1
00:00:01,084 --> 00:00:04,546
Cheers <i>is filmed
before a live studio audience.</i>

2
00:00:09,051 --> 00:00:10,677
What can I get you?

3
00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:13,013
What have you got?

4
00:00:13,972 --> 00:00:15,557
Anything you want.

5
00:00:16,558 --> 00:00:18,810
I'll bet you do.

6
00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:21,480
Why don't you tell me.

7
00:00:21,647 --> 00:00:23,941
Maybe you'd like to see a menu.

8
00:00:24,149 --> 00:00:28,570
No, I don't need one.
I know what I want.

9
00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:31,031
We talking about the same thing?

10
00:00:33,909 --> 00:00:35,160
I think so.

11
00:00:35,702 --> 00:00:41,667
Then maybe you'd like to whisper
what you want in my ear.

12
00:00:46,755 --> 00:00:49,132
Scotch and soda?

13
00:00:50,509 --> 00:00:52,219
He's toying with me.

14
00:02:07,002 --> 00:02:09,713
<i>Chased out of the pocket,
he's gonna throw it on the run,</i>

15
00:02:09,921 --> 00:02:11,256
<i>it's incomplete.</i>

16
00:02:11,423 --> 00:02:16,053
Good Lord, Sam, isn't this the tenth
football game you've watched today?

17
00:02:16,219 --> 00:02:19,473
It only seems that way.
That's the beauty of football.

18
00:02:21,391 --> 00:02:25,604
Sundays. The incessant drone
of the television,

19
00:02:25,771 --> 00:02:29,358
the stench of beer
and monosyllabic conversation.

20
00:02:29,524 --> 00:02:31,234
That's it. Get into it, girl.

21
00:02:35,030 --> 00:02:38,200
Oh, Diane. Listen, I dropped by
to give you a bit of news.

22
00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:40,952
I've decided to go away
for a while.

23
00:02:41,787 --> 00:02:43,580
I just wanna collect my thoughts

24
00:02:43,789 --> 00:02:45,999
and see if things look brighter
from a new perspective.

25
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,378
Frasier, I think that's terrific news.

26
00:02:49,586 --> 00:02:52,714
A very positive step.
I'm so happy for you.

27
00:02:52,881 --> 00:02:55,550
Well, thank you. I'm happy for myself.

28
00:02:56,385 --> 00:02:58,679
Say, wait a second, Diane.

29
00:02:58,845 --> 00:03:02,224
Crazy notion just jumped into my head,
I don't know where it came from,

30
00:03:02,391 --> 00:03:04,851
but I was wondering if
you'd like to come along.

31
00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:08,605
I mean, after all,
we do travel well together,

32
00:03:08,772 --> 00:03:10,232
and we have that matching luggage.

33
00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:15,946
Frasier, I really don't think
that would be a good idea at all.

34
00:03:16,905 --> 00:03:20,075
Of course. I understand.

35
00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:26,248
Oh, Diane. I've been putting off telling
you something, but I feel I must now.

36
00:03:26,665 --> 00:03:29,710
You've been using the word
"really" far too frequently.

37
00:03:30,293 --> 00:03:32,838
In fact, it's become really noticeable.

38
00:03:33,004 --> 00:03:35,382
It's really quite maddening, really.

39
00:03:37,634 --> 00:03:40,637
Frasier, I know you're disappointed
that I didn't accept your invitation,

40
00:03:40,804 --> 00:03:45,517
but I really-- I don't think that's
any reason to get on my case.

41
00:03:45,684 --> 00:03:49,813
"Get on my case."
What a charming bit of slang.

42
00:03:51,148 --> 00:03:56,361
Frasier, nitpicking at my choice
of the correct, modern English

43
00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:58,488
does not make you
any more attractive to me.

44
00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:02,075
If that's the purpose in your visits here,
perhaps you should find another tavern

45
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:04,661
in which to bore the life
out of the clientele.

46
00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:11,001
I'm so sorry to disappoint you,
Miss God's-Gift-to-Men.

47
00:04:11,168 --> 00:04:13,879
It just so happens that I come here
to share the companionship

48
00:04:14,045 --> 00:04:17,799
of my male friends. So, men,
what's on the agenda tonight?

49
00:04:17,799 --> 00:04:21,136
- Football.
- Oh, good Lord.

50
00:04:21,803 --> 00:04:24,765
I mean, "Rah."

51
00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:29,019
Using a colloquialism to ingratiate
yourself with the rabble?

52
00:04:29,186 --> 00:04:32,689
How very sad.
How really very sad.

53
00:04:34,983 --> 00:04:38,862
Did you see that bootleg by Montana?
The guy's unstoppable.

54
00:04:39,070 --> 00:04:41,323
Woody, looks like you're
gonna win the bar pool today.

55
00:04:41,323 --> 00:04:43,825
The Rams still have a chance,
and if they make a comeback,

56
00:04:43,992 --> 00:04:47,454
- I take the pool.
- Woody, you know, if you win this,

57
00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:50,207
that's gonna make three weeks
straight you've been in the money.

58
00:04:50,373 --> 00:04:53,168
Yeah, yeah, I guess I'm on a streak.

59
00:04:53,335 --> 00:04:55,462
You know, I've always been
a lucky guy.

60
00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:56,963
Back home I won a haircut.

61
00:05:01,176 --> 00:05:02,844
The heck kind of contest was that?

62
00:05:03,094 --> 00:05:06,556
Well, it wasn't really a contest.
It was just policy.

63
00:05:06,765 --> 00:05:09,518
See, if the barber nicks your ear,
you get a free haircut.

64
00:05:12,646 --> 00:05:15,565
I think Schopenhauer put it aptly
when he said,

65
00:05:15,732 --> 00:05:19,444
"Noise is the most contemptuous
of all forms of interruption. It is--"

66
00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:21,530
Impertinent.

67
00:05:21,905 --> 00:05:22,823
Excuse me?

68
00:05:23,782 --> 00:05:26,326
What you were trying to say was,

69
00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:30,831
"Noise is the most impertinent
of all forms of interruption."

70
00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:33,250
She said "contemptuous,'
can you believe that?

71
00:05:33,250 --> 00:05:35,669
I thought I'd have a conniption.

72
00:05:39,256 --> 00:05:41,007
Stop this quibbling at once.

73
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:43,927
As the only two entities
of any discernible intellect in this place,

74
00:05:44,094 --> 00:05:45,971
it is our duty to set an example
for the others.

75
00:05:45,971 --> 00:05:48,390
You're only saying that because
you know I'm smarter than you are.

76
00:05:50,767 --> 00:05:53,728
This from a man who mispronounced
<i>"rémoulade"</i> at a dinner party.

77
00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:56,022
Diane, I am fed up
with the <i>rémoulade</i> incident!

78
00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:58,191
- Isn't it true?
- You are totally over blowing it.

79
00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:00,277
Hey, hey! Would you two cut it out.

80
00:06:00,443 --> 00:06:03,071
You're drowning out a perfectly good
tire commercial.

81
00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:07,492
<i>There's the gun. Final score: 24...</i>

82
00:06:07,492 --> 00:06:11,496
Yeah, all right. There's the final.
Looks like you won, Woodrow.

83
00:06:11,663 --> 00:06:13,373
- Hey, Woody.
- Hey, Woodrow.

84
00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:14,833
Thank you very much.

85
00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:17,627
I want you to know I couldn't
have done it without all you guys

86
00:06:17,794 --> 00:06:19,754
because, well, this is your money.

87
00:06:20,505 --> 00:06:24,759
Here you go. Seventy-five big ones.
Paul, second place. Twenty-five.

88
00:06:24,759 --> 00:06:27,846
You did good, kid, but I still think
I got a more reliable system.

89
00:06:27,846 --> 00:06:29,973
Yeah? I could really use one.
What's yours?

90
00:06:30,181 --> 00:06:33,101
I just bet opposite whatever you pick.

91
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:38,773
So, Woody, what's this system
you got up your sleeve there, huh?

92
00:06:38,940 --> 00:06:40,942
- Yeah, Woody.
- Well, I don't actually have one.

93
00:06:41,109 --> 00:06:43,570
I just kind of look at the picks
and one team jumps out at me.

94
00:06:43,945 --> 00:06:47,949
- He's got it down to a science.
- Really.

95
00:06:48,116 --> 00:06:49,409
Imagine how much
he'd have made

96
00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:51,077
if he'd parlayed some of those bets.

97
00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:53,204
- What's that mean?
- Well, that's when you bet

98
00:06:53,371 --> 00:06:55,999
a series of games with a bookie.
I mean, you gotta win them all,

99
00:06:56,207 --> 00:07:00,045
- so the odds are pretty long.
- Do you guys know a real bookie?

100
00:07:01,212 --> 00:07:03,757
I got a friend who's got a friend
who's got a friend.

101
00:07:03,965 --> 00:07:07,510
- And he's a bookie?
- No, but his friend is.

102
00:07:08,678 --> 00:07:11,848
Wow. You know, if I bet with a bookie,

103
00:07:12,015 --> 00:07:14,267
I'd have something to tell my
grandchildren.

104
00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:18,188
Sam, I don't think you should
encourage Woody

105
00:07:18,355 --> 00:07:20,148
to pursue illegal activities.

106
00:07:20,148 --> 00:07:24,444
Oh, lighten up, will you, Diane.
It's a part of a guy's passage into maturity.

107
00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:27,989
You know, like going to a cat house
or whizzing off a balcony...

108
00:07:30,241 --> 00:07:32,661
...or mooning out of the back of a car.

109
00:07:33,870 --> 00:07:36,957
Or on a really good night, all three.

110
00:07:39,668 --> 00:07:41,711
- Yes, the triple.
- Triple.

111
00:07:43,922 --> 00:07:46,007
Hey, why don't we-- Yeah, good idea.

112
00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:50,929
I got the schedule for
next week's games here.

113
00:07:51,596 --> 00:07:53,974
Anything jumping out at you?

114
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:57,727
Oh, yeah! These are the strongest
feelings I've had yet.

115
00:07:57,727 --> 00:07:59,938
- Well, what? What do you got?
- What's up?

116
00:07:59,938 --> 00:08:04,609
All right. Indianapolis, Tampa Bay,

117
00:08:04,609 --> 00:08:06,444
Buffalo just hit me right in the eye.
Houston.

118
00:08:06,444 --> 00:08:08,655
- Yeah, I'll bet.
- Yeah, I'll bet it did.

119
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:11,783
- What's so funny?
- All those teams you picked,

120
00:08:11,950 --> 00:08:13,910
they're a long shot, Woody.
He doesn't even know

121
00:08:14,077 --> 00:08:16,496
- what the point spreads are.
- What difference does that make?

122
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,289
I haven't looked at
the point spreads all year.

123
00:08:19,207 --> 00:08:22,210
Hey, Sam, I'd like to bet these teams
with your bookie.

124
00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:27,090
Okay. All right. How much you
wanna put down? Twenty, 30 bucks?

125
00:08:27,257 --> 00:08:28,174
Thousand dollars.

126
00:08:29,718 --> 00:08:31,094
You own $1000?

127
00:08:32,554 --> 00:08:34,556
Yes, ma'am, it's all my savings.

128
00:08:34,764 --> 00:08:37,434
Woody, I'm not gonna let you throw
away all your money on gambling.

129
00:08:37,434 --> 00:08:40,603
You know, Woody, all that money
on one shot, you gotta be nuts.

130
00:08:41,104 --> 00:08:43,356
Yeah, why don't you sit down
and give it a little thought here.

131
00:08:44,441 --> 00:08:46,401
Excuse me. I've been observing

132
00:08:46,568 --> 00:08:49,904
what's been going on over here
and I have something to say.

133
00:08:50,155 --> 00:08:51,531
Listen up here, Woody.

134
00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:55,035
Do you realize
that in the course of the evening,

135
00:08:55,035 --> 00:09:00,165
Diane has made 17 errors
in the areas of grammar...

136
00:09:02,667 --> 00:09:04,836
...etiquette and statement of fact?

137
00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:12,218
Frasier, your pedantry is insufferable.
And you suck eggs.

138
00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:16,222
All right, Sam, I've thought about it,
and I've decided

139
00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:18,558
- I definitely wanna make the bet.
- No, you don't. Think some more.

140
00:09:19,601 --> 00:09:21,853
Well, I'm the one who's been
winning the pool.

141
00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:23,980
And you know what I think?

142
00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:25,815
You think I'm some dumb hick

143
00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:27,901
who can't make it on his own
in the big city.

144
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:31,237
No, I don't. I just think it's a dumb bet.
Case closed, Woody.

145
00:09:31,237 --> 00:09:33,782
But it's my money
and I'm willing to take the risk.

146
00:09:34,491 --> 00:09:36,910
Woody, I can dig up
a bookie somewhere.

147
00:09:37,118 --> 00:09:40,747
- I'll make the bet for you.
- Woody, I'll make the bet for you.

148
00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:42,290
Might as well keep it
in the family.

149
00:09:43,041 --> 00:09:45,627
- Sam...
- No, no. You heard him.

150
00:09:45,627 --> 00:09:48,463
It's his decision. It's his money.
He's a grown-up.

151
00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:51,174
- Where's your money?
- Thanks, Sam.

152
00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:56,971
Come on, man, don't tell me you keep
your money in your shoe.

153
00:09:57,555 --> 00:10:02,602
Boy, you guys really do think
I just fell off the turnip truck.

154
00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:07,816
This is where I keep the map of where
the money's buried in my backyard.

155
00:10:18,701 --> 00:10:20,870
- Hey, is that him?
- Yeah, yeah, I think it is.

156
00:10:21,037 --> 00:10:25,542
<i>For he's a jolly good fellow
For he's a jolly good fellow</i>

157
00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:27,001
<i>For he...</i>

158
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:32,090
- Good to see you all too.
- Sorry, Sammy,

159
00:10:32,090 --> 00:10:33,591
- we thought you were Woody.
- Can you believe it?

160
00:10:33,758 --> 00:10:38,012
- The kid actually hit his parlay.
- I know. Boy, that's fantastic, isn't it?

161
00:10:38,179 --> 00:10:40,014
- Yeah.
- So, what is this?

162
00:10:40,181 --> 00:10:42,767
- What are you guys doing?
- We're planning a little celebration

163
00:10:42,934 --> 00:10:45,895
- in honor of Woody's good fortune.
- A celebration, huh?

164
00:10:46,062 --> 00:10:49,482
You mean like food, music, drink,
that kind of thing?

165
00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:51,442
We're not providing any of that,
but we're hoping

166
00:10:51,609 --> 00:10:54,070
Mr Moneybags will spring for that
when he gets here.

167
00:10:55,113 --> 00:10:58,074
I don't think it's such a good idea
to make a big deal out of this.

168
00:10:58,241 --> 00:11:00,952
You'd just be encouraging him
to gamble some more.

169
00:11:00,952 --> 00:11:04,998
He won 10,000 bucks. What more
encouragement does he need?

170
00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:07,625
- Oh, fine.
- Hey!

171
00:11:07,792 --> 00:11:10,795
Thanks a lot, guys.
Hey, but guess what.

172
00:11:10,962 --> 00:11:15,008
I've got some great news.
I won that parlay.

173
00:11:17,886 --> 00:11:20,346
We know, Woody. Congratulations.

174
00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:22,599
Well, thanks, Miss Chambers.

175
00:11:22,807 --> 00:11:25,852
- So, Sam, did my money get here yet?
- No, not yet.

176
00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:28,479
They'll be bringing it pretty soon.
Matter of fact, I'll call right now.

177
00:11:28,646 --> 00:11:30,440
Carla, why don't you start
that celebration here.

178
00:11:32,901 --> 00:11:33,735
Hi, everybody.

179
00:11:35,945 --> 00:11:37,363
Diane, listen.

180
00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:41,034
I'm here to tell you that I've just spent
the most painful week of my entire life.

181
00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:45,163
I was ice-fishing in subzero-degree
temperatures in Nova Scotia.

182
00:11:45,330 --> 00:11:49,000
I don't think I could have stood it
for another minute, but it was worth it.

183
00:11:49,167 --> 00:11:53,671
Because every iota of pettiness in me
was left back on that frozen tundra.

184
00:11:54,172 --> 00:11:58,426
So I'm here just to ask you
to please forgive me.

185
00:12:00,386 --> 00:12:03,973
- Apology accepted.
- incomplete sentence.

186
00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:06,601
Oh, my God.

187
00:12:06,768 --> 00:12:09,187
I hope they're still biting.

188
00:12:14,859 --> 00:12:16,945
What's this?

189
00:12:17,153 --> 00:12:18,780
"Please"...

190
00:12:18,947 --> 00:12:22,450
- ...something.
- Please get in here!

191
00:12:24,702 --> 00:12:27,747
Sam, is this an M or a double N?

192
00:12:28,998 --> 00:12:33,795
Just forget about that and sit down,
will you. I'm in big, big trouble.

193
00:12:34,462 --> 00:12:38,633
I did something that--
It felt so right when I did it,

194
00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:42,845
but now it turns out to be all wrong.

195
00:12:44,347 --> 00:12:47,392
What's her name,
and how many months?

196
00:12:51,145 --> 00:12:53,273
I never placed Woody's bet.

197
00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:58,069
Oh, my God.

198
00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:03,449
Sam, for the first time in your life
you had the right intentions,

199
00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:06,703
and it still blew up in your face.

200
00:13:07,662 --> 00:13:10,123
It was such a stupid bet.

201
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:12,208
I was just trying to protect him.

202
00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:15,962
What am I gonna do?
I mean, I don't have $10,000.

203
00:13:16,838 --> 00:13:18,214
Oh, dear.

204
00:13:20,008 --> 00:13:25,972
Well, we know that Woody
actually did pick the winning teams.

205
00:13:26,931 --> 00:13:28,474
Yeah? So?

206
00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:32,729
- So why don't you go to the bookie
- Bookie.

207
00:13:32,895 --> 00:13:34,772
And tell him that you
honestly intended

208
00:13:34,939 --> 00:13:36,649
to wager on the winning teams...

209
00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:41,446
...and see if he won't
give you the money.

210
00:13:42,030 --> 00:13:43,698
That's a good idea.

211
00:13:43,865 --> 00:13:46,492
While I'm at it, why don't I just tell him
that I meant to bet on

212
00:13:46,701 --> 00:13:50,288
- all the winning teams since 1975?
- Can you do that?

213
00:13:50,288 --> 00:13:52,206
Please!

214
00:13:53,041 --> 00:13:56,711
Well, Sam. Why don't I just
sound Woody out for you?

215
00:13:56,878 --> 00:14:01,716
There's always the possibility
that the money isn't important to him.

216
00:14:01,716 --> 00:14:04,802
Yeah. Maybe not.
Oh, that's a good idea.

217
00:14:04,969 --> 00:14:06,262
Oh, thank you.

218
00:14:06,471 --> 00:14:08,056
Sam, by the way,

219
00:14:08,222 --> 00:14:12,602
thank you for coming to me for advice.
I'm touched.

220
00:14:13,061 --> 00:14:15,688
Well, if this works out, you will be.

221
00:14:18,316 --> 00:14:21,569
Hey, Sam, that guy still didn't
show up with the money.

222
00:14:21,736 --> 00:14:24,072
- He is gonna give it to me, isn't he?
- Of course he will.

223
00:14:24,238 --> 00:14:27,867
No bookie would welsh on a bet.
He'd be the lowest spitwad on earth.

224
00:14:29,327 --> 00:14:31,704
Actually, murderers are lower.

225
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:36,000
You know, back home we'd take
welshers, rub them with bacon fat

226
00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:38,669
and throw them in the sty
with Romeo, the friendly hog.

227
00:14:40,546 --> 00:14:42,840
- Well, gee whiz--
- Woody, why don't you and I

228
00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:44,384
- have a chat.
- Yeah.

229
00:14:44,592 --> 00:14:47,512
- Oh, sure, Miss Chambers.
- There's a table right over here.

230
00:14:54,811 --> 00:14:56,020
Woody...

231
00:14:57,855 --> 00:14:59,399
...I want to speak metaphysically.

232
00:15:00,358 --> 00:15:03,736
And you need money for
the language lessons. No problem.

233
00:15:06,155 --> 00:15:07,532
Let's start again.

234
00:15:09,450 --> 00:15:12,578
What I'm talking about
is the meaning of money.

235
00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:14,122
What is it worth?

236
00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:17,750
It can't buy love, it can't buy friends,
it can't buy happiness.

237
00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:20,420
Well, you're right, and I already have
all those things.

238
00:15:20,586 --> 00:15:22,088
So, in fact, you have everything.

239
00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:25,466
And it wouldn't matter if you
never got that money at all.

240
00:15:27,718 --> 00:15:29,220
Oh, you're serious.

241
00:15:30,972 --> 00:15:33,975
Oh, I'm sorry, Miss Chambers.

242
00:15:34,350 --> 00:15:37,437
You see, it's just that my family
never had a lot of money

243
00:15:37,603 --> 00:15:41,107
and still my folks were always
making sacrifices for us kids,

244
00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:42,483
especially my mom.

245
00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:46,487
I remember something she
used to say to me, she'd say:

246
00:15:47,113 --> 00:15:50,533
"Woody, hold on to your dream.

247
00:15:51,159 --> 00:15:54,704
I lost mine, but I want yours
to come true."

248
00:15:56,539 --> 00:15:59,792
It always made me sad to think of
what Mom gave up for us.

249
00:16:01,043 --> 00:16:02,545
What was your mom's dream?

250
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:06,674
To be a drummer in a power trio.

251
00:16:08,718 --> 00:16:11,262
Her big hero was Ginger Baker
in Cream.

252
00:16:13,055 --> 00:16:15,558
Whenever we'd walk by
the music store in town,

253
00:16:15,725 --> 00:16:19,312
she'd just stare and stare
at the Ludwigs in the window.

254
00:16:20,271 --> 00:16:22,815
I knew even though she was
standing in front of Keller's Music,

255
00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:24,984
that in her head she was up
on some stage

256
00:16:25,151 --> 00:16:27,987
banging out the solo in "Toad."

257
00:16:28,738 --> 00:16:31,782
It must have been tough to go back
to breading cutlets.

258
00:16:33,242 --> 00:16:35,119
Now she's gonna get those drums.

259
00:16:35,286 --> 00:16:38,122
And with heavy metal coming back,
who knows what might happen.

260
00:16:40,625 --> 00:16:42,293
Bless you, Woody.

261
00:16:42,460 --> 00:16:44,795
Bless you, Miss Chambers.

262
00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:51,677
How'd it go?

263
00:16:52,428 --> 00:16:53,763
Not well.

264
00:16:56,057 --> 00:16:58,851
Sam, I feel utterly defeated.

265
00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:03,397
Here you came to me
as a friend asking for my advice,

266
00:17:03,564 --> 00:17:06,317
- and I let you down.
- I know.

267
00:17:09,403 --> 00:17:12,990
Is there anything I can do
to help you in this time of crisis?

268
00:17:13,783 --> 00:17:15,952
Not dressed.

269
00:17:20,331 --> 00:17:21,249
<i>What a shot!</i>

270
00:17:25,253 --> 00:17:28,214
Sam, maybe you ought to
call the bookie again.

271
00:17:29,090 --> 00:17:32,552
Sit down for a minute here, will you.

272
00:17:34,762 --> 00:17:38,182
Woody, you know that old
expression, "When you win a bet,

273
00:17:38,349 --> 00:17:40,184
you never get paid for eight days"?

274
00:17:40,810 --> 00:17:44,897
- No, but I like it.
- Well, it's an old Irish expression.

275
00:17:45,106 --> 00:17:48,067
Which is probably why the bookie
hasn't shown up yet.

276
00:17:48,234 --> 00:17:51,404
But you know what, it gives you
an opportunity

277
00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:55,324
- to do some financial planning.
- Financial planning?

278
00:17:55,491 --> 00:17:57,785
Yeah. Yeah, you know,
like spreading out the payments

279
00:17:57,952 --> 00:18:00,746
over a period of time, just like they do
with the lottery winners.

280
00:18:00,913 --> 00:18:03,541
- Lottery winners?
- Yeah, yeah. All right. Listen.

281
00:18:03,708 --> 00:18:08,462
Here's my plan.
Now, I'll keep the $10,000 for you

282
00:18:08,671 --> 00:18:12,133
and I'll give you, let's say,
$1 a week for 10,000 weeks.

283
00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:18,097
Or, all right, maybe the deluxe plan.
Two bucks for 5000 weeks.

284
00:18:18,306 --> 00:18:19,849
What do you say?

285
00:18:20,016 --> 00:18:23,769
Well, it's a tough choice,
but I think out of those,

286
00:18:23,978 --> 00:18:25,855
I'll stick to the whole thing at once.

287
00:18:25,855 --> 00:18:27,356
- You're kidding me!
- No.

288
00:18:27,523 --> 00:18:32,236
No, you're missing the obvious benefit
of spreading out the tax burden.

289
00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:34,739
- Am I right, Norm?
- Oh, yeah. Great plan.

290
00:18:34,905 --> 00:18:38,200
You'll be real happy you did it when
you reach the age of 412, I think.

291
00:18:44,290 --> 00:18:46,959
Let's talk, Woody. Come on.

292
00:18:52,089 --> 00:18:53,257
Sit down, Woody.

293
00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:59,221
I've been trying to think of
an easy way of saying this,

294
00:18:59,388 --> 00:19:00,556
but I don't think there is any.

295
00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:04,977
I never placed your bet
with my bookie.

296
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:06,729
Here's your thousand dollars back.

297
00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:15,196
You never placed the bet?

298
00:19:15,196 --> 00:19:19,075
No, I was trying to take care of you

299
00:19:19,283 --> 00:19:21,994
the way Coach used to
take care of me.

300
00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:25,039
And it worked out about as well, too,
which scares the hell out of me.

301
00:19:39,929 --> 00:19:41,138
Sam...

302
00:19:44,058 --> 00:19:44,975
...I wanna thank you.

303
00:19:46,435 --> 00:19:47,770
You're welcome.

304
00:19:48,646 --> 00:19:52,983
Oh, wait a second here.
Why aren't you going crazy?

305
00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:57,196
Because it's the nicest thing
that anyone ever did for me.

306
00:19:57,363 --> 00:19:58,531
Are you kidding me?

307
00:19:59,573 --> 00:20:02,368
I mean, not only did I not make
the bet, I lied about it.

308
00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:04,745
Woody, you should be going crazy.

309
00:20:05,705 --> 00:20:07,623
It was for my own good, Sam.

310
00:20:10,167 --> 00:20:13,671
Come on, man, don't do this to me.

311
00:20:15,256 --> 00:20:18,426
You're out $10,000 because of me.

312
00:20:18,592 --> 00:20:21,303
You couldn't have known
how it was gonna turn out.

313
00:20:22,179 --> 00:20:23,806
You thought I was gonna lose.

314
00:20:23,806 --> 00:20:26,517
No, wait a second.
What difference does that make?

315
00:20:26,684 --> 00:20:30,062
Come on! Man, I cheated you
out of $10,000.

316
00:20:30,271 --> 00:20:32,898
I mean, who do I think I am?
You should wanna kill me, Woody.

317
00:20:32,898 --> 00:20:35,526
It happened. I really don't see
the point in getting angry.

318
00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:38,195
Now, you're not being honest.
Now, down deep, you're mad.

319
00:20:38,362 --> 00:20:40,656
- You know you are.
- Maybe I am, just a little.

320
00:20:40,823 --> 00:20:43,200
No, you mean, "Hell, yes, I am, Sam!"

321
00:20:43,367 --> 00:20:44,702
Come on.

322
00:20:44,869 --> 00:20:48,539
It was still the nicest thing
that anyone ever did for me.

323
00:20:48,706 --> 00:20:50,249
You're a great man, Sam.

324
00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:53,002
Oh, man, you're hopeless.

325
00:20:54,795 --> 00:20:58,340
Go on, get out of here. At least
let me feel like a jerk in private.

326
00:21:00,468 --> 00:21:01,552
Sure, Sam.

327
00:21:03,262 --> 00:21:04,972
- Sorry.
- No, don't say--

328
00:21:11,604 --> 00:21:13,397
- Sam?
- What?

329
00:21:14,523 --> 00:21:16,150
I can't stand to see you like this.

330
00:21:16,358 --> 00:21:19,153
Would it make you feel better
if I took the dollar a week?

331
00:21:26,911 --> 00:21:29,747
Come on, man. A dollar a week
is meaningless.

332
00:21:29,747 --> 00:21:32,541
How about a dollar a week
and a raise?

333
00:21:33,417 --> 00:21:35,085
Nice gesture. Not good enough.

334
00:21:35,544 --> 00:21:36,921
Okay.

335
00:21:37,671 --> 00:21:39,632
How about a dollar a week, a raise...

336
00:21:41,383 --> 00:21:43,052
...and your Corvette?

337
00:21:48,390 --> 00:21:49,600
My car?

338
00:21:51,685 --> 00:21:53,771
Not a chance.

339
00:21:54,396 --> 00:21:58,025
- Why not?
- Don't be ridiculous. It's my car.

340
00:21:58,984 --> 00:22:04,782
- But you owe me $10,000.
- I don't care. I mean, it's my car.

341
00:22:04,782 --> 00:22:06,826
But you said you wanted
to make it up to me.

342
00:22:06,826 --> 00:22:09,870
We're talking about my car, Woody.

343
00:22:09,870 --> 00:22:11,330
I see.

344
00:22:12,164 --> 00:22:14,208
You say you're sorry,

345
00:22:14,375 --> 00:22:16,710
you say you care,
but when it comes down to it,

346
00:22:16,877 --> 00:22:18,629
- it's just a lot of lip motion.
- No--

347
00:22:18,796 --> 00:22:20,297
Well, I think that stinks!

348
00:22:21,674 --> 00:22:23,467
- That's good.
- You're nothing but a selfish,

349
00:22:23,634 --> 00:22:25,469
- lying creep!
- That's good. That's good.

350
00:22:25,678 --> 00:22:27,221
- You're angry now.
- Oh, you bet I am!

351
00:22:27,388 --> 00:22:29,974
- Now I'm gonna go pack my bags.
- Oh, no. Wait a second.

352
00:22:29,974 --> 00:22:31,308
What are you doing?
What do you mean?

353
00:22:31,308 --> 00:22:36,313
Oh, you're my boss and I yelled
at you, I can't stick around.

354
00:22:37,606 --> 00:22:40,401
Woody, Woody, Woody.
That was just a little yelling.

355
00:22:40,568 --> 00:22:43,529
- Now, that doesn't mean anything.
- Well, no, but I've never yelled

356
00:22:43,696 --> 00:22:45,614
at anybody like that before in my life.

357
00:22:45,781 --> 00:22:47,700
- We can't be friends anymore.
- Woody, come on.

358
00:22:47,867 --> 00:22:51,161
Woody, friends yell
at each other. It's okay.

359
00:22:51,328 --> 00:22:54,665
Coach and I used to fight all the time,
but we were good friends.

360
00:22:54,665 --> 00:22:55,666
- Really?
- Yeah.

361
00:22:56,834 --> 00:22:59,336
Yeah, as a matter of fact,
it made us closer sometimes.

362
00:22:59,503 --> 00:23:01,922
- Oh, sure.
- No, I'm serious.

363
00:23:03,257 --> 00:23:05,301
Come here. Come here. Listen.

364
00:23:05,509 --> 00:23:07,928
Coach was a great peacemaker.
He had this little trick.

365
00:23:08,095 --> 00:23:11,432
He'd... You know, after a big fight,
he'd make us

366
00:23:11,599 --> 00:23:14,685
put our arms around each other
and sing "Home, Home on the Range."

367
00:23:16,186 --> 00:23:19,398
- I know. It sounds pretty silly, huh?
- Yeah.

368
00:23:20,983 --> 00:23:25,237
Well, do it for me anyway.
Come on, Woody.

369
00:23:25,404 --> 00:23:29,700
Come on. Yeah, there you go.

370
00:23:30,910 --> 00:23:34,371
Coach used to start me out
on the first few notes.

371
00:23:35,164 --> 00:23:38,250
<i>Oh, give me a home</i>

372
00:23:38,459 --> 00:23:41,211
<i>Where the buffalo roam</i>

373
00:23:41,879 --> 00:23:46,133
<i>And the deer and the antelope play</i>

374
00:23:46,300 --> 00:23:48,385
- How long we gotta sing this?
- Half an hour.

375
00:23:48,594 --> 00:23:50,804
Coach said that if you could sing
"Home on the Range"

376
00:23:50,971 --> 00:23:53,265
with a man for half an hour,
you couldn't possibly hold a grudge.

377
00:23:54,350 --> 00:23:57,770
<i>Where seldom is heard</i>

378
00:23:57,937 --> 00:24:00,898
<i>A discouraging word</i>

379
00:24:00,898 --> 00:24:06,111
<i>And the skies are not cloudy all day</i>

380
00:24:06,111 --> 00:24:08,864
- You feeling better?
- I still want your car.

381
00:24:09,031 --> 00:24:12,701
<i>Home, home on the range</i>

382
00:24:12,701 --> 00:24:16,914
<i>Where the deer
and the antelope play</i>

383
00:24:17,081 --> 00:24:20,793
- Coach's old trick.
- Oh, good. Everything's okay.

384
00:24:20,793 --> 00:24:23,170
<i>A discouraging word</i>

385
00:24:23,379 --> 00:24:27,633
<i>And the skies are not cloudy all day</i>

386
00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:31,971
<i>Home, home on the range</i>