00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162
Translated By The Community Of WWW.MY-SUBS.COM

1
00:00:22,420 --> 00:00:24,029
_

2
00:00:25,560 --> 00:00:27,187
Hi. You've reached Anja,

3
00:00:27,211 --> 00:00:28,975
and you're probably
my mom, dad or grandma,

4
00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:31,816
so just feel free to leave a message
and I'll get back to you when I can.

5
00:00:31,840 --> 00:00:33,108
Thanks.

6
00:00:33,132 --> 00:00:35,529
Anja, I wish you'd change
your outgoing message.

7
00:00:35,553 --> 00:00:37,353
It's not very professional.

8
00:00:37,378 --> 00:00:39,763
How do you know it's
me, Dad, or Noni calling?

9
00:00:39,788 --> 00:00:41,914
Anyway, I sent this in an e-mail,

10
00:00:41,949 --> 00:00:44,282
that the woman you should
call is Barbara Horne.

11
00:00:44,324 --> 00:00:46,224
- H-O-R-N-E.
- _

12
00:00:46,253 --> 00:00:49,287
She's been at the top of God
knows how many publications

13
00:00:49,322 --> 00:00:51,189
and she's the real
deal, honey. All right?

14
00:00:51,224 --> 00:00:53,358
I told her about your NYU column.

15
00:00:53,394 --> 00:00:56,060
She's expecting your
call, so call her please.

16
00:00:56,096 --> 00:00:58,698
Do not e-mail. But like I said,

17
00:00:58,723 --> 00:01:01,765
just see if you can take her to
lunch, pick her brain, whatever.

18
00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:05,035
She's kind of a pain in the ass,
but, you know, she's very major.

19
00:01:05,062 --> 00:01:08,872
Uh, anyway, there you go.
You're welcome. Um, what else?

20
00:01:08,897 --> 00:01:10,740
Uh, not much happening over here.

21
00:01:10,776 --> 00:01:14,278
Dad and I walked down to the
lake with Rosie this morning.

22
00:01:14,313 --> 00:01:15,779
- She had a tough time.
- _

23
00:01:15,805 --> 00:01:19,379
I think we're gonna have to put her
down soon so of course, Daddy's a wreck.

24
00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:20,803
But if you want to see her,

25
00:01:20,828 --> 00:01:22,696
- you should come visit.
- Ow, ow, ow,

26
00:01:22,721 --> 00:01:24,819
Anyway, call us and call Barbara!

27
00:01:48,945 --> 00:01:51,612
_

28
00:01:56,861 --> 00:01:58,331
Hello, this is Barbara Horne.

29
00:01:58,355 --> 00:02:01,100
I'm not available to take your call,
but if you leave a detailed message,

30
00:02:01,124 --> 00:02:03,233
I'll be sure to get back to
you at my earliest convenience.

31
00:02:03,257 --> 00:02:05,405
Have a great day.

32
00:02:05,629 --> 00:02:09,431
Hi, Barbara, This is Anja
Jacobs, Judy and Ron's daughter.

33
00:02:09,466 --> 00:02:12,800
I'd love to, uh, set something...

34
00:02:12,836 --> 00:02:14,269
Fuck!

35
00:02:14,303 --> 00:02:16,610
To save your message,
press the pound key.

36
00:02:16,634 --> 00:02:18,820
To listen to your message, press one.

37
00:02:18,845 --> 00:02:21,176
- To rerecord your message, press three.
- _

38
00:02:21,211 --> 00:02:24,579
Please record your
message after the tone.

39
00:02:24,624 --> 00:02:26,591
Weird time in the season to shop.

40
00:02:26,616 --> 00:02:29,049
Hi there. Uh, this is Anja Jacobs,

41
00:02:29,085 --> 00:02:30,319
- Ron and Judy's daughter.
- Thank you!

42
00:02:30,343 --> 00:02:33,387
I think you're expecting
my call. Uh... hi.

43
00:02:33,414 --> 00:02:36,683
Uh, I'd love to set up a
time to take you out to lunch

44
00:02:36,726 --> 00:02:40,361
and, like, pick your brain about
the business and all of that.

45
00:02:40,396 --> 00:02:42,345
Oh, my mom also gave me your e-mail,

46
00:02:42,370 --> 00:02:44,999
so I can send you my
contact info there as well.

47
00:02:45,034 --> 00:02:48,235
Uh... oh, as well as, uh,
relevant links to me and my work.

48
00:02:48,260 --> 00:02:50,197
- Sorry.
- I have these like, Kardashian recaps

49
00:02:50,222 --> 00:02:52,426
I've been doing sort of
just like, for fun. Um...

50
00:02:52,451 --> 00:02:55,730
All right, so thank you and I
hope to meet you soon. Peace!

51
00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:20,866
Psst.

52
00:03:34,067 --> 00:03:35,472
_

53
00:03:53,273 --> 00:03:55,241
_

54
00:03:59,973 --> 00:04:01,984
As I contemplated the fact

55
00:04:02,008 --> 00:04:05,610
that my relationship had
gone to pot, literally,

56
00:04:05,645 --> 00:04:08,913
I realized no high or low

57
00:04:08,949 --> 00:04:11,983
would make this day any day other

58
00:04:12,018 --> 00:04:15,286
than the day I got broken
up with by a post-it.

59
00:05:02,967 --> 00:05:04,588
Now let's keep the
sidewalk clear. Come on.

60
00:05:04,612 --> 00:05:06,244
Ma'am, I need you to step back.

61
00:05:11,342 --> 00:05:12,474
Hey, what's up?

62
00:05:12,510 --> 00:05:14,543
Thanks for agreeing to do this.

63
00:05:14,578 --> 00:05:16,112
Yeah, it's not a big deal.

64
00:05:16,147 --> 00:05:18,533
I mean, as long as I'm
anonymous, I don't really care.

65
00:05:18,558 --> 00:05:20,215
Yeah, no, of course.

66
00:05:20,251 --> 00:05:23,686
Of course. You will be
completely anonymous.

67
00:05:23,721 --> 00:05:26,054
Um... uh...

68
00:05:26,089 --> 00:05:29,332
do you mind if I take a
picture of your weed though?

69
00:05:30,762 --> 00:05:32,694
I guess I'd rather you didn't.

70
00:05:32,729 --> 00:05:35,439
It's just I have all
these, you know, labels

71
00:05:35,464 --> 00:05:38,239
and I don't want any identifying things
on the Internet, you know what I mean?

72
00:05:38,263 --> 00:05:41,509
- Uh, yeah. Okay, that's...
- Sorry.

73
00:05:41,534 --> 00:05:44,454
That's fine. Do you want some cold brew?

74
00:05:44,579 --> 00:05:46,636
Uh, no. I actually had two today,

75
00:05:46,661 --> 00:05:48,843
- so I'm good.
- Oh, wow.

76
00:05:48,879 --> 00:05:50,979
This is, like, my sixth cup today.

77
00:05:51,014 --> 00:05:52,502
Um, okay. Ready?

78
00:05:52,527 --> 00:05:54,916
Okay, yeah.

79
00:05:54,951 --> 00:05:56,651
- Okay.
- Cool.

80
00:05:57,887 --> 00:05:59,731
- That's a lot of coffee.
- Gotta find the pages.

81
00:05:59,755 --> 00:06:01,222
One second.

82
00:06:01,257 --> 00:06:03,381
- Shit.
- Yeah.

83
00:06:03,406 --> 00:06:05,459
- There we go.
- There you go.

84
00:06:05,495 --> 00:06:07,959
- Um, all right. Ready?
- Yeah.

85
00:06:07,984 --> 00:06:09,763
This is a safe space.

86
00:06:12,368 --> 00:06:16,136
So... you're a pot dealer.

87
00:06:16,641 --> 00:06:18,174
What's that like?

88
00:06:19,008 --> 00:06:23,210
Uh, I just kind of bike
around and, uh, people call me

89
00:06:23,245 --> 00:06:26,213
and... and then I bring
them weed pretty much.

90
00:06:26,248 --> 00:06:27,815
It's kind of all there is to it.

91
00:06:27,850 --> 00:06:31,017
And, uh, where do you get your weed?

92
00:06:31,841 --> 00:06:35,222
Uh... I'm not gonna
answer that one. Sorry.

93
00:06:35,486 --> 00:06:36,656
- Pass.
- Okay.

94
00:06:36,692 --> 00:06:37,890
- Cool.
- Mm-hmm.

95
00:06:37,926 --> 00:06:40,594
It's totally cool. Um...

96
00:06:40,629 --> 00:06:42,262
Have you ever been arrested?

97
00:06:42,297 --> 00:06:45,088
No, luckily not. Knock on wood.

98
00:06:45,113 --> 00:06:46,333
- Yeah.
- Right?

99
00:06:46,368 --> 00:06:48,267
Yeah. Um...

100
00:06:48,302 --> 00:06:52,571
Do you feel like maybe
that's because you're white?

101
00:06:55,923 --> 00:06:57,611
Uh, maybe.

102
00:06:57,752 --> 00:07:00,546
- Oh, shit.
- Um... I... I mean, yeah, I guess

103
00:07:00,581 --> 00:07:03,149
- it has something to do with it.
- Yeah, maybe.

104
00:07:03,184 --> 00:07:06,447
But, you know, it's also
maybe 'cause I'm small potatoes

105
00:07:06,472 --> 00:07:07,970
- and, uh...
- Yeah.

106
00:07:07,995 --> 00:07:10,111
I just deal a little weed
and sometimes mushrooms,

107
00:07:10,136 --> 00:07:11,690
- so I'm not really...
- Oh. Okay.

108
00:07:11,718 --> 00:07:13,217
So mushrooms as well?

109
00:07:13,544 --> 00:07:15,373
Yeah, I'm not really on their radar.

110
00:07:15,398 --> 00:07:17,563
Okay. Yeah.

111
00:07:17,598 --> 00:07:19,846
What about your, um, client list?

112
00:07:19,871 --> 00:07:22,968
Are they mostly white as well, like you?

113
00:07:23,003 --> 00:07:27,249
Well, uh, yeah, most of
them are white actually.

114
00:07:27,274 --> 00:07:29,703
Now that I think about it. I haven't
really thought about it before.

115
00:07:29,727 --> 00:07:31,376
There's... There's some...

116
00:07:31,411 --> 00:07:33,444
No, there's more than a
few non-white customers.

117
00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:37,114
Why do you think that most
of your clients are white?

118
00:07:37,150 --> 00:07:40,272
Hey, so what's with all
the racial questions?

119
00:07:40,297 --> 00:07:42,202
Well, it's just that a...

120
00:07:42,227 --> 00:07:46,424
a disproportionate amount of people
in prison for marijuana offenses are...

121
00:07:46,459 --> 00:07:50,024
are non-white, and I thought you
might have something to say about that.

122
00:07:50,049 --> 00:07:53,949
I mean, that's cool. I understand.
It's important, but, uh...

123
00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:55,900
just, uh, off the record,

124
00:07:55,935 --> 00:07:57,334
when I sat down to do this,

125
00:07:57,369 --> 00:07:59,607
you said you wanted me to
tell you some fun stories

126
00:07:59,632 --> 00:08:02,506
- about dealing weed, and not, uh...
- Mm-hmm.

127
00:08:03,309 --> 00:08:04,741
race politics.

128
00:08:04,777 --> 00:08:06,772
- Yeah, I know, I know.
- So like, just a heads up, you know?

129
00:08:06,796 --> 00:08:08,745
I'm sor... It's just that, um...

130
00:08:09,538 --> 00:08:13,917
I feel like there's a bigger point
that we... you know, like, it's just...

131
00:08:13,952 --> 00:08:17,554
I'm trying to focus on, like,
the, um, intersectionality

132
00:08:17,589 --> 00:08:21,671
of, like, race and pot
in a post-prohibition era.

133
00:08:21,696 --> 00:08:24,093
And we will get to the anecdotes. Um...

134
00:08:24,121 --> 00:08:27,722
I just felt like I would
be remiss as an interviewer

135
00:08:27,765 --> 00:08:31,100
if I didn't cover this very
important part of the subject.

136
00:08:31,143 --> 00:08:35,204
Like blacks in Iowa are 8.3%
more likely to get arrested

137
00:08:35,229 --> 00:08:38,235
for... for possession and dealing
than... than bla... than whites.

138
00:08:38,260 --> 00:08:41,610
And, and I just... I felt like
it was important to highlight

139
00:08:41,635 --> 00:08:44,747
how race might affect your
experience of your job.

140
00:08:44,782 --> 00:08:45,914
- It is important.
- Yeah.

141
00:08:45,950 --> 00:08:47,883
I'm sorry. Um, uh...

142
00:08:47,918 --> 00:08:49,785
Do you... Would you actually just...

143
00:08:49,821 --> 00:08:51,954
uh, excuse me for a second?

144
00:08:51,989 --> 00:08:53,672
- Okay.
- Sorry, I just...

145
00:08:53,704 --> 00:08:57,184
I gotta, uh, take this. It's for work
Um, it's just gonna be one second.

146
00:08:57,209 --> 00:08:59,027
I'll be right back.

147
00:08:59,411 --> 00:09:00,473
Hello?

148
00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:02,391
- Whoa, dude.
- Hi, Barbara!

149
00:09:02,416 --> 00:09:04,155
Thanks for calling me back!

150
00:09:05,935 --> 00:09:07,379
Oh, my gosh,

151
00:09:07,404 --> 00:09:09,604
it's like, so nice that
you called back at all!

152
00:09:09,639 --> 00:09:12,207
I mean, my mom's been
talking about you for a while,

153
00:09:12,235 --> 00:09:16,200
and, uh, to be honest, I didn't even
really know who you were, who you are.

154
00:09:16,234 --> 00:09:17,890
But then I Googled you and I was like,

155
00:09:17,915 --> 00:09:18,938
- "Wow...
- Okay, here we go.

156
00:09:18,962 --> 00:09:20,929
"this woman is like fucking legit!"

157
00:09:21,810 --> 00:09:24,719
Right. So I was hoping
to find the time to like,

158
00:09:24,755 --> 00:09:28,177
- buy you coffee and pick your brain.
- Oh, fuck you.

159
00:09:29,025 --> 00:09:31,410
- Oh, no.
- Okay, um...

160
00:09:32,262 --> 00:09:33,895
In that case, can I,

161
00:09:33,930 --> 00:09:36,063
um, can I call you tomorrow again?

162
00:09:36,091 --> 00:09:38,691
I'm actually in the middle of...

163
00:09:40,796 --> 00:09:43,804
No, that's okay. Thank you.

164
00:09:43,839 --> 00:09:45,935
Good night. Oh, and thanks again!

165
00:09:49,445 --> 00:09:53,146
I'm sorry. Um, where... where were we?

166
00:09:54,617 --> 00:09:57,150
Um, uh, is everything okay?

167
00:09:57,185 --> 00:09:59,452
I'm gonna need you to
erase that Instagram.

168
00:10:00,523 --> 00:10:03,189
- Right.
- Please.

169
00:11:29,379 --> 00:11:32,275
Hungary and Croatia continue
to turn away migrants.

170
00:11:32,311 --> 00:11:36,046
Many are finding their way north through
Europe's central eastern corridor,

171
00:11:36,081 --> 00:11:38,148
while countries like Serbia and Bulgaria

172
00:11:38,183 --> 00:11:40,017
are struggling to keep
their borders sealed.

173
00:11:40,644 --> 00:11:43,988
- The European Union continues...
- Is it ready?

174
00:11:44,023 --> 00:11:45,792
Thank you, Ida.

175
00:11:57,403 --> 00:12:00,170
Good morning, babe.

176
00:12:00,205 --> 00:12:02,639
- What time is it?
- It's around 9:00.

177
00:12:02,674 --> 00:12:06,142
Ida made you those
breakfast perogies you love.

178
00:12:07,478 --> 00:12:09,045
I love Ida.

179
00:12:09,080 --> 00:12:10,880
Yeah. Ida loves you.

180
00:12:11,810 --> 00:12:13,215
No, no, no. Ugh.

181
00:12:13,242 --> 00:12:17,319
- My mouth tastes like a cat shit in it.
- Oh, no, I love that. Come here.

182
00:12:17,355 --> 00:12:19,088
Mm...

183
00:12:19,407 --> 00:12:20,774
- Sick.
- Mm.

184
00:12:20,799 --> 00:12:23,106
Mm, it's so good, in fact.

185
00:12:23,131 --> 00:12:24,427
- Mm.
- Mm.

186
00:12:24,462 --> 00:12:26,377
- Morning.
- Good morning.

187
00:12:26,402 --> 00:12:27,663
Mm.

188
00:12:27,688 --> 00:12:29,721
- Don't go to work.
- Oh, I know.

189
00:12:29,774 --> 00:12:32,575
I don't want to, but I...
want to marry you right now.

190
00:12:32,603 --> 00:12:34,127
- No, not yet.
- Wanna get married right now?

191
00:12:34,151 --> 00:12:36,004
- Not yet.
- I gotta wait? Okay, I'll wait.

192
00:12:36,040 --> 00:12:37,372
I gotta go. Mm. Love you.

193
00:12:37,407 --> 00:12:38,807
- Bye.
- Bye.

194
00:12:44,414 --> 00:12:49,084
Hey, Nihal, are we still going to
Marta for the black truffle pizza?

195
00:12:49,119 --> 00:12:52,917
Hell yeah! Brenda made us
a rezzie for eight. Love ya!

196
00:12:53,022 --> 00:12:54,777
Love you.

197
00:12:55,858 --> 00:12:57,959
Now, using a dating app to find romance

198
00:12:57,994 --> 00:13:00,962
may have become the norm for
finding love in the modern age,

199
00:13:00,989 --> 00:13:05,213
but this next fall comedy might have
you think twice before swiping right.

200
00:13:05,238 --> 00:13:06,518
It's called "Homeless Helga"

201
00:13:06,543 --> 00:13:09,971
and it stars "Orange Is the New
Black's" Kimiko Glenn as Helga,

202
00:13:09,998 --> 00:13:11,698
who's, you guessed it, homeless.

203
00:13:12,225 --> 00:13:15,093
Mm, ain't nobody got time for this.

204
00:13:15,248 --> 00:13:17,311
Can we get the lobster mac and cheese,

205
00:13:17,346 --> 00:13:19,446
lamb face tacos, and a bottle of Dom?

206
00:13:19,482 --> 00:13:22,717
Now, on the surface, Helga
looks anything but homeless.

207
00:13:22,752 --> 00:13:24,851
She's adorable and put together,

208
00:13:24,886 --> 00:13:27,454
but she secretly scams
guys she meets online

209
00:13:27,490 --> 00:13:30,357
into buying her meals
and letting her crash.

210
00:13:30,392 --> 00:13:33,560
So I met this girl on "What's Up,
Cupid." I think I'm falling in love.

211
00:13:33,596 --> 00:13:35,729
Her victims are totally oblivious

212
00:13:35,764 --> 00:13:38,132
as Helga blinds them
with her adorable charm.

213
00:13:38,552 --> 00:13:40,133
Almost done, baby.

214
00:13:40,168 --> 00:13:43,273
Yay. Let's order tacos, dum-dum.

215
00:13:43,309 --> 00:13:44,876
Okay. I'll pay.

216
00:13:44,901 --> 00:13:48,932
It's working out well for her, but some
people are on to Helga and her tricks.

217
00:13:48,957 --> 00:13:52,831
I play Matt's weed dealer,
and he tells Matt in the pilot

218
00:13:52,856 --> 00:13:56,049
that Helga is actually homeless.

219
00:13:56,084 --> 00:13:59,054
She's called Homeless Helga, bro.

220
00:13:59,079 --> 00:14:01,120
- Uh-uh.
- I would definitely say

221
00:14:01,154 --> 00:14:03,720
that Brooklyn is a character
in this show without a doubt.

222
00:14:03,754 --> 00:14:04,872
You can stay as long as you want.

223
00:14:04,896 --> 00:14:06,431
Maybe I should just move in.

224
00:14:06,456 --> 00:14:07,938
Be sure to tune in

225
00:14:07,962 --> 00:14:09,675
for this hilarious hipster comedy.

226
00:14:10,237 --> 00:14:12,237
Yaaas!

227
00:14:13,167 --> 00:14:14,946
That really does make me think twice

228
00:14:14,970 --> 00:14:17,136
- about online dating.
- What the fuck?

229
00:14:19,065 --> 00:14:20,767
_

230
00:14:29,183 --> 00:14:30,748
Oh, my God!

231
00:14:30,784 --> 00:14:33,652
Mark! I thought that was you.

232
00:14:33,687 --> 00:14:35,654
- Hello.
- How's it going, buddy?

233
00:14:35,689 --> 00:14:36,909
It's been so long!

234
00:14:36,934 --> 00:14:39,257
I'm sorry, but do we know each other?

235
00:14:39,293 --> 00:14:40,559
- Uh...
- Oh.

236
00:14:40,594 --> 00:14:42,338
Well, I'm glad you and
your Hollywood friends

237
00:14:42,362 --> 00:14:44,596
finally realized I was gonna
sue your fucking face off

238
00:14:44,631 --> 00:14:46,597
for getting rich off of
my fucking life story!

239
00:14:46,624 --> 00:14:49,551
Yeah, I... I'm sorry, but
I... I don't know who you are.

240
00:14:49,576 --> 00:14:51,602
Oh, okay. Listen, shithead,

241
00:14:51,961 --> 00:14:54,821
pretending that I didn't endure
two weeks of your stupid jokes

242
00:14:54,846 --> 00:14:57,553
and your stupid fucking shitty
railroad apartment, isn't gonna happen.

243
00:14:57,577 --> 00:14:59,643
Look, I can't say that I know
what you're talking about, Miss.

244
00:14:59,667 --> 00:15:01,791
You see, I recently came into
a bit of monetary success,

245
00:15:01,815 --> 00:15:03,992
and, well, now all sorts of people
are crawling out of the woodwork

246
00:15:04,015 --> 00:15:05,521
and it kind of sounds like
you're looking for a payday too.

247
00:15:05,545 --> 00:15:07,176
Does that sound right or...

248
00:15:09,728 --> 00:15:11,616
- Are you fucking kidding me?
- Okay, look...

249
00:15:11,641 --> 00:15:13,639
- I don't need your money!
- But I will say that

250
00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:16,330
if you and I were to spend a whole
week in my apartment together, alone,

251
00:15:16,354 --> 00:15:17,814
ordering take-out and
only going out at night

252
00:15:17,838 --> 00:15:18,998
to drink in dark places by ourselves,

253
00:15:19,022 --> 00:15:20,912
then I'm sure there'd be no
one there to back up your story.

254
00:15:20,936 --> 00:15:22,666
- Oh.
- Which never happened.

255
00:15:22,701 --> 00:15:25,268
Oh, well... Oh, you fucking idiot!

256
00:15:25,303 --> 00:15:30,040
Watch out! Watch out 'cause my
fucking lawyer's serving your ass!

257
00:15:30,075 --> 00:15:34,544
Kimiko Glenn's not even
Korean, you fucking racist!

258
00:15:39,638 --> 00:15:41,643
- A literal monster.
- I didn't know

259
00:15:41,667 --> 00:15:42,799
you had it in there.

260
00:15:42,823 --> 00:15:44,621
And I'm in that mouth
on a regular basis.

261
00:15:44,656 --> 00:15:46,050
Well, I heard it on a dog phone,

262
00:15:46,075 --> 00:15:47,990
so I don't tell that
many people, to be honest.

263
00:15:48,025 --> 00:15:49,058
What's up?

264
00:15:49,093 --> 00:15:50,760
Sup? What you doing?

265
00:15:50,795 --> 00:15:54,596
Yeah, I'm just chilling. Rewatching some
of my epic "Broad City" performances.

266
00:15:54,632 --> 00:15:56,531
Oh. Interesting.

267
00:15:56,567 --> 00:15:58,333
Yeah, hey, quick question:

268
00:15:58,369 --> 00:16:02,037
do you remember that guy,
um, who used to sell us weed

269
00:16:02,073 --> 00:16:04,640
back when I was living with
you? Do you have his number?

270
00:16:22,393 --> 00:16:24,393
Resetting. Resetting.

271
00:16:26,729 --> 00:16:29,063
Still rolling. Reset please.
Resetting. Still rolling.

272
00:16:29,099 --> 00:16:30,609
Okay, that's a reset.

273
00:16:30,633 --> 00:16:33,301
Resetting. We are resetting. Copy that.

274
00:16:37,108 --> 00:16:39,312
Okay, guys, those last couple
of cars are passing through,

275
00:16:39,336 --> 00:16:42,743
- so when they do, let's lock it up.
- Cool. Lock it up. Lockin' it up.

276
00:16:42,779 --> 00:16:44,816
We don't have to do anything!

277
00:16:45,433 --> 00:16:48,417
Ready. Here we go. Rolling.

278
00:16:48,442 --> 00:16:50,451
Okay. Rolling. Copy that.

279
00:16:52,488 --> 00:16:54,888
Action. Copy that. Have a good take.

280
00:16:54,924 --> 00:16:56,302
Aaron, don't tell us
to have a good take.

281
00:16:56,326 --> 00:16:58,058
Awesome. Sorry about that. Copy that.

282
00:16:58,335 --> 00:17:00,202
Don't say "copy" to everything.

283
00:17:07,236 --> 00:17:08,435
Oh, I... I... I...

284
00:17:08,470 --> 00:17:11,538
Actually, uh, I can't let you
come through here right now

285
00:17:11,573 --> 00:17:13,273
'cause we're rolling, you know?

286
00:17:13,309 --> 00:17:15,342
Oh.

287
00:17:15,377 --> 00:17:17,877
Okay, I'm going in that
building right there though.

288
00:17:17,912 --> 00:17:19,245
It's behind camera.

289
00:17:19,280 --> 00:17:21,013
- Can I...
- Yeah, let me...

290
00:17:21,049 --> 00:17:22,527
- Do you mind if I check on that?
- Yeah.

291
00:17:22,551 --> 00:17:23,583
Okay.

292
00:17:23,628 --> 00:17:25,362
Hey, um, this is Aaron.

293
00:17:25,387 --> 00:17:30,730
I actually have a bicyclist that needs
to get to a building behind the camera.

294
00:17:30,755 --> 00:17:32,424
Is it okay if I let him through?

295
00:17:33,461 --> 00:17:34,772
No, we're rolling.

296
00:17:34,796 --> 00:17:37,263
No, no one's in, so copy that.
I was thinking the same thing.

297
00:17:37,298 --> 00:17:40,333
Actually I have to ask
you to wait till we cut.

298
00:17:40,368 --> 00:17:42,030
If that's okay?

299
00:17:43,196 --> 00:17:45,864
- That guy just walked by.
- Yeah. Sir?

300
00:17:45,907 --> 00:17:48,318
- You can't get 'em every time.
- Yeah.

301
00:17:48,965 --> 00:17:51,799
Yeah, but I think actually
my job is to do that.

302
00:17:52,747 --> 00:17:53,979
You got me.

303
00:17:54,014 --> 00:17:55,814
Yeah.

304
00:17:55,990 --> 00:17:58,123
And I'm never letting you go.

305
00:17:59,987 --> 00:18:01,304
No, I'll let you go when they just say

306
00:18:01,328 --> 00:18:03,223
they've stopped rolling,
and then I'll let you go.

307
00:18:03,247 --> 00:18:04,502
Okay.

308
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:08,199
Ooh!

309
00:18:08,224 --> 00:18:09,590
Yup. Okay.

310
00:18:11,932 --> 00:18:14,132
Oh, actually, sir...

311
00:18:17,343 --> 00:18:18,514
That's a cut. That's a cut.

312
00:18:18,538 --> 00:18:21,210
Oh, that's a cut. Copy that.
Back to one. Good stuff.

313
00:18:21,235 --> 00:18:23,374
- All right, well, thanks, Aaron.
- Awesome, man.

314
00:18:25,622 --> 00:18:28,379
- You're doing great, man.
- I'm really not.

315
00:18:29,059 --> 00:18:29,980
- Hey, man.
- What's up, man?

316
00:18:30,016 --> 00:18:31,568
- How's it going?
- How are you doing, man?

317
00:18:31,592 --> 00:18:32,729
Doing all right, doing all right.

318
00:18:32,753 --> 00:18:34,986
- They're shooting "Girls" outside.
- I know, man.

319
00:18:35,011 --> 00:18:37,750
I tried to get a cameo, but, you
know, per my Comedy Central deal,

320
00:18:37,785 --> 00:18:40,624
I can only do a couple
guest spots per year.

321
00:18:40,659 --> 00:18:42,192
Ah, well. You remember Heidi.

322
00:18:42,217 --> 00:18:43,783
- Yeah. Hi.
- Sup?

323
00:18:43,829 --> 00:18:45,993
- How are you doin'?
- Mm, good.

324
00:18:46,453 --> 00:18:49,461
So what do you guys
want today? I got, uh...

325
00:18:49,613 --> 00:18:52,295
- I'm carrying pens now.
- Oh, nice.

326
00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:56,840
And I got some edibles and, uh, of
course I have just plain ol' flowers.

327
00:18:56,885 --> 00:18:59,453
- Oh, cool.
- Cool case, man.

328
00:18:59,478 --> 00:19:03,153
Thank you. You know, the cops,
they can't ask you to unlock it.

329
00:19:03,189 --> 00:19:04,476
- Really?
- Yeah.

330
00:19:04,501 --> 00:19:05,954
- Oh, that's cool.
- Yeah. There you go.

331
00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:07,282
- Boom.
- Oh, my God.

332
00:19:07,307 --> 00:19:08,617
- Yeah.
- Beautiful.

333
00:19:08,653 --> 00:19:10,985
Okay, so these are
sativas, these are indicas.

334
00:19:11,010 --> 00:19:15,524
These are 25, 50, 75, 15, 15.

335
00:19:15,560 --> 00:19:20,063
Hey, so remember that guy
Mark that you used to sell to?

336
00:19:20,098 --> 00:19:24,533
Um, I kind of need you to
testify that you saw us together.

337
00:19:25,837 --> 00:19:27,235
What?

338
00:19:27,271 --> 00:19:29,071
I just need you to whatever.

339
00:19:29,106 --> 00:19:31,607
Just say that you saw us
once in front of lawyers.

340
00:19:31,642 --> 00:19:34,643
You want me to testify in
court that I'm a weed dealer

341
00:19:34,679 --> 00:19:36,876
and that I saw you
scamming one of my clients?

342
00:19:36,901 --> 00:19:38,848
Not in court, no.

343
00:19:38,883 --> 00:19:43,218
It's a taped deposition, so
you just show up and say, "Hey."

344
00:19:43,253 --> 00:19:44,597
And if they ask you about your weed,

345
00:19:44,621 --> 00:19:46,921
my lawyer says you just
plead the Fifth or whatever.

346
00:19:46,957 --> 00:19:48,801
- Okay. That's... that's...
- It's just like, yeah.

347
00:19:48,825 --> 00:19:49,757
- Cool.
- Yeah.

348
00:19:49,793 --> 00:19:52,401
I'm not gonna do it.

349
00:19:52,426 --> 00:19:55,597
I'm calling out the Fifth
Amendment for my rights, I guess.

350
00:19:55,622 --> 00:19:57,475
- Yeah. You invited me.
- Dude!

351
00:19:57,834 --> 00:20:01,769
That fucking dingle-butt
stole my intellectual property

352
00:20:01,805 --> 00:20:03,779
and is making a shit-ton
of money off of me, okay?

353
00:20:03,804 --> 00:20:06,975
- That's not cool. Come on.
- It's like "The Social Network."

354
00:20:07,010 --> 00:20:09,911
He's Mark Zuckerberg and
she's the Winklevoss twins.

355
00:20:10,189 --> 00:20:11,220
I think you mean that...

356
00:20:11,253 --> 00:20:13,220
- she's Mark Zuckerberg...
- She's Mark Zucker...

357
00:20:13,245 --> 00:20:14,540
No, she's the Winklevoss twins.

358
00:20:14,565 --> 00:20:16,101
- She's the... I don't know...
- You're right. Yeah.

359
00:20:16,125 --> 00:20:18,752
- Okay, okay, okay, hey, hey.
- I think it works.

360
00:20:18,958 --> 00:20:20,458
I am homeless.

361
00:20:21,690 --> 00:20:24,289
This settlement could change my life.

362
00:20:24,860 --> 00:20:29,362
Yeah, but you're, like,
homeless by choice though, right?

363
00:20:29,862 --> 00:20:32,933
Which is your business
and, I don't know,

364
00:20:32,968 --> 00:20:36,175
I don't want to be on record as
a weed dealer so I can help, a...

365
00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:38,271
Vagabond vagina peddler?

366
00:20:38,555 --> 00:20:40,200
Oh, damn. I didn't...

367
00:20:40,509 --> 00:20:41,717
That's not nice.

368
00:20:41,742 --> 00:20:43,977
- Yeah, I wasn't gonna say that, man.
- Sex gypsy?

369
00:20:44,529 --> 00:20:46,724
- Oh. Well...
- Or like a...

370
00:20:46,757 --> 00:20:48,489
- I didn't say sex gypsy.
- Excuse me.

371
00:20:48,517 --> 00:20:50,328
- I just heard somebody else say it.
- Are you finished

372
00:20:50,352 --> 00:20:51,717
with your slut shaming?

373
00:20:51,753 --> 00:20:53,319
- We're not slut shaming.
- Huh?

374
00:20:53,355 --> 00:20:54,512
- I wouldn't say...
- Uh, I don't know...

375
00:20:54,536 --> 00:20:56,722
Felt like it! Whenever you're finished

376
00:20:56,769 --> 00:20:58,902
shaming me for my sexuality...

377
00:20:58,927 --> 00:21:02,127
- It's just sensitive times.
- I have something to show you.

378
00:21:02,163 --> 00:21:03,729
I play the role of Guy.

379
00:21:03,765 --> 00:21:05,164
- Uh, he is...
- Oh, Brett Gelman.

380
00:21:05,207 --> 00:21:08,968
Matt's weed dealer. And in the pilot,
he tells Matt that Helga is homeless,

381
00:21:09,003 --> 00:21:11,938
and they kind of join
forces to expose her.

382
00:21:12,417 --> 00:21:14,583
No, what do you mean
she's homeless, dude?

383
00:21:15,284 --> 00:21:17,384
- Sin casa, bro.
- And I love the role.

384
00:21:17,411 --> 00:21:19,633
- He's kind of that comic relief. And...
- Oh, fuck.

385
00:21:19,668 --> 00:21:21,291
- the straight man in the show.
- What the fuck?

386
00:21:21,315 --> 00:21:22,899
You know, he gets to be the guy who goes

387
00:21:22,923 --> 00:21:25,938
but also the guy who goes,
"Hey, that stinks!" You know?

388
00:21:25,963 --> 00:21:29,588
Yeah! How about Vietnamese?

389
00:21:32,759 --> 00:21:34,193
So happy you're amused.

390
00:21:34,228 --> 00:21:35,596
- It's very well-written.
- Thank you.

391
00:21:35,620 --> 00:21:38,220
Yeah, because it's my life, actually.

392
00:21:38,264 --> 00:21:40,832
Listen, Ms. Park, are you
able to offer physical proof

393
00:21:40,867 --> 00:21:42,474
that you ever spent
time with Mr. Greene?

394
00:21:42,499 --> 00:21:45,814
Yes. We have printouts of
all of our correspondences

395
00:21:45,839 --> 00:21:48,006
on OkCupid, and I think you will see

396
00:21:48,041 --> 00:21:50,283
that Mark and I have
had several exchanges

397
00:21:50,308 --> 00:21:52,143
since we, uh... before we met up.

398
00:21:52,180 --> 00:21:56,867
We also have a printout of my inbox
if you'd like to take a look at that...

399
00:21:56,891 --> 00:21:58,436
- Ms. Park?
- as well. Yes?

400
00:21:58,461 --> 00:22:00,969
Ms. Park, do you have
proof that you actually,

401
00:22:00,994 --> 00:22:03,421
physically, spent time together?

402
00:22:03,456 --> 00:22:05,860
My client was, well, let's
just say he was rather active

403
00:22:05,885 --> 00:22:08,854
in the online dating community at
the time you say you were lovers.

404
00:22:09,120 --> 00:22:11,987
He was corresponding with a
number of women three years ago.

405
00:22:12,012 --> 00:22:13,174
Oh.

406
00:22:14,233 --> 00:22:16,316
You mean private stuff,
like he only has one ball?

407
00:22:16,496 --> 00:22:18,029
Stuff like that?

408
00:22:18,671 --> 00:22:20,537
Like personal, private information?

409
00:22:20,572 --> 00:22:24,572
No, I don't know Heidi Park, nor am
I acquainted with her drug dealer.

410
00:22:24,597 --> 00:22:26,843
There are a number of
details in your screenplay

411
00:22:26,878 --> 00:22:29,679
that would tell us
otherwise, Mr. Greene.

412
00:22:29,714 --> 00:22:32,715
It's incredible how many people
think my work is about them.

413
00:22:32,751 --> 00:22:35,161
It's been very surprising, but
I think that just, you know,

414
00:22:35,186 --> 00:22:37,754
speaks to the
universality of my writing.

415
00:22:37,789 --> 00:22:39,623
I am surprised.

416
00:22:40,050 --> 00:22:44,661
The specificity of the details
of your "Homeless Helga" series,

417
00:22:44,696 --> 00:22:47,096
the Germanic first name
that starts with an H,

418
00:22:47,132 --> 00:22:51,609
the family-owned yogurt business,
these details, sir, are...

419
00:22:52,403 --> 00:22:55,180
fabricated from your own imagination?

420
00:22:55,205 --> 00:22:56,371
Yeah.

421
00:22:56,741 --> 00:22:57,939
They were.

422
00:23:24,995 --> 00:23:26,553
Yeah, um...

423
00:23:26,578 --> 00:23:27,709
We, uh...

424
00:23:27,734 --> 00:23:29,838
I did, uh, join him in his apartment

425
00:23:29,873 --> 00:23:32,702
a couple of times this year
and the year before. Yes.

426
00:23:33,161 --> 00:23:36,311
And how would you characterize
your relationship with Mr. Greene?

427
00:23:37,335 --> 00:23:38,946
Would you say you were friends?

428
00:23:38,981 --> 00:23:42,817
I... wouldn't say we were close,

429
00:23:42,852 --> 00:23:46,254
but I would say we hung
out a couple of times, yeah.

430
00:23:46,354 --> 00:23:48,967
Well, what were you doing when you
would go to Mr. Greene's residence?

431
00:23:48,991 --> 00:23:50,550
You don't have to answer that.

432
00:23:51,689 --> 00:23:53,094
I don't have to answer that.

433
00:23:53,129 --> 00:23:55,629
Can you offer any proof that
you have had any connection

434
00:23:55,664 --> 00:23:57,598
with Mr. Greene outside of this room?

435
00:23:57,882 --> 00:23:59,315
Oh, yeah.

436
00:24:00,703 --> 00:24:02,069
Right here.

437
00:24:03,017 --> 00:24:04,620
Do you have a photo of
the two of you together?

438
00:24:04,644 --> 00:24:06,044
- Hold on, hold on. Hold on.
- Okay.

439
00:24:16,313 --> 00:24:17,851
Uh-oh.

440
00:24:18,211 --> 00:24:19,853
So that's me, right?

441
00:24:19,888 --> 00:24:22,695
And my name comes up on
there. It should be, like...

442
00:24:23,324 --> 00:24:25,591
- something to do with...
- Yeah.

443
00:24:25,806 --> 00:24:28,340
Camera should get that too, right?

444
00:24:29,890 --> 00:24:31,346
Yeah, so there you go.

445
00:24:37,458 --> 00:24:38,801
What you looking at?

446
00:24:39,184 --> 00:24:41,206
- Wedding pics.
- Aww.

447
00:24:41,356 --> 00:24:43,776
- Look how cute I am.
- I'm cute.

448
00:24:43,811 --> 00:24:46,078
- Oh, you are cute. Mm.
- Look, I'm cute again here.

449
00:24:46,113 --> 00:24:48,447
- Look! You're not looking.
- You look beautiful.

450
00:24:48,580 --> 00:24:50,261
You gonna take the Jitney
out this morning or no?

451
00:24:50,285 --> 00:24:52,049
- Or you wanna come with me after work?
- Mm, no, I'll meet you there.

452
00:24:52,073 --> 00:24:54,103
- I have a little thingy.
- Yeah? Mm.

453
00:24:54,221 --> 00:24:55,988
- Mwah.
- Okay.

454
00:24:56,023 --> 00:24:57,256
All right, I gotta go.

455
00:24:57,291 --> 00:24:58,957
- Okay, bye.
- I love you. I love you.

456
00:24:58,993 --> 00:25:00,462
Mm...

457
00:25:00,487 --> 00:25:01,994
- Mwah.
- You're stupid.

458
00:25:02,019 --> 00:25:03,929
Yes, I am.

459
00:25:04,292 --> 00:25:05,858
- Bye.
- Bye.

460
00:25:26,022 --> 00:25:27,842
- Look what we did.
- No.

461
00:25:27,881 --> 00:25:30,316
No kitties. Well then
let's try this again.

462
00:25:49,775 --> 00:25:52,309
Oh, my God, thank you so much.

463
00:25:53,659 --> 00:25:55,679
You hold it, press it.

464
00:25:56,495 --> 00:25:57,514
There you go.

465
00:25:57,550 --> 00:25:59,440
And now do auto set. Boop.

466
00:26:02,330 --> 00:26:05,079
Look at that.

467
00:26:05,123 --> 00:26:06,849
Look. I got it open.

468
00:26:06,874 --> 00:26:10,026
I know. Look what you did.

469
00:26:10,062 --> 00:26:12,595
- Oh, no.
- And I got this.

470
00:26:12,630 --> 00:26:14,270
You sure did. Hey,
can you back up please?

471
00:26:14,299 --> 00:26:17,266
- Thank you.
- I can't believe that I got it.

472
00:26:17,301 --> 00:26:19,935
- You did.
- How did it do that?

473
00:26:19,971 --> 00:26:21,437
I don't know.

474
00:26:21,473 --> 00:26:23,339
It could be one of the kitties.

475
00:26:24,342 --> 00:26:25,775
Did you open it?

476
00:26:25,810 --> 00:26:28,511
No, I didn't because I'm not in there.

477
00:26:28,546 --> 00:26:30,747
- You're not in the phone?
- Yup.

478
00:27:50,539 --> 00:27:54,585
Synced and corrected by Aaronnmb
www.MY-SUBS.com