1 00:00:01,600 --> 00:00:03,109 Previously on Four Weddings and a Funeral... 2 00:00:03,110 --> 00:00:04,939 Fuck. 3 00:00:04,940 --> 00:00:07,569 - I wanna be with you, Maya. - All I got to do is tell her. 4 00:00:07,570 --> 00:00:09,789 Hey, bitch. You ready for the best weekend of your life? 5 00:00:09,790 --> 00:00:11,829 Yes, I'm on the red-eye tonight. 6 00:00:11,830 --> 00:00:13,589 Please, I need my bag. 7 00:00:13,590 --> 00:00:15,629 I took the wrong one off the carousel. 8 00:00:15,630 --> 00:00:17,509 Have you ever had the feeling you've gone down the wrong path? 9 00:00:17,510 --> 00:00:19,719 I feel like that literally every day. 10 00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:21,179 You must be Maya. 11 00:00:21,180 --> 00:00:23,559 My name's Gemma. I'm Ainsley's best friend. 12 00:00:23,560 --> 00:00:25,989 I'm so excited! 13 00:00:25,990 --> 00:00:29,119 - I'm gonna tell Maya tonight. - I feel like it's now or ever. 14 00:00:29,120 --> 00:00:31,289 - You got this. - You liked her for ten years. 15 00:00:31,290 --> 00:00:33,999 - Suitcase guy? - Hi. 16 00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:36,259 Maya, this is my boyfriend, Kash. 17 00:00:36,260 --> 00:00:38,969 - What's the deal? - Is he serious? 18 00:00:38,970 --> 00:00:41,179 I mean, the last thing I wanna do is rush into anything. 19 00:00:41,180 --> 00:00:44,979 Senator Ted Spencer has been in an extramarital affair. 20 00:00:44,980 --> 00:00:48,949 Kaylee Haskins worked for Spencer as a dog walker. 21 00:00:48,950 --> 00:00:51,199 - That's my daughter. - Her name is Molly. 22 00:00:51,200 --> 00:00:53,159 Maya. 23 00:00:53,160 --> 00:00:55,079 - Here you go. - Good luck. 24 00:00:55,080 --> 00:00:57,969 Do you take this woman to be your wife? 25 00:00:57,970 --> 00:00:59,640 I don't think I do. 26 00:01:10,530 --> 00:01:12,580 I don't think I do. 27 00:01:13,960 --> 00:01:16,129 - I don't. - You don't? 28 00:01:16,130 --> 00:01:19,049 Well, maybe. 29 00:01:19,050 --> 00:01:21,679 It has to be the actual words. 30 00:01:21,680 --> 00:01:23,890 It's very clear about that in the manual. 31 00:01:24,850 --> 00:01:26,899 Sorry, everyone. 32 00:01:26,900 --> 00:01:29,899 I just need a minute. Uh, enjoy the church! 33 00:01:29,900 --> 00:01:32,580 Excuse me. 34 00:01:33,950 --> 00:01:36,209 Hey, what the hell is happening? 35 00:01:36,210 --> 00:01:38,169 I'm so sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me. 36 00:01:38,170 --> 00:01:39,419 You're just getting cold feet. 37 00:01:39,420 --> 00:01:40,509 I was feeling it too. 38 00:01:40,510 --> 00:01:41,929 - You were? - Yeah. 39 00:01:41,930 --> 00:01:43,179 Last night, I went down this rabbit hole 40 00:01:43,180 --> 00:01:44,469 of "Should we be getting married?" 41 00:01:44,470 --> 00:01:46,599 "Should anybody be getting married? 42 00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:48,729 "Like, is it against human nature to just have sex with one person? 43 00:01:48,730 --> 00:01:50,149 "Like, I never got to hook up with a Greek guy. 44 00:01:50,150 --> 00:01:51,779 That could have been cool." 45 00:01:51,780 --> 00:01:53,539 But then I was like, "Shut up, Ainsley. 46 00:01:53,540 --> 00:01:56,039 You love him, and that is all that matters." 47 00:01:56,040 --> 00:01:57,919 - Okay? - You're right. 48 00:01:57,920 --> 00:02:00,759 So just tell yourself, "Shut up, Kash. 49 00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:02,009 You love her." 50 00:02:02,010 --> 00:02:05,769 - Yeah, shut up, Kash. - You... 51 00:02:05,770 --> 00:02:07,229 - I'm sorry. - Oh, my God. 52 00:02:07,230 --> 00:02:11,950 Okay, um, while we wait, maybe a song? 53 00:02:15,790 --> 00:02:18,290 Stop, stop! Why would you play that? 54 00:02:19,670 --> 00:02:21,219 Please don't do this to me. 55 00:02:21,220 --> 00:02:24,050 Ains, I can't marry you. 56 00:02:25,470 --> 00:02:27,809 - I'm sorry. - If you say "sorry" one more time... 57 00:02:27,810 --> 00:02:29,019 Just tell me why! 58 00:02:29,020 --> 00:02:32,070 - I don't know why. - Sorry. 59 00:02:35,990 --> 00:02:38,290 - Ainsley! - Ainsley! 60 00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:52,860 I hope there's still an open bar at the reception. 61 00:03:21,920 --> 00:03:23,589 - Suits? - Donate. 62 00:03:23,590 --> 00:03:25,299 - Cufflinks? - Donate. 63 00:03:25,300 --> 00:03:27,509 What's a men's shelter going to do with cufflinks? 64 00:03:27,510 --> 00:03:31,609 Oh, so the poor shouldn't care how their wrists look? 65 00:03:31,610 --> 00:03:32,939 Oh, my God. 66 00:03:32,940 --> 00:03:35,069 Look what I found in his pocket. 67 00:03:35,070 --> 00:03:38,699 This is why he did it. He's a secret drug addict. 68 00:03:38,700 --> 00:03:40,789 I'm pretty sure that's a breath mint. 69 00:03:40,790 --> 00:03:43,839 Yes, darling, I think you're grasping. 70 00:03:43,840 --> 00:03:46,759 Well, there has to be some reason why this happened. 71 00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:49,269 We had the perfect relationship. 72 00:03:49,270 --> 00:03:51,020 You don't just throw that away for nothing. 73 00:03:52,650 --> 00:03:55,399 And if he would just call me and give me some kind 74 00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:58,539 of explanation at least I would know this wasn't my fault. 75 00:03:58,540 --> 00:04:00,120 Oh, sweetie. 76 00:04:02,290 --> 00:04:06,009 - I have a brilliant idea. - It's Saturday. 77 00:04:06,010 --> 00:04:08,889 Why don't we do game night like we always do? 78 00:04:08,890 --> 00:04:12,559 I don't think Ainsley's ready to throw a party. 79 00:04:12,560 --> 00:04:15,610 Actually, I would love that. 80 00:04:17,030 --> 00:04:19,409 No, but I just... I have too much to do. 81 00:04:19,410 --> 00:04:22,829 I have, like, 300 "thank-you-slash-sorry- I-didn't-get-married" notes, 82 00:04:22,830 --> 00:04:25,919 and then I have to take everything back to Kash's dad's house... 83 00:04:25,920 --> 00:04:28,259 - No, no, no, no, no, my sweet. - We'll do it. 84 00:04:28,260 --> 00:04:30,179 I'll write the thank-you notes, seeing as I have 85 00:04:30,180 --> 00:04:32,849 my Master's in calligraphy, and Maya will go to Hounslow. 86 00:04:32,850 --> 00:04:35,819 - Of course. - Wait, to Kash's? 87 00:04:35,820 --> 00:04:39,030 - I would take on both tasks. - Regrettably, I have but two arms. 88 00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:42,209 It's better if it's you, Maya. 89 00:04:42,210 --> 00:04:45,550 You barely knew him. 90 00:04:47,470 --> 00:04:49,759 - I'll be back. - Where are you going? 91 00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:51,769 Um, I'm just going for a quick run. 92 00:04:51,770 --> 00:04:54,899 Now? But we have plans to whiten our teeth together. 93 00:04:54,900 --> 00:04:56,399 I don't remember that. 94 00:04:56,400 --> 00:04:58,399 Alexa, what's our schedule for today? 95 00:04:58,400 --> 00:05:02,079 11:00 a. M., teeth-whitening with Craig. 96 00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:05,079 1:00 p. M.: Go through Craig's wallet. 97 00:05:05,080 --> 00:05:06,669 Thank you, Alexa. 98 00:05:06,670 --> 00:05:08,260 Be back, babe. 99 00:05:18,280 --> 00:05:20,409 - Duffy! - Duffy, hi! 100 00:05:20,410 --> 00:05:22,119 Oh. 101 00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:24,579 Hi, Tabby. Or should I say, "Bonjour"? 102 00:05:24,580 --> 00:05:26,289 That's right, because I'm a French teacher. 103 00:05:26,290 --> 00:05:28,009 - You remembered. - Yeah. 104 00:05:28,010 --> 00:05:29,549 Are you planning on seeing the student production 105 00:05:29,550 --> 00:05:31,089 of Angels in America? 106 00:05:31,090 --> 00:05:32,509 Because I have a spare ticket for tonight. 107 00:05:32,510 --> 00:05:34,179 Oh, wow, um, I would love that, 108 00:05:34,180 --> 00:05:35,899 but I'm actually headed into town. 109 00:05:35,900 --> 00:05:38,279 Yeah, my friends and I sort of do this game night 110 00:05:38,280 --> 00:05:40,029 every other Saturday. 111 00:05:40,030 --> 00:05:42,989 - That's sounds so much fun. - I love games. 112 00:05:42,990 --> 00:05:44,789 - It is fun. - It's the... it's the best. 113 00:05:44,790 --> 00:05:48,169 Maybe you and your friends should do something similar. 114 00:05:48,170 --> 00:05:52,089 - True. - That's a great idea. 115 00:05:52,090 --> 00:05:53,390 Yeah. 116 00:05:55,940 --> 00:05:58,730 Uh, okay. Well, um, enjoy Angels in America. 117 00:06:04,750 --> 00:06:08,249 Kashif, wake up. 118 00:06:08,250 --> 00:06:10,169 Come on, lazy bones. 119 00:06:10,170 --> 00:06:11,760 Get up. 120 00:06:13,970 --> 00:06:16,519 - Kashif. - Baba, what? 121 00:06:16,520 --> 00:06:18,819 - Good, you are awake. - We're out of milk. 122 00:06:18,820 --> 00:06:21,279 - I need you to go get some. - Can Asif get it? 123 00:06:21,280 --> 00:06:23,869 You have not been out of the house for a week. 124 00:06:23,870 --> 00:06:26,410 You know, since your very public humiliation. 125 00:06:27,710 --> 00:06:29,289 I remember what happened, Dad. 126 00:06:29,290 --> 00:06:31,669 Have you even called Ainsley to apologize? 127 00:06:31,670 --> 00:06:33,969 No. 128 00:06:33,970 --> 00:06:35,139 She doesn't want an "I'm sorry," 129 00:06:35,140 --> 00:06:36,599 she wants an explanation, 130 00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:38,309 and I don't know what to say to her. 131 00:06:38,310 --> 00:06:40,609 Well, you can't hide here forever. 132 00:06:40,610 --> 00:06:44,489 - I'm not hiding. - I'm processing. 133 00:06:44,490 --> 00:06:46,289 And you can't do that at Tesco's? 134 00:06:46,290 --> 00:06:48,879 Hey, Graham Norton, I can't sleep 135 00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:51,169 with this chat show going on. 136 00:06:51,170 --> 00:06:52,879 Come on, we also need laundry detergent, and you do all the laundry. 137 00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:55,300 Fine, I'm going. 138 00:07:08,460 --> 00:07:10,380 Hey, I'm heading to Hounslow. 139 00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:13,720 Were you stalking Kash's Instagram? 140 00:07:16,010 --> 00:07:19,439 Look at this caption from six months ago. 141 00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:21,019 "Doesn't get better than this." What does that mean? 142 00:07:21,020 --> 00:07:22,359 That everything that came after that trip 143 00:07:22,360 --> 00:07:23,649 was a disappointment? 144 00:07:23,650 --> 00:07:24,779 No, it means he's basic and bad 145 00:07:24,780 --> 00:07:26,529 at writing Instagram captions. 146 00:07:26,530 --> 00:07:28,449 Hey, stop torturing yourself. 147 00:07:28,450 --> 00:07:30,169 That's easy for you to say. 148 00:07:30,170 --> 00:07:32,169 At least you know why things ended with Ted. 149 00:07:32,170 --> 00:07:35,089 Yeah, he cheated on me in a very public way. 150 00:07:35,090 --> 00:07:36,639 You know what? You're right. 151 00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:38,640 I am lucky. What a cool guy. 152 00:07:41,100 --> 00:07:45,149 Do you have to leave on Monday or can you just stay forever? 153 00:07:45,150 --> 00:07:48,409 No, I got to get back and figure out my life. 154 00:07:48,410 --> 00:07:49,959 Hmm. 155 00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:51,669 Besides, if you're away from D. C. Too long, 156 00:07:51,670 --> 00:07:53,380 Mike Pence turns your office into a chapel. 157 00:07:56,010 --> 00:07:58,890 Okay, enough wallowing. I got to go to work. 158 00:08:00,060 --> 00:08:02,980 Hey, thanks for going to Kash's. 159 00:08:19,510 --> 00:08:21,310 Mmm. 160 00:08:40,850 --> 00:08:43,189 Come on, Molly. Your turn! 161 00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:44,820 Molly, where you going? 162 00:08:49,530 --> 00:08:54,379 - Molly, go back to the game. - Okay! 163 00:08:54,380 --> 00:08:55,999 Julia! 164 00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:58,089 Well, what are the chances of seeing you here? 165 00:08:58,090 --> 00:09:00,009 'Cause I was at the park running, 166 00:09:00,010 --> 00:09:01,010 you're here, I'm here... 167 00:09:01,011 --> 00:09:02,679 Save it. 168 00:09:02,680 --> 00:09:05,109 You've been watching the kids for forty minutes. 169 00:09:05,110 --> 00:09:06,690 The other mums think you're a pedo. 170 00:09:08,070 --> 00:09:11,279 Look, I'm sorry, but I had to see her. 171 00:09:11,280 --> 00:09:12,909 Not here. 172 00:09:12,910 --> 00:09:14,670 I'll message you where. Now go. 173 00:09:46,560 --> 00:09:47,819 - Thief! - Ah! 174 00:09:47,820 --> 00:09:49,439 Parcel thief! 175 00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:51,619 You are the one who keeps stealing my Amazon boxes! 176 00:09:51,620 --> 00:09:54,619 No, no, no, no. I'm Maya, Ainsley's friend from the wedding 177 00:09:54,620 --> 00:09:56,329 or almost wedding. 178 00:09:56,330 --> 00:09:57,709 I just brought back Kash's stuff. 179 00:09:57,710 --> 00:09:59,209 Oh. 180 00:09:59,210 --> 00:10:02,759 Of course. Thanks. 181 00:10:02,760 --> 00:10:05,389 No, no, no, no. You must come in. 182 00:10:05,390 --> 00:10:07,519 I just made French bread pizzas. 183 00:10:07,520 --> 00:10:10,899 They come in a pack of four, and there are only three of us. 184 00:10:10,900 --> 00:10:12,949 - I really can't. - Please. 185 00:10:12,950 --> 00:10:16,039 For all the trouble you have taken to bring Kashif's things. 186 00:10:16,040 --> 00:10:19,419 Yeah, I have a cab... 187 00:10:19,420 --> 00:10:20,669 had. 188 00:10:20,670 --> 00:10:22,719 Um, I'll call an Uber. 189 00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:26,269 And you'll wait for it with a belly full of French bread pizza. 190 00:10:26,270 --> 00:10:27,439 Come in. 191 00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:29,609 Okay, only for a minute. 192 00:10:29,610 --> 00:10:31,489 Oh, please. 193 00:10:31,490 --> 00:10:34,280 Get up, boys, we have a visitor. 194 00:10:41,630 --> 00:10:44,600 - Maya, hi. - Hi. 195 00:10:53,110 --> 00:10:54,569 What are you doing here? 196 00:10:54,570 --> 00:10:55,949 I brought your stuff from Ainsley's. 197 00:10:55,950 --> 00:10:57,999 - Really? - Um, thank you. 198 00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:00,040 I've been wearing the same shirt for a week. 199 00:11:01,840 --> 00:11:03,799 Wait, where's the rest of it? 200 00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:05,469 She gave it to charity. 201 00:11:05,470 --> 00:11:08,479 Oxfam thanks you for your donation. 202 00:11:08,480 --> 00:11:11,779 French bread pizza. 203 00:11:11,780 --> 00:11:13,399 Thank you. 204 00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:16,829 - Feel at home. - I can't stay for very long. 205 00:11:16,830 --> 00:11:18,789 Maya, do you watch Mastermind? 206 00:11:18,790 --> 00:11:21,709 It's my favorite quiz show. I'm very good at it. 207 00:11:21,710 --> 00:11:25,089 Here we go. What color are the benches in the House of Lords? 208 00:11:25,090 --> 00:11:28,139 - Trick question! - There are no benches. 209 00:11:28,140 --> 00:11:29,689 - Red. - Yes. 210 00:11:29,690 --> 00:11:31,610 Oh, it's like Jeopardy!. 211 00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:36,989 See? In America, everyone watches TV with their father. 212 00:11:36,990 --> 00:11:39,039 It's cool. 213 00:11:39,040 --> 00:11:40,329 Which composer was born in Salzburg 214 00:11:40,330 --> 00:11:42,459 on 27th of January, 1756? 215 00:11:42,460 --> 00:11:44,089 - Beethoven. - It's Mozart. 216 00:11:44,090 --> 00:11:45,299 - Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. - Yes. 217 00:11:45,300 --> 00:11:46,679 What name of Central Asian... 218 00:11:46,680 --> 00:11:48,179 - You're so smart. - That's my type. 219 00:11:48,180 --> 00:11:50,479 Don't say stuff like that. 220 00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:53,070 Next in the chair now is Brian. 221 00:11:58,160 --> 00:12:02,329 Dear Mr. and Mrs. Parsons, I truly apologize 222 00:12:02,330 --> 00:12:04,459 for the wedding's unforeseen turn. 223 00:12:04,460 --> 00:12:08,299 Dear Mr. and Mrs. Bose, the groom acted erratically 224 00:12:08,300 --> 00:12:10,559 due to an undiagnosed brain parasite. 225 00:12:10,560 --> 00:12:13,229 Thank you for the ceramic pumpkin tureen. 226 00:12:13,230 --> 00:12:15,739 Thank you for the six ramekins. 227 00:12:15,740 --> 00:12:18,779 I can almost see the soufflés that could have risen. 228 00:12:18,780 --> 00:12:21,000 Yours, Ainsley. 229 00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:25,549 Quentin, I've been at this for hours, 230 00:12:25,550 --> 00:12:27,799 and I'm only on my sixth card. 231 00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:29,889 My hand is a frozen claw. 232 00:12:29,890 --> 00:12:31,729 Well, darling, what is it we always say to Giles 233 00:12:31,730 --> 00:12:33,809 when faced with a difficult task? 234 00:12:33,810 --> 00:12:35,609 - "Quit." - No, I can't. 235 00:12:35,610 --> 00:12:38,279 I promised Ainsley, and I can't get shown up by Maya. 236 00:12:38,280 --> 00:12:40,909 She's trying to steal my best friend. 237 00:12:40,910 --> 00:12:43,829 - Adults with best friends. - How horribly American. 238 00:12:43,830 --> 00:12:45,549 You only say that because all your best friends 239 00:12:45,550 --> 00:12:47,759 disappeared on safari. 240 00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:50,259 Yeah, I'm sure they'll turn up. 241 00:12:50,260 --> 00:12:51,979 What was the original profession of the writer. 242 00:12:51,980 --> 00:12:53,019 Sir Arthur Conan Doyle? 243 00:12:53,020 --> 00:12:54,689 Trick question! 244 00:12:54,690 --> 00:12:56,279 He was a character invented by Sherlock Holmes! 245 00:12:56,280 --> 00:12:57,529 Doctor. 246 00:12:57,530 --> 00:12:59,199 - Doctor. - Yes. 247 00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:00,909 This game is rigged against me! 248 00:13:00,910 --> 00:13:02,910 Never once a question about Pakistan or old coins! 249 00:13:04,330 --> 00:13:07,130 - Oh, uh, I should go. - My car's here. 250 00:13:09,380 --> 00:13:11,469 Your visit was transformative. 251 00:13:11,470 --> 00:13:13,809 - Oh, my God. - I'm sorry for what my brother did. 252 00:13:13,810 --> 00:13:15,479 It's not a reflection on our family 253 00:13:15,480 --> 00:13:17,029 or how we treat women. 254 00:13:17,030 --> 00:13:19,449 Please consider following me on Instagram. 255 00:13:19,450 --> 00:13:21,239 I think I will. 256 00:13:21,240 --> 00:13:22,790 Thanks for bringing my stuff. 257 00:13:25,040 --> 00:13:27,050 - Hey! - Kenya! 258 00:13:28,300 --> 00:13:29,589 Is Ainsley doing okay? 259 00:13:29,590 --> 00:13:31,559 - "Okay"? - Of course she's not okay. 260 00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:34,639 She got left at the altar and has no idea why. 261 00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:36,649 Why haven't you called her? 262 00:13:36,650 --> 00:13:38,689 I'm probably the last person she wants to talk to right now. 263 00:13:38,690 --> 00:13:39,899 That's bullshit. 264 00:13:39,900 --> 00:13:41,199 You're being a coward, 265 00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:43,239 and she deserves better than that. 266 00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:44,499 The rings of Jupiter. 267 00:13:44,500 --> 00:13:45,670 Saturn! 268 00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:03,829 - Ainsley. - That's right. 269 00:14:03,830 --> 00:14:06,249 - The bitch is back. - Oh, honey. 270 00:14:06,250 --> 00:14:07,999 I've been so worried about you. 271 00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:10,129 I was almost certain you'd kill yourself. 272 00:14:10,130 --> 00:14:14,680 Oh, well, thank you, Tony, but I'm okay. 273 00:14:15,940 --> 00:14:18,229 - How are things around here? - Um... 274 00:14:18,230 --> 00:14:20,859 It has been a nightmare without you. 275 00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:24,279 Tony 2 makes us start at 10:00 and work until 5:00. 276 00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:25,999 Those would be the store hours. 277 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:29,040 Why don't you dust the decorative birds? 278 00:14:31,630 --> 00:14:35,389 Are you sure it's not too soon for you to be coming back? 279 00:14:35,390 --> 00:14:37,349 - Mm. - Mm, I know myself. 280 00:14:37,350 --> 00:14:40,229 The best thing for me to do is to just forget about Kash 281 00:14:40,230 --> 00:14:42,819 and weddings and work. 282 00:14:42,820 --> 00:14:43,950 Hmm. 283 00:14:45,740 --> 00:14:49,329 Hi, welcome to Ainsley Howard Designs. 284 00:14:49,330 --> 00:14:51,839 I'm Ainsley Howard. How can we help you? 285 00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:54,549 Oh, we just got married and would love 286 00:14:54,550 --> 00:14:56,349 for you to decorate our new home. 287 00:14:56,350 --> 00:14:59,270 We want it to be as beautiful as the love we share. 288 00:15:03,150 --> 00:15:05,320 Let's get started. 289 00:15:18,430 --> 00:15:20,899 Hey, Julia. 290 00:15:20,900 --> 00:15:23,439 Wow, the National Gallery. 291 00:15:23,440 --> 00:15:25,819 And who knew they had so much great art? 292 00:15:25,820 --> 00:15:27,449 I wanted to pick a public place 293 00:15:27,450 --> 00:15:28,829 where you couldn't make a scene 294 00:15:28,830 --> 00:15:30,459 and Westminster Abbey was closed. 295 00:15:30,460 --> 00:15:31,879 They're doing another Churchill movie. 296 00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:33,459 Well, I'll try to be quiet, 297 00:15:33,460 --> 00:15:35,680 but American talking is British screaming. 298 00:15:36,850 --> 00:15:38,729 Sorry. 299 00:15:38,730 --> 00:15:40,519 When I contacted you a year ago, 300 00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:42,439 it was to get medical information. 301 00:15:42,440 --> 00:15:44,239 If you wanted to be a father so badly, 302 00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:46,119 you could have tried when I was pregnant five years ago. 303 00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:47,789 I didn't know you were pregnant. 304 00:15:47,790 --> 00:15:49,789 You just left a message saying we needed to talk. 305 00:15:49,790 --> 00:15:50,959 Which you ignored. 306 00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:51,960 Because I thought you wanted 307 00:15:51,961 --> 00:15:53,379 to talk about us dating, 308 00:15:53,380 --> 00:15:55,009 and I wasn't ready for commitment. 309 00:15:55,010 --> 00:15:58,259 A child is the ultimate commitment, you twat. 310 00:15:58,260 --> 00:16:00,019 And I don't need you breaking her heart 311 00:16:00,020 --> 00:16:01,649 when you realize that being a parent is more 312 00:16:01,650 --> 00:16:03,820 than just kicking a football back and forth. 313 00:16:07,370 --> 00:16:08,739 What's this? 314 00:16:08,740 --> 00:16:10,199 It's a document saying that you agree 315 00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:12,040 to give up all your parental rights. 316 00:16:13,130 --> 00:16:14,839 I want it signed by Monday. 317 00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:17,389 Wow. You went to a lawyer and everything. 318 00:16:17,390 --> 00:16:21,059 - I am a lawyer. - A very good lawyer. 319 00:16:21,060 --> 00:16:23,020 Monday. 320 00:16:25,690 --> 00:16:26,909 Wow. 321 00:16:26,910 --> 00:16:28,410 You shush. 322 00:16:35,170 --> 00:16:37,759 - Darling. - Hmm? 323 00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:40,599 I was wondering, tonight maybe we could watch 324 00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:42,349 a bit of the snooker and maybe... 325 00:16:42,350 --> 00:16:46,029 You could stay sober and drive me home from the club. 326 00:16:46,030 --> 00:16:48,529 No, I'm going to game night. 327 00:16:48,530 --> 00:16:49,779 I thought maybe you could come too? 328 00:16:49,780 --> 00:16:52,209 Oh, no, I'd rather die. 329 00:16:52,210 --> 00:16:54,670 Thank you, though. 330 00:16:58,430 --> 00:17:02,429 - Oh, this table's lovely. - Oh, but the sharp corners... 331 00:17:02,430 --> 00:17:04,349 I just worry if we have a baby... 332 00:17:04,350 --> 00:17:08,359 But that's a long way off. 333 00:17:08,360 --> 00:17:10,069 What? 334 00:17:10,070 --> 00:17:12,869 I was going to wait until tonight to tell you. 335 00:17:12,870 --> 00:17:14,369 We're having a baby? 336 00:17:14,370 --> 00:17:17,129 Yeah! 337 00:17:17,130 --> 00:17:20,509 - Do you have any champagne? - Sure. 338 00:17:20,510 --> 00:17:22,520 Let me get some. 339 00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:26,689 Congratulations, again. 340 00:17:26,690 --> 00:17:28,490 Thank you. 341 00:17:36,250 --> 00:17:38,549 Every time a relationship has ended, 342 00:17:38,550 --> 00:17:41,759 I've always known why: Mooch, possessive, 343 00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:44,349 kisses his mom on the lips, is Russell Brand. 344 00:17:44,350 --> 00:17:48,189 But with Kash, I don't know why. 345 00:17:48,190 --> 00:17:49,649 And I loved him so much. 346 00:17:49,650 --> 00:17:51,949 Mm-hmm. 347 00:17:51,950 --> 00:17:55,249 - What do you mean "mm-hmm"? - I'm agreeing with you. 348 00:17:55,250 --> 00:17:56,829 No, that's the "mm-hmm" you give me 349 00:17:56,830 --> 00:17:58,049 when I ask if I would look good with bangs, 350 00:17:58,050 --> 00:17:59,050 which I would, by the way. 351 00:17:59,051 --> 00:18:00,629 Mm-hmm. 352 00:18:00,630 --> 00:18:02,969 Listen, when I was 14, I fell madly in love 353 00:18:02,970 --> 00:18:05,479 with George Michael, knew everything about him. 354 00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:08,399 Likes: Cross earrings, dislikes: Famine in Africa. 355 00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:10,109 In my mind, we were one. 356 00:18:10,110 --> 00:18:11,909 Okay, what does this have to do with me and Kash? 357 00:18:11,910 --> 00:18:14,159 I'm afraid you knew your fiancé less 358 00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:17,499 than I knew George Michael, whom I never met. 359 00:18:17,500 --> 00:18:19,709 Excuse me, we were soul mates. 360 00:18:19,710 --> 00:18:21,839 Okay, so, what did you get him for his birthday? 361 00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:23,429 Whiskey stones and an iPad. 362 00:18:23,430 --> 00:18:24,929 Oh, my God, such a great gift. 363 00:18:24,930 --> 00:18:27,979 - Yeah. - If he were your stepfather. 364 00:18:27,980 --> 00:18:30,780 Tell me... tell me what you liked about him. 365 00:18:32,410 --> 00:18:36,790 The sex was great, he's charming, he's smart... 366 00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:41,590 I liked the way he dressed. 367 00:18:44,010 --> 00:18:48,440 Maybe the things I love about him transcended words. 368 00:19:01,050 --> 00:19:04,049 - Hey, yo, Kash! - Kash! 369 00:19:04,050 --> 00:19:06,469 Yo, my brother! Come here, man. 370 00:19:06,470 --> 00:19:07,679 - Basheer. - Yeah. 371 00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:09,059 How's it going, man? 372 00:19:09,060 --> 00:19:10,060 I heard you was back in our ends. 373 00:19:10,061 --> 00:19:11,779 It's been ages, man. 374 00:19:11,780 --> 00:19:13,449 - Yeah, temporarily. - Yeah, I'm staying with my dad. 375 00:19:13,450 --> 00:19:15,319 - Yes, of course. - I heard about the wedding. 376 00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:16,909 I'm very sorry about that. 377 00:19:16,910 --> 00:19:18,459 Literally everyone's been talking about it, though. 378 00:19:18,460 --> 00:19:20,539 You need to know that, yeah? 379 00:19:20,540 --> 00:19:22,209 Not that I have any confirmed details, of course, 380 00:19:22,210 --> 00:19:23,799 'cause it's not like you invited me 381 00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:25,049 or any of the old crew, so... 382 00:19:25,050 --> 00:19:26,389 Oh, right, yeah. 383 00:19:26,390 --> 00:19:29,019 I'm... I'm sorry about that, man. 384 00:19:29,020 --> 00:19:30,649 I guess you're not going on the honeymoon then. 385 00:19:30,650 --> 00:19:32,989 No, just staying at home every night with my dad. 386 00:19:32,990 --> 00:19:34,819 - That's great news. - I'll tell you why. 387 00:19:34,820 --> 00:19:37,539 That means you're free to come to my house party tonight. 388 00:19:37,540 --> 00:19:40,119 - Uh... - Listen, it's a real "who's who" of Hounslow. 389 00:19:40,120 --> 00:19:41,919 - Especially now you're coming. - I don't know, man. 390 00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:43,759 I'm... I'm not really in the mood to go to a party tonight. 391 00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:44,839 Listen, I understand. 392 00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:46,389 You're emotional, 393 00:19:46,390 --> 00:19:48,389 but this ain't no normal house party, brother. 394 00:19:48,390 --> 00:19:51,349 This is DJ Foreplay's farewell tour. 395 00:19:51,350 --> 00:19:53,149 - Right, yeah, DJ Foreplay. - What was it? 396 00:19:53,150 --> 00:19:56,239 "He gets you hot and bothered before the main event." 397 00:19:56,240 --> 00:19:58,579 - So I'll see you there? - No, probably not, man. 398 00:19:58,580 --> 00:20:01,369 - I'll see you there. - No, I don't think so. 399 00:20:01,370 --> 00:20:03,049 - Kash, I'ma see you there! - Later, Bash. 400 00:20:03,050 --> 00:20:05,509 - Good to see you, man. - Kash, you're coming. 401 00:20:05,510 --> 00:20:07,300 Yeah. 402 00:20:30,020 --> 00:20:31,140 Fuck. 403 00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:40,999 - I need to talk to you. - Oh, my God! I'm naked. 404 00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:42,419 Well, if you don't want me to see you naked, 405 00:20:42,420 --> 00:20:43,629 don't take a bath in my tub. 406 00:20:43,630 --> 00:20:45,209 But we don't have tubs at Peath 407 00:20:45,210 --> 00:20:47,049 and they make the teachers use the boys' showers 408 00:20:47,050 --> 00:20:49,559 and showerheads are so low that I have to sit on a stool. 409 00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:51,219 Look, I need to know something. 410 00:20:51,220 --> 00:20:54,149 In college, did Craig and Maya ever have a thing? 411 00:20:54,150 --> 00:20:55,529 - What? - No. 412 00:20:55,530 --> 00:20:58,659 I'm the one that... uh, that knows Craig 413 00:20:58,660 --> 00:21:00,989 better than anyone, and there has never been 414 00:21:00,990 --> 00:21:02,039 anything with Maya. 415 00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:03,119 I don't know. 416 00:21:03,120 --> 00:21:04,169 They've been friends forever 417 00:21:04,170 --> 00:21:05,799 and have great chemistry. 418 00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:07,259 Actually, I have better chemistry with her. 419 00:21:07,260 --> 00:21:08,929 When we banter, people are like, 420 00:21:08,930 --> 00:21:11,059 "What? Is this the Gilmore Girls?" 421 00:21:11,060 --> 00:21:12,479 Well, something dodgy's going on. 422 00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:14,439 Look, I found this necklace. 423 00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:16,859 It's obviously for Maya. 424 00:21:16,860 --> 00:21:18,279 Okay, whoa, whoa. 425 00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:20,779 Let's not jump to any conclusions, okay? 426 00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:24,919 "M" could mean anything: Mary, Meghan, Monica... 427 00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:27,339 - Those are other women. - That doesn't make me feel better. 428 00:21:27,340 --> 00:21:29,719 God, Duffy. 429 00:21:29,720 --> 00:21:31,559 Why don't you just ask him? 430 00:21:31,560 --> 00:21:33,679 Because I don't want him to think I'm some type 431 00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:35,939 of ultra-possessive paranoid girlfriend, 432 00:21:35,940 --> 00:21:38,439 which, yes, obviously I am, Duffy! 433 00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:40,909 But who wouldn't be with all these Ms running around 434 00:21:40,910 --> 00:21:42,369 stealing everyone's men? 435 00:21:42,370 --> 00:21:43,499 Do you want me to talk to him? 436 00:21:43,500 --> 00:21:44,999 No. 437 00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:46,539 And don't mention the necklace. 438 00:21:46,540 --> 00:21:48,339 The suds have moved. I've seen your penis. 439 00:21:48,340 --> 00:21:50,760 - Oh... Oh, God. - What? 440 00:22:02,450 --> 00:22:04,749 Dad, this TV sucks. 441 00:22:04,750 --> 00:22:06,119 What happened to the one I got you? 442 00:22:06,120 --> 00:22:07,839 I gave it to Sumro from masjid. 443 00:22:07,840 --> 00:22:10,049 He's just moved from Pakistan and missed his wife, 444 00:22:10,050 --> 00:22:11,549 so I thought I could cheer him up. 445 00:22:11,550 --> 00:22:13,219 I already gave it to a Pakistani man 446 00:22:13,220 --> 00:22:15,229 who misses his wife, you. 447 00:22:15,230 --> 00:22:19,279 Pfft. 448 00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:21,489 It may not feel like it, but in the long run, 449 00:22:21,490 --> 00:22:23,829 maybe this was for the best. 450 00:22:23,830 --> 00:22:25,539 I know, because she wasn't Muslim, 451 00:22:25,540 --> 00:22:27,209 and she didn't know how to make roti. 452 00:22:27,210 --> 00:22:29,089 No, no, no, because something was telling you 453 00:22:29,090 --> 00:22:30,719 this wasn't right. 454 00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:34,719 And even though it wasn't easy, you listened. 455 00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:35,809 Thanks, Dad. 456 00:22:35,810 --> 00:22:37,189 And now, I have something 457 00:22:37,190 --> 00:22:38,809 which will really cheer you up. 458 00:22:38,810 --> 00:22:40,279 - Lagaan. - No, Dad, no. 459 00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:42,199 Look, I've watched Lagaan 700 times. 460 00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:44,159 It will definitely not cheer me up. 461 00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:46,959 Ha. 462 00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:50,170 Fine, I'll just watch it then. My wife is dead. 463 00:22:55,970 --> 00:22:59,019 Actually, um, I've got plans tonight. 464 00:22:59,020 --> 00:23:00,650 Love you. 465 00:23:07,790 --> 00:23:10,289 - Uh, "binta's" not a word. - Use it in a sentence. 466 00:23:10,290 --> 00:23:13,339 I've never "binta" the opera. 467 00:23:13,340 --> 00:23:16,009 Just give it to her. 468 00:23:16,010 --> 00:23:18,559 Okay, yeah, that's a triple word score, 469 00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:20,269 so she just won. 470 00:23:20,270 --> 00:23:21,779 Wow, good job. 471 00:23:21,780 --> 00:23:24,280 Okay, I'm gonna make a toast. 472 00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:29,119 To Ainsley, 473 00:23:29,120 --> 00:23:32,589 who's had a terrible week. 474 00:23:32,590 --> 00:23:35,339 Maybe the worst week a woman can possibly have. 475 00:23:35,340 --> 00:23:37,849 Well, Joan of Arc, Marie Antoinette, 476 00:23:37,850 --> 00:23:40,690 basically any woman born before 1900... 477 00:23:42,190 --> 00:23:45,989 But the point is, is that we love you, 478 00:23:45,990 --> 00:23:47,239 and you'll get through this. 479 00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:49,409 We'll help you get through this. 480 00:23:49,410 --> 00:23:51,039 And Kash sucks. 481 00:23:51,040 --> 00:23:53,630 Kash sucks. 482 00:23:54,510 --> 00:23:56,299 - A fox! - No, no, no, no. 483 00:23:56,300 --> 00:23:59,349 Okay, wait, wait, a squirrel. 484 00:23:59,350 --> 00:24:01,059 How do you say... they're not supposed to be words. 485 00:24:01,060 --> 00:24:02,899 - You're the worst drawer... - I am not! 486 00:24:02,900 --> 00:24:04,739 - Your hair smells woodsy. - What? 487 00:24:04,740 --> 00:24:06,779 - Is that a new shampoo? - Woodsy? 488 00:24:06,780 --> 00:24:08,409 Oh, it's nothing. 489 00:24:08,410 --> 00:24:10,289 Um, hey, can I ask you a question about Quentin? 490 00:24:10,290 --> 00:24:12,169 You mean my useless husband who's too lazy 491 00:24:12,170 --> 00:24:14,209 to attend a party that is literally across the street? 492 00:24:14,210 --> 00:24:15,679 Yes, what about him? 493 00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:16,759 What did you get him for his birthday? 494 00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:18,389 A paperweight. 495 00:24:18,390 --> 00:24:21,349 Right, a normal, practical birthday present. 496 00:24:21,350 --> 00:24:23,479 Well, I hand carved it in the shape 497 00:24:23,480 --> 00:24:25,860 of a pet tortoise from his boyhood in Kenya. 498 00:24:27,360 --> 00:24:28,949 Oh. 499 00:24:28,950 --> 00:24:31,250 I'm sorry, I don't know what I'm doing here. 500 00:24:33,330 --> 00:24:35,670 So, I shouldn't sign the papers, right? 501 00:24:37,640 --> 00:24:40,269 Well, what does Zara think? 502 00:24:40,270 --> 00:24:42,309 Um, well... 503 00:24:42,310 --> 00:24:43,729 Craig, you still haven't told her? 504 00:24:43,730 --> 00:24:45,149 - Look... - Oh, my God. 505 00:24:45,150 --> 00:24:46,899 My girlfriend is not my confidante. 506 00:24:46,900 --> 00:24:50,119 My girlfriend is who I impress with fancy restaurants 507 00:24:50,120 --> 00:24:52,369 and make laugh with my seven jokes. 508 00:24:52,370 --> 00:24:56,879 But this serious shit, this is why I have friends like you. 509 00:24:56,880 --> 00:24:58,759 I mean, you need to think about this little girl. 510 00:24:58,760 --> 00:24:59,929 I am. 511 00:24:59,930 --> 00:25:01,559 I mean, who wouldn't want a dad 512 00:25:01,560 --> 00:25:03,059 who has a PlayStation in every room, huh? 513 00:25:03,060 --> 00:25:05,150 I don't know. 514 00:25:06,530 --> 00:25:09,660 Hey, come here. 515 00:25:11,750 --> 00:25:13,789 It's a hat. Oh, it's a... 516 00:25:13,790 --> 00:25:15,089 It's a scythe. 517 00:25:15,090 --> 00:25:16,419 Rail... a rail. 518 00:25:16,420 --> 00:25:18,720 Are you listening? I'm saying it. 519 00:25:29,070 --> 00:25:32,119 - You came! - This party's kickin'! 520 00:25:32,120 --> 00:25:34,079 So good to see you, bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 521 00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:35,840 Of course, brother, yeah. 522 00:25:37,210 --> 00:25:39,049 It's my guy, the one, the only, 523 00:25:39,050 --> 00:25:41,139 Kashif Khan in the apartment! 524 00:25:41,140 --> 00:25:44,389 Bam-ba-ba-ba-ba-bam-bam-bam-bam ba-bam! 525 00:25:44,390 --> 00:25:46,229 Ha-ha! 526 00:25:46,230 --> 00:25:48,530 Sorry, they thought you were gonna be a lady, innit, so... 527 00:26:03,970 --> 00:26:06,939 - What are you doing? - Nothing. Nothing. 528 00:26:06,940 --> 00:26:09,569 It's just, um, Ted texted me. 529 00:26:09,570 --> 00:26:11,819 He's in town, wants to see me. 530 00:26:11,820 --> 00:26:13,369 - What? - Crazy, right? 531 00:26:13,370 --> 00:26:15,249 In no world are you ever thinking about 532 00:26:15,250 --> 00:26:17,249 seeing that guy again, except in The New York Times, 533 00:26:17,250 --> 00:26:18,629 headline: "Asshole Resigns." 534 00:26:18,630 --> 00:26:20,299 I am obviously not going to see him. 535 00:26:20,300 --> 00:26:22,219 I was just telling you, because it's so hilarious 536 00:26:22,220 --> 00:26:23,300 he thinks I might. 537 00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:27,349 He did fly all the way to London. 538 00:26:27,350 --> 00:26:29,149 - Maya! - It's nothing. It's nothing. 539 00:26:29,150 --> 00:26:31,570 Please don't tell anybody. I don't wanna hear about it. 540 00:26:32,740 --> 00:26:35,870 Okay, I won't. 541 00:26:42,010 --> 00:26:43,010 Oh. 542 00:26:43,011 --> 00:26:44,429 Okay. 543 00:26:44,430 --> 00:26:46,309 This person is a man, uh, an adulterer, 544 00:26:46,310 --> 00:26:48,559 a politician, and a huge asshole. 545 00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:49,899 Uh, Anthony Weiner. 546 00:26:49,900 --> 00:26:51,069 Ted Spencer. 547 00:26:51,070 --> 00:26:52,359 Nice. 548 00:26:52,360 --> 00:26:53,529 - Ooh, this guy. - Yep. 549 00:26:53,530 --> 00:26:55,029 He's a total fraud, 550 00:26:55,030 --> 00:26:56,499 he's a senator, and I wish he was dead, 551 00:26:56,500 --> 00:26:57,669 because he screwed over Maya. 552 00:26:57,670 --> 00:26:58,879 Ted Spencer. 553 00:26:58,880 --> 00:27:01,129 - Ted Spencer, okay. - My turn. 554 00:27:01,130 --> 00:27:02,629 Oh, okay, this guy sucks. 555 00:27:02,630 --> 00:27:04,179 He's like a monster and a total pervert. 556 00:27:04,180 --> 00:27:06,219 - It's Ted. - They're all Ted, I get it. 557 00:27:06,220 --> 00:27:07,889 You've made your point. 558 00:27:07,890 --> 00:27:10,110 That one was Harvey Weinstein. 559 00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:13,779 As Ainsley has apparently told you, 560 00:27:13,780 --> 00:27:15,409 Ted is in London. 561 00:27:15,410 --> 00:27:17,199 And guess what. I'm going to see him tomorrow. 562 00:27:17,200 --> 00:27:19,209 But guys, I'm not getting back together with him, okay? 563 00:27:19,210 --> 00:27:21,589 I am just going so I can end it forever 564 00:27:21,590 --> 00:27:22,629 and get some closure. 565 00:27:22,630 --> 00:27:23,839 Boo! 566 00:27:23,840 --> 00:27:25,009 Closure isn't real. 567 00:27:25,010 --> 00:27:26,219 It was something women invented 568 00:27:26,220 --> 00:27:27,809 to pester the men who dumped them. 569 00:27:27,810 --> 00:27:29,309 I think Maya should give it another try. 570 00:27:29,310 --> 00:27:31,069 She could be in a committed relationship 571 00:27:31,070 --> 00:27:32,359 thousands of miles away from here. 572 00:27:32,360 --> 00:27:33,609 Wouldn't that be nice? 573 00:27:33,610 --> 00:27:35,489 Maya, you're an amazing catch. 574 00:27:35,490 --> 00:27:36,490 You don't need him. 575 00:27:36,491 --> 00:27:37,949 She knows that, Craig. 576 00:27:37,950 --> 00:27:39,499 She doesn't need her male platonic friend 577 00:27:39,500 --> 00:27:40,749 telling her that. 578 00:27:40,750 --> 00:27:42,959 - Enough! - I am going to see Ted. 579 00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:44,339 I am an adult, okay? 580 00:27:44,340 --> 00:27:47,219 Please respect my decision. 581 00:27:47,220 --> 00:27:48,389 Maya. 582 00:27:48,390 --> 00:27:51,189 - Maya. - Maya, come on. 583 00:27:51,190 --> 00:27:53,399 It was Ainsley's idea! 584 00:27:53,400 --> 00:27:55,070 I'm so sorry. 585 00:27:57,910 --> 00:28:00,289 - Nice. - You went to Disneyland Paris. 586 00:28:00,290 --> 00:28:02,669 I didn't just go to Disneyland Paris. 587 00:28:02,670 --> 00:28:06,179 I met Lumière, Le Cars, Goofy was there as well. 588 00:28:06,180 --> 00:28:07,929 Can you believe that? It was a sick day, you know. 589 00:28:07,930 --> 00:28:09,389 Ha! 590 00:28:09,390 --> 00:28:12,059 Cool, uh, I should probably head out. 591 00:28:12,060 --> 00:28:13,609 You know, I didn't bring you here 592 00:28:13,610 --> 00:28:15,819 to see all that, now did I? 593 00:28:15,820 --> 00:28:17,279 I brought you here to see this. 594 00:28:17,280 --> 00:28:18,989 So, my mum's cleaning out my old bedroom. 595 00:28:18,990 --> 00:28:20,119 She's turning it into a Zumba studio 596 00:28:20,120 --> 00:28:21,749 or some shit like that... 597 00:28:21,750 --> 00:28:23,040 she found this. 598 00:28:24,500 --> 00:28:26,799 Are you ready? I hope you're ready, brother. 599 00:28:26,800 --> 00:28:29,009 - 'Ello, my boys. - 'Ello. 600 00:28:29,010 --> 00:28:30,519 You seem a bit down and out, mate. 601 00:28:30,520 --> 00:28:31,689 I suppose. 602 00:28:31,690 --> 00:28:33,059 What's the problem, then? 603 00:28:33,060 --> 00:28:34,609 That, my friend, is Oliver Twist 604 00:28:34,610 --> 00:28:36,779 at the Hounslow. 605 00:28:36,780 --> 00:28:39,159 - And I haven't eaten a thing. - Seven days? 606 00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:40,999 What were we, like, 12 years old there or something? 607 00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:42,419 We were 10. 608 00:28:42,420 --> 00:28:44,749 - I'm Oliver. - Oliver Twist. 609 00:28:44,750 --> 00:28:46,469 You were amazing. 610 00:28:46,470 --> 00:28:47,839 I always thought you were gonna be an actor, you know? 611 00:28:47,840 --> 00:28:49,429 Nearly did. 612 00:28:49,430 --> 00:28:51,349 I did a lot of theater at Cambridge, 613 00:28:51,350 --> 00:28:54,269 but after graduation, I had to get a proper job. 614 00:28:54,270 --> 00:28:55,779 Yeah, I feel you. 615 00:28:55,780 --> 00:28:57,069 That's why I work at a cell phone store, 616 00:28:57,070 --> 00:28:58,699 even though my passion is DJing. 617 00:28:58,700 --> 00:29:00,279 Speaking of, are you happy with your plan, man? 618 00:29:00,280 --> 00:29:02,999 Oh, not the time, huh? 619 00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:04,630 Not the time. 620 00:29:51,970 --> 00:29:54,519 I cannot believe you dressed up for him. 621 00:29:54,520 --> 00:29:56,519 - I didn't. - You're wearing a padded bra. 622 00:29:56,520 --> 00:29:57,859 - No, I'm not. - Let me honk your boob. 623 00:29:57,860 --> 00:29:58,939 - Okay. - Okay, fine. 624 00:29:58,940 --> 00:30:00,489 Why is it so bad I look hot 625 00:30:00,490 --> 00:30:01,699 when I tell Ted to go to hell? 626 00:30:01,700 --> 00:30:03,489 Because you're not going to. 627 00:30:03,490 --> 00:30:04,959 You're just giving him the opportunity 628 00:30:04,960 --> 00:30:06,669 to talk his way back into your life. 629 00:30:06,670 --> 00:30:09,379 Look, I know you don't trust me, 630 00:30:09,380 --> 00:30:10,839 but I need to sort this out with him 631 00:30:10,840 --> 00:30:12,049 before I go back to D. C. 632 00:30:12,050 --> 00:30:13,349 Well, here's an idea. 633 00:30:13,350 --> 00:30:15,139 Don't go back to D. C. 634 00:30:15,140 --> 00:30:18,189 Stay here and try to figure out your life without him. 635 00:30:18,190 --> 00:30:19,779 - Ainsley, come on. - That's crazy. 636 00:30:19,780 --> 00:30:21,199 Is it? 637 00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:23,199 You love London, all our friends are here, 638 00:30:23,200 --> 00:30:24,869 maybe you could meet somebody new. 639 00:30:24,870 --> 00:30:26,910 There are still a couple minor royals you can marry. 640 00:30:31,720 --> 00:30:33,680 I'm sorry. 641 00:30:49,590 --> 00:30:50,919 Oh, my God, Liz. 642 00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:55,099 Yeah, my husband couldn't make it. 643 00:30:55,100 --> 00:30:56,729 What are you doing here? 644 00:30:56,730 --> 00:30:58,479 Ted and I are on a "let's save our marriage" 645 00:30:58,480 --> 00:31:01,189 European vacation, which I thought was going well 646 00:31:01,190 --> 00:31:03,659 until I caught him texting with you. 647 00:31:03,660 --> 00:31:05,829 - Hey, gal pals. - I'm Stephen. 648 00:31:05,830 --> 00:31:07,539 I'll be helping you ladies out. 649 00:31:07,540 --> 00:31:09,039 Have you had a chance to take a peek at the menu? 650 00:31:09,040 --> 00:31:10,669 - Just a bottle of wine. - We don't care what kind. 651 00:31:10,670 --> 00:31:12,259 Ooh, liquid lunch. 652 00:31:12,260 --> 00:31:15,349 Well, I'm sure it's wine o'clock somewhere, right? 653 00:31:15,350 --> 00:31:18,349 Listen, I am so sorry. 654 00:31:18,350 --> 00:31:20,149 You need to know the only reason I came here was 655 00:31:20,150 --> 00:31:21,689 to end it for good. 656 00:31:21,690 --> 00:31:23,359 You're not dressed like you were here to end it. 657 00:31:23,360 --> 00:31:25,069 Nice padded bra, by the way. 658 00:31:25,070 --> 00:31:27,289 I didn't mean to fall in love with your husband. 659 00:31:27,290 --> 00:31:30,249 - No. - You're not the victim here. 660 00:31:30,250 --> 00:31:32,459 Which of you gals would like to taste the wine? 661 00:31:32,460 --> 00:31:34,130 No, "gal," just get out of here. 662 00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:38,479 Ted and I are making it work until my youngest turns 18, 663 00:31:38,480 --> 00:31:40,559 and then I'm divorcing him, taking all of his money, 664 00:31:40,560 --> 00:31:42,439 and doing a Grace and Frankie with my friend. 665 00:31:42,440 --> 00:31:45,409 But until then, I am staying in this marriage, 666 00:31:45,410 --> 00:31:50,209 and I will not have my children embarrassed again. 667 00:31:50,210 --> 00:31:52,709 Yes, of course, I will call him and end it... 668 00:31:52,710 --> 00:31:55,089 No, do not call him, do not text, 669 00:31:55,090 --> 00:31:57,929 do not meet for coffee to "get closure," 670 00:31:57,930 --> 00:32:00,020 just disappear. 671 00:32:01,020 --> 00:32:03,109 Okay. 672 00:32:03,110 --> 00:32:04,900 I'm really sorry. 673 00:32:07,950 --> 00:32:10,709 Look, I know this is more his fault than yours, 674 00:32:10,710 --> 00:32:13,459 so let me give you a piece of advice. 675 00:32:13,460 --> 00:32:15,220 Don't fuck another woman's husband. 676 00:32:18,180 --> 00:32:20,100 And don't build your life around a man. 677 00:32:29,290 --> 00:32:32,210 Oh, my God. 678 00:32:51,830 --> 00:32:53,419 I know I should have come sooner. 679 00:32:53,420 --> 00:32:54,999 Before you give me some bullshit apology, 680 00:32:55,000 --> 00:32:56,839 I should warn you, one of my Texas relatives 681 00:32:56,840 --> 00:32:58,299 gave us a gun as a wedding present. 682 00:32:58,300 --> 00:33:00,009 I'm not here to apologize. 683 00:33:00,010 --> 00:33:03,149 I'm here to explain why, and if the explanation sucks, 684 00:33:03,150 --> 00:33:05,069 you can shoot me. 685 00:33:05,070 --> 00:33:06,689 Fine. 686 00:33:06,690 --> 00:33:08,529 I called off the wedding, because the person 687 00:33:08,530 --> 00:33:09,829 you were marrying was a lie. 688 00:33:09,830 --> 00:33:10,989 Okay, I'm getting my gun. 689 00:33:10,990 --> 00:33:12,329 Wait, wait, wait! 690 00:33:12,330 --> 00:33:15,209 Look, my whole life I've been trying 691 00:33:15,210 --> 00:33:17,719 to be something I'm not. 692 00:33:17,720 --> 00:33:21,509 I was embarrassed of who I was and where I was from. 693 00:33:21,510 --> 00:33:24,099 So I thought, "Who else can I be?" 694 00:33:24,100 --> 00:33:26,229 And what I landed on was this. 695 00:33:26,230 --> 00:33:27,779 An asshole. 696 00:33:27,780 --> 00:33:30,739 Yeah, kind of. 697 00:33:30,740 --> 00:33:32,959 I went to university and dropped all of my mates 698 00:33:32,960 --> 00:33:35,539 and pretended I had an interest in municipal bonds 699 00:33:35,540 --> 00:33:38,679 and got engaged to a beautiful, funny American girl, 700 00:33:38,680 --> 00:33:41,240 who I didn't believe would have been interested in the first guy. 701 00:33:42,350 --> 00:33:46,229 And the point is, I'm a massive fraud. 702 00:33:46,230 --> 00:33:48,739 And I'm incredibly sorry I didn't figure this out until 703 00:33:48,740 --> 00:33:50,819 the day of our wedding, 704 00:33:50,820 --> 00:33:53,660 but I hope you can see that none of this was your fault. 705 00:33:56,960 --> 00:34:01,009 You know, I've been waiting all week 706 00:34:01,010 --> 00:34:02,969 to hear why you decided to blow up 707 00:34:02,970 --> 00:34:05,939 our perfect relationship, 708 00:34:05,940 --> 00:34:08,899 but it wasn't perfect. 709 00:34:08,900 --> 00:34:12,119 I didn't really know you, 710 00:34:12,120 --> 00:34:15,790 and the disturbing thing is, I didn't care. 711 00:34:17,290 --> 00:34:21,009 Because I liked that fake guy you described, 712 00:34:21,010 --> 00:34:23,720 and I wanted to marry him. 713 00:34:28,150 --> 00:34:29,570 Before you go... 714 00:34:37,210 --> 00:34:39,000 This is yours. 715 00:34:43,640 --> 00:34:47,020 - Ains, I'm really sorry. - You should be. 716 00:35:07,230 --> 00:35:09,569 - I just spoke to Ainsley. - You were right. 717 00:35:09,570 --> 00:35:11,899 I owed her an explanation, and to be honest... 718 00:35:11,900 --> 00:35:15,410 Yeah, to Ainsley... not me. 719 00:35:41,420 --> 00:35:43,469 Hey, hey, I made nachos. 720 00:35:43,470 --> 00:35:45,929 Fully loaded, queso, 'penos. You want some? 721 00:35:45,930 --> 00:35:48,480 Yeah. 722 00:35:50,100 --> 00:35:51,689 Do you have a thing for Maya? 723 00:35:51,690 --> 00:35:53,739 - What? - No! 724 00:35:53,740 --> 00:35:56,829 Then why did you buy her a necklace with an M on it? 725 00:35:56,830 --> 00:35:59,579 That... wasn't for her. 726 00:35:59,580 --> 00:36:01,419 How do you know about that? 727 00:36:01,420 --> 00:36:04,169 I-I went through your stuff. 728 00:36:04,170 --> 00:36:06,219 I wanted to know your clothing sizes 729 00:36:06,220 --> 00:36:08,009 for future birthdays. 730 00:36:08,010 --> 00:36:10,389 Dude, your feelings for Maya are making you crazy. 731 00:36:10,390 --> 00:36:11,939 I'm not crazy! 732 00:36:11,940 --> 00:36:13,989 You've been pining after her for a decade. 733 00:36:13,990 --> 00:36:15,490 You got to grow up. 734 00:36:17,240 --> 00:36:19,329 We both do. 735 00:36:19,330 --> 00:36:20,789 You're right. 736 00:36:20,790 --> 00:36:23,419 What am I doing? 737 00:36:23,420 --> 00:36:25,719 I-I just have to let this go. 738 00:36:25,720 --> 00:36:29,139 - Yes. - That's my boy. 739 00:36:29,140 --> 00:36:30,979 Then maybe Maya will find her way back to me... 740 00:36:30,980 --> 00:36:32,189 - No! - Stop! 741 00:36:32,190 --> 00:36:34,689 - I'm kidding. - I'm kidding. 742 00:36:34,690 --> 00:36:37,699 Hey, Tabby, you got a minute? 743 00:36:37,700 --> 00:36:39,449 Hey, I just wanted to know if your offer 744 00:36:39,450 --> 00:36:41,669 to see Angels in America was still on the table. 745 00:36:41,670 --> 00:36:43,669 Oh, they canceled it after opening night. 746 00:36:43,670 --> 00:36:45,799 The administration decided it wasn't appropriate 747 00:36:45,800 --> 00:36:47,679 for a 13-year-old to play Roy Cohn. 748 00:36:47,680 --> 00:36:49,809 Yeah, that makes sense. 749 00:36:49,810 --> 00:36:52,309 Well, would you still like to get a drink 750 00:36:52,310 --> 00:36:54,149 with me sometime? 751 00:36:54,150 --> 00:36:57,819 Oh, no, I've actually gotten a really serious boyfriend 752 00:36:57,820 --> 00:36:59,489 since I saw you last. 753 00:36:59,490 --> 00:37:01,579 - Ah, no, I see. - I'm sorry. 754 00:37:01,580 --> 00:37:03,220 - I'm so stupid. - I just... 755 00:37:19,490 --> 00:37:20,520 So it's a date? 756 00:37:22,120 --> 00:37:24,380 Okay. 757 00:37:48,260 --> 00:37:52,139 Julia, this won't take long. 758 00:37:52,140 --> 00:37:54,229 Molly is my daughter too, okay? 759 00:37:54,230 --> 00:37:56,019 - I knew I shouldn't have come. - No, hold up, hold up. 760 00:37:56,020 --> 00:37:58,819 Now, I know I wasn't supposed to meet her, but I did. 761 00:37:58,820 --> 00:38:01,369 And honestly, I think I could be a great dad. 762 00:38:01,370 --> 00:38:04,999 I tell boring stories, I love golf, 763 00:38:05,000 --> 00:38:06,589 I use Rogaine. 764 00:38:06,590 --> 00:38:08,799 - But this isn't about you. - Exactly. 765 00:38:08,800 --> 00:38:13,770 It is about Molly, which is why... 766 00:38:14,980 --> 00:38:16,350 I signed these. 767 00:38:20,910 --> 00:38:24,619 As a lawyer, I'm surprised. 768 00:38:24,620 --> 00:38:26,999 But as a mum, thank you. 769 00:38:27,000 --> 00:38:31,969 Also, I, uh, I got her this. 770 00:38:31,970 --> 00:38:33,559 You don't have to give it to her, 771 00:38:33,560 --> 00:38:37,309 but it doesn't look good on me. 772 00:38:37,310 --> 00:38:38,899 Craig, you're a dead man. 773 00:38:38,900 --> 00:38:40,279 - I knew you were cheating! - Zara, Zara, calm down. 774 00:38:40,280 --> 00:38:42,109 - I am not cheating on you. - I knew it! 775 00:38:42,110 --> 00:38:45,709 - I should leave. - Yeah, you better walk, you home-wrecker. 776 00:38:45,710 --> 00:38:47,919 Is that what you want, a classy woman 777 00:38:47,920 --> 00:38:50,129 with a fancy job who probably never got fired 778 00:38:50,130 --> 00:38:52,219 from Topshop for abusing her discount? 779 00:38:52,220 --> 00:38:54,049 No, that's not what I want. 780 00:38:54,050 --> 00:38:56,429 I can't believe you would do this to me on my birthday. 781 00:38:56,430 --> 00:38:57,849 It's not your birthday. 782 00:38:57,850 --> 00:38:59,439 It is my birthday month! 783 00:38:59,440 --> 00:39:01,319 You should be ashamed of yourself! 784 00:39:01,320 --> 00:39:03,320 Zara, I am not having an affair. 785 00:39:06,120 --> 00:39:07,499 I have a daughter. 786 00:39:07,500 --> 00:39:10,129 She's your daughter? 787 00:39:10,130 --> 00:39:11,720 But she's so old. 788 00:39:18,140 --> 00:39:19,939 Why didn't you tell me? 789 00:39:19,940 --> 00:39:22,069 I didn't want to just drop this whole thing on you. 790 00:39:22,070 --> 00:39:24,239 I wanted to have it figured out first. 791 00:39:24,240 --> 00:39:26,369 We're supposed to figure out things together. 792 00:39:26,370 --> 00:39:29,379 We're a team, Craig. We're Zara and Craig. 793 00:39:29,380 --> 00:39:31,549 Zraig, Craig. Zraig. 794 00:39:31,550 --> 00:39:33,589 We are Zraig. 795 00:39:33,590 --> 00:39:35,639 I'm sorry I wasn't honest with you. 796 00:39:35,640 --> 00:39:37,179 And all this week I was thinking 797 00:39:37,180 --> 00:39:38,689 you were cheating on me with Maya. 798 00:39:38,690 --> 00:39:40,149 No. 799 00:39:40,150 --> 00:39:41,979 The way you two were sneaking around... 800 00:39:41,980 --> 00:39:43,779 No, I just wanted to get her opinion on what I should do, 801 00:39:43,780 --> 00:39:45,619 and why does everyone think I'm cheating with Maya? 802 00:39:45,620 --> 00:39:47,289 It feels racial. 803 00:39:47,290 --> 00:39:49,959 Wait. So you told Maya before you told me? 804 00:39:49,960 --> 00:39:52,589 Zara, don't be upset. 805 00:39:52,590 --> 00:39:55,179 Don't you tell your girlfriends everything before you tell me? 806 00:39:55,180 --> 00:39:57,099 - No. - No, I don't. 807 00:39:57,100 --> 00:39:59,439 I tell everything to you first because I trust you the most. 808 00:39:59,440 --> 00:40:02,069 - I'm sorry. - I just didn't think you'd understand. 809 00:40:02,070 --> 00:40:03,609 Wouldn't understand? 810 00:40:03,610 --> 00:40:05,569 Craig, if I'm not someone 811 00:40:05,570 --> 00:40:07,409 you come to when you've got a problem, 812 00:40:07,410 --> 00:40:08,829 what am I to you... 813 00:40:08,830 --> 00:40:11,209 Just some fit bird with fake tits 814 00:40:11,210 --> 00:40:12,999 and a tight ass and perfect teeth 815 00:40:13,000 --> 00:40:14,669 who laughs at your five jokes? 816 00:40:14,670 --> 00:40:16,340 You think it's only five? 817 00:40:17,850 --> 00:40:20,640 We don't have a real relationship, Craig. 818 00:40:39,640 --> 00:40:42,859 Dear Ted, your wife told me not to contact you, 819 00:40:42,860 --> 00:40:45,150 but there are some things I need to say. 820 00:40:47,870 --> 00:40:50,909 Five years ago, my friends moved to London, 821 00:40:50,910 --> 00:40:53,039 but I stayed behind to work for a handsome, 822 00:40:53,040 --> 00:40:55,049 idealistic congressman. 823 00:40:55,050 --> 00:40:57,929 I told myself I stayed for my career, 824 00:40:57,930 --> 00:41:00,469 but the truth is I stayed for you. 825 00:41:00,470 --> 00:41:04,019 I wish I could blame you, but that was my choice, 826 00:41:04,020 --> 00:41:06,650 and I have to take responsibility for it. 827 00:41:08,240 --> 00:41:10,239 One thing I will not do 828 00:41:10,240 --> 00:41:14,039 is waste any more time living your life instead of mine. 829 00:41:14,040 --> 00:41:15,670 Maya. 830 00:41:25,650 --> 00:41:27,030 Bye, Ted. 831 00:41:29,910 --> 00:41:33,709 Oi! Why are you throwing rubbish in the river? 832 00:41:33,710 --> 00:41:35,289 Oh, sorry. 833 00:41:35,290 --> 00:41:37,719 - Of course. - American. 834 00:41:37,720 --> 00:41:39,509 You know, just because we don't have guns 835 00:41:39,510 --> 00:41:41,179 doesn't mean we're not still cops. 836 00:41:41,180 --> 00:41:43,270 Sorry. 837 00:42:04,230 --> 00:42:07,939 So I think you'll find every thank-you note there, 838 00:42:07,940 --> 00:42:11,119 from Abramson to Zuckerberg-Chan. 839 00:42:11,120 --> 00:42:13,289 Oh. Gemma. 840 00:42:13,290 --> 00:42:16,749 Oh, my... this is... This is truly amazing. 841 00:42:16,750 --> 00:42:19,129 Oh, my God, you're such a good friend. 842 00:42:19,130 --> 00:42:21,339 Thank you. 843 00:42:21,340 --> 00:42:22,969 Do these smell like scotch? 844 00:42:22,970 --> 00:42:24,559 No. 845 00:42:24,560 --> 00:42:26,149 No, it's probably just, um... 846 00:42:26,150 --> 00:42:27,609 The glue. 847 00:42:27,610 --> 00:42:29,109 - Hey. - Hey! 848 00:42:29,110 --> 00:42:31,319 So you know you had that stupid idea 849 00:42:31,320 --> 00:42:33,489 that I should stay in London? 850 00:42:33,490 --> 00:42:35,329 I think... 851 00:42:35,330 --> 00:42:37,329 - I think I'm gonna do it. - Are you serious? 852 00:42:37,330 --> 00:42:38,999 Yeah, I know I don't have a job, 853 00:42:39,000 --> 00:42:40,589 and I brought, like, three pairs of underwear, 854 00:42:40,590 --> 00:42:42,549 but I was walking home tonight, and I just... 855 00:42:42,550 --> 00:42:43,929 I just had this feeling 856 00:42:43,930 --> 00:42:45,599 that this is where I'm supposed to be. 857 00:42:45,600 --> 00:42:48,359 - It is! It is! - I've been feeling the same way! 858 00:42:48,360 --> 00:42:49,979 - This is crazy. - I'm moving to London! 859 00:42:49,980 --> 00:42:51,569 Are you quite sure? 860 00:42:51,570 --> 00:42:53,159 - We need champagne. - Yes. 861 00:42:53,160 --> 00:42:54,699 - We have to celebrate. - Oh, my God, come on. 862 00:42:54,700 --> 00:42:56,369 You know, London isn't what it once was. 863 00:42:56,370 --> 00:42:58,379 Brexit. 864 00:42:58,380 --> 00:43:01,129 The traffic at Wimbledon. 865 00:43:01,130 --> 00:43:04,299 There's too many cobblestones. You'll sprain an ankle. 866 00:43:04,300 --> 00:43:07,769 You have to ask for water at restaurants. 867 00:43:07,770 --> 00:43:10,819 People are really into pub trivia! 868 00:43:10,820 --> 00:43:13,239 You know where is a great place to get a fresh start? 869 00:43:13,240 --> 00:43:14,990 Brazil! 870 00:44:02,420 --> 00:44:04,420 Go to bed.