1 00:00:26,193 --> 00:00:27,151 Come here. 2 00:00:33,158 --> 00:00:35,034 - Ta-ta. - Ta-ta. 3 00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:38,496 Don't forget the checkie. Can't produce plays without checkie. 4 00:00:38,788 --> 00:00:43,459 You can count on me, you dirty young man. 5 00:00:47,214 --> 00:00:48,297 Good-bye. 6 00:00:48,298 --> 00:00:52,510 Bye-bye. Good-bye. Bye. 7 00:00:52,928 --> 00:00:55,346 Bye-bye. Old buzzard. 8 00:01:07,609 --> 00:01:16,784 Hold me. Touch me. 9 00:01:27,546 --> 00:01:28,712 Darling. 10 00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:31,507 Hold me. Touch me. 11 00:01:31,508 --> 00:01:33,300 Not in the hall. 12 00:01:45,063 --> 00:01:48,440 I know she's in here. I wonder where she's hiding. 13 00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:49,650 Where are you? 14 00:01:50,443 --> 00:01:52,945 Where are you, devil woman? 15 00:01:58,034 --> 00:02:00,703 "Finders keepers" 16 00:02:03,873 --> 00:02:06,458 Here I come, ready or not. 17 00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:17,553 There you are, you little flirt. 18 00:02:46,207 --> 00:02:48,125 What's the matter? 19 00:02:48,126 --> 00:02:51,170 Papa no want to play with baby? 20 00:02:51,379 --> 00:02:55,799 - I think Papa's neck is broken. - What a sissy. 21 00:02:58,803 --> 00:03:03,682 Meow. 22 00:03:05,518 --> 00:03:08,395 I wonder where old Tom is tonight? 23 00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:10,898 Oy. 24 00:04:00,949 --> 00:04:04,827 Bialy. Bialy, darling, did I hurt you? 25 00:04:04,828 --> 00:04:10,040 - It's only a flesh wound, lamb chop. - Don't worry, darling. 26 00:04:16,673 --> 00:04:19,216 I'll kiss it and make it well. 27 00:04:21,177 --> 00:04:22,428 Mr. Bialystock. 28 00:04:22,887 --> 00:04:25,472 Mr. Bialystock? How do you do? 29 00:04:25,473 --> 00:04:27,933 My God. I mean... 30 00:04:33,606 --> 00:04:35,023 ...excuse me. 31 00:04:35,358 --> 00:04:38,444 You mean, "oops," don't you? Just say, "oops," and get out! 32 00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:41,947 Not... 33 00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:43,824 - "Oops!" - Oops. 34 00:04:47,203 --> 00:04:50,247 I can't abide a peeping Tom. 35 00:04:50,957 --> 00:04:55,669 One in the apartment just opposite my bedroom window. 36 00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:58,797 I swear, that man never takes his... 37 00:04:58,798 --> 00:05:02,342 ...field glasses off me, not for a minute. 38 00:05:04,053 --> 00:05:06,555 - Feeling better? - Yes. 39 00:05:06,556 --> 00:05:07,598 Good. 40 00:05:11,644 --> 00:05:13,270 Let's fool around. 41 00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:35,667 Now I'll be the innocent little milkmaid... 42 00:05:35,668 --> 00:05:38,670 ...and you be the naughty stable boy. 43 00:05:42,383 --> 00:05:44,134 This milk is so heavy. 44 00:05:44,677 --> 00:05:46,553 I'll never reach the house. 45 00:05:47,263 --> 00:05:50,933 Help me. Will someone help me? 46 00:05:50,934 --> 00:05:52,059 Wait! 47 00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:55,062 We can't play today. I have too many appointments. 48 00:05:55,063 --> 00:05:56,313 We can't play today? 49 00:05:56,314 --> 00:05:58,857 Thursday! We'll play on Thursday. 50 00:05:58,858 --> 00:06:01,819 We'll play "The Contessa and The Chauffeur." 51 00:06:42,610 --> 00:06:46,697 - The best one! - Until Thursday then, Contessa mia. 52 00:06:47,574 --> 00:06:49,032 Contessa mia. 53 00:06:49,742 --> 00:06:53,871 No, darling, please, just a little. 54 00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:57,708 Money. I need money. 55 00:06:57,709 --> 00:07:01,128 All right. 56 00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:03,380 The Contessa and the Chauffeur. 57 00:07:07,302 --> 00:07:09,970 So the Count hired you this morning, Rudolfo? 58 00:07:09,971 --> 00:07:12,389 Watch the road. 59 00:07:12,390 --> 00:07:16,268 I can't take my eyes off you. How can I drive when you drive me mad? 60 00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:19,563 - Mad! - Rudolfo, you dirty pig. 61 00:07:20,773 --> 00:07:21,773 Pull over. 62 00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:49,468 That's enough. Good. 63 00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:50,802 We'll do the rest on Thursday. 64 00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:54,306 Now, that's a good girl. I'll get you your purse... 65 00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:55,307 ...and your gloves. 66 00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:59,478 Thursday. 67 00:07:59,812 --> 00:08:02,272 Until Thursday, then, you bawdy wench. 68 00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:06,860 - Hold me. Touch me. - Thursday. 69 00:08:06,861 --> 00:08:09,905 And then we'll finish playing the Contessa and Rudolfo? 70 00:08:09,906 --> 00:08:11,782 First thing on Thursday. 71 00:08:12,617 --> 00:08:14,242 And after that... 72 00:08:14,243 --> 00:08:17,746 ...we'll play "The Abduction and the Cruel Rape of Lucretia"... 73 00:08:17,747 --> 00:08:19,122 ...and I'll be Lucretia. 74 00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:22,793 And I'll be Rape. On Thursday. That's wonderful. 75 00:08:23,711 --> 00:08:28,131 Lucretia, you forgot the checkie. Can't produce plays without checkie. 76 00:08:29,926 --> 00:08:32,135 I had it with me all the time. 77 00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:37,808 Is it okay? I made it out to "cash." You didn't say the play's name. 78 00:08:37,809 --> 00:08:41,645 Fine. Good. Thursday. 79 00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:45,857 Good-bye, my powder pigeon. Bye-bye. 80 00:08:45,858 --> 00:08:48,276 - Ta-ta. - Ta-ta. 81 00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:50,070 Good-bye. 82 00:08:50,405 --> 00:08:53,824 He who signs the lease, must pay rent. 83 00:08:53,992 --> 00:08:55,492 That's the law. 84 00:08:55,827 --> 00:08:56,827 Why, you're a thief. 85 00:08:56,828 --> 00:08:59,663 How can you take the last penny out of a poor man's pocket? 86 00:08:59,664 --> 00:09:00,956 I have to. 87 00:09:01,332 --> 00:09:02,833 I'm a landlord. 88 00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:05,919 Lord, hear my plea. Destroy him. 89 00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:10,257 - He maketh a blight on the land. - Don't listen to him. He's crazy. 90 00:09:10,883 --> 00:09:13,802 That hurt. I must make another call. 91 00:09:34,824 --> 00:09:35,866 Oops? 92 00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:40,412 Who are you? What do you want? Why are you loitering in my hallway? 93 00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:41,997 Speak, dummy! Speak! 94 00:09:42,331 --> 00:09:45,042 - Why don't you speak? - Scared. Can't talk. 95 00:09:46,836 --> 00:09:47,878 All right. 96 00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:50,589 Get a hold of yourself. 97 00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:52,466 Take a deep breath. 98 00:09:53,509 --> 00:09:54,801 Let it out slowly... 99 00:09:55,928 --> 00:09:57,220 And tell me, who are you? 100 00:09:58,389 --> 00:10:02,225 I'm Leo Bloom. I am an accountant. I'm from Whitehall and Marx. 101 00:10:02,226 --> 00:10:05,103 I was sent here to do your books, and I'm terribly sorry... 102 00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:06,938 ...I caught you with the old lady. 103 00:10:07,231 --> 00:10:09,274 "Caught you with the old lady"? 104 00:10:09,984 --> 00:10:11,985 Come in, Mr. Tact. 105 00:10:29,087 --> 00:10:31,797 - So, you're an accountant? - Yes, I am. 106 00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:32,964 Then account for yourself! 107 00:10:32,965 --> 00:10:34,925 Do you believe in God? Or gold? 108 00:10:34,926 --> 00:10:36,885 Why are you looking up old ladies' dresses? 109 00:10:36,886 --> 00:10:37,844 Bit of a pervert, eh? 110 00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:41,056 Never mind. Do the books. 111 00:10:41,057 --> 00:10:43,934 They're over there in that desk. Top drawer. 112 00:10:45,436 --> 00:10:46,645 I'll take your coat. 113 00:10:47,188 --> 00:10:48,897 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 114 00:10:57,323 --> 00:11:00,033 How dare you condemn me without knowing all the facts! 115 00:11:00,034 --> 00:11:00,992 Mr. Bialystock... 116 00:11:00,993 --> 00:11:04,037 Shut up! I'm having a rhetorical conversation! 117 00:11:04,539 --> 00:11:06,123 How humiliating. 118 00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:07,999 Max Bialystock. 119 00:11:14,257 --> 00:11:15,882 You know who I used to be? 120 00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:20,679 Max Bialystock, King of Broadway! Six shows running at once! 121 00:11:22,140 --> 00:11:23,890 Lunch at Delmonico's. 122 00:11:24,225 --> 00:11:25,851 $200 suits. 123 00:11:29,105 --> 00:11:30,147 You see this? 124 00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:35,193 This once held a pearl as big as your eye! Look at me now. Look at me now! 125 00:11:37,029 --> 00:11:39,406 I'm wearing a cardboard belt. 126 00:11:47,832 --> 00:11:50,792 I used to have thousands of investors begging... 127 00:11:50,793 --> 00:11:54,838 ...pleading to put their money in a Max Bialystock production. 128 00:11:55,756 --> 00:11:57,716 Look at my investors now. 129 00:12:01,220 --> 00:12:02,262 Voilà. 130 00:12:02,263 --> 00:12:07,184 Hundreds of little old ladies stopping off at Max Bialystock's office... 131 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:11,271 ...to grab a last thrill on the way to the cemetery. 132 00:12:21,324 --> 00:12:26,203 You have exactly 10 seconds to change that look of disgusting pity... 133 00:12:26,204 --> 00:12:28,663 ...into one of enormous respect. 134 00:12:28,664 --> 00:12:31,082 One, two... 135 00:12:31,083 --> 00:12:33,710 Do the books. 136 00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:37,339 I appreciate that, sir. 137 00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:52,020 Window's so filthy, can't tell whether it's day or night out there. 138 00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:07,077 That's it, baby! When you got it, flaunt it! 139 00:13:07,078 --> 00:13:08,245 Flaunt it! 140 00:13:12,208 --> 00:13:13,333 Cough. 141 00:13:14,085 --> 00:13:15,210 Cough! 142 00:13:20,549 --> 00:13:24,552 I assume you're making those cartoon noises to attract my attention. 143 00:13:26,389 --> 00:13:29,766 Am I correct in my assumption, you fish-faced enemy of the people? 144 00:13:30,309 --> 00:13:32,185 I hurt your feelings. 145 00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:36,064 - Good! What is it? - May I speak to you for a minute? 146 00:13:37,984 --> 00:13:40,694 Go. You have 58 seconds. 147 00:13:40,695 --> 00:13:45,573 - In glancing at your books, I noticed that... - You have 48 seconds left. Hurry. 148 00:13:45,574 --> 00:13:49,661 - I glanced at your books, I noticed... - 28 seconds. You're running out of time. 149 00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:52,497 - Tick tock, tick tock... - Mr. Bialystock... 150 00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:54,749 ...I cannot function under these conditions! 151 00:13:54,750 --> 00:13:57,210 You're making me extremely nervous! 152 00:13:57,753 --> 00:14:00,714 - What is that, a handkerchief? - What? Nothing. That's nothing. 153 00:14:01,299 --> 00:14:03,258 If it's nothing, why can't I see it? 154 00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:07,721 My blanket! My blue blanket! Give me my blue blanket! 155 00:14:07,722 --> 00:14:10,098 You... No! You... 156 00:14:11,350 --> 00:14:13,935 Here. 157 00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:15,312 Don't panic. 158 00:14:22,653 --> 00:14:23,737 I'm sorry. 159 00:14:23,738 --> 00:14:26,323 I don't like people touching my blue blanket. 160 00:14:27,199 --> 00:14:30,994 It's not important. It's a minor compulsion. I can deal with it if I want to. 161 00:14:31,537 --> 00:14:34,331 It's just that I've had it ever since I was a baby... 162 00:14:34,332 --> 00:14:36,708 ...and I find it very comforting. 163 00:14:44,383 --> 00:14:46,801 They come here. They all come here. 164 00:14:47,094 --> 00:14:50,013 - How do they find me? - May I speak to you? 165 00:14:50,348 --> 00:14:51,973 Yes, Prince Mishkin. 166 00:14:52,224 --> 00:14:56,144 - What can we do for you? - This is hardly a time for levity. 167 00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:58,897 I've discovered a serious error... 168 00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:01,566 ...in the accounts of your last play. - Where? What? 169 00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:04,235 According to the backers list, you raised $60,000. 170 00:15:04,403 --> 00:15:06,946 But the play that you produced only cost $58,000. 171 00:15:06,947 --> 00:15:08,740 That's $2,000 unaccounted for. 172 00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:12,452 I went to a Turkish bath. Who cares? The play was a flop! 173 00:15:12,453 --> 00:15:15,330 - What difference does it make? - What difference does it make? 174 00:15:15,331 --> 00:15:18,249 That's fraud! If they found out, you could go to prison. 175 00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:21,419 Who's gonna find out? It's only $2,000. Bloom, do me a favor. 176 00:15:21,420 --> 00:15:24,089 Move a few decimal points around. You're an accountant. 177 00:15:24,090 --> 00:15:28,051 You're in a noble profession. The word "count" is part of your title. 178 00:15:28,219 --> 00:15:29,302 That's cheating. 179 00:15:29,303 --> 00:15:32,347 It's not cheating. It's charity. 180 00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:34,265 Bloom, look at me. 181 00:15:34,892 --> 00:15:36,309 Look at me! 182 00:15:37,269 --> 00:15:38,978 I'm drowning. 183 00:15:40,272 --> 00:15:44,317 Other men sail through life. Bialystock has struck a reef. 184 00:15:45,653 --> 00:15:48,655 I'm going under. 185 00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:52,617 I'm being sunk by a society that demands success... 186 00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:54,285 ...when all I can offer is failure. 187 00:15:54,495 --> 00:15:57,414 Bloom, I'm reaching out to you. 188 00:15:58,749 --> 00:16:00,667 Don't send me to prison. 189 00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:03,628 Help! 190 00:16:06,632 --> 00:16:10,301 Help me, Bloom. Bloom, help me. 191 00:16:12,179 --> 00:16:14,722 I'll do it! 192 00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:18,017 - Thank you. I knew I could con you. - That's all right. What? 193 00:16:18,018 --> 00:16:20,103 Nothing. Do it. 194 00:16:20,479 --> 00:16:22,772 Right. Let's see. $2,000. 195 00:16:23,649 --> 00:16:24,816 $2,000. 196 00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:29,195 That isn't much. I'm sure I can hide it somewhere. 197 00:16:30,489 --> 00:16:33,867 After all, the Internal Revenue Service isn't interested in a flop. 198 00:16:33,868 --> 00:16:36,703 Yes, right. Good thinking. You figure it out. 199 00:16:36,704 --> 00:16:40,665 I'm tired. I'm gonna take a little nap. Wake me if there's a fire. 200 00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:44,836 Let's see if we add these we get, 10... 201 00:16:45,379 --> 00:16:46,337 ...four... 202 00:16:50,676 --> 00:16:51,885 Amazing. 203 00:16:52,595 --> 00:16:54,137 It's absolutely amazing. 204 00:16:54,722 --> 00:16:56,389 Under the right circumstances... 205 00:16:56,390 --> 00:16:58,683 ...a producer could make more money with a flop... 206 00:16:58,684 --> 00:17:00,018 ...than he could with a hit. 207 00:17:02,980 --> 00:17:04,481 Yes, it's quite possible. 208 00:17:04,482 --> 00:17:07,984 If he were certain that the show would fail, a man could make a fortune! 209 00:17:07,985 --> 00:17:08,985 Yes? 210 00:17:09,236 --> 00:17:12,030 - Yes what? - What you were saying? Keep talking. 211 00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:13,114 What was I saying? 212 00:17:13,115 --> 00:17:15,200 That under the right circumstances... 213 00:17:15,201 --> 00:17:17,494 ...a producer could make more money with a flop... 214 00:17:17,495 --> 00:17:19,037 ...than he could with a hit. 215 00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:20,955 Yes, it's quite possible. 216 00:17:20,956 --> 00:17:23,875 You keep saying that, but you don't tell me how. 217 00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:26,211 How can a producer make more money with a flop... 218 00:17:26,212 --> 00:17:27,504 ...than he could with a hit? 219 00:17:27,505 --> 00:17:30,381 It's simply a matter of creative accounting. 220 00:17:30,382 --> 00:17:33,885 Let's assume, just for the moment, that you are a dishonest man. 221 00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:35,595 - Assume away. - It's very easy. 222 00:17:35,596 --> 00:17:37,889 You simply raise more money than you really need. 223 00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:38,973 What do you mean? 224 00:17:38,974 --> 00:17:41,809 You did it yourself, only you did it on a very small scale. 225 00:17:41,810 --> 00:17:42,727 What'd I do? 226 00:17:42,728 --> 00:17:46,022 You raised $2,000 more than you needed to produce your last play. 227 00:17:46,023 --> 00:17:48,566 So? What did it get me? I'm wearing a cardboard belt! 228 00:17:48,567 --> 00:17:51,486 That's where you made your mistake. You didn't go all the way. 229 00:17:51,487 --> 00:17:55,365 You see, if you were really a bold criminal, you could have raised $1 million. 230 00:17:55,366 --> 00:17:57,909 But the play only cost me $60,000 to produce. 231 00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:58,952 And how long did it run? 232 00:17:58,953 --> 00:18:00,286 - One night. - You see? 233 00:18:00,287 --> 00:18:01,829 Do you see what I'm trying to say? 234 00:18:01,830 --> 00:18:04,541 You could have raised $1 million, put on a $60,000 flop... 235 00:18:04,542 --> 00:18:05,833 ...and kept the rest. 236 00:18:05,834 --> 00:18:08,503 - But what if the play was a hit? - Then you'd go to jail. 237 00:18:08,504 --> 00:18:10,964 Once the play's a hit, you have to pay the backers... 238 00:18:10,965 --> 00:18:14,842 ...and with so many, there could never be enough profits to go around. Get it? 239 00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:19,847 So in order for this scheme to work... 240 00:18:19,848 --> 00:18:22,350 ...we'd have to find a sure-fire flop. 241 00:18:22,351 --> 00:18:24,561 - What scheme? - "What scheme?" 242 00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:27,146 Your scheme, you bloody little genius! 243 00:18:27,147 --> 00:18:28,815 I meant no scheme. 244 00:18:28,816 --> 00:18:31,192 I merely posed a little academic accounting theory. 245 00:18:31,193 --> 00:18:32,527 It was just a thought. 246 00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:36,447 Worlds are turned on such thoughts. 247 00:18:38,367 --> 00:18:41,869 Don't you see, Bloom? Darling Bloom. Glorious Bloom. 248 00:18:41,870 --> 00:18:42,996 It's so simple. 249 00:18:42,997 --> 00:18:45,123 Step one, we find the worst play in the world. 250 00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:46,124 A sure-fire flop. 251 00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:49,794 Step two, I raise $1 million. There's a lot of old ladies in the world. 252 00:18:49,795 --> 00:18:51,629 Step three, you work on the books... 253 00:18:51,630 --> 00:18:54,257 ...phony list of backers for the government. 254 00:18:54,258 --> 00:18:57,677 You can do it, Bloom. You're a wizard. Step four, we open on Broadway. 255 00:18:57,678 --> 00:19:00,680 And before you can say "step five," we close on Broadway. 256 00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:04,809 Step six, we take our $1 million, we fly to Rio de Janeiro! 257 00:19:04,810 --> 00:19:05,852 "Rio 258 00:19:05,853 --> 00:19:08,354 - "Rio by the sea-o" - Mr. Bialystock, wait a minute. 259 00:19:10,524 --> 00:19:12,233 You're holding me too tight. 260 00:19:14,111 --> 00:19:16,613 I'm an honest man. You don't understand. 261 00:19:16,614 --> 00:19:19,991 No, you don't understand! This is fate! This is destiny! 262 00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:22,452 This is kismet! There's no avoiding it. 263 00:19:22,453 --> 00:19:25,747 Not more than five minutes ago, I doctored your books! 264 00:19:25,748 --> 00:19:28,583 That, sir, is the ultimate extent of my criminal life! 265 00:19:31,879 --> 00:19:33,755 I want that money! 266 00:19:35,132 --> 00:19:36,758 I fell on my keys. 267 00:19:37,509 --> 00:19:41,596 You miserable, cowardly, wretched, little caterpillar. 268 00:19:41,597 --> 00:19:43,681 Don't you ever want to become a butterfly? 269 00:19:43,682 --> 00:19:47,518 Don't you want to spread your wings and flap your way to glory? 270 00:19:47,811 --> 00:19:49,354 You're gonna jump on me. 271 00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:52,690 You're gonna jump on me! I know you're gonna jump on me! 272 00:19:52,691 --> 00:19:55,485 - Like Nero jumped on Poppaea. - Who? 273 00:19:55,486 --> 00:19:58,321 Poppaea! She was his wife. She was unfaithful to him... 274 00:19:58,322 --> 00:20:01,866 ...so he got mad and jumped on her up and down, up and down... 275 00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:03,993 ...until he squashed her like a bug! 276 00:20:03,994 --> 00:20:07,330 - Please don't jump on me! - I'm not gonna jump on you! 277 00:20:07,331 --> 00:20:08,498 I'm not gonna jump on you! 278 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:13,169 - Will you get a hold of yourself? - Don't touch me! 279 00:20:16,006 --> 00:20:18,424 I'm not gonna hurt you. What's the matter with you? 280 00:20:18,425 --> 00:20:22,011 I'm hysterical! I'm having hysterics. I'm hysterical. 281 00:20:22,346 --> 00:20:25,848 I can't stop when I get like this. I can't stop. I'm hysterical. 282 00:20:29,728 --> 00:20:32,814 I'm wet! 283 00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:35,316 I'm hysterical, and I'm wet! 284 00:20:36,402 --> 00:20:37,860 I'm in pain! 285 00:20:38,445 --> 00:20:39,821 And I'm wet! 286 00:20:40,739 --> 00:20:44,158 And I'm still hysterical! No, don't hit. It doesn't help. 287 00:20:44,159 --> 00:20:47,870 - It only increases my sense of danger. - What can I do? 288 00:20:47,871 --> 00:20:51,290 - You're getting me hysterical. - Go away. You frighten me. 289 00:20:51,291 --> 00:20:53,126 - Where shall I go? - Sit over there. 290 00:20:53,127 --> 00:20:57,922 Okay. 291 00:20:58,424 --> 00:21:00,925 I'm over here. This better? 292 00:21:00,926 --> 00:21:03,928 That's better. But you still look angry. 293 00:21:05,931 --> 00:21:07,223 How's this? 294 00:21:08,559 --> 00:21:09,642 Good. 295 00:21:09,935 --> 00:21:11,310 That's good. 296 00:21:12,104 --> 00:21:13,730 That's very nice. 297 00:21:15,357 --> 00:21:17,233 I think I'm coming out of it now. 298 00:21:18,944 --> 00:21:19,902 Yes. 299 00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:22,155 I'm definitely coming out of it. 300 00:21:24,783 --> 00:21:27,452 Thank you for smiling. That helped a great deal. 301 00:21:27,619 --> 00:21:29,328 You know what they say: 302 00:21:29,329 --> 00:21:31,914 "Smile and the world smiles with you." 303 00:21:33,751 --> 00:21:36,294 This man should be in a straitjacket. 304 00:21:36,545 --> 00:21:37,628 Feeling better? 305 00:21:37,629 --> 00:21:41,174 Much, thank you, but I am a little lightheaded. 306 00:21:41,175 --> 00:21:43,259 Maybe I should eat something. 307 00:21:43,552 --> 00:21:44,969 Hysterical attacks have a way... 308 00:21:44,970 --> 00:21:47,472 ...of severely depleting one's blood sugar, you know. 309 00:21:47,473 --> 00:21:49,932 They certainly do. 310 00:21:50,142 --> 00:21:52,602 Come. Let me take you to lunch. 311 00:22:00,736 --> 00:22:03,988 You know, it's very nice of you to take me to lunch, Mr. Bialystock. 312 00:22:04,323 --> 00:22:07,366 Call me Max. You know I don't let everybody call me Max. 313 00:22:07,618 --> 00:22:11,120 - It's only those people I like. - Okay, Max. 314 00:22:11,455 --> 00:22:14,373 - And you can call me Leo. - I already have. 315 00:22:15,542 --> 00:22:18,294 Where shall we go for lunch? 316 00:22:18,754 --> 00:22:23,257 Max, I don't know, Max. What do you think, Max? 317 00:22:23,967 --> 00:22:26,511 Leo, it's such a beautiful day... 318 00:22:26,512 --> 00:22:28,971 ...why go to a dark, stuffy restaurant? 319 00:22:29,181 --> 00:22:30,932 Let's dine al fresco. 320 00:22:31,183 --> 00:22:34,393 - This is al fresco? - The finest. Thank you. 321 00:22:35,854 --> 00:22:39,690 Excellent. Please tender our compliments to the chef. 322 00:22:39,691 --> 00:22:43,152 - Please tender half a buck. - Of course. Here you are, my good man. 323 00:22:43,362 --> 00:22:46,531 I'm not your good man. I happen to own this establishment. 324 00:22:46,532 --> 00:22:47,824 Give me the change. 325 00:22:50,077 --> 00:22:51,953 Everybody's a big shot. 326 00:22:53,330 --> 00:22:56,541 Leo, what say we promenade through the park? 327 00:22:56,542 --> 00:22:58,125 I'd love to, but it's nearly 2:00. 328 00:22:58,126 --> 00:23:00,211 I should get back to Whitehall and Marx. 329 00:23:00,212 --> 00:23:02,755 Nonsense. As far as Whitehall and Marx is concerned... 330 00:23:02,756 --> 00:23:04,924 ...you're working with Max Bialystock, right? 331 00:23:04,925 --> 00:23:08,094 - Right. - Then stick with Bialystock. 332 00:23:26,905 --> 00:23:28,948 Lovely out here, isn't it? 333 00:23:29,241 --> 00:23:32,410 I wish I could enjoy it. I'm so nervous. 334 00:23:32,786 --> 00:23:34,912 What if someone from the office should see me? 335 00:23:34,913 --> 00:23:37,915 Then you'd see them, and why aren't they at the office? 336 00:23:40,419 --> 00:23:41,878 That's right. 337 00:23:42,504 --> 00:23:44,755 That's it, Leo. You're learning. 338 00:23:45,924 --> 00:23:47,425 Having a good time? 339 00:23:48,010 --> 00:23:50,261 I don't know. I feel so strange. 340 00:23:51,096 --> 00:23:52,763 Maybe you're happy. 341 00:23:53,307 --> 00:23:55,057 That's it. I'm happy. 342 00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:00,438 What do you know about that? 343 00:24:01,106 --> 00:24:05,067 I'm happy! 344 00:24:08,947 --> 00:24:13,284 There it is, Bloom. The most exciting city in the world. 345 00:24:13,285 --> 00:24:16,203 Thrills, adventure, romance. 346 00:24:16,830 --> 00:24:19,999 Everything you ever dreamed of is down there. 347 00:24:20,918 --> 00:24:24,670 Big black limousines. Gold cigarette cases. 348 00:24:24,671 --> 00:24:27,590 Elegant ladies with long legs. 349 00:24:28,133 --> 00:24:30,551 All you need is money. 350 00:24:31,219 --> 00:24:35,014 Money is honey. 351 00:24:35,557 --> 00:24:37,934 Leo, he who hesitates is poor. 352 00:24:39,978 --> 00:24:41,938 Don't let me influence you. 353 00:24:42,189 --> 00:24:46,192 - It's your decision. - But if we get caught, we'll go to prison. 354 00:24:46,193 --> 00:24:50,446 You think you're not in prison now? Living in a gray, little room? 355 00:24:51,031 --> 00:24:55,618 Going to a gray, little job? Leading a gray, little life? 356 00:24:56,203 --> 00:24:57,203 That's right. 357 00:24:57,788 --> 00:24:59,080 I'm a nothing. 358 00:25:00,207 --> 00:25:03,167 I spend my life counting other people's money. 359 00:25:03,877 --> 00:25:05,586 People I'm smarter than. 360 00:25:06,129 --> 00:25:07,296 Better than. 361 00:25:08,757 --> 00:25:10,341 Where's my share? 362 00:25:11,468 --> 00:25:13,302 Where's Leo Bloom's share? 363 00:25:14,638 --> 00:25:17,807 I want... 364 00:25:18,642 --> 00:25:21,477 I want everything I've ever seen in the movies! 365 00:25:21,478 --> 00:25:23,312 Leo, say you'll join me! 366 00:25:24,064 --> 00:25:25,398 I'll do it! 367 00:25:26,525 --> 00:25:29,860 My God, I'll do it! 368 00:25:29,861 --> 00:25:31,153 I'll do it! 369 00:25:34,491 --> 00:25:35,950 I'm Leo Bloom! 370 00:25:37,244 --> 00:25:38,494 I'm me! 371 00:25:39,246 --> 00:25:40,997 I can do whatever I want! 372 00:25:41,415 --> 00:25:42,790 It doesn't matter! 373 00:25:43,375 --> 00:25:44,750 I'm Leo Bloom! 374 00:26:09,067 --> 00:26:12,028 Max, let's call it a night. It's 2:00 in the morning. 375 00:26:12,029 --> 00:26:15,072 - I don't know what I'm reading anymore. - Read. 376 00:26:15,073 --> 00:26:17,575 We've got to find the worst play ever written. 377 00:26:22,330 --> 00:26:24,874 "Gregor Samsa woke one morning... 378 00:26:25,125 --> 00:26:28,586 "...to discover that he had been transformed..." 379 00:26:28,587 --> 00:26:30,504 "...into a giant cockroach." 380 00:26:31,423 --> 00:26:32,882 It's too good. 381 00:26:37,262 --> 00:26:41,015 Wait a minute. 382 00:26:42,100 --> 00:26:43,684 I've read this play. 383 00:26:44,936 --> 00:26:47,313 I'm reading plays I read this morning. 384 00:26:48,607 --> 00:26:50,066 I can't go on. 385 00:26:50,358 --> 00:26:51,609 It's too much. 386 00:26:52,694 --> 00:26:56,113 Max, let's face it, we'll never find it. 387 00:27:00,285 --> 00:27:03,579 "We'll never find it." 388 00:27:06,958 --> 00:27:08,292 "We'll never find it"? 389 00:27:08,293 --> 00:27:09,627 "Rio 390 00:27:09,795 --> 00:27:11,420 "Rio by the sea-o 391 00:27:11,421 --> 00:27:12,922 "Bialystock and Leo" 392 00:27:12,923 --> 00:27:14,840 "Oh, me-o, Oh, my-o" 393 00:27:15,467 --> 00:27:16,592 Leo... 394 00:27:17,636 --> 00:27:18,886 Smell it. 395 00:27:19,137 --> 00:27:21,180 See it? Touch it. 396 00:27:21,181 --> 00:27:23,015 - What is it? - "What is it?" 397 00:27:23,016 --> 00:27:24,141 We've struck gold. 398 00:27:24,142 --> 00:27:26,185 Not fool's gold, but real gold. 399 00:27:26,186 --> 00:27:28,229 The mother lode. 400 00:27:29,272 --> 00:27:30,689 The mother of them all. 401 00:27:31,191 --> 00:27:32,775 Kiss it, kiss it. 402 00:27:33,110 --> 00:27:34,485 You found a flop. 403 00:27:34,486 --> 00:27:37,029 "A flop." That's putting it mildly. 404 00:27:37,030 --> 00:27:39,490 We've found a disaster, a catastrophe, an outrage! 405 00:27:39,491 --> 00:27:43,160 - A guaranteed-to-close-in-one-night beauty. - Let's see it. 406 00:27:43,161 --> 00:27:46,455 This is freedom from want forever. This is a house in the country. 407 00:27:46,456 --> 00:27:48,332 This is a Rolls Royce and a Bentley. 408 00:27:48,333 --> 00:27:51,335 This is wine, women, and song and women. 409 00:27:52,170 --> 00:27:54,046 "Springtime for Hitler." 410 00:27:54,506 --> 00:27:58,217 "A gay romp with Adolf and Eva at Berchtesgaden." 411 00:28:01,596 --> 00:28:03,848 It's practically a love letter to Hitler. 412 00:28:03,849 --> 00:28:06,976 - This won't run a week. - A week? Are you kidding? 413 00:28:06,977 --> 00:28:11,188 - This play has got to close on page four. - Who wrote it? 414 00:28:11,189 --> 00:28:13,941 Who? Read, right there, read. 415 00:28:13,942 --> 00:28:15,067 - "Franz..." - Franz. 416 00:28:15,068 --> 00:28:16,527 - "...Liebkind." - Liebkind. 417 00:28:16,528 --> 00:28:17,695 - "100..." - 100. 418 00:28:17,696 --> 00:28:18,863 - "...West..." - West. 419 00:28:18,864 --> 00:28:20,281 - "...Jane street." - Jane street. 420 00:28:20,282 --> 00:28:21,574 Franz Liebkind. 421 00:28:21,575 --> 00:28:23,659 100 West Jane Street. 422 00:28:32,544 --> 00:28:35,754 - Who do you want? - I beg your pardon? 423 00:28:35,755 --> 00:28:36,755 Who do you want? 424 00:28:36,756 --> 00:28:40,009 No one gets in the building unless I know who they want. 425 00:28:40,010 --> 00:28:41,427 I'm the concierge. 426 00:28:41,761 --> 00:28:45,014 My husband used to be the concierge, but he's dead. 427 00:28:45,265 --> 00:28:47,099 Now I'm the concierge. 428 00:28:48,727 --> 00:28:50,936 We are seeking Franz Liebkind. 429 00:28:51,354 --> 00:28:52,813 The kraut. 430 00:28:53,148 --> 00:28:55,900 He's on the top floor, apartment 23. 431 00:28:56,234 --> 00:28:57,860 - Thank you. - Thank you. 432 00:28:57,861 --> 00:28:59,862 But you won't find him there. 433 00:29:00,113 --> 00:29:02,198 He's up on the roof with his birds. 434 00:29:02,991 --> 00:29:04,491 He keeps birds. 435 00:29:05,410 --> 00:29:08,579 Dirty, disgusting, filthy... 436 00:29:08,580 --> 00:29:10,539 ...lice-ridden birds. 437 00:29:11,833 --> 00:29:14,919 You used to be able to sit out on the stoop like a person. 438 00:29:15,587 --> 00:29:17,880 Not anymore. No, sir. 439 00:29:18,924 --> 00:29:20,049 Birds. 440 00:29:20,634 --> 00:29:23,344 - You get my drift? - We get it. 441 00:29:23,345 --> 00:29:26,138 We get your drift. Thank you, madam. 442 00:29:26,932 --> 00:29:30,100 I'm not a madam! I'm a concierge! 443 00:29:40,278 --> 00:29:41,904 He's wearing a German helmet. 444 00:29:43,114 --> 00:29:46,533 Don't say anything to offend him. We need that play. 445 00:29:57,629 --> 00:30:01,006 - Franz Liebkind? - I was never a member of the Nazi party! 446 00:30:01,007 --> 00:30:04,218 I'm not responsible! I only followed orders! 447 00:30:04,219 --> 00:30:06,971 Who are you? Why do you persecute me? 448 00:30:06,972 --> 00:30:10,766 My papers are in order. I love my adopted country. 449 00:30:18,316 --> 00:30:19,608 What do you want? 450 00:30:19,943 --> 00:30:23,195 Relax, Mr. Liebkind. We're not from the government. 451 00:30:23,196 --> 00:30:25,990 - We came here to talk about your play. - My play? 452 00:30:26,449 --> 00:30:30,035 - You mean Springtime for You-know-who? - Yes. 453 00:30:30,036 --> 00:30:31,537 What about it? 454 00:30:32,247 --> 00:30:35,457 We love it. We think it's a masterpiece. That's why we're here. 455 00:30:35,458 --> 00:30:37,126 We wish to produce it on Broadway. 456 00:30:38,586 --> 00:30:39,795 Broadway. 457 00:30:41,298 --> 00:30:43,007 Oh, joy of joys. 458 00:30:43,675 --> 00:30:45,968 Oh, dream of dreams. 459 00:30:45,969 --> 00:30:47,469 I can't believe it. 460 00:30:47,887 --> 00:30:50,973 I must tell the birds. Birds! 461 00:30:50,974 --> 00:30:52,266 Birds, do you hear? 462 00:30:52,267 --> 00:30:54,643 Otto! Berthe! Hans! 463 00:30:55,770 --> 00:30:59,857 Do you hear? We are going to clear the Führer's name. 464 00:31:10,243 --> 00:31:13,996 Mr. Liebkind, please. People can hear. 465 00:31:20,587 --> 00:31:23,339 This is not a place to talk. Come, we'll go to my flat. 466 00:31:23,673 --> 00:31:25,382 An occasion like this... 467 00:31:25,383 --> 00:31:26,925 ...calls for schnapps! 468 00:31:43,818 --> 00:31:46,403 You know, not many people knew it... 469 00:31:47,530 --> 00:31:50,616 ...but the Führer was a terrific dancer. 470 00:31:53,078 --> 00:31:55,746 Really? I never dreamed that... 471 00:31:55,747 --> 00:31:58,665 That is because that you were taken in... 472 00:31:59,209 --> 00:32:01,752 ...by that verdammte Allied propaganda! 473 00:32:01,753 --> 00:32:04,046 Such filthy lies! They told lies! 474 00:32:05,173 --> 00:32:08,801 But nobody ever said a bad word about Winston Churchill, did they? 475 00:32:08,802 --> 00:32:10,719 No! "Win with Winnie!" 476 00:32:13,932 --> 00:32:15,224 Churchill! 477 00:32:16,393 --> 00:32:18,977 With his cigars. With his brandy. 478 00:32:18,978 --> 00:32:23,357 And his rotten painting, rotten! Hitler, there was a painter. 479 00:32:23,358 --> 00:32:27,069 He could paint an entire apartment in one afternoon! Two coats! 480 00:32:29,906 --> 00:32:32,825 Churchill. He couldn't even say "Nazi." 481 00:32:32,826 --> 00:32:36,787 He would say, "Noses. Noses." 482 00:32:36,788 --> 00:32:37,871 It wasn't Noses! 483 00:32:37,872 --> 00:32:39,415 It was Nazis! 484 00:32:43,670 --> 00:32:44,962 Churchill! 485 00:32:45,630 --> 00:32:49,007 - Exactly why... - Let me tell you this! 486 00:32:49,926 --> 00:32:52,970 And you're hearing this straight from the horse! 487 00:32:52,971 --> 00:32:57,850 Hitler was better looking than Churchill. He was a better dresser than Churchill. 488 00:32:57,851 --> 00:33:00,811 He had more hair! He told funnier jokes! 489 00:33:00,812 --> 00:33:03,647 And he could dance the pants off of Churchill! 490 00:33:03,982 --> 00:33:06,733 - Exactly why... - Churchill! 491 00:33:06,734 --> 00:33:09,445 Yes. Churchill! 492 00:33:09,821 --> 00:33:12,823 That's exactly why we want to produce this play... 493 00:33:13,241 --> 00:33:17,119 ...to show the world the true Hitler, the Hitler you loved... 494 00:33:17,120 --> 00:33:21,206 ...the Hitler you knew, the Hitler with a song in his heart. 495 00:33:42,353 --> 00:33:44,563 Here, Franz Liebkind, sign here... 496 00:33:44,898 --> 00:33:47,483 ...and make your dream a reality. 497 00:33:47,984 --> 00:33:49,026 Here it is! 498 00:33:49,027 --> 00:33:52,613 Springtime for Hitler, signed, sealed, and delivered. 499 00:33:52,906 --> 00:33:55,407 - What's the matter? - I'm not wearing this armband. 500 00:33:55,408 --> 00:33:57,743 I don't care how big the deal is. 501 00:33:57,744 --> 00:33:59,995 Okay. Take it off. 502 00:34:08,046 --> 00:34:09,213 Taxi! 503 00:34:10,882 --> 00:34:12,174 The Blue Gypsy. 504 00:34:12,884 --> 00:34:14,551 Why are we going to the Blue Gypsy? 505 00:34:15,220 --> 00:34:17,346 We are not going to the Blue Gypsy. 506 00:34:17,639 --> 00:34:19,765 I am going to the Blue Gypsy. 507 00:34:19,766 --> 00:34:22,184 I have a rendezvous with a lady of some means. 508 00:34:27,065 --> 00:34:30,776 You see, my dear Bloom, phase one is complete. 509 00:34:30,777 --> 00:34:33,946 The play is ours. We are now entering phase two... 510 00:34:33,947 --> 00:34:35,781 ...the raising of the money. 511 00:34:35,782 --> 00:34:38,575 In the days to come, you will see very little of me... 512 00:34:38,576 --> 00:34:42,913 ...for Max Bialystock is launching himself into little-old-lady land. 513 00:34:42,914 --> 00:34:45,082 Adieu. Avanti! 514 00:34:56,427 --> 00:34:59,096 You're incorrigible, Bialy. 515 00:34:59,097 --> 00:35:03,725 - Here's to the success of your new play. - Our new play, my love. 516 00:35:05,687 --> 00:35:08,188 Bialy, I'm so sorry. 517 00:35:08,648 --> 00:35:11,608 - Did I wet you? - Think nothing of it, my dear. 518 00:35:11,901 --> 00:35:14,570 A mere trifle. 519 00:35:14,946 --> 00:35:16,655 Did you bring the checkie? 520 00:35:16,990 --> 00:35:19,741 Yes, I have it right here in my purse. 521 00:35:20,451 --> 00:35:24,705 And I made it out just like you told me. To "cash." 522 00:35:24,706 --> 00:35:26,915 That's a funny name for a play. 523 00:35:27,375 --> 00:35:29,501 Think nothing of it, my dear. 524 00:36:10,126 --> 00:36:12,878 - Thank you, my dear. - Say it again, Bialy. 525 00:36:12,879 --> 00:36:16,465 And I swear to you on my life, you don't look a day over 65. 526 00:36:18,384 --> 00:36:20,135 There you are. 527 00:36:21,846 --> 00:36:24,389 - I love you. - What? 528 00:36:25,350 --> 00:36:26,642 I love you. 529 00:36:26,976 --> 00:36:28,101 What? 530 00:36:28,853 --> 00:36:30,103 I love you! 531 00:36:38,655 --> 00:36:41,365 Go, Bialy-baby, go! 532 00:36:50,541 --> 00:36:52,125 Who is it? 533 00:36:52,710 --> 00:36:54,461 It's Max Bialystock. 534 00:36:54,712 --> 00:36:58,465 Good. I thought it was a burglar. 535 00:36:58,758 --> 00:37:00,926 Wait. I'll let you in. 536 00:37:40,925 --> 00:37:42,551 Mrs. Sarah Cathcart. 537 00:37:42,969 --> 00:37:45,053 She owns 50 percent of the profits. 538 00:37:46,597 --> 00:37:48,390 Mrs. Virginia Resnick. 539 00:37:49,100 --> 00:37:51,393 She also owns 50 percent of the profits. 540 00:37:53,271 --> 00:37:55,230 Mrs. Eleanor Biddlecomb. 541 00:37:55,732 --> 00:37:58,024 She also owns 50 percent of the profits. 542 00:37:59,235 --> 00:38:00,944 Mrs. Alma Wentworth. 543 00:38:01,529 --> 00:38:03,613 She owns 100 percent of the profits. 544 00:38:04,282 --> 00:38:07,617 Leo, how much percentage of a play can there be altogether? 545 00:38:07,618 --> 00:38:10,203 You can only sell 100 percent of anything. 546 00:38:10,872 --> 00:38:14,082 And how much of Springtime for Hitler have we sold? 547 00:38:14,667 --> 00:38:20,130 25,000 percent. 548 00:38:21,090 --> 00:38:22,924 Give me that blue thing. 549 00:38:27,722 --> 00:38:30,724 Where are you going? We haven't finished signing the contracts. 550 00:38:30,725 --> 00:38:32,476 I have to see that money. 551 00:38:42,320 --> 00:38:43,945 Hello, boys. 552 00:38:44,822 --> 00:38:47,449 If you only knew what I went through for you. 553 00:38:51,078 --> 00:38:54,122 - What are you doing? - I'm gonna buy myself a toy. 554 00:38:54,123 --> 00:38:57,167 I worked very, very hard, and I think I deserve a toy. 555 00:38:57,168 --> 00:38:58,126 A toy? 556 00:38:58,377 --> 00:38:59,503 A toy. 557 00:39:02,423 --> 00:39:03,840 That's a toy? 558 00:39:04,300 --> 00:39:08,970 She happens to be our new receptionist. She goes with our new surroundings. 559 00:39:09,472 --> 00:39:15,644 Ulla. 560 00:39:16,103 --> 00:39:18,647 Ulla, I want you to meet my associate and partner... 561 00:39:18,648 --> 00:39:19,856 ...Mr. Leo Bloom. 562 00:39:21,526 --> 00:39:22,484 I beg your pardon? 563 00:39:27,448 --> 00:39:31,117 Have you gone mad? A receptionist that can't speak English? 564 00:39:31,118 --> 00:39:32,702 What will people say? 565 00:39:32,703 --> 00:39:36,414 They'll say... 566 00:39:36,415 --> 00:39:37,999 What is she going to do here? 567 00:39:38,876 --> 00:39:40,544 I'll show you. 568 00:39:40,545 --> 00:39:41,545 Ulla... 569 00:39:41,963 --> 00:39:43,839 ...go to work. 570 00:39:44,298 --> 00:39:46,007 Go to work. 571 00:40:12,285 --> 00:40:14,995 Ulla, okay. Okay, Ulla. 572 00:40:15,246 --> 00:40:16,705 Cream puff... 573 00:40:17,164 --> 00:40:20,125 ...sweetie pie, pussycat, okay. 574 00:40:20,459 --> 00:40:21,668 Ulla! 575 00:40:22,587 --> 00:40:23,879 Stop work! 576 00:40:30,511 --> 00:40:33,805 Would you believe it? I met her at the public library. 577 00:40:36,100 --> 00:40:37,183 Ulla. 578 00:40:39,437 --> 00:40:41,897 Go to desk. Answer telephone... 579 00:40:41,898 --> 00:40:45,317 ..."Bialystock and Bloom." 580 00:40:56,621 --> 00:40:57,954 Nice girl. 581 00:40:59,123 --> 00:41:00,415 Bloom. 582 00:41:00,791 --> 00:41:04,419 - Take a cigar. - Max, maybe we should both... 583 00:41:04,879 --> 00:41:07,631 - What's that? - Nothing. Go on. 584 00:41:17,850 --> 00:41:19,434 Smart as a whip. 585 00:41:29,487 --> 00:41:34,115 No. 586 00:41:37,370 --> 00:41:39,496 You Swedish tease. 587 00:41:42,500 --> 00:41:43,875 You'll bury me. 588 00:41:52,301 --> 00:41:53,927 Leo, what were you saying? 589 00:41:54,470 --> 00:41:56,388 What? Max... 590 00:41:56,764 --> 00:41:59,307 Maybe we should go a little easier on the spending. 591 00:41:59,308 --> 00:42:03,561 - I mean, these offices and all. - Why? Take it when you can get it. 592 00:42:03,562 --> 00:42:05,480 Flaunt it, baby! Flaunt it! 593 00:42:05,481 --> 00:42:07,357 But if something should go wrong... 594 00:42:07,358 --> 00:42:09,359 ...we could give back some of the money. 595 00:42:09,360 --> 00:42:13,488 - I mean, it would look better in court. - Stop talking like that, you white mouse. 596 00:42:14,240 --> 00:42:15,782 Nothing is gonna go wrong. 597 00:42:15,783 --> 00:42:18,743 As a matter of fact, today, I have taken steps to make sure... 598 00:42:18,744 --> 00:42:21,496 ...that Springtime for Hitler will be a total disaster. 599 00:42:22,164 --> 00:42:26,209 At 2:00, we have an appointment with none other than Roger de Bris. 600 00:42:26,210 --> 00:42:27,502 Roger de Bris? 601 00:42:28,004 --> 00:42:30,839 What? Oh, the director. Is he good? 602 00:42:30,840 --> 00:42:33,049 - I mean, is he bad? - He stinks. 603 00:42:33,467 --> 00:42:36,302 He's perhaps the worst director that ever lived. 604 00:42:36,303 --> 00:42:40,432 He's the only director whose plays close on the first day of rehearsal. 605 00:42:40,433 --> 00:42:44,477 - Do you think he'll take the job? - Only if we ask him. 606 00:42:44,937 --> 00:42:47,689 It's late. I'll get the car. 607 00:42:50,568 --> 00:42:51,526 Ja? 608 00:42:52,361 --> 00:42:54,904 Call chauffeur. Get car. 609 00:42:54,905 --> 00:42:57,240 Good. We go to motel? 610 00:42:57,241 --> 00:42:58,992 No. We go. 611 00:42:59,577 --> 00:43:02,996 You and Mr. Bloom go to motel? 612 00:43:03,205 --> 00:43:05,248 No. No motel. 613 00:43:05,541 --> 00:43:07,125 Get car. 614 00:43:07,418 --> 00:43:12,380 "Get car." 615 00:43:26,187 --> 00:43:27,896 Thank you, Rudolfo. 616 00:43:33,611 --> 00:43:36,279 Now, don't let anything he says or does upset you. 617 00:43:36,280 --> 00:43:39,074 - He's a little peculiar. - What do you mean? 618 00:43:39,366 --> 00:43:40,617 Yes? 619 00:43:43,329 --> 00:43:46,915 I am Max Bialystock. This is my associate, Mr. Bloom. 620 00:43:47,083 --> 00:43:49,459 We have an appointment with Mr. De Bris. 621 00:43:49,460 --> 00:43:52,712 Yes, you are expected. Please do come in. 622 00:44:03,516 --> 00:44:04,641 How do you do? 623 00:44:04,642 --> 00:44:07,811 I am Carmen Giya, Monsieur de Bris' private secretary. 624 00:44:07,812 --> 00:44:09,604 Would you please remove your shoes? 625 00:44:13,150 --> 00:44:15,777 White, white, white is the color of our carpet. 626 00:44:19,323 --> 00:44:21,282 Will you please follow me? 627 00:45:14,962 --> 00:45:16,129 Please. 628 00:45:25,681 --> 00:45:27,223 We're not alone! 629 00:45:28,559 --> 00:45:30,143 Please sit down. 630 00:45:31,061 --> 00:45:32,187 Roger? 631 00:45:34,190 --> 00:45:36,858 Messieurs Bialystock and Bloom, I presume? 632 00:45:37,776 --> 00:45:38,818 Forgive the pun. 633 00:45:40,446 --> 00:45:43,281 - What pun? - Shut up. He thinks he's witty. 634 00:45:44,116 --> 00:45:46,117 Good to see you again, Roger. 635 00:45:46,118 --> 00:45:48,912 Did you get a chance to read Springtime for Hitler? 636 00:45:48,913 --> 00:45:51,748 Remarkable. Remarkable. 637 00:45:53,584 --> 00:45:55,543 A stunning piece of work. 638 00:45:56,795 --> 00:45:59,172 Max, he's wearing a dress. 639 00:46:00,257 --> 00:46:01,591 No kidding. 640 00:46:01,592 --> 00:46:05,845 I, for one, think it is a very important play. 641 00:46:07,890 --> 00:46:11,976 Do you know, I never realized that the Third Reich... 642 00:46:11,977 --> 00:46:13,269 ...meant Germany? 643 00:46:13,604 --> 00:46:16,940 I mean, it's drenched with historical goodies like that. 644 00:46:19,109 --> 00:46:20,318 Oh, dear. 645 00:46:20,945 --> 00:46:22,612 You're staring at my dress. 646 00:46:23,030 --> 00:46:24,614 I should explain. 647 00:46:24,949 --> 00:46:27,367 I'm going to the choreographer's ball tonight. 648 00:46:27,576 --> 00:46:31,329 - There is a prize for the best costume. - And we always win. 649 00:46:31,330 --> 00:46:33,623 I'm not so sure about tonight. 650 00:46:33,624 --> 00:46:36,417 I'm supposed to be the Grand Duchess Anastasia... 651 00:46:36,919 --> 00:46:39,212 ...but I think I look more like Tugboat Annie. 652 00:46:39,213 --> 00:46:40,338 - What do you think? - I... 653 00:46:40,339 --> 00:46:41,339 Now, be cruel. 654 00:46:41,507 --> 00:46:43,758 Be brutal. Be brutal! 655 00:46:44,301 --> 00:46:46,594 Because, heaven knows, they will. 656 00:46:47,263 --> 00:46:49,764 Well? What do you think, Mr. Bloom? 657 00:46:54,061 --> 00:46:58,106 - Where do you keep your wallet? - It's gorgeous. 658 00:46:58,107 --> 00:47:01,401 You couldn't have picked a better color. It brings out your eyes. 659 00:47:01,402 --> 00:47:04,612 Let's face it, Roger, that dress is you. 660 00:47:05,239 --> 00:47:09,575 - Do you really think it brings out my eyes? - We can't tell a thing without your wig. 661 00:47:09,576 --> 00:47:12,620 As far as I'm concerned, you're only half-dressed. 662 00:47:12,621 --> 00:47:17,333 If you're so worried about the wig, get it, O Wicked Witch of the West. 663 00:47:19,128 --> 00:47:21,504 Quick, light his cigarette. 664 00:47:21,505 --> 00:47:23,756 - He likes you. - I don't want to... 665 00:47:40,232 --> 00:47:42,859 Didn't I meet you on a summer cruise? 666 00:47:48,157 --> 00:47:50,491 I've never been on a summer cruise. 667 00:47:51,660 --> 00:47:53,411 Quel dommage. 668 00:47:55,748 --> 00:47:58,166 I see we're getting acquainted. 669 00:47:58,542 --> 00:48:01,502 How would you like to go back to teasing hair, big mouth? 670 00:48:01,879 --> 00:48:03,296 Temper, Roger. 671 00:48:03,672 --> 00:48:07,091 Roger, do you mind if we talk a little business? 672 00:48:07,092 --> 00:48:11,179 Please. That is what we are here for. 673 00:48:11,513 --> 00:48:15,516 I think this would be a marvelous opportunity for you. 674 00:48:15,893 --> 00:48:17,477 Be careful. That hurt! 675 00:48:18,354 --> 00:48:21,105 Up to now, you've always been associated with musicals. 676 00:48:21,106 --> 00:48:24,567 Yes. Dopey showgirls with gooey gowns. 677 00:48:24,568 --> 00:48:27,278 "Two, three, kick, turn, turn, turn, kick, turn!" 678 00:48:27,863 --> 00:48:29,572 It's enough to make you puke. 679 00:48:29,573 --> 00:48:30,531 Roger. 680 00:48:30,824 --> 00:48:34,535 But now, at last, a chance to do straight drama. 681 00:48:35,037 --> 00:48:38,206 Roger de Bris presents history. 682 00:48:39,416 --> 00:48:43,211 Of course, I think we should add a little music... 683 00:48:43,629 --> 00:48:46,214 ...and that whole third act has got to go. 684 00:48:46,799 --> 00:48:50,176 They're losing the war. It's too depressing. 685 00:48:51,762 --> 00:48:54,389 We shall have to put something in there. 686 00:48:56,683 --> 00:48:59,435 - What? - I see it! I see it! 687 00:48:59,436 --> 00:49:03,648 A line of beautiful girls dressed as storm troopers... 688 00:49:03,649 --> 00:49:07,276 - ...black patent leather boots, S-M. - Love it. 689 00:49:07,277 --> 00:49:09,320 All marching together! 690 00:49:09,321 --> 00:49:12,115 "Two, three, kick, turn, turn, turn, kick, turn..." 691 00:49:12,116 --> 00:49:13,533 It will work! 692 00:49:13,742 --> 00:49:16,285 That is genius! Genius! 693 00:49:16,995 --> 00:49:18,621 I speak for Mr. Bloom and myself... 694 00:49:18,622 --> 00:49:20,998 ...when I say you're the only man in the world... 695 00:49:20,999 --> 00:49:23,292 ...who can do justice to Springtime for Hitler. 696 00:49:23,293 --> 00:49:26,045 Wait a minute. This is a very big decision. 697 00:49:26,046 --> 00:49:28,965 It might affect the course of my entire life. 698 00:49:28,966 --> 00:49:31,092 I shall have to think about it. 699 00:49:31,468 --> 00:49:34,512 - I'll do it. - Congratulations and thank you. 700 00:49:34,513 --> 00:49:37,181 Get on the phone! Send out a casting call! 701 00:49:37,182 --> 00:49:41,686 Call every agent in town! I want to see everybody, everybody! 702 00:49:56,827 --> 00:49:58,119 Heil! 703 00:50:12,384 --> 00:50:14,927 This is bedlam! 704 00:50:15,721 --> 00:50:17,805 We must have some order! 705 00:50:22,769 --> 00:50:26,314 Will the dancing Hitlers please wait in the wings? 706 00:50:26,482 --> 00:50:28,524 We are only seeing singing Hitlers. 707 00:50:37,701 --> 00:50:39,160 Arthur Picard. 708 00:50:43,665 --> 00:50:46,501 Hello, Arthur. Tell us something about yourself. 709 00:50:46,502 --> 00:50:50,796 I was the lead tenor of the Albuquerque Opera Company... 710 00:50:50,797 --> 00:50:52,465 ...for the last two seasons. 711 00:50:52,466 --> 00:50:56,886 I just finished the road tour of Lilac Time, and last season... 712 00:50:56,887 --> 00:51:00,056 ...I was up for the lead in the Broadway production... 713 00:51:00,057 --> 00:51:01,891 ...of The Gypsy Lover. 714 00:51:01,892 --> 00:51:02,850 What happened? 715 00:51:03,101 --> 00:51:04,644 I didn't get it. 716 00:51:04,645 --> 00:51:07,188 Arthur, what are you going to sing for us? 717 00:51:07,189 --> 00:51:11,275 I would like to sing A Wandering Minstrel, I. 718 00:51:11,902 --> 00:51:13,194 Very well. 719 00:51:24,373 --> 00:51:25,706 Thank you! 720 00:51:27,251 --> 00:51:28,709 Next, please! 721 00:51:29,044 --> 00:51:31,337 Jason Green. Please. 722 00:51:34,967 --> 00:51:37,510 Jason, and what have you been up to lately? 723 00:51:37,511 --> 00:51:41,597 For the last 16 years, I have been touring with the USO. 724 00:51:43,684 --> 00:51:47,937 - And what are you going to sing for us? - Have You Ever Heard The German Band? 725 00:51:47,938 --> 00:51:48,896 No. 726 00:51:49,356 --> 00:51:52,650 That's the name of the song I am going to sing. 727 00:51:56,113 --> 00:51:57,572 You will play it! 728 00:52:21,972 --> 00:52:23,055 Thank you! 729 00:52:26,810 --> 00:52:29,729 The Little Wooden Boy. 730 00:52:34,568 --> 00:52:42,742 Thank you! 731 00:52:44,536 --> 00:52:47,163 - Does that mean that I don't get... - I'm sorry. 732 00:52:47,164 --> 00:52:48,581 You're sorry? 733 00:52:51,793 --> 00:52:53,085 Thank you! 734 00:53:01,094 --> 00:53:02,637 That's it. 735 00:53:08,852 --> 00:53:11,228 - Hey, man. - I beg your pardon? 736 00:53:12,105 --> 00:53:15,399 Is this where they're auditioning Boomerang, baby? 737 00:53:15,400 --> 00:53:18,194 I'm afraid you wandered into the wrong theater. 738 00:53:20,113 --> 00:53:23,282 Man, not again. Freak out. 739 00:53:24,201 --> 00:53:28,204 Wait! Wait! This is Boomerang. This is Boomerang. 740 00:53:28,205 --> 00:53:31,415 - What are you saying? - Let's hear him. What have we got to lose? 741 00:53:31,416 --> 00:53:32,875 All right. 742 00:53:32,876 --> 00:53:34,001 Young man... 743 00:53:34,961 --> 00:53:36,587 ...what is your name? 744 00:53:38,340 --> 00:53:40,675 Man. My name? 745 00:53:45,013 --> 00:53:47,306 Lorenzo! Lorenzo, baby. 746 00:53:47,599 --> 00:53:51,560 Lorenzo St. Dubois, but my friends call me LSD. 747 00:53:51,561 --> 00:53:55,189 - And what have you done, LSD? - Man, about six months... 748 00:53:55,190 --> 00:53:57,316 ...but I'm on probation, and I'm cool, man. 749 00:53:57,317 --> 00:54:02,279 - I mean, what do you do best? - Man, I can't do that here. 750 00:54:02,280 --> 00:54:04,073 That's why they put me away, baby. 751 00:54:04,616 --> 00:54:06,242 Sing, sing. 752 00:54:06,243 --> 00:54:09,078 Thank you. Thank you so very much. We're gonna sing. 753 00:54:09,079 --> 00:54:12,498 If I may, I'd like to call on my group. They kind of help me a little. 754 00:54:12,499 --> 00:54:16,711 Group! Come on, fellas. I would like to, sing this song. 755 00:54:17,087 --> 00:54:18,713 It's about love... 756 00:54:19,423 --> 00:54:20,589 And hate. 757 00:54:20,590 --> 00:54:24,301 Psychedelically speaking, I am talking about "the power." 758 00:54:35,313 --> 00:54:36,772 "Love power 759 00:54:37,941 --> 00:54:39,650 "I'm talkin' 'bout 760 00:54:39,651 --> 00:54:41,235 "Love power 761 00:54:42,446 --> 00:54:45,740 "The power of a sweet flower 762 00:54:46,742 --> 00:54:49,410 "Is gonna rule the earth" 763 00:54:50,996 --> 00:54:53,581 "And there'll be a great rebirth" 764 00:54:56,835 --> 00:54:59,837 "Love is the flower that is mine 765 00:55:01,256 --> 00:55:03,299 "When I'm walkin' with my darlin' 766 00:55:03,300 --> 00:55:05,551 "And we're holdin' hands 767 00:55:06,011 --> 00:55:07,762 "And life is fine 768 00:55:08,096 --> 00:55:10,097 "'cause she understands 769 00:55:10,640 --> 00:55:13,726 "Walkin' down the sunny street 770 00:55:14,811 --> 00:55:16,896 "Givin' pretty flowers 771 00:55:16,897 --> 00:55:19,940 "To the people that we meet" 772 00:55:23,278 --> 00:55:27,865 "And I give a flower to the big, fat cop 773 00:55:27,866 --> 00:55:32,328 "He takes his club, and he beats me up 774 00:55:32,329 --> 00:55:36,707 "I give a flower to the garbage man 775 00:55:36,708 --> 00:55:41,003 "He stuffs my girl in the garbage can 776 00:55:41,004 --> 00:55:45,257 "And I give it to the landlord when the rent comes 'round 777 00:55:45,258 --> 00:55:47,343 "He throws it in a toilet 778 00:55:47,344 --> 00:55:49,512 "And he flush it down 779 00:55:49,513 --> 00:55:51,597 "It goes into the sewer 780 00:55:51,598 --> 00:55:53,516 "With the yuck runnin' through her 781 00:55:53,517 --> 00:55:56,602 "And it runs into the river that we drink 782 00:55:56,603 --> 00:55:58,729 "World, you stink 783 00:55:59,397 --> 00:56:01,065 "Man 784 00:56:01,066 --> 00:56:03,275 "It's later than you think" 785 00:56:04,820 --> 00:56:08,072 "So you got just one more chance" 786 00:56:09,616 --> 00:56:11,992 "Come on, baby, while I dance" 787 00:56:22,462 --> 00:56:24,588 "Love, love power 788 00:56:25,090 --> 00:56:26,882 "I'm talkin' 'bout 789 00:56:26,883 --> 00:56:28,467 "Love power 790 00:56:29,719 --> 00:56:33,097 "The power of a little flower" 791 00:56:34,808 --> 00:56:37,101 "You don't think about those little flowers 792 00:56:37,102 --> 00:56:39,270 "No. All you think about is guns 793 00:56:39,271 --> 00:56:41,063 "If everybody in the world today 794 00:56:41,064 --> 00:56:42,731 "Had a flower instead of a gun 795 00:56:42,732 --> 00:56:44,149 "There would be no wars 796 00:56:44,150 --> 00:56:46,527 "There would be one big smell-in" 797 00:56:48,446 --> 00:56:49,905 "Just a flower!" 798 00:56:52,409 --> 00:56:53,534 Man... 799 00:56:56,413 --> 00:56:57,621 ...my flower. 800 00:56:59,416 --> 00:57:01,542 What'd you do to my flower, man? 801 00:57:01,960 --> 00:57:05,212 You hurt it. Like everything else. 802 00:57:06,923 --> 00:57:10,009 Everything else. No flower. 803 00:57:16,391 --> 00:57:18,225 That's our Hitler! 804 00:57:54,346 --> 00:57:55,804 Your Highness. 805 00:58:01,686 --> 00:58:03,896 There's the Times' drama critic. 806 00:58:04,481 --> 00:58:09,234 Watch closely as Max Bialystock puts the last nail into the coffin. 807 00:58:09,611 --> 00:58:11,028 Good evening. 808 00:58:11,529 --> 00:58:12,529 Good evening, sir. 809 00:58:12,530 --> 00:58:15,908 Always delighted to greet the gentlemen of the press. 810 00:58:15,909 --> 00:58:17,076 Here you are, sir. 811 00:58:17,077 --> 00:58:20,162 Two on the aisle, compliments of the management. 812 00:58:21,831 --> 00:58:25,417 Wait... Wait a moment. There seems to be some mistake. 813 00:58:25,585 --> 00:58:28,379 There's a $100-bill wrapped around these tickets. 814 00:58:29,089 --> 00:58:30,381 That's no mistake. 815 00:58:31,049 --> 00:58:32,508 Enjoy the show. 816 00:58:33,176 --> 00:58:36,178 Mr. Bialystock, just what do you think you're doing? 817 00:58:36,846 --> 00:58:38,389 I'm bribing you. 818 00:58:38,974 --> 00:58:42,518 Just play ball, there's a lot more where that came from. 819 00:59:07,752 --> 00:59:09,420 Keep this buttoned. 820 00:59:10,255 --> 00:59:12,923 Straight! Up! Up! Always up! 821 00:59:17,095 --> 00:59:20,723 Gentlemen, it is magic time. Good luck. 822 00:59:21,433 --> 00:59:22,725 Good luck. 823 00:59:25,437 --> 00:59:27,646 Tonight, Broadway, tomorrow... 824 00:59:32,360 --> 00:59:34,153 So much for Nazi failure. 825 00:59:43,621 --> 00:59:44,830 He'll kill us. 826 00:59:46,124 --> 00:59:48,584 Max, come on, the overture's started. 827 00:59:55,717 --> 00:59:57,092 Max... 828 01:00:00,055 --> 01:00:01,805 This is it! 829 01:00:02,015 --> 01:00:03,807 Sorry. I'm a little nervous. 830 01:00:03,808 --> 01:00:06,769 Relax. In two hours, our worries will be over. 831 01:00:11,483 --> 01:00:13,025 "Germany was having trouble 832 01:00:13,026 --> 01:00:15,027 "What a sad, sad story 833 01:00:15,028 --> 01:00:16,487 "Needed a new leader 834 01:00:16,488 --> 01:00:18,447 "To restore its former glory 835 01:00:18,448 --> 01:00:20,449 "Where, where was he? 836 01:00:20,617 --> 01:00:22,993 "Where could that man be? 837 01:00:22,994 --> 01:00:25,579 "We looked around and then we found 838 01:00:26,164 --> 01:00:28,957 "The man for you and me 839 01:00:29,375 --> 01:00:32,377 "And now it's... 840 01:00:32,378 --> 01:00:36,048 "Springtime for Hitler 841 01:00:36,049 --> 01:00:38,592 "And Germany 842 01:00:39,886 --> 01:00:44,723 "Deutschland is happy and gay" 843 01:00:46,851 --> 01:00:51,647 "We're marching to a faster pace" 844 01:00:53,608 --> 01:00:56,193 "Look out, here comes 845 01:00:56,194 --> 01:00:58,987 "The master race 846 01:01:00,406 --> 01:01:03,075 "Springtime for Hitler 847 01:01:03,076 --> 01:01:05,828 "And Germany" 848 01:01:07,330 --> 01:01:12,126 "Winter for Poland and France" 849 01:01:14,170 --> 01:01:17,131 "Springtime for Hitler 850 01:01:17,132 --> 01:01:19,967 "And Germany 851 01:01:20,385 --> 01:01:22,219 "Come on, Germans 852 01:01:22,220 --> 01:01:24,972 "Go into your dance" 853 01:01:29,853 --> 01:01:31,854 "I was born in Düsseldorf" 854 01:01:31,855 --> 01:01:33,272 "And that is why they call me Rolf" 855 01:01:36,151 --> 01:01:38,193 "Don't be stupid, be a smarty" 856 01:01:38,194 --> 01:01:39,528 "Come and join the Nazi party!" 857 01:02:22,989 --> 01:02:26,241 "Springtime for Hitler 858 01:02:26,242 --> 01:02:28,660 "And Germany" 859 01:02:30,538 --> 01:02:31,914 "Goose step's 860 01:02:31,915 --> 01:02:34,666 "The new step today" 861 01:02:37,795 --> 01:02:39,463 "Bombs falling 862 01:02:39,631 --> 01:02:42,674 "From the skies again" 863 01:02:45,136 --> 01:02:50,057 "Deutschland is on the rise again" 864 01:02:52,310 --> 01:02:55,270 "Springtime for Hitler 865 01:02:55,271 --> 01:02:57,856 "And Germany" 866 01:02:59,484 --> 01:03:02,277 "U-boats are sailing 867 01:03:02,278 --> 01:03:03,362 "Once more" 868 01:03:03,363 --> 01:03:04,446 Well! 869 01:03:04,948 --> 01:03:06,907 Talk about bad taste! 870 01:03:06,908 --> 01:03:10,369 "Springtime for Hitler 871 01:03:10,370 --> 01:03:13,372 "And Germany 872 01:03:14,499 --> 01:03:16,667 "Means that 873 01:03:16,668 --> 01:03:18,502 "Soon we'll be going 874 01:03:18,503 --> 01:03:20,254 "We've got to be going 875 01:03:20,255 --> 01:03:24,132 "You know we'll be going" 876 01:03:24,133 --> 01:03:28,971 "To war" 877 01:03:45,989 --> 01:03:48,156 Let us repair to the bar across the street. 878 01:03:48,157 --> 01:03:50,242 We don't want to be here during intermission. 879 01:03:50,243 --> 01:03:51,910 They'll stone us to death. 880 01:04:10,513 --> 01:04:11,847 "Man... 881 01:04:12,724 --> 01:04:15,642 "I lieb you. I lieb you, baby. I lieb you!" 882 01:04:16,394 --> 01:04:17,686 "Now lieb me alone." 883 01:04:20,523 --> 01:04:22,107 Harry, he's funny. 884 01:04:22,108 --> 01:04:24,192 - Come on! - Come on! 885 01:04:27,864 --> 01:04:29,323 "If you need me so much... 886 01:04:29,324 --> 01:04:31,241 "...why don't you pay attention to me..." 887 01:04:31,242 --> 01:04:32,868 "...you big dictator?" 888 01:04:32,869 --> 01:04:34,244 "You chicks! 889 01:04:34,245 --> 01:04:36,538 "You chicks! You all alike! 890 01:04:36,539 --> 01:04:37,581 "All you think about is... 891 01:04:37,582 --> 01:04:39,416 "...lieben, lieben, lieben, lieben! 892 01:04:39,959 --> 01:04:42,044 "Don't you forget, baby, I took an oath." 893 01:04:42,587 --> 01:04:44,588 "Deutschland über alles!" 894 01:04:46,841 --> 01:04:49,384 "So, cool it, while I map out my campaign." 895 01:04:53,931 --> 01:04:55,599 "Gonna crush Poland" 896 01:04:57,226 --> 01:04:59,811 "And I'm gonna take over France" 897 01:05:02,607 --> 01:05:03,899 "Sieg heil, sieg heil!" 898 01:05:04,776 --> 01:05:08,070 "Then we're gonna take over Poland 899 01:05:08,071 --> 01:05:10,614 "And then I'm a-gonna crush France 900 01:05:11,491 --> 01:05:15,202 "Baby, don't you know, mama 901 01:05:15,203 --> 01:05:17,954 "Then I'm gonna cross that English Channel 902 01:05:19,165 --> 01:05:21,124 "And then I'm gonna kick them cats" 903 01:05:21,125 --> 01:05:22,918 "In the pants, pow!" 904 01:05:35,473 --> 01:05:37,974 Did you see the look on that woman's face? 905 01:05:37,975 --> 01:05:39,935 When the guy started to sing... 906 01:05:39,936 --> 01:05:41,686 "Springtime 907 01:05:41,687 --> 01:05:43,522 "For Hitler" 908 01:05:43,523 --> 01:05:45,023 "And Germany" 909 01:05:49,278 --> 01:05:53,657 Here's to the one and only performance of Springtime for Hitler. 910 01:05:53,950 --> 01:05:55,784 May it rest in peace. 911 01:06:01,332 --> 01:06:05,043 Innkeeper! Innkeeper! Another round of drinks here. 912 01:06:06,170 --> 01:06:07,546 As a matter of fact... 913 01:06:07,547 --> 01:06:10,465 ...a round of drinks for everybody in the place. 914 01:06:14,429 --> 01:06:16,054 Just think... 915 01:06:16,055 --> 01:06:19,558 ...yesterday, I was a meaningless little accountant... 916 01:06:19,559 --> 01:06:22,978 ...and today I'm the producer of a Broadway flop! 917 01:06:24,939 --> 01:06:27,190 Here's to failure. 918 01:06:27,191 --> 01:06:31,820 - To failure. - Thank you. It's very kind of you. 919 01:06:43,708 --> 01:06:45,625 "Bitte schön, mein Führer." 920 01:06:46,711 --> 01:06:49,171 "Man, you're a German!" 921 01:06:50,673 --> 01:06:52,299 "We're all Germans!" 922 01:06:53,885 --> 01:06:55,135 "That's right!" 923 01:06:55,970 --> 01:06:58,805 "That means we cannot attack Germany." 924 01:07:02,101 --> 01:07:04,519 "I mean, I got all my friends here, you know?" 925 01:07:06,189 --> 01:07:07,814 "And what about me? 926 01:07:08,399 --> 01:07:10,275 "And then there's the country club... 927 01:07:10,276 --> 01:07:11,943 "...and the laughs every night. 928 01:07:12,278 --> 01:07:13,570 "We got to do something. 929 01:07:13,571 --> 01:07:14,821 "I got it!" 930 01:07:15,072 --> 01:07:18,200 "I've got it!" 931 01:07:18,201 --> 01:07:19,409 "What have you got?" 932 01:07:19,410 --> 01:07:21,953 "A medal. It fell down my pants, man. 933 01:07:22,288 --> 01:07:23,872 "Get it out, baby." 934 01:07:24,415 --> 01:07:26,166 "Danke schön, baby." 935 01:07:26,167 --> 01:07:29,044 "Baby." 936 01:07:29,629 --> 01:07:31,421 Why does he say this "baby"? 937 01:07:31,422 --> 01:07:34,841 The Führer has never said "baby." I did not write "baby." 938 01:07:34,842 --> 01:07:36,760 What is it with this "baby"? 939 01:07:36,761 --> 01:07:38,887 Will you please shut up? 940 01:07:38,888 --> 01:07:41,515 You shut up. You are the audience. 941 01:07:41,516 --> 01:07:44,309 I am the author. I outrank you! 942 01:07:45,811 --> 01:07:48,855 Barkeep! Another drink for myself... 943 01:07:49,732 --> 01:07:51,441 ...my associate, Mr. Bloom... 944 01:07:54,820 --> 01:07:58,657 And don't forget our good-natured inebriate over here. 945 01:08:07,250 --> 01:08:08,917 Eternally grateful. 946 01:08:11,587 --> 01:08:13,505 - A toast! - A toast! 947 01:08:13,506 --> 01:08:14,714 A toast! 948 01:08:15,383 --> 01:08:16,591 To what? 949 01:08:16,926 --> 01:08:17,968 To... 950 01:08:20,471 --> 01:08:22,973 To toast. I love toast. 951 01:08:22,974 --> 01:08:25,433 - To toast. - To toast. 952 01:08:31,983 --> 01:08:32,816 Now... 953 01:08:33,568 --> 01:08:35,569 I'll take the lead... 954 01:08:35,570 --> 01:08:38,363 ...and I want you right behind me all the way! 955 01:09:04,015 --> 01:09:05,265 Sing out! 956 01:09:10,271 --> 01:09:12,439 All right, Piaf! 957 01:09:26,537 --> 01:09:28,496 It's intermission! Quick! 958 01:09:28,664 --> 01:09:31,166 Hide your faces. They'll tear us to pieces. 959 01:09:34,962 --> 01:09:38,006 - Give us a couple of Manhattans. - I'll have a Manhattan. 960 01:09:38,466 --> 01:09:40,925 - Here you go, Frank. - You getting it? Okay. 961 01:09:40,926 --> 01:09:42,302 Two whiskey sours, please. 962 01:09:42,887 --> 01:09:47,098 So far, that's about one of the funniest things I've ever seen on Broadway. 963 01:09:47,099 --> 01:09:50,685 - I never laughed so much in my life. - Absolutely hysterical! 964 01:09:50,686 --> 01:09:53,021 I thought I'd split my sides! 965 01:09:54,815 --> 01:09:56,983 Take it easy. Don't panic. 966 01:09:56,984 --> 01:09:58,860 There are a lot of plays on this street. 967 01:09:58,861 --> 01:10:01,905 They aren't necessarily talking about Springtime for Hitler. 968 01:10:01,906 --> 01:10:04,574 Would you ever believe you'd love a show called... 969 01:10:04,575 --> 01:10:05,992 ...Springtime for Hitler? 970 01:10:08,245 --> 01:10:09,704 Come on, let's get back! 971 01:10:09,705 --> 01:10:13,083 If the second act is like the first, this'll run for five years! 972 01:10:13,084 --> 01:10:15,043 "Springtime for Hitler" 973 01:10:15,044 --> 01:10:16,711 "And Germany" 974 01:10:19,256 --> 01:10:22,509 Gotta think. 975 01:10:22,510 --> 01:10:24,803 Mrs. Cathcart, 50 percent. 976 01:10:25,596 --> 01:10:27,389 Mrs. Resnick, 50 percent. 977 01:10:28,015 --> 01:10:29,599 Gotta think. 978 01:10:29,600 --> 01:10:31,184 Mrs. Biddlecomb, 50 percent. 979 01:10:32,937 --> 01:10:34,896 Mrs. Wentworth, 100 percent. 980 01:10:38,609 --> 01:10:41,069 - Leo. - No way out. 981 01:10:43,489 --> 01:10:44,781 - Leo. - No way... 982 01:10:44,782 --> 01:10:45,782 Leo. 983 01:10:46,951 --> 01:10:47,992 No way... 984 01:10:48,327 --> 01:10:50,620 Listen, let's go to the theater... 985 01:10:50,621 --> 01:10:52,205 ...and see what's really happening. 986 01:10:52,206 --> 01:10:55,917 After all, we only heard from a small portion of the audience. 987 01:10:56,460 --> 01:10:58,920 Let's hear what the majority thinks. 988 01:10:59,130 --> 01:11:01,381 - The majority? - The majority. 989 01:11:03,342 --> 01:11:05,510 Let's hear from the majority. 990 01:11:05,720 --> 01:11:07,554 - Where's the majority? - Majority. 991 01:11:07,555 --> 01:11:10,140 - Let's hear the majority. - The majority. 992 01:11:10,141 --> 01:11:13,435 - See the majority? Where's the majority? - The majority. 993 01:11:29,493 --> 01:11:31,035 "One and one is two 994 01:11:31,036 --> 01:11:32,579 "Two and two is four" 995 01:11:32,580 --> 01:11:35,373 "I feel so bad 'cause I'm losing the war" 996 01:11:40,421 --> 01:11:42,422 Excuse me. Excuse me. 997 01:11:42,423 --> 01:11:44,340 The play here is in progress! 998 01:11:44,341 --> 01:11:47,135 You must be quiet! Swine! 999 01:11:52,391 --> 01:11:55,477 "Man, we're losing everything! Everything! 1000 01:11:55,478 --> 01:11:58,188 "Where's my Goebbels?" 1001 01:11:58,189 --> 01:11:59,981 "Get me my little Joe!" 1002 01:12:00,149 --> 01:12:01,524 "Send for Goebbels!" 1003 01:12:01,525 --> 01:12:06,029 - "Send for Goebbels!" - "Send for Goebbels!" 1004 01:12:11,494 --> 01:12:12,535 "Heil, baby!" 1005 01:12:12,536 --> 01:12:14,788 "Baby! What's happening?" 1006 01:12:14,789 --> 01:12:17,791 "I just laid the morning propaganda programs on the people." 1007 01:12:17,792 --> 01:12:20,335 "You're putting me on! What did they say?" 1008 01:12:20,336 --> 01:12:22,879 "I told the people we invaded England!" 1009 01:12:22,880 --> 01:12:25,924 "That's a groove, daddy! How did we come out?" 1010 01:12:25,925 --> 01:12:27,801 "We beat 'em, baby!" 1011 01:12:27,802 --> 01:12:30,136 "Groovy! That's my Joe! That's my little Joe. 1012 01:12:30,137 --> 01:12:31,596 "I love my little Joe. 1013 01:12:32,765 --> 01:12:33,973 "Joseph..." 1014 01:12:33,974 --> 01:12:36,559 "...you are smoking in the presence of the Führer." 1015 01:12:36,977 --> 01:12:38,520 "I'm sorry, big daddy." 1016 01:12:41,649 --> 01:12:42,857 "They try." 1017 01:12:43,359 --> 01:12:45,276 "Man, how they try." 1018 01:12:46,403 --> 01:12:47,487 Ja! 1019 01:12:47,488 --> 01:12:51,407 - What can I do for you? - You will please be unconscious. 1020 01:12:51,951 --> 01:12:56,746 This is an outrage. It must stop. It makes me so mad what they do. 1021 01:12:56,747 --> 01:12:58,581 Curtain must go down! Down! 1022 01:12:59,416 --> 01:13:00,750 What's happening? 1023 01:13:06,674 --> 01:13:11,094 I am the author of this play! You are the victims of a hoax! 1024 01:13:11,095 --> 01:13:15,098 These are not my words! The Führer has never said this "baby"! 1025 01:13:15,099 --> 01:13:19,811 The Führer was sweet! The Führer was kind! The Führer was good! 1026 01:13:20,896 --> 01:13:24,566 He loved me! Often, he would say to me: 1027 01:13:24,567 --> 01:13:25,650 "Franz..." 1028 01:13:57,141 --> 01:14:00,184 Boo-boo? 1029 01:14:02,813 --> 01:14:05,315 - Yeah? - We make love? 1030 01:14:06,233 --> 01:14:08,943 No. We don't make love. 1031 01:14:09,486 --> 01:14:10,778 Go to work. 1032 01:14:37,056 --> 01:14:38,640 "Congratulations." 1033 01:14:39,224 --> 01:14:41,476 "It's the biggest hit on Broadway." 1034 01:14:43,270 --> 01:14:45,188 "Congratulations." 1035 01:14:45,189 --> 01:14:47,148 "Hitler will run forever." 1036 01:14:49,026 --> 01:14:50,568 "Congratulations." 1037 01:14:55,324 --> 01:14:58,242 Congratulations! 1038 01:14:58,243 --> 01:15:02,997 Have you seen the lines at the box office? It's a torrent! It's an avalanche! 1039 01:15:02,998 --> 01:15:05,375 It's the biggest hit on Broadway! 1040 01:15:05,376 --> 01:15:08,127 You lousy fruit! You ruined me! 1041 01:15:10,172 --> 01:15:13,341 You're crazy! He's gonna kill me! Call the police! 1042 01:15:13,342 --> 01:15:16,052 Help! Murder! Rape! 1043 01:15:20,224 --> 01:15:23,559 Don't let anybody in. Got to think. 1044 01:15:24,395 --> 01:15:25,687 I got to think. 1045 01:15:30,234 --> 01:15:31,776 How could this happen? 1046 01:15:33,112 --> 01:15:36,364 I was so careful. I picked the wrong play... 1047 01:15:37,366 --> 01:15:39,826 ...the wrong director, the wrong cast. 1048 01:15:40,619 --> 01:15:42,370 Where did I go right? 1049 01:15:48,210 --> 01:15:49,627 What are you doing? 1050 01:15:49,628 --> 01:15:51,754 Don't try to stop me. I've made up my mind. 1051 01:15:51,755 --> 01:15:55,591 - What are you doing with the books? - I'm turning myself in. It's the only way. 1052 01:15:55,592 --> 01:15:57,051 I'll cooperate with the police. 1053 01:15:57,052 --> 01:15:59,762 They'll reduce my sentence, time off for good behavior. 1054 01:15:59,763 --> 01:16:02,515 Maybe I'll get a job in the prison library. So long. 1055 01:16:02,516 --> 01:16:03,725 Leo! 1056 01:16:06,103 --> 01:16:10,523 Take it easy. Relax. You're overwrought. You don't know what you're doing. 1057 01:16:10,524 --> 01:16:13,234 You're acting out of panic. Give me those books! 1058 01:16:13,235 --> 01:16:17,280 - I never should have listened to you! - I never should have listened to you! 1059 01:16:17,281 --> 01:16:20,283 - How I hate you! - Double, double, double! 1060 01:16:28,292 --> 01:16:30,251 Fat! Fat! 1061 01:16:32,546 --> 01:16:33,671 You fatty! 1062 01:16:34,298 --> 01:16:36,466 Give me those books, you fat walrus! 1063 01:16:36,467 --> 01:16:39,010 - Never! - Give 'em quick! 1064 01:16:39,011 --> 01:16:42,764 - You fat fatty, give me those fat books! - No! 1065 01:16:46,101 --> 01:16:49,604 You have broken the sacred oath! You must die! 1066 01:16:57,738 --> 01:16:59,572 This is not good here. 1067 01:17:00,032 --> 01:17:01,783 I am not killing you. 1068 01:17:02,076 --> 01:17:04,911 Don't you understand? You must die. 1069 01:17:05,287 --> 01:17:06,829 Will you cooperate? 1070 01:17:07,998 --> 01:17:09,540 - Come in! - Come in! 1071 01:17:10,709 --> 01:17:12,960 I hear noise. You call? 1072 01:17:13,754 --> 01:17:15,088 Where are... 1073 01:17:17,674 --> 01:17:18,633 Boo! 1074 01:17:19,343 --> 01:17:20,635 I see you. 1075 01:17:21,345 --> 01:17:23,471 You like something? Coffee? 1076 01:17:24,014 --> 01:17:25,139 Coffee. 1077 01:17:25,891 --> 01:17:28,017 Yes! Good idea. 1078 01:17:28,602 --> 01:17:30,978 Ask the gentleman with the gun... 1079 01:17:32,689 --> 01:17:36,818 ...the gentleman who is shooting at us and trying to kill us... 1080 01:17:37,152 --> 01:17:38,653 ...what he will have. 1081 01:17:41,698 --> 01:17:43,533 You like coffee? 1082 01:17:44,743 --> 01:17:47,578 Kaffee? Ja. Black, two sugars. 1083 01:17:48,163 --> 01:17:51,874 Two regular, one black, two sugar. 1084 01:18:00,384 --> 01:18:03,886 - Champagne? - No, thanks. I have just ordered Kaffee. 1085 01:18:08,642 --> 01:18:11,811 Are you coming out from behind this desk or not? 1086 01:18:11,812 --> 01:18:14,021 - Not! - Cowards! 1087 01:18:14,273 --> 01:18:16,732 Miserable, cringing cowards! 1088 01:18:17,568 --> 01:18:20,236 Clinging to life! Watch! 1089 01:18:21,071 --> 01:18:22,780 Watch and remember! 1090 01:18:23,407 --> 01:18:26,659 Franz Liebkind will show you how to die like a man! 1091 01:18:35,252 --> 01:18:36,210 Please, sing. 1092 01:18:38,172 --> 01:18:40,423 Soon I will be with mein Führer. 1093 01:18:40,591 --> 01:18:42,884 And Göring! And Goebbels! 1094 01:18:43,343 --> 01:18:44,927 And Himmler! 1095 01:18:44,928 --> 01:18:47,430 I'm coming, boys! 1096 01:18:51,268 --> 01:18:53,895 Boy, when things go wrong... 1097 01:18:59,276 --> 01:19:03,696 Wasted a whole day playing hide-and-seek with a crazy kraut! 1098 01:19:06,867 --> 01:19:10,077 - There, there. - Where? Where? 1099 01:19:11,288 --> 01:19:13,915 You crazy lunatic, what are you shooting at us for? 1100 01:19:13,916 --> 01:19:16,167 Why don't you use this where it'll do some good? 1101 01:19:16,168 --> 01:19:18,127 Why don't you shoot at the actors? 1102 01:19:21,548 --> 01:19:22,757 Franz... 1103 01:19:23,383 --> 01:19:25,301 Have I ever steered you wrong? 1104 01:19:25,719 --> 01:19:28,763 - Always. - Never mind. Listen. 1105 01:19:29,598 --> 01:19:33,351 Every night, people are laughing at your beloved Führer. Why? 1106 01:19:33,644 --> 01:19:36,354 It is that LSD. 1107 01:19:36,813 --> 01:19:38,856 Und his verdammte "babies"! 1108 01:19:41,193 --> 01:19:42,526 Here! 1109 01:19:43,403 --> 01:19:44,779 Buy bullets. 1110 01:19:45,239 --> 01:19:46,739 Go. Kill. 1111 01:19:47,407 --> 01:19:49,909 - Kill the actors. - What? 1112 01:19:49,910 --> 01:19:52,495 - Shut up! - The actors. 1113 01:19:52,788 --> 01:19:54,622 I must destroy the actors. 1114 01:19:55,832 --> 01:19:58,793 Stop! This is insanity! Have you lost your mind? 1115 01:19:58,794 --> 01:20:01,545 How can you kill the actors? What do you mean? 1116 01:20:01,546 --> 01:20:03,756 Actors are not animals. They're human beings. 1117 01:20:03,757 --> 01:20:07,718 They are? Have you ever eaten with one? Go! Go, kill! Forward! 1118 01:20:08,720 --> 01:20:11,472 - No! - Make up your minds! 1119 01:20:12,224 --> 01:20:15,351 What are you doing? We're trapped! It's either the show or us! 1120 01:20:15,352 --> 01:20:19,021 There's no way out! What can we do, blow up the theater? 1121 01:20:35,247 --> 01:20:38,249 Dynamite. 1122 01:20:43,130 --> 01:20:45,298 - Fuse. - Fuse. 1123 01:20:54,099 --> 01:20:56,600 And now for the master connection. 1124 01:21:39,394 --> 01:21:41,937 Don't shoot! It's the dynamite. 1125 01:21:41,938 --> 01:21:45,524 If you shoot it, it will get mad at us and blow us all up. 1126 01:21:45,942 --> 01:21:50,029 That is good thinking. I will put this dynamite back. 1127 01:21:50,030 --> 01:21:51,072 Good. 1128 01:21:52,824 --> 01:21:55,910 Next time I produce a play, no author. 1129 01:22:00,832 --> 01:22:02,625 - Max? - What is it? 1130 01:22:03,293 --> 01:22:05,169 - Max? - What? 1131 01:22:05,170 --> 01:22:08,089 Remember yesterday in the office when we were fighting? 1132 01:22:08,090 --> 01:22:09,090 So? 1133 01:22:09,800 --> 01:22:12,843 I'm sorry I called you "fat, fat, fat." 1134 01:22:20,685 --> 01:22:22,228 Gentlemen. 1135 01:22:22,646 --> 01:22:26,023 We have here a technical problem. 1136 01:22:26,400 --> 01:22:31,028 I do not know whether this little devil here is the quick fuse... 1137 01:22:31,029 --> 01:22:32,613 ...or the slow fuse. 1138 01:22:33,031 --> 01:22:35,116 I must find this out. 1139 01:22:46,962 --> 01:22:48,546 This is critical. 1140 01:23:00,392 --> 01:23:01,976 Ja, ja. You see this? 1141 01:23:01,977 --> 01:23:04,937 You see this? Hear what I have told you? 1142 01:23:04,938 --> 01:23:08,190 Ja. This is an example of smartness here. 1143 01:23:08,191 --> 01:23:12,736 I have said that this is the quick fuse, and this is the quick fuse. 1144 01:23:13,822 --> 01:23:15,030 The quick fuse! 1145 01:23:34,259 --> 01:23:35,968 Has the jury reached a verdict? 1146 01:23:37,554 --> 01:23:40,055 - We have, your honor. - How does the jury find? 1147 01:23:40,891 --> 01:23:43,851 We find the defendants incredibly guilty. 1148 01:23:44,102 --> 01:23:47,062 Do the defendants have anything to say in their behalf... 1149 01:23:47,063 --> 01:23:49,356 ...before the court pronounces sentence? 1150 01:23:50,859 --> 01:23:53,569 I would like to say something, your honor. 1151 01:23:53,570 --> 01:23:57,323 Not on my behalf, but in reference to my partner, Mr. Bialystock. 1152 01:23:58,074 --> 01:23:59,283 Proceed. 1153 01:23:59,618 --> 01:24:01,035 Your honor... 1154 01:24:01,745 --> 01:24:03,871 Ladies and gentlemen of the jury... 1155 01:24:05,290 --> 01:24:08,876 Max Bialystock is the most... 1156 01:24:10,754 --> 01:24:14,048 ...selfish man I ever met in my life. 1157 01:24:14,591 --> 01:24:16,050 Don't help me. 1158 01:24:16,259 --> 01:24:18,219 Not only is he a liar... 1159 01:24:19,304 --> 01:24:20,763 ...and a cheat... 1160 01:24:22,140 --> 01:24:25,267 ...and a scoundrel and a crook... 1161 01:24:25,936 --> 01:24:29,063 ...who has taken money from little old ladies... 1162 01:24:29,731 --> 01:24:33,108 ...but he's also talked people into doing things... 1163 01:24:33,109 --> 01:24:34,610 ...especially me... 1164 01:24:35,820 --> 01:24:39,949 ...that they would never in a thousand years have dreamed of doing. 1165 01:24:41,409 --> 01:24:43,035 But, your honor... 1166 01:24:44,120 --> 01:24:45,871 ...as I understand it... 1167 01:24:47,040 --> 01:24:49,583 ...the law was created... 1168 01:24:50,460 --> 01:24:53,963 ...to protect people from being wronged. 1169 01:24:56,132 --> 01:24:57,591 Your honor... 1170 01:24:58,510 --> 01:25:02,513 ...whom has Max Bialystock wronged? 1171 01:25:03,181 --> 01:25:04,348 I mean... 1172 01:25:04,975 --> 01:25:06,934 ...whom has he really hurt? 1173 01:25:07,185 --> 01:25:10,938 Not me. 1174 01:25:11,314 --> 01:25:12,523 I was... 1175 01:25:15,026 --> 01:25:16,360 This man... 1176 01:25:19,155 --> 01:25:21,448 No one ever called me Leo before. 1177 01:25:22,325 --> 01:25:24,451 I know it's not a big legal point... 1178 01:25:24,828 --> 01:25:28,664 ...but even in kindergarten, they used to call me Bloom. 1179 01:25:29,583 --> 01:25:31,417 I never sang a song before. 1180 01:25:31,418 --> 01:25:32,585 I mean with someone else. 1181 01:25:32,586 --> 01:25:34,795 I never sang a song with someone else before. 1182 01:25:35,839 --> 01:25:39,967 This man... 1183 01:25:41,177 --> 01:25:43,137 This is a wonderful man. 1184 01:25:44,889 --> 01:25:46,974 He made me what I am today. 1185 01:25:48,101 --> 01:25:49,268 He did. 1186 01:25:51,980 --> 01:25:53,814 And what of the dear ladies? 1187 01:25:55,025 --> 01:25:58,527 What would their lives have been without Max Bialystock? 1188 01:26:00,113 --> 01:26:01,697 Max Bialystock... 1189 01:26:02,907 --> 01:26:05,492 ...who made them feel young... 1190 01:26:06,661 --> 01:26:08,579 ...and attractive... 1191 01:26:09,539 --> 01:26:11,165 ...and wanted again? 1192 01:26:15,253 --> 01:26:17,421 That's all that I have to say. 1193 01:26:22,802 --> 01:26:24,219 Order. Order. 1194 01:26:28,266 --> 01:26:32,269 And may I humbly add, your honor, that we've learned our lesson... 1195 01:26:32,270 --> 01:26:34,355 ...and that we'll never do it again. 1196 01:26:42,864 --> 01:26:45,115 "Prisoners of love 1197 01:26:45,116 --> 01:26:46,867 "Blue skies above" 1198 01:26:47,243 --> 01:26:50,037 "Can't keep our hearts in jail" 1199 01:26:56,878 --> 01:26:58,712 No! 1200 01:26:59,464 --> 01:27:02,132 Now, come on, guys, let's put a little life in it. 1201 01:27:04,969 --> 01:27:06,595 "Prisoners of love 1202 01:27:07,180 --> 01:27:09,098 "Blue skies above 1203 01:27:09,557 --> 01:27:13,310 "Can't keep our hearts in jail" 1204 01:27:13,978 --> 01:27:15,938 "Prisoners of love..." 1205 01:27:17,232 --> 01:27:19,942 You now own 20 percent of Prisoners of Love. 1206 01:27:19,943 --> 01:27:21,402 Congratulations. Yes, sir? 1207 01:27:27,951 --> 01:27:30,160 You now own 30 percent of Prisoners of Love. 1208 01:27:30,161 --> 01:27:32,121 Congratulations. Yes, sir? 1209 01:27:33,832 --> 01:27:35,624 The warden would like to make... 1210 01:27:35,625 --> 01:27:38,252 ...a little investment in your production. 1211 01:27:43,967 --> 01:27:46,218 Tell him he owns 50 percent of the show. 1212 01:27:46,219 --> 01:27:47,970 - Thanks! - My pleasure. 1213 01:27:47,971 --> 01:27:49,763 From the top, Franz, once more. 1214 01:27:53,059 --> 01:27:55,227 "Prisoners of love 1215 01:27:55,228 --> 01:27:57,104 "Blue skies above 1216 01:27:57,480 --> 01:27:59,648 "Can't keep our hearts in jail" 1217 01:27:59,649 --> 01:28:01,358 Sing it out, men! 1218 01:28:01,901 --> 01:28:03,277 "Prisoners of love" 1219 01:28:03,278 --> 01:28:05,612 Higher, you animals, higher! 1220 01:28:05,613 --> 01:28:08,365 We open in Leavenworth Saturday night! 1221 01:28:09,576 --> 01:28:12,035 "You can lock us up 1222 01:28:12,036 --> 01:28:13,871 "And lose the key 1223 01:28:14,205 --> 01:28:18,000 "But hearts in love are always free 1224 01:28:18,960 --> 01:28:21,003 "Prisoners of love 1225 01:28:21,004 --> 01:28:22,921 "Blue skies above 1226 01:28:22,922 --> 01:28:26,341 "'cause we're still prisoners of love 1227 01:28:26,718 --> 01:28:30,763 "You can lock us up and lose the key 1228 01:28:30,764 --> 01:28:33,015 "But hearts in love 1229 01:28:33,016 --> 01:28:34,725 "Will always be" 1230 01:28:38,062 --> 01:28:40,481 "Prisoners of love" 1231 01:28:43,735 --> 01:28:45,986 "Blue skies above 1232 01:28:46,196 --> 01:28:48,405 "'cause we're still prisoners 1233 01:28:48,406 --> 01:28:50,324 "We're still prisoners" 1234 01:28:50,325 --> 01:28:55,245 "We're still prisoners of love..."