1
00:00:56,680 --> 00:00:58,400
Oh, Derek, dear you.

2
00:00:58,700 --> 00:01:01,880
You were shooting at a squirrel. I was
not.

3
00:01:02,420 --> 00:01:03,500
But what's that?

4
00:01:03,760 --> 00:01:06,440
A catapult and acorns. So?

5
00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:09,300
Squirrels eat acorns. I was passing them
one.

6
00:01:10,340 --> 00:01:11,380
You're a feather.

7
00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:15,440
Lying's the only exercise I get round
here.

8
00:01:18,570 --> 00:01:19,570
Who wrong with them?

9
00:01:20,190 --> 00:01:22,690
I could do with a couple of months in
solitary confinement.

10
00:01:24,070 --> 00:01:25,890
Falling out with Tom, surely?

11
00:01:26,290 --> 00:01:29,050
Oh, no, no, of course not. He's just
driving me nuts, that's all.

12
00:01:29,630 --> 00:01:31,110
It's a guilt, I expect.

13
00:01:31,950 --> 00:01:34,770
It's the living in a state of mortal
disgrace.

14
00:01:36,010 --> 00:01:37,450
Bite your bum, Jane.

15
00:01:37,790 --> 00:01:41,350
You turn into a pillar of salt and
that's what you do.

16
00:01:41,650 --> 00:01:44,010
Mix myself with lemon and tequila and go
out smiling.

17
00:01:54,570 --> 00:01:55,990
No, chump, he's just kidding.

18
00:01:56,370 --> 00:01:57,850
Oh, Patrick.

19
00:01:58,750 --> 00:02:00,590
Are you all right, Harvey?

20
00:02:00,830 --> 00:02:01,830
Of course I am.

21
00:02:03,730 --> 00:02:05,390
What's all this jogging for?

22
00:02:06,150 --> 00:02:11,110
Harvey thinks he should have a beautiful
body to go with his beautiful mind.

23
00:02:11,610 --> 00:02:14,630
If Harvey's body matched his mind, he'd
be the Invisible Man.

24
00:02:18,550 --> 00:02:21,390
All clear. The knitbag's gone jigging.

25
00:02:24,940 --> 00:02:25,899
you looking for?

26
00:02:25,900 --> 00:02:28,300
My new tenancy agreement.

27
00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:34,360
I just want to check the disputes
procedure between unmarried tenants.

28
00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:36,920
Oh, dear. Are you getting fed up with
Diana?

29
00:02:37,140 --> 00:02:40,200
Of course not. It's just that she's
driving me nuts.

30
00:02:41,460 --> 00:02:45,200
Take my advice. Love them and leave them
and move on to the next hot babe.

31
00:02:45,420 --> 00:02:46,420
That's what I always do.

32
00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:51,780
Not all old goats like you battle. Some
of us try to work it out. I just want to

33
00:02:51,780 --> 00:02:54,400
know where I'll be should push come to
shove.

34
00:02:54,750 --> 00:02:56,130
Flatten your back, no, Diana.

35
00:02:56,890 --> 00:02:59,650
At least I pay all the bills. I must
have some rights.

36
00:02:59,890 --> 00:03:00,728
Not anymore.

37
00:03:00,730 --> 00:03:02,650
She's your common wife now.

38
00:03:03,510 --> 00:03:05,750
Common law wife, I think you mean.

39
00:03:06,030 --> 00:03:07,410
I know what I mean.

40
00:03:08,070 --> 00:03:10,550
Dreadful, screaming, banshee woman.

41
00:03:11,110 --> 00:03:14,470
What's she done now? Been writing health
warnings on your condoms again?

42
00:03:25,740 --> 00:03:31,140
Nothing can stop Harvey Baines from
notching up another classic victory. A

43
00:03:31,140 --> 00:03:35,500
world record is... Oh, my God.

44
00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:41,240
I'm in love.

45
00:03:43,300 --> 00:03:47,420
But, Raylene, don't you realise that
Shane doesn't love Gail and Wayne

46
00:03:47,420 --> 00:03:48,179
love Kylie?

47
00:03:48,180 --> 00:03:50,820
Shane doesn't love Gail and Wayne
doesn't love Kylie?

48
00:03:51,180 --> 00:03:54,420
Who do Wayne and Shane love? Don't be
shocked, Cheryl, but...

49
00:03:54,700 --> 00:03:56,020
Wayne and Shane love each other.

50
00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:00,680
Darn it.

51
00:04:01,380 --> 00:04:03,120
I've been seeing someone else.

52
00:04:03,540 --> 00:04:05,100
You've been seeing someone else?

53
00:04:05,340 --> 00:04:06,340
Yes.

54
00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:08,360
I've been seeing someone else.

55
00:04:08,940 --> 00:04:10,240
Who have you been seeing?

56
00:04:10,740 --> 00:04:11,900
Who have I been seeing?

57
00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:14,900
Yes. Who have you been seeing, Shane?

58
00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:18,360
Well, actually, I've been seeing quite a
bit of Wayne lately.

59
00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:29,880
What else is on?

60
00:04:30,340 --> 00:04:31,920
Oh, let's have a look.

61
00:04:32,720 --> 00:04:36,760
Ah, two hours of synchronised swimming
from Oslo.

62
00:04:37,860 --> 00:04:40,260
Highlights from the Eurovision Song
Contest.

63
00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:43,140
Or 12 other assorted soaps.

64
00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:47,260
Are there any without Wayne and Shane
frightening the horses?

65
00:04:47,620 --> 00:04:48,660
I doubt it.

66
00:04:49,860 --> 00:04:51,860
Well, I can't sit here all day.

67
00:04:52,380 --> 00:04:54,280
Think I'll have a bit of a clean.

68
00:04:55,240 --> 00:04:56,900
Haven't covered since breakfast.

69
00:04:57,200 --> 00:04:58,200
Oh, God.

70
00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:01,200
Felix Ungerall is forgiven.

71
00:05:01,780 --> 00:05:02,780
Who?

72
00:05:03,060 --> 00:05:07,340
Felix, the odd couple. The anal
retentive who couldn't stop cleaning.

73
00:05:08,540 --> 00:05:09,660
What are you saying?

74
00:05:09,940 --> 00:05:12,420
You tidy up every morning.

75
00:05:12,780 --> 00:05:15,540
Well, you don't want the place to be in
a mess when the cleaners come in.

76
00:05:17,180 --> 00:05:18,680
That is their job.

77
00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:21,540
Poor girls come in here and despair.

78
00:05:22,020 --> 00:05:24,640
They take a look at your half of the
place, they can't find anything to do.

79
00:05:24,980 --> 00:05:26,880
And they look at your half and give up
in horror.

80
00:05:28,840 --> 00:05:31,820
you were such an untidy little piggy
-wiggy.

81
00:05:32,340 --> 00:05:33,900
When did you last make your bed?

82
00:05:34,740 --> 00:05:35,740
1947.

83
00:05:37,680 --> 00:05:40,300
And then I was so tired I had to get
back into it.

84
00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:42,840
A total waste of time.

85
00:05:43,520 --> 00:05:47,300
I've always taken great pride in my
hospital corners.

86
00:05:47,840 --> 00:05:48,840
Oh, terrific.

87
00:05:48,880 --> 00:05:50,660
Hold the front page. We'll run
photographs.

88
00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:52,400
You may mock.

89
00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:53,680
Thank you, I will.

90
00:05:54,060 --> 00:05:58,320
But tidiness is an indicator of a
person's character.

91
00:05:58,640 --> 00:05:59,800
Oh, absolutely.

92
00:06:00,500 --> 00:06:03,060
I mean, look at that messy Michelangelo.

93
00:06:03,460 --> 00:06:07,800
He was a frightful slut, wasn't he? And
I mean, it showed in his work, didn't

94
00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:08,800
it? Awful rubbish.

95
00:06:09,320 --> 00:06:13,800
He was all right, but if he had been
tidier, he could have done 16 Sistine

96
00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:16,340
chapels. There was only one to do.

97
00:06:17,660 --> 00:06:22,100
Well, he could have done other places as
well. Really great men are clean and

98
00:06:22,100 --> 00:06:24,500
tidy. Adolf Hitler was very neat.

99
00:06:24,860 --> 00:06:25,900
Oh, shut up.

100
00:06:47,920 --> 00:06:50,680
play silly games as well, you know. I'm
not talking to you.

101
00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:52,680
Diana. What?

102
00:06:53,240 --> 00:06:55,600
We cannot go on like this. Like what?

103
00:06:56,140 --> 00:07:00,760
Getting up each other's noses every ten
minutes. We've always done that. Yes,

104
00:07:00,860 --> 00:07:05,560
but in the past, between rounds, we
could always retire to our opposite

105
00:07:05,560 --> 00:07:09,100
and have a breather. Now, we can't avoid
each other and we're driving each other

106
00:07:09,100 --> 00:07:10,079
nuts.

107
00:07:10,080 --> 00:07:11,080
Yes.

108
00:07:11,660 --> 00:07:12,660
Yes.

109
00:07:14,160 --> 00:07:15,420
It isn't working.

110
00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:17,120
No.

111
00:07:17,580 --> 00:07:18,620
No, it isn't.

112
00:07:19,460 --> 00:07:21,560
We are both miserable.

113
00:07:25,060 --> 00:07:26,340
So what have we agreed to do?

114
00:07:27,740 --> 00:07:28,740
Quite simple.

115
00:07:28,760 --> 00:07:30,960
Really? Yes. You have to move out.

116
00:07:33,080 --> 00:07:34,720
Diana, it's my place.

117
00:07:35,300 --> 00:07:36,420
Oh, I see.

118
00:07:36,980 --> 00:07:38,520
Now we come to the truth.

119
00:07:38,780 --> 00:07:42,720
I pay the rent, so I'm the boss. It's my
ball, so we play the game my way. Of

120
00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:44,400
course not. I've never said that. You
just did.

121
00:07:44,860 --> 00:07:45,860
As soon as...

122
00:07:48,430 --> 00:07:52,470
You threw money and ownership and
general male piggery in my face. I just

123
00:07:52,470 --> 00:07:54,570
didn't want to be moved out of my own
home.

124
00:07:54,810 --> 00:07:55,769
That's all.

125
00:07:55,770 --> 00:07:57,330
It's not unreasonable, is it?

126
00:07:58,270 --> 00:07:59,270
No.

127
00:07:59,490 --> 00:08:01,370
No. Of course it isn't, Tom.

128
00:08:02,170 --> 00:08:03,750
So what are we going to do?

129
00:08:07,330 --> 00:08:09,030
Diana, this is not what I meant.

130
00:08:09,230 --> 00:08:10,109
Too late now.

131
00:08:10,110 --> 00:08:14,530
Diana. It is for the best, Tom. No point
in stuffing up a good friendship by

132
00:08:14,530 --> 00:08:15,630
living together in misery.

133
00:08:16,770 --> 00:08:18,060
Come on, girls. Drive.

134
00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:21,880
See you soon, Tom. No, you won't.

135
00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:27,960
Well, hurry up. I want to see her before
I'm dead. Come on, girl.

136
00:08:35,539 --> 00:08:36,580
Oh, she loves me.

137
00:08:37,080 --> 00:08:38,080
She loves me not.

138
00:08:38,559 --> 00:08:39,559
She loves me.

139
00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:42,000
What a marvellous breeding specimen.

140
00:08:42,559 --> 00:08:44,260
Two genetically perfect people.

141
00:08:44,580 --> 00:08:46,200
We could create a master race.

142
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:51,030
Run him down.

143
00:08:51,650 --> 00:08:57,490
Do that, Mist.

144
00:08:57,950 --> 00:08:59,470
Don't you ever do that again.

145
00:09:27,440 --> 00:09:28,359
Hannah has left.

146
00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:29,640
What are we going to do?

147
00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:32,020
I can't think, Jane.

148
00:09:32,340 --> 00:09:33,700
Well, what do you think would be best?

149
00:09:33,920 --> 00:09:36,340
A public holiday or a flight of work to
school?

150
00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:38,040
Oh, Greg.

151
00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:43,220
It's been my best day ever.

152
00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:47,040
My enemy gone and my true love found.

153
00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:54,860
Oh, I certainly do, Jane. A bit of mad
passion, that's what I need. A woman in

154
00:09:54,860 --> 00:09:57,060
daigle leotard and lycra shorts.

155
00:09:58,160 --> 00:10:00,320
Jane? Yes, Harvey?

156
00:10:00,640 --> 00:10:01,760
I'm touching you.

157
00:10:05,840 --> 00:10:06,840
Leotard.

158
00:10:08,560 --> 00:10:09,560
Is this it?

159
00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:11,480
I thought you were successful.

160
00:10:12,260 --> 00:10:15,680
This is a very expensive muse cottage.

161
00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:17,560
It used to be a servant's hovel.

162
00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:19,760
You're a fool to fashion, child.

163
00:10:20,250 --> 00:10:21,890
Do you want to see baby die or not?

164
00:10:22,190 --> 00:10:23,830
All right, all right. Get a move on.

165
00:10:27,750 --> 00:10:28,750
Oh, hello, Sarah.

166
00:10:29,030 --> 00:10:30,030
Hello, Mary.

167
00:10:30,290 --> 00:10:32,930
Diana, this is Mary, little Di's nanny.

168
00:10:33,370 --> 00:10:34,370
Nanny?

169
00:10:38,910 --> 00:10:40,230
Look at you.

170
00:10:40,550 --> 00:10:43,790
You've got your own little doofy pegs.
You're so clever.

171
00:10:44,130 --> 00:10:45,450
Her first teeth.

172
00:10:45,730 --> 00:10:48,810
Yes, I know they are her first teeth. I
could work that out.

173
00:10:50,410 --> 00:10:51,990
you haven't much experience with
children.

174
00:10:52,250 --> 00:10:54,810
I looked after 20 children in Phnom
Penh. Oh.

175
00:10:55,930 --> 00:10:57,750
That's not round here, is it?

176
00:10:58,550 --> 00:10:59,550
Oh, dear.

177
00:11:00,330 --> 00:11:01,330
Nanny.

178
00:11:01,690 --> 00:11:04,930
Most people call me nanny. Oh, jolly
good.

179
00:11:06,030 --> 00:11:08,170
Oh, dear.

180
00:11:08,490 --> 00:11:09,490
Oh, dear.

181
00:11:09,690 --> 00:11:12,170
How's my little dolly donkins, eh?

182
00:11:12,390 --> 00:11:15,310
How's my little piggy poo chubby chubby?

183
00:11:15,610 --> 00:11:19,370
Current thinking suggests that baby talk
can hinder a child's development.

184
00:11:20,140 --> 00:11:23,000
How kind of you to tell me. Well, I am
trained.

185
00:11:24,020 --> 00:11:25,020
Right.

186
00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:26,960
I'm off to the agency.

187
00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:28,260
I'll see you both at supper.

188
00:11:28,520 --> 00:11:32,040
Well, Mary lives in. She's like one of
the family.

189
00:11:32,380 --> 00:11:33,380
What fun.

190
00:11:35,340 --> 00:11:36,340
See you.

191
00:11:38,680 --> 00:11:39,680
Well,

192
00:11:40,620 --> 00:11:42,740
time for baby's sleep.

193
00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:44,160
Yes, I think I can manage.

194
00:11:44,560 --> 00:11:45,900
Well, she needs changing.

195
00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:49,020
Changing? Her nappy. Yes, I know.
Changing her nappy.

196
00:11:49,390 --> 00:11:50,730
I didn't think she was changing her
tailor.

197
00:11:51,690 --> 00:11:52,690
Oh,

198
00:11:53,330 --> 00:11:57,990
there. Now then, you just pass me the
freshly laundered napkin and the large

199
00:11:57,990 --> 00:12:01,230
safety pin and the talc, and I will
change her. You needn't hang around.

200
00:12:03,570 --> 00:12:04,630
What is this?

201
00:12:04,910 --> 00:12:06,070
A disposable napkin.

202
00:12:06,510 --> 00:12:08,670
Disposable? But you mean you throw them
away?

203
00:12:08,970 --> 00:12:11,710
Yes. And when were these aberrations
invented?

204
00:12:12,170 --> 00:12:13,370
About 30 years ago.

205
00:12:14,710 --> 00:12:15,710
Just checking.

206
00:12:19,740 --> 00:12:20,740
How's it going?

207
00:12:20,940 --> 00:12:24,400
Not so good. Her indoors has told me to
pack my bags.

208
00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:26,620
Oh, heck. Why do you suppose that is?

209
00:12:27,020 --> 00:12:28,700
Why do you think I will, Wayne?

210
00:12:29,560 --> 00:12:30,560
Oh, Shane.

211
00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:40,860
Four hours of peace and quiet.

212
00:12:41,380 --> 00:12:42,380
Wonderful.

213
00:12:43,140 --> 00:12:44,920
Four hours of no more yelling.

214
00:12:45,140 --> 00:12:46,140
Great.

215
00:12:46,990 --> 00:12:53,690
Nothing broken for four hours, and not a
single unkind reference to my bathroom

216
00:12:53,690 --> 00:12:54,690
habits.

217
00:12:56,910 --> 00:13:03,630
I feel I'm growing inside, becoming a
man again, king of my own

218
00:13:03,630 --> 00:13:04,630
castle.

219
00:13:04,910 --> 00:13:10,490
Now I can hoover as much as I like, and
have no shoes thrown at me.

220
00:13:13,550 --> 00:13:14,970
Born free.

221
00:13:17,119 --> 00:13:19,440
And life is worth living.

222
00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:23,560
And life is worth living.

223
00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:28,220
If you're born free.

224
00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:29,480
Hello, Dad.

225
00:13:31,460 --> 00:13:32,980
I'm very impressed.

226
00:13:33,560 --> 00:13:36,720
Well, you know, us... us movers and
shakers.

227
00:13:37,140 --> 00:13:39,700
For you to have bought this house and
set up a business like this.

228
00:13:40,220 --> 00:13:41,400
Very clever.

229
00:13:42,080 --> 00:13:43,080
Yes, I am.

230
00:13:43,500 --> 00:13:44,680
I'll see you soon, Dad.

231
00:13:45,160 --> 00:13:46,160
Not soon enough.

232
00:13:46,880 --> 00:13:48,760
Hey, old kidder.

233
00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:50,120
Oh!

234
00:13:52,700 --> 00:13:53,700
Bye.

235
00:13:54,480 --> 00:13:55,480
Bye.

236
00:13:57,480 --> 00:13:58,480
Oh, God.

237
00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:01,060
Please let me get somewhere with this
one.

238
00:14:03,540 --> 00:14:04,540
Dad?

239
00:14:06,460 --> 00:14:07,460
Dad?

240
00:14:09,280 --> 00:14:11,880
Dad, I can't hear you over the hoover.

241
00:14:12,780 --> 00:14:13,780
Torrid!

242
00:14:19,120 --> 00:14:20,120
Diana leave?

243
00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:22,640
What? Why did she go?

244
00:14:23,020 --> 00:14:24,460
Who? Diana.

245
00:15:04,780 --> 00:15:09,640
tidy for Diana when she comes back. Is
she coming back, Dan? I don't know,

246
00:15:09,660 --> 00:15:15,380
Geoffrey. I expect if I keep the place
nice and clean, she'll hear about it and

247
00:15:15,380 --> 00:15:16,860
come back pretty sharpish.

248
00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:19,180
Did she say what her plans were?

249
00:15:19,820 --> 00:15:23,560
Well, she said she was going to look up
a lot of old journalist pals and drink a

250
00:15:23,560 --> 00:15:25,640
lot. So what are you going to do, Dan?

251
00:15:26,480 --> 00:15:29,940
Well, I thought I might go away for a
bit. Good idea.

252
00:15:35,630 --> 00:15:36,630
I need people around me.

253
00:15:37,010 --> 00:15:38,450
Calcutta's got lots of people.

254
00:15:40,050 --> 00:15:43,290
I thought I might come and stay with
you.

255
00:15:46,530 --> 00:15:49,930
Geoffrey! Yes, dear? Tell him why he
can't come and stay with us right now.

256
00:15:50,230 --> 00:15:52,130
Well, why can't he come and stay with
us?

257
00:15:53,070 --> 00:15:55,730
Because... Because it's been stolen!

258
00:15:56,190 --> 00:15:57,190
What? Your house?

259
00:15:57,370 --> 00:15:59,290
No, your room. Just your room.

260
00:15:59,530 --> 00:16:01,730
Forgot to mention it. You're much better
here.

261
00:16:02,150 --> 00:16:03,650
With Geoffrey. What?

262
00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:06,780
If he's lonely, you can come and stay
with him here.

263
00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:08,500
Wouldn't you miss me?

264
00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:09,680
I might just cope.

265
00:16:10,360 --> 00:16:13,340
There you are, Dan. I've got to stay for
a few days. That'll be fun, won't it?

266
00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:18,600
Where are you going, Dan?

267
00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:20,660
To get my shovel.

268
00:16:21,140 --> 00:16:22,140
I'm tundering out.

269
00:16:25,260 --> 00:16:27,000
Are you sure you'll be all right without
me, dear?

270
00:16:27,340 --> 00:16:31,840
If I get lonely, I'll ask that nice
Dickie Big to come round for a few days.

271
00:16:32,380 --> 00:16:33,860
Oh, isn't he a criminal?

272
00:16:34,380 --> 00:16:35,380
Oh, I've never asked.

273
00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:36,880
You wear snakeskin boots.

274
00:16:41,920 --> 00:16:42,920
Get it up.

275
00:16:43,680 --> 00:16:46,720
Get it up, this Jupiter Adonis. Get it
up.

276
00:16:47,620 --> 00:16:48,620
Hello, Harvey.

277
00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:51,240
What do you want, Jane?

278
00:16:51,740 --> 00:16:53,000
Can't you see I'm weight training?

279
00:17:12,460 --> 00:17:14,460
called Shorts and Leotards. So?

280
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:18,319
Well, I believe a woman should keep her
man happy.

281
00:17:18,640 --> 00:17:20,319
Well, let's hope Inga feels the thing.

282
00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:22,960
So I got the... What did you say?

283
00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:25,980
Who? Inga, the new aerobics teacher.

284
00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:30,940
Aerobics? Well, the healthier the
inmates, the less care they need, the

285
00:17:30,940 --> 00:17:32,020
staff I can lay off.

286
00:17:32,540 --> 00:17:35,960
Inga? Yes, and I think she might be able
to help me develop in a few other areas

287
00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:36,960
as well, eh?

288
00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:41,440
Inga? Yes, Inga Nordstrom -Jane. She's
stunningly beautiful.

289
00:17:42,220 --> 00:17:44,200
and she's about as tall as you are
round.

290
00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:47,860
Inga! Yes, and she's going to get us all
into shape, and it's not a moment too

291
00:17:47,860 --> 00:17:48,900
soon for you, is it?

292
00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:51,200
You're turning into a right little
pudding, aren't you?

293
00:17:52,140 --> 00:17:55,100
Yes, and I'll soon be a bronze, muscle
-rippling young god.

294
00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:58,160
Inga and I will be the coolest couple in
the whole of Bournemouth. Inga!

295
00:17:58,640 --> 00:18:02,420
Yes, we'll be like those swingers in the
movie ads, all flapping linen jackets

296
00:18:02,420 --> 00:18:03,420
and white shoes.

297
00:18:03,540 --> 00:18:04,920
Oh, God, I've got to get fit!

298
00:18:14,830 --> 00:18:15,830
the editor's office.

299
00:18:16,050 --> 00:18:18,270
This is Diana Trent here.

300
00:18:19,730 --> 00:18:23,930
Diana Trent, the photojournalist who won
you all those awards.

301
00:18:25,810 --> 00:18:28,330
Yes, yes, I am still alive.

302
00:18:29,970 --> 00:18:31,150
And who are you?

303
00:18:31,890 --> 00:18:35,610
Oh, Jimmy Willis, the office lad.

304
00:18:36,430 --> 00:18:39,670
You bring round the sandwiches, don't
you? I remember you. Have you still got

305
00:18:39,670 --> 00:18:40,670
that bike?

306
00:18:41,879 --> 00:18:43,860
You've got a car and you're the editor
now.

307
00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:48,460
Yes, well, I was just kidding, Jimmy.
Look, I was really trying to get hold of

308
00:18:48,460 --> 00:18:51,720
Bernie Davis. I rang New York, but they
said he wasn't there any longer.

309
00:18:53,220 --> 00:18:54,220
Bernie Davis.

310
00:18:55,900 --> 00:18:57,860
Yes, that old drunk.

311
00:18:58,740 --> 00:19:02,920
And this is this old drunk, and we two
old drunks want to get together and

312
00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:05,000
become even further old drunk. So where
is he?

313
00:19:06,280 --> 00:19:07,320
Hampstead. Great. Where?

314
00:19:08,620 --> 00:19:09,620
The cemetery.

315
00:19:12,300 --> 00:19:13,460
Stupid little squit.

316
00:19:14,360 --> 00:19:16,140
Wouldn't even get the sandwich order
right.

317
00:19:17,260 --> 00:19:18,260
Ah.

318
00:19:18,620 --> 00:19:19,780
Not having much luck?

319
00:19:20,020 --> 00:19:21,020
Sorry?

320
00:19:21,140 --> 00:19:22,420
Digging up old friends.

321
00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:29,640
As most of them appear to be six foot
under, I consider that a singularly

322
00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:30,640
inappropriate remark.

323
00:19:30,900 --> 00:19:33,600
Look, I didn't mean anything by that.
No, I'm sure you didn't. Would you hush,

324
00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:34,599
please?

325
00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:35,700
Hello, Jumbo.

326
00:19:37,380 --> 00:19:39,280
Yes, right in one.

327
00:19:39,940 --> 00:19:41,240
Dangerous Diana here.

328
00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:45,260
My God, it's good to find someone still
rocking.

329
00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:48,120
They haven't turned off your life
support machine, have they?

330
00:19:49,060 --> 00:19:54,380
What? No. Well, I've just moved back up
to town and I wondered if we could cover

331
00:19:54,380 --> 00:19:55,440
the waterfront one evening.

332
00:19:56,740 --> 00:19:57,740
What?

333
00:19:58,160 --> 00:20:00,940
Somewhere with wheelchair access and an
oxygen supply?

334
00:20:02,300 --> 00:20:03,580
You're pulling my leg.

335
00:20:03,860 --> 00:20:04,860
You are.

336
00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:07,320
You've got your own oxygen supply.

337
00:20:08,700 --> 00:20:09,800
All right. What?

338
00:20:10,660 --> 00:20:12,600
Okay. The wig and... pen.

339
00:20:12,980 --> 00:20:16,380
Uh -huh. Seven o 'clock tomorrow
evening. Bye, Jumbo.

340
00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:18,640
Oh,

341
00:20:18,940 --> 00:20:25,780
do you know, that man abseiled down the
Eiffel Tower after three

342
00:20:25,780 --> 00:20:26,780
bottles of cognac.

343
00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:28,880
Isn't that a bit silly?

344
00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:33,380
Oh, totally bloody deranged. But that's
the sort of people we were in those

345
00:20:33,380 --> 00:20:34,380
days. I see.

346
00:20:36,120 --> 00:20:37,120
Irresponsible.

347
00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:38,440
Alive!

348
00:20:38,840 --> 00:20:40,120
Well, some of you.

349
00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:44,880
Nice place, Dad.

350
00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:47,700
Just needs a bit of a facelift, that's
all.

351
00:20:48,620 --> 00:20:49,920
It's very well put together, though.

352
00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:52,820
I had a quick run round with my spirit
level earlier.

353
00:20:53,140 --> 00:20:54,560
The angles all seem pretty good.

354
00:20:56,540 --> 00:20:58,920
I was doing a bit of research into your
light fittings, too.

355
00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:00,880
Do you know they come from Belgium?

356
00:21:03,060 --> 00:21:04,520
Amazing, eh? All the way from Belgium.

357
00:21:05,300 --> 00:21:06,740
Have you ever been to Belgium, Dad?

358
00:21:08,180 --> 00:21:12,560
Marion went there with her friend Dickie
Biggs.

359
00:21:12,890 --> 00:21:14,150
To buy tulip bulbs.

360
00:21:14,570 --> 00:21:15,830
They came back via Paris.

361
00:21:16,870 --> 00:21:20,770
And you know, after all that travelling,
they forgot to get the tulip bulbs.

362
00:21:23,070 --> 00:21:24,070
It's silly, eh?

363
00:21:24,910 --> 00:21:26,850
I wonder what they pay for the taps in
your toilet.

364
00:21:28,890 --> 00:21:32,570
Do you mind if I do a bit of decorating
for you, Dan? I like to keep my hand in.

365
00:21:32,730 --> 00:21:33,730
Hello.

366
00:21:33,850 --> 00:21:35,250
Ah, the cavalry.

367
00:21:36,050 --> 00:21:37,050
What ho, Jane?

368
00:21:38,010 --> 00:21:39,930
How wonderful to see you.

369
00:21:40,330 --> 00:21:41,330
Sit down.

370
00:21:42,670 --> 00:21:45,890
Did I ever tell you what a wonderful
person you were?

371
00:21:46,210 --> 00:21:47,210
No.

372
00:21:47,710 --> 00:21:49,890
Oh, well, you are.

373
00:21:50,290 --> 00:21:55,390
Just remember, everything's relative,
except Geoffrey. He's only a relative

374
00:21:55,390 --> 00:21:56,390
relative.

375
00:21:56,610 --> 00:21:59,570
Right. Have you had any news from Diana?

376
00:21:59,950 --> 00:22:01,610
She only left this afternoon.

377
00:22:02,190 --> 00:22:03,450
Yes, but we need her.

378
00:22:03,750 --> 00:22:06,510
My little Harvey's had a bit of a mental
breakdown.

379
00:22:07,470 --> 00:22:12,270
has employed some woman from the Arctic
Circle to give you all aerobic clothing.

380
00:22:12,710 --> 00:22:14,890
Well, what could Diana do about that?

381
00:22:15,170 --> 00:22:17,090
Well, I don't know till I've asked her,
do I?

382
00:22:17,630 --> 00:22:19,870
Well, you can always try asking me.

383
00:22:20,390 --> 00:22:22,650
I mean, Diana and I were a team.

384
00:22:23,410 --> 00:22:25,130
She didn't do it all on her own, you
know.

385
00:22:25,970 --> 00:22:26,970
All right, then.

386
00:22:27,250 --> 00:22:31,550
What are you going to do about Inger
Nordstrom, the Viking slut?

387
00:22:32,850 --> 00:22:35,150
Um, tell you what.

388
00:22:35,880 --> 00:22:37,780
I'll ring Diana and see what she says.

389
00:22:39,120 --> 00:22:41,680
Regency stripe, I think, Dan. I've got
just the thing for you.

390
00:22:43,360 --> 00:22:47,780
Rock -a -bye, baby, on the treetop.

391
00:22:48,420 --> 00:22:53,300
When the wind blows, the cradle will
rock.

392
00:22:53,780 --> 00:22:56,420
What on earth was that baby doing up a
tree, eh?

393
00:22:57,360 --> 00:23:00,780
Shall I sing you a really good one?

394
00:23:01,020 --> 00:23:05,140
Yes, yes, come on. You ain't nothing but
a hound.

395
00:23:12,889 --> 00:23:13,889
Oh, gosh!

396
00:23:15,590 --> 00:23:18,250
I hate models.

397
00:23:18,810 --> 00:23:19,810
Tough day, dear?

398
00:23:20,310 --> 00:23:23,310
I'm their agent, but they expect me to
be their mother as well. I spend half

399
00:23:23,310 --> 00:23:25,110
day on the phone listening to their
boyfriend trouble.

400
00:23:27,590 --> 00:23:28,590
Where's Mary?

401
00:23:44,520 --> 00:23:45,700
Saved you a great deal of money.

402
00:23:47,740 --> 00:23:51,220
How? I've, um... I've sent her on
holiday.

403
00:23:51,820 --> 00:23:52,820
What?

404
00:23:53,060 --> 00:23:54,760
You've sent her on holiday for how long?

405
00:23:55,120 --> 00:23:56,820
For... ever.

406
00:23:58,940 --> 00:24:00,040
You've killed her.

407
00:24:00,780 --> 00:24:02,100
No, I fired her.

408
00:24:02,380 --> 00:24:06,060
You fired my nanny? What does she do?
Read her. I'm here.

409
00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:09,620
I don't believe this. She'd never leave
without consulting me.

410
00:24:09,900 --> 00:24:11,720
No, well, she did need a bit of
persuasion.

411
00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:15,820
You didn't hit... You didn't hit her,
did you? No, no, of course not.

412
00:24:16,580 --> 00:24:18,320
Bit of a push and a shove, but not a
hit.

413
00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:20,600
Oh, God.

414
00:24:20,860 --> 00:24:23,960
I don't believe you'd do this without
consulting me. And listen, Clara, she

415
00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:24,799
no good.

416
00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:28,160
If you want that child to grow up with
personality and character, it's no good

417
00:24:28,160 --> 00:24:31,840
having some nanny about telling her what
to do. She needs someone closer.

418
00:24:32,700 --> 00:24:33,700
Family.

419
00:24:33,820 --> 00:24:34,820
Great aunt.

420
00:24:35,260 --> 00:24:36,260
Me.

421
00:24:38,020 --> 00:24:40,220
You are going to be the nanny? Sure.

422
00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:45,900
So where's dinner?

423
00:24:46,240 --> 00:24:47,240
It's in the kitchen.

424
00:24:49,300 --> 00:24:50,300
On the ceiling.

425
00:24:52,660 --> 00:24:56,660
What? It was all part of the negotiation
process with what's -her -face.

426
00:24:59,060 --> 00:25:02,860
Well, I'm eating out, then. Oh, great.
Where are we going?

427
00:25:03,220 --> 00:25:05,040
We aren't going anywhere.

428
00:25:05,420 --> 00:25:07,920
You are the nanny. You stay and look
after the baby.

429
00:25:24,270 --> 00:25:28,690
to remember about wallpaper, Dad, and
the hanging thereof, is that you and

430
00:25:28,690 --> 00:25:31,810
choice of paper can have an effect on
the entire planet.

431
00:25:32,130 --> 00:25:36,130
Few people realise that the careless
choice of paper can not only be very

432
00:25:36,130 --> 00:25:40,390
upsetting and intellectually disturbing,
but can actually cost lives.

433
00:25:40,810 --> 00:25:46,450
For instance, in Paris of the 1780s,
prior to the introduction of the good

434
00:25:46,450 --> 00:25:51,010
Regency stripe, there was a tendency
toward very primal colours and patterns,

435
00:25:51,110 --> 00:25:52,110
and what did that bring about?

436
00:25:52,480 --> 00:25:53,900
Absolutely right, the French Revolution.

437
00:25:54,940 --> 00:26:01,220
In fact, did you know that it was the
toxicity of wallpaper paste in his

438
00:26:01,220 --> 00:26:02,320
cell that killed Napoleon?

439
00:26:03,620 --> 00:26:04,620
Dad?

440
00:26:15,420 --> 00:26:18,980
What the... What the hell do you think
you're doing ringing at this time of

441
00:26:18,980 --> 00:26:21,880
night? There is a baby here who I only
just can't sleep.

442
00:26:22,280 --> 00:26:24,480
And a nanny who has had no sleep at all.

443
00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:27,780
Oh. Oh, hello, Tom.

444
00:26:28,780 --> 00:26:31,680
What, how? Just ringing to find out how
you were.

445
00:26:32,100 --> 00:26:34,540
Oh. Well, I'm fine. Great.

446
00:26:35,420 --> 00:26:36,420
And you?

447
00:26:36,500 --> 00:26:37,500
Oh, excellent.

448
00:26:38,260 --> 00:26:39,760
Got Geoffrey staying.

449
00:26:40,360 --> 00:26:42,360
Having a few good yarns.

450
00:26:42,980 --> 00:26:45,000
He's going to wallpaper the place
tonight.

451
00:26:46,920 --> 00:26:47,920
Good.

452
00:26:48,280 --> 00:26:50,780
And how's everyone else, sir?

453
00:26:51,040 --> 00:26:53,680
Fine. Oh, Jane's in a bit of a flap.

454
00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:58,660
Harvey's employing some Nordic mattress
to give a poor fitness club.

455
00:26:59,460 --> 00:27:02,620
Well, I expect you'll be able to deal
with that.

456
00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:04,980
Absolutely. No problem.

457
00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:06,980
Good. Yes.

458
00:27:10,380 --> 00:27:12,760
Um, so everything's OK?

459
00:27:13,320 --> 00:27:18,040
Well, it was for the best, you know,
Tom. I mean, well, we're getting on

460
00:27:18,040 --> 00:27:21,960
already. Oh, yes, it was definitely for
the best. We don't want to ruin a

461
00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:24,320
friendship with petty squabbles.

462
00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:26,400
No. No, of course not.

463
00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:32,620
Well, I'd better say goodnight and be
off.

464
00:27:33,540 --> 00:27:34,540
Me too.

465
00:27:35,980 --> 00:27:36,980
Goodnight, Tom.

466
00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:39,200
Goodnight, Diana.

467
00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:44,340
Right, then, if you'd like to move the
furniture into the middle, I'll start

468
00:27:44,340 --> 00:27:45,480
dust -sheeting and stripping.

469
00:27:59,050 --> 00:28:01,070
my precious nanny's coming