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00:00:03,071 --> 00:00:05,473
Everybody Hates Chris
"Everybody Hates Being Cool"
Closed Captioned

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00:00:05,506 --> 00:00:08,342
CHRIS ROCK:
At 15, I was sick
of being a nerd.

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00:00:08,376 --> 00:00:09,710
When you're a nerd, people

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00:00:09,743 --> 00:00:13,147
you want to pay attention
to you ignore you,

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00:00:13,181 --> 00:00:15,616
and the people you wish would
ignore you, pay attention.

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00:00:15,649 --> 00:00:17,618
And I was done with it.

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From now on,
I was going to be cool.

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00:00:20,254 --> 00:00:22,190
Cool guys got everything--

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00:00:22,223 --> 00:00:27,095
girls, cars, girls,
money, girls.

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00:00:27,128 --> 00:00:29,330
But what exactly is cool?

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I tried the surfer look.

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00:00:31,732 --> 00:00:33,501
* See it in your walk

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* Tell 'em when you talk...

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I tried the superhero look.

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* You got the right stuff,
baby... *

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I tried the cowboy look,

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but I ended up with
the Village People look.

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No matter what I did,
I ended up

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looking as cool
as a fat guy

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00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:52,453
in a sweat suit with
a herringbone chain.

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* Ah, make it funky now.

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Captioning sponsored by
PARAMOUNT TELEVISION

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Since I knew nothing
about being cool,

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I decided to consult with
the coolest guy I knew

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to find out his secrets.

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Hey, little dude
from across the street.

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Let me hold a dollar.

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00:01:35,563 --> 00:01:37,865
Hey, man, can I talk
to you for a minute?

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Yeah.

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Later on.

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What do you think
makes a guy cool?

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Cool?

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Man, nothing makes you cool.

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You either cool or you're not.

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But what if you're
not born cool,

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and you want to be?

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Well, the fastest way
is to associate yourself

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with cool people.

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That way you're cool
by association.

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00:02:01,722 --> 00:02:03,457
But why would they want
to hang with me?

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Look, man, it starts
with attitude, all right?

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Followed by a little
head gear.

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Accompanied by the walk.

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The walk?

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Yes, man.
All right-- the walk.

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You got to put a lean
in your walk, man.

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You know, like
you're slightly bothered

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by an old gunshot
wound to the hip.

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Like this.

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00:02:23,811 --> 00:02:24,912
Easy for him--

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he had a gunshot wound
to the hip.

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You see?
Now you try.

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00:02:35,723 --> 00:02:37,658
Nah, man, that ain't it.

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Look, uh...

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The collar, that's right.

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Get this collar
popped up, man.

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All right, now try again.

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I can't watch this.

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Nah, nah, that's...

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that's not it at all.

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All right, look,
we definitely

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gonna have to pull out
the big guns on this.

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Now, the coolest boy
in the world right now

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is LL Cool J.

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And you think you can
make me look like him?

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Let's find out.

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Not bad. Not bad at all.

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Hey, Chris.

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It's working already?!

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Let me hold a dollar.

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Here's my self-respect, too.
Keep the change.

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Well, got to go, little dude
from across the street.

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Stay cool.

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While I was on my way
to being cool,

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spring cleaning was
making my mother hot.

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Ugh!

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Look at all this junk.

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00:03:47,395 --> 00:03:49,797
No he didn't.

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Julius!

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What's going on?

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00:03:54,668 --> 00:03:57,371
This is what's going on.

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You told me you were going
to get rid of that years ago.

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Instead you just
hid it from me?

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It wasn't hid.

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00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:03,611
Yes, it was.

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It was underneath
your camouflage jacket.

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It was camouflaged!

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Baby, it's a good coat.

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Do you remember who
gave you this coat?

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I think it was Janet.

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You're damn right!

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00:04:15,989 --> 00:04:18,359
So when you told me that you
were gonna get rid of it,

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that means you were lying,
so now you're a liar?

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00:04:20,894 --> 00:04:23,364
Yes.
You're acting like you
pulled Janet out of the closet.

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00:04:23,397 --> 00:04:24,965
What difference
does it make?

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It's a coat, not
a woman-- damn!

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00:04:28,569 --> 00:04:30,804
So you're telling me
you're going to keep the coat,

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even though I'm telling you
I don't want you to keep it?

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Yeah. I see no sane
reason to get rid of
it, so I'm keeping it.

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Okay, fine.

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Keep the coat, Julius.

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I hope it keeps you warm.

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Takes a brave man to choose
a coat over a woman.

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A brave stupid man.

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Hey, man, did you
get shot in the leg?

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No, why?

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'Cause you're walking
like it hurts.

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I'm just trying
to be cool.

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It's not working.

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It's not working?

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Look at you-- you look like
a powder blue Dean Martin.

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00:05:05,105 --> 00:05:07,375
Technically, I look like
a powder blue Joey Bishop.

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Whatever.

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00:05:08,442 --> 00:05:09,510
We need to change
our images.

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I don't know about you,

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but I'm tired of being at
the bottom of the totem pole.

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A powder blue totem pole.

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That's true.

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I want to be
like them.

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Tell me why they
don't go to school
and they don't work,

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but they have great cars
and great girls?

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Because they're criminals.

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Those are the kids
from the arcade.

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We can't be like them.

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00:05:29,730 --> 00:05:31,932
I mean, those kids
have either been suspended,

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00:05:31,965 --> 00:05:33,934
expelled or dropped
out of school.

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00:05:33,967 --> 00:05:35,836
When you're old,
that makes you a loser,

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00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:38,806
but when you're young,
it gives the illusion of cool.

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00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:41,108
Shh, be quiet.

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00:05:42,910 --> 00:05:45,446
Hey, kid, you got a cigarette?

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No, but I got some gum.

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Forget it.

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It's spearmint.

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And sugar-free.

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I don't think he's listening.

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Well, we learned
one thing--

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cool guys have
cigarettes.

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00:06:01,629 --> 00:06:03,864
Now before you go getting
all upset,

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in 1986,
almost everybody smoked.

140
00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:08,869
People didn't give a damn
about health.

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00:06:08,902 --> 00:06:11,038
Here's a partial list
of things in this picture

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that people didn't know
where dangerous.

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Eventually, all these people
died horribly,

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but while they lived,
they were cool.

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My brother Drew was so cool,
he could do anything.

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But in the spring of '86,
that changed.

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Here, take this thing
away from me.
What's this?

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It's evil.

149
00:06:37,965 --> 00:06:38,932
The Rufus Cube--

150
00:06:38,966 --> 00:06:41,001
the most diabolical puzzle
ever invented.

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00:06:41,034 --> 00:06:43,904
It caused nervous breakdowns,
divorces and suicides

152
00:06:43,937 --> 00:06:45,839
because it was almost
impossible to solve.

153
00:06:45,873 --> 00:06:47,708
This looks easy.

154
00:06:49,677 --> 00:06:52,546
Chris, I got to go into the
library for a few minutes.

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Watch the register.

156
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The library?

157
00:06:55,115 --> 00:06:57,017
Yeah, I got to go
to the bathroom.

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I do some of my best
handicapping in the john.

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00:06:59,553 --> 00:07:01,154
Keep an eye
on the register.

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00:07:01,188 --> 00:07:03,991
A big part of being cool
is taking advantage

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00:07:04,024 --> 00:07:07,094
of opportunities
when they present themselves.

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00:07:10,831 --> 00:07:12,199
Now that I had cigarettes,

163
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I had the start
of what I needed.

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A real cool guy
wouldn't have paid,

165
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but Nerdy McGee

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would have felt too guilty.

167
00:07:21,909 --> 00:07:24,111
Even though I had the keys
to being cool,

168
00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:25,879
Greg was locked
into being a square.

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00:07:25,913 --> 00:07:28,115
All right, just put one
of these behind your ear.

170
00:07:28,148 --> 00:07:29,182
Dude, that's contraband.

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00:07:29,216 --> 00:07:30,951
The Surgeon General
told us not to...

172
00:07:30,984 --> 00:07:33,554
Greg, do you want
to look cool or not?

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00:07:33,587 --> 00:07:35,589
Yeah, but I don't want
to be a fugitive.

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00:07:35,623 --> 00:07:37,024
(siren wailing)

175
00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:39,192
Freeze!

176
00:07:39,226 --> 00:07:40,728
Go! Go! Go! Go!

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00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:42,262
Get down!
All the way down!

178
00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:44,064
Slowly remove the cigarette

179
00:07:44,097 --> 00:07:45,566
away from your ear.

180
00:07:45,599 --> 00:07:48,769
Stay there, dirtbag!

181
00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:50,003
You don't have
to smoke it.

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00:07:50,037 --> 00:07:51,839
You just have to put it
behind your ear

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00:07:51,872 --> 00:07:54,107
and walk around like
those guys at the arcade.
The arcade?

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00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:55,776
I'd like to get back
in there again.

185
00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:56,977
You went in the arcade?

186
00:07:57,010 --> 00:07:58,011
Yeah, once.

187
00:08:03,050 --> 00:08:05,085
(screaming)

188
00:08:05,118 --> 00:08:06,554
Forget that.

189
00:08:06,587 --> 00:08:08,121
That was before
you looked cool.

190
00:08:08,155 --> 00:08:09,923
Okay, man, I'll try it.

191
00:08:09,957 --> 00:08:11,959
Yeah.

192
00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:13,727
Oh, remember, you get caught
with a cigarette in school

193
00:08:13,761 --> 00:08:14,728
is an automatic suspension.

194
00:08:14,762 --> 00:08:16,697
Right, it's just to walk around
and look cool

195
00:08:16,730 --> 00:08:17,831
for the other kids.
Right.

196
00:08:17,865 --> 00:08:19,667
So how do I look?

197
00:08:19,700 --> 00:08:21,902
Nervous. Come on, man,
pop your collar.

198
00:08:21,935 --> 00:08:24,805
Put your shades on.
Roll up your pant leg.

199
00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:26,273
Okay.

200
00:08:30,277 --> 00:08:31,545
Better.

201
00:08:31,579 --> 00:08:32,646
No it's not.

202
00:08:32,680 --> 00:08:33,881
All right, let's make a pact.

203
00:08:33,914 --> 00:08:35,916
If either one of us gets caught
by the teacher

204
00:08:35,949 --> 00:08:37,150
we don't rat out the other.
Deal?

205
00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:38,919
Deal.

206
00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:43,557
Chris gave it to me.

207
00:08:43,591 --> 00:08:45,292
Chris?

208
00:08:45,325 --> 00:08:47,828
I'm so disappointed
in you.

209
00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:48,962
I know that nicotine,

210
00:08:48,996 --> 00:08:51,865
pork rinds
and malt liquor

211
00:08:51,899 --> 00:08:53,667
are the black man's vices...

212
00:08:53,701 --> 00:08:55,135
You forgot white women.

213
00:08:55,168 --> 00:08:57,571
...but why infect Gregory?

214
00:08:57,605 --> 00:08:59,673
Because I wanted
to be cool.

215
00:08:59,707 --> 00:09:01,942
Now I just feel like a fool.

216
00:09:01,975 --> 00:09:03,310
I don't know.

217
00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:05,178
Well, I'm sorry, Chris,

218
00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:06,947
but you're suspended.

219
00:09:06,980 --> 00:09:10,050
When my parents found out, I
was finally going to be cool.

220
00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:11,585
Cool as a corpse.

221
00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:17,157
My father had worked
hard all day.

222
00:09:17,190 --> 00:09:19,259
But my mother had been
to space.

223
00:09:19,292 --> 00:09:21,161
You went to work
like that?

224
00:09:21,194 --> 00:09:22,896
Don't you know you
could get fired?

225
00:09:22,930 --> 00:09:23,997
What did your boss say?

226
00:09:27,034 --> 00:09:29,870
So you say you
want a raise?

227
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:33,273
I got a raise.

228
00:09:33,306 --> 00:09:36,343
You shouldn't
be wearing that.

229
00:09:36,376 --> 00:09:37,745
Get rid of it.

230
00:09:37,778 --> 00:09:40,347
Oh, I'll be happy
to get rid of it...

231
00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:42,182
as long as you get rid
of that jacket.

232
00:09:42,215 --> 00:09:43,884
I'm not getting rid
of my jacket.

233
00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:44,918
Fine.

234
00:09:44,952 --> 00:09:46,053
Fine.

235
00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:47,888
Fine!

236
00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:48,956
Not fine.

237
00:09:51,725 --> 00:09:54,695
When you get suspended from
school, they call your parents.

238
00:09:54,728 --> 00:09:57,931
So if the phone rang,
this could be my last meal.

239
00:09:57,965 --> 00:10:00,400
So what's going on, Chris?

240
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:01,902
What you mean?

241
00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:02,936
There's something
different about you.

242
00:10:02,970 --> 00:10:04,371
Did you get
a haircut?

243
00:10:04,404 --> 00:10:06,774
No.
Well, you look kind of cool.

244
00:10:06,807 --> 00:10:08,776
What he thought was cool
was actually terror.

245
00:10:08,809 --> 00:10:11,111
Mama, why are you
dressed like that?

246
00:10:11,144 --> 00:10:13,080
Ask your father.

247
00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:14,414
Daddy, why is Mama
dressed like that?

248
00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:15,783
Maybe your mother doesn't know
the difference

249
00:10:15,816 --> 00:10:16,884
between a perfectly
good coat

250
00:10:16,917 --> 00:10:17,885
and a spacesuit.

251
00:10:17,918 --> 00:10:20,087
Better be glad she doesn't
have a ray gun.

252
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:22,255
So, Chris, how was
your day at school?

253
00:10:22,289 --> 00:10:23,323
It was all right.

254
00:10:23,356 --> 00:10:24,792
Anything interesting happen?

255
00:10:24,825 --> 00:10:26,426
No.
DREW:
You sure?

256
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:28,729
'Cause usually you talk
more about school.

257
00:10:28,762 --> 00:10:30,397
Can't get you
to stop talking about it.

258
00:10:30,430 --> 00:10:31,732
Nothing happened

259
00:10:31,765 --> 00:10:32,866
at school, okay?

260
00:10:32,900 --> 00:10:34,034
It was just like
any other day.

261
00:10:34,067 --> 00:10:35,002
Any other bad day.

262
00:10:35,035 --> 00:10:37,337
Why are you talking
to your brother like that?

263
00:10:37,370 --> 00:10:38,706
He's just asking
you a question.

264
00:10:38,739 --> 00:10:40,373
Yeah, Chris, calm down.

265
00:10:40,407 --> 00:10:43,276
Drew, will you put that
thing down and eat your dinner?

266
00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:45,713
Dad, I've almost got it.
I can't stop.

267
00:10:45,746 --> 00:10:47,180
Either you eat your dinner
or do the cube.

268
00:10:47,214 --> 00:10:48,181
What's it's going to be?

269
00:10:48,215 --> 00:10:49,382
I'll take the cube.

270
00:10:49,416 --> 00:10:52,953
I thought somehow I had dodged

271
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:54,087
the suspension bullet,

272
00:10:54,121 --> 00:10:56,323
but actually it was just loaded
in a different gun.

273
00:10:56,356 --> 00:10:57,357
Hey, Chris, wait up.

274
00:10:57,390 --> 00:11:00,027
What's up?

275
00:11:00,060 --> 00:11:01,261
Nothing. Just thought I should
tell you about my day.

276
00:11:01,294 --> 00:11:04,998
What about it?
Oh, I just sat around
the house by myself,

277
00:11:05,032 --> 00:11:06,099
answering phones,
taking messages.

278
00:11:06,133 --> 00:11:07,901
Good for you.

279
00:11:07,935 --> 00:11:09,169
Yeah, I talked
to Grandma,

280
00:11:09,202 --> 00:11:11,071
Uncle Michael, the principal
from your school,

281
00:11:11,104 --> 00:11:12,973
Daddy...

282
00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:14,441
Never underestimate
the power of the Devil.

283
00:11:14,474 --> 00:11:17,110
Wait a minute, did you say
the principal from my school?

284
00:11:17,144 --> 00:11:18,378
Yeah, you know, they always call

285
00:11:18,411 --> 00:11:20,848
when they suspend somebody from
school for having cigarettes.

286
00:11:20,881 --> 00:11:22,950
Did they think you were Ma?

287
00:11:22,983 --> 00:11:24,217
I don't know.
I just answered the phone

288
00:11:24,251 --> 00:11:25,953
and they started talking.

289
00:11:25,986 --> 00:11:28,055
You out three days... I guess
that's a total of $15.

290
00:11:28,088 --> 00:11:29,990
What is?

291
00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:31,091
Five dollars a day.

292
00:11:31,124 --> 00:11:33,060
You know it's going to cost
to keep my mouth shut.

293
00:11:33,093 --> 00:11:35,996
The price of being
cool was steep,

294
00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:38,031
but it beat the price
of being beat.

295
00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:44,337
Getting suspended from school
was hard,

296
00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:46,006
but figuring out what I was
going to do

297
00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:47,107
with my day was harder.

298
00:11:48,842 --> 00:11:50,143
Hey, man, what are
you doing here?

299
00:11:50,177 --> 00:11:52,045
I had nowhere else to go.

300
00:11:52,079 --> 00:11:53,881
You're not still mad
at me, are you?

301
00:11:53,914 --> 00:11:55,148
Yeah, actually, I am.

302
00:11:55,182 --> 00:11:56,149
You ratted me out.

303
00:11:56,183 --> 00:11:57,517
I'm torn about it, man.

304
00:11:57,550 --> 00:11:59,920
Please, don't make me feel
any worse than I already am.

305
00:11:59,953 --> 00:12:01,922
Why did you cave so fast?

306
00:12:01,955 --> 00:12:04,024
My therapist says
I'm bad under pressure.

307
00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:05,358
I'm just not cool.

308
00:12:05,392 --> 00:12:07,060
No kidding.

309
00:12:07,094 --> 00:12:08,528
Forget about it.
It's all right.

310
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:11,064
So what are you going
to do all day?
I don't know...

311
00:12:11,098 --> 00:12:13,166
wander around till
it's time to go home.

312
00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:15,803
Maybe I'll see
you at lunch.
(bell ringing)

313
00:12:15,836 --> 00:12:18,105
Got to go.

314
00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:27,314
Well, all right.

315
00:12:27,347 --> 00:12:30,183
I was at the arcade, but I was
afraid if I went in

316
00:12:30,217 --> 00:12:33,020
what happened to Greg
would happen to me.

317
00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:38,525
Hey, it's Juicy Fruit.

318
00:12:38,558 --> 00:12:41,161
(laughing)

319
00:12:41,194 --> 00:12:42,329
Hey, want a smoke?

320
00:12:42,362 --> 00:12:43,831
Look at Juicy Fruit.

321
00:12:43,864 --> 00:12:45,565
Thanks, man.

322
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:46,834
What you up to?

323
00:12:46,867 --> 00:12:48,301
Nothing. Just hanging.

324
00:12:48,335 --> 00:12:49,136
What's the matter,
Juicy Fruit,

325
00:12:49,169 --> 00:12:51,104
you get lost
on the way to school?

326
00:12:51,138 --> 00:12:52,405
No, actually,
I got kicked out.

327
00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:53,841
So did I.

328
00:12:53,874 --> 00:12:54,975
So did I.

329
00:12:55,008 --> 00:12:56,043
Actually,
we all did.

330
00:12:56,076 --> 00:12:58,478
Except for Vinnie.
He never went.

331
00:12:58,511 --> 00:13:01,081
Hey, come on in,
hang out for awhile.

332
00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:02,382
Cool.

333
00:13:02,415 --> 00:13:04,885
I might not smoke,
but right now I'm on fire.

334
00:13:04,918 --> 00:13:06,820
You could do this
yourself, Julius.

335
00:13:06,854 --> 00:13:08,922
Yeah, but every time I do,
I nick my head.

336
00:13:08,956 --> 00:13:10,057
You know what's
going on?

337
00:13:10,090 --> 00:13:11,591
You got a lot of bumps
back here, man.

338
00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:13,526
Lot of lumps in the back
of your head, man.

339
00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:16,196
My grandmother used to read
these things, man.

340
00:13:16,229 --> 00:13:18,365
The configuration is telling me
you got a lot of tension.

341
00:13:18,398 --> 00:13:20,834
Yeah, well, that's true.

342
00:13:20,868 --> 00:13:22,870
Oh, got one coming
at 2:00.

343
00:13:22,903 --> 00:13:24,404
In barbershops
across America

344
00:13:24,437 --> 00:13:26,139
somebody's always on
the lookout for women.

345
00:13:26,173 --> 00:13:27,307
No matter how they look.

346
00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:29,142
Oh, man.

347
00:13:29,176 --> 00:13:30,543
Look at that outfit.

348
00:13:30,577 --> 00:13:32,512
Man, she looks a fool.

349
00:13:32,545 --> 00:13:34,381
I wished my mama
looked like that.

350
00:13:34,414 --> 00:13:35,548
I'd never
leave the house.

351
00:13:35,582 --> 00:13:36,984
Here she come across
that street.

352
00:13:37,017 --> 00:13:38,518
Come on, come on, get
a little closer, baby.

353
00:13:38,551 --> 00:13:41,621
Uh-uh-uh! That is a
Cadillac walk right there.

354
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:42,956
Honky Cadillac.

355
00:13:42,990 --> 00:13:45,993
Wait a minute...
Man, that's...

356
00:13:46,026 --> 00:13:47,060
(all groaning)

357
00:13:47,094 --> 00:13:48,461
Who? Hey, hey,
who is it?

358
00:13:48,495 --> 00:13:51,198
No, don't worry
about it, man.

359
00:13:51,231 --> 00:13:52,332
Where'd she go?

360
00:13:52,365 --> 00:13:54,467
Hey, everybody.

361
00:13:54,501 --> 00:13:56,970
Hey.
Hey.

362
00:13:57,004 --> 00:13:58,105
Hey, baby, I was
just wondering

363
00:13:58,138 --> 00:13:59,306
what you wanted
for dinner tonight?

364
00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:01,008
Rochelle...

365
00:14:01,041 --> 00:14:04,644
I guess I'm
interrupting something.

366
00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:07,114
You know what?
I'll just make
you roast beef.

367
00:14:09,282 --> 00:14:10,217
Bye, boys.

368
00:14:10,250 --> 00:14:11,251
(mumbled farewells)

369
00:14:16,256 --> 00:14:17,324
Man, you got problems.

370
00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:20,060
You got that right.

371
00:14:20,093 --> 00:14:23,096
The next day, I had no question
about where I was going.

372
00:14:23,130 --> 00:14:24,164
Hey, Juicy Fruit,

373
00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:25,365
you want some beer?

374
00:14:25,398 --> 00:14:27,300
Nah, I only drink beer
with my dinner.

375
00:14:27,334 --> 00:14:29,169
Maybe we should go get
something to eat later.

376
00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:32,005
Maybe. So what we doing
for the rest of the day?

377
00:14:32,039 --> 00:14:34,441
Just about time to go
pick up Vito.

378
00:14:34,474 --> 00:14:36,176
You're gonna
love Vito.

379
00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:37,477
Who's Vito?

380
00:14:37,510 --> 00:14:38,946
He's a friend of ours.

381
00:14:38,979 --> 00:14:39,980
He gets out today.

382
00:14:40,013 --> 00:14:41,148
Out of what?

383
00:14:41,181 --> 00:14:42,149
(laughing)

384
00:14:42,182 --> 00:14:44,317
Come on, let's go.

385
00:14:44,351 --> 00:14:45,185
You're cute,
Juicy Fruit.

386
00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:46,653
You're not too bad-looking
yourself.

387
00:14:58,131 --> 00:15:00,300
Trixie had her eye on me,

388
00:15:00,333 --> 00:15:02,369
but somebody else
had their eye on us.

389
00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:07,174
(shutter clicking)

390
00:15:07,207 --> 00:15:10,077
GUARD:
This way, Vito.

391
00:15:10,110 --> 00:15:11,578
All right, Vito--
see you again.

392
00:15:11,611 --> 00:15:13,413
Later that day, I met Vito.

393
00:15:13,446 --> 00:15:15,382
He was the guy these guys
looked up to.

394
00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:17,417
He was also a convict.

395
00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:22,389
Who's this?

396
00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:24,091
He's Juicy Fruit.

397
00:15:24,124 --> 00:15:24,924
Juicy Fruit?

398
00:15:24,958 --> 00:15:26,559
What kind of name
is Juicy Fruit?

399
00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:27,961
My real name is Chris.

400
00:15:27,995 --> 00:15:29,396
Don't worry about it.
He's cool.

401
00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:30,663
Yeah?

402
00:15:30,697 --> 00:15:32,099
You cool, Juicy Fruit?

403
00:15:32,132 --> 00:15:33,266
Yeah, I'm cool.

404
00:15:33,300 --> 00:15:34,968
Not with that nickname.

405
00:15:35,002 --> 00:15:36,536
We'll see about that
the day after tomorrow.

406
00:15:36,569 --> 00:15:38,238
What happens the day
after tomorrow?

407
00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:40,407
We're going to get the guys
who ratted on me.

408
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:43,376
We'd do it tomorrow, but I need
one day to get the guns.

409
00:15:43,410 --> 00:15:45,512
And you're going to be
the lookout.

410
00:15:45,545 --> 00:15:47,480
So you cool with
that, Juicy Fruit?

411
00:15:47,514 --> 00:15:49,282
Mama!

412
00:15:53,353 --> 00:15:55,022
ROCK:
Before I went ahead with
being a lookout,

413
00:15:55,055 --> 00:15:56,389
I got a second opinion
from Doc.

414
00:15:56,423 --> 00:15:58,558
And they want you to be
the lookout?

415
00:15:58,591 --> 00:16:00,293
Yeah, I mean, I don't want
to do it,

416
00:16:00,327 --> 00:16:03,196
but these kids like me and I've
come so far on my coolness.

417
00:16:03,230 --> 00:16:05,032
And I'm just
the lookout.

418
00:16:05,065 --> 00:16:07,367
I can't get in any real trouble.
Wrong.

419
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:09,036
You don't know nothing
about crime, do you?

420
00:16:09,069 --> 00:16:10,303
You act as
a lookout,

421
00:16:10,337 --> 00:16:12,472
while something
felonious occurs,

422
00:16:12,505 --> 00:16:15,042
that makes you
an accessory.

423
00:16:15,075 --> 00:16:16,743
Yeah, but I'll still
be cool, right?

424
00:16:16,776 --> 00:16:18,345
Wrong again.

425
00:16:18,378 --> 00:16:21,348
There are a lot of subheadings
to being an accessory.

426
00:16:21,381 --> 00:16:23,516
You can be an accessory
before the fact.

427
00:16:23,550 --> 00:16:25,785
You can be an accessory
after the fact.

428
00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:28,621
Or you can be an accessory
during the fact.

429
00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:29,722
In any event,

430
00:16:29,756 --> 00:16:32,592
if you get caught,
you going to jail.

431
00:16:32,625 --> 00:16:35,328
Doc spent three to five
as an accessory.

432
00:16:35,362 --> 00:16:39,166
Do you know how embarrassed
I was when you walked in
there in that outfit?

433
00:16:39,199 --> 00:16:40,433
I don't see why.

434
00:16:40,467 --> 00:16:44,271
That was a perfectly good pair
of hot-pink fishnet stockings.

435
00:16:44,304 --> 00:16:46,339
I don't see any sane reason
not to wear them.

436
00:16:46,373 --> 00:16:48,441
Okay, you win.

437
00:16:48,475 --> 00:16:50,443
I'll get rid of the coat.

438
00:16:50,477 --> 00:16:52,412
You sure?

439
00:16:52,445 --> 00:16:54,181
Now I don't want
to twist your arm.

440
00:16:54,214 --> 00:16:56,049
That's a good coat.

441
00:16:56,083 --> 00:16:59,486
Baby, you look like you're
about to ease on down the road.

442
00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:01,621
Yeah, I'm sure.

443
00:17:01,654 --> 00:17:04,191
When all else fails, quit.

444
00:17:04,224 --> 00:17:06,526
Where's Drew?
Dinner's almost ready.

445
00:17:06,559 --> 00:17:08,495
He's upstairs working
on that cube.

446
00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:10,363
He's been messing
with it all day.

447
00:17:10,397 --> 00:17:12,465
He is obsessed
with that thing.

448
00:17:12,499 --> 00:17:14,267
What'd you do at
school today, Chris?

449
00:17:14,301 --> 00:17:17,504
Oh, you know,
same old, same old.

450
00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:20,440
TANYA:
My day was great.

451
00:17:20,473 --> 00:17:21,574
We're learning
time tables.

452
00:17:21,608 --> 00:17:22,809
Today we did fives.

453
00:17:22,842 --> 00:17:24,644
Five times one is five,

454
00:17:24,677 --> 00:17:26,246
and five times
two is ten,

455
00:17:26,279 --> 00:17:29,249
and five times
three is 15.

456
00:17:29,282 --> 00:17:31,084
And five times four is a brick
upside your head.

457
00:17:34,821 --> 00:17:36,689
Sure, I could have
not shown up,

458
00:17:36,723 --> 00:17:39,159
but then every time the
cool guys saw me at school,

459
00:17:39,192 --> 00:17:41,594
they'd say, "Hey, there goes
the guy that's not cool."

460
00:17:41,628 --> 00:17:43,163
All right,

461
00:17:43,196 --> 00:17:44,464
you stand here.

462
00:17:44,497 --> 00:17:46,166
If the cops come,
you blow this whistle.

463
00:17:46,199 --> 00:17:47,534
Got it?

464
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:49,469
Yeah, but I don't really
think we should be here.

465
00:17:49,502 --> 00:17:51,404
I was out where
the buses don't run.

466
00:17:51,438 --> 00:17:54,374
I had lost touch
with the mothership.

467
00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:55,875
I was someplace
where I didn't belong.

468
00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:57,444
Chris, what are
you doing here?

469
00:17:57,477 --> 00:17:58,411
Sweatin'.

470
00:17:58,445 --> 00:18:00,280
I'm hanging with the
guys from the arcade.

471
00:18:00,313 --> 00:18:01,148
The cool kids?

472
00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:02,649
I don't know if
they're cool anymore.

473
00:18:02,682 --> 00:18:03,816
What's going on?

474
00:18:03,850 --> 00:18:05,185
I'm a lookout.

475
00:18:05,218 --> 00:18:06,586
And if the cops come,

476
00:18:06,619 --> 00:18:08,388
I'm supposed to blow
this whistle.

477
00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:09,522
Dude, that makes you
an accessory

478
00:18:09,556 --> 00:18:10,890
before, during
and after the fact.

479
00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:12,859
I know.
I don't even want to be here.

480
00:18:12,892 --> 00:18:14,294
But I'm kind of stuck.

481
00:18:14,327 --> 00:18:15,762
You got to think
about this, Chris.

482
00:18:15,795 --> 00:18:17,330
My uncle was a lookout
one time,

483
00:18:17,364 --> 00:18:19,132
and he ended up getting
shot in the throat.

484
00:18:19,166 --> 00:18:20,367
In the throat?

485
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:21,901
Yeah, he didn't die,

486
00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:23,503
but he ended up
wearing a turtleneck

487
00:18:23,536 --> 00:18:24,537
for the rest of his life.

488
00:18:25,838 --> 00:18:28,241
I knew if I didn't blow
that whistle

489
00:18:28,275 --> 00:18:30,143
I would never be
one of the cool kids.

490
00:18:30,177 --> 00:18:32,145
In fact, the cool kids
might kill me.

491
00:18:32,179 --> 00:18:34,547
But if being cool
meant going to prison,

492
00:18:34,581 --> 00:18:36,349
that price was just too high.

493
00:18:36,383 --> 00:18:37,717
So what are you
going to do?

494
00:18:37,750 --> 00:18:40,287
I did what any nerd would do.

495
00:18:41,721 --> 00:18:43,423
That day, Drew lost

496
00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:45,225
his cool, too.
(groans)

497
00:18:45,258 --> 00:18:47,394
What's wrong with you?

498
00:18:47,427 --> 00:18:48,628
Take this thing
away from me.

499
00:18:48,661 --> 00:18:50,297
It's evil.

500
00:18:50,330 --> 00:18:51,498
I know.
I hate these things.

501
00:18:51,531 --> 00:18:53,400
Yeah,
I never want to see it again.

502
00:18:53,433 --> 00:18:54,301
Me neither.

503
00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:58,705
So what kind of games
do you like to play?

504
00:18:58,738 --> 00:19:00,173
I love Monopoly.

505
00:19:00,207 --> 00:19:01,508
Really? Me, too.

506
00:19:01,541 --> 00:19:03,610
Maybe we can get together
and play sometime.

507
00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:05,478
Great.
Can I have your number?

508
00:19:05,512 --> 00:19:07,214
I already wrote it down.

509
00:19:07,247 --> 00:19:09,816
Even when Drew failed,
he succeeded.

510
00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:11,584
Guys who do the Rufus Cube

511
00:19:11,618 --> 00:19:13,953
end up with other guys
who do the Rufus Cube.

512
00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:15,922
Drew ended up with a girl.

513
00:19:17,824 --> 00:19:19,959
Who knew to solve
the Rufus Cube,

514
00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:23,363
you either had to have
the mind of a genius

515
00:19:23,396 --> 00:19:26,165
or the liver of Lindsey Lohan.

516
00:19:28,601 --> 00:19:30,437
Finally my suspension was up,

517
00:19:30,470 --> 00:19:32,539
and for once Tanya
didn't rat me out.

518
00:19:32,572 --> 00:19:34,474
Have a good day
at school, Chris.

519
00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:35,842
Thanks, Tanya.

520
00:19:35,875 --> 00:19:37,444
No problem.

521
00:19:37,477 --> 00:19:39,646
If you're wondering
why my cool friends

522
00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:41,248
didn't come after me
and kill me--

523
00:19:41,281 --> 00:19:42,382
it's because of what
happened to them.

524
00:19:42,415 --> 00:19:47,487
Johnny Boy spent the rest
of his life in prison.

525
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:49,856
Trixie had
a tragic pole accident.

526
00:19:49,889 --> 00:19:51,524
I'm gonna move
your leg.

527
00:19:51,558 --> 00:19:52,792
Slow here...
(groans)

528
00:19:52,825 --> 00:19:55,328
Vito lived a happy,
successful life

529
00:19:55,362 --> 00:19:56,829
for the next four hours.

530
00:19:56,863 --> 00:20:00,467
Then he was gunned down
by some other cool guys.

531
00:20:00,500 --> 00:20:02,802
It seems cool, like beauty,

532
00:20:02,835 --> 00:20:05,372
turned out to be
in the eye of the beholder.

533
00:20:05,405 --> 00:20:08,541
This task force will not sleep
or be deterred

534
00:20:08,575 --> 00:20:11,911
until the gang's leader
is apprehended.

535
00:20:11,944 --> 00:20:14,247
For the purpose of this case,

536
00:20:14,281 --> 00:20:20,387
we're calling him Mr. Cool,
aka... Juicy Fruit.

537
00:20:20,420 --> 00:20:21,621
* Everybody Hates Chris. *

538
00:20:21,654 --> 00:20:25,825
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