1 00:01:07,880 --> 00:01:08,880 of music I'd like to hear. 2 00:01:21,240 --> 00:01:26,520 Wow! Just listen to those laughs! Would you like to make people laugh like that? 3 00:01:26,680 --> 00:01:29,560 Wouldn't it be great to be the funniest kid on your block? 4 00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:36,340 You can be by calling 555 -JOKE for the most hilarious jokes you've ever heard! 5 00:02:04,170 --> 00:02:05,190 your parents' permission. 6 00:02:10,770 --> 00:02:13,650 Dr. Huxtable, are you ready to roll in the aisle? 7 00:02:14,210 --> 00:02:15,210 Pardon me? 8 00:02:16,750 --> 00:02:19,190 Can I have your permission to tell you a joke? 9 00:02:19,430 --> 00:02:21,170 Oh, yes, yes, sure, sure. 10 00:02:22,570 --> 00:02:23,570 Okay, 11 00:02:25,530 --> 00:02:26,530 hit it. 12 00:02:30,950 --> 00:02:31,950 Was that the joke? 13 00:02:46,830 --> 00:02:50,390 a restaurant with a pigeon on the set and the waiter says, what do you feed 14 00:02:50,390 --> 00:02:51,390 thing? 15 00:02:54,710 --> 00:02:56,210 And? Get it? 16 00:02:56,710 --> 00:02:57,710 Get it? 17 00:02:57,730 --> 00:02:58,730 Yes. 18 00:02:58,970 --> 00:03:02,610 You're supposed to tell a whole joke. All you told me was the beginning. 19 00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:29,800 lines all over my face, ready to explode. 20 00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:32,640 Two men are playing golf. Good. 21 00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:34,400 Two men are playing golf. Right. 22 00:03:34,860 --> 00:03:36,340 Two men sit together. 23 00:03:36,700 --> 00:03:38,940 It doesn't work unless you know how to putt. 24 00:03:44,100 --> 00:03:46,480 It doesn't work unless you know how to putt. 25 00:04:00,650 --> 00:04:05,610 give somebody a punchline, you gotta have some part to the story. You gotta 26 00:04:05,610 --> 00:04:09,870 a story and then you tell the punchline. That's what makes the person laugh. 27 00:04:10,470 --> 00:04:12,050 Okay, I'll be right back. 28 00:04:20,829 --> 00:04:21,829 Hey. 29 00:04:23,550 --> 00:04:27,110 What are you doing? I'm calling 5555 joke. 30 00:04:27,750 --> 00:04:29,690 Yeah, but you're not supposed to use the phone. 31 00:04:36,140 --> 00:04:39,580 you permission to tell me a joke i didn't give you permission to use the 32 00:04:39,580 --> 00:04:46,200 do you know how much money it costs yes the man on tv said 95 cents a minute you 33 00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:47,200 had that phone line 34 00:05:26,830 --> 00:05:30,590 Once I told them we're spending the night at Susan's house, they even asked 35 00:05:30,590 --> 00:05:33,330 where the concert was. You know, the same thing happened to me. I told my 36 00:05:33,330 --> 00:05:35,670 parents that after the concert, we were going to stay at Susan's house. They 37 00:05:35,670 --> 00:05:38,730 just assumed that the concert was in New York City. They have no idea that we 38 00:05:38,730 --> 00:05:40,050 are going to Baltimore. 39 00:05:40,470 --> 00:05:42,150 Oh, great plan, Susan. 40 00:05:42,430 --> 00:05:45,670 This was the perfect weekend for my parents to go away. See, my grandma 41 00:05:45,670 --> 00:05:49,530 in the guest room. She goes to bed at 9 .30. So as long as we're in before 6 a 42 00:05:49,530 --> 00:05:50,990 .m. when she wakes up, we're fine. 43 00:05:53,550 --> 00:05:57,590 the wretched live on stage. You know, I hear the lead singer Frankie X wipes 44 00:05:57,590 --> 00:05:59,870 sweat from his body and flings it into the audience. 45 00:06:00,850 --> 00:06:05,370 If only we could have gotten front row seats. Hey, you know, we gotta go. We 46 00:06:05,370 --> 00:06:06,370 have a four -hour... 47 00:06:27,340 --> 00:06:31,020 Susan, a month ago, your mother loaned me this book. And I finished reading it. 48 00:06:31,060 --> 00:06:33,380 I really liked it. Would you tell her that? And tell her I'm going to call 49 00:06:33,440 --> 00:06:34,439 too. Okay. 50 00:06:34,440 --> 00:06:37,460 But I wouldn't call her this weekend. See, things are kind of crazy around the 51 00:06:37,460 --> 00:06:39,440 house. Monday would be much better. All right. 52 00:06:40,020 --> 00:06:41,020 What time are you coming home? 53 00:06:41,700 --> 00:06:44,500 We're probably going to sleep late, so I'll be home sometime tomorrow 54 00:06:44,740 --> 00:06:45,740 Have a nice time. 55 00:06:46,620 --> 00:06:47,620 Bye. 56 00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:48,880 Bye. Bye. 57 00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:53,320 Come on, let's get out of here before someone else wants to say goodbye. 58 00:07:27,630 --> 00:07:31,370 here because we're 120 miles away from home and we're eating them as free 59 00:07:32,850 --> 00:07:37,850 All right, Kara, I have to know, how did you get your brother to lend us his 60 00:07:37,850 --> 00:07:42,110 car? Well, I didn't actually get him to lend it to me. He goes away to college 61 00:07:42,110 --> 00:07:45,170 and leaves it at home. And he asked me to start it for him every so often, so I 62 00:07:45,170 --> 00:07:48,390 started it. I didn't tell him what I was going to do with it once it was ready. 63 00:07:48,830 --> 00:07:49,990 Oh, Kara, 64 00:07:50,910 --> 00:07:53,150 can I borrow the keys to the car? I have to freshen my makeup. 65 00:07:53,930 --> 00:07:56,530 We are in a donut shop. You don't have to look that good. 66 00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:08,680 started this trip I was a little worried 67 00:09:30,250 --> 00:09:33,210 Call the police. Our parents are going to find out that we reported a car 68 00:09:33,210 --> 00:09:34,690 from Wilmington, Delaware. 69 00:09:34,970 --> 00:09:36,270 They're going to find out that we were here. 70 00:09:36,470 --> 00:09:37,950 She's right. Don't call the police. 71 00:09:39,370 --> 00:09:40,630 What am I supposed to do? 72 00:09:41,230 --> 00:09:42,230 Wait a minute. 73 00:09:42,250 --> 00:09:43,750 A car can get stolen anywhere. 74 00:09:44,530 --> 00:09:47,210 When we get back to New York, we'll call the police and tell them it was taken 75 00:09:47,210 --> 00:09:50,330 out of your garage at home. And if they find it down here, they'll think this is 76 00:09:50,330 --> 00:09:53,430 where the thief left it. Come on, Carol. I don't know. Carol. 77 00:09:53,730 --> 00:09:57,790 Carol, we do not have room for doubters right now. Don't let your emotions get 78 00:09:57,790 --> 00:09:58,790 in the way. 79 00:09:59,790 --> 00:10:05,650 Kara, this is when we get back to New York. When we get back to New York, I'm 80 00:10:05,650 --> 00:10:07,350 reporting the car stolen. 81 00:10:07,610 --> 00:10:08,610 Fine. 82 00:10:08,690 --> 00:10:09,690 Kara. 83 00:10:10,070 --> 00:10:11,070 Kara, listen. 84 00:10:11,970 --> 00:10:13,910 Cars come and cars go. 85 00:10:16,750 --> 00:10:19,330 But, honey, that wretched concert's in Baltimore. 86 00:10:19,990 --> 00:10:20,990 What do you say? 87 00:10:47,630 --> 00:10:52,350 I told you not to use the phone, and you're wasting my money. 88 00:10:52,790 --> 00:10:55,210 I didn't waste your money. I made a joke on myself. 89 00:10:55,810 --> 00:10:57,330 Oh, well, then that's comedy. 90 00:10:57,570 --> 00:10:58,570 All right, fine. 91 00:11:00,070 --> 00:11:01,630 Ready? Yeah, go ahead. 92 00:11:03,970 --> 00:11:05,110 A horse and a pig. 93 00:11:05,350 --> 00:11:09,090 Horse and a pig. That's a good setup. You got the setup going. Yeah. The horse 94 00:11:09,090 --> 00:11:10,890 jumped over the pig. There you go. 95 00:11:31,180 --> 00:11:33,260 You'd laugh so hard, I'll be just... A pig and a cow. 96 00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:34,560 Pig and a cow. 97 00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:40,480 The pig jumped over the cow, and the cow said, you wouldn't do that if it was 98 00:11:40,480 --> 00:11:41,480 summer. 99 00:11:44,500 --> 00:11:46,160 Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. 100 00:11:48,420 --> 00:11:51,240 For my next joke. No more, no more next joke. 101 00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:55,380 Because these jokes are not funny. I don't understand them. You're just 102 00:11:55,380 --> 00:11:56,480 things and taking bows. 103 00:12:03,310 --> 00:12:04,970 Comedy, knowing when to get off. 104 00:13:04,970 --> 00:13:06,050 My parents are going away for the weekend. 105 00:13:06,690 --> 00:13:09,030 So fortunately, the house is empty now. Yes. 106 00:13:09,510 --> 00:13:12,850 My granddaughter and her friends were supposed to come over, but the fireman 107 00:13:12,850 --> 00:13:14,690 checked the house and said nobody was in there. 108 00:13:15,370 --> 00:13:18,730 That's the story from here. Only property damage. No lives lost. 109 00:13:20,510 --> 00:13:23,910 But now Vanessa said that she and the girls are going to stay at Susan's house 110 00:13:23,910 --> 00:13:25,070 until the concert. 111 00:13:25,470 --> 00:13:28,310 Why don't you call some of the other parents to see if they're over there? 112 00:13:28,530 --> 00:13:29,610 Yeah, that's a good idea. 113 00:13:30,510 --> 00:13:33,500 And... And even if they haven't heard from them, we could always find out 114 00:13:33,500 --> 00:13:37,100 the Wretched concert is in the city, and we could go there and meet them. 115 00:13:37,580 --> 00:13:40,640 The Wretched, Mom, did you say the Wretched? Yeah, that's right. Well, 116 00:13:40,640 --> 00:13:43,260 not playing in New York. They're not allowed to play here. Last time they 117 00:13:43,260 --> 00:13:45,240 here, they caused so much trouble, no one will book them. 118 00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:47,820 Oh, look, there's Frankie X on the TV right now. 119 00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:52,140 He's from the Wretched. In other entertainment news, lead singer Frankie 120 00:13:52,140 --> 00:13:55,420 at a news conference today that he wanted to thank the citizens of 121 00:13:55,420 --> 00:13:58,320 letting the Wretched play there tonight. He promised to try... 122 00:14:01,680 --> 00:14:03,900 Did he say that the wretched are in Baltimore tonight? 123 00:14:04,300 --> 00:14:05,460 That's what he said. 124 00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:07,700 But Nessa went all... 125 00:14:41,420 --> 00:14:45,680 thing in wilmington spilling out that stupid police report we're gonna be a 126 00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:51,760 of music history excuse me are you girls all together yeah you need help finding 127 00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:56,180 your seats yeah we're seated in section a but we don't know where it is because 128 00:14:56,180 --> 00:15:02,600 we've never been here before really you from out of town yeah new york new 129 00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:05,380 york oh you must really love the red 130 00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:12,520 I'm going to take care of you. I'm with the band. 131 00:15:13,260 --> 00:15:16,380 You give me those tickets, and I'll take you in through the special entrance. 132 00:15:17,700 --> 00:15:20,460 Is it the same special entrance the wretch had used? 133 00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:21,880 The very one. 134 00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:24,880 I'll get you some backstage passes. 135 00:15:25,560 --> 00:15:30,080 Here, come on. Give me the tickets. These are righteous seats. 136 00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:32,140 Here, come on. Follow me. 137 00:15:43,020 --> 00:15:46,520 and he told us he'd show us to our seat. Then he took our tickets and ran off. 138 00:15:46,900 --> 00:15:48,920 Was he wearing an ID tag like this one? 139 00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:52,900 No. They've been trying to catch up with that guy for months. 140 00:15:53,480 --> 00:15:56,120 See, he goes up to people who look like, you know, they don't know any better. 141 00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:57,379 No offense. 142 00:15:57,380 --> 00:16:01,180 And he gets their tickets, runs off and he sells them. It's wild, man. 143 00:16:01,540 --> 00:16:03,980 Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. You're saying our tickets are 144 00:16:04,660 --> 00:16:05,660 Probably. 145 00:16:05,860 --> 00:16:07,960 It's all over, girls. This wasn't meant to be. 146 00:16:08,580 --> 00:16:10,440 I said we'd just take a bus and go home. 147 00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:12,220 Look, Danny, you're the treasure. 148 00:16:12,730 --> 00:16:13,750 How much money do we have left? 149 00:16:21,590 --> 00:16:26,930 Thank you, Lily. 150 00:16:27,170 --> 00:16:29,810 Yes. If you hear any more, please call me. 151 00:16:30,310 --> 00:16:31,310 Bye. 152 00:16:33,390 --> 00:16:34,670 Cliff, I don't know if you're ready for this. 153 00:16:36,590 --> 00:16:37,810 That was Kara's mother. 154 00:16:39,370 --> 00:16:42,650 She just received a call from the police department of Wilmington, Delaware. 155 00:16:43,130 --> 00:16:47,430 It seems that Kara's brother's car was found on the side of the road completely 156 00:16:47,430 --> 00:16:48,430 stripped. 157 00:16:48,850 --> 00:16:54,130 When they apprehended the thief, he confessed to having stolen the car from 158 00:16:54,130 --> 00:16:55,790 parking lot of a local donut shop. 159 00:16:56,310 --> 00:16:59,790 So the police went to the donut shop, and they spoke to the woman behind the 160 00:16:59,790 --> 00:17:04,349 counter, who gave them a description of four girls that fits the description of 161 00:17:04,349 --> 00:17:07,170 our four girls, and said that they asked her... 162 00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:09,780 How do we catch the bus to Baltimore? 163 00:17:10,420 --> 00:17:15,859 They don't even bother to call and report that the car has been stolen. No, 164 00:17:15,859 --> 00:17:22,420 get on a bus and go to Baltimore to be with the wretched and have big fun. 165 00:17:26,220 --> 00:17:31,360 I say we should get ourselves together and go over to Susan's house and meet 166 00:17:31,360 --> 00:17:34,460 Vanessa, because you know they're going back there. 167 00:17:35,470 --> 00:17:36,990 I want you to do me a favor. 168 00:17:40,770 --> 00:17:46,930 From where my heels are to where I land, I want you to mark how far I jumped. 169 00:17:49,350 --> 00:17:50,570 All right, stay right there. 170 00:17:57,710 --> 00:17:59,690 Okay, that's about eight feet. Eight feet? 171 00:18:00,290 --> 00:18:03,590 Add another three to that. 172 00:18:05,060 --> 00:18:11,340 Because when we see Vanessa, that's how far away from her I will have to be. 173 00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:17,560 You 174 00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:25,080 bring 175 00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:26,300 yourself in this house right now. 176 00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:31,000 And if you think that that 30 -minute ride home was something, believe me... 177 00:18:40,580 --> 00:18:46,320 building, dying of asphyxia, and you're down in Baltimore having big fun. 178 00:18:46,620 --> 00:18:49,440 Weren't you, Vanessa? Isn't that where you were? Didn't you go down there to 179 00:18:49,440 --> 00:18:53,460 Baltimore and have big fun, Vanessa? Tell me, didn't you go for big fun? 180 00:18:54,020 --> 00:18:55,440 Mom? Shut up! 181 00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:59,100 Don't you dare open your mouth when I'm asking you a question. 182 00:19:02,840 --> 00:19:04,480 Rudy, go to bed. 183 00:19:06,380 --> 00:19:11,510 I only hope that you can have this thing mixed. Vanessa, I hope that one day you 184 00:19:11,510 --> 00:19:15,870 come to realize exactly how it feels to think that your child's life is in 185 00:19:15,870 --> 00:19:22,290 danger. You have taken us from levels of frenzy, panic, distress, and now that 186 00:19:22,290 --> 00:19:24,310 we know you're okay, rage. 187 00:19:26,790 --> 00:19:32,410 That's where we are right now, Vanessa. We are in rage because we know that you 188 00:19:32,410 --> 00:19:37,590 have been to Baltimore, Maryland, with the wretched to have been. 189 00:19:40,210 --> 00:19:41,630 Isn't that what you had, Vanessa? 190 00:19:41,850 --> 00:19:44,550 Didn't you have big fun? Well, let's see now. You had donuts. 191 00:19:48,070 --> 00:19:51,050 Had donuts in Wilmington, Delaware. 192 00:19:51,330 --> 00:19:53,850 Cliff, tell me, have you ever been to Wilmington for donuts? 193 00:19:55,430 --> 00:19:56,490 Not on the weekend. 194 00:19:59,870 --> 00:20:03,870 There she is, sitting up in the local donut shop in Wilmington, Delaware. 195 00:20:04,910 --> 00:20:09,030 Sipping hot chocolate and eating crumbs and the car gets stolen. Now, a normal 196 00:20:09,030 --> 00:20:14,450 individual with half a gnat's brain would have said, I'm going home now. But 197 00:20:14,450 --> 00:20:19,950 you? Oh, no, not you. You and your three friends put yourselves on a bus and go 198 00:20:19,950 --> 00:20:21,470 joyride off to Baltimore. 199 00:20:21,730 --> 00:20:23,970 All the way to Baltimore. 200 00:20:26,010 --> 00:20:27,210 What were you thinking? 201 00:20:27,590 --> 00:20:28,850 I wasn't thinking. 202 00:20:29,170 --> 00:20:30,270 You got that right. 203 00:20:32,270 --> 00:20:35,270 Did you really think that the four of you could go off careening into the 204 00:20:35,270 --> 00:20:38,950 and not one single parent would find out about it? Did you really think that, 205 00:20:39,010 --> 00:20:40,010 Vanessa? 206 00:20:40,330 --> 00:20:41,330 Shut up! 207 00:20:44,070 --> 00:20:47,830 Because I know what was going on. You were off being wild and free with the 208 00:20:47,830 --> 00:20:49,570 wretched and singing the wretched song. 209 00:20:50,050 --> 00:20:53,330 Now, I know you told me about it in the car, Vanessa, but just for the record, 210 00:20:53,390 --> 00:20:57,630 one more time, how did it come to pass that you did not get into the concert 211 00:20:57,630 --> 00:20:59,650 with the wretched and the big fun? 212 00:21:02,640 --> 00:21:04,560 to answer me when I ask you a question, girl. 213 00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:12,100 We gave our tickets to a man who said he was with the band and he wasn't and he 214 00:21:12,100 --> 00:21:13,100 stole them. 215 00:21:13,900 --> 00:21:15,360 Someone stole Janet's wallet. 216 00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:21,220 We ran away and we bumped into this guy, Freddy Scurry, a friend of Janet's 217 00:21:21,220 --> 00:21:22,640 brother and he gave us bus fare. 218 00:21:23,100 --> 00:21:26,520 You're lucky to have found someone to look at your little sorry selves and 219 00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:27,520 pity on you. 220 00:21:29,980 --> 00:21:31,100 Mom, I'm sorry. 221 00:21:33,820 --> 00:21:35,680 Hurry. It'll never happen again. 222 00:21:36,660 --> 00:21:38,500 Can I please just have my punishment? 223 00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:42,360 Vanessa, please. Your father and I have been through much too much this evening 224 00:21:42,360 --> 00:21:44,760 to be sitting up here thinking about a punishment for you right now. 225 00:21:45,020 --> 00:21:47,440 But I'd like my punishment before I go to bed. 226 00:21:54,260 --> 00:21:56,500 Do yourself a favor and go to bed. 227 00:21:57,480 --> 00:21:58,480 Okay? 228 00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:01,620 And do me another favor, please. 229 00:22:02,500 --> 00:22:05,960 If you're thinking about running away from home, please don't take my car. 230 00:22:08,320 --> 00:22:11,860 And there's just one more thing, Vanessa, I have to say to you. You have 231 00:22:11,860 --> 00:22:14,020 to us that you cannot be trusted. 232 00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:18,740 It's going to be a very long time before we even think of trusting you again. 233 00:22:19,580 --> 00:22:22,440 Um, I said I was sorry. 234 00:22:23,060 --> 00:22:26,340 This is not going to happen again. For all I know, you are lying right now. Go 235 00:22:26,340 --> 00:22:27,340 to bed! 236 00:22:39,850 --> 00:22:41,490 do something about this child's honesty, Cliff. 237 00:22:43,230 --> 00:22:46,150 Now, how are we going to get Vanessa to be honest about something she wants to 238 00:22:46,150 --> 00:22:49,090 do when she knows darn good and well we do not want her to do it? 239 00:22:49,850 --> 00:22:54,970 And I say that tonight, before we put head to pillow to rest in this house, 240 00:22:54,970 --> 00:22:56,210 and I are going to figure this one out. 241 00:22:57,670 --> 00:23:03,250 All right, Roy, you get the pad and the pencil and bring them on. into the chuck 242 00:23:03,250 --> 00:23:09,130 wagon and I'll fix some coffee and some beans and a side of pork and we'll see 243 00:23:09,130 --> 00:23:12,150 what we can do about catching all the desperado. 244 00:23:43,310 --> 00:23:46,170 The Cosby Show is taped in front of a studio audience.