1 00:00:12,512 --> 00:00:13,722 Everybody? 2 00:00:13,763 --> 00:00:16,224 Everybody, listen up, I need your ideas now. 3 00:00:16,266 --> 00:00:17,517 Ideas please, right now. 4 00:00:17,559 --> 00:00:19,144 Go, go, come on. 5 00:00:19,185 --> 00:00:20,478 - Michael, we don't know what you're talking about. 6 00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:22,981 - Wet cement outside, it's drying fast come on. 7 00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:24,482 This is a lifelong dream. 8 00:00:24,524 --> 00:00:26,276 What do I write? What do I write? 9 00:00:26,317 --> 00:00:27,986 - Michael, you can put your initials in it. 10 00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:29,154 - M-G-S, no. 11 00:00:29,195 --> 00:00:33,033 Some idiot named Mark Greg Sputnik 12 00:00:33,074 --> 00:00:34,617 will claim credit for it, don't know... 13 00:00:34,659 --> 00:00:35,744 That is true. 14 00:00:35,785 --> 00:00:36,661 - Once a lifetime opportunity people. 15 00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:37,746 Come on here we go. 16 00:00:37,787 --> 00:00:38,538 - [Phyllis] Well but- - Here we go. 17 00:00:38,580 --> 00:00:39,789 - Well- - [Michael] Yes? 18 00:00:39,831 --> 00:00:41,166 When I was a little girl. 19 00:00:41,207 --> 00:00:42,542 [Michael] Okay. 20 00:00:42,584 --> 00:00:43,418 (Phyllis giggles) 21 00:00:43,460 --> 00:00:44,252 Okay, tell us. 22 00:00:44,294 --> 00:00:45,295 Go on great, let's hear it. 23 00:00:45,337 --> 00:00:46,671 We found some wet cement 24 00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:48,340 - It's drying, it's drying, - in the park 25 00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:49,549 at our neighborhood and... 26 00:00:49,591 --> 00:00:50,592 All right! 27 00:00:50,633 --> 00:00:52,135 - Come on Phyll! - What did we write? 28 00:00:52,177 --> 00:00:52,969 (Michael shouting) 29 00:00:53,011 --> 00:00:54,012 Come on! 30 00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:55,055 - Here it is, you draw a picture. 31 00:00:55,096 --> 00:00:56,014 No. 32 00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:57,098 - Cause that's says- - No! 33 00:00:57,140 --> 00:00:57,849 - That says so much more than words. 34 00:00:57,891 --> 00:00:58,892 - No! - The picture. 35 00:00:58,933 --> 00:00:59,642 - Come on, give me something good! 36 00:00:59,684 --> 00:01:00,977 Okay, I was watching E! 37 00:01:01,019 --> 00:01:02,604 and I saw Will Smith outside the Chinese Theater 38 00:01:02,645 --> 00:01:04,522 and oh my God, he looked so good. 39 00:01:04,564 --> 00:01:05,607 Pam translate? 40 00:01:05,648 --> 00:01:06,691 - She's talking about the hand prints 41 00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:07,984 that celebrities make in the cement. 42 00:01:08,026 --> 00:01:09,361 I love it! 43 00:01:09,402 --> 00:01:10,653 - If you were a real star you'd put your face in it. 44 00:01:10,695 --> 00:01:11,696 I love it more! 45 00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:13,198 - Michael that doesn't seem safe. 46 00:01:14,449 --> 00:01:15,325 I love it! 47 00:01:16,576 --> 00:01:18,953 - Come on, lets go. - [Dwight] Come on! 48 00:01:18,995 --> 00:01:21,539 (Dwight laughing) (running) 49 00:01:21,581 --> 00:01:24,709 - We are here today not to immortalize a man 50 00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:25,585 but an idea. 51 00:01:26,628 --> 00:01:27,962 Maybe the idea of a man, 52 00:01:28,004 --> 00:01:29,339 Hurry please. 53 00:01:29,381 --> 00:01:31,591 - Greatness is only skin deep some people say- 54 00:01:31,633 --> 00:01:32,884 - Can you breathe? - Well that's not true. 55 00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:34,010 Other people believe it's deeper outside. 56 00:01:34,052 --> 00:01:34,886 Hold your breath. 57 00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:35,845 - In this case- - Ready? 58 00:01:35,887 --> 00:01:38,556 - That's also not true. - And, 59 00:01:38,598 --> 00:01:39,432 Go. 60 00:01:39,474 --> 00:01:41,267 Force in as deep as you can. 61 00:01:41,309 --> 00:01:43,061 - (mumbling) That's what she said. 62 00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:45,480 Today's a very special day for me, 63 00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:46,940 and it's really not about me 64 00:01:46,981 --> 00:01:50,610 it's about my grandkids, it's about my great grandkids. 65 00:01:50,652 --> 00:01:53,405 I can come back here when I'm 100 66 00:01:53,446 --> 00:01:57,117 and I can find that piece of cement and say, 67 00:01:57,158 --> 00:01:58,410 "That's me. 68 00:01:58,451 --> 00:02:01,287 "Look kids, your daddy left that face hole." 69 00:02:02,539 --> 00:02:04,290 I don't know, it's a good feeling. 70 00:02:06,584 --> 00:02:08,253 Whoa! 71 00:02:09,087 --> 00:02:10,922 (trash can falling) (Meredith sighs) 72 00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:14,467 Upbeat theme song 73 00:02:32,027 --> 00:02:33,737 Okay. 74 00:02:33,778 --> 00:02:34,612 Adjective. 75 00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:37,615 Tall. 76 00:02:37,657 --> 00:02:38,575 No, no. 77 00:02:38,616 --> 00:02:40,035 Nice. 78 00:02:40,076 --> 00:02:41,119 Good one. 79 00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:42,078 Okay. 80 00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:42,954 You ready? 81 00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:44,289 {\an8}- Mm-hmm. 82 00:02:44,330 --> 00:02:48,376 {\an8}- The tall man entered the nice building 83 00:02:48,418 --> 00:02:53,214 {\an8}to visit a very nice man. 84 00:02:53,256 --> 00:02:55,425 {\an8}Sit down Mr. Smith, 85 00:02:55,467 --> 00:02:59,637 {\an8}could I interest you in any good cat food? 86 00:02:59,679 --> 00:03:00,513 {\an8}(Angela laughs) 87 00:03:00,555 --> 00:03:03,475 {\an8}It's a man eating cat food. 88 00:03:03,516 --> 00:03:05,643 {\an8}- How about a cat eating man food? 89 00:03:05,685 --> 00:03:07,354 {\an8}(Andy meows) 90 00:03:07,395 --> 00:03:10,440 {\an8}(Andy pretend-chewing) 91 00:03:10,482 --> 00:03:13,026 {\an8}This hamburger's delicious. 92 00:03:13,068 --> 00:03:14,319 {\an8}(Angela laughs) 93 00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:16,988 {\an8}- A cat eating a hamburger sandwich? 94 00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:17,947 That's impossible. 95 00:03:17,989 --> 00:03:19,449 I know. 96 00:03:19,491 --> 00:03:21,201 - Where do you think of these things? 97 00:03:21,242 --> 00:03:22,535 Honestly, I don't know. 98 00:03:22,577 --> 00:03:24,662 {\an8}- Andy and Andrew seem very happy. 99 00:03:24,704 --> 00:03:26,873 {\an8}I hope nothing horrible ever happens to them. 100 00:03:34,547 --> 00:03:39,135 {\an8}- Yeah, I slept over at a friend's house and 101 00:03:39,177 --> 00:03:41,513 {\an8}I forgot my contact solution so, 102 00:03:41,554 --> 00:03:43,390 {\an8}I had to wear my backup glasses. 103 00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:47,143 {\an8}Shut up. 104 00:03:47,185 --> 00:03:49,020 {\an8}Alright, everybody. 105 00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:50,855 Oh my God, Pam. 106 00:03:51,648 --> 00:03:53,400 Those make you look so ugly. 107 00:03:53,441 --> 00:03:56,444 {\an8}Pam, in order to get hotter, you take glasses off. 108 00:03:56,486 --> 00:03:58,446 {\an8}You're moving in the wrong direction. 109 00:03:58,488 --> 00:03:59,781 I don't have my contacts. 110 00:03:59,823 --> 00:04:02,242 - (babbling) I can't even hear you. 111 00:04:02,283 --> 00:04:05,453 It's just noise coming out of an ugly scientist. 112 00:04:05,495 --> 00:04:07,622 Everybody, we're going to have a little, 113 00:04:07,664 --> 00:04:10,083 a brainstorming session in the conference room. 114 00:04:10,125 --> 00:04:12,794 Energize. 115 00:04:12,836 --> 00:04:14,587 - You know what would energizes me? 116 00:04:15,422 --> 00:04:18,049 If you Pamela Morgan Beesly- 117 00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:19,342 - Don't you dare. - Would take- 118 00:04:19,384 --> 00:04:20,969 - If you propose to me during the micro meeting, 119 00:04:21,011 --> 00:04:22,220 I will say, no. 120 00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:24,305 - Well, it's too late because I'm proposing 121 00:04:24,347 --> 00:04:25,807 that you get me a cup of coffee, 122 00:04:25,849 --> 00:04:27,559 which would energize me and greatly 123 00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:29,102 and make me the happiest man in the world. 124 00:04:29,144 --> 00:04:31,479 - Everybody, so how are we going to 125 00:04:31,521 --> 00:04:33,815 energize our office? 126 00:04:33,857 --> 00:04:36,526 I mean, I haven't done anything since Christmas. 127 00:04:36,568 --> 00:04:40,071 Pam clearly has just given up trying. 128 00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:40,905 Pam stand up. 129 00:04:44,325 --> 00:04:45,243 Hi everyone. 130 00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:47,579 My name is Pam and I wear glasses. 131 00:04:47,620 --> 00:04:48,371 Hi Pam. 132 00:04:48,413 --> 00:04:49,372 Pretty disgusting. 133 00:04:49,414 --> 00:04:50,331 So what we need to do (Jim claps) 134 00:04:50,373 --> 00:04:51,541 is we need to get things going. 135 00:04:51,583 --> 00:04:52,917 We need to get percolating a little bit. 136 00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:55,920 Anybody have any ideas what we could do? 137 00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:57,172 Any suggestions? 138 00:04:57,213 --> 00:04:59,257 Oscar start us off, what do we got? 139 00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:00,175 I don't know. 140 00:05:00,216 --> 00:05:01,760 Every idea is a good idea. 141 00:05:01,801 --> 00:05:03,428 - A new color scheme for the entire office. 142 00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:05,388 Bad idea, I mean, 143 00:05:06,348 --> 00:05:07,682 no, you know what? 144 00:05:07,724 --> 00:05:09,642 That's a good idea but it would be bad if we did it. 145 00:05:09,684 --> 00:05:10,518 Yes, Andy. 146 00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:11,519 We've changed our 147 00:05:11,561 --> 00:05:14,314 outgoing answering machine message. 148 00:05:14,356 --> 00:05:16,107 So it just had a little more 149 00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:18,234 zing and a little more pep. 150 00:05:18,276 --> 00:05:19,569 Zing and pep. 151 00:05:19,611 --> 00:05:20,820 See those are the kinds of words we're looking for. 152 00:05:20,862 --> 00:05:22,238 Yes, Jim? 153 00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:24,574 - What about it we did an even newer voicemail message 154 00:05:24,616 --> 00:05:26,534 that had even more zing and pep. 155 00:05:26,576 --> 00:05:27,827 Now we're cooking. 156 00:05:27,869 --> 00:05:29,037 I like this. 157 00:05:29,079 --> 00:05:31,164 Maybe a whole theme, like a rap, a rap rhyme. 158 00:05:31,206 --> 00:05:32,457 An urban thing. 159 00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:35,168 - Yeah Stanley, you wanna help us out with that? 160 00:05:35,210 --> 00:05:36,753 Stanley, earth to Stanley. 161 00:05:36,795 --> 00:05:37,462 Not me. 162 00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:38,296 Yes, you. 163 00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:39,506 Come on, Stanley. 164 00:05:39,547 --> 00:05:41,925 Put your little game down and join the group. 165 00:05:41,966 --> 00:05:42,801 No. 166 00:05:42,842 --> 00:05:44,177 Stanley, 167 00:05:44,219 --> 00:05:45,470 Leave me alone, damn it. 168 00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:47,097 - we're having a brainstorm session. 169 00:05:47,138 --> 00:05:48,515 Did I stutter? 170 00:05:55,063 --> 00:05:57,941 - Good, this is good, I'm going to grab a glass of water. 171 00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:06,825 - It looks like somebody's got a case of man-apause. 172 00:06:08,326 --> 00:06:10,036 It's like menopause, but for men. 173 00:06:11,413 --> 00:06:12,622 What? 174 00:06:12,664 --> 00:06:14,040 Then I could just say menopause. 175 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:16,459 Wait... 176 00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:17,544 you know what I mean? 177 00:06:17,585 --> 00:06:19,838 Michael versus Stanley. 178 00:06:19,879 --> 00:06:21,131 Oh please. 179 00:06:21,172 --> 00:06:23,008 The only battle worth watching in this office 180 00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:24,384 is me versus me. 181 00:06:25,301 --> 00:06:26,428 Oh, that'd be a good one. 182 00:06:26,469 --> 00:06:27,887 Evenly matched. 183 00:06:27,929 --> 00:06:30,849 But I can take on anyone, even myself. 184 00:06:30,890 --> 00:06:31,891 (sighs) 185 00:06:31,933 --> 00:06:33,727 We would fight, it would be intense. 186 00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:37,063 But in the end there'd only be one winner, 187 00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:37,897 Dwight Schrute. 188 00:06:39,149 --> 00:06:39,899 The loser? 189 00:06:54,039 --> 00:06:56,708 (Stanley coughs) 190 00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:02,464 Can I talk to you a second? 191 00:07:02,505 --> 00:07:04,924 (groans) What? 192 00:07:04,966 --> 00:07:07,844 - I really think that you need to address 193 00:07:07,886 --> 00:07:10,597 what happened with Stanley this morning. 194 00:07:10,638 --> 00:07:11,848 What are you blabbering about? 195 00:07:11,890 --> 00:07:13,183 Nothing happened. 196 00:07:13,224 --> 00:07:16,227 - Well, you know, Stanley was openly insubordinate. 197 00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:17,479 That in the conference room? 198 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:18,813 [Toby] Yeah. 199 00:07:18,855 --> 00:07:21,483 - We were Josh and around the two of us 200 00:07:21,524 --> 00:07:23,401 and he said, "Did I stutter?" 201 00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:26,321 And I said, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what dog? 202 00:07:26,363 --> 00:07:28,907 He was joking, Toby alright? 203 00:07:29,949 --> 00:07:31,368 - He didn't seem like he was joking. 204 00:07:31,409 --> 00:07:34,120 - Well, you don't get it because Stanley is a beautiful, 205 00:07:34,162 --> 00:07:36,456 sassy, powerful black man. 206 00:07:36,498 --> 00:07:38,708 And you're you. 207 00:07:38,750 --> 00:07:41,378 If you had any friends you would understand 208 00:07:41,419 --> 00:07:42,921 friends joke with one another. 209 00:07:42,962 --> 00:07:45,173 "Hey, you're poor." 210 00:07:45,215 --> 00:07:47,384 "Well, hey, your mama's dead." 211 00:07:47,425 --> 00:07:49,511 That's what friends do. 212 00:07:49,552 --> 00:07:50,428 It's... 213 00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:52,263 you're so white. 214 00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:54,140 By talking back to me, 215 00:07:54,182 --> 00:07:56,601 Stanley was really saying 216 00:07:56,643 --> 00:07:59,145 you're not paying attention to me, dad. 217 00:07:59,187 --> 00:08:00,563 I want to act out. 218 00:08:00,605 --> 00:08:02,107 I understand this because 219 00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:04,567 that's exactly what I did when I was a kid. 220 00:08:04,609 --> 00:08:06,945 Did it make my dad leave? 221 00:08:06,986 --> 00:08:08,029 Maybe. 222 00:08:08,071 --> 00:08:10,657 But Stanley can never make me leave 223 00:08:10,699 --> 00:08:12,617 because I have a contract. 224 00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:14,119 Alright. 225 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:19,040 Well, if you really believe that Stanley was joking, 226 00:08:19,916 --> 00:08:21,543 why don't we go ask him them? 227 00:08:21,584 --> 00:08:22,836 Okay I will. 228 00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:25,672 I'm not feeling very well right now though. 229 00:08:25,714 --> 00:08:28,717 My stomach hurts so I may be going home early today, but... 230 00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:31,094 You know Michael, 231 00:08:31,136 --> 00:08:32,595 sometimes my daughter's stomach hurts 232 00:08:32,637 --> 00:08:34,097 when there's a mean girl at school. 233 00:08:34,139 --> 00:08:35,348 Well, sometimes 234 00:08:35,390 --> 00:08:38,768 my stomach hurts when you come into my office. 235 00:08:38,810 --> 00:08:41,688 So it's probably psychological. 236 00:08:41,730 --> 00:08:44,566 (phone ringing) 237 00:08:46,693 --> 00:08:49,029 Stanley is one of my oldest friends in this office. 238 00:08:49,070 --> 00:08:52,741 He outweighs me by a hundred pounds. 239 00:08:52,782 --> 00:08:56,661 He's the type of friend that I could not see for 50 years 240 00:08:56,703 --> 00:08:58,705 and the second I saw him, 241 00:08:58,747 --> 00:09:03,710 I could make an insult about his mama and he would laugh 242 00:09:04,586 --> 00:09:06,171 and I would laugh, 243 00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:10,091 and I'd say, "You're one of my oldest friends." 244 00:09:10,133 --> 00:09:12,677 And I think he gets choked up inside 245 00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:15,347 because he'd want to say, 246 00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:17,349 "Hey, Michael, I love you, man. 247 00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:19,225 "You're one of my oldest friends. 248 00:09:19,267 --> 00:09:22,437 "And did you hear Jim died?" 249 00:09:22,479 --> 00:09:23,313 And I'd be like, "What? 250 00:09:23,355 --> 00:09:24,689 "How?" 251 00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:29,027 "Of a broken heart because did you hear Pam died?" 252 00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:31,529 That's the kind of friends we are. 253 00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:35,742 50 years from now, we'll still be talking about this office. 254 00:09:35,784 --> 00:09:37,494 We'll still be laughing. 255 00:09:37,535 --> 00:09:38,912 We'll still be crying. 256 00:09:40,163 --> 00:09:41,915 We'll still be enjoying 257 00:09:42,957 --> 00:09:47,462 and not enjoying all of the things that happened here 258 00:09:47,504 --> 00:09:48,672 and all the deaths. 259 00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:53,218 It's nice. 260 00:09:54,844 --> 00:09:56,721 I like your frames. 261 00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:59,140 Thanks Phyllis, yours too. 262 00:09:59,182 --> 00:10:00,225 I'm already married. 263 00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:04,187 Boys don't make passes at girls who wear glasses. 264 00:10:07,065 --> 00:10:09,067 - Ignore her those glasses are so cool. 265 00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:11,528 Really? 266 00:10:11,569 --> 00:10:12,987 - Yeah, you look like Lisa Loeb or Tina Fey or someone. 267 00:10:13,029 --> 00:10:15,073 You should definitely wear them all the time. 268 00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:15,740 Oh. 269 00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:16,908 Maybe I will. 270 00:10:18,368 --> 00:10:21,788 - Guess who just became the cutest girl in the office? 271 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:27,043 - You meet a lot of ladies driving an Xterra 272 00:10:27,085 --> 00:10:29,629 because you pull up to a stoplight and look over 273 00:10:29,671 --> 00:10:31,548 and there's an Xterra next to you, 274 00:10:31,589 --> 00:10:33,591 they're always driven by chicks. 275 00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:35,427 So there's your icebreaker. 276 00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:36,970 (kicks) 277 00:10:37,012 --> 00:10:38,263 Scratch. 278 00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:40,265 That's a racing stripe. 279 00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:41,725 Bumper sagging. 280 00:10:41,766 --> 00:10:42,851 I doubt that very much. 281 00:10:42,892 --> 00:10:44,227 (side windows flapping) 282 00:10:44,269 --> 00:10:48,273 Very astute of you, the mirrors are hinge jointed. 283 00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:49,190 Yeah, I know. 284 00:10:49,232 --> 00:10:50,275 I'm not an okie off the street. 285 00:10:50,316 --> 00:10:52,152 I know how mirrors work. 286 00:10:52,193 --> 00:10:53,570 Well, I'm just saying. 287 00:10:53,611 --> 00:10:55,321 She's a very good in a crash. 288 00:10:55,363 --> 00:10:57,574 I've been in four major accidents, no injuries, 289 00:10:57,615 --> 00:10:59,159 at least to my body. 290 00:11:00,577 --> 00:11:01,995 Alright, start her up. 291 00:11:02,037 --> 00:11:03,830 Let's see what you got under here. 292 00:11:04,789 --> 00:11:09,085 - Yeah well, 350 CCs of screaming power. 293 00:11:09,127 --> 00:11:11,796 Pos-attraction belt drive, turbo. 294 00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:13,298 Four on the floor, three on the tree. 295 00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:15,133 That doesn't make any sense. 296 00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:16,968 - I'm gonna be honest with you Dwight. 297 00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:20,096 I don't know diddly about cars. 298 00:11:20,138 --> 00:11:22,098 - Well thank you for telling me that. 299 00:11:22,140 --> 00:11:25,518 I will try and forget it when I negotiate with you. 300 00:11:25,560 --> 00:11:26,853 That's very decent of you. 301 00:11:26,895 --> 00:11:28,146 This car is crap. 302 00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:30,190 I will buy it for next to nothing. 303 00:11:30,231 --> 00:11:31,066 How next to? 304 00:11:31,107 --> 00:11:32,525 Well, here are your options. 305 00:11:32,567 --> 00:11:34,569 You can sell it for parts, 306 00:11:34,611 --> 00:11:36,404 drive it off a cliff. 307 00:11:36,446 --> 00:11:37,864 You can donate it 308 00:11:37,906 --> 00:11:39,657 to a person that you'd like to see die in a car crash, 309 00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:42,118 or you can sell it to me 310 00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:44,496 and I'll use it as I would have wagon on my farm. 311 00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:45,997 It'll be towed by a donkey. 312 00:11:46,831 --> 00:11:47,665 I have to pick one of those? 313 00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:48,833 Yes. 314 00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:49,751 - Can you go over those options again? 315 00:11:49,793 --> 00:11:51,002 Yeah you know what? 316 00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:53,755 You knock $1,500 off the price right now 317 00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:55,465 and I will take it off your hands. 318 00:11:55,507 --> 00:11:56,341 It's gotta be now. 319 00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:57,217 Well, I have- 320 00:11:57,258 --> 00:11:58,343 Seal the deal. 321 00:11:58,385 --> 00:11:59,010 - The Blue Book Value's - Let's do it. 322 00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:00,303 Let's do this thing. 323 00:12:00,345 --> 00:12:02,305 Three, two, one. 324 00:12:02,347 --> 00:12:05,266 - Can I think about it? - Five, four, three two, now. 325 00:12:05,308 --> 00:12:06,184 Now! 326 00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:07,185 Now, say it, 327 00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:08,228 do it now. 328 00:12:08,269 --> 00:12:09,396 Do it now. 329 00:12:09,437 --> 00:12:10,313 Do it. 330 00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:11,106 Shake my hand. 331 00:12:11,147 --> 00:12:11,856 You will sell me this car. 332 00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:12,732 Shake my hand. 333 00:12:12,774 --> 00:12:13,525 Yeah! 334 00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:14,734 Alright. 335 00:12:19,989 --> 00:12:22,992 - I was just checking the weather. 336 00:12:27,455 --> 00:12:28,707 What? 337 00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:31,418 - I see that you gave me that form 338 00:12:31,459 --> 00:12:34,671 that I asked you to give me Stanley the manly. 339 00:12:34,713 --> 00:12:36,381 So thank you for that. 340 00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:38,008 I guess we are back to normal. 341 00:12:38,049 --> 00:12:39,718 What are you talking about? 342 00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:40,885 Well, 343 00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:42,721 you know the thing that you said earlier 344 00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:45,098 that you didn't mean, 345 00:12:46,516 --> 00:12:47,892 and that I forgive you for. 346 00:12:47,934 --> 00:12:49,436 The whole thing is silly, isn't it? 347 00:12:49,477 --> 00:12:52,272 Friends don't need to apologize to friends 348 00:12:52,313 --> 00:12:53,273 as far as I'm concerned. 349 00:12:53,314 --> 00:12:54,315 So we are cool. 350 00:12:54,357 --> 00:12:56,901 - I am not going to apologize to you. 351 00:12:56,943 --> 00:12:59,195 It's like I used to tell my wife, 352 00:12:59,237 --> 00:13:02,032 I do not apologize unless I think I'm wrong. 353 00:13:02,073 --> 00:13:03,950 And if you don't like it, you're going to leave. 354 00:13:03,992 --> 00:13:06,578 And I say at the same thing to my current wife. 355 00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:09,039 And I'll say it to my next one too. 356 00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:10,832 - By the way, you didn't stutter. 357 00:13:10,874 --> 00:13:11,958 So don't feel bad. 358 00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:13,335 You sounded very powerful. 359 00:13:13,376 --> 00:13:15,462 - Go back to your office and leave me alone. 360 00:13:17,589 --> 00:13:18,965 Well, thanks for the form. 361 00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:23,178 Man my stomach is killing me. 362 00:13:24,220 --> 00:13:27,307 You know, I don't ask very much of my employees. 363 00:13:27,349 --> 00:13:28,892 I let 'em goof off. 364 00:13:28,933 --> 00:13:30,852 I let 'em come in late. 365 00:13:30,894 --> 00:13:32,854 I never put my foot down. 366 00:13:32,896 --> 00:13:35,148 I let them walk all over me. 367 00:13:36,524 --> 00:13:37,692 And what do I ask in return? 368 00:13:37,734 --> 00:13:40,111 Nothing but their respect. 369 00:13:41,488 --> 00:13:43,990 (Dwight scatting) 370 00:13:44,032 --> 00:13:45,700 Oh, what's Dwight up to? 371 00:13:45,742 --> 00:13:47,869 Oh, probably nothing. 372 00:13:47,911 --> 00:13:49,579 (Dwight scatting) 373 00:13:49,621 --> 00:13:52,374 (Dwight exclaims) 374 00:13:53,208 --> 00:13:54,167 The hell is this all about? 375 00:13:56,294 --> 00:13:58,046 You're flipping my car for profit. 376 00:13:58,088 --> 00:13:59,964 It's my car now. 377 00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:04,511 - I gave you a deal based on what you said to me. 378 00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:07,764 Yeah well, seller beware. 379 00:14:07,806 --> 00:14:08,973 Now if you'll excuse me, 380 00:14:09,015 --> 00:14:10,517 I've got a monitor a three-way bidding war 381 00:14:10,558 --> 00:14:12,060 for my car on eBay. 382 00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:15,855 I've got a Mad Lib for you. 383 00:14:16,898 --> 00:14:21,653 A stupid idiotic numbskull named Andy Bernard 384 00:14:22,696 --> 00:14:27,534 sold his Xterra to a smart and capable man named Dwight. 385 00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:32,914 This is shaping up to be an awesome day for Dwight. 386 00:14:35,041 --> 00:14:37,002 - You know, I don't care what he did to me. 387 00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:39,045 He's mean to other people that's what gets me it's just- 388 00:14:39,087 --> 00:14:41,256 Who else does he mean to? 389 00:14:41,297 --> 00:14:42,007 Everybody. 390 00:14:42,048 --> 00:14:43,466 He's just, he's always, 391 00:14:43,508 --> 00:14:46,678 he's always talking about people behind their backs to me. 392 00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:48,221 - What kind of stuff does Stanley say? 393 00:14:48,263 --> 00:14:50,015 Like the people are stupid 394 00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:53,518 and that they're idiots and that they're sluts. 395 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:54,853 Why would he say that? 396 00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:56,021 Because he's mean. 397 00:14:56,062 --> 00:14:58,982 He's like a really mean spirited guy. 398 00:14:59,024 --> 00:15:03,486 He talks about how gay Oscar is 399 00:15:03,528 --> 00:15:08,491 and that Angela's a midget and that your chin is too big. 400 00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:10,452 - Hey- 401 00:15:10,493 --> 00:15:11,536 I know, I know. 402 00:15:11,578 --> 00:15:12,495 I think it's tiny. 403 00:15:12,537 --> 00:15:14,998 I think it's too small of anything 404 00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:17,417 and that your glasses make you look ugly. 405 00:15:18,460 --> 00:15:20,003 - She's never worn these glasses before. 406 00:15:20,045 --> 00:15:21,504 Well, he's just mean. 407 00:15:21,546 --> 00:15:24,424 - Michael, I think that what Stanley did to you was rude. 408 00:15:24,466 --> 00:15:26,009 Maybe you should just get them aside 409 00:15:26,051 --> 00:15:28,595 and tell him that he was behaving badly. 410 00:15:28,636 --> 00:15:29,554 It's complicated, Pam. 411 00:15:29,596 --> 00:15:31,723 I mean, world looks a lot easier 412 00:15:31,765 --> 00:15:33,892 from behind your reception desk. 413 00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:34,768 - Well, actually I agree with her. 414 00:15:34,809 --> 00:15:36,227 I think you should talk to him 415 00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:37,937 and you also might want to explain to Andy 416 00:15:37,979 --> 00:15:39,189 that no one wants to help him decide 417 00:15:39,230 --> 00:15:40,899 whether or not he has a rash. 418 00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:42,192 Oh yeah. 419 00:15:42,233 --> 00:15:43,193 And then yell at Creed because you know what? 420 00:15:43,234 --> 00:15:44,819 Looking can be as bad as touching. 421 00:15:44,861 --> 00:15:49,783 Okay. (Michael sighs) 422 00:15:50,533 --> 00:15:54,704 What Stanley is doing right now is called displacement. 423 00:15:55,705 --> 00:15:58,166 Basically, Jan taught me this. 424 00:15:58,208 --> 00:16:01,169 Displacement is when someone is 425 00:16:01,211 --> 00:16:05,090 very, very angry about something in their life, 426 00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:07,258 but they take it out on me. 427 00:16:08,510 --> 00:16:10,595 And so they're, 428 00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:11,596 that's displacement. 429 00:16:13,223 --> 00:16:14,599 - Do you need me to go over this org chart again? 430 00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:15,433 No. 431 00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:16,601 Yes. 432 00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:17,394 So Stanley reports to Jim. 433 00:16:17,435 --> 00:16:18,520 Yes. 434 00:16:18,561 --> 00:16:20,814 The people in this office crave order, 435 00:16:20,855 --> 00:16:24,693 otherwise nothing gets done or worse yet, they'll revolt. 436 00:16:24,734 --> 00:16:28,113 The last thing I need is Michael's head on a spike. 437 00:16:28,154 --> 00:16:31,282 The last thing I'd want is to have to put it there. 438 00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:33,660 - And Jim is in charge of disciplining Stanley. 439 00:16:33,702 --> 00:16:35,245 No. 440 00:16:35,286 --> 00:16:38,123 Jim is in charge of Stanley only in sales related matters. 441 00:16:38,164 --> 00:16:38,957 Hence the green line. 442 00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:39,833 Green for money. 443 00:16:39,874 --> 00:16:41,001 Sales, get it. 444 00:16:41,042 --> 00:16:42,585 There is this yellow zigzag 445 00:16:42,627 --> 00:16:45,296 that does give Ryan the authority to discipline Stanley. 446 00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:46,631 Great. 447 00:16:46,673 --> 00:16:49,134 - However, in so doing, it zigs past your name, 448 00:16:49,175 --> 00:16:51,761 hence zagging, you and making you appear weak. 449 00:16:51,803 --> 00:16:53,221 That's the yellow color. 450 00:16:53,263 --> 00:16:54,848 Yellow for cowardly. 451 00:16:54,889 --> 00:16:55,682 What's the pink? 452 00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:58,018 Menstrual cycles. 453 00:16:58,059 --> 00:16:59,561 Okay. 454 00:16:59,602 --> 00:17:00,979 Is there anybody up here, 455 00:17:01,021 --> 00:17:03,565 anybody at all that can deal with this? 456 00:17:03,606 --> 00:17:05,650 - You. - Other than me. 457 00:17:05,692 --> 00:17:09,612 - Well, there is the emergency disaster mode 458 00:17:09,654 --> 00:17:11,156 for the org chart. 459 00:17:11,197 --> 00:17:14,242 This gives me full authority 460 00:17:14,284 --> 00:17:16,995 over every single person in the office. 461 00:17:17,037 --> 00:17:17,996 - I never said you could do that. 462 00:17:18,038 --> 00:17:19,080 All you have to do is say it. 463 00:17:19,122 --> 00:17:19,998 Just say it. 464 00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:20,915 Okay I'll think about it. 465 00:17:20,957 --> 00:17:22,667 Say it, just do it. 466 00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:24,044 Don't think, say it. 467 00:17:24,085 --> 00:17:25,003 Do it. 468 00:17:25,045 --> 00:17:27,839 Five, four, three, two. 469 00:17:27,881 --> 00:17:28,798 Do it. 470 00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:31,551 It give me control, Michael. 471 00:17:34,971 --> 00:17:36,681 I promise to give authority back to you 472 00:17:36,723 --> 00:17:37,807 when this crisis is over. 473 00:17:39,267 --> 00:17:40,226 Do it, Michael. 474 00:17:42,062 --> 00:17:43,146 Do it. 475 00:17:43,188 --> 00:17:46,274 Hey, this office needs a strong man. 476 00:17:47,984 --> 00:17:48,777 Say it. 477 00:17:50,111 --> 00:17:51,571 No. 478 00:17:53,907 --> 00:17:54,741 Alright well, 479 00:17:56,242 --> 00:17:58,078 you're going to have to deal with this yourself. 480 00:18:05,543 --> 00:18:06,920 Hi Pam. 481 00:18:06,961 --> 00:18:08,922 I really like your glasses. 482 00:18:08,963 --> 00:18:10,507 Oh, thanks. 483 00:18:10,548 --> 00:18:12,592 - All the girlfriends that I've ever had 484 00:18:12,634 --> 00:18:14,177 have a worn glasses. 485 00:18:14,219 --> 00:18:16,012 Oh, okay. 486 00:18:16,054 --> 00:18:17,931 - It's kind of a turn on for me actually- 487 00:18:17,972 --> 00:18:19,057 - I should probably get back to- 488 00:18:19,099 --> 00:18:20,225 Like librarians. 489 00:18:20,266 --> 00:18:21,601 - Entering the- 490 00:18:21,643 --> 00:18:23,520 Could you just say, 491 00:18:23,561 --> 00:18:25,188 "These are due back Thursday?" 492 00:18:25,230 --> 00:18:26,022 No. 493 00:18:33,738 --> 00:18:36,241 (phone rings) 494 00:18:37,367 --> 00:18:38,952 (phone lifting) 495 00:18:38,993 --> 00:18:40,662 Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. 496 00:18:42,205 --> 00:18:42,997 Okay, go ahead. 497 00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:48,003 A lot of jazz cats are blind, 498 00:18:48,044 --> 00:18:50,839 but they can play the piano like nobody's business. 499 00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:54,050 I'd like to put the piano in front of Pam 500 00:18:54,092 --> 00:18:56,177 without her glasses and see what happens. 501 00:18:57,012 --> 00:18:58,763 I'd also like to see her topless. 502 00:18:59,806 --> 00:19:01,975 - Stanley, when you said that mean thing to me 503 00:19:02,017 --> 00:19:04,477 about you not stuttering, it hurt my feelings. 504 00:19:04,519 --> 00:19:05,979 And then when you would not apologize, 505 00:19:06,021 --> 00:19:07,397 it hurt my feelings as well. 506 00:19:07,439 --> 00:19:09,816 So I am asking you as a buddy 507 00:19:09,858 --> 00:19:11,943 to just say that you did not mean it. 508 00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:14,988 Did you hear me? 509 00:19:15,030 --> 00:19:15,822 Yes. 510 00:19:17,782 --> 00:19:19,576 This is a letter of reprimand. 511 00:19:19,617 --> 00:19:21,161 This is a terrible, terrible thing. 512 00:19:21,202 --> 00:19:24,247 And it pains me to have even written this 513 00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:28,376 because I know how detrimental this can be to a career, 514 00:19:28,418 --> 00:19:30,378 to a person psychologically. 515 00:19:30,420 --> 00:19:31,713 This can destroy a life. 516 00:19:33,590 --> 00:19:34,883 This is your personal file. 517 00:19:34,924 --> 00:19:36,634 What happens next is up to you. 518 00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:37,552 Will you apologize? 519 00:19:37,594 --> 00:19:39,054 I will not. 520 00:19:39,095 --> 00:19:42,057 - Then you leave me no other choice. 521 00:19:42,098 --> 00:19:44,851 I've put Stanley on a pedestal for a long time, 522 00:19:44,893 --> 00:19:48,104 but sometimes he can just be a big fat jerk. 523 00:19:49,814 --> 00:19:52,817 Jerks don't deserve to be on pedestals. 524 00:19:53,902 --> 00:19:56,112 Jerks should be placed up somewhere 525 00:19:56,154 --> 00:19:57,822 where everybody can see how jerky they are. 526 00:19:57,864 --> 00:20:01,034 Big, big marble jerk stand. 527 00:20:03,912 --> 00:20:05,580 When this goes into your file, 528 00:20:05,622 --> 00:20:08,124 it is there for all of eternity. 529 00:20:08,166 --> 00:20:10,293 There is no way that I can get it back out. 530 00:20:10,335 --> 00:20:12,629 Do you understand that I am still holding onto it? 531 00:20:12,671 --> 00:20:17,676 I can retrieve it much like playing checkers. 532 00:20:18,927 --> 00:20:22,138 So this is your last chance Stanley, will you apologize? 533 00:20:22,180 --> 00:20:22,972 Nope. 534 00:20:25,225 --> 00:20:26,476 (envelope drops) 535 00:20:26,518 --> 00:20:27,894 - It is done. - Fine, I'm going back to work. 536 00:20:27,936 --> 00:20:29,229 Wait, wait, wait Stanley. 537 00:20:29,270 --> 00:20:31,523 Stanley, I have written a second letter. 538 00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:33,066 Goodbye. 539 00:20:33,108 --> 00:20:35,568 This letter claims that this first letter is crazy talk. 540 00:20:35,610 --> 00:20:36,820 I've decided 541 00:20:36,861 --> 00:20:38,613 not to wear my glasses for the rest of the day. 542 00:20:38,655 --> 00:20:39,989 I'm not vain. 543 00:20:40,031 --> 00:20:41,866 It's just, as soon as I took my glasses off, 544 00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:43,702 I felt instantly calmer. 545 00:20:44,661 --> 00:20:45,995 I'll show you. 546 00:20:46,037 --> 00:20:48,748 Unfocus your lens like a lot. 547 00:20:48,790 --> 00:20:50,709 I have 20/400 vision. 548 00:20:52,002 --> 00:20:55,755 Okay, so now I no longer have to watch Dwight 549 00:20:55,797 --> 00:20:57,716 pulling hairs out of his face. 550 00:20:59,843 --> 00:21:02,929 And I can no longer see Creed 551 00:21:02,971 --> 00:21:06,975 doing whatever it is Creed does. 552 00:21:12,272 --> 00:21:13,148 I don't wanna know. 553 00:21:18,695 --> 00:21:21,031 Mike, very busy here man. 554 00:21:21,072 --> 00:21:25,368 - Darryl, have you ever been in a gang? 555 00:21:25,410 --> 00:21:26,536 Why? 556 00:21:26,578 --> 00:21:28,204 It's an advice question, 557 00:21:28,246 --> 00:21:30,123 and if you don't wanna talk about it, 558 00:21:30,165 --> 00:21:32,083 I completely understand it's- 559 00:21:32,834 --> 00:21:33,752 No, no, no. 560 00:21:33,793 --> 00:21:34,711 - I know it's very, very personal. 561 00:21:34,753 --> 00:21:35,754 No. 562 00:21:38,089 --> 00:21:38,757 I have. 563 00:21:38,798 --> 00:21:39,632 I knew it. 564 00:21:39,674 --> 00:21:40,467 Okay. 565 00:21:41,509 --> 00:21:43,261 What are we talking about here? 566 00:21:43,303 --> 00:21:44,304 Crips, Bloods? 567 00:21:44,346 --> 00:21:45,180 Both. 568 00:21:45,221 --> 00:21:46,056 God. 569 00:21:46,097 --> 00:21:47,807 Yeah them and the Latin Kings. 570 00:21:48,725 --> 00:21:49,642 The Warriors. 571 00:21:49,684 --> 00:21:50,518 Okay. 572 00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:51,436 Newsies. 573 00:21:51,478 --> 00:21:53,355 Okay, so dig this. 574 00:21:54,481 --> 00:21:57,901 You're on the street and one of your gang disses you. 575 00:21:57,942 --> 00:21:58,985 Oh my goodness. 576 00:21:59,027 --> 00:22:01,237 - Right and you know that he feels bad 577 00:22:01,279 --> 00:22:03,865 and that he wants to apologize but he's embarrassed. 578 00:22:03,907 --> 00:22:05,033 Well I mean he's in the gang. 579 00:22:05,075 --> 00:22:06,242 Right, so what do you do? 580 00:22:06,284 --> 00:22:09,621 I mean, short of going medieval on his ass 581 00:22:09,662 --> 00:22:11,247 or formally writing him up, 582 00:22:11,289 --> 00:22:13,708 what do you do to get him to make it right? 583 00:22:13,750 --> 00:22:16,336 Well see, in the gang world. 584 00:22:17,253 --> 00:22:19,381 We use something called fluffy fingers. 585 00:22:20,632 --> 00:22:21,883 What is that? 586 00:22:21,925 --> 00:22:24,552 That's where somebody really gets in your face. 587 00:22:24,594 --> 00:22:27,138 You just start tickling 'em. 588 00:22:29,641 --> 00:22:30,684 Really? 589 00:22:30,725 --> 00:22:33,269 - Yeah and he starts tickling you. 590 00:22:33,311 --> 00:22:35,939 Pretty soon you laughing and hugging. 591 00:22:35,980 --> 00:22:37,899 Before you know it, you've forgotten the whole thing, 592 00:22:37,941 --> 00:22:39,984 Y'all could just go to church together 593 00:22:40,026 --> 00:22:41,945 and get ice cream cones. 594 00:22:41,986 --> 00:22:44,531 - I would have never thought that 595 00:22:45,824 --> 00:22:47,701 gangs would be tickling each other. 596 00:22:47,742 --> 00:22:49,577 Oh, it's effective. 597 00:22:50,620 --> 00:22:53,915 - It's funny because this is not the image of gangs 598 00:22:53,957 --> 00:22:55,834 that most white people have. 599 00:22:55,875 --> 00:22:57,210 This is telling you, 600 00:22:57,252 --> 00:23:00,046 think we could learn a lot from listening to this. 601 00:23:00,088 --> 00:23:01,881 - I'm glad I could open your eyes. 602 00:23:04,801 --> 00:23:07,387 (weird noises) 603 00:23:08,513 --> 00:23:09,305 Fluffy fingers. 604 00:23:10,473 --> 00:23:13,852 (car approaching) 605 00:23:13,893 --> 00:23:16,563 (tires screeching) 606 00:23:16,604 --> 00:23:19,566 (rustling) 607 00:23:19,607 --> 00:23:21,776 (door opening) 608 00:23:21,818 --> 00:23:22,610 Yo! 609 00:23:23,820 --> 00:23:24,821 Hi, can I help you? 610 00:23:24,863 --> 00:23:26,698 - Ha-ha nice. 611 00:23:26,740 --> 00:23:28,283 I guess I have been a stranger lately. 612 00:23:28,324 --> 00:23:29,117 Ryan. 613 00:23:29,159 --> 00:23:30,660 Hey Pam, you want a bagel? 614 00:23:30,702 --> 00:23:32,078 - Yeah. - Think fast. 615 00:23:32,120 --> 00:23:34,080 Honestly Pam, the bagels in New York 616 00:23:34,122 --> 00:23:36,499 are the only good bagels in the world I swear to God. 617 00:23:36,541 --> 00:23:37,834 Okay. 618 00:23:37,876 --> 00:23:39,044 - The only good bagels anywhere. - I've heard that. 619 00:23:39,085 --> 00:23:40,920 Same with coffee and women. 620 00:23:42,255 --> 00:23:42,964 Okay. 621 00:23:43,006 --> 00:23:44,758 I'm gonna go find Toby. 622 00:23:44,799 --> 00:23:45,967 Oh, here's what you do. 623 00:23:47,052 --> 00:23:49,512 Scoop out the middle like that. 624 00:23:49,554 --> 00:23:50,221 And then you just eat the shell. 625 00:23:50,263 --> 00:23:53,475 You know, fewer carbs. 626 00:23:53,516 --> 00:23:55,894 (bag rustling) 627 00:23:55,935 --> 00:23:57,812 - Yeah, if I could have seen what he just did 628 00:23:57,854 --> 00:23:59,397 I think I would've gotten angry. 629 00:24:00,231 --> 00:24:01,733 - I think it's self-explanatory. 630 00:24:01,775 --> 00:24:03,735 Hey Jim, come here for a second. 631 00:24:04,736 --> 00:24:07,280 Can you answer me something as a true Eagles fan? 632 00:24:07,322 --> 00:24:08,907 Oh boy. 633 00:24:08,948 --> 00:24:11,034 How do you live with the franchise this bad? 634 00:24:11,076 --> 00:24:12,869 - On a wing and a prayer, mostly. 635 00:24:12,911 --> 00:24:14,287 Alright, whatever you say. 636 00:24:14,329 --> 00:24:16,706 Listen, while I have you here with Toby, 637 00:24:16,748 --> 00:24:17,707 I need to give you a formal warning 638 00:24:17,749 --> 00:24:19,084 about your job performance. 639 00:24:19,876 --> 00:24:20,960 A formal warning? 640 00:24:21,002 --> 00:24:22,045 (chuckles) 641 00:24:22,087 --> 00:24:23,797 It's actually not a joke. 642 00:24:23,838 --> 00:24:25,215 I know how you spend your time here. 643 00:24:25,256 --> 00:24:27,717 And I know how little you care about your job. 644 00:24:27,759 --> 00:24:28,927 And honestly, 645 00:24:28,968 --> 00:24:30,428 if you spend as much time selling as you do 646 00:24:30,470 --> 00:24:32,889 goofing around with Dwight and hanging out at reception, 647 00:24:32,931 --> 00:24:34,933 we wouldn't be having this conversation. 648 00:24:35,975 --> 00:24:37,435 I'm sorry, 649 00:24:37,477 --> 00:24:39,229 is this because I talked to Wallace about your website 650 00:24:39,270 --> 00:24:41,398 because I really didn't mean to go over your head. 651 00:24:41,439 --> 00:24:43,858 - This has nothing to do with that, alright? 652 00:24:43,900 --> 00:24:45,193 I have always appreciate 653 00:24:45,235 --> 00:24:47,362 constructive criticism about my job performance, 654 00:24:47,404 --> 00:24:48,279 I thrive on it. 655 00:24:49,864 --> 00:24:50,824 - I'm sorry, then do you mind explaining it a little better 656 00:24:50,865 --> 00:24:52,075 cause I'm not sure what's really. 657 00:24:52,117 --> 00:24:54,452 - Whoa don't get all defensive, alright? 658 00:24:54,494 --> 00:24:56,079 It's just a warning. 659 00:24:56,121 --> 00:24:57,914 If you want the details, Toby can provide 'em. 660 00:24:57,956 --> 00:24:59,207 You take it easy alright? 661 00:25:00,417 --> 00:25:03,169 (fingers tapping) 662 00:25:07,132 --> 00:25:09,592 - Jim filled my desk with marshmallows. 663 00:25:09,634 --> 00:25:11,011 Ryan's serious. 664 00:25:12,429 --> 00:25:13,888 I know because he called me at five in the morning 665 00:25:13,930 --> 00:25:15,223 last night to tell me. 666 00:25:16,182 --> 00:25:17,559 Talked for an hour straight. 667 00:25:18,810 --> 00:25:22,439 He also said that he thinks the moon landing was faked 668 00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:24,691 and girls don't know prize when they see one. 669 00:25:36,619 --> 00:25:37,620 It's not Darryl's fault. 670 00:25:37,662 --> 00:25:39,164 It was a great idea. 671 00:25:39,205 --> 00:25:42,334 I just couldn't figure out quite how to do it, I don't know. 672 00:25:44,961 --> 00:25:46,171 I have tried everything, man. 673 00:25:46,212 --> 00:25:48,089 I'm just running out of options. 674 00:25:50,091 --> 00:25:52,218 A formal warning, seriously? 675 00:25:52,260 --> 00:25:53,511 Well, as you know, 676 00:25:53,553 --> 00:25:55,638 Dwight has filed a lot of complaints against you 677 00:25:55,680 --> 00:25:56,514 over the years. 678 00:25:56,556 --> 00:25:57,640 And no one cared. 679 00:25:57,682 --> 00:25:58,933 But now it's being looked at 680 00:25:58,975 --> 00:26:01,019 as more of a productivity issue. 681 00:26:01,061 --> 00:26:01,895 Productivity? 682 00:26:01,936 --> 00:26:03,313 My numbers are good. 683 00:26:03,355 --> 00:26:08,109 - I know but Ryan thinks that they're not good enough. 684 00:26:09,527 --> 00:26:12,322 I'd say all the goofing around at Pam's desk 685 00:26:12,364 --> 00:26:16,201 and hanging out with Pam has finally caught up to him. 686 00:26:17,702 --> 00:26:18,620 Pick with Pam. 687 00:26:20,705 --> 00:26:21,998 Wallace likes Jim. 688 00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:23,208 So going after him, 689 00:26:23,249 --> 00:26:25,251 that's a risky move for me. 690 00:26:25,293 --> 00:26:28,171 But in business, you got to take risks. 691 00:26:28,213 --> 00:26:30,799 Sometimes you got to get out on the open highway 692 00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:31,716 with the top down. 693 00:26:33,134 --> 00:26:36,429 (mechanism struggling) 694 00:26:38,807 --> 00:26:41,559 (car top opening) 695 00:26:44,854 --> 00:26:47,607 (mechanism struggling) 696 00:26:47,649 --> 00:26:50,485 (tires screeching) 697 00:26:53,029 --> 00:26:54,197 Hey, what happened? 698 00:26:54,239 --> 00:26:55,699 What did Ryan want? 699 00:26:55,740 --> 00:26:57,117 Oh, we were just. 700 00:26:57,158 --> 00:26:59,786 Talking about bureaucratic stuff. 701 00:26:59,828 --> 00:27:01,788 Because you're very important? 702 00:27:01,830 --> 00:27:02,622 Yeah. 703 00:27:13,842 --> 00:27:15,135 Stupid eBay. 704 00:27:16,219 --> 00:27:17,554 Who buys a car on eBay? 705 00:27:17,595 --> 00:27:19,556 - I've had a lot of success on eBay. 706 00:27:19,597 --> 00:27:21,141 Everything I'm wearing right now. 707 00:27:21,182 --> 00:27:22,434 I got on eBay. 708 00:27:22,475 --> 00:27:23,476 Everything. 709 00:27:26,104 --> 00:27:27,522 Good for you. 710 00:27:27,564 --> 00:27:30,191 (ruler tapping) 711 00:27:31,234 --> 00:27:34,696 (cash register mimicking) 712 00:27:42,954 --> 00:27:45,540 (door opening) 713 00:27:46,791 --> 00:27:47,792 Okay, everybody, shh. 714 00:27:47,834 --> 00:27:52,255 So earlier today, Stanley sassed me. 715 00:27:52,297 --> 00:27:54,215 And Toby gave me some suggestions 716 00:27:54,257 --> 00:27:55,633 on how to discipline him. 717 00:27:55,675 --> 00:27:58,345 They did not work, obviously because they were stupid. 718 00:27:58,386 --> 00:28:02,932 So I am now going to fake fire him. 719 00:28:02,974 --> 00:28:04,059 What does that mean? 720 00:28:04,100 --> 00:28:06,144 It's like a mock execution. 721 00:28:06,186 --> 00:28:07,270 That's not a good idea. 722 00:28:07,312 --> 00:28:08,521 Yes, it is a good idea. 723 00:28:08,563 --> 00:28:10,440 It's the only possible solution I have left. 724 00:28:10,482 --> 00:28:11,941 - Well, you can actually fire him. 725 00:28:11,983 --> 00:28:15,153 - No okay, I've had enough of you. 726 00:28:15,195 --> 00:28:16,321 Why are you telling us this? 727 00:28:16,363 --> 00:28:17,697 Because I want you to behave 728 00:28:17,739 --> 00:28:20,283 as if I'm actually firing him Oscar, okay? 729 00:28:20,325 --> 00:28:22,869 - Michael, if you hadn't told us this, 730 00:28:22,911 --> 00:28:23,995 then we would have thought 731 00:28:24,037 --> 00:28:24,954 that you were actually firing- 732 00:28:24,996 --> 00:28:26,414 I'm not firing him. 733 00:28:26,456 --> 00:28:30,126 I'm not, I will need you to act like I am firing him. 734 00:28:30,168 --> 00:28:31,461 Just what I'm going to do 735 00:28:31,503 --> 00:28:34,464 is I'm going to pretend that I'm firing him 736 00:28:34,506 --> 00:28:37,008 and I need you to act like I am firing him. 737 00:28:37,050 --> 00:28:37,926 Do you get that? 738 00:28:37,967 --> 00:28:38,802 Do you get it? 739 00:28:38,843 --> 00:28:39,886 I'm teaching him a lesson. 740 00:28:39,928 --> 00:28:41,471 He needs to learn humility. 741 00:28:41,513 --> 00:28:42,180 Alright? 742 00:28:42,222 --> 00:28:43,056 That's all I'm... 743 00:28:43,098 --> 00:28:43,932 Okay, here he comes. 744 00:28:43,973 --> 00:28:45,725 Let's just play act. 745 00:28:48,061 --> 00:28:49,896 Stanley, may I talk to you for a second? 746 00:28:58,863 --> 00:29:01,783 Stanley Hudson, you are fired. 747 00:29:09,249 --> 00:29:10,709 Are you serious? 748 00:29:10,750 --> 00:29:12,669 I am serious. 749 00:29:12,711 --> 00:29:14,129 We are all serious. 750 00:29:15,046 --> 00:29:17,173 You are fired like a heart attack. 751 00:29:17,215 --> 00:29:19,592 But I've worked here 24 years. 752 00:29:19,634 --> 00:29:21,511 Ouch, that must hurt 753 00:29:21,553 --> 00:29:23,763 because you're just one year away from your pension 754 00:29:23,805 --> 00:29:27,976 and insubordination on top of that so no severance. 755 00:29:28,018 --> 00:29:29,436 And I'm still mad at you. 756 00:29:29,477 --> 00:29:32,063 So I'm not even going to shake your hand when you leave, 757 00:29:32,105 --> 00:29:35,025 just go clean out your desk and get. 758 00:29:35,066 --> 00:29:38,236 - You're firing me over three words. 759 00:29:38,278 --> 00:29:40,447 Have you lost your mind? 760 00:29:40,488 --> 00:29:43,742 Do you think I'm going to let you do this to me? 761 00:29:43,783 --> 00:29:46,745 I've watched you screw up this office for 10 years 762 00:29:46,786 --> 00:29:48,204 and I'm filing a lawsuit 763 00:29:48,246 --> 00:29:49,956 and I'm gonna tell them about every stupid thing 764 00:29:49,998 --> 00:29:51,458 you've ever done up in this office. 765 00:29:51,499 --> 00:29:54,127 - Alright, alright okay, you know what? 766 00:29:54,169 --> 00:29:56,004 Now you know how I feel. 767 00:29:56,046 --> 00:29:58,131 This was a fake firing. 768 00:29:59,299 --> 00:30:00,175 Lesson learned. 769 00:30:00,216 --> 00:30:01,426 Good work, everybody. 770 00:30:01,468 --> 00:30:02,719 Very nice. 771 00:30:02,761 --> 00:30:04,554 So I'm not fired? 772 00:30:04,596 --> 00:30:05,472 That's it. 773 00:30:06,598 --> 00:30:09,684 And do you have anything to say to me? 774 00:30:09,726 --> 00:30:12,354 Oh yes, I do. 775 00:30:13,355 --> 00:30:16,649 You are out of your little pea sized mind. 776 00:30:16,691 --> 00:30:17,942 What is wrong with you? 777 00:30:17,984 --> 00:30:20,779 Do you have any sense at all? 778 00:30:20,820 --> 00:30:22,072 Okay. 779 00:30:22,113 --> 00:30:22,614 - Do you have any idea how to run an office? 780 00:30:22,655 --> 00:30:23,990 [Michael] Yes. 781 00:30:24,032 --> 00:30:26,242 - Every day you do something stupider than you did 782 00:30:26,284 --> 00:30:27,619 the day before and I think, 783 00:30:27,660 --> 00:30:30,914 there's no possible way he can top that. 784 00:30:30,955 --> 00:30:31,915 But what do you do? 785 00:30:31,956 --> 00:30:34,042 You find a way dammit to top it. 786 00:30:34,084 --> 00:30:35,627 You are a professional idiot. 787 00:30:35,669 --> 00:30:36,544 Hey stop it! 788 00:30:38,672 --> 00:30:40,048 Okay, everybody out. 789 00:30:40,090 --> 00:30:40,965 Who? 790 00:30:41,007 --> 00:30:42,300 - Yeah everybody, except Stanley. 791 00:30:43,885 --> 00:30:46,721 (office shuffling) 792 00:30:50,767 --> 00:30:51,518 Let's go. 793 00:30:51,559 --> 00:30:52,644 I can't find my glasses. 794 00:30:52,686 --> 00:30:53,812 you know what? 795 00:30:53,853 --> 00:30:56,064 Why don't you take my hand and leave 'em. 796 00:30:56,106 --> 00:30:57,524 Let's get outta here. 797 00:30:57,565 --> 00:30:58,525 Okay, okay. 798 00:31:01,236 --> 00:31:02,612 And that means you guys, 799 00:31:02,654 --> 00:31:03,738 you out. 800 00:31:04,781 --> 00:31:05,573 Get out. 801 00:31:09,035 --> 00:31:11,955 - Oh it's Michael versus Stanley. 802 00:31:11,996 --> 00:31:14,290 And it is the Clash of the Titans. 803 00:31:14,332 --> 00:31:15,333 In one corner, 804 00:31:15,375 --> 00:31:18,461 you have Michael and he is mad. 805 00:31:18,503 --> 00:31:22,340 And then in the other corner you have Stanley and he's mad. 806 00:31:23,174 --> 00:31:25,176 So that's about it. 807 00:31:32,017 --> 00:31:34,269 (doors opening) 808 00:31:34,310 --> 00:31:36,980 I don't see how this ends. 809 00:31:37,022 --> 00:31:41,651 It's what my grandma would call a Peruvian standoff. 810 00:31:41,693 --> 00:31:42,819 You know, 811 00:31:42,861 --> 00:31:44,446 it's what neither person wants to give in 812 00:31:44,487 --> 00:31:47,240 because of their ignorance or the backward culture 813 00:31:47,282 --> 00:31:48,575 in which they were raised. 814 00:31:50,243 --> 00:31:53,913 My grandma was very racist like most Bolivians. 815 00:31:59,544 --> 00:32:00,712 Goodbye, Xterramigo. 816 00:32:02,464 --> 00:32:05,592 you were one heck of a motor carriage. 817 00:32:05,633 --> 00:32:07,135 Andy... 818 00:32:07,177 --> 00:32:08,553 - I can't believe Dwight did that. 819 00:32:08,595 --> 00:32:10,513 He totally took advantage of my kindness. 820 00:32:10,555 --> 00:32:12,349 - He did not take advantage of you. 821 00:32:12,390 --> 00:32:14,017 He bested you. 822 00:32:14,059 --> 00:32:14,976 You were bested. 823 00:32:17,937 --> 00:32:19,397 Come on, come on, come on. 824 00:32:25,362 --> 00:32:26,279 - You know, my dad gave me that car. 825 00:32:26,321 --> 00:32:29,074 So I guess it's all profit. 826 00:32:29,115 --> 00:32:30,992 I wonder if we could get it on Pay-Per-View or something. 827 00:32:31,034 --> 00:32:33,453 I mean, I really want to know what's happening up there. 828 00:32:33,495 --> 00:32:34,788 - I could go back for my glasses. 829 00:32:34,829 --> 00:32:36,498 - No, that's like going into a burning building 830 00:32:36,539 --> 00:32:37,957 for an ugly pair of shoes. 831 00:32:39,417 --> 00:32:41,002 - Hey, what really happened today? 832 00:32:41,044 --> 00:32:42,003 What do you mean? 833 00:32:42,045 --> 00:32:43,213 - I mean, I don't need my glasses 834 00:32:43,254 --> 00:32:44,339 to know when somebody's stressing you out. 835 00:32:44,381 --> 00:32:45,465 What happened today? 836 00:32:48,009 --> 00:32:49,552 Ryan is trying to get rid of me. 837 00:32:50,720 --> 00:32:53,014 He came in today to give me an official warning 838 00:32:53,056 --> 00:32:54,557 about my job performance. 839 00:32:54,599 --> 00:32:55,350 What? 840 00:32:56,226 --> 00:32:57,811 God, he's such a creep. 841 00:32:58,645 --> 00:33:00,939 That really pisses me off. 842 00:33:00,980 --> 00:33:02,357 I'm going to bash his face in. 843 00:33:02,399 --> 00:33:04,359 Then I'm gonna bash his face in with a stale bagel. 844 00:33:04,401 --> 00:33:06,653 Then I'm gonna throw rock at his car. 845 00:33:06,695 --> 00:33:08,071 Come on, we're going to New York right now. 846 00:33:08,113 --> 00:33:08,988 I'm driving. 847 00:33:09,030 --> 00:33:09,823 If I hit him without my glasses, 848 00:33:09,864 --> 00:33:11,074 I don't think it's a crime. 849 00:33:11,116 --> 00:33:12,701 Great. 850 00:33:12,742 --> 00:33:15,412 - God, I should have told you all about this sooner. 851 00:33:15,453 --> 00:33:17,455 - What a jerk! - What a jerk. 852 00:33:18,707 --> 00:33:21,292 (door opening) 853 00:33:22,460 --> 00:33:25,046 (door closing) 854 00:33:27,507 --> 00:33:29,300 - I don't understand why you keep picking on me. 855 00:33:29,342 --> 00:33:30,593 Oh for the love of God. 856 00:33:30,635 --> 00:33:33,471 You just do I don't know why, 857 00:33:33,513 --> 00:33:36,433 so please help me understand. 858 00:33:36,474 --> 00:33:39,102 Fine, here it is. 859 00:33:39,144 --> 00:33:42,272 You are a person, I do not respect. 860 00:33:42,313 --> 00:33:43,982 The things you say, your actions, 861 00:33:44,024 --> 00:33:46,609 your methods and style, everything you would do 862 00:33:46,651 --> 00:33:48,695 I would do it the opposite way. 863 00:33:52,991 --> 00:33:53,783 Well, Stanley, 864 00:33:55,076 --> 00:33:57,454 maybe you are feeling that you don't respect me 865 00:33:57,495 --> 00:33:59,706 because you don't know me very well. 866 00:33:59,748 --> 00:34:02,667 - Michael, I've known you a very long time 867 00:34:02,709 --> 00:34:04,627 and the more I've gotten to know you, 868 00:34:04,669 --> 00:34:06,796 the less I've come to respect to you. 869 00:34:08,131 --> 00:34:09,341 Any other theories? 870 00:34:15,722 --> 00:34:17,474 Alright, you don't respect me. 871 00:34:19,184 --> 00:34:19,976 I accept that. 872 00:34:22,228 --> 00:34:23,813 But listen to me, 873 00:34:23,855 --> 00:34:27,150 you can't talk to me that way in this office. 874 00:34:27,192 --> 00:34:28,276 You just can't. 875 00:34:28,318 --> 00:34:29,486 I am your boss. 876 00:34:30,904 --> 00:34:31,696 Can't allow it. 877 00:34:33,281 --> 00:34:34,032 Fair enough. 878 00:34:39,162 --> 00:34:40,830 (hands shaking) 879 00:34:40,872 --> 00:34:43,833 - I am a good person and sometimes 880 00:34:43,875 --> 00:34:46,836 good people don't get no respect. 881 00:34:46,878 --> 00:34:47,796 Rodney Dangerfield, 882 00:34:49,547 --> 00:34:52,133 "Hey, y'all don't get no respect, 883 00:34:52,175 --> 00:34:54,177 "no respect at all. 884 00:34:54,219 --> 00:34:55,512 "When I was in the sandbox as a kid. 885 00:34:55,553 --> 00:34:56,971 "I got no respect. 886 00:34:58,723 --> 00:35:01,267 "My wife likes to talk after sex. 887 00:35:01,309 --> 00:35:03,561 "So she called me from a hotel room, 888 00:35:03,603 --> 00:35:05,689 "said 'I don't respect you.'" 889 00:35:05,730 --> 00:35:06,773 (sighs) 890 00:35:06,815 --> 00:35:07,691 Thoughtless. 891 00:35:09,776 --> 00:35:12,529 Ah, you know what don't get no respect? 892 00:35:12,570 --> 00:35:14,072 Airplane food. 893 00:35:14,114 --> 00:35:17,575 Why don't they just make the plane out of the airline food? 894 00:35:21,246 --> 00:35:23,540 My wife don't get no respect. 895 00:35:23,581 --> 00:35:26,126 So take her please for example, 896 00:35:28,503 --> 00:35:31,506 if you don't get no respect, you might be redneck. 897 00:35:33,216 --> 00:35:36,386 Respect is nice. 898 00:35:36,428 --> 00:35:37,429 Borat. 899 00:35:40,390 --> 00:35:43,059 What's the deal with grape nuts? 900 00:35:43,101 --> 00:35:44,769 No grapes, no nuts. 901 00:35:46,271 --> 00:35:47,522 I don't got no respect. 902 00:35:50,483 --> 00:35:53,445 (door opening) 903 00:35:53,486 --> 00:35:54,404 Hey Michael how'd it go? 904 00:35:54,446 --> 00:35:55,947 Hey weirdo. 905 00:35:55,989 --> 00:35:57,282 What are you doing? 906 00:35:57,323 --> 00:35:59,784 Hanging out, flashing people in the parking lot? 907 00:36:01,578 --> 00:36:03,413 - No, I just stayed to see how it went. 908 00:36:03,455 --> 00:36:04,664 Are you gonna to have to fire Stanley? 909 00:36:04,706 --> 00:36:07,625 - No, no enough blood has been bled today. 910 00:36:09,919 --> 00:36:12,589 - Well, I think it was really admirable. 911 00:36:12,630 --> 00:36:14,591 The way you stuck with a problem 912 00:36:14,632 --> 00:36:16,051 saw through to the end today. 913 00:36:17,177 --> 00:36:19,346 And you were good and firm with everybody upstairs 914 00:36:19,387 --> 00:36:21,431 when you told them to leave. 915 00:36:21,473 --> 00:36:23,391 Think you earned their respect. 916 00:36:23,433 --> 00:36:25,560 So, nice job. 917 00:36:27,520 --> 00:36:28,521 Thank you. 918 00:36:30,565 --> 00:36:31,733 But unfortunately, coming from you, 919 00:36:31,775 --> 00:36:33,234 that means absolutely nothing. 920 00:36:36,154 --> 00:36:37,489 Have a good night Michael. 921 00:36:40,450 --> 00:36:42,327 Guy's the worst. 922 00:36:42,369 --> 00:36:46,414 (Michael chuckles) 923 00:36:46,456 --> 00:36:50,710 So I'm thinking as a reward for our loyal clients, 924 00:36:50,752 --> 00:36:53,088 that we contact their assistants 925 00:36:53,129 --> 00:36:55,006 and we find out where they live. 926 00:36:55,048 --> 00:36:58,843 And then we go to their houses in the middle of the summer 927 00:36:58,885 --> 00:37:00,178 and go caroling. 928 00:37:00,220 --> 00:37:03,098 It is a summer Christmas sale-abration 929 00:37:04,057 --> 00:37:07,143 and we call it a summer sales-a-lot. 930 00:37:08,478 --> 00:37:09,354 Feedback? 931 00:37:09,396 --> 00:37:10,480 Anybody, Stanley? 932 00:37:12,065 --> 00:37:14,192 - Has potential to be your best idea yet. 933 00:37:16,486 --> 00:37:19,280 - That's the dumbest thing I ever heard. 934 00:37:19,322 --> 00:37:21,991 - Dammit Phyllis alright, everybody out except Phyllis. 935 00:37:25,745 --> 00:37:29,249 (upbeat music)