1
00:00:49,640 --> 00:00:52,840
That could keep the mad Huns and the
Yellow Hordes at bay.

2
00:00:53,220 --> 00:00:55,760
Not to mention daft old goats called
Tom.

3
00:00:56,980 --> 00:00:59,760
Harvey says that wall has got to go,
Diana.

4
00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:05,840
If you do not take it down voluntarily,
he will, er... What? Come and huff and

5
00:01:05,840 --> 00:01:07,400
puff and blow my wall down?

6
00:01:08,240 --> 00:01:13,320
Invoke the structural alterations to
premises without prior consultation with

7
00:01:13,320 --> 00:01:17,540
the management, the board and the
planning committee clause in your

8
00:01:17,540 --> 00:01:18,540
residency.

9
00:01:18,690 --> 00:01:23,810
Well, you just tell little Harvey that
if just one millimetre of his smallest

10
00:01:23,810 --> 00:01:28,370
toenail comes across my doorstep, he
will be the happy recipient of a ten

11
00:01:28,370 --> 00:01:30,750
-megaton exploding suppository. Goodbye.

12
00:01:31,550 --> 00:01:36,990
Donna, please. That wall stays until Tom
apologises for asking me to shuck up

13
00:01:36,990 --> 00:01:39,270
with him in order to save money. Did you
make that clear to him?

14
00:01:39,470 --> 00:01:43,210
Well, I tried, but he just said you were
being more bloody -minded than usual.

15
00:01:44,170 --> 00:01:46,170
He said you were like a mad snake.

16
00:01:46,860 --> 00:01:48,700
eating itself from the tail upwards.

17
00:01:49,720 --> 00:01:51,740
I can't see how that would work myself.

18
00:01:52,580 --> 00:01:55,720
And then Daisy Williams came along and
dragged him off.

19
00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:58,320
What's that little Dresden Hitler up to?

20
00:01:58,780 --> 00:02:03,140
Well, she's got Harvey round her little
finger. And Tom too, by the sound of it.

21
00:02:03,340 --> 00:02:05,520
Oh, I don't think anyone could come
between you and Tom.

22
00:02:05,780 --> 00:02:08,960
What? Oh, you needn't be jealous of her,
Diana.

23
00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:10,620
Jealous? Me?

24
00:02:11,300 --> 00:02:12,300
I'm not jealous.

25
00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:13,900
I have never been jealous.

26
00:02:14,410 --> 00:02:18,010
I would never tolerate an emotion based
on the wayward and fickle affections of

27
00:02:18,010 --> 00:02:18,829
a mere man.

28
00:02:18,830 --> 00:02:20,710
I don't believe you, Diana.

29
00:02:21,730 --> 00:02:23,570
Naughty, naughty, fibby, fibby.

30
00:02:24,210 --> 00:02:25,850
Bogeyman will get you up and up.

31
00:02:27,550 --> 00:02:29,130
Beam her up, Scotty.

32
00:02:30,470 --> 00:02:32,330
You can't fool me, Diana.

33
00:02:32,650 --> 00:02:34,530
I am also a woman.

34
00:02:34,750 --> 00:02:36,310
Really? Listen,

35
00:02:37,850 --> 00:02:42,030
Jane, just because you cull your entire
emotional life from the drifting...

36
00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:46,620
handy -floss guff of the latest mills
and boon does not mean that everyone

37
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:52,160
I happen to be a self -contained unit. I
do not need a man about the place,

38
00:02:52,280 --> 00:02:55,340
particularly not a bumbling old golf bag
like Tom.

39
00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:13,599
Why not?

40
00:03:13,600 --> 00:03:17,600
Last year, we only lost 200 pounds. This
year, we really put our backs into it.

41
00:03:17,620 --> 00:03:18,620
We could bankrupt the place.

42
00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:22,420
That's right. Put it down there.

43
00:03:22,620 --> 00:03:23,620
Just a minute.

44
00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:26,300
Oh, you really are very clumsy, Jane.

45
00:03:26,820 --> 00:03:28,320
Do straighten up, Jane.

46
00:03:28,620 --> 00:03:32,920
This is a jolly good idea, Daisy. Well,
of course it is. I've run a few messes

47
00:03:32,920 --> 00:03:37,280
in my time, and my motto was always
mucking and tucking all chaps together.

48
00:03:37,780 --> 00:03:40,260
None of this individual table nonsense.

49
00:03:40,810 --> 00:03:43,630
The team that eats together wins,
rather.

50
00:03:43,870 --> 00:03:46,450
Isn't that so, Tom? What do they win?

51
00:03:47,190 --> 00:03:48,590
Wars, of course.

52
00:03:49,090 --> 00:03:53,230
And I want to make you my second -in
-command.

53
00:03:53,470 --> 00:03:54,470
Oh, really?

54
00:03:54,930 --> 00:03:56,630
What would my rank be?

55
00:03:56,890 --> 00:04:02,390
Well, I wouldn't dream of working with
anyone below a full colonel. Colonel,

56
00:04:02,770 --> 00:04:05,170
Colonel Tom. Yes, that sounds very
right.

57
00:04:05,850 --> 00:04:06,850
Colonel Tom.

58
00:04:06,990 --> 00:04:08,450
Ready to go over the top, sir.

59
00:04:09,200 --> 00:04:10,840
You've been over the top for years.

60
00:04:12,380 --> 00:04:14,460
Now, everyone will have to sit together.

61
00:04:14,740 --> 00:04:18,060
That's Diana's table. I'm not sure this
will meet with everyone's approval.

62
00:04:18,279 --> 00:04:21,220
Of course it will, Tom. It's just what
we've always needed round here. A bit of

63
00:04:21,220 --> 00:04:24,980
uniformity, strict meal times, any one
menu. Save a fortune in food and

64
00:04:24,980 --> 00:04:27,200
overtime. Oh, for goodness sake, Jane.

65
00:04:27,680 --> 00:04:30,680
Sorry, Harvey. Come along, Colonel Tom.
We have lots to do.

66
00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:33,840
Now, what we need is more recreation.

67
00:04:34,260 --> 00:04:37,580
Yes. Organised. I want you to rustle up
a few medicine balls.

68
00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:38,920
Medicine balls?

69
00:04:39,070 --> 00:04:40,650
I don't know what Diana will say.

70
00:04:40,890 --> 00:04:42,770
There's going to be blood all over the
walls.

71
00:04:53,950 --> 00:04:54,950
Oh.

72
00:04:55,590 --> 00:04:56,590
What do you want?

73
00:04:56,990 --> 00:04:58,550
I don't want anything.

74
00:04:59,250 --> 00:05:03,130
I was just saying, um... I can't
remember.

75
00:05:04,170 --> 00:05:05,570
You want to apologise?

76
00:05:06,150 --> 00:05:07,810
Do I? What for?

77
00:05:08,440 --> 00:05:10,020
For being rude to me.

78
00:05:10,280 --> 00:05:13,120
You mean, asking you to share your life
with me?

79
00:05:13,360 --> 00:05:15,240
What was your life you were asking me to
share with your rent?

80
00:05:15,640 --> 00:05:18,140
You asked me to shack up with you.

81
00:05:18,580 --> 00:05:22,520
If I was some sort of itinerant teenage
flatterer. Oh, it was just an

82
00:05:22,520 --> 00:05:24,820
expression. It was an attitude, Tom.

83
00:05:25,360 --> 00:05:29,880
You have so little regard for my
feelings or me that you thought you

84
00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:33,660
me some sort of moldy old bone and I'd
think it was bloody Christmas.

85
00:05:33,980 --> 00:05:34,980
What do you want?

86
00:05:35,880 --> 00:05:36,880
Marriage?

87
00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:42,300
I used to be an accountant, you know.

88
00:05:42,580 --> 00:05:46,320
Economy comes as naturally to me as
being a vicious old prune comes to you.

89
00:05:47,540 --> 00:05:49,980
I didn't know you were going to have a
fit about it.

90
00:05:51,420 --> 00:05:55,060
Jane Russell and Beatty Bardot were
quite happy to share their costs with

91
00:05:55,060 --> 00:05:57,320
wasn't all hot passion, you know. Oh,
no.

92
00:05:57,620 --> 00:06:00,340
At the end of the day, we still had to
tot up our chitties.

93
00:06:08,110 --> 00:06:12,030
share with me. There must be somebody
around here with a bit of common sense.

94
00:06:15,930 --> 00:06:20,650
So, that's the programme, chaps. More
togetherness, more planning, more

95
00:06:20,650 --> 00:06:25,670
organisation, so that we can all rattle
along as one big happy family. Any

96
00:06:25,670 --> 00:06:27,230
questions, observations, ideas?

97
00:06:28,370 --> 00:06:29,650
Daisy... Not now, Basil.

98
00:06:29,870 --> 00:06:31,650
Jolly good, so that's a good one.

99
00:06:32,090 --> 00:06:36,850
Now, we shall need a coordinator of
activities.

100
00:06:39,359 --> 00:06:42,380
Tom? Oh, I nominate you. Is that right?

101
00:07:18,780 --> 00:07:20,920
Jane? I think I hear the phone.

102
00:07:22,620 --> 00:07:26,720
Jenny, get my table out from under there
and put it in its usual place, please.

103
00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:28,720
Hello, Miss Trent.

104
00:07:29,340 --> 00:07:30,500
Go on, Jenny, get it up.

105
00:07:30,820 --> 00:07:33,940
I'm afraid the tables stay where they
are.

106
00:07:34,420 --> 00:07:35,420
I beg your pardon?

107
00:07:35,580 --> 00:07:38,160
It's all part of the new order, my dear.

108
00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:43,780
We are all agreed that it is much more
conducive to good morale if we all sit

109
00:07:43,780 --> 00:07:46,800
together and talk together at mealtimes.

110
00:07:47,020 --> 00:07:49,640
And do we all sing the horse? vessel
song before pudding.

111
00:07:50,980 --> 00:07:54,480
Yes, well, that is the sort of remark
one might expect from a communist.

112
00:07:55,020 --> 00:07:56,020
Ah!

113
00:07:57,380 --> 00:07:58,380
Tom?

114
00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:03,120
I don't believe we are talking to each
other, Diana.

115
00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:04,900
I see.

116
00:08:05,540 --> 00:08:07,700
And you are all in agreement with this,
are you?

117
00:08:08,340 --> 00:08:09,340
Basil?

118
00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:13,860
Unanimous. Now do sit down, friend.

119
00:08:14,300 --> 00:08:17,980
When I want to break bread with a bunch
of headless chickens and a goose,

120
00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:19,760
Stepping turkey, I'll let you know.

121
00:08:25,140 --> 00:08:26,140
Yes.

122
00:08:26,740 --> 00:08:28,980
Well, there is always one.

123
00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:30,320
Never mind.

124
00:08:30,340 --> 00:08:34,400
She'll come round. They always do when
they see that my way is the best.

125
00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:39,059
Besides, now that we're all united,
there isn't much choice.

126
00:08:39,780 --> 00:08:40,780
Is there, Tom?

127
00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:42,080
Uh, no.

128
00:08:54,260 --> 00:08:55,260
Absolutely.

129
00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:57,320
Jane? Yes.

130
00:08:58,020 --> 00:09:00,280
And Colonel Tom?

131
00:09:01,700 --> 00:09:03,800
Right, off we go.

132
00:09:10,140 --> 00:09:17,100
What on earth

133
00:09:17,100 --> 00:09:18,100
is going on?

134
00:09:18,460 --> 00:09:21,120
Daisy Williams wants to make everyone
fit.

135
00:09:21,540 --> 00:09:22,680
She'll kill them all.

136
00:09:24,680 --> 00:09:25,680
Counting on.

137
00:09:25,980 --> 00:09:26,980
What's Tom doing?

138
00:09:27,520 --> 00:09:31,460
Oh, he's a colonel now. Says he's going
to take to Brooke before tea time.

139
00:09:35,860 --> 00:09:38,960
How does one go about resigning from the
human race?

140
00:10:00,240 --> 00:10:01,240
What inebriates?

141
00:10:01,780 --> 00:10:05,400
The sweet goo that kept the Empire stuck
together.

142
00:10:05,680 --> 00:10:06,740
Who said that?

143
00:10:07,760 --> 00:10:09,100
I did, just now.

144
00:10:11,500 --> 00:10:15,420
I suppose you put that up to keep out
that dreadful Trent woman.

145
00:10:15,700 --> 00:10:17,020
Oh, she's all right.

146
00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:18,980
No, she is not, Tom.

147
00:10:19,220 --> 00:10:21,120
Believe me, I know the type.

148
00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:22,320
Fifth columnist.

149
00:10:22,460 --> 00:10:25,920
It was people like her, free thinkers
that locked up the Empire.

150
00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:27,620
No team spirit.

151
00:10:27,900 --> 00:10:29,260
She does not care.

152
00:10:31,470 --> 00:10:33,510
She can't stand her fellow man.

153
00:10:34,730 --> 00:10:35,730
Precisely.

154
00:10:36,510 --> 00:10:41,210
There have got to be a lot of changes
round here if I'm going to stay.

155
00:10:41,870 --> 00:10:44,290
There's far too much isolation in this
place.

156
00:10:44,490 --> 00:10:46,590
I think there should be more communal
living.

157
00:10:47,090 --> 00:10:49,390
Shared kitchens, shared living areas.

158
00:10:49,670 --> 00:10:50,670
Economies of scale.

159
00:10:51,090 --> 00:10:52,610
Just what I was saying to Diana.

160
00:10:53,330 --> 00:10:56,070
Of course, Harvey Baines will have to
go.

161
00:10:56,750 --> 00:11:01,420
Harvey? Oh, yes, hopeless incompetent.
And that... flimsy fish Jane.

162
00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:03,200
Jane?

163
00:11:03,740 --> 00:11:07,200
No place for waverers in our new world,
Tom.

164
00:11:07,780 --> 00:11:08,780
Oh.

165
00:11:09,180 --> 00:11:11,420
I shall put in a report to the
shareholders.

166
00:11:12,220 --> 00:11:13,580
Do you know any shareholders?

167
00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:16,760
My son and daughter -in -law seem to
have a stake in the place.

168
00:11:17,020 --> 00:11:21,600
Good. We'll get on to them. Soon have
the waverers packing their bags.

169
00:11:22,040 --> 00:11:25,760
Oh, but Davy, you shouldn't throw the
bath out with a water baby.

170
00:11:38,440 --> 00:11:42,620
What is it? I was just about to belt
Betty's balls clean over the fence.

171
00:11:43,460 --> 00:11:44,460
He's doing what?

172
00:11:44,700 --> 00:11:49,420
Ah, well... Now then, Betty, last year
you were working the candy floss

173
00:11:49,640 --> 00:11:53,900
Yes, not very successfully, as I recall.
Lady Mara, totally covered in huge

174
00:11:53,900 --> 00:11:55,140
globs of pink slime.

175
00:11:55,660 --> 00:12:00,520
Purple tickets this year, I think. Now,
Basil. Diana. You had yourself down as

176
00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:05,180
wanting to lead the Red Arrows in a
formation flight path.

177
00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:09,340
Try not to be loony, Basil. One loony
round here is quite enough.

178
00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:13,580
Diana. Now, you will run the bite the
apple in the bowl of water, and this

179
00:12:13,580 --> 00:12:15,360
teeth must be kept in the mouth.

180
00:12:17,120 --> 00:12:18,120
Diana. What?

181
00:12:19,060 --> 00:12:20,060
It's all done.

182
00:12:20,420 --> 00:12:21,419
What is?

183
00:12:21,420 --> 00:12:22,420
Stall allocation.

184
00:12:23,140 --> 00:12:24,420
Betty's on pink elephants.

185
00:12:24,860 --> 00:12:25,860
White elephants.

186
00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:27,280
And I'm on donkey rides.

187
00:12:27,560 --> 00:12:29,580
And who has done this allocating?

188
00:12:30,060 --> 00:12:31,060
Daisy Williams.

189
00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:33,000
I see.

190
00:12:36,150 --> 00:12:37,410
Tears before bedtime.

191
00:12:38,030 --> 00:12:39,750
Just not quite sure whose.

192
00:12:44,670 --> 00:12:45,670
She'd what?

193
00:12:45,790 --> 00:12:47,930
She's planning on having you removed.

194
00:12:48,130 --> 00:12:49,129
And me.

195
00:12:49,130 --> 00:12:52,530
Never mind you, Jane. Just stick to the
important bit. How is she planning to

196
00:12:52,530 --> 00:12:53,530
have me removed?

197
00:12:53,570 --> 00:12:56,630
Well, she's going to prove to the board
and the shareholders that you are

198
00:12:56,630 --> 00:12:59,210
incompetent. Well, how on earth could
she do that?

199
00:12:59,850 --> 00:13:01,170
Don't answer that question, Jane.

200
00:13:01,940 --> 00:13:03,360
Well, well, little Miss Daisy.

201
00:13:03,580 --> 00:13:07,020
Little Miss Daisy wouldn't melt butter
in my mouth, Miss Daisy. You poisonous

202
00:13:07,020 --> 00:13:08,020
little witch!

203
00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:10,560
I've been so nice to her, Jane.

204
00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:11,920
Oh, you have, Harvey.

205
00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:13,900
Well, you're nice to everyone.

206
00:13:14,100 --> 00:13:17,700
Is Diana Trent behind this? Is she,
Jane? Is she? Is she? I knew she was.

207
00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:19,120
She's behind everything.

208
00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:20,580
She's in all my worst nightmares.

209
00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:23,500
Must be her. It's always her. It's not
her.

210
00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:27,400
It could be Tom, though. Tom without
Diana? I doubt it, Jane.

211
00:13:27,660 --> 00:13:29,940
Tom couldn't find his own nose without a
guide dog.

212
00:13:31,650 --> 00:13:32,650
taking Diana's place.

213
00:13:33,310 --> 00:13:37,410
She seems to be as guiding like now, and
she's just as tough as Diana.

214
00:13:37,770 --> 00:13:41,630
Oh, God, I can't have two warrior women
crashing round the place. One of them

215
00:13:41,630 --> 00:13:43,050
will have to go. Which one?

216
00:13:43,310 --> 00:13:46,370
I don't know. What a choice. If you get
rid of Lucretia Borgia, you're still

217
00:13:46,370 --> 00:13:47,550
left with Ivana the Terrible.

218
00:13:49,870 --> 00:13:52,510
This Daisy Williams really seems to be
on the ball, Dad.

219
00:13:52,750 --> 00:13:56,590
Oh, she is. I mean, this is just an
interim report on the way she thinks

220
00:13:56,590 --> 00:13:58,770
should be restructured around here. I
must say...

221
00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:00,200
She's jolly impressive.

222
00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:01,880
Oh, she is very impressive.

223
00:14:02,260 --> 00:14:04,060
We think she's what you might call a
good influence.

224
00:14:04,620 --> 00:14:07,180
Not like that child -eater next door.

225
00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:10,700
No, no, she's not like Diana, I must
say.

226
00:14:11,020 --> 00:14:14,980
And if your snakeskin won't move in with
you, then maybe Daisy will.

227
00:14:15,660 --> 00:14:16,880
You can set a trend.

228
00:14:17,360 --> 00:14:22,240
Get them all sharing, then we can cut
the cost, squeeze in more of them, and

229
00:14:22,240 --> 00:14:23,860
last turn a bit of a profit.

230
00:14:24,320 --> 00:14:25,320
What do you say?

231
00:14:26,620 --> 00:14:28,370
May I share? Go to your car.

232
00:14:29,110 --> 00:14:33,570
Got another appointment, have you, Dad?
No, Geoffrey, I just feel one of my must

233
00:14:33,570 --> 00:14:35,550
-strangle Marion fits coming on.

234
00:14:36,370 --> 00:14:38,670
Oh, you're a funny old possum, aren't
you?

235
00:14:39,250 --> 00:14:41,330
Well, bye -bye, Tom.

236
00:14:41,890 --> 00:14:45,950
Oh, do leave the door open. It's awfully
whiffy in here.

237
00:14:53,090 --> 00:14:57,480
Geoffrey? There are poisons, you know,
which are almost untraceable. Yeah,

238
00:14:57,480 --> 00:15:01,440
you, Dad. Now, don't let Davy clip
through your fingers. She's a top sort,

239
00:15:12,160 --> 00:15:13,160
Right, Jenny.

240
00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:15,080
Here are this week's menus.

241
00:15:15,300 --> 00:15:16,740
Pass them on to Chef for me.

242
00:15:18,180 --> 00:15:20,120
There's Yorkshire pudding every other
day.

243
00:15:20,540 --> 00:15:21,540
Yes, that's right.

244
00:15:21,800 --> 00:15:23,560
And bangers and mash and mutton stew.

245
00:15:24,100 --> 00:15:25,920
All good English food.

246
00:15:26,180 --> 00:15:29,240
I never could see the point of that
French fiddle faddle that's creeping in

247
00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:30,240
over the place.

248
00:15:30,260 --> 00:15:31,400
Well, go on. Off you go.

249
00:15:33,100 --> 00:15:34,100
Hello.

250
00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:36,900
Do you know what the French say about
our cooking?

251
00:15:37,560 --> 00:15:41,840
I'm sure I don't. The English have a
hundred different religions, but only

252
00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:42,840
source.

253
00:15:43,140 --> 00:15:46,520
Yes, well, it was probably remarks like
that that started the Hundred Years'

254
00:15:46,660 --> 00:15:47,960
War. Which we lost.

255
00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:50,840
For the moment.

256
00:15:52,910 --> 00:15:53,910
Did you want something?

257
00:15:54,810 --> 00:15:55,810
Yes.

258
00:15:56,330 --> 00:15:59,110
What are your intentions towards Tom
Ballard?

259
00:16:00,330 --> 00:16:02,650
I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that.

260
00:16:03,150 --> 00:16:04,870
Standing too close to the guns.

261
00:16:06,810 --> 00:16:11,710
Sorry? I said, what do you feel about
Tom?

262
00:16:13,170 --> 00:16:14,350
What is that to you?

263
00:16:14,710 --> 00:16:18,310
When you pension off your old cart
horse, you want to make sure that he has

264
00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:19,950
comfy pasture and a bag of oats.

265
00:16:22,030 --> 00:16:24,710
You're calling me a bag of oats. Well,
you're certainly not a comfy pasture.

266
00:16:26,930 --> 00:16:29,950
Does this mean that you are thinking of
leaving?

267
00:16:31,310 --> 00:16:34,230
Well, one of us has to.

268
00:16:34,830 --> 00:16:35,830
Not necessarily.

269
00:16:35,990 --> 00:16:40,450
All you have to do is pull with the
team, be a decent member of the

270
00:16:40,810 --> 00:16:42,070
As I said, one of us has to.

271
00:16:43,210 --> 00:16:44,210
I see.

272
00:16:44,430 --> 00:16:50,050
Well, who knows what the future may
hold, but I think you may rest assured

273
00:16:50,050 --> 00:16:53,570
that... that the British officer knows
how to care for his men.

274
00:16:54,830 --> 00:16:56,690
Well, I suppose that'll have to do.

275
00:16:59,250 --> 00:17:04,849
Oh, by the way, he gets very bad
sciatica during the winter, all down his

276
00:17:04,849 --> 00:17:09,730
leg. And it's also his Mount Everest
climbing season, so make sure he doesn't

277
00:17:09,730 --> 00:17:11,390
sit on the roof too long when it's
snowing.

278
00:17:14,890 --> 00:17:16,710
It's reported treachery, Jane.

279
00:17:17,650 --> 00:17:20,109
She says I'm a totally unnecessary
person.

280
00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:22,260
Do you want to get rid of me, too?

281
00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:25,640
If this gets back to the board, I could
be in real trouble. And I don't want to

282
00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:26,579
lose my job.

283
00:17:26,579 --> 00:17:27,239
Me, too.

284
00:17:27,240 --> 00:17:29,360
Will you stop being so self -centred,
Jane?

285
00:17:30,140 --> 00:17:31,140
Go on, Harvey.

286
00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:37,120
We're going to have to get Diana on our
side. Oh, God, I'm going to have to be

287
00:17:37,120 --> 00:17:38,120
nice to her.

288
00:17:40,180 --> 00:17:41,180
How do I look, Jane?

289
00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:42,800
Gorgeous, Harvey.

290
00:17:44,100 --> 00:17:45,100
Oh, Diana!

291
00:17:45,160 --> 00:17:49,340
How totally, fantastically wonderful to
see you. Shut up.

292
00:17:51,180 --> 00:17:53,700
The reason you've got your office up
here is so that half of us can't get at

293
00:17:53,700 --> 00:17:54,700
you.

294
00:17:55,100 --> 00:17:59,560
Oh, I do love your little jest, Diana.
And I must say, you are looking smashing

295
00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:04,220
today. I bet all the local Don Juans are
hanging round your door, eh? You're

296
00:18:04,220 --> 00:18:05,220
gibbering, Harvey.

297
00:18:05,860 --> 00:18:06,860
Thank you, Diana.

298
00:18:06,980 --> 00:18:09,300
And you smell of fear and cheap
aftershave.

299
00:18:09,580 --> 00:18:10,620
It wasn't cheap.

300
00:18:11,260 --> 00:18:13,740
I mean... Smell of fear?

301
00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:16,300
No doubt comes from this.

302
00:18:16,620 --> 00:18:17,620
You know about this?

303
00:18:17,820 --> 00:18:18,820
Not a leaf.

304
00:18:18,970 --> 00:18:21,950
Falls. Yes, and I suppose you're right
behind it. No, not at all.

305
00:18:22,790 --> 00:18:24,210
So you'll help us bury it?

306
00:18:24,590 --> 00:18:26,750
Get this daisy person on her bike?

307
00:18:27,070 --> 00:18:28,350
Nope. What?

308
00:18:29,070 --> 00:18:30,070
N -O, no.

309
00:18:30,570 --> 00:18:31,570
But I don't understand.

310
00:18:31,930 --> 00:18:34,070
What part of the word no do you not
understand?

311
00:18:35,030 --> 00:18:36,030
But why not?

312
00:18:36,750 --> 00:18:37,750
Because of Tom.

313
00:18:37,930 --> 00:18:38,930
Tom?

314
00:18:39,110 --> 00:18:42,330
Well, he needs someone in his life or he
tends to fall apart.

315
00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:47,880
and I'm obviously not the right person,
but I'm sure Mrs Williams has strength

316
00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:51,160
enough for both of them, I would not
stand in their way.

317
00:18:51,480 --> 00:18:53,180
Oh, how wonderful.

318
00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:56,540
Oh, you really are a Christian person.

319
00:18:56,880 --> 00:18:58,080
Oh, shut up, dear.

320
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:03,740
You mean you'd give in, leave, just so
as old Tom can have a bit of happiness?

321
00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:05,200
I probably would.

322
00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:08,040
Good grief, you really are a balmy old
coot, aren't you?

323
00:19:17,980 --> 00:19:24,000
Tom, you know you're the biggest wally
ever to draw breath, don't you?

324
00:19:25,940 --> 00:19:28,160
Have they put you on new pills, Basil?

325
00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:32,980
In fact, I think you may be the most
stupid man I've ever met.

326
00:19:33,560 --> 00:19:35,480
And I was in the army for ten years.

327
00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:38,000
What have I done?

328
00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:44,100
You have let Daisy Williams put you in
blinkers and drag you round by the nose.

329
00:19:45,060 --> 00:19:49,090
You deserve to have your ears boxed. I'd
do it myself if I wasn't so knackered

330
00:19:49,090 --> 00:19:50,890
with being the local Casanova.

331
00:19:52,830 --> 00:19:55,410
You're not being a touch rude, are you,
Basil?

332
00:19:55,630 --> 00:19:56,630
I hope so.

333
00:19:57,370 --> 00:20:02,990
Diana may be one of the most malevolent
old crabs to crawl up the beach, but at

334
00:20:02,990 --> 00:20:07,670
least she's not one of these half -pint
sergeant majors trying to get us to

335
00:20:07,670 --> 00:20:09,470
invade Germany every 20 minutes.

336
00:20:09,790 --> 00:20:11,570
Are you trying to tell me something,
Basil?

337
00:20:15,410 --> 00:20:16,410
Ahoy, there!

338
00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:17,880
Anyone aboard?

339
00:20:18,120 --> 00:20:19,500
Go away, Tom.

340
00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:22,520
What, Holmes?

341
00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:25,260
What are you doing in here?

342
00:20:25,460 --> 00:20:26,460
You belong over there.

343
00:20:26,620 --> 00:20:27,980
I've come to take you to lunch.

344
00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:29,380
I'm lunching here.

345
00:20:29,620 --> 00:20:32,220
No, you're not. You're lunching in the
dining room.

346
00:20:32,540 --> 00:20:36,920
I have no desire to mess with the boys
whilst being harangued by that short

347
00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:37,920
Genghis Khan.

348
00:20:39,380 --> 00:20:44,200
Do it for me. I've already done quite
enough for you, Tom. Go away.

349
00:20:44,990 --> 00:20:46,590
It's important to my future.

350
00:20:47,950 --> 00:20:53,430
You mean, if I can't be brought to heel,
you'll lose face in the eyes of your

351
00:20:53,430 --> 00:20:54,430
daisy love?

352
00:20:55,810 --> 00:20:56,810
Maybe.

353
00:20:58,150 --> 00:20:59,150
Pathetic.

354
00:21:00,390 --> 00:21:01,390
Pathomastic.

355
00:21:08,110 --> 00:21:12,790
Now, I am thinking of putting up a sort
of daily roster and...

356
00:21:13,070 --> 00:21:16,030
A positive thought for the day, every
morning.

357
00:21:16,250 --> 00:21:19,050
Okay? Do speak up if you don't agree.

358
00:21:19,570 --> 00:21:22,870
Uh, Daisy... Not now, Basil. Good, so
that's me.

359
00:21:23,070 --> 00:21:27,310
The new company notice board will be in
the corridor, out there.

360
00:21:28,770 --> 00:21:30,850
Oh, hello there.

361
00:21:31,570 --> 00:21:32,770
Hello, Colonel.

362
00:21:33,290 --> 00:21:35,510
And welcome, Diana.

363
00:21:35,770 --> 00:21:40,410
How nice to see you in the dining room
again. May we assume from your presence

364
00:21:40,410 --> 00:21:43,740
here that you have decided to join us?
in the new order of things.

365
00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:44,699
You may.

366
00:21:44,700 --> 00:21:46,240
Well, I'll be jiggered.

367
00:21:46,540 --> 00:21:47,880
How splendid.

368
00:21:48,500 --> 00:21:50,760
Do come and sit at your place.

369
00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:54,280
It has not been reallocated yet.

370
00:21:55,020 --> 00:21:57,100
Your rightful place.

371
00:21:58,980 --> 00:21:59,980
Hold it.

372
00:22:05,100 --> 00:22:06,480
Step aside, please.

373
00:22:06,980 --> 00:22:07,980
Tom?

374
00:22:21,170 --> 00:22:22,430
Thank you, Tom.

375
00:22:24,030 --> 00:22:25,030
Sorry,

376
00:22:27,110 --> 00:22:28,009
old thing.

377
00:22:28,010 --> 00:22:32,450
But you see, the people here, well,
they're here because they have survived,

378
00:22:32,450 --> 00:22:36,750
just because they're old, but because
they have been made with the right

379
00:22:37,690 --> 00:22:40,990
Independence, self -reliance, being an
individual.

380
00:22:41,630 --> 00:22:46,130
There's a time and place for armies and
teams and pulling together, and over the

381
00:22:46,130 --> 00:22:47,730
years, I'm sure they've all done that.

382
00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:53,720
But this is their time now. Our time.
Not a time to be bullied or dragooned,

383
00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:54,740
a time to enjoy.

384
00:22:55,140 --> 00:22:57,260
A time to reflect.

385
00:22:57,540 --> 00:22:59,420
A time to smile.

386
00:22:59,920 --> 00:23:00,920
Ha -ha!

387
00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:12,480
Where did you get that bloody awful
speech from?

388
00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:14,240
From nowhere. I just said it.

389
00:23:14,460 --> 00:23:15,840
But Jimmy Stewart said it first.

390
00:23:16,100 --> 00:23:17,240
No, he did not.

391
00:23:17,760 --> 00:23:19,820
I thought you were rather taken with
her.

392
00:23:20,120 --> 00:23:23,500
No, I was swept along by her.

393
00:23:23,940 --> 00:23:24,940
For your worth.

394
00:23:25,220 --> 00:23:28,000
Well, I wasn't. No, but you're not a
normal human being.

395
00:23:29,060 --> 00:23:32,360
Appeals to your community spirit might
just as well be addressed in Urdu to an

396
00:23:32,360 --> 00:23:33,980
emu for all the effect they're going to
have.

397
00:23:34,180 --> 00:23:35,700
Appeals to jingoistic spirits.

398
00:23:36,460 --> 00:23:40,140
Forming teams that desire to inflict
your views on all around you.

399
00:23:40,580 --> 00:23:41,580
Fascism, Tom.

400
00:23:41,860 --> 00:23:43,280
Oh, patriotism.

401
00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:44,900
It's a fine line.

402
00:23:46,060 --> 00:23:47,060
Yeah.

403
00:23:47,870 --> 00:23:50,170
So, what is happening to Daisy?

404
00:23:51,110 --> 00:23:55,450
She thinks you're all a pack of dinkos,
and she's going back to Aldershot, to

405
00:23:55,450 --> 00:23:57,050
the El Alamein retirement home.

406
00:23:58,270 --> 00:24:01,370
I shall miss her. I was looking forward
to a good punch -up. Yes.

407
00:24:02,770 --> 00:24:05,790
Why didn't you? We were all expecting
you to come out fighting.

408
00:24:06,290 --> 00:24:08,530
Why did you let her off so easily?

409
00:24:08,870 --> 00:24:09,870
Why?

410
00:24:10,070 --> 00:24:13,470
Oh, maybe I'm getting a bit old, Tom.

411
00:24:14,170 --> 00:24:15,450
Oh. Well.

412
00:24:15,920 --> 00:24:17,700
I'm glad the old Berlin wall's gone.

413
00:24:18,020 --> 00:24:18,839
You understood?

414
00:24:18,840 --> 00:24:21,000
Well, I didn't take to being opportune
in that manner.

415
00:24:21,360 --> 00:24:25,460
You mean asking you to shack up with me?
Yes, I do.

416
00:24:26,100 --> 00:24:27,760
Well, what if I had phrased it
differently?

417
00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:29,399
How?

418
00:24:29,400 --> 00:24:36,080
What if I had said, look, Diana, we're a
couple of old battered butties. Why

419
00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:41,080
don't we just ring the last bell and
trundle off to the old scrapyard

420
00:24:41,280 --> 00:24:44,760
eh? What if I said it like that,
romantically?

421
00:24:46,100 --> 00:24:47,260
Oh, goodness.

422
00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:49,960
As romantic clear as that, eh?

423
00:24:50,500 --> 00:24:51,840
Yes, well, I'm British.

424
00:24:52,040 --> 00:24:55,720
As a nation, we're all a bit constipated
when it comes to paying compliments.

425
00:24:56,140 --> 00:24:58,340
I just thought it'd be nice if we had
lived together.

426
00:24:58,860 --> 00:25:01,380
Well, why didn't you say that?

427
00:25:01,900 --> 00:25:03,520
Clean, simple, to the point.

428
00:25:04,840 --> 00:25:07,440
Really? Yes, I wouldn't have taken
offence at that.

429
00:25:08,060 --> 00:25:09,060
Oh?

430
00:25:09,900 --> 00:25:14,940
All right, I'll try it.

431
00:25:15,710 --> 00:25:17,890
A clean, simple, straightforward
question.

432
00:25:21,830 --> 00:25:22,830
Diana.

433
00:25:23,050 --> 00:25:24,350
Tom. Yes?

434
00:25:24,890 --> 00:25:27,410
You ask a simple question, you'll get a
simple answer.

435
00:25:27,850 --> 00:25:30,750
And I promise you, be it yes or no,
you'll regret it.

436
00:25:31,710 --> 00:25:33,530
Well, no, you'll feel rejected.

437
00:25:34,110 --> 00:25:36,090
Yes, you'll regret it.

438
00:25:38,890 --> 00:25:40,050
Would I really?

439
00:25:40,370 --> 00:25:43,210
Oh, believe me, I live with me. It's
hell. I wish I could move out.

440
00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:51,620
So I'd better put the film back on the
spool and rewind to the point where Fred

441
00:25:51,620 --> 00:25:54,520
pops the question to Ginger.

442
00:25:55,580 --> 00:25:56,580
Good idea.

443
00:25:57,080 --> 00:26:00,860
Dear old Ginger Rogers, we had a lot of
laughs together.

444
00:26:01,220 --> 00:26:04,000
Did you know her well? We did eight
films together.

445
00:26:04,460 --> 00:26:05,500
Of course you did.

446
00:26:10,360 --> 00:26:11,940
Ginger. Fred.

447
00:26:12,220 --> 00:26:14,920
Would you care to step outside and cut
the rug with me?

448
00:26:15,390 --> 00:26:16,390
I'd be delighted.

449
00:26:22,570 --> 00:26:25,730
Heaven, I'm in heaven.

450
00:26:26,510 --> 00:26:29,930
And my heart beats so that I can hardly
speak.

451
00:26:31,050 --> 00:26:35,210
And I seem to find the happiness I seek.
Yes,

452
00:26:35,970 --> 00:26:37,330
Diana? I'd like to tell you something.

453
00:26:37,730 --> 00:26:39,070
Are you sure, Diana?

454
00:26:39,310 --> 00:26:40,310
Oh, I'm sure, Tom.

455
00:26:40,510 --> 00:26:42,290
So what do you want to tell me, Diana?

456
00:26:42,550 --> 00:26:44,960
You've just trodden on my foot! You
great sumbitch!