1 00:00:45,550 --> 00:00:47,030 And the main points of the news again. 2 00:00:47,370 --> 00:00:50,510 In Downing Street today, the Chancellor said the recession had definitely 3 00:00:50,510 --> 00:00:53,470 bottomed out. This was the 18th such statement this year. 4 00:00:54,870 --> 00:00:59,310 Well, as you can see by this info from the adored region, we are in for some 5 00:00:59,310 --> 00:01:04,709 fairly dry, but... Am I going deaf? 6 00:01:05,349 --> 00:01:06,650 No, I turned the sound off. 7 00:01:07,230 --> 00:01:08,230 Well, 8 00:01:09,510 --> 00:01:12,670 we've heard all this weather and news about 17 times already today. 9 00:01:12,970 --> 00:01:14,090 We hadn't heard it just now. 10 00:01:14,890 --> 00:01:16,510 The weather hasn't changed in the last hour. 11 00:01:16,930 --> 00:01:20,270 The weather hasn't changed for ages. This summer has been about as cheery as 12 00:01:20,270 --> 00:01:21,530 three months in a leper colony. 13 00:01:22,090 --> 00:01:23,710 We should have gone to bed. 14 00:01:25,070 --> 00:01:28,510 Sex is not just an alternative to the telly, thank you very much. 15 00:01:28,790 --> 00:01:30,310 There's a lot more fun than blind date. 16 00:01:30,890 --> 00:01:33,610 At least you don't have to come back and tell everyone about it all. 17 00:01:33,830 --> 00:01:35,110 Not a lot to tell. 18 00:01:37,370 --> 00:01:39,090 I've still got my bruised hip, anyway. 19 00:01:39,310 --> 00:01:40,109 Not my fault. 20 00:01:40,110 --> 00:01:40,708 Yes, it was. 21 00:01:40,710 --> 00:01:41,710 No, it wasn't. 22 00:01:42,030 --> 00:01:44,710 It was you who suggested that stupid hammock. 23 00:01:45,030 --> 00:01:47,670 Well, it worked last time. Last time over, last time. 24 00:01:48,710 --> 00:01:49,710 1956. 25 00:01:50,070 --> 00:01:51,590 On board an aircraft carrier. 26 00:01:52,250 --> 00:01:53,250 Suez Crisis. 27 00:01:53,350 --> 00:01:54,750 I wonder what had caused that. 28 00:01:57,190 --> 00:01:58,190 Oat television. 29 00:01:59,530 --> 00:02:03,270 That's because when you shout at them, nobody takes any notice of you. 30 00:02:03,470 --> 00:02:05,530 Nonsense. I've heard you. At question time. 31 00:02:05,910 --> 00:02:09,070 You listen to the question, turn down the sound, and then yell your answer 32 00:02:09,970 --> 00:02:11,230 It's because I know more than them. 33 00:02:11,790 --> 00:02:13,030 You swear at Annika Rice? 34 00:02:13,270 --> 00:02:14,270 Doesn't everyone? 35 00:02:15,670 --> 00:02:20,110 And for all of you up on holiday, the weather in Europe looks like... Why do 36 00:02:20,110 --> 00:02:23,370 have to have those cottontail bimbos bouncing round our screens? 37 00:02:23,730 --> 00:02:26,290 I quite like them. That is because you are a pig. 38 00:02:27,070 --> 00:02:30,930 Because I prefer to have one of them telling me about the weather rather than 39 00:02:30,930 --> 00:02:32,850 have you screaming through the wall at me every morning. 40 00:02:33,530 --> 00:02:34,530 It's pornographic. 41 00:02:35,070 --> 00:02:37,410 Look at that Barbie doll with the wall -to -wall grin. 42 00:02:37,850 --> 00:02:39,270 Whose fantasy is she? 43 00:02:40,620 --> 00:02:42,960 I bet she couldn't tell a millibar from a Mars bar. 44 00:02:43,620 --> 00:02:45,260 She'd have someone like me doing it. 45 00:02:45,620 --> 00:02:47,160 That would be tough on the Scots. 46 00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:51,640 Why? Because with your bad shoulder, you couldn't reach up as far as Scotland, 47 00:02:51,780 --> 00:02:53,160 and they'd get no weather at all. 48 00:02:54,320 --> 00:02:57,780 Listen to yourself, Lady. You are quite gaga. 49 00:02:58,160 --> 00:03:02,040 And you are very unpleasant all the time. Spent your life being a crabby old 50 00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:05,280 and where has it got you? Well, at least I haven't lain down and let the world 51 00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:09,340 walk all over me. At least I've still got my balls. At least I have still got 52 00:03:09,340 --> 00:03:10,340 balls. Yes. 53 00:03:11,440 --> 00:03:15,400 You always keep telling us damn things are hanging from the bell tower. 54 00:03:16,080 --> 00:03:23,000 What I want to know is what you and your wretched baubles actually achieve. 55 00:03:23,940 --> 00:03:25,880 Oh, what do you mean? I'm always crusading. 56 00:03:26,860 --> 00:03:27,860 But what? 57 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:31,040 Have you actually achieved in real tangibles? 58 00:03:31,260 --> 00:03:35,260 Well, I've got the food improved round here. No, that was me. 59 00:03:35,680 --> 00:03:38,140 You objected to the food. I got it changed. 60 00:03:39,020 --> 00:03:40,020 Wheelchair access? 61 00:03:40,140 --> 00:03:42,040 Two small ramps for mankind. What else? 62 00:03:42,260 --> 00:03:45,840 Are you saying I'm ineffectual? I am saying that your sphere of influence is 63 00:03:45,840 --> 00:03:48,140 inversely proportionate to the noise you make. 64 00:03:48,640 --> 00:03:49,840 What should I be doing? 65 00:03:50,460 --> 00:03:52,960 Expanding your horizons to fit your energies. 66 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:54,400 Hmm. 67 00:03:54,460 --> 00:03:57,320 Ah, that's quite perceptive for an old loon. 68 00:03:58,160 --> 00:04:00,240 Yes. Yes, you're right. 69 00:04:00,980 --> 00:04:05,460 That's what I need. A larger arena for my talent to abuse. 70 00:04:05,820 --> 00:04:06,820 Right. 71 00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:09,320 Don't attack people through the television screens. 72 00:04:09,700 --> 00:04:12,120 Get out and do it in the real world. 73 00:04:13,100 --> 00:04:15,260 Politics. That's what I want. 74 00:04:15,780 --> 00:04:18,500 Corridors of power knifing my way to the top. 75 00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:23,240 Overturning legislation tomorrow. The world. And I know just where to start. 76 00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:25,200 Bye. Oh. 77 00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:27,860 Dear, I am sorry, God. 78 00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:32,580 I was just having conversation. I didn't mean to unleash the power of darkness 79 00:04:32,580 --> 00:04:34,680 and destruction upon our little planet. 80 00:04:35,900 --> 00:04:36,900 Oh. 81 00:04:45,660 --> 00:04:46,660 Hello, 82 00:04:50,340 --> 00:04:51,640 Diana. What brings you here? 83 00:04:52,140 --> 00:04:53,780 A buff brings me here, Harvey. 84 00:04:53,980 --> 00:04:58,600 I don't need a boy with a dirty broom -broom to prove what sex I am. Thank 85 00:04:58,600 --> 00:04:59,600 Diana. 86 00:05:00,420 --> 00:05:03,320 Ah, now that's what I call a real woman. 87 00:05:05,180 --> 00:05:06,200 God, I miss her. 88 00:05:06,540 --> 00:05:09,900 When she was around, baby, you were the thing of beauty and profit. 89 00:05:10,260 --> 00:05:12,000 There were serious money in old folks. 90 00:05:12,560 --> 00:05:15,820 Now it's all gone back into pine forest and Nigerian gum now. 91 00:05:16,420 --> 00:05:18,200 Well, don't let me keep you, Harvey. 92 00:05:18,420 --> 00:05:19,420 Yeah, I have to be getting back. 93 00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:20,860 I've got a few economies to make. 94 00:05:21,270 --> 00:05:22,410 Off you go. Bye. 95 00:05:26,110 --> 00:05:29,970 This is the Ferrucci jacket. 96 00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:34,970 The whole family of Sicilian peasants went blind stitching this pocket. 97 00:05:35,310 --> 00:05:39,090 You just marry Jane and I'm sure she'll sew it up for you. I'd rather jump under 98 00:05:39,090 --> 00:05:39,789 a bus. 99 00:05:39,790 --> 00:05:40,790 I'll get you one. Bus? 100 00:05:42,830 --> 00:05:47,730 Was old Diana the vulture today? Picking over a carcass on the croquet lawn? 101 00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:49,920 Gone to join a political party. 102 00:05:50,180 --> 00:05:53,520 Ah, the bloody -minded -in -favour -of -nothing party, no doubt. 103 00:05:53,840 --> 00:05:57,300 That's a bit rude, Battle. Well, I'm fed up with her. At the last residence 104 00:05:57,300 --> 00:05:59,340 meeting, she said I was a health hazard. 105 00:05:59,820 --> 00:06:05,220 Said incoming women residents should be given a can of battle repellent. 106 00:06:06,660 --> 00:06:09,640 Ah, Jenny, how lovely you look today. 107 00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:13,220 What would you recommend for our culinary delectation? 108 00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:15,060 Suit yourself with the usual mug. 109 00:06:16,110 --> 00:06:20,490 Is it rabbit muck or chicken muck? It's brown muck. What do you want? 110 00:06:20,890 --> 00:06:24,430 Not something amiss, is there? No, nothing at all. But come on, I haven't 111 00:06:24,430 --> 00:06:25,129 all day. 112 00:06:25,130 --> 00:06:27,050 Oh, well, we'll have the brown muck. 113 00:06:27,470 --> 00:06:30,890 Followed by the apple crumble muck and the custard muck. 114 00:06:31,890 --> 00:06:34,570 And, uh, may we have some water? 115 00:06:39,130 --> 00:06:40,130 What's the matter with her? 116 00:06:40,750 --> 00:06:42,030 Man trouble, I expect. 117 00:06:43,050 --> 00:06:45,330 Basil, you haven't been... Oh, no, not been. 118 00:06:49,320 --> 00:06:50,960 macho men in the world, you know. 119 00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:53,680 I'm only the Bournemouth stallion. 120 00:06:55,020 --> 00:06:58,060 I can't cover the entire south coast, you know. 121 00:06:59,980 --> 00:07:02,700 You great, rosy, Korean brat! 122 00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:08,480 Oh, God, I hope she doesn't set Mr. Kwok off on another machete rampage. 123 00:07:10,900 --> 00:07:14,560 Well, that's a very interesting idea, Mrs. Trent. 124 00:07:14,980 --> 00:07:16,100 Miss Trent. 125 00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:17,900 Oh, right, right, of course. 126 00:07:18,890 --> 00:07:19,509 Thank you. 127 00:07:19,510 --> 00:07:24,350 In the residence party, we set a great deal of store by being politically 128 00:07:24,350 --> 00:07:25,850 correct. Awesomely dull. 129 00:07:26,550 --> 00:07:27,550 Never mind. 130 00:07:27,850 --> 00:07:30,090 You do have a vacancy coming up. 131 00:07:30,390 --> 00:07:33,330 We do have a councillor stepping down at the next election. 132 00:07:33,570 --> 00:07:37,750 So I want to take his place. So you said. Of course, it isn't quite that 133 00:07:37,950 --> 00:07:40,750 Yes, it is. You put me up as candidate, I will win the election. 134 00:07:41,470 --> 00:07:43,470 It is up to the selection committee. 135 00:07:43,910 --> 00:07:44,910 Who will choose me? 136 00:07:45,640 --> 00:07:47,320 If you want to stay out of trouble. 137 00:07:48,660 --> 00:07:55,000 The Planning Committee of April the 138 00:07:55,000 --> 00:08:00,720 23rd. Now you, as chairman, have the casting vote in the change of use of 139 00:08:00,720 --> 00:08:05,380 Darnley Antiques to the Big Whammy Burger Store. 140 00:08:06,440 --> 00:08:09,380 Ugliest building this side of the Warsaw Municipal Abattoir. 141 00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:12,000 That might be your opinion. 142 00:08:12,260 --> 00:08:13,260 Do you deny? 143 00:08:13,340 --> 00:08:16,060 that the said burger joint is owned by your brother -in -law. 144 00:08:16,900 --> 00:08:17,900 What? 145 00:08:18,280 --> 00:08:20,860 I don't believe this. Are you trying to blackmail me? 146 00:08:21,760 --> 00:08:22,940 Yes, of course. 147 00:08:23,460 --> 00:08:27,100 My dear Miss Trent, my interest was declared. 148 00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:30,140 Yes, in small print on the bottom of page 110. 149 00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:34,580 Hardly voiced from the rooftops the way it should have been. 150 00:08:35,440 --> 00:08:36,440 Oh, no. 151 00:08:37,380 --> 00:08:40,360 You're squeaky clean, Jack Scott. 152 00:08:41,020 --> 00:08:44,860 full of herbal burble about the environment and recycling piggy poo. 153 00:08:45,560 --> 00:08:50,300 I bet it would come as a great shock to the local sandal makers to realise that 154 00:08:50,300 --> 00:08:55,360 old hairy -chop Scott is the same person as Daryl Dodgy of the dirty dog -burger 155 00:08:55,360 --> 00:09:00,360 chain of offensive burger -ramas and gang of slop -houses to the gentry. 156 00:09:02,140 --> 00:09:06,040 Well, of course, I suppose we could have further discussions. 157 00:09:06,380 --> 00:09:07,380 Good. 158 00:09:07,740 --> 00:09:09,520 Get on to your selection committee. 159 00:09:11,310 --> 00:09:12,310 Out of the way, Jane. 160 00:09:14,830 --> 00:09:15,830 Whose juice? 161 00:09:16,310 --> 00:09:17,310 Well, the chips. 162 00:09:17,530 --> 00:09:18,530 They had chips. 163 00:09:18,630 --> 00:09:21,090 The chips are finished. Mr. Croft sped them to his python. 164 00:09:21,470 --> 00:09:23,430 I want my chips. Come. 165 00:09:23,850 --> 00:09:24,850 Jenny. What? 166 00:09:25,390 --> 00:09:27,030 You seem a little out of sorts. 167 00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:28,690 Is something wrong? 168 00:09:36,270 --> 00:09:37,270 Jane. 169 00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:41,820 A word in your clam -like ear. 170 00:09:42,380 --> 00:09:43,660 Shell -like, Tom. 171 00:09:47,180 --> 00:09:49,240 What is the matter with Jenny? 172 00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:50,500 I'm sure I don't know. 173 00:09:50,880 --> 00:09:51,880 I'm sure you do know. 174 00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:53,620 It's not Harvey's fault. 175 00:09:53,820 --> 00:09:56,500 What isn't? The financial rationalisation. 176 00:09:56,860 --> 00:10:01,260 It's the board. They sent us a very nasty memo yesterday from Antigua. 177 00:10:01,580 --> 00:10:03,300 Cost -cutting, I'm afraid. 178 00:10:03,660 --> 00:10:07,360 And what has this to do with Jenny? 179 00:10:07,700 --> 00:10:08,700 It's not Harvey's fault. 180 00:10:09,450 --> 00:10:10,530 Oh, my God. 181 00:10:10,830 --> 00:10:13,090 The rotten swine, he's laying her off. 182 00:10:13,430 --> 00:10:15,170 It's not Harvey's fault! 183 00:10:17,870 --> 00:10:18,870 Me? 184 00:10:19,570 --> 00:10:21,570 You want me to stand for public office? 185 00:10:21,930 --> 00:10:25,290 Well, we have a council of stepping down, so we do need to find another 186 00:10:25,290 --> 00:10:27,330 upstanding member of the community. 187 00:10:27,850 --> 00:10:29,170 So, naturally, you came to me? 188 00:10:30,490 --> 00:10:31,750 Yes, yes, naturally. 189 00:10:32,230 --> 00:10:36,890 Well, I suppose it was bound to happen. I mean, I'm a modest man, quietly going 190 00:10:36,890 --> 00:10:37,930 about my great work. 191 00:10:38,620 --> 00:10:40,200 I suppose it was bound to get out eventually. 192 00:10:40,560 --> 00:10:42,420 The man of the future was right here among you. 193 00:10:42,980 --> 00:10:44,680 Of course, there's a long way to go yet. 194 00:10:44,900 --> 00:10:47,220 Will I get my own limo and gold chains of office? 195 00:10:48,520 --> 00:10:50,580 Diana Trent says gold chains are very mean. 196 00:10:51,020 --> 00:10:52,020 Diana Trent? 197 00:10:52,480 --> 00:10:53,900 Funny you should mention her. Why? 198 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:56,560 She's also putting herself forward to the selection committee. 199 00:10:56,820 --> 00:11:00,800 What? I'm sure you can see her. Oh, God, it's so unfair. 200 00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:05,840 Wherever I go, whatever I do, Diana Trent is always there with her garden 201 00:11:05,840 --> 00:11:06,980 waiting to cut off my own. 202 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:08,200 Oh, God. 203 00:11:09,680 --> 00:11:12,860 if you're not up to it. Oh, no, no, no, I am, I am. I'm definitely up to it. I 204 00:11:12,860 --> 00:11:14,080 mean, come on, this is my charm. 205 00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:15,780 Numero uno politico. 206 00:11:16,100 --> 00:11:17,100 Now, I'll show her. 207 00:11:17,660 --> 00:11:19,320 I'll come up with something that'll shock her more. 208 00:11:19,580 --> 00:11:20,580 Today, Bayview. 209 00:11:20,660 --> 00:11:21,660 Tomorrow, the world. 210 00:11:21,980 --> 00:11:24,120 Harvey. Hello, Jane. Go away. 211 00:11:25,100 --> 00:11:26,180 They want you. 212 00:11:26,440 --> 00:11:28,560 Everybody wants me, Jane. I'm that kind of guy. 213 00:11:29,100 --> 00:11:31,480 The residents want you in the dining room. 214 00:11:31,900 --> 00:11:32,900 Well, tell them to wait. 215 00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:36,320 They want you now or they're going to put your car in the lake again. 216 00:11:39,020 --> 00:11:40,160 All right, come on, follow me, Jack. 217 00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:43,740 I'll show you what a people manager I am. You'll see them eating out of my 218 00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:45,660 and I'll show you what Diana Trent is up against. 219 00:11:47,220 --> 00:11:50,620 This is not my fault! This is not my fault! 220 00:11:50,820 --> 00:11:52,700 This is not my fault! James! 221 00:11:53,100 --> 00:11:54,440 This is not my fault! 222 00:11:55,540 --> 00:11:56,920 Well, whose fault is it, then? 223 00:11:57,160 --> 00:11:58,160 It's the recession. 224 00:11:58,440 --> 00:11:59,440 It's the government. 225 00:11:59,500 --> 00:12:03,640 It's the Board of Governors. Well, get them here, then. Oh, don't be silly, 226 00:12:03,760 --> 00:12:05,280 It's the marlin fishing season. 227 00:12:05,860 --> 00:12:07,940 All decent doctors are over in the Bahamas. 228 00:12:09,250 --> 00:12:11,270 But you can't sack Jenny. 229 00:12:11,570 --> 00:12:13,310 Well, someone's got to go. Who's it going to be, eh? 230 00:12:13,670 --> 00:12:16,130 I'm sorry, Tom, but it's last one in, first one out. 231 00:12:16,590 --> 00:12:21,490 I mean, look, no -one is as dear to me as our dear, lovely Jenny here, but I'm 232 00:12:21,490 --> 00:12:23,990 afraid when it comes to economics, my hands are tied. 233 00:12:24,430 --> 00:12:25,590 It ought to be your neck. 234 00:12:26,390 --> 00:12:27,390 Thank you, Basil. 235 00:12:28,490 --> 00:12:32,070 Now, look, I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll set the ball rolling for Jenny's 236 00:12:32,070 --> 00:12:34,150 leaving present. Look, there's 50p. 237 00:12:36,040 --> 00:12:39,200 You pass that around and then bring the cash back up to my office, would you? 238 00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:40,359 Come on, Jack. 239 00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:41,780 You see, they're like butter in my hand. 240 00:12:44,280 --> 00:12:47,380 We're not finished yet, Jenny. 241 00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:49,500 Diana will come up with something. 242 00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:53,360 Surely you can see that. The little rat. 243 00:12:53,620 --> 00:12:58,300 He's picked on the most vulnerable member of the staff and he's casting her 244 00:12:58,300 --> 00:13:01,160 in the snow with that newborn babe in her arms. 245 00:13:01,700 --> 00:13:03,300 Jenny hasn't got a baby, Tom. 246 00:13:03,960 --> 00:13:04,960 Wrong movie. 247 00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:08,680 I still think we should take it to the House of Lords. No, we won't have to. 248 00:13:08,920 --> 00:13:12,280 Once I'm elected, it will be compulsory for people like Harvey to have 249 00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:13,840 electrodes attached to their nuts. 250 00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:18,460 And then you can give them a quick belt of megavolts every now and again. 251 00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:22,920 But Jenny will be long gone by then. What? 252 00:13:23,500 --> 00:13:25,260 She's due to go at the end of the week. 253 00:13:25,860 --> 00:13:26,920 My God. 254 00:13:27,260 --> 00:13:28,620 What? Have you seen this? 255 00:13:29,580 --> 00:13:34,300 Your miserable son, Geoffrey Limpsop. wet and weedy. 256 00:13:34,780 --> 00:13:38,200 He's on the selection committee for the residence party. He has been for years. 257 00:13:38,540 --> 00:13:39,940 I'm in worse trouble than I thought. 258 00:13:40,560 --> 00:13:44,560 Look, you just tell him that if I am not selected, he is liable to find a 259 00:13:44,560 --> 00:13:46,400 horse's head stuck down his bed. 260 00:13:47,940 --> 00:13:50,860 Mind you, after Marion, it might come as something of a treat. 261 00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:53,360 Well, what about Jenny? 262 00:13:53,820 --> 00:13:58,340 What? Jenny is just part of a much larger issue, Tom. You mean this Jenny 263 00:13:58,340 --> 00:14:01,180 be sacrificed for the greater good? This isn't Tale of Two Cities, Tom. 264 00:14:01,560 --> 00:14:04,980 Principle is not relative. A principle is not creative because there are more 265 00:14:04,980 --> 00:14:05,899 people involved. 266 00:14:05,900 --> 00:14:09,100 Principles are principles. Yes, and principles have got nothing to do with 267 00:14:09,100 --> 00:14:10,100 politics. 268 00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:12,520 And politics is what gets things done. 269 00:14:13,260 --> 00:14:14,780 Oh, my God. 270 00:14:15,220 --> 00:14:16,620 You're becoming one of them. 271 00:14:16,880 --> 00:14:18,160 Who? Them. 272 00:14:18,420 --> 00:14:21,040 Them. Out there who we are always fighting. 273 00:14:21,880 --> 00:14:23,180 You want to join them. 274 00:14:23,470 --> 00:14:27,030 Can I just get elected, and then we will do something about getting Jenny's job 275 00:14:27,030 --> 00:14:28,370 back? No, you can't. 276 00:14:28,890 --> 00:14:33,430 You're a cad and a bounder. I'm going to stand against you. I shall put my name 277 00:14:33,430 --> 00:14:34,550 forward. I was wrong. 278 00:14:34,790 --> 00:14:39,290 Public life and you would be disaster to the world. I must force you. 279 00:14:40,030 --> 00:14:41,450 See you on the hustings. 280 00:14:42,250 --> 00:14:43,870 You and Jimmy Stewart both. 281 00:14:46,510 --> 00:14:47,510 Listen, listen. 282 00:14:48,130 --> 00:14:49,950 Listen, you two, just back it in. 283 00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:57,560 with these fights to the death every week. 284 00:14:58,740 --> 00:15:02,560 Now, Antonio, you stop being rude about Mr. 285 00:15:02,760 --> 00:15:07,680 Kwok's ancestors, and Mr. Kwok, you stop making Portuguese jokes. 286 00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:09,740 Now, give me your weapons. 287 00:15:10,180 --> 00:15:14,260 Come on, hand them over, or you'll both be fired and reported to the immigration 288 00:15:14,260 --> 00:15:15,260 people. 289 00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:20,940 Thank you. Now, both of you, go away. 290 00:15:25,230 --> 00:15:26,230 yourself into little pieces. 291 00:15:26,450 --> 00:15:27,450 Let me help you. 292 00:15:28,790 --> 00:15:29,990 I'll try my best. 293 00:15:31,010 --> 00:15:35,110 These people, they arrive in this country strapped to the axles of 294 00:15:35,110 --> 00:15:36,110 lorries. 295 00:15:36,610 --> 00:15:40,390 I give them jobs out of the kindness of my heart. Oh, the shallowness of your 296 00:15:40,390 --> 00:15:43,970 pocket. What do they do? As soon as my back is turned, they start hacking bits 297 00:15:43,970 --> 00:15:44,970 off each other. 298 00:15:45,830 --> 00:15:46,890 They have no gratitude. 299 00:15:47,490 --> 00:15:49,270 It's a tough road to Sainthood. 300 00:15:49,770 --> 00:15:50,770 That may be. 301 00:15:51,240 --> 00:15:54,680 I have set out on a road which should lead to far greater and better things. 302 00:15:54,980 --> 00:15:56,540 You've been accepted by the local abattoir. 303 00:15:57,460 --> 00:16:00,060 I shall also be having the last laugh on you, Diana. 304 00:16:00,340 --> 00:16:01,820 Go on, amaze me. 305 00:16:02,520 --> 00:16:05,900 I have been asked to stand for pre -selection for the residence party. 306 00:16:06,480 --> 00:16:07,600 You what? 307 00:16:08,640 --> 00:16:12,500 Surprise, surprise, eh? You snotty little rat. 308 00:16:12,820 --> 00:16:14,600 They don't want you, Diana. 309 00:16:15,420 --> 00:16:19,100 See you at the selection meeting, which is going to be in our dining room, by 310 00:16:19,100 --> 00:16:20,100 the way. 311 00:16:20,110 --> 00:16:22,570 I thought it would be rather a fitting place for my victory. 312 00:16:30,290 --> 00:16:32,630 That's all you're good for, isn't it, Diana? 313 00:16:33,390 --> 00:16:34,390 Cheap tricks. 314 00:16:38,030 --> 00:16:41,190 I shall trample him into the carpet. 315 00:16:42,610 --> 00:16:44,350 I'm glad you can't do this to me. 316 00:16:44,610 --> 00:16:47,030 What? I'm on the selection committee. 317 00:16:47,490 --> 00:16:49,710 I can't have my father popping up in front of us. 318 00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:50,799 Why not? 319 00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:55,220 I shall be there in my capacity as John's citizen, not your father. But, 320 00:16:55,220 --> 00:16:57,860 hold a position of respect in the Residence Party. 321 00:16:58,200 --> 00:16:59,460 So what's the problem? 322 00:17:00,380 --> 00:17:07,300 He means that if you turn up rattling on like a bag full of mad old bones, he 323 00:17:07,300 --> 00:17:11,200 will look even more wet and pathetic than he really is. Thank you, Marion. 324 00:17:11,780 --> 00:17:13,060 Is this true, Jeffrey? 325 00:17:13,740 --> 00:17:16,079 That you're embarrassed by your old dad? 326 00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:19,380 Dad, really, honestly, of course you never embarrass me. 327 00:17:19,780 --> 00:17:22,599 That's not what you said when he swallowed the goldfish at Rotary. 328 00:17:23,740 --> 00:17:25,140 Dad, you'll just never win. 329 00:17:25,500 --> 00:17:26,500 Yes, I will. 330 00:17:26,680 --> 00:17:31,640 I shall split the vote between Harvey and Diana. She's gone all green and 331 00:17:31,640 --> 00:17:36,280 caring, and he's somewhere to the right of Geoffrey Archer. So I will seal it 332 00:17:36,280 --> 00:17:40,160 with old -fashioned values, common sense, and the fact that I am the love 333 00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:41,160 of Edward VII. 334 00:17:43,500 --> 00:17:47,020 won't embarrass you, will it, dear? Oh, God, I give up. I never really had a 335 00:17:47,020 --> 00:17:48,080 political future anyway. 336 00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:50,500 Not since I was blackballed by the Masons. 337 00:17:51,120 --> 00:17:54,480 You just carry on, Dad. I'll tell them you're a different Ballard. 338 00:17:55,920 --> 00:17:56,920 Bye, Tom. 339 00:17:57,220 --> 00:17:58,680 For your interview second. 340 00:17:59,420 --> 00:18:00,600 After Mickey Mouse. 341 00:18:41,510 --> 00:18:42,650 Diana? Oh, hey. 342 00:18:42,970 --> 00:18:44,230 Yes, yes, yes. 343 00:18:44,950 --> 00:18:51,810 I was just reading. Well, I'm not actually reading it. I found it on this 344 00:18:52,410 --> 00:18:54,170 I'll read anything. What are you doing here? 345 00:18:54,610 --> 00:18:55,930 You know, a bit of job hunting. 346 00:18:57,050 --> 00:18:58,790 Here. Have this. 347 00:19:01,430 --> 00:19:02,730 I'm not dying. 348 00:19:03,890 --> 00:19:04,890 Of course not. 349 00:19:05,530 --> 00:19:06,530 Silly of me. 350 00:19:07,450 --> 00:19:08,450 It's just... 351 00:19:09,679 --> 00:19:12,620 Look, Jenny, I'm not going to let this matter rest. Diana, it's okay. 352 00:19:13,220 --> 00:19:16,400 Really. You can't be expected to carry a torch for everyone. 353 00:19:16,780 --> 00:19:18,180 You do good for the residents. 354 00:19:18,480 --> 00:19:20,540 I'm young and healthy. I can take care of myself. 355 00:19:21,140 --> 00:19:22,980 Just feel I should have done more. 356 00:19:23,220 --> 00:19:26,680 I mean, I have never let Harvey Baines get one over on me as a matter of 357 00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:32,980 principle, and I'm not going to now. It's just that this time it's, well, 358 00:19:32,980 --> 00:19:33,980 things, you know. 359 00:19:34,300 --> 00:19:36,540 Cool. I'll stick to the dump anyway. 360 00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:39,470 Right. You were always too good for Bayview. 361 00:19:39,810 --> 00:19:41,850 Thank God anyone's too good for Bayview. 362 00:19:42,750 --> 00:19:45,790 But you will be able to go back if you want to, once I've got it sorted out. 363 00:19:46,910 --> 00:19:48,310 Great. Fine. 364 00:19:49,650 --> 00:19:50,650 What, dear? 365 00:19:51,270 --> 00:19:52,149 Go on. 366 00:19:52,150 --> 00:19:53,150 Mum! 367 00:19:53,430 --> 00:19:54,490 Hello, darling. 368 00:19:54,770 --> 00:19:55,770 Sit down. 369 00:19:56,190 --> 00:19:57,129 Who's this? 370 00:19:57,130 --> 00:19:58,550 My little girl, Mandy. 371 00:19:58,790 --> 00:19:59,790 Say hello to Miss Trent. 372 00:19:59,910 --> 00:20:00,910 Hello, Miss Trent. 373 00:20:01,370 --> 00:20:02,390 Hello, Mandy. 374 00:20:02,850 --> 00:20:04,270 Do you fancy some of this? 375 00:20:04,570 --> 00:20:05,570 Yes, please. 376 00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:09,280 I didn't know you had a daughter. 377 00:20:09,500 --> 00:20:10,500 Nor does her dad. 378 00:20:11,700 --> 00:20:14,820 So I keep a bit quiet about her in case he turns up again. 379 00:20:15,260 --> 00:20:16,260 How do you manage? 380 00:20:16,740 --> 00:20:19,200 Diana, for goodness sakes, I'm not all for nanny. 381 00:20:20,020 --> 00:20:21,020 We're OK. 382 00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:25,280 You just keep the faith. You get on down to City Hall and blow them away. 383 00:20:26,220 --> 00:20:27,220 Do it for me, OK? 384 00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:28,960 Yes, of course. 385 00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:30,600 Keep the faith. Right? 386 00:20:30,880 --> 00:20:33,080 Right. Come on, Mandy, let's go. 387 00:20:34,260 --> 00:20:35,500 See you later, Diana. Yeah. 388 00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:52,540 You haven't a hope, Harvey? 389 00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:53,760 Really? Why is that? 390 00:20:53,820 --> 00:20:57,960 Because if I'm not elected, Diana is going to wipe the floor with you. She 391 00:20:57,960 --> 00:20:58,960 not. 392 00:20:59,380 --> 00:21:00,880 Ah, Harvey. 393 00:21:01,700 --> 00:21:02,700 A word. 394 00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:11,080 You cannot intimidate me, Diana. I want to do a deal. 395 00:21:11,360 --> 00:21:15,220 What? You give Jenny her job back. Forget it. Out of the question. My 396 00:21:15,220 --> 00:21:15,979 is final. 397 00:21:15,980 --> 00:21:17,420 And I will support you as candidate. 398 00:21:17,900 --> 00:21:18,799 It's a deal. 399 00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:19,800 Right. 400 00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:23,740 If the candidates could take their seats to answer a few questions, please. 401 00:21:26,360 --> 00:21:29,820 Mr Ballard. 402 00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:35,200 Yes. There's a very interesting statement about your political beliefs 403 00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:36,200 ambitions here. 404 00:21:36,580 --> 00:21:41,420 Yes, but first, I'd just like to say that I am in no way related to my son, 405 00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:42,520 Geoffrey Ballard. 406 00:21:50,190 --> 00:21:51,470 All right, Dad, just carry on. 407 00:21:52,670 --> 00:21:58,070 About the environment, you say here you are greatly in favour of it. 408 00:21:58,290 --> 00:22:03,370 Yes. I mean, without an environment, there would be a sort of big black hole 409 00:22:03,370 --> 00:22:05,710 nothingness where we would hang in space, I suppose. 410 00:22:06,590 --> 00:22:09,570 Rather like not wearing a jockstrap. Thank you, Dad. 411 00:22:10,670 --> 00:22:15,190 Yes, and could you clarify your ideas on traffic management? 412 00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:19,740 Well, you know all those white lines on the roads? Well, I think they should be 413 00:22:19,740 --> 00:22:23,280 made the same colour as the roads so that they sort of blend in. 414 00:22:24,460 --> 00:22:27,680 In fact, I've never been very keen on cars at all. 415 00:22:28,980 --> 00:22:34,860 I'd bring back trams that made sparks on frosty mornings and Methodist preachers 416 00:22:34,860 --> 00:22:40,020 on horseback and orphans and mittens. I would bring back all these sort of 417 00:22:40,020 --> 00:22:42,920 things along with sheaves of wheat. 418 00:22:43,440 --> 00:22:49,800 Long summer evenings of wispy cloud swallow circling the village greens 419 00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:56,520 warm purple dusks fall like a gentle blanket on this our 420 00:22:56,520 --> 00:22:57,880 blessed England. 421 00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:05,420 I would like to point out to the committee members that my real parentage 422 00:23:05,420 --> 00:23:06,900 always been a matter of considerable speculation. 423 00:23:08,860 --> 00:23:10,420 Thank you, Geoffrey. 424 00:23:11,370 --> 00:23:15,910 Mr Ballard, we'll get back to you. Now, Mr Baines, how's your environmental 425 00:23:15,910 --> 00:23:16,910 thinking? 426 00:23:19,310 --> 00:23:21,630 Well, I really like shopping malls. 427 00:23:22,170 --> 00:23:25,670 And I think we should be making many, many more of them. Now that we're into 428 00:23:25,670 --> 00:23:28,090 Europe, I think we should be right in there, tucking in the bucks from all 429 00:23:28,090 --> 00:23:29,090 the place. 430 00:23:29,150 --> 00:23:30,370 Brilliant thinking, Harvey. 431 00:23:30,710 --> 00:23:31,950 Thank you, Mr Baines. What? 432 00:23:32,290 --> 00:23:35,950 In fact, you'd probably go even further, wouldn't you? Would I? 433 00:23:36,170 --> 00:23:40,190 You'd make the borough into a huge euro -driving booze store. 434 00:23:40,740 --> 00:23:41,740 Great, fantastic. 435 00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:45,020 That's just what I would have said. Declare it a tax haven? Bring in the 436 00:23:45,020 --> 00:23:47,420 money from all over the world? That's my very word. Thank you. 437 00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:50,440 How does he feel about our beautiful trees? 438 00:23:51,460 --> 00:23:53,740 Trees? How do I feel about trees? 439 00:23:55,340 --> 00:23:56,960 Well, trees are trees, I guess. 440 00:23:57,720 --> 00:23:59,560 And a great asset, Harvey. 441 00:23:59,840 --> 00:24:00,840 Really? Yes. 442 00:24:00,940 --> 00:24:04,760 Don't you remember telling us how each of the pine trees around Bayview could 443 00:24:04,760 --> 00:24:07,060 made into half a million burger cartons? Oh, yeah, right. 444 00:24:07,710 --> 00:24:09,030 Chop them all down, you said? 445 00:24:09,310 --> 00:24:10,189 Yes, right. 446 00:24:10,190 --> 00:24:13,030 Did I say that? How is it you feel about fields and hedgerows? 447 00:24:13,290 --> 00:24:16,770 Well, you know me, Diana. You've heard me speak. Why don't you tell them? 448 00:24:17,990 --> 00:24:22,150 Harvey feels that any land that is not turning a good profit should be covered 449 00:24:22,150 --> 00:24:23,470 in tarmac and cheapo housing. 450 00:24:23,730 --> 00:24:27,630 Right. And let's not forget the poor and needy. The poor and needy. You are such 451 00:24:27,630 --> 00:24:29,530 a drain on the corporate first. Well, they are too. 452 00:24:29,790 --> 00:24:31,870 Not to mention unmarried mothers and the old and sick. 453 00:24:32,150 --> 00:24:34,110 Yeah, they're terrible people. They're leeches. 454 00:24:34,330 --> 00:24:35,330 Keep going, Harvey. 455 00:24:37,380 --> 00:24:40,320 What are you playing at? You see, you've got to be a viable unit in the 456 00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:42,960 marketplace. I mean, just because you're a human being, it doesn't mean that you 457 00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:44,180 can buck market forces. 458 00:24:44,480 --> 00:24:45,800 Mind like a steel trap, you see. 459 00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:51,220 And what about backhanders for political favour? Oh, yes, it's a great idea. I 460 00:24:51,220 --> 00:24:52,880 mean, it works in Sicily. Why not here? 461 00:24:53,460 --> 00:24:56,180 Those are all those damn subversive libraries. 462 00:24:56,380 --> 00:24:59,280 Yes, and all those creches for the foul -mouthed children of communists. And 463 00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:02,080 what about bringing back hangings? Yes, string them up, string them up. Right, 464 00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:03,080 OK. 465 00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:05,500 Let's just hold it right there. 466 00:25:06,830 --> 00:25:13,670 I think that Harvey's ideas are so brilliant, I don't know why 467 00:25:13,670 --> 00:25:17,510 I'm even bothering to stand at all. I mean, he is obviously the man of the 468 00:25:17,510 --> 00:25:23,290 future. The man who will put parking meters in country lanes. Oh, yes. The 469 00:25:23,290 --> 00:25:28,650 who knows what to do with napalm. Yes. Our man in City Hall. 470 00:25:28,870 --> 00:25:29,870 Right on, sister. 471 00:25:29,910 --> 00:25:33,570 So, I am resigning in favour of Harvey, and I'll see you all at the next cheese, 472 00:25:33,570 --> 00:25:34,710 wine and book burning party. 473 00:25:42,290 --> 00:25:44,250 Great. Isn't she a fantastic woman? 474 00:25:50,170 --> 00:25:51,170 Well? 475 00:25:56,970 --> 00:25:57,970 Fine, thanks. 476 00:25:58,030 --> 00:26:01,710 I mean, well, what was all that travesty of gobbledygook about? 477 00:26:02,070 --> 00:26:03,430 I can't think what you mean. 478 00:26:03,650 --> 00:26:06,190 What were you playing at, supporting Harvey Benz? Was I? 479 00:26:06,860 --> 00:26:07,860 Goodness. Hello? 480 00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:10,040 Oh, hello, Jenny. 481 00:26:10,420 --> 00:26:13,820 Well, I suppose this is goodbye, then. 482 00:26:14,020 --> 00:26:15,860 No, it's not. I've got my job back. 483 00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:20,620 Oh, well, I am glad. And I think you had something to do with it. Now, what 484 00:26:20,620 --> 00:26:21,620 gives you that idea? 485 00:26:22,120 --> 00:26:25,560 Harvey wouldn't say why he changed his mind. He just said he'd made a pact with 486 00:26:25,560 --> 00:26:26,459 the devil. 487 00:26:26,460 --> 00:26:27,900 So I think you must be somewhere. 488 00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:30,360 No, no, no, no, no. Nothing to do with me. 489 00:26:30,640 --> 00:26:33,080 Well, I'll give you a hug anyway on that chart. 490 00:26:33,340 --> 00:26:35,540 Thanks. Look, got to dash, got to tell Mandy. 491 00:26:36,410 --> 00:26:37,410 Thanks, Tom. 492 00:26:37,550 --> 00:26:38,770 Bye. Bye, Jimmy. 493 00:26:39,490 --> 00:26:42,330 Mandy, what is going on? 494 00:26:42,730 --> 00:26:43,770 It's all right, Diana. 495 00:26:44,470 --> 00:26:47,030 The game is up. I'm not totally stupid. 496 00:26:47,450 --> 00:26:48,450 Are you sure, Harvey? 497 00:26:49,430 --> 00:26:52,050 Harvey is very upset. 498 00:26:52,510 --> 00:26:54,870 And why is that, my little cherry bumpkin? 499 00:26:55,170 --> 00:26:56,390 I was not nominated. 500 00:26:56,850 --> 00:26:59,990 They said that with people like me and supporters like you, they would rather 501 00:26:59,990 --> 00:27:02,190 disband the party than risk having me elected. 502 00:27:02,830 --> 00:27:04,070 So what are they going to do? 503 00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:06,720 They put Geoffrey forward as the candidate. 504 00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:08,520 But he's got a barmy old dad. 505 00:27:09,220 --> 00:27:10,620 But that's you, Tom. 506 00:27:11,060 --> 00:27:12,060 So it is. 507 00:27:13,740 --> 00:27:17,700 Ideally, though. Oh, no, it isn't. You promised to give Jenny her job back if I 508 00:27:17,700 --> 00:27:18,559 supported you. 509 00:27:18,560 --> 00:27:20,840 But it was your support that lost me the candidacy. 510 00:27:21,140 --> 00:27:23,240 Oh, so I've won on both fronts again. 511 00:27:26,120 --> 00:27:27,420 He's very upset. 512 00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:29,120 Oh, I'm so sorry. 513 00:27:31,740 --> 00:27:37,140 Diana, you wily old bag. I wondered what you were playing at. Well, I decided 514 00:27:37,140 --> 00:27:38,320 you were right, Tom. 515 00:27:38,760 --> 00:27:41,360 Victory is relative to the strength of the opposition. 516 00:27:41,620 --> 00:27:45,560 And if I couldn't outwit that idiot Baines with one hand tied behind me, I 517 00:27:45,560 --> 00:27:47,020 wasn't going to get very far at City Hall. 518 00:27:47,580 --> 00:27:50,560 Does this mean the end of your political career? 519 00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:52,380 No, no, not at all. 520 00:27:52,720 --> 00:27:55,060 I may well form my own party. 521 00:27:55,380 --> 00:27:58,100 Oh, what will you call your party? 522 00:27:58,580 --> 00:27:59,580 God knows. 523 00:27:59,860 --> 00:28:01,240 What about the... 524 00:28:01,630 --> 00:28:03,910 Diana Trent, totally negative party. 525 00:28:04,130 --> 00:28:07,910 Shut your face. Or the old ladies who cheated croaky party. 526 00:28:08,230 --> 00:28:09,230 I'm warning you. 527 00:28:09,270 --> 00:28:10,550 The burnt out old malls party. 528 00:28:10,810 --> 00:28:12,190 The Maddox Rammys party. 529 00:28:12,510 --> 00:28:13,510 Get your head on the floor. 530 00:28:13,670 --> 00:28:14,970 I've still got my balls party. 531 00:28:15,310 --> 00:28:16,310 No, no, don't laugh. 532 00:28:17,330 --> 00:28:18,670 Let's go to hell, the bucket party. 533 00:28:19,750 --> 00:28:22,130 Oh, you've cut my bloody shin. 534 00:28:23,090 --> 00:28:24,450 That's my party.