1 00:00:46,359 --> 00:00:48,920 Don't just stand there, you idle baggage. Open the door. 2 00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:51,540 Get out of the way. 3 00:00:55,120 --> 00:00:56,120 There you are, Jane. 4 00:00:57,400 --> 00:00:58,400 Isn't it beautiful? 5 00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:02,120 It's the most beautiful thing in my life. 6 00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:03,960 Oh. 7 00:01:04,879 --> 00:01:06,260 Very beautiful, Harvey. 8 00:01:09,740 --> 00:01:11,240 I'll be someone now, Jane. 9 00:01:12,420 --> 00:01:14,160 I'll be a young man going places. 10 00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:17,620 It's very nice, Harvey. Don't touch the car! 11 00:01:18,260 --> 00:01:19,260 Come on, Harvey. 12 00:01:19,900 --> 00:01:22,680 Fingerprints. You know, they attract dust. 13 00:01:22,920 --> 00:01:23,980 Called the wing barrier. 14 00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:25,200 Drop the speed. 15 00:01:25,680 --> 00:01:26,680 Well, 16 00:01:27,460 --> 00:01:28,700 don't hang around, Jane. About your business. 17 00:01:29,020 --> 00:01:30,400 The builders will be here soon. 18 00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:31,640 You'd better go and warn the inmates. 19 00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:35,780 Especially the incredibly bloody -minded ones called Diana Trent and Tom 20 00:01:35,780 --> 00:01:37,660 Ballard. Yes, Harvey. 21 00:01:39,180 --> 00:01:43,460 Listen, tell Diana to stop banging the tortoise around the croquet lawn. 22 00:01:48,490 --> 00:01:49,490 So beautiful. 23 00:01:50,970 --> 00:01:51,970 Yoo -hoo! 24 00:01:52,110 --> 00:01:54,570 Oh, my God, the flannel from outer space. 25 00:01:55,850 --> 00:01:56,850 Hello, Jean! 26 00:01:57,290 --> 00:01:58,510 How are we today? 27 00:01:58,850 --> 00:02:02,510 Same as every day, wondering what I'm doing in this place when I could be out 28 00:02:02,510 --> 00:02:03,870 shoving my head through a mangle. 29 00:02:05,390 --> 00:02:09,169 It's, uh, probably the, uh, you know, thingy. 30 00:02:09,570 --> 00:02:10,570 The what? 31 00:02:10,970 --> 00:02:13,070 You and Tom in there. 32 00:02:14,390 --> 00:02:15,390 Thingy stuff. 33 00:02:15,890 --> 00:02:16,890 Do you mean... 34 00:02:17,740 --> 00:02:18,478 You mean sex? 35 00:02:18,480 --> 00:02:19,500 Oh, Diana. 36 00:02:21,100 --> 00:02:23,120 Yes. Oh, my Lord. 37 00:02:23,460 --> 00:02:24,920 That's what makes you depressed. 38 00:02:25,300 --> 00:02:26,460 Well, it doesn't, actually, Jane. 39 00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:30,480 That quick swing through the rigging with a cutlet between my teeth had quite 40 00:02:30,480 --> 00:02:31,480 the opposite effect. 41 00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:38,160 No, my depression is endemic. It comes from living here in this bog at the end 42 00:02:38,160 --> 00:02:42,240 of the rainbow, having to talk to fundamentalist cracker barrels like your 43 00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:45,040 self. You can't fool me, Diana. 44 00:02:45,500 --> 00:02:50,880 I know you're ruckus. with guilt and torment and realize that the eternal 45 00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:53,220 are waiting to consume you forever and ever. 46 00:02:53,820 --> 00:02:54,820 Amen. 47 00:02:56,320 --> 00:03:00,660 Jane, let me speak one last word on this matter. 48 00:03:01,060 --> 00:03:06,820 Of late, Tom and I have become occasional lovers when we both feel like 49 00:03:06,840 --> 00:03:08,800 which ain't that often, but it's quite welcome when it happens. 50 00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:14,920 Now, this is nobody's business but ours, so will you just doubt your flaming 51 00:03:14,920 --> 00:03:17,520 paranoia and staple those... lips together. 52 00:03:17,920 --> 00:03:19,120 And I'll do it for you. 53 00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:21,360 I'll pray for you, Diana. 54 00:03:23,140 --> 00:03:24,380 Well, didn't you want something? 55 00:03:24,760 --> 00:03:26,000 Oh, yes. 56 00:03:26,660 --> 00:03:27,660 Good news. 57 00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:31,300 The board have raised enough money to build a new wing. 58 00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:32,520 A new wing? 59 00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:33,478 What for? 60 00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:35,060 There's no room for any more in me. 61 00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:39,000 Hardly swing a cat in the dining room as it is. You can eat a cat, but you can't 62 00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:39,839 swing one. 63 00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:44,960 The new wing is for the people who don't use the dining room. 64 00:03:46,380 --> 00:03:47,580 don't use a dining room. 65 00:03:48,540 --> 00:03:49,760 Or Glaswegians. 66 00:03:52,040 --> 00:03:56,040 The not -for -mobile is going to be a hospital wing. 67 00:03:56,460 --> 00:04:00,320 But people are not allowed to be sick here, Jane. It's so -so in the small 68 00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:03,720 print. You're either alive or you're dead. No in -between. 69 00:04:04,920 --> 00:04:07,500 It's all to do with these new government grants. 70 00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:12,860 Apparently, the space storage efficiency ratio for the not -for -mobile is 71 00:04:12,860 --> 00:04:13,860 really quite a... 72 00:04:16,829 --> 00:04:19,670 You mean there is a quid in the sickies? 73 00:04:20,350 --> 00:04:22,290 I'm sure it's for the best, Diana. 74 00:04:22,610 --> 00:04:26,090 Yes, and I'm sure I'll probably be the first one in there. 75 00:04:26,410 --> 00:04:29,670 Oh, no, never. You always look like an ox. 76 00:04:32,230 --> 00:04:34,110 I mean, you look as strong as an ox. 77 00:04:34,450 --> 00:04:38,270 That is because of my drugs, God bless them. What happens when they stop 78 00:04:38,270 --> 00:04:41,230 working? I end up in Harvey's Hospital. 79 00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:44,840 A zombified, palpitating blob thing hanging in a basket. 80 00:04:45,100 --> 00:04:46,140 Oh, Diana. 81 00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:50,160 All we need now is a morgue and a crematorium and this place will be 82 00:04:50,660 --> 00:04:54,540 Maybe even compulsory. As soon as you hit your use -by date, you have to check 83 00:04:54,540 --> 00:04:55,940 in here until you go out. 84 00:04:57,280 --> 00:04:58,620 Well, in a tea caddy. 85 00:04:59,660 --> 00:05:01,140 Hello, Mummy. Hello, Daddy. 86 00:05:03,580 --> 00:05:06,040 Diana, you're always so depressing. 87 00:05:06,420 --> 00:05:08,120 Oh, thank you, Jeannie. 88 00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:15,960 He's out trying to earn some money. Oh, he's not playing his spoons in the 89 00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:17,220 shopping mall again, is he? 90 00:05:18,220 --> 00:05:21,640 No, no, he is trying to sell some of my paintings. 91 00:05:22,060 --> 00:05:27,980 We want some money. So, I am abandoning my artistic integrity and painting the 92 00:05:27,980 --> 00:05:31,120 sort of cloying crap that the local suburban drop left. 93 00:05:55,020 --> 00:05:56,020 What ho? 94 00:05:57,220 --> 00:06:02,400 I represent Art for the Elderly, a recently formed organisation in which 95 00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:06,320 artists produce paintings to raise money to send the elderly on holidays. 96 00:06:06,860 --> 00:06:09,700 Maybe you'd like to look at my pictures? 97 00:06:10,220 --> 00:06:11,480 No speak English. 98 00:06:11,780 --> 00:06:12,780 Sorry. 99 00:06:16,840 --> 00:06:18,840 The 10th au pair this morning. 100 00:06:19,120 --> 00:06:21,820 We are being overrun by hordes of... 101 00:06:22,190 --> 00:06:27,730 Latter -day Vikings undermining our society by lying in the bath, running up 102 00:06:27,730 --> 00:06:31,550 huge phone bills. I don't know why I have to do this for Diana. This won't 103 00:06:31,550 --> 00:06:33,430 us a sketch. Yes, it'll in the Orient Express. 104 00:06:41,670 --> 00:06:42,670 Hello? 105 00:06:43,210 --> 00:06:48,590 I represent Arts for the Elderly, an organization whereby untalented old 106 00:06:48,590 --> 00:06:50,710 do terrible pictures and send out their powers. 107 00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:52,540 To flog them to the gallows. 108 00:06:55,020 --> 00:06:58,200 I'm trying to have a kip. Now, shove off before I flatten you. 109 00:07:01,740 --> 00:07:03,640 Don't flatten me. Flatten Diana. 110 00:07:05,180 --> 00:07:09,160 To raise money to send the elderly on holiday. So, what do you think of this? 111 00:07:09,460 --> 00:07:11,420 A little jam, eh? 112 00:07:12,440 --> 00:07:17,660 Freddie, there's some old crook from a bogus charity trying to flog us rubbish. 113 00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:19,660 Let the dog out, will you? 114 00:07:35,340 --> 00:07:36,219 Hi, Tom. 115 00:07:36,220 --> 00:07:37,220 Hi. 116 00:07:37,520 --> 00:07:38,900 Shall I buy a new car? 117 00:07:39,320 --> 00:07:40,320 Very nice. 118 00:07:45,420 --> 00:07:46,600 Dreadful little man. 119 00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:50,820 How did it go? 120 00:07:51,500 --> 00:07:52,620 Oh, wonderful. 121 00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:55,740 An armoured truck is bringing the cash round right now. 122 00:07:56,080 --> 00:07:57,500 You didn't sell any of them. 123 00:07:57,840 --> 00:08:00,260 Oh, I must be fibbing. Naughty Tom. 124 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:01,480 Slap, slap. 125 00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:05,220 I never felt better. 126 00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:09,720 Pacemakers in overdrive. I think I'll just go and surf down the Matterhorn. 127 00:08:11,140 --> 00:08:12,400 What's happened to your jacket? 128 00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:14,480 A dog happened to my jacket. 129 00:08:15,180 --> 00:08:17,180 But you were attacked by a dog. 130 00:08:17,560 --> 00:08:23,960 No, no, no, no. I just saw this nice little 18 -stone rock viola, and I 131 00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:28,180 to myself, I'll rip down the back of my jacket and stuff it down his throat. 132 00:08:29,380 --> 00:08:31,740 Can I get you a cup of tea? 133 00:08:32,240 --> 00:08:33,559 I prefer a G and T. 134 00:08:33,940 --> 00:08:34,940 Coming up. 135 00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:37,980 So, what went wrong? 136 00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:39,520 I don't know. 137 00:08:40,860 --> 00:08:45,400 The way they cheated me, you'd think I was trying to sell their kiddies cholera 138 00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:47,440 lollipops. I've had enough. 139 00:08:48,020 --> 00:08:52,780 My lungs are flapping about like tired grey sails on a fog -bound lugger. 140 00:08:56,960 --> 00:08:58,380 Wasn't last night, was it? 141 00:08:58,980 --> 00:09:00,400 What happened last night? 142 00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:02,800 Thank you, Tom. 143 00:09:04,820 --> 00:09:06,060 Oh, yes, of course. 144 00:09:06,340 --> 00:09:07,880 No. No, Diana. 145 00:09:08,520 --> 00:09:09,900 It was not last night. 146 00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:12,640 I'm not tired from the rigours of the bedroom. 147 00:09:13,460 --> 00:09:18,340 I am tired from not achieving what I set out to achieve, i .e. making some dosh 148 00:09:18,340 --> 00:09:19,380 for our honeymoon. 149 00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:20,960 Our what? 150 00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:26,460 Well, it will be our first holiday since our newfound thing of it. 151 00:09:27,320 --> 00:09:28,320 Tom. 152 00:09:28,700 --> 00:09:30,940 Dear Tom. Yeah? Pal. Yeah? 153 00:09:31,240 --> 00:09:33,180 Lover, if you like. Oh, I do. 154 00:09:33,500 --> 00:09:35,520 Becky Gable always called me nice. 155 00:09:36,780 --> 00:09:41,180 Now, we agreed that we would try and take a little trip. Just as we are, as 156 00:09:41,180 --> 00:09:42,720 normal. You dart me nasty. 157 00:09:44,380 --> 00:09:49,400 I never said anything about something as puke -makingly spongiform as a 158 00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:50,400 honeymoon. 159 00:09:50,820 --> 00:09:53,520 Oh, Diana, you do have a terror. 160 00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:55,640 No wonder you never married. 161 00:09:56,170 --> 00:09:59,710 The idea of any sort of commitment to another human being makes you go quite 162 00:09:59,710 --> 00:10:01,210 soggy -kneed with terror. 163 00:10:01,990 --> 00:10:02,990 Nonsense. 164 00:10:03,610 --> 00:10:07,790 I'm just too old to go around being all cutesy -pie. 165 00:10:09,230 --> 00:10:14,150 Everything is just as it was, only, well, different. 166 00:10:14,970 --> 00:10:16,750 The same, but different. 167 00:10:16,990 --> 00:10:21,310 Right. We are contemplating a holiday, not a honeymoon. 168 00:10:21,650 --> 00:10:24,710 So, would we have the same room with different beds, 169 00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:29,440 Same bed or different rooms with hammocks. 170 00:10:31,820 --> 00:10:34,440 We are contemplating the Orient Express. 171 00:10:35,020 --> 00:10:37,420 Different bunk, same carriage. 172 00:10:37,740 --> 00:10:39,300 What happens when we cross the equator? 173 00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:40,680 Then we'll be in the wrong train. 174 00:10:43,940 --> 00:10:49,160 We are not going anywhere, Tom. No money, no holiday. 175 00:10:49,560 --> 00:10:51,260 Oh, dear, what a pity. 176 00:10:51,620 --> 00:10:53,220 The Orient Express. 177 00:10:53,900 --> 00:10:55,600 I haven't been on that for years. 178 00:10:56,100 --> 00:10:59,820 The last time I was in the Orient Express, there was a murder. Really? 179 00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:05,120 Everyone took it in turns to stab this poor little Belgian. 180 00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:11,580 I was there with Ingrid Bergman at the time. I just had a little tip with Greta 181 00:11:11,580 --> 00:11:12,600 Garbo. Tom. 182 00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:16,380 Yes. Quit your gibbering. We cannot go. 183 00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:21,440 Come on, let's go to lunch. The idiot Baines is making an announcement. 184 00:11:22,350 --> 00:11:23,350 Wait a minute. 185 00:11:23,430 --> 00:11:24,430 What? 186 00:11:24,630 --> 00:11:25,650 My nest egg. 187 00:11:25,850 --> 00:11:27,130 Your what? My nest egg. 188 00:11:27,770 --> 00:11:32,610 I have a few shares tucked away. I'll get my boring son to flog them. And off 189 00:11:32,610 --> 00:11:35,150 go. No, you can't do that. They're for your old age. 190 00:11:38,050 --> 00:11:40,330 This is my old age. 191 00:11:41,350 --> 00:11:42,309 That's it. 192 00:11:42,310 --> 00:11:44,370 Off on the Oriental, choo -choo. 193 00:11:45,210 --> 00:11:48,310 Champagne all the way. I'll go and see Geoffrey this afternoon. 194 00:11:48,710 --> 00:11:49,710 Ah, choo -choo. 195 00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:53,640 Now, I just know you're going to love these plans. 196 00:11:53,940 --> 00:11:56,340 No, we're not. We're going to hate them. And why is that, Diana? Principal 197 00:11:56,340 --> 00:11:59,280 Harvey, if it's an idea of yours, it must be christened as beyond belief. 198 00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:01,400 I think I'll just ignore that. 199 00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:04,500 Now, this area over here will be for the doctor's surgery. 200 00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:08,040 Yes, Tom. What was the name of the train with the face on the front of it? 201 00:12:08,540 --> 00:12:10,020 Thomas the Tank Engine. 202 00:12:10,360 --> 00:12:11,360 Thank you, Basil. 203 00:12:11,540 --> 00:12:13,640 I believe you had a sister, too. 204 00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:16,460 The Little Pink Engine, yes. Do you mind? 205 00:12:17,600 --> 00:12:21,020 Now, this area here will be for... Yes, Diana. 206 00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:21,759 Who's that? 207 00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:22,539 Who's who? 208 00:12:22,540 --> 00:12:23,760 That's Bibb sitting next to you. 209 00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:28,000 It's quite his chance for the brain -dead look in his eye. Or is he just 210 00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:29,000 brother? 211 00:12:29,260 --> 00:12:33,180 This is Mr Bernard O 'Hara. He is going to be our building contractor. 212 00:12:33,540 --> 00:12:36,180 And I don't think it's very polite of you to call him a Spiv. 213 00:12:36,500 --> 00:12:37,780 He's working for you, isn't he? 214 00:12:39,260 --> 00:12:41,240 Probably wanted on five continents. 215 00:12:41,540 --> 00:12:44,060 Probably a train robber. Probably builds dog kennels. 216 00:12:44,300 --> 00:12:48,540 Ah, no. What is it I'm supposed to have done? Just take no notice. She just does 217 00:12:48,540 --> 00:12:49,540 this to upset me. 218 00:12:49,800 --> 00:12:54,120 Now, this area here is going to be the intensive care unit. 219 00:12:54,380 --> 00:12:56,500 Yes, who's going to run that? Jane? Well, I'm not sure. 220 00:12:57,160 --> 00:13:00,120 I really hope not. She couldn't intensive care a rabbit. 221 00:13:00,380 --> 00:13:01,420 Oh, thank you, Diana. 222 00:13:02,080 --> 00:13:03,080 Now, I'd like Mr. 223 00:13:03,260 --> 00:13:04,820 O 'Hart to say a few words to us. 224 00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:06,200 Fanny? 225 00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:08,060 Hello, me old darlings. 226 00:13:08,920 --> 00:13:10,160 Lovely to meet you all. 227 00:13:10,720 --> 00:13:12,720 He's Swedish. You can tell by his accent. 228 00:13:14,570 --> 00:13:19,110 We are, of course, going to take as much care as possible not to disturb you. 229 00:13:19,270 --> 00:13:24,090 But there may occasionally be a little bit of noise and dirt. But I'm sure you 230 00:13:24,090 --> 00:13:29,250 won't be minding that. And I know we're all going to get along splendidly and be 231 00:13:29,250 --> 00:13:30,310 the best of friends. 232 00:13:31,410 --> 00:13:32,890 Now, any questions? 233 00:13:33,950 --> 00:13:35,550 What did you last build? 234 00:13:35,850 --> 00:13:40,070 It was a job for Bournemouth Council, a major public building. 235 00:13:40,450 --> 00:13:42,130 The new lavatories, by any chance? 236 00:13:42,610 --> 00:13:43,990 Oh, so you know them. 237 00:13:44,250 --> 00:13:47,690 Those are the ones down on the seafront, aren't they? That's right. 238 00:13:47,950 --> 00:13:52,270 The ones with the seawall -drained corks facing the wrong way, so that when 239 00:13:52,270 --> 00:13:55,650 there's a big wave at high tide, the effect is much the same as sitting on an 240 00:13:55,650 --> 00:13:56,650 elephant's bidet. 241 00:14:02,150 --> 00:14:06,350 Mr. De Gea, Geoffrey, you'll upset the karmic soul of the car. 242 00:14:08,030 --> 00:14:10,270 Marion, I can wash the car on my own, you know. 243 00:14:10,610 --> 00:14:13,090 We shall get a new car for our new consciousness. 244 00:14:13,630 --> 00:14:14,630 This is a new car, dear. 245 00:14:17,810 --> 00:14:19,690 Harry Palmer drives a Jaguar. 246 00:14:19,910 --> 00:14:21,230 Well, it's bank robbers, dear, dear. 247 00:14:22,110 --> 00:14:24,030 Why don't you go inside and rip off a quick mantra? 248 00:14:24,770 --> 00:14:26,570 I hate being so poor. 249 00:14:28,590 --> 00:14:29,730 Bad for my aura. 250 00:14:30,790 --> 00:14:32,310 And you're never going to make much. 251 00:14:32,930 --> 00:14:33,930 Thank you, dear. 252 00:14:33,990 --> 00:14:37,390 Much as I love you, dear old father, well, he's not going to leave anything 253 00:14:37,390 --> 00:14:38,510 worth a pinch of poo. 254 00:14:40,130 --> 00:14:42,010 He has quite a nice nest egg, actually. 255 00:14:42,700 --> 00:14:44,200 I've just reinvested it for him. 256 00:14:44,580 --> 00:14:47,200 What in? In the new building programme at Bayview. 257 00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:49,380 Investment in his future. 258 00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:52,400 Which will revert to us, should he? God forbid. 259 00:14:53,120 --> 00:14:54,120 Pass on. 260 00:14:54,340 --> 00:14:55,340 That's right, dear. 261 00:14:56,560 --> 00:14:57,560 Watto! 262 00:14:57,760 --> 00:15:00,040 How lovely to see you. 263 00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:05,060 We were just talking about you. Helena, what brings you here? I would like you 264 00:15:05,060 --> 00:15:06,100 to sell some of my shares. 265 00:15:07,100 --> 00:15:08,100 Ah. 266 00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:09,560 I want my money back. 267 00:15:11,950 --> 00:15:12,950 a little dung beetle. 268 00:15:13,070 --> 00:15:17,030 I want my money back, the money my boy put into the hospital wing. 269 00:15:17,230 --> 00:15:20,610 The money that you entrusted to some comic book paddywhacker has obviously 270 00:15:20,610 --> 00:15:21,609 to the corkscrew. 271 00:15:21,610 --> 00:15:22,990 I'm afraid that's not possible. 272 00:15:23,270 --> 00:15:23,889 Why not? 273 00:15:23,890 --> 00:15:24,890 Why? 274 00:15:25,370 --> 00:15:28,790 Because... Because... Why isn't it possible, Jane? 275 00:15:30,790 --> 00:15:34,650 Um... Uh... Well, it's all sort of signed and sealed. 276 00:15:34,850 --> 00:15:40,070 Sealed. The funds would only be returnable if the project were 277 00:15:40,410 --> 00:15:42,040 Cancelled. But that's not fair. 278 00:15:42,240 --> 00:15:43,660 Life isn't fair, Tom. 279 00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:45,340 Life just is. 280 00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:48,140 Tom, we must confer and deliberate. 281 00:15:48,600 --> 00:15:51,200 But I want to see my friend, Hercule Poirot. 282 00:15:51,420 --> 00:15:53,460 Who? Come on. On the Orient Express. 283 00:15:53,980 --> 00:15:55,660 Marlene Dietrich was there, too. 284 00:15:55,880 --> 00:15:57,680 That was the Shanghai Express. Come on. 285 00:15:57,920 --> 00:15:58,920 And Glenmeadow. 286 00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:04,420 But we can't give up. This little fidget's got my money. 287 00:16:04,660 --> 00:16:08,440 We are not giving up, Tom. We are regrouping and assessing the situation. 288 00:16:09,380 --> 00:16:10,379 Bye, Robbie. 289 00:16:10,380 --> 00:16:11,380 Come on. 290 00:16:11,440 --> 00:16:13,060 Then there was the Stambull train. 291 00:16:13,340 --> 00:16:14,340 Who was on that? 292 00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:15,520 Donald Duck. 293 00:16:19,820 --> 00:16:25,300 I drove a train once. Really? Which one? 294 00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:28,900 The 347 from Basingstoke. I don't know that one. Who was in it? 295 00:16:29,300 --> 00:16:30,300 I was. 296 00:16:30,380 --> 00:16:31,860 I didn't know you were in movies. 297 00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:34,400 I wasn't. I was a train driver. 298 00:16:34,970 --> 00:16:35,809 And tanks. 299 00:16:35,810 --> 00:16:37,050 Tanks? Tanks for what? 300 00:16:37,350 --> 00:16:38,550 Tanks for the memory. 301 00:16:39,510 --> 00:16:40,510 Tom, 302 00:16:41,490 --> 00:16:43,630 shut up and Basil ditto. 303 00:16:43,910 --> 00:16:47,010 I really did drive tanks in the desert against trouble. 304 00:16:47,210 --> 00:16:49,090 Yes, jolly good, Basil. Tom, come over here. 305 00:16:49,410 --> 00:16:50,410 He did, you know. 306 00:16:51,170 --> 00:16:54,790 Splendid chap, Basil. Yes, now listen. I've drawn up a list of people that we 307 00:16:54,790 --> 00:16:56,410 need to get at to have this building stopped. 308 00:16:56,770 --> 00:16:59,210 Counselors, planners, et cetera. But I'll feed his chap. He comes tomorrow. 309 00:16:59,570 --> 00:17:02,130 Yes, I know. That is why he is top of the list. He is coming to tea. 310 00:17:02,450 --> 00:17:04,480 Oh. And he's not Swedish, Tom. 311 00:17:07,119 --> 00:17:08,059 Have another. 312 00:17:08,060 --> 00:17:09,060 Oh, I'd better not. 313 00:17:09,119 --> 00:17:10,200 Oh, just a little one? 314 00:17:10,420 --> 00:17:11,680 Ah, well, just a little one, then. 315 00:17:12,060 --> 00:17:16,200 I must say, this is most kind of you. After our little meeting in the dining 316 00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:20,020 room, I wasn't really sure totally whether you were on my side entirely. 317 00:17:20,819 --> 00:17:26,180 Oh, yes, we realise you're just a poor, brainless pawn in the Machiavellian 318 00:17:26,180 --> 00:17:27,380 games of Harvey Baines. 319 00:17:27,740 --> 00:17:29,640 That's why we invited you here. 320 00:17:31,340 --> 00:17:34,160 We felt it only fair to warn you. About what? 321 00:17:35,080 --> 00:17:40,100 You will go bust if you work here. Harvey Baines has not paid a bill for 322 00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:41,339 Is that a fact? 323 00:17:41,340 --> 00:17:42,340 Oh, yes. 324 00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:48,240 Every day, anguished creditors lie huddled at the gate pleading for their 325 00:17:48,520 --> 00:17:52,760 Their children in rags, their wives in the workhouse, their grannies turning to 326 00:17:52,760 --> 00:17:54,600 dust, their cats and dogs. 327 00:17:57,420 --> 00:18:01,000 that if you go into business with Harvey Baines, you are likely to end up face 328 00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:02,000 down in the pool. 329 00:18:02,280 --> 00:18:04,280 Ah, this is terrible news. 330 00:18:04,640 --> 00:18:05,539 Oh, yes. 331 00:18:05,540 --> 00:18:09,480 Why not resign, eh? Pack it in. Get back to Stockholm. 332 00:18:09,800 --> 00:18:10,679 Well, goodness. 333 00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:17,420 This could flush the whole thing down the gurgler. Oh, dear. Wouldn't that be 334 00:18:17,420 --> 00:18:20,320 shame? They'd have to give everyone their money back. 335 00:18:21,120 --> 00:18:23,120 Have just another teensy one, Mr. O 'Hara. 336 00:18:25,240 --> 00:18:26,240 Bye. Bye. 337 00:18:27,889 --> 00:18:28,889 Goodbye. Goodbye. 338 00:18:30,210 --> 00:18:34,350 I always thought the drunken Irishman was a hacked literary cliché. You don't 339 00:18:34,350 --> 00:18:35,910 call this place real life, do you? 340 00:18:36,590 --> 00:18:40,290 Ever since I came here, I feel as if I've been trapped in some ghastly 341 00:18:41,290 --> 00:18:42,290 Oh! 342 00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:44,790 Well, never mind. 343 00:18:44,950 --> 00:18:49,470 After the cartoon comes the main feature, Tom and Diana on the Orient 344 00:18:49,810 --> 00:18:50,810 Town planner first. 345 00:18:50,990 --> 00:18:51,990 Uh -huh. 346 00:18:52,890 --> 00:18:54,390 Do you think he'll swallow it? 347 00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:55,720 Just don't go mad. 348 00:18:56,000 --> 00:19:02,340 I have no record here of any ancient druid burial grounds on this site. How 349 00:19:02,340 --> 00:19:03,500 do these records go back? 350 00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:07,640 1726. The druids were here a long time before that. 351 00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:12,240 You need the records before these, if not before those as well. 352 00:19:12,880 --> 00:19:16,340 Do you have proof that this is a druid burial site? 353 00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:20,900 Oh, yes. Some of my best friends are druids, and they all tell me... 354 00:19:21,930 --> 00:19:26,970 Now, I have a letter here from the Lower Chorley Historical Society. That covers 355 00:19:26,970 --> 00:19:32,650 Bayview. Now, their secretary, Jane Edwards, thinks the whole matter needs a 356 00:19:32,650 --> 00:19:35,370 thorough investigation before a single sod is turned. 357 00:19:35,710 --> 00:19:37,490 Unless that sod is Harvey Baines. 358 00:19:38,930 --> 00:19:42,010 Look into it. Your country will thank you. 359 00:19:42,230 --> 00:19:44,210 So will the dead druids. Shut up, Tom. 360 00:19:45,050 --> 00:19:47,070 Was that letter from Jane a forgery? 361 00:19:47,310 --> 00:19:48,430 Well, it was her signature. 362 00:19:49,110 --> 00:19:51,810 Mind you, she did think she was signing a Save the Hedgehog petition. 363 00:19:53,270 --> 00:19:54,270 Here you go. 364 00:19:55,350 --> 00:19:56,950 Left hand over middle section. 365 00:19:57,210 --> 00:20:00,050 Pull it back. Right hand on right lever. 366 00:20:00,390 --> 00:20:04,150 Left foot, left hand on left lever. Push it forward. 367 00:20:04,650 --> 00:20:05,870 What are you doing? 368 00:20:06,470 --> 00:20:08,530 I'm reconnoitering a fallback position. 369 00:20:12,970 --> 00:20:14,990 Why do you need so much sugar, Tom? 370 00:20:15,530 --> 00:20:16,790 I'm totally knacker. 371 00:20:19,630 --> 00:20:20,630 What from? 372 00:20:22,950 --> 00:20:24,210 Peel off my trapeze. 373 00:20:25,170 --> 00:20:27,370 I can't think why you're so tired. 374 00:20:28,230 --> 00:20:29,790 It's not as if you'd do anything. 375 00:20:33,030 --> 00:20:34,030 Where's Diana? 376 00:20:34,270 --> 00:20:35,270 Here I am. 377 00:20:37,010 --> 00:20:38,130 I'll say, you're all right. 378 00:20:38,370 --> 00:20:39,370 You bet. 379 00:20:57,980 --> 00:21:00,400 Hasn't she ever heard of matinees, Geoffrey? 380 00:21:02,700 --> 00:21:04,100 Only at the cinema, Dad. 381 00:21:04,360 --> 00:21:06,120 Don't you make the usherettes drop their torches? 382 00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:09,500 You should think of your heart, Dad. 383 00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:10,760 I have been. 384 00:21:11,240 --> 00:21:14,700 Rest assured, my heart rejoices. 385 00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:20,680 Well, we've been talking to Mr O 'Hara. Who has pulled out of the building 386 00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:21,700 project, oh dear. 387 00:21:21,980 --> 00:21:24,920 Who's had half a gallon of whiskey pumped out of his stomach and come out 388 00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:25,920 fighting. 389 00:21:26,140 --> 00:21:27,019 What do you mean? 390 00:21:27,020 --> 00:21:30,760 You put the fear of God into him, so he's insisted on being paid up front, 391 00:21:30,760 --> 00:21:31,639 Harvey has done. 392 00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:34,960 Oh, do that in damnation. What about the druid's burial ground? 393 00:21:35,340 --> 00:21:39,080 It didn't wash, Dad. Harvey marched Jane down to the planning office and got her 394 00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:40,400 to refute your silly letter. 395 00:21:40,680 --> 00:21:42,900 Oh, dear, Diana, we are scuppered. Nonsense. 396 00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:46,280 I'm just going to go and have a shower, and then we will move on to phase two. 397 00:21:46,660 --> 00:21:47,660 Sorry, Dad. 398 00:21:47,740 --> 00:21:51,020 Oh, let's go, Jeffy. I need something for my migraine. 399 00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:58,420 People management, that's what it's about, Jane. That's how I outwitted Tom 400 00:21:58,420 --> 00:22:00,280 Diana. Oh, and confidence, of course. 401 00:22:00,580 --> 00:22:01,499 Yes, Harvey. 402 00:22:01,500 --> 00:22:05,060 And why am I a confident man, Jane? Because I now drive a car that says, 403 00:22:05,060 --> 00:22:06,120 comes a confident man. 404 00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:09,180 Here comes a GTI sort of person. Vroom, vroom. 405 00:22:09,400 --> 00:22:12,700 A car that says, here's a mover and a shaker. 406 00:22:14,320 --> 00:22:16,920 What a clever car, Harvey. What a clever Harvey. 407 00:22:17,860 --> 00:22:20,520 Look, Jane, here's a present for my favourite girl. 408 00:22:20,820 --> 00:22:21,820 Oh! 409 00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:24,240 The U for my car. 410 00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:29,720 It's an altimeter. It tells you how far above sea level you are. 411 00:22:30,740 --> 00:22:34,360 Why do you need to know how far above sea level you are in Bournemouth? Well, 412 00:22:34,360 --> 00:22:35,620 why do you think, Jane? 413 00:22:36,060 --> 00:22:37,180 I don't know. 414 00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:40,220 I've also got a thing that tells you how long it takes to get from here down to 415 00:22:40,220 --> 00:22:41,079 the town centre. 416 00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:42,080 Ten minutes. 417 00:22:43,100 --> 00:22:44,140 Shut up, Jane. 418 00:22:45,020 --> 00:22:48,060 Now, I'll try our local MP and... 419 00:22:48,490 --> 00:22:51,410 And then we can canvass the neighbours, get them worried about property values. 420 00:22:51,670 --> 00:22:54,030 No -one wants a geriatric hospital on their doorstep. 421 00:22:54,390 --> 00:22:56,610 Nearly as bad as a Borsal or a Young Conservatives' Club. 422 00:22:57,510 --> 00:22:58,510 What? 423 00:22:59,070 --> 00:23:01,110 You're being obsessive. What do you mean? 424 00:23:01,730 --> 00:23:03,310 Well, the money is committed. 425 00:23:03,910 --> 00:23:05,750 The work is under way. 426 00:23:06,930 --> 00:23:07,970 What are you saying? 427 00:23:08,610 --> 00:23:09,610 I've just said it. 428 00:23:11,970 --> 00:23:12,970 You're giving up? 429 00:23:13,010 --> 00:23:16,910 No. Tom, if you give up on one battle, you will give up on the next and the 430 00:23:16,910 --> 00:23:19,880 next. And the next thing you know, you'll be giving up on the final battle 431 00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:22,340 checking into Stiff City for all eternity. 432 00:23:23,220 --> 00:23:25,000 At least I'll get some peace. 433 00:23:25,260 --> 00:23:29,540 We can't. We can't let Harvey Baines win. We can't let your miserable family 434 00:23:29,540 --> 00:23:30,299 you off. 435 00:23:30,300 --> 00:23:33,500 My God, if you weaken before that Marion creature, she'll have you turned into 436 00:23:33,500 --> 00:23:34,500 pet food by morning. 437 00:23:34,580 --> 00:23:38,460 Diana, have you ever confronted a moral dilemma? I have spent my life 438 00:23:38,460 --> 00:23:42,400 confronting real dilemmas. I have always found moral dilemmas to be the 439 00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:44,140 indulgence of the well -fed middle class. 440 00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:46,440 Well, we have a moral dilemma here. 441 00:23:46,700 --> 00:23:48,440 Oh! It is a hospital, Diana. 442 00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:50,800 The thing we want to scupper is a hospital. 443 00:23:51,100 --> 00:23:53,540 It is being built for vulgar profit. 444 00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:57,820 You know the truth, Diana. The idea of a hospital is a good one, whoever builds 445 00:23:57,820 --> 00:24:00,420 it. Can't let Baines win. 446 00:24:00,860 --> 00:24:04,220 You're being very petty. Yes, well, I am very petty. When it comes to vengeance 447 00:24:04,220 --> 00:24:06,940 and random nastiness, I am extraordinarily petty. 448 00:24:08,300 --> 00:24:11,680 Got to get even or we are lost. Our pride will be in tatters. 449 00:24:11,900 --> 00:24:12,900 I quite agree. 450 00:24:13,070 --> 00:24:16,850 I'm also very annoyed with Geoffrey and Harvey. They both have to be taught a 451 00:24:16,850 --> 00:24:17,850 lesson. How? 452 00:24:18,610 --> 00:24:19,610 You'll see. 453 00:24:20,270 --> 00:24:21,270 What? 454 00:24:21,730 --> 00:24:24,050 I'm not just hot stuff in the sack, Diana. 455 00:24:24,430 --> 00:24:26,310 I also have a brain as well. 456 00:24:26,730 --> 00:24:27,730 Good night. 457 00:24:29,390 --> 00:24:32,090 I'm really not sure about this at all. 458 00:24:32,390 --> 00:24:34,230 But you said you could drive a tank. 459 00:24:34,850 --> 00:24:37,050 It was 50 years ago. 460 00:24:37,430 --> 00:24:39,830 Oh, I'm sure it'll all come back to you. Come on. 461 00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:45,560 This isn't like a tank at all. 462 00:24:45,860 --> 00:24:47,940 It's all right. I've watched them do it. 463 00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:49,520 Start it up. 464 00:24:51,380 --> 00:24:53,360 Oh, what a terrible noise. 465 00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:55,300 Right, so let's hurry. 466 00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:57,600 Now, to go forward. 467 00:24:57,860 --> 00:24:58,860 Forward, yes. 468 00:24:59,020 --> 00:25:01,280 Yes. Left hand to left, Eva. 469 00:25:02,020 --> 00:25:04,040 Yes. Flux in. 470 00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:07,600 Pull back at the gizmo there. 471 00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:09,960 All right? 472 00:25:10,040 --> 00:25:10,919 All right. 473 00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:11,920 What? 474 00:25:27,280 --> 00:25:29,260 about Dad's mummy. Don't be silly, Jeffrey. 475 00:25:29,640 --> 00:25:33,920 We've done everything we can for him. We found him a lovely home. We managed all 476 00:25:33,920 --> 00:25:34,920 his affairs. 477 00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:30,100 Probably went sleepwalking. 478 00:26:30,740 --> 00:26:32,860 I demand to know what's going on. 479 00:26:33,740 --> 00:26:34,740 All right. 480 00:26:35,260 --> 00:26:36,260 All right. 481 00:26:37,140 --> 00:26:38,140 I know. 482 00:26:38,820 --> 00:26:39,820 I know. 483 00:26:39,980 --> 00:26:40,980 Harvey knows. 484 00:26:41,500 --> 00:26:46,180 I know. What do you know, Harvey, apart from your name? That you warned me about 485 00:26:46,180 --> 00:26:47,180 that builder. 486 00:26:48,080 --> 00:26:50,080 Drunken hoodlum. He wrecked my car. 487 00:26:51,020 --> 00:26:52,740 Now I'll be a nobody again, Jane. 488 00:26:52,940 --> 00:26:55,340 Well, you've always been a nobody, Harvey. You invented nobodiness. 489 00:26:56,120 --> 00:26:57,400 My darling car. 490 00:26:57,720 --> 00:26:58,720 What happened? 491 00:26:58,879 --> 00:27:03,860 Mr. O 'Hara must have got himself a bit tipsy and gone on a mad rampage with his 492 00:27:03,860 --> 00:27:04,860 bulldozer. 493 00:27:05,460 --> 00:27:06,460 Harvey's car. 494 00:27:06,820 --> 00:27:08,240 He denied it, of course. 495 00:27:08,740 --> 00:27:11,420 But I mean, who else round here can drive a bulldozer? 496 00:27:13,860 --> 00:27:16,180 Anyway, you won't be seeing him again. 497 00:27:16,560 --> 00:27:18,340 Oh, so you've cancelled the hospital? 498 00:27:18,600 --> 00:27:21,960 No, just delayed it until we can draw up new contracts. Hard luck, Diana. 499 00:27:22,700 --> 00:27:23,679 Come on. 500 00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:25,420 Harvey? Yes, Diana? 501 00:27:25,960 --> 00:27:28,220 If you hired the builder... 502 00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:30,700 Your investment prospectus is no longer valid. 503 00:27:31,100 --> 00:27:31,879 What do you mean? 504 00:27:31,880 --> 00:27:33,500 I mean it's not legal. 505 00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:37,540 You're going to have to give all the money back, draw up a new expensive 506 00:27:37,540 --> 00:27:40,540 prospectus and hope that all your investors will come back on board. 507 00:27:40,740 --> 00:27:41,439 Are you sure? 508 00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:42,399 Oh, yes. 509 00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:45,980 Of course, they might waive the formalities, let you get on with it with 510 00:27:45,980 --> 00:27:46,980 builder. Really? 511 00:27:47,280 --> 00:27:50,860 Unless somebody gets at them and tells them that you are a brain -dead 512 00:27:50,860 --> 00:27:53,360 incompetent who can't wipe his own bottom without a second thought. 513 00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:56,760 Then who would be that mean? 514 00:27:59,590 --> 00:28:02,350 Is there anything perhaps I could do for you, Diana? 515 00:28:02,670 --> 00:28:04,870 Oh, Harvey, how kind. 516 00:28:05,390 --> 00:28:10,090 Well, I was thinking of just a small holiday. A little train trip with a 517 00:28:10,210 --> 00:28:11,210 First class.