1 00:00:00,448 --> 00:00:04,248 Everybody, everybody, listen up. I need your ideas now. 2 00:00:04,319 --> 00:00:06,753 Ideas, please, right now. Go, go! Come on! 3 00:00:06,821 --> 00:00:08,448 Michael, we don't know what you're talking about. 4 00:00:08,523 --> 00:00:10,388 Wet cement outside. It's drying fast. 5 00:00:10,458 --> 00:00:14,121 Come on, this is a lifelong dream. What do I write? What do I write? 6 00:00:14,195 --> 00:00:15,822 Michael, you could put your initials in it. 7 00:00:15,897 --> 00:00:17,455 M.G.S. No. 8 00:00:17,532 --> 00:00:22,629 Some idiot named Mark Greg Schputnick will claim credit for it. I don't... 9 00:00:22,704 --> 00:00:24,569 That is true. Once in a lifetime opportunity, people. 10 00:00:24,639 --> 00:00:25,697 - Come on! - Well... 11 00:00:25,774 --> 00:00:27,674 Here we go! Yes? 12 00:00:27,742 --> 00:00:29,039 When I was a little girl... 13 00:00:29,110 --> 00:00:30,907 Okay. 14 00:00:30,979 --> 00:00:33,311 Okay, do it! Come on, great! Let's hear it! 15 00:00:33,381 --> 00:00:34,905 We found some wet cement... 16 00:00:34,983 --> 00:00:37,042 It's drying, it's drying. ...in the park in our neighborhood... 17 00:00:37,118 --> 00:00:38,176 All right, come on! 18 00:00:38,253 --> 00:00:39,743 Come on, Phyllis! What did we write? 19 00:00:39,821 --> 00:00:41,379 Oh! Come on! 20 00:00:41,456 --> 00:00:43,447 Here it is. You draw a picture. No! 21 00:00:43,525 --> 00:00:45,083 'Cause that says so much more than words. 22 00:00:45,160 --> 00:00:46,184 No, no! 23 00:00:46,261 --> 00:00:47,250 Come on, give me something good! 24 00:00:47,328 --> 00:00:48,420 Okay, I was watching E! 25 00:00:48,496 --> 00:00:50,760 And I saw Will Smith outside the Chinese Theater, 26 00:00:50,832 --> 00:00:51,958 and, oh, my God, he looked so good. 27 00:00:52,033 --> 00:00:53,193 Pam, translate. 28 00:00:53,268 --> 00:00:55,964 She's talking about the handprints that celebrities make in the cement. 29 00:00:56,037 --> 00:00:57,095 I love it! 30 00:00:57,172 --> 00:00:58,764 If you were a real star, you'd put your face in it. 31 00:00:58,840 --> 00:00:59,829 I love it more! 32 00:00:59,908 --> 00:01:00,932 Michael, that doesn't seem safe... 33 00:01:01,009 --> 00:01:03,204 I love it! 34 00:01:04,646 --> 00:01:05,908 - Come on, let's go! - Come on! 35 00:01:09,551 --> 00:01:13,385 We are here today not to immortalize a man, but an idea. 36 00:01:14,556 --> 00:01:16,023 Maybe the idea of a man. 37 00:01:16,091 --> 00:01:17,319 Hurry, please. 38 00:01:17,392 --> 00:01:19,326 Greatness is only skin deep, some people say. 39 00:01:19,394 --> 00:01:20,827 Can you breathe? Well, that's not true. 40 00:01:20,895 --> 00:01:21,919 Other people believe it's deep down inside. 41 00:01:21,996 --> 00:01:23,088 Hold your breath. 42 00:01:23,164 --> 00:01:24,256 And in this case, that's also not true. 43 00:01:24,332 --> 00:01:26,425 Ready? And... 44 00:01:26,501 --> 00:01:27,559 Go! 45 00:01:27,635 --> 00:01:29,125 Force it in as deep as you can. 46 00:01:29,204 --> 00:01:30,967 That's what she said. 47 00:01:31,039 --> 00:01:34,736 Today's a very special day for me. And it's really not about me. 48 00:01:34,809 --> 00:01:38,301 It's about my grandkids. It's about my great-grandkids. 49 00:01:38,746 --> 00:01:41,681 I can come back here when I'm 100, 50 00:01:41,749 --> 00:01:45,276 and I can find that piece of cement and say, 51 00:01:45,353 --> 00:01:49,084 "That's me. Look, kids. Your daddy left that face hole." 52 00:01:50,291 --> 00:01:52,759 I don't know. It's a good feeling. 53 00:02:14,215 --> 00:02:15,239 Okay. 54 00:02:15,850 --> 00:02:16,908 Adjective. 55 00:02:18,453 --> 00:02:21,149 "Tall." No, no, "Nice." 56 00:02:22,223 --> 00:02:24,817 Good one. Okay. You ready? 57 00:02:24,893 --> 00:02:25,882 Mmm-hmm. 58 00:02:26,461 --> 00:02:30,591 "The tall man entered the nice building, 59 00:02:30,665 --> 00:02:34,533 "to visit a very nice man. 60 00:02:35,537 --> 00:02:41,442 "'Sit down, Mr. Smith. Can I interest you in any good cat food?"' 61 00:02:43,144 --> 00:02:45,135 It's a man eating cat food! 62 00:02:45,213 --> 00:02:46,976 What about a cat eating man food? 63 00:02:47,715 --> 00:02:50,115 Andy and Angela seem very happy. 64 00:02:50,185 --> 00:02:53,052 I hope nothing horrible ever happens to them. 65 00:02:59,527 --> 00:03:03,930 Yeah, I slept over at a friend's house, and... 66 00:03:04,232 --> 00:03:08,293 I forgot my contact solution, so I had to wear my back-up glasses. 67 00:03:10,738 --> 00:03:11,727 Shut up. 68 00:03:12,307 --> 00:03:13,968 All right, everybody. 69 00:03:14,108 --> 00:03:18,272 Oh, my God. Pam, those make you look so ugly. 70 00:03:18,980 --> 00:03:21,540 Pam, in order to get hotter, you take glasses off. 71 00:03:21,616 --> 00:03:23,584 You're moving in the wrong direction. 72 00:03:23,651 --> 00:03:25,346 I don't have my contacts... 73 00:03:25,486 --> 00:03:27,283 I can't even hear you. 74 00:03:27,422 --> 00:03:30,050 It's just noise coming out of an ugly scientist. 75 00:03:30,558 --> 00:03:33,686 Everybody, we're gonna have a little brainstorming session 76 00:03:33,761 --> 00:03:35,160 in the conference room. 77 00:03:35,230 --> 00:03:36,857 Energize. 78 00:03:37,932 --> 00:03:39,866 You know what would energize me? 79 00:03:40,568 --> 00:03:43,196 If you, Pamela Morgan Beesly... 80 00:03:43,304 --> 00:03:44,328 Don't you, don't you... 81 00:03:44,405 --> 00:03:46,703 If you propose to me during a Michael meeting, I will say no. 82 00:03:46,774 --> 00:03:49,299 Well, it's too late, because I'm proposing 83 00:03:49,377 --> 00:03:52,574 that you get me a cup of coffee, which would energize me greatly 84 00:03:52,647 --> 00:03:54,376 and make me the happiest man in the world. 85 00:03:54,449 --> 00:03:58,977 Everybody, so how are we going to energize our office? 86 00:03:59,053 --> 00:04:01,613 I mean, I haven't done anything since Christmas. 87 00:04:01,689 --> 00:04:05,125 Pam clearly has just given up trying. 88 00:04:05,193 --> 00:04:07,388 So what we need to do is we need to get things going. 89 00:04:07,462 --> 00:04:11,728 We need to get percolating a little bit. Anybody have any ideas what we could do? 90 00:04:11,799 --> 00:04:13,630 Any suggestions? Yes, Andy? 91 00:04:13,701 --> 00:04:17,660 What if we changed our outgoing answering machine message 92 00:04:17,739 --> 00:04:21,607 so it just had a little more zing and a little more pep? 93 00:04:21,676 --> 00:04:25,009 Zing and pep. Those are the kind of words we're looking for. Yes, Jim. 94 00:04:25,079 --> 00:04:27,980 What about if we did an even newer voicemail message 95 00:04:28,049 --> 00:04:29,983 that had even more zing and pep? 96 00:04:30,051 --> 00:04:33,020 Now we're cooking, I like this. Maybe a whole theme. 97 00:04:33,087 --> 00:04:35,146 Like a rap... A rap rhyme. An urban thing. 98 00:04:35,223 --> 00:04:38,522 An urban... Yeah, Stanley, you want to help us out with that? 99 00:04:38,626 --> 00:04:39,752 Stanley! Earth to Stanley. 100 00:04:39,827 --> 00:04:40,851 Not me. 101 00:04:40,928 --> 00:04:43,863 Yes, you. Come on, Stanley, put your little game down 102 00:04:43,931 --> 00:04:45,091 and join the group. 103 00:04:45,166 --> 00:04:46,224 No. 104 00:04:46,301 --> 00:04:47,495 Stanley, we're having... 105 00:04:47,568 --> 00:04:48,660 Leave me alone, damn it. 106 00:04:48,736 --> 00:04:50,397 We're having a brainstorm session. 107 00:04:50,471 --> 00:04:51,995 Did I stutter? 108 00:04:58,513 --> 00:05:02,005 Good. This is good. I'm going to grab a glass of water. 109 00:05:08,189 --> 00:05:09,781 Can I talk to you a second? 110 00:05:09,857 --> 00:05:11,256 What? 111 00:05:12,860 --> 00:05:17,160 I really think that you need to address what happened with Stanley this morning. 112 00:05:17,231 --> 00:05:20,462 What are you blabbering about? Nothing happened. 113 00:05:20,535 --> 00:05:23,504 Well, you know, Stanley was openly insubordinate. 114 00:05:23,571 --> 00:05:24,833 That, in the conference room? 115 00:05:24,906 --> 00:05:26,100 Yeah. 116 00:05:26,174 --> 00:05:28,802 We were joshing around, the two of us. 117 00:05:28,876 --> 00:05:30,741 And he said, "Did I stutter?" 118 00:05:30,812 --> 00:05:34,009 And I said, "What, dawg?" 119 00:05:34,082 --> 00:05:37,245 It was joking, Toby, all right? 120 00:05:37,318 --> 00:05:38,546 He didn't seem like he was joking. 121 00:05:38,619 --> 00:05:41,383 Well, you don't get it, because Stanley is a beautiful, 122 00:05:41,456 --> 00:05:43,856 sassy, powerful black man, 123 00:05:43,925 --> 00:05:46,018 and you're you. 124 00:05:46,094 --> 00:05:48,722 If you had any friends, you would understand. 125 00:05:48,796 --> 00:05:52,527 Friends joke with one another. "Hey, you're poor." 126 00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:56,900 "Well, hey, your mama's dead." That's what friends do. 127 00:05:56,971 --> 00:05:59,166 It's... You're so white. 128 00:06:00,408 --> 00:06:02,740 All right. Well... 129 00:06:02,810 --> 00:06:06,268 If you really believe that Stanley was joking... 130 00:06:06,347 --> 00:06:07,336 Mmm-hmm. 131 00:06:07,715 --> 00:06:08,909 Why don't we go ask him now? 132 00:06:08,983 --> 00:06:10,951 Okay, I will. 133 00:06:11,018 --> 00:06:12,883 I'm not feeling very well right now, though. 134 00:06:12,954 --> 00:06:16,355 My stomach hurts, so I may be going home early today. 135 00:06:17,225 --> 00:06:19,853 You know, Michael, sometimes my daughter's stomach hurts 136 00:06:19,927 --> 00:06:21,360 when there's a mean girl at school. 137 00:06:21,429 --> 00:06:26,128 Well, sometimes my stomach hurts when you come into my office. 138 00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:28,532 So it's probably psychological. 139 00:06:31,506 --> 00:06:35,465 You meet a lot of ladies driving an Xterra, because you pull up to a stoplight 140 00:06:35,543 --> 00:06:40,105 and look over, and there's an Xterra next to you, they're always driven by chicks. 141 00:06:40,181 --> 00:06:41,671 So there's your icebreaker. 142 00:06:43,551 --> 00:06:44,575 Scratch! 143 00:06:44,652 --> 00:06:46,142 That's a racing stripe. 144 00:06:46,754 --> 00:06:47,812 Bumper's sagging. 145 00:06:47,889 --> 00:06:49,584 Hmm. I doubt that very much. 146 00:06:49,657 --> 00:06:52,820 This car is crap. I will buy it for next to nothing. 147 00:06:52,894 --> 00:06:53,918 How next to? 148 00:06:53,995 --> 00:06:55,121 Well, here are your options. 149 00:06:55,196 --> 00:06:58,324 You can sell it for parts, drive it off a cliff, 150 00:06:59,066 --> 00:07:03,799 you can donate it to a person that you'd like to see die in a car crash, or 151 00:07:03,871 --> 00:07:06,999 you can sell it to me and I'll use it as I would a wagon on my farm. 152 00:07:07,074 --> 00:07:09,338 It will be towed by a donkey. 153 00:07:09,410 --> 00:07:11,275 I have to pick one of those? Yes. 154 00:07:11,345 --> 00:07:12,437 Can you go over those options again? 155 00:07:12,513 --> 00:07:13,639 You know what? 156 00:07:13,714 --> 00:07:17,980 You knock $1,500 off the price right now and I will take it off your hands. 157 00:07:18,052 --> 00:07:19,349 It's gotta be now. 158 00:07:19,420 --> 00:07:20,478 Well, I had the Blue Book value... 159 00:07:20,555 --> 00:07:21,783 Seal the deal. Let's do it. 160 00:07:21,856 --> 00:07:24,882 Let's do this thing. Three, two, one. 161 00:07:25,026 --> 00:07:26,425 Can I think about it? 162 00:07:26,494 --> 00:07:27,859 Five, four, three, two, now. 163 00:07:27,929 --> 00:07:29,226 Let me think about it. 164 00:07:29,297 --> 00:07:30,992 Now. Now. Say it. Do it now. 165 00:07:31,132 --> 00:07:32,121 Thinking about it. Thinking. 166 00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:33,224 Do it now! Do it. Shake my hand. 167 00:07:33,301 --> 00:07:35,565 You will sell me this car. Shake my hand. 168 00:07:35,636 --> 00:07:37,228 Yeah, all right! 169 00:07:41,676 --> 00:07:43,200 What? 170 00:07:43,277 --> 00:07:46,542 I see that you gave me that form 171 00:07:46,647 --> 00:07:49,377 that I asked you to give me, Stanley the manly. 172 00:07:49,450 --> 00:07:52,476 So thank you for that. I guess we are back to normal. 173 00:07:52,553 --> 00:07:54,384 What are you talking about? 174 00:07:54,455 --> 00:07:59,620 Well, you know, the thing that you said earlier that you didn't mean. 175 00:08:01,128 --> 00:08:04,222 And that I forgive you for. The whole thing's silly, isn't it? 176 00:08:04,298 --> 00:08:07,734 Friends don't need to apologize to friends, as far as I'm concerned. 177 00:08:07,802 --> 00:08:08,928 So we are cool. 178 00:08:09,003 --> 00:08:11,403 I am not going to apologize to you. 179 00:08:11,606 --> 00:08:13,870 It's like I used to tell my wife. 180 00:08:13,941 --> 00:08:18,674 "I do not apologize unless I think I'm wrong, and if you don't like it, you can leave." 181 00:08:18,746 --> 00:08:23,615 And I say the same thing to my current wife, and I'll say it to my next one, too. 182 00:08:23,851 --> 00:08:26,513 Jim is in charge of Stanley only in sales-related matters. 183 00:08:26,587 --> 00:08:29,021 Hence the green line. Green for money. 184 00:08:29,090 --> 00:08:31,888 Sales, get it? There is this yellow zigzag 185 00:08:31,959 --> 00:08:34,484 that does give Ryan the authority to discipline Stanley. 186 00:08:34,562 --> 00:08:35,551 Great. 187 00:08:35,630 --> 00:08:36,790 However, in so doing, 188 00:08:36,864 --> 00:08:40,800 it zigs past your name, hence zagging you and making you appear weak. 189 00:08:40,968 --> 00:08:44,131 Thus the yellow color. Yellow for cowardly. 190 00:08:44,205 --> 00:08:45,570 What's the pink? 191 00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:46,732 Menstrual cycles. 192 00:08:47,375 --> 00:08:48,501 Okay. 193 00:08:48,843 --> 00:08:53,542 Is there anybody up here, anybody at all, that can deal with this 194 00:08:53,614 --> 00:08:55,047 other than me... You. 195 00:08:55,182 --> 00:09:00,552 Well, there is the emergency disaster mode for the org chart. 196 00:09:00,621 --> 00:09:06,253 This gives me full authority over every single person in the office. 197 00:09:06,327 --> 00:09:07,453 I never said you could do that. 198 00:09:07,528 --> 00:09:08,995 All you have to do is say it. 199 00:09:09,063 --> 00:09:10,325 Okay, I'll think about it. 200 00:09:10,398 --> 00:09:11,888 Say it. Just do it. 201 00:09:11,966 --> 00:09:17,199 Don't think, say it. Do it. Five, four, three, two... 202 00:09:17,271 --> 00:09:20,707 Do it. Give me control, Michael. 203 00:09:24,145 --> 00:09:28,411 I promise to give authority back to you when this crisis is over. 204 00:09:28,482 --> 00:09:30,040 Do it, Michael. 205 00:09:31,452 --> 00:09:32,817 Do it. Hey. 206 00:09:34,021 --> 00:09:36,353 This office needs a strongman. 207 00:09:37,325 --> 00:09:38,553 Say it. 208 00:09:40,528 --> 00:09:41,893 No. So... 209 00:09:43,164 --> 00:09:47,328 All right, well then, you're gonna have to deal with this yourself. 210 00:09:53,541 --> 00:09:56,840 Hey, Pam. I really like your glasses. 211 00:09:56,911 --> 00:09:58,435 Oh, thanks. 212 00:09:58,512 --> 00:10:02,107 All the girlfriends that I've ever had have worn glasses. 213 00:10:02,183 --> 00:10:03,980 Oh, okay. 214 00:10:04,051 --> 00:10:06,042 Yeah, it's kind of a turn-on for me, actually. 215 00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:07,109 I should probably get back to... 216 00:10:07,188 --> 00:10:08,212 Like librarians. 217 00:10:08,289 --> 00:10:09,620 ...entering the... 218 00:10:09,690 --> 00:10:11,385 Could you just say, 219 00:10:11,459 --> 00:10:13,188 "These are due back Thursday"? 220 00:10:13,260 --> 00:10:14,284 No. 221 00:10:27,074 --> 00:10:30,771 Dunder Mifflin. This is Pam. Okay, go ahead. 222 00:10:34,181 --> 00:10:35,978 A lot of jazz cats are blind, 223 00:10:36,083 --> 00:10:39,348 but they can play the piano like nobody's business. 224 00:10:39,787 --> 00:10:44,781 I'd like to put the piano in front of Pam without her glasses and see what happens. 225 00:10:45,159 --> 00:10:46,888 I'd also like to see her topless. 226 00:10:51,532 --> 00:10:52,726 Mike. Hey. 227 00:10:52,900 --> 00:10:54,629 I'm very busy here, man. Darryl... 228 00:10:56,704 --> 00:10:58,262 Have you ever been in a gang? 229 00:10:58,339 --> 00:10:59,431 Why? 230 00:10:59,507 --> 00:11:02,135 It's an advice question, and 231 00:11:02,209 --> 00:11:05,770 if you don't want to talk about it, I completely understand. It's... 232 00:11:05,846 --> 00:11:07,711 No, no, no. I know it's very, very personal. 233 00:11:07,782 --> 00:11:08,908 No... 234 00:11:10,918 --> 00:11:11,907 I have. 235 00:11:11,986 --> 00:11:14,318 I knew it. Okay. 236 00:11:14,388 --> 00:11:16,117 Who are we talking about here? 237 00:11:16,257 --> 00:11:17,918 Crips, Bloods? Both. 238 00:11:17,992 --> 00:11:18,981 God. 239 00:11:19,060 --> 00:11:21,290 Yeah, them and the Latin Kings. 240 00:11:21,362 --> 00:11:24,263 The Warriors, Newsies. Okay. 241 00:11:24,331 --> 00:11:26,299 Okay, so dig this. 242 00:11:27,401 --> 00:11:30,837 You're on the street and one of your gang disses you. 243 00:11:30,905 --> 00:11:32,770 Oh, my goodness. Yeah, right. 244 00:11:32,840 --> 00:11:35,206 So what do you do to get him to make it right? 245 00:11:35,276 --> 00:11:40,771 Well, see, in the gang world, we use something called "Fluffy fingers." 246 00:11:42,216 --> 00:11:43,274 What is that? 247 00:11:43,350 --> 00:11:45,978 That's where if somebody really gets in your face, 248 00:11:46,053 --> 00:11:48,544 you know, you just start tickling them. 249 00:11:51,325 --> 00:11:52,690 Really? Yeah. 250 00:11:52,760 --> 00:11:54,591 And he starts tickling you. 251 00:11:54,662 --> 00:11:57,324 You know, pretty soon you're laughing and hugging. 252 00:11:57,398 --> 00:11:59,628 Before you know it, you've forgotten the whole thing. 253 00:11:59,700 --> 00:12:03,466 Y'all can just go to church together and get an ice cream cone. 254 00:12:03,537 --> 00:12:06,062 I would have never thought that 255 00:12:07,374 --> 00:12:09,205 gangs would be tickling each other. 256 00:12:09,276 --> 00:12:11,176 Well, it's effective. 257 00:12:21,155 --> 00:12:25,524 I think it's self-explanatory. Hey, Jim! Come here for a second. 258 00:12:25,593 --> 00:12:28,027 Can you answer me something as a true Eagles fan? 259 00:12:28,095 --> 00:12:29,756 Oh, boy. 260 00:12:29,830 --> 00:12:31,923 How do you live with a franchise this bad? 261 00:12:31,999 --> 00:12:33,694 On a wing and a prayer, mostly. 262 00:12:33,768 --> 00:12:35,565 All right, whatever you say. 263 00:12:35,636 --> 00:12:37,467 Listen, while I have you here with Toby, 264 00:12:37,571 --> 00:12:40,506 I need to give you a formal warning about your job performance. 265 00:12:40,608 --> 00:12:42,235 A formal warning? 266 00:12:42,977 --> 00:12:46,344 It's actually not a joke. I know how you spend your time here. 267 00:12:46,413 --> 00:12:48,574 I know how little you care about your job. 268 00:12:48,649 --> 00:12:50,810 And honestly, if you spent as much time selling 269 00:12:50,885 --> 00:12:53,718 as you do goofing around with Dwight and hanging out at reception, 270 00:12:53,788 --> 00:12:56,518 we wouldn't be having this conversation. 271 00:12:56,991 --> 00:13:00,119 I'm sorry, is this because I talked to Wallace about your website? 272 00:13:00,194 --> 00:13:02,321 Because I really didn't mean to go over your head. 273 00:13:02,396 --> 00:13:04,728 This has nothing to do with that, all right? 274 00:13:04,832 --> 00:13:08,063 I always appreciate constructive criticism about my job performance. 275 00:13:08,135 --> 00:13:09,659 I thrive on it. 276 00:13:10,137 --> 00:13:12,128 I'm sorry, then do you mind explaining it a little better? 277 00:13:12,206 --> 00:13:13,332 'Cause I'm not sure what's really... 278 00:13:13,407 --> 00:13:15,272 Whoa. Don't get all defensive, all right? 279 00:13:15,342 --> 00:13:16,969 It's just a warning. 280 00:13:17,044 --> 00:13:20,571 If you want the details, Toby can provide them. You take it easy, all right? 281 00:13:20,815 --> 00:13:24,251 I'd say all the goofing around at Pam's desk 282 00:13:24,318 --> 00:13:27,754 and hanging out with Pam has finally caught up to him. 283 00:13:28,722 --> 00:13:30,485 You know, with Pam. 284 00:13:34,562 --> 00:13:37,156 Hey, what happened? What did Ryan want? 285 00:13:37,231 --> 00:13:38,698 Oh, we were just 286 00:13:38,766 --> 00:13:41,360 talking about bureaucratic stuff. 287 00:13:41,435 --> 00:13:42,925 Because you're very important. 288 00:13:43,003 --> 00:13:44,027 Yeah. 289 00:13:53,347 --> 00:13:56,578 Oh, what's Dwight up to? Oh, probably nothing. 290 00:14:01,722 --> 00:14:04,088 What the hell is this all about? 291 00:14:05,693 --> 00:14:07,456 You're flipping my car for profit. 292 00:14:07,528 --> 00:14:09,086 It's my car now. 293 00:14:09,163 --> 00:14:13,725 I gave you a deal based on what you said to me. 294 00:14:13,801 --> 00:14:18,170 Yeah, well, seller beware. Now if you'll excuse me, 295 00:14:18,239 --> 00:14:22,175 I've got to monitor a three-way bidding war for my car on eBay. 296 00:14:23,544 --> 00:14:25,944 I've got a Mad Lib for you. 297 00:14:26,013 --> 00:14:30,006 "A stupid, idiotic numbskull 298 00:14:30,084 --> 00:14:34,077 "named Andy Bernard sold his Xterra 299 00:14:34,154 --> 00:14:38,181 "to a smart and capable man named Dwight. 300 00:14:38,259 --> 00:14:41,854 "This is shaping up to be an awesome day for Dwight." 301 00:14:54,708 --> 00:15:00,340 Okay, everybody. Shh. Listen up. Earlier today, Stanley sassed me, 302 00:15:00,414 --> 00:15:03,679 and Toby gave me some suggestions on how to discipline him. 303 00:15:03,751 --> 00:15:06,549 They did not work, obviously, because they were stupid. 304 00:15:06,620 --> 00:15:10,317 So I am now going to fake fire him. 305 00:15:11,158 --> 00:15:12,182 What does that mean? 306 00:15:12,259 --> 00:15:14,250 It's like a mock execution. 307 00:15:14,361 --> 00:15:16,352 That's not a good idea. Yes, it is a good idea. 308 00:15:16,430 --> 00:15:18,591 It's the only possible solution I have left. 309 00:15:18,666 --> 00:15:19,997 Well, you can actually fire him. 310 00:15:20,067 --> 00:15:21,159 No... 311 00:15:22,269 --> 00:15:23,258 I've had enough of you. 312 00:15:23,337 --> 00:15:24,599 Why are you telling us this? 313 00:15:24,672 --> 00:15:28,438 Because I want you to behave as if I'm actually firing him, Oscar, okay? 314 00:15:28,509 --> 00:15:30,977 Michael, if you hadn't told us this, 315 00:15:31,045 --> 00:15:33,707 then we would've thought that you were actually firing him. 316 00:15:33,781 --> 00:15:38,377 I'm not firing him! I will need you to act like I am firing him. 317 00:15:38,452 --> 00:15:42,752 Just... What I'm going to do is I'm going to pretend that I'm firing him. 318 00:15:42,890 --> 00:15:46,053 And I need you to act like I am firing him. Do you get that? 319 00:15:46,226 --> 00:15:47,955 Do you get it? I'm teaching him a lesson. 320 00:15:48,095 --> 00:15:50,928 He needs to learn humility, all right? That's all I'm... 321 00:15:51,031 --> 00:15:53,864 Okay, here he comes. Let's just play-act. 322 00:15:56,270 --> 00:15:59,034 Stanley, may I talk to you for a second? 323 00:16:05,412 --> 00:16:08,575 Stanley Hudson, you are fired. 324 00:16:15,889 --> 00:16:17,447 Are you serious? 325 00:16:17,992 --> 00:16:20,460 I am serious. We are all serious. 326 00:16:21,795 --> 00:16:23,524 You are fired like a heart attack. 327 00:16:23,597 --> 00:16:26,964 You're firing me over three words? 328 00:16:27,034 --> 00:16:29,093 Yes. Have you lost your mind? 329 00:16:29,169 --> 00:16:32,468 Do you think I'm gonna let you do this to me? 330 00:16:32,539 --> 00:16:35,372 I've watched you screw up this office for 10 years, 331 00:16:35,442 --> 00:16:38,605 and I'm filing a lawsuit, and I'm gonna tell them about every stupid thing 332 00:16:38,679 --> 00:16:40,010 you've ever done up in this office. 333 00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:41,240 All right, okay. 334 00:16:41,315 --> 00:16:43,977 You know what? Now you know how I feel. 335 00:16:45,352 --> 00:16:46,842 This was a fake firing. 336 00:16:48,088 --> 00:16:51,387 Lesson learned. Good work, everybody. Very nice. 337 00:16:51,458 --> 00:16:52,789 So I'm not fired. 338 00:16:52,860 --> 00:16:54,987 That's it. 339 00:16:55,062 --> 00:16:57,189 And... 340 00:16:57,264 --> 00:16:58,731 Do you have anything to say to me? 341 00:16:58,799 --> 00:17:00,790 Ooh, yes, I do. 342 00:17:01,935 --> 00:17:05,200 You are out of your damn little pea-sized mind. 343 00:17:05,272 --> 00:17:09,868 What is wrong with you? Do you have any sense at all? 344 00:17:09,943 --> 00:17:12,605 Do you have any idea how to run an office? 345 00:17:12,679 --> 00:17:16,012 Every day you do something stupider than you did the day before. 346 00:17:16,083 --> 00:17:19,416 And I think, "There's no possible way he can top that." 347 00:17:19,486 --> 00:17:22,683 But what do you do? You find a way, damn it, to top it. 348 00:17:22,756 --> 00:17:24,121 You are a professional idiot... 349 00:17:24,191 --> 00:17:25,852 Hey, stop it! 350 00:17:27,294 --> 00:17:28,761 Okay, everybody out. 351 00:17:28,829 --> 00:17:30,660 Who? Yeah, everybody except Stanley. 352 00:17:39,139 --> 00:17:40,163 Let's go. 353 00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:41,935 I can't find my glasses. Okay, you know what? 354 00:17:42,009 --> 00:17:45,240 Why don't you take my hand and leave them, and let's get out of here. 355 00:17:45,312 --> 00:17:46,711 Okay, okay. 356 00:17:50,484 --> 00:17:54,944 It's Michael versus Stanley, and it is the clash of the titans. 357 00:17:55,022 --> 00:17:59,015 In one corner, you have Michael, and he is mad. 358 00:17:59,093 --> 00:18:02,859 And then in the other corner, you have Stanley, and he's mad. 359 00:18:04,198 --> 00:18:05,961 So that's about it. 360 00:18:26,220 --> 00:18:28,211 I don't understand why you keep picking on me. 361 00:18:28,288 --> 00:18:29,277 Oh, for the love of God. 362 00:18:29,356 --> 00:18:30,618 You just 363 00:18:30,691 --> 00:18:35,253 do, and I don't know why, so please help me understand. 364 00:18:35,329 --> 00:18:41,029 Fine. Here it is. You are a person I do not respect. 365 00:18:41,101 --> 00:18:44,298 The things you say, your actions, your methods and style, 366 00:18:44,371 --> 00:18:47,932 everything you would do, I would do it the opposite way. 367 00:18:51,812 --> 00:18:53,473 Well, Stanley, 368 00:18:53,547 --> 00:18:56,243 maybe you are feeling that you don't respect me 369 00:18:56,316 --> 00:18:58,443 because you don't know me very well. 370 00:18:58,519 --> 00:19:01,249 Michael, I've known you a very long time, 371 00:19:01,421 --> 00:19:05,517 and the more I've gotten to know you, the less I've come to respect you. 372 00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:08,193 Any other theories? 373 00:19:14,501 --> 00:19:16,833 All right, you don't respect me. 374 00:19:17,971 --> 00:19:19,438 I accept that. 375 00:19:21,008 --> 00:19:22,600 But listen to me. 376 00:19:22,676 --> 00:19:27,978 You can't talk to me that way in this office, you just can't. I am your boss. 377 00:19:29,650 --> 00:19:31,675 Can't allow it. 378 00:19:31,752 --> 00:19:32,776 Fair enough. 379 00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:45,460 I am a good person, and sometimes good people don't get no respect. 380 00:19:45,532 --> 00:19:46,965 Rodney Dangerfield. 381 00:19:48,435 --> 00:19:52,030 "Hey, I don't get no respect. No respect at all. 382 00:19:52,973 --> 00:19:56,306 "When I was in the sandbox as a kid, I got no respect. 383 00:19:57,644 --> 00:20:00,078 "My wife likes to talk after sex. 384 00:20:00,147 --> 00:20:04,106 "So she called me from a hotel room, said, 'I don't respect you.' 385 00:20:05,552 --> 00:20:06,985 "Thoughtless. 386 00:20:08,956 --> 00:20:12,619 "You know what don't get no respect? Airplane food. 387 00:20:13,293 --> 00:20:17,024 "Why don't they just make the plane out of the airline food? 388 00:20:19,900 --> 00:20:24,894 "My wife don't get no respect. So... Take her, please, for example. 389 00:20:27,140 --> 00:20:30,473 "If you don't get no respect, you might be a redneck." 390 00:20:31,945 --> 00:20:35,574 "Respect is nice." Borat. 391 00:20:39,119 --> 00:20:43,249 "What's the deal with Grape-Nuts? No grapes, no nuts. 392 00:20:44,925 --> 00:20:46,586 "I don't get no respect." 393 00:20:48,695 --> 00:20:52,859 So I'm thinking as a reward for our loyal clients 394 00:20:52,933 --> 00:20:57,302 that we contact their assistants and we find out where they live, 395 00:20:57,371 --> 00:21:02,468 and then, we go to their houses in the middle of summer and go caroling. 396 00:21:02,542 --> 00:21:09,175 It is a summer Christmas sale-e-bration, and we'll call it, "A summer sales-a-lot." 397 00:21:10,751 --> 00:21:12,878 Feedback, anybody? Stanley? 398 00:21:14,154 --> 00:21:16,918 Has potential to be your best idea yet. 399 00:21:18,825 --> 00:21:20,292 That's the dumbest thing I ever heard. 400 00:21:20,360 --> 00:21:21,918 Damn it, Phyllis. 401 00:21:21,995 --> 00:21:24,293 All right, everybody out except Phyllis.