1
00:01:10,734 --> 00:01:12,434
[DOOR SLAMS]
2
00:01:19,501 --> 00:01:21,234
[PEG EXHALES]
3
00:01:22,701 --> 00:01:23,834
Hmm.
4
00:01:23,834 --> 00:01:27,100
"Cher to wed 21-year-old alien."
5
00:01:27,100 --> 00:01:29,067
Well, good for her!
6
00:01:29,067 --> 00:01:30,200
Hey, Peg.
7
00:01:30,200 --> 00:01:31,400
Oh, good.
8
00:01:31,400 --> 00:01:34,701
I caught you
on a break.
9
00:01:34,701 --> 00:01:36,000
Listen.
10
00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:39,033
Last night I saw a bright star
shining in the East.
11
00:01:39,033 --> 00:01:40,167
Peg...
12
00:01:40,167 --> 00:01:42,767
Did you do our laundry?
13
00:01:42,767 --> 00:01:44,567
I had to.
14
00:01:44,567 --> 00:01:46,367
One of your shirts
reached out of the hamper,
15
00:01:46,367 --> 00:01:48,100
grabbed me around the windpipe,
16
00:01:48,100 --> 00:01:51,133
and demanded
to be taken to the airport.
17
00:01:51,133 --> 00:01:52,467
Stupid shirt.
18
00:01:52,467 --> 00:01:54,667
If it was that easy,
I would've been gone years ago.
19
00:01:54,667 --> 00:01:56,033
Now, look, Peg.
20
00:01:56,033 --> 00:01:58,133
Two months ago, I bought
20 pair of socks.
21
00:01:58,133 --> 00:01:59,834
Now I got
20 swinging singles
22
00:01:59,834 --> 00:02:03,367
with only
one complete pair.
23
00:02:03,367 --> 00:02:04,634
Then wear them.
24
00:02:04,634 --> 00:02:05,868
I can't.
25
00:02:05,868 --> 00:02:08,234
They're the socks
I got married in.
26
00:02:08,234 --> 00:02:13,300
The evil socks.
27
00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:15,100
What are you doing
with my socks, Peg?
28
00:02:15,100 --> 00:02:18,434
I didn't want to tell you
because I knew you'd get upset,
29
00:02:18,434 --> 00:02:21,467
but I traded your socks
and the family cow
30
00:02:21,467 --> 00:02:23,400
for these magic beans.
31
00:02:25,334 --> 00:02:26,767
Something's going on here, Peg.
32
00:02:26,767 --> 00:02:29,000
Something dark, something deep,
something sinister,
33
00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:31,167
so I know a woman's behind it.
34
00:02:31,167 --> 00:02:32,367
Now, I called all my friends,
35
00:02:32,367 --> 00:02:33,634
and their socks
are disappearing too,
36
00:02:33,634 --> 00:02:37,501
and their wives
claim they don't know either.
37
00:02:37,501 --> 00:02:39,367
So level with me, Peg.
38
00:02:39,367 --> 00:02:45,100
What is Oprah telling you
to do with our socks?
39
00:02:45,100 --> 00:02:47,701
Or was it Geraldo?
40
00:02:47,701 --> 00:02:49,567
Sell a shoe, Al.
41
00:02:50,801 --> 00:02:52,501
Fine,
but I'll be watching you.
42
00:02:53,801 --> 00:02:55,801
Mom, Dad, big news
at school today.
43
00:02:55,801 --> 00:02:57,367
All the guys
are losing their socks
44
00:02:57,367 --> 00:03:00,701
while the girls in Home Ec
giggle fiendishly?
45
00:03:00,701 --> 00:03:03,934
Mom, big news in school today.
46
00:03:03,934 --> 00:03:06,634
The tap-dancing club was doing
a recital in the ghetto.
47
00:03:06,634 --> 00:03:08,634
Now, apparently, all the gangs
banded together
48
00:03:08,634 --> 00:03:10,100
and attacked their bus.
49
00:03:10,100 --> 00:03:12,400
They couldn't figure out why,
but it seems that someone
50
00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:14,667
spray-painted a slogan on
the side of the bus that said,
51
00:03:14,667 --> 00:03:19,801
"We may be nerds, but at least
we're not poor. Ha ha."
52
00:03:19,801 --> 00:03:21,968
That's terrible.
53
00:03:21,968 --> 00:03:23,567
Who would do
a mean thing like that?
54
00:03:23,567 --> 00:03:25,634
I'll give you a hint.
55
00:03:25,634 --> 00:03:27,334
She lives here,
56
00:03:27,334 --> 00:03:29,467
has white hair,
57
00:03:29,467 --> 00:03:31,868
and misspelled "ha ha."
58
00:03:35,267 --> 00:03:37,367
Oh, no.
Not what's-her-name.
59
00:03:37,367 --> 00:03:39,033
It's Kelly, Al.
60
00:03:39,033 --> 00:03:41,467
Yeah, that's the one.
61
00:03:41,467 --> 00:03:44,667
Our spelling bee winner
should be here any second.
62
00:03:44,667 --> 00:03:46,734
Dad, please,
go easy on her.
63
00:03:46,734 --> 00:03:47,901
I'll get your belt.
64
00:03:51,767 --> 00:03:52,834
Hi, everybody.
65
00:03:52,834 --> 00:03:54,000
Hi, Kelly.
66
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:56,067
Anything interesting
happen at school today?
67
00:03:56,067 --> 00:03:57,734
Oh, not to me.
68
00:03:57,734 --> 00:03:58,634
Well, good night.
69
00:04:00,100 --> 00:04:01,601
Kelly!
70
00:04:01,601 --> 00:04:02,901
Oh, yeah.
71
00:04:02,901 --> 00:04:04,467
There was this
one thing, though.
72
00:04:04,467 --> 00:04:07,100
There's this girl
who looks just like me
73
00:04:07,100 --> 00:04:08,701
who got into
a peck of trouble today,
74
00:04:08,701 --> 00:04:11,367
so if the principal calls and--
75
00:04:11,367 --> 00:04:14,801
Gee, Mom,
you look fantastic,
76
00:04:14,801 --> 00:04:15,667
and, Dad...
77
00:04:17,100 --> 00:04:20,868
Doesn't Mom look fantastic?
78
00:04:20,868 --> 00:04:24,200
Hey, what say we unplug
the phones and play Yahtzee?
79
00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:25,801
Dad, I couldn't find your belt,
80
00:04:25,801 --> 00:04:28,868
but I figured
we'd tie her down with this...
81
00:04:31,100 --> 00:04:32,100
Hi, Kelly.
82
00:04:32,100 --> 00:04:33,734
You told, didn't you?
83
00:04:33,734 --> 00:04:35,534
Just about the spray painting,
84
00:04:35,534 --> 00:04:38,200
not that you came in
at 2 a.m. last night.
85
00:04:40,601 --> 00:04:42,467
Oops.
86
00:04:42,467 --> 00:04:44,801
You know you're going to be
punished for this, don't you?
87
00:04:44,801 --> 00:04:47,033
Well, you're gonna
have to take a number.
88
00:04:47,033 --> 00:04:49,367
They're already
punishing me at school.
89
00:04:49,367 --> 00:04:50,934
Principal Wicker's
been out to get me
90
00:04:50,934 --> 00:04:52,901
ever since I stole
her stupid husband.
91
00:04:56,701 --> 00:05:00,400
I mean, some chalk.
92
00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:02,067
Well, what's she
going to do to you?
93
00:05:02,067 --> 00:05:03,467
I have to join
the tap club.
94
00:05:03,467 --> 00:05:06,400
With the nerds
and the geeks?
95
00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:09,601
Nerds, dips, feebs
and geeks.
[GROANS]
96
00:05:09,601 --> 00:05:11,601
I either tap,
or I'm out of school.
97
00:05:11,601 --> 00:05:13,033
What would you do, Mom?
98
00:05:13,033 --> 00:05:15,467
I'd quit school.
99
00:05:15,467 --> 00:05:18,133
Way to go, Supermom.
100
00:05:19,667 --> 00:05:21,300
I can't quit school.
101
00:05:21,300 --> 00:05:23,634
I need school.
It's like my office.
102
00:05:23,634 --> 00:05:25,133
I check in, I get my messages,
103
00:05:25,133 --> 00:05:28,300
I go to lunch...
104
00:05:28,300 --> 00:05:31,667
I close a couple of deals,
and I go home.
105
00:05:31,667 --> 00:05:33,667
I mean, if I'm on the streets,
I'm just another...
106
00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:34,868
Flophouse toy?
107
00:05:36,767 --> 00:05:40,467
No, girl-repellent.
108
00:05:40,467 --> 00:05:42,701
I need school.
I belong there.
109
00:05:42,701 --> 00:05:43,701
It's where I'm cool.
110
00:05:43,701 --> 00:05:44,968
It's where I'm important.
111
00:05:44,968 --> 00:05:49,000
It's where
I can get a hot meal.
112
00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:51,834
But if I tap,
I'll be branded as an ortho.
113
00:05:51,834 --> 00:05:53,868
Oh, God, my brain hurts.
Somebody help me.
114
00:05:53,868 --> 00:05:55,501
Okay, look.
115
00:05:55,501 --> 00:05:58,467
Kelly, what you did was wrong.
116
00:05:58,467 --> 00:06:00,767
It was funny, though.
117
00:06:00,767 --> 00:06:02,033
But wrong.
118
00:06:02,033 --> 00:06:03,334
Uh, I guess.
119
00:06:03,334 --> 00:06:05,200
Look, there's two things
that Bundys don't do:
120
00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:09,167
We don't eat vegetables,
and we don't tap.
121
00:06:09,167 --> 00:06:11,000
So take one more tap class,
122
00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:13,434
and tomorrow
I'll get up,
123
00:06:13,434 --> 00:06:15,267
paint one of my ankles,
go to work,
124
00:06:15,267 --> 00:06:16,868
and then after that,
I'll see your principal.
125
00:06:16,868 --> 00:06:18,234
Thanks, Daddy.
126
00:06:18,234 --> 00:06:19,634
Then I'll go
to the airport,
127
00:06:19,634 --> 00:06:21,834
and I'll go to Borneo,
128
00:06:21,834 --> 00:06:23,400
where I'll be I'll be known as
129
00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:25,367
"That Great White Bwana
With No Socks."
130
00:06:26,868 --> 00:06:28,968
Roll,
131
00:06:28,968 --> 00:06:30,000
fold,
132
00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:32,834
and flip.
133
00:06:32,834 --> 00:06:34,701
See? It's easy.
134
00:06:34,701 --> 00:06:37,868
Steve's mother used to
twist, twist, and tuck.
135
00:06:37,868 --> 00:06:41,901
Of course,
Steve's mother is an idiot.
136
00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:43,567
She sewed his name
in his underwear
137
00:06:43,567 --> 00:06:45,234
when we got married, you know.
138
00:06:45,234 --> 00:06:47,868
Al's mother just threw up
in the dip.
139
00:06:50,267 --> 00:06:52,634
They can't let go,
can they?
140
00:06:52,634 --> 00:06:54,033
How come Al
has so many socks?
141
00:06:54,033 --> 00:06:55,934
Well, last night,
142
00:06:55,934 --> 00:06:58,367
after Al learned
that a man with $20
143
00:06:58,367 --> 00:07:00,968
is not a king in Borneo,
144
00:07:00,968 --> 00:07:02,834
he went out to buy some socks
145
00:07:02,834 --> 00:07:07,200
at Bob's Pre-owned
Socks 'N Stuff.
146
00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:09,667
He's on this weird
sock quest,
147
00:07:09,667 --> 00:07:10,834
and he just won't believe
148
00:07:10,834 --> 00:07:13,334
that I don't lose them
on purpose.
149
00:07:13,334 --> 00:07:15,200
Does Steve blame you
when his socks disappear?
150
00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:17,434
Oh, Steve never loses a sock.
151
00:07:17,434 --> 00:07:21,167
He pins them together
before I wash them.
152
00:07:21,167 --> 00:07:24,133
Another tip from Mommy.
153
00:07:24,133 --> 00:07:27,501
Yeah, Al's mother had
a tip for him too,
154
00:07:27,501 --> 00:07:29,834
"Don't eat the dip tonight."
155
00:07:31,901 --> 00:07:33,367
[TAPPING FOOTSTEPS]
156
00:07:40,334 --> 00:07:43,767
Well, I'm a dweeb.
157
00:07:43,767 --> 00:07:46,234
Honey, what happened
to your shoes?
158
00:07:46,234 --> 00:07:47,634
Oh, same thing
that happens
159
00:07:47,634 --> 00:07:48,934
to all
nerds' possessions--
160
00:07:48,934 --> 00:07:51,467
The cool kids stole them
and threw them down the sewer.
161
00:07:51,467 --> 00:07:52,834
Then they said,
162
00:07:52,834 --> 00:07:55,400
"Gee, I wish Kelly was here
to see this girl crying."
163
00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:57,701
Well, how was class?
164
00:07:57,701 --> 00:08:00,033
Oh, it was keen, Mom.
165
00:08:00,033 --> 00:08:02,100
Today, they made me dance
with Marty Newberger,
166
00:08:02,100 --> 00:08:05,667
the four-eyed saliva machine.
167
00:08:05,667 --> 00:08:08,868
[MASCULINELY]
He wants to be friends.
168
00:08:08,868 --> 00:08:10,300
Kelly's principal
169
00:08:10,300 --> 00:08:12,234
is making her
take tap dancing.
170
00:08:12,234 --> 00:08:15,133
Oh, how wonderful!
171
00:08:15,133 --> 00:08:17,601
I took tap and cotillion
when I was growing up.
172
00:08:17,601 --> 00:08:18,601
Isn't it fun?
173
00:08:18,601 --> 00:08:20,634
Fun?
174
00:08:20,634 --> 00:08:22,501
The whole class
is geeks and dweebs.
175
00:08:22,501 --> 00:08:23,567
Really?
176
00:08:23,567 --> 00:08:24,734
When I took tap,
177
00:08:24,734 --> 00:08:27,968
there were no geeks or dweebs
in my class.
178
00:08:32,367 --> 00:08:34,334
Well, I'm gonna
shuffle off, shuffle off,
179
00:08:34,334 --> 00:08:37,267
shuffle off
in front of a truck.
180
00:08:38,934 --> 00:08:40,634
Daddy,
did you talk to the principal?
181
00:08:40,634 --> 00:08:43,133
Did you save my life?
Did you get me off?
182
00:08:43,133 --> 00:08:45,267
Did Daddy ever
let you down before?
183
00:08:45,267 --> 00:08:46,367
Lots of times.
184
00:08:46,367 --> 00:08:47,501
Then you won't be surprised
185
00:08:47,501 --> 00:08:48,968
at what Daddy
has to say to you.
186
00:08:52,133 --> 00:08:53,534
I went into
Mrs. Wicker's office
187
00:08:53,534 --> 00:08:55,133
and had it out
with her man-to-man.
188
00:08:55,133 --> 00:08:57,634
I forgot how much
she hated me.
189
00:08:57,634 --> 00:08:59,767
Peg, she remembered
you, too.
190
00:08:59,767 --> 00:09:01,367
She called you
"The Big Easy."
191
00:09:03,667 --> 00:09:05,200
Well, we get into it,
192
00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:07,200
I called her Big Nose,
she called me One Sock,
193
00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:08,834
and, uh, well,
the upshot is--
194
00:09:08,834 --> 00:09:10,133
The upshot is
195
00:09:10,133 --> 00:09:11,968
I'm not allowed within
100 yards of the school
196
00:09:11,968 --> 00:09:13,434
until the night
of your dance recital.
197
00:09:13,434 --> 00:09:15,467
I don't have to do
a dance recital.
198
00:09:15,467 --> 00:09:17,968
You do now.
199
00:09:17,968 --> 00:09:19,968
Boy, I'm hungry. What do
we got in the fridge?
200
00:09:19,968 --> 00:09:23,367
A milk carton
with a tree growing out of it.
201
00:09:23,367 --> 00:09:25,667
Well, chop it down,
cook it up.
202
00:09:28,934 --> 00:09:30,367
Uh, doesn't
anybody care
203
00:09:30,367 --> 00:09:31,400
that we seem to be
204
00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:32,801
glossing over
the end of my life?
205
00:09:32,801 --> 00:09:35,367
Uh, excuse me here,
206
00:09:35,367 --> 00:09:38,033
but there is nothing wrong
with tap.
207
00:09:38,033 --> 00:09:39,167
I tap.
208
00:09:39,167 --> 00:09:40,501
Steve taps.
209
00:09:40,501 --> 00:09:42,634
Sammy Davis Jr. taps,
210
00:09:42,634 --> 00:09:45,667
and he is one hep black cat.
211
00:09:45,667 --> 00:09:47,501
Tap is an art form.
212
00:09:47,501 --> 00:09:52,167
Open yourself to tap,
you'll never look back.
213
00:09:53,834 --> 00:09:57,467
Mom, while Mrs. Rhoades
finishes her geek attack,
214
00:09:57,467 --> 00:09:59,868
let me explain
this to you
215
00:09:59,868 --> 00:10:02,133
so that
you can understand.
216
00:10:02,133 --> 00:10:03,834
There's this guy.
217
00:10:03,834 --> 00:10:05,300
He is a god...
218
00:10:05,300 --> 00:10:09,067
the janitor
at our school.
219
00:10:09,067 --> 00:10:11,300
So obviously
all the girls want him.
220
00:10:11,300 --> 00:10:14,400
Okay, I'm with you,
I'm with you.
221
00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:16,167
All right, so I've been
playing it cool.
222
00:10:16,167 --> 00:10:18,100
You know, a little smile,
a little wink,
223
00:10:18,100 --> 00:10:21,067
a little, "Hey, Bruno,
look at this."
224
00:10:21,067 --> 00:10:22,267
You know,
he's on the hook,
225
00:10:22,267 --> 00:10:23,667
and I'm just about
to land him.
226
00:10:23,667 --> 00:10:24,868
He thinks I'm cool,
227
00:10:24,868 --> 00:10:26,467
but if he sees me wearing
these horseshoes,
228
00:10:26,467 --> 00:10:27,868
he's gonna go for
some other slut.
229
00:10:27,868 --> 00:10:28,734
Oh, Mom!
230
00:10:35,033 --> 00:10:37,501
Honey, you may not
believe this now,
231
00:10:37,501 --> 00:10:41,634
but there will be
other janitors.
232
00:10:41,634 --> 00:10:43,868
Not like this one.
233
00:10:43,868 --> 00:10:46,000
Oh, I know, I know,
234
00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:49,167
but honey, we're not rich enough
to send you to private school,
235
00:10:49,167 --> 00:10:51,901
you're not smart enough
to get an equivalency diploma,
236
00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:53,067
and unless your father
237
00:10:53,067 --> 00:10:55,667
comes up with
a brilliant idea...
238
00:11:01,100 --> 00:11:05,868
I'm afraid you're
gonna have to tap.
239
00:11:09,601 --> 00:11:13,000
Miss Music, cue it up, please.
240
00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:15,567
["ANYTHING GOES" PLAYING]
241
00:11:17,267 --> 00:11:18,734
Hey, "Anything Goes."
242
00:11:18,734 --> 00:11:20,601
That's your song,
isn't it, Kel?
243
00:11:20,601 --> 00:11:21,868
[MOUTHS]
244
00:11:24,534 --> 00:11:25,834
Focus, Kelly. Focus.
245
00:11:25,834 --> 00:11:28,400
All right. Now, watch me.
246
00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:32,167
And a-five, six, seven, eight.
247
00:11:32,167 --> 00:11:33,400
Hop, shuffle, step.
248
00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:36,667
Fa-lap, ball change.
249
00:11:36,667 --> 00:11:37,534
Now you.
250
00:11:41,300 --> 00:11:45,667
Nerd, geek, dweeb,
da-weeb, nerd, dork.
251
00:11:45,667 --> 00:11:46,667
Good, good.
252
00:11:46,667 --> 00:11:48,734
See, you're starting
to feel it.
253
00:11:48,734 --> 00:11:49,734
Now with me.
254
00:11:49,734 --> 00:11:50,734
Miss Music, hit it.
255
00:11:50,734 --> 00:11:52,367
A-five, six, seven, eight.
256
00:11:52,367 --> 00:11:53,567
["ANYTHING GOES" PLAYING]
257
00:11:55,868 --> 00:11:58,133
Al, look at
our little girl.
258
00:11:59,234 --> 00:12:00,934
We don't really
have to go
259
00:12:00,934 --> 00:12:02,501
to a recital, do we?
260
00:12:02,501 --> 00:12:05,801
Peg, remember
the Bundy credo:
261
00:12:05,801 --> 00:12:07,000
When one Bundy
is embarrassed,
262
00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:09,968
the rest of us feel
better about ourselves.
263
00:12:12,534 --> 00:12:16,767
Well, we're gonna be feeling
mighty good come showtime.
264
00:12:16,767 --> 00:12:18,834
Hop, shuffle, step,
shuffle, step,
265
00:12:18,834 --> 00:12:20,000
shuffle, ball change,
ball change,
266
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:21,033
Hop, shuffle, step,
267
00:12:21,033 --> 00:12:22,167
shuffle, step, shuffle, step,
268
00:12:22,167 --> 00:12:25,834
ball change, ball change,
cramp roll...
269
00:12:25,834 --> 00:12:27,000
Bring it home, baby!
270
00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:28,868
Bring it home!
271
00:12:30,367 --> 00:12:32,501
And the big finish!
272
00:12:34,234 --> 00:12:35,100
Oh!
273
00:12:39,367 --> 00:12:40,367
Oh!
274
00:12:40,367 --> 00:12:41,968
Oh, Steve!
275
00:12:41,968 --> 00:12:43,901
Yeah, I know, I know.
276
00:12:46,834 --> 00:12:47,834
Kelly?
277
00:12:47,834 --> 00:12:50,033
Kelly!
278
00:12:50,033 --> 00:12:51,067
Don't do that!
279
00:12:51,067 --> 00:12:53,734
You can have fun
in those shoes.
280
00:12:53,734 --> 00:12:55,133
See, your problem is
281
00:12:55,133 --> 00:12:57,133
you're not tuned in to
the true spirit of tap
282
00:12:57,133 --> 00:12:58,400
and what tap
can do for you.
283
00:12:59,901 --> 00:13:01,501
Now, tap can be your
friend, you know,
284
00:13:01,501 --> 00:13:03,367
on those lonely nights
285
00:13:03,367 --> 00:13:04,467
when the cool kids
286
00:13:04,467 --> 00:13:07,767
don't invite you
to their parties.
287
00:13:07,767 --> 00:13:09,167
When everybody else
is out having fun,
288
00:13:09,167 --> 00:13:11,334
but you're home, studying,
289
00:13:11,334 --> 00:13:12,667
trying to make something
of yourself,
290
00:13:12,667 --> 00:13:13,734
so that someday
291
00:13:13,734 --> 00:13:15,868
you can own the best car
in the neighborhood.
292
00:13:15,868 --> 00:13:17,868
And on those mornings
when you look in the mirror,
293
00:13:17,868 --> 00:13:21,567
and see a guy
who's pretty darn good-looking,
294
00:13:21,567 --> 00:13:24,734
but shunned
because of his intelligence.
295
00:13:24,734 --> 00:13:26,434
But they'll be sorry someday,
296
00:13:26,434 --> 00:13:29,701
because everybody needs
a car or a home loan,
297
00:13:29,701 --> 00:13:34,133
and that's when they come
crawling on their bellies to me.
298
00:13:34,133 --> 00:13:37,601
So I guess "Steve, Steve,
the school's pet peeve"
299
00:13:37,601 --> 00:13:39,767
is worth something after all.
300
00:13:39,767 --> 00:13:42,734
So crawl, crawl, you paupers,
and kiss my--
301
00:13:42,734 --> 00:13:44,033
Uh--
What?
302
00:13:44,033 --> 00:13:44,901
Steve.
303
00:13:48,367 --> 00:13:49,367
Oh.
304
00:13:49,367 --> 00:13:51,334
Anyhow, the point is
305
00:13:51,334 --> 00:13:54,234
tap builds character
for people who need it.
306
00:13:54,234 --> 00:13:56,334
I didn't. I was popular.
307
00:13:56,334 --> 00:13:59,767
I played the accordion.
308
00:13:59,767 --> 00:14:02,734
Al, we've got to
do something.
309
00:14:02,734 --> 00:14:04,901
We cannot let her
turn out like this.
310
00:14:04,901 --> 00:14:07,167
Peg, if she doesn't tap,
she's out of school.
311
00:14:07,167 --> 00:14:10,534
Then she'll be home
all day with you.
312
00:14:10,534 --> 00:14:12,501
And hop,
shuffle, step,
313
00:14:12,501 --> 00:14:13,868
fa-lap,
ball change.
314
00:14:16,334 --> 00:14:18,334
Oh, very good.
315
00:14:18,334 --> 00:14:20,033
Very good.
316
00:14:20,033 --> 00:14:22,367
Al, she dances
like a horse.
317
00:14:24,367 --> 00:14:25,901
[APPLAUSE]
318
00:14:31,033 --> 00:14:32,501
That was fun, wasn't it?
319
00:14:34,334 --> 00:14:35,801
My goodness,
that Newberger boy
320
00:14:35,801 --> 00:14:38,901
doesn't swallow
at all, does he?
321
00:14:38,901 --> 00:14:40,667
He gets some good distance, too.
322
00:14:44,033 --> 00:14:45,634
Al, maybe
it's not too late
323
00:14:45,634 --> 00:14:47,434
to get Kelly
out of this.
324
00:14:47,434 --> 00:14:49,901
Try saying something nice
to Principal Wicker.
325
00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:56,567
You're looking
less ugly tonight.
326
00:14:56,567 --> 00:14:59,133
If your daughter isn't great,
she's out of here
327
00:14:59,133 --> 00:15:00,767
like spit
through a trumpet.
328
00:15:01,801 --> 00:15:04,167
There's no
reaching her, Peg.
329
00:15:04,167 --> 00:15:05,634
Oh, and by the way,
330
00:15:05,634 --> 00:15:07,434
a week ago I had
10 pairs of socks.
331
00:15:07,434 --> 00:15:09,667
Now I have a red
and a green one.
332
00:15:09,667 --> 00:15:10,868
I know you're
up to something.
333
00:15:10,868 --> 00:15:11,968
All women are in it.
334
00:15:11,968 --> 00:15:13,601
It's a signal,
isn't it?
335
00:15:13,601 --> 00:15:16,901
It means "a year
before we strike."
336
00:15:16,901 --> 00:15:19,133
Al, you're just
being paranoid.
337
00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:41,601
I just know Kelly's going
to mix up my instructions.
338
00:15:41,601 --> 00:15:43,434
She's going to shuffle
when she should be balling.
339
00:15:43,434 --> 00:15:44,634
I just know it.
340
00:15:48,601 --> 00:15:49,968
Hop, shuffle, death.
341
00:15:49,968 --> 00:15:51,334
Hop, shuffle, fail.
342
00:15:51,334 --> 00:15:53,701
Hop, shuffle, bus station.
343
00:15:53,701 --> 00:15:54,701
[SIGHS]
344
00:15:54,701 --> 00:15:55,934
Hi, Kel.
345
00:15:55,934 --> 00:15:56,968
Gee,
346
00:15:56,968 --> 00:16:00,400
are your front teeth
starting to protrude?
347
00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:02,968
Isn't that an early warning
sign of geekdom?
348
00:16:02,968 --> 00:16:04,901
How come no date tonight, Bud?
349
00:16:04,901 --> 00:16:07,601
Couldn't get the wig on Buck?
350
00:16:07,601 --> 00:16:09,534
That's funny, Kel.
351
00:16:09,534 --> 00:16:10,934
Hey, can you do me
a favor?
352
00:16:10,934 --> 00:16:12,334
Can you say...
"duh-eeee?"
353
00:16:14,834 --> 00:16:15,834
Oh, God!
354
00:16:15,834 --> 00:16:17,901
It's him.
It's Bruno.
355
00:16:17,901 --> 00:16:20,334
If he sees me,
I'm going to die.
356
00:16:20,334 --> 00:16:21,767
Hey, Bruno, look.
357
00:16:21,767 --> 00:16:22,834
It's Kelly.
358
00:16:22,834 --> 00:16:25,834
Hi, Kelly.
359
00:16:25,834 --> 00:16:26,834
I didn't
recognize you.
360
00:16:26,834 --> 00:16:29,167
How come you look
like a geek?
361
00:16:29,167 --> 00:16:32,667
Well, it's, uh,
"Be Kind to Geek Week,"
362
00:16:32,667 --> 00:16:33,834
so, you know...
363
00:16:33,834 --> 00:16:35,767
Oh, yeah, yeah.
364
00:16:35,767 --> 00:16:37,234
Hey, did you see
Newberger out there
365
00:16:37,234 --> 00:16:39,968
fizzing his way
across the stage?
366
00:16:39,968 --> 00:16:42,501
I wonder if he does lawns
on the weekends?
367
00:16:44,467 --> 00:16:46,067
Listen, you don't want
to watch these geeks.
368
00:16:46,067 --> 00:16:47,467
Why don't you
hit the parking lot
369
00:16:47,467 --> 00:16:49,667
and pick out a car
we can take for a ride?
370
00:16:49,667 --> 00:16:51,801
Hey, you know,
I'd love to,
371
00:16:51,801 --> 00:16:54,634
but, you know,
it's a parole violation.
372
00:16:54,634 --> 00:16:56,033
I think I'll just
hang with you
373
00:16:56,033 --> 00:16:56,934
and laugh at the nerds.
374
00:16:58,868 --> 00:17:01,200
I'm laughing
already.
375
00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:03,000
Uh-oh, Newberger's
talking to somebody.
376
00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:04,200
I'd better
go use this mop
377
00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:05,834
before they drown.
378
00:17:08,634 --> 00:17:09,501
Coming!
379
00:17:12,267 --> 00:17:15,000
Gee, Kel, what you
gonna to do now?
380
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:16,467
HOST:
And now, the Ganaywick sisters
381
00:17:16,467 --> 00:17:18,367
will delight you
with their tap interpretation
382
00:17:18,367 --> 00:17:21,100
of "Dueling Banjos."
383
00:17:21,100 --> 00:17:25,267
[SLOW THUDDING]
384
00:17:25,267 --> 00:17:27,400
I'm doomed.
385
00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:29,133
Listen, Kel,
386
00:17:29,133 --> 00:17:30,901
if it makes you
feel any better,
387
00:17:30,901 --> 00:17:32,367
I find this...
388
00:17:32,367 --> 00:17:34,701
very, very funny.
389
00:17:34,701 --> 00:17:36,601
What am I doing?
390
00:17:36,601 --> 00:17:38,601
I'm not a tap dancer.
I mean, let's face it,
391
00:17:38,601 --> 00:17:41,267
they're gonna throw me
out of school no matter what.
392
00:17:41,267 --> 00:17:42,834
Well,
393
00:17:42,834 --> 00:17:44,434
one thing I've learned
from being a Bundy
394
00:17:44,434 --> 00:17:46,767
is if you're gonna lose,
lose big.
395
00:17:46,767 --> 00:17:49,300
That's what Dad does,
396
00:17:49,300 --> 00:17:50,801
and that's what I'm going to do.
397
00:17:50,801 --> 00:17:53,000
Ah, what the hell.
398
00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:55,567
I hate you,
but you're my sister,
399
00:17:55,567 --> 00:17:57,934
so if you need help,
you got it.
400
00:18:00,834 --> 00:18:01,701
Hey, girlie...
401
00:18:03,534 --> 00:18:05,033
how would you like
to keep your hair?
402
00:18:07,868 --> 00:18:08,834
[CLAPPING]
403
00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:14,400
She's next, Bundy. Ha ha!
404
00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:15,734
Come on, Wicker.
405
00:18:15,734 --> 00:18:18,234
You're not really going
to make my daughter
406
00:18:18,234 --> 00:18:20,033
go through with this,
are you?
407
00:18:20,033 --> 00:18:22,634
Think back to when
you were a little girl...
408
00:18:22,634 --> 00:18:23,701
roaming the range
409
00:18:23,701 --> 00:18:28,100
with the rest
of the buffalo.
410
00:18:28,100 --> 00:18:31,734
Scratching yourself
up against a tree.
411
00:18:31,734 --> 00:18:35,934
Trembling to the sound
of the iron horse.
412
00:18:35,934 --> 00:18:40,067
She dances
or she's expelled.
413
00:18:40,067 --> 00:18:42,434
There's no
charming her, Peg.
414
00:18:42,434 --> 00:18:45,734
Before our next act,
please, please remember,
415
00:18:45,734 --> 00:18:47,767
we need you
to contribute to our fund
416
00:18:47,767 --> 00:18:50,634
for a new tap club bus.
417
00:18:50,634 --> 00:18:53,901
And now I hope you'll welcome
our final act,
418
00:18:53,901 --> 00:18:55,434
Miss Kelly Bundy.
419
00:18:55,434 --> 00:18:56,868
[APPLAUSE]
420
00:19:00,133 --> 00:19:02,567
Where's the top hat?
Where's the cane?
421
00:19:07,834 --> 00:19:10,801
["FEVER" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
422
00:19:22,300 --> 00:19:25,334
* I never know
How much I love you *
423
00:19:25,334 --> 00:19:27,901
* I never know
How much I care *
424
00:19:27,901 --> 00:19:31,934
* When you put
Your arms around me *
425
00:19:31,934 --> 00:19:34,200
* I get a fever
That's so hard to bear *
426
00:19:34,200 --> 00:19:35,267
* You give me fever *
427
00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:39,267
* When you kiss me *
428
00:19:39,267 --> 00:19:41,467
* Fever when you
Hold me tight *
429
00:19:43,100 --> 00:19:44,801
* Fever *
430
00:19:44,801 --> 00:19:46,334
* In the morning *
431
00:19:46,334 --> 00:19:47,601
* Fever all through the night *
432
00:19:53,133 --> 00:19:54,801
She's not doing--
433
00:19:54,801 --> 00:19:57,701
She is not doing
what I told--
434
00:19:57,701 --> 00:19:58,767
Marcie...
435
00:19:58,767 --> 00:20:01,200
Take me, tap master.
436
00:20:02,667 --> 00:20:05,968
* You give me fever *
437
00:20:05,968 --> 00:20:08,467
Hey!
Cut that out!
438
00:20:08,467 --> 00:20:09,734
My little girl's
up there.
439
00:20:09,734 --> 00:20:11,534
She's liable
to see you.
440
00:20:11,534 --> 00:20:14,334
Peg, has everybody
lost their minds but us?
441
00:20:14,334 --> 00:20:16,400
* Never know
How much I love you *
442
00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:19,701
* Never know how much I care *
443
00:20:19,701 --> 00:20:21,767
* When you put
Your arms around me *
444
00:20:21,767 --> 00:20:23,133
Aah!
445
00:20:23,133 --> 00:20:25,334
* I get a fever
That's so hard to bear *
446
00:20:25,334 --> 00:20:29,100
* You give me fever *
447
00:20:29,100 --> 00:20:30,400
* When you kiss me *
448
00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:32,000
* Fever when you
Hold me tight *
449
00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:35,901
* Fever *
450
00:20:35,901 --> 00:20:37,167
* In the morning *
451
00:20:37,167 --> 00:20:39,067
* Fever all though the night *
452
00:20:41,367 --> 00:20:44,501
* Sun lights up the daytime *
453
00:20:44,501 --> 00:20:47,634
* Moon lights up the night *
454
00:20:47,634 --> 00:20:51,000
* I light up
When you call my name *
455
00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:53,534
* And you know
I'm gonna treat you right *
456
00:20:53,534 --> 00:20:54,601
* You give me fever *
457
00:20:57,400 --> 00:20:59,033
* When you kiss me *
458
00:20:59,033 --> 00:21:01,968
* Fever when you
Hold me tight *
459
00:21:01,968 --> 00:21:04,467
* Fever *
460
00:21:04,467 --> 00:21:05,467
* In the morning *
461
00:21:05,467 --> 00:21:07,868
* Fever all through the night *
462
00:21:10,300 --> 00:21:14,667
* Everybody's got the fever *
463
00:21:14,667 --> 00:21:18,067
* That is something
You all know *
464
00:21:18,067 --> 00:21:21,200
* Fever isn't
Such a new thing *
465
00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:23,133
* Fever started long ago *
466
00:21:31,701 --> 00:21:33,567
* Ah **
467
00:21:46,901 --> 00:21:49,367
Well, we're done.
468
00:21:49,367 --> 00:21:51,400
Where did everybody go?
469
00:21:54,167 --> 00:21:55,901
Wasn't that nice?
470
00:22:08,801 --> 00:22:10,734
Oh, oh, thank you.
471
00:22:10,734 --> 00:22:11,734
Thank you.
472
00:22:11,734 --> 00:22:14,434
She's our best student,
you know.
473
00:22:14,434 --> 00:22:15,300
Oh.
474
00:22:16,334 --> 00:22:18,067
She bit me
on the neck, Peg!
475
00:22:18,067 --> 00:22:19,968
Now I'll live forever!
476
00:22:19,968 --> 00:22:21,534
Oh, no!
477
00:22:21,534 --> 00:22:23,767
[APPLAUSE]
478
00:22:23,767 --> 00:22:25,200
BUD:
Kelly, help me!
479
00:22:25,200 --> 00:22:26,801
Please, please!
480
00:22:26,801 --> 00:22:28,901
A Ganaywick
sister has me!
481
00:22:28,901 --> 00:22:30,367
Help!