1 00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:48,000 It's a bit like Bayview. 2 00:00:49,060 --> 00:00:51,340 Even got its own idiot veins now. 3 00:00:52,060 --> 00:00:56,120 Under the circumstances, I don't think that's a very nice thing to say, Tom. 4 00:00:56,460 --> 00:00:58,100 Just a bit of stress, Jane. 5 00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:00,380 He'll be out soon. 6 00:01:00,740 --> 00:01:03,060 Just whatever you do. Don't mention Diana. 7 00:01:03,620 --> 00:01:04,620 Yes. 8 00:01:20,040 --> 00:01:26,960 This is the way to manage people I could feed the 9 00:01:26,960 --> 00:01:28,140 wrinkly any old rubbish 10 00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:51,040 What who? 11 00:01:51,120 --> 00:01:52,120 Oh, Tom. 12 00:01:52,760 --> 00:01:53,980 Diana says hello. 13 00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:58,160 Tom! Oh, sorry. 14 00:01:58,720 --> 00:01:59,980 Mustn't mention Diana. 15 00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:04,300 I mean, sorry. I mean, I mustn't mention no -one. 16 00:02:05,240 --> 00:02:07,000 How are you, Harvey? 17 00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:12,680 Harvey? 18 00:02:13,620 --> 00:02:15,040 I'm touching you. 19 00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:19,470 You usually tell me not to. Don't you? 20 00:02:19,730 --> 00:02:21,010 No, it's all right, Jane. 21 00:02:21,430 --> 00:02:22,490 It doesn't matter. 22 00:02:23,830 --> 00:02:25,890 You can crawl all over me if you like. 23 00:02:27,330 --> 00:02:28,990 You see, I'm not really here. 24 00:02:29,510 --> 00:02:31,630 Oh, I know that feeling. 25 00:02:33,990 --> 00:02:34,990 Up over the wrist. 26 00:02:36,030 --> 00:02:37,070 Banged up and killed it. 27 00:02:37,390 --> 00:02:39,390 Don't you worry, we're tunnelling out on Wednesday. 28 00:02:40,250 --> 00:02:43,970 Tom, we're trying to get him back to reality, not further away. 29 00:02:44,730 --> 00:02:47,110 Have they been using the old electrical shock stuff? 30 00:02:47,790 --> 00:02:48,790 You know... 31 00:02:54,250 --> 00:02:55,670 Very insensitive of me. 32 00:02:55,910 --> 00:02:57,770 Almost worse than mentioning Diana. 33 00:02:59,810 --> 00:03:00,810 Sorry. 34 00:03:01,270 --> 00:03:05,810 Well, thank you so much for coming. You've really cheered me up. Now I think 35 00:03:05,810 --> 00:03:06,810 need a little rest. 36 00:03:07,110 --> 00:03:09,070 Oh, but we've only just got here. 37 00:03:09,950 --> 00:03:12,850 Don't you want to hear how things are going at Bayview? 38 00:03:14,210 --> 00:03:15,290 That's all in the past. 39 00:03:16,890 --> 00:03:18,830 I'll not be coming back to Bayview. 40 00:03:19,950 --> 00:03:21,250 Bayview will soon be forgotten. 41 00:03:22,670 --> 00:03:24,210 And everything that went with it. 42 00:03:25,570 --> 00:03:26,570 Goodbye, Joan. 43 00:03:28,930 --> 00:03:30,670 I am someone who'll cheer you up. 44 00:03:30,910 --> 00:03:33,570 Who? Oh, it'll be a special surprise. 45 00:03:34,350 --> 00:03:35,350 Not Diana. 46 00:03:35,770 --> 00:03:38,210 Shh, you mustn't mention Diana. 47 00:03:38,530 --> 00:03:39,910 It upsets Harvey. 48 00:03:40,530 --> 00:03:41,970 Right, I'm sorry. 49 00:03:43,290 --> 00:03:44,390 I won't tell. 50 00:03:44,750 --> 00:03:45,750 Thank you. 51 00:03:46,810 --> 00:03:49,510 Well, it's better be off. Yes, I think so. 52 00:03:51,150 --> 00:03:52,570 And you keep your strength up. 53 00:03:53,110 --> 00:03:56,390 I'll get on to the RAF to drop you in another pair of tin legs. 54 00:04:21,130 --> 00:04:22,130 to go to Coventry. 55 00:04:23,270 --> 00:04:24,410 See if I care. 56 00:04:27,630 --> 00:04:29,830 He's never coming back again. 57 00:04:30,290 --> 00:04:33,210 Don't you worry. He's just not himself at the moment. 58 00:04:33,510 --> 00:04:34,830 Which can only be an improvement. 59 00:04:35,390 --> 00:04:40,590 Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I meant... I'm not sure what I meant. 60 00:04:40,790 --> 00:04:43,270 You see, sex is really my area. 61 00:04:44,650 --> 00:04:45,870 Belt up, Basil. 62 00:04:46,170 --> 00:04:47,009 Oh, good idea. 63 00:04:47,010 --> 00:04:48,050 Belt up, Basil. 64 00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:04,620 stick to their deal, he'd be fitting me with concrete boots. 65 00:05:05,620 --> 00:05:08,720 Well, I don't want concrete boots. 66 00:05:10,280 --> 00:05:12,880 What do you wear with concrete boots? 67 00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:17,800 Just don't fret, Jane. It'll be all right in the end. 68 00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:19,920 Just remember the Bayview Code. 69 00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:25,060 We are here to serve the residents in a kind and responsible manner, even 70 00:05:25,060 --> 00:05:30,560 -handedly, and with no prejudice, bias, or personal feelings allowed to 71 00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:36,610 affect... our work. Right. At all times, we must be professional and calm. 72 00:05:36,990 --> 00:05:40,210 Right. You murdering cow! 73 00:05:43,950 --> 00:05:44,950 Hello. 74 00:05:45,650 --> 00:05:46,650 Hello. 75 00:05:49,650 --> 00:05:52,670 Basil. Oh, hello, Diana. 76 00:05:53,010 --> 00:05:53,929 Thank you. 77 00:05:53,930 --> 00:05:55,030 Hello, Diana. 78 00:05:55,230 --> 00:05:56,230 Thank you, Jenny. 79 00:05:59,310 --> 00:06:00,690 Let's try it in Swahili, shall we? 80 00:06:01,610 --> 00:06:02,790 Hello, Jean. 81 00:06:03,510 --> 00:06:04,830 Remember the code. 82 00:06:08,030 --> 00:06:09,110 Hello, Diana. 83 00:06:10,190 --> 00:06:11,310 I hate you. 84 00:06:13,510 --> 00:06:16,590 We are having a bundle of laughs today. 85 00:06:18,330 --> 00:06:23,130 Look, I don't give a damn if none of you hoggy -brained fish ever talk to me 86 00:06:23,130 --> 00:06:27,980 again. What I do object to is having this group... inducted heaped on me 87 00:06:27,980 --> 00:06:29,660 of your own desire to be a permanent victim. 88 00:06:31,340 --> 00:06:33,540 Just think about it, hmm? 89 00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:37,420 Who has been getting up our collective noses all these years? 90 00:06:37,900 --> 00:06:40,480 Who has been ripping us off rotten? 91 00:06:41,080 --> 00:06:44,320 Who has even tried to have half of us evicted, huh? 92 00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:47,800 Harvey the Rat Baines, that's who. 93 00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:51,240 We have all waged war against him. 94 00:06:52,160 --> 00:06:55,360 We have all signed petitions to have him shot. 95 00:07:00,490 --> 00:07:02,070 bike at Bournemouth City Gates. 96 00:07:03,430 --> 00:07:07,270 And when we do manage to get rid of the little fidget for a bit, what do you all 97 00:07:07,270 --> 00:07:08,209 do? 98 00:07:08,210 --> 00:07:11,070 You're all miserable because you're missing your daily whippings. 99 00:07:12,190 --> 00:07:16,410 You're feeling guilty for having overcome the enemy, and you are blaming 100 00:07:16,410 --> 00:07:17,650 feebleness on me. 101 00:07:18,470 --> 00:07:20,570 Well, you're all crackers. 102 00:07:21,850 --> 00:07:23,170 And you're all losers. 103 00:07:24,430 --> 00:07:25,790 And now I'll have my soup. 104 00:07:27,090 --> 00:07:29,470 I've got a new condom today, Diana. 105 00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:35,880 It's got Mickey Mouse ears on it. 106 00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:44,360 Oi! 107 00:07:44,940 --> 00:07:46,200 What's the matter with you two? 108 00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:52,840 Ah, 109 00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:56,640 bet their charm school went bust. 110 00:08:09,140 --> 00:08:10,500 Any particular reason? 111 00:08:10,760 --> 00:08:11,760 Not very hungry. 112 00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:13,480 Oh. 113 00:08:16,060 --> 00:08:18,400 What are you doing? 114 00:08:18,780 --> 00:08:20,060 What does it look like? 115 00:08:20,440 --> 00:08:22,120 It looks like you're polishing the light bulbs. 116 00:08:22,660 --> 00:08:24,460 That's probably what I am doing. Why? 117 00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:30,140 They collect dust, which diminishes the light output, which I have paid for. 118 00:08:40,650 --> 00:08:41,650 repartee today. 119 00:08:41,730 --> 00:08:45,410 I make an anti -accountant remark, and all who can come back with is mm -hmm. 120 00:08:46,470 --> 00:08:47,470 Mm -hmm. 121 00:08:49,150 --> 00:08:50,850 Oh, all right. 122 00:08:51,150 --> 00:08:53,810 Oh, how was he? How was who? 123 00:08:54,090 --> 00:08:55,790 Oh, Harvey Baldy Baines. 124 00:08:56,470 --> 00:09:00,050 I'm not stupid. I know you sneak off to see him. I don't sneak off anywhere, 125 00:09:00,230 --> 00:09:03,610 Diana. I come and go as I please, and I visit whom I please. 126 00:09:03,870 --> 00:09:05,250 Oh. How is he? 127 00:09:05,530 --> 00:09:06,530 Goodness knows. 128 00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:09,540 I have a very tenuous grasp on reality myself. 129 00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:12,080 No point in asking me how my fellow nutters are. 130 00:09:12,700 --> 00:09:15,160 I bet he's putting it on. He's faking it. 131 00:09:15,880 --> 00:09:19,980 Having a nervous breakdown presupposes a degree of sensitivity in the first 132 00:09:19,980 --> 00:09:21,520 place, so that counts him right out. 133 00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:24,740 I bet he's setting up some dodgy insurance claim. 134 00:09:25,080 --> 00:09:27,220 And are all the doctors in on it too? 135 00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:28,800 Oh, for heaven's sake. 136 00:09:29,740 --> 00:09:32,220 It wasn't my fault the little willy went bananas. 137 00:09:36,620 --> 00:09:39,520 It was the blinding light of his own self -knowledge. 138 00:09:40,020 --> 00:09:44,680 He looked at himself and at last realised what a dreadful little snot he 139 00:09:45,420 --> 00:09:48,020 And, quite understandably, went a bit too lally. 140 00:09:48,220 --> 00:09:49,740 Anything could have flipped him over. 141 00:09:50,060 --> 00:09:54,040 So, knowing that he was at this delicate juncture of his life's journey, you set 142 00:09:54,040 --> 00:09:59,000 him up naked in the dining room when the council inspector walked in. It was 143 00:09:59,000 --> 00:09:59,839 very funny. 144 00:09:59,840 --> 00:10:01,140 True, but nevertheless... 145 00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:04,080 I didn't know he was going to start frothing at the gills and biting the 146 00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:08,580 furniture. Because I warned you, but did you listen? No, you came trundling into 147 00:10:08,580 --> 00:10:12,920 town on your steamroller and flattened the poor blighter. I was just waging 148 00:10:12,920 --> 00:10:15,400 another battle against the hairless little maggot. 149 00:10:16,620 --> 00:10:21,200 And I won. But the moment he's gone, he's sanctified St. Harvey of all 150 00:10:22,740 --> 00:10:26,680 I have even heard some people he tried to turn into glue, saying they were 151 00:10:26,680 --> 00:10:27,680 missing him. 152 00:10:28,060 --> 00:10:29,400 I don't understand it. 153 00:10:29,630 --> 00:10:31,370 That's because you never had a family. What? 154 00:10:32,330 --> 00:10:36,470 That's what we were here, a family. And a family tries to accept each other. 155 00:10:36,490 --> 00:10:38,430 They don't throw the dodgy ones into the skip. 156 00:10:38,690 --> 00:10:40,190 But you disliked him as much as I did. 157 00:10:40,450 --> 00:10:42,090 But he did give me something to dislike. 158 00:10:43,230 --> 00:10:45,630 Every group has to have its hate object. 159 00:10:45,850 --> 00:10:47,890 That's why they invented Sergeant Majors. 160 00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:53,100 You need a figure of loathing at the top to unify the troops below. 161 00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:54,580 Very pop psychology. 162 00:10:55,200 --> 00:10:59,220 Now we have no one to concentrate our frustrations on, so we'll turn against 163 00:10:59,220 --> 00:11:00,220 each other. 164 00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:03,800 Everybody needs a bastard in their lives. 165 00:11:04,320 --> 00:11:06,320 How about me? Won't I do? 166 00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:07,920 Overqualified. 167 00:11:40,110 --> 00:11:41,430 to your fellow workers. 168 00:11:41,770 --> 00:11:45,190 If I cross the picket line, Quacky says he'll casserole me. 169 00:11:46,270 --> 00:11:47,590 Well done, Diana. 170 00:11:47,950 --> 00:11:49,570 What do we want? 171 00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:54,890 I think this is probably about the craziest idea Dad's ever had. Listen, we 172 00:11:54,890 --> 00:11:59,390 a major investment in Bayview. We make a profit because Harvey runs it the way 173 00:11:59,390 --> 00:12:03,810 he does. He goes and the place will be overrun with accountants and tax people 174 00:12:03,810 --> 00:12:06,410 and you'll end up in jail. 175 00:12:06,890 --> 00:12:09,070 Me? Not your idea. 176 00:12:09,660 --> 00:12:11,540 You find the document, fat boy. 177 00:12:12,840 --> 00:12:14,460 The world is full of awful people. 178 00:12:15,480 --> 00:12:17,240 The only people I know are awful people. 179 00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:19,460 Where are the good people? 180 00:12:19,780 --> 00:12:21,340 Are there any good people? 181 00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:28,700 And please don't drop your wrappers on the floor. 182 00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:32,180 There are no cleaners. They've all gone back to Paraguay. 183 00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:35,320 What's this? 184 00:12:39,210 --> 00:12:40,530 do the cooking, because Mr. 185 00:12:40,730 --> 00:12:43,650 Kwok has booby -trapped the kitchen with hand grenades. 186 00:12:44,870 --> 00:12:46,670 But I need my stamina. 187 00:12:47,270 --> 00:12:49,690 I've got the ladies' bridge team coming over. 188 00:12:50,690 --> 00:12:53,910 On this sort of fodder, I'll never get me grand slam together. 189 00:12:57,390 --> 00:12:58,450 What do you want, Tom? 190 00:12:58,670 --> 00:13:01,550 Cheese and tomato, or tomato and cheese? 191 00:13:02,090 --> 00:13:03,650 I'll leave the choice to you, Jane. 192 00:13:05,510 --> 00:13:06,650 Oh, dear. 193 00:13:07,090 --> 00:13:08,110 There's none left. 194 00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:16,800 if you like. I'm not going to dignify your behaviour by getting cross. 195 00:13:17,160 --> 00:13:20,860 Well, I do hope you don't starve to death or anything. 196 00:13:22,100 --> 00:13:24,380 Pathetic. Everyone's pathetic. 197 00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:34,820 No, no, Mrs. Swift. Look, look, I'm fine. 198 00:13:35,200 --> 00:13:38,740 I'm just playing the percentage here that I'm making a smart move. 199 00:13:39,500 --> 00:13:41,020 Just believe me. 200 00:13:41,280 --> 00:13:42,380 It's all under control. 201 00:13:42,660 --> 00:13:45,280 Look, I've got to go, Swiftie. I'll talk to you later. Bye -bye. 202 00:13:49,140 --> 00:13:50,140 Hello, Harvey. 203 00:13:50,500 --> 00:13:51,500 Oh. 204 00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:54,300 Oh, hello. 205 00:13:55,800 --> 00:14:00,740 Dear friends, how nice of you to visit this... this broken wreck that was once 206 00:14:00,740 --> 00:14:01,740 me. 207 00:14:04,980 --> 00:14:05,980 Uh -huh. 208 00:14:07,460 --> 00:14:12,710 Four mils bento, three mils. An over -pluck pin and a stabiliser. 209 00:14:12,950 --> 00:14:13,950 How can you tell? 210 00:14:14,410 --> 00:14:15,410 Stupid question. 211 00:14:16,450 --> 00:14:17,590 How do we get him out of it? 212 00:14:18,410 --> 00:14:20,630 Six mils and a toxin, two grams. 213 00:14:21,010 --> 00:14:24,330 Phenophen. Oh, failing that, a swift kick in the nuts. 214 00:14:26,990 --> 00:14:30,290 I can't believe the figure of a man, but some things still do filter through, 215 00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:31,370 you know. 216 00:14:31,670 --> 00:14:32,670 Now, what do you want? 217 00:14:33,250 --> 00:14:36,410 You've got to get out of here and back to Bayview. The place is coming apart. 218 00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:38,710 Oh, dear. 219 00:14:39,280 --> 00:14:40,280 Such a tragedy. 220 00:14:40,940 --> 00:14:43,120 Geoffrey, bash him round the head. 221 00:14:43,380 --> 00:14:44,380 Do you mind? 222 00:14:45,020 --> 00:14:46,980 Oh, that's very interesting. 223 00:14:47,560 --> 00:14:48,560 What is? 224 00:14:48,760 --> 00:14:49,940 Very interesting indeed. 225 00:14:50,580 --> 00:14:51,580 Huh. 226 00:14:52,140 --> 00:14:53,380 Do you in a minute, Geoffrey? 227 00:14:53,860 --> 00:14:54,860 Bye, Harvey. 228 00:14:55,180 --> 00:14:56,440 It's been fascinating. 229 00:14:58,060 --> 00:14:59,060 What's she on about? 230 00:14:59,520 --> 00:15:01,340 I don't know. I've been asking myself that for years. 231 00:15:01,980 --> 00:15:04,260 Miss Nish puts fertiliser on her cornflakes. 232 00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:06,800 Really, Marion? 233 00:15:07,100 --> 00:15:08,180 I see. 234 00:15:09,260 --> 00:15:10,260 Mm -hmm. 235 00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:12,440 Well, thank you for that. 236 00:15:12,840 --> 00:15:14,180 Most interesting. 237 00:15:15,520 --> 00:15:17,040 Thank you very much. 238 00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:18,600 Bye -bye. 239 00:15:24,160 --> 00:15:25,160 Come in. 240 00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:31,780 I'm glad I've got you on your own. 241 00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:34,040 Well, actually... Things are developing. 242 00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:37,360 In what way? There's a new man coming to run things. 243 00:15:38,030 --> 00:15:40,030 Dr. Swift, he's on the board. 244 00:15:40,350 --> 00:15:42,150 He faxed me this morning. 245 00:15:42,490 --> 00:15:43,490 The swine. 246 00:15:46,250 --> 00:15:47,550 Have you called the police? 247 00:15:48,510 --> 00:15:53,570 Dr. Swift has sent me a set of instructions that have to be carried out 248 00:15:53,570 --> 00:15:54,570 he gets here. 249 00:15:54,830 --> 00:15:56,410 That sounds very omnibus. 250 00:15:56,850 --> 00:16:02,370 Anyone not carrying out their duties in the normal manner to be fired and 251 00:16:02,370 --> 00:16:03,470 replaced immediately. 252 00:16:03,950 --> 00:16:06,990 Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear. All residence contracts. 253 00:16:07,480 --> 00:16:08,980 to be sent to our lawyers. 254 00:16:09,300 --> 00:16:15,000 He wants to find loopholes and get rid of everybody and replace them with more 255 00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:17,580 economically viable units. 256 00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:19,000 But he's a doctor. 257 00:16:19,340 --> 00:16:20,420 So was Crippen. 258 00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:24,160 I'm sure Diana will soon drop a rat down his trouser. 259 00:16:24,380 --> 00:16:26,640 Oh, and there's this. 260 00:16:27,220 --> 00:16:31,420 The residents heard that Harvey would come back if... 261 00:16:32,610 --> 00:16:37,190 We, the undersigned residents of Bayview, call upon the management to 262 00:16:37,190 --> 00:16:40,410 Diana Trent from Bayview, owing to her disruptive behaviour. 263 00:16:42,810 --> 00:16:43,810 Dear, oh, dear. 264 00:16:44,870 --> 00:16:49,470 It is as I prophesied. Remove the Sergeant Major and the troops start 265 00:16:49,470 --> 00:16:50,470 amongst themselves. 266 00:16:50,790 --> 00:16:52,610 I've got to tell her to leave. 267 00:16:53,210 --> 00:16:56,130 Just stall for a moment, Jane, and let me have those. 268 00:16:56,850 --> 00:16:57,950 What are you going to do? 269 00:16:58,550 --> 00:16:59,550 I haven't a clue. 270 00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:04,920 Oh, I'll have a chat with Jimmy Stewart. He knew how to deal with small -town 271 00:17:04,920 --> 00:17:05,920 attitudes. 272 00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:07,880 Off you go. 273 00:17:08,119 --> 00:17:10,060 Oh, I wish I was someone else. 274 00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:13,920 Time to address the Senate. 275 00:17:22,180 --> 00:17:23,180 What's this? 276 00:17:24,260 --> 00:17:25,260 Desserts. 277 00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:30,980 This is no good for me. I need... Treatled tart and custard and roly -poly 278 00:17:30,980 --> 00:17:31,980 spotty dick. 279 00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:34,300 Proper puddings. 280 00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:36,000 Well, you're having yoghurt. 281 00:17:36,600 --> 00:17:38,960 And dinner's at McDonald's. 282 00:17:40,740 --> 00:17:42,520 I'll run you down in the bus. 283 00:17:43,140 --> 00:17:46,740 And no throwing bottles or spitting out of the window. 284 00:17:56,430 --> 00:17:58,050 All right, you people, lend me your ears. 285 00:17:59,430 --> 00:18:03,350 I have here the most pornographic document I have ever read. 286 00:18:03,630 --> 00:18:05,530 Oh, jolly good. Me after you. 287 00:18:07,410 --> 00:18:11,230 I am referring to your collective petition to get rid of Diana. 288 00:18:12,430 --> 00:18:17,170 Well, may you avoid my eye, dear V. Robbins, but who saved you from that 289 00:18:17,170 --> 00:18:18,470 investment bond shark, eh? 290 00:18:18,930 --> 00:18:22,950 And you, Sam Simpson, who raised the money for your greyhound's hernia? 291 00:18:23,650 --> 00:18:24,670 And you, Arthur. 292 00:18:25,450 --> 00:18:30,910 Who broke the nose of your son for you? The claim answer to each question, Diana 293 00:18:30,910 --> 00:18:32,010 Trent. Right. 294 00:18:32,570 --> 00:18:33,830 Your name's here, Battle. 295 00:18:34,610 --> 00:18:36,910 They threatened me with a bedroom boycott. 296 00:18:37,430 --> 00:18:38,430 That's evil. 297 00:18:38,730 --> 00:18:43,110 And it was for the staff, too. If Diana stays, they'll all get the sack. 298 00:18:43,590 --> 00:18:46,770 Nonsense. There's laws in this land. You all know that. 299 00:18:47,710 --> 00:18:51,710 You're just a flock of sheep with short memories and should all be down the 300 00:18:51,710 --> 00:18:54,530 abattoir for putting your name to this obscenity. 301 00:18:57,160 --> 00:18:59,420 Now then, what are we going to do about it, eh? 302 00:19:05,420 --> 00:19:06,700 Oh, Corky. 303 00:19:07,940 --> 00:19:09,680 Food's picked up since you went on strike. 304 00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:12,420 What? Mmm, really delicious. 305 00:19:12,820 --> 00:19:15,220 Who needs a cook when you can get such good takeaways? 306 00:19:15,740 --> 00:19:18,300 And the garden's looking good, Antonio. 307 00:19:18,660 --> 00:19:19,820 Eh? The garden. 308 00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:23,260 We all like the more wild and kent look. 309 00:19:23,850 --> 00:19:26,370 A few weeks' time and it'll be absolutely splendid. 310 00:19:27,410 --> 00:19:29,250 Don't really need a gardener, do we? 311 00:19:29,970 --> 00:19:32,650 Well, see you later. 312 00:19:33,590 --> 00:19:35,790 Or not, as the case may be. 313 00:19:45,170 --> 00:19:51,170 Getting rid of your old junk? 314 00:19:51,810 --> 00:19:53,110 No, you're still here. 315 00:19:55,520 --> 00:19:56,940 Don't forget your award. 316 00:19:57,280 --> 00:20:00,380 Huh? I got that for my Cambodia shots. 317 00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:05,340 God. I remember that awards night. It was a great party. 318 00:20:05,660 --> 00:20:09,120 Three people at my table were hospitalized with alcohol poisoning. 319 00:20:10,900 --> 00:20:13,160 Oh, God, I miss working. 320 00:20:13,540 --> 00:20:16,740 The bug, the danger, the loonies. 321 00:20:17,340 --> 00:20:19,940 Hanging your liver out to dry every morning. 322 00:20:20,980 --> 00:20:23,570 Did I ever... I show you the shrapnel scar on my bum? 323 00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:24,890 Creeping. 324 00:20:25,890 --> 00:20:27,010 And what are you doing? 325 00:20:27,470 --> 00:20:28,470 I'm packing up. 326 00:20:29,630 --> 00:20:31,510 Buggering off, as they say at Windsor. 327 00:20:32,490 --> 00:20:33,490 Oh, yeah. 328 00:20:35,090 --> 00:20:36,090 Yes. 329 00:20:36,590 --> 00:20:37,590 You were right. 330 00:20:38,050 --> 00:20:39,170 I went too far. 331 00:20:40,470 --> 00:20:46,090 I didn't realise, you see, what was life and death to me was just a game to 332 00:20:46,090 --> 00:20:47,090 everyone else. 333 00:20:47,690 --> 00:20:50,670 It's like I've come into the playground, taken on the school bully. Instead of 334 00:20:50,670 --> 00:20:52,290 just giving him a black eye, I've killed him. 335 00:20:53,310 --> 00:20:56,250 Nobody liked him, but they feel that murder is a bit extreme. 336 00:20:58,130 --> 00:21:01,250 Story of my life, really. Always was way over the top. 337 00:21:02,810 --> 00:21:09,770 I can't blame the old trouts for turning 338 00:21:09,770 --> 00:21:10,770 against me. 339 00:21:11,490 --> 00:21:13,750 I was yelling at them from a different planet. 340 00:21:15,270 --> 00:21:16,910 Looks like they never heard a word. 341 00:21:17,889 --> 00:21:21,530 No, you're wrong. We heard every word. No, I don't think so. 342 00:21:21,950 --> 00:21:24,190 Yes, it was just that they didn't understand. 343 00:21:24,710 --> 00:21:26,310 All they needed was a translator. 344 00:21:27,130 --> 00:21:30,410 Someone who could explain the weasel under the sideboard. 345 00:21:30,870 --> 00:21:32,910 You've been playing with that Harold Pinter again, haven't you? 346 00:21:34,270 --> 00:21:38,370 Let this petition explain it. No, I don't want to see that, Tom. No, go on, 347 00:21:38,370 --> 00:21:41,150 it. No, please, don't do this to me, Tom. Face it, Diana. 348 00:21:41,710 --> 00:21:42,710 Be brave. 349 00:21:43,150 --> 00:21:46,730 You're old enough to know what people think of you. I think that you are being 350 00:21:46,730 --> 00:21:47,629 very cruel. 351 00:21:47,630 --> 00:21:51,130 Don't tell me they've disappeared. The famous Diana Trent balls. 352 00:21:59,570 --> 00:22:06,150 We, the Undercline, declare... We, the Undercline, declare our support 353 00:22:06,150 --> 00:22:08,050 for Diana Trent. 354 00:22:08,510 --> 00:22:11,790 She's always been a great helper and advisor to all the residents. 355 00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:17,420 Will we hereby elect her residence representative to the new management, 356 00:22:17,420 --> 00:22:18,420 they may be? 357 00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:22,060 The sign by everyone. 358 00:22:23,360 --> 00:22:24,360 Mm -hmm. 359 00:22:25,520 --> 00:22:27,640 But I heard you and Jane... What? 360 00:22:28,220 --> 00:22:29,220 What did you hear? 361 00:22:29,380 --> 00:22:30,380 I was in my bedroom. 362 00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:32,840 You've always been as deaf as a post. What? 363 00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:36,280 I said you've always been as deaf as a post. 364 00:22:37,120 --> 00:22:40,280 You shouldn't rely on your terrible hearing. 365 00:22:41,460 --> 00:22:42,460 No. 366 00:22:43,169 --> 00:22:44,690 No, I don't suppose I should. 367 00:22:46,170 --> 00:22:49,350 So, how are we going to get out of this fine mess, Arlie? 368 00:22:52,750 --> 00:22:54,510 Oh, I can't do this, Tom. 369 00:22:55,550 --> 00:22:57,010 Penance, child, penance. 370 00:22:57,510 --> 00:23:01,010 You shoved him over the cliff, so now you've got to drag him back. Well, isn't 371 00:23:01,010 --> 00:23:03,770 there an easier penance? I mean, can't I poke my eye out or something? 372 00:23:04,070 --> 00:23:05,970 Be as big as you are, old thing. 373 00:23:06,210 --> 00:23:08,990 I can't. When it comes to apologies, I'm a midget. 374 00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:19,440 Hi, Swifty. It's Harvey Nigel Baines. How are you? 375 00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:20,960 Do what? 376 00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:22,940 You got a petition from the residents? 377 00:23:23,740 --> 00:23:25,380 Great. I knew it would work. 378 00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:29,480 And a call from who? Oh, sorry, Swifty. I'll call you later. Got to go. Bye. 379 00:23:32,400 --> 00:23:33,400 Oh, he's asleep. 380 00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:34,439 Oh, we'd better go. 381 00:23:34,440 --> 00:23:35,440 No, no, no. 382 00:23:35,940 --> 00:23:36,940 We'll wake him. 383 00:23:37,100 --> 00:23:39,940 Well, how about if I poke out both my eyes and cut off my arm? Shh. 384 00:23:41,060 --> 00:23:42,060 Harvey. 385 00:23:42,500 --> 00:23:43,500 Harvey Kins. 386 00:23:44,540 --> 00:23:46,080 Wakey, wakey. God almighty. 387 00:23:46,520 --> 00:23:47,520 Oi. 388 00:23:52,419 --> 00:23:53,419 Hello, Tom. 389 00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:54,640 How nice of you to come. 390 00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:56,380 I brought someone to see you. 391 00:23:58,740 --> 00:24:02,180 No, no, no. Keep her away. Keep her away. 392 00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:03,440 Protect me. 393 00:24:03,540 --> 00:24:04,540 Protect me. 394 00:24:04,560 --> 00:24:05,620 Nurse! Doctor! 395 00:24:05,880 --> 00:24:07,440 Help! Shut your face! 396 00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:09,520 Tom, how could you do this to me? 397 00:24:10,840 --> 00:24:13,240 Diana has something to say to you. Oh, please. 398 00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:16,300 No more abuse. No more vile flanders. 399 00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:20,680 Well, just hang on a tick while she has her say. 400 00:24:21,480 --> 00:24:22,480 Diana? 401 00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:25,240 Harvey? 402 00:24:27,100 --> 00:24:31,500 I want to say... How about both eyes, both arms and a leg? 403 00:24:32,420 --> 00:24:33,420 Harvey. 404 00:24:36,760 --> 00:24:39,280 Over the years, we have had our ups and downs. 405 00:24:39,560 --> 00:24:41,400 I don't remember any ups. All right! 406 00:24:43,500 --> 00:24:44,500 Sorry. 407 00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:47,280 There are occasions... 408 00:24:47,560 --> 00:24:49,820 When we have not seen eye to eye over certain matters. 409 00:24:50,520 --> 00:24:52,660 There's never been an occasion when we have seen eye to eye. 410 00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:56,940 And you may have thought that I felt you were a grubby little rat dropping who 411 00:24:56,940 --> 00:24:58,660 should have been flushed down the toilet at birth. 412 00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:01,020 You mean to me again? 413 00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:02,960 Stick to the point, Diana. 414 00:25:03,340 --> 00:25:04,560 Well, I'm trying, I'm trying. 415 00:25:05,500 --> 00:25:07,220 It's like giving yourself a triple bypass. 416 00:25:08,580 --> 00:25:12,080 You were just confessing how unpleasant you've been towards me. 417 00:25:13,680 --> 00:25:15,220 Oh, come on, come on. 418 00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:16,640 I'm getting old. 419 00:25:17,340 --> 00:25:18,340 Diana. 420 00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:20,640 Harvey. 421 00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:23,200 I'm sorry. There, I've done it. 422 00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:25,000 What did she say? 423 00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:28,360 I don't know. I think she was talking to her hand. Oh, for God's sake. 424 00:25:28,780 --> 00:25:30,260 I said I was sorry. 425 00:25:30,700 --> 00:25:32,620 S -O -R -R -R -Y, all right? 426 00:25:33,100 --> 00:25:35,060 There aren't three R's in sorry. 427 00:25:36,200 --> 00:25:38,360 You don't mean it if you don't spell it properly. 428 00:25:38,600 --> 00:25:41,860 All right, I'm S -O -R -R -Y. There, now, I have spelled it properly. Can we 429 00:25:41,980 --> 00:25:42,980 Hold on a minute. 430 00:25:43,620 --> 00:25:44,720 Sorry for what, Diana? 431 00:25:46,190 --> 00:25:49,450 I don't fully comprehend the extent of your sorriness. 432 00:25:50,230 --> 00:25:51,330 This is going too far. 433 00:25:52,690 --> 00:25:54,090 Expunge your soul, Diana. 434 00:25:54,690 --> 00:25:56,170 Cast out dem devils. 435 00:25:59,130 --> 00:26:02,070 Harvey, I'm sorry for having driven you nuts and I'm sorry for having persecuted 436 00:26:02,070 --> 00:26:03,350 your affection more than you deserve. 437 00:26:04,030 --> 00:26:05,030 Okay? 438 00:26:05,970 --> 00:26:07,450 Well, isn't that nice? 439 00:26:08,650 --> 00:26:12,070 There'll be a warm glow in the twilight zone that I now inhabit. 440 00:26:12,450 --> 00:26:17,290 Well, we were actually hoping you might come back. to the twilight zone that you 441 00:26:17,290 --> 00:26:19,190 used to inhabit, Bayview. 442 00:26:20,450 --> 00:26:22,590 No. What? Why not? 443 00:26:23,470 --> 00:26:25,370 Not possible, I'm afraid. 444 00:26:26,270 --> 00:26:31,310 I've communicated my terms to the relevant parties, and until they're met, 445 00:26:31,390 --> 00:26:35,410 I'm afraid I shall just have to linger here in the wasteland of the psyche. 446 00:26:35,870 --> 00:26:38,730 I have said I am sorry. Now get back to work. 447 00:26:39,010 --> 00:26:40,030 Not until you've gone. 448 00:26:40,390 --> 00:26:41,510 That's my terms. 449 00:26:42,090 --> 00:26:44,470 You silly old goat. 450 00:26:44,940 --> 00:26:48,820 You said he'd come back if I apologised. I have now disembowelled myself for 451 00:26:48,820 --> 00:26:50,780 nothing. I thought it might be the trick. 452 00:26:51,160 --> 00:26:52,220 Yes, well, it hasn't. 453 00:26:52,540 --> 00:26:55,340 So, I had to bring up the big guns. 454 00:26:56,380 --> 00:26:57,380 Harvey? 455 00:26:57,620 --> 00:26:58,620 Hmm? 456 00:26:58,880 --> 00:26:59,880 You're faking. 457 00:27:00,860 --> 00:27:01,860 What do you mean? 458 00:27:01,900 --> 00:27:03,700 You're no more Gaga than I am. 459 00:27:04,340 --> 00:27:05,800 No, forget that. 460 00:27:06,480 --> 00:27:07,480 Not again. 461 00:27:08,780 --> 00:27:10,340 You're not Gaga at all. 462 00:27:10,780 --> 00:27:11,779 Who says? 463 00:27:11,780 --> 00:27:13,480 Well, Marion first picked it. 464 00:27:14,350 --> 00:27:19,530 She said you are not reacting according to any known drug combination she knew 465 00:27:19,530 --> 00:27:20,670 of, and she knows them all. 466 00:27:21,210 --> 00:27:26,930 I then put it to your doctor, and he agreed, but said they needed the money. 467 00:27:27,490 --> 00:27:30,770 Then I rang the board and gave them the good news. 468 00:27:31,590 --> 00:27:32,790 You did what? 469 00:27:33,330 --> 00:27:37,230 Swifty Swift said if you weren't back at your post by tea time, he was sending 470 00:27:37,230 --> 00:27:40,790 an Antiguan hitman over to break your legs. 471 00:27:42,110 --> 00:27:43,110 Dumb blood. 472 00:27:45,260 --> 00:27:46,260 Excuse me, Tom. 473 00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:49,480 If you knew all this, why did you make me apologise? 474 00:27:50,040 --> 00:27:51,680 I thought I had to give you my soul. 475 00:27:52,040 --> 00:27:54,520 And God bet me I couldn't make you do it. 476 00:27:55,040 --> 00:27:57,140 I won a get -out -of -purgatory -free card. 477 00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:02,000 I've done both of us. I will never forgive him. 478 00:28:02,820 --> 00:28:04,180 I'm with you there, Diana. 479 00:28:05,240 --> 00:28:06,700 I don't believe it. 480 00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:08,000 A miracle. 481 00:28:08,740 --> 00:28:10,520 You've both agreed on something.