1
00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:49,520
And one, and two, and three, and four.

2
00:00:50,540 --> 00:00:53,880
You have a slimming the channel, Nick.

3
00:00:54,300 --> 00:00:55,600
Very good for me.

4
00:00:56,280 --> 00:00:57,280
How come?

5
00:00:57,440 --> 00:01:02,220
Fingers bummed. I'm committing it to
memory so I can under it up on cold

6
00:01:02,220 --> 00:01:03,220
evening.

7
00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:17,798
Look, Inger.

8
00:01:17,800 --> 00:01:21,640
Inger has come all the way from Norway
to give these classes, and the least he

9
00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:24,180
can do is make an effort. Now, what do
you say?

10
00:01:27,240 --> 00:01:28,240
Oh,

11
00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:29,880
right, right.

12
00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:30,960
Oh, hello, Jane.

13
00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:34,140
You look like you just fell off your
broomstick.

14
00:01:35,480 --> 00:01:36,880
Stupid bit of meat.

15
00:01:38,900 --> 00:01:40,660
Yes, poor old Harvey.

16
00:01:41,540 --> 00:01:43,060
Her? Her.

17
00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:45,540
The tart from the tundra.

18
00:01:47,140 --> 00:01:48,140
Look at her.

19
00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:49,660
I am. I am.

20
00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:55,300
I think she's after him. I can tell.

21
00:01:56,260 --> 00:01:57,440
How can you tell?

22
00:01:57,980 --> 00:02:03,640
He's always hanging around her, talking
about her, taking her out for meals.

23
00:02:03,980 --> 00:02:06,680
Oh, so she's definitely after him, then.

24
00:02:07,500 --> 00:02:09,580
I expect she'll be after me next.

25
00:02:11,820 --> 00:02:15,340
If only you and Diana hadn't split up.

26
00:02:15,980 --> 00:02:19,160
She'd soon have that filthy troll back
to the fjords.

27
00:02:19,460 --> 00:02:21,200
We haven't split up.

28
00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:24,040
We're just taking a break from each
other.

29
00:02:25,140 --> 00:02:28,740
I can handle any crisis round here just
as well as Diana.

30
00:02:30,040 --> 00:02:30,600
That

31
00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:37,920
was

32
00:02:37,920 --> 00:02:39,060
pretty good, wasn't it?

33
00:02:39,640 --> 00:02:43,200
Oh, come on, look, I tried so hard for
you people.

34
00:02:43,500 --> 00:02:45,380
I'm embarrassed on your behalf.

35
00:02:46,380 --> 00:02:48,920
Inga, may I apologise and offer you
lunch?

36
00:02:49,280 --> 00:02:50,620
That's most kind.

37
00:02:51,060 --> 00:02:55,760
Jenny, inform the others that lunch will
be delayed by one hour while Inga and I

38
00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:56,760
dine alone.

39
00:02:57,020 --> 00:02:58,020
Inga.

40
00:02:59,780 --> 00:03:01,320
Dinah would have killed him for this.

41
00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:03,280
Look at her.

42
00:03:04,460 --> 00:03:05,460
Slut!

43
00:03:07,060 --> 00:03:08,660
What is she saying? What is slut?

44
00:03:09,540 --> 00:03:14,740
Oh. It's an old Celtic greeting. It
means, hello and welcome, fan hate of

45
00:03:14,740 --> 00:03:18,040
frozen north. Oh, I'm afraid when I get
home.

46
00:03:18,460 --> 00:03:20,120
Hello, mother, I will say.

47
00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:21,700
Slap!

48
00:03:26,520 --> 00:03:28,560
Well, chubby chops.

49
00:03:29,340 --> 00:03:30,500
Isn't this lovely?

50
00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:32,940
A nice walk in a posh park.

51
00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:35,960
No Harvey Baines getting up my nosy.

52
00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:39,740
No Jane wailing round my ankles. And no
Tom.

53
00:03:40,840 --> 00:03:41,840
No Tom.

54
00:03:43,320 --> 00:03:47,140
There, my little didy -dumpkins. Do you
see that Pidgey -Widgey? Nice plump

55
00:03:47,140 --> 00:03:48,180
Pidgey -Widgey for dinner.

56
00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:49,520
What?

57
00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:51,920
Oh, Nanny.

58
00:03:52,640 --> 00:03:53,640
Do you hear that?

59
00:03:53,860 --> 00:03:55,900
Posh Nanny thinks I'm your Nanny -Wanny.

60
00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:58,700
I suppose I am, since I fired the real
one.

61
00:03:59,040 --> 00:04:00,940
She was a right bitchy -witchy, wasn't
she?

62
00:04:05,550 --> 00:04:06,850
Let's park our body here, shall we?

63
00:04:07,970 --> 00:04:11,210
Baby walking larks are a bit knackering.

64
00:04:14,550 --> 00:04:16,870
Maybe we'll take cabs in future.

65
00:04:17,810 --> 00:04:18,810
Come on.

66
00:04:18,870 --> 00:04:21,670
Let's get you a rug. Nice and comfy.
There we are.

67
00:04:23,750 --> 00:04:24,750
Hello, Nanny.

68
00:04:25,750 --> 00:04:27,690
And whose mummy do you think...

69
00:04:34,060 --> 00:04:35,780
My mummy's Sarah Parry.

70
00:04:37,280 --> 00:04:39,920
That's Miffy's Parry. Is it, little one?

71
00:04:40,260 --> 00:04:41,059
Well, near enough.

72
00:04:41,060 --> 00:04:42,060
Hubby's done a runner.

73
00:04:42,700 --> 00:04:47,780
The baby's nanny doesn't know that this
bench is used only by the nannies of

74
00:04:47,780 --> 00:04:49,300
titled mummies, does she?

75
00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:51,120
What?

76
00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:54,200
Who are these nannies only on this
bench?

77
00:04:55,540 --> 00:05:01,860
Well, little one, you'd better tell
Nanny Hitler here that Nanny Diana is a

78
00:05:01,860 --> 00:05:02,860
-known psychotic.

79
00:05:03,510 --> 00:05:07,670
And you'd better tell her that the world
has moved on in the last hundred years.

80
00:05:07,790 --> 00:05:11,910
And if she starts treating Nanny Diana
like some refugee from upstairs

81
00:05:11,910 --> 00:05:16,370
downstairs, then Nanny Diana is likely
to rummage behind your bunny rug, pull

82
00:05:16,370 --> 00:05:19,670
out her favourite axe and start chopping
bits off her fat head.

83
00:05:20,050 --> 00:05:22,450
She's all the way to the piggy market.

84
00:05:28,110 --> 00:05:30,110
Revolution comes to Kensington.

85
00:05:35,600 --> 00:05:36,600
You really love these, Dad.

86
00:05:36,840 --> 00:05:41,320
Look, Geoffrey, I'm very grateful for
the way you've redecorated the place,

87
00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:43,800
I'm quite happy with the shelves the way
they are.

88
00:05:44,180 --> 00:05:47,220
No, no, your ratio of wall to shelving
space is way below your optimum

89
00:05:47,220 --> 00:05:50,300
capability. Don't you worry, you'll have
shelves all over the place by the time

90
00:05:50,300 --> 00:05:51,300
I've finished.

91
00:05:51,340 --> 00:05:52,340
Geoffrey!

92
00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:53,720
Something wrong, Dad?

93
00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:58,440
Look, Geoffrey, I know you have hundreds
of yards of shelving in your house, but

94
00:05:58,440 --> 00:06:00,620
we don't need any more shelving here.

95
00:06:01,580 --> 00:06:05,180
Really. We have nothing to put... on any
more shelves.

96
00:06:05,840 --> 00:06:08,080
Well, you could always store extra
shelves on them.

97
00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:10,760
No, Geoffrey.

98
00:06:11,180 --> 00:06:12,320
Oh, OK, then.

99
00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:17,100
How about the bathroom? Lots of extra
space there. No corridor, Geoffrey.

100
00:06:18,060 --> 00:06:19,820
Sorry, I get a bit shelf -mad sometimes.

101
00:06:20,220 --> 00:06:22,100
Well, it's better than drink, I suppose.

102
00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:23,760
It's my marriage, you see.

103
00:06:24,060 --> 00:06:27,280
There are things that I get from a piece
of pine shelving that I don't really

104
00:06:27,280 --> 00:06:28,280
get from my wife.

105
00:06:30,300 --> 00:06:32,320
Fidelity, sobriety.

106
00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:35,400
Even sleeping with a bit of shelving
would be less harrowing.

107
00:06:36,340 --> 00:06:38,220
You can rely on a shelf.

108
00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:40,580
A shelf doesn't run up with known
criminals.

109
00:06:40,980 --> 00:06:44,480
A decent shelf just hangs in there for
you, stays steady.

110
00:06:44,880 --> 00:06:47,080
A decent shelf knows how to support your
condiments.

111
00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:50,040
Dan?

112
00:06:50,840 --> 00:06:53,340
I'm not boring you, am I? No, of course
not.

113
00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:56,040
I just thought I'd take a little bit of
a nap.

114
00:06:56,820 --> 00:06:57,820
You've only just got up.

115
00:06:58,320 --> 00:07:00,040
And very tiring it was, too.

116
00:07:00,940 --> 00:07:02,060
See you in a bit.

117
00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:07,260
Oh, I can manage.

118
00:07:07,740 --> 00:07:09,020
I don't need Diana.

119
00:07:10,840 --> 00:07:14,740
Oh, well, maybe I should just ring her
and tell her it's all under control.

120
00:07:16,180 --> 00:07:21,260
Are you all right?

121
00:07:21,540 --> 00:07:26,400
Yes, yes, I'm fine. I have just gouged a
lump out of my hip.

122
00:07:27,500 --> 00:07:29,960
Nothing that can't be fixed by a good
carpenter.

123
00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:37,880
Disposable clothes for these dwarves.

124
00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:43,980
Are you clearing up? What? Oh, no, no,
no, no. I'm the nanny.

125
00:07:44,780 --> 00:07:46,600
Baby's mess is my responsibility.

126
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:49,300
You just go and run your brothel.

127
00:07:50,560 --> 00:07:51,900
It's a model agency.

128
00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:54,320
It's the same thing. It's a whorehouse
of the mind.

129
00:07:55,340 --> 00:07:57,760
Can we have less chat from the staff,
please?

130
00:07:58,380 --> 00:08:01,300
Why does this child throw her toys
around?

131
00:08:01,980 --> 00:08:03,640
She's probably trying to hit you.

132
00:08:07,340 --> 00:08:09,860
with nannying, are you? Oh, good Lord,
no. I love it.

133
00:08:10,380 --> 00:08:13,320
Getting up in the middle of the night
being peed on and...

134
00:08:40,260 --> 00:08:41,960
thing? How's everything?

135
00:08:42,460 --> 00:08:43,580
Oh, fine!

136
00:08:44,059 --> 00:08:45,060
Fine!

137
00:08:45,560 --> 00:08:47,400
Just... Fine, fine!

138
00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:49,260
Fine? Fine!

139
00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:50,520
Oh.

140
00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:52,460
So, things are fine, then?

141
00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:54,900
That is roughly what I was saying.

142
00:08:55,260 --> 00:08:57,920
So, how are things here, then?

143
00:08:58,420 --> 00:08:59,420
What?

144
00:09:00,020 --> 00:09:01,140
Oh, no, of course.

145
00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:02,580
I'm here, aren't I?

146
00:09:03,240 --> 00:09:04,240
Just about.

147
00:09:06,040 --> 00:09:08,880
How are things there? Oh, brilliant!
Wonderful!

148
00:09:09,100 --> 00:09:10,100
Mar...

149
00:09:10,140 --> 00:09:11,140
Fine.

150
00:09:11,340 --> 00:09:12,340
Fine.

151
00:09:12,580 --> 00:09:13,700
Manatee without me, then?

152
00:09:13,940 --> 00:09:15,160
Oh, yes, nothing to it.

153
00:09:15,560 --> 00:09:17,140
Well, jolly good.

154
00:09:17,580 --> 00:09:19,900
And Geoffrey's moved in for a while?

155
00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:21,480
Oh, my God, you poor thing.

156
00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:24,320
It's great fun.

157
00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:26,540
We're rebuilding the kitchen.

158
00:09:27,820 --> 00:09:29,260
Why has he moved in?

159
00:09:30,440 --> 00:09:31,820
Marion's gone off with a criminal.

160
00:09:32,780 --> 00:09:34,340
He thought I might be lonely.

161
00:09:35,980 --> 00:09:37,120
And are you lonely, Tom?

162
00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:38,320
Of course not.

163
00:09:42,790 --> 00:09:45,070
I'm in London. Wild times all round.

164
00:09:45,450 --> 00:09:46,450
Right.

165
00:09:46,690 --> 00:09:47,689
Same here.

166
00:09:47,690 --> 00:09:48,690
Lots of fun.

167
00:09:49,590 --> 00:09:51,230
Definitely doing the right thing, then.

168
00:09:52,010 --> 00:09:53,510
Absolutely the right thing.

169
00:09:53,770 --> 00:09:56,410
Well, that's good.

170
00:09:57,470 --> 00:09:59,470
Yes. I've got to go.

171
00:09:59,690 --> 00:10:00,930
Can you call me? Go!

172
00:10:01,350 --> 00:10:02,350
Go!

173
00:10:02,790 --> 00:10:05,170
Have you got Johnny Weissmuller round
there?

174
00:10:18,920 --> 00:10:21,140
If you'd broken your ankle, you'd be
yelling in pain.

175
00:10:21,540 --> 00:10:23,640
No, it sounds more like a twist.

176
00:10:24,940 --> 00:10:27,020
God, how could you do such a stupid
thing?

177
00:10:27,220 --> 00:10:28,360
No point in blaming yourself.

178
00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:32,060
I'm blaming you. You put toys on the
stairs.

179
00:10:32,280 --> 00:10:33,320
Well, you don't have to tread on them.

180
00:10:34,340 --> 00:10:36,180
You're the worst nanny I've ever had.

181
00:10:36,380 --> 00:10:37,720
Really? I thought I was rather good.

182
00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:39,960
I can't use nappies in the microwave.

183
00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:44,900
It's an easy mistake.

184
00:10:45,680 --> 00:10:47,620
My baby swore at me this morning.

185
00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:49,680
Learning to talk.

186
00:10:50,280 --> 00:10:51,680
Most of the time, she's just yelling.

187
00:10:51,920 --> 00:10:54,360
Well, that is because she thinks you
ought to be spending more time with her.

188
00:10:54,860 --> 00:10:57,520
For goodness sake, the whole point of
having a nanny is to take away the

189
00:10:57,520 --> 00:10:59,980
mother's guilt of having a career, not
have it rammed down her throat.

190
00:11:00,260 --> 00:11:01,580
No, it's not broken.

191
00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:02,800
Try standing on it.

192
00:11:03,580 --> 00:11:04,580
Go on.

193
00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:08,480
Oh, I can't!

194
00:11:08,780 --> 00:11:11,220
No, you'll have to stay off it for a few
days.

195
00:11:11,480 --> 00:11:12,480
Keep it up.

196
00:11:12,660 --> 00:11:13,780
Oh, great.

197
00:11:14,460 --> 00:11:17,660
I meant to go and look at some new
models this morning, at some new fashion

198
00:11:17,660 --> 00:11:21,650
show. Because of you, I might miss out
on the new imam or evangelista.

199
00:11:21,930 --> 00:11:23,150
What are they, religious festivals?

200
00:11:24,450 --> 00:11:25,730
They're top models.

201
00:11:26,370 --> 00:11:28,170
You need them to make top commissions.

202
00:11:28,790 --> 00:11:30,150
Oh, I've just had a brilliant idea.

203
00:11:30,470 --> 00:11:32,030
Why don't I... Forget it.

204
00:11:33,230 --> 00:11:36,450
Absolutely not. No way are you
representing me anywhere.

205
00:11:37,310 --> 00:11:38,770
Oh, that's settled, then.

206
00:11:57,100 --> 00:11:58,079
I've got a better idea.

207
00:11:58,080 --> 00:11:59,080
Yeah, let's do it.

208
00:11:59,620 --> 00:12:04,460
Well, we've been out for a few meals
together now. We've done some nice long

209
00:12:04,460 --> 00:12:05,460
runs.

210
00:12:05,820 --> 00:12:08,580
I've done lots and lots of press -ups.

211
00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:12,540
I mean, my hernia's got lots of little
hernias all of their own now.

212
00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:20,360
And I was thinking maybe it's about time
you and I did a bit of... Well, a bit

213
00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:22,360
of... Well, you know.

214
00:12:23,060 --> 00:12:24,060
Weightlifting?

215
00:12:24,500 --> 00:12:25,740
No, no, no.

216
00:12:26,270 --> 00:12:27,770
No, I wasn't quite thinking that.

217
00:12:27,990 --> 00:12:32,290
No, uh... Well, how about you and I, we
go away for the weekend together?

218
00:12:32,710 --> 00:12:34,730
You mean hiking and canoeing?

219
00:12:35,090 --> 00:12:36,090
No.

220
00:12:36,350 --> 00:12:41,010
No, I wasn't thinking so much of sort of
outdoor sports as sort of, well, indoor

221
00:12:41,010 --> 00:12:42,430
sports. Volleyball?

222
00:12:43,250 --> 00:12:44,250
No, no.

223
00:12:44,370 --> 00:12:47,910
More sort of, you know, indoor
wrestling, bedroom sports.

224
00:12:48,750 --> 00:12:50,190
You know, ooh -ooh.

225
00:12:55,310 --> 00:12:56,209
What are you doing?

226
00:12:56,210 --> 00:12:58,130
No, Inga, no, not my face.

227
00:12:59,650 --> 00:13:01,090
No, Inga, put that down.

228
00:13:01,370 --> 00:13:05,090
No, look, that's my computer. Oh, no,
no, no, Inga!

229
00:13:09,410 --> 00:13:11,750
Harvey's seduction technique doesn't
seem to have improved.

230
00:13:14,530 --> 00:13:15,530
Everything here?

231
00:13:15,910 --> 00:13:16,910
Oh, fine.

232
00:13:17,650 --> 00:13:21,390
Yes, Diana, I'm handling it all quite
well, thank you.

233
00:13:22,670 --> 00:13:23,670
What was that?

234
00:13:24,620 --> 00:13:27,640
Would I like to spend the day looking at
lovely young ladies?

235
00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:29,280
What's the address?

236
00:13:31,020 --> 00:13:32,020
Yes.

237
00:13:33,320 --> 00:13:34,740
Yes, okie -dokie.

238
00:13:35,140 --> 00:13:36,140
See you later.

239
00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:39,920
Looks like Diana needs my assistance.

240
00:13:41,100 --> 00:13:42,800
Bound to happen. Look at this.

241
00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:45,580
Oh, the Eiffel Tower.

242
00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:46,819
That's nice.

243
00:13:46,820 --> 00:13:47,840
It's from Marion.

244
00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:50,200
What's it say?

245
00:13:50,260 --> 00:13:52,500
I can't read it through the brandy
stains.

246
00:13:54,609 --> 00:13:55,890
Dear dreary knickers.

247
00:13:57,470 --> 00:13:59,870
You see, Dad, a shelf would never talk
to you like that.

248
00:14:00,470 --> 00:14:01,470
Go on.

249
00:14:02,150 --> 00:14:03,270
Weather here terrible.

250
00:14:03,570 --> 00:14:04,790
Wish you weren't.

251
00:14:05,710 --> 00:14:09,390
Dickie says, who's Geoffrey? Ha, ha, ha,
isn't he a laugh?

252
00:14:10,330 --> 00:14:11,490
And it's signed Mary.

253
00:14:12,510 --> 00:14:14,110
Can't even remember her own name.

254
00:14:15,770 --> 00:14:19,530
Dickie. You mean she's in Paris with
Dickie Attenborough?

255
00:14:22,760 --> 00:14:24,460
He must have made it to Switzerland.

256
00:14:25,320 --> 00:14:26,840
Good show, Dickie.

257
00:14:28,940 --> 00:14:31,720
Dickie Biggs, a criminal friend, what am
I going to do?

258
00:14:31,980 --> 00:14:34,720
Oh, well, let's think.

259
00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:36,260
Let's ask Diana, eh?

260
00:14:37,380 --> 00:14:41,000
I'm perfectly capable of giving you good
advice without asking for Diana's

261
00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:45,600
assistance. All right, then. Dear Marge,
my wife is shacked up in Paris with a

262
00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:47,560
man who has done time for armed robbery.

263
00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:49,620
I don't want a divorce. What do I do?

264
00:14:50,480 --> 00:14:51,800
Ah, well...

265
00:14:53,410 --> 00:14:56,210
Hmm. Simple choppers.

266
00:14:56,930 --> 00:15:03,390
We fly in low under this radar, drop on
the balcony, stun grenades,

267
00:15:03,750 --> 00:15:07,830
in through the windows, mow down the bad
guys, grab the woman, back to the

268
00:15:07,830 --> 00:15:08,830
chopper, and off we go.

269
00:15:09,930 --> 00:15:11,490
Could I just have Diana's number?

270
00:15:12,650 --> 00:15:13,670
Oh, Charles!

271
00:15:22,060 --> 00:15:23,620
I'm handling things now, so what's
wrong?

272
00:15:24,020 --> 00:15:24,919
It's that woman.

273
00:15:24,920 --> 00:15:26,880
She's trying to kill my Harvey.

274
00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:28,800
How? Sex.

275
00:15:30,700 --> 00:15:32,240
The S -word.

276
00:15:33,060 --> 00:15:37,680
Oh, my poor, my poor baby. He has weak
bones.

277
00:15:39,140 --> 00:15:40,900
Those thighs of hers.

278
00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:43,340
She could crunch him up like a little...

279
00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:52,719
have a solution.

280
00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:56,720
What? Um, decisive action. What?

281
00:15:57,160 --> 00:15:59,620
Um, I know.

282
00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:02,200
Buckets of water, like with dogs.

283
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:05,380
I am not here.

284
00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:07,800
Get in, get in.

285
00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:12,600
Harvey? I am not here.

286
00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:16,420
Harvey? She bit a piece out of my desk.

287
00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:23,959
Are you sure?

288
00:16:23,960 --> 00:16:24,960
Yes, Harvey.

289
00:16:26,580 --> 00:16:29,280
Oh, my poor baby. Please, Jane, please
don't touch me.

290
00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:32,020
Sorry, Harvey. I never want to be
touched by anyone ever again.

291
00:16:32,340 --> 00:16:33,340
What did she do?

292
00:16:33,580 --> 00:16:36,880
She not only assaulted my person, she
threatened to sue me for sexual

293
00:16:36,880 --> 00:16:39,100
harassment. Oh, dear, what are you going
to do?

294
00:16:39,320 --> 00:16:40,400
What do you think I'm going to do, Jane?

295
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:41,600
I don't know, Harvey.

296
00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:43,140
Has anyone got Diana's number?

297
00:16:57,260 --> 00:16:58,420
That'll be 15 quid, love.

298
00:17:00,220 --> 00:17:01,220
Hell, are we?

299
00:17:01,380 --> 00:17:02,380
Essex, darling.

300
00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:03,960
Don't choke on the law, eh?

301
00:17:05,740 --> 00:17:07,319
Oi, how about a tip?

302
00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:09,520
Red rum in the National.

303
00:17:10,540 --> 00:17:11,599
You're not joking, are you?

304
00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:13,160
Shut up!

305
00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:16,720
He's right, of course.

306
00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:20,099
What do I know about what appeals to the
youth of today?

307
00:17:20,760 --> 00:17:23,119
What do they know about what appeals to
the old of today?

308
00:17:23,869 --> 00:17:25,710
Could any of us give a toss either way?

309
00:17:27,349 --> 00:17:28,349
You're right, sweetie.

310
00:17:28,369 --> 00:17:31,870
What? Look, we've got a show on here
today, darling, and we don't want

311
00:17:31,870 --> 00:17:33,450
old bag ladies clattering the place up,
do we?

312
00:17:35,010 --> 00:17:39,270
Take a couple of quid and go buy
yourself a bottle of taps or something.

313
00:17:39,930 --> 00:17:40,930
Oh,

314
00:17:41,510 --> 00:17:42,510
my little boss!

315
00:17:44,270 --> 00:17:45,310
Oh, my dad!

316
00:17:46,250 --> 00:17:48,470
Oh, what am I doing here?

317
00:17:49,890 --> 00:17:51,910
Oh, I can't even get up now.

318
00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:54,000
Oh, silly old bat.

319
00:17:54,660 --> 00:17:55,740
What, her old thing?

320
00:17:56,740 --> 00:17:57,740
Tom!

321
00:17:58,000 --> 00:17:59,260
Oh, it's good to see you.

322
00:18:00,380 --> 00:18:02,220
Listen, give an old broad a hand up,
will you?

323
00:18:07,180 --> 00:18:11,820
Just can't cope without me, can you?

324
00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:15,500
What's she doing here?

325
00:18:15,780 --> 00:18:17,200
She needs you to help him.

326
00:18:17,860 --> 00:18:21,640
And he needs you to help him get rid of
an ascetic Brunhilde.

327
00:18:23,010 --> 00:18:24,690
Harassment? Quite ridiculous.

328
00:18:24,970 --> 00:18:27,830
And Geoffrey wants to know what to do
about Marion. She's run off again.

329
00:18:29,330 --> 00:18:31,390
And Basil, what's your problem?

330
00:18:31,710 --> 00:18:33,910
I hear you're looking for young women.

331
00:18:34,210 --> 00:18:36,310
I'm a quality control expert.

332
00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:46,960
or anything else.

333
00:19:47,300 --> 00:19:50,580
Later. I'm supposed to be working here.
Diana, this is serious.

334
00:19:50,780 --> 00:19:53,440
Well, it's not, actually. Your problem
is really extremely trivial compared to

335
00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:55,220
mine. Geoffrey, do you mind? I'm trying
to talk to Diana.

336
00:19:55,480 --> 00:19:58,140
Yes, so am I. My wife's in Paris with a
gangster.

337
00:19:58,500 --> 00:19:59,620
So what else is new?

338
00:20:00,860 --> 00:20:05,600
Just shut up, the pair of you. I could
lose my job. I could lose my wife. Well,

339
00:20:05,620 --> 00:20:07,920
then count your blessings. You'll be
well rid of that daft tart.

340
00:20:09,420 --> 00:20:13,280
What did you call my wife? Sit down,
Geoffrey. What's your problem, Geoffrey?

341
00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:15,580
I'm beginning to enjoy this.

342
00:20:20,970 --> 00:20:21,970
That's what she is.

343
00:20:22,170 --> 00:20:24,850
Right, you bloody pervert. You're for
it.

344
00:21:16,620 --> 00:21:17,860
for dragging me out, Tom.

345
00:21:18,060 --> 00:21:19,680
I'm glad to be of service now.

346
00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:53,920
punch your dicky on the nose.

347
00:21:55,660 --> 00:21:57,960
Just putting a fan of mine into
operation.

348
00:21:58,440 --> 00:21:59,440
Basil!

349
00:22:00,380 --> 00:22:02,140
You let that girl back at once?

350
00:22:02,860 --> 00:22:03,860
Do you?

351
00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:08,560
Shall we go home?

352
00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:11,240
Home, home?

353
00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:28,160
Back to the warmth of the welcoming
hearth. Back to the black hole that is

354
00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:29,160
Bayview.

355
00:22:29,680 --> 00:22:31,180
Just shut up.

356
00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:34,080
Oh, good grief.

357
00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:35,800
What's the matter?

358
00:22:36,040 --> 00:22:37,760
I think there must be something wrong
with my eyesight.

359
00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:41,220
Has Geoffrey been at these walls with a
tube of stripy toothpaste?

360
00:22:42,120 --> 00:22:43,320
That's the new wallpaper.

361
00:22:44,120 --> 00:22:45,120
Don't you like it?

362
00:22:45,180 --> 00:22:46,980
I feel as if I'm in a glass of
mouthwash.

363
00:22:48,060 --> 00:22:50,540
Geoffrey has a job lost in the back of
his car.

364
00:22:50,820 --> 00:22:51,820
Oh, he would, wouldn't he?

365
00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:54,180
He says it's considered very...

366
00:22:54,730 --> 00:22:56,930
Oh, it is dead tasteful.

367
00:22:58,630 --> 00:23:02,370
Cringemakingly tasteful. Oh, God, I hate
good taste.

368
00:23:02,750 --> 00:23:05,110
It is so lacking in courage.

369
00:23:05,490 --> 00:23:08,190
It is so tasteless.

370
00:23:08,590 --> 00:23:10,750
Oh, it's nice to have you back.

371
00:23:11,910 --> 00:23:14,190
She doesn't change, does she?

372
00:23:14,390 --> 00:23:16,350
Oh, I don't know. She's a bit more
cheerful.

373
00:23:33,100 --> 00:23:35,620
Prancing ninnies only have memory spans
of about three minutes.

374
00:23:37,300 --> 00:23:41,560
Yes, well, that is where you are wrong.
Because I have found you a very lovely

375
00:23:41,560 --> 00:23:45,940
model who will make you a great deal of
money. Her name is Inga Nordstrom.

376
00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:52,100
Yes, yes, she's a lovely girl with a
very winning personality and a fine left

377
00:23:52,100 --> 00:23:53,100
hook.

378
00:23:54,120 --> 00:23:58,640
All right, give my love to my baby and
tell her I hope she gets on with the new

379
00:23:58,640 --> 00:23:59,840
nanny. Bye.

380
00:24:08,780 --> 00:24:10,200
Don't you have something to say?

381
00:24:10,900 --> 00:24:11,900
No.

382
00:24:12,260 --> 00:24:15,360
Sam has just got you out of big, messy
poos.

383
00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:19,980
How about saying the T word?

384
00:24:20,380 --> 00:24:21,980
T word? What T word?

385
00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:23,620
Thank you, Harvey.

386
00:24:24,060 --> 00:24:25,620
Well, that's perfectly all right, Jane.

387
00:24:27,060 --> 00:24:28,340
Strange woman.

388
00:24:29,700 --> 00:24:30,700
I'm sorry.

389
00:24:30,900 --> 00:24:33,980
No, it's all right, Jane. It's nice to
know that some things never change.

390
00:24:34,360 --> 00:24:35,360
Hello?

391
00:24:35,520 --> 00:24:37,940
Oh, gracious, my daughter -in -law from
hell.

392
00:24:40,610 --> 00:24:43,730
I thought you were swinging from the
chandeliers and buried.

393
00:24:44,010 --> 00:24:49,730
I was on a brief cultural visit, but my
wonderful husband popped over to escort

394
00:24:49,730 --> 00:24:50,730
me home.

395
00:24:50,750 --> 00:24:57,130
Which husband is your wonderful husband?
I was referring to Geoffrey. My dear,

396
00:24:57,150 --> 00:24:59,150
beloved Geoffrey. Oh, what a man.

397
00:24:59,370 --> 00:25:01,890
What a body. What a load of cobblers.

398
00:25:07,370 --> 00:25:10,850
soppy on him. Don't you dare set back
the women's movement 50 years.

399
00:25:11,070 --> 00:25:13,290
No, no, it was Dickie who hit me.

400
00:25:13,870 --> 00:25:15,750
It was Jeffy who hit him.

401
00:25:16,490 --> 00:25:18,210
He's his father's son, you know.

402
00:25:19,050 --> 00:25:24,950
He, uh, he said it was you two who put
the lead back in his pencil.

403
00:25:26,410 --> 00:25:27,410
Thank you.

404
00:25:27,530 --> 00:25:31,370
I, uh, I hope you don't die.

405
00:25:31,910 --> 00:25:32,910
Bye.

406
00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:38,880
God, if she's wishing us well, we are in
trouble.

407
00:25:39,160 --> 00:25:40,160
Yeah.

408
00:25:40,300 --> 00:25:44,040
Can't possibly start being nice at our
age. We'll have to take refresher

409
00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:45,040
in being vile.

410
00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:46,080
How did we do that?

411
00:25:46,260 --> 00:25:49,740
Oh, I don't know. I'm too fagged to
fight right now.

412
00:25:50,140 --> 00:25:52,960
Ah, so you're definitely back.

413
00:25:53,980 --> 00:25:54,980
If you'll have me.

414
00:25:56,980 --> 00:26:02,340
There is nothing I would like more in
the whole wide world.

415
00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:04,720
Thank you, Tom.

416
00:26:06,129 --> 00:26:07,129
Oh, yeah.

417
00:26:09,030 --> 00:26:14,870
Well, now, I think we should now sort
out all those things that are making us

418
00:26:14,870 --> 00:26:16,110
crabby with each other.

419
00:26:16,650 --> 00:26:18,010
Are you sure that's why?

420
00:26:18,250 --> 00:26:21,210
Oh, yes, yes. I've worked out a few
solutions. Wait a minute.

421
00:26:21,630 --> 00:26:26,870
Here we are. Now, then. First of all,
two television sets in here. Well,

422
00:26:26,870 --> 00:26:28,190
ridiculous. Okay.

423
00:26:28,870 --> 00:26:29,870
I give up.

424
00:26:30,270 --> 00:26:31,270
We'll have yours.

425
00:26:31,310 --> 00:26:32,310
No, no, no. We'll have yours.

426
00:26:32,530 --> 00:26:34,010
Oh, no. I don't mind.

427
00:26:34,250 --> 00:26:35,250
No, no, no. I insist.

428
00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:37,200
Oh, well, jolly good.

429
00:26:37,420 --> 00:26:38,520
I'll put mine in my bedroom.

430
00:26:38,720 --> 00:26:39,720
Oh. Now.

431
00:26:39,920 --> 00:26:44,380
You mean you'll have a TV set to watch
in bed and another to watch out here

432
00:26:44,380 --> 00:26:45,800
while I'll only have this one here?

433
00:26:46,260 --> 00:26:47,260
Your choice, Tom.

434
00:26:47,740 --> 00:26:48,880
Now, about furniture.

435
00:26:49,580 --> 00:26:52,940
I think we should get rid of all your
tat and just use mine. Why?

436
00:26:53,780 --> 00:26:56,820
Well, you've just won the day over which
television set we should watch, so it's

437
00:26:56,820 --> 00:26:58,900
only fair I should win the day over
which furniture we should watch.

438
00:26:59,260 --> 00:27:00,740
Oh. I see.

439
00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:02,580
Now, about your hoovering habits.

440
00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:04,300
Oh, dear. Here we go again.

441
00:27:04,700 --> 00:27:08,520
Now, I think that you should be able to
hoover as much as you want.

442
00:27:09,040 --> 00:27:12,620
That's more like it. But not before 8 a
.m. Oh.

443
00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:17,260
Okay. Nor at any other time when I'm in
the house.

444
00:27:18,360 --> 00:27:20,040
Not while you're in the house.

445
00:27:21,020 --> 00:27:24,080
In winter, you sometimes stay in for
days.

446
00:27:24,360 --> 00:27:28,620
We could be feet thick in filth. If I
agree to that, in fact...

447
00:27:28,940 --> 00:27:31,600
I don't agree to any of this stuff.

448
00:27:32,580 --> 00:27:37,720
You get two tellies, I have to sit on
your rotten sofa, and now you want me to

449
00:27:37,720 --> 00:27:41,280
live in a pigsty? Forget it. This is my
place.

450
00:27:42,820 --> 00:27:44,600
What did you say?

451
00:27:44,900 --> 00:27:46,360
I am the landlord round here.

452
00:27:47,080 --> 00:27:48,360
We do it my way.

453
00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:50,920
You swine!

454
00:27:51,700 --> 00:27:53,020
You were trying to trick me.

455
00:27:53,240 --> 00:27:57,000
I was trying to talk sense into your fat
head, and now you betray me. I am never

456
00:27:57,000 --> 00:27:58,000
going to talk to you again.

457
00:27:58,190 --> 00:27:59,370
And that'll be too soon.

458
00:28:00,390 --> 00:28:01,390
Ow!

459
00:28:01,750 --> 00:28:03,450
Oh, isn't that nice?

460
00:28:03,730 --> 00:28:05,770
Everything back to normal again.