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00:00:04,738 --> 00:00:06,207
Previously, on The West Wing:

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00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:08,442
I made a deal with Abbey

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00:00:08,476 --> 00:00:09,043
'cause of
my thing.

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00:00:09,077 --> 00:00:10,344
One term.

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00:00:10,378 --> 00:00:11,845
TOBY:
The energy secretary is going

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00:00:11,879 --> 00:00:13,481
to respond and I'd like
to mention that

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00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:14,282
to the Vice President.

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00:00:14,315 --> 00:00:15,483
Shouldn't have
Bill Trotter do it.

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00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:16,150
Who would you send?

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00:00:16,184 --> 00:00:17,485
To punch back?
Yeah.

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00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:18,486
Me.

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I'm sure you know
I was curious about

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why you'd volunteer
for something like that.

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Mr. Vice President, what
do you know that I don't?

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Toby, the total tonnage
of what I know that you don't

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00:00:28,296 --> 00:00:29,963
could stun a team of oxen

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00:00:29,997 --> 00:00:31,665
in its tracks.

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MAN ( on TV ):
That's an incredible
one in 500 Americans

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00:00:40,341 --> 00:00:45,012
afflicted with this disease,
which leads me to part two

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00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:47,315
of our question.

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Senator, how is it that,
despite the prevalence

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of this disorder, autism
has received less than 15%...

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00:00:54,955 --> 00:00:56,190
( paper crumpling )

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00:00:56,224 --> 00:00:57,658
WOMAN ( on TV ):
...would gradually cut

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one percentage point
off each individual tax rate

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as well as significantly reduce
the so-called marriage penalty

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it also would reduce

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the capital gains tax rate
for an individual

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and eventually eliminate
the inheritance tax.

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And Republicans say their work
is not necessarily in vain...

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Leo?

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Hey.

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I didn't know
you were still here.
Yeah.

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What's going on?

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I've been thinking...

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about why Hoynes volunteered
to slap down big oil.

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It was his polling information.

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Yeah, but why did he put
the poll in the field at all

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is what I'm saying.

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John Hoynes is an egomaniac

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who needs to be told
what people think of him.

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Well, that's pretty unusual
for Washington.

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00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:04,292
Yeah.

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00:02:04,325 --> 00:02:07,195
Leo, has there been
a discussion

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in some room, someplace,
anywhere, on any level

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about Hoynes being dropped
from the ticket in 2002?

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00:02:14,602 --> 00:02:15,769
No.

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You sure?

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Yeah.

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'Cause I thought

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maybe it was
an Eisenhower/Nixon...

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00:02:21,342 --> 00:02:23,244
No. Toby, I wouldn't give it

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00:02:23,277 --> 00:02:24,778
a lot of thought.

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Okay.

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00:02:28,416 --> 00:02:30,384
( ball bouncing )

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( motor whirring )

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Hey.

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Scared the hell out of me.

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The poll that Hoynes
put in the field...

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Hoynes is going to run
for President one day.

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00:03:09,323 --> 00:03:10,624
Why shouldn't he do
his own polling?

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He's going to run for President
six years from now.

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What good does last week's do?

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I really don't know.

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Okay.

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TOBY:
It's never happened before,
right?

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LEO:
No.

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A Vice President would never
challenge a sitting President

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for the nomination.

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Of course not.

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You see his itinerary

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for the weekend?

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Who?
The Vice President.

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I don't keep tabs on John.

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He's giving a speech
at a semiconductor plant.

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The title of the speech is

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"Clean Air Industry
in the High Tech Corridor

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of the Industrial
Northeast."

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Where?

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Nashua... New Hampshire.

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Toby, nobody--

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and particularly not Hoynes--
would be naive enou...

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What I mean to say is,
if he's going to New Hampshire

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for the reason
you're thinking

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he would mask it
with something.

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it wouldn't be an official trip.

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He'd make up a benign excuse
to be up there.

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I know.

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So, why are you concerned
about the speech?

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Because it comes in the middle
of a three-day camping trip

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to Killington.

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Why does Hoynes think
the President

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isn't going to run again?

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What's going on, Leo?

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( knocking )

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Excuse me, Mr. President.

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I closed the embassies
in Tanzania and Brussels.

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What about domestic?

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I don't have to make
that call yet.

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How much time do you have?

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About an hour.

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Mr. President,
I've got Toby

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00:05:50,117 --> 00:05:51,952
waiting in his
office right now.

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Why?

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We've got to tell him.

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Tell him what?

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00:05:59,393 --> 00:06:01,962
We've got to tell him.

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What happened?

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He got curious

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when Hoynes
volunteered
to step in

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00:06:07,935 --> 00:06:08,869
for Bill Trotter

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and then more curious
when he found out

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it was 'cause Hoynes
put a poll in the field.

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Yeah.

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00:06:13,907 --> 00:06:14,908
Now he's camping

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in Killington, Vermont

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with a quick stop
in New Hampshire...
Come on.

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...and Toby's not an idiot.

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He...

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None of them are.

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He scheduled a trip
to New Hampshire?

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High Tech corridor
of the Northeast.

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Yeah, thanks to who?

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What does that
matter right now?

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I think you've got to see
this as an opportunity.

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To do what?

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00:06:36,830 --> 00:06:37,598
To gauge reaction.

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00:06:37,631 --> 00:06:39,066
You think Toby's reaction

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00:06:39,099 --> 00:06:40,233
is going to be the same

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00:06:40,267 --> 00:06:41,401
as the public's?

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00:06:41,435 --> 00:06:42,803
I meant the staff.
Which will be?

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I'm sorry, sir?

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The staff's reaction
will be what?

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I don't know.

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00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:51,612
Shock, betrayal,
confusion...

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concern about our future.

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I don't know.

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What do I tell him?

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Everything.

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00:07:03,724 --> 00:07:05,258
Go get him.

141
00:07:05,292 --> 00:07:07,761
Yes, sir.

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( sighs )

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Now it starts.

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( heavy sigh )

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Hmm.

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00:07:24,745 --> 00:07:25,713
Yes.

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00:07:25,746 --> 00:07:26,880
Well...

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00:07:26,914 --> 00:07:28,348
You know what the
problem with this is?

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00:07:28,381 --> 00:07:29,717
Yes.

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00:07:29,750 --> 00:07:30,684
It's supposed
to be funny.

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00:07:30,718 --> 00:07:32,052
And yet...?
It's not.

152
00:07:32,085 --> 00:07:33,186
No.
Who worked on this?

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00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:36,557
Jay Breech, Janet Lippman,
Andy Kyle worked on it a little.

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00:07:36,590 --> 00:07:37,725
You know what
they did?

155
00:07:37,758 --> 00:07:38,692
Yeah.

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00:07:38,726 --> 00:07:40,393
They forgot to
bring the funny.

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00:07:40,427 --> 00:07:41,729
Yeah.

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00:07:41,762 --> 00:07:42,863
How much time
do we have?

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I want to show it to him
within the hour.

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00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:49,169
Toby.
Yeah?

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00:07:49,202 --> 00:07:50,303
Sam and I are
going to stay

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00:07:50,337 --> 00:07:51,605
and punch up
some of the jokes

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00:07:51,639 --> 00:07:52,973
for the Correspondents' Dinner.

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00:07:53,006 --> 00:07:54,307
Yeah, I read it.

165
00:07:54,341 --> 00:07:55,976
They forgot the funny.
You want to stay?

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00:07:56,009 --> 00:07:57,077
Where you going to be?

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We'll find a place.

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00:07:58,478 --> 00:07:59,980
I'll hook up with you
in a little bit.

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00:08:00,013 --> 00:08:01,448
What's going on?
Nothing.

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00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:02,816
Yeah.

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00:08:04,251 --> 00:08:05,385
Hello.

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00:08:05,418 --> 00:08:06,554
How you doing?

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00:08:06,587 --> 00:08:07,555
I'm doing fine.

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Did you get the flowers?

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00:08:08,956 --> 00:08:09,923
Yes, I did.

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00:08:09,957 --> 00:08:10,924
Did you like them?

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00:08:10,958 --> 00:08:12,092
They were very pretty.

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00:08:12,125 --> 00:08:13,226
Do you know why
I sent them?

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00:08:13,260 --> 00:08:14,662
I know why you think
you sent them.

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00:08:14,695 --> 00:08:16,096
It's our
anniversary.
No, it's not.

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I'm the sort of guy
who remembers those things.

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00:08:18,131 --> 00:08:19,299
No. You're the
sort of guy

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00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:20,467
who sends a woman
flowers to be mean.

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00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:21,569
You're really
the only person

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00:08:21,602 --> 00:08:22,703
I've ever met
who can do that.

186
00:08:22,736 --> 00:08:23,704
I'm quite something.
Yes.

187
00:08:23,737 --> 00:08:24,905
I sent them
to mark an occasion.

188
00:08:24,938 --> 00:08:26,506
Are we really going
to do this every year?

189
00:08:26,540 --> 00:08:27,541
For I am a man
of occasion.

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00:08:27,575 --> 00:08:28,976
I started working
for you in February.

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00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:30,110
This is April,
and you're an idiot.

192
00:08:30,143 --> 00:08:31,745
You started
working for me
once in February

193
00:08:31,779 --> 00:08:33,213
then stopped
for a while.
Yes.

194
00:08:33,246 --> 00:08:34,314
Then you started
again in April.

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00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:35,849
That's the one
I choose to celebrate

196
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'cause it's the only
one where you started
working for me

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and it wasn't followed
by your not working

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00:08:39,687 --> 00:08:41,388
but rather going back
to your boyfriend.

199
00:08:41,421 --> 00:08:42,990
And how,
in comparison
to that and him

200
00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:44,658
you can call me "mean"

201
00:08:44,692 --> 00:08:47,227
is simply another
in a long series

202
00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:48,629
of examples of how...
Oh, shut up!

203
00:08:48,662 --> 00:08:50,130
Honest to God,
do you ever get tired

204
00:08:50,163 --> 00:08:51,464
of the sound
of your own voice?

205
00:08:51,498 --> 00:08:54,134
No! No, no, no.

206
00:08:54,167 --> 00:08:56,069
Well, where are you
going now?

207
00:08:56,103 --> 00:08:59,072
Sam and I are going to punch
up the thing for tomorrow.

208
00:08:59,106 --> 00:09:00,407
Hey, we need funny people.

209
00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:02,109
Yeah?
You know any?

210
00:09:02,142 --> 00:09:03,210
See, right there
was a joke.

211
00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:04,377
It's the oldest joke
in the book.

212
00:09:04,411 --> 00:09:05,579
I'll say.

213
00:09:05,613 --> 00:09:06,580
You know what,
Ado Annie?

214
00:09:06,614 --> 00:09:07,715
I sent you flowers.

215
00:09:07,748 --> 00:09:09,416
I think what you're
trying to say is

216
00:09:09,449 --> 00:09:10,951
"Why, thank you, Josh,
they're beautiful.

217
00:09:10,984 --> 00:09:12,119
"How very
thoughtful of you.

218
00:09:12,152 --> 00:09:14,121
Not many bosses would've
been that thoughtful."

219
00:09:14,154 --> 00:09:16,423
Really? What I think I was
trying to say was, "Shove it."

220
00:09:16,456 --> 00:09:17,390
Then I guessed wrong.

221
00:09:17,424 --> 00:09:19,727
You want me to help
with the thing?

222
00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:22,663
Yes, I do because you are such
an hysterically funny person.

223
00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:25,065
Did you notice how I
used "an" there properly?

224
00:09:25,098 --> 00:09:26,099
Yes, I did.

225
00:09:26,133 --> 00:09:26,734
You crack me up.

226
00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:28,101
You know,
there are times...

227
00:09:28,135 --> 00:09:29,269
Yeah?

228
00:09:29,302 --> 00:09:31,805
When, to put it quite simply,
I hate your breathing guts.

229
00:09:31,839 --> 00:09:33,473
So, the flowers really
did the trick, huh?

230
00:09:33,506 --> 00:09:34,642
Oh, yeah.

231
00:09:34,675 --> 00:09:36,844
SAM ( shouting ):
Ainsley?!

232
00:09:40,113 --> 00:09:42,249
Ainsley.

233
00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:46,386
Ainsley?
Hello, Sam.

234
00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:48,155
Didn't you
hear me shouting?
Yes, I did.

235
00:09:48,188 --> 00:09:49,389
And?
I chose to ignore it.

236
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:50,490
Because?
You were shouting.

237
00:09:50,523 --> 00:09:52,359
You're adorable.

238
00:09:52,392 --> 00:09:53,193
Yet ill-adored.

239
00:09:53,226 --> 00:09:54,061
Go figure.
Yeah.

240
00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:54,995
What are you doing?

241
00:09:55,028 --> 00:09:56,697
I'm going up to Smith
College tomorrow.

242
00:09:56,730 --> 00:09:58,431
Why?
It's my alma mater.

243
00:09:58,465 --> 00:09:59,933
Reunion?
No.

244
00:09:59,967 --> 00:10:01,769
The Woman's Studies Department
is having a panel

245
00:10:01,802 --> 00:10:03,136
on resurrecting the ERA.

246
00:10:03,170 --> 00:10:04,271
Who else is on the panel?

247
00:10:04,304 --> 00:10:05,472
Rebecca Walker,
Gloria Steinem

248
00:10:05,505 --> 00:10:07,507
Ann Coulter, Naomi Wolf...

249
00:10:07,540 --> 00:10:09,442
You know, something
like 40% of all women

250
00:10:09,476 --> 00:10:10,610
opposed the ERA

251
00:10:10,644 --> 00:10:11,845
and in my entire life

252
00:10:11,879 --> 00:10:13,346
I've never met
one of them.

253
00:10:13,380 --> 00:10:15,115
Ainsley Hayes.
Nice to meet you.

254
00:10:15,148 --> 00:10:16,116
You're not.

255
00:10:16,149 --> 00:10:17,184
Yes.

256
00:10:17,217 --> 00:10:18,852
You're not!

257
00:10:18,886 --> 00:10:20,187
Yes.

258
00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:23,691
You're not, you're not,
you're not one of those people!

259
00:10:23,724 --> 00:10:24,858
Sam, if by "those people"

260
00:10:24,892 --> 00:10:26,293
you're referring
to Episcopalians...

261
00:10:26,326 --> 00:10:28,896
You're going back to Smith
College, the cradle of feminism

262
00:10:28,929 --> 00:10:30,964
to argue in opposition
of the Equal Rights Amendment?!

263
00:10:30,998 --> 00:10:32,432
And get some decent pizza.
Yeah.

264
00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:34,567
They're going
to hate you.
Sam...

265
00:10:34,601 --> 00:10:36,203
I'm a straight Republican
from North Carolina.

266
00:10:36,236 --> 00:10:37,905
You don't think they hated me
the first time around?

267
00:10:37,938 --> 00:10:39,039
Yeah.
What are you doing?

268
00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:40,874
I want to punch up
some of the jokes

269
00:10:40,908 --> 00:10:42,275
for the Correspondents' Dinner

270
00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:44,411
and I'm looking for people
left in the building

271
00:10:44,444 --> 00:10:46,546
who are funny,
but I can't find any

272
00:10:46,579 --> 00:10:47,580
so I came to you.

273
00:10:47,614 --> 00:10:48,581
I would think, Sam

274
00:10:48,615 --> 00:10:49,750
with your infectious
sense of humor

275
00:10:49,783 --> 00:10:50,918
you would have no trouble.

276
00:10:50,951 --> 00:10:52,285
You want to help me or not?

277
00:10:52,319 --> 00:10:53,486
I need to do this.

278
00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:54,587
We've ordered Chinese food.

279
00:10:54,621 --> 00:10:56,023
Okay.

280
00:10:57,290 --> 00:11:00,060
JAY LENO ( on TV ):
...And Australia announced today

281
00:11:00,093 --> 00:11:01,962
they're holding
the 18th Annual Nude Olympics.

282
00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:03,230
The Nude Olympics
in Australia, huh?

283
00:11:03,263 --> 00:11:05,632
You thought it was exciting
to win a race by a nose.

284
00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:06,767
Oh, you've got to watch this.

285
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:09,102
( laughter and applause )

286
00:11:13,473 --> 00:11:17,310
Did you see the draft
for the Correspondents' Dinner?

287
00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:18,645
Yeah.

288
00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:20,981
It's not funny.

289
00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:23,150
Sam's going
to work on it.

290
00:11:34,828 --> 00:11:37,998
Toby, take it easy
in there, okay?

291
00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:44,171
You can go in.

292
00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:47,908
Good evening,
Mr. President.

293
00:11:47,941 --> 00:11:48,976
Hey, Toby.
You want a drink?

294
00:11:49,009 --> 00:11:50,310
No, thank you, sir.
I'm fine.

295
00:11:50,343 --> 00:11:51,478
Have a drink with me.

296
00:11:51,511 --> 00:11:53,146
Sure.

297
00:11:53,180 --> 00:11:54,281
Bourbon, no ice?

298
00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:55,248
Thank you.

299
00:11:55,282 --> 00:11:57,150
You know what
I just found out recently?

300
00:11:57,184 --> 00:11:58,618
To be called "bourbon"

301
00:11:58,651 --> 00:11:59,853
it has to come from Kentucky.

302
00:11:59,887 --> 00:12:01,354
Otherwise,
it's called "sour mash."

303
00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:03,490
An Algerian-born terrorist

304
00:12:03,523 --> 00:12:07,360
named Reda Nessam was arrested
at the Canadian border yesterday

305
00:12:07,394 --> 00:12:08,695
with a U-Haul containing

306
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:10,330
ten two-ounce jars

307
00:12:10,363 --> 00:12:11,464
filled with nitroglycerin.

308
00:12:11,498 --> 00:12:13,666
And they don't allow
that kind of thing at Yosemite?

309
00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:15,702
No.
Anyway

310
00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:18,138
on advice from State
and Intelligence

311
00:12:18,171 --> 00:12:21,374
I closed the embassies
in Tanzania and Brussels.

312
00:12:21,408 --> 00:12:22,876
What about the FAA?

313
00:12:22,910 --> 00:12:25,012
They want me
to order the airports

314
00:12:25,045 --> 00:12:27,214
to heighten security,
but it's a holiday weekend.

315
00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:28,181
I don't know.

316
00:12:28,215 --> 00:12:29,716
Toby, I've got
to tell you something.

317
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:30,717
Does the FAA

318
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:32,552
have to present evidence

319
00:12:32,585 --> 00:12:33,620
of a credible threat?
Yeah.

320
00:12:33,653 --> 00:12:34,822
How do they do that?

321
00:12:34,855 --> 00:12:36,756
I don't know.
They do it, but...
Is there a...?

322
00:12:36,790 --> 00:12:37,657
Sir, is there a time frame?

323
00:12:37,690 --> 00:12:39,860
About an hour.

324
00:12:39,893 --> 00:12:42,830
Toby, around ten years ago,
for a period of a few months

325
00:12:42,863 --> 00:12:45,532
I was feeling run down,
and I had a pain in my leg.

326
00:12:45,565 --> 00:12:47,300
They both eventually subsided

327
00:12:47,334 --> 00:12:50,470
but then, eight years ago
the pain came back

328
00:12:50,503 --> 00:12:53,140
as well as numbness.

329
00:12:53,173 --> 00:12:56,643
My vision would be blurry
sometimes, and I'd get dizzy.

330
00:12:56,676 --> 00:12:58,211
During an eye exam

331
00:12:58,245 --> 00:13:01,581
the doctor detected
abnormal pupil responses

332
00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:03,250
and ordered an MRI.

333
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:07,921
The radiologist found plaques
on my brain and spine.

334
00:13:07,955 --> 00:13:11,091
I have a relapsing/remitting
course of MS.

335
00:13:17,931 --> 00:13:20,100
I'm sorry, sir.

336
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:27,407
I have Multiple Sclerosis, Toby.

337
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:28,541
( Toby clears throat )

338
00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:54,001
( clears throat )

339
00:13:54,034 --> 00:13:55,802
What does relapsing/
remitting mean?

340
00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:57,804
I'm sorry?
What does

341
00:13:57,837 --> 00:13:58,805
relapsing/remitting mean?

342
00:13:58,838 --> 00:13:59,806
It's...

343
00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:00,874
I don't know...

344
00:14:00,908 --> 00:14:02,709
It's the good kind
of MS.

345
00:14:02,742 --> 00:14:04,711
It's the good kind.

346
00:14:04,744 --> 00:14:06,713
Yeah. As opposed
to secondary progressive.

347
00:14:06,746 --> 00:14:07,981
Which is the bad kind.

348
00:14:08,015 --> 00:14:11,351
MS is a chronic disease
of the central nervous system.

349
00:14:11,384 --> 00:14:13,753
Symptoms can be as mild
as numbness

350
00:14:13,786 --> 00:14:15,455
or as severe as paralysis.

351
00:14:15,488 --> 00:14:16,489
And loss of vision.

352
00:14:20,293 --> 00:14:21,428
Yeah.

353
00:14:21,461 --> 00:14:22,395
And cognitive function.

354
00:14:22,429 --> 00:14:23,563
Yup.

355
00:14:23,596 --> 00:14:25,665
TOBY:
Is it...

356
00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:26,866
I'm sorry. Is it fatal?

357
00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:28,535
No. That's the good news.

358
00:14:28,568 --> 00:14:31,371
The bad news is
there's no cure.

359
00:14:31,404 --> 00:14:32,372
Yeah, that I knew.

360
00:14:35,675 --> 00:14:37,010
Does relapsing/remitting...

361
00:14:37,044 --> 00:14:39,079
PRESIDENT:
Ever turn into
secondary progressive?

362
00:14:39,112 --> 00:14:40,380
Yeah.

363
00:14:40,413 --> 00:14:42,049
Sure.

364
00:14:42,082 --> 00:14:44,584
Is there any way
of telling if it's going to?

365
00:14:44,617 --> 00:14:45,652
No.

366
00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:54,294
Okay.

367
00:14:55,795 --> 00:14:57,931
I'd like to stand up.

368
00:14:57,965 --> 00:14:59,499
Can I stand?

369
00:14:59,532 --> 00:15:01,601
Yeah.

370
00:15:02,702 --> 00:15:05,138
( knocking )

371
00:15:08,976 --> 00:15:13,546
I'm sorry, sir, uh...

372
00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:15,548
I need to...

373
00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:17,550
Can I, uh...

374
00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:19,052
Excuse me.

375
00:15:25,625 --> 00:15:26,726
CHARLIE:
Mr. President?

376
00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:28,328
Yeah.

377
00:15:28,361 --> 00:15:30,897
You wanted the
call from Mr.
Garreth at the FAA.

378
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:32,699
Charlie, could you put it
through to my office?

379
00:15:32,732 --> 00:15:34,701
Yes, sir.

380
00:15:36,169 --> 00:15:38,605
Go take it in my office.

381
00:15:47,847 --> 00:15:49,349
JOSH:
See?
Yeah.

382
00:15:49,382 --> 00:15:50,450
Larry?
Yeah.

383
00:15:50,483 --> 00:15:52,452
See the problem?
They didn't bring
the funny, Josh.

384
00:15:52,485 --> 00:15:53,453
No, they didn't.

385
00:15:53,486 --> 00:15:54,854
What are you doing?

386
00:15:54,887 --> 00:15:56,856
I'm jotting down some go-to's
in case a joke doesn't work.

387
00:15:56,889 --> 00:15:59,392
"I haven't seen an audience
this dead"-- that kind of thing.

388
00:15:59,426 --> 00:16:00,960
You think the
President's going
to get heckled?

389
00:16:00,994 --> 00:16:02,495
No, but I've read the speech
and you'd be wise

390
00:16:02,529 --> 00:16:03,896
to have
some dead audience metaphors.

391
00:16:03,930 --> 00:16:05,165
Okay, here we go.

392
00:16:05,198 --> 00:16:07,400
"Ladies and Gentlemen,
I am very happy to be here

393
00:16:07,434 --> 00:16:08,668
"and I want to thank

394
00:16:08,701 --> 00:16:11,871
"the White House Correspondent''
Association for inviting me.

395
00:16:11,904 --> 00:16:13,173
"I expect I'll be
stuck here tonight

396
00:16:13,206 --> 00:16:14,841
"with my fair share
of verbal harpoons.

397
00:16:14,874 --> 00:16:16,243
"I don't mind.

398
00:16:16,276 --> 00:16:19,279
Just don't stick me
with the dinner check."

399
00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:20,913
Wow.

400
00:16:20,947 --> 00:16:23,216
And then it says here
"Allow for laughter."

401
00:16:23,250 --> 00:16:25,185
Unless we give
that instruction
to the audience

402
00:16:25,218 --> 00:16:26,753
I don't think it's
going to be a problem.

403
00:16:26,786 --> 00:16:29,389
"I don't mind, just
don't stick me with
the dinner check"?

404
00:16:29,422 --> 00:16:30,890
It's like
he's playing Grossingers.

405
00:16:30,923 --> 00:16:32,359
"I know some of you are troubled

406
00:16:32,392 --> 00:16:34,161
"by my frequent use
of Latin references.

407
00:16:34,194 --> 00:16:36,163
Well, all I can say is,
No te preocupas."

408
00:16:36,196 --> 00:16:37,897
The joke there is
that it's in Spanish.

409
00:16:37,930 --> 00:16:39,099
It's that kind of Latin.

410
00:16:39,132 --> 00:16:39,999
That's where
you'll want

411
00:16:40,033 --> 00:16:41,201
your first
dead audience joke.

412
00:16:41,234 --> 00:16:42,335
We're not going
to need one.

413
00:16:42,369 --> 00:16:44,171
Donna, who gave you
those beautiful flowers?

414
00:16:44,204 --> 00:16:45,172
I did. Me.
Those are from me.

415
00:16:45,205 --> 00:16:47,040
What's the occasion?
Nothing.

416
00:16:47,074 --> 00:16:47,940
Our anniversary.

417
00:16:47,974 --> 00:16:49,109
Our not anniversary.

418
00:16:49,142 --> 00:16:50,043
Donna doesn't like
to talk about it.

419
00:16:50,077 --> 00:16:51,911
I really don't.
Okay.

420
00:16:51,944 --> 00:16:53,713
A few years ago, Donna's
boyfriend broke up

421
00:16:53,746 --> 00:16:54,947
with her, so she
started working

422
00:16:54,981 --> 00:16:55,982
for Josh.

423
00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:57,284
Then the
boyfriend told her

424
00:16:57,317 --> 00:16:58,485
to come back, and
she did and then

425
00:16:58,518 --> 00:17:01,121
they broke up,
and she came back to work.

426
00:17:01,154 --> 00:17:03,723
I thought you meant
you didn't want
to talk about it.

427
00:17:03,756 --> 00:17:04,591
I'm a spokesman.
It's in my blood.

428
00:17:04,624 --> 00:17:05,858
Well, they're
nice flowers.

429
00:17:05,892 --> 00:17:07,427
"And I'd also like
to thank our host

430
00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:09,329
Bill Maher."
We're not making
fun of the host.

431
00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:10,630
Who are we making fun of?
MEN:
Republicans.

432
00:17:10,663 --> 00:17:12,665
SAM:
I only wish the
Speaker were here

433
00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:16,035
tonight, but he's held up
in negotiations on the Hill.

434
00:17:16,069 --> 00:17:18,071
He's demanding
his latest pre-nup

435
00:17:18,105 --> 00:17:19,406
include
a line item veto?

436
00:17:19,439 --> 00:17:21,241
There it is.
SAM:
All right, two groups.

437
00:17:21,274 --> 00:17:22,142
You guys there.
We'll stay here.

438
00:17:22,175 --> 00:17:23,276
I want to be
in the other group.

439
00:17:23,310 --> 00:17:24,511
Why?
The Kung Pao Chicken.

440
00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:25,878
Get the Kung
Pao Chicken
and come back.

441
00:17:25,912 --> 00:17:28,281
In a half hour,
I want to make Toby laugh.

442
00:17:45,432 --> 00:17:50,437
So I found out
about a year ago.

443
00:17:50,470 --> 00:17:53,940
Two nights before the
State of the Union.

444
00:17:53,973 --> 00:17:56,943
He had an attack.

445
00:17:56,976 --> 00:17:59,879
He did?

446
00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:03,183
When he passed out
in the Oval Office.

447
00:18:03,216 --> 00:18:07,520
That was an attack?

448
00:18:07,554 --> 00:18:09,989
Yeah.

449
00:18:10,022 --> 00:18:12,925
I thought
it was the flu.

450
00:18:12,959 --> 00:18:16,329
It wasn't.

451
00:18:25,905 --> 00:18:28,708
How is it poss...

452
00:18:28,741 --> 00:18:31,244
How is it possible
that this was kept a secret?

453
00:18:31,278 --> 00:18:34,214
First of all,
who else knows?

454
00:18:34,247 --> 00:18:36,316
You're the 16th person.

455
00:18:36,349 --> 00:18:37,984
Who else?
I'll tell you
some of them.

456
00:18:38,017 --> 00:18:39,952
I won't tell you
all of them.

457
00:18:39,986 --> 00:18:42,322
Why not?

458
00:18:42,355 --> 00:18:44,857
'Cause it's not entirely
my business.

459
00:18:44,891 --> 00:18:46,226
I'm not sure
of my footing here.

460
00:18:46,259 --> 00:18:48,295
The President will be
off the phone in a minute

461
00:18:48,328 --> 00:18:50,197
and in the meantime,
you'll take what I give you.

462
00:18:50,230 --> 00:18:52,665
It's not entirely
your business?

463
00:18:52,699 --> 00:18:55,034
The First Lady.

464
00:18:55,067 --> 00:18:58,137
The doctor, radiologist

465
00:18:58,171 --> 00:18:59,739
the specialist,
the kids...

466
00:18:59,772 --> 00:19:00,607
Who else?

467
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:02,342
That's it for now.
He took a physical.

468
00:19:02,375 --> 00:19:03,976
Those doctors were
from eight years ago.

469
00:19:04,010 --> 00:19:04,911
He took a physical.

470
00:19:04,944 --> 00:19:05,978
It's in remission.

471
00:19:06,012 --> 00:19:07,947
It doesn't show up
during a physical...

472
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:08,915
Leo...
It's in remission.

473
00:19:08,948 --> 00:19:09,982
Nobody lied.

474
00:19:10,016 --> 00:19:11,584
Nobody lied?

475
00:19:11,618 --> 00:19:12,018
Nobody.

476
00:19:12,051 --> 00:19:13,420
Nobody lied?

477
00:19:13,453 --> 00:19:15,255
Is that what you've been saying
to yourself over and over

478
00:19:15,288 --> 00:19:16,289
again for a year?

479
00:19:16,323 --> 00:19:18,391
Leo, a deception
of massive proportion?

480
00:19:18,425 --> 00:19:20,193
I can't even...
He gets a physical

481
00:19:20,227 --> 00:19:22,028
twice a year
at Bethesda.

482
00:19:22,061 --> 00:19:23,430
His doctors
are Naval officers.

483
00:19:23,463 --> 00:19:25,765
Are you telling me that officers
are involved in this?

484
00:19:25,798 --> 00:19:27,967
These guys are going to be
court-martialed.

485
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,702
Nobody... Listen to me.

486
00:19:29,736 --> 00:19:32,004
Nobody lied.

487
00:19:32,038 --> 00:19:35,808
Nobody was asked to lie.

488
00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:36,876
Coercion.

489
00:19:36,909 --> 00:19:38,378
Nobody was asked to lie.

490
00:19:38,411 --> 00:19:40,947
Officers, the First
Lady, surgeons

491
00:19:40,980 --> 00:19:43,250
Surgeon Generals,
for all I know.

492
00:19:43,283 --> 00:19:45,318
The plural of Surgeon General
isn't Surgeon Generals

493
00:19:45,352 --> 00:19:47,387
It's Surgeons General.

494
00:19:47,420 --> 00:19:50,623
Like Attorneys General,
or Courts Martial.

495
00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:54,827
Nobody was asked to lie.

496
00:19:54,861 --> 00:19:57,364
That was Garreth
from the FAA.

497
00:19:57,397 --> 00:20:00,367
Upon interrogating
Reda Nessam

498
00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:02,802
they believe it's possible
that another rental car

499
00:20:02,835 --> 00:20:04,136
crossed the border yesterday.

500
00:20:04,170 --> 00:20:05,372
They believe
it's headed

501
00:20:05,405 --> 00:20:07,640
to a safe house
in Paterson, New Jersey

502
00:20:07,674 --> 00:20:08,441
and the FBI thinks

503
00:20:08,475 --> 00:20:10,443
they can apprehend him
in 24 hours.

504
00:20:10,477 --> 00:20:13,346
Of course, the only way
all of this will happen

505
00:20:13,380 --> 00:20:15,114
is if Reda Nessam
is telling the truth.

506
00:20:15,147 --> 00:20:16,115
So who wants odds?

507
00:20:16,148 --> 00:20:17,317
Anyway, they're still

508
00:20:17,350 --> 00:20:20,052
looking at forensic evidence,
and we're going

509
00:20:20,086 --> 00:20:21,521
to talk again in a few minutes

510
00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:23,656
to decide if there's
a credible threat.

511
00:20:28,895 --> 00:20:30,830
I'm sorry, sir.

512
00:20:30,863 --> 00:20:32,031
I didn't hear that.

513
00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:35,067
I said we're going to decide
if there's a credible threat.

514
00:20:35,101 --> 00:20:37,236
Why?

515
00:20:37,270 --> 00:20:40,873
What are you guys
talking about?

516
00:20:49,616 --> 00:20:50,317
JOSH:
Hey.

517
00:20:50,350 --> 00:20:51,584
CHARLIE:
How you doing?

518
00:20:51,618 --> 00:20:53,853
You have any idea how much
longer Toby's going to be?

519
00:20:53,886 --> 00:20:55,288
I don't.

520
00:20:55,322 --> 00:20:58,458
Let me ask you, you think
this joke's funny?

521
00:20:58,491 --> 00:20:59,859
I'm sorry
the Speaker isn't here

522
00:20:59,892 --> 00:21:02,061
he's up on the Hill in
last-minute negotiations.

523
00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:06,265
He's going over his pre-nup
and he wants a line item veto.

524
00:21:06,299 --> 00:21:07,934
Well, I think it's
pretty funny, but...

525
00:21:07,967 --> 00:21:09,135
What?

526
00:21:09,168 --> 00:21:10,202
I wouldn't do it.
Why?

527
00:21:10,236 --> 00:21:11,638
I think it's going
to call attention

528
00:21:11,671 --> 00:21:13,205
to the First Lady
not being there.

529
00:21:13,239 --> 00:21:15,207
Where's Mrs. Bartlet
going to be?

530
00:21:15,241 --> 00:21:16,476
She went back up
to Manchester.

531
00:21:16,509 --> 00:21:18,911
She's not coming to the
Correspondents' Dinner?

532
00:21:18,945 --> 00:21:21,381
Probably not.

533
00:21:21,414 --> 00:21:22,882
Charlie, what's going on?

534
00:21:26,553 --> 00:21:27,787
Sorry.

535
00:21:29,989 --> 00:21:31,991
All right.

536
00:21:32,024 --> 00:21:33,693
You don't know
when Toby's out?

537
00:21:33,726 --> 00:21:34,661
No.

538
00:21:37,229 --> 00:21:39,065
Okay.

539
00:21:39,098 --> 00:21:40,433
All right, here we go.

540
00:21:40,467 --> 00:21:44,971
"Equality of Rights
under the law

541
00:21:45,004 --> 00:21:46,706
"shall not be denied
or abridged

542
00:21:46,739 --> 00:21:51,077
by the United States or any
state on account of sex."

543
00:21:51,110 --> 00:21:52,645
What's the joke?

544
00:21:52,679 --> 00:21:54,381
It's not a joke.
It's the Equal
Rights Amendment.

545
00:21:54,414 --> 00:21:55,382
When did that
come back?

546
00:21:55,415 --> 00:21:57,116
Read what
these guys have.

547
00:21:57,149 --> 00:21:58,551
"Shall not be
abridged or denied

548
00:21:58,585 --> 00:22:00,553
on the account of sex."

549
00:22:00,587 --> 00:22:02,021
Very dangerous
language.

550
00:22:02,054 --> 00:22:03,723
This must be
stopped.

551
00:22:03,756 --> 00:22:06,258
What could possibly be
your problem with the ERA?
It's redundant.

552
00:22:06,292 --> 00:22:07,960
Why are we talking
about the ERA?

553
00:22:07,994 --> 00:22:09,496
She's doing a thing.

554
00:22:09,529 --> 00:22:11,764
Yeah, but it's not back
or anything, is it?

555
00:22:11,798 --> 00:22:14,166
Certainly not if
Phyllis Schlafly over
here has her way.

556
00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:16,102
Look...
It's redundant?

557
00:22:16,135 --> 00:22:17,336
I'm a low-
maintenance lady

558
00:22:17,370 --> 00:22:18,838
I got the 14th Amendment,
I'm fine.

559
00:22:18,871 --> 00:22:20,139
How about...

560
00:22:20,172 --> 00:22:21,541
The 14th Amendment,
which says

561
00:22:21,574 --> 00:22:23,543
that a citizen of the
United States is anyone

562
00:22:23,576 --> 00:22:24,844
that's born here,
that's me

563
00:22:24,877 --> 00:22:27,847
and that no citizen can
be denied due process.

564
00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:28,948
I'm covered.

565
00:22:28,981 --> 00:22:30,450
Make a law for somebody else.

566
00:22:30,483 --> 00:22:31,818
Here's a joke based
on the premise

567
00:22:31,851 --> 00:22:33,553
that the party afterward
is hard to get into

568
00:22:33,586 --> 00:22:36,155
and that the President is
the Commander in Chief.

569
00:22:36,188 --> 00:22:37,557
I hear the Bloomberg party

570
00:22:37,590 --> 00:22:39,459
is going to be hard
to get into this year

571
00:22:39,492 --> 00:22:40,860
but I'm not worried.

572
00:22:40,893 --> 00:22:43,162
I'm going to the party
with the 82nd Airborne.

573
00:22:43,195 --> 00:22:44,531
And then
the President says

574
00:22:44,564 --> 00:22:46,332
"Wow, I haven't heard
a room this quiet

575
00:22:46,365 --> 00:22:48,267
since we lost
the signal on Galileo."

576
00:22:48,300 --> 00:22:49,769
Or, "Wow, I haven't
seen my staff

577
00:22:49,802 --> 00:22:51,203
update their resumes
this quickly

578
00:22:51,237 --> 00:22:53,940
since the last time I tanked
at the Correspondents' Dinner!"

579
00:22:53,973 --> 00:22:55,174
Josh...
Yeah?

580
00:22:55,207 --> 00:22:56,375
When you yell,
you make it harder

581
00:22:56,409 --> 00:22:57,677
for people to find the funny.

582
00:22:57,710 --> 00:22:59,579
Who gave you
those flowers on your desk?

583
00:22:59,612 --> 00:23:00,847
A mean man
who can't read a calendar.

584
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:01,848
Sam.

585
00:23:06,486 --> 00:23:07,554
We're doing fine.

586
00:23:07,587 --> 00:23:09,255
Toby's going to come
in here and nail it.

587
00:23:09,288 --> 00:23:10,322
This is his thing.

588
00:23:10,356 --> 00:23:12,324
Yeah, cut the Speaker
joke, okay?

589
00:23:12,358 --> 00:23:13,726
Mrs. Bartlet
might not be there.

590
00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:14,927
Okay.

591
00:23:14,961 --> 00:23:17,997
All right, so we're
going to be fine here.

592
00:23:18,030 --> 00:23:19,298
Yeah, we're doing great.

593
00:23:19,331 --> 00:23:20,533
We're doing great,
everybody, right?

594
00:23:20,567 --> 00:23:21,934
Sam, we've got one here

595
00:23:21,968 --> 00:23:25,204
but it involves a John Wayne
impersonation and a sock puppet.

596
00:23:25,237 --> 00:23:27,206
Yeah, we're eating it.

597
00:23:27,239 --> 00:23:28,875
Leo said you had
an attack last year.

598
00:23:28,908 --> 00:23:29,842
Hmm?

599
00:23:29,876 --> 00:23:32,912
Leo said you had
an attack last year.

600
00:23:32,945 --> 00:23:34,447
Yeah.

601
00:23:34,481 --> 00:23:37,650
A couple of nights before
the State of the Union.

602
00:23:37,684 --> 00:23:38,651
Yeah.

603
00:23:38,685 --> 00:23:40,152
Wasn't that also the night

604
00:23:40,186 --> 00:23:43,189
you saw satellite pictures
of India moving on Kashmir?

605
00:23:43,222 --> 00:23:44,491
Yeah.

606
00:23:44,524 --> 00:23:46,258
India and Pakistan were
staring each other down

607
00:23:46,292 --> 00:23:49,228
control of some nuclear weapons
had been put in the field.

608
00:23:49,261 --> 00:23:50,530
Yeah.

609
00:23:50,563 --> 00:23:53,332
So in the middle of a...
I don't know what you call it.

610
00:23:53,365 --> 00:23:54,667
An episode.

611
00:23:54,701 --> 00:23:58,370
You were in the Situation Room
as Commander in Chief.

612
00:23:58,404 --> 00:24:02,475
I know, I can't believe
we're all still here.

613
00:24:02,509 --> 00:24:04,243
Mr. President...

614
00:24:04,276 --> 00:24:05,478
The episode was over.

615
00:24:05,512 --> 00:24:06,813
Leo was with me

616
00:24:06,846 --> 00:24:08,681
the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs
was with me

617
00:24:08,715 --> 00:24:09,982
as were the Secretaries of State

618
00:24:10,016 --> 00:24:12,251
and Defense.
Do you receive medication?

619
00:24:12,284 --> 00:24:13,520
I'm sorry?

620
00:24:13,553 --> 00:24:16,155
Do you receive medicat...

621
00:24:16,188 --> 00:24:20,292
I get injections of Betaseron.

622
00:24:20,326 --> 00:24:22,962
From whom?

623
00:24:22,995 --> 00:24:25,264
From a doctor.

624
00:24:25,297 --> 00:24:30,402
None of your current doctors
are aware of your condition.

625
00:24:30,436 --> 00:24:35,608
Mr. President,
is your wife medicating you?

626
00:24:35,642 --> 00:24:38,377
I think it would be best

627
00:24:38,410 --> 00:24:40,312
while temperatures
are running a little high

628
00:24:40,346 --> 00:24:44,984
that you refer to my wife as
Mrs. Bartlet or the First Lady.

629
00:24:45,017 --> 00:24:47,119
Yes, sir.

630
00:24:47,153 --> 00:24:48,621
What you got, Leo?

631
00:24:48,655 --> 00:24:50,857
They'd like a few more minutes.

632
00:24:50,890 --> 00:24:52,525
The FAA?
Yeah.

633
00:24:52,559 --> 00:24:56,863
Talk me through what
heightened security means.

634
00:24:56,896 --> 00:24:59,365
Well, they deploy
more uniformed
police and the dogs.

635
00:24:59,398 --> 00:25:01,333
They hand-search
luggage.

636
00:25:01,367 --> 00:25:02,334
And they discontinue...

637
00:25:02,368 --> 00:25:04,036
curbside
check-in, yeah.

638
00:25:04,070 --> 00:25:07,006
Eliminate the
first two rows of
short-term parking.

639
00:25:07,039 --> 00:25:08,875
PRESIDENT:
Okay, they want
a few minutes?

640
00:25:08,908 --> 00:25:10,209
Yeah.

641
00:25:10,242 --> 00:25:11,611
Toby's concerned
that the peaceful

642
00:25:11,644 --> 00:25:14,446
solution I brokered
in Kashmir last year
was the result

643
00:25:14,480 --> 00:25:16,683
of a drug-induced haze.

644
00:25:16,716 --> 00:25:18,951
I was there with him.
So was Fitz.

645
00:25:18,985 --> 00:25:21,053
So was Cashman,
Hutchinson, Berryhill...

646
00:25:21,087 --> 00:25:22,221
Well, that's fantastic.

647
00:25:22,254 --> 00:25:23,956
Toby...
None of you were elected.

648
00:25:23,990 --> 00:25:26,225
I was elected,
they were appointed.

649
00:25:26,258 --> 00:25:27,627
The Vice President was elected.

650
00:25:27,660 --> 00:25:30,029
He has the Constitutional
authority to assume my...

651
00:25:30,062 --> 00:25:31,664
Not last May, he didn't.

652
00:25:31,698 --> 00:25:34,400
He didn't last May when you were
under general anesthesia.

653
00:25:34,433 --> 00:25:35,802
'Cause I never
signed the letter,
but I don't

654
00:25:35,835 --> 00:25:37,003
think I got shot
'cause I got MS.

655
00:25:37,036 --> 00:25:38,337
I don't think you did either,
sir.

656
00:25:38,370 --> 00:25:42,842
I meant that during a night
of extreme chaos and fear

657
00:25:42,875 --> 00:25:45,477
when we didn't yet know
if we'd been the victims

658
00:25:45,511 --> 00:25:48,047
of domestic or
foreign terrorism

659
00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:49,481
or even an act of war

660
00:25:49,515 --> 00:25:51,283
there was uncertainty
as to who was giving

661
00:25:51,317 --> 00:25:52,819
the national security orders

662
00:25:52,852 --> 00:25:55,021
and it was because
you never signed a letter.

663
00:25:55,054 --> 00:25:57,924
So I'm led to wonder

664
00:25:57,957 --> 00:26:00,459
given your condition and
its lack of predictability

665
00:26:00,492 --> 00:26:02,795
why there isn't simply
a signed letter

666
00:26:02,829 --> 00:26:05,131
sitting in a file someplace.

667
00:26:05,164 --> 00:26:08,601
And the answer of course is that
if there was a signed letter

668
00:26:08,635 --> 00:26:12,204
sitting in a file someplace,
somebody would ask why.

669
00:26:12,238 --> 00:26:15,608
The Commander in Chief
had just been attacked.

670
00:26:15,642 --> 00:26:18,177
He was under
a general anesthetic.

671
00:26:18,210 --> 00:26:19,712
A fugitive was at large.

672
00:26:19,746 --> 00:26:21,614
The manhunt included

673
00:26:21,648 --> 00:26:24,116
every Federal, state and local
law enforcement agency.

674
00:26:24,150 --> 00:26:27,253
The Virginia, Maryland,
New Jersey, Pennsylvania

675
00:26:27,286 --> 00:26:30,489
and Delaware National Guard
units were federalized.

676
00:26:30,522 --> 00:26:34,460
The KH-10s showed Republican
Guard movement in southern Iraq

677
00:26:34,493 --> 00:26:39,598
and 12 hours earlier, an F-117
was shot down in the no-fly

678
00:26:39,632 --> 00:26:42,268
and the Vice President's
authority was murky at best!

679
00:26:44,136 --> 00:26:47,974
The National Security Advisor
and the Secretary of State

680
00:26:48,007 --> 00:26:51,510
didn't know who they were
taking their orders from.

681
00:26:51,543 --> 00:26:54,513
I wasn't in the Situation
Room that night

682
00:26:54,546 --> 00:26:56,749
but I'll bet
all the money in my pockets

683
00:26:56,783 --> 00:26:59,385
against all the money
in your pockets

684
00:26:59,418 --> 00:27:00,820
that it was Leo...

685
00:27:00,853 --> 00:27:03,222
who no one elected!

686
00:27:06,893 --> 00:27:08,160
For 90 minutes that night

687
00:27:08,194 --> 00:27:12,732
there was a coup d'etat
in this country.

688
00:27:19,739 --> 00:27:22,141
"And the walls
came tumblin' down."

689
00:27:22,174 --> 00:27:25,377
I feel fine, by the way.
Thanks for asking.

690
00:27:25,411 --> 00:27:26,378
Sir...

691
00:27:26,412 --> 00:27:27,780
No, Leo, Toby's concern

692
00:27:27,814 --> 00:27:29,115
for my health
is moving me...

693
00:27:29,148 --> 00:27:30,382
Mr. President...

694
00:27:30,416 --> 00:27:32,318
Shut up!

695
00:27:43,195 --> 00:27:46,665
You know your indignation
would be a lot more
interesting to me

696
00:27:46,699 --> 00:27:48,968
if it weren't quite
so covered in crap.

697
00:27:49,001 --> 00:27:49,635
Sir?
Yeah.

698
00:27:49,668 --> 00:27:51,704
Mr. Garreth.
Thanks.

699
00:27:51,738 --> 00:27:54,573
Are you pissed 'cause
I didn't say anything

700
00:27:54,606 --> 00:27:57,643
or are you pissed 'cause
there were 15 people

701
00:27:57,676 --> 00:27:59,611
who knew before you did?

702
00:27:59,645 --> 00:28:02,681
I feel fine by the way.
Thanks for asking.

703
00:28:14,460 --> 00:28:16,562
Take the call in here.

704
00:28:16,595 --> 00:28:19,165
We'll step outside
for a minute.

705
00:28:38,751 --> 00:28:40,953
Yeah, this is the President.

706
00:28:44,390 --> 00:28:45,657
SAM:
Self-deprecation.

707
00:28:45,691 --> 00:28:47,126
Yes.
Self-deprecation's
what we need.

708
00:28:47,159 --> 00:28:48,194
Yes.

709
00:28:48,227 --> 00:28:49,929
Self-deprecation is
the appetizer of charm.

710
00:28:49,962 --> 00:28:51,330
We need jokes
about the staff.

711
00:28:51,363 --> 00:28:52,564
We need jokes
about the staff.

712
00:28:52,598 --> 00:28:54,033
Let's start
with you.

713
00:28:54,066 --> 00:28:56,035
Problem is there
aren't many jokes
you can make about me.

714
00:28:56,068 --> 00:28:57,669
How about this.
Um, "Knock-Knock."

715
00:28:57,703 --> 00:28:59,738
"Who's there?"
"Sam and his prostitute friend."

716
00:28:59,772 --> 00:29:01,307
( Ainsley laughs )

717
00:29:01,340 --> 00:29:03,142
See, I think that was a bit
of misdirected anger there.

718
00:29:03,175 --> 00:29:05,511
I'm okay with that.
Well, in that case

719
00:29:05,544 --> 00:29:08,347
Ainsley, you know why
I got you flowers in
April instead of February?

720
00:29:08,380 --> 00:29:10,282
'Cause you ditched me
the first time around

721
00:29:10,316 --> 00:29:11,984
to go back to the
guy who ditched you

722
00:29:12,018 --> 00:29:13,252
the first time
around, only to have

723
00:29:13,285 --> 00:29:15,121
him ditch you
the second time around.

724
00:29:15,154 --> 00:29:17,623
Ow. What the hell?
That was him.

725
00:29:17,656 --> 00:29:19,291
He was being you.

726
00:29:19,325 --> 00:29:21,493
Well in fairness,
I think everybody
should have a turn.

727
00:29:21,527 --> 00:29:22,795
Sam, is there anything

728
00:29:22,829 --> 00:29:25,832
we can pull,
anything funny we can recycle?

729
00:29:25,865 --> 00:29:27,566
Yeah, pull something I wrote
from October

730
00:29:27,599 --> 00:29:29,001
called Government-wide
Accountability

731
00:29:29,035 --> 00:29:30,502
for Merit System Principles.

732
00:29:30,536 --> 00:29:32,304
That one was
a barn burner, was it?

733
00:29:33,639 --> 00:29:35,341
( sighs )

734
00:29:38,410 --> 00:29:41,680
Do you have any idea how
much grief I took from
him when I came back?

735
00:29:41,713 --> 00:29:42,581
How much?

736
00:29:42,614 --> 00:29:43,715
None.

737
00:29:43,749 --> 00:29:45,584
I walked in the door.
He said, "Thank God.

738
00:29:45,617 --> 00:29:48,320
There's a pile of stuff
on the desk."

739
00:29:48,354 --> 00:29:49,355
This is his way.

740
00:29:49,388 --> 00:29:52,058
He's just going to snark me
every April.

741
00:29:52,091 --> 00:29:53,993
The prince of passive/
aggressive behavior.

742
00:29:54,026 --> 00:29:55,094
What does snark mean?

743
00:29:55,127 --> 00:29:56,863
I don't know, but he's doing it.

744
00:29:56,896 --> 00:29:58,230
Is there any
coffee left?

745
00:29:58,264 --> 00:30:00,132
In the mess.
Anybody want
anything?

746
00:30:00,166 --> 00:30:02,668
You think they
have cheesecake
down there?

747
00:30:02,701 --> 00:30:03,970
It's a quarter after midnight.

748
00:30:04,003 --> 00:30:05,972
The pastry chef usually stays on
till dawn.

749
00:30:06,005 --> 00:30:08,240
I'll go see what there is.

750
00:30:08,274 --> 00:30:10,142
You know, we should make
a joke about women

751
00:30:10,176 --> 00:30:12,011
'cause there's
no law against that

752
00:30:12,044 --> 00:30:13,712
or paying them
less money than men.

753
00:30:13,745 --> 00:30:15,381
Well, there is
a law against that.

754
00:30:15,414 --> 00:30:16,548
It's the Pay Equity Act.

755
00:30:16,582 --> 00:30:17,683
It was passed in 1964

756
00:30:17,716 --> 00:30:19,952
when women were making
59 cents to the dollar.

757
00:30:19,986 --> 00:30:20,920
What are you
making now?

758
00:30:20,953 --> 00:30:21,988
Seventy-nine cents.

759
00:30:22,021 --> 00:30:23,455
So, everything's fine.

760
00:30:23,489 --> 00:30:26,025
No, there are still
some problems,
but I'm not worried

761
00:30:26,058 --> 00:30:28,394
'cause the Federal
Government's coming
to the rescue.

762
00:30:28,427 --> 00:30:30,029
Look--

763
00:30:30,062 --> 00:30:32,598
You think pay disparity
is 'cause some sexist
in human resources

764
00:30:32,631 --> 00:30:34,967
hired two people for
equal positions and
paid the man more?

765
00:30:35,001 --> 00:30:37,403
Oftentimes, women--
And oftentimes,
women make less money

766
00:30:37,436 --> 00:30:39,671
over the course of
their lifetime because
they choose to.

767
00:30:39,705 --> 00:30:41,040
Oh, good night, nurse.

768
00:30:41,073 --> 00:30:43,275
They do not choose
to make less money.

769
00:30:43,309 --> 00:30:45,945
They're financially punished
for having kids.

770
00:30:45,978 --> 00:30:47,313
They made a choice
to have kids.

771
00:30:47,346 --> 00:30:49,215
Well, not necessarily,
if you guys have your way.

772
00:30:49,248 --> 00:30:50,917
But that's
a different can of tuna.

773
00:30:50,950 --> 00:30:53,252
I flat out guarantee you
that if men were biologically

774
00:30:53,285 --> 00:30:55,754
responsible for procreation,
there'd be paid family leave

775
00:30:55,787 --> 00:30:57,323
in every
Fortune 500.

776
00:30:57,356 --> 00:31:00,059
Sam, if men were biologically
responsible for procreation

777
00:31:00,092 --> 00:31:02,061
they'd fall down and die
at the first sonogram.

778
00:31:02,094 --> 00:31:03,462
If the Amendment
is redundant

779
00:31:03,495 --> 00:31:05,898
then what's your problem
if it's passed or not?

780
00:31:05,932 --> 00:31:07,900
Because I'm
a Republican.
Have we met?

781
00:31:07,934 --> 00:31:10,502
I believe that every
time the Federal
Government

782
00:31:10,536 --> 00:31:12,171
hands down a new law,
it leaves

783
00:31:12,204 --> 00:31:14,506
for the rest of us,
a little less freedom.

784
00:31:14,540 --> 00:31:17,209
So I say, let's just stick
to the ones we absolutely need

785
00:31:17,243 --> 00:31:19,511
in order to have water come out
of the faucet

786
00:31:19,545 --> 00:31:21,380
and our cars not stolen.

787
00:31:21,413 --> 00:31:24,616
That is my problem with passing
a redundant law.

788
00:31:24,650 --> 00:31:26,485
Sam?
Yeah.

789
00:31:26,518 --> 00:31:29,421
The all-night pastry
chef, you were just
kidding about that, right?

790
00:31:29,455 --> 00:31:31,257
Yeah.

791
00:31:44,170 --> 00:31:47,406
He's still on with State
and the FAA guys.

792
00:31:49,808 --> 00:31:52,244
So Hoynes knows?

793
00:31:52,278 --> 00:31:54,546
Hmm?

794
00:31:54,580 --> 00:31:56,615
Hoynes is one of the 16?

795
00:31:56,648 --> 00:31:59,051
Yeah.

796
00:31:59,085 --> 00:32:03,855
And he thinks
the President
won't run again.

797
00:32:03,889 --> 00:32:06,625
He thinks
there's a chance.

798
00:32:06,658 --> 00:32:07,926
Will he?

799
00:32:07,960 --> 00:32:09,495
Will the President run?

800
00:32:09,528 --> 00:32:10,796
Where's the First Lady?

801
00:32:10,829 --> 00:32:12,331
In Manchester.

802
00:32:12,364 --> 00:32:14,433
Why'd she come to me after
the State of the Union...?

803
00:32:14,466 --> 00:32:15,301
Toby...

804
00:32:15,334 --> 00:32:18,437
Why, why's she mad
at the President?

805
00:32:18,470 --> 00:32:20,973
It's because the State
of the Union set up
the reelection run.

806
00:32:21,007 --> 00:32:24,743
And somehow, she's under
the impression that's not
supposed to happen.

807
00:32:24,776 --> 00:32:26,245
The First Lady...

808
00:32:26,278 --> 00:32:28,981
I have no kind
of investigative mind, zero.

809
00:32:29,015 --> 00:32:32,318
It took me six days
and 23 minutes to figure it out.

810
00:32:35,287 --> 00:32:36,855
He'll run.

811
00:32:36,888 --> 00:32:39,291
Yeah.

812
00:32:39,325 --> 00:32:42,028
Yeah, 'cause we stood in that
office a couple months ago

813
00:32:42,061 --> 00:32:43,795
you and I, and you said,
"Take my hand.

814
00:32:43,829 --> 00:32:46,265
We just..."

815
00:32:48,867 --> 00:32:51,903
Never mind.

816
00:32:51,937 --> 00:32:54,873
He'll run.

817
00:32:54,906 --> 00:32:56,742
Hoynes was 14.

818
00:32:56,775 --> 00:32:58,044
Who was 15?

819
00:32:58,077 --> 00:33:00,579
Dr. David Lee...

820
00:33:00,612 --> 00:33:04,750
the anesthesiologist at G.W.

821
00:33:04,783 --> 00:33:06,752
He had to know about
the Betaseron.

822
00:33:06,785 --> 00:33:08,587
Getting back to Hoynes--

823
00:33:08,620 --> 00:33:11,223
I'm sorry, Leo, but I need you
to look at me right now

824
00:33:11,257 --> 00:33:14,226
and tell me the doctor's not
under any kind of surveillance.

825
00:33:14,260 --> 00:33:19,098
The doctor's free to talk
to whomever he likes.

826
00:33:19,131 --> 00:33:23,001
Well, I'm sure we're going
to find that out soon enough.

827
00:33:23,035 --> 00:33:24,936
He's not going
to leak it.
Someone will.

828
00:33:24,970 --> 00:33:26,138
Toby...

829
00:33:26,172 --> 00:33:27,739
Leo, Hoynes left
bread crumbs.

830
00:33:27,773 --> 00:33:30,309
He, he wanted me to find out.
A camping trip to Killington?

831
00:33:30,342 --> 00:33:31,877
That was a
jackass move.
I don't think so.

832
00:33:31,910 --> 00:33:34,680
I think he may be the
only one around here
who's acting responsibly.

833
00:33:34,713 --> 00:33:35,514
To who?

834
00:33:35,547 --> 00:33:36,915
The Democratic Party.

835
00:33:36,948 --> 00:33:39,618
It's seven and a half months
till the Iowa caucus

836
00:33:39,651 --> 00:33:43,021
and no one's been told
the President might not
be the nominee?

837
00:33:43,055 --> 00:33:44,056
He's going to run.

838
00:33:44,090 --> 00:33:45,691
He may not have
that option, Leo.

839
00:33:48,294 --> 00:33:52,764
When this story
breaks, it will be
because we broke it.

840
00:33:52,798 --> 00:33:55,401
And we'll control it.

841
00:33:55,434 --> 00:33:57,303
And the public
will accept it.

842
00:33:57,336 --> 00:34:00,139
It's not like
it's unprecedented

843
00:34:00,172 --> 00:34:03,242
that a President
conceal health issues.

844
00:34:03,275 --> 00:34:07,279
What do you think
is going to happen?

845
00:34:07,313 --> 00:34:11,117
I mean it, what
do you think is
going to happen?

846
00:34:14,753 --> 00:34:16,322
Well...

847
00:34:17,889 --> 00:34:20,392
I suppose one of...

848
00:34:20,426 --> 00:34:24,062
five things.

849
00:34:24,096 --> 00:34:27,799
The President can decide
not to run.

850
00:34:27,833 --> 00:34:30,102
He can run and not win.

851
00:34:30,136 --> 00:34:32,138
He can run and win.

852
00:34:32,171 --> 00:34:33,639
And, what are
the other two?

853
00:34:33,672 --> 00:34:35,474
Leo...

854
00:34:35,507 --> 00:34:37,643
You think he's going
to need to resign?

855
00:34:37,676 --> 00:34:38,977
There's going to be

856
00:34:39,010 --> 00:34:40,279
hearing upon hearing
upon hearing.

857
00:34:40,312 --> 00:34:43,182
He hasn't broken a law.

858
00:34:43,215 --> 00:34:44,416
( door opens )

859
00:34:44,450 --> 00:34:46,452
CHARLIE:
The President's
on his way back.

860
00:34:46,485 --> 00:34:47,586
Thanks.

861
00:34:52,124 --> 00:34:54,092
Says you.

862
00:34:54,126 --> 00:34:55,761
And you don't have
to break the law

863
00:34:55,794 --> 00:34:58,330
to get served
with Articles of Impeachment.

864
00:35:01,533 --> 00:35:04,570
Toby, it is never going
to get that far.

865
00:35:09,675 --> 00:35:13,612
Write down the exact date
and time you said that.

866
00:35:20,686 --> 00:35:26,091
DONNA:
See, the thing about me,
is that mine is a dry wit.

867
00:35:26,124 --> 00:35:28,527
And a dry wit,
like a fine martini

868
00:35:28,560 --> 00:35:30,729
is best enjoyed...

869
00:35:31,797 --> 00:35:34,833
LARRY:
Uh-oh.

870
00:35:34,866 --> 00:35:35,801
Yeah, nowhere to go there.

871
00:35:35,834 --> 00:35:37,035
What the hell took so long?

872
00:35:37,068 --> 00:35:39,305
We got the coffee,
but then I spilled it
coming up the stairs.

873
00:35:39,338 --> 00:35:41,440
You know, the
first couple times.
Where's Josh?

874
00:35:42,641 --> 00:35:46,077
For how long?
You sentI've had time to spill
to get tcoffee, you know, a lot.

875
00:35:46,111 --> 00:35:47,078
I'll find him.

876
00:35:47,112 --> 00:35:48,447
So, guys...

877
00:35:48,480 --> 00:35:49,915
Yeah.
When I was
downstairs

878
00:35:49,948 --> 00:35:52,518
I made a decision:
I'm registering with
the Republican Party.

879
00:35:52,551 --> 00:35:54,286
And I'll tell you why,
if you're curious.

880
00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:55,621
Because they're a
freedom-loving people.

881
00:35:55,654 --> 00:35:57,223
We also like beef.

882
00:35:57,256 --> 00:35:59,358
You know, you insist
the Government
is depraved

883
00:35:59,391 --> 00:36:01,960
for not legislating
against what we can
see on the newsstands

884
00:36:01,993 --> 00:36:03,862
or what we can see
in an art exhibit

885
00:36:03,895 --> 00:36:05,264
or what we can
burn in protest

886
00:36:05,297 --> 00:36:06,898
or which sex
we're allowed
to have sex with

887
00:36:06,932 --> 00:36:08,166
or a woman's
right to choose.

888
00:36:08,200 --> 00:36:09,468
But don't you dare
try and regulate

889
00:36:09,501 --> 00:36:11,169
this deadly weapon
I have concealed on me

890
00:36:11,203 --> 00:36:12,738
for that would encroach
against my freedom.

891
00:36:12,771 --> 00:36:14,340
Yeah, and Democrats believe
in free speech

892
00:36:14,373 --> 00:36:17,376
as long as it isn't prayer
while you're standing in school.

893
00:36:17,409 --> 00:36:18,910
You believe in the Freedom
of Information Act

894
00:36:18,944 --> 00:36:20,246
except if you want
to find out

895
00:36:20,279 --> 00:36:22,113
if your 14-year-old daughter's
had an abortion.

896
00:36:22,147 --> 00:36:23,114
We believe in the ERA.

897
00:36:23,148 --> 00:36:24,450
Well, go get 'em.

898
00:36:24,483 --> 00:36:26,184
How can you have an
objection to some-
thing that says...

899
00:36:26,218 --> 00:36:27,619
Because it's humiliating.

900
00:36:27,653 --> 00:36:29,988
A new Amendment
we vote on declaring

901
00:36:30,021 --> 00:36:32,190
that I am equal
under the law to a man?

902
00:36:32,224 --> 00:36:33,392
I am mortified
to discover

903
00:36:33,425 --> 00:36:36,194
there's reason to believe
I wasn't before.

904
00:36:36,228 --> 00:36:38,430
I am a citizen
of this country.

905
00:36:38,464 --> 00:36:41,600
I am not a special subset
in need of your protection.

906
00:36:41,633 --> 00:36:44,936
I do not have to have my
rights handed down to me

907
00:36:44,970 --> 00:36:47,406
by a bunch of
old, white men.

908
00:36:47,439 --> 00:36:50,141
The same Article 14
that protects you

909
00:36:50,175 --> 00:36:51,343
protects me.

910
00:36:51,377 --> 00:36:54,580
And I went to law school
just to make sure.

911
00:36:54,613 --> 00:36:57,916
And with that, I'm going back
down to the mess

912
00:36:57,949 --> 00:37:02,254
because I thought I may have
seen there, a peach.

913
00:37:05,991 --> 00:37:07,259
I could've countered that

914
00:37:07,293 --> 00:37:10,296
but I'd already moved on
to other things in my head.

915
00:37:19,571 --> 00:37:20,839
Josh.

916
00:37:20,872 --> 00:37:22,341
Oh.

917
00:37:24,943 --> 00:37:26,578
Well, that
was predictable.

918
00:37:26,612 --> 00:37:28,347
Yes.

919
00:37:28,380 --> 00:37:30,316
I'm trying to find
that speech Sam said.

920
00:37:30,349 --> 00:37:32,351
You know, we keep
them on computer.

921
00:37:32,384 --> 00:37:34,052
Well, yeah, sure, I suppose...

922
00:37:34,085 --> 00:37:36,855
Except you don't know
how to use a computer.
Right.

923
00:37:36,888 --> 00:37:38,757
Josh, Josh, Josh.

924
00:37:38,790 --> 00:37:39,691
Yes.

925
00:37:39,725 --> 00:37:42,027
Joshua, Josh, Josh.

926
00:37:43,629 --> 00:37:45,263
What the hell is happening now?

927
00:37:45,297 --> 00:37:47,566
You feel, I believe, because
you're quite addleminded

928
00:37:47,599 --> 00:37:49,735
that this job was
my second choice.

929
00:37:49,768 --> 00:37:52,838
Hey I'm just grateful we were
your last choice.

930
00:37:52,871 --> 00:37:54,806
I'm going to give you
a little gift right now,
which you don't deserve.

931
00:37:54,840 --> 00:37:57,208
Donna, if you've got your
old Catholic school uniform

932
00:37:57,242 --> 00:37:59,144
on under there,
don't get me wrong

933
00:37:59,177 --> 00:38:00,446
I applaud the thought, but--

934
00:38:00,479 --> 00:38:02,147
Okay, what I need is
for you to stop being

935
00:38:02,180 --> 00:38:03,949
like... you
for a second.

936
00:38:03,982 --> 00:38:05,717
Okay.
When I came back

937
00:38:05,751 --> 00:38:07,519
you remember I had
a bandage on my ankle?

938
00:38:07,553 --> 00:38:09,054
Yeah.
I told you
I slipped

939
00:38:09,087 --> 00:38:10,221
on the ice on
the front walk?

940
00:38:10,255 --> 00:38:11,823
Yeah, you know why?
'Cause you didn't

941
00:38:11,857 --> 00:38:13,825
put down the kitty litter.
I was actually in
a car accident.

942
00:38:13,859 --> 00:38:15,761
You were in
a car accident?
It was...

943
00:38:15,794 --> 00:38:17,128
Seriously, you were in
an accident?

944
00:38:17,162 --> 00:38:17,996
It was no big deal.

945
00:38:18,029 --> 00:38:20,031
You told me it was a late thaw.

946
00:38:20,065 --> 00:38:24,202
Yes... I did.

947
00:38:24,235 --> 00:38:25,904
Anyway, they took me
to the hospital

948
00:38:25,937 --> 00:38:28,139
and I called him,
and he came down to get me.

949
00:38:28,173 --> 00:38:29,808
And on the way...

950
00:38:29,841 --> 00:38:32,611
he stopped and met some friends
of his for a beer.

951
00:38:32,644 --> 00:38:35,881
He stopped on the way
to the hospital for a beer?

952
00:38:35,914 --> 00:38:37,082
Yes.

953
00:38:37,115 --> 00:38:38,417
And so I left him.

954
00:38:38,450 --> 00:38:41,086
Which was the point
of my telling you this.

955
00:38:41,119 --> 00:38:43,889
I left him.

956
00:38:43,922 --> 00:38:47,125
So stop remembering that.

957
00:38:47,158 --> 00:38:48,894
What I remember
is that you took me back

958
00:38:48,927 --> 00:38:51,162
when you had absolutely
no reason to trust me again

959
00:38:51,196 --> 00:38:53,264
and you didn't make fun of me
or him

960
00:38:53,298 --> 00:38:54,966
and you had
every reason to.

961
00:38:55,000 --> 00:38:56,101
Donna...

962
00:38:56,134 --> 00:38:58,336
You're going to make fun
of him now, aren't you?
No.

963
00:38:58,370 --> 00:39:00,138
'Cause that's why I didn't
tell you in the first place.

964
00:39:00,171 --> 00:39:01,940
I'm not going to
make fun of him.
Good.

965
00:39:01,973 --> 00:39:04,309
But just what kind of
a dumpkiss were you...

966
00:39:04,342 --> 00:39:05,877
He was supposed to meet
some of his friends.

967
00:39:05,911 --> 00:39:07,513
He stopped on the way
to say he couldn't.

968
00:39:07,546 --> 00:39:10,449
And had a beer?
Does this make you
feel superior?

969
00:39:10,482 --> 00:39:12,484
Yes, you are better

970
00:39:12,518 --> 00:39:15,421
than my old boyfriend.

971
00:39:15,454 --> 00:39:18,390
I'm, I'm just saying

972
00:39:18,424 --> 00:39:22,160
if you were in an
accident, I wouldn't
stop for a beer.

973
00:39:22,193 --> 00:39:27,165
If you were in an
accident, I wouldn't
stop for red lights.

974
00:39:27,198 --> 00:39:30,135
Thanks for taking me back.

975
00:39:30,168 --> 00:39:33,004
Oh, and the flowers
are beautiful.

976
00:39:43,449 --> 00:39:45,116
Why not
heighten security?

977
00:39:45,150 --> 00:39:46,885
Hmm?

978
00:39:46,918 --> 00:39:50,756
At the airports, why
not heighten security?
What's the downside?

979
00:39:51,923 --> 00:39:52,891
Sorry about that.

980
00:39:52,924 --> 00:39:53,925
What's going on?

981
00:39:53,959 --> 00:39:54,926
Charlie?

982
00:39:54,960 --> 00:39:55,927
I've got to
make the call.

983
00:39:55,961 --> 00:39:56,995
Yes, sir.

984
00:39:57,028 --> 00:39:57,929
Let's get
Garreth back.

985
00:39:59,498 --> 00:40:01,700
( sighs )

986
00:40:07,673 --> 00:40:10,375
Toby was just asking
what the downside

987
00:40:10,408 --> 00:40:12,878
of going to a security
condition was.

988
00:40:12,911 --> 00:40:16,047
The scanners they use take
an hour to search the luggage

989
00:40:16,081 --> 00:40:18,484
of 250 passengers.

990
00:40:18,517 --> 00:40:21,186
The condition requires
two photo I.D.s.

991
00:40:21,219 --> 00:40:22,854
Most people only have one.

992
00:40:22,888 --> 00:40:25,891
Delays.

993
00:40:25,924 --> 00:40:27,158
Delays are the downside.

994
00:40:31,162 --> 00:40:33,431
( knocking at door )

995
00:40:33,465 --> 00:40:35,100
CHARLIE:
Mr. Garreth.

996
00:40:35,133 --> 00:40:36,668
That timed out well.

997
00:40:38,236 --> 00:40:40,405
Hal, okay, let's do it.

998
00:40:40,438 --> 00:40:42,440
I'm ordering
the airports

999
00:40:42,474 --> 00:40:43,609
to a 2-condition.

1000
00:40:43,642 --> 00:40:45,276
You'll have
it in writing

1001
00:40:45,310 --> 00:40:46,978
in about five minutes.

1002
00:40:47,012 --> 00:40:48,246
Thanks.

1003
00:40:48,279 --> 00:40:49,114
I didn't know enough.

1004
00:40:49,147 --> 00:40:51,750
I know the feeling.

1005
00:40:51,783 --> 00:40:55,787
I have no intention
of apologizing to you, Toby.

1006
00:40:55,821 --> 00:40:57,956
Would you mind
if I ask why not?

1007
00:40:57,989 --> 00:40:59,124
'Cause you're not the one

1008
00:40:59,157 --> 00:41:01,860
with MS, a wife, three
kids and airports to close.

1009
00:41:01,893 --> 00:41:03,962
Not every part of me
belongs to you.

1010
00:41:03,995 --> 00:41:05,764
This was personal.

1011
00:41:05,797 --> 00:41:08,600
I'm not willing
to relinquish that right.

1012
00:41:12,370 --> 00:41:15,373
It will appear to
many, if not most

1013
00:41:15,406 --> 00:41:16,842
as fraud.

1014
00:41:16,875 --> 00:41:18,744
It will appear
as if you denied

1015
00:41:18,777 --> 00:41:20,278
the voters
an opportunity

1016
00:41:20,311 --> 00:41:21,813
to decide
for themselves.

1017
00:41:21,847 --> 00:41:23,549
They're generally
not willing

1018
00:41:23,582 --> 00:41:25,717
to relinquish
that right, either.

1019
00:41:31,089 --> 00:41:32,724
Yeah.

1020
00:41:34,459 --> 00:41:36,795
Mr. President,
at some point in the near future

1021
00:41:36,828 --> 00:41:39,497
we're going to have to speak
to some lawyers.

1022
00:41:39,531 --> 00:41:42,467
Well that's what usually brings
on the episodes

1023
00:41:42,500 --> 00:41:44,636
but if you say so.

1024
00:41:47,673 --> 00:41:50,175
It's 17 people, by the way.

1025
00:41:50,208 --> 00:41:51,476
I'm sorry?

1026
00:41:51,509 --> 00:41:53,344
You knew.

1027
00:41:53,378 --> 00:41:55,180
We weren't counting you.

1028
00:41:55,213 --> 00:41:56,848
It's 17 people.

1029
00:42:04,255 --> 00:42:05,624
( sighs )

1030
00:42:05,657 --> 00:42:07,726
I don't know.

1031
00:42:09,761 --> 00:42:13,632
It may have been
unbelievably stupid.

1032
00:42:13,665 --> 00:42:15,533
It may have been
unthinkably stupid.

1033
00:42:15,567 --> 00:42:17,769
I don't know.

1034
00:42:20,338 --> 00:42:22,908
I'm sorry, I really am.

1035
00:42:30,081 --> 00:42:32,684
I've got to go
in the other room and, uh...

1036
00:42:32,718 --> 00:42:34,686
Yeah. I'll see you tomorrow.
Thanks.

1037
00:42:34,720 --> 00:42:37,823
Thank you,
Mr. President.

1038
00:42:49,601 --> 00:42:51,402
ED:
I think that's
a good one.

1039
00:42:51,436 --> 00:42:52,470
( talking and laughing )

1040
00:42:52,503 --> 00:42:53,571
AINSLEY:
Toby!

1041
00:42:53,605 --> 00:42:55,240
JOSH:
What have you got?

1042
00:42:55,273 --> 00:42:58,376
ED:
Um, okay, so the
President was asked
to pick tonight's menu.

1043
00:42:58,409 --> 00:42:59,678
And he says,
uh, just serve

1044
00:42:59,711 --> 00:43:01,613
anything you want
except lame duck.

1045
00:43:01,647 --> 00:43:03,048
SAM:
Toby, listen,
listen to this.

1046
00:43:03,081 --> 00:43:04,683
Okay.

1047
00:43:04,716 --> 00:43:07,085
ED:
So the President
says, "I know
times are tough.

1048
00:43:07,118 --> 00:43:09,721
The NASDAQ just
filed for not-for-
profit status."

1049
00:43:09,755 --> 00:43:11,189
( laughter )

1050
00:43:11,222 --> 00:43:13,124
AINSLEY:
What about the one
about the Pentagon?

1051
00:43:13,158 --> 00:43:14,760
JOSH:
Okay, you have
to try and imagine

1052
00:43:14,793 --> 00:43:16,127
that the President
is saying it.

1053
00:43:16,161 --> 00:43:17,162
TOBY:
Okay.

1054
00:43:17,195 --> 00:43:18,129
JOSH:
Tell me if you think
this is funny...