1 00:00:01,535 --> 00:00:02,370 EVERYBODY HATES CHRIS "Everybody Hates Baseball" Closed captioned 2 00:00:02,403 --> 00:00:04,305 * I see the crystal raindrops fall * 3 00:00:04,338 --> 00:00:06,640 * And the beauty of it all... 4 00:00:06,674 --> 00:00:08,642 CHRIS ROCK: When I was a kid, I never had a chance 5 00:00:08,676 --> 00:00:10,344 to hang out with my dad much, 6 00:00:10,378 --> 00:00:13,614 because all it seemed like he did was work and sleep. 7 00:00:13,647 --> 00:00:15,283 I tried working with him. 8 00:00:15,316 --> 00:00:16,650 Come on, Chris, we got to pick up the pace. 9 00:00:16,684 --> 00:00:18,452 We only got five minutes at this spot. Here we go. 10 00:00:18,486 --> 00:00:19,587 (grunting) 11 00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:21,189 I tried sleeping with him. 12 00:00:21,222 --> 00:00:23,324 * Just the two of us 13 00:00:23,357 --> 00:00:25,659 (bones crack, Chris whimpers) * We can make it if we try 14 00:00:25,693 --> 00:00:26,827 * Just the two of us... 15 00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:28,296 But the one thing we loved 16 00:00:28,329 --> 00:00:30,098 doing together was watching baseball. 17 00:00:30,131 --> 00:00:32,200 (sportscast playing) * Just the two of us 18 00:00:32,233 --> 00:00:35,169 (cheering, laughing) 19 00:00:35,203 --> 00:00:37,338 * ...in the sky, just the two of us * (knocking at door) 20 00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:39,173 Oh, I'll get it. * You and I 21 00:00:39,207 --> 00:00:41,209 Nothing could spoil family time like 22 00:00:41,242 --> 00:00:42,843 a visit from my Uncle Michael. 23 00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:44,478 Big man! 24 00:00:44,512 --> 00:00:45,679 What's going on, Michael? 25 00:00:45,713 --> 00:00:47,748 Besides Mama being mad at me for eating all 26 00:00:47,781 --> 00:00:49,750 the Captain Crunch, nothing. 27 00:00:49,783 --> 00:00:52,553 (baseball game continues on TV) 28 00:00:54,255 --> 00:00:55,389 Who's up? 29 00:00:55,423 --> 00:00:57,425 Mets by one. Mmm. 30 00:00:58,592 --> 00:00:59,793 Hey, big man, 31 00:00:59,827 --> 00:01:02,496 you want to see the Dodgers and the Mets play on Saturday? 32 00:01:02,530 --> 00:01:03,197 You got Mets tickets? 33 00:01:03,231 --> 00:01:04,865 Where'd you get 'em? My man. 34 00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:06,500 He used to work in the box office. 35 00:01:06,534 --> 00:01:07,735 He got 'em from his girl. 36 00:01:07,768 --> 00:01:10,171 Michael, I can't afford those tickets. 37 00:01:10,204 --> 00:01:11,439 I'm not selling them. 38 00:01:11,472 --> 00:01:13,541 We're family. You can have them. 39 00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:15,676 What's the catch? No catch. 40 00:01:15,709 --> 00:01:19,380 My father would accept free tickets to a funeral. 41 00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:22,183 Box seats, huh? 42 00:01:22,216 --> 00:01:24,518 Big man, can I borrow $40? 43 00:01:24,552 --> 00:01:26,887 Michael, if you needed $40 44 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:29,390 why didn't you just sell me the tickets for $40? 45 00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:30,591 That's against the law. 46 00:01:30,624 --> 00:01:32,526 My uncle was a lazy bum, 47 00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:34,495 but he was honest. What you need $40 for? 48 00:01:34,528 --> 00:01:35,863 I need it for a date. 49 00:01:35,896 --> 00:01:38,599 I want to pay so I can make a good first impression. 50 00:01:38,632 --> 00:01:40,501 Especially if your second impression is 51 00:01:40,534 --> 00:01:42,203 "can I borrow $20?" 52 00:01:42,236 --> 00:01:43,437 So who you going out with? 53 00:01:43,471 --> 00:01:44,738 Mm-mmm, I ain't saying. 54 00:01:44,772 --> 00:01:46,274 I've been in a slump lately 55 00:01:46,307 --> 00:01:47,508 and I don't want to jinx 56 00:01:47,541 --> 00:01:49,177 this one. Why don't you get a job? 57 00:01:49,210 --> 00:01:50,811 And move out of your mother's house. 58 00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:52,680 So can we go, Dad? 59 00:01:52,713 --> 00:01:54,415 Yeah, Gooden's pitching. 60 00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:56,350 All right. 61 00:01:56,384 --> 00:01:58,552 Cool, y'all 'bout to see a good game. 62 00:01:58,586 --> 00:02:00,688 Y'all 'bout to see Gooden and Strawberry. 63 00:02:00,721 --> 00:02:03,724 A few years later, you'd have to go to prison to do that. 64 00:02:03,757 --> 00:02:07,395 Captioning sponsored by CBS PARAMOUNT NETWORK TELEVISION 65 00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:39,327 CHRIS ROCK: While I was planning on the game, 66 00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:41,329 Vanessa was about to get played. 67 00:02:41,362 --> 00:02:42,796 Girl, guess who asked me out? 68 00:02:42,830 --> 00:02:44,632 Who? Michael. 69 00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:46,534 Mailman Michael? No. 70 00:02:46,567 --> 00:02:48,569 Garbage man Michael? No. 71 00:02:48,602 --> 00:02:50,471 Her man Michael? 72 00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:52,373 She went out with him last week. 73 00:02:52,406 --> 00:02:53,641 Your brother Michael. 74 00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:55,476 What? Vanessa, 75 00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:57,645 stop playing. Girl, I'm serious. 76 00:02:57,678 --> 00:02:59,647 He wants to take me to dinner and everything. 77 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:02,816 Everything means nothing but dinner. 78 00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:04,252 Well, what would make him think 79 00:03:04,285 --> 00:03:05,519 that you would want go out with him? 80 00:03:05,553 --> 00:03:07,255 Because I said "yes." 81 00:03:07,288 --> 00:03:09,290 And you know I never turn down a free meal. 82 00:03:09,323 --> 00:03:10,824 And I think he's kinda sweet. 83 00:03:10,858 --> 00:03:12,626 Just like diabetes. 84 00:03:12,660 --> 00:03:13,727 And besides, you never know 85 00:03:13,761 --> 00:03:15,829 where you might find love. In the arms of a bum. 86 00:03:15,863 --> 00:03:17,698 Mm! 87 00:03:17,731 --> 00:03:19,433 What do you mean, "Mm!"? 88 00:03:19,467 --> 00:03:20,901 I just don't think it's a good idea. 89 00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:22,570 That's all. Mm-mm. 90 00:03:22,603 --> 00:03:24,872 It's just dinner. You act like the man is moving in. 91 00:03:24,905 --> 00:03:26,307 Keep an eye on your keys. 92 00:03:26,340 --> 00:03:27,575 I'm just saying, 93 00:03:27,608 --> 00:03:29,277 every time you go on a bad date, 94 00:03:29,310 --> 00:03:30,878 I end up with a bad perm. 95 00:03:30,911 --> 00:03:33,647 Don't worry, your hair's going to be just fine. 96 00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:37,518 After six months on the block, 97 00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:39,387 Tasha had me confused. 98 00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:41,555 She was a cute girl who didn't hate me. 99 00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:45,359 So I'll see you guys at the theater. Bye, Tasha. 100 00:03:45,393 --> 00:03:46,894 Bye. Hey, Tasha. 101 00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:47,928 Hi, Chris. 102 00:03:47,961 --> 00:03:49,497 So, what's going on? 103 00:03:49,530 --> 00:03:50,731 We're going to the movies Saturday. 104 00:03:50,764 --> 00:03:51,932 You want to come? 105 00:03:51,965 --> 00:03:54,268 What are you gonna go see? What are you, 106 00:03:54,302 --> 00:03:56,404 Siskel and Stupid? Just say you want to go. 107 00:03:56,437 --> 00:03:58,038 Back to the Future. 108 00:03:58,071 --> 00:04:00,508 Well, let me just get one thing clear. 109 00:04:00,541 --> 00:04:03,577 You want me to go with you to the movies on Saturday? 110 00:04:03,611 --> 00:04:05,313 Yeah. It'll be cool. 111 00:04:05,346 --> 00:04:06,880 Yeah, it'll be real cool. 112 00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:09,583 Like, cool is the word, too, so... 113 00:04:09,617 --> 00:04:11,652 Man, shut up before I build a time machine 114 00:04:11,685 --> 00:04:13,821 and come back to smack you upside the head. 115 00:04:13,854 --> 00:04:15,689 So, I'll see you Saturday? 116 00:04:15,723 --> 00:04:17,391 Yep, you'll see me Saturday. 117 00:04:17,425 --> 00:04:18,626 Okay. If I don't have 118 00:04:18,659 --> 00:04:20,694 a heart attack by Friday. 119 00:04:20,728 --> 00:04:24,064 Tonya loved Billy Ocean, so naturally, she 120 00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:25,566 joined the Billy Ocean fan club 121 00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:27,568 and sent off for an autographed picture. 122 00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:28,802 But it wasn't the first 123 00:04:28,836 --> 00:04:30,438 fan club she joined. 124 00:04:30,471 --> 00:04:31,905 There was the DeBarge fan club. 125 00:04:34,742 --> 00:04:36,710 The Shalamar fan club. 126 00:04:39,547 --> 00:04:41,682 Even the Terence Trent D'Arby fan club. 127 00:04:41,715 --> 00:04:44,918 Too bad they were bought out by the Al B. Sure fan club 128 00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:46,454 TONYA: Is that it? 129 00:04:46,487 --> 00:04:47,921 No. 130 00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:49,757 Is that it? No. 131 00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:52,626 Is that it? No. I got the light bill, 132 00:04:52,660 --> 00:04:54,495 the gas bill, and the telephone bill. 133 00:04:54,528 --> 00:04:55,829 There's nothing here from Billy Ocean. 134 00:04:55,863 --> 00:04:58,699 Not unless his picture's on one of these bills. But you mailed it 135 00:04:58,732 --> 00:05:00,033 almost a month ago. 136 00:05:00,067 --> 00:05:02,770 A month ago? Baby, it's been barely 137 00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:03,737 four weeks. 138 00:05:03,771 --> 00:05:05,973 Relax, you'll get your picture. 139 00:05:08,676 --> 00:05:11,845 Hey, Mom, can I have a piece of gum? Sure. 140 00:05:16,717 --> 00:05:19,086 Uh-oh. No gum? 141 00:05:19,119 --> 00:05:21,655 Yeah, I got it-- here. 142 00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:26,860 That look means "Damn!" 143 00:05:26,894 --> 00:05:28,462 Damn! See? 144 00:05:28,496 --> 00:05:30,531 My mother had lost more stuff 145 00:05:30,564 --> 00:05:32,666 in her purse than the Bermuda Triangle. 146 00:05:32,700 --> 00:05:34,968 She lost little things. 147 00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:37,671 There's my lipstick. 148 00:05:37,705 --> 00:05:40,674 She lost big things. 149 00:05:40,708 --> 00:05:42,710 There's that skillet. 150 00:05:43,711 --> 00:05:45,145 She lost great big things. 151 00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:47,381 There's that gallon of milk. 152 00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:52,019 And things she didn't know how she lost. 153 00:05:53,020 --> 00:05:55,155 There's my purse. 154 00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:56,890 They might have found Biggie's killer 155 00:05:56,924 --> 00:05:58,826 if they looked inside my mother's purse. 156 00:06:02,563 --> 00:06:03,764 What's that? 157 00:06:03,797 --> 00:06:05,165 Tonya's waiting on a picture 158 00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:06,767 from the Billy Ocean Fan Club, 159 00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:08,502 but I forgot to mail the letter. 160 00:06:08,536 --> 00:06:10,170 Now I don't know what to tell her. 161 00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:12,973 How about "I forgot to mail your letter to Billy Ocean"? 162 00:06:13,006 --> 00:06:14,475 Are you crazy? 163 00:06:14,508 --> 00:06:16,444 I can't just tell her I forgot. 164 00:06:16,477 --> 00:06:18,178 What are you going to do? 165 00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:20,581 I'm going to get her a picture of Billy Ocean. 166 00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:25,819 Monk was always on guard. 167 00:06:25,853 --> 00:06:27,187 Is that your brother? 168 00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:29,790 Yeah. 169 00:06:29,823 --> 00:06:31,692 Just checking. 170 00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:33,561 I'll be back in 20 minutes. 171 00:06:33,594 --> 00:06:35,463 Okay. 172 00:06:35,496 --> 00:06:37,064 Hey, man, was that Tasha? 173 00:06:37,097 --> 00:06:38,732 Yeah, she just invited me 174 00:06:38,766 --> 00:06:39,967 to go see Back to the Future. 175 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,835 Oh, for real? That's cool. 176 00:06:41,869 --> 00:06:43,671 Yeah, I didn't know she liked me that much. 177 00:06:43,704 --> 00:06:45,806 No, I was talking about Back to the Future. 178 00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:47,541 Oh. So it's just you and her? 179 00:06:47,575 --> 00:06:48,876 No, some other people are going. 180 00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:50,010 Oh, cool. 181 00:06:50,043 --> 00:06:51,812 So you gonna sit next to her? 182 00:06:51,845 --> 00:06:54,548 I hope so. (chuckles) 183 00:06:54,582 --> 00:06:56,650 So when you going? Uh, Saturday. 184 00:06:56,684 --> 00:06:58,185 What Saturday? 185 00:06:58,218 --> 00:06:59,553 This Saturday. 186 00:06:59,587 --> 00:07:00,788 How are you going to see 187 00:07:00,821 --> 00:07:01,889 Back To The Future with Tasha 188 00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:03,924 and we're supposed to be going to the game with Dad? 189 00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:06,760 Shoot, I forgot about that. 190 00:07:06,794 --> 00:07:07,761 I thought about one girl 191 00:07:07,795 --> 00:07:10,564 so much when I was 16, I forgot I was 30. 192 00:07:10,598 --> 00:07:13,767 Well, maybe Dad won't mind if I don't go to the game. 193 00:07:13,801 --> 00:07:15,969 I think he's probably gonna be crushed. 194 00:07:16,003 --> 00:07:18,138 I mean, plus he got those tickets for free. 195 00:07:18,171 --> 00:07:20,741 It's a Saturday and he got a day off work. 196 00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:22,743 I mean, who knows when that's gonna happen again. 197 00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:25,078 This was gonna be one of the best days of his life. 198 00:07:25,112 --> 00:07:26,914 Now it's ruined. 199 00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:29,249 I'm glad some girl didn't ask me to go to the movies. 200 00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:32,085 I'm glad I'm not you. 201 00:07:32,119 --> 00:07:33,954 Oh, well. See you later. 202 00:07:36,524 --> 00:07:38,959 Where's a flux capacitor when you need one? 203 00:07:43,030 --> 00:07:44,532 Tuna on the top, 204 00:07:44,565 --> 00:07:46,266 sardines, then the cat food. 205 00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:49,503 CHRIS ROCK: For working people, broke people and old people. 206 00:07:49,537 --> 00:07:51,805 So your daddy's got box seats to the Mets game, huh? 207 00:07:51,839 --> 00:07:52,940 And you're not going? 208 00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:54,675 I haven't decided yet. 209 00:07:54,708 --> 00:07:56,109 Well, what's to decide? 210 00:07:56,143 --> 00:07:57,578 Is she cute? 211 00:07:57,611 --> 00:07:58,879 It's Tasha. 212 00:07:58,912 --> 00:08:01,081 Tasha! 213 00:08:01,114 --> 00:08:03,917 That was the code name to my first field exercise in Qatar. 214 00:08:03,951 --> 00:08:05,953 Man, forget that game. 215 00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:08,221 They play 180 games a year, every year. 216 00:08:08,255 --> 00:08:09,957 That girl asked you out once. 217 00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:12,125 Now don't expect her to do it twice. 218 00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:13,961 Anyway... I couldn't imagine 219 00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:15,295 going to a baseball game with my father. 220 00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:16,864 Why not? Because they didn't 221 00:08:16,897 --> 00:08:18,799 have baseball games in the Quang Ngai Province. 222 00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:20,834 Was your dad in Vietnam? Nope. 223 00:08:20,868 --> 00:08:21,802 Queens. 224 00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:23,571 I don't know, he disappeared when I was two. 225 00:08:23,604 --> 00:08:24,705 I haven't seen him since. 226 00:08:24,738 --> 00:08:27,908 20 years later, Monk found his father on MySpace. 227 00:08:27,941 --> 00:08:30,844 Profile name: Military Mike-tastic. 228 00:08:30,878 --> 00:08:33,080 Look, you ain't gotta take my word for it. 229 00:08:33,113 --> 00:08:35,082 I'm not. But ask anybody, they'll tell you. 230 00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:37,217 You can always hang out with your daddy. 231 00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:38,719 Go to the movie. 232 00:08:38,752 --> 00:08:40,220 Go to the game, man. 233 00:08:40,253 --> 00:08:41,855 You know if my father wasn't in jail, 234 00:08:41,889 --> 00:08:43,190 that's what I'd do. 235 00:08:43,223 --> 00:08:45,759 Yeah, go to the game, but whatever you do, 236 00:08:45,793 --> 00:08:47,260 don't sit behind home plate. 237 00:08:47,294 --> 00:08:50,097 My father was killed by a line drive 238 00:08:50,130 --> 00:08:53,166 to the the medulla oblongata. 239 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:54,234 Tragic. 240 00:08:54,267 --> 00:08:55,836 Go to the game. 241 00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:58,305 My father never took me 'cause I was a test tube baby. 242 00:08:58,338 --> 00:09:00,007 Want some peanuts? 243 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:01,909 Why don't you and the girl go see a movie 244 00:09:01,942 --> 00:09:04,211 about the game that your father's going to. 245 00:09:04,244 --> 00:09:06,279 Hurrah... 246 00:09:06,313 --> 00:09:08,949 sowah... 247 00:09:08,982 --> 00:09:09,950 I don't know, man. 248 00:09:09,983 --> 00:09:11,585 That's a tough one. 249 00:09:11,619 --> 00:09:13,921 Game-girl, girl-game. Well... 250 00:09:13,954 --> 00:09:15,322 if you pick the girl, 251 00:09:15,355 --> 00:09:16,824 there's a good chance you're gonna hurt 252 00:09:16,857 --> 00:09:18,158 your dad's feelings, but.. 253 00:09:18,191 --> 00:09:21,662 it is his job to love you unconditionally. 254 00:09:21,695 --> 00:09:22,896 Now, if you pick the game, 255 00:09:22,930 --> 00:09:25,032 you might hurt Tasha's feelings... 256 00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:26,734 not to mention (locker unlocks) 257 00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:28,035 you'll miss Back To The Future, 258 00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:29,703 which is supposed to be one of the best 259 00:09:29,737 --> 00:09:31,805 movies out this year, but... 260 00:09:31,839 --> 00:09:33,206 it will be a pretty good game, 261 00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:35,308 so I'd have to say girl. 262 00:09:35,342 --> 00:09:37,010 No, game. 263 00:09:37,044 --> 00:09:38,045 Girl. 264 00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:40,347 Wait, no-- game! 265 00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:42,916 Girl! 266 00:09:42,950 --> 00:09:44,785 Game! 267 00:09:48,155 --> 00:09:51,024 (singing softly) 268 00:09:51,058 --> 00:09:52,159 Get your butt over here. 269 00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:54,394 Rochelle?! What are you doing out here 270 00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:55,863 sneaking up on people? 271 00:09:55,896 --> 00:09:57,330 You could've caused me to have a heart attack. 272 00:09:57,364 --> 00:09:59,066 Michael should've died years ago, 273 00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:01,068 but his heart was way too lazy 274 00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:02,903 to attack him. What do you think you're doing? 275 00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:03,904 What? 276 00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:06,874 Why did you ask Vanessa to go out with you? 277 00:10:06,907 --> 00:10:08,208 Because she cute, 278 00:10:08,241 --> 00:10:10,177 she got a good job, she need a man, 279 00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:11,912 Mama said I need a woman, 280 00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:14,247 plus, I hear she co-signs on loans. 281 00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:16,784 Well, you need to ask somebody else out. 282 00:10:16,817 --> 00:10:19,019 You don't see me going around asking your friends out. 283 00:10:19,052 --> 00:10:20,954 What're you saying, I'm not good enough 284 00:10:20,988 --> 00:10:22,956 for your friend? No, Michael, I'm saying 285 00:10:22,990 --> 00:10:24,892 that if you go out with her and have a good time, 286 00:10:24,925 --> 00:10:26,393 she's going to expect you to call her back. 287 00:10:26,426 --> 00:10:28,161 You ain't got no money, 288 00:10:28,195 --> 00:10:29,763 you ain't got no phone, 289 00:10:29,797 --> 00:10:31,231 and if she hasn't heard from you, 290 00:10:31,264 --> 00:10:33,867 she's gonna be distracted. 291 00:10:33,901 --> 00:10:35,202 And if I end up with a bald patch in my head 292 00:10:35,235 --> 00:10:36,837 'cause she left the perm in too long-- 293 00:10:36,870 --> 00:10:38,138 oh, you and me... 294 00:10:39,172 --> 00:10:40,273 ...we gonna have problems! 295 00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:41,374 Well, I'm sorry, sis. 296 00:10:41,408 --> 00:10:42,943 She already said yes. 297 00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:45,412 I can't cancel right now. What would I look like? 298 00:10:45,445 --> 00:10:46,379 Like a bald patch. 299 00:10:46,413 --> 00:10:48,716 Don't you walk away from me! Don't you walk... 300 00:10:48,749 --> 00:10:49,950 I'm gonna get my woman. Michael! 301 00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:51,351 Back at home, 302 00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:54,187 I was about to call the game on a technicality. 303 00:10:54,221 --> 00:10:56,289 Mm! The Dodgers are on a three-game run. 304 00:10:56,323 --> 00:10:57,791 They're going to stomp the Mets. 305 00:10:57,825 --> 00:10:58,692 This game is gonna be good. 306 00:10:58,726 --> 00:11:00,728 I thought we wanted the Dodgers to lose. 307 00:11:00,761 --> 00:11:02,696 Usually. 308 00:11:02,730 --> 00:11:04,698 But the Dodgers are the only team 309 00:11:04,732 --> 00:11:06,366 that weren't mean to Jackie Robinson. 310 00:11:06,399 --> 00:11:08,902 You hire the only black guy playing, I'm on your side. 311 00:11:08,936 --> 00:11:10,771 I feel the same way about midgets. 312 00:11:10,804 --> 00:11:13,306 Baby, I haven't seen you this excited 313 00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:15,175 since you found that book of food stamps. 314 00:11:15,208 --> 00:11:16,243 She should have seen him 315 00:11:16,276 --> 00:11:18,378 when he found a meter with time left on it! 316 00:11:18,411 --> 00:11:20,480 Look, we got great seats, free tickets, 317 00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:22,482 I got the day off, and I get to hang with my boys. 318 00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:24,017 If you threw in a nap, 319 00:11:24,051 --> 00:11:25,085 he would die and go to heaven. 320 00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:28,221 If you threw in a nap, I'd die and go to heaven. 321 00:11:28,255 --> 00:11:29,222 See? 322 00:11:29,256 --> 00:11:31,358 Tonya, you want some cornbread? 323 00:11:31,391 --> 00:11:34,394 No, I'm not really all that hungry. 324 00:11:34,427 --> 00:11:36,296 Baby, you got to eat. 325 00:11:36,329 --> 00:11:37,998 You don't want to die of starvation 326 00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:39,032 before your picture gets here. 327 00:11:40,333 --> 00:11:41,368 Oh, okay. 328 00:11:41,401 --> 00:11:44,104 DREW: Hey, Dad? 329 00:11:44,137 --> 00:11:45,939 Can we eat whatever we want at the game? 330 00:11:45,973 --> 00:11:47,140 Yeah. 331 00:11:47,174 --> 00:11:49,743 As long as it costs less than $2.00. 332 00:11:49,777 --> 00:11:52,212 I'm going to get two hot dogs, cotton candy, and peanuts... 333 00:11:52,245 --> 00:11:53,413 Chris, what you gonna eat? 334 00:11:53,446 --> 00:11:55,849 My words? 335 00:11:55,883 --> 00:11:56,950 Nothing. 336 00:11:56,984 --> 00:11:58,451 Because I'm not going to the game. 337 00:11:58,485 --> 00:12:01,221 What do you mean? 338 00:12:01,254 --> 00:12:04,457 Well, Tasha asked me if I wanted to go to the movies on Saturday, 339 00:12:04,491 --> 00:12:05,492 and I said "yes." 340 00:12:05,525 --> 00:12:08,862 My father never really showed his feelings, 341 00:12:08,896 --> 00:12:12,532 but when he was hurt, he'd always say the same thing. 342 00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:14,067 Cool. 343 00:12:15,202 --> 00:12:16,536 Cool. 344 00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:20,007 That's not cool, that's cold. 345 00:12:23,510 --> 00:12:24,644 CHRIS ROCK: After giving it some thought, 346 00:12:24,677 --> 00:12:27,047 Vanessa decided to give my mom a piece of her mind. 347 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:28,081 Rochelle. 348 00:12:28,115 --> 00:12:32,052 Ah, hey, Vanessa, what's up? 349 00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:34,021 Well, you tell me-- why don't you think I'm good enough 350 00:12:34,054 --> 00:12:35,022 to go out with your brother? 351 00:12:35,055 --> 00:12:36,456 I never said that. 352 00:12:36,489 --> 00:12:38,258 I tell you what, Miss High and Mighty, 353 00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:39,526 when you figure out what you are trying to say, 354 00:12:39,559 --> 00:12:40,527 you call me at home 355 00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:42,195 and then say it. 356 00:12:42,229 --> 00:12:45,498 Until then, find somebody else to wax your mustache. 357 00:12:45,532 --> 00:12:48,368 What about the soul patch? 358 00:12:52,172 --> 00:12:53,807 My mother went from making a snap judgment 359 00:12:53,841 --> 00:12:55,542 to looking for a snapshot. 360 00:12:55,575 --> 00:12:58,045 Oh, Risky, Risky, Risky. 361 00:12:58,078 --> 00:12:59,579 Oh, hey, Rochelle, what do you need-- a butter roll or bagel? 362 00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:02,582 Do you still have those celebrity autograph pictures? 363 00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:04,317 I might have a few. 364 00:13:04,351 --> 00:13:05,585 You got Billy Ocean? 365 00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:07,921 What you want with a picture of Billy Ocean? 366 00:13:07,955 --> 00:13:08,922 It's for Tonya. 367 00:13:08,956 --> 00:13:11,859 All right, Tonya. 368 00:13:13,493 --> 00:13:14,561 All right, let's see here. 369 00:13:14,594 --> 00:13:20,167 Okay, uh, Billie Jean King, Wild Bill Hickok, uh... 370 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:21,068 Billy Joel... 371 00:13:21,101 --> 00:13:22,836 What do you do with these pictures anyway? 372 00:13:22,870 --> 00:13:24,304 Oh, I sell 'em to soul food restaurants. 373 00:13:26,006 --> 00:13:30,844 Okay, Arctic Ocean, uh, Atlantic Ocean, 374 00:13:30,878 --> 00:13:32,545 Pacific Ocean... Billy Ocean! 375 00:13:32,579 --> 00:13:34,014 Ah! Yes! Billy Ocean! 376 00:13:34,047 --> 00:13:35,048 Yes! Thank you. 377 00:13:35,082 --> 00:13:37,284 Two dollars. Okay, here you go. 378 00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:38,285 All right. 379 00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:39,286 You got a bagel? 380 00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:40,353 Oh, sure, sure. 381 00:13:40,387 --> 00:13:43,223 Oat, uh, honey... Thanks. 382 00:13:43,256 --> 00:13:45,558 Out of all the people I talked to 383 00:13:45,592 --> 00:13:47,294 the only one who didn't tell me what to do 384 00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:51,498 was the one who it mattered to most. 385 00:13:51,531 --> 00:13:52,499 Hey, Dad. 386 00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:54,267 Yeah? 387 00:13:54,301 --> 00:13:55,335 I'm going to work. 388 00:13:55,368 --> 00:13:56,636 I'll be back in a little bit. 389 00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:57,871 Okay. 390 00:14:01,008 --> 00:14:01,975 Dad? 391 00:14:02,009 --> 00:14:03,243 Yeah? 392 00:14:03,276 --> 00:14:05,512 Can I go to the Mets game with you and Drew? 393 00:14:05,545 --> 00:14:07,881 What happened to your movie? 394 00:14:07,915 --> 00:14:10,083 Nothing. 395 00:14:10,117 --> 00:14:12,085 (baseball game playing on TV) 396 00:14:12,119 --> 00:14:13,220 I'd just rather go to the game. 397 00:14:13,253 --> 00:14:18,125 Okay... Cool. 398 00:14:18,158 --> 00:14:20,493 Cool. 399 00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:23,263 For the first time, "cool" actually meant "cool." 400 00:14:23,296 --> 00:14:25,132 ANNOUNCER: It's Mets against the Dodgers 401 00:14:25,165 --> 00:14:27,267 this Saturday, from Shea, on Mets Network... 402 00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:29,069 Ain't you supposed to be going to work? 403 00:14:29,102 --> 00:14:30,971 Yeah. 404 00:14:38,611 --> 00:14:41,548 Letting my father down was hard, 405 00:14:41,581 --> 00:14:45,185 but bailing out on Tasha was going to be worse. 406 00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:46,353 Hey, Chris. 407 00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:48,655 Hey, Tasha. 408 00:14:48,688 --> 00:14:49,923 Um, I've got some bad news. 409 00:14:49,957 --> 00:14:51,258 What? 410 00:14:51,291 --> 00:14:53,093 I can't go to the movies with you on Saturday. 411 00:14:53,126 --> 00:14:54,494 Why not? 412 00:14:54,527 --> 00:14:56,296 I've got to go to this baseball game with my dad. 413 00:14:56,329 --> 00:14:57,330 That's okay. 414 00:14:58,598 --> 00:15:00,433 Hey, Eric. 415 00:15:00,467 --> 00:15:02,002 Want to go to the movies Saturday? 416 00:15:02,035 --> 00:15:03,336 Sure. 417 00:15:03,370 --> 00:15:05,105 See you Saturday. 418 00:15:05,138 --> 00:15:06,406 Okay. 419 00:15:06,439 --> 00:15:08,108 If Tasha were here to do her voice-over, 420 00:15:08,141 --> 00:15:09,409 she would admit that she's heartbroken. 421 00:15:09,442 --> 00:15:11,178 ADULT TASHA: No, I wouldn't. 422 00:15:11,211 --> 00:15:14,347 I wasn't heartbroken, I don't even remember this happening. 423 00:15:14,381 --> 00:15:16,349 So I'll see you later? 424 00:15:16,383 --> 00:15:18,685 Um, yeah. Okay. 425 00:15:18,718 --> 00:15:20,653 CHRIS ROCK: While Tasha silently suffered in Brooklyn... 426 00:15:20,687 --> 00:15:22,222 TASHA: I wasn't suffering then 427 00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:23,623 and I'm not suffering now-- I don't care. 428 00:15:23,656 --> 00:15:26,159 CHRIS ROCK: Be quiet.The next day, outside of Shea Stadium... 429 00:15:26,193 --> 00:15:27,127 Man, I can't wait. 430 00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:28,728 Hey, Dad, during the seventh-inning stretch, 431 00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:29,829 can we get some caramel corn? 432 00:15:29,862 --> 00:15:33,967 Yeah, but let's not eat so much we get sick-- Come on. 433 00:15:34,001 --> 00:15:36,203 I would've enjoyed Back to the Future with Tasha, 434 00:15:36,236 --> 00:15:39,539 but it wasn't better than a day in the present with my father. 435 00:15:39,572 --> 00:15:41,541 Here you go. 436 00:15:42,609 --> 00:15:44,978 Hold on-- you can't use these. 437 00:15:45,012 --> 00:15:45,478 Why not? 438 00:15:45,512 --> 00:15:46,646 Why not? 439 00:15:46,679 --> 00:15:47,647 What do you think, I can't read? 440 00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:49,082 What are you talking about? 441 00:15:49,116 --> 00:15:51,985 These are from last year's game. 442 00:15:52,019 --> 00:15:54,054 Let me see those. 443 00:15:54,087 --> 00:15:55,722 April, 1984? 444 00:15:55,755 --> 00:15:57,490 Otherwise known as last year. 445 00:15:57,524 --> 00:16:02,162 I'm going to kill your uncle. 446 00:16:02,195 --> 00:16:03,730 Do you mind? 447 00:16:03,763 --> 00:16:05,532 Uh, where's the ticket booth? 448 00:16:05,565 --> 00:16:07,734 Maybe we can buy some bleacher seats. 449 00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:10,003 I don't think so. 450 00:16:10,037 --> 00:16:11,071 The game's sold out. 451 00:16:11,104 --> 00:16:12,505 Did I ask you that? 452 00:16:12,539 --> 00:16:14,174 Fine, go to the ticket booth. 453 00:16:14,207 --> 00:16:16,076 They're going to tell you the same thing. 454 00:16:17,677 --> 00:16:19,512 Down and to the left. 455 00:16:19,546 --> 00:16:23,550 Let me know how that works out for you. 456 00:16:28,721 --> 00:16:30,657 CHRIS: So, did they have anything? 457 00:16:30,690 --> 00:16:32,359 Nope. 458 00:16:32,392 --> 00:16:33,426 Bleachers? 459 00:16:33,460 --> 00:16:34,494 Sold out. 460 00:16:34,527 --> 00:16:35,495 Nosebleeds? 461 00:16:35,528 --> 00:16:37,330 All full. 462 00:16:37,364 --> 00:16:38,331 I'm sorry, Chris. 463 00:16:38,365 --> 00:16:40,433 It's okay, Dad. 464 00:16:40,467 --> 00:16:42,669 Too bad you didn't get to see Back to the Future. 465 00:16:42,702 --> 00:16:44,371 You probably could have sat right next to Tasha. 466 00:16:44,404 --> 00:16:45,805 I know. 467 00:16:45,838 --> 00:16:47,040 And afterwards, 468 00:16:47,074 --> 00:16:48,108 you could have gone to the park, 469 00:16:48,141 --> 00:16:49,142 got some ice cream... 470 00:16:49,176 --> 00:16:50,643 Yeah. 471 00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:53,046 Probably chocolate, 'cause I know you like chocolate. 472 00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:54,747 Yeah, I know. 473 00:16:54,781 --> 00:16:56,049 It would've been one of the best days of your life, 474 00:16:56,083 --> 00:16:57,784 and now it's ruined. 475 00:16:57,817 --> 00:17:00,120 I'm sure glad I didn't miss the movie to see this game. 476 00:17:00,153 --> 00:17:01,321 Okay! Okay! 477 00:17:02,622 --> 00:17:03,590 JULIUS: You know what? 478 00:17:03,623 --> 00:17:06,726 I told you guys we were going to see this game 479 00:17:06,759 --> 00:17:08,095 and we're going to see this game. 480 00:17:08,128 --> 00:17:09,662 Come on. 481 00:17:18,171 --> 00:17:22,242 Tonya! I have a big envelope for you! 482 00:17:22,275 --> 00:17:24,177 Is it my picture? 483 00:17:24,211 --> 00:17:27,580 Oh, I don't know, but... smells Caribbean to me! 484 00:17:27,614 --> 00:17:29,649 Maybe he wrote your name. 485 00:17:29,682 --> 00:17:34,421 He probably said something special! 486 00:17:34,454 --> 00:17:36,823 Ma, this is not Billy Ocean. 487 00:17:36,856 --> 00:17:40,093 This is Billy Dee Williams. 488 00:17:40,127 --> 00:17:41,461 What? 489 00:17:41,494 --> 00:17:43,730 Let's see that. 490 00:17:43,763 --> 00:17:45,832 Damn it, Risky. 491 00:17:52,439 --> 00:17:53,406 Baby, I'm sorry. 492 00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:55,175 Why? What happened? 493 00:17:55,208 --> 00:17:57,810 Well, you gave me your letter for Billy Ocean, 494 00:17:57,844 --> 00:18:01,748 and I lost it in my purse, and I never mailed it. 495 00:18:01,781 --> 00:18:04,251 So I'm not getting my Billy Ocean picture. 496 00:18:04,284 --> 00:18:06,619 No, I'm sorry, baby. 497 00:18:06,653 --> 00:18:08,488 Do you still have the letter? 498 00:18:08,521 --> 00:18:09,756 Yeah, why? 499 00:18:09,789 --> 00:18:11,124 Can I have it? 500 00:18:11,158 --> 00:18:13,826 Oh... here. 501 00:18:13,860 --> 00:18:15,762 Thanks. 502 00:18:15,795 --> 00:18:17,397 W-wait, wait, wait where you going? 503 00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:18,765 I'm going to go mail this letter 504 00:18:18,798 --> 00:18:21,268 so I can get my picture of Billy Ocean. 505 00:18:21,301 --> 00:18:24,304 My mother always did the best for us that she could, 506 00:18:24,337 --> 00:18:25,338 even if it didn't make a bit of sense. 507 00:18:25,372 --> 00:18:28,241 (cheering) 508 00:18:28,275 --> 00:18:33,413 Me and Drew had never been inside Earl's bar. 509 00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:35,482 It was a place where men got together to act like men. 510 00:18:36,816 --> 00:18:38,285 Hitter's got a full count. 511 00:18:38,318 --> 00:18:39,852 That don't mean nothing. 512 00:18:39,886 --> 00:18:41,421 I'll tell you what it means. 513 00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:42,422 It's going to be tragic. 514 00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:44,157 Tragic? 515 00:18:44,191 --> 00:18:45,592 Want to hear about something tragic? 516 00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:46,826 You ever been lost in the Peruvian Jungle 517 00:18:46,859 --> 00:18:47,794 with a mine stuck to your butt? 518 00:18:47,827 --> 00:18:50,463 Man, will you be quiet and watch the game? 519 00:18:50,497 --> 00:18:51,864 When I was a kid, 520 00:18:51,898 --> 00:18:53,200 I never got to hang out with my dad that much. 521 00:18:53,233 --> 00:18:55,202 But not going to a baseball game 522 00:18:55,235 --> 00:18:57,204 turned out to be one of the best days ever. 523 00:18:57,237 --> 00:18:58,338 You okay? 524 00:18:58,371 --> 00:18:59,339 Yeah. Yeah. 525 00:18:59,372 --> 00:19:00,540 You need anything? 526 00:19:00,573 --> 00:19:01,608 Can I have a beer? 527 00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:02,409 No. 528 00:19:02,442 --> 00:19:04,177 Can I have a beer? 529 00:19:04,211 --> 00:19:05,445 No. 530 00:19:06,913 --> 00:19:09,216 (cheers and applause) 531 00:19:11,251 --> 00:19:14,387 My mother lost friends over money, and over men, 532 00:19:14,421 --> 00:19:16,356 but she wasn't about to let anybody 533 00:19:16,389 --> 00:19:17,957 get in the way of a good perm. 534 00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:18,958 Hey, girl. 535 00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:20,460 Hey. 536 00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:22,262 I'm sorry. 537 00:19:22,295 --> 00:19:25,932 I shouldn't tell you who you can and can't go out with. 538 00:19:25,965 --> 00:19:27,767 I know you was just looking out for me. 539 00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:29,236 So how was it? 540 00:19:29,269 --> 00:19:30,237 Awful. 541 00:19:30,270 --> 00:19:31,971 I never been with a man that cheap in my life. 542 00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:34,274 He's not cheap, he's broke. 543 00:19:34,307 --> 00:19:35,742 Trust me, there's a big difference. 544 00:19:35,775 --> 00:19:36,743 Well, then why did you let me 545 00:19:36,776 --> 00:19:37,744 go out with him? 546 00:19:37,777 --> 00:19:38,911 I tried to talk you out of it! 547 00:19:38,945 --> 00:19:39,979 No, you didn't. 548 00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:42,482 You said, "I don't think this is such a good idea." 549 00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:43,950 Well, what was I supposed to say? 550 00:19:43,983 --> 00:19:45,585 You supposed to say, "He broke, don't go out with him." 551 00:19:45,618 --> 00:19:46,819 And that would make a difference? 552 00:19:46,853 --> 00:19:47,820 Not to Britney Spears. 553 00:19:47,854 --> 00:19:50,223 Yeah, well, when I'm doing something stupid, 554 00:19:50,257 --> 00:19:51,224 you're supposed to stop me. 555 00:19:51,258 --> 00:19:52,959 Don't blame me, heifer, you're a grown woman. 556 00:19:52,992 --> 00:19:55,762 Believe it or not, that's how they made up. 557 00:19:55,795 --> 00:19:56,929 You still got me on the books for Tuesday? 558 00:19:56,963 --> 00:19:59,732 Does Diana Ross wear a wig? 559 00:20:01,934 --> 00:20:03,936 Oh, that game was great. 560 00:20:03,970 --> 00:20:04,937 Yeah, thanks, Dad. 561 00:20:04,971 --> 00:20:05,972 Yeah. 562 00:20:08,541 --> 00:20:10,009 Whoa, cool. 563 00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:12,845 Yeah, if you want a car that looks like a belt buckle. 564 00:20:12,879 --> 00:20:14,914 Kill Moves, where'd you get this car? 565 00:20:14,947 --> 00:20:16,015 I went to see Back to the Future 566 00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:17,884 and they were giving them away. 567 00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:19,352 That explains the car. 568 00:20:19,386 --> 00:20:21,254 What about the white lady? 569 00:20:21,288 --> 00:20:22,955 * Everybody hates Chris. 570 00:20:22,989 --> 00:20:26,793 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 571 00:20:32,799 --> 00:20:34,934 * Oh... make it funky now!