1 00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:51,720 Hello. How lovely to meet you. 2 00:00:52,500 --> 00:00:56,780 Mitram is Brent, isn't it? Kent, Harvey. Oh, you're from Kent, are you? No. 3 00:00:57,220 --> 00:00:58,600 Your name is Kent. 4 00:00:58,940 --> 00:00:59,960 And you're from Brent? 5 00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:02,160 No. We're from Brent. 6 00:01:03,640 --> 00:01:06,100 Jane, these aren't the Brents from Kent. 7 00:01:06,380 --> 00:01:07,760 These are the Kents from Gwent. 8 00:01:09,280 --> 00:01:10,660 We'll try and get it right, will you? 9 00:01:10,860 --> 00:01:11,860 Sorry, Harvey. 10 00:01:12,100 --> 00:01:13,980 And this must be Granny Kent. 11 00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:15,840 How nice to meet you. 12 00:01:16,300 --> 00:01:17,480 I'm Harvey Baines. 13 00:01:20,100 --> 00:01:21,220 Harvey Baines. 14 00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:22,980 She's not deaf. 15 00:01:23,380 --> 00:01:25,280 She just doesn't talk very much. 16 00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:27,980 Really? A quiet person? 17 00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:29,540 Doesn't cause any trouble? 18 00:01:30,060 --> 00:01:32,300 Never. Do you hear that, Jane? 19 00:01:32,620 --> 00:01:35,860 She's moving into Diana's old place and she doesn't cause any trouble. 20 00:01:36,540 --> 00:01:37,560 How wonderful. 21 00:01:38,340 --> 00:01:39,940 Diana's still here, Harvey. 22 00:01:40,180 --> 00:01:41,180 You shut up, Jane. 23 00:01:41,880 --> 00:01:43,360 And what's Granny's name? 24 00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:44,840 Her name's Gwen. 25 00:01:45,360 --> 00:01:47,940 Gwen? How marvellous. 26 00:01:48,490 --> 00:01:51,850 Oh, you people, you have such a musical way with the language. 27 00:01:52,110 --> 00:01:53,970 Come along, Gwenny Gwent. 28 00:03:24,560 --> 00:03:25,560 I couldn't sleep. 29 00:03:25,620 --> 00:03:26,539 Neither could I. 30 00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:30,320 Oh, you get insomnia too, do you? Only when some idiot's hoovering under my 31 00:03:31,340 --> 00:03:35,400 But other people have been living here. We have to rid the place of their 32 00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:38,080 smells. Their bits of old skin. 33 00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:39,399 Their what? 34 00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:40,400 Skin. 35 00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:43,900 Old skin is shed all over the place. 36 00:03:44,260 --> 00:03:47,640 The previous occupants probably shed tons of skin in here. 37 00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:49,220 Well, what were they? Lizards? 38 00:03:49,980 --> 00:03:53,340 I couldn't wander about knee -deep in other people's skin bits. 39 00:03:54,120 --> 00:03:55,079 for a floating conversation. 40 00:03:55,080 --> 00:03:59,580 And there could be bits of hair and toenail clippings. Shut up! 41 00:04:00,740 --> 00:04:05,220 Now, listen, Tom. If this ridiculous arrangement is going to work, we have to 42 00:04:05,220 --> 00:04:09,580 lay down some ground rules. And the first is, at this time of day, I read 43 00:04:09,580 --> 00:04:14,380 paper and have a cappuccino. And that is what I am going to do right now. OK? 44 00:04:15,540 --> 00:04:17,500 I'd be meaning to talk to you about that machine. 45 00:04:17,760 --> 00:04:18,760 Oh, really? 46 00:04:18,839 --> 00:04:21,060 When you turn the steam bit on... 47 00:04:21,310 --> 00:04:23,210 It sounds like you're murdering a small pig. 48 00:04:23,450 --> 00:04:24,409 So? 49 00:04:24,410 --> 00:04:26,870 Well, I'm rather fond of small pigs. So? 50 00:04:27,350 --> 00:04:28,570 So it upsets me. 51 00:04:28,830 --> 00:04:30,210 Well, hoovering upsets me. 52 00:04:30,710 --> 00:04:32,970 Well, couldn't you just have instant coffee? 53 00:04:33,230 --> 00:04:36,150 Well, couldn't you just get down on your hands and knees and suck the carpet? 54 00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:03,320 I know about raising the dead, I'm married to Marion. 55 00:05:04,340 --> 00:05:08,560 Oh, Sarah, was there something you wanted, Geoffrey? Just wanted to see how 56 00:05:08,560 --> 00:05:09,560 you're getting on. Why? 57 00:05:10,260 --> 00:05:12,520 Well, you know, I'm family. It's the sort of thing you do. 58 00:05:12,920 --> 00:05:13,920 So where's Marion? 59 00:05:14,060 --> 00:05:16,180 Or don't you give a fig how we're getting on? 60 00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:18,960 She's at her analyst. Oh, how long's she been going there? 61 00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:20,160 27 years. 62 00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:22,340 Any advances in that time? 63 00:05:22,780 --> 00:05:24,200 Yes, we've landed on the moon. 64 00:05:25,580 --> 00:05:27,460 Invented the microchip. Thank you, Geoffrey. 65 00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:30,320 Have a lovely Christmas. 66 00:05:30,620 --> 00:05:31,620 So you're getting on OK? 67 00:05:32,100 --> 00:05:34,000 Yes! Why wouldn't we be? 68 00:05:34,640 --> 00:05:37,600 Oh, no reason at all. I'm sure the fact Diana's never lived with anyone for more 69 00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:40,820 than about ten minutes and so it's probably a bit set in her ways and 70 00:05:40,820 --> 00:05:42,460 of change is no problem at all. 71 00:05:43,040 --> 00:05:46,080 And I don't suppose you're rather peculiar bathroom habits, really, 72 00:05:46,920 --> 00:05:49,540 It wasn't your chronic early morning wind -breaking. 73 00:05:50,280 --> 00:05:52,000 No, I'm sure you'll get along fine. 74 00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:56,100 Good. Then thank you for making it all so much easier. Well, you know, it's 75 00:05:56,100 --> 00:05:57,100 anything I can do. 76 00:05:57,560 --> 00:05:59,300 I mean, you're almost family now, Diana. 77 00:05:59,680 --> 00:06:00,940 Joy of joys. 78 00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:03,200 Coffee. 79 00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:04,960 That's nice. 80 00:06:05,340 --> 00:06:07,540 Well, don't feel you have to hang around, Geoffrey. 81 00:06:08,840 --> 00:06:09,840 Fine. 82 00:06:28,380 --> 00:06:29,460 Rowing. Ah, yes. 83 00:06:30,140 --> 00:06:31,840 No more hoovering. 84 00:06:32,040 --> 00:06:33,640 No more pig butchering. 85 00:06:34,180 --> 00:06:37,120 Oh, let's give it a rest. I'm fagged. Me too. 86 00:06:38,160 --> 00:06:41,420 Recommend hostilities at 1 ,400 hours. Okay. 87 00:06:41,720 --> 00:06:42,720 Stand easy. 88 00:06:46,100 --> 00:06:49,240 So, what's it to be, dear? Soup or the prawn cocktail? 89 00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:53,260 Would you like me to read the menu for you? 90 00:06:56,080 --> 00:06:57,280 Ooh, do you like rabbit? 91 00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:01,520 We get a lot of rabbit round here. Mr. Kwok catches them himself. 92 00:07:02,080 --> 00:07:03,520 This rabbit's put on today. 93 00:07:04,100 --> 00:07:06,280 She doesn't say much. 94 00:07:06,660 --> 00:07:09,140 Silent. It's wonderful. I love silent. 95 00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:12,560 I think I'll give discounts to silent orders. 96 00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:16,880 Oh, here comes Basil. He should get a reaction. 97 00:07:17,320 --> 00:07:19,180 Hi, babe. Basil, make peace. 98 00:07:19,540 --> 00:07:20,640 Local stub. 99 00:07:21,720 --> 00:07:26,500 I've got a cool evening next week, so I'll put you down for a one -hour... 100 00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:32,180 introductory tour of my bedroom, followed by a showing of Basil Make 101 00:07:32,180 --> 00:07:37,140 movie, so that you can see what you're in for and get into training. 102 00:07:38,580 --> 00:07:39,580 OK? 103 00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:44,320 Jane, is this one mutton Jeff? 104 00:07:44,980 --> 00:07:46,600 Just sit down, Basil. 105 00:07:46,940 --> 00:07:49,460 Gwen just doesn't have much to say today, that's all. 106 00:07:49,820 --> 00:07:51,760 She doesn't seem to be eating, either. 107 00:07:52,100 --> 00:07:53,600 Oh, inexpensive, too. 108 00:07:55,560 --> 00:07:57,420 They're the sort of people I want here, Jane. 109 00:07:57,980 --> 00:07:59,160 Anorexic trappists. 110 00:08:07,640 --> 00:08:09,080 OK, two o 'clock. 111 00:08:09,360 --> 00:08:10,360 Fire one. 112 00:08:10,840 --> 00:08:12,060 You're out of your mind. 113 00:08:12,820 --> 00:08:14,520 At least I have a mind to be out of. 114 00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:17,520 I want the left -hand bedroom. 115 00:08:17,860 --> 00:08:20,740 No, no, no. I always have that side of any building. 116 00:08:21,060 --> 00:08:22,039 Why? 117 00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:24,600 I have to face magnetic north or I get nightmares. 118 00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:29,420 Rubbish. I need the Northern Light for my painting. 119 00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:32,720 Well, I saw it first. I bagged it. 120 00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:34,720 Forget it. All right, then. 121 00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:37,440 I'm having it because I'm the landlord. 122 00:08:38,860 --> 00:08:40,799 You pig bun. 123 00:08:41,700 --> 00:08:42,700 Two days. 124 00:08:42,919 --> 00:08:46,660 That's all it took you to throw my bankruptcy in my face. 125 00:08:47,020 --> 00:08:50,500 Facts are facts, woman. You've always told me not to be a wimp, so I'm not. 126 00:08:51,050 --> 00:08:56,790 It's my place, so I'll have any damn bedroom I want, and you can stick that 127 00:08:56,790 --> 00:08:58,230 your nose and smoke it! 128 00:09:01,250 --> 00:09:03,530 Oh, God, I hate this. 129 00:09:04,090 --> 00:09:07,050 A woman with no money might as well be dead. 130 00:09:09,110 --> 00:09:11,490 All men are swine! 131 00:09:11,690 --> 00:09:13,790 You too. 132 00:09:21,320 --> 00:09:22,320 Who's married? 133 00:09:22,820 --> 00:09:25,180 Okay. How shacked up list, then? 134 00:09:25,900 --> 00:09:27,000 I'll have the soup. 135 00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:29,540 Prawn cocktail. 136 00:09:30,260 --> 00:09:31,900 You hate prawns. 137 00:09:32,220 --> 00:09:34,620 Well, I'm not having anything she's having. 138 00:09:35,660 --> 00:09:38,380 I'll have the prawn cocktail, but could you take the prawns out? 139 00:09:39,500 --> 00:09:40,800 The prawns out? 140 00:09:41,420 --> 00:09:44,280 Sure, why not? I haven't got anything else to do. 141 00:09:44,720 --> 00:09:45,720 Oh, boy. 142 00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:49,200 Who's that? 143 00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:50,299 Who's who? 144 00:09:50,300 --> 00:09:51,380 That... resident. Where? 145 00:09:51,620 --> 00:09:52,379 Behind you. 146 00:09:52,380 --> 00:09:55,280 I'm not looking round for you. You can look around for yourself. 147 00:09:56,300 --> 00:09:57,300 Hello! 148 00:09:58,000 --> 00:09:59,000 Hello! 149 00:10:00,040 --> 00:10:03,200 Welcome to Bayview, the cold side of hell. 150 00:10:05,580 --> 00:10:07,400 Nice to have you on board. 151 00:10:09,100 --> 00:10:10,740 She seems like a load of laughs. 152 00:10:12,740 --> 00:10:15,060 What are we going to do about your sofa? 153 00:10:15,460 --> 00:10:16,460 What about it? 154 00:10:16,540 --> 00:10:19,140 Well, we don't need two, do we? And mine's far nicer. 155 00:10:19,610 --> 00:10:22,250 Your sofa is revolting. It sinks like dead horse. 156 00:10:23,230 --> 00:10:24,230 I like it. 157 00:10:25,010 --> 00:10:28,910 It fits me. Yes, well, it doesn't fit me. I have a round bottom, you have a 158 00:10:28,910 --> 00:10:29,910 knobbly bottom. 159 00:10:30,250 --> 00:10:34,190 My apartment, my sofa. 160 00:10:35,050 --> 00:10:36,870 Hello. Everybody happy? 161 00:10:37,650 --> 00:10:39,890 Why do you always look like a bit of limp celery? 162 00:10:54,410 --> 00:11:00,570 else thinks it's all very sweet and nice, but to me, you're not M -A -R -R 163 00:11:00,570 --> 00:11:01,570 -D. 164 00:11:05,590 --> 00:11:07,050 We're not marred. 165 00:11:08,690 --> 00:11:09,690 Married? 166 00:11:09,910 --> 00:11:11,250 Illiterate celery, no less. 167 00:11:12,410 --> 00:11:14,910 I just don't think it sets a good Christian example. 168 00:11:15,610 --> 00:11:19,090 I mean, you don't see me living in thin with Harvey. 169 00:11:19,490 --> 00:11:23,190 You don't see me in the same flat, sharing the same toothbrush. 170 00:11:24,360 --> 00:11:29,840 Waking up each morning with his curly little head on the pillow beside me. Oh, 171 00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:30,880 God. 172 00:11:34,500 --> 00:11:36,840 I haven't got a knobbly bum. 173 00:11:37,740 --> 00:11:40,080 I have a very proper set of buttocks. 174 00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:42,740 That woman isn't eating. 175 00:11:43,180 --> 00:11:44,720 Well, hi, chums. 176 00:11:45,500 --> 00:11:46,700 Bog off, Greaseball. 177 00:11:48,440 --> 00:11:50,060 Such a joker, Diana. 178 00:11:50,300 --> 00:11:53,600 So, how are things with the swingers in the new pad, eh? 179 00:11:54,010 --> 00:11:56,050 Nudge, nudge. Say no more, eh? 180 00:11:56,350 --> 00:12:01,170 Tom, when is your God going to pull the celestial chain and flush him down the 181 00:12:01,170 --> 00:12:02,170 almighty ladder? 182 00:12:02,910 --> 00:12:05,150 Probably when you start believing in him. 183 00:12:05,670 --> 00:12:09,310 Look, I've had some comments about the noise coming from your place. 184 00:12:09,690 --> 00:12:13,030 Ellie Thomas said it sounds like you've got a drunken mariachi band in there. 185 00:12:13,410 --> 00:12:17,170 You haven't let the place to ethnic minorities, have you? Oh, didn't we tell 186 00:12:17,170 --> 00:12:20,330 you? We've let the broom cover to the entire Zulu nation. 187 00:12:21,070 --> 00:12:25,190 What Ellie heard was them banging on their shields prior to sweeping down to 188 00:12:25,190 --> 00:12:27,430 Rorke's Drift and shoving their spears up Michael Kay. 189 00:12:28,430 --> 00:12:31,650 Look, I'm just making a friendly inquiry as to your welfare. 190 00:12:31,890 --> 00:12:35,350 Yes, well, we are getting a bit fed up with people who cannot mind their own 191 00:12:35,350 --> 00:12:38,890 business. All we have done is move into a place together. 192 00:12:39,470 --> 00:12:41,130 We have not started a new religion. 193 00:12:41,510 --> 00:12:43,570 We are not attempting to split the atom. 194 00:12:43,830 --> 00:12:46,890 And we are not starting some sort of geriatric sexual revolution. 195 00:12:48,050 --> 00:12:52,490 I am sick to death of the petty, prurient snickering that goes on round 196 00:12:52,490 --> 00:12:55,510 Nobody gives a damn about our welfare. All they want to know is whether we're 197 00:12:55,510 --> 00:12:56,510 acting like rabbits. 198 00:12:59,270 --> 00:13:00,850 And are you? No, we're not. 199 00:13:03,970 --> 00:13:07,350 Oh, wouldn't love to do anything like a rabbit round here. 200 00:13:08,330 --> 00:13:11,670 Quacky would have us in his wok before you could say chop suey. 201 00:13:12,830 --> 00:13:13,830 Who's that woman? 202 00:13:13,950 --> 00:13:15,890 No, it's Gwen Gwent. She's moved into your old place. 203 00:13:16,150 --> 00:13:17,150 Well, she hasn't eaten anything. 204 00:13:17,370 --> 00:13:18,590 I know, it's great, isn't it? 205 00:13:18,930 --> 00:13:19,950 Save us a fortune. 206 00:13:20,330 --> 00:13:23,790 Well, see you later, lovebirds, and try not to scorch the furniture. 207 00:13:26,330 --> 00:13:27,950 Something wrong with that old duck? 208 00:13:29,630 --> 00:13:31,870 One, two, three. 209 00:13:33,590 --> 00:13:36,570 I'm not going to run. I need my energy for my women. 210 00:13:39,660 --> 00:13:41,640 Well, hello, Gwen. Come and join us. 211 00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:43,480 We don't bite. 212 00:13:43,620 --> 00:13:45,960 How would you like to play with my little mallet? 213 00:13:50,860 --> 00:13:51,860 Gwen? 214 00:13:56,820 --> 00:14:00,060 Now look what you've done, you tacky little wart. 215 00:14:01,100 --> 00:14:04,180 It's the last time I take you to the back row of the Odeon. 216 00:14:28,560 --> 00:14:31,240 I'm going to do something quite unethical. 217 00:14:39,300 --> 00:14:40,300 Hello? 218 00:14:43,920 --> 00:14:44,920 Hello? 219 00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:49,720 I used to live here, but I've still got a key. 220 00:14:51,900 --> 00:14:53,100 Thought you might like it. 221 00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:54,520 As a spare? 222 00:14:59,189 --> 00:15:01,050 I'll put it down here, shall I? 223 00:15:06,070 --> 00:15:07,070 Mind if I take a pew? 224 00:15:10,970 --> 00:15:14,210 This is nice, isn't it? 225 00:15:17,830 --> 00:15:18,830 No. 226 00:15:19,110 --> 00:15:20,370 It isn't nice, is it? 227 00:15:21,150 --> 00:15:22,910 You think it's bloody awful, don't you? 228 00:15:23,690 --> 00:15:24,970 You've been unloaded. 229 00:15:25,590 --> 00:15:26,590 Dumped. 230 00:15:27,430 --> 00:15:29,310 Makes you wonder why you have kids, doesn't it? 231 00:15:29,510 --> 00:15:33,610 Not that I have, but... I think one should always keep the little bastards 232 00:15:33,610 --> 00:15:34,610 hock to yourself. 233 00:15:35,790 --> 00:15:36,790 You know what I mean? 234 00:15:36,890 --> 00:15:40,210 Buy them their house and then tell them they won't inherit unless they give you 235 00:15:40,210 --> 00:15:41,630 one hell of a good time in your dotage. 236 00:15:42,470 --> 00:15:45,910 One step towards an old folk's home and the house go to battersy doggies. 237 00:15:50,290 --> 00:15:51,810 Quite fun here, you know. 238 00:15:52,730 --> 00:15:56,250 When I first arrived, I thought I'd died and gone to hell, but... 239 00:15:57,050 --> 00:16:01,570 Nowadays, well, sometimes I find I almost enjoy myself. 240 00:16:02,390 --> 00:16:04,090 Mind you, it helps being a masochist. 241 00:16:07,310 --> 00:16:09,890 I have got myself a bloke. 242 00:16:10,810 --> 00:16:15,790 He's not exactly a 19 -year -old stud, but he functions quite well when the 243 00:16:15,790 --> 00:16:17,410 is full and the wind's in the right direction. 244 00:16:19,650 --> 00:16:24,690 And he's quite loopy, so it gives me a different perspective on life. 245 00:16:25,550 --> 00:16:26,550 And he's kind. 246 00:16:26,770 --> 00:16:28,690 And wise, sometimes. 247 00:16:30,470 --> 00:16:34,970 He'd be almost perfect if he realised that I was always right in all things. 248 00:16:37,370 --> 00:16:39,790 I hate to admit it, but I'm quite lucky. 249 00:16:40,690 --> 00:16:42,590 Normal people would say I was almost happy. 250 00:16:43,470 --> 00:16:47,030 Luckily, I don't allow such thickly concepts in the door and manage to 251 00:16:47,030 --> 00:16:48,990 resolutely miserable and bloody at all times. 252 00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:55,660 It's being left on your own, isn't it? 253 00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:58,000 Loneliness. 254 00:16:58,940 --> 00:16:59,940 Widow. 255 00:17:00,300 --> 00:17:02,300 Shy, at the best of times. 256 00:17:03,640 --> 00:17:05,619 Offspring got problems of their own. 257 00:17:06,740 --> 00:17:10,359 Just been put out with the rubbish. 258 00:17:11,599 --> 00:17:13,640 Your life has come to a grinding halt. 259 00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:18,480 Just counting the minutes till oblivion. 260 00:17:26,250 --> 00:17:27,730 Whose telly are we going to use? 261 00:17:27,950 --> 00:17:29,490 Shut up, I'm researching. 262 00:17:30,430 --> 00:17:33,110 Mine, I think, it has much better programs. 263 00:17:34,510 --> 00:17:35,890 Dig your heart out. 264 00:17:36,530 --> 00:17:42,030 Mine has gardening wells and concerts and the antiques roadshow. 265 00:17:42,530 --> 00:17:44,970 I was thinking of taking you along to them. 266 00:17:46,390 --> 00:17:47,990 Get you carbon dated. 267 00:17:49,750 --> 00:17:51,910 I have digital control. 268 00:17:52,650 --> 00:17:53,429 What's that? 269 00:17:53,430 --> 00:17:55,450 I can control my digits like this. 270 00:17:59,870 --> 00:18:03,610 And we'll have a swear box. Totally bloody unnecessary. 271 00:18:06,030 --> 00:18:07,810 We'll have to get rid of your furniture. 272 00:18:08,150 --> 00:18:09,150 No, we won't. 273 00:18:09,450 --> 00:18:13,790 Yes, we will. Oh, no, we won't. Yes, we will. We won't. Will. Won't. Will. That 274 00:18:13,790 --> 00:18:14,790 is enough. 275 00:18:18,750 --> 00:18:19,890 You started it. 276 00:18:20,190 --> 00:18:24,870 I did not. Yes, you did. No, I didn't. Yes, you did. No, I didn't. Didn't. 277 00:18:25,310 --> 00:18:28,830 Didn't. Didn't. Didn't. Didn't. Now, listen to me, Tom. 278 00:18:29,170 --> 00:18:33,830 I have got an idea to help Gwen. And the first thing we have to do and get this 279 00:18:33,830 --> 00:18:38,190 into your fat, ugly head is we have to be nice to one another. 280 00:18:38,990 --> 00:18:39,990 What? 281 00:18:40,450 --> 00:18:43,710 Sweetness and light, or I will kick the bejesus out of you. 282 00:18:44,910 --> 00:18:48,990 Why? Because Gwen can't rent all passion spent. 283 00:18:49,530 --> 00:18:50,550 You're trying to... 284 00:18:51,050 --> 00:18:52,050 to death. 285 00:18:52,350 --> 00:18:54,010 She sees no point in living. 286 00:18:54,590 --> 00:18:55,950 Oh, I didn't realise. 287 00:18:56,270 --> 00:18:57,550 We have to give her a reason for living. 288 00:18:58,710 --> 00:19:01,230 Maybe we could show her people who are worse off than her. 289 00:19:01,530 --> 00:19:02,730 We're not going down the morgue. 290 00:19:04,850 --> 00:19:07,990 No. We could introduce her to Marion. Good idea. 291 00:19:09,330 --> 00:19:14,170 You and I have to keep the peace. I have painted a very rosy picture of the joys 292 00:19:14,170 --> 00:19:15,670 of finding an autumnal partner. 293 00:19:16,030 --> 00:19:19,190 She's not going to be very impressed or cheered if she sees us flagging each 294 00:19:19,190 --> 00:19:20,190 other off all the time. 295 00:19:20,780 --> 00:19:21,860 You mean a truth? 296 00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:24,120 Precisely. Pretend we like each other. 297 00:19:24,700 --> 00:19:25,840 How do we do that? 298 00:19:26,780 --> 00:19:28,980 Well, do what women have been doing for centuries. 299 00:19:29,340 --> 00:19:30,340 Fake it. 300 00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:36,780 We have lovely outings together. 301 00:19:37,280 --> 00:19:42,320 Oh, yes. We're such a happy couple. Have we never even met till we were 110? 302 00:19:44,620 --> 00:19:46,680 We're taking Gwen for a spin. 303 00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:47,920 But I thought you two were... 304 00:19:55,850 --> 00:19:59,170 Just the same way as he invented Diana and I for each other. 305 00:20:02,650 --> 00:20:04,810 Oh, Harvey, you're hurt. 306 00:20:05,210 --> 00:20:09,350 Where is it? Do you want to kiss it better? No, I do not. 307 00:20:10,510 --> 00:20:12,350 Well done, Diana. 308 00:20:12,830 --> 00:20:15,530 Dear boy, how wonderful to see you. 309 00:20:16,230 --> 00:20:18,010 And your lovely wife. 310 00:20:19,390 --> 00:20:20,810 We're a very close family. 311 00:20:21,010 --> 00:20:24,990 And I'm very favoured in the way that Tom's lovely family has taken me to 312 00:20:24,990 --> 00:20:30,080 bosom. Oh, yes, we'd plenty of love to go round, haven't we, darling? 313 00:20:32,340 --> 00:20:33,340 Darling? 314 00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:37,020 You two on something I don't know about. 315 00:20:56,970 --> 00:20:58,730 Diana, please don't punch the Labrador. 316 00:21:02,830 --> 00:21:09,330 This is our favourite beach, our little Tahiti. I go surfing while Diana blows 317 00:21:09,330 --> 00:21:10,990 me kisses from her hand glider. 318 00:21:30,060 --> 00:21:31,060 Lovey -dovey. 319 00:21:31,900 --> 00:21:34,380 Whatever drug they're on, I don't want any. 320 00:21:34,840 --> 00:21:36,500 I think it's called love, dear. 321 00:21:36,760 --> 00:21:38,480 What? Between those two? 322 00:21:38,940 --> 00:21:40,240 Real people, love? 323 00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:43,240 Sort of autumnal blossoming by the look of it. 324 00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:45,780 God, he'll leave for all his money. 325 00:21:46,420 --> 00:21:47,600 Get me an ice cream. 326 00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:48,800 What flavour, dear? 327 00:21:49,020 --> 00:21:50,020 Gin and tonic. 328 00:21:50,360 --> 00:21:51,360 Well, 329 00:21:52,540 --> 00:21:54,460 isn't this fun? 330 00:21:58,920 --> 00:21:59,960 That'll make you fat. 331 00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:03,080 Will it, dear Marion? 332 00:22:03,960 --> 00:22:04,960 Like a pig. 333 00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:09,100 Oh, look at the seagulls. 334 00:22:10,520 --> 00:22:12,600 Oh, dear. 335 00:22:13,360 --> 00:22:15,140 Marion's face has slipped into her ice cream. 336 00:22:15,700 --> 00:22:16,700 Wipe it off. 337 00:22:20,100 --> 00:22:25,760 Come on, Vinnie. Such a nice view down the pier. 338 00:22:28,680 --> 00:22:32,120 Of course, Diana and I aren't the only ones to have found true love at Bayview. 339 00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:34,300 God, I can't keep this up. 340 00:22:35,060 --> 00:22:37,500 Basil finds true love about four times a week. 341 00:22:37,740 --> 00:22:41,900 I don't think Gwen wants to hear about that grubby little ferret. Just because 342 00:22:41,900 --> 00:22:43,880 he hasn't made a pass at you. I beg your pardon? 343 00:22:44,140 --> 00:22:45,860 Nothing. No, no, no. What did you say? 344 00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:47,560 It was nothing. Just a joke. 345 00:22:47,780 --> 00:22:50,120 Well, why don't you share it with us, please? I'm sure we'd all find it 346 00:22:50,120 --> 00:22:51,700 hysterical. Diana. 347 00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:10,980 Passionate affairs with well -known actresses. Tom. 348 00:23:11,180 --> 00:23:17,600 But I gave them all up because I felt that Diana, well, she really needed me. 349 00:23:19,040 --> 00:23:20,360 Didn't you love it, kids? 350 00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:24,880 Will you excuse me one second? 351 00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:32,580 I needed you as much as a carrot needs bug's bunny. 352 00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:36,600 Don't prod me, Diana. You know I don't like being prodded. 353 00:23:37,580 --> 00:23:38,960 I'm warning you, Diana. 354 00:23:39,940 --> 00:23:42,060 I shall tell the world about your hair. 355 00:23:43,220 --> 00:23:44,960 Diana Trent wears a wig. 356 00:23:46,100 --> 00:23:47,380 I do not. 357 00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:49,500 She stole it off a corpse. 358 00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:52,340 I do not. It's mine. 359 00:23:52,880 --> 00:23:54,620 Ah, she admits it. 360 00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:58,040 You swine. Stop that. 361 00:23:58,320 --> 00:24:02,720 And my teeth are my own. So are mine. I paid for every one of them. 362 00:24:08,460 --> 00:24:09,279 Oh, heavens. 363 00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:10,199 Oh, Lord. 364 00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:11,400 Oh, we are despicable. 365 00:24:12,120 --> 00:24:13,120 Oh, 366 00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:16,280 Gwen, we are sorry. 367 00:24:17,620 --> 00:24:19,880 Really. Oh, so selfish. 368 00:24:20,120 --> 00:24:21,800 Please, please don't cry. 369 00:24:23,840 --> 00:24:25,140 She's gone hysterical. 370 00:24:25,360 --> 00:24:26,860 No. No. 371 00:24:52,460 --> 00:24:54,280 I just want to thank you so much. 372 00:24:54,600 --> 00:24:56,900 Well, I'm glad we gave you a good laugh. 373 00:24:57,180 --> 00:24:58,360 Oh, no, not that. 374 00:24:58,900 --> 00:25:01,660 But for showing me we're still allowed to have spirit. 375 00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:06,320 For showing me that we can still get angry, have a laugh. 376 00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:10,760 But above all, for showing me that you can still look as silly as you like. 377 00:25:11,100 --> 00:25:12,260 How do you mean, silly? 378 00:25:13,500 --> 00:25:15,380 All that lovey -dovey bit. 379 00:25:15,900 --> 00:25:20,260 For a while, I thought it was real and quite stomach -turning and depressing. 380 00:25:22,350 --> 00:25:26,290 But then you started arguing and fighting, and I realised that you were 381 00:25:26,290 --> 00:25:27,290 quite normal. 382 00:25:27,330 --> 00:25:28,330 Normal? 383 00:25:29,010 --> 00:25:30,710 That's a very comforting idea. 384 00:25:31,070 --> 00:25:32,070 Oh, yes. 385 00:25:32,350 --> 00:25:34,410 Harry and I used to fight all the time. 386 00:25:34,770 --> 00:25:36,490 It was a form of communication. 387 00:25:37,370 --> 00:25:41,950 I'd almost forgotten what a good Barney is really like. Stick around. 388 00:25:43,410 --> 00:25:45,750 So you don't feel lonely any more? 389 00:25:46,230 --> 00:25:47,850 Oh, desperately. 390 00:25:49,420 --> 00:25:54,340 But it might pass if there are enough people who make an effort, enough people 391 00:25:54,340 --> 00:26:01,320 reaching out, caring, not being too English, enough daft people 392 00:26:01,320 --> 00:26:03,500 around, people like you. 393 00:26:05,960 --> 00:26:08,260 Thank you for being my friends. 394 00:26:16,970 --> 00:26:19,230 We must avoid that woman like the plague. 395 00:26:20,730 --> 00:26:26,090 Why? Well, reaching out and tearing me. 396 00:26:26,650 --> 00:26:29,070 You mean you could lose your reputation? 397 00:26:29,450 --> 00:26:33,090 Precisely. Just as well I provoked you in the nick of time. Yes, and just as 398 00:26:33,090 --> 00:26:36,830 well I responded, wasn't it? You said I wore a wig. 399 00:26:37,470 --> 00:26:39,430 You tried to clobber me. 400 00:26:39,650 --> 00:26:41,890 And this time I am going to succeed. 401 00:26:42,170 --> 00:26:42,969 Oh, no! 402 00:26:42,970 --> 00:26:43,970 No! 403 00:26:44,970 --> 00:26:49,110 I'm going to finish you off this time. You finished me. You couldn't knock your 404 00:26:49,110 --> 00:26:50,470 way out of a wet paper bag. 405 00:26:51,530 --> 00:26:55,130 You were wet and woolly. Hard luck. 406 00:26:56,310 --> 00:26:58,230 I'm Clint Eastwood now. 407 00:26:58,510 --> 00:26:59,610 You're Mickey Mouse.