1
00:00:42,430 --> 00:00:43,430
Antonio?

2
00:00:44,070 --> 00:00:45,790
Hi! Antonio!

3
00:00:46,430 --> 00:00:48,370
Vous êtes complètement fou!

4
00:00:48,850 --> 00:00:55,030
Le nom des fleurs, pas des weeds, vous
êtes un portugueso stupido sardino.

5
00:00:56,250 --> 00:01:00,230
Vous avez la gardening ability d 'un
bombe de napalm.

6
00:01:08,210 --> 00:01:11,650
Diana, what do you want?

7
00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:16,000
It's hard enough to get people to work
here as it is. It is made doubly hard if

8
00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:17,620
you go around chucking half the garden
at them.

9
00:01:17,900 --> 00:01:18,900
But the man's a fool.

10
00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:21,220
He doesn't know the first thing about
gardening.

11
00:01:21,420 --> 00:01:22,820
Well, of course he doesn't. He's a chef.

12
00:01:23,180 --> 00:01:24,220
Well, what's he doing in the garden?

13
00:01:24,480 --> 00:01:25,600
We've already got a chef.

14
00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:26,960
And is he a gardener?

15
00:01:27,060 --> 00:01:28,060
No, he's a Korean.

16
00:01:28,820 --> 00:01:30,140
I think I'm losing this one.

17
00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:33,280
I've handed all the catering
arrangements over to this company which

18
00:01:33,280 --> 00:01:34,660
employ nothing but illegal immigrants.

19
00:01:35,300 --> 00:01:37,160
Koreans, Peruvians, Filipinos.

20
00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:38,680
It's wonderful.

21
00:01:39,050 --> 00:01:40,490
It cuts the cost down by a third.

22
00:01:40,750 --> 00:01:42,110
That is immoral, Harvey.

23
00:01:42,350 --> 00:01:43,370
Well, thank you, Diana.

24
00:01:43,670 --> 00:01:44,770
I'm happy you'd say so.

25
00:01:48,470 --> 00:01:49,970
Where's your little chum today?

26
00:01:50,610 --> 00:01:51,610
Tom?

27
00:01:51,890 --> 00:01:52,890
Haven't a clue.

28
00:01:53,470 --> 00:01:55,190
Oh, he keeps disappearing.

29
00:01:56,130 --> 00:02:00,830
Probably got some little doxy stashed
away in downtown Sin City, Bournemouth.

30
00:02:01,370 --> 00:02:02,870
I don't know. I'm not his keeper.

31
00:02:03,390 --> 00:02:07,490
Yes, well, when you see him, could you
also ask him to stop harassing the new

32
00:02:07,490 --> 00:02:08,490
staff?

33
00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:11,480
The Peruvian cleaner do not wish to do
aerobics with him.

34
00:02:14,300 --> 00:02:15,360
I'll see you later.

35
00:02:16,080 --> 00:02:17,080
Toodle -pip.

36
00:02:18,300 --> 00:02:20,560
Aerobics? What's he up to?

37
00:02:20,940 --> 00:02:21,940
Oh,

38
00:02:23,220 --> 00:02:25,840
God. Exit goofy, enter mini -mouse.

39
00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:27,980
Hello, Diana.

40
00:02:28,720 --> 00:02:30,880
You're not here all on our own.

41
00:02:31,100 --> 00:02:32,800
I'm train -spotting, Jane.

42
00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:36,020
Won't be many choo -choo here.

43
00:02:37,040 --> 00:02:38,360
No railway line.

44
00:02:38,780 --> 00:02:41,540
All right, I'm sitting here not spotting
trains.

45
00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:43,980
Oh, well, you'll probably do very well
then.

46
00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:45,440
Oh, God.

47
00:02:45,940 --> 00:02:47,520
How tall are you, Jane?

48
00:02:48,580 --> 00:02:50,440
About this high.

49
00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:52,080
Too tall.

50
00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:53,720
For what?

51
00:02:53,900 --> 00:02:54,900
For a Filipino.

52
00:02:55,440 --> 00:02:56,440
Sorry.

53
00:02:57,200 --> 00:03:01,160
And again, you could get yourself a tan,
call yourself Consuelo, see if that

54
00:03:01,160 --> 00:03:02,039
fooled him.

55
00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:06,120
Who? That idiot Baines. Your beloved
Harvey.

56
00:03:07,340 --> 00:03:09,580
He's going to replace you with a
Filipino.

57
00:03:09,980 --> 00:03:13,640
What? Or possibly one of those East
Europeans who spell their names entirely

58
00:03:13,640 --> 00:03:14,640
with consonants.

59
00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:16,400
What are you talking about?

60
00:03:17,160 --> 00:03:18,220
Harvey's new policy.

61
00:03:19,140 --> 00:03:21,540
Illegal slave labour to run this place.

62
00:03:21,800 --> 00:03:24,740
We're learning to dance in funny
costumes so that we can communicate with

63
00:03:25,620 --> 00:03:27,040
Oh, that won't affect me.

64
00:03:27,780 --> 00:03:31,560
Surely? Oh, bound to. You can speak
English and do the job. Far too

65
00:03:32,260 --> 00:03:35,200
You're going to be replaced by a
diminutive Latino.

66
00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:36,760
Oh.

67
00:03:43,210 --> 00:03:47,110
That's better. Nothing like a bit of
random malevolence to cheer me up.

68
00:03:48,050 --> 00:03:49,050
What help?

69
00:03:51,630 --> 00:03:52,630
Oh, God.

70
00:03:55,570 --> 00:03:57,850
Tom, what do you think you're doing?

71
00:03:58,170 --> 00:03:59,149
I'm getting fit.

72
00:03:59,150 --> 00:03:59,989
What for?

73
00:03:59,990 --> 00:04:01,670
I'm going to be a world -class athlete.

74
00:04:03,070 --> 00:04:04,070
Oh, my God.

75
00:04:04,990 --> 00:04:05,990
Jane?

76
00:04:06,630 --> 00:04:07,630
Harvey!

77
00:04:09,470 --> 00:04:10,970
Ah, is he all right?

78
00:04:11,350 --> 00:04:13,070
Fine. Oh, don't be so stupid.

79
00:04:15,030 --> 00:04:17,050
He collapsed on top of me.

80
00:04:17,350 --> 00:04:19,550
Russian maid threw a bucket of water
over us.

81
00:04:20,190 --> 00:04:21,750
He overdid it a bit, that's all.

82
00:04:22,290 --> 00:04:25,690
Men who've spent 40 years behind a desk
shouldn't suddenly take up marathon

83
00:04:25,690 --> 00:04:26,690
running. Why not?

84
00:04:27,090 --> 00:04:30,150
Because it's a damn silly thing to do.
That's why not, Tom.

85
00:04:30,530 --> 00:04:32,450
We thought you'd had a coronary.

86
00:04:32,670 --> 00:04:36,170
We thought your little heart had stopped
going boom -dee -dee -boom -dee -dee

87
00:04:36,170 --> 00:04:37,149
-boom.

88
00:04:37,150 --> 00:04:38,210
Thank you, Jane.

89
00:04:38,690 --> 00:04:39,690
And it's Friday.

90
00:04:40,220 --> 00:04:42,640
You know how the undertakers always
swizzle us at weekends.

91
00:04:44,540 --> 00:04:45,980
Most inconsiderate, Tom.

92
00:04:46,700 --> 00:04:48,420
Well, I'll be off now.

93
00:04:48,820 --> 00:04:50,460
You take it easy, Mr Ballard.

94
00:04:50,720 --> 00:04:51,439
Right -o.

95
00:04:51,440 --> 00:04:54,120
Bye. I'll see you out. Look, I'm sorry
he's OK.

96
00:04:54,580 --> 00:04:57,740
But before you go, I'd be grateful if
you'd look at one of our cleaners. She

97
00:04:57,740 --> 00:04:58,900
says she has leprosy.

98
00:04:59,980 --> 00:05:00,980
This way.

99
00:05:02,300 --> 00:05:04,160
Could you pass me my vitamins, please?

100
00:05:10,659 --> 00:05:12,440
What is all this rubbish?

101
00:05:13,820 --> 00:05:16,700
I want to be Rocky. You are very Rocky.

102
00:05:18,220 --> 00:05:19,280
Quite unstable.

103
00:05:20,140 --> 00:05:24,560
No, Rocky, as in the film. That chap who
became the world champion boxer.

104
00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:26,820
I mean, what did he have to start with?

105
00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:29,180
A low hairline and a speech impediment.

106
00:05:29,420 --> 00:05:33,500
But after a lot of running, he not only
became very rich and very fit, but was

107
00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:36,860
overrun by Nordic ladies with huge
chests.

108
00:05:37,200 --> 00:05:38,200
Thank you, Tom.

109
00:05:38,540 --> 00:05:42,840
Well? Winter's coming on, and there's
something to be said for a decent -sized

110
00:05:42,840 --> 00:05:43,840
woman.

111
00:05:44,180 --> 00:05:45,560
I never liked duvets.

112
00:05:46,140 --> 00:05:47,140
Fine.

113
00:05:48,440 --> 00:05:53,420
Please don't equate women with
eiderdowns, or I'll be forced to clobber

114
00:05:54,460 --> 00:05:57,760
And I want to do the four -minute mile.
Well, call a cab, for God's sake.

115
00:05:59,300 --> 00:06:00,540
You don't understand.

116
00:06:01,180 --> 00:06:02,740
I want to get fit.

117
00:06:03,020 --> 00:06:04,020
What for?

118
00:06:04,740 --> 00:06:05,740
What for?

119
00:06:05,780 --> 00:06:06,880
I want to live longer.

120
00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:08,120
Oh, why?

121
00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:11,700
We spend half our lives here going quite
gaga with boredom. What on earth do you

122
00:06:11,700 --> 00:06:12,700
want to extend it for?

123
00:06:12,940 --> 00:06:14,020
I want to start again.

124
00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:20,380
I don't want to sit around here saying,
I'm getting old, time to fizzle out.

125
00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:22,980
I want to revitalise myself.

126
00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:24,200
Just like that, eh?

127
00:06:24,560 --> 00:06:25,720
No, no.

128
00:06:26,700 --> 00:06:32,120
You have to prepare the vessel, my body.
You can't pour a new soul into a

129
00:06:32,120 --> 00:06:33,120
cracked old pot.

130
00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:34,520
No comment.

131
00:06:36,620 --> 00:06:41,300
You know what I mean. Yes, of course I
do. You want to turn the clock back. You

132
00:06:41,300 --> 00:06:42,300
want to be young again.

133
00:06:42,780 --> 00:06:44,260
You want your head examined.

134
00:06:45,500 --> 00:06:47,980
Where are you getting these loopy ideas?

135
00:06:48,560 --> 00:06:50,440
I have discovered a new way of thinking.

136
00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:52,820
From whom? From within.

137
00:06:53,840 --> 00:06:55,000
Mind over matter.

138
00:06:56,520 --> 00:06:58,520
Age is merely a state of mind.

139
00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:00,280
It's also a state of body, Tom.

140
00:07:00,620 --> 00:07:04,280
You get old, you fall to pieces, you
die. That's it.

141
00:07:04,780 --> 00:07:06,680
Supposing it wasn't. Ah, but it is.

142
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,320
Just think about it.

143
00:07:08,540 --> 00:07:09,540
Now, go on.

144
00:07:09,980 --> 00:07:10,980
Yes.

145
00:07:11,540 --> 00:07:13,840
Have a little speculative thought. It
won't kill you.

146
00:07:14,140 --> 00:07:15,059
How do you mean?

147
00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:18,120
Well, think back to when you were young.

148
00:07:18,540 --> 00:07:19,540
Oh.

149
00:07:19,820 --> 00:07:21,400
All right. I'm thinking.

150
00:07:21,660 --> 00:07:22,660
And happy?

151
00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:24,660
Well, that narrows it down a bit.

152
00:07:25,820 --> 00:07:26,900
Now, go on.

153
00:07:27,100 --> 00:07:28,240
Your best days.

154
00:07:31,580 --> 00:07:32,580
What do you see?

155
00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:34,700
Oh, my God, what awful clothes.

156
00:07:36,700 --> 00:07:37,639
On who?

157
00:07:37,640 --> 00:07:38,700
On me in a uniform.

158
00:07:39,320 --> 00:07:40,900
Where? Up in a Dakota.

159
00:07:41,340 --> 00:07:44,980
I had a funny sort of job in the WAPs. I
used to go up with the boys on their

160
00:07:44,980 --> 00:07:45,980
first parachute jump.

161
00:07:46,120 --> 00:07:50,260
The idea was that if there was a woman
shoving them out, they'd think twice

162
00:07:50,260 --> 00:07:51,260
before being chicken.

163
00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:56,520
I wasn't very good at it. If one of the
poor sods got into a funk, I usually

164
00:07:56,520 --> 00:07:57,660
ended up sleeping with him.

165
00:08:00,270 --> 00:08:01,350
Word got around.

166
00:08:01,570 --> 00:08:04,550
One day I opened the door and the whole
bloody lot sat tight.

167
00:08:10,910 --> 00:08:12,590
Well, what about VE Day?

168
00:08:12,830 --> 00:08:15,190
Oh, the best.

169
00:08:16,390 --> 00:08:17,390
Trafalgar Square.

170
00:08:17,790 --> 00:08:21,650
Kurt, twirling eyes, flashing head,
always turning.

171
00:08:22,190 --> 00:08:23,290
I was there.

172
00:08:23,510 --> 00:08:25,710
I was young. I was alive.

173
00:08:25,950 --> 00:08:28,110
And it was enough.

174
00:08:29,070 --> 00:08:33,950
It was all going to be wonderful.
Nothing could stop us. We'd paid our

175
00:08:33,950 --> 00:08:38,390
tenfold and the rest of life was going
to be one long, long holiday.

176
00:08:38,870 --> 00:08:40,909
So, that was the moment, huh?

177
00:08:41,870 --> 00:08:44,750
You were young, fit and healthy.

178
00:08:44,970 --> 00:08:48,770
Well, it's quite simple. All you have to
do is to get back into that frame of

179
00:08:48,770 --> 00:08:51,610
mind and your body will follow suit.

180
00:08:53,190 --> 00:08:54,190
No.

181
00:08:54,510 --> 00:08:55,570
You're wrong, Tom.

182
00:08:57,210 --> 00:08:58,210
It's a pity.

183
00:08:58,460 --> 00:08:59,460
But you're wrong.

184
00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:03,820
Stick to hanging around with your
Matthew chums from the movies.

185
00:09:04,700 --> 00:09:09,120
Don't try doing it yourself. You'll just
end up face down in the gravel with

186
00:09:09,120 --> 00:09:12,160
Harvey Baines trying to sell off bits of
you before they go cold.

187
00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:14,440
Night -night.

188
00:09:14,460 --> 00:09:15,460
Night -night.

189
00:10:11,310 --> 00:10:13,150
Mi padre, de muerto.

190
00:10:13,490 --> 00:10:14,890
My father is dead.

191
00:10:15,230 --> 00:10:16,390
Jane, I'm so sorry.

192
00:10:16,850 --> 00:10:17,970
Oh, not really.

193
00:10:18,610 --> 00:10:20,090
No, it's just more Spanish.

194
00:10:21,590 --> 00:10:22,870
Y soy pinguines.

195
00:10:23,310 --> 00:10:24,530
I am a penguin.

196
00:10:26,290 --> 00:10:30,170
Jane, much as I applaud your desire to
be a European, I fear you may find

197
00:10:30,170 --> 00:10:33,930
yourself in deep trouble if you run
round foreign parts proclaiming, my

198
00:10:33,930 --> 00:10:35,270
is dead, I am a penguin.

199
00:10:36,650 --> 00:10:39,110
No, it's to try and keep my job here.

200
00:10:40,300 --> 00:10:43,660
to prove to Harvey that I can be a
foreigner at the new start.

201
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:45,000
Oh, Lord.

202
00:10:45,180 --> 00:10:47,660
I'm up and down.

203
00:10:47,920 --> 00:10:50,060
I'm out and down.

204
00:10:50,880 --> 00:10:52,480
Come on, hands in the air.

205
00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:56,640
Man off in aero.

206
00:10:58,160 --> 00:11:00,520
Come on, I'm trying to save your lives.

207
00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:29,920
What is going on?

208
00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:31,520
My penguin is dead.

209
00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:34,360
What is he doing?

210
00:11:34,580 --> 00:11:36,740
He's trying to prolong their active
life.

211
00:11:37,300 --> 00:11:39,520
I'll bloody well shorten his.

212
00:11:39,740 --> 00:11:40,900
That's my staff.

213
00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:42,160
Oi!

214
00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:47,020
He's just not an animal lover, I
suppose.

215
00:11:48,340 --> 00:11:50,400
There's something funny going on here.

216
00:11:52,520 --> 00:11:53,560
A terrible waste of gin.

217
00:11:56,560 --> 00:11:59,300
Still, as long as it gets the buggers
clean.

218
00:12:03,260 --> 00:12:04,260
Hello, Diana.

219
00:12:04,320 --> 00:12:05,500
Oh, hello, Geoffrey. Come in.

220
00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:07,040
Is Dad not here?

221
00:12:07,240 --> 00:12:09,040
No, no, I've sent him down to the shops.
Well, come in.

222
00:12:09,900 --> 00:12:11,640
God, is it that ghastly place.

223
00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:14,860
How lovely to see that your charming
wife hasn't been run over or anything.

224
00:12:16,140 --> 00:12:17,140
What do you want?

225
00:12:17,440 --> 00:12:21,040
Would you care to sit down, Marion, or
is there too much of a strain on the old

226
00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:22,040
grey matter?

227
00:12:22,260 --> 00:12:25,220
Ask her what the hell she wants, so that
we can get out of here before we catch

228
00:12:25,220 --> 00:12:26,220
something.

229
00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:30,620
Um, it's awfully nice of you to ask us
over, Diana. Do sit down, Geoffrey.

230
00:12:30,840 --> 00:12:31,840
Oh, right, thank you.

231
00:12:31,980 --> 00:12:33,420
Can I have some of your water?

232
00:12:34,480 --> 00:12:35,480
If you insist.

233
00:12:38,640 --> 00:12:40,080
Well, it's a lovely day, Diana.

234
00:12:40,700 --> 00:12:43,140
Geoffrey, get on with it. Your cheese
slices?

235
00:12:43,500 --> 00:12:47,120
Oh, yes, Diana, I do have 28 cartons of
cheese slices and 300 yoghurts waiting

236
00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:48,120
in the Volvo.

237
00:12:48,160 --> 00:12:50,880
I don't wish to know about the further
reaches of your sex life.

238
00:12:51,950 --> 00:12:52,950
To deliver.

239
00:12:53,030 --> 00:12:54,710
It's his boring little job.

240
00:12:54,990 --> 00:12:56,110
What do you want?

241
00:12:56,830 --> 00:12:58,110
It's about your father.

242
00:12:58,370 --> 00:13:00,870
He's not trying to have himself snapped
frozen again, is he?

243
00:13:01,530 --> 00:13:04,270
No, he is trying to get fit and healthy.

244
00:13:04,610 --> 00:13:07,710
Sounds reasonable. Not when taken to
dangerous extremes.

245
00:13:08,310 --> 00:13:10,370
He is taken to running and jumping.

246
00:13:10,750 --> 00:13:14,090
And this morning, a Taiwanese cleaner
was partially damaged when a set of

247
00:13:14,090 --> 00:13:15,530
barbells fell out of Tom's wardrobe.

248
00:13:16,390 --> 00:13:17,850
Because it didn't fall on him.

249
00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:22,220
Isn't it just another of his little
adventures, like climbing Everest or

250
00:13:22,220 --> 00:13:25,720
fighting Victor Mature in the Coliseum?
Yes, but he does all that without

251
00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:26,800
leaving that chair.

252
00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:28,380
This is for real.

253
00:13:28,820 --> 00:13:33,400
He's in extreme danger of totally
knackering himself and going belly up on

254
00:13:34,160 --> 00:13:35,280
You mean he'll die?

255
00:13:35,580 --> 00:13:38,260
Right. Oh, that would be sad.

256
00:14:08,490 --> 00:14:09,490
Excuse me a moment.

257
00:14:12,310 --> 00:14:13,310
Diana,

258
00:14:14,910 --> 00:14:16,130
my yoghurt's the softening.

259
00:14:16,510 --> 00:14:17,510
I'm not surprised.

260
00:14:21,150 --> 00:14:23,710
Geoffrey, your father keeps
disappearing.

261
00:14:23,950 --> 00:14:26,330
I don't know where he's going. He won't
tell me, but he's coming back with some

262
00:14:26,330 --> 00:14:27,330
very daft ideas.

263
00:14:27,550 --> 00:14:30,790
So what do you want me to do? Well, help
me track him down, you great thickness.

264
00:14:31,270 --> 00:14:32,270
Oh, right -o.

265
00:14:32,770 --> 00:14:35,050
Oh, look, Marion's just bitten a Chinese
man.

266
00:14:37,030 --> 00:14:38,030
He's Korean.

267
00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:03,320
I am following that cab, Diana.

268
00:15:03,540 --> 00:15:05,680
My husband is so boring.

269
00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:25,600
It's a community centre.

270
00:15:26,520 --> 00:15:28,360
Sharp as a tack, Geoffrey.

271
00:15:30,830 --> 00:15:31,830
What happens here?

272
00:15:31,970 --> 00:15:33,530
It's full of communists.

273
00:15:34,030 --> 00:15:35,470
They do all those courses.

274
00:15:36,130 --> 00:15:39,790
Karate, krami, lesbian tree pruning.

275
00:15:41,250 --> 00:15:43,330
Don't want your great dead pudding.

276
00:15:44,330 --> 00:15:46,290
I didn't even know they had lesbian
trees.

277
00:15:48,890 --> 00:15:50,690
Oh, pottery.

278
00:15:53,030 --> 00:15:54,090
That's it, that's it.

279
00:15:55,050 --> 00:15:58,630
I've got it for the beer. What is it?

280
00:16:01,550 --> 00:16:02,550
Taxidermy.

281
00:16:03,870 --> 00:16:04,870
Oh,

282
00:16:05,510 --> 00:16:13,810
there

283
00:16:13,810 --> 00:16:14,810
he is.

284
00:16:15,070 --> 00:16:16,230
Oh, my God.

285
00:16:16,530 --> 00:16:18,110
He's found himself a guru.

286
00:16:19,610 --> 00:16:20,610
It's a woman.

287
00:16:21,230 --> 00:16:22,630
There are women gurus.

288
00:16:23,510 --> 00:16:24,650
How do you know she's a guru?

289
00:16:25,070 --> 00:16:26,070
She's sitting on the floor.

290
00:16:27,390 --> 00:16:30,310
Only mystics and five -year -olds sit on
the floor when there are perfectly good

291
00:16:30,310 --> 00:16:31,310
chairs available.

292
00:16:32,130 --> 00:16:33,470
But they're talking about sex.

293
00:16:34,370 --> 00:16:36,070
Why would they be doing that, dear?

294
00:16:36,370 --> 00:16:37,370
I don't know.

295
00:16:37,550 --> 00:16:39,070
What else is there to talk about?

296
00:16:41,410 --> 00:16:42,470
What are we going to do?

297
00:16:42,830 --> 00:16:47,750
Well, we find out who this mystic is,
get the goods on her. It's bound to be a

298
00:16:47,750 --> 00:16:49,890
charlatan. And I'll tell Tom the truth.

299
00:16:50,090 --> 00:16:52,690
He'll sulk for a couple of days, then
he'll trot off to Madrid.

300
00:16:56,460 --> 00:16:58,600
He's fighting Franco again this summer.

301
00:17:07,579 --> 00:17:08,579
What's up, Geoffrey?

302
00:17:09,560 --> 00:17:11,480
Marianne. Yes, Geoffrey?

303
00:17:11,880 --> 00:17:13,160
I think I hate you.

304
00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:28,560
Signor Harvey?

305
00:17:28,640 --> 00:17:29,640
Cacchiere?

306
00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:33,660
What? Yes, Harvey, what is your desire?

307
00:17:34,180 --> 00:17:38,240
These new staff members are really
excellent news, Jane, economy -wise.

308
00:17:38,240 --> 00:17:41,180
work harder, they cost less, and
they're... they're shorter.

309
00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:43,600
Shorter?

310
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:45,240
Economy's at scale, Jane.

311
00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:49,100
Shorter workers need less material for
their uniforms, need less wood for their

312
00:17:49,100 --> 00:17:50,100
bunks, eat less.

313
00:17:50,440 --> 00:17:54,500
I'm a percentage man, Jane. I shave the
cost percentages a little more each

314
00:17:54,500 --> 00:17:55,560
week, each month.

315
00:17:56,010 --> 00:17:57,390
Oh, you are clever, Harvey.

316
00:17:58,210 --> 00:18:05,110
Your mother slept with a

317
00:18:05,110 --> 00:18:06,110
tiger.

318
00:18:06,650 --> 00:18:08,150
She does nothing of the sort.

319
00:18:08,510 --> 00:18:10,490
I'm sick of these rumors about my
mother.

320
00:18:11,730 --> 00:18:13,330
No, it's a Korean proverb.

321
00:18:13,850 --> 00:18:16,150
It means you're a man of great strength.

322
00:18:16,990 --> 00:18:20,250
Yes, well, thank you, Jane, but if we
could just stick to the subject in hand.

323
00:18:20,590 --> 00:18:22,210
I don't know what's the matter with you.

324
00:18:22,650 --> 00:18:24,990
Are you still upset about this dead
penguin of yours?

325
00:18:27,790 --> 00:18:29,030
Right, note to the board.

326
00:18:29,570 --> 00:18:33,190
Suggest that in future the admission
qualifications contain a height clause.

327
00:18:33,490 --> 00:18:35,790
All new residents should be as short as
possible.

328
00:18:36,390 --> 00:18:38,530
Suggest special rates for geriatric
midgets.

329
00:18:39,130 --> 00:18:40,130
Very good, AJ.

330
00:18:40,470 --> 00:18:41,490
Wonderful, Harvey.

331
00:18:41,770 --> 00:18:45,230
Also suggest that dismissal of all
English -speaking staff and replacing

332
00:18:45,230 --> 00:18:46,230
with diminutive foreigners.

333
00:18:56,460 --> 00:18:57,560
You must have really loved that penguin.

334
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:01,300
So, what's her name?

335
00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:04,880
Susan Speed.

336
00:19:05,620 --> 00:19:07,400
And what's her criminal record?

337
00:19:08,620 --> 00:19:12,740
Oh, come on, Geoffrey. She's promising
long life and all that cobbler. She's

338
00:19:12,740 --> 00:19:15,260
to have a record of fraud and diddling
somewhere.

339
00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:19,420
No, no, no, that's no good. That'll take
forever.

340
00:19:20,680 --> 00:19:25,430
No... Oh, God. No, Geoffrey, just go
back to being chronically useless. I'll

341
00:19:25,430 --> 00:19:26,570
make it up as I go along.

342
00:19:27,970 --> 00:19:30,310
Is there any sign of my ring yet?

343
00:19:34,470 --> 00:19:36,390
Well, tell her to eat more fibre.

344
00:20:14,700 --> 00:20:15,700
rabbit, I want the

345
00:20:53,870 --> 00:20:56,410
wish they wouldn't have knife fights on
the croquet, Lord.

346
00:20:57,950 --> 00:21:00,470
Oh, Lord, what's Tom up to now?

347
00:21:01,030 --> 00:21:01,949
What, hello?

348
00:21:01,950 --> 00:21:03,950
Hello, Tom. You look like a lollipop.

349
00:21:05,110 --> 00:21:06,330
This is Ralph Lawrence.

350
00:21:06,650 --> 00:21:07,650
Who is?

351
00:21:07,710 --> 00:21:08,730
My tracksuit.

352
00:21:08,950 --> 00:21:10,510
But your tracksuit is called Ralph.

353
00:21:10,750 --> 00:21:13,870
Yes, and this is my tennis bag, Fred
Perry.

354
00:21:14,210 --> 00:21:15,210
Hello, Fred.

355
00:21:16,970 --> 00:21:18,150
Tom? Yes?

356
00:21:18,510 --> 00:21:19,870
You can't play tennis.

357
00:21:20,170 --> 00:21:23,310
Oh, yes, I can. Oh, no, you can't. I
have told myself I can.

358
00:21:23,770 --> 00:21:26,810
so that when I step out onto that
court... You'll make a total arse of

359
00:21:28,030 --> 00:21:29,230
We shall see.

360
00:21:30,390 --> 00:21:33,290
I have been checking up on your guru.

361
00:21:33,770 --> 00:21:34,770
My what?

362
00:21:34,890 --> 00:21:40,370
The game is up, Tom. I know you go to
the community centre for sessions with

363
00:21:40,370 --> 00:21:42,050
notorious Susan Speed.

364
00:21:42,590 --> 00:21:45,770
Notorious? Susan Speed? Yes.

365
00:21:46,130 --> 00:21:48,870
She's got a string of convictions as
long as your arm.

366
00:21:49,270 --> 00:21:50,270
Tell me more.

367
00:21:50,750 --> 00:21:53,550
Well, um... Fraud?

368
00:21:54,820 --> 00:22:00,380
and bogus charities, and setting up
illegal religions.

369
00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:02,520
You've forgotten manslaughter.

370
00:22:02,940 --> 00:22:08,000
Really? Yes, and poisoning, and
blackmail, and setting fire to Her

371
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:09,960
dockyard. All right, all right.

372
00:22:10,680 --> 00:22:12,720
Oh, Diana, you cheer me up. You really
do.

373
00:22:14,360 --> 00:22:16,900
You are a prime example of your kind.

374
00:22:17,180 --> 00:22:19,000
And what prey is my kind?

375
00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:20,980
The means to an end kind.

376
00:22:21,500 --> 00:22:24,980
lying, cheating, bad -mouthing, totally
awful kind.

377
00:22:25,220 --> 00:22:29,240
Only do it for your own good. Yes, I
think you really believe that, in which

378
00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:33,580
case I thank you for your wicked
slanders, but in my case I'm afraid they

379
00:22:33,580 --> 00:22:37,700
wash. Tom, anyone who tells you you can
gain eternal life by sitting in

380
00:22:37,700 --> 00:22:39,900
uncomfortable positions has got to be
some sort of crook.

381
00:22:40,160 --> 00:22:41,580
She's invited me to tea today.

382
00:22:42,440 --> 00:22:43,580
You can come along too.

383
00:22:44,740 --> 00:22:45,740
All right.

384
00:22:45,900 --> 00:22:47,760
See if you can con her way round me.

385
00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:58,200
And Griego, well, they do things
differently in Lithuania. Not the face.

386
00:22:58,420 --> 00:22:59,420
Please, not my face!

387
00:23:25,639 --> 00:23:27,100
No more than you are, Diana.

388
00:23:29,580 --> 00:23:30,580
Come along.

389
00:23:36,300 --> 00:23:37,340
She's a nutter, isn't she?

390
00:23:38,100 --> 00:23:41,040
That's it, isn't it? That's why we've
had to come to a hospital to visit her.

391
00:23:41,060 --> 00:23:42,060
They've committed her, haven't they?

392
00:23:42,380 --> 00:23:44,220
Well, I'm sure it's just a technical
hitch.

393
00:23:44,540 --> 00:23:48,880
I knew it. I'm sure that once they
realise how good her ideas are, they'll

394
00:23:48,880 --> 00:23:51,840
let her out. Oh, Tom, they see you
coming, don't they?

395
00:23:52,100 --> 00:23:56,520
Every crack... A pot in the country
homes in on you like some nut -seeking

396
00:23:56,520 --> 00:23:57,520
missile.

397
00:23:58,340 --> 00:23:59,640
You're probably right.

398
00:24:00,620 --> 00:24:01,820
Ah, Susan.

399
00:24:03,160 --> 00:24:06,120
Hello, Tom. How lovely to see you.

400
00:24:06,700 --> 00:24:10,060
And this is your friend Diana Trent, I
presume.

401
00:24:10,860 --> 00:24:13,560
Well, at least they let you wear your
own clothes.

402
00:24:14,360 --> 00:24:18,080
Yes, well, um, I'm here mainly in a
teaching capacity.

403
00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:20,220
She thinks she's a teacher.

404
00:24:23,050 --> 00:24:24,050
Uh -uh.

405
00:24:24,630 --> 00:24:27,890
You, uh, like sitting behind desks, do
you, dear?

406
00:24:28,610 --> 00:24:31,390
Sorry? You like playing doctors, do you?

407
00:24:31,950 --> 00:24:34,430
Well, I am a doctor. Yes, of course you
are.

408
00:24:34,950 --> 00:24:36,070
She's also a professor.

409
00:24:36,570 --> 00:24:37,570
Don't you start.

410
00:24:38,130 --> 00:24:39,950
A professor of geriatric medicine.

411
00:24:40,210 --> 00:24:41,570
Yes, and I'm a professor of tiddlywinks.

412
00:24:55,290 --> 00:24:56,290
You.

413
00:24:57,130 --> 00:24:59,570
Will you excuse me while I throttle my
friend?

414
00:25:00,570 --> 00:25:02,510
You told me she was a loony.

415
00:25:02,710 --> 00:25:05,630
No, no, you told yourself that.

416
00:25:06,750 --> 00:25:08,350
I apologise, Professor.

417
00:25:08,670 --> 00:25:09,670
Not at all.

418
00:25:11,310 --> 00:25:15,550
Even if you are a professor of
geriatrics, that doesn't excuse you

419
00:25:15,550 --> 00:25:17,030
old buzzard here he could live forever.

420
00:25:18,470 --> 00:25:20,650
That's not quite what I said.

421
00:25:20,870 --> 00:25:23,210
Ah, what did you say?

422
00:25:23,660 --> 00:25:26,400
That old age is a relatively new
concept?

423
00:25:27,120 --> 00:25:33,400
Now, we can confidently expect to live
10, 20, 30 years into old age.

424
00:25:33,640 --> 00:25:34,640
Oh, how boring.

425
00:25:35,020 --> 00:25:39,580
We're here for twice as long as our
ancestors were, but we still have their

426
00:25:39,580 --> 00:25:40,980
attitude towards age.

427
00:25:41,260 --> 00:25:43,500
Now, didn't I always say that? Oh, it'll
change.

428
00:25:44,200 --> 00:25:47,960
Soon as the baby boomers become the
wrinkly boomers, then there'll be a

429
00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:49,360
new set of attitudes appearing.

430
00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:54,800
Meanwhile... I'm trying to do some of
the groundwork. I am campaigning for an

431
00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:55,800
ageless society.

432
00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:58,700
I want all information about a person's
age suppressed.

433
00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:01,320
My goodness, you've got balls.

434
00:26:02,780 --> 00:26:07,020
It should be illegal for anyone to be
denied a job on the grounds of age.

435
00:26:07,440 --> 00:26:10,580
Good idea. The elderly, they don't
really exist anyway.

436
00:26:10,880 --> 00:26:15,960
They're a government -decreed group.
They're not defined by health, ability

437
00:26:15,960 --> 00:26:19,940
desire, but simply something as
arbitrary as age. Yes, but you're still

438
00:26:19,940 --> 00:26:20,909
have people...

439
00:26:20,910 --> 00:26:24,750
falling apart as they get older. The
state should be there as a cushion for

440
00:26:24,750 --> 00:26:30,770
those who need it, but not as a fixed
guillotine that falls on some

441
00:26:30,770 --> 00:26:33,610
day and cuts you off in what is probably
your prime.

442
00:26:33,970 --> 00:26:35,310
She's not silly, you know.

443
00:26:35,790 --> 00:26:37,550
Tell her about how to live longer.

444
00:26:37,950 --> 00:26:43,810
Some people say that we are genetically
capable of living to around 130.

445
00:26:44,770 --> 00:26:46,030
Think of that, Diana.

446
00:26:46,290 --> 00:26:48,170
Another 60 years at Bayview.

447
00:26:48,450 --> 00:26:49,450
Oh, my God.

448
00:26:54,960 --> 00:26:58,060
85 is probably the best that most of us
can expect.

449
00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:03,900
Well, I urge all my patients and my
therapy group to exercise not just the

450
00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:04,920
but also the mind.

451
00:27:05,740 --> 00:27:10,140
Move as much as you can, think as much
as you can. Now, Tom here, his brain is

452
00:27:10,140 --> 00:27:11,540
in very good condition.

453
00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:12,960
He's as daft as a brush.

454
00:27:15,380 --> 00:27:19,740
When he goes off on his travels, he's
exercising his mind. He's keeping it

455
00:27:20,330 --> 00:27:24,150
And what is he doing when he's half
killing himself for running round the

456
00:27:24,150 --> 00:27:25,390
like a Gucci clown?

457
00:27:25,790 --> 00:27:28,690
Well, you did say that the elderly can
do anything.

458
00:27:28,970 --> 00:27:32,670
Yeah, but I didn't say that they could
walk on water. Not yet.

459
00:27:33,350 --> 00:27:34,390
Great twit.

460
00:27:35,930 --> 00:27:42,210
I know this may sound a contradiction in
turn, but old age is in its infancy.

461
00:27:45,430 --> 00:27:48,290
Yes, yes, you're all going on a holiday.

462
00:27:49,210 --> 00:27:51,030
On a nice holiday.

463
00:27:54,730 --> 00:27:56,270
Not you, Antonio.

464
00:27:56,870 --> 00:27:57,870
Your pant.

465
00:27:58,670 --> 00:27:59,670
Bye -bye.

466
00:28:02,490 --> 00:28:03,510
What's going on?

467
00:28:04,570 --> 00:28:09,070
Harvey didn't do too well in a midnight
machete fight on the croquet lawn.

468
00:28:09,610 --> 00:28:10,930
It's moving, Mum.

469
00:28:11,390 --> 00:28:12,630
What about their contract?

470
00:28:13,010 --> 00:28:15,470
He sold them off to a Catholic boarding
school in Crawley.

471
00:28:15,850 --> 00:28:18,130
Go and help them. I'm sure he will.

472
00:28:18,520 --> 00:28:22,480
It helped me harvest as I can speak in
English again.

473
00:28:24,080 --> 00:28:27,500
Left, left, left, right, left.

474
00:28:28,540 --> 00:28:29,540
Eyes!