1
00:00:01,134 --> 00:00:04,378
<i>It was the Fall of 2009
and I was a professor now.</i>

2
00:00:05,007 --> 00:00:07,298
<i>So I decided to change my look
a little bit.</i>

3
00:00:07,423 --> 00:00:08,758
<i>And people were noticing.</i>

4
00:00:09,582 --> 00:00:10,384
Tweed.

5
00:00:11,108 --> 00:00:12,595
Textile of the eunuch.

6
00:00:13,444 --> 00:00:16,307
You know, I've always wonded why
those tweed jackets have elbow patches.

7
00:00:16,475 --> 00:00:18,926
Because the people who wear them
are constantly going,

8
00:00:19,051 --> 00:00:21,312
"Geez. Why can't I get laid?"

9
00:00:22,251 --> 00:00:25,316
Your are wrong.
The ladies dig the professor look.

10
00:00:25,484 --> 00:00:27,050
There is something to that.

11
00:00:27,175 --> 00:00:30,321
I remember thinking my tenth grade
math teacher was very sexy.

12
00:00:31,178 --> 00:00:33,199
I wonder if Harold's still in jail.

13
00:00:34,306 --> 00:00:36,276
What?
Tax evasion.

14
00:00:37,836 --> 00:00:38,996
Among other things.

15
00:00:40,179 --> 00:00:43,792
So guys, Marshall and I
wanted to invite you to our place

16
00:00:43,917 --> 00:00:45,419
for a little couples' night.

17
00:00:46,511 --> 00:00:47,755
Sure. Why not?

18
00:00:48,487 --> 00:00:50,540
<i>For years, Marshall and Lily
had been the only</i>

19
00:00:50,665 --> 00:00:52,718
<i>married couple in a group full
of single people</i>

20
00:00:53,434 --> 00:00:54,634
<i>It got lonely.</i>

21
00:00:54,961 --> 00:00:57,890
<i>So they were always searching
for another couple to double-date.</i>

22
00:00:58,058 --> 00:00:59,512
<i>There was only one problem.</i>

23
00:00:59,637 --> 00:01:01,178
- Welcome.
- Gouda?

24
00:01:01,934 --> 00:01:03,334
<i>They sucked at it.</i>

25
00:01:04,735 --> 00:01:05,690
This is great.

26
00:01:05,858 --> 00:01:07,817
We're having fun.
You're having fun, right?

27
00:01:09,383 --> 00:01:12,488
So, should we just go ahead
and lock the four of us for new year's?

28
00:01:14,026 --> 00:01:14,991
It's april.

29
00:01:15,480 --> 00:01:16,957
Right. Sorry.

30
00:01:17,374 --> 00:01:19,923
We're getting ahead of ourselves.
Let's talk thanksgiving.

31
00:01:20,048 --> 00:01:22,398
Our parents really want to meet you!

32
00:01:27,749 --> 00:01:29,839
Well, we should probably be going.

33
00:01:30,007 --> 00:01:33,050
Wait. But, wait, if you leave now,
Colonel Mustard just gets away with it.

34
00:01:33,218 --> 00:01:35,326
It's getting pretty late.
We're going to go.

35
00:01:35,451 --> 00:01:36,554
There's still pie.

36
00:01:39,437 --> 00:01:42,018
Night was fantastic.
We should do it again.

37
00:01:42,969 --> 00:01:46,866
I'm sorry, Marshall, but Falguni and I
are just not that into you.

38
00:01:47,579 --> 00:01:48,479
And you.

39
00:01:49,715 --> 00:01:52,069
<i>But just when Lily and Marshall
were about to give up,</i>

40
00:01:52,237 --> 00:01:54,447
<i>2 of their best friends
in the world got together.</i>

41
00:01:55,420 --> 00:01:57,620
<i>And hope returned to their hearts.</i>

42
00:01:58,958 --> 00:02:00,119
<i>So when lily said...</i>

43
00:02:00,568 --> 00:02:02,916
Marshall and I wanted
to invite you to our place

44
00:02:03,041 --> 00:02:04,623
for a little couples' night.

45
00:02:05,689 --> 00:02:06,889
Sure. Why not?

46
00:02:07,391 --> 00:02:10,379
<i>Barney and Robin had no idea
What they were about to walk into.</i>

47
00:02:10,547 --> 00:02:11,776
Okay. Game time.

48
00:02:11,901 --> 00:02:14,015
Let's review the flow of the room.

49
00:02:14,140 --> 00:02:16,100
Barn and Robin enter here.

50
00:02:16,225 --> 00:02:19,113
Stop here for margaritas.
That's a great conversation starter.

51
00:02:19,238 --> 00:02:21,265
We can tell them about
our trip to Cabot.

52
00:02:21,433 --> 00:02:23,372
Great, 'cause I got that story
about Sammy Hagar

53
00:02:23,497 --> 00:02:25,269
and the Belgian waffle locked
and loaded.

54
00:02:25,437 --> 00:02:28,105
Then we'll move on
to the hot apps station.

55
00:02:28,529 --> 00:02:30,415
And, depending on how
things are going,

56
00:02:30,540 --> 00:02:32,640
some lively pre-dinner charades.

57
00:02:32,982 --> 00:02:35,527
Right, but,
we'll play that one by...

58
00:02:37,153 --> 00:02:38,073
Sounds like?

59
00:02:38,672 --> 00:02:40,201
OK, you can be Robin's partner.

60
00:02:43,327 --> 00:02:44,877
Baby, we can do this.

61
00:02:47,626 --> 00:02:49,301
- Welcome.
- Gouda?

62
00:02:51,327 --> 00:02:53,130
<i>Meanwhile, my half-baked theory</i>

63
00:02:53,298 --> 00:02:56,417
<i>that ladies dig the professor look
was actually proving to be true.</i>

64
00:02:56,542 --> 00:02:59,449
- So is it hard to grade papers?
- No, you've just got to make it fun.

65
00:02:59,574 --> 00:03:02,483
For example, every time
I spot a grammatical error,

66
00:03:02,608 --> 00:03:03,708
I do a shot.

67
00:03:03,833 --> 00:03:06,852
I'm trashed right now,
and I blame our public school system.

68
00:03:07,701 --> 00:03:10,564
<i>Sometimes things just seem
to magically fall into place.</i>

69
00:03:11,097 --> 00:03:13,150
So, you said
you live right upstairs?

70
00:03:13,590 --> 00:03:15,277
<i>Whether it's in the dating world...</i>

71
00:03:15,445 --> 00:03:16,949
Take care. Bye.

72
00:03:17,074 --> 00:03:18,831
<i>... or the double-dating world.</i>

73
00:03:19,746 --> 00:03:20,658
Nailed it!

74
00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:21,992
Best night ever!

75
00:03:23,750 --> 00:03:25,953
Worst night ever.

76
00:03:29,167 --> 00:03:31,570
Synchro: ShalimarFox, -Titou-

77
00:03:39,344 --> 00:03:41,845
.:: La Fabrique ::.

78
00:03:42,888 --> 00:03:45,683
How was the big couples'
night with Marshall and Lily?

79
00:03:46,029 --> 00:03:47,852
- Brutal.
- Really? How?

80
00:03:48,221 --> 00:03:52,169
It was like we were on a date with
a sad chubby girl our mom made us call.

81
00:03:52,718 --> 00:03:55,901
They were so nervous, that they weren't
even making sense half the time.

82
00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:58,946
Come on in.
Would you like a margarita?

83
00:03:59,114 --> 00:04:01,532
In Cabot, I saw Sammy Hagar
eating a belgian waffle!

84
00:04:03,851 --> 00:04:07,162
And they kept shoving platters
of food in our faces.

85
00:04:07,442 --> 00:04:10,457
Let me guess: Did Marshall get, like,
super intense about the cheese?

86
00:04:11,010 --> 00:04:13,264
- Yeah, how'd you know?
- Poor Marshal.

87
00:04:13,389 --> 00:04:15,850
Lily's this gourmet cook,
and all she lets Marshall do

88
00:04:15,975 --> 00:04:18,215
is pick out one sad block of cheese.

89
00:04:18,713 --> 00:04:20,384
That's prosciutto-wrapped melon.

90
00:04:20,552 --> 00:04:22,720
You guys are going to want
to get in on this gouda.

91
00:04:22,888 --> 00:04:25,180
That's seared scallops
with a mango chutney.

92
00:04:25,348 --> 00:04:27,524
Seriously, don't sleep on the gouda.

93
00:04:27,649 --> 00:04:30,352
And that's lobster ravioli
in a black truffle oil.

94
00:04:30,819 --> 00:04:32,919
Tick-tock goes the gouda clock.

95
00:04:34,065 --> 00:04:36,728
We... we didn't realize
there was gonna be dinner.

96
00:04:36,853 --> 00:04:39,028
We sucked down a couple
tacos outside the subway.

97
00:04:39,289 --> 00:04:41,137
P. S: not sitting great.

98
00:04:43,351 --> 00:04:47,119
And if anything didn't go
according to plan, they would freak out.

99
00:04:48,081 --> 00:04:50,039
What do you mean,
the egg timer is broken?

100
00:04:50,207 --> 00:04:53,446
- What are we going to use for charades?
- I'm working on it, darling.

101
00:04:53,571 --> 00:04:54,710
Just stall them.

102
00:04:55,906 --> 00:04:58,616
Now, Robin...
You work in television.

103
00:04:58,862 --> 00:05:01,524
We're experiencing some
technical difficulties.

104
00:05:01,649 --> 00:05:02,593
You get that?

105
00:05:03,655 --> 00:05:05,182
We're still laughing.

106
00:05:05,307 --> 00:05:06,107
Right?

107
00:05:11,919 --> 00:05:13,437
Come on, they just got excited.

108
00:05:13,605 --> 00:05:16,083
They've been looking for couple
best friends forever.

109
00:05:16,208 --> 00:05:18,278
Plus, I'm sure
they weren't that bad.

110
00:05:18,902 --> 00:05:19,777
Show him.

111
00:05:21,022 --> 00:05:24,936
This is a web site
Marshall already made about last night.

112
00:05:25,629 --> 00:05:28,748
It's called
itwasthebestnightever.com.

113
00:05:31,623 --> 00:05:34,229
<i>It was the best night ever</i>

114
00:05:35,246 --> 00:05:39,197
<i>laughter raining down
like April showers</i>

115
00:05:40,730 --> 00:05:42,962
<i>we talked for hours...</i>

116
00:05:46,323 --> 00:05:47,573
That's no good.

117
00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:51,303
<i>Then we played charades</i>

118
00:05:51,769 --> 00:05:55,020
<i>Lily made some creme brulee,
lay-lay-lay-lay</i>

119
00:05:55,145 --> 00:05:58,145
<i>and now that
we're best couple friends</i>

120
00:05:58,473 --> 00:06:01,026
<i>there's only one thing</i>

121
00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:02,958
<i>left to say...</i>

122
00:06:05,448 --> 00:06:07,653
<i>Are you free? Are you free?
Are you free...</i>

123
00:06:09,633 --> 00:06:11,944
<i>next saturday?
That's the 17.</i>

124
00:06:13,137 --> 00:06:16,199
<i>Friday or Sunday would also work.
Or basically any other day.</i>

125
00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:20,600
Needless to say, we've both changed
our e-mail addresses.

126
00:06:20,968 --> 00:06:23,507
I don't understand.
If last night went so horribly,

127
00:06:23,675 --> 00:06:25,634
why do they think it was such a hit?

128
00:06:26,376 --> 00:06:29,972
We knew we were gonna have fun tonight,
but we had no idea how much.

129
00:06:30,516 --> 00:06:32,936
Yeah, tough luck every saturday
night I've ever had,

130
00:06:33,061 --> 00:06:35,102
'cause this one just
blow out of the water.

131
00:06:35,270 --> 00:06:37,887
- Let's do it again, soon.
- Yeah, we'll call you.

132
00:06:38,202 --> 00:06:41,024
They're your friends! Why would you
just blatantly lie to them like that?

133
00:06:41,352 --> 00:06:43,568
That's what you say
at the end of a crappy date.

134
00:06:43,736 --> 00:06:46,156
Hey, Ted.
Great time last night.

135
00:06:46,281 --> 00:06:48,831
Let's do it again, soon.
I'll, call you.

136
00:06:51,122 --> 00:06:52,160
Right?

137
00:06:53,281 --> 00:06:55,276
- Who was that?
- I don't want to brag,

138
00:06:55,401 --> 00:06:58,667
but it seems chicks are really digging
the whole professor thing.

139
00:06:59,088 --> 00:07:01,107
Last night,
she picked me up at the bar.

140
00:07:01,232 --> 00:07:02,282
And then...

141
00:07:03,204 --> 00:07:05,545
Well, she actually wound up
falling asleep the couch.

142
00:07:05,670 --> 00:07:07,753
But... that happens.

143
00:07:09,506 --> 00:07:11,584
- No, it doesn't.
- Sure, it does.

144
00:07:11,801 --> 00:07:15,183
You know, she was... just exhausted
from being turned on.

145
00:07:15,921 --> 00:07:19,075
But you heard her.
She wants to do it again, soon.

146
00:07:19,958 --> 00:07:22,069
Ted, let me ask you a question.

147
00:07:22,194 --> 00:07:24,234
Where does this girl live, exactly?

148
00:07:24,624 --> 00:07:25,974
Westchester. Why?

149
00:07:29,066 --> 00:07:32,075
- You're the sexless innkeeper.
- Oh, my god! You're right!

150
00:07:32,243 --> 00:07:33,577
He's totally!

151
00:07:34,191 --> 00:07:36,496
What the hell is
"the sexless innkeeper"?

152
00:07:36,664 --> 00:07:39,782
Many a man...
nay, many a soul...

153
00:07:40,003 --> 00:07:42,268
Has their own tale of
the sexless innkeeper.

154
00:07:42,393 --> 00:07:45,131
Why, I had run-in
with one just last year.

155
00:07:45,348 --> 00:07:48,008
I even composed a poem about it.
Would you care to hear it?

156
00:07:48,259 --> 00:07:50,754
- Not really.
- It was the night before new year's,

157
00:07:50,879 --> 00:07:53,353
and the weather grew mean.

158
00:07:53,478 --> 00:07:55,027
It was 3:00 in the morning,

159
00:07:55,152 --> 00:07:57,102
and I was stranded in queens.

160
00:07:58,647 --> 00:08:00,247
<i>The tavern grew empty,</i>

161
00:08:00,583 --> 00:08:02,603
<i>the gas lights grew ****</i>

162
00:08:02,728 --> 00:08:06,234
<i>The horse-drawn carriages
were all but snowed in...</i>

163
00:08:06,584 --> 00:08:09,404
If this was last year, why are you
acting like it was <i>Oliver Twist?</i>

164
00:08:09,746 --> 00:08:11,541
Ted, it's a poem.

165
00:08:13,245 --> 00:08:15,045
<i>Last call was approaching,</i>

166
00:08:15,281 --> 00:08:17,231
<i>and my fortunes looked bleak.</i>

167
00:08:17,659 --> 00:08:19,359
<i>Then I turned to my left</i>

168
00:08:19,484 --> 00:08:20,907
<i>and stifled a shriek.</i>

169
00:08:22,086 --> 00:08:24,306
<i>She had a peach fuzz beard</i>

170
00:08:24,540 --> 00:08:26,492
<i>and weighed 16 stone.</i>

171
00:08:27,117 --> 00:08:29,245
<i>She gobble up hot wings</i>

172
00:08:29,370 --> 00:08:31,343
<i>and swallowed the bones.</i>

173
00:08:31,666 --> 00:08:33,210
<i>I muffled a scream</i>

174
00:08:33,335 --> 00:08:35,085
<i>and threw up in my mouth.</i>

175
00:08:35,387 --> 00:08:37,543
<i>I asked, "where do you live?"</i>

176
00:08:37,984 --> 00:08:40,227
<i>And she said, "one block south."</i>

177
00:08:41,675 --> 00:08:43,269
<i>I swallowed my pride</i>

178
00:08:44,174 --> 00:08:45,775
<i>and six shots whiskey.</i>

179
00:08:49,278 --> 00:08:50,528
<i>And prayed to the gods</i>

180
00:08:51,190 --> 00:08:53,040
<i>that she wasn't too frisky.</i>

181
00:08:54,226 --> 00:08:57,351
<i>Back in her cave,
she prepared us a snack.</i>

182
00:08:58,325 --> 00:09:02,228
<i>'neath her might hooves,
the floorboards did crack.</i>

183
00:09:03,347 --> 00:09:04,947
<i>But when she returned,</i>

184
00:09:05,239 --> 00:09:07,212
<i>she found a sound sleeper.</i>

185
00:09:08,116 --> 00:09:09,566
<i>And thus she became</i>

186
00:09:10,365 --> 00:09:12,310
<i>the sexless innkeeper.</i>

187
00:09:13,557 --> 00:09:14,636
And so are you.

188
00:09:15,239 --> 00:09:18,097
Wait, you're saying that girl
just used me for a place to crash?

189
00:09:18,521 --> 00:09:20,768
Ted, you mentioned that
you live right upstairs.

190
00:09:20,893 --> 00:09:23,589
She saw the tweed jacket
which basically says

191
00:09:23,714 --> 00:09:27,410
you're not interested in, nor probably
even capable of, having sex.

192
00:09:27,623 --> 00:09:29,840
And she thought, "Free lodging."

193
00:09:30,589 --> 00:09:31,766
No way.

194
00:09:31,891 --> 00:09:33,696
I'm not the sexless innkeeper.

195
00:09:34,052 --> 00:09:37,626
Ted, that girl had no intention
of ever hooking up with you.

196
00:09:37,751 --> 00:09:39,943
Which is funny, because usually

197
00:09:40,068 --> 00:09:42,622
it's the innkeeper who offers
turn down service.

198
00:09:45,053 --> 00:09:47,001
Hey, guys. Good news.

199
00:09:47,169 --> 00:09:50,171
First of all, you can ignore all
the e-mails and texts we've sent you.

200
00:09:50,339 --> 00:09:52,131
We have. Go on.

201
00:09:52,299 --> 00:09:53,846
Because we went ahead and booked

202
00:09:53,971 --> 00:09:56,094
That couples' weekend
for all of us in Vermont!

203
00:09:56,398 --> 00:09:58,493
Wait, you guys were
serious about that?

204
00:09:58,618 --> 00:10:01,930
We never joke about bandb's, especially
at the height of syrup season.

205
00:10:02,716 --> 00:10:04,516
Saturday, we've got apple-picking,

206
00:10:04,641 --> 00:10:07,939
antiquing, then a hated hay ride.

207
00:10:08,107 --> 00:10:09,726
And Sunday, we're up at 6:00 a.m.

208
00:10:09,851 --> 00:10:11,443
for the fall foliage hike.

209
00:10:11,568 --> 00:10:14,070
You better pack your long johns,
'cause it is cold up there.

210
00:10:14,238 --> 00:10:15,238
Look!

211
00:10:16,772 --> 00:10:19,053
I'm sorry
that we have been dodging your calls,

212
00:10:19,178 --> 00:10:21,172
but we respect you guys
too much as friends

213
00:10:21,297 --> 00:10:23,454
to give you song and dance.
You deserve the truth.

214
00:10:28,992 --> 00:10:31,966
The US Navy
has found intelligent alien life

215
00:10:32,091 --> 00:10:33,548
at the bottom of the ocean.

216
00:10:34,550 --> 00:10:35,975
For reasons I can't explain,

217
00:10:36,100 --> 00:10:39,095
Robin and I have been tapped
to lead the expedition.

218
00:10:40,919 --> 00:10:43,170
That kind of sounds
like the stuff you say to girls

219
00:10:43,295 --> 00:10:45,601
when you're too much of a coward
to dump them

220
00:10:45,852 --> 00:10:48,087
You know,
that's exactly what it sounds like.

221
00:10:48,482 --> 00:10:50,314
But if that's true, that's awesome.

222
00:10:51,799 --> 00:10:52,926
What's going on?

223
00:10:53,594 --> 00:10:56,544
Look, all this couple-y stuff,
it's just not us.

224
00:10:56,732 --> 00:10:59,824
Barney and I are barely equipped
to date each other, let alone you guys.

225
00:11:00,301 --> 00:11:01,301
Plus,

226
00:11:01,728 --> 00:11:02,744
the alien thing.

227
00:11:03,864 --> 00:11:06,044
- Come on, let's go.
- Let's go.

228
00:11:06,169 --> 00:11:08,091
- Know what, Lily...
- You know what?

229
00:11:08,486 --> 00:11:11,343
I hope those underwater aliens
are cold-blooded.

230
00:11:12,793 --> 00:11:15,089
'cause then you guys
will get along just fine.

231
00:11:20,731 --> 00:11:22,381
I think they bought it.

232
00:11:24,770 --> 00:11:26,544
I can't believe
they broke up with us.

233
00:11:26,669 --> 00:11:28,019
We're so lovable.

234
00:11:29,420 --> 00:11:31,570
We're not.
We're ugly and gross.

235
00:11:32,543 --> 00:11:34,169
I thought we did everything right.

236
00:11:34,294 --> 00:11:35,294
I know!

237
00:11:35,731 --> 00:11:38,418
I know. We had the Gouda.
We had my waffle story.

238
00:11:38,543 --> 00:11:40,698
I even sent them
an awesome photo montage.

239
00:11:42,544 --> 00:11:43,542
Nothing.

240
00:11:44,719 --> 00:11:45,719
Dear God.

241
00:11:46,544 --> 00:11:49,315
Marshall,
we've been over and over this.

242
00:11:49,547 --> 00:11:51,709
You have to stop
sending those to people.

243
00:11:52,466 --> 00:11:53,356
<i>It was true.</i>

244
00:11:53,481 --> 00:11:55,559
<i>Marshall had become addicted
to creating songs</i>

245
00:11:55,684 --> 00:11:58,799
<i>and photo montages
documenting various mundane events.</i>

246
00:11:59,406 --> 00:12:01,988
<i>So for months, Marshall's friends
and professional colleagues</i>

247
00:12:02,113 --> 00:12:03,679
<i>were getting e-mails like this...</i>

248
00:12:03,847 --> 00:12:06,419
<i>Ordered chinese food today,</i>

249
00:12:07,443 --> 00:12:10,335
<i>some Moo shu pork sauce got away,</i>

250
00:12:11,401 --> 00:12:12,779
<i>flipped the cushion,</i>

251
00:12:12,904 --> 00:12:15,396
<i>now everything okay.</i>

252
00:12:19,300 --> 00:12:22,116
<i>Cat-sitting for Lily's mom,</i>

253
00:12:22,673 --> 00:12:25,415
cat-sitting for Lily's mom,

254
00:12:26,230 --> 00:12:30,119
<i>it's gonna be fun,
it's gonna bring us all closer together.</i>

255
00:12:33,752 --> 00:12:36,548
<i>Cat funeral,</i>

256
00:12:37,156 --> 00:12:39,976
<i>cat funeral,</i>

257
00:12:40,264 --> 00:12:43,378
<i>it was an accident,</i>

258
00:12:43,798 --> 00:12:47,545
<i>and not entirely my fault.</i>

259
00:12:47,670 --> 00:12:50,323
<i>Cat funeral,</i>

260
00:12:51,087 --> 00:12:53,752
<i>cat funeral</i>

261
00:12:55,426 --> 00:12:57,176
<i>We'll miss you, Whiskers.</i>

262
00:13:02,794 --> 00:13:05,366
I can't believe
you sent them one of those.

263
00:13:05,541 --> 00:13:07,409
They think we're insane now.

264
00:13:07,577 --> 00:13:09,524
If I recall, they didn't dump us

265
00:13:09,649 --> 00:13:12,581
until you brought up that Vermont trip.
It was way too early.

266
00:13:12,919 --> 00:13:15,501
First, a boat ride around the city,
then a trip to Vermont.

267
00:13:15,669 --> 00:13:17,794
It's a rookie mistake,
and you're better than that.

268
00:13:18,005 --> 00:13:21,549
What about you forgetting
to check the egg timer for charades?

269
00:13:21,919 --> 00:13:23,975
I gave you one thing to do,
Marshall.

270
00:13:24,100 --> 00:13:24,927
One thing.

271
00:13:25,608 --> 00:13:26,510
One thing?

272
00:13:27,231 --> 00:13:28,231
One thing?

273
00:13:30,709 --> 00:13:31,479
Really?

274
00:13:32,829 --> 00:13:34,579
So, I guess that Gouda...

275
00:13:35,125 --> 00:13:37,022
just walked itself
right through the door,

276
00:13:38,667 --> 00:13:40,017
sliced itself up,

277
00:13:40,648 --> 00:13:42,330
and arranged itself...

278
00:13:42,455 --> 00:13:44,071
in a perfect semi-circle

279
00:13:44,196 --> 00:13:45,546
around not three,

280
00:13:46,816 --> 00:13:47,825
not four...

281
00:13:48,785 --> 00:13:51,861
But five different kinds of sturdy,

282
00:13:51,986 --> 00:13:53,686
cheese-bearing crackers?

283
00:13:55,414 --> 00:13:57,626
You're a sturdy,
cheese-bearing cracker!

284
00:14:00,015 --> 00:14:01,091
Lily and Marshall

285
00:14:01,298 --> 00:14:03,783
haven't been to the bar all week.
They're taking this hard.

286
00:14:03,908 --> 00:14:06,168
Ted, I could listen
to this guilt trip all day

287
00:14:06,293 --> 00:14:08,390
but don't you have to get back up
to the inn?

288
00:14:08,515 --> 00:14:09,972
Who's working the front desk?

289
00:14:10,419 --> 00:14:11,308
Seriously,

290
00:14:11,433 --> 00:14:13,642
they're your friends.
You got to go apologize.

291
00:14:14,168 --> 00:14:15,738
To your point, Ted,

292
00:14:16,362 --> 00:14:18,772
as an innkeeper,
do you do that cheapy thing

293
00:14:18,940 --> 00:14:21,168
where you only change
the linens upon request?

294
00:14:23,041 --> 00:14:25,025
How much water
is that actually saving?

295
00:14:25,488 --> 00:14:28,417
You know I'm right, ignoring a problem
doesn't make it go away.

296
00:14:28,542 --> 00:14:30,606
Usually, it just makes it bigger.

297
00:14:30,731 --> 00:14:32,207
- You're right.
- Thank you.

298
00:14:32,454 --> 00:14:34,329
All that sexlessness
has made you wise.

299
00:14:34,989 --> 00:14:36,043
For God's sake!

300
00:14:36,168 --> 00:14:37,458
Mint on the pillow, Ted!

301
00:14:37,715 --> 00:14:39,710
And don't charge for Wi-Fi.
It seems greedy!

302
00:14:43,448 --> 00:14:45,667
<i>But eventually,
even Barney and Robin had to admit</i>

303
00:14:45,792 --> 00:14:48,051
<i>they owed Lily and Marshall
an apology.</i>

304
00:14:49,846 --> 00:14:51,513
We wanted to say we're sorry.

305
00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:53,849
I wish you had called.

306
00:14:54,414 --> 00:14:55,219
I swear,

307
00:14:55,435 --> 00:14:57,686
he was right there
just eating a Belgian waffle!

308
00:14:59,557 --> 00:15:02,468
He can't have enjoyed it
as much as I'm enjoying this Gouda!

309
00:15:04,187 --> 00:15:04,945
Listen,

310
00:15:05,471 --> 00:15:07,071
now's not a good time.

311
00:15:07,392 --> 00:15:08,614
We'll call you.

312
00:15:08,902 --> 00:15:10,365
We just want...

313
00:15:18,353 --> 00:15:20,294
Long time no see.
Have a seat.

314
00:15:21,024 --> 00:15:23,559
We can't.
We're here with Py and Shea.

315
00:15:24,091 --> 00:15:25,058
It's just...

316
00:15:25,183 --> 00:15:28,219
- We haven't seen you guys all week.
- Maybe all six of us could hang out.

317
00:15:29,571 --> 00:15:30,733
It might be weird.

318
00:15:30,858 --> 00:15:32,399
We're kind of on a double date.

319
00:15:32,524 --> 00:15:35,684
Wouldn't want you to feel
like a fifth and sixth wheel.

320
00:15:36,464 --> 00:15:37,937
Who the hell are these people?

321
00:15:38,679 --> 00:15:40,337
They just moved here from Hawaii.

322
00:15:40,462 --> 00:15:42,862
Py is a total foodie,
and Shea, well...

323
00:15:46,405 --> 00:15:47,321
She's just...

324
00:15:51,701 --> 00:15:54,649
Anyhoo, we can't stay long.
We're just gonna grab a quick beer

325
00:15:54,774 --> 00:15:57,039
and take these kooks
for a boat ride around the city.

326
00:15:58,291 --> 00:16:00,325
It sounds like
this is getting pretty serious.

327
00:16:00,759 --> 00:16:02,859
We don't want to jinx it, but...

328
00:16:03,418 --> 00:16:04,964
We think they might be the two.

329
00:16:11,533 --> 00:16:12,566
Who needs 'em?

330
00:16:12,932 --> 00:16:13,932
Not us.

331
00:16:43,138 --> 00:16:44,211
Two for dinner.

332
00:16:44,484 --> 00:16:45,796
Just the two of you?

333
00:17:09,036 --> 00:17:11,594
Why don't we call
the weird couple down the hall from you?

334
00:17:11,719 --> 00:17:13,107
You know, with the ferrets?

335
00:17:13,232 --> 00:17:15,380
Maybe they want to come over
and play taboo.

336
00:17:15,505 --> 00:17:16,969
After midnight?
No way.

337
00:17:17,094 --> 00:17:19,371
We can't tabooty-call them,
it's pathetic.

338
00:17:24,016 --> 00:17:25,460
Are you wearing sweat pants?

339
00:17:26,241 --> 00:17:27,241
Maybe.

340
00:17:27,471 --> 00:17:28,712
But they're Armani.

341
00:17:31,201 --> 00:17:32,552
I've got bad news for you.

342
00:17:32,677 --> 00:17:34,572
So I'm just going to come out
and say it.

343
00:17:34,864 --> 00:17:35,971
You're a couple.

344
00:17:36,658 --> 00:17:38,356
And no matter how hard you fight it,

345
00:17:38,481 --> 00:17:39,988
couples need other couples.

346
00:17:40,113 --> 00:17:43,562
That's why you miss Marshall and Lily.
And can't you just admit that?

347
00:17:49,271 --> 00:17:51,695
- That was amazing, Lily!
- I know!

348
00:17:51,979 --> 00:17:54,948
When I got that left-hand-yellow,
I was like, "What?!"

349
00:17:55,871 --> 00:17:57,701
- You are the best.
- Right back at you!

350
00:18:46,665 --> 00:18:47,626
For charades.

351
00:18:50,914 --> 00:18:53,381
How do we know
you two won't hurt us again?

352
00:18:54,033 --> 00:18:55,033
You don't.

353
00:18:56,071 --> 00:18:57,067
You know what?

354
00:18:57,192 --> 00:18:58,392
We have two...

355
00:18:58,729 --> 00:19:01,229
very nice people,
up in that apartment,

356
00:19:01,900 --> 00:19:03,550
who are perfect for us.

357
00:19:04,022 --> 00:19:05,480
Then what are you doing,

358
00:19:06,156 --> 00:19:08,271
standing out in the rain with us?

359
00:19:09,324 --> 00:19:10,324
Damn it.

360
00:19:10,451 --> 00:19:13,701
Why is there something so attractive
about a bad boy...

361
00:19:14,039 --> 00:19:14,903
And girl?

362
00:19:16,601 --> 00:19:18,451
I think we can change them.

363
00:19:19,832 --> 00:19:20,951
Come here, you two.

364
00:19:26,071 --> 00:19:28,124
We'll never sleep
on the Gouda again.

365
00:19:35,685 --> 00:19:38,240
Barney, I got a little poem for you.
You want to hear it?

366
00:19:38,365 --> 00:19:39,263
Not really.

367
00:19:39,388 --> 00:19:41,054
"It was the night before this one.

368
00:19:42,101 --> 00:19:43,651
"I had hours to kill.

369
00:19:43,776 --> 00:19:46,826
<i>"I sat in the tavern,
grading parchments with quill."</i>

370
00:19:47,478 --> 00:19:48,311
With quill?

371
00:19:48,479 --> 00:19:50,480
Barney. It's a poem.

372
00:19:52,164 --> 00:19:54,526
<i>"A busty,
young lassie flashed me a grin.</i>

373
00:19:54,835 --> 00:19:56,236
<i>"Her garb said 'classy',</i>

374
00:19:56,477 --> 00:19:58,427
<i>"but her eyes whispered 'sin'.</i>

375
00:19:59,762 --> 00:20:01,574
<i>"She said, `You're a teacher?'.</i>

376
00:20:01,742 --> 00:20:03,243
<i>"I said, 'Yes, indeed'.</i>

377
00:20:03,476 --> 00:20:05,226
<i>'I must have you', she moaned.</i>

378
00:20:05,351 --> 00:20:07,101
<i>"I'm turned on by tweed.</i>

379
00:20:08,850 --> 00:20:10,376
<i>"With haste we did scamper</i>

380
00:20:10,501 --> 00:20:12,001
<i>"to my chamber anon.</i>

381
00:20:12,289 --> 00:20:13,892
<i>"We fell to the couch,</i>

382
00:20:14,017 --> 00:20:15,892
<i>"and, bro, it was on.</i>

383
00:20:17,206 --> 00:20:18,555
<i>"I unlaced her bodice.</i>

384
00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:20,538
<i>"Our passions grew deeper.</i>

385
00:20:20,663 --> 00:20:22,427
<i>"And thus ends the tale</i>

386
00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:24,775
<i>"of the sexless innkeeper".</i>

387
00:20:27,577 --> 00:20:28,929
No way.

388
00:20:29,153 --> 00:20:30,562
You made that up.

389
00:20:32,037 --> 00:20:34,437
Are you coming back to bed,
professor?

390
00:20:39,084 --> 00:20:40,280
I love being single.

391
00:20:43,409 --> 00:20:45,614
You ready for brunch
with Lily and Marshall?

392
00:20:46,525 --> 00:20:47,875
What have I done?