1 00:00:35,860 --> 00:00:40,140 Can you come to me? 2 00:00:40,260 --> 00:00:45,140 When we enter, we must be completely quiet. No talking at all. 3 00:00:45,260 --> 00:00:50,860 It's a high-security prison, and you are being watched right now. 4 00:01:38,340 --> 00:01:43,820 A friend told me about the program. I think it will help me to - 5 00:01:43,940 --> 00:01:48,380 - to find out who I am. 6 00:01:48,500 --> 00:01:52,940 What it's like to grow up on the streets and maybe end up as an inmate here. 7 00:01:59,820 --> 00:02:06,300 I do it to wriggle free of that which holds me fast. 8 00:02:08,180 --> 00:02:13,700 It seemed crazy enough to shake me up. 9 00:02:19,900 --> 00:02:24,700 I don't know how I feel with criminals who have murdered someone - 10 00:02:24,820 --> 00:02:27,340 - and trying to deal with it. 11 00:02:27,460 --> 00:02:32,020 I've never met anyone who has killed a person. 12 00:02:36,300 --> 00:02:42,740 It will be scary, but it is also what makes it interesting. 13 00:02:43,820 --> 00:02:47,340 The feeling of being in danger has a certain attraction. 14 00:02:47,460 --> 00:02:51,540 It's not like everyday life, where you drive to work - 15 00:02:51,660 --> 00:02:55,460 - going home again, eating dinner and watching TV. 16 00:03:32,020 --> 00:03:34,900 Do you want to get up? 17 00:03:37,900 --> 00:03:42,540 I want to ask you to close your eyes. 18 00:03:42,660 --> 00:03:47,580 Let's turn our gaze inward to open up to the outside. 19 00:03:48,580 --> 00:03:51,940 Now I want to chant. 'Sembowe'. 20 00:03:52,060 --> 00:03:56,300 The way the lion behaves. The creature of the lion. 21 00:03:56,420 --> 00:03:59,260 So we too can become like that. 22 00:03:59,380 --> 00:04:04,780 When I have said the word, you respond by saying 'shu'. 23 00:04:05,940 --> 00:04:09,100 Let me hear you say it. 24 00:04:09,220 --> 00:04:12,540 Let it come from the navel. 25 00:04:23,940 --> 00:04:26,740 I can't hear you. 26 00:05:22,020 --> 00:05:24,860 Take a deep breath. 27 00:05:26,340 --> 00:05:29,700 It sounded a bit like a train. 28 00:05:29,820 --> 00:05:33,300 A train that stops at the station. 29 00:05:33,420 --> 00:05:36,060 And you get on. 30 00:05:44,420 --> 00:05:48,580 Now we are all in the circle. 31 00:05:48,700 --> 00:05:51,700 Look around you. 32 00:05:52,740 --> 00:05:57,780 I have no idea how it will turn out. It would be a lie to say otherwise. 33 00:05:57,900 --> 00:06:04,580 I just know there are some committed and goal-oriented men - 34 00:06:04,700 --> 00:06:09,660 - here in the circle, who are willing to follow you anywhere. 35 00:06:09,780 --> 00:06:14,540 No matter where you are going, and no matter how it looks. 36 00:06:16,140 --> 00:06:18,700 I just want to say something. 37 00:06:18,820 --> 00:06:25,540 Over the years I have heard descriptions of guys who are in prison. 38 00:06:25,660 --> 00:06:32,140 Screw all that. We are just some guys who fight as well as we can. 39 00:06:33,900 --> 00:06:39,180 We who are in prison, Will be honest here. 40 00:06:39,300 --> 00:06:43,740 We don't want to be them we are in the prison yard. 41 00:06:43,860 --> 00:06:46,380 I ask the same of you. 42 00:06:46,500 --> 00:06:51,740 You know who you are in the streets. Be more than that. 43 00:06:51,860 --> 00:06:55,900 Not just us who wear blue clothes. 44 00:06:56,020 --> 00:07:03,060 Let us all live up to our potential for the next four days. 45 00:07:03,180 --> 00:07:07,620 Let's do it. That was all. 46 00:07:22,980 --> 00:07:28,180 Now you must hear what will happen. 47 00:07:28,300 --> 00:07:33,900 You must go there in a little while and choose one of those guys. 48 00:07:34,020 --> 00:07:38,060 Look carefully, because it is an important choice. 49 00:07:38,180 --> 00:07:42,580 You must be with it, You choose, the next four days. 50 00:07:42,700 --> 00:07:47,220 Don't let it happen by chance. Choose the one you want. 51 00:07:48,260 --> 00:07:51,020 Go to him. 52 00:07:53,420 --> 00:07:56,580 Now we do. 53 00:07:56,700 --> 00:08:01,020 One, two, three... off. 54 00:08:10,020 --> 00:08:13,980 Take him back. In silence. 55 00:08:16,500 --> 00:08:18,580 Take him now. 56 00:08:18,700 --> 00:08:21,540 Go now. 57 00:08:24,860 --> 00:08:30,660 Grab the man behind you and find some chairs. 58 00:08:30,780 --> 00:08:34,540 Sit down together and tell each other who you are. 59 00:08:34,660 --> 00:08:39,140 You start with that. Introduce yourselves to each other. 60 00:08:39,260 --> 00:08:43,180 - My name is Charles Tate. - Are you called Charles? 61 00:08:43,300 --> 00:08:47,220 Yes. I was born and raised in L.A. 62 00:08:47,340 --> 00:08:50,420 In South Central and other places in the city. 63 00:08:50,540 --> 00:08:56,140 I have come because my biological father was in prison when i was born. 64 00:08:56,260 --> 00:09:00,260 My biggest fear is to be locked up. 65 00:09:00,380 --> 00:09:02,540 Apart from dying. 66 00:09:02,660 --> 00:09:06,460 What are you looking for here? 67 00:09:06,580 --> 00:09:11,380 why have you come and what would you like to achieve? 68 00:09:11,500 --> 00:09:18,740 I thought it might could give me some clarity. 69 00:09:18,860 --> 00:09:23,260 By talking to you could I get some insight into - 70 00:09:23,380 --> 00:09:29,900 - why I haven't taken advantage the opportunities I have had. 71 00:09:30,020 --> 00:09:34,660 I am 25 years old. 72 00:09:34,780 --> 00:09:41,220 I don't know what I want anymore with my life than when I was 15-16. 73 00:09:41,340 --> 00:09:44,140 When you go out into the yard... 74 00:09:44,260 --> 00:09:50,900 You've been here for a while. You look like a boy. 75 00:09:51,020 --> 00:09:55,060 You look young too. You just have to shave. 76 00:09:56,620 --> 00:10:00,820 I assume that some of you don't mind going out there. 77 00:10:00,940 --> 00:10:03,980 What's going on out there? 78 00:10:04,100 --> 00:10:09,700 Exercise. Law studies. Sport. 79 00:10:09,820 --> 00:10:15,860 We talk to the others. Why are you interested in it? 80 00:10:15,980 --> 00:10:22,420 I'm just trying to understand what it is is for a life you return to. 81 00:10:22,540 --> 00:10:25,700 May I ask you something? 82 00:10:25,820 --> 00:10:28,660 why are you here and how long have you been here? 83 00:10:28,780 --> 00:10:33,660 One conviction for murder and three for robbery. I have been here for 22 years. 84 00:10:33,780 --> 00:10:39,540 I'm from San Diego, California. I was a member of the Crips gang. 85 00:10:39,660 --> 00:10:42,500 I am no longer affiliated. 86 00:10:42,620 --> 00:10:47,020 I got a sentence of 75 years. It's a long time. 87 00:10:47,140 --> 00:10:51,580 I have been sitting in these circles for four years. 88 00:10:51,700 --> 00:10:56,140 I have been locked up for 19 years. 89 00:10:56,260 --> 00:11:00,940 I got seven years to life for kidnapping and robbery. 90 00:11:01,060 --> 00:11:06,620 I started stealing because the tension. And I got away with it. 91 00:11:06,740 --> 00:11:12,380 But in the end it went wrong. I was 18 years old. 92 00:11:12,500 --> 00:11:15,780 I've been here ever since and now i am 39. 93 00:11:15,900 --> 00:11:19,980 I almost cut a guy in half. 94 00:11:20,100 --> 00:11:26,420 I was found guilty of attempted murder. I crippled him for the rest of his life. 95 00:11:26,540 --> 00:11:30,380 I sat on top of him with a big knife - 96 00:11:30,500 --> 00:11:35,180 - and cut open his stomach. I wanted to cut him in half. 97 00:11:35,300 --> 00:11:39,580 Part of me thinks that's just how life is. 98 00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:45,220 And there is nothing I can do to change it. 99 00:11:45,340 --> 00:11:48,620 Convert to what? Life or all the bad things? 100 00:11:48,740 --> 00:11:52,900 My life and my place in life. 101 00:11:53,020 --> 00:11:56,380 - Where are you right now? - Do you mean physically? 102 00:11:56,500 --> 00:11:59,900 No, in your life. 103 00:12:00,020 --> 00:12:04,060 - Where are you right now? - I am dissatisfied. 104 00:12:04,180 --> 00:12:08,500 Are you willing to during these four days - 105 00:12:08,620 --> 00:12:13,860 - to try to find a new way of looking at it? 106 00:12:13,980 --> 00:12:18,100 Not removing the problems - 107 00:12:18,220 --> 00:12:23,860 - but to get a new perspective on it. 108 00:12:23,980 --> 00:12:30,540 Yes, I am willing to. My way doesn't work. It just doesn't. 109 00:12:32,300 --> 00:12:36,260 - Do you need anything? - A glass of water. 110 00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:41,940 - Do you want something? - Otherwise, thank you. 111 00:12:44,260 --> 00:12:47,860 We've got the right one. He is tender. 112 00:12:49,140 --> 00:12:55,660 I wonder if not. He sat laughing, and I thought: You just had to know. 113 00:12:55,780 --> 00:12:59,620 It's like looking at yourself in the mirror. 114 00:13:27,020 --> 00:13:31,620 Let's check in. Anyone can start. 115 00:13:33,260 --> 00:13:37,020 My goal for this weekend… 116 00:13:39,060 --> 00:13:44,420 I would like to quit to be my own worst enemy - 117 00:13:44,540 --> 00:13:48,380 - and could get along with everyone I meet. 118 00:13:48,500 --> 00:13:54,940 I hope we stand together and is kissed by God. Thanks. 119 00:13:56,980 --> 00:14:01,260 My name is Dark Cloud. In these four days... 120 00:14:05,300 --> 00:14:08,140 ...I want to be vulnerable. 121 00:14:08,260 --> 00:14:12,700 I want to be vulnerable and I will not be afraid. 122 00:14:12,820 --> 00:14:18,780 Every time I've exposed myself, I have been hurt. Thanks. 123 00:14:18,900 --> 00:14:20,820 My name is Kiki. 124 00:14:20,940 --> 00:14:27,300 I want to look in some areas of my life. 125 00:14:28,820 --> 00:14:33,660 I will go into my fear of losing my family - 126 00:14:33,780 --> 00:14:41,180 - and not knowing how they feel. Or what they do… 127 00:14:42,300 --> 00:14:46,220 I would like to go into that. 128 00:14:46,340 --> 00:14:49,300 Let's get up. 129 00:14:49,420 --> 00:14:53,380 Push the chairs back a little. 130 00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:07,340 I need your help to to talk about something I have repressed. 131 00:15:07,460 --> 00:15:12,020 I have not mourned over my sister for a long time. 132 00:15:12,140 --> 00:15:15,460 I'm tired of covering it up. 133 00:15:15,580 --> 00:15:21,900 I'm tired of worrying about that I withdraw from the feeling. 134 00:15:22,020 --> 00:15:26,100 I will be open to it and close the floodgates. 135 00:15:26,220 --> 00:15:29,820 But as you can sense, I'm scared right now. 136 00:15:29,940 --> 00:15:33,940 - What are you afraid of? - Losing something I've had for a long time. 137 00:15:34,060 --> 00:15:38,220 That I lose my protective shield, my armor. 138 00:15:38,340 --> 00:15:43,900 Can you describe the armor that prevents you from opening up? 139 00:15:44,020 --> 00:15:47,700 It looks like this: It's not okay to cry. 140 00:15:47,820 --> 00:15:54,260 It's not okay to grieve or show his tears. 141 00:15:54,380 --> 00:15:59,220 I will feel how it feels to grieve. 142 00:15:59,340 --> 00:16:02,300 I don't want to shut down for the little boy - 143 00:16:02,420 --> 00:16:06,220 - who cried, when he was spanked by his father. 144 00:16:09,060 --> 00:16:14,900 I won't deny him that, he always wanted. 145 00:16:15,980 --> 00:16:19,260 I won't take it away which my father took from me. 146 00:16:19,380 --> 00:16:23,540 - Stay in it. - I don't want to feel that pain anymore. 147 00:16:23,660 --> 00:16:27,780 I don't want it like this that I can't feel anything. 148 00:16:27,900 --> 00:16:30,820 i want to cry because my sister died. 149 00:16:30,940 --> 00:16:35,900 I can't hug my mother. That's what I want to feel. 150 00:16:36,020 --> 00:16:41,340 I don't want to be a marionette, who have no feelings. 151 00:16:41,460 --> 00:16:45,940 I want to feel like myself. I will not be afraid of that. 152 00:16:46,060 --> 00:16:49,060 I don't want to pull me out of the feeling. 153 00:16:49,180 --> 00:16:51,580 - Do you trust me? - Yes. 154 00:16:51,700 --> 00:16:55,420 So let's get into the fear. 155 00:16:55,540 --> 00:16:58,980 Open up to the feeling. 156 00:16:59,100 --> 00:17:03,340 Trust me. Take me with you. 157 00:17:03,460 --> 00:17:06,700 Nothing will happen to you. I look after you. 158 00:17:08,140 --> 00:17:12,220 - I fight against. - Stay in it. I'm right here. 159 00:17:12,340 --> 00:17:14,940 I'm not going anywhere. 160 00:17:16,500 --> 00:17:19,380 Feel it. Close up. 161 00:17:20,500 --> 00:17:23,940 Let the hands fall. Close up. 162 00:17:25,020 --> 00:17:29,580 You don't have to put the armor back on. 163 00:17:31,140 --> 00:17:33,940 She is dead. 164 00:17:35,940 --> 00:17:38,940 - What do you feel? - I'm sorry. 165 00:17:39,060 --> 00:17:42,220 Feel the sadness. 166 00:17:43,620 --> 00:17:45,820 Don't run away from it. 167 00:17:48,020 --> 00:17:50,980 Feel it. 168 00:17:51,100 --> 00:17:55,020 Can I touch your jaw? Relax in the mouth. 169 00:17:55,140 --> 00:17:58,700 - Trust me. - May I touch your jaw? 170 00:17:58,820 --> 00:18:02,980 Open your mouth a little. Just relax. 171 00:18:03,100 --> 00:18:06,540 Breathe into your belly. 172 00:18:08,420 --> 00:18:11,940 Take a breath. 173 00:18:12,060 --> 00:18:15,420 Keep breathing. 174 00:18:15,540 --> 00:18:19,660 - It's been a long time since your body... - Breathe. 175 00:18:24,300 --> 00:18:27,660 Relax your jaw. Let go. 176 00:18:27,780 --> 00:18:30,540 Let the mouth open. 177 00:18:31,740 --> 00:18:34,180 Take a breath. 178 00:18:35,060 --> 00:18:39,580 - Namely. Take a breath. - Here it comes. 179 00:18:40,820 --> 00:18:44,660 - We look after you. - Breathe. 180 00:18:44,780 --> 00:18:47,780 Get it out. 181 00:18:52,260 --> 00:18:54,980 Let it go. 182 00:18:56,940 --> 00:18:59,820 Let go. 183 00:19:08,260 --> 00:19:10,580 Lie down. 184 00:19:10,700 --> 00:19:13,820 It has been there too long. Let go. 185 00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:24,740 Damn it! 186 00:19:26,420 --> 00:19:29,700 - Tell him. - I'm with you. 187 00:19:29,820 --> 00:19:33,620 I'm right here with you. 188 00:19:33,740 --> 00:19:36,300 I'm not going. I'm right here. 189 00:19:38,180 --> 00:19:41,700 - Stay in it. - Let him shut it out. 190 00:19:42,540 --> 00:19:46,220 Damn it! 191 00:19:46,340 --> 00:19:48,740 Fuck you! 192 00:19:48,860 --> 00:19:50,620 Namely. 193 00:19:54,380 --> 00:19:58,940 - Damn it! - Yes, let go of the pain. 194 00:19:59,060 --> 00:20:01,820 Take a breath. 195 00:20:01,940 --> 00:20:04,420 I'm still here. 196 00:20:04,540 --> 00:20:07,820 It's me. I'm still here. 197 00:20:10,700 --> 00:20:14,140 Where are you right now? Tell me that. 198 00:20:15,940 --> 00:20:20,980 Tell me that. I'm right here. 199 00:20:22,500 --> 00:20:25,060 Tell me that. 200 00:20:27,460 --> 00:20:30,540 You must not run from it. 201 00:20:30,660 --> 00:20:33,020 Stay here. 202 00:20:35,780 --> 00:20:39,900 - Don't run away. Stay here. - It's a crappy feeling. 203 00:20:40,020 --> 00:20:43,820 No. It's some shit not to feel it. 204 00:20:45,380 --> 00:20:48,820 Just feel the feeling. 205 00:20:48,940 --> 00:20:53,500 - I didn't expect this. - No, then you wouldn't have come. 206 00:20:54,500 --> 00:20:57,420 Give space to the feeling. 207 00:21:03,540 --> 00:21:07,020 - I'm right here. - Give him some water. 208 00:21:15,180 --> 00:21:19,860 - How are you? - I'm tired. 209 00:21:19,980 --> 00:21:23,620 It had gone well. 210 00:21:23,740 --> 00:21:26,660 Naked man. 211 00:21:29,780 --> 00:21:32,340 Well done. 212 00:21:34,140 --> 00:21:37,460 - No punches? - No. 213 00:21:39,500 --> 00:21:44,340 - I don't know you, but... - Tell him. 214 00:21:44,460 --> 00:21:47,020 It meant a lot. 215 00:21:48,500 --> 00:21:51,180 I could feel it. 216 00:21:53,060 --> 00:21:57,140 What you just did requires nuts. 217 00:21:57,260 --> 00:22:00,740 You are a really proud bastard. 218 00:22:00,860 --> 00:22:03,500 I couldn't have done it without you. 219 00:22:03,620 --> 00:22:09,020 It came straight from the heart. It hit me deeply. Thanks. 220 00:22:13,700 --> 00:22:18,060 Let's check in, before we check out for tonight. 221 00:22:19,860 --> 00:22:23,580 I check in and check out. 222 00:22:25,540 --> 00:22:30,460 It was overwhelming. But it was necessary. 223 00:22:30,580 --> 00:22:34,700 And I am deeply grateful with all my heart. Thanks. 224 00:22:37,700 --> 00:22:40,740 You have a large space in my heart, Kiki. 225 00:22:42,580 --> 00:22:45,780 There are no words for it. 226 00:22:45,900 --> 00:22:47,580 Thanks. 227 00:22:50,660 --> 00:22:54,700 It's impossible for me not to be judgmental. 228 00:22:54,820 --> 00:23:00,220 I am critical of the way it takes place on 229 00:23:07,540 --> 00:23:12,540 I don't like to feel that way because… 230 00:23:12,660 --> 00:23:15,780 ...I struggle with it. 231 00:23:19,820 --> 00:23:22,620 I don't like to judge you. 232 00:23:22,740 --> 00:23:25,980 You did great. You did well. 233 00:23:26,100 --> 00:23:30,260 You ran a quarter lap, but you still have three quarters left. 234 00:23:32,380 --> 00:23:36,060 - That was all. - Thank you. 235 00:23:56,380 --> 00:23:59,260 I like my two guys. 236 00:23:59,380 --> 00:24:04,180 I think they would like to that I break. 237 00:24:04,300 --> 00:24:08,940 They are constantly waiting for, that something is happening to me. 238 00:24:10,740 --> 00:24:15,340 We live in a society, where it is not well seen - 239 00:24:15,460 --> 00:24:19,540 - to show emotions and express themselves with tears. 240 00:24:21,180 --> 00:24:26,660 But I don't think that one must necessarily cry. 241 00:24:26,780 --> 00:24:30,820 In Kiki's case, it was because he was there. 242 00:24:30,940 --> 00:24:35,860 He would mourn his sister, and they helped him to it. 243 00:24:35,980 --> 00:24:38,620 But I haven't come to cry - 244 00:24:38,740 --> 00:24:42,940 - and I don't want to feel that I disappoint them by not doing so. 245 00:25:05,980 --> 00:25:11,340 Let's go into the silence. Sit down. 246 00:25:12,620 --> 00:25:15,500 Let's go into the silence. 247 00:25:18,020 --> 00:25:24,940 The whole process of entering in the pain is not an end in itself. 248 00:25:25,060 --> 00:25:30,380 We seek something and we take something back from there. 249 00:25:30,500 --> 00:25:35,620 Listen for it in this poem. It comes in the last line. 250 00:25:35,740 --> 00:25:40,620 Those who won't dive under the quiet surface in the well of sorrow 251 00:25:40,740 --> 00:25:45,740 down through the dark water to the place where we don't breathe 252 00:25:45,860 --> 00:25:49,300 will never discover the source, from which we drink 253 00:25:49,420 --> 00:25:54,380 The hidden water, cold and clear... Now it comes... 254 00:25:54,500 --> 00:25:59,540 Or find the small round coins, that sparkles in the dark 255 00:25:59,660 --> 00:26:03,620 thrown away by them, who wanted something else. 256 00:26:10,060 --> 00:26:13,260 Can we try something? 257 00:26:13,380 --> 00:26:19,100 We take a round where we mention the times we have been let down. 258 00:26:20,820 --> 00:26:26,020 And just so you know, I have no hidden agenda. 259 00:26:27,860 --> 00:26:32,380 I know you will judge me. You must know that. 260 00:26:32,500 --> 00:26:36,140 I judge you while you judge me. 261 00:26:41,900 --> 00:26:45,060 My first memory is, from when I was three years old. 262 00:26:45,180 --> 00:26:49,660 I'm standing there with a diaper on. 263 00:26:49,780 --> 00:26:56,260 My real father just came home, and I have no idea who the hell he is. 264 00:26:56,380 --> 00:27:03,340 He has a remote controlled robot, which makes all sorts of strange noises. 265 00:27:03,460 --> 00:27:07,820 He says, I'll come and get it. 266 00:27:07,940 --> 00:27:11,140 I don't want that shit. 267 00:27:11,260 --> 00:27:16,580 I don't know who he is and I want nothing to do with him. 268 00:27:18,340 --> 00:27:22,180 He says: "Ricky, come get it." 269 00:27:22,300 --> 00:27:24,740 I'm afraid. 270 00:27:24,860 --> 00:27:28,380 He's coming over and gives me a good slap. 271 00:27:28,500 --> 00:27:33,220 Then he sits down on the stairs again and says, "Come and take it." 272 00:27:35,300 --> 00:27:39,300 It went on ad infinitum. 273 00:27:39,420 --> 00:27:43,220 I remember it as several hours. 274 00:27:45,300 --> 00:27:49,060 That situation has repeated throughout my life. 275 00:27:52,420 --> 00:27:56,380 And I don't know who my real father is. 276 00:27:57,500 --> 00:28:03,060 When I was 15 years old, I lived with a who claimed he was my father. 277 00:28:03,180 --> 00:28:05,660 He was a scumbag. 278 00:28:05,780 --> 00:28:11,020 He was a drunkard and a liar. His girlfriend was 14 years old. 279 00:28:11,140 --> 00:28:15,020 And I had 15 years of anger, that I wanted to run over him. 280 00:28:15,140 --> 00:28:19,420 I hurt the pig in every way I could. 281 00:28:21,820 --> 00:28:27,100 History repeated itself: "You're bloody crazy." 282 00:28:27,220 --> 00:28:29,660 "Cage him in." 283 00:28:31,340 --> 00:28:36,140 People have failed me all my life. The motorcycle gang I was a member of. 284 00:28:36,260 --> 00:28:41,540 When I was caged in, they didn't want me anymore. 285 00:28:41,660 --> 00:28:45,740 The ones I was willing to kill and die for, would me no more. 286 00:28:45,860 --> 00:28:48,180 I don't know what love is. 287 00:28:48,300 --> 00:28:53,300 I am 47 years old, and I'm just learning it. 288 00:28:58,940 --> 00:29:03,340 I don't want to be violent. But I don't know of anything else. 289 00:29:06,060 --> 00:29:08,260 Thanks. 290 00:29:17,700 --> 00:29:22,580 When I was growing up, everyone had my friends fathers, they did things with. 291 00:29:22,700 --> 00:29:28,300 A man helped raise me, but he was not my father. 292 00:29:28,420 --> 00:29:31,380 You probably know... 293 00:29:31,500 --> 00:29:35,660 He was in prison in Louisiana, when I was born. 294 00:29:35,780 --> 00:29:39,660 I read a few letters, which he wrote to my mother. 295 00:29:39,780 --> 00:29:45,700 He never referred to me as his son. He wrote: "How's the baby?" 296 00:29:48,100 --> 00:29:51,980 It's far out. Why didn't he want to see his child? 297 00:29:52,100 --> 00:29:58,220 I'm good enough. At least I think so myself. 298 00:29:58,340 --> 00:30:04,060 It hurts because I have never knew where I belonged. 299 00:30:04,180 --> 00:30:10,260 No one taught me to be a man. I had to manage that myself. 300 00:30:12,700 --> 00:30:17,060 I don't know more about him. I don't know if he was released. 301 00:30:17,180 --> 00:30:24,220 But if he was, then he knew where I was. 302 00:30:24,340 --> 00:30:27,820 He should have tried to find me. 303 00:30:27,940 --> 00:30:32,780 I turn 41 next month. 304 00:30:35,100 --> 00:30:39,220 I have always had the void in my life. 305 00:30:39,340 --> 00:30:43,980 There was always a part of me that was missing. 306 00:30:45,460 --> 00:30:49,740 And it hurts like hell. 307 00:30:49,860 --> 00:30:54,140 - But... - No 'but'. Say 'and'. 308 00:30:54,260 --> 00:30:58,300 'But' puts a distance to all that, you just said. 309 00:31:00,460 --> 00:31:03,380 "Every day. And ..." 310 00:31:03,500 --> 00:31:10,860 I try to give my children that he never gave me. 311 00:31:11,900 --> 00:31:17,620 Just explain it. How can you fill that void? 312 00:31:17,740 --> 00:31:23,780 By being there and telling them all the time that I love them. 313 00:31:23,900 --> 00:31:27,140 Not only with material things, but by saying it. 314 00:31:27,260 --> 00:31:31,140 Give them kisses and hugs and encouragement. 315 00:31:31,260 --> 00:31:37,540 Do you think they can feel your sadness, when you try to give them love? 316 00:31:37,660 --> 00:31:39,740 Yes. 317 00:31:46,620 --> 00:31:53,300 You are in touch with grief right now. Why don't you turn it off? 318 00:31:53,420 --> 00:31:55,820 I thought I did. 319 00:31:55,940 --> 00:31:59,620 You could feel it, but then you bit your lip - 320 00:31:59,740 --> 00:32:02,140 - not to shut it out. 321 00:32:02,260 --> 00:32:08,300 What happens if the overwhelming feeling of sadness comes out? 322 00:32:10,660 --> 00:32:16,460 - I don't know. - What do you think is happening? 323 00:32:23,220 --> 00:32:27,860 If you have reached your limit, then that's just the way it is. 324 00:32:29,580 --> 00:32:33,100 We do not evaluate anything. 325 00:32:33,220 --> 00:32:36,340 If you are comfortable with where you have reached - 326 00:32:36,460 --> 00:32:39,620 - so let's go further in the circle. 327 00:32:41,260 --> 00:32:45,740 It is not easy. For the first time it is really difficult. 328 00:32:49,140 --> 00:32:54,860 I have been let down countless times. I have relived them over and over again. 329 00:32:55,940 --> 00:33:03,540 I felt most let down, when I was 16-17 years old. 330 00:33:03,660 --> 00:33:08,620 An older guy took me under his wing and treated me like his little brother. 331 00:33:08,740 --> 00:33:14,220 He taught me to drink and smoke weed. He taught me all sorts of shit. 332 00:33:14,340 --> 00:33:18,340 I trusted him and opened my heart to him. 333 00:33:20,580 --> 00:33:23,940 I told him about my first sexual experience. 334 00:33:24,060 --> 00:33:26,860 And that scumbag... 335 00:33:29,180 --> 00:33:34,940 When I showed up at work the next day, had the pig told everyone that - 336 00:33:35,060 --> 00:33:41,900 - I had told him that I believed to be sacred and confidential. 337 00:33:42,020 --> 00:33:47,380 When I confronted him about it, said the pig, "You little weakling." 338 00:33:47,500 --> 00:33:51,140 "You got pussy then, so what are you complaining about?" 339 00:33:51,260 --> 00:33:54,260 It hurt me. 340 00:33:55,420 --> 00:34:02,620 Then I decided that I never would end up in that situation again. 341 00:34:02,740 --> 00:34:05,180 Never ever. 342 00:34:05,300 --> 00:34:10,940 I decided I never would feel hurt about anything. 343 00:34:11,060 --> 00:34:14,900 The next step was heroin. 344 00:34:15,020 --> 00:34:20,140 I was a drug addict for 22 years, because I didn't want to feel anything. 345 00:34:24,260 --> 00:34:30,100 Can I say something? when you said that the man had exhibited you - 346 00:34:30,220 --> 00:34:34,100 - and you used the word 'holy'... 347 00:34:35,420 --> 00:34:39,660 You wouldn't show anyone the sacred inside you, your feelings... 348 00:34:39,780 --> 00:34:42,340 But I have noticed - 349 00:34:42,460 --> 00:34:45,860 - that you walk with holy things, and everyone can see it. 350 00:34:45,980 --> 00:34:51,260 But you just said that you don't show people that. 351 00:34:51,380 --> 00:34:55,940 It creates distance between us. Maybe it's just my perception. 352 00:34:56,060 --> 00:34:59,900 Is that just your perception? 353 00:35:00,020 --> 00:35:04,980 Everything you just said. Det, at du dømmer mig. 354 00:35:05,100 --> 00:35:09,500 Here I open my heart - 355 00:35:09,620 --> 00:35:13,620 - og så sidder du der og dømmer mig? 356 00:35:13,740 --> 00:35:18,180 - I just did that. - Er det sådan, du er? 357 00:35:18,300 --> 00:35:22,260 - It was damn unnecessary. - Er det usandt? 358 00:35:22,380 --> 00:35:25,700 - God damn it, fool! - Hør lige... 359 00:35:25,820 --> 00:35:29,260 - Did I call you a fool? - Stop lige! 360 00:35:29,380 --> 00:35:35,300 Stop lige. Let's stay on track. 361 00:35:35,420 --> 00:35:37,460 Kig på mig, Brian. 362 00:35:39,660 --> 00:35:42,300 Kig på mig. 363 00:35:51,940 --> 00:35:55,140 What do you think? 364 00:35:55,260 --> 00:35:58,180 Hvad sker der, Brian? 365 00:36:20,140 --> 00:36:23,660 It's just like the Devil. 366 00:36:24,700 --> 00:36:28,980 It's in there, and for so long you bite it, it stays there. 367 00:36:29,100 --> 00:36:33,220 You must not bite it. You are there now. 368 00:36:33,340 --> 00:36:38,140 Look over the abyss again. Let's jump into the abyss. 369 00:36:50,180 --> 00:36:53,540 Now you have the opportunity to to see yourself. 370 00:36:53,660 --> 00:36:57,620 You can measure yourself and find out where you stand. 371 00:36:57,740 --> 00:37:01,700 If you live up to it to your own principles. 372 00:37:03,060 --> 00:37:07,820 We know you can bite it. Can you turn it off? 373 00:37:07,940 --> 00:37:13,780 I want to kill people when I feel like this. 374 00:37:19,060 --> 00:37:22,540 My brain is short circuiting. 375 00:37:24,540 --> 00:37:26,780 I understand you, Brian. 376 00:37:26,900 --> 00:37:31,820 Do you know what I felt? Anger and failure. 377 00:37:31,940 --> 00:37:36,420 I was talking about showing my feelings. 378 00:37:37,860 --> 00:37:43,660 Then it was turned to something else. Therefore I felt let down. 379 00:37:51,900 --> 00:37:56,740 Whatever I do here, I get not the respect I want. 380 00:37:56,860 --> 00:38:02,100 Or as I think I deserve. I just don't get it. 381 00:38:03,180 --> 00:38:08,380 I just don't. I imagine I'm a hero! 382 00:38:13,860 --> 00:38:17,420 what would you like to have going to happen here? 383 00:38:18,620 --> 00:38:22,940 how do you get there where you are not so sure - 384 00:38:23,060 --> 00:38:27,220 - that whatever you do, will the result be the same? 385 00:38:27,340 --> 00:38:30,740 I just don't know what should I do with it. 386 00:38:30,860 --> 00:38:34,620 Are you open to suggestions? 387 00:38:34,740 --> 00:38:37,580 Will you trust us? without pulling you away? 388 00:38:37,700 --> 00:38:43,860 - I immediately think: Is that enough? - That's clear. You want to pull away. 389 00:38:43,980 --> 00:38:48,460 But are you willing to to trust the process - 390 00:38:48,580 --> 00:38:52,820 - without worrying about, whether it works or not? 391 00:38:52,940 --> 00:38:55,940 - Are you willing to do that? - Yes. 392 00:38:56,060 --> 00:38:58,260 Get up. 393 00:38:58,380 --> 00:39:04,500 If someone has physical disabilities, watch out, because it's going to be violent. 394 00:39:04,620 --> 00:39:07,260 You must know - 395 00:39:07,380 --> 00:39:12,620 - that we all hope, that the things you say do not happen. 396 00:39:12,740 --> 00:39:19,620 I don't want that goes beyond innocent people. 397 00:39:19,740 --> 00:39:22,380 - Are you on it? - Yes. 398 00:39:22,500 --> 00:39:28,260 Now you have to voice the feeling and lean towards us. 399 00:39:34,380 --> 00:39:37,460 Let me go, dammit! 400 00:39:37,580 --> 00:39:40,340 Let go of me, you asshole! 401 00:39:40,460 --> 00:39:44,340 It is within you. 402 00:39:44,460 --> 00:39:49,780 It is within you. Let it out. 403 00:39:49,900 --> 00:39:52,140 Perverted shit! 404 00:39:52,260 --> 00:39:55,940 Now it comes. Close it out. 405 00:39:56,060 --> 00:39:59,300 Damn it! 406 00:39:59,420 --> 00:40:01,780 Lie down. 407 00:40:13,220 --> 00:40:16,380 Close your eyes. 408 00:40:16,500 --> 00:40:19,020 You must see what happens to you. 409 00:40:19,140 --> 00:40:22,220 Look at me, Brian. 410 00:40:24,140 --> 00:40:26,660 Who hurt you? 411 00:40:26,780 --> 00:40:31,060 - Who am I? - My father said I couldn't. 412 00:40:31,180 --> 00:40:33,180 Who am I? 413 00:40:33,300 --> 00:40:37,220 - So what, Dad? - Like that, yes. 414 00:40:39,180 --> 00:40:42,540 Close your eyes. Turn on the sound. 415 00:40:43,460 --> 00:40:45,660 Turn on the sound. 416 00:40:46,380 --> 00:40:49,500 Everyone misunderstands you. 417 00:40:52,300 --> 00:40:58,740 Everyone misunderstands you, Brian. Lovers, friends, strangers... 418 00:41:00,100 --> 00:41:03,700 Let it out. Keep your eyes open. 419 00:41:03,820 --> 00:41:06,420 Let go of me. 420 00:41:09,900 --> 00:41:13,180 It's just about to let go of energy. 421 00:41:13,300 --> 00:41:15,900 To allow yourself to. 422 00:41:16,020 --> 00:41:20,900 - What are you feeling right now? - That I still have something to prove. 423 00:41:21,020 --> 00:41:26,420 - What do you have to prove? - I want to be able to handle more. 424 00:41:26,540 --> 00:41:31,180 Is that your father's voice Who says it's never enough? 425 00:41:32,180 --> 00:41:35,860 - Head up. - Now it's my voice. 426 00:41:35,980 --> 00:41:39,220 Says the voice, that you judge yourself? 427 00:41:39,340 --> 00:41:43,780 I just shut down sports and all that other crap. 428 00:41:43,900 --> 00:41:49,580 It is a tool. There is one reason you created that tool. 429 00:41:49,700 --> 00:41:52,980 Let's go back to, that you are not good enough. 430 00:41:53,100 --> 00:41:56,460 That's where I stand now. I have to prove more. 431 00:41:58,060 --> 00:42:00,460 Do you want to try again? 432 00:42:00,580 --> 00:42:05,660 Do you want to dive into the well and take something with you? 433 00:42:05,780 --> 00:42:08,780 This is just the beginning. 434 00:42:09,820 --> 00:42:12,860 We do not keep accounts. 435 00:42:12,980 --> 00:42:18,340 I can't go any harder on it. I can just do it over and over. 436 00:42:18,460 --> 00:42:23,780 - Are you willing to try? - It is not necessary. 437 00:42:23,900 --> 00:42:26,380 you say that it is not necessary. 438 00:42:26,500 --> 00:42:31,740 When you think it doesn't is necessary, you strengthen yourself. 439 00:42:31,860 --> 00:42:36,140 That's another way of looking at it. 440 00:42:36,260 --> 00:42:38,380 You don't have to do it again. 441 00:42:38,500 --> 00:42:44,500 You don't have to prove anything for anyone. 442 00:42:44,620 --> 00:42:46,660 That is your strength. 443 00:42:46,780 --> 00:42:53,300 You have taken a step. It won't be fixed at once. 444 00:43:07,460 --> 00:43:09,940 I just want to say something. 445 00:43:10,060 --> 00:43:13,300 It has no meaning. It's actually stupid. 446 00:43:13,420 --> 00:43:15,740 But I want to say it. 447 00:43:15,860 --> 00:43:20,060 When people ask you what's up happened to your head, you can say: 448 00:43:20,180 --> 00:43:24,260 "I came up to fight in prison." 449 00:43:24,380 --> 00:43:29,980 There is no one, that can catch up with. 450 00:43:31,820 --> 00:43:35,380 So keep the wound open. 451 00:43:37,500 --> 00:43:42,420 Say you were assaulted of a bunch of guys. 452 00:43:42,540 --> 00:43:47,300 He fought against seven prisoners. I have never done that. 453 00:43:47,420 --> 00:43:50,620 I have never done that. 454 00:43:50,740 --> 00:43:54,100 You are a good person, Brian. 455 00:43:54,220 --> 00:43:57,260 Can you accommodate it? 456 00:43:57,380 --> 00:44:00,420 You seem to be touched. 457 00:44:02,940 --> 00:44:10,020 You remind me a little of myself. When I was touched, I bowed my head. 458 00:44:10,140 --> 00:44:15,220 Then I learned to cry like a man and hold your head high. 459 00:44:15,340 --> 00:44:21,500 Just let go. It is beautiful to see you in a natural state. 460 00:44:22,700 --> 00:44:27,300 I didn't like you. 461 00:44:27,420 --> 00:44:31,020 I suffered from the same disease. I was full of condemnation. 462 00:44:32,700 --> 00:44:35,740 I have changed my view of you. 463 00:44:35,860 --> 00:44:39,900 You remind me a lot. 464 00:44:40,020 --> 00:44:44,060 You think too much and judge too much. 465 00:44:44,180 --> 00:44:47,420 But you are a brave fellow. 466 00:44:47,540 --> 00:44:51,140 You don't give up. I saw you struggle with yourself. 467 00:44:51,260 --> 00:44:54,380 I could relate to that. 468 00:46:04,860 --> 00:46:09,460 I'm doing well and trying to change me. 469 00:46:09,580 --> 00:46:13,620 Gangs are over, so he can say: 470 00:46:13,740 --> 00:46:17,100 "My father is in prison, but he is a good man." 471 00:46:17,220 --> 00:46:23,100 “He's trying to change its negative aspects." 472 00:46:23,220 --> 00:46:25,620 Are you in? 473 00:46:27,100 --> 00:46:33,580 I want to improve so he can be proud of me But she took him. 474 00:46:33,700 --> 00:46:39,740 - Won't she come again? - She won't take him with her. 475 00:46:46,940 --> 00:46:51,740 I'm tired of not makes him see no matter what I do. 476 00:46:51,860 --> 00:46:57,940 I have tried. There is nothing I can do do to be allowed to see my son. 477 00:47:03,420 --> 00:47:10,500 We all have to find ways to keep ourselves going - 478 00:47:10,620 --> 00:47:14,380 - whether we are inside or outside. I have done that too. 479 00:47:14,500 --> 00:47:19,940 I have to find something to hold on to. 480 00:47:20,060 --> 00:47:23,980 If I have to create it myself, then I will do it. 481 00:47:27,100 --> 00:47:32,860 I feel pressured by the system. I'm in prison. Confined. 482 00:47:35,020 --> 00:47:41,620 I can die anytime. No one would miss me. 483 00:47:41,740 --> 00:47:45,140 I wanted to stay buried here in the prison. 484 00:47:46,460 --> 00:47:49,420 The crap doesn't work for me. 485 00:47:49,540 --> 00:47:56,660 I'm ready to give up. Then what happens must happen. 486 00:48:11,100 --> 00:48:14,420 I just want to sit next to you. 487 00:48:14,540 --> 00:48:17,500 I'm sitting here. 488 00:48:22,780 --> 00:48:26,140 It hurts me. 489 00:48:30,220 --> 00:48:32,940 It hurts me. 490 00:48:35,620 --> 00:48:39,260 It doesn't happen very often, that someone makes me insecure. 491 00:48:39,380 --> 00:48:42,580 I am right now. 492 00:48:42,700 --> 00:48:45,220 And it hurts me. 493 00:48:53,220 --> 00:48:56,300 It is sad. 494 00:48:58,900 --> 00:49:04,220 I face my fear by agreeing to this. 495 00:49:09,940 --> 00:49:15,220 I know why I'm so scared. It's a scary place. 496 00:49:17,340 --> 00:49:22,140 it's dark creepy and depressing. 497 00:49:23,780 --> 00:49:26,300 He just wants to see his son. 498 00:49:26,420 --> 00:49:30,420 Nothing else. He just wants to see his little boy. 499 00:49:30,540 --> 00:49:34,140 It makes me really sad. 500 00:49:40,140 --> 00:49:44,340 I have never felt that I couldn't take it anymore. 501 00:49:47,020 --> 00:49:51,020 It breaks my heart. Seriously. 502 00:49:53,540 --> 00:49:58,660 I pray to God, that you find hope to live on. 503 00:50:12,380 --> 00:50:16,180 You must not give up. I'm begging you. 504 00:50:16,300 --> 00:50:19,780 i don't know you but i understand you. 505 00:50:19,900 --> 00:50:25,740 You just don't give up. Keep fighting every single day. 506 00:50:32,580 --> 00:50:36,620 Fight for your son. Nothing else. 507 00:50:36,740 --> 00:50:39,620 He will need you. 508 00:51:03,500 --> 00:51:07,180 there is something I have to do. 509 00:51:12,020 --> 00:51:14,420 Get up. 510 00:51:19,540 --> 00:51:24,340 What you talk about doing is something shit. 511 00:51:26,260 --> 00:51:29,300 And you know that well. 512 00:51:30,340 --> 00:51:36,380 That's some shit. It is a cowardly way out. 513 00:51:40,180 --> 00:51:43,540 There are no cowards, where I come from. 514 00:51:43,660 --> 00:51:47,860 Now you have to damn it watch grow up - 515 00:51:47,980 --> 00:51:51,540 - and do what you can too little Dante. 516 00:51:54,220 --> 00:51:56,820 Do you hear? 517 00:52:07,140 --> 00:52:09,740 Do you hear? 518 00:52:20,740 --> 00:52:24,900 - Are you there? - Yes. 519 00:52:47,300 --> 00:52:50,900 I never asked you for shit. 520 00:52:51,020 --> 00:52:53,940 Now I am asking you to do this. 521 00:52:54,060 --> 00:52:56,500 Do you want it? 522 00:52:58,740 --> 00:53:01,500 Do you want it? 523 00:53:04,740 --> 00:53:07,460 Do you want it? 524 00:53:08,660 --> 00:53:11,340 I can't do that. 525 00:53:23,940 --> 00:53:28,460 I am asking you to do so. 526 00:53:30,220 --> 00:53:33,380 Give me some time. 527 00:53:36,820 --> 00:53:40,700 Can you give me some time, so we can find a solution? 528 00:53:42,020 --> 00:53:44,380 Can you give it to me? 529 00:53:45,700 --> 00:53:49,260 I don't know. 530 00:53:49,380 --> 00:53:54,420 Give me three months. 531 00:53:54,540 --> 00:53:59,940 If we haven't found a solution about three months, you can do whatever you want. 532 00:54:02,500 --> 00:54:06,180 Can I get 90 days? 533 00:54:06,300 --> 00:54:08,780 Thanks. 534 00:54:23,140 --> 00:54:27,300 Give me 90 days. We will find a solution. 535 00:54:28,260 --> 00:54:31,660 Dry your eyes. People are watching. 536 00:54:49,420 --> 00:54:51,660 Let's move on. 537 00:54:58,340 --> 00:55:03,660 Get up. We must stand together before something weird happens. 538 00:55:03,780 --> 00:55:08,300 We must stand so close together, that nothing can come between us. 539 00:55:08,420 --> 00:55:11,980 Just feel what happened. 540 00:55:13,860 --> 00:55:16,780 Just feel what happened. 541 00:55:36,100 --> 00:55:41,100 I'm so sick of that people get hurt. 542 00:55:41,220 --> 00:55:45,300 I'm tired of that we are on the verge of giving up. 543 00:55:48,100 --> 00:55:53,260 Don spoke of our will, which is side by side with the pain. 544 00:55:53,380 --> 00:55:56,260 When we go all the way in depth - 545 00:55:56,380 --> 00:56:02,020 - the medicine is available right next to our worst pain. 546 00:56:02,140 --> 00:56:06,940 Let's remember that. Rick reached out. 547 00:56:07,060 --> 00:56:12,420 We have to reach out after the sparkling coins. 548 00:56:12,540 --> 00:56:15,500 Someone must have some sparkling coins. 549 00:56:15,620 --> 00:56:20,660 - There is blood on the coins. - Yes, but they are still gold coins. 550 00:56:23,020 --> 00:56:26,900 - I'm tired of the blood. - So let's wipe it off. 551 00:56:30,380 --> 00:56:33,060 I'm tired of the blood. 552 00:56:35,140 --> 00:56:39,740 I'm so sick of people that I care for, give up! 553 00:56:39,860 --> 00:56:42,380 Let it be! 554 00:56:44,780 --> 00:56:47,860 What the hell are we doing? 555 00:56:49,340 --> 00:56:51,780 When do I give up? 556 00:56:51,900 --> 00:56:55,300 When do I give up? 557 00:56:57,860 --> 00:57:01,380 Why are we not strong enough? 558 00:57:25,420 --> 00:57:28,100 This is what needs to happen. 559 00:57:28,220 --> 00:57:34,380 Your supervisors help you to build a fort. A little haven. 560 00:57:34,500 --> 00:57:37,180 We have mattresses and blankets. 561 00:57:37,300 --> 00:57:41,900 Your supervisors have tried it before and know what needs to be done. 562 00:57:42,020 --> 00:57:45,380 find a place where you feel safe - 563 00:57:45,500 --> 00:57:49,180 - and build a small cave. A small fort. 564 00:57:52,300 --> 00:57:54,940 Your guides watch over you. 565 00:57:55,060 --> 00:57:58,900 Remember that they provide, that no one disturbs you. 566 00:58:00,780 --> 00:58:04,060 Now we dim the light. 567 00:58:09,980 --> 00:58:14,140 Now you must listen to my voice. 568 00:58:14,260 --> 00:58:17,260 And follow my instructions. 569 00:58:18,540 --> 00:58:24,620 imagine, that you are floating above your own body. 570 00:58:24,740 --> 00:58:31,700 Imagine that you soaring higher and higher. 571 00:58:31,820 --> 00:58:37,860 You float right through the roof of the building. 572 00:58:39,140 --> 00:58:42,340 Nothing can harm you. 573 00:58:42,460 --> 00:58:44,580 Nothing can touch you. 574 00:58:44,700 --> 00:58:49,660 You move up higher and further away from this place. 575 00:58:51,540 --> 00:58:54,740 Until it no longer exists. 576 00:58:54,860 --> 00:58:57,780 Then you see something in the distance. 577 00:58:57,900 --> 00:59:01,060 It starts with being a small dot. 578 00:59:02,460 --> 00:59:06,860 Then you look up and sees a child's face. 579 00:59:08,300 --> 00:59:13,180 You see your own face, when you were a child. 580 00:59:15,100 --> 00:59:20,260 You ask, “What is my core? What is it that you need?” 581 00:59:20,380 --> 00:59:23,380 “What had protected you— 582 00:59:23,500 --> 00:59:27,260 - so you had stayed a whole and healthy person?" 583 00:59:27,380 --> 00:59:35,260 He reaches for your ear and whispers in it - 584 00:59:35,380 --> 00:59:40,460 - what his greatest need was. What it was that he needed - 585 00:59:40,580 --> 00:59:44,580 - to grow up, as you would like to have. 586 00:59:47,980 --> 00:59:53,140 When you're ready, write your little boy's biggest needs down. 587 01:00:07,660 --> 01:00:09,500 Thanks. 588 01:00:43,140 --> 01:00:46,580 - It's hard, isn't it? - Yeah. 589 01:00:47,700 --> 01:00:50,780 It got behind me. 590 01:01:03,060 --> 01:01:08,780 There is so much you don't know about. As you have forgotten. 591 01:01:14,700 --> 01:01:18,460 I had forgotten how happy I was. 592 01:01:20,180 --> 01:01:23,540 I was such a happy little boy. 593 01:01:30,420 --> 01:01:35,500 I would encourage those men who who has just been on this journey - 594 01:01:35,620 --> 01:01:40,660 - to tell about their experience, and what they wrote in the folder. 595 01:01:41,740 --> 01:01:46,660 I was in the fort with the boys next to me. 596 01:01:46,780 --> 01:01:49,460 But I felt vulnerable. 597 01:01:49,580 --> 01:01:54,300 Not physically, but emotionally I felt vulnerable. 598 01:01:56,140 --> 01:01:58,500 When you started talking - 599 01:01:58,620 --> 01:02:02,180 - I disappeared. I was gone. I forgot I was here. 600 01:02:02,300 --> 01:02:08,620 I saw little Charles, aged seven with Jackson 5 hairstyle... 601 01:02:11,980 --> 01:02:15,340 You know enough. It was just... 602 01:02:16,820 --> 01:02:23,580 He said, “Being able to be a kid and not move from place to place." 603 01:02:23,700 --> 01:02:29,660 “Having a real father and not had to take care of everything and everyone." 604 01:02:29,780 --> 01:02:33,660 "And having a real family." 605 01:02:33,780 --> 01:02:36,100 That was all. 606 01:02:36,220 --> 01:02:38,380 Thank you. 607 01:02:40,540 --> 01:02:45,900 I have for many years rubbed the back of my thumb. 608 01:02:46,020 --> 01:02:50,060 I started it, when I was about seven years old. 609 01:02:50,180 --> 01:02:54,020 It really annoyed my father. 610 01:02:55,220 --> 01:03:00,100 But I think it reminds me of the vulnerability… 611 01:03:04,380 --> 01:03:09,860 The little boy's biggest need is not being told what to do. 612 01:03:09,980 --> 01:03:12,340 Thanks Brian. 613 01:03:12,460 --> 01:03:17,620 Now it seems it's me. I have held distance from this emotionally. 614 01:03:17,740 --> 01:03:24,300 I didn't think it could affect me in any way. 615 01:03:24,420 --> 01:03:28,900 When the music started, I thought: What kind of manure is that? 616 01:03:29,020 --> 01:03:34,660 It was acid music. And I wasn't… 617 01:03:34,780 --> 01:03:39,700 It sounds harsh, but I have always focus on the comic - 618 01:03:39,820 --> 01:03:44,860 - by my experiences, so I can laugh at them later. 619 01:03:44,980 --> 01:03:48,540 But I agreed to it. I usually don't. 620 01:03:48,660 --> 01:03:53,740 I haven't cried in... I don't know how many years. 621 01:03:53,860 --> 01:03:58,020 It was a nice feeling. 622 01:03:58,140 --> 01:04:02,700 I just saw myself when I was happy. 623 01:04:04,220 --> 01:04:10,700 I'm wearing a little red hoodie with metal zipper. 624 01:04:10,820 --> 01:04:15,660 I guess that was all from me, because I was gone all the time. 625 01:04:18,180 --> 01:04:20,660 Good to see you. 626 01:04:20,780 --> 01:04:25,740 Now I'm finally signing in. Better late than never. 627 01:04:30,180 --> 01:04:33,620 Thank you. 628 01:04:34,940 --> 01:04:40,700 A couple of times today the emotions took hold of me hard. 629 01:04:42,300 --> 01:04:47,100 Something kept saying: "Throw yourself into the fire." 630 01:04:48,740 --> 01:04:52,420 Every time I reach that place, I flee. 631 01:04:52,540 --> 01:04:55,660 I pack up and leave. 632 01:04:56,940 --> 01:05:01,580 But I feel a little joy - 633 01:05:01,700 --> 01:05:05,620 - because I feel much closer to Chris. 634 01:05:05,740 --> 01:05:08,100 That was all from me. 635 01:06:14,100 --> 01:06:16,820 What is happening? 636 01:06:19,020 --> 01:06:22,140 I hate this shit. 637 01:06:22,260 --> 01:06:26,100 I feel like beating someone up. 638 01:06:28,220 --> 01:06:31,540 But I've done that too many times. 639 01:06:31,660 --> 01:06:35,860 When my parents separated, I lived with my mother. 640 01:06:35,980 --> 01:06:42,340 My father was alone and in need a son, so I wanted to live with him. 641 01:06:42,460 --> 01:06:48,980 My mother was against it and said, that he was a scumbag. 642 01:06:49,100 --> 01:06:53,140 I didn't believe her and said she was lying. 643 01:06:53,260 --> 01:06:56,100 Every time he fell, I got him on his feet. 644 01:06:56,220 --> 01:07:00,940 Whenever we needed something, I made sure of it. 645 01:07:01,060 --> 01:07:04,220 When he needed a son, then I was there. 646 01:07:04,340 --> 01:07:10,060 I feel cheated because I'm here because of the things he taught me. 647 01:07:11,980 --> 01:07:16,660 I didn't even think about that my mother needed me. 648 01:07:21,700 --> 01:07:25,660 i don't know why I failed my mother. 649 01:07:27,500 --> 01:07:30,900 I don't know why. 650 01:07:31,900 --> 01:07:35,380 i don't know why i let her down. 651 01:07:38,780 --> 01:07:41,780 - You have come a long way. - Piss! 652 01:07:41,900 --> 01:07:44,780 We will all come home again. 653 01:07:44,900 --> 01:07:48,540 I've only hurt people. 654 01:07:52,740 --> 01:07:56,420 - I don't want to hurt anyone. - No. It's over. 655 01:07:56,540 --> 01:08:01,380 - I don't want to hurt any more. - It's over. 656 01:08:12,340 --> 01:08:17,060 We're already there, Cloud. Let's continue. 657 01:08:17,180 --> 01:08:19,980 We are already there. 658 01:08:20,100 --> 01:08:23,780 I support you like you supported me. 659 01:08:23,900 --> 01:08:26,620 Let the pain out. 660 01:08:26,740 --> 01:08:29,780 We are already there. Let go. 661 01:08:40,060 --> 01:08:43,060 How gentle you are. 662 01:08:45,060 --> 01:08:47,740 Who is gentle? 663 01:08:48,940 --> 01:08:53,500 Now stop. Let it be. 664 01:08:53,620 --> 01:08:57,180 Why is he coming after you? 665 01:08:57,300 --> 01:09:00,940 Because when he smiled, I said he was gentle. 666 01:09:04,420 --> 01:09:07,860 He's finished. 667 01:09:10,220 --> 01:09:12,420 He's finished. 668 01:09:13,460 --> 01:09:16,060 Shake it off. 669 01:09:37,020 --> 01:09:41,340 Should I fear another man on his behalf? 670 01:09:41,460 --> 01:09:45,780 We are here to support you. We have done that since we met. 671 01:09:45,900 --> 01:09:48,820 Can I say something? 672 01:09:48,940 --> 01:09:54,940 You hit a sore spot and that's it perfectly fine. He holds no grudges. 673 01:09:55,060 --> 01:09:57,860 This therapy is tough. 674 01:09:57,980 --> 01:10:02,380 Dark Cloud has fought through this. 675 01:10:02,500 --> 01:10:05,580 This is only about Dark Cloud. 676 01:10:05,700 --> 01:10:11,020 It's not about Brian or others here. 677 01:10:11,140 --> 01:10:17,340 No one here will harm you. Not a single one. 678 01:10:48,300 --> 01:10:53,380 The failure that I hesitate to tell you about... 679 01:10:56,300 --> 01:11:01,740 I don't know why, but it's about my father. 680 01:11:03,580 --> 01:11:07,820 It feels insignificant compared to what has happened to others - 681 01:11:07,940 --> 01:11:13,740 - so I also get frustrated by, that it fills me at all. 682 01:11:13,860 --> 01:11:16,780 But I will make it short. 683 01:11:16,900 --> 01:11:21,980 I remember very clearly… 684 01:11:22,100 --> 01:11:26,420 My father often built cars and stayed in the garage a lot. 685 01:11:26,540 --> 01:11:30,940 At some point I tried to help him. 686 01:11:32,740 --> 01:11:39,300 It was probably a small thing. He needed a tool - 687 01:11:39,420 --> 01:11:43,460 - and I couldn't find it. I didn't know what it was. 688 01:11:43,580 --> 01:11:47,740 He described it to me, but i couldn't find it. 689 01:11:49,340 --> 01:11:53,900 I gave him what I thought it was. I did that several times. 690 01:11:54,020 --> 01:11:58,620 Eventually he found it himself and told me to go inside. 691 01:11:58,740 --> 01:12:01,180 "Go in to your mother." 692 01:12:02,140 --> 01:12:05,900 He often did that when I was growing up. 693 01:12:06,020 --> 01:12:10,380 I always made an attempt, but was rejected. 694 01:12:10,500 --> 01:12:15,380 I still don't know why but it really bothers me. 695 01:12:19,860 --> 01:12:22,980 What if you knew why? 696 01:12:23,100 --> 01:12:26,100 Why would it bother you? 697 01:12:26,220 --> 01:12:29,820 I just wanted to be with him. 698 01:12:31,420 --> 01:12:34,700 He didn't let me do that. 699 01:12:45,300 --> 01:12:49,380 He made me to feel really stupid. 700 01:12:56,180 --> 01:12:59,820 You're doing really well. 701 01:12:59,940 --> 01:13:04,260 He didn't want to hurt me. I'm not angry with him. 702 01:13:04,380 --> 01:13:06,740 I feel bad for saying it. 703 01:13:06,860 --> 01:13:12,380 Have you had the opportunity to say to your father that it hurt you? 704 01:13:16,500 --> 01:13:21,420 - No. - Are you willing to do it? 705 01:13:21,540 --> 01:13:24,980 - Tell him? - Yes. 706 01:13:25,100 --> 01:13:28,420 Yes, I think so. 707 01:13:28,540 --> 01:13:31,700 I want to tell him one day. 708 01:13:31,820 --> 01:13:35,140 We can help you to to do so today. 709 01:13:35,260 --> 01:13:42,740 If there is someone in the circle who can contain the same energy as your father. 710 01:13:42,860 --> 01:13:49,100 One you can see here, that reminds you of your father. 711 01:13:56,420 --> 01:13:59,460 - Can I tell you? - Yes. 712 01:14:00,580 --> 01:14:04,980 - Where should I be? - Just stay seated. 713 01:14:09,060 --> 01:14:12,140 I just want to help you. 714 01:14:16,580 --> 01:14:22,700 We can make a car together, and you can teach me something. 715 01:14:29,900 --> 01:14:32,300 What is your message? 716 01:14:32,420 --> 01:14:37,340 He said you must go inside in the house again. What is your message? 717 01:14:40,860 --> 01:14:44,100 I wasn't what he wanted I was supposed to be. 718 01:14:44,220 --> 01:14:47,620 You've been carrying that around for a long time, haven't you? 719 01:14:47,740 --> 01:14:51,980 - Yeah. - How has it affected you? 720 01:14:56,300 --> 01:15:01,460 - I don't know how I should be. - How is it expressed? 721 01:15:04,260 --> 01:15:10,700 How has it affected you? in your work and relationships? 722 01:15:13,740 --> 01:15:17,540 I dare not commit. 723 01:15:17,660 --> 01:15:21,700 It scares me. I don't know what I'm doing here. 724 01:15:21,820 --> 01:15:26,180 - I don't know why I'm crying. - It is as it should be. 725 01:15:26,300 --> 01:15:31,020 You're doing really well. Now you've got the hang of it. 726 01:15:31,140 --> 01:15:33,780 Get up. 727 01:15:35,900 --> 01:15:38,180 You made a deal with your father. 728 01:15:38,300 --> 01:15:42,500 You signed a contract, when you entered the house. 729 01:15:42,620 --> 01:15:49,340 You signed that you didn't is capable of doing the work. 730 01:15:49,460 --> 01:15:54,940 You have complied with the contract, and it has haunted you all your life. 731 01:15:57,420 --> 01:16:01,820 Your body is showing me now, that it is true. 732 01:16:01,940 --> 01:16:05,860 I know the truth hurts. 733 01:16:05,980 --> 01:16:12,420 Now you must hear. All these men represents a blockage. 734 01:16:12,540 --> 01:16:18,180 It is your task to come through it. Are you in on it? 735 01:16:18,300 --> 01:16:21,780 Turn around and look at us. 736 01:16:21,900 --> 01:16:25,940 look at me Then straighten up. 737 01:16:26,940 --> 01:16:31,780 - Now you are taller than me. - You are stronger. 738 01:16:31,900 --> 01:16:34,380 Look at me. 739 01:16:34,500 --> 01:16:37,860 Straighten up. 740 01:16:39,100 --> 01:16:43,660 - Feel the pain. - It's perfectly okay to feel the pain. 741 01:16:43,780 --> 01:16:47,340 Here are some cool guys, who looks after you. 742 01:16:47,460 --> 01:16:52,780 But you have to face these things. 743 01:16:52,900 --> 01:16:57,220 What has it cost you? 744 01:17:01,220 --> 01:17:07,140 It is only now. The whole first day I couldn't feel anything. 745 01:17:07,260 --> 01:17:12,700 He shows you what it represents, that you can't feel anything. 746 01:17:15,900 --> 01:17:21,940 Place your chest against his arm. See what it has cost you. 747 01:17:22,060 --> 01:17:24,980 Go in to your mother! 748 01:17:25,780 --> 01:17:28,700 - Close your eyes. - Straighten up. 749 01:17:28,820 --> 01:17:33,260 Enter your mother's house! 750 01:17:33,380 --> 01:17:36,820 I don't need you. 751 01:17:36,940 --> 01:17:40,780 You know what you need. You can handle yourself. 752 01:17:40,900 --> 01:17:43,780 Don't listen to him. 753 01:17:43,900 --> 01:17:48,300 Go into the house, I said! I don't need you. 754 01:17:48,420 --> 01:17:52,700 - Give him a clear message. - I don't know how to do it. 755 01:17:52,820 --> 01:17:59,620 You have to try. How do you get past the arm? 756 01:17:59,740 --> 01:18:05,820 - Stand up for yourself. - He is going into his mother's house. 757 01:18:05,940 --> 01:18:10,260 - Take a few steps back. - You must not go back! 758 01:18:10,380 --> 01:18:14,740 - Go back. - No! Yes, like that. 759 01:18:14,860 --> 01:18:19,540 Keep it up Chris! I look after you. 760 01:18:19,660 --> 01:18:21,780 Tell him, Chris. 761 01:18:21,900 --> 01:18:25,100 Get your life back, Chris. 762 01:18:27,220 --> 01:18:31,180 Way to go, Chris! Keep going. 763 01:18:31,300 --> 01:18:35,540 Stay focused, Chris. 764 01:18:35,660 --> 01:18:38,380 Keep pushing. 765 01:18:38,500 --> 01:18:41,940 Straighten up. 766 01:18:42,060 --> 01:18:45,460 Tell him. 767 01:18:45,580 --> 01:18:47,980 One vote! 768 01:18:48,100 --> 01:18:50,540 Quiet! One vote. 769 01:18:51,540 --> 01:18:54,220 I'm good enough. 770 01:18:56,260 --> 01:19:00,740 - You can swear you are. - I'm good enough! 771 01:19:00,860 --> 01:19:03,620 - I'm good enough. - Namely. 772 01:19:03,740 --> 01:19:07,060 I believe in you now. 773 01:19:07,180 --> 01:19:09,900 But what about later? 774 01:19:11,140 --> 01:19:13,980 - You don't decide that. - Namely. 775 01:19:15,420 --> 01:19:18,780 Okay, I got it. 776 01:19:18,900 --> 01:19:22,220 - Stand up for yourself. - Thank you. 777 01:19:26,900 --> 01:19:31,940 I've been waiting for you. I'm glad to see you. 778 01:19:32,060 --> 01:19:35,180 You did well. Thanks. 779 01:19:36,620 --> 01:19:39,220 I mean that. 780 01:19:43,220 --> 01:19:46,340 Now I can see the man. 781 01:19:46,460 --> 01:19:49,420 I'm proud of you. 782 01:19:57,340 --> 01:19:59,100 I'm checking out. 783 01:19:59,220 --> 01:20:05,780 I had a 67 Harley, that could reach 237 km/h. 784 01:20:05,900 --> 01:20:11,100 I gave it full throttle, until it began to shake and rattle. 785 01:20:11,220 --> 01:20:16,140 Then I throttled back down, struck down the prop and said: 786 01:20:20,060 --> 01:20:23,860 That's how I felt today. 787 01:20:23,980 --> 01:20:27,660 I love God, I love life - 788 01:20:27,780 --> 01:20:31,500 - and I love the adrenaline rush. 789 01:20:33,180 --> 01:20:37,860 In this place it is hard for me to get the rush - 790 01:20:37,980 --> 01:20:41,700 - without it being in a bad way. 791 01:20:43,140 --> 01:20:46,940 So when I experience one day like today - 792 01:20:47,060 --> 01:20:51,700 - where I stay stretched to the limit - 793 01:20:51,820 --> 01:20:54,180 - I feel alive. 794 01:20:54,300 --> 01:20:57,900 I feel alive and deeply grateful. 795 01:20:58,020 --> 01:21:00,460 That was all. 796 01:21:03,540 --> 01:21:05,900 I'm checking out. 797 01:21:06,020 --> 01:21:08,860 LADIES, WRITE ME! 798 01:21:08,980 --> 01:21:14,340 I still feel fragile, but I feel much better. 799 01:21:14,460 --> 01:21:17,340 Much better. 800 01:21:17,460 --> 01:21:20,980 I feel good. I feel blessed. 801 01:21:21,100 --> 01:21:27,500 I have gained more strength. That was all. Thank you. 802 01:21:32,740 --> 01:21:37,780 Dark Cloud is my spirit name. The one black bear flies with the white owl. 803 01:21:37,900 --> 01:21:44,580 I don't think yet I have it all figured out. 804 01:21:45,620 --> 01:21:49,220 It hurts and it feels good. 805 01:21:49,340 --> 01:21:54,060 I'm ready for another round. That was all. 806 01:21:58,460 --> 01:22:05,380 My name is Chris. I'm checking out with a sense of satisfaction - 807 01:22:05,500 --> 01:22:07,540 - which is new to me. 808 01:22:07,660 --> 01:22:13,220 I usually have a hard time with new ones thing, but this time it feels nice. 809 01:22:15,020 --> 01:22:18,940 I guess I've said enough. I'm checking out. 810 01:22:24,180 --> 01:22:26,900 Want to check out? 811 01:22:32,020 --> 01:22:37,340 I have often wondered the meaning of my life. 812 01:22:37,460 --> 01:22:42,860 Now it is clear that it is about fatherless sons. 813 01:22:44,700 --> 01:22:47,620 I had no father. My father had no father. 814 01:22:47,740 --> 01:22:53,660 My grandfather had no father. And for a long time my son had no father. 815 01:22:56,180 --> 01:22:59,340 I have no right to say how others should live. 816 01:22:59,460 --> 01:23:04,980 But I can tell about the consequences for a fatherless son. 817 01:23:08,580 --> 01:23:14,940 Right now I feel both sadness and joy. I feel sorrow for fatherless sons. 818 01:23:15,060 --> 01:23:21,260 But I feel happy that this happening here and in other circles. 819 01:23:21,380 --> 01:23:25,620 If one father... 820 01:23:25,740 --> 01:23:31,380 ...can learn to be there for his son, then it's all worth it. 821 01:23:35,500 --> 01:23:38,500 I have seen the results can be achieved. 822 01:23:38,620 --> 01:23:41,180 I have felt it and experienced it. 823 01:23:42,500 --> 01:23:46,340 But you have to work for it. 824 01:24:10,260 --> 01:24:13,460 Danish lyrics: Karl Wagner Danish Video Text