0 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000 Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org 1 00:02:16,636 --> 00:02:18,797 Wondermutt, go get Bob. 2 00:02:20,540 --> 00:02:25,034 Hey, guys! You all got your grade cards, right? 3 00:02:26,045 --> 00:02:27,637 OK. 4 00:02:27,847 --> 00:02:29,371 What have we learned this year? 5 00:02:29,582 --> 00:02:32,847 Teamwork, sportsmanship, how your friends look naked. 6 00:02:33,553 --> 00:02:35,851 You'll notice your grade cards are blank. 7 00:02:36,055 --> 00:02:39,718 Who better to evaluate a student's progress than the student himself? 8 00:02:42,529 --> 00:02:43,894 Good morning, young people. 9 00:02:44,597 --> 00:02:47,498 Vice Principal Gills has some words for you. Mr. Gills. 10 00:02:47,700 --> 00:02:49,827 Thank you, Principal Kelban. 11 00:02:52,238 --> 00:02:56,174 Well, well, I suppose you all remember the English skills test last month. 12 00:02:56,376 --> 00:02:57,741 - No. - No. 13 00:02:57,944 --> 00:02:59,969 - I had English? - The dot-to-dot puzzle? 14 00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:02,546 Yeah, that was it, yeah. No, I don't remember. 15 00:03:02,749 --> 00:03:05,377 I'm not surprised. All of you failed. 16 00:03:05,585 --> 00:03:09,612 However, in accordance with policies on minimum academic proficiencies, 17 00:03:09,822 --> 00:03:12,188 you'll have the opportunity to retake the exam. 18 00:03:12,392 --> 00:03:14,326 - Great. - Oh, joy, I have a boner now. 19 00:03:19,332 --> 00:03:22,426 - Hi. I'm all packed. Are you ready? - One minute to go. 20 00:03:24,304 --> 00:03:27,796 Your parents have been notified you'll be retested after completing 21 00:03:28,007 --> 00:03:31,909 the mandatory course in remedial English. In summer school. 22 00:03:32,111 --> 00:03:34,341 - What? - We just finished a whole semester 23 00:03:34,547 --> 00:03:36,174 and we gotta go to summer school? 24 00:03:36,382 --> 00:03:40,944 - You're crazy. I ain't going. - My grandmother's gonna kill me. 25 00:03:41,154 --> 00:03:46,057 Twenty, 19, 18, 17, 16, 15, 26 00:03:46,259 --> 00:03:49,057 fourteen, 13, 12, 27 00:03:49,262 --> 00:03:53,631 eleven, ten, nine, eight, 28 00:03:53,833 --> 00:03:57,291 seven, six, five, four, 29 00:03:57,503 --> 00:04:00,631 three, two, one! 30 00:04:19,559 --> 00:04:21,459 I won! I won! 31 00:04:25,531 --> 00:04:26,828 I won! I won! 32 00:04:29,569 --> 00:04:31,799 Gills, Kelban. I did it, I did it. 33 00:04:32,005 --> 00:04:34,235 Look at this puppy. 50,000 big ones. 34 00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:36,374 Know what this means? No summer school. 35 00:04:36,576 --> 00:04:38,237 Wait, you gave me your word. 36 00:04:38,444 --> 00:04:40,776 That was the old word. My new one is "money". 37 00:04:40,980 --> 00:04:44,006 You would let 50 grand weaken your commitment to education? 38 00:04:44,217 --> 00:04:47,186 Lesser men win millions, go right back to busing tables! 39 00:04:47,387 --> 00:04:50,447 They're frigging morons! 40 00:04:51,090 --> 00:04:53,923 Let me out of here! Let me out of here! 41 00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:56,721 Don't look at me. You're in charge of summer school. 42 00:05:02,035 --> 00:05:04,003 - May I speak with you a minute? - Sure. 43 00:05:04,203 --> 00:05:07,036 I need you to teach summer school. Dearadorian just quit. 44 00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:10,641 - Didn't he teach remedial English? - Well, yes... Winnick! 45 00:05:11,544 --> 00:05:13,444 Musway! 46 00:05:17,283 --> 00:05:18,511 Stop! Stop! 47 00:05:20,253 --> 00:05:22,153 Mary! 48 00:05:23,222 --> 00:05:24,883 I have to talk to you. 49 00:05:28,227 --> 00:05:30,354 Kim, get in the car. 50 00:05:30,963 --> 00:05:35,593 It's OK. I'll meet you at the airport. I'll get a cab. Take Wondermutt. 51 00:05:41,774 --> 00:05:43,537 Shoop. 52 00:05:44,477 --> 00:05:46,172 All right. 53 00:05:47,547 --> 00:05:49,515 Mr. Shoop. Oh, Mr. Shoop. 54 00:05:51,317 --> 00:05:54,252 Congratulations. You've been chosen to teach summer school. 55 00:05:54,454 --> 00:05:56,319 Shoot. 56 00:05:56,522 --> 00:05:58,149 If only I'd known sooner. 57 00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:01,987 - We're going to Hawaii. - May I remind you, Mr. Shoop, 58 00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:04,686 you're up for tenure. You want a job next year? 59 00:06:04,897 --> 00:06:07,866 Come on, Mr. Gills. Look, we got leis on and everything. 60 00:06:08,067 --> 00:06:10,035 You'll be teaching remedial English. 61 00:06:10,236 --> 00:06:13,069 Remedial English? Look, I ain't no English teacher. 62 00:06:13,272 --> 00:06:15,297 See? Double negative. 63 00:06:15,508 --> 00:06:20,138 No, I hand out basketballs, check for jockstraps. I'm, like, very challenged. 64 00:06:20,346 --> 00:06:22,610 - I'm not a real teacher. - That's all right. 65 00:06:22,815 --> 00:06:26,148 These aren't real students. They're unmotivated, irresponsible. 66 00:06:26,352 --> 00:06:28,980 - They'll relate to you. - I appreciate that. 67 00:06:29,188 --> 00:06:33,648 No, the reason I got into this whole teaching gig was to get summers off. 68 00:06:33,860 --> 00:06:35,851 No, I'm afraid my answer has to be no. 69 00:06:37,630 --> 00:06:38,858 No, thank you? 70 00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:41,966 Bottom line, you need my recommendation for tenure. 71 00:06:42,168 --> 00:06:43,635 This is blackmail. 72 00:06:44,604 --> 00:06:46,936 We call it school spirit. 73 00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:55,711 Kim. 74 00:06:57,150 --> 00:06:58,947 Have you ever seen The Wizard of Oz? 75 00:06:59,152 --> 00:07:01,814 - Oh, I love that movie. - Yeah. Yeah, me too. 76 00:07:02,021 --> 00:07:05,513 And my favorite part is when Dorothy, she clicks her heels together 77 00:07:05,725 --> 00:07:08,193 and she says, "There's no place like home. 78 00:07:08,394 --> 00:07:11,386 "There is no place like home." 79 00:07:11,597 --> 00:07:13,758 Oh, Shoop, I understand. 80 00:07:13,966 --> 00:07:16,434 You do? You're not disappointed? 81 00:07:16,636 --> 00:07:20,470 No. I'll just go by myself. 82 00:07:20,873 --> 00:07:23,501 - What, alone? - I'll make friends. 83 00:07:23,709 --> 00:07:28,271 Look, Kim, if you love me, even if you just like me a lot, you won't do this. 84 00:07:28,481 --> 00:07:33,111 If I didn't like you, I wouldn't ask you to drive me to the airport, now would I? 85 00:07:34,787 --> 00:07:36,152 Guess not. 86 00:07:36,355 --> 00:07:39,290 You're in room 43. 87 00:07:39,492 --> 00:07:42,188 Files on your students. 88 00:07:42,728 --> 00:07:44,355 A word to the wise, Mr. Shoop: 89 00:07:44,564 --> 00:07:46,964 Right off the bat, you show them who's in charge. 90 00:07:47,166 --> 00:07:48,463 Great. 91 00:07:49,101 --> 00:07:50,932 Who is in charge? 92 00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:56,369 Very cute. 93 00:07:57,844 --> 00:07:59,778 Thanks. So are you. 94 00:08:00,847 --> 00:08:02,542 Oh, you meant... 95 00:08:04,050 --> 00:08:07,281 Jeez, I'm so embarrassed. But you are cute. 96 00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:11,446 I'm all right. I'm Robin Bishop. I teach American history next door. 97 00:08:11,657 --> 00:08:14,922 Hi, Freddy Shoop. Remedial English, right here. 98 00:08:15,127 --> 00:08:16,355 Everybody calls me Shoop. 99 00:08:16,562 --> 00:08:19,224 OK, Shoop. 100 00:08:20,766 --> 00:08:23,530 Why am I here? Oh, thumbtacks. Could I borrow some? 101 00:08:23,736 --> 00:08:26,933 Sure. I was just gonna get my summer bulletin board going here. 102 00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:30,365 Jackpot. Whole box. Here you go, my treat. 103 00:08:30,576 --> 00:08:34,569 - But what about your bulletin board? - Oh, yeah. Give me one. 104 00:08:36,115 --> 00:08:37,776 Remedial English, huh? 105 00:08:37,984 --> 00:08:41,147 I got it easy, I have honor students. They're here voluntarily. 106 00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:42,981 - Believe it? - No. 107 00:08:43,189 --> 00:08:44,952 I've seen some of your students. 108 00:08:45,157 --> 00:08:48,024 Very scary. You must be a good teacher. 109 00:08:48,728 --> 00:08:51,390 Shucks, Robin, I don't know. 110 00:08:52,431 --> 00:08:55,992 Heck, inside every so-called bad kid is a good kid 111 00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:59,330 waiting for someone to reach down through the sleaze and slime, 112 00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:01,769 pick him up and hose him off. 113 00:09:01,974 --> 00:09:05,705 If we fail with even one child, we might be losing the next Ted Koppel. 114 00:09:07,446 --> 00:09:09,573 We're the unsung heroes doing God's work. 115 00:09:09,782 --> 00:09:11,443 You're not wearing a wedding ring. 116 00:09:11,651 --> 00:09:14,051 Yeah, my mother noticed that too. 117 00:09:14,253 --> 00:09:17,381 So you're single. In love? Involved? What's the story here? 118 00:09:17,590 --> 00:09:20,286 The story is that I've been seeing someone. 119 00:09:20,493 --> 00:09:24,361 But we just started dating, so you do what you think's right. 120 00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:26,759 - OK. - I better get going. 121 00:09:26,966 --> 00:09:29,093 Well, here, I'll walk you. 122 00:09:30,703 --> 00:09:32,933 So you're free to see other people, then? 123 00:09:33,139 --> 00:09:34,504 Are you asking me out? 124 00:09:34,707 --> 00:09:37,403 - Well, if I was, would you say yes? - I might. 125 00:09:37,610 --> 00:09:40,204 Well, I might be asking you out. 126 00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:42,438 - You like Chinese? - I hate it. 127 00:09:42,648 --> 00:09:44,047 Me too. I can't stand it. 128 00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:46,115 Wanna go out and not eat Chinese? 129 00:09:46,319 --> 00:09:47,581 I might. 130 00:09:47,787 --> 00:09:50,119 Why don't we talk about that after school. 131 00:09:55,061 --> 00:09:56,926 I'm in love again. 132 00:09:59,665 --> 00:10:02,225 Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. The crowd goes mild. 133 00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:04,699 - Hey, wow. - Kevin? 134 00:10:04,904 --> 00:10:07,065 - What happened to football, buddy? - Yeah. 135 00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:09,571 I was kicked off the team for being stupid. 136 00:10:09,775 --> 00:10:11,208 All right, it's about time. 137 00:10:11,410 --> 00:10:13,105 Congratulations, bud. 138 00:10:16,082 --> 00:10:17,640 Sorry I'm late. 139 00:10:20,853 --> 00:10:24,721 Hey, Mr. Shoop, wow. You in this class too? 140 00:10:25,858 --> 00:10:28,452 - I'm teaching it. - No way! 141 00:10:28,661 --> 00:10:30,925 Party all the time Party all the time 142 00:10:31,130 --> 00:10:33,098 My girl likes to party all the time 143 00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:36,962 All right, have a seat. Let's see who the lucky winners are. 144 00:10:39,071 --> 00:10:41,665 Larry Kazimias. Where's Larry? 145 00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:45,543 He's nocturnal. 146 00:10:45,745 --> 00:10:47,576 Oh, OK. 147 00:10:47,780 --> 00:10:50,943 Try and keep it down. Francis Gremp? 148 00:10:51,150 --> 00:10:53,880 Don't ever call me that. The name is Chainsaw. 149 00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:57,216 - As in Black and Decker? - As in Texas Massacre. 150 00:10:57,423 --> 00:10:59,857 - Oh, yeah, that's in here. - It's in there. 151 00:11:00,059 --> 00:11:02,653 - They got files on us. - Pam House. 152 00:11:05,998 --> 00:11:09,058 Says here you lack concentration. 153 00:11:12,238 --> 00:11:13,603 Pam? 154 00:11:18,210 --> 00:11:19,837 Never mind. 155 00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:22,671 Jerome Watkins. 156 00:11:24,250 --> 00:11:26,343 Computer said I failed that test. 157 00:11:26,552 --> 00:11:29,043 The computer made an error. 158 00:11:29,255 --> 00:11:33,089 I recommend this time, I pass. 159 00:11:33,659 --> 00:11:36,924 You're gonna do well, Jerome. I can feel it. 160 00:11:40,499 --> 00:11:43,957 - Alan Eakian. - Present, sir. 161 00:11:44,170 --> 00:11:47,139 Four brothers, two sisters, all straight-A students. 162 00:11:47,339 --> 00:11:48,374 What are you doing here? 163 00:11:48,374 --> 00:11:48,806 What are you doing here? 164 00:11:49,008 --> 00:11:52,944 I assume there was some sort of a baby mix-up at the hospital. 165 00:11:54,146 --> 00:11:56,080 - Rhonda Altobello. - Here. 166 00:11:56,282 --> 00:11:58,773 You went from C's to F's. What happened? 167 00:12:02,655 --> 00:12:04,088 Any other questions? 168 00:12:04,290 --> 00:12:06,087 No. 169 00:12:07,426 --> 00:12:10,122 - Denise Green. - What's that file say about me? 170 00:12:10,329 --> 00:12:13,765 It's a lie. You wanna know about me, ask me. What you want to know? 171 00:12:15,434 --> 00:12:18,028 - Where are my car keys? - How would I know? 172 00:12:18,237 --> 00:12:20,705 What, does that thing say I'm a thief too? 173 00:12:21,941 --> 00:12:24,535 All right, where are my car keys? 174 00:12:27,346 --> 00:12:30,110 - Chainsaw? - Somewhere in this room. 175 00:12:30,316 --> 00:12:31,783 Right now you're very cold. 176 00:12:34,487 --> 00:12:36,921 - You're really cold. - I want those keys. 177 00:12:37,123 --> 00:12:39,284 Oh, God, you're freezing. 178 00:12:39,925 --> 00:12:43,827 OK. OK, I'm a fun guy. I'll play along. 179 00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:47,327 - Getting warmer. - You are getting hot, man. 180 00:12:47,533 --> 00:12:49,865 - Oh, I see smoke. - You are on fire! 181 00:12:50,069 --> 00:12:52,401 Oh, you're walking on the sun! Ouch! Oh, wait. 182 00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:55,574 My mistake, I forgot where I put them. You're ice-cold. 183 00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:57,003 Enough of this shit. 184 00:12:57,209 --> 00:12:59,200 Does that mean we can swear in class? 185 00:12:59,411 --> 00:13:01,936 - Shit, yes! - Hey, watch your fucking language! 186 00:13:02,148 --> 00:13:04,241 Watch your language, fart-face! 187 00:13:07,887 --> 00:13:10,788 - Where are my keys? - There's the dick-brain that knows. 188 00:13:10,990 --> 00:13:13,788 If I knew anything, would I be in this butt-hole class? 189 00:13:13,993 --> 00:13:15,620 Suck my loggerhead. 190 00:13:15,828 --> 00:13:17,159 Damn it! 191 00:13:17,363 --> 00:13:20,821 - Jizzum-head! - Jizzum-head. Yeah, good one. 192 00:13:21,033 --> 00:13:22,330 One of my all-time faves. 193 00:13:23,869 --> 00:13:25,496 Psychology. 194 00:13:25,704 --> 00:13:29,162 You give a child the license to swear, they lose all interest in it. 195 00:13:29,375 --> 00:13:31,639 - I certainly did. - You're full of bull. 196 00:13:31,844 --> 00:13:34,312 It's OK, you can say "bullshit" in here. 197 00:13:34,513 --> 00:13:35,741 I'm grateful. 198 00:13:35,948 --> 00:13:38,439 I'm sure you're aware that I'm teaching next door. 199 00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:40,778 And this swearing is getting a little loud. 200 00:13:40,986 --> 00:13:44,615 You think you could concentrate on some obscene gestures for a while? 201 00:13:45,524 --> 00:13:48,152 Yes! Yes, that's the idea. 202 00:13:49,295 --> 00:13:50,956 Thank you. 203 00:13:53,632 --> 00:13:55,031 I don't think she likes you. 204 00:14:01,373 --> 00:14:03,068 I want my car keys. 205 00:14:05,611 --> 00:14:08,045 I'm using the lavatory. 206 00:14:10,749 --> 00:14:14,549 - This is worse than a gas station. - Yeah, I think I have to go too. 207 00:14:14,753 --> 00:14:18,018 Wait a minute. Hey, wait a... My keys. 208 00:14:18,224 --> 00:14:20,158 Thattaboy, Mr. Shoop. 209 00:14:20,359 --> 00:14:22,589 Hey. Hey! 210 00:14:22,828 --> 00:14:27,162 OK, I'm calling roll and then I'm gonna... 211 00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:29,095 Where's my roll sheet? 212 00:14:30,069 --> 00:14:32,401 It's somewhere in this room. 213 00:14:38,177 --> 00:14:41,772 Hey. Sorry about the noise. 214 00:14:41,981 --> 00:14:45,576 I'm really a gym teacher. I don't belong in a classroom. 215 00:14:45,784 --> 00:14:48,218 Apology accepted. 216 00:14:49,188 --> 00:14:50,712 See you later. 217 00:14:50,923 --> 00:14:54,450 Let's start all over. Hi, I'm Freddy Shoop. 218 00:14:54,660 --> 00:14:57,857 Look, you're a semi-charming guy and a snappy dresser. 219 00:14:58,063 --> 00:15:01,624 - You're not the kind of guy I date. - Yeah? What kind are you dating? 220 00:15:01,834 --> 00:15:04,803 - Oh, the kind who wears socks. - I got a pair somewhere. 221 00:15:05,004 --> 00:15:07,632 White ones. So about dinner, 222 00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:10,900 you like Italian? Mexican? Hey, maybe you'd rather cook. 223 00:15:11,110 --> 00:15:12,737 I'm not having dinner with you. 224 00:15:12,945 --> 00:15:14,276 - OK, lunch. - Robin. 225 00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:17,048 Excuse me just one second. 226 00:15:17,249 --> 00:15:19,649 Robin, about tonight, the concert starts at 8. 227 00:15:19,852 --> 00:15:22,286 I thought we'd go to the beach and have a picnic. 228 00:15:22,488 --> 00:15:25,651 - Watch the sunset. - Sounds wonderful. 229 00:15:29,094 --> 00:15:31,585 Oh, bye-bye, Freddy. 230 00:15:32,131 --> 00:15:35,464 I'll be darned. You're a heterosexual. 231 00:15:35,668 --> 00:15:37,499 And a damned good one. 232 00:15:39,371 --> 00:15:42,101 - Good luck, honey. - Thanks, Mom. 233 00:15:42,308 --> 00:15:44,538 OK, start her up. 234 00:15:47,279 --> 00:15:49,440 Make a right, please. 235 00:15:58,324 --> 00:15:59,552 These photos suck. 236 00:16:00,392 --> 00:16:02,986 Weddings, graduations. 237 00:16:03,929 --> 00:16:06,420 - Hoffman came in. - Yeah. 238 00:16:06,632 --> 00:16:08,896 It's more of the redhead with the tattoo. 239 00:16:09,101 --> 00:16:12,798 This time he's got her making breakfast stark raving naked. 240 00:16:13,005 --> 00:16:14,632 Oh, Hoffman, you're so sick. 241 00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:16,171 Check out this composition. 242 00:16:16,375 --> 00:16:21,506 Round English muffin, square butter, triangular bush. The man is an artist. 243 00:16:22,781 --> 00:16:24,612 - Reprints. - Reprints. 244 00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:27,217 Hi, I'd like to sign up for Lamaze classes. 245 00:16:27,419 --> 00:16:30,013 OK, how are Tuesday nights for you and your coach? 246 00:16:30,222 --> 00:16:33,783 - Perfect, but I don't have a coach. - Well, what about the father? 247 00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:37,952 Well, that's sort of confusing. It's either David Lee Roth, who's on tour, 248 00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:40,996 or Sean Penn. And I'd really hate to upset Madonna. 249 00:16:42,267 --> 00:16:43,996 Fill this out. 250 00:16:49,041 --> 00:16:51,373 OK. How far did we get yesterday? 251 00:16:51,577 --> 00:16:53,306 You took roll. 252 00:16:53,512 --> 00:16:56,106 Right. That shouldn't take as long today. 253 00:16:59,685 --> 00:17:01,016 Pam. 254 00:17:03,422 --> 00:17:07,415 - Mr. Shoop, I gotta book. - What? You just got here. 255 00:17:07,626 --> 00:17:08,991 Yeah. 256 00:17:09,762 --> 00:17:13,892 - It's a female thing. - Oh, yeah, I understand. 257 00:17:15,134 --> 00:17:17,602 Oh, man, she's going surfing! 258 00:17:19,204 --> 00:17:21,764 I'm sure. 259 00:17:21,974 --> 00:17:25,603 Fuck. This menstruation deal, it's such a scam. 260 00:17:25,811 --> 00:17:27,301 Girls are so lucky. 261 00:17:27,513 --> 00:17:29,777 What? Oh, we're so lucky? 262 00:17:29,982 --> 00:17:33,349 You think being on your period is some picnic? Are you crazy? 263 00:17:33,552 --> 00:17:36,783 You get PMS, there's no room in your purse for no hairbrush 264 00:17:36,989 --> 00:17:38,616 because you got these mini pads. 265 00:17:38,824 --> 00:17:40,052 You are so ignorant! 266 00:17:42,261 --> 00:17:44,491 This whole class is jammed with ignorance. 267 00:17:44,696 --> 00:17:47,631 Yes, it is. Come in here, please. 268 00:17:47,833 --> 00:17:50,666 Mr. Shoop, this is our new foreign exchange student, 269 00:17:50,869 --> 00:17:52,097 Anna-Maria Mazarelli. 270 00:17:52,304 --> 00:17:54,704 Anna-Maria is from Milan, Italy. 271 00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:59,367 She would like to brush up her English skills before the fall semester begins. 272 00:18:00,379 --> 00:18:03,212 Well, I'll let you return to your rigorous pursuit 273 00:18:03,415 --> 00:18:04,643 of academic excellence. 274 00:18:04,850 --> 00:18:06,078 Please. 275 00:18:06,452 --> 00:18:10,149 Anna-Maria, welcome to America. You can sit wherever you want. 276 00:18:10,756 --> 00:18:11,984 You looking for a seat? 277 00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:19,159 Well, now, this desk appears to be unoccupied. 278 00:18:19,398 --> 00:18:20,695 Grazie. 279 00:18:30,075 --> 00:18:33,067 OK, let's see what we got here. 280 00:18:34,279 --> 00:18:36,213 "Rules of grammar." 281 00:18:36,415 --> 00:18:38,576 "Writing paragraphs." 282 00:18:38,984 --> 00:18:41,077 God, I hate this stuff. 283 00:18:41,286 --> 00:18:43,220 "Book reports." 284 00:18:43,555 --> 00:18:45,648 Wanna get out of here? Go to the library? 285 00:18:45,858 --> 00:18:47,086 - Yeah. - Yeah. 286 00:18:48,227 --> 00:18:49,489 Let's go. 287 00:18:49,695 --> 00:18:51,595 I am Chainsaw. 288 00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:53,094 Hi, Chainsaw. 289 00:18:53,298 --> 00:18:54,666 - Hi, I'm Dave. - Ciao. 290 00:18:54,666 --> 00:18:55,633 - Hi, I'm Dave. - Ciao. 291 00:18:56,001 --> 00:18:57,559 - Well, we love Italy. - Yeah. 292 00:18:57,769 --> 00:18:59,600 - The pizza. - Mussolini. 293 00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:02,239 - And Tony Bennett. - The Mafia. 294 00:19:02,441 --> 00:19:03,772 Yeah. Chef Boyardee. 295 00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:06,035 - Pinocchio. - Fellatio. 296 00:19:06,245 --> 00:19:08,236 Oh, I don't like that. 297 00:19:08,447 --> 00:19:10,438 - Well, have you ever tried it? - Sure. 298 00:19:10,649 --> 00:19:15,348 Chef Boyardee, spaghetti in a can. It's so mushy. 299 00:19:21,360 --> 00:19:23,294 Anna-Maria? 300 00:19:23,495 --> 00:19:26,953 Have you seen the movie Texas Chainsaw Massacre? 301 00:19:27,633 --> 00:19:30,033 No. It is good? 302 00:19:30,235 --> 00:19:33,204 Oh, I gotta tell you, I love this film. 303 00:19:33,405 --> 00:19:35,930 It had passion and a plucky spirit. 304 00:19:36,141 --> 00:19:37,972 And the characters had integrity. 305 00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:41,112 Like when Leatherface went on a strict diet of human flesh. 306 00:19:41,313 --> 00:19:44,146 - He had to cut out chicken and fish. - I agree with you. 307 00:19:44,349 --> 00:19:48,308 I'll go a step further. Leatherface wore a mask made out of human skin, 308 00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:51,080 he hung people on meat hooks, but we've all got quirks. 309 00:19:51,290 --> 00:19:52,723 I've got them. You got them. 310 00:19:52,925 --> 00:19:55,416 That's what makes this character so compelling. 311 00:19:55,627 --> 00:19:58,095 - Thumbs up from me. - Same here. 312 00:19:58,297 --> 00:20:00,390 - To sum it up, I'm Chainsaw. - I'm Dave. 313 00:20:00,599 --> 00:20:02,260 We'll see you at the movies. 314 00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:07,005 - OK. - Let's go, people. 315 00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:08,833 I found them at Winchell's. 316 00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:11,236 Here, we all chipped in. 317 00:20:12,477 --> 00:20:14,843 Hey, jelly. I'm touched. 318 00:20:15,714 --> 00:20:18,615 This one was in the parking lot with a surfboard. 319 00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:21,686 This is so humiliating. 320 00:20:21,887 --> 00:20:23,514 Pam. 321 00:20:25,524 --> 00:20:28,084 You know, I grew up surfing those same waves. 322 00:20:28,293 --> 00:20:30,022 Today was phenom. 323 00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:33,824 Three to four, breaking out of the south, glassy, light offshore breeze. 324 00:20:34,032 --> 00:20:35,363 Had to go for the ditch. 325 00:20:37,135 --> 00:20:38,932 Thanks. 326 00:20:39,137 --> 00:20:40,365 You're very spiritual. 327 00:20:43,809 --> 00:20:45,276 But the rest of you clowns... 328 00:20:45,477 --> 00:20:48,605 Hey, I gotta say something. This whole thing is a joke. 329 00:20:48,814 --> 00:20:51,180 There's a very valid reason for summer vacation. 330 00:20:51,383 --> 00:20:53,214 The human brain needs rest. 331 00:20:53,418 --> 00:20:55,818 Yeah. I mean, what are we doing here? 332 00:20:56,021 --> 00:21:00,185 - Really. I don't wanna be here. - Hey, look, this wasn't my idea. 333 00:21:00,993 --> 00:21:04,986 You guys aren't fired up about English. I wouldn't know what to do if you were. 334 00:21:05,197 --> 00:21:08,860 But we're stuck here. We're trapped like rats. 335 00:21:11,303 --> 00:21:13,362 Anybody got any ideas? 336 00:21:14,473 --> 00:21:17,135 Why don't we take some field trips? 337 00:21:17,442 --> 00:21:18,966 - Can we do that? - Sure, yeah. 338 00:21:22,347 --> 00:21:24,781 I got permission slips right here. 339 00:21:30,455 --> 00:21:31,922 OK, take these home, 340 00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:35,184 have your mom or dad sign them, I'll see what I can do. 341 00:21:35,394 --> 00:21:37,828 - Done. - Same here. 342 00:21:41,500 --> 00:21:42,728 Good. 343 00:22:52,871 --> 00:22:54,839 The Screwdriver was a disappointment. 344 00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:58,532 I was hoping for a headache or pounding temples, 345 00:22:58,744 --> 00:23:00,837 a blackout, but, you know, I feel fine. 346 00:23:01,046 --> 00:23:03,207 Actually, my headache is gone. Thumbs down. 347 00:23:03,415 --> 00:23:06,475 I'm surprised. I found the Screwdriver simply delightful. 348 00:23:06,685 --> 00:23:08,983 Fast corners. That third loop was a surprise. 349 00:23:09,187 --> 00:23:11,087 The line moved fast. 350 00:23:12,657 --> 00:23:13,919 Is he OK? 351 00:23:14,126 --> 00:23:15,889 No, it appears that he's vomiting. 352 00:23:17,829 --> 00:23:20,127 That's a sure sign of a good ride. Thumbs up. 353 00:23:20,332 --> 00:23:22,357 Eakian, what did you eat? 354 00:23:52,664 --> 00:23:54,962 Don't be a pig. No. 355 00:24:01,573 --> 00:24:04,235 Hey! Hey, you slime. 356 00:24:04,509 --> 00:24:07,376 Stones' first farewell tour, '69. Get out of here. 357 00:24:07,579 --> 00:24:10,514 - Oh, wait. - He ripped my T-shirt. 358 00:24:10,715 --> 00:24:12,114 Oh, I can sew that. 359 00:24:12,317 --> 00:24:14,478 It's not necessary. Go away! 360 00:24:14,686 --> 00:24:17,519 Nothing's necessary. I want to. 361 00:24:18,089 --> 00:24:20,057 Great, I'll let you. 362 00:24:20,625 --> 00:24:24,925 Get them off! Get them off me! 363 00:24:27,299 --> 00:24:29,290 The bunnies from hell! 364 00:24:29,768 --> 00:24:31,668 Oh, God! 365 00:24:35,407 --> 00:24:36,635 Get away from me! 366 00:24:39,077 --> 00:24:41,136 Oh, dear! 367 00:24:53,525 --> 00:24:56,358 - Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. - Thank you very much. 368 00:24:56,561 --> 00:24:59,029 What is this? It's a lie. 369 00:25:01,666 --> 00:25:04,328 - We did this for you. - How did you like it? 370 00:25:04,536 --> 00:25:06,265 It's disgusting! 371 00:25:07,772 --> 00:25:09,569 I love it. 372 00:25:11,009 --> 00:25:13,773 - What is that? - Oh, it's foam latex. 373 00:25:14,679 --> 00:25:16,203 Keep it. 374 00:25:16,414 --> 00:25:18,405 You guys. 375 00:25:25,357 --> 00:25:27,621 Next field trip, it's gotta be at the beach. 376 00:25:27,826 --> 00:25:30,954 We gotta see Anna-Maria in a bikini. It's very important. 377 00:25:31,162 --> 00:25:32,595 I understand. 378 00:25:53,818 --> 00:25:55,376 Girl, this ain't the Riviera. 379 00:25:57,022 --> 00:25:58,512 Thank you. 380 00:26:00,559 --> 00:26:04,086 That was... That was... That was cruel. 381 00:26:05,830 --> 00:26:07,161 You OK? 382 00:26:31,690 --> 00:26:33,715 Come in, come in, Mrs. Eakian. 383 00:26:33,925 --> 00:26:35,620 Now, how can I help you? 384 00:26:35,827 --> 00:26:38,762 Yesterday Alan came home nauseous, sneezing, 385 00:26:38,964 --> 00:26:42,400 wheezing and itching, with goat hairs on his clothes. 386 00:26:42,601 --> 00:26:44,068 He said he was at the museum, 387 00:26:44,269 --> 00:26:46,794 - but I found this in his pocket. - Grandma... 388 00:26:47,305 --> 00:26:50,502 Is going on throw-up rides and rubbing barnyard animals 389 00:26:50,709 --> 00:26:52,506 your idea of quality education? 390 00:26:52,711 --> 00:26:54,201 - Grandma... - Certainly not. 391 00:26:54,412 --> 00:26:56,573 We'll talk to Mr. Shoop about this right now. 392 00:26:57,082 --> 00:26:58,743 I may have used poor judgment. 393 00:26:58,950 --> 00:27:01,180 You actually used judgment. 394 00:27:01,386 --> 00:27:04,549 Do you realize if anything happened to these kids, the lawsuits? 395 00:27:04,756 --> 00:27:06,917 You could've bankrupt the entire district! 396 00:27:07,125 --> 00:27:09,787 And mess up your chance at election to state assembly? 397 00:27:09,995 --> 00:27:13,431 - Yes. - Don't wet your pants. Watch this. 398 00:27:13,632 --> 00:27:16,692 All you had to do was babysit some social deviants. 399 00:27:16,901 --> 00:27:18,493 Those deviants are great kids. 400 00:27:18,703 --> 00:27:21,194 I'm sure they'll grow up to be wonderful criminals. 401 00:27:21,406 --> 00:27:24,842 - They're as smart as you and me. - You and I. 402 00:27:25,043 --> 00:27:26,305 All of us. 403 00:27:28,480 --> 00:27:31,472 You're suspended until Kelban returns and fires you. 404 00:27:31,683 --> 00:27:32,980 What? 405 00:27:33,184 --> 00:27:36,676 Hey, this is your fault. You knew I couldn't teach. 406 00:27:36,888 --> 00:27:38,685 Goodbye, Mr. Shoop. 407 00:27:49,267 --> 00:27:54,398 Gills, what if I become a model teacher? 408 00:28:00,078 --> 00:28:03,445 This is gonna be fun. OK. 409 00:28:03,648 --> 00:28:06,811 You get every kid left in your class to pass that skills test 410 00:28:07,018 --> 00:28:09,179 and I'll forget about your field trips. 411 00:28:09,387 --> 00:28:11,150 Done. 412 00:28:13,758 --> 00:28:16,124 - They all have to pass? - It's called teaching. 413 00:28:16,327 --> 00:28:17,954 If you don't know how to do that, 414 00:28:18,163 --> 00:28:21,564 then I guess you don't deserve tenure. Do you? 415 00:28:24,002 --> 00:28:25,435 I'll teach. 416 00:28:32,043 --> 00:28:33,943 Morning, class. 417 00:28:35,380 --> 00:28:36,608 Nice tie! 418 00:28:38,316 --> 00:28:39,647 Oh, baby. 419 00:28:39,851 --> 00:28:43,343 Mr. Shoop, what's with the threads, man? You getting married? 420 00:28:43,555 --> 00:28:46,023 No, must be laundry day. Nothing else was clean. 421 00:28:46,224 --> 00:28:47,555 - Funeral? - Could we come? 422 00:28:47,759 --> 00:28:49,659 Please take your seats. 423 00:28:49,961 --> 00:28:52,896 - Where should we take them? - Sit down, Francis. 424 00:28:57,969 --> 00:29:01,405 From this moment forth, you people eat English, sleep English. 425 00:29:01,606 --> 00:29:03,335 You are English. 426 00:29:03,541 --> 00:29:05,372 Oh, then pass the crumpets, old boy. 427 00:29:05,577 --> 00:29:07,135 I'm not kidding around. 428 00:29:07,345 --> 00:29:10,837 Anyone not interested in passing that exam can leave right now. 429 00:29:16,988 --> 00:29:18,353 The guy's been pretty cool. 430 00:29:18,556 --> 00:29:22,925 He called me Francis. Hasta luego, Placido Domingo. 431 00:29:23,128 --> 00:29:25,653 Chainsaw, Dave, wait a minute. 432 00:29:26,765 --> 00:29:31,099 Look, Gills is having a cow about our field trips. 433 00:29:31,302 --> 00:29:35,671 Unless you guys all pass that test, my job? Memorex. 434 00:29:36,241 --> 00:29:37,765 Anybody got any ideas here? 435 00:29:37,976 --> 00:29:39,341 Get yourself some want ads. 436 00:29:39,544 --> 00:29:42,570 I don't care what your files say. You are not that dumb. 437 00:29:42,781 --> 00:29:46,615 Actually, Mr. Shoop, those files are usually right on the money. 438 00:29:46,818 --> 00:29:48,581 - You all feel that way? - I do. 439 00:29:49,854 --> 00:29:52,414 - I may as well go home. - Mr. Shoop? 440 00:29:52,624 --> 00:29:55,718 Look, we don't want you to lose your job. 441 00:29:56,761 --> 00:29:58,285 Think about what you're asking. 442 00:29:58,496 --> 00:30:01,590 - You want us to study? - The thought did cross my mind. 443 00:30:01,800 --> 00:30:04,394 - Well, what's in it for us? - Literacy. 444 00:30:05,336 --> 00:30:06,928 Oh, sorry, that's... 445 00:30:09,207 --> 00:30:12,734 - I'd like to help. What can I do? - Give me your car. 446 00:30:12,944 --> 00:30:14,411 - Your house. - And your dog. 447 00:30:14,612 --> 00:30:18,013 - See you. - Wait, wait! Mr. Shoop, wait! 448 00:30:18,216 --> 00:30:19,649 There's room to negotiate. 449 00:30:20,418 --> 00:30:22,886 What if you granted each one of us one wish? 450 00:30:25,890 --> 00:30:27,858 What do you mean, "wish"? 451 00:30:28,059 --> 00:30:29,617 You know, like a favor. 452 00:30:29,828 --> 00:30:31,386 Does anybody need anything? 453 00:30:31,596 --> 00:30:34,895 I need somebody to work out with, in case I get back on the team. 454 00:30:35,099 --> 00:30:38,660 - I could use a Lamaze coach. - I need some driving lessons. Bad. 455 00:30:40,405 --> 00:30:44,671 OK, there's two of us. Therefore, we get two. 456 00:30:44,876 --> 00:30:48,869 All right. One, a party, your house, Fourth of July weekend. 457 00:30:49,080 --> 00:30:50,570 In Anna-Maria's honor. 458 00:30:50,782 --> 00:30:53,842 Number two, you arrange a screening, in class, 459 00:30:54,052 --> 00:30:55,610 of the greatest movie ever made. 460 00:30:55,820 --> 00:31:00,655 The 1973 Tobe Hooper classic The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. 461 00:31:00,859 --> 00:31:03,521 - That is also in Anna-Maria's honor. - Thank you. 462 00:31:03,728 --> 00:31:06,094 Now, then, is there anything that you desire? 463 00:31:06,297 --> 00:31:09,698 Oh, I don't deserve a wish. I don't take the test anyway. 464 00:31:09,901 --> 00:31:12,699 God, she is so honest. We'll take hers. 465 00:31:13,538 --> 00:31:18,066 Chauffeur service for Dave and I, every day, to and from work. 466 00:31:18,810 --> 00:31:20,778 Pam, what's your wish? 467 00:31:22,146 --> 00:31:25,343 I'll tell Mr. Shoop when the time is right. 468 00:31:29,921 --> 00:31:31,616 Larry? 469 00:31:31,823 --> 00:31:36,487 - Larry, what do you want? - Bed. 470 00:31:37,195 --> 00:31:39,322 He wants a bed. 471 00:31:39,530 --> 00:31:43,626 As for myself, I just wanna be invited to the party. 472 00:31:45,203 --> 00:31:47,671 - We'll see. - Good enough. 473 00:31:47,872 --> 00:31:50,568 I think these are fair and reasonable requests. 474 00:31:50,775 --> 00:31:55,041 In return, we'll show up, we'll pay attention 475 00:31:55,246 --> 00:31:57,578 and we'll even do a little homework. 476 00:31:58,750 --> 00:32:01,446 - Is this contract acceptable to labor? - No doubt. 477 00:32:01,653 --> 00:32:03,883 - Yeah. - Does management agree? 478 00:32:04,088 --> 00:32:08,149 - You sure I'm management? - For our purposes here, yes. 479 00:32:09,427 --> 00:32:12,260 Do we have a binding agreement? 480 00:32:13,464 --> 00:32:15,932 We got something. 481 00:32:16,134 --> 00:32:19,297 All right. Well, we put that baby to bed. 482 00:32:20,305 --> 00:32:24,765 Let's do lunch. I always wanted to say that. 483 00:32:25,610 --> 00:32:30,013 - Well, go ahead. Teach. - Right. 484 00:32:30,581 --> 00:32:32,549 Teach. 485 00:32:34,485 --> 00:32:35,782 Don't anybody move. 486 00:32:36,154 --> 00:32:38,213 - The Non-Proliferation Treaty. - Beagman? 487 00:32:38,423 --> 00:32:41,187 - Excuse me, Miss Bishop. - Mr. Shoop. 488 00:32:41,392 --> 00:32:45,328 Shouldn't you be planning a field trip to 7-Eleven? 489 00:32:45,530 --> 00:32:47,828 I need your help. I know how you feel about me, 490 00:32:48,032 --> 00:32:50,660 but something really bizarre has happened to my kids. 491 00:32:50,868 --> 00:32:51,970 - Please. - All right. 492 00:32:51,970 --> 00:32:53,403 - Please. - All right. 493 00:32:53,604 --> 00:32:57,597 If I get next door and there's a candlelight dinner, I'm calling security. 494 00:32:57,809 --> 00:33:00,573 - Continue. - The 1970 Seabed Treaty. 495 00:33:00,778 --> 00:33:02,006 Do you own that suit? 496 00:33:08,086 --> 00:33:12,022 - What did you do, pass out Valiums? - This is a natural lull. 497 00:33:12,223 --> 00:33:16,523 Interesting phenomenon. What do you want from me? 498 00:33:16,728 --> 00:33:19,629 How do you teach? 499 00:33:19,831 --> 00:33:24,325 - If you're serious, I'll help you. - Great. 500 00:33:24,535 --> 00:33:27,800 Meet me after school. We'll make plans for the weekend. 501 00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:30,831 For the weekend? 502 00:33:31,943 --> 00:33:35,037 Big guy. OK. 503 00:33:41,152 --> 00:33:43,620 The easiest thing to do is base your lesson plans 504 00:33:43,821 --> 00:33:46,722 on the students' own experiences. 505 00:33:46,924 --> 00:33:50,291 - I can do that. - Your life is probably very similar. 506 00:33:50,495 --> 00:33:54,158 Hardly. I'm telling you, you gotta try these Pop-Tarts. 507 00:33:54,365 --> 00:33:56,026 No, thanks. 508 00:33:56,234 --> 00:33:58,828 I'm sticking with the Chocodiles. 509 00:33:59,037 --> 00:34:02,666 The best teachers are the teachers who entertain while they teach. 510 00:34:02,874 --> 00:34:06,105 - So you should do just fine. - You think I'm entertaining? 511 00:34:07,412 --> 00:34:09,243 To children. 512 00:34:09,447 --> 00:34:12,280 - I gotta go. Time's up. - I know why you're helping me. 513 00:34:12,483 --> 00:34:15,452 - Professional courtesy. - No. You like me. 514 00:34:15,653 --> 00:34:18,349 - No, I don't. - Yes, you do. 515 00:34:18,556 --> 00:34:20,217 - No, I don't. - Yeah, you do. 516 00:34:20,425 --> 00:34:21,687 - Do not. - Do too. 517 00:34:21,893 --> 00:34:23,451 - Don't either. - Come on. 518 00:34:23,661 --> 00:34:25,856 - Don't you like me just a little bit? - No. 519 00:34:26,064 --> 00:34:28,259 Not even that much? 520 00:34:28,466 --> 00:34:30,991 I like you that much. 521 00:34:34,439 --> 00:34:36,703 It's a start. 522 00:34:40,011 --> 00:34:43,708 Now, someone tell me why learning how to write is so critical. 523 00:34:43,915 --> 00:34:50,252 - It's a form of communication. - Amen. And it can get you free stuff. 524 00:34:50,455 --> 00:34:54,585 - Free? - Free. I'm writing the word... 525 00:34:54,792 --> 00:34:59,126 ...free. Here's how it works. All of us have been ripped off, right? 526 00:34:59,330 --> 00:35:02,094 Pay phone steals money, not enough cheese on your pizza. 527 00:35:02,300 --> 00:35:04,734 - My shades keep falling apart. - Perfect. 528 00:35:04,936 --> 00:35:06,631 You're gonna write that company. 529 00:35:06,838 --> 00:35:09,534 You'll see action, if your letter is clearly written 530 00:35:09,740 --> 00:35:11,571 and threatens to hurt their business. 531 00:35:11,776 --> 00:35:13,937 And is signed, forgive me, Chainsaw, 532 00:35:14,445 --> 00:35:18,472 "Mr. Francis Gremp, president, Consumer Against Faulty Eyewear." 533 00:35:18,683 --> 00:35:21,481 You want me to lie? OK. 534 00:35:22,520 --> 00:35:24,818 Anyone interested in learning the correct form, 535 00:35:25,022 --> 00:35:28,116 please turn to page 46 in your textbook. 536 00:35:31,229 --> 00:35:32,526 The shit works. 537 00:35:35,333 --> 00:35:37,130 Damn! 538 00:35:37,335 --> 00:35:39,530 Stupid son of a... 539 00:35:39,737 --> 00:35:44,800 - I'm not cut out to be a linebacker. - No, you're looking at my shoulders. 540 00:35:45,009 --> 00:35:49,946 Don't. Focus on my waist. OK? My waist. 541 00:35:50,148 --> 00:35:52,548 All right, try it again. Go on. 542 00:35:52,750 --> 00:35:57,312 That's good. Remember, I'm your teacher. 543 00:36:03,528 --> 00:36:05,359 You wanna learn how to surf? 544 00:36:09,100 --> 00:36:11,330 - You sure you wanna do this? - Absolutely. 545 00:36:11,536 --> 00:36:14,767 Lamaze class, great place to meet girls. 546 00:36:24,849 --> 00:36:27,875 OK, Denise, slide over. 547 00:36:28,219 --> 00:36:30,653 Oh, no, no, no. 548 00:36:30,855 --> 00:36:32,948 Is this some kind of sick, twisted joke? 549 00:36:33,157 --> 00:36:36,649 No, I'm combining Denise's driving lesson with your ride to the beach. 550 00:36:36,861 --> 00:36:39,591 We took driver training with Denise. Call us a cab. 551 00:36:39,797 --> 00:36:41,594 Get your grisly butts in the car. 552 00:36:41,799 --> 00:36:44,734 Man, let me drive. I'm going for my license next week. 553 00:36:46,404 --> 00:36:49,498 - Chainsaw, you've been drinking. - No, it's cough medicine. 554 00:36:49,707 --> 00:36:52,267 Check out this phlegm. 555 00:36:52,476 --> 00:36:55,104 Save the phlegm. You're not driving anywhere. 556 00:36:55,313 --> 00:36:59,215 I'll tell you something. You know why so many drunk drivers get in wrecks? 557 00:36:59,417 --> 00:37:03,478 - They don't learn to drive drunk. - Fact: Alcohol kills brain cells. 558 00:37:03,688 --> 00:37:07,715 You lose one more, you're a talking monkey. Come on, get in. 559 00:37:07,925 --> 00:37:09,916 Come on. 560 00:37:13,297 --> 00:37:14,696 OK, Denise, start her up. 561 00:37:17,969 --> 00:37:20,995 Signal left. Pull on out. 562 00:37:24,008 --> 00:37:27,068 Can I call my folks and say I won't be home... ever? 563 00:37:27,278 --> 00:37:28,802 I'm not used to this car. 564 00:37:39,023 --> 00:37:41,389 I think it's safe. 565 00:37:41,592 --> 00:37:43,389 Move it out. 566 00:37:43,594 --> 00:37:46,927 Nice and smooth. Oh, yeah, that's... 567 00:37:47,131 --> 00:37:49,793 Fine. Good. 568 00:38:01,279 --> 00:38:03,440 - Why did you do that? - A car was coming. 569 00:38:04,382 --> 00:38:07,044 Well, it'll happen from time to time. 570 00:38:07,251 --> 00:38:09,185 Come on, Denise, he won't bother us. 571 00:38:14,058 --> 00:38:17,152 We just got lapped by an old lady with a walker. 572 00:38:17,595 --> 00:38:19,756 - See that space between those cars? - Yeah. 573 00:38:19,964 --> 00:38:22,694 - Pull in. - Parallel park? That's my weak spot. 574 00:38:22,900 --> 00:38:25,198 Listen to her. 575 00:38:25,536 --> 00:38:27,504 OK. 576 00:38:37,248 --> 00:38:39,546 - I'm sober now. - That's good for today. 577 00:38:39,750 --> 00:38:40,978 - We live! - We live! 578 00:38:46,057 --> 00:38:47,581 It's beautiful. 579 00:38:47,792 --> 00:38:50,659 Enough safe and sane. It's time for dumb and dangerous. 580 00:38:50,861 --> 00:38:54,490 These are Mexican. You do not know what's in these babies. 581 00:38:57,134 --> 00:38:59,261 Hey, get me a brew. 582 00:39:07,511 --> 00:39:09,672 Coming through. 583 00:39:10,481 --> 00:39:13,882 Anna-Maria, as far as we know, this has never, ever been attempted. 584 00:39:14,085 --> 00:39:19,022 Anna-Maria, we dedicate these cantaloupe to you. 585 00:39:19,690 --> 00:39:22,921 You make fruit bombs for me? Oh, how sweet. 586 00:39:23,127 --> 00:39:28,030 - Melon balls, coming up! - We're gonna make these babies fly! 587 00:39:38,476 --> 00:39:40,637 Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. 588 00:39:40,845 --> 00:39:42,312 You're awake. I wanna talk. 589 00:39:42,513 --> 00:39:45,209 - Not now, babe, I'm late. - Late for what? 590 00:39:51,155 --> 00:39:53,282 What's it like being pregnant? 591 00:39:53,491 --> 00:39:56,460 - Bizarre. - Yeah, that's what I thought. 592 00:39:57,328 --> 00:40:01,628 My body is out of control and it's big and ugly. 593 00:40:01,832 --> 00:40:05,529 - I think you look great. - Sure, in the dark. 594 00:40:08,606 --> 00:40:10,699 How much longer? 595 00:40:13,277 --> 00:40:15,040 About five weeks. 596 00:40:15,679 --> 00:40:19,274 - It's gonna be amazing. - Yeah, I know. 597 00:40:19,483 --> 00:40:21,849 You'll be a mother. 598 00:40:22,820 --> 00:40:24,048 Yeah. 599 00:40:24,255 --> 00:40:27,383 Eakian, this party's getting weak. 600 00:40:27,591 --> 00:40:29,582 Do something wild. Take all your clothes off. 601 00:40:29,794 --> 00:40:32,661 Why? You want everyone to go home? 602 00:40:35,733 --> 00:40:38,167 You're almost fun tonight. 603 00:40:43,774 --> 00:40:45,935 Almost. 604 00:40:49,513 --> 00:40:52,107 - You all right? - Yeah. Come on in. 605 00:40:52,316 --> 00:40:54,750 I'm just resting up. Too much fun. 606 00:40:54,952 --> 00:40:56,977 It's all sewn. 607 00:40:57,188 --> 00:40:59,816 Hey, thanks. That's great. 608 00:41:02,660 --> 00:41:08,098 - I feel so at home here. - Yeah, me too. 609 00:41:08,299 --> 00:41:10,426 Yeah. 610 00:41:12,136 --> 00:41:14,969 The grunion are running tonight. 611 00:41:15,739 --> 00:41:20,301 In the dead of night, under a full moon, 612 00:41:20,511 --> 00:41:24,277 thousands of horny little fish swim hundreds of miles 613 00:41:24,482 --> 00:41:27,042 to ball their brains out in the sand. 614 00:41:27,251 --> 00:41:28,650 It's so romantic. 615 00:41:32,723 --> 00:41:34,953 You ever do that with one of your students? 616 00:41:36,193 --> 00:41:40,687 No. I swim hundreds of miles, I'm ready for a nap. 617 00:41:43,033 --> 00:41:44,864 Who's that? 618 00:41:45,069 --> 00:41:49,836 Oh, it's Kim. She's sort of my girlfriend. 619 00:41:50,808 --> 00:41:54,300 - "Sort of"? - Well, she's in Hawaii. 620 00:41:56,347 --> 00:42:00,716 So you're all alone and you like young girls. 621 00:42:01,652 --> 00:42:03,882 Kim's not that young. She's 21. 622 00:42:04,455 --> 00:42:07,754 I'm 16. And you should consider that. 623 00:42:07,958 --> 00:42:11,689 Because there's, like, no difference between 21 and 16 now, 624 00:42:11,896 --> 00:42:17,334 but when she's 66, I'll only be 61. 625 00:42:18,068 --> 00:42:21,504 And I'll be 75 and it won't matter anyway. 626 00:42:25,476 --> 00:42:27,103 Yeah. 627 00:42:40,224 --> 00:42:43,455 Come on, Pam. Time for more fun. 628 00:42:44,461 --> 00:42:46,554 Wondermutt! 629 00:42:56,807 --> 00:42:58,468 Out of my way! 630 00:42:58,676 --> 00:43:02,737 Watch your ass, folks! Banzai! 631 00:43:16,860 --> 00:43:19,829 - Oh, shit. - Fire! 632 00:43:24,168 --> 00:43:25,965 Do something! 633 00:43:29,707 --> 00:43:32,904 - Jesus Christ, my couch is on fire! - Come on, Dave. 634 00:43:33,110 --> 00:43:34,941 What? What? What? 635 00:43:47,791 --> 00:43:50,885 - All right, we took care of it. - My fish! 636 00:43:51,095 --> 00:43:53,029 - How many were there? - One. 637 00:43:54,999 --> 00:43:56,489 Poor fishy. 638 00:43:57,801 --> 00:44:00,497 Get rid of that couch. That is a definite fire hazard. 639 00:44:00,704 --> 00:44:02,535 - Definitely. - Party's over. 640 00:44:02,740 --> 00:44:04,799 It was just getting good. We got a fire... 641 00:44:05,009 --> 00:44:06,636 Good night! 642 00:44:07,277 --> 00:44:08,972 One little fire. 643 00:44:09,813 --> 00:44:11,872 Big deal. 644 00:44:20,057 --> 00:44:23,754 - Minors drinking on the beach. - Seriously, we never do this. 645 00:44:23,961 --> 00:44:28,364 Boy, never, ever. There's our English teacher, let's ask him. 646 00:44:28,565 --> 00:44:32,001 Mr. Shoop, sir, could you come here just a moment, please? 647 00:44:32,202 --> 00:44:33,863 - Hey, guys. - Hi. 648 00:44:34,071 --> 00:44:36,733 - What's up? - Found these boys with alcohol. 649 00:44:37,241 --> 00:44:41,177 That alcohol, officer? Oh, that's not theirs. 650 00:44:42,012 --> 00:44:43,741 Whose is it? 651 00:44:46,073 --> 00:44:49,440 It's mine. See, I live in that house right there 652 00:44:49,644 --> 00:44:52,272 and they were just watching my stuff. 653 00:44:52,480 --> 00:44:54,038 That's right. It's his. 654 00:44:54,248 --> 00:44:57,809 We should never have taken those little baby sips. That was wrong. 655 00:44:58,019 --> 00:45:00,453 God, so very, very wrong. 656 00:45:00,655 --> 00:45:03,852 I think they learned one hell of a lesson, officer. 657 00:45:04,058 --> 00:45:07,687 Next time you boys encounter alcohol, remember you're underage. 658 00:45:08,396 --> 00:45:10,762 - Yes, sir, we will. - Yeah, of course, thank... 659 00:45:10,965 --> 00:45:12,762 Thank you. 660 00:45:12,967 --> 00:45:16,164 - Well, we're off to do our homework. - Yeah. Thank you. Bye. 661 00:45:16,370 --> 00:45:18,861 - We shouldn't have tried this. - It was a mistake. 662 00:45:19,073 --> 00:45:22,201 That was bad. We should've just said no. 663 00:45:23,544 --> 00:45:25,341 - You guys are good men. - Thank you. 664 00:45:25,546 --> 00:45:26,911 Thank you. 665 00:45:28,149 --> 00:45:31,880 You're under arrest for contributing to the delinquency of a minor. 666 00:45:32,286 --> 00:45:35,551 - Officer, that's not really my vodka. - Is that your dog? 667 00:45:36,457 --> 00:45:39,290 - Yeah. - No dogs on the beach, $50 fine. 668 00:45:39,493 --> 00:45:42,018 He's not really my dog. He just thinks he's my dog. 669 00:45:42,229 --> 00:45:43,753 No, he's a neighborhood dog. 670 00:45:43,965 --> 00:45:46,866 He hangs out at my place because there's garbage there. 671 00:45:47,068 --> 00:45:50,094 He's a scavenger. He'll eat anything. He's a beach dog, really. 672 00:45:50,304 --> 00:45:51,669 Go away, beach dog. 673 00:45:54,809 --> 00:45:56,834 Do you have a cell for beginners? 674 00:46:00,615 --> 00:46:04,073 - Boogie boy. - Bunk in here. 675 00:46:04,819 --> 00:46:08,255 - Moondoggie. - Yeah. 676 00:46:09,423 --> 00:46:10,651 Who wants gum? 677 00:46:13,227 --> 00:46:15,195 Leave your message after the beep. 678 00:46:15,630 --> 00:46:18,292 Robin, it's your pal, Shoop. 679 00:46:18,499 --> 00:46:21,229 I can't leave my number because I'm downtown in jail. 680 00:46:21,435 --> 00:46:23,130 - Jail? - What, you're surprised? 681 00:46:23,337 --> 00:46:28,104 I got arrested in my swim trunks, so I need 50 bucks and a pair of shoes. 682 00:46:28,309 --> 00:46:31,608 Listen, please don't mention this to that bite in the ass Gills. 683 00:46:31,812 --> 00:46:34,144 You're an angel. Dinner, dancing, Paris... 684 00:46:34,348 --> 00:46:35,872 Hello, Mr. Shoop. 685 00:46:36,083 --> 00:46:37,880 - Who is this? - The bite in the ass. 686 00:46:39,286 --> 00:46:43,985 When I say "bite in the ass", I mean that in the nicest possible way. 687 00:46:44,191 --> 00:46:45,522 Can I talk to Robin? 688 00:46:45,893 --> 00:46:49,727 I'm afraid Robin and I are on our way out of town. 689 00:46:49,930 --> 00:46:52,490 But don't worry, we'll be right over. 690 00:46:53,434 --> 00:46:55,800 He's still a human being, Phillip. 691 00:46:56,003 --> 00:46:58,369 We have a very long drive. If we go downtown now, 692 00:46:58,572 --> 00:46:59,840 we'll be stuck in traffic. And that's OK with me, 693 00:46:59,840 --> 00:47:01,307 we'll be stuck in traffic. And that's OK with me, 694 00:47:01,509 --> 00:47:06,640 because we'll be helping Shoop and you won't think I'm a shit. Right? 695 00:47:08,983 --> 00:47:10,974 Am I in really big trouble? 696 00:47:11,185 --> 00:47:13,915 Arrested for contributing to the delinquency of minors? 697 00:47:14,121 --> 00:47:16,316 You're not a hero. 698 00:47:16,524 --> 00:47:18,389 What is this? 699 00:47:18,592 --> 00:47:20,184 I made a new friend. 700 00:47:20,761 --> 00:47:25,391 Mr. Shoop, I do hope we can get you out of this ugly mess. And it is ugly. 701 00:47:25,599 --> 00:47:28,762 Mr. Shoop's been making a lot of progress in his class, Phillip. 702 00:47:28,969 --> 00:47:32,461 It's true. I've been handing out assignments and the kids turn them in. 703 00:47:32,673 --> 00:47:35,972 - It's almost like school in there. - I've heard. And I'm proud. 704 00:47:36,177 --> 00:47:39,169 Confirms all my instincts about him. He's my boy. 705 00:47:40,514 --> 00:47:43,711 Robin, let's get out of here. 706 00:47:43,918 --> 00:47:46,182 We're on our way to wine country. 707 00:47:46,387 --> 00:47:50,346 You kids have fun. 708 00:48:01,168 --> 00:48:03,193 See those waves, Wondermutt? 709 00:48:04,138 --> 00:48:06,538 They're from Hawaii. 710 00:48:06,741 --> 00:48:09,369 Kim's in Hawaii. 711 00:48:10,377 --> 00:48:13,244 Robin's in the wine country. 712 00:48:15,116 --> 00:48:18,882 You know what we need? I mean, besides bread. 713 00:48:19,754 --> 00:48:23,315 We need a woman who will appreciate 714 00:48:23,524 --> 00:48:25,685 what we have to offer. 715 00:48:25,893 --> 00:48:28,157 A woman of culture... 716 00:48:29,196 --> 00:48:30,493 ...intellect. 717 00:48:30,831 --> 00:48:33,800 Shake those buns, baby! 718 00:48:39,340 --> 00:48:44,073 Bring those buns over here. Mama's got some software for you, baby. 719 00:48:47,314 --> 00:48:50,306 Excuse me. I'm with Playgirl magazine. 720 00:48:50,684 --> 00:48:53,653 Survey me later, I'm trying to concentrate. Come on, baby. 721 00:48:53,888 --> 00:48:56,083 Thanks for your time. 722 00:49:01,128 --> 00:49:03,153 Shoot them buns over here. 723 00:49:10,471 --> 00:49:12,029 Hey! 724 00:49:15,810 --> 00:49:18,335 Hey, cowboy! Don't I know you? 725 00:49:18,546 --> 00:49:21,811 Hey, back off, hair-bag, this is ladies' night. 726 00:49:24,385 --> 00:49:26,444 I love him, I love him, I love him. 727 00:49:26,654 --> 00:49:28,019 Larry! 728 00:49:28,956 --> 00:49:31,390 Mr. Shoop. What are you doing here? 729 00:49:31,592 --> 00:49:34,459 What am I doing here? You do this every night? 730 00:49:34,662 --> 00:49:36,596 Well, we have Mondays off. 731 00:49:36,797 --> 00:49:39,823 Listen, man, you can't tell anybody, OK? They think I'm 21. 732 00:49:40,034 --> 00:49:44,664 You were fabulous. This is from both of us. 733 00:49:44,872 --> 00:49:47,102 I'm in the wrong business. But about school, 734 00:49:47,308 --> 00:49:50,709 if you could sneak in a couple hours' sleep, you'd catch up. 735 00:49:50,911 --> 00:49:53,277 Mr. Shoop, man, think about what you're saying. 736 00:49:53,480 --> 00:49:55,107 I mean, if you could be 17 again, 737 00:49:55,316 --> 00:49:58,012 only you knew then what you know now. 738 00:49:58,219 --> 00:50:01,347 - Yeah. - Well, I know. 739 00:50:03,924 --> 00:50:05,687 I hate that kid. 740 00:50:06,427 --> 00:50:11,626 "Who we admire most in the world and why. 741 00:50:11,832 --> 00:50:15,097 "The person we admire most in the world is makeup artist 742 00:50:15,302 --> 00:50:17,202 "and creature creator Rick Baker." 743 00:50:17,404 --> 00:50:20,305 "His wonderfully gruesome slime bladders and slobber tubes 744 00:50:20,507 --> 00:50:25,240 "in American Werewolf in London won him a richly deserved Oscar. 745 00:50:25,446 --> 00:50:29,940 "That is why we admire makeup artist and creature creator Rick Baker 746 00:50:30,150 --> 00:50:32,710 "very, very, very, very, very, very..." 747 00:50:32,920 --> 00:50:35,013 "Very, very, very, very, very..." 748 00:50:35,222 --> 00:50:38,919 "Very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very..." 749 00:50:39,126 --> 00:50:42,220 "Very, very, very, very, very much." 750 00:50:42,429 --> 00:50:45,455 - It's 100 words on the nose. - You can count if you want. 751 00:50:45,666 --> 00:50:48,533 "It is not easy to pick the person I admire most. 752 00:50:48,736 --> 00:50:50,761 "I admire people for different reasons. 753 00:50:50,971 --> 00:50:55,874 "The way they surf or teach English from the heart or help the homeless. 754 00:50:56,076 --> 00:50:59,011 "To pick one person is so unfair to everyone else. 755 00:50:59,213 --> 00:51:01,579 "Isn't there enough pain in the world?" 756 00:51:01,782 --> 00:51:05,741 Since there's no one I admire most, this is about a person I admire least, 757 00:51:05,953 --> 00:51:08,285 my ex-boyfriend, Andre. 758 00:51:08,489 --> 00:51:10,889 If he tells you he broke up with me, he's lying, 759 00:51:11,091 --> 00:51:13,559 because I told him to get out of my face first. 760 00:51:13,761 --> 00:51:16,787 You know how I could tell when he's lying? His lips move. 761 00:51:16,997 --> 00:51:20,694 I'm serious. He's so in love with himself, he ought to be dating a mirror. 762 00:51:20,901 --> 00:51:22,528 He's in skin-tight leather pants, 763 00:51:22,736 --> 00:51:26,467 thinking he's Rick James' little brother. Give the world a break. 764 00:51:26,874 --> 00:51:29,741 - Denise, can I have your paper? - No. 765 00:51:31,445 --> 00:51:34,414 - No? - Well, I had to memorize my essay 766 00:51:34,615 --> 00:51:36,446 due to the fact I was mugged by a gang 767 00:51:36,650 --> 00:51:38,481 looking for money and homework. 768 00:51:39,520 --> 00:51:40,748 That happens. 769 00:51:43,090 --> 00:51:47,652 OK, gang, mark your calendars. Field trip next Monday. 770 00:51:47,861 --> 00:51:49,920 Where are we going, cockfights? 771 00:51:50,798 --> 00:51:52,857 Courthouse. 772 00:51:53,067 --> 00:51:57,834 Your teacher was arrested for giving vodka to some kids. 773 00:51:59,173 --> 00:52:01,664 You and Dave won't want to miss it. 774 00:52:01,875 --> 00:52:04,969 - You went to jail for us? - On roller skates. 775 00:52:05,179 --> 00:52:07,374 Thanks, man. 776 00:52:27,101 --> 00:52:29,035 Pam? 777 00:52:29,236 --> 00:52:31,204 Hi. 778 00:52:33,540 --> 00:52:34,871 What are you doing here? 779 00:52:35,075 --> 00:52:38,841 Remember I said I'd tell you my wish when the time was right? It's right. 780 00:52:40,080 --> 00:52:43,880 - Your wish is to move in with me? - I'm a great cook. 781 00:52:49,390 --> 00:52:51,688 I won't get in your way. 782 00:52:51,892 --> 00:52:54,827 You know we connect. 783 00:52:55,029 --> 00:52:58,931 - Pam, look, my place is very small. - It's perfect. 784 00:52:59,967 --> 00:53:03,198 Look, Tommy, that's my brother, he had another kid 785 00:53:03,404 --> 00:53:07,363 and Angela, she's his wife, wants to move the twins back into Gail's room 786 00:53:07,574 --> 00:53:10,168 and put Sally in the den, so I lose the couch. 787 00:53:10,377 --> 00:53:14,074 - Yeah, well, my couch is barbecued. - The floor is fine. 788 00:53:14,281 --> 00:53:17,842 Mr. Shoop, everybody else got their wish. 789 00:53:23,190 --> 00:53:26,216 OK, Pam. 790 00:53:26,427 --> 00:53:28,418 If I let you stay here, 791 00:53:28,629 --> 00:53:31,757 it's only temporary until you find another place, OK? 792 00:53:34,201 --> 00:53:36,294 I can stay. 793 00:53:36,503 --> 00:53:38,596 Who are you talking to? 794 00:53:39,206 --> 00:53:42,403 This is Tommy and Angela and Gail and Sally and Sly 795 00:53:42,609 --> 00:53:46,101 and the twins, Chuck and Bob, and Tommy, Jr. 796 00:53:46,313 --> 00:53:47,541 This is Mr. Shoop. 797 00:53:47,748 --> 00:53:49,511 - How are you? - Pleased to meet you. 798 00:53:53,353 --> 00:53:56,288 She screams so well. 799 00:53:57,491 --> 00:53:59,982 Oh, don't be a wuss. 800 00:54:00,194 --> 00:54:02,128 Shut up! 801 00:54:02,329 --> 00:54:04,024 Run, run. 802 00:54:04,231 --> 00:54:06,791 Larry! Larry, wake up, you're missing this. 803 00:54:07,000 --> 00:54:10,265 Larry's not missing a thing. Let him sleep. 804 00:54:10,471 --> 00:54:13,133 - There he is. - Leatherface, Leatherface. 805 00:54:14,341 --> 00:54:16,332 Oh, no. 806 00:54:18,112 --> 00:54:21,275 That's not a real person. It's a stuntman. 807 00:54:21,782 --> 00:54:25,047 OK, now, this... This right here isn't gonna bother him, 808 00:54:25,252 --> 00:54:28,050 because he's insane, OK? 809 00:54:33,427 --> 00:54:35,224 Good Lord. 810 00:54:35,429 --> 00:54:37,397 - What are you watching? - Do the dance. 811 00:54:37,598 --> 00:54:40,590 A new film from the district, Safe Use of Power Tools. 812 00:54:40,801 --> 00:54:43,326 Delivery. I don't want to know what this is, do I? 813 00:54:43,537 --> 00:54:45,835 No, probably not. 814 00:54:46,073 --> 00:54:47,870 Come on. 815 00:54:48,075 --> 00:54:50,805 - What a finish, ladies and gentlemen. - It was great. 816 00:54:51,011 --> 00:54:52,535 What did you think of that? 817 00:54:52,746 --> 00:54:55,544 - God, it was really American. - American, yes. 818 00:54:55,749 --> 00:54:59,310 It's an American masterpiece. 819 00:54:59,520 --> 00:55:02,580 Talk about gutsy endings. The girl gets away 820 00:55:02,789 --> 00:55:05,053 and our hero, Leatherface, chainsaws his legs. 821 00:55:05,259 --> 00:55:07,523 - Two thumbs up. - Make that four for gore. 822 00:55:07,728 --> 00:55:09,923 Listen up, I wanna read you something: 823 00:55:10,130 --> 00:55:13,190 "Dear Mr. Francis Gremp, thank you for informing us 824 00:55:13,400 --> 00:55:15,925 "of your problem with our Cool Dude sunglasses." 825 00:55:16,603 --> 00:55:17,831 It worked. 826 00:55:18,038 --> 00:55:20,802 "Please accept these Cool Dudes with our compliments." 827 00:55:21,008 --> 00:55:24,068 All right, it's Christmastime. Free glasses. 828 00:55:24,278 --> 00:55:25,711 - Are these free? - Yes. 829 00:55:25,913 --> 00:55:28,006 "We know you'll find them well-constructed 830 00:55:28,215 --> 00:55:32,083 "and we hope your organization will see no need to boycott. 831 00:55:32,286 --> 00:55:36,313 "Sincerely, Wayne Appleton, president, Cool Dude, Inc." 832 00:55:36,523 --> 00:55:40,050 - All right, the power of the pen. - Hey, thanks, Chainsaw. 833 00:55:40,260 --> 00:55:44,321 Hey, Eakian. Eakian. Man, you think you can help me with my letter, 834 00:55:44,531 --> 00:55:45,930 make it sound official? 835 00:55:46,133 --> 00:55:48,499 Sure, Denise. 836 00:55:49,236 --> 00:55:51,761 You wanna give it to me? 837 00:55:57,945 --> 00:55:59,378 OK, tonight, for homework, 838 00:55:59,580 --> 00:56:03,107 write a review of Texas Chainsaw Massacre. 839 00:56:05,052 --> 00:56:06,986 Rhonda? 840 00:56:08,622 --> 00:56:12,581 If you're not doing anything tomorrow, I thought we could do something. 841 00:56:12,793 --> 00:56:15,626 Oh, I have Lamaze class tomorrow night. 842 00:56:15,829 --> 00:56:19,993 - Do you wanna go with me? - What about Mr. Shoop? 843 00:56:20,200 --> 00:56:23,761 Oh, he won't care. I mean, if you don't mind being my coach. 844 00:56:24,504 --> 00:56:28,167 - I wouldn't mind at all. - Great. 845 00:56:28,375 --> 00:56:30,502 Great. 846 00:56:31,345 --> 00:56:33,279 See you, Eak. 847 00:56:34,214 --> 00:56:36,148 Mr. Shoop... 848 00:56:37,784 --> 00:56:43,689 ...you should see this, but you can't let Denise know I showed you. OK? 849 00:56:43,890 --> 00:56:45,585 OK. 850 00:56:55,869 --> 00:56:58,360 Shoop, this girl's dyslexic. 851 00:56:58,572 --> 00:57:00,506 What? That's not in her file. 852 00:57:00,707 --> 00:57:03,540 This is serious. You gotta get her some help. 853 00:57:04,745 --> 00:57:07,236 How could she get this far with no one finding out? 854 00:57:07,648 --> 00:57:09,639 She slipped through the system. 855 00:57:09,850 --> 00:57:12,444 What happens when she gets out in the real world? 856 00:57:12,653 --> 00:57:17,113 Wait! Is this the same guy that took his English class to the petting zoo? 857 00:57:17,324 --> 00:57:20,851 - How'd you get those kids to work? - Bribed them. 858 00:57:23,263 --> 00:57:25,356 What would it take to have dinner with you? 859 00:57:25,565 --> 00:57:27,362 That would be very expensive. 860 00:57:33,573 --> 00:57:37,202 - I'm having dinner with Gills. - Big Phil again, huh? 861 00:57:37,411 --> 00:57:39,641 Robin, be honest, isn't he a bite in the ass? 862 00:57:39,846 --> 00:57:44,010 No, he's not a bite in the ass. He happens to be very... 863 00:57:46,920 --> 00:57:51,254 ...articulate... cultured... 864 00:57:51,458 --> 00:57:54,188 ...extraordinarily tidy. 865 00:57:54,394 --> 00:57:57,227 Tall, dark and tidy. That's a magic combination. 866 00:57:58,965 --> 00:58:01,229 - You're not in love. - None of your business. 867 00:58:01,435 --> 00:58:02,663 - Sure, it is. - No. 868 00:58:02,869 --> 00:58:05,167 Tell me you love him, I'll stop asking you out. 869 00:58:05,605 --> 00:58:08,438 How am I gonna tell you I love him when it's so new? 870 00:58:08,642 --> 00:58:12,203 I knew it. See, Robin, he is not the guy for you. 871 00:58:12,612 --> 00:58:16,173 You need an intelligent, sensitive man who can skate. 872 00:58:16,383 --> 00:58:20,649 - Do you know such a guy? - Oh, they're hard to find. 873 00:58:20,854 --> 00:58:23,152 But now that I know, I'll keep my eye out. 874 00:58:23,390 --> 00:58:25,324 Would you? 875 00:58:25,692 --> 00:58:27,751 Looking good, Denise. Good luck. 876 00:58:27,961 --> 00:58:32,455 Sir, you are really gonna earn your money today. 877 00:58:37,371 --> 00:58:39,168 - Francis Gremp? - Call me Chainsaw. 878 00:58:39,840 --> 00:58:43,071 - You're up next. - Can you hold on a sec? 879 00:58:43,276 --> 00:58:45,403 Dad's late. He's so irresponsible. 880 00:58:45,612 --> 00:58:50,845 I said, "Dad, 3:00 sharp." But no, it's just in one ear, out the other. 881 00:58:51,051 --> 00:58:52,279 I need your car. 882 00:58:53,019 --> 00:58:56,455 - You wanna use my car? - I'm under adult supervision. 883 00:59:00,427 --> 00:59:02,486 Chainsaw, you take your test 884 00:59:02,696 --> 00:59:05,790 and you bring my car right back here to me. 885 00:59:06,733 --> 00:59:09,566 You make me proud to be an American. Dave, kiss this man. 886 00:59:09,770 --> 00:59:13,399 You, come with me. No, no, you stay there. I'll bring the car to you. 887 00:59:13,607 --> 00:59:17,065 Can you back this up? I'm taking a test. Just move all the way back. 888 00:59:24,050 --> 00:59:26,416 - What? What'd I do? - Don't worry about me. 889 00:59:26,620 --> 00:59:29,521 See those cars on the right? Go ahead and park in between. 890 00:59:29,723 --> 00:59:32,123 What do you mean? You mean parallel park? 891 00:59:32,426 --> 00:59:35,293 - Something wrong? - No, nothing. 892 00:59:51,778 --> 00:59:53,245 Yeah. 893 00:59:54,781 --> 00:59:57,249 We going on the freeway? 894 00:59:57,451 --> 01:00:00,352 I think we'll just stay in the neighborhood. 895 01:00:04,191 --> 01:00:06,284 Why are you driving with only one hand? 896 01:00:06,593 --> 01:00:10,085 Oh, this hand's gotta be free to put around the babes. 897 01:00:11,298 --> 01:00:14,096 - Are you marking me off for that? - Watch the dip! 898 01:00:15,168 --> 01:00:16,692 That dip? 899 01:00:17,137 --> 01:00:19,605 Hey, you crazy? 900 01:00:19,973 --> 01:00:23,101 Don't you ever, ever yell at the driver! Do you hear me? 901 01:00:23,310 --> 01:00:25,870 - Where are you going? - Back. The test is over. 902 01:00:26,112 --> 01:00:28,080 No way! 903 01:00:29,216 --> 01:00:30,706 That was your fault. 904 01:00:30,917 --> 01:00:33,317 This is bullshit. Come on. 905 01:00:33,520 --> 01:00:36,717 I stayed sober for this. You can't do this. 906 01:00:36,923 --> 01:00:39,949 Come back, you dumb dildo. Wait, no, you're not a dildo. 907 01:00:40,160 --> 01:00:44,062 I was joking. That was a joke. Come on, be cool. One more chance? 908 01:00:44,764 --> 01:00:46,561 Wait. 909 01:00:47,334 --> 01:00:51,566 You lost points for driving too slow and not accepting the right of way. 910 01:00:51,771 --> 01:00:54,740 - Failed again. - 70 is passing. 911 01:00:54,941 --> 01:00:56,431 Seventy-two. 912 01:00:57,611 --> 01:00:59,875 - I passed? - You passed. 913 01:01:00,080 --> 01:01:02,878 I passed! Oh, I passed! I passed! 914 01:01:03,750 --> 01:01:06,014 Shoop, I passed! 915 01:01:06,219 --> 01:01:08,449 I passed! 916 01:01:09,623 --> 01:01:13,286 - I passed! God, I passed! Thanks! - I'm proud of you. Congratulations. 917 01:01:13,493 --> 01:01:16,724 - I couldn't have done it without you. - Now, you drove the car. 918 01:01:16,930 --> 01:01:19,330 - Look, I owe you one, all right? - Yeah? 919 01:01:19,533 --> 01:01:21,160 Yeah. 920 01:01:21,368 --> 01:01:23,996 OK. Tell you something you can do for me. 921 01:01:24,471 --> 01:01:26,200 - What? - Get help with reading. 922 01:01:26,406 --> 01:01:27,873 - Man. - Listen, Denise. 923 01:01:28,074 --> 01:01:30,907 What you have is a learning disorder called dyslexia. 924 01:01:31,111 --> 01:01:34,205 You need to retrain your brain to deal with information. 925 01:01:34,414 --> 01:01:36,405 - There's a specialist. - I'm doing fine. 926 01:01:36,616 --> 01:01:40,518 Yeah, you are. But you could be doing so much better. 927 01:01:40,787 --> 01:01:42,914 But that's up to you. 928 01:01:43,323 --> 01:01:44,915 Hey. 929 01:01:45,559 --> 01:01:47,720 - Think about it, OK? - OK, free film. 930 01:01:47,928 --> 01:01:51,261 Free developing. Come on, what more could you want? 931 01:01:51,464 --> 01:01:53,091 Here. 932 01:01:53,300 --> 01:01:57,760 Look, my dad's a butcher. You like veal cutlets from Minnesota? Milk-fed. 933 01:02:15,956 --> 01:02:18,789 Hi, honey, how was your day? 934 01:02:19,459 --> 01:02:21,324 Hectic. 935 01:02:21,661 --> 01:02:25,222 - Boy, something smells good. - The manicotti. 936 01:02:25,432 --> 01:02:29,300 Perfect timing. Why don't you start on the cheese and crackers. 937 01:02:30,937 --> 01:02:32,666 Yeah. It's open. 938 01:02:32,872 --> 01:02:34,897 - Hi. - Hey. 939 01:02:35,108 --> 01:02:38,009 I just brought this Ray Bradbury book. 940 01:02:38,211 --> 01:02:40,577 - Maybe I should come back later. - Why? 941 01:02:42,849 --> 01:02:44,817 - Hi, Miss Bishop. - Hi. 942 01:02:46,386 --> 01:02:49,913 Oh, Robin, Pam House, one of my students. 943 01:02:50,123 --> 01:02:52,182 Pam, Robin Bishop. 944 01:02:52,525 --> 01:02:55,619 - Hi. - Hi, Pam. 945 01:02:57,330 --> 01:03:01,164 Freddy, I didn't make enough for three. If you plan on inviting company, 946 01:03:01,368 --> 01:03:03,563 - I wish you'd let me know. - No, he wasn't. 947 01:03:03,770 --> 01:03:05,795 I stopped by to help him with a lesson. 948 01:03:06,006 --> 01:03:09,032 - But we can do that in the morning. - Morning's much better. 949 01:03:09,242 --> 01:03:12,006 I'll make French toast for us. Do you like French toast? 950 01:03:12,445 --> 01:03:14,174 I bet she makes great French toast. 951 01:03:14,381 --> 01:03:17,475 - I actually meant morning at school. - Oh, fine. 952 01:03:17,684 --> 01:03:21,017 - It was nice to meet you, Pam. - You too. 953 01:03:26,693 --> 01:03:27,955 Robin? 954 01:03:28,695 --> 01:03:32,791 I know this is none of my business, but what the hell is going on in there? 955 01:03:32,999 --> 01:03:35,900 There's nothing going on in there. Remember those bribes? 956 01:03:36,102 --> 01:03:39,367 - Well, Pam needed a place to stay. - How long has she been here? 957 01:03:39,572 --> 01:03:41,836 A couple of days. 958 01:03:42,075 --> 01:03:44,873 My laundry's never smelled so good. Here, take a whiff. 959 01:03:45,078 --> 01:03:47,876 Oh, I'm sure it's April fresh. 960 01:03:48,081 --> 01:03:50,242 I just hope having a maid 961 01:03:50,450 --> 01:03:53,010 is worth the damage you could do to that young girl. 962 01:03:54,287 --> 01:03:56,482 See you tomorrow. 963 01:04:03,363 --> 01:04:06,264 - All ready. - Great. 964 01:04:06,466 --> 01:04:10,869 - French or Italian? - French. 965 01:04:11,071 --> 01:04:12,936 I knew it. 966 01:04:14,674 --> 01:04:18,508 - Pam, we gotta talk. - Sure. What's up? 967 01:04:19,979 --> 01:04:24,416 - I think you are a great girl. - And I think you're a great guy. 968 01:04:26,186 --> 01:04:27,881 God, this is hard. 969 01:04:28,088 --> 01:04:30,784 Freddy, go ahead. You can tell me anything. 970 01:04:33,526 --> 01:04:37,394 OK. You know how, when you're on your board, 971 01:04:37,597 --> 01:04:41,465 and you see the perfect wave rolling in and you think you got it? 972 01:04:41,668 --> 01:04:44,398 Only, something happens and you don't get it. 973 01:04:44,604 --> 01:04:47,164 I mean, the key to the whole thing is timing. 974 01:04:47,373 --> 01:04:49,898 If you're even a little out of sync, you're grim, 975 01:04:50,110 --> 01:04:52,908 you're blowing the barrel, you're seaweed. 976 01:04:53,113 --> 01:04:55,138 But then you look outside 977 01:04:55,348 --> 01:04:58,647 and you see an even more perfect wave than the first perfect wave 978 01:04:58,852 --> 01:05:00,979 and that's the one you catch. 979 01:05:01,187 --> 01:05:05,055 - Do you know what I mean? - Yeah. Yeah, I get it. 980 01:05:05,258 --> 01:05:08,716 Surfing metaphors. You're the perfect wave and I'm seaweed 981 01:05:08,928 --> 01:05:12,625 - and if you want me out, just say it. - No, no, I'm not the perfect wave. 982 01:05:12,832 --> 01:05:14,629 And it's not just that I want you out of my house. 983 01:05:14,834 --> 01:05:16,995 No, you want me out of your life. 984 01:05:18,004 --> 01:05:21,462 - Pam, look, I'm your teacher. - No. 985 01:05:21,674 --> 01:05:25,770 Any time one person lets themself care deeply about another person, 986 01:05:25,979 --> 01:05:29,346 that person runs the risk of being rejected and destroyed. 987 01:05:29,549 --> 01:05:32,279 - I'll go get my things. - No, wait. You cooked dinner. 988 01:05:32,485 --> 01:05:34,919 It looks beautiful. Let's sit down, eat. 989 01:05:35,989 --> 01:05:37,980 It's just food. 990 01:05:44,030 --> 01:05:46,191 OK. I'm gonna collect your book reports. 991 01:05:46,800 --> 01:05:49,098 Then we are on our way to court. 992 01:05:49,302 --> 01:05:51,202 Homework, Pam? 993 01:05:53,106 --> 01:05:55,301 You expect me to relate to the written word 994 01:05:55,508 --> 01:05:57,999 after the hell you put me through? 995 01:05:58,211 --> 01:06:00,941 Talk about shallow. I've stepped in deeper puddles. 996 01:06:01,147 --> 01:06:03,047 You're excused. 997 01:06:05,885 --> 01:06:08,012 Mr. Shoop, don't you want mine? 998 01:06:09,489 --> 01:06:13,823 Larry, you're awake, with homework. What's wrong with you? 999 01:06:14,027 --> 01:06:16,018 I got fired. They found out my real age. 1000 01:06:16,229 --> 01:06:19,323 - Hey, I didn't say a word. - No, my mom came to a show. 1001 01:06:19,532 --> 01:06:22,023 - Your mother? - It was a nightmare. 1002 01:06:22,235 --> 01:06:25,636 I mean, before she knew who I was, she put 5 bucks in my G-string. 1003 01:06:25,839 --> 01:06:28,933 And then my Aunt Edna, she kisses me. 1004 01:06:29,142 --> 01:06:31,872 With tongue. And rips off my mask. 1005 01:06:32,078 --> 01:06:34,137 Mom freaked out. 1006 01:06:34,347 --> 01:06:35,871 She made me put on her coat. 1007 01:06:37,083 --> 01:06:38,710 - I'm sorry. - You're sorry? 1008 01:06:38,918 --> 01:06:40,442 I'm at my sexual peak. 1009 01:06:40,653 --> 01:06:44,384 Once a guy hits 18, it's all downhill. 1010 01:06:45,124 --> 01:06:47,251 But it's a lovely ride. 1011 01:06:47,627 --> 01:06:50,095 Mr. Shoop, why did you tell the arresting officers 1012 01:06:50,296 --> 01:06:52,127 that the vodka found in the possession 1013 01:06:52,332 --> 01:06:56,063 of Mr. Gremp and Mr. Frazier belonged to you? 1014 01:06:56,269 --> 01:06:59,102 Your Honor, to keep a couple of students out of trouble. 1015 01:06:59,305 --> 01:07:02,240 David and Francis have enough problems as it is. 1016 01:07:02,575 --> 01:07:05,373 - It's true, Your Honor. - Our lives are a mess. 1017 01:07:06,446 --> 01:07:07,845 Guys, don't help. 1018 01:07:08,414 --> 01:07:12,407 Where did you young men obtain the vodka in question? 1019 01:07:12,619 --> 01:07:14,086 - From Murray. - Who's Murray? 1020 01:07:14,287 --> 01:07:17,518 You know Murray. Everybody knows Murray. 1021 01:07:17,724 --> 01:07:19,624 From Murray's Liquor. 1022 01:07:19,826 --> 01:07:22,124 Didn't this Murray ask to see proof of age? 1023 01:07:22,362 --> 01:07:24,193 Well, I come off pretty mature. 1024 01:07:24,397 --> 01:07:27,730 - Did you show him proof of age? - Yeah, I guess I did. 1025 01:07:28,001 --> 01:07:30,026 May I see it, please? 1026 01:07:30,236 --> 01:07:32,431 - I'd rather you didn't. - I'd rather I did. 1027 01:07:40,847 --> 01:07:44,078 You were a black Marine in 1968? 1028 01:07:45,852 --> 01:07:47,217 Vietnam. 1029 01:07:47,420 --> 01:07:49,820 A war puts a man through many, many changes. 1030 01:07:50,023 --> 01:07:54,187 Young man, the possession of false identification and of alcohol by a minor 1031 01:07:54,394 --> 01:07:57,625 are serious crimes. You've just confessed to both of them. 1032 01:07:57,830 --> 01:08:00,890 - I didn't mean to. - However, since the arresting officers 1033 01:08:01,100 --> 01:08:04,729 let you off with a warning, I'll probably do the same. 1034 01:08:05,071 --> 01:08:07,801 - Is this guy bitchen or what? - Now, Mr. Shoop... 1035 01:08:08,274 --> 01:08:09,832 Your Honor? 1036 01:08:10,910 --> 01:08:12,639 My name is Robin Elizabeth Bishop 1037 01:08:12,845 --> 01:08:15,939 and I'm also on the faculty with the defendant. 1038 01:08:16,149 --> 01:08:19,846 I submit that this man went to jail for his students. 1039 01:08:20,386 --> 01:08:23,981 Very few teachers ever exhibit that degree of dedication. 1040 01:08:24,190 --> 01:08:25,987 Therefore, Your Honor, I move that... 1041 01:08:26,192 --> 01:08:29,389 Don't move, Miss Bishop. You're out of order. 1042 01:08:29,595 --> 01:08:33,326 And you're also correct. Mr. Shoop, these charges will be dropped. 1043 01:08:33,533 --> 01:08:35,763 - Case dismissed. - All right! 1044 01:08:36,369 --> 01:08:39,736 All right! That's so... 1045 01:08:41,908 --> 01:08:44,570 Shoop! Let me tell you something. 1046 01:08:44,777 --> 01:08:47,007 The judge bought that dedicated teacher crap, 1047 01:08:47,213 --> 01:08:49,841 but you covered up, thus condoning student drinking. 1048 01:08:50,049 --> 01:08:53,644 I am filing a report for Kelban with the entire story. Face it. 1049 01:08:53,853 --> 01:08:58,916 The test scores won't save you, because they're losers, just like you! 1050 01:08:59,425 --> 01:09:00,653 Hi. 1051 01:09:01,427 --> 01:09:04,362 I was just congratulating our good friend Mr. Shoop. 1052 01:09:05,231 --> 01:09:08,564 - Now, about lunch, sweetheart. - Tell you what, sweetheart, 1053 01:09:08,768 --> 01:09:12,260 why don't you go ahead, order two lunches and eat them yourself. 1054 01:09:12,472 --> 01:09:14,872 One for each face. 1055 01:09:22,115 --> 01:09:27,246 OK. Today we take a practice test. Pinpoint each of your weak spots. 1056 01:09:27,453 --> 01:09:29,512 Then we work a couple hours after school. 1057 01:09:29,722 --> 01:09:33,021 Wait, wait. Practice tests, extra class time? 1058 01:09:33,226 --> 01:09:35,251 Not in the contract. Eakian, get him. 1059 01:09:35,628 --> 01:09:38,256 The test is in two weeks. You need the extra work. 1060 01:09:38,464 --> 01:09:41,627 Then I'm afraid we're gonna need some extra incentive. 1061 01:09:41,834 --> 01:09:45,736 - Yeah. Like a party with a band. - I could use some wheels bad. 1062 01:09:45,938 --> 01:09:48,065 And get me a job, man, doing strip-o-grams. 1063 01:09:48,741 --> 01:09:52,438 - I don't believe this greed. - Believe it, man. I need a houseboy. 1064 01:09:54,180 --> 01:09:57,616 It's a simple matter of renegotiating our contracts. 1065 01:09:57,817 --> 01:10:00,945 Renegotiate? Who do you think you are, Teamsters? 1066 01:10:01,154 --> 01:10:05,750 Yeah, Teamsters! Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike! 1067 01:10:08,227 --> 01:10:12,994 Look! For the past four weeks, I have given up all of my free time. 1068 01:10:13,199 --> 01:10:16,293 Had my body used for a tackling dummy, my house trashed, 1069 01:10:16,669 --> 01:10:19,536 my couch set on fire, my goldfish murdered, 1070 01:10:19,739 --> 01:10:22,867 my butt thrown in jail and my car wrecked. 1071 01:10:25,011 --> 01:10:27,411 All I'm asking for is a little extra effort. 1072 01:10:28,815 --> 01:10:32,216 You know, what's sad is you guys could all pass that test. 1073 01:10:33,419 --> 01:10:36,980 But you're just so happy being failures that you just don't know... 1074 01:10:37,557 --> 01:10:39,650 Why am I doing this? 1075 01:10:40,526 --> 01:10:42,460 Tell you what. 1076 01:10:43,362 --> 01:10:45,728 You guys drop out and be illiterate. 1077 01:10:45,932 --> 01:10:48,992 I'm going to Hawaii and be tan. 1078 01:10:53,739 --> 01:10:55,331 Have a cow. 1079 01:10:55,842 --> 01:10:57,810 Damn. 1080 01:11:00,980 --> 01:11:03,312 Hey. Thanks for the help. 1081 01:11:04,484 --> 01:11:06,577 Good luck. 1082 01:11:06,786 --> 01:11:08,651 - Where are you going? - To quit. 1083 01:11:08,855 --> 01:11:10,550 - You can't quit. - Sure, I can. 1084 01:11:10,756 --> 01:11:14,157 - I never got through to anybody. - Not true. They were learning. 1085 01:11:14,360 --> 01:11:15,918 - You're not a quitter. - I am. 1086 01:11:16,129 --> 01:11:18,723 I turned you down for dinner at least a dozen times 1087 01:11:18,931 --> 01:11:22,958 - and you haven't quit bugging me. - Wanna go out to dinner tonight? 1088 01:11:23,169 --> 01:11:26,036 - Can't. - See? 1089 01:11:32,111 --> 01:11:35,547 Everybody take a seat. You, in the cot, out of bed. 1090 01:11:35,915 --> 01:11:39,908 - Where's Mr. Shoop? - He has tendered his resignation. 1091 01:11:40,119 --> 01:11:41,882 Now, sit down. 1092 01:11:42,088 --> 01:11:45,023 Would someone tell me what Mr. Shoop had planned for today? 1093 01:11:45,224 --> 01:11:48,284 - Yes? - Group sex. No, that's tomorrow. 1094 01:11:48,494 --> 01:11:51,486 Today's independent study, right after our midmorning nap. 1095 01:11:51,697 --> 01:11:53,892 Don't think you can pull this BS with me. 1096 01:11:54,100 --> 01:11:59,197 Everybody take their textbooks out and turn to chapter seven. 1097 01:12:00,806 --> 01:12:02,034 Read it again. 1098 01:12:10,783 --> 01:12:12,444 Who's making that noise? 1099 01:12:14,287 --> 01:12:17,552 What noise? I don't hear any noise. What, you got dog ears? 1100 01:12:22,128 --> 01:12:25,564 - Chainsaw, stop doing that. - Stop doing what? 1101 01:12:26,732 --> 01:12:28,893 You know, I hear it too and it's annoying. 1102 01:12:29,235 --> 01:12:31,066 Find the hooligan that's responsible, 1103 01:12:31,270 --> 01:12:35,604 because I am trying to read chapter seven. Again. 1104 01:12:45,017 --> 01:12:47,611 Mr. Gills, I cannot study. I'm going to the library. 1105 01:12:47,820 --> 01:12:50,220 Chainsaw, sit down. 1106 01:12:50,423 --> 01:12:53,392 You can hum till your lips fall off, I could care less. 1107 01:12:54,126 --> 01:12:55,889 Wait a minute. You're not dismissed. 1108 01:12:57,563 --> 01:13:01,090 Now, I promise you, you people act like psychopaths tomorrow 1109 01:13:01,300 --> 01:13:04,064 - and you will be sorry. - We will be sorry? 1110 01:13:04,270 --> 01:13:08,400 Mr. Gills sure does know his child psychology. 1111 01:13:10,409 --> 01:13:14,243 Miss Cura, I want to let you know that the children are a little hyperactive, 1112 01:13:14,447 --> 01:13:17,848 but I'm sure that you'll enjoy their joie de vivre. 1113 01:13:18,050 --> 01:13:20,348 So far, I've only subbed at grammar schools, 1114 01:13:20,553 --> 01:13:23,886 so this should be a nice change. 1115 01:13:24,457 --> 01:13:26,220 Help, Mr. Gills! 1116 01:13:26,892 --> 01:13:29,258 Denise! Denise! Take it easy! What happened? 1117 01:13:29,462 --> 01:13:31,760 Don't go in there without a gun. It's terrible. 1118 01:13:31,964 --> 01:13:34,296 - Is this my classroom? - Yes, it is. 1119 01:13:34,500 --> 01:13:37,401 Whose blood is that? Is that your blood? 1120 01:13:37,670 --> 01:13:39,570 No. 1121 01:13:51,784 --> 01:13:53,081 My God. 1122 01:14:34,060 --> 01:14:35,857 We're back! 1123 01:14:40,833 --> 01:14:42,630 What is wrong with you people? 1124 01:14:43,035 --> 01:14:47,802 It's like you said, Gills! We're psychopaths! 1125 01:14:49,442 --> 01:14:51,910 Somebody better call the school nurse! 1126 01:14:53,846 --> 01:14:56,212 I am not amused! Turn off those motors! 1127 01:14:59,118 --> 01:15:01,086 Everybody get up. Now! 1128 01:15:08,260 --> 01:15:11,195 I'm not ready for high school. 1129 01:15:14,800 --> 01:15:18,497 - Why'd she leave? Didn't she like us? - Where's her sense of humor? 1130 01:15:18,704 --> 01:15:21,605 I have seen some sick things before. 1131 01:15:21,807 --> 01:15:24,708 But this... This is... 1132 01:15:24,910 --> 01:15:26,707 - Devilishly clever. - Vomitous! 1133 01:15:27,046 --> 01:15:30,948 - Thank you. - We take a lot of pride in our work. 1134 01:15:31,150 --> 01:15:33,175 Look, we want Shoop back. 1135 01:15:33,386 --> 01:15:35,911 Why would Shoop come back? So Kelban can fire him? 1136 01:15:36,122 --> 01:15:37,350 He might surprise you. 1137 01:15:38,190 --> 01:15:43,560 - We did today. - And we've got more for tomorrow. 1138 01:15:47,433 --> 01:15:49,094 Do we have a deal? 1139 01:16:04,950 --> 01:16:10,149 Wondermutt, I do not want to play. Not now. I'm busy. 1140 01:16:47,226 --> 01:16:49,353 - Tough day? - We've been torturing Gills. 1141 01:16:49,562 --> 01:16:51,655 Yeah. He said you could have your job back. 1142 01:16:51,931 --> 01:16:55,799 Now, why would I want my job back? Hey, my life is sailing. 1143 01:16:56,001 --> 01:17:02,907 I got a radio, blanket, beach chair, dark glasses, dog. 1144 01:17:03,309 --> 01:17:04,674 Why would I wanna go back? 1145 01:17:04,877 --> 01:17:07,209 How about we can't pass that test without you? 1146 01:17:08,180 --> 01:17:12,014 Me and Chainsaw, we been sober for two days, four hours and 15 minutes. 1147 01:17:12,218 --> 01:17:15,346 - No kidding? - Swear to God. Reality is so unreal. 1148 01:17:15,554 --> 01:17:17,613 - But a nice change. - Truly. Thumbs up. 1149 01:17:20,793 --> 01:17:23,421 I think you should know that you were a phase. 1150 01:17:23,629 --> 01:17:25,688 I've outgrown you. 1151 01:17:25,898 --> 01:17:28,560 But I do wanna be friends, if you can handle it. 1152 01:17:34,173 --> 01:17:35,640 And Shoop... 1153 01:17:36,675 --> 01:17:39,200 ...I'm seeing that reading specialist this afternoon. 1154 01:17:39,778 --> 01:17:44,875 Look. We'll study in school, after school, whatever it takes. 1155 01:17:45,084 --> 01:17:48,747 But we need a teacher. What do you say, Mr. Shoop? 1156 01:17:51,457 --> 01:17:53,652 Please? 1157 01:18:01,133 --> 01:18:04,591 How can I say no to these cute little faces? 1158 01:19:24,950 --> 01:19:27,578 Your practice test scores were great. Hey, come on, 1159 01:19:27,786 --> 01:19:30,084 you been here 12 hours. I want you to go home, 1160 01:19:30,289 --> 01:19:33,053 forget about this test, get a good night's sleep. 1161 01:19:33,258 --> 01:19:35,988 I'll see you tomorrow, 8 AM, the lecture hall. 1162 01:19:36,195 --> 01:19:40,131 Hey, trust me. Come on, you're gonna kick ass and take names. Believe it. 1163 01:19:40,499 --> 01:19:43,491 - Are we really that ready? - Ready? What time's the test? 1164 01:19:43,702 --> 01:19:46,899 - Eight AM. - See, the correct answers do not stop. 1165 01:19:47,106 --> 01:19:49,097 Now, go on, get out of here, all of you, 1166 01:19:49,308 --> 01:19:53,608 before the college recruiters show up and try to drag you all off to Harvard. 1167 01:19:54,713 --> 01:19:56,681 Hey, I mean it. 1168 01:20:14,900 --> 01:20:17,391 Wondermutt, look. I found Bob. 1169 01:20:19,738 --> 01:20:22,332 Go get it. 1170 01:20:51,070 --> 01:20:52,833 Yeah! 1171 01:20:58,911 --> 01:21:01,379 - Morning, Mom. - Morning, sweetheart. 1172 01:21:01,580 --> 01:21:03,639 Morning, Dad. 1173 01:21:04,183 --> 01:21:06,947 How do you want your eggs, honey? Fried, scrambled? 1174 01:21:08,587 --> 01:21:10,487 I don't know. 1175 01:21:10,689 --> 01:21:13,180 - What are eggs? - I'll surprise you. 1176 01:21:13,492 --> 01:21:15,585 How do you spell "cat"? 1177 01:21:18,130 --> 01:21:21,622 - I don't know! - Honey, what's wrong? 1178 01:21:21,900 --> 01:21:25,233 I don't know what's wrong. Every... Everything's blank. 1179 01:21:25,437 --> 01:21:28,429 I don't know anything. I don't know anything! 1180 01:21:28,640 --> 01:21:30,540 I don't know anything! 1181 01:21:30,843 --> 01:21:33,573 Chainsaw! Chainsaw! Chainsaw! 1182 01:21:33,779 --> 01:21:35,440 Are you all right? 1183 01:21:35,647 --> 01:21:38,047 - I had a nightmare. - About what? 1184 01:21:39,251 --> 01:21:40,878 I don't know. 1185 01:21:41,086 --> 01:21:43,111 - Great day for a test, huh? - Yeah. 1186 01:21:43,322 --> 01:21:45,313 Hey, Shoop. 1187 01:21:47,359 --> 01:21:49,919 - An apple. - For the teacher. 1188 01:21:50,129 --> 01:21:52,063 Give them hell. 1189 01:21:53,365 --> 01:21:56,334 - Hey, we're testing in here. - I know, I'm in your class. 1190 01:21:58,504 --> 01:22:01,098 I remember you. Where you been? 1191 01:22:01,306 --> 01:22:03,331 Bathroom. 1192 01:22:03,542 --> 01:22:06,670 - Six weeks? - My zipper got stuck. 1193 01:22:09,681 --> 01:22:13,674 "Do not open the test booklets until you are told to do so. 1194 01:22:13,886 --> 01:22:15,454 "Using a number two pencil, take your answer sheet and fill in your name. 1195 01:22:15,454 --> 01:22:17,854 "Using a number two pencil, take your answer sheet and fill in your name. 1196 01:22:18,056 --> 01:22:22,686 "Last name first, first name second, middle initial last on the first line. 1197 01:22:22,895 --> 01:22:24,419 "Do this now." 1198 01:22:25,330 --> 01:22:29,164 This officer is here to see that there is no cheating. 1199 01:22:30,068 --> 01:22:33,595 This officer is here to see that there is no cheating. 1200 01:22:35,007 --> 01:22:39,171 Festival of screwups and their king. 1201 01:22:40,479 --> 01:22:44,472 Mr. Gills extends his warmest personal regards and best wishes. 1202 01:22:44,683 --> 01:22:46,116 Hey, thanks for caring, man. 1203 01:22:47,820 --> 01:22:50,550 OK. Break the seals on your test booklets now. 1204 01:22:51,323 --> 01:22:54,952 And turn to the section titled Reading Vocabulary. 1205 01:22:55,627 --> 01:22:58,892 "You will have 20 minutes to complete this section." 1206 01:22:59,865 --> 01:23:01,492 Everybody ready? 1207 01:23:02,801 --> 01:23:05,497 No! 1208 01:23:10,209 --> 01:23:12,200 Tension breaker, had to be done. 1209 01:23:12,744 --> 01:23:13,972 Anybody else? 1210 01:23:17,816 --> 01:23:19,875 Good luck, gang. 1211 01:23:20,986 --> 01:23:22,817 Ready. 1212 01:23:23,522 --> 01:23:25,149 Begin. 1213 01:23:34,132 --> 01:23:35,724 Sorry. 1214 01:25:37,089 --> 01:25:38,317 Kevin. 1215 01:25:40,993 --> 01:25:42,517 It's starting. 1216 01:25:42,728 --> 01:25:44,389 Now? 1217 01:25:44,596 --> 01:25:46,154 Shit. 1218 01:25:46,798 --> 01:25:48,288 How far apart? 1219 01:25:49,201 --> 01:25:50,896 Twelve minutes. 1220 01:25:51,103 --> 01:25:52,627 Try and slow it down. 1221 01:25:54,706 --> 01:25:56,037 Forget about the... 1222 01:26:08,754 --> 01:26:11,518 - Thirty seconds left. - Come on, come on. 1223 01:26:11,723 --> 01:26:13,554 C, C, 1224 01:26:13,859 --> 01:26:17,920 C, C, C, 1225 01:26:18,797 --> 01:26:22,028 C, C, C, C. 1226 01:26:22,634 --> 01:26:24,795 - And... - Wait 20 more seconds. 1227 01:26:25,003 --> 01:26:27,836 - Twenty seconds. ...stop. Pencils down. 1228 01:26:28,040 --> 01:26:30,201 C, C, C. 1229 01:26:30,742 --> 01:26:32,369 Drop them! 1230 01:26:33,545 --> 01:26:35,979 Stay seated until Anna-Maria picks up your tests. 1231 01:26:36,181 --> 01:26:39,708 Miss Mazarelli, may I have those tests after you collect them, please? 1232 01:26:40,519 --> 01:26:42,646 - Yeah. - Can Rhonda and I be excused? 1233 01:26:42,854 --> 01:26:44,913 She's having a baby. 1234 01:26:45,123 --> 01:26:47,648 - She's having a baby? - Oh, I wanna see this. 1235 01:26:47,859 --> 01:26:51,420 Calm down! Everybody just stay in your seats. No problem here at all. 1236 01:26:51,630 --> 01:26:53,564 Rhonda, why didn't you say something? 1237 01:26:53,765 --> 01:26:57,064 - I wanted to finish my test. - You need hot water, a ride? 1238 01:26:57,269 --> 01:26:59,533 - All we need is a hospital. - What can I do? 1239 01:26:59,738 --> 01:27:01,535 - Get out of my way. - I can do that. 1240 01:27:01,740 --> 01:27:05,335 Carmine, get out of her way! Get the door. 1241 01:27:07,279 --> 01:27:10,578 - Save the umbilical cord. - And the afterbirth, if convenient. 1242 01:27:10,782 --> 01:27:12,613 Good thinking. 1243 01:27:13,218 --> 01:27:15,015 Oh, easy, easy, this way. Watch out. 1244 01:27:16,054 --> 01:27:19,251 - You look terrific. - Well, I'm feeling pretty good. 1245 01:27:19,458 --> 01:27:21,050 That's great. 1246 01:27:21,259 --> 01:27:24,160 The baby is healthy and happy. 1247 01:27:24,596 --> 01:27:27,087 And my coach was incredible. 1248 01:27:27,299 --> 01:27:30,132 Yeah, well, I couldn't have done it without you. 1249 01:27:30,469 --> 01:27:32,596 No cord, huh? 1250 01:27:33,872 --> 01:27:35,965 When do we get to see the whippersnapper? 1251 01:27:36,174 --> 01:27:38,904 Rhonda, don't let those two near the baby, please. 1252 01:27:40,312 --> 01:27:42,872 Well, it won't be a problem. 1253 01:27:43,615 --> 01:27:46,106 I'm giving her up for adoption. 1254 01:27:48,453 --> 01:27:52,014 - She's going to a really good home. - That's nice. 1255 01:27:52,657 --> 01:27:54,352 I'm not ready to be a mom. 1256 01:27:59,331 --> 01:28:01,595 - Mr. Shoop. - Ciao. 1257 01:28:01,800 --> 01:28:03,324 Ciao, gang. How's it going? 1258 01:28:04,035 --> 01:28:05,502 - All right. - OK. 1259 01:28:08,707 --> 01:28:10,436 Bad news? 1260 01:28:11,877 --> 01:28:14,277 Gills says he's mailing you your scores. 1261 01:28:14,779 --> 01:28:17,543 - We failed. - He just said the average grade 1262 01:28:17,749 --> 01:28:19,910 - was below passing. - So we failed. 1263 01:28:20,118 --> 01:28:22,882 Hey, you didn't fail. 1264 01:28:23,088 --> 01:28:25,147 I failed. 1265 01:28:26,825 --> 01:28:31,762 Field trips to the beach, a bed in your classroom, drinking at the beach, 1266 01:28:31,963 --> 01:28:35,330 a screening of Texas Chainsaw Massacre 1. 1267 01:28:35,567 --> 01:28:38,627 - Quite a summer, Mr. Shoop. - I tried to keep it interesting. 1268 01:28:38,837 --> 01:28:42,034 I have his dismissal ready for your signature, sir. 1269 01:28:42,240 --> 01:28:44,003 Before I sign anything, 1270 01:28:44,209 --> 01:28:48,236 I understand there are some people waiting to speak in Mr. Shoop's behalf. 1271 01:28:48,446 --> 01:28:51,677 - Really? - Come in. 1272 01:28:52,150 --> 01:28:55,916 Mr. Kelban, you're not actually going to listen to these delinquents? 1273 01:28:56,121 --> 01:28:59,522 No. I'm gonna listen to their parents. 1274 01:29:12,837 --> 01:29:14,998 I'm Principal Kelban. 1275 01:29:15,207 --> 01:29:18,904 - Is there a spokesperson here? - I guess I am. I'm Howard Gremp. 1276 01:29:19,344 --> 01:29:21,369 You're Chainsaw's father. 1277 01:29:21,580 --> 01:29:24,674 - Interesting boy. - No, you can say it. He's a lunatic. 1278 01:29:24,883 --> 01:29:26,350 Dad. 1279 01:29:26,551 --> 01:29:29,918 You know, six weeks ago, I thought he had the IQ of a salad bar. 1280 01:29:30,121 --> 01:29:33,147 His only interest in life was to make people sick. 1281 01:29:33,358 --> 01:29:37,988 If my mother came to dinner, he would give the dog a third eye or an extra leg. 1282 01:29:38,263 --> 01:29:41,289 Because of him, we stopped having kids. 1283 01:29:41,967 --> 01:29:45,528 I mean, you can imagine the feeling when I saw him studying. 1284 01:29:45,737 --> 01:29:48,535 The wife and I almost burst into tears. 1285 01:29:48,740 --> 01:29:51,607 - David was doing his homework too. - It makes sense, 1286 01:29:51,810 --> 01:29:53,243 they share the same brain. 1287 01:29:53,612 --> 01:29:57,013 Not only did Mr. Shoop get my daughter to read, 1288 01:29:57,215 --> 01:29:58,443 he taught her to drive. 1289 01:29:58,650 --> 01:30:01,983 He showed Kevin there's more to life than just football. 1290 01:30:02,187 --> 01:30:07,250 - I'm not sure I agree, but it's possible. - This man should not be teaching. 1291 01:30:07,459 --> 01:30:10,792 Proof is here in these test results. Look for yourself, Mr. Shoop. 1292 01:30:11,896 --> 01:30:15,423 Passing is 70. Average score here was 63. 1293 01:30:16,501 --> 01:30:20,460 - They failed. - That is not true, Mr. Gills. 1294 01:30:20,672 --> 01:30:22,537 - We passed? - No, not all of you. 1295 01:30:22,741 --> 01:30:25,107 But that's not what's important here. 1296 01:30:25,310 --> 01:30:26,572 Larry. 1297 01:30:26,778 --> 01:30:30,908 Went from an 18 to a 51! 1298 01:30:31,116 --> 01:30:33,516 If I'd only seen you strip a week sooner. You! 1299 01:30:33,718 --> 01:30:35,447 - Mom, my hair. - Rhonda. 1300 01:30:35,654 --> 01:30:39,886 From a 29 to a 43 and she gave birth. 1301 01:30:40,091 --> 01:30:43,458 Isn't childbirth grounds for a makeup test? 1302 01:30:43,762 --> 01:30:45,627 It always has been. 1303 01:30:47,098 --> 01:30:48,690 This woman thing never fails. 1304 01:30:49,134 --> 01:30:53,264 Eakian. A 51 to a 74. 1305 01:30:54,172 --> 01:30:57,198 I passed! I am an Eakian, Grams. 1306 01:30:57,409 --> 01:30:59,001 - All right, Eaker. - Denise. 1307 01:30:59,210 --> 01:31:03,169 No previous test score because you ditched every test, but a 38. 1308 01:31:03,381 --> 01:31:06,509 - Honey, that's terrific. - We'll get them next time. 1309 01:31:07,018 --> 01:31:08,246 - Kevin. - Yeah? 1310 01:31:08,453 --> 01:31:11,479 From a 48 to a 75! 1311 01:31:11,690 --> 01:31:13,317 Yeah! I'm back on the team! 1312 01:31:13,525 --> 01:31:17,291 - Yeah! Kill! - Yeah! Kill! 1313 01:31:21,299 --> 01:31:26,362 Chainsaw. Last score was a 6. This time, 59. Monster comeback. 1314 01:31:26,571 --> 01:31:28,436 - All right. - And Dave. 1315 01:31:28,640 --> 01:31:30,505 From a 26 to a 70. 1316 01:31:30,775 --> 01:31:32,003 I passed! 1317 01:31:32,210 --> 01:31:33,541 - You made it! - You passed? 1318 01:31:33,745 --> 01:31:36,942 You passed and I failed, asshole! How could you do that to me? 1319 01:31:37,248 --> 01:31:40,649 It was an accident. I'll take it again. I can fail, I know it. 1320 01:31:40,852 --> 01:31:45,789 And Pam went from a 53 to an 82. 1321 01:31:46,925 --> 01:31:48,825 - Was that the highest? - Well, almost. 1322 01:31:49,027 --> 01:31:52,326 I mean, that guy who spent six weeks in the bathroom got a 91. 1323 01:31:52,530 --> 01:31:55,988 But look, there's more going on here than test scores and grades. 1324 01:31:56,201 --> 01:31:58,169 You all worked hard and you improved. 1325 01:31:58,403 --> 01:32:00,837 And that's very nice, Mr. Shoop. 1326 01:32:01,039 --> 01:32:04,475 We are here to discuss his flagrant violation of school policies. 1327 01:32:04,676 --> 01:32:06,439 Hold it, Gills. 1328 01:32:10,048 --> 01:32:11,606 According to my numbers, 1329 01:32:11,816 --> 01:32:15,183 the average scores here increased from 28 to 63. 1330 01:32:15,387 --> 01:32:18,049 That's 125 percent improvement. Now, that's teaching. 1331 01:32:18,256 --> 01:32:19,848 - Absolutely. - Yeah. 1332 01:32:20,058 --> 01:32:22,959 Mr. Shoop, I'm granting you tenure. 1333 01:32:25,263 --> 01:32:27,823 He's back, ladies and gentlemen! 1334 01:32:46,317 --> 01:32:50,845 This is the last time I ask. I promise. 1335 01:32:51,456 --> 01:32:53,981 Will you have dinner with me? 1336 01:32:54,826 --> 01:32:57,090 I'll think about it. 1337 01:32:59,898 --> 01:33:02,560 Can I use some of that lip stuff? 1338 01:33:21,286 --> 01:33:24,346 Does this mean we can have dinner tonight? 1339 01:33:24,556 --> 01:33:26,956 I didn't say that. 1340 01:33:27,592 --> 01:33:31,119 We'll just talk about it over breakfast. 1341 01:33:32,119 --> 01:33:42,119 Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org