1 00:00:44,753 --> 00:00:46,421 (HORSE WHINNIES) 2 00:01:29,465 --> 00:01:30,798 And so, 3 00:01:31,049 --> 00:01:33,676 in retiring as president of this college, 4 00:01:34,261 --> 00:01:38,222 it is indeed a painful task to bid you all good-bye. 5 00:01:38,307 --> 00:01:40,808 And now, with the utmost pleasure, 6 00:01:41,226 --> 00:01:43,770 may I present to you the man who is to guide 7 00:01:43,854 --> 00:01:46,147 the destinies of this great institution. 8 00:01:46,523 --> 00:01:50,276 Professor Quincy Adams Wagstaff. 9 00:01:50,652 --> 00:01:52,320 (ALL APPLAUDING) 10 00:01:57,743 --> 00:02:01,496 Professor, it is indeed an honor to welcome you to Huxley College. 11 00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:03,498 Never mind that. Hold this coat. 12 00:02:08,337 --> 00:02:09,879 By the way, Professor, 13 00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:11,214 there is no smoking. 14 00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:12,507 That's what you say. 15 00:02:16,428 --> 00:02:19,472 It would please the faculty if you would throw your cigar away. 16 00:02:19,807 --> 00:02:21,474 The faculty members might just as well keep their seats. 17 00:02:21,558 --> 00:02:23,601 There'll be no diving for this cigar. 18 00:02:23,852 --> 00:02:25,770 (CLEARS THROAT) 19 00:02:25,854 --> 00:02:28,231 Members of the faculty, faculty members, 20 00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:30,441 students of Huxley and Huxley students. 21 00:02:30,526 --> 00:02:32,151 I guess that covers everything. 22 00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:35,613 I thought my razor was dull until I heard his speech. 23 00:02:35,781 --> 00:02:37,406 And that reminds me of a story that's so dirty, 24 00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:39,242 I'm ashamed to think of it myself. 25 00:02:40,285 --> 00:02:41,786 As I look out over your eager faces, 26 00:02:41,870 --> 00:02:44,956 I can readily understand why this college is flat on its back. 27 00:02:45,249 --> 00:02:46,582 The last college I presided over, 28 00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:47,625 things were slightly different. 29 00:02:47,709 --> 00:02:49,210 I was flat on my back. 30 00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:51,295 Things kept going from bad to worse, 31 00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:52,922 but we all put our shoulders to the wheel, 32 00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:55,550 and it wasn't long before I was flat on my back again. 33 00:02:55,759 --> 00:02:57,885 Any questions? Any answers? 34 00:02:58,220 --> 00:02:59,220 Any rags? Any bones? 35 00:02:59,304 --> 00:03:01,055 Any bottles today Any rags... 36 00:03:01,557 --> 00:03:03,099 (BANGS GAVEL) Let's have some action around here. 37 00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:06,060 Who'll say 76? Who'll say 1776? 38 00:03:06,311 --> 00:03:08,521 That's the spirit, 1776. 39 00:03:08,981 --> 00:03:11,274 No doubt you would like to know why I'm here. 40 00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:13,651 I came into this college to get my son out of it. 41 00:03:13,902 --> 00:03:15,403 I remember the day he left to come here, 42 00:03:15,487 --> 00:03:17,113 a mere boy and a beardless youth. 43 00:03:17,239 --> 00:03:18,656 I kissed them both good-bye. 44 00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:20,992 By the way, where is my son? 45 00:03:22,661 --> 00:03:23,661 Young lady, 46 00:03:23,745 --> 00:03:25,997 would you mind getting up so I can see the son rise? 47 00:03:28,333 --> 00:03:30,751 So, doing your homework in school, eh? 48 00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:32,962 Hello, old-timer. 49 00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:34,547 My dear Professor, 50 00:03:34,631 --> 00:03:36,382 I'm sure the students would appreciate 51 00:03:36,466 --> 00:03:38,843 a brief outline of your plans for the future. 52 00:03:38,927 --> 00:03:41,178 What? I said the students would appreciate 53 00:03:41,263 --> 00:03:43,264 a brief outline of your plans for the future. 54 00:03:43,473 --> 00:03:44,515 You just said that. 55 00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:45,641 That's the trouble around here. 56 00:03:45,767 --> 00:03:46,934 Talk, talk, talk. 57 00:03:47,144 --> 00:03:49,437 Oh, sometimes I think I must go mad. 58 00:03:49,521 --> 00:03:51,647 Where will it all end? What is it getting you? 59 00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:53,482 Why don't you go home to your wife? 60 00:03:53,609 --> 00:03:54,942 I'll tell you what, I'll go home to your wife. 61 00:03:55,027 --> 00:03:56,027 And outside of the improvements, 62 00:03:56,111 --> 00:03:57,278 she'll never know the difference. 63 00:03:57,404 --> 00:03:58,529 Pull over to the side of the road there 64 00:03:58,614 --> 00:03:59,947 and let me see your marriage license. 65 00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:03,117 President Wagstaff, 66 00:04:03,285 --> 00:04:05,286 now that you have stepped into my shoes... 67 00:04:05,370 --> 00:04:06,495 Oh, is that what I stepped in? 68 00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:08,205 I wondered what it was. 69 00:04:08,332 --> 00:04:10,541 If these are your shoes, the least you could do is have them cleaned. 70 00:04:10,626 --> 00:04:13,794 The trustees have a few suggestions they would like to submit to you. 71 00:04:13,879 --> 00:04:16,672 I think you know what the trustees can do with their suggestions. 72 00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:18,090 (PLAYS NOTE) 73 00:04:18,300 --> 00:04:20,384 I don't know what they have to say 74 00:04:20,469 --> 00:04:22,053 It makes no difference anyway 75 00:04:22,137 --> 00:04:24,639 Whatever it is I'm against it (BANGS GAVEL) 76 00:04:25,349 --> 00:04:27,850 No matter what it is or who commenced it 77 00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:29,852 I'm against it 78 00:04:31,855 --> 00:04:33,439 Your proposition may be good 79 00:04:33,523 --> 00:04:35,066 But let's have one thing understood 80 00:04:35,150 --> 00:04:36,400 Whatever it is 81 00:04:36,485 --> 00:04:37,735 I'm against it 82 00:04:38,362 --> 00:04:40,988 And even when you've changed it or condensed it 83 00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:43,115 I'm against it 84 00:04:44,618 --> 00:04:46,160 I'm opposed to it 85 00:04:46,703 --> 00:04:49,163 On general principles I'm opposed to it 86 00:04:49,247 --> 00:04:51,248 ALL: He's opposed to it 87 00:04:51,333 --> 00:04:55,503 In fact, it seems that he's opposed to it 88 00:04:58,256 --> 00:04:59,840 For months before my son was born 89 00:04:59,925 --> 00:05:01,467 I used to yell from night till morn 90 00:05:01,551 --> 00:05:03,970 Whatever it is I'm against it 91 00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:07,431 And I've kept yelling since I first commenced it 92 00:05:07,849 --> 00:05:09,517 I'm against it 93 00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:13,813 (BIRDS CHIRPING) 94 00:05:16,233 --> 00:05:18,484 Knowing Dad as I do 95 00:05:18,986 --> 00:05:21,570 I'd not advise you to displease him 96 00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:25,199 Or tease him No, no 97 00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:27,702 Don't double-cross him 98 00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:30,371 Or toss him around 99 00:05:31,540 --> 00:05:34,959 When dear old Dad 100 00:05:35,210 --> 00:05:36,919 Once gets mad 101 00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:39,714 He's a hound 102 00:05:41,550 --> 00:05:43,092 My son is right I'm quick to fight 103 00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:44,510 I'm from a fighting clan 104 00:05:44,594 --> 00:05:46,012 When I'm abused or badly used 105 00:05:46,096 --> 00:05:47,680 I always get my man 106 00:05:50,559 --> 00:05:53,394 No matter if he's in Peru Paducah or Japan 107 00:05:53,478 --> 00:05:56,647 I go ahead, alive or dead I always get my man 108 00:05:56,732 --> 00:05:58,149 ALL: Oh, what a whiz this fellow is 109 00:05:58,233 --> 00:06:02,403 A will like his is rare For he's a square American 110 00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:05,531 I soon dispose of all of those who put me on the pan 111 00:06:05,615 --> 00:06:09,201 Like Shakespeare said to Nathan Hale, I always get my man 112 00:06:39,274 --> 00:06:41,233 ALL: He always gets his man 113 00:06:41,318 --> 00:06:42,318 That's what I said 114 00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:44,070 ALL: He always gets his man 115 00:06:44,154 --> 00:06:45,154 That's what I mean 116 00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:47,364 ALL: He always gets his man 117 00:06:47,449 --> 00:06:48,532 You're telling me 118 00:06:48,617 --> 00:06:50,242 ALL: He always gets his man 119 00:06:50,327 --> 00:06:51,327 Oh, are you listening 120 00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:54,246 ALL: He gets his man 121 00:06:54,331 --> 00:06:57,083 He gets his man 122 00:06:57,167 --> 00:06:59,960 I always get I always get 123 00:07:00,045 --> 00:07:02,129 I always get I always get 124 00:07:02,214 --> 00:07:04,507 I always get I always get 125 00:07:04,591 --> 00:07:06,967 I always get 126 00:07:07,052 --> 00:07:13,682 My man! 127 00:07:13,892 --> 00:07:15,392 Splendid, Professor. 128 00:07:15,477 --> 00:07:17,103 Congratulations, Professor. 129 00:07:17,187 --> 00:07:18,771 Wonderful, Professor. Marvelous, Professor. 130 00:07:18,855 --> 00:07:22,316 Alright, scram, boys. I'll meet you in the barbershop. 131 00:07:25,487 --> 00:07:28,656 Dad, let me congratulate you. I'm proud to be your son. 132 00:07:28,740 --> 00:07:30,741 My boy, you took the words right out of my mouth. 133 00:07:30,826 --> 00:07:32,618 I'm ashamed to be your father. 134 00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:37,581 You're a disgrace to our family name of Wagstaff, if such a thing is possible. 135 00:07:37,666 --> 00:07:40,876 What's all this talk I hear about you fooling around with a college widow? 136 00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:42,586 No wonder you can't get out of college. 137 00:07:42,671 --> 00:07:44,255 Twelve years in one college. 138 00:07:44,339 --> 00:07:48,425 I went to three colleges in 12 years and fooled around with three college widows. 139 00:07:48,510 --> 00:07:50,928 When I was your age, I went to bed right after supper. 140 00:07:51,012 --> 00:07:52,721 Sometimes I went to bed before supper. 141 00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:55,474 Sometimes I went without my supper and didn't go to bed at all. 142 00:07:55,559 --> 00:07:57,643 A college widow stood for something in those days. 143 00:07:57,727 --> 00:07:59,353 In fact, she stood for plenty. 144 00:07:59,437 --> 00:08:01,230 There's nothing wrong between me and the college widow. 145 00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:03,399 There isn't, huh? Then you're crazy to fool around with her. 146 00:08:03,525 --> 00:08:06,485 Oh, but you don't know... I don't wanna talk to you about this again, you snob. 147 00:08:06,570 --> 00:08:08,737 I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse. 148 00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:10,156 You may go now. 149 00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:11,991 Leave your name and address with the girl outside. 150 00:08:12,075 --> 00:08:14,743 If anything turns up, we'll get in touch with you. 151 00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:17,538 Where you going? You just told me to go. 152 00:08:17,622 --> 00:08:19,123 So that's what they taught you in college. 153 00:08:19,207 --> 00:08:21,125 Just when I tell you to go, you leave me. 154 00:08:21,209 --> 00:08:24,712 You can't leave a schoolroom without raising your hand, no matter where you're going. 155 00:08:24,796 --> 00:08:27,882 Dad, this college has had a new president every year since 1888. 156 00:08:27,966 --> 00:08:30,801 Yeah. And that's the year we won our last football game. 157 00:08:30,886 --> 00:08:32,845 Now, I like education as well as the next fellow... 158 00:08:32,929 --> 00:08:34,638 Well, move over and I'll talk to the next fellow. 159 00:08:34,723 --> 00:08:36,974 But a college needs something else besides education. 160 00:08:37,058 --> 00:08:39,310 What this college needs is a good football team. 161 00:08:39,394 --> 00:08:41,312 And you can't have a good football team 162 00:08:41,396 --> 00:08:43,647 unless you have good football players. 163 00:08:43,732 --> 00:08:46,192 My boy, I think you've got something there, 164 00:08:46,276 --> 00:08:48,277 and I'll wait outside until you clean it up. 165 00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,821 I know it's dangerous, but I'm gonna ask you one more question. 166 00:08:50,906 --> 00:08:52,406 Where do you get good football players? 167 00:08:52,449 --> 00:08:54,617 Well, in the speakeasy down... In a speakeasy? 168 00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:57,912 Isn't that against the law? Selling football players in a speakeasy? 169 00:08:57,996 --> 00:09:00,080 Dad, two of the greatest football players in the country 170 00:09:00,165 --> 00:09:01,790 hang out in the speakeasy downtown. 171 00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:03,959 Are you suggesting that I, the president of Huxley College, 172 00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:06,545 go into a speakeasy without even giving me the address? 173 00:09:06,630 --> 00:09:09,882 It's at 42 Elm Street, but you can't go there. It's unethical. 174 00:09:09,966 --> 00:09:12,051 It isn't right for a college to buy football players. 175 00:09:12,135 --> 00:09:13,677 It isn't, eh? Well, I'll nip that in the bud. 176 00:09:13,762 --> 00:09:16,180 How about coming along and having a nip yourself? 177 00:09:16,264 --> 00:09:18,390 Or better still, you wait here. 178 00:09:18,475 --> 00:09:21,018 Anything further, Father? "Anything further, Father?" 179 00:09:21,102 --> 00:09:24,313 That can't be right. Isn't it, "Anything, Father, further?" 180 00:09:24,773 --> 00:09:25,773 The idea. 181 00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:28,192 I married your mother because I wanted children. 182 00:09:28,276 --> 00:09:30,945 Imagine my disappointment when you arrived. 183 00:09:31,029 --> 00:09:32,279 (PLAYS NOTE) 184 00:09:32,364 --> 00:09:35,741 And I've kept yelling since I first commenced it 185 00:09:35,825 --> 00:09:37,868 I'm against it 186 00:09:48,463 --> 00:09:51,382 Well, that's my proposition, boys. How about it? 187 00:09:51,466 --> 00:09:54,426 Well, it's okay with us, Mr. Jennings, 188 00:09:54,511 --> 00:09:55,552 but how are you gonna fix it? 189 00:09:55,637 --> 00:09:57,554 Don't worry about that. It's fixed already. 190 00:09:57,639 --> 00:09:59,556 You boys will be entered as regular Darwin students 191 00:09:59,641 --> 00:10:01,976 and play in the Thanksgiving Day game against Huxley. 192 00:10:02,060 --> 00:10:03,852 Yeah, but how about the dough? 193 00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:06,272 Well, here's a little chicken feed to start with. 194 00:10:06,356 --> 00:10:08,399 You'll get the balance right after the game. 195 00:10:08,483 --> 00:10:11,193 With you boys playing for Darwin, Huxley can't win. 196 00:10:11,278 --> 00:10:12,903 (CHUCKLES) You said it. 197 00:10:12,988 --> 00:10:15,322 Well, here's to dear old Darwin. 198 00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:18,784 All right, boys. Let's go. 199 00:10:21,705 --> 00:10:23,330 Bye, Ed. So long. 200 00:10:26,501 --> 00:10:27,918 Baravelli! 201 00:10:28,003 --> 00:10:30,879 EDGAR: Baravelli! Hey, Baravelli! 202 00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:33,299 (PHONE RINGING) 203 00:10:36,011 --> 00:10:37,177 Hello. 204 00:10:37,387 --> 00:10:40,848 Yes, lady, this is Baravelli the iceman speaking. What do you want? 205 00:10:40,932 --> 00:10:42,891 Ah, one quart of Scotch, 206 00:10:43,852 --> 00:10:45,519 one quart of rye. 207 00:10:45,603 --> 00:10:48,480 Wait a minute. Hold on. I see if I got 'em. 208 00:10:49,816 --> 00:10:51,608 One quart of Scotch, 209 00:10:52,527 --> 00:10:54,194 one quart of rye. 210 00:10:54,738 --> 00:10:57,031 Okay, lady, I send 'em right over. 211 00:11:07,917 --> 00:11:09,543 Hey, Baravelli! 212 00:11:13,798 --> 00:11:15,382 EDGAR: Hey, Baravelli. 213 00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:18,177 What do you want? Watch the door for few minutes. 214 00:11:18,261 --> 00:11:21,013 And don't let anyone in without the password. 215 00:11:21,139 --> 00:11:23,307 All right. What is it? "Swordfish" is the password. 216 00:11:23,391 --> 00:11:25,184 Do you understand? Okay, I got it. 217 00:11:25,268 --> 00:11:27,144 Well, what is it? Password. 218 00:11:27,228 --> 00:11:28,562 Swordfish! Swordfish! 219 00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:30,689 All right. Swordfish, swordfish. Ah! 220 00:11:30,774 --> 00:11:32,483 (SPEAKING ITALIAN) 221 00:11:34,069 --> 00:11:35,110 (KNOCKING) 222 00:11:36,071 --> 00:11:38,072 Who are you? I'm fine, thanks. Who are you? 223 00:11:38,156 --> 00:11:41,033 I'm fine too, but you can't come in unless you give the password. 224 00:11:41,159 --> 00:11:44,078 Well, what is the password? Oh, no. You gotta tell me. 225 00:11:44,579 --> 00:11:47,664 I tell you what I do. I give you three guesses. 226 00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:50,417 It's the name of a fish. 227 00:11:50,919 --> 00:11:51,919 Is it Mary? 228 00:11:52,003 --> 00:11:54,004 (LAUGHS) That's no fish. 229 00:11:54,089 --> 00:11:56,006 She isn't? Well, she drinks like one. 230 00:11:56,091 --> 00:11:58,675 Let me see. Is it sturgeon? 231 00:11:58,843 --> 00:12:00,010 Eh, you crazy. 232 00:12:00,095 --> 00:12:02,471 Sturgeon is a doctor who cuts you open when you sick. 233 00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:04,348 Now, I give you one more chance. 234 00:12:04,432 --> 00:12:05,891 I got it, haddock. 235 00:12:05,975 --> 00:12:07,601 That's funny. I got a haddock too. 236 00:12:07,644 --> 00:12:10,312 What do you take for a haddock? Well, sometimes I take aspirin. 237 00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:12,022 Sometimes I take a calomel. 238 00:12:12,107 --> 00:12:13,857 I'd walk a mile for a calomel. 239 00:12:13,942 --> 00:12:17,694 You mean chocolate calomel. I like that too, but you no guess it. 240 00:12:19,697 --> 00:12:21,407 What's the matter? You don't understand English? 241 00:12:21,491 --> 00:12:23,700 You can't come in here unless you say "swordfish." 242 00:12:23,785 --> 00:12:25,953 Now, I give you one more guess. 243 00:12:26,121 --> 00:12:29,289 Swordfish, swordfish. I think I got it. 244 00:12:29,958 --> 00:12:32,501 Is it swordfish? That's it. You guess it. 245 00:12:33,461 --> 00:12:35,796 Pretty good, huh? Fine. You guess it. 246 00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:40,509 What do you want? I wanna come in. 247 00:12:40,635 --> 00:12:44,054 What's the password? Oh, you no fool me. Swordfish. 248 00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:46,640 No, I got tired of that. I changed it. 249 00:12:48,309 --> 00:12:49,977 What's the password now? 250 00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:53,063 I forgot it. I'd better come outside with you. 251 00:13:01,489 --> 00:13:02,990 (BARKING) 252 00:13:05,702 --> 00:13:09,621 Say, buddy, could you help me out? I'd like to get a cup of coffee. 253 00:13:14,043 --> 00:13:16,086 Hey, here comes my partner. 254 00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:20,340 Hey, Pinky, you know the password? 255 00:13:20,758 --> 00:13:22,593 (PIANO PLAYING) 256 00:13:28,975 --> 00:13:33,187 Get up. That's no way to go into a speakeasy. That's the way you come out. 257 00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:13,685 Hey, what'll you have? 258 00:14:13,770 --> 00:14:15,229 (WHISTLING) 259 00:14:15,396 --> 00:14:17,856 He take a Scotch. Right. Draw two. 260 00:14:17,941 --> 00:14:19,858 I got it. Swordfish. 261 00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:22,736 Go outside and see if it works. 262 00:14:51,182 --> 00:14:52,683 Cut the cards. 263 00:14:58,106 --> 00:14:59,856 Now, let's get down to business. 264 00:14:59,941 --> 00:15:02,568 I'm looking for two football players who always hang around here. 265 00:15:02,694 --> 00:15:05,612 We always hang around here, but... That's all I wanted to know. 266 00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:09,032 I'm Professor Wagstaff of Huxley College. That means nothing to me. 267 00:15:09,117 --> 00:15:12,494 It doesn't mean anything to me either. I'll try it over again. 268 00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:14,580 I'm Professor Huxley of Wagstaff College. 269 00:15:14,664 --> 00:15:17,207 Well, you didn't stay at the other college very long. 270 00:15:17,292 --> 00:15:20,544 You're heading for a breakdown. Why don't you pull yourself to pieces. 271 00:15:20,628 --> 00:15:22,462 I'll talk it over with my partner. 272 00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:49,990 Hey, hey! 273 00:16:00,710 --> 00:16:02,002 (RINGING) 274 00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:11,261 In case I never see you again, which would add 10 years to my life, 275 00:16:11,387 --> 00:16:15,182 what would you fellows want to play football? First, we want a football. 276 00:16:15,266 --> 00:16:16,767 I don't know if we've got a football. 277 00:16:16,851 --> 00:16:18,518 But if I can find one, would you be interested? 278 00:16:18,603 --> 00:16:20,646 I don't want a hasty answer. Just sleep on it. 279 00:16:20,730 --> 00:16:22,481 I don't think I can sleep on a football. 280 00:16:22,565 --> 00:16:25,108 Who's gonna settle for these drinks? 281 00:16:26,778 --> 00:16:28,236 You're stuck. 282 00:16:28,780 --> 00:16:31,948 Can you cash a check for $15.22? Sure. 283 00:16:39,082 --> 00:16:42,042 Five, 10, 15 and 22. 284 00:16:42,752 --> 00:16:45,754 Thanks. As soon as I get a check for $15.22, 285 00:16:45,838 --> 00:16:47,881 I'll send it to you. Swordfish. 286 00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:56,223 Oh, Laura. Oh, good morning, Mr. Wagstaff. 287 00:16:56,391 --> 00:16:58,850 Am I too early? No. Shall I tell Miss Bailey you're here? 288 00:16:58,976 --> 00:17:01,770 I'll tell her myself. Give me the tray. All right. 289 00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:03,730 Will you open the door? 290 00:17:09,737 --> 00:17:12,155 Oh! Your breakfast, madam. 291 00:17:12,281 --> 00:17:15,242 Anything else? Yes. You can put some cream in my coffee, 292 00:17:15,326 --> 00:17:17,536 and tell me where you've been for the last couple of days. 293 00:17:17,620 --> 00:17:20,330 I've been busy arguing with Dad about you. Oh. 294 00:17:20,415 --> 00:17:22,249 How many? Two. 295 00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:25,460 Well, what about me? Dad wants me to give you up. 296 00:17:26,170 --> 00:17:28,171 You know, you're interfering with my studies. 297 00:17:28,256 --> 00:17:31,216 (LAUGHING) He must think I'm terrible. 298 00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:33,885 Well, I think you're wonderful. You're beautiful. 299 00:17:34,011 --> 00:17:36,722 Are you making love to me? Why not? 300 00:17:37,515 --> 00:17:40,517 Everyone says I love you 301 00:17:40,601 --> 00:17:44,229 The cop on the corner and the burglar too 302 00:17:44,313 --> 00:17:48,066 The preacher in the pulpit and the man in the pew 303 00:17:48,151 --> 00:17:50,402 Says I love you 304 00:17:52,155 --> 00:17:55,365 Everyone, no matter who 305 00:17:55,825 --> 00:17:59,453 The folks over 80 and the kid of two 306 00:17:59,537 --> 00:18:02,998 The captain and the sailor and the rest of the crew 307 00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:04,958 Says I love you 308 00:18:07,170 --> 00:18:11,673 There are only eight little letters in this phrase 309 00:18:12,216 --> 00:18:14,259 You'll find 310 00:18:14,677 --> 00:18:19,389 But they mean a lot more than all the other words 311 00:18:19,474 --> 00:18:21,475 Combined 312 00:18:22,351 --> 00:18:25,937 Everywhere the whole world through 313 00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:29,983 The king in the palace and the peasant too 314 00:18:30,067 --> 00:18:33,528 The tiger in the jungle and the monk in the zoo 315 00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:36,114 Says I love you 316 00:18:38,701 --> 00:18:40,410 (WHISTLING) 317 00:19:35,132 --> 00:19:36,424 (HONKING) 318 00:19:39,804 --> 00:19:40,804 Get that crate out of here! 319 00:19:40,888 --> 00:19:42,806 What do you think this is, a picnic? 320 00:19:42,890 --> 00:19:44,975 Well, this ain't gonna be any picnic. 321 00:19:45,059 --> 00:19:48,728 Blocking traffic, holding up cars. Who do you think you are? 322 00:19:51,566 --> 00:19:52,774 Bah! 323 00:19:54,402 --> 00:19:57,696 What are you... Do you know what I'm gonna do to you? 324 00:19:58,030 --> 00:20:02,117 Say, you're a wise guy, ain't ya? Let go of that club! 325 00:20:02,493 --> 00:20:04,369 Do you see that badge? 326 00:20:05,580 --> 00:20:07,080 (BARKING) 327 00:20:10,001 --> 00:20:11,710 (HONKING CONTINUES) 328 00:20:11,961 --> 00:20:14,004 (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) 329 00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:30,186 Come on! Open this door, you hear? 330 00:20:30,271 --> 00:20:31,813 Open this door! (BARKING) 331 00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:57,380 And I say to you, gentlemen, that this college is a failure. 332 00:20:57,465 --> 00:21:00,008 The trouble is we're neglecting football for education. 333 00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:02,844 BOTH: Exactly. The Professor is right. 334 00:21:02,929 --> 00:21:05,096 I'm right, am I? Well, I'm not right. I'm wrong. 335 00:21:05,181 --> 00:21:06,473 I just said that to test you. 336 00:21:06,557 --> 00:21:07,724 Now I know where I'm at. 337 00:21:07,808 --> 00:21:09,893 I'm dealing with a couple of snakes. 338 00:21:09,977 --> 00:21:13,104 What I meant to say was that there's too much football and not enough education. 339 00:21:13,189 --> 00:21:14,856 BOTH: That's what I think. 340 00:21:14,941 --> 00:21:16,900 Oh, you do, do you? Well, you're wrong again. 341 00:21:16,984 --> 00:21:19,152 If there was a snake here, I'd apologize. 342 00:21:19,236 --> 00:21:21,488 Where would this college be without football? 343 00:21:21,572 --> 00:21:23,156 Have we got a stadium? BOTH: Yes. 344 00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:24,699 Have we got a college? BOTH: Yes. 345 00:21:24,784 --> 00:21:27,410 We can't support both. Tomorrow we start tearing down the college. 346 00:21:27,495 --> 00:21:29,996 BOTH: But, Professor, where will the students sleep? 347 00:21:30,081 --> 00:21:32,248 Where they always sleep. In the classroom. 348 00:21:32,333 --> 00:21:36,336 Oh, Professor, the Dean of Science wants to know how soon you can see him. 349 00:21:36,420 --> 00:21:38,463 He says he's tired of cooling his heels out here. 350 00:21:39,006 --> 00:21:41,299 Tell him I'm cooling a couple of heels in here. 351 00:21:42,385 --> 00:21:44,260 Where were we? Oh, yes. 352 00:21:46,889 --> 00:21:48,306 How much am I paying you fellows? 353 00:21:48,391 --> 00:21:51,142 5,000, a year. But we've never been paid. 354 00:21:51,227 --> 00:21:53,937 Well, in that case, I'll raise you to 8,000, and a bonus. 355 00:21:54,021 --> 00:21:56,106 Bring your dog around, I'll give him a bonus too. 356 00:21:57,441 --> 00:22:00,276 The dean is furious. He's waxing wrath. 357 00:22:00,361 --> 00:22:03,989 Is Roth out there too? Tell Roth to wax the dean for a while. 358 00:22:04,073 --> 00:22:06,032 Guess that's bad, huh? 359 00:22:06,117 --> 00:22:09,035 One more thing, Professor. It's about your son. 360 00:22:09,996 --> 00:22:13,707 I'm afraid he's paying too little attention to his studies 361 00:22:13,833 --> 00:22:16,626 and too much to Connie Bailey, the college widow. 362 00:22:16,711 --> 00:22:19,754 He is, eh? I'll put a stop to that. I'll call her up right now. 363 00:22:19,839 --> 00:22:22,048 Have either of you weasels got her phone number? 364 00:22:22,133 --> 00:22:25,135 BOTH: No! Well, it's a good thing I've got it. 365 00:22:27,138 --> 00:22:29,848 Get me Maine 49970 and reverse the charges. 366 00:22:30,808 --> 00:22:31,808 You may go now. 367 00:22:32,059 --> 00:22:33,810 Drop this in the mailbox on your way out. 368 00:22:33,894 --> 00:22:35,228 (BUZZING) 369 00:22:35,980 --> 00:22:38,440 Hello. I wanna speak to Miss Bailey. 370 00:22:38,858 --> 00:22:40,275 Is this Miss Bailey? 371 00:22:40,484 --> 00:22:41,735 Mmm-hmm. 372 00:22:42,737 --> 00:22:44,988 Why, of course I know your son. 373 00:22:45,656 --> 00:22:49,534 Why, that's silly. We're just very good friends. 374 00:22:51,203 --> 00:22:53,663 But, Professor, I don't understand. 375 00:22:54,165 --> 00:22:56,958 You don't, eh? Well, I wanna see you. Come right over to my office. 376 00:22:57,043 --> 00:22:58,418 You can't? You're in bed? 377 00:22:58,586 --> 00:23:00,420 Well, in that case, I'll come over to your office. 378 00:23:16,437 --> 00:23:19,397 That's a fine way to carry ice. Where are your tongs? 379 00:23:19,815 --> 00:23:20,982 Looks like a tong war. 380 00:23:22,860 --> 00:23:25,320 Well, that's the last time we deliver ice unless you pay the bill. 381 00:23:25,696 --> 00:23:27,572 How much do we owe you? $2,000. 382 00:23:27,656 --> 00:23:29,074 $2,000, for ice? 383 00:23:29,158 --> 00:23:31,826 I can get an Eskimo for $200 and make my own ice. 384 00:23:42,713 --> 00:23:44,380 I can do for you, I make you proposition. 385 00:23:44,465 --> 00:23:47,717 You owe us $200. We take 2,000 and call it square. 386 00:23:47,843 --> 00:23:50,929 That's not a bad idea. I'll tell you. I'll consult my lawyer, 387 00:23:51,013 --> 00:23:53,264 and if he advises me to do it, I'll get a new lawyer. 388 00:23:53,349 --> 00:23:54,766 Why don't you forget about the money. 389 00:23:54,850 --> 00:23:58,019 Go to college, meet all the beautiful girls. Get yourself a co-ed. 390 00:23:58,104 --> 00:23:59,646 Ha! I got a co-ed. 391 00:23:59,730 --> 00:24:02,649 Last week for $18 I got a co-ed with two pair of pants. 392 00:24:02,775 --> 00:24:06,569 Since when has a co-ed got two pair of pants? Since I joined the college. 393 00:24:06,654 --> 00:24:09,072 Baravelli, you've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, 394 00:24:09,156 --> 00:24:10,740 and I bet he was glad to get rid of it. 395 00:24:10,825 --> 00:24:13,827 Well, now that you're a college boy, here's your hat. 396 00:24:14,328 --> 00:24:16,746 Here's your pennant. Here's your coat. 397 00:24:23,045 --> 00:24:25,338 Alright, report for football practice in the morning. 398 00:24:25,422 --> 00:24:27,090 Now, I want you to sign this agreement. 399 00:24:27,174 --> 00:24:28,591 Hey, there's nothing on this paper. 400 00:24:28,676 --> 00:24:30,176 That's all right. We'll fill in something later. 401 00:24:32,346 --> 00:24:34,139 Put your name on there, huh? 402 00:24:35,224 --> 00:24:37,183 Gee, I didn't know you could write. 403 00:24:37,309 --> 00:24:39,435 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. This isn't legal. 404 00:24:39,520 --> 00:24:41,229 There's no seal on it. Where's the seal? 405 00:24:41,313 --> 00:24:42,856 Where's the seal? Where's the seal? 406 00:24:42,940 --> 00:24:44,274 Where's the seal? Where's the seal? 407 00:24:44,358 --> 00:24:45,984 BOTH: Where's the seal? 408 00:24:46,068 --> 00:24:47,527 (BARKING) 409 00:24:52,158 --> 00:24:55,451 And thus we see that the function of the respiratory system 410 00:24:55,578 --> 00:24:58,371 is to transmit oxygen into the bloodstream. 411 00:24:59,123 --> 00:25:01,749 This process, which is called osmosis... 412 00:25:02,668 --> 00:25:04,586 Have they started sawing a woman in half yet? 413 00:25:04,670 --> 00:25:06,963 Oh, Mr. President, this is indeed a pleasure. 414 00:25:07,173 --> 00:25:08,339 What brings you here? 415 00:25:08,424 --> 00:25:10,383 A bicycle, but I left it out in the hall. 416 00:25:10,467 --> 00:25:13,469 Have you got two empty dunce chairs? I brought you two empty dunces. 417 00:25:13,554 --> 00:25:16,723 Come in, dunces. Here they are. Ten cents a dunce. 418 00:25:20,519 --> 00:25:22,812 Well, all you need now is a bowl of cherries. 419 00:25:22,897 --> 00:25:25,231 Find yourselves a couple of seats. 420 00:25:35,075 --> 00:25:37,410 Now, let us go on with our lecture. 421 00:25:37,494 --> 00:25:40,205 I wish you'd go on without your lecture. 422 00:25:40,748 --> 00:25:42,665 What do you think of that slide? 423 00:25:42,750 --> 00:25:46,085 Well, I think he was safe at second, but it was very close. 424 00:25:46,337 --> 00:25:48,922 Now let us examine the circulatory system. 425 00:25:49,006 --> 00:25:51,591 Here is the liver. 426 00:25:51,759 --> 00:25:54,886 What, no bacon? I'd send that back if I were you. 427 00:25:55,137 --> 00:25:58,723 "The liver, if neglected, invariably leads to cirrhosis." 428 00:25:58,933 --> 00:26:01,935 Of course, you are all familiar with the symptoms of cirrhosis. 429 00:26:02,269 --> 00:26:03,269 Sure. 430 00:26:03,354 --> 00:26:05,230 "So-roses are red, so-violets are blue, 431 00:26:05,314 --> 00:26:07,523 "so-sugar is sweet, so-so are you." 432 00:26:08,442 --> 00:26:10,860 (GROANS) I can't see him, but I bet I know who it is. 433 00:26:10,945 --> 00:26:13,738 "For the protection of the heart, or cardium, 434 00:26:14,114 --> 00:26:18,117 "Mother Nature has provided a sac called the pericardium." 435 00:26:18,202 --> 00:26:19,577 Any questions? 436 00:26:19,662 --> 00:26:22,247 Yes. When you gonna cut the watermelon open? 437 00:26:23,749 --> 00:26:28,169 "Psychopathically, the duodenum is in inverse ratio 438 00:26:28,629 --> 00:26:31,381 "to the coordination of the planephas." 439 00:26:31,590 --> 00:26:34,175 Is this stuff on the level or are you just making it up as you go along? 440 00:26:34,260 --> 00:26:35,927 My feet are getting tired from this walk. 441 00:26:36,011 --> 00:26:40,098 Why, everything I told you can be found in the simplest textbook on anatomy. 442 00:26:40,557 --> 00:26:42,517 I'm sure my students will bear me out. 443 00:26:42,810 --> 00:26:44,060 We bear you out. 444 00:26:50,359 --> 00:26:52,402 And let that be a lesson to every one of you. 445 00:26:52,486 --> 00:26:55,613 This school was here before you came, and it'll be here before you go. 446 00:26:55,698 --> 00:26:57,532 And you, too, you numbskull. 447 00:27:09,003 --> 00:27:11,045 You've got some nerve. Leave me alone. 448 00:27:15,175 --> 00:27:18,094 Let us follow a corpuscle on its journey. 449 00:27:19,388 --> 00:27:22,223 Oh, my mistake. I thought I was a corpuscle. 450 00:27:22,308 --> 00:27:25,935 As you know, there is constant warfare between the red and white corpuscles. 451 00:27:26,020 --> 00:27:28,313 Now, then, baboons, what is a corpuscle? 452 00:27:28,397 --> 00:27:29,939 BARAVELLI: That's easy. 453 00:27:30,024 --> 00:27:33,860 First it's a captain, then it's a lieutenant, then it's a corpuscle. 454 00:27:34,194 --> 00:27:38,031 That's fine. Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out? 455 00:27:40,034 --> 00:27:42,285 We now find ourselves among the Alps. 456 00:27:42,369 --> 00:27:45,955 The Alps are a very simple people living on a diet of rice and old shoes. 457 00:27:46,040 --> 00:27:47,707 Beyond the Alps lies more Alps. 458 00:27:47,791 --> 00:27:50,293 And the Lord Alps those that Alps themselves. 459 00:27:50,377 --> 00:27:51,961 We then come to the bloodstream. 460 00:27:52,046 --> 00:27:54,172 The blood rushes from the head down to the feet, 461 00:27:54,256 --> 00:27:56,632 gets a look at those feet and rushes back to the head again. 462 00:27:56,717 --> 00:27:59,052 This is known as Auction Pinochle. 463 00:28:00,471 --> 00:28:02,347 WAGSTAFF: Now, in studying your basic metabolism, 464 00:28:02,431 --> 00:28:03,848 we first listen to your hearts beat. 465 00:28:03,932 --> 00:28:05,975 If your hearts beat anything but diamonds and clubs, 466 00:28:06,060 --> 00:28:08,728 it's because your partner is cheating or your wife. 467 00:28:09,063 --> 00:28:11,522 Now, take this point, for instance. 468 00:28:13,275 --> 00:28:15,902 That reminds me. I haven't seen my son all day. 469 00:28:16,070 --> 00:28:18,905 Well, the human body takes many strange forms. 470 00:28:20,032 --> 00:28:22,283 Now, here is a most unusual organ. 471 00:28:22,368 --> 00:28:26,037 The organ will play a solo immediately after the feature picture. 472 00:28:26,747 --> 00:28:29,207 WAGSTAFF: Scientists make these deductions by examining a rat 473 00:28:29,291 --> 00:28:30,792 or your landlord who won't cut the rent. 474 00:28:30,876 --> 00:28:32,960 And what do they find? Asparagus. 475 00:28:33,045 --> 00:28:35,254 Now, on closer examination... 476 00:28:36,465 --> 00:28:38,925 Hmm. This needs closer examination. 477 00:28:39,093 --> 00:28:41,177 In fact, it needs a nightgown. 478 00:28:41,261 --> 00:28:44,347 Baravelli, who's responsible for this? Is this your picture? 479 00:28:44,431 --> 00:28:46,516 I don't think so. It doesn't look like me. 480 00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:49,394 Well, take it out of here immediately and hang it up in my bedroom. 481 00:28:49,478 --> 00:28:51,479 Now then, out with it. Who did it? 482 00:28:52,940 --> 00:28:54,857 WAGSTAFF: Oh, so you're the culprit. 483 00:28:54,942 --> 00:28:58,027 Young man, as you grow older, you'll find you can't burn the candle at both ends. 484 00:29:01,115 --> 00:29:02,115 Well, I was wrong. 485 00:29:02,199 --> 00:29:03,783 I knew there was something you couldn't burn at both ends, 486 00:29:03,867 --> 00:29:05,034 I thought it was a candle. 487 00:29:05,119 --> 00:29:06,536 However, you must be punished. 488 00:29:06,620 --> 00:29:08,121 Just for that, you stay after school. 489 00:29:08,205 --> 00:29:10,581 But, Professor, I didn't do anything. 490 00:29:10,666 --> 00:29:13,209 I know, but there's no fun in keeping him after school. 491 00:29:14,795 --> 00:29:17,088 Now, we'll have no more interruptions. 492 00:29:17,798 --> 00:29:20,716 According to Von Sternmetz, the eminent physiologist, 493 00:29:20,801 --> 00:29:23,261 "There is ever present a group of white phagocytes..." 494 00:29:29,101 --> 00:29:31,477 According to Von Sternmetz, the eminent physiologist, 495 00:29:31,562 --> 00:29:34,689 "There is present a group of white phagocytes..." 496 00:29:38,652 --> 00:29:40,361 According to Von... 497 00:29:40,946 --> 00:29:43,072 According to Von Sternmetz... 498 00:29:46,952 --> 00:29:49,078 According to Von Sternmetz, the eminent physiologist, 499 00:29:49,163 --> 00:29:51,414 "There is present a group of white phagocytes..." 500 00:29:52,833 --> 00:29:55,334 They are ever present and they are essential... 501 00:29:55,419 --> 00:29:57,879 They are essential to prolonging life. 502 00:30:00,340 --> 00:30:03,342 My left wing has been turned. My rear end has been cut off. 503 00:30:03,594 --> 00:30:06,846 But I'll fight it out on these lines if it takes all summer. 504 00:30:07,139 --> 00:30:08,514 They got me. 505 00:30:10,017 --> 00:30:11,517 (PHONE RINGING) 506 00:30:16,690 --> 00:30:17,857 Hello. 507 00:30:18,233 --> 00:30:20,026 Oh, it's you, Frank. 508 00:30:22,029 --> 00:30:24,989 Why, of course. I'd love to have you come over. 509 00:30:25,407 --> 00:30:27,992 All right. I'll be expecting you, then. 510 00:30:28,535 --> 00:30:30,203 Good-bye, darling. 511 00:30:31,163 --> 00:30:32,830 Who were you calling "darling?" 512 00:30:32,915 --> 00:30:35,541 Oh. Frank Wagstaff, the professor's son. 513 00:30:35,626 --> 00:30:37,710 Say, I didn't tell you to fall for him. 514 00:30:37,794 --> 00:30:40,296 I just told you to find out all you could about his team. 515 00:30:40,380 --> 00:30:42,798 Well, he said it was a cinch for Huxley to win. 516 00:30:42,883 --> 00:30:47,094 Listen, I've got my bankroll bet on Darwin and I'm taking no chances. 517 00:30:47,429 --> 00:30:50,139 Before the game starts, I'll have the Huxley signals. 518 00:30:50,224 --> 00:30:52,934 Now, here's down the hatch and on my way. 519 00:30:57,689 --> 00:30:59,190 See you later. 520 00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:01,901 Good-bye, dear. 521 00:31:17,668 --> 00:31:20,419 Are you still here? I just came in. 522 00:31:22,839 --> 00:31:24,966 What do you mean, am I still here? (GIGGLES) 523 00:31:25,050 --> 00:31:27,593 Oh, I mean, are you here already? 524 00:31:27,719 --> 00:31:29,428 You know, I really shouldn't be here. 525 00:31:29,513 --> 00:31:32,056 The old man gave me a terrible bawling out for seeing you. 526 00:31:32,140 --> 00:31:35,935 Oh, let's not worry about him. He'll never know you were here. 527 00:31:36,562 --> 00:31:38,854 How about a little drink? All right. 528 00:31:38,939 --> 00:31:40,898 I'll get you one. Please. 529 00:31:57,207 --> 00:31:59,083 Are you Miss Bailey? 530 00:31:59,167 --> 00:32:01,335 Come, come. One of us is Miss Bailey, and I'm not. 531 00:32:01,420 --> 00:32:03,129 I'm Miss Bailey and who are you? 532 00:32:03,255 --> 00:32:05,131 I'm Professor Wagstaff. Who are you? 533 00:32:05,257 --> 00:32:07,633 Miss Bailey. Ah, then you are Miss Bailey. 534 00:32:07,718 --> 00:32:09,969 Thought you could slip one over on me, didn't you? 535 00:32:10,053 --> 00:32:11,679 Listen, madam, you've gotta give my son up. 536 00:32:11,805 --> 00:32:13,723 Give him up? You can't take him from me. 537 00:32:13,807 --> 00:32:15,641 He's all I've got in the world, except a picture 538 00:32:15,726 --> 00:32:17,435 of George Washington crossing the Delaware. 539 00:32:17,561 --> 00:32:19,562 But, Professor, I... Whatever you say is a lie. 540 00:32:19,646 --> 00:32:22,356 He's only a shell of his former self, which nobody can deny. 541 00:32:22,441 --> 00:32:23,441 Whoopee! (SCOFFS) 542 00:32:23,525 --> 00:32:25,651 I tell you, you're ruining that boy. You're ruining him. 543 00:32:25,736 --> 00:32:28,237 Did my son tell you, you had beautiful eyes? 544 00:32:28,322 --> 00:32:29,322 Why, yes. 545 00:32:29,406 --> 00:32:31,949 He told me that too. He tells that to everyone he meets. 546 00:32:32,034 --> 00:32:33,784 Oh, I love sitting on your lap. 547 00:32:33,869 --> 00:32:37,163 I could sit here all day if you didn't stand up. (KNOCKING AT DOOR) 548 00:32:37,331 --> 00:32:39,874 Quick! Hurry! Get out of here. That door. 549 00:32:47,674 --> 00:32:49,508 I don't want any ice. 550 00:32:49,968 --> 00:32:50,968 Oh! 551 00:32:52,012 --> 00:32:53,387 (SHATTERING) 552 00:33:02,814 --> 00:33:04,440 Who was that? The iceman. 553 00:33:04,524 --> 00:33:07,902 Is that so? Well, you can't pull the wool over my ice. Oh! 554 00:33:08,362 --> 00:33:10,780 That iceman stuff leaves me cold. 555 00:33:10,864 --> 00:33:11,947 Here you are... 556 00:33:12,032 --> 00:33:15,451 So I caught you at last. You are fooling around with this woman. 557 00:33:15,535 --> 00:33:17,119 Oh, the shame of it. 558 00:33:17,204 --> 00:33:19,955 That I should live to see a son of mine try to take a dame away from his father. 559 00:33:20,082 --> 00:33:21,874 Dad, I can... Enough of this. You leave here immediately, 560 00:33:21,958 --> 00:33:23,793 and I'll stay here and settle with this woman. 561 00:33:23,877 --> 00:33:25,795 As soon as we're settled, we'll have you over for dinner. 562 00:33:25,879 --> 00:33:28,255 On second thought, I'll go with you. Come. Follow me. 563 00:33:34,721 --> 00:33:37,640 Be a lamp in the window for my wandering boy. 564 00:33:39,810 --> 00:33:42,019 Let's see, where... Oh, yes. I was on your lap 565 00:33:42,145 --> 00:33:45,648 and doing pretty well as I recall it. (KNOCKING AT DOOR) 566 00:33:46,191 --> 00:33:49,026 Quick. Hurry. Get out. Hurry. 567 00:33:50,070 --> 00:33:51,654 And remember, stay undercover. 568 00:33:51,738 --> 00:33:54,490 You've got more students than the college. 569 00:33:58,245 --> 00:33:59,578 Here, lady, you dropped your ice. 570 00:33:59,705 --> 00:34:02,415 But I don't want any ice. Neither do I. 571 00:34:04,584 --> 00:34:06,043 (SHATTERING) 572 00:34:07,921 --> 00:34:10,005 Now do you want any ice? No. 573 00:34:10,090 --> 00:34:12,508 Oh, you're beautiful. Ah, so nice. 574 00:34:12,592 --> 00:34:15,219 (SPEAKING ITALIAN) 575 00:34:15,345 --> 00:34:18,764 Baravelli, you overcome me. But remember it was your idea. 576 00:34:18,849 --> 00:34:19,974 No. 577 00:34:20,058 --> 00:34:21,517 Lady, I like you. 578 00:34:21,601 --> 00:34:23,853 You got something, but I don't know what it is. 579 00:34:23,937 --> 00:34:25,771 I'm gonna tell him he's crazy. 580 00:34:35,949 --> 00:34:38,451 Professor, I no see you. What are you doing here? 581 00:34:38,535 --> 00:34:41,036 Nothing right now, but I was doing all right till you came in. 582 00:34:41,121 --> 00:34:42,538 Oh! So you know the professor. 583 00:34:42,622 --> 00:34:45,374 Sure. He put me in business. He got me on the football team. 584 00:34:45,459 --> 00:34:48,210 Now all I gotta do is get him off the couch. 585 00:34:48,628 --> 00:34:51,172 Have you read any good books lately? 586 00:34:56,636 --> 00:34:58,137 (SHATTERING) 587 00:35:03,643 --> 00:35:05,394 This must be the main highway. 588 00:35:05,479 --> 00:35:07,354 (KNOCKING AT DOOR) 589 00:35:08,190 --> 00:35:10,900 Follow me. I've been doing this all day. 590 00:35:16,573 --> 00:35:17,740 Pretty popular place, isn't it? 591 00:35:17,824 --> 00:35:20,534 Yes, a hot dog stand would clean up here. 592 00:35:20,660 --> 00:35:22,411 What are you doing here? Why, me? 593 00:35:22,496 --> 00:35:24,914 I'm the music teacher. I give her singing lessons. 594 00:35:25,040 --> 00:35:27,833 Since when are you taking singing lessons? Since you came in. 595 00:35:27,959 --> 00:35:29,585 What are you doing here? I'm the plumber. 596 00:35:29,669 --> 00:35:32,171 I'm just hanging around in case something goes wrong with her pipes. 597 00:35:32,255 --> 00:35:34,757 That's the first time I've used that joke in 20 years. 598 00:35:34,841 --> 00:35:37,343 Now, take a deep breath and follow me. 599 00:35:41,807 --> 00:35:43,349 (PLAYING PIANO) 600 00:35:49,356 --> 00:35:52,358 Well, we've got a cozy little place here, haven't we? 601 00:35:56,530 --> 00:35:58,155 (SINGING SCALES) 602 00:36:01,409 --> 00:36:02,660 You sing high, huh? 603 00:36:02,744 --> 00:36:04,370 Yes, I have a falsetto voice. 604 00:36:04,454 --> 00:36:05,704 That's funny. My last pupil, 605 00:36:05,789 --> 00:36:07,248 she got a false set of teeth. 606 00:36:07,332 --> 00:36:09,667 Maybe for the first lesson, it's better if you don't sing. 607 00:36:09,751 --> 00:36:12,837 And if you don't sing, I think it's much better yet. I'll sing. 608 00:36:12,921 --> 00:36:15,756 Everyone says I love you 609 00:36:15,882 --> 00:36:18,467 The great, big mosquito when he sting you 610 00:36:18,552 --> 00:36:20,803 The fly when he get stuck on the flypaper too 611 00:36:20,887 --> 00:36:23,305 Says I love you 612 00:36:23,974 --> 00:36:26,725 Every time the cow says moo 613 00:36:26,810 --> 00:36:28,978 She makin' the bull feel very happy too 614 00:36:29,062 --> 00:36:31,814 And the rooster when he holler cock-a-doodle-doodle-do 615 00:36:31,898 --> 00:36:33,899 Says I love you 616 00:36:35,110 --> 00:36:39,989 Christopher Colombo he write the queen of Spain a very nice, little note 617 00:36:40,407 --> 00:36:43,158 And he write I love you, baby! 618 00:36:43,243 --> 00:36:45,244 And then he get himself a great, big boat 619 00:36:45,328 --> 00:36:46,328 He's a wise guy 620 00:36:46,413 --> 00:36:48,664 What do you think Colombo do 621 00:36:48,748 --> 00:36:51,667 When he come here in 1492 622 00:36:51,751 --> 00:36:54,169 He say to Pocahontas Hacha, facha, cacha coo! 623 00:36:54,254 --> 00:36:58,007 That means, you little son of a gun, I love you! 624 00:36:58,091 --> 00:37:00,259 Maybe it's better if I don't sing too, huh? Yes. 625 00:37:00,343 --> 00:37:02,011 All right. I'll play. 626 00:37:02,095 --> 00:37:03,429 (PLAYING PIANO) 627 00:37:03,597 --> 00:37:05,097 I love good music. 628 00:37:05,223 --> 00:37:07,600 So do I. Let's get out of here. Sit down. 629 00:37:09,311 --> 00:37:11,312 I've got to stay here, but there's no reason 630 00:37:11,396 --> 00:37:14,982 why you folks shouldn't go out into the lobby till this thing blows over. 631 00:38:24,135 --> 00:38:25,719 Well, that's all for the first lesson. 632 00:38:25,804 --> 00:38:27,763 I come back next week and teach you how to breathe. 633 00:38:27,847 --> 00:38:30,391 And don't breathe until I see you again. 634 00:38:32,102 --> 00:38:34,395 If this is a singing lesson, I'm a ring-tailed monkey. 635 00:38:34,479 --> 00:38:37,064 This is a singing lesson, and keep your family out of it. Baravelli! 636 00:38:37,190 --> 00:38:38,816 What do you want? Are you going my way? 637 00:38:38,858 --> 00:38:40,734 Sure. Well, you go my way, and I'll stay here. 638 00:38:40,819 --> 00:38:42,111 No, you don't. You're leaving together. 639 00:38:42,195 --> 00:38:43,654 And if I find you guys here again, 640 00:38:43,738 --> 00:38:45,364 it'll be curtains. Now, on your way. 641 00:38:48,368 --> 00:38:50,786 If my son comes back, tell him to take the lamp out of the window. 642 00:39:00,880 --> 00:39:03,590 Dad, you've got the wrong football players. 643 00:39:03,717 --> 00:39:06,802 You mean the whole team? No. Baravelli and the dogcatcher. 644 00:39:06,886 --> 00:39:08,262 They're not football players at all. 645 00:39:08,346 --> 00:39:10,556 They must be. I got 'em out of a speakeasy. 646 00:39:10,640 --> 00:39:11,765 But you got the wrong ones. 647 00:39:11,850 --> 00:39:14,184 The two fellows I told you about are playing for Darwin. 648 00:39:14,269 --> 00:39:15,894 Send for Baravelli. 649 00:39:15,979 --> 00:39:18,188 Scour the grounds. Don't leave a single stone unturned. 650 00:39:18,273 --> 00:39:19,565 He's probably under one. 651 00:39:24,696 --> 00:39:27,239 Baravelli! Baravelli! 652 00:39:27,741 --> 00:39:29,408 (INDISTINCT VOICE) 653 00:39:34,414 --> 00:39:35,998 What are you doing in there? Shh. 654 00:39:36,082 --> 00:39:38,834 I'm practicing secret signals. Don't say nothing. 655 00:39:38,960 --> 00:39:41,420 Seventy-two, 86, 74, 56, 101... Come on out. 656 00:39:42,255 --> 00:39:45,007 What do you want? Baravelli, you can fix it for our team to win. 657 00:39:45,091 --> 00:39:46,925 Oh, no. I wanna play. 658 00:39:47,010 --> 00:39:49,636 All right. You can play. There's two football players on the Darwin team 659 00:39:49,721 --> 00:39:51,055 I want kidnapped. 660 00:39:51,181 --> 00:39:53,849 Have you ever had any experience as a kidnapper? You bet. 661 00:39:53,933 --> 00:39:55,851 You know what I do when I kidnap somebody? 662 00:39:55,935 --> 00:39:59,146 First I call 'em up on the telephone, then I send 'em my chauffeur. 663 00:39:59,230 --> 00:40:00,439 Oh, have you got a chauffeur? Yeah. 664 00:40:00,523 --> 00:40:01,648 What kind of a car have you got? 665 00:40:01,733 --> 00:40:04,401 I no got a car. I just got a chauffeur. 666 00:40:04,486 --> 00:40:06,487 Maybe I'm crazy, but when you have a chauffeur, 667 00:40:06,571 --> 00:40:08,030 aren't you supposed to have a car? 668 00:40:08,114 --> 00:40:09,114 Well, I had one. 669 00:40:09,365 --> 00:40:11,700 But it cost too much money to keep a car and a chauffeur, 670 00:40:11,785 --> 00:40:13,285 so I sold the car. 671 00:40:13,369 --> 00:40:15,037 Well, that shows you how little I know. 672 00:40:15,163 --> 00:40:18,040 I would have kept the car and sold the chauffeur. That's no good. 673 00:40:18,124 --> 00:40:20,793 I gotta have a chauffeur to take me to work in the morning. 674 00:40:20,877 --> 00:40:23,170 If you've got no car, how can he take you to work? 675 00:40:23,254 --> 00:40:25,714 He don't have to take me to work. I no got a job. 676 00:40:25,799 --> 00:40:27,466 Baravelli, this is the finish. 677 00:40:27,550 --> 00:40:30,219 How much would you want to stand at the wrong end of a shooting gallery? 678 00:40:32,931 --> 00:40:35,224 Now, now, now, boys. Now, just a minute, boys, just a minute. 679 00:40:35,308 --> 00:40:37,101 Now let's forget what happened yesterday. 680 00:40:37,185 --> 00:40:38,477 I didn't come here to fight. 681 00:40:38,561 --> 00:40:40,395 You've got to fight. I've already taken my coat off. 682 00:40:40,480 --> 00:40:42,231 I wanna talk to Baravelli. 683 00:40:42,315 --> 00:40:44,483 Now, you wouldn't mind stepping out, would you? 684 00:40:44,651 --> 00:40:47,319 I'd love to step out, but I'd have to see the girl first. 685 00:40:47,403 --> 00:40:49,238 Baravelli, I've got a proposition for you. 686 00:40:49,322 --> 00:40:52,366 Watch yourself, Baravelli. He's almost as crooked as you are. 687 00:40:52,450 --> 00:40:54,034 Let's go in here. 688 00:40:59,124 --> 00:41:02,167 Baravelli, I want you to do something for me. I'm busy. 689 00:41:02,252 --> 00:41:04,962 Me and my partner, we gotta kidnap a couple of football players 690 00:41:05,046 --> 00:41:07,506 on the Darwin team. Is that so? 691 00:41:07,590 --> 00:41:09,591 You don't mean MacHardie and Mullen? 692 00:41:09,926 --> 00:41:13,762 That sounds something like it, but the fellows I mean are Mullen and MacHardie. 693 00:41:13,847 --> 00:41:15,430 I'll give you a tip. 694 00:41:15,515 --> 00:41:18,392 The boys you want live at 39 Hanley Street. 695 00:41:18,518 --> 00:41:22,437 That's fine, thanks. Now, I want you to do something for me. 696 00:41:22,522 --> 00:41:24,523 What do you want? Listen. 697 00:41:25,191 --> 00:41:28,610 Give me the signals, and this 500 bucks is yours. 698 00:41:29,195 --> 00:41:30,529 All right. 699 00:41:31,656 --> 00:41:33,365 Here's the signals. 700 00:41:35,160 --> 00:41:37,286 Hey, wait a minute. These are the wrong signals. 701 00:41:37,370 --> 00:41:41,165 These are Darwin's signals. Do you think I'd give you $500 for Darwin's signals? 702 00:41:41,249 --> 00:41:44,251 They cost me 200. I guess I gotta make a little profit. 703 00:41:45,879 --> 00:41:47,713 (CLAPS, WHISTLES) 704 00:45:12,877 --> 00:45:15,921 Say, listen, you've got to get busy and get those football signals. 705 00:45:16,005 --> 00:45:17,839 But I thought you were going to get them. 706 00:45:17,924 --> 00:45:21,218 If I did, I wouldn't be asking you to go after them, would I? 707 00:45:21,302 --> 00:45:23,970 Now look, all you've got to do is to get to Professor Wagstaff. 708 00:45:24,055 --> 00:45:26,056 He's got the Huxley signals, 709 00:45:26,224 --> 00:45:29,434 and I'm depending on you to get them here before the game. 710 00:45:29,519 --> 00:45:31,353 Yes, but how? 711 00:45:31,437 --> 00:45:33,271 You know how. 712 00:45:33,439 --> 00:45:35,982 Romance him, baby. Romance him. 713 00:45:36,442 --> 00:45:40,237 And remember, all you're to get is football signals. 714 00:45:40,363 --> 00:45:42,239 (GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING) 715 00:45:56,921 --> 00:46:00,632 Everyone says I love you 716 00:46:01,092 --> 00:46:05,220 But just what they say it for I never knew 717 00:46:05,304 --> 00:46:09,224 It's just inviting trouble for the poor sucker who 718 00:46:09,308 --> 00:46:11,893 Says I love you 719 00:46:14,147 --> 00:46:18,150 Take a pair of rabbits who 720 00:46:18,234 --> 00:46:22,404 Get stuck on each other and begin to woo 721 00:46:22,488 --> 00:46:26,408 And pretty soon you'll find a million more rabbits who 722 00:46:26,492 --> 00:46:30,579 Say I love you 723 00:46:31,372 --> 00:46:35,292 When the lion gets feeling frisky 724 00:46:35,376 --> 00:46:39,421 And begins to roar 725 00:46:39,922 --> 00:46:42,841 There's another lion 726 00:46:42,925 --> 00:46:48,513 Who knows just what he's roaring for 727 00:46:48,598 --> 00:46:52,601 Everything that ever grew 728 00:46:52,685 --> 00:46:56,771 The goose and the gander and the gosling too 729 00:46:56,856 --> 00:47:00,734 The duck upon the water when he feels that way too 730 00:47:00,818 --> 00:47:01,818 Says... 731 00:47:01,903 --> 00:47:03,612 (QUACKING) 732 00:47:03,738 --> 00:47:06,656 That's a wise quack. You keep your bill out of this. 733 00:47:06,741 --> 00:47:09,868 How would you like it if I butted into your affairs and laid an egg? 734 00:47:16,751 --> 00:47:19,127 You know, this is the first time I've been out in a canoe since I saw 735 00:47:19,212 --> 00:47:20,253 The American Tragedy. 736 00:47:20,338 --> 00:47:23,131 Oh, you're perfectly safe, Professor, in this boat. 737 00:47:23,216 --> 00:47:26,801 I don't know. I was gonna get a flat bottom, but the girl at the boathouse didn't have one. 738 00:47:27,678 --> 00:47:29,971 Well, you know, Professor, I could go on like this, 739 00:47:30,056 --> 00:47:32,390 drifting and dreaming forever. 740 00:47:33,226 --> 00:47:35,727 What a day. Spring in the air. 741 00:47:35,811 --> 00:47:38,396 Who, me? I should spring in the air and fall in the lake? 742 00:47:38,481 --> 00:47:41,691 Oh, Professor, you're full of whimsy. 743 00:47:41,776 --> 00:47:43,318 Can you notice it from there? 744 00:47:43,402 --> 00:47:45,237 I'm always that way after I eat radishes. 745 00:47:51,202 --> 00:47:53,495 Oh, is that important? Is it important? 746 00:47:55,289 --> 00:47:57,582 Those are the football signals. 747 00:47:57,708 --> 00:48:00,335 Let 'em go. Luckily, I've got a duplicate set in my pocket. 748 00:48:00,419 --> 00:48:02,128 I always carry two of everything. 749 00:48:02,213 --> 00:48:04,923 This is the first time I've ever been out with only one woman. 750 00:48:05,007 --> 00:48:08,009 Oh, you mean you take two girls out every time? 751 00:48:08,094 --> 00:48:11,805 Particularly in an automobile. I hate to see a girl walk home alone. 752 00:48:11,889 --> 00:48:15,850 Do you know, Professor, I've never seen football signals. 753 00:48:15,935 --> 00:48:19,813 Do you think a little girl like me could understand them? 754 00:48:19,981 --> 00:48:22,607 I think a little girl like you would understand practically anything. 755 00:48:22,942 --> 00:48:26,361 (BABY TALK) Is great, big, strong man gonna tell little icky baby 756 00:48:26,445 --> 00:48:29,781 all about the bad football signals? 757 00:48:30,241 --> 00:48:31,658 Was that you or the duck? 758 00:48:31,742 --> 00:48:34,578 'Cause if it was you, I'm gonna finish this ride with the duck. 759 00:48:34,662 --> 00:48:37,998 If icky baby don't learn about the football signals, 760 00:48:38,082 --> 00:48:40,333 icky baby gonna cry. 761 00:48:40,418 --> 00:48:42,711 (BABY TALK) If icky girl keep on talking that way, 762 00:48:42,795 --> 00:48:46,131 big, strong man's gonna kick all her teeth right down her throat. 763 00:48:46,215 --> 00:48:49,759 (LAUGHS) Naughty man is only fooling. 764 00:48:49,844 --> 00:48:52,095 Just for that I'm coming right over there 765 00:48:52,179 --> 00:48:54,014 and smother naughty man with kisses. 766 00:48:54,098 --> 00:48:56,891 You couldn't make that onions instead, could you? 767 00:48:59,687 --> 00:49:02,272 Oh, so that's your game. That's your game, is it? 768 00:49:02,356 --> 00:49:03,648 (SCREAMS) 769 00:49:05,443 --> 00:49:08,528 Professor Wagstaff. Professor Wagstaff. 770 00:49:08,654 --> 00:49:10,447 Oh, just call me Quincy. 771 00:49:10,531 --> 00:49:12,907 After you get to know me better, you can call me Quince. 772 00:49:12,992 --> 00:49:16,453 Oh, throw me the lifesaver. The lifesaver. 773 00:49:16,537 --> 00:49:21,458 Oh, Professor Wagstaff. Please hurry, Professor. Oh, Professor. 774 00:49:27,590 --> 00:49:29,466 Thirty-nine. This is it. 775 00:49:32,970 --> 00:49:34,262 (RINGING) 776 00:49:36,682 --> 00:49:39,059 Hello. Yeah, this is MacHardie. 777 00:49:40,353 --> 00:49:43,355 (CHUCKLES) So they're coming right over, eh? 778 00:49:43,689 --> 00:49:46,733 Okay, Mr. Jennings. We'll take care of 'em. 779 00:49:46,859 --> 00:49:47,859 Can you beat it? 780 00:49:48,152 --> 00:49:50,111 Jennings says Baravelli and the dogcatcher 781 00:49:50,196 --> 00:49:53,073 are coming over here to kidnap us, to keep us out of the game. 782 00:49:53,157 --> 00:49:54,324 (BOTH LAUGH) 783 00:49:58,746 --> 00:50:01,998 This is the place. Now, how are we gonna catch 'em? 784 00:50:02,541 --> 00:50:04,292 Oh, that's for catching flies. 785 00:50:04,377 --> 00:50:07,629 Baseball players catch flies. We look for football players. 786 00:50:07,713 --> 00:50:10,882 You bring the tools? You got the shovel, the ax and the pick? 787 00:50:10,966 --> 00:50:12,634 Where's the pick? 788 00:50:13,386 --> 00:50:16,554 No, that's no pick. That's a hog. 789 00:50:16,722 --> 00:50:19,224 A hog. Don't you know what a hog is? 790 00:50:19,392 --> 00:50:23,228 Oh, come on. Let's get busy. We gotta kidnap a couple of football players. 791 00:50:26,982 --> 00:50:28,775 We're looking for Mullen and MacHardie. 792 00:50:28,901 --> 00:50:32,153 That's us. What can we do for you? You got a brother? 793 00:50:32,363 --> 00:50:34,239 No. You got a sister? 794 00:50:34,865 --> 00:50:36,991 Yeah. Well, your sister, she's a very sick man. 795 00:50:37,076 --> 00:50:38,618 You'd better come with us. 796 00:50:38,703 --> 00:50:41,079 Yeah? What happened to her? 797 00:50:41,163 --> 00:50:43,123 She had an accident in her automobile. 798 00:50:43,207 --> 00:50:44,708 She has no automobile. 799 00:50:44,792 --> 00:50:46,835 Well, maybe she fall off her horse. I don't look very close. 800 00:50:46,919 --> 00:50:48,461 Come on. We take you in our car. 801 00:50:48,546 --> 00:50:51,339 You will, eh? Well, I have no sister. 802 00:50:51,424 --> 00:50:54,175 That's all right. We no got a car. Come on. 803 00:50:55,219 --> 00:50:58,096 So you think you're gonna take us for a ride, eh? 804 00:50:58,389 --> 00:51:00,765 This is gonna take a long time. 805 00:51:02,268 --> 00:51:04,394 (WHISTLES) Try one at a time. 806 00:51:07,398 --> 00:51:08,648 (WHISTLES) 807 00:51:11,694 --> 00:51:12,694 Didn't work, huh? 808 00:51:14,488 --> 00:51:15,822 Get tough. 809 00:51:17,616 --> 00:51:19,909 (SNORTING) Get tough with the other one. 810 00:51:22,246 --> 00:51:24,164 Get tough with both of 'em. 811 00:51:24,623 --> 00:51:26,666 (SNORTING FASTER) Tougher! 812 00:51:38,345 --> 00:51:39,637 Now you're getting someplace. 813 00:51:46,687 --> 00:51:49,773 Hey, Pinky, you'd better think of something else. 814 00:51:53,694 --> 00:51:56,613 I'm exhausted too. I can't think of anything. 815 00:51:57,031 --> 00:51:58,573 Maybe you fellas got an idea. 816 00:51:58,657 --> 00:52:01,951 I'll say we got an idea. Where's that rope, Ed? 817 00:52:04,163 --> 00:52:05,580 Get 'em, Ed! 818 00:52:15,966 --> 00:52:19,219 MACHARDIE: Hey, you guys, we'll let you know how the game comes out! 819 00:52:19,303 --> 00:52:20,428 (BOTH LAUGHING) 820 00:52:21,055 --> 00:52:23,348 We come to kidnap them, they kidnap us. 821 00:52:23,432 --> 00:52:25,225 That's a-fix a-fine we're in. 822 00:52:25,351 --> 00:52:26,351 How we gonna get out... 823 00:52:26,977 --> 00:52:28,645 I got an idea. You got a rope? 824 00:52:31,524 --> 00:52:32,941 That's good. That's fine. 825 00:52:33,025 --> 00:52:35,109 Tie on the bed, throw the rope out of the window. 826 00:52:35,194 --> 00:52:37,612 Tie on the bed, throw the rope out of the window. 827 00:52:37,780 --> 00:52:39,531 (JIGGLING DOOR KNOB) 828 00:52:40,533 --> 00:52:41,866 Hey... 829 00:52:42,868 --> 00:52:45,119 What do you do, huh? You throw the rope out of the window, 830 00:52:45,204 --> 00:52:46,579 but you no tie on the bed. 831 00:52:46,664 --> 00:52:49,123 No, I don't mean the tie. I mean tie the rope. 832 00:52:49,208 --> 00:52:51,167 Now what are you going to do? 833 00:52:55,422 --> 00:52:58,007 You crazy. That's no good. 834 00:52:58,092 --> 00:52:59,425 How are we gonna get out of here? 835 00:53:00,928 --> 00:53:03,346 Come here. You wanna break my neck? 836 00:53:03,889 --> 00:53:05,223 (GRUNTING) 837 00:53:05,933 --> 00:53:07,559 Yeah, don't worry, Mr. Jennings. 838 00:53:07,643 --> 00:53:09,853 Everything's working out fine. 839 00:53:10,229 --> 00:53:13,898 That's all right. The game's in the bag. See you later. 840 00:53:16,902 --> 00:53:20,154 Well, I wonder what the two mugs are doin' up there. 841 00:53:20,906 --> 00:53:21,906 (LAUGHS) 842 00:53:54,940 --> 00:53:57,859 Well, well. Our little playmates. 843 00:53:57,943 --> 00:53:59,944 Just in time for a cup of tea. 844 00:54:00,029 --> 00:54:02,614 We got no cups, but we'll see you after the game. 845 00:54:02,698 --> 00:54:04,115 Come on, Pinky. Let's go. 846 00:54:04,867 --> 00:54:08,286 No, you don't. Take off your coat. 847 00:54:08,954 --> 00:54:10,163 Come on. 848 00:54:10,414 --> 00:54:13,666 Snap into it. Off with your shirt. Quit stallin'. 849 00:54:14,793 --> 00:54:16,711 Now take off your pants. Hey, I got a date. 850 00:54:16,795 --> 00:54:18,171 Nothin' doin'. 851 00:54:35,898 --> 00:54:39,067 That goes for you too! Take that coat off! 852 00:54:42,279 --> 00:54:45,907 Stand over there, you. Come on, Ed. Let's take their clothes. 853 00:54:52,373 --> 00:54:55,750 Now, if you boys'll excuse us, we'll run along and play a little football. 854 00:54:55,834 --> 00:54:57,710 Just make yourselves right at home. 855 00:54:57,795 --> 00:55:00,922 Tune in on the radio, if you wanna see how the game's goin' along. 856 00:55:01,006 --> 00:55:02,256 (BOTH LAUGH) 857 00:55:04,218 --> 00:55:06,678 I'll send my sister over to keep you company. 858 00:55:12,017 --> 00:55:14,018 Gee, I guess it's locked. 859 00:55:19,858 --> 00:55:21,985 (CROWD CHEERING) 860 00:55:36,750 --> 00:55:38,126 Oh, boy, what a pretty play! 861 00:55:38,210 --> 00:55:40,294 Darwin just completed a forward pass for a touchdown, 862 00:55:40,379 --> 00:55:42,547 and the crowd is going wild! 863 00:55:42,631 --> 00:55:45,675 Well, folks, there seems to be no stopping Mullen and MacHardie today. 864 00:55:46,218 --> 00:55:48,386 COMMENTATOR: Two minutes left to play in the first quarter, 865 00:55:48,470 --> 00:55:51,764 and, oh, what a lacing the Huxley team is getting! 866 00:55:57,896 --> 00:56:01,065 There they go! Coffey has the ball, and he's breaking through! 867 00:56:03,068 --> 00:56:04,736 (SCREAMING) 868 00:56:10,743 --> 00:56:13,202 Well, partner, I guess we made a grand slam. 869 00:56:14,997 --> 00:56:17,415 (WOMEN SCREAMING) 870 00:56:32,556 --> 00:56:34,182 (CROWD CHEERING) 871 00:56:50,991 --> 00:56:54,202 Hey, Pinky, hurry up! Hurry up! Come on! Come on. 872 00:56:54,286 --> 00:56:56,162 We still got time to play. (WHISTLE BLOWS) 873 00:56:56,246 --> 00:56:57,997 REFEREE: Play ball! 874 00:57:01,168 --> 00:57:02,835 Well, you're a couple of fine kidnappers. 875 00:57:02,961 --> 00:57:05,171 Do you know the fellows you kidnapped got here before you did? 876 00:57:05,255 --> 00:57:07,381 Look at that score, 12 to nothing. 877 00:57:07,466 --> 00:57:08,716 A fat lot you care. 878 00:57:08,801 --> 00:57:10,927 Do you realize what it means if Huxley loses this game? 879 00:57:11,011 --> 00:57:13,262 It means shame, disgrace, humiliation. 880 00:57:13,347 --> 00:57:15,515 And besides, you're crazy if you don't play the ace. 881 00:57:15,599 --> 00:57:16,599 Come on and fight! 882 00:57:17,476 --> 00:57:19,477 No, no, no, no. Get in that game. 883 00:57:23,774 --> 00:57:25,900 Listen, you bunch of butterfingered milksops, 884 00:57:25,984 --> 00:57:28,569 the way you're playing, you couldn't beat a girl's basketball team. 885 00:57:28,654 --> 00:57:30,571 We've gotta win this game, do you understand? 886 00:57:30,656 --> 00:57:33,157 Even if we have to use our star play, Number 37. 887 00:57:33,283 --> 00:57:36,619 You remember it, don't you? The quarterback gets the ball, goes 'round left end 888 00:57:36,703 --> 00:57:38,287 and makes a lateral pass to the right guard. 889 00:57:38,372 --> 00:57:39,914 Hey, Dad... Wait a minute. 890 00:57:39,998 --> 00:57:42,500 Boys, if you can't beat that bunch of half-witted goofs... Dad! 891 00:57:42,626 --> 00:57:44,836 What do you want? Why you're talking to the wrong team. 892 00:57:44,920 --> 00:57:46,754 I know I am, but our team wouldn't listen to me. Oh. 893 00:57:46,839 --> 00:57:48,381 (ALL LAUGHING) 894 00:57:51,301 --> 00:57:53,052 Hey, which way you goin'? Out there. 895 00:57:53,137 --> 00:57:55,888 All right. Drop me off at the 40-yard line. 896 00:58:00,686 --> 00:58:02,854 Where's your number? (WHISTLES) 897 00:58:07,651 --> 00:58:10,820 My boy, get in there and play like you did in the last game. 898 00:58:10,904 --> 00:58:12,822 I've got $5 bet on the other team. (BAND CONTINUES) 899 00:58:29,423 --> 00:58:30,798 PLAYER 1: Ready? PLAYER 2: Okay. 900 00:58:30,883 --> 00:58:32,258 PLAYER 3: Ready? PLAYER 4: Okay. Let's go. 901 00:58:32,342 --> 00:58:33,885 (WHISTLE BLOWS) 902 00:58:35,596 --> 00:58:37,054 (GUNFIRES) 903 00:58:41,226 --> 00:58:43,227 Ah, here comes Professor Wagstaff. 904 00:58:43,312 --> 00:58:44,645 Will you say something, Professor? 905 00:58:44,730 --> 00:58:45,771 I will if you get up out of there. 906 00:58:45,856 --> 00:58:48,441 Professor Wagstaff will tell you all about the game. 907 00:58:49,943 --> 00:58:52,361 This is some football game, and I wish you were here. 908 00:58:52,446 --> 00:58:54,655 In fact, I wish you were here instead of me. 909 00:58:54,740 --> 00:58:58,367 Last week at this same hour, I told you Mrs. Moskovitz was expecting a blessed event. 910 00:58:58,452 --> 00:59:00,620 Well, last night, Mrs. Moskovitz had twins. 911 00:59:00,704 --> 00:59:02,663 Okay, Mr. Moskovitz! 912 00:59:02,748 --> 00:59:04,165 (WHISTLE BLOWS) 913 00:59:04,249 --> 00:59:06,292 Thank you, Professor. It was nothing at all. 914 00:59:06,793 --> 00:59:08,461 (BAND CONTINUES) 915 00:59:17,471 --> 00:59:20,473 The boys are back on the field. They're lined up. 916 00:59:20,557 --> 00:59:22,767 Huxley is about to kick off to Darwin, 917 00:59:22,851 --> 00:59:25,019 and there they go! 918 00:59:25,103 --> 00:59:26,103 (WHISTLE BLOWS) 919 00:59:27,189 --> 00:59:28,856 (CROWD CHEERING) 920 00:59:36,949 --> 00:59:38,449 (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) 921 00:59:42,996 --> 00:59:44,330 Pardon me. 922 00:59:57,594 --> 01:00:00,554 That'll teach him to pass a lady without tipping his hat. 923 01:00:01,181 --> 01:00:02,974 Hike! (CROWD SCREAMS) 924 01:00:08,897 --> 01:00:11,774 PLAYER 1: All right, gang. Come on. Come on. Drive it in there. 925 01:00:11,858 --> 01:00:15,861 Hey, look out there. You wanna get hurt? We're gonna throw a forward pass. 926 01:00:16,238 --> 01:00:17,405 Signals! 927 01:00:17,489 --> 01:00:19,991 Eighteen, seventy-two. Forward pass. 928 01:00:20,075 --> 01:00:22,743 Eeny-meeny-miney-mo. Ready or not, here we go. Hike! 929 01:00:28,083 --> 01:00:30,501 Why, Pinky, what are you doing here? 930 01:00:30,919 --> 01:00:32,670 Hey, hey, hey, hey. 931 01:00:33,422 --> 01:00:35,798 That tackle will cost your team 15 yards. 932 01:00:35,882 --> 01:00:36,924 (LAUGHS) 933 01:00:37,009 --> 01:00:39,343 You're supposed to tackle the man with the ball, do you understand? 934 01:00:41,930 --> 01:00:43,931 (GRUNTS) What's the idea? 935 01:00:45,309 --> 01:00:47,393 Hey, idiot, where's that ball? 936 01:00:47,686 --> 01:00:49,437 Hey, look! He's got the mumps. 937 01:00:49,521 --> 01:00:52,189 Come on. Give me that ball. Give me it! 938 01:00:55,444 --> 01:00:57,361 (REFEREE SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY) 939 01:00:58,322 --> 01:01:00,031 (PLAYERS CHATTERING) 940 01:01:02,743 --> 01:01:04,410 BARAVELLI: Hike! 941 01:01:04,536 --> 01:01:06,662 Heads up. Heads up over there. Signals. 942 01:01:06,747 --> 01:01:09,206 Eighteen, 42, 56, end run. Hup! 943 01:01:10,292 --> 01:01:11,667 (CROWD SCREAMS) 944 01:01:16,381 --> 01:01:17,548 Hey, bring that back! 945 01:01:39,905 --> 01:01:43,282 (PLAYER CALLING SIGNALS) 946 01:01:45,494 --> 01:01:46,535 (SCREAMS) 947 01:01:54,753 --> 01:01:56,253 Come on, boys. 948 01:01:57,839 --> 01:01:59,423 Jumping anaconda. 949 01:02:00,050 --> 01:02:01,926 Is there a doctor in the stands? 950 01:02:02,094 --> 01:02:05,179 Why, yes. I'm a doctor. How do you like the game, Doc? 951 01:02:06,390 --> 01:02:08,140 (CROWD CHANTING) 952 01:02:14,356 --> 01:02:16,690 Come back for me in five minutes. 953 01:02:17,609 --> 01:02:19,193 (WHISTLE BLOWS) Hike! 954 01:02:20,737 --> 01:02:22,613 Hmm. Fancy seeing you here. 955 01:02:22,697 --> 01:02:24,657 Well, it's a small world after all. 956 01:02:24,741 --> 01:02:25,741 Hike! 957 01:02:34,626 --> 01:02:37,878 Why weren't you in that last scrimmage? I'm sitting this one out. 958 01:02:37,963 --> 01:02:40,047 What are you doing with that cigar in your mouth? 959 01:02:40,132 --> 01:02:41,882 Why? Do you know another way to smoke it? 960 01:02:41,967 --> 01:02:43,676 Get on your feet. 961 01:02:45,929 --> 01:02:48,764 Don't look now, boys, but I think I see the chemistry professor 962 01:02:48,849 --> 01:02:51,142 up in the stands with the janitor's wife. 963 01:02:53,186 --> 01:02:54,895 Here. Have a cigar. 964 01:02:56,857 --> 01:02:58,023 Hike! 965 01:02:59,317 --> 01:03:01,402 Signal. Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall. 966 01:03:01,486 --> 01:03:04,029 Professor Wagstaff gets the ball. Hike! 967 01:03:06,992 --> 01:03:08,576 (CROWD SCREAMS) 968 01:03:19,421 --> 01:03:21,172 PLAYER: Have you got it, boys? ALL: Okay. 969 01:03:21,381 --> 01:03:22,381 PLAYER: Hike! 970 01:03:25,177 --> 01:03:27,845 REFEREE: Hey, bring that ball in here. 971 01:03:29,222 --> 01:03:30,514 (WHISTLE BLOWS) 972 01:03:30,765 --> 01:03:31,849 Hike! 973 01:03:41,610 --> 01:03:43,402 There goes the ball. 974 01:03:48,617 --> 01:03:50,117 Go on, Pinky! That's a boy! 975 01:03:50,202 --> 01:03:52,077 Make a home run. Attaboy! Yeah! 976 01:03:52,871 --> 01:03:54,955 (CROWD CHEERING) 977 01:03:59,669 --> 01:04:02,004 Gee, that's great, Pinky. You made a touchdown. 978 01:04:02,088 --> 01:04:04,423 Are you tired? Oh, that's marvelous. 979 01:04:09,554 --> 01:04:11,055 (WHISTLE BLOWS) 980 01:04:11,264 --> 01:04:12,890 BARAVELLI: Hike! 981 01:04:32,577 --> 01:04:34,370 I forgot your phone number. Will you give it to me again? 982 01:04:34,454 --> 01:04:35,579 PLAYER 1: Where's that ball? 983 01:04:38,625 --> 01:04:39,750 Here it is! 984 01:04:39,834 --> 01:04:42,711 Come on. Get off that ball. You're holding up the game. 985 01:04:42,879 --> 01:04:43,837 Let's huddle up, men. 986 01:04:43,922 --> 01:04:45,756 (WHISTLE BLOWS) (ALL CHATTERING) 987 01:04:48,093 --> 01:04:49,677 BARAVELLI: Hike! 988 01:04:51,805 --> 01:04:56,016 Signal. Uno, due, tre, bendy. This time, we go left endy. 989 01:04:56,101 --> 01:04:57,268 Hike! 990 01:05:13,451 --> 01:05:15,119 Nice work, Pinky! 991 01:05:22,294 --> 01:05:23,377 Signal. 992 01:05:23,461 --> 01:05:25,296 High diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle. 993 01:05:25,380 --> 01:05:27,464 This time, I think we go through the middle. Hike! 994 01:05:31,928 --> 01:05:33,178 (BARKING) 995 01:05:40,103 --> 01:05:42,396 Hey, you're running the wrong way! 996 01:05:50,822 --> 01:05:52,489 (PINKY WHISTLES) 997 01:06:13,053 --> 01:06:14,678 We are gathered together here 998 01:06:14,763 --> 01:06:16,930 to join this man and this woman 999 01:06:17,015 --> 01:06:20,351 in the bonds of matrimony, which is an honorable estate. 1000 01:06:20,435 --> 01:06:23,687 Do you take this man to be your lawful wedded husband? 1001 01:06:24,105 --> 01:06:25,272 I do. 1002 01:06:25,523 --> 01:06:28,942 Do you take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife? 1003 01:06:29,027 --> 01:06:30,569 TOGETHER: We do.