 --> 01:47:25,270
- She wants to be talked into it.
- We have a failure of communication.
1175
01:47:26,160 --> 01:47:27,160
Argh!
1176
01:47:31,600 --> 01:47:36,720
It's not that I'm women's lib or anything.
I don't mind being treated as a sex object.
1177
01:47:36,840 --> 01:47:40,276
But it's like any other game.
You have to play according to the rules
1178
01:47:40,440 --> 01:47:42,908
or it takes all the fun out of it.
1179
01:47:43,080 --> 01:47:46,197
Hang on a minute
before things get outta hand.
1180
01:47:56,280 --> 01:47:58,191
Hello? Hello?
1181
01:47:59,200 --> 01:48:03,193
Baltimore?
Yes, this is Mr Armbruster's suite.
1182
01:48:03,360 --> 01:48:07,911
Could you speak up a bit, please? I'm
sorry, Wendell can't come to the phone.
1183
01:48:08,080 --> 01:48:11,197
He's in the bathroom. Can I help you?
1184
01:48:11,400 --> 01:48:13,436
This is Miss Piggott.
1185
01:48:13,600 --> 01:48:16,558
Am I the what? The interpreter?
1186
01:48:18,200 --> 01:48:21,033
Whatever gave you that idea?
1187
01:48:21,200 --> 01:48:23,760
Hello? Hello?
1188
01:48:48,600 --> 01:48:49,600
Ohh!
1189
01:48:50,280 --> 01:48:52,840
Uh, Miss Piggott?
1190
01:48:52,960 --> 01:48:54,871
- This...
- You're dripping.
1191
01:48:55,040 --> 01:48:59,670
Uh, Miss Piggott, I...
Whatever you may think of Americans
1192
01:48:59,840 --> 01:49:02,957
I do not consider you a "bird"
or take you for granted.
1193
01:49:03,120 --> 01:49:05,953
- Thank you.
- About those, there was no time to ask.
1194
01:49:06,120 --> 01:49:09,749
You were out. Under the circumstances
it seemed practical.
1195
01:49:09,920 --> 01:49:12,115
- I understand.
- No, you don't.
1196
01:49:12,280 --> 01:49:15,397
Look. You were moved out of your room
for your own protection.
1197
01:49:15,560 --> 01:49:17,630
For ours. We have to be very careful.
1198
01:49:17,800 --> 01:49:21,190
- I said surprise me, and you certainly did.
- Mm.
1199
01:49:21,360 --> 01:49:23,920
You're taller than I thought.
1200
01:49:28,400 --> 01:49:30,834
- Pamela, what? The bed?
- Mm-hm.
1201
01:49:31,000 --> 01:49:33,673
- You noticed it's not been made?
- I'll do it later.
1202
01:49:33,840 --> 01:49:37,355
That's because of Anna, the maid.
She was pregnant by Bruno, the valet.
1203
01:49:37,520 --> 01:49:40,796
Oh, the things that go on on this floor.
1204
01:49:40,960 --> 01:49:44,430
Yeah. She wanted to get married
but he wanted to go back to America.
1205
01:49:44,600 --> 01:49:48,673
There was a problem. He'd been deported.
He wanted me to help, she found out...
1206
01:49:48,840 --> 01:49:51,308
Is this going to be a long story?
1207
01:49:51,480 --> 01:49:54,119
Anyway, the maid...
She's Sicilian, you know.
1208
01:49:54,280 --> 01:49:58,671
She got a gun and shot him, just like that.
Three bullets through the photographs.
1209
01:49:58,840 --> 01:50:01,195
That's why your bags...
1210
01:50:01,360 --> 01:50:04,158
- Permesso?
- Avanti.
1211
01:50:04,320 --> 01:50:08,199
All clear. The body has been removed,
the police have left the hotel,
1212
01:50:08,360 --> 01:50:13,115
so we can now take Miss Piggott's
luggage back to her room.
1213
01:50:13,280 --> 01:50:17,398
- I'll take care of that.
- Yes. Yes, Mr Armbruster.
1214
01:50:22,920 --> 01:50:27,357
As I was trying to tell you, the murder.
She shot him in your room.
1215
01:50:27,520 --> 01:50:31,195
We had to move you out of there fast
before the police got there.
1216
01:50:31,360 --> 01:50:36,150
Then... this was not exactly
an... invitation?
1217
01:50:36,320 --> 01:50:40,199
Not really. As a matter of fact
it was Carlucci's idea.
1218
01:50:40,360 --> 01:50:41,554
How stupid.
1219
01:50:41,720 --> 01:50:45,076
No, it wasn't. The police,
once they start asking questions...
1220
01:50:45,200 --> 01:50:47,794
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
1221
01:50:47,960 --> 01:50:50,838
It's just one of those things.
It's nobody's fault.
1222
01:50:51,000 --> 01:50:54,515
Fortunately, I'm only half unpacked.
1223
01:50:54,680 --> 01:50:57,399
Well, these things happen. That's...
1224
01:50:58,440 --> 01:51:02,479
I remember once I was invited
to a New Year's Eve party in New York.
1225
01:51:02,640 --> 01:51:05,916
Three, East 72nd St. I had a ball.
1226
01:51:06,080 --> 01:51:08,674
Next morning I found out
I was at the wrong party.
1227
01:51:08,840 --> 01:51:12,435
It was three, West 72nd St.
1228
01:51:12,600 --> 01:51:14,591
Don't you think that's funny?
1229
01:51:14,760 --> 01:51:15,760
Uh...
1230
01:51:17,640 --> 01:51:18,834
It's...
1231
01:51:19,000 --> 01:51:20,000
Yes?
1232
01:51:20,960 --> 01:51:24,077
Oh, uh... Put it through. Baltimore.
1233
01:51:24,920 --> 01:51:27,070
They called you before.
1234
01:51:28,680 --> 01:51:32,070
Hello? Hello, Emily. How are ya?
1235
01:51:32,200 --> 01:51:33,200
Huh?
1236
01:51:33,720 --> 01:51:37,190
What, is somethin' wrong?
What? What was that?
1237
01:51:37,400 --> 01:51:41,439
Wait a minute. Miss Piggott?
I told you before. She's the interpreter.
1238
01:51:41,600 --> 01:51:44,990
Who says she isn't? She did?
1239
01:51:46,360 --> 01:51:49,636
Well, I can explain that. Uh...
1240
01:51:51,800 --> 01:51:54,268
She's English. And we're in Italy.
1241
01:51:54,440 --> 01:51:58,149
She can't get a labour permit.
Naturally, she's not gonna admit...
1242
01:51:58,320 --> 01:52:00,993
What do you mean,
she's in my room all the time?
1243
01:52:01,160 --> 01:52:04,914
I don't mind you gettin' jealous,
but isn't this ridiculous?
1244
01:52:05,080 --> 01:52:07,548
I mean, that you think
that I, at a time like this...
1245
01:52:07,720 --> 01:52:09,278
What music?
1246
01:52:09,440 --> 01:52:12,000
OK, all right, Emily. Have it your way.
1247
01:52:12,160 --> 01:52:16,153
I've got a gypsy band up here.
Incense is burning, the booze is flowing,
1248
01:52:16,320 --> 01:52:19,596
Miss Piggott and I are playing
frog leap, bare-arsed.
1249
01:52:20,240 --> 01:52:22,800
Is that any better? Huh?
1250
01:52:25,960 --> 01:52:29,873
Mrs Armbruster? Just to put your mind
at rest, you needn't be worried,
1251
01:52:30,040 --> 01:52:35,160
because if you saw me, I'm short,
I'm fat, and I'm not very attractive. OK?
1252
01:52:38,280 --> 01:52:40,874
All right, Emily. You satisfied now? Hm?
1253
01:52:41,040 --> 01:52:45,750
Let's just forget the whole incident.
Yes, I should be outta here by tomorrow.
1254
01:52:45,920 --> 01:52:50,357
Everything's all wrapped up. One small
snag in Naples - the export licence.
1255
01:52:50,520 --> 01:52:53,318
Blodgett? JoJo Blodgett?
1256
01:52:53,480 --> 01:52:57,393
Yes, I know he's with
the State Department. A friggin' bore.
1257
01:52:57,560 --> 01:53:01,519
He's stationed in Paris? What?
There is no reason to contact...
1258
01:53:01,680 --> 01:53:04,717
All right, Emily,
if the worst comes to worst.
1259
01:53:04,880 --> 01:53:07,599
Yeah, I'll tell her. Kiss-kiss.
1260
01:53:10,640 --> 01:53:11,640
Uh...
1261
01:53:11,800 --> 01:53:15,110
- Mrs Armbruster said to apologise to you.
- No need.
1262
01:53:15,280 --> 01:53:17,919
- I thought you overdid it.
- Just telling the truth.
1263
01:53:18,080 --> 01:53:22,631
Come on. Stop putting yourself down. I'm
sure many men find you very attractive.
1264
01:53:22,800 --> 01:53:27,999
Oh, yes. No-good bastard Bertram
and some sex-starved sardine fishermen,
1265
01:53:28,160 --> 01:53:33,951
and the local coroner who took me for a
scooter ride and then pinched my behind.
1266
01:53:35,040 --> 01:53:40,068
Well, if it's of any interest to you,
you know who finds you attractive? Me.
1267
01:53:40,200 --> 01:53:43,351
- I find you attractive.
- Don't bother. I'll survive.
1268
01:53:43,520 --> 01:53:47,115
This isn't the first time
I've made a fool of myself.
1269
01:53:55,160 --> 01:53:57,515
- Excuse me.
- Would you consider it impertinent
1270
01:53:57,680 --> 01:54:00,638
if I asked you to step on the scales?
1271
01:54:00,800 --> 01:54:02,995
- Yes, I would.
- Please.
1272
01:54:03,160 --> 01:54:06,197
- Well, I really don't care any more.
- It's not the weight.
1273
01:54:06,360 --> 01:54:08,271
It's the height.
1274
01:54:13,880 --> 01:54:15,598
Permesso?
1275
01:54:16,920 --> 01:54:19,593
Why don't you just make
a contribution to charity?
1276
01:54:19,760 --> 01:54:21,478
Permesso?
1277
01:54:25,440 --> 01:54:28,240
Avanti.
1278
01:54:59,560 --> 01:55:03,792
- Are you guys sure this is Ischia?
- Reasonably sure, sir.
1279
01:55:03,960 --> 01:55:06,520
Because I don't wanna land in Africa.
1280
01:55:06,640 --> 01:55:08,631
That would be bigger, sir.
1281
01:55:08,800 --> 01:55:14,397
- Maybe it's one of those Greek islands.
- No, sir. Greece is way to the left.
1282
01:55:14,560 --> 01:55:17,552
Not as long as I'm with
the State Department.
1283
01:55:45,200 --> 01:55:46,200
No!
1284
01:55:48,040 --> 01:55:50,031
No, no, no!
1285
01:55:54,080 --> 01:55:56,469
Go away! Go away!
1286
01:55:56,640 --> 01:56:01,760
- What the hell is the name of this place?
- Ischia. But you cannot land.
1287
01:56:01,880 --> 01:56:06,874
- What do you mean, we can't land?
- It is lunch time. Come back later.
1288
01:56:07,040 --> 01:56:09,759
My good man, do you know
to whom you're talking?
1289
01:56:09,920 --> 01:56:15,438
- I do not talk to anybody. Lunch time.
- Let me make one thing perfectly clear.
1290
01:56:15,600 --> 01:56:20,355
I am Joseph J Blodgett, United States
Government State Department,
1291
01:56:20,520 --> 01:56:25,310
and I am here on an emergency mission
concerning an American citizen.
1292
01:56:25,480 --> 01:56:31,191
OK, boys. Stand by. Better clear some
seats out so we have room for the coffin.
1293
01:56:31,360 --> 01:56:34,079
- Got you.
- All right. Oh.
1294
01:56:34,200 --> 01:56:38,034
Tell me, how far is this hotel?
1295
01:56:38,200 --> 01:56:40,634
The Grand Hotel Excelsior,
five kilometres.
1296
01:56:40,800 --> 01:56:42,074
OK, OK.
1297
01:56:42,240 --> 01:56:46,028
- What do we do about transportation?
- No transportation.
1298
01:56:46,200 --> 01:56:47,918
Lunch time.
1299
01:56:48,080 --> 01:56:51,390
What the hell is going on in this country?
1300
01:56:52,400 --> 01:56:55,949
This wouldn't have happened
in the old days.
1301
01:56:56,120 --> 01:56:59,317
You remember... Mussolini?
1302
01:57:05,000 --> 01:57:06,911
Ah, Christ.
1303
01:57:07,080 --> 01:57:09,753
- What's wrong?
- I was thinking about going home.
1304
01:57:09,920 --> 01:57:12,480
- I hate the whole idea.
- Thank you.
1305
01:57:12,640 --> 01:57:16,428
After the funeral there's a directors'
meeting, probably a proxy fight.
1306
01:57:16,600 --> 01:57:21,390
I'll have to go to Washington cos they're
investigating the Armbruster Foundation.
1307
01:57:21,560 --> 01:57:25,553
And there's that strike at
our electronics plant in Wisconsin and...
1308
01:57:25,720 --> 01:57:29,713
We'll probably have to recall
250,000 square feet of artificial turf
1309
01:57:29,880 --> 01:57:33,668
because they said there's too much lead
in the green paint. Argh!
1310
01:57:33,840 --> 01:57:36,752
Goddamn Ralph Nader. Who asked him?
1311
01:57:38,600 --> 01:57:41,068
Guess we all have our problems.
1312
01:57:41,240 --> 01:57:44,915
I have to pick up my cat
from the vet's in Bayswater.
1313
01:57:45,080 --> 01:57:47,833
I hope the garage will have
my Mini Morris fixed now.
1314
01:57:48,000 --> 01:57:50,719
And I really should repaint my kitchen.
1315
01:57:51,800 --> 01:57:54,837
- Can I have your croissant?
- Of course.
1316
01:57:55,000 --> 01:57:58,117
You can have anything you want.
1317
01:57:58,280 --> 01:58:03,559
Miss Piggott, about your flat. Won't you
need a new television and hair dryer?
1318
01:58:03,720 --> 01:58:06,518
All that stuff that your apostle ran off with?
1319
01:58:06,680 --> 01:58:10,559
Don't bother. I dry my hair in the oven
and I really don't watch the telly.
1320
01:58:10,720 --> 01:58:16,636
It's always the same. Northern Ireland and
Princess Anne and the Common Market.
1321
01:58:20,360 --> 01:58:23,158
Pamela, uh, my father and your mother.
1322
01:58:23,320 --> 01:58:28,792
Now, during all those years
didn't he ever give her, uh, any...
1323
01:58:29,960 --> 01:58:34,556
Well, I mean, he must have helped her out
from time to time. Financially.
1324
01:58:36,840 --> 01:58:39,513
You want to know whether
my mother was a kept woman?
1325
01:58:39,680 --> 01:58:43,070
Well, after all, a man likes
to show his gratitude.
1326
01:58:43,240 --> 01:58:45,515
- Maybe an occasional present.
- Oh, yes.
1327
01:58:45,680 --> 01:58:50,196
Every Christmas he'd send her a dozen
long-stemmed roses to the Savoy hotel.
1328
01:58:50,360 --> 01:58:53,432
- Oh, your mother was well-to-do.
- No!
1329
01:58:53,600 --> 01:58:55,795
She was making £15 a week in tips.
1330
01:58:55,960 --> 01:58:59,316
On £15 a week
she was living at the Savoy?
1331
01:58:59,480 --> 01:59:04,315
She wasn't living there.
She was working there. As a manicurist.
1332
01:59:08,520 --> 01:59:10,875
Did my father know that?
1333
01:59:11,040 --> 01:59:13,918
- She didn't want him to know.
- Why not?
1334
01:59:14,080 --> 01:59:18,358
I told you the first day.
She loved him. She didn't want any tips.
1335
01:59:26,160 --> 01:59:28,276
II telefono.
1336
01:59:28,440 --> 01:59:30,351
That'll be Carlucci.
1337
01:59:30,520 --> 01:59:36,436
I have good news. The
arrangements, they have all been made.
1338
01:59:38,880 --> 01:59:41,440
I guess it's checking-out time.
1339
01:59:45,480 --> 01:59:49,155
- Yes.
- Did Miss Piggott enjoy her kippers?
1340
01:59:49,320 --> 01:59:53,359
No, no, no. That's not why I called.
I called to tell you that Anna, the maid,
1341
01:59:53,520 --> 01:59:58,036
she has been arrested by the police,
in a rowboat, trying to escape to Sicily.
1342
01:59:58,200 --> 02:00:02,034
And the bodies, they are in the coffins
and all ready for shipment.
1343
02:00:02,200 --> 02:00:06,910
There was something else. Oh, yes. The
judge in Naples has had a slight stroke.
1344
02:00:07,600 --> 02:00:10,319
Wait. What judge?
I don't know any judge in Naples.
1345
02:00:10,480 --> 02:00:15,759
Oh, yes, you do. The one with the same
mistress as my cousin, the lawyer,
1346
02:00:15,920 --> 02:00:20,311
who was going to get my nephew out
of jail. When she helped him too hard,
1347
02:00:20,480 --> 02:00:23,199
the judge, he always had
high blood pressure.
1348
02:00:24,240 --> 02:00:26,834
What are you tryin' to tell me?
1349
02:00:27,000 --> 02:00:29,753
We have no export licence? Is that it?
1350
02:00:30,840 --> 02:00:34,150
More or less. Now they will have
to appoint a new judge
1351
02:00:34,320 --> 02:00:36,197
and that may take a day or two.
1352
02:00:36,400 --> 02:00:38,834
We sure are runnin' in bad luck.
1353
02:00:39,000 --> 02:00:43,198
Look, it's not your fault. It's the way
it goes. "La forza del destino", huh?
1354
02:00:43,360 --> 02:00:46,670
Don't worry about it, Carlucci.
I still like you.
1355
02:00:46,840 --> 02:00:50,674
- Problems?
- We may be stuck here for a few days.
1356
02:00:50,840 --> 02:00:52,956
- That's terrible.
- Yeah.
1357
02:00:53,880 --> 02:00:56,474
- What about the funeral?
- Oh, boy.
1358
02:00:56,640 --> 02:01:00,394
All those people,
the closed-circuit TV, the glee club...
1359
02:01:00,560 --> 02:01:04,712
I'll just have to call Baltimore. If it has
to be postponed, it has to be postponed.
1360
02:01:04,880 --> 02:01:06,438
- I'm so sorry.
- What can I do?
1361
02:01:06,600 --> 02:01:11,151
- You've done everything you could.
- Yeah. How about you? Your plans?
1362
02:01:12,920 --> 02:01:15,753
Well, we're not that busy in the shop.
1363
02:01:15,920 --> 02:01:21,517
I'm sure Mother won't mind. She's in no
hurry to get back to the rain and the cold.
1364
02:01:23,720 --> 02:01:25,950
I guess Dad wouldn't mind either.
1365
02:01:26,120 --> 02:01:30,716
They deserve another couple of days
together, don't you think?
1366
02:01:48,320 --> 02:01:51,039
- Thank you, thank you.
- My pleasure.
1367
02:01:57,440 --> 02:02:00,557
Si, signora, I'aliscafo per Capri
parte alle otto e trenta.
1368
02:02:00,720 --> 02:02:02,631
Grazie. A sua disposizione.
1369
02:02:03,640 --> 02:02:07,394
Armbruster. Wendell Armbruster Jr.
What room's he in?
1370
02:02:07,560 --> 02:02:11,519
Just a moment. Your name, please?
1371
02:02:12,840 --> 02:02:16,355
Here, I'll talk to him. Wendell, boy?
1372
02:02:16,520 --> 02:02:18,750
JoJo Blodgett, State Department.
1373
02:02:18,920 --> 02:02:23,118
How are you, kid? Emily called me last
night, told me about your little problem.
1374
02:02:23,280 --> 02:02:26,272
Oh, dammit. I told her not to bother you.
1375
02:02:26,440 --> 02:02:29,796
Sorry. I realise you got more
important things to do in Paris.
1376
02:02:29,960 --> 02:02:32,758
Sure do, that's why I grabbed
the first plane to Rome.
1377
02:02:32,920 --> 02:02:34,831
Borrowed a helicopter from the Navy.
1378
02:02:35,000 --> 02:02:38,356
You're in Ischia?
Uh, where? At the airport?
1379
02:02:38,520 --> 02:02:41,432
Better than that, kiddo.
I'm right here in the lobby.
1380
02:02:41,600 --> 02:02:47,516
You're in the lobby? Well, gee, that's
great. That's what I really call service.
1381
02:02:47,680 --> 02:02:51,958
Now, JoJo, why don't you just check in
and wash up and we'll have a drink later.
1382
02:02:52,120 --> 02:02:55,795
What drink? What later?
I got to get back to Paris tonight.
1383
02:02:55,960 --> 02:03:00,112
I'm taking Julie and David Eisenhower
to dinner at Maxim's.
1384
02:03:00,280 --> 02:03:04,114
So we gotta get crackin'. We haven't
a minute to lose. Be right with you.
1385
02:03:04,280 --> 02:03:07,829
- What's that room number?
- 121-122.
1386
02:03:08,000 --> 02:03:09,513
121-122.
1387
02:03:13,840 --> 02:03:17,913
Entschuldigen Sie, gnädige Frau.
Excusez-moi, madame.
1388
02:03:18,080 --> 02:03:20,880
Idiota.
1389
02:03:21,440 --> 02:03:23,040
121-122.
1390
02:03:26,720 --> 02:03:28,320
121-122.
1391
02:03:44,120 --> 02:03:48,432
- What are we going to do with this?
- What are we gonna do with you?
1392
02:03:49,720 --> 02:03:51,320
121-122.
1393
02:03:51,960 --> 02:03:55,555
Mr Blodgett, I am Carlo Carlucci,
director of the hotel.
1394
02:03:55,720 --> 02:03:58,075
- Such a pleasure to have you here.
- Thank you.
1395
02:03:58,240 --> 02:04:03,917
We once had another famous American
diplomat staying here, Benjamin Franklin.
1396
02:04:04,080 --> 02:04:07,311
Franklin? Oh, yes, Ben Franklin.
Good man, for his time.
1397
02:04:07,480 --> 02:04:10,199
Today I'm not sure
he could pass the security check.
1398
02:04:10,400 --> 02:04:13,233
Would you like to see his room?
1399
02:04:13,400 --> 02:04:15,000
Not now.
1400
02:04:15,200 --> 02:04:19,557
Excuse me. I would like your advice
about something, from the horse's mouth.
1401
02:04:19,720 --> 02:04:23,030
Do you think there will be a war
in the Middle East?
1402
02:04:23,200 --> 02:04:25,589
We don't give out that kind of information.
1403
02:04:25,760 --> 02:04:30,788
You see, I have been offered a job with
a chain of American hotels, the Sheraton.
1404
02:04:30,960 --> 02:04:34,077
There are a couple of openings
and one is in Damascus.
1405
02:04:34,200 --> 02:04:35,952
Damascus.
1406
02:04:37,160 --> 02:04:41,358
Don't quote me, but with the Russian
presence escalating in the Mediterranean,
1407
02:04:41,520 --> 02:04:46,310
the Arabs' military posture stiffening and
Israeli first-strike capability at its peak,
1408
02:04:46,480 --> 02:04:50,359
whole place is a powder keg. It could
blow up at any second. My advice?
1409
02:04:50,520 --> 02:04:52,909
- Forget Damascus.
- Thank you.
1410
02:04:53,080 --> 02:04:56,072
- In that case I'd better take the other job.
- What's that?
1411
02:04:56,240 --> 02:04:58,959
The Sheraton in New York.
1412
02:04:59,120 --> 02:05:01,680
Take the one in Damascus.
1413
02:05:03,680 --> 02:05:06,353
- One more question.
- No more questions.
1414
02:05:06,520 --> 02:05:08,431
- Wendell?
- Mr Blodgett...
1415
02:05:09,480 --> 02:05:11,789
Come in, come in.
1416
02:05:12,800 --> 02:05:15,360
Well, JoJo Blodgett if I ever saw him.
1417
02:05:15,480 --> 02:05:17,391
Hi, there, Wendell.
1418
02:05:19,320 --> 02:05:23,996
- How are ya, huh? Been a long time.
- I haven't been to the States since '67.
1419
02:05:24,160 --> 02:05:28,392
That's it. Halloween of '67. Party at
the country club. You came as Batman.
1420
02:05:28,560 --> 02:05:31,757
Yeah. I'm sorry about
what happened to your father.
1421
02:05:31,920 --> 02:05:33,831
- Well...
- Um...
1422
02:05:34,000 --> 02:05:37,436
Look, Wendell,
it's two o'clock in the afternoon.
1423
02:05:37,600 --> 02:05:41,593
At 11 tomorrow morning
you have a funeral 4,000 miles away
1424
02:05:41,760 --> 02:05:44,513
and you're sitting here
getting a manicure?
1425
02:05:44,680 --> 02:05:46,796
Buongiorno, signore.
1426
02:05:46,960 --> 02:05:51,351
This is Miss, uh... Tromboncino.
She works in the barbershop.
1427
02:05:52,200 --> 02:05:54,077
Signora. Signorina?
1428
02:05:55,280 --> 02:05:58,397
Could you possibly speed it up a little?
1429
02:05:58,560 --> 02:06:00,770
Scusi?
1430
02:06:00,870 --> 02:06:03,040
She doesn't speak any English.
1431
02:06:05,560 --> 02:06:10,111
I get that all over the world. I don't object
to foreigners speaking a foreign language.
1432
02:06:10,280 --> 02:06:14,034
I just wish they'd all speak
the same foreign language.
1433
02:06:18,080 --> 02:06:19,513
- Odd.
- What's odd?
1434
02:06:19,680 --> 02:06:22,877
Wendell, if I didn't know
how strait-laced you were,
1435
02:06:23,040 --> 02:06:25,600
and if I didn't know
that you were in mourning,
1436
02:06:25,720 --> 02:06:28,951
- and if that dame were 20lbs lighter...
- Urgh!
1437
02:06:29,120 --> 02:06:31,031
- I would suspect...
- What?
1438
02:06:31,200 --> 02:06:33,191
Mr Blodgett, please.
1439
02:06:33,360 --> 02:06:39,037
That dame, she is my niece. She was
brought up by the Carmelite sisters.
1440
02:06:43,080 --> 02:06:46,789
- I was only kidding.
- It is forgotten.
1441
02:07:01,680 --> 02:07:04,513
- How many more fingers to go?
- Relax, JoJo, will you?
1442
02:07:04,680 --> 02:07:09,435
Relax, nothing. You're screwing up my
timetable. I got a helicopter standing by...
1443
02:07:09,600 --> 02:07:11,318
- Can I use your can?
- What for?
1444
02:07:11,480 --> 02:07:13,789
- To wash my hands.
- What's the helicopter for?
1445
02:07:13,960 --> 02:07:16,758
To pick up the old boy.
We're going to fly him to Rome
1446
02:07:16,920 --> 02:07:20,913
then I'm gonna put you
on the night plane to Baltimore.
1447
02:07:21,080 --> 02:07:23,548
- Tonight?
- Sure.
1448
02:07:23,720 --> 02:07:27,269
This is Italy. Nothing's simple.
We're still hassling over the licence.
1449
02:07:27,440 --> 02:07:30,716
- Emily told me about that.
- We can't get out before Wednesday.
1450
02:07:30,880 --> 02:07:32,996
I was about to tell 'em to postpone.
1451
02:07:33,160 --> 02:07:37,790
Postpone, nothing. Batman is here.
We don't need an export licence.
1452
02:07:37,960 --> 02:07:41,032
- We're going to bypass all that bull.
- Bypass? How can you?
1453
02:07:41,200 --> 02:07:45,796
No sweat. We're appointing your father
commercial attaché to the embassy.
1454
02:07:45,960 --> 02:07:49,191
That entitles him to the rights
and immunities of a diplomat.
1455
02:07:49,360 --> 02:07:52,272
- Wait. You are going to appoint him...
- Why not?
1456
02:07:52,440 --> 02:07:56,558
- A dead man?
- Just proves that we don't discriminate
1457
02:07:56,720 --> 02:08:00,474
for reasons of race, creed,
colour or... state of health.
1458
02:08:00,640 --> 02:08:03,837
You mean we handle him
just like a diplomatic pouch?
1459
02:08:04,000 --> 02:08:07,197
You bet. He goes right
through customs, sealed coffin,
1460
02:08:07,400 --> 02:08:10,597
no inspection, no formalities at either end.
1461
02:08:10,760 --> 02:08:13,149
- That's kinda cute.
- That's nothing.
1462
02:08:13,320 --> 02:08:16,676
Someday I'll tell you
how we got Batista out of Cuba.
1463
02:08:17,760 --> 02:08:20,069
Now then. First on the agenda...
1464
02:08:20,200 --> 02:08:23,670
- First, you wanted to go to the can.
- Can. That's right.
1465
02:08:23,840 --> 02:08:24,840
Um...
1466
02:08:30,680 --> 02:08:33,399
I'm sorry, Mr Armbruster.
1467
02:08:34,680 --> 02:08:40,038
Mother would never forgive me. Look
at the wretched job I did on your nails.
1468
02:08:51,280 --> 02:08:55,193
Carlucci. Tell me something.
Bruno's body - what did they do with it?
1469
02:08:55,360 --> 02:08:58,193
- It is in the morgue, unclaimed. No family.
- Interesting.
1470
02:08:58,360 --> 02:09:00,715
- How?
- We may have a use for that third coffin.
1471
02:09:00,880 --> 02:09:05,431
- That is very generous of you.
- Your family plot - does that offer stand?
1472
02:09:05,600 --> 02:09:09,673
You're suggesting we bury Bruno there?
The Carluccis would turn in their graves.
1473
02:09:09,840 --> 02:09:12,559
- I wasn't thinking of Bruno.
- No?
1474
02:09:13,840 --> 02:09:16,638
You were thinking of somebody else?
1475
02:09:16,800 --> 02:09:19,360
Maybe... two somebody elses?
1476
02:09:25,400 --> 02:09:29,916
- My ancestors, they will be honoured.
- Well, we're not there yet.
1477
02:09:30,080 --> 02:09:32,833
- We'll need some transportation.
- No sweat.
1478
02:09:33,000 --> 02:09:35,753
I will call the Trotta brothers.
1479
02:09:36,920 --> 02:09:40,196
Hey. You've got a plate
of scrambled eggs in the bathtub.
1480
02:09:40,360 --> 02:09:42,920
- I do?
- And half a herring.
1481
02:09:43,080 --> 02:09:46,072
Now you understand
why I want that job with Sheraton.
1482
02:09:46,240 --> 02:09:49,357
OK, kid. Here is the game plan.
1483
02:09:51,800 --> 02:09:54,439
Get dressed and packed.
Next we collect your father.
1484
02:09:54,600 --> 02:09:57,068
Sure thing.
As soon as they open the morgue.
1485
02:09:57,240 --> 02:09:59,310
I'll want some officials at that airport.
1486
02:09:59,480 --> 02:10:03,155
- I want the mayor and what have you.
- Of course. Right after lunch.
1487
02:10:03,320 --> 02:10:05,231
- That will be four o'clock.
- Four?
1488
02:10:05,400 --> 02:10:10,349
- That's when they open the mortuary.
- Oh. That goddamn lunch time again.
1489
02:10:10,520 --> 02:10:14,069
We pour in millions of dollars
of foreign aid,
1490
02:10:14,240 --> 02:10:17,152
just so they can sit on their butts and...
1491
02:10:18,600 --> 02:10:19,600
Eech!
1492
02:10:22,160 --> 02:10:25,311
What the hell is there to do
around here for two hours?
1493
02:10:25,480 --> 02:10:28,517
- Tell him about the mud baths.
- Mud baths?
1494
02:10:28,680 --> 02:10:31,592
World famous for rheumatism, arthritis,
1495
02:10:31,760 --> 02:10:37,278
neuritis, phlebitis, urinary complaints,
hyperacidity... male potency.
1496
02:10:37,440 --> 02:10:39,749
Is that so? Well...
1497
02:10:40,560 --> 02:10:44,599
Come to think of it, I have a slight acid
condition. Maybe I'll give it a whirl.
1498
02:10:44,760 --> 02:10:48,639
- By all means.
- It is downstairs. I will show you.
1499
02:10:48,800 --> 02:10:50,711
Be right back.
1500
02:10:51,800 --> 02:10:54,837
- Say, where do we meet?
- Let me put it all together.
1501
02:10:55,000 --> 02:10:56,911
We'll meet at the airport.
1502
02:10:57,080 --> 02:10:58,480
Righto.
1503
02:11:01,160 --> 02:11:03,993
That mud business. Does it really help?
1504
02:11:04,160 --> 02:11:08,950
I assure you. After one bath
you will have the acidity of a man of 20.
1505
02:11:09,120 --> 02:11:10,120
Hmm.
1506
02:11:19,560 --> 02:11:21,471
Thank you.
1507
02:11:23,640 --> 02:11:25,949
It was your idea.
1508
02:11:29,560 --> 02:11:33,553
- What's the name of that orchestra here?
- Sergio... something. Why?
1509
02:11:33,720 --> 02:11:39,078
We might as well go all the way. I'm sure
he'd enjoy it more than that glee club.
1510
02:11:39,240 --> 02:11:40,912
The son of a bitch.
1511
02:12:23,200 --> 02:12:26,237
The marble. Do you want it white or pink?
1512
02:12:27,320 --> 02:12:28,320
Pink.
1513
02:12:29,920 --> 02:12:32,878
Very good. And the inscription?
1514
02:12:34,360 --> 02:12:36,920
I guess... "Willie and Kate".
1515
02:12:38,840 --> 02:12:41,195
"Willie and Kate." That is all?
1516
02:12:41,920 --> 02:12:46,755
We don't want any weeping angels
or hearts intertwined, do we?
1517
02:12:46,920 --> 02:12:50,629
How about "Willie and Kate... Carlucci"?
1518
02:12:50,800 --> 02:12:53,633
I'd go for that.
1519
02:12:53,800 --> 02:12:56,189
You make me very happy.
1520
02:12:57,080 --> 02:13:00,516
And there will be tromboncini
every Sunday.
1521
02:13:00,680 --> 02:13:04,719
After all, we are now one big family.
1522
02:13:07,280 --> 02:13:11,114
Hold it, boys.
My father goes on the other side.
1523
02:13:11,280 --> 02:13:13,316
Very important. It was his good ear.
1524
02:13:13,480 --> 02:13:16,280
Posalo.
1525
02:13:30,280 --> 02:13:31,280
Damn.
1526
02:13:43,520 --> 02:13:45,556
What the hell took you so long?
1527
02:13:45,720 --> 02:13:50,032
Signore, in Italy when a coffin passes by
people cross themselves.
1528
02:13:50,200 --> 02:13:53,749
- They kneel down sometimes in the road.
- All right, all right.
1529
02:13:53,920 --> 02:13:56,832
Over here, boys. Let's get this thing down.
1530
02:14:08,280 --> 02:14:10,840
Poor Bruno. If he knew
what was happening to him...
1531
02:14:10,960 --> 02:14:16,080
What do you mean, poor Bruno? This is
what he wanted - to go back to America.
1532
02:14:18,920 --> 02:14:24,074
Come on, come on, boys. Snap it up,
will you? Come on, it's getting late.
1533
02:14:24,200 --> 02:14:27,749
Now then, will the witnesses
please step forward?
1534
02:14:33,840 --> 02:14:37,196
Raise your right hand and repeat after me.
1535
02:14:37,360 --> 02:14:41,831
I, Wendell Armbruster Sr,
do solemnly swear
1536
02:14:42,000 --> 02:14:47,233
that I will uphold and defend
the Constitution of the United States
1537
02:14:47,400 --> 02:14:50,472
against all enemies, foreign and domestic,
1538
02:14:50,640 --> 02:14:56,749
and that I will perform the duties
of my office to the best of my ability,
1539
02:14:56,920 --> 02:14:59,480
so help me, God.
1540
02:15:01,440 --> 02:15:03,351
Congratulations, sir.
1541
02:15:26,640 --> 02:15:28,551
And salute.
1542
02:15:33,240 --> 02:15:34,640
Hup-to!
1543
02:15:36,640 --> 02:15:41,873
Thank you, gentlemen. That concludes
the ceremonies. All right, load her up.
1544
02:15:42,040 --> 02:15:45,191
You'll need this.
It's your father's diplomatic passport.
1545
02:15:45,360 --> 02:15:48,432
- You don't miss a trick.
- The CIA ran it off for me last night.
1546
02:15:48,600 --> 02:15:51,672
- The CIA?
- Never heard of them. Let's go.
1547
02:16:04,600 --> 02:16:07,672
Well, goodbye, Pamela Piggott.
1548
02:16:07,840 --> 02:16:10,479
Have a good flight. Don't work too hard.
1549
02:16:10,640 --> 02:16:14,758
And suppose I do? The worst that can
happen is I'll wind up with a bad back.
1550
02:16:14,920 --> 02:16:19,630
The suite. It will be ready.
July 15 to August 15.
1551
02:16:23,360 --> 02:16:25,920
Hey, Wendell! Andiamo!
1552
02:16:29,040 --> 02:16:33,318
If we should run into each other again,
in the lobby or the souvenir shop,
1553
02:16:33,480 --> 02:16:35,914
I promise you I'll be so thin.
1554
02:16:37,000 --> 02:16:42,597
Miss Piggott, you lose one pound, just
one pound, and it's all over between us.
1555
02:16:43,600 --> 02:16:45,511
Arrivederci, Carlo.
1556
02:18:02,280 --> 02:18:04,840
Visiontext Subtitles: Abigail Smith