1 00:00:09,735 --> 00:00:10,825 [both grunting] 2 00:00:10,845 --> 00:00:12,011 Can you just...? 3 00:00:12,087 --> 00:00:13,754 Never mind. 4 00:00:13,830 --> 00:00:15,472 [both groaning] 5 00:00:17,501 --> 00:00:19,760 What's up with Blue Tip and Starfish? 6 00:00:19,762 --> 00:00:21,428 Oh, those two have been fighting 7 00:00:21,505 --> 00:00:22,855 like Don Draper and Pete Campbell 8 00:00:22,931 --> 00:00:25,691 after they lost the Lucky Strike account. 9 00:00:25,768 --> 00:00:28,268 What? Krusty's in reruns. 10 00:00:28,345 --> 00:00:30,103 Lisa and I weren't fighting. 11 00:00:30,180 --> 00:00:34,274 It was just a series of calm, constructive conversations. 12 00:00:34,351 --> 00:00:35,942 What? That's not how I remember it. 13 00:00:36,095 --> 00:00:37,261 Lisa was like, 14 00:00:37,263 --> 00:00:38,595 [high-pitched] "I hate this town. 15 00:00:38,597 --> 00:00:39,780 Everyone's stupid." 16 00:00:39,932 --> 00:00:41,114 [regular voice] And you were like... 17 00:00:41,267 --> 00:00:42,875 [hoarse] "Lisa's driving me crazy. 18 00:00:42,877 --> 00:00:44,877 "We should send her to Capital City 19 00:00:44,879 --> 00:00:48,380 with my sisters for the weekend." 20 00:00:48,457 --> 00:00:50,382 [regular voice] That may not be word-for-word. 21 00:00:50,459 --> 00:00:51,458 [chuckles nervously] 22 00:00:51,610 --> 00:00:53,886 -[both groan] -Train for Capital City 23 00:00:53,962 --> 00:00:55,370 leaving in five minutes! 24 00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:57,297 Please wrap up all family arguments 25 00:00:57,391 --> 00:00:59,800 and bid a quiet, poignant goodbye. 26 00:00:59,952 --> 00:01:01,118 All aboard! 27 00:01:01,120 --> 00:01:02,043 [exhales] 28 00:01:02,045 --> 00:01:03,453 Bye, Lisa, 29 00:01:03,455 --> 00:01:06,548 and have a great time in the city with your aunties. 30 00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:09,551 I got you a little snack for the train. 31 00:01:09,553 --> 00:01:10,736 [Lisa groans] 32 00:01:10,887 --> 00:01:13,221 Mom, you know Apple Zoom is full of chemicals. 33 00:01:13,223 --> 00:01:15,324 And it's owned by... 34 00:01:16,969 --> 00:01:18,226 Thanks, Mom. 35 00:01:18,304 --> 00:01:19,653 [whistle blows] 36 00:01:19,805 --> 00:01:20,913 [Marge groans] 37 00:01:21,064 --> 00:01:22,139 [chuckles] 38 00:01:22,141 --> 00:01:24,975 I'm glad I don't have a daughter. 39 00:01:24,993 --> 00:01:27,169 ♪ 40 00:01:36,171 --> 00:01:37,912 [Lisa] Wow. 41 00:01:37,990 --> 00:01:39,431 Capital City. 42 00:01:42,103 --> 00:01:43,176 [horns honking] 43 00:01:43,329 --> 00:01:44,177 God, there's just so much 44 00:01:44,330 --> 00:01:45,679 I want to see and do here. 45 00:01:45,831 --> 00:01:47,922 The Museum of Modern Museums. 46 00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:49,349 The Prussian Coffee Room. 47 00:01:49,501 --> 00:01:51,944 [gasps] The Unidentified State Building. 48 00:01:52,020 --> 00:01:57,098 Oh, and tomorrow is the Highbrow Artists Parade. [giggles] 49 00:01:57,100 --> 00:01:58,525 But the thing I really want to see 50 00:01:58,602 --> 00:02:00,602 is the statue of the Fearless Girl 51 00:02:00,604 --> 00:02:04,348 facing down the gorilla that symbolizes fossil fuels 52 00:02:04,350 --> 00:02:07,459 and wasteful fast food packaging. 53 00:02:07,536 --> 00:02:08,943 [Patty grunts] 54 00:02:09,021 --> 00:02:10,187 What do you know? 55 00:02:10,189 --> 00:02:12,297 You can let us out at the next block. 56 00:02:12,449 --> 00:02:14,858 [Lisa] This is the touristy part of the city. 57 00:02:14,860 --> 00:02:19,045 -Where are we going? -To the finest restaurant in town. 58 00:02:19,122 --> 00:02:21,865 The Laramie Cigarette Smokehouse Grill. 59 00:02:21,884 --> 00:02:23,517 [Lisa groans] 60 00:02:29,375 --> 00:02:30,983 Bring us the Tuna Tar-Tar. 61 00:02:31,059 --> 00:02:32,709 With extra tar. 62 00:02:32,711 --> 00:02:35,061 -Cigs in a Blanket. -Philly Wheeze Steak. 63 00:02:35,063 --> 00:02:37,063 -Vape Suzette. -And for dessert, 64 00:02:37,216 --> 00:02:39,491 the Phlegm Brûlée. 65 00:02:40,903 --> 00:02:41,994 Can we go now? 66 00:02:42,070 --> 00:02:44,554 We've wasted the whole day here. 67 00:02:44,556 --> 00:02:45,831 Cool your jets, toots. 68 00:02:45,908 --> 00:02:48,500 Aunties need their post-meal smoke. 69 00:02:48,577 --> 00:02:50,818 -[alarm sounding] -Sorry, ladies, no smoking. 70 00:02:50,838 --> 00:02:54,006 Take it outside. Hi-yah! 71 00:02:54,008 --> 00:02:55,565 [Patty and Selma grunt] 72 00:02:55,567 --> 00:02:57,659 Patricia Bouvier? 73 00:02:57,736 --> 00:02:58,844 Julian. 74 00:02:58,921 --> 00:03:00,404 -[Patty moans] -Mwah. 75 00:03:00,406 --> 00:03:02,514 I saw on Facebook that you were coming to town. 76 00:03:02,591 --> 00:03:06,351 Why didn't you call me, you two gorgeous minxes? 77 00:03:06,503 --> 00:03:08,912 [both laugh] 78 00:03:08,914 --> 00:03:11,248 Lisa, this is my friend Julian. 79 00:03:11,266 --> 00:03:14,918 We met last year at the Capital City pride parade. 80 00:03:14,920 --> 00:03:18,088 I still think our float should have won first prize. 81 00:03:18,090 --> 00:03:19,865 Stunning. 82 00:03:19,942 --> 00:03:23,685 Oh, is that a book of poetry by Sylvia Plath? 83 00:03:23,762 --> 00:03:25,111 Yes, it is. 84 00:03:25,188 --> 00:03:26,446 Poor, dear Sylvia. 85 00:03:26,598 --> 00:03:29,282 The world's loss was that oven's gain. 86 00:03:29,435 --> 00:03:32,544 I'm a poet myself, also a novelist, essayist, playwright, 87 00:03:32,621 --> 00:03:36,606 and author of the occasional scalding Airbnb review. 88 00:03:36,608 --> 00:03:38,608 Oh, those are all things I'd like to be 89 00:03:38,610 --> 00:03:41,478 when I grow up and leave Springfield. 90 00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:43,889 Oh, my God, that's your hometown? 91 00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:45,373 Hi, I'm Katya. 92 00:03:45,392 --> 00:03:47,133 I actually rent there to take photographs 93 00:03:47,210 --> 00:03:49,877 for my prize-winning show Freaks of the 'Field. 94 00:03:49,879 --> 00:03:51,121 Look at these and react to them. 95 00:03:51,139 --> 00:03:52,564 I can't watch. 96 00:03:52,641 --> 00:03:55,216 [Lisa] Oh. Oh... 97 00:03:55,294 --> 00:03:56,460 Eh. 98 00:03:56,462 --> 00:03:57,811 I won a lot of prizes for these. 99 00:03:57,963 --> 00:03:59,129 Isn't that weird? 100 00:03:59,147 --> 00:04:00,739 No, I think they're great. 101 00:04:00,816 --> 00:04:02,799 That's what everyone says. 102 00:04:02,801 --> 00:04:04,243 It's so crazy. 103 00:04:04,394 --> 00:04:05,652 [coughs] 104 00:04:05,729 --> 00:04:07,137 Oh, this is my husband Lars. 105 00:04:07,155 --> 00:04:08,989 He's a brilliant painter. 106 00:04:09,065 --> 00:04:11,208 [grumbling] 107 00:04:12,661 --> 00:04:14,628 ♪ 108 00:04:17,165 --> 00:04:18,982 Oh, wow. Somehow I sense 109 00:04:18,984 --> 00:04:20,317 you're craving love and connection 110 00:04:20,319 --> 00:04:22,335 in an uncaring world. 111 00:04:22,337 --> 00:04:24,504 And also an extra-large cookie. 112 00:04:24,581 --> 00:04:26,122 Mm-hmm. 113 00:04:27,250 --> 00:04:28,916 Lisa, for a little girl in a lampshade dress, 114 00:04:28,994 --> 00:04:31,103 you seem very sophisticated. 115 00:04:31,179 --> 00:04:32,604 Really? Well, I try. 116 00:04:32,681 --> 00:04:34,180 I mean, I don't try. 117 00:04:34,182 --> 00:04:37,000 It's effortless. [chuckles] 118 00:04:37,019 --> 00:04:39,444 Oh, my God, I just had the kind of amazing idea 119 00:04:39,446 --> 00:04:42,022 that everyone thinks is stupid but then I'm totally right. 120 00:04:42,098 --> 00:04:44,190 You should come to our party tonight. 121 00:04:44,192 --> 00:04:46,676 It's in our loft, north of Hobart Street, 122 00:04:46,678 --> 00:04:47,844 south of Gordon Avenue, 123 00:04:47,846 --> 00:04:49,846 and below the Joseph Torrance Expressway. 124 00:04:49,865 --> 00:04:51,848 NoHoSoGoBloJoTo? 125 00:04:51,867 --> 00:04:54,518 That's the coolest, most artistic neighborhood in town. 126 00:04:54,536 --> 00:04:57,521 -[gasps] Can we go? -Oh, no, kid. 127 00:04:57,523 --> 00:05:00,448 We're gonna take you to something you're gonna love. 128 00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:01,949 Eh? 129 00:05:02,027 --> 00:05:03,710 [through teeth] Thanks, Aunt Selma. 130 00:05:03,712 --> 00:05:05,953 You know me so well. 131 00:05:06,031 --> 00:05:07,306 Well, if you change your minds, 132 00:05:07,308 --> 00:05:09,049 we'll be around for a little longer, 133 00:05:09,201 --> 00:05:11,718 sneering at Midwestern tourists. 134 00:05:11,795 --> 00:05:14,146 -[groaning] -Barf. 135 00:05:14,148 --> 00:05:16,890 Maybe we could go to their party after the musical. 136 00:05:16,966 --> 00:05:19,209 Juice-ical. [gags] 137 00:05:19,211 --> 00:05:21,378 -A-Are you okay? -Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 138 00:05:21,380 --> 00:05:24,489 Just a little indigestion. We'll be fine. 139 00:05:24,491 --> 00:05:26,616 [both retching] 140 00:05:28,403 --> 00:05:29,719 [Patty] I knew there was something off 141 00:05:29,738 --> 00:05:31,905 about that menthol swordfish. 142 00:05:31,907 --> 00:05:33,498 [retching continues] 143 00:05:33,650 --> 00:05:35,258 [sighs] 144 00:05:35,260 --> 00:05:36,893 [man on TV] Me encanta Ciudad Capita-- 145 00:05:36,912 --> 00:05:39,229 -[turns off TV] -[retching continues] 146 00:05:39,231 --> 00:05:40,914 Out of our way, kid. 147 00:05:41,066 --> 00:05:42,824 We got to either sleep or die, 148 00:05:42,826 --> 00:05:44,593 and we don't care which one. 149 00:05:45,662 --> 00:05:47,471 [both snoring] 150 00:05:49,516 --> 00:05:51,558 -[phone chimes] -Hmm? 151 00:05:57,265 --> 00:05:58,231 Hmm. 152 00:06:04,590 --> 00:06:05,755 Oh, yes. By all means, 153 00:06:05,757 --> 00:06:09,517 take a picture with that off-brand Pikachu. 154 00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:11,703 What a precious keepsake that will be. 155 00:06:11,780 --> 00:06:13,038 Hi. Hi. Hi. 156 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:15,615 My aunts are feeling a little under the weather, 157 00:06:15,767 --> 00:06:18,268 so they said I should hang out with you. 158 00:06:18,286 --> 00:06:20,695 They said a small child should spend the night 159 00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:22,455 exploring the bohemian demimonde 160 00:06:22,608 --> 00:06:25,217 with a bunch of effete gadabouts? 161 00:06:25,368 --> 00:06:27,469 That's what they said. 162 00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:30,130 Hmm. 163 00:06:30,282 --> 00:06:32,724 ["Bull in the Heather" by Sonic Youth playing] 164 00:06:41,885 --> 00:06:43,610 So, Lisa, what do you think, Lisa? 165 00:06:45,597 --> 00:06:47,239 I think I'm home. 166 00:06:53,155 --> 00:06:54,746 This place is a dream. 167 00:06:54,898 --> 00:06:55,972 Everyone's so cool, 168 00:06:55,974 --> 00:06:57,565 and the art is all 169 00:06:57,567 --> 00:07:00,310 nonrepresentational. 170 00:07:00,328 --> 00:07:02,069 Oh... 171 00:07:02,071 --> 00:07:04,089 Oh, my God. 172 00:07:04,166 --> 00:07:05,924 Lars, that is so brilliant. 173 00:07:06,001 --> 00:07:07,984 I seriously wish I'd married someone else 174 00:07:07,986 --> 00:07:09,486 so I could cheat on my husband with you. 175 00:07:09,488 --> 00:07:12,597 Now let's get everything to the gallery. 176 00:07:14,009 --> 00:07:14,933 What, now? 177 00:07:15,084 --> 00:07:16,751 Yup. Our group show opens tomorrow 178 00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:19,663 at the Museum of Loft-Based Transgressive Progressivism, 179 00:07:19,681 --> 00:07:21,890 so we have to get all our work there tonight. 180 00:07:21,966 --> 00:07:24,091 Okay, everyone, grab a canvas, 181 00:07:24,093 --> 00:07:26,695 sculpture or performance artist. 182 00:07:29,098 --> 00:07:31,098 Uh-ho! Whoa! 183 00:07:31,176 --> 00:07:33,009 Hey, can I get a little help, please, 184 00:07:33,028 --> 00:07:36,288 from The Inhuman Capotes? 185 00:07:36,364 --> 00:07:40,292 Writers are liars who tell the truth for money. 186 00:07:40,368 --> 00:07:43,186 But I'm asking if you're helping us move. 187 00:07:43,188 --> 00:07:45,130 If you're gonna stab me in my back, 188 00:07:45,132 --> 00:07:47,373 do it to my face. 189 00:07:47,450 --> 00:07:48,316 [groans] 190 00:07:48,393 --> 00:07:50,360 Don't mind him, he's the worst. 191 00:07:50,362 --> 00:07:51,619 We used to be a throuple. 192 00:07:51,697 --> 00:07:54,897 He was incredible. I wish he was dead. 193 00:07:54,899 --> 00:07:56,349 You need one of these. 194 00:07:57,252 --> 00:07:58,384 Hmm. 195 00:07:58,461 --> 00:08:01,313 ["Bull in the Heather" by Sonic Youth playing] 196 00:08:08,213 --> 00:08:09,562 Lisa, you're a dear and a doll, 197 00:08:09,639 --> 00:08:12,991 and you carried Kool-Aid Jesus without spilling a drop. 198 00:08:13,068 --> 00:08:14,901 Oh, my God, it's so late. 199 00:08:14,978 --> 00:08:17,387 I really should get back to Patty and Selma. 200 00:08:17,389 --> 00:08:19,814 But, darling, the night is just beginning. 201 00:08:19,891 --> 00:08:21,074 This is your moment. 202 00:08:21,150 --> 00:08:23,651 And we have tickets to see an avant-garde play 203 00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:25,486 that starts at 1:00 a.m. 204 00:08:25,506 --> 00:08:29,341 Well, I would hate to wake up my aunties. 205 00:08:29,417 --> 00:08:32,219 [both snoring] 206 00:08:34,906 --> 00:08:37,849 [Lisa] God, I love art. And I love this city. 207 00:08:37,926 --> 00:08:41,077 Punks, poets, madmen, monologists. 208 00:08:41,079 --> 00:08:42,078 [gasps] 209 00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:44,839 Superintendent Chalmers? 210 00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:46,674 Sweet vermouth in a snifter. 211 00:08:46,752 --> 00:08:48,193 Lisa Simpson. 212 00:08:48,270 --> 00:08:51,254 Hey, Gary. Hurry up here with them Reuben sammies. 213 00:08:51,256 --> 00:08:54,440 You and me got a long night of doinking ahead of us. 214 00:08:54,517 --> 00:08:56,442 Uh, we're putting on a staff excursion, and, uh... 215 00:08:56,444 --> 00:08:57,702 Of course. 216 00:08:57,854 --> 00:08:59,353 -Continuing education is, uh... -No need to explain. 217 00:08:59,355 --> 00:09:01,097 -[stammers] -Makes perfect sense. 218 00:09:01,099 --> 00:09:02,265 ...a life-long learning endeavor. 219 00:09:02,284 --> 00:09:04,100 Oh, that's interesting. 220 00:09:04,102 --> 00:09:05,192 [Julian] Lisa, 221 00:09:05,270 --> 00:09:06,286 we're running late. 222 00:09:06,362 --> 00:09:08,563 Stop talking to that balding stallion. 223 00:09:08,565 --> 00:09:11,441 [laughs] I don't know about stallion, but... 224 00:09:11,443 --> 00:09:12,592 Yes. 225 00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:18,039 [gasping] 226 00:09:18,116 --> 00:09:19,616 This is so moving. 227 00:09:19,618 --> 00:09:23,303 That poor man has been transformed into a cockroach. 228 00:09:23,379 --> 00:09:27,140 And there's his unfeeling father. 229 00:09:27,216 --> 00:09:29,359 -[speaking German] -[shouting] 230 00:09:32,814 --> 00:09:36,074 [wailing] 231 00:09:37,560 --> 00:09:39,652 Leave him alone! 232 00:09:39,805 --> 00:09:40,653 [crowd gasps] 233 00:09:40,806 --> 00:09:42,914 Who just interrupted my play? 234 00:09:43,066 --> 00:09:45,584 How dare you desecrate the hallowed boards 235 00:09:45,660 --> 00:09:48,144 of this converted rooster-fighting arena? 236 00:09:48,163 --> 00:09:51,664 Pulitzer Prize-winning playwright Tracy Letts? 237 00:09:51,666 --> 00:09:52,999 You wrote this? 238 00:09:53,076 --> 00:09:55,076 And I play the enormous shoe 239 00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:57,170 that steps on the cockroach in act three. 240 00:09:57,172 --> 00:09:59,172 It's a loafer with a backstory. 241 00:09:59,174 --> 00:10:01,491 Not that they'll ever get to see it now! 242 00:10:01,493 --> 00:10:03,435 -I'm sorry I-- -Interrupted? 243 00:10:03,586 --> 00:10:06,663 Young lady, this play has run for over a year, 244 00:10:06,665 --> 00:10:08,832 and you're the very first person to interfere 245 00:10:08,834 --> 00:10:10,925 and save the cockroach, 246 00:10:11,002 --> 00:10:13,186 proving you're one of the most sensitive 247 00:10:13,262 --> 00:10:15,004 and artistically attuned people 248 00:10:15,023 --> 00:10:16,764 I've ever met. 249 00:10:16,842 --> 00:10:18,358 Give her a round of applause. 250 00:10:18,434 --> 00:10:20,844 My two Tony Awards command you! 251 00:10:20,862 --> 00:10:23,204 [cheering and applause] 252 00:10:25,626 --> 00:10:27,350 This kid is incredible. 253 00:10:27,352 --> 00:10:29,127 She gives me hope for the next generation 254 00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:30,962 of self-important know-it-alls. 255 00:10:31,039 --> 00:10:32,613 Oh. [laughs] 256 00:10:32,691 --> 00:10:35,300 Yes, she's truly a special young person, 257 00:10:35,451 --> 00:10:37,360 just brimming with precocity. 258 00:10:37,362 --> 00:10:39,879 In fact, I was thinking she might be a good fit 259 00:10:39,956 --> 00:10:41,698 for the Horace Frick Academy. 260 00:10:41,700 --> 00:10:43,383 HFA? [gasps] 261 00:10:43,535 --> 00:10:45,143 That's the school I would never dream of 262 00:10:45,294 --> 00:10:47,203 letting myself hope that I could aspire 263 00:10:47,205 --> 00:10:48,462 to imagine going there. 264 00:10:48,540 --> 00:10:50,965 Well, Lisa, I'm on the board of trustees. 265 00:10:50,967 --> 00:10:53,209 Go Fighting Tote Bags! 266 00:10:53,211 --> 00:10:57,155 And I think I might just be able to guarantee you a place. 267 00:10:57,232 --> 00:10:58,639 When would I start? 268 00:10:58,717 --> 00:10:59,640 Next month. 269 00:10:59,718 --> 00:11:00,900 And what does it cost? 270 00:11:00,902 --> 00:11:02,827 $84,000 a year. 271 00:11:02,904 --> 00:11:05,555 But how would I ever pay for that? 272 00:11:05,557 --> 00:11:06,831 Not my problem! 273 00:11:06,908 --> 00:11:08,500 Now, if you'll excuse me, I just thought 274 00:11:08,576 --> 00:11:10,560 of an awesome play, and I have to go 275 00:11:10,562 --> 00:11:12,170 scream it into my phone. 276 00:11:12,247 --> 00:11:14,655 Curtain rises on Dave and Buster's. 277 00:11:14,733 --> 00:11:16,399 Everyone is dead. 278 00:11:16,401 --> 00:11:19,326 Oh, I would love to attend that school. 279 00:11:19,328 --> 00:11:21,846 But my mom and dad don't have that kind of money. 280 00:11:21,923 --> 00:11:23,998 Oh, that's so terrible. 281 00:11:24,075 --> 00:11:24,849 Wait just a moment. 282 00:11:24,926 --> 00:11:26,242 I know a wealthy benefactress 283 00:11:26,244 --> 00:11:27,760 who might be able to help you. 284 00:11:27,837 --> 00:11:29,020 Lacey Van Aster. 285 00:11:29,097 --> 00:11:30,263 She's a little eccentric. 286 00:11:30,339 --> 00:11:32,582 But something tells me she'd adore you, 287 00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:35,110 just like we adore you. 288 00:11:37,772 --> 00:11:39,739 I misread this. 289 00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:42,867 To the forbidden zone. 290 00:11:42,944 --> 00:11:44,703 The Upper East Side. 291 00:11:44,705 --> 00:11:48,039 ["Bull in the Heather" by Sonic Youth playing] 292 00:11:48,783 --> 00:11:50,191 It's really late. 293 00:11:50,268 --> 00:11:51,543 Are you sure she's up? 294 00:11:51,619 --> 00:11:53,878 Oh, yes, she's a well-known night owl. 295 00:11:53,955 --> 00:11:55,438 And a bit of a speed freak. 296 00:11:55,440 --> 00:11:56,940 Vroom, vroom. 297 00:11:56,942 --> 00:11:59,718 Teddy Roosevelt, Franklin Roosevelt, 298 00:11:59,794 --> 00:12:01,702 Eleanor Roosevelt. 299 00:12:01,722 --> 00:12:05,448 Oh, every one of them I seduced. 300 00:12:05,467 --> 00:12:07,467 And destroyed. 301 00:12:07,619 --> 00:12:11,137 Lacey, darling, we always enjoy your delightful stories, 302 00:12:11,214 --> 00:12:13,732 but we'd like to discuss your scholarship fund 303 00:12:13,808 --> 00:12:15,641 for children from, how shall we say, 304 00:12:15,718 --> 00:12:18,052 tragic cultural wastelands. 305 00:12:18,129 --> 00:12:21,573 Yes, my lucrative bursary. 306 00:12:21,724 --> 00:12:25,493 But first there is an extensive interview process. 307 00:12:28,323 --> 00:12:31,398 All right, then, first of all, how are you, dear? 308 00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:32,233 I'm okay. 309 00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:34,660 The scholarship is yours. 310 00:12:34,662 --> 00:12:35,995 -Huzzah! -Yay! 311 00:12:36,072 --> 00:12:37,505 Hip-hip-hoorah! 312 00:12:39,985 --> 00:12:41,259 Good night, Lisa. 313 00:12:41,261 --> 00:12:42,652 I've only known you for a day, 314 00:12:42,670 --> 00:12:45,079 but I can tell that you're an artist at heart. 315 00:12:45,156 --> 00:12:46,765 Thank you, Katya. 316 00:12:46,841 --> 00:12:49,267 I can't believe I'll be going to school in Capital City. 317 00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:52,178 And then from there I'll become a critically acclaimed writer, 318 00:12:52,330 --> 00:12:55,515 an artist, and member of the cognoscenti. 319 00:12:55,667 --> 00:12:57,091 Cognoscenti. 320 00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:59,426 [both] Cognoscenti, cognoscenti, 321 00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:00,612 cognoscenti! 322 00:13:00,688 --> 00:13:02,071 [laughs] 323 00:13:07,937 --> 00:13:09,603 It's all in front of me. 324 00:13:09,605 --> 00:13:12,273 Someday I'll be in that photograph. 325 00:13:12,275 --> 00:13:14,209 [yawns] 326 00:13:16,445 --> 00:13:17,537 Wait a second. 327 00:13:17,613 --> 00:13:21,858 Why are they posing with Martin Prince?! 328 00:13:21,860 --> 00:13:24,618 [Julian] Therein lies a tale, Lisa. 329 00:13:24,638 --> 00:13:28,289 -[Lisa gasps] -Every year self-impressed little bookworms like you 330 00:13:28,366 --> 00:13:30,624 and Martin Prince come to the big city, 331 00:13:30,626 --> 00:13:33,886 where we convince them that they could one day be one of us 332 00:13:33,963 --> 00:13:38,057 just by attending Horace Frick Academy. 333 00:13:38,209 --> 00:13:41,394 But there's just one problem, my little swannabe. 334 00:13:41,470 --> 00:13:46,807 Nobody you've met tonight has any connection to that school. 335 00:13:46,809 --> 00:13:49,552 What? Not even Tracy Letts? 336 00:13:49,554 --> 00:13:52,146 Especially Tracy Letts. 337 00:13:52,223 --> 00:13:53,906 Behind these supporting actor good looks, 338 00:13:53,908 --> 00:13:55,834 I'm a world-class fraud. 339 00:13:55,910 --> 00:13:57,393 You were naive enough to believe 340 00:13:57,395 --> 00:13:59,428 that you could get into that school. 341 00:13:59,430 --> 00:14:02,489 And that Roosevelt-doinking crone Mrs. Van Aster 342 00:14:02,509 --> 00:14:05,418 was naive enough to make out the tuition check to us. 343 00:14:05,494 --> 00:14:09,496 And you fell for it hook, Letts and sinker. 344 00:14:09,574 --> 00:14:11,665 [laughs] 345 00:14:11,743 --> 00:14:14,077 You eight-year-old fool. 346 00:14:14,079 --> 00:14:16,670 But why do you need to steal money? 347 00:14:16,748 --> 00:14:20,583 I thought you all supported yourselves by making art. 348 00:14:20,585 --> 00:14:22,176 [all laughing] 349 00:14:22,253 --> 00:14:24,604 It is to laugh. 350 00:14:24,680 --> 00:14:26,180 Oh, this is awful. 351 00:14:26,257 --> 00:14:28,700 I'm gonna report you to the Capital City Police. 352 00:14:28,776 --> 00:14:32,036 Ha! I'm sure they'll take the word of an infamous art thief. 353 00:14:32,188 --> 00:14:34,355 There you are. 354 00:14:34,432 --> 00:14:36,357 But I was helping to move that art. 355 00:14:36,434 --> 00:14:38,117 I wasn't stealing it. 356 00:14:38,194 --> 00:14:39,693 Oh, I know you're innocent. 357 00:14:39,771 --> 00:14:41,695 But this damning footage has already gone out 358 00:14:41,773 --> 00:14:44,941 to the entire artistic community of Capital City. 359 00:14:44,943 --> 00:14:46,792 And it's not a good look. 360 00:14:46,794 --> 00:14:49,203 The only thing an artist hates more 361 00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:51,890 than an art thief is themselves. 362 00:14:51,966 --> 00:14:54,100 [all laughing] 363 00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:56,969 No! 364 00:14:56,971 --> 00:14:58,212 -Yoink! -[gasps] 365 00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:00,473 Our ill-gotten gains! 366 00:15:00,549 --> 00:15:02,567 ♪ 367 00:15:07,132 --> 00:15:09,073 [crowd clamoring] 368 00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:25,831 God, they got this show together so fast. 369 00:15:25,984 --> 00:15:28,051 [crowd clamoring] 370 00:15:28,911 --> 00:15:31,095 [whimpering] 371 00:15:35,677 --> 00:15:37,644 [tires screech] 372 00:15:48,022 --> 00:15:49,596 Please answer. 373 00:15:49,598 --> 00:15:51,598 [man on TV] I knew just one thing. 374 00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:54,360 We were not going to lose the ringtone wars. 375 00:15:54,362 --> 00:15:56,937 And that's when I came up with this. 376 00:15:56,939 --> 00:15:59,082 ["By the Seaside" ringtone playing] 377 00:15:59,942 --> 00:16:02,243 -Whoa! -Whoa! 378 00:16:02,353 --> 00:16:04,704 Check it out, it's almost 5:00 in the morning. 379 00:16:04,780 --> 00:16:07,857 We've almost watched this entire 12-hour documentary 380 00:16:07,859 --> 00:16:10,802 about the history of ringtones. 381 00:16:10,804 --> 00:16:13,287 Best 12 hours ever! [grunts] 382 00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:14,597 [groans] 383 00:16:16,792 --> 00:16:18,977 [grunts] Superintendent Chalmers? 384 00:16:19,053 --> 00:16:20,052 Now you're here? 385 00:16:20,129 --> 00:16:21,554 No... [stammers] 386 00:16:21,630 --> 00:16:24,649 In the interest of, uh, of fumfering, I, um... [chuckles] 387 00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:27,134 Gary, doinking. 388 00:16:27,136 --> 00:16:30,062 Look, Lisa, sometimes when grown-ups get bored, 389 00:16:30,064 --> 00:16:31,897 they start playing pickleball 390 00:16:31,899 --> 00:16:34,050 or they learn to make sourdough bread 391 00:16:34,052 --> 00:16:36,310 or they book two different romantic getaways 392 00:16:36,312 --> 00:16:38,162 with two different women who don't know about each other. 393 00:16:38,164 --> 00:16:40,289 -It's-it's a very common thing. -[footfalls approaching] 394 00:16:41,668 --> 00:16:45,152 Mr. Chalmers, would you please, please help me hide? 395 00:16:45,230 --> 00:16:46,820 Just for a little while? 396 00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:49,232 Oh, I'd love nothing more, but, um... 397 00:16:49,234 --> 00:16:51,600 And I would love not to tell the school board 398 00:16:51,602 --> 00:16:54,420 about your extracurricular activities. 399 00:16:54,497 --> 00:16:57,406 [groans] This has been the worst night of my life! 400 00:16:57,425 --> 00:17:00,409 I came to Capital City because I wanted to get away 401 00:17:00,411 --> 00:17:02,854 from the dead-eyed ding-dongs in Springfield. 402 00:17:02,930 --> 00:17:04,263 No offense. 403 00:17:04,340 --> 00:17:06,249 And then these horrible people 404 00:17:06,267 --> 00:17:08,693 came in my room and told me-- 405 00:17:08,770 --> 00:17:11,087 Gary, you son of a bitch, I'll kill you! 406 00:17:11,089 --> 00:17:12,030 [all shout] 407 00:17:12,106 --> 00:17:14,423 [hardcore punk playing] 408 00:17:14,425 --> 00:17:16,367 [both grunting] 409 00:17:17,929 --> 00:17:20,371 ♪ I make decisions with precision, lost inside... ♪ 410 00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:22,356 -[both scream] -Settle, settle. 411 00:17:22,358 --> 00:17:24,542 Dora, can we just talk about this? 412 00:17:24,619 --> 00:17:26,118 No, we can't! 413 00:17:26,195 --> 00:17:28,320 [chuckles] Okay, then. 414 00:17:28,398 --> 00:17:30,623 ♪ In this world we all must pay, pay to write, pay to play... ♪ 415 00:17:30,699 --> 00:17:32,383 [horn honks] 416 00:17:33,611 --> 00:17:35,294 ♪ Not long ago, when things were slow, we all got by... ♪ 417 00:17:35,296 --> 00:17:37,613 -Ooh! Ooh! -[horn honks] 418 00:17:37,632 --> 00:17:39,799 Superintendent Chalmers! 419 00:17:39,951 --> 00:17:42,118 There's that pilfering little urchin. 420 00:17:42,136 --> 00:17:44,645 [whimpering] 421 00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:50,359 [Cockroach Gregor Samsa] Wait up, guys! 422 00:17:51,479 --> 00:17:53,196 [panting] 423 00:17:55,724 --> 00:17:56,699 [gasps] 424 00:17:57,802 --> 00:17:59,318 [sighs wearily] 425 00:17:59,395 --> 00:18:02,321 It's never been more past my bedtime. 426 00:18:02,323 --> 00:18:05,333 I'm too tired to run anymore. 427 00:18:06,661 --> 00:18:08,160 [gasps] 428 00:18:08,237 --> 00:18:12,590 Desperate times call for high-fructose corn syrup. 429 00:18:15,820 --> 00:18:17,378 She drank the juice. 430 00:18:17,454 --> 00:18:19,079 A mother knows. 431 00:18:19,157 --> 00:18:20,823 [Lisa] Hey, art jerks! 432 00:18:20,825 --> 00:18:22,174 Your work is derivative, 433 00:18:22,251 --> 00:18:24,660 and you're all old! 434 00:18:24,662 --> 00:18:26,354 [all gasp] 435 00:18:28,516 --> 00:18:30,483 [grunts] 436 00:18:34,672 --> 00:18:37,931 Oh, it's the Fearless Girl statue. 437 00:18:37,933 --> 00:18:39,450 Goldman Sachs? 438 00:18:39,527 --> 00:18:40,618 Ew. 439 00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:42,995 I hate this city! 440 00:18:50,446 --> 00:18:51,778 [grunts] 441 00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:55,299 These are balloons from the Highbrow Artists Parade. 442 00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:57,951 [gasps] That's today. 443 00:18:57,953 --> 00:19:00,763 They are relentless. 444 00:19:03,792 --> 00:19:05,518 Thank God for this balloon. 445 00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:10,648 Aah! 446 00:19:10,799 --> 00:19:12,466 -Joan Didion? -[Julian laughs] 447 00:19:12,543 --> 00:19:15,469 How ironic, you're clinging to Joan Didion, 448 00:19:15,471 --> 00:19:17,713 but you're clearly John Gregory Donne. 449 00:19:17,732 --> 00:19:19,382 [laughs] 450 00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:20,992 I hate that I get that. 451 00:19:21,068 --> 00:19:23,494 But you'll never get this. 452 00:19:23,646 --> 00:19:24,737 [all gasp] 453 00:19:24,813 --> 00:19:25,997 She ripped up the check. 454 00:19:26,073 --> 00:19:27,999 Well, then do something about it, 455 00:19:28,075 --> 00:19:30,751 you second-rate Cindy Sherman! 456 00:19:33,414 --> 00:19:34,463 [whimpering] 457 00:19:36,584 --> 00:19:39,235 -[Katya grunts] -What the hell are you doing? 458 00:19:39,237 --> 00:19:40,920 If there was a gun in the first act, 459 00:19:40,922 --> 00:19:42,663 I would shoot you right now. 460 00:19:42,665 --> 00:19:44,498 I'm setting her free. 461 00:19:44,575 --> 00:19:46,242 Goodbye, Lisa! 462 00:19:46,244 --> 00:19:48,853 Never forget the essence of being an artist. 463 00:19:48,930 --> 00:19:51,247 Having rich parents. 464 00:19:51,249 --> 00:19:53,582 You can still resent them horribly, 465 00:19:53,584 --> 00:19:55,651 just take their money! 466 00:20:01,092 --> 00:20:03,901 It is easy to see the beginnings of things 467 00:20:03,903 --> 00:20:05,928 and harder to see the ends. 468 00:20:05,930 --> 00:20:08,355 I can remember now with a clarity 469 00:20:08,433 --> 00:20:11,100 that makes the nerves in the back of my neck constrict 470 00:20:11,102 --> 00:20:13,285 when the city began for me, 471 00:20:13,362 --> 00:20:16,530 but I cannot lay my finger upon the moment it ended. 472 00:20:16,607 --> 00:20:18,549 Can never cut through the ambiguities 473 00:20:18,626 --> 00:20:21,552 and second starts and broken resolves 474 00:20:21,629 --> 00:20:24,296 to the exact place on the page where the heroine is 475 00:20:24,298 --> 00:20:27,633 no longer as optimistic as she once was. 476 00:20:27,710 --> 00:20:29,227 How are you talking to me? 477 00:20:29,303 --> 00:20:31,729 You haven't slept in 24 hours. 478 00:20:31,806 --> 00:20:33,456 Hmm, makes sense. 479 00:20:33,458 --> 00:20:36,025 -[loud pop] -[air hissing] 480 00:20:49,307 --> 00:20:50,489 Lisa. 481 00:20:50,566 --> 00:20:52,500 Superintendent. 482 00:20:57,498 --> 00:20:59,090 Captioning sponsored by 20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION 483 00:20:59,166 --> 00:21:01,092 and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY 484 00:21:01,168 --> 00:21:02,668 and TOYOTA. 485 00:21:02,745 --> 00:21:04,595 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 486 00:21:09,176 --> 00:21:11,343 Good morning, today we'll be reading 487 00:21:11,345 --> 00:21:13,345 from The Firecracker Who Didn't Want to Go Boom. 488 00:21:13,498 --> 00:21:17,182 [students] "'I like quiet things!' said the firecracker. 489 00:21:17,184 --> 00:21:21,003 'Why does everything in the world have to be so loud?'" 490 00:21:21,022 --> 00:21:22,095 [Lisa sighs] 491 00:21:22,115 --> 00:21:24,523 "'Things like sirens and jackhammers 492 00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:28,119 and tugboat whistles and big brass drums!'" 493 00:21:28,121 --> 00:21:30,696 ["Bull in the Heather" by Sonic Youth playing] 494 00:21:31,699 --> 00:21:35,626 ♪ Bettin' on the bull in the heather. ♪ 495 00:21:48,699 --> 00:21:50,224 Shh!