1
00:00:01,531 --> 00:00:03,054
Welcome to the Williamsburg Diner,

2
00:00:03,062 --> 00:00:06,296
my name is Max 'cause the hospital
wouldn't let my mother name me "Oops".

3
00:00:08,473 --> 00:00:11,348
I've been out of town all summer,
anything new?

4
00:00:11,747 --> 00:00:13,933
Anything new? Let's see, well...

5
00:00:13,958 --> 00:00:16,726
Facebook went public
and Edward Snowden went private.

6
00:00:17,117 --> 00:00:18,792
Kim and Kanye had a baby,

7
00:00:18,817 --> 00:00:21,523
so now there's another Kardashian
to not keep up with.

8
00:00:23,825 --> 00:00:26,136
Paula Deen is out, gay marriage is in,

9
00:00:26,161 --> 00:00:28,882
and a teacher in California's out
for letting her students get it in.

10
00:00:30,834 --> 00:00:33,416
Justin Bieber got a hit-and-run,
Chris Brown got a hit-and-run,

11
00:00:33,423 --> 00:00:35,689
Rihanna got hit and still didn't run.

12
00:00:36,337 --> 00:00:40,088
Oprah gave Lindsay $2 million, cunnilingus
gave Michael Douglas throat cancer,

13
00:00:40,225 --> 00:00:43,585
and Michael Douglas gave guys everywhere
another excuse not to do that.

14
00:00:44,781 --> 00:00:47,075
Egypt went crazy,
Amanda Bynes went crazier,

15
00:00:47,100 --> 00:00:50,261
and the NSA checks our phone
like a crazy ex-girlfriend.

16
00:00:50,286 --> 00:00:52,425
Oh, and Texas hates women,
Florida hates blacks,

17
00:00:52,457 --> 00:00:54,135
And everybody hates everything
with the exception

18
00:00:54,136 --> 00:00:58,206
of Angelina Jolie,
who is totally awesome.

19
00:00:58,207 --> 00:01:02,810
I meant on the menu.
Anything new on the menu?

20
00:01:02,811 --> 00:01:04,646
I have no idea. Let me check.

21
00:01:04,647 --> 00:01:07,282
Hey, Caroline, anything new
I should know about?

22
00:01:07,283 --> 00:01:10,552
The royal baby
smiled at the queen.

23
00:01:10,553 --> 00:01:12,654
I meant at the diner.

24
00:01:12,655 --> 00:01:14,155
Oh. I think we're maybe

25
00:01:14,156 --> 00:01:17,225
washing the forks now?
Let me check.

26
00:01:20,963 --> 00:01:22,964
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

27
00:01:24,633 --> 00:01:28,002
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

28
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<b><u>Sync by No1, corrections by XhmikosR
www.addic7ed.com</u></b>

29
00:01:34,084 --> 00:01:35,918
See, Max, one quick change,

30
00:01:35,919 --> 00:01:38,921
and we went from polyester and
pitiful to powerful and proud.

31
00:01:38,922 --> 00:01:41,256
Just like superman.

32
00:01:41,257 --> 00:01:42,958
Except that superman changed
in a phone booth,

33
00:01:42,959 --> 00:01:46,428
not a stall that says,
"for a good time, call Max."

34
00:01:46,429 --> 00:01:50,966
Well, if you have a problem
with it, why did you write it?

35
00:01:50,967 --> 00:01:53,102
'Cause I didn't have
enough eyeliner to write,

36
00:01:53,103 --> 00:01:56,705
"for an interesting time,
call Caroline."

37
00:01:58,141 --> 00:02:00,275
Look. Look, Earl, we're wearing

38
00:02:00,276 --> 00:02:01,844
our "Max's homemade cupcakes"
t-shirts again.

39
00:02:01,845 --> 00:02:03,045
See the logo?

40
00:02:03,046 --> 00:02:04,813
Well, actually, I try never

41
00:02:04,814 --> 00:02:08,717
to look you ladies
in the "chestal" area.

42
00:02:08,718 --> 00:02:11,820
It keeps things
on the up and up.

43
00:02:11,821 --> 00:02:14,857
Oh, Earl, you are
one in a million, literally,

44
00:02:14,858 --> 00:02:20,963
'cause 999,999 men have only
looked me in that area.

45
00:02:20,964 --> 00:02:26,091
Well, I got to go home. I've been
watching Dharma and Greg on Hulu.

46
00:02:26,092 --> 00:02:30,062
Oh, I missed so much
growing up in Korea.

47
00:02:30,063 --> 00:02:33,332
What, like puberty?

48
00:02:33,333 --> 00:02:35,084
Max, in my count
I'm average height.

49
00:02:35,085 --> 00:02:36,835
Max, in my country
I'm average height.

50
00:02:36,836 --> 00:02:38,570
And in my mind, I'm still rich,

51
00:02:38,571 --> 00:02:42,374
and my health care plan
isn't Flintstones chewables.

52
00:02:42,375 --> 00:02:44,743
So who wants to go in the back

53
00:02:44,744 --> 00:02:47,446
and see how amazing
our brand-new cupcake shop is?

54
00:02:47,447 --> 00:02:50,783
Bring down the enthusiasm,
Rachael Ray.

55
00:02:50,784 --> 00:02:52,217
Right,
we're not supposed to get

56
00:02:52,218 --> 00:02:54,086
all excited
about this opening tonight.

57
00:02:54,087 --> 00:02:56,622
Last time, we made a big deal,
and the shop didn't do so well.

58
00:02:56,623 --> 00:02:58,590
Ha!
That's like saying the people

59
00:02:58,591 --> 00:03:02,194
near the nuclear explosion
didn't do so well.

60
00:03:04,464 --> 00:03:08,200
Girls,
I am so proud of you two,

61
00:03:08,201 --> 00:03:10,569
getting back up on that horse.

62
00:03:10,570 --> 00:03:13,272
After my first jazz record
didn't sell,

63
00:03:13,273 --> 00:03:17,910
I turned to a life of drinks,
drugs, and loose women.

64
00:03:17,911 --> 00:03:21,146
Funny how sometimes
things just work out right.

65
00:03:25,718 --> 00:03:28,287
But how can you be opening
your cupcake window right now?

66
00:03:28,288 --> 00:03:30,456
- It's 2:00 A.M.!
- Our hours are 2:00 to 4:00.

67
00:03:30,457 --> 00:03:32,157
We're targeting
the "post bars" demographic.

68
00:03:32,158 --> 00:03:33,926
Drunk Williamsburg guys.

69
00:03:33,927 --> 00:03:35,727
That's my target
when I'm by myself

70
00:03:35,728 --> 00:03:38,163
and now my target
at the new shop.

71
00:03:38,164 --> 00:03:41,900
Funny how sometimes
things just work out right.

72
00:03:41,901 --> 00:03:44,470
We have no big expectations
about the opening tonight.

73
00:03:44,471 --> 00:03:45,571
It's a soft opening.

74
00:03:45,572 --> 00:03:46,905
What's the difference

75
00:03:46,906 --> 00:03:49,842
between a soft one
and a hard one?

76
00:03:51,644 --> 00:03:54,713
You want me to show him?

77
00:03:59,252 --> 00:04:01,153
Thanks, but we're cool.

78
00:04:01,154 --> 00:04:03,989
Seriously,
it won't take me a minute.

79
00:04:03,990 --> 00:04:05,791
It's fine, Oleg.

80
00:04:05,792 --> 00:04:10,295
Just so you know,
I'm already there.

81
00:04:10,296 --> 00:04:13,632
Get ready, this room's had
an amazing transformation.

82
00:04:13,633 --> 00:04:15,534
- Rachael Ray?
- I mean, it's fine, whatever.

83
00:04:15,535 --> 00:04:17,603
Han, before we go in,
close your eyes.

84
00:04:17,604 --> 00:04:18,837
I want you to get
the full effect.

85
00:04:18,838 --> 00:04:20,606
Yeah, and I want to trip you.

86
00:04:20,607 --> 00:04:22,441
- She's kidding.
- No, she's not.

87
00:04:22,442 --> 00:04:23,942
Yeah, I'm not.

88
00:04:23,943 --> 00:04:25,310
Han, I promise,
I won't let her trip you.

89
00:04:25,311 --> 00:04:27,106
Now, close your eyes.

90
00:04:33,047 --> 00:04:36,482
- What?
- Now, I thought she was going to hit me.

92
00:04:36,483 --> 00:04:39,986
- She was not.
- Yeah, I was.

93
00:04:39,987 --> 00:04:41,888
Okay, no more blind eye
bull crap.

94
00:04:41,889 --> 00:04:44,057
Just show me
the damn smelly back room.

95
00:04:44,058 --> 00:04:47,727
Let me turn off the lights
for a more dramatic impact.

96
00:04:52,566 --> 00:04:54,334
What? I didn't do anything.

97
00:04:54,335 --> 00:04:57,337
It was me.

98
00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:02,842
He now knows what hard is.

99
00:05:09,917 --> 00:05:12,018
I cannot believe my eyes.

100
00:05:12,019 --> 00:05:15,121
I felt the same way
when I first saw you.

101
00:05:15,122 --> 00:05:18,024
Original tan, original tile,
original too.

102
00:05:18,025 --> 00:05:19,292
What do you think, Oleg?

103
00:05:19,293 --> 00:05:21,260
Nice.

104
00:05:21,261 --> 00:05:23,963
"Nice"? All you got is "nice?"

105
00:05:23,964 --> 00:05:27,433
This place was like
Great Adventure for rats!

106
00:05:27,434 --> 00:05:29,302
They were waiting in line
to bite us.

107
00:05:29,303 --> 00:05:31,871
Caroline, show them
your bite marks.

108
00:05:31,872 --> 00:05:34,140
- I'd rather not.
- Nice?

109
00:05:34,141 --> 00:05:39,022
It used to smell like the place
poop comes to die.

110
00:05:39,023 --> 00:05:42,025
Or death comes to poop.

111
00:05:42,026 --> 00:05:43,960
And look what we did!
We created

112
00:05:43,961 --> 00:05:47,564
the greatest, coolest, chic-est
cupcake shop, and I love it!

113
00:05:47,565 --> 00:05:50,400
But you know, no enthusiasm.
Just soft opening.

114
00:05:50,401 --> 00:05:52,268
And, Han, this was all possible

115
00:05:52,269 --> 00:05:54,204
because you gave us
the space rent-free.

116
00:05:54,205 --> 00:05:56,940
Rent-free?
Now, refresh my memory.

117
00:05:56,941 --> 00:05:59,376
When exactly did I say
"rent-free?"

118
00:05:59,377 --> 00:06:03,279
On the 27th, 4:15 P.M.,
you said,

119
00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:05,915
"I don't care about that dump,
you can have it for free.

120
00:06:05,916 --> 00:06:09,386
Burn it to the ground,
for all I care."

121
00:06:09,387 --> 00:06:14,324
I knew learning English would
come back to bite me in the ass.

122
00:06:16,327 --> 00:06:19,262
Somebody's already knocking?
That's a really great sign, Max.

123
00:06:19,263 --> 00:06:21,164
Time to open.

124
00:06:25,636 --> 00:06:30,140
Look, girls, I'm blowing
this party horn for you.

125
00:06:30,141 --> 00:06:31,908
Thanks, Sofie, but we didn't
want to make a big deal,

126
00:06:31,909 --> 00:06:33,443
it's a soft opening.

127
00:06:33,444 --> 00:06:36,646
Oh, I love a soft opening.

128
00:06:39,061 --> 00:06:42,852
- Hello, Sophie.
- Oh, hello, Oleg.

129
00:06:42,853 --> 00:06:44,988
Sorry, Sofie, about this
uncomfortable meeting.

130
00:06:44,989 --> 00:06:46,690
If we had known
you were going to surprise us,

131
00:06:46,691 --> 00:06:48,525
- we wouldn't have invited Oleg.
- Yeah, I was there

132
00:06:48,526 --> 00:06:52,028
when you two broke up and
I'm still suffering from PTSD.

133
00:06:52,029 --> 00:06:55,365
"Post-traumatic Sophie drama."

134
00:06:55,366 --> 00:06:57,367
There's no drama.

135
00:06:57,368 --> 00:07:01,771
And the award
for the best drama goes to...

136
00:07:01,772 --> 00:07:03,973
Not us. Right, Oleg?

137
00:07:03,974 --> 00:07:06,042
Yes, we're friends now.

138
00:07:06,043 --> 00:07:08,044
See, girls, I cheated on her,

139
00:07:08,045 --> 00:07:10,480
so she smashed in
my car windows.

140
00:07:10,481 --> 00:07:12,282
And my apartment windows.

141
00:07:12,283 --> 00:07:15,018
And your stereo
and your flat screen.

142
00:07:15,019 --> 00:07:18,152
And my brother's flat screen
and his daughter's computer.

143
00:07:19,390 --> 00:07:23,860
Yeah, she surprised me.
She wasn't supposed to be home.

144
00:07:23,861 --> 00:07:27,363
We got it out of our systems.
Good night, friend.

145
00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:29,299
Good night, friend!

146
00:07:29,300 --> 00:07:31,534
And, Oleg?

147
00:07:42,246 --> 00:07:43,513
Wow.

148
00:07:43,514 --> 00:07:47,584
That is one lucky horn.

149
00:07:49,353 --> 00:07:51,421
Honey, look.
Look, some customers.

150
00:07:51,422 --> 00:07:53,423
Hey, cool guys!

151
00:07:53,424 --> 00:07:58,461
Come over here and eat something
from the girls' soft opening!

152
00:07:58,462 --> 00:08:00,636
That is so not
the way I would've gone,

153
00:08:00,637 --> 00:08:02,338
but I'll take it.

154
00:08:02,339 --> 00:08:03,373
Hello, hello.

155
00:08:03,374 --> 00:08:05,942
What have we got here?

156
00:08:05,943 --> 00:08:07,944
Welcome to Max'
homemade cupcakes.

157
00:08:07,945 --> 00:08:10,780
In England we call 'em
"fairy cakes."

158
00:08:10,781 --> 00:08:14,017
Fairy cakes? Damn it.

159
00:08:14,018 --> 00:08:17,353
Why are the hot ones
always gay?

160
00:08:18,656 --> 00:08:21,324
Here you go, darling,
give us the whole lot.

161
00:08:22,860 --> 00:08:24,794
Oh, my God!

162
00:08:24,795 --> 00:08:27,130
A black American Express card?

163
00:08:27,131 --> 00:08:31,468
I haven't held a black one
in my hands in years.

164
00:08:34,748 --> 00:08:38,250
I would've guessed you hadn't
held a black one ever.

165
00:08:38,275 --> 00:08:41,778
Sorry, it's our first night,
cash only.

166
00:08:43,447 --> 00:08:45,815
Oh, wow.
He is really out of it.

167
00:08:45,816 --> 00:08:49,285
- What is he on?
- Besides me later?

168
00:08:49,286 --> 00:08:52,889
Do not know, but am jealous.

169
00:08:54,225 --> 00:08:57,059
And now I'm really jealous.

170
00:08:57,060 --> 00:08:58,828
I'm sure he'll be fine.

171
00:08:58,829 --> 00:09:00,263
Oh, I'd say
he's more than fine.

172
00:09:00,264 --> 00:09:02,799
I'd say he's my next boyfriend.

173
00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:05,235
Ronald, mate. Wake up.

174
00:09:05,236 --> 00:09:06,770
He's not breathing.

175
00:09:06,771 --> 00:09:08,304
I can't wake him, call 911!

176
00:09:08,305 --> 00:09:10,106
Call 911!

177
00:09:10,107 --> 00:09:14,811
Let's all just calm down.
I have seen this happen a lot.

178
00:09:14,812 --> 00:09:18,515
One summer I had a part-time job,
I was a life guard at a crack house.

179
00:09:18,516 --> 00:09:20,216
- ***
- He'll come to in a second.

180
00:09:20,219 --> 00:09:21,746
He's dead.

181
00:09:21,747 --> 00:09:23,948
Called that wrong.

182
00:09:30,359 --> 00:09:32,827
Max, the guy who died
in front of our shop last night

183
00:09:32,828 --> 00:09:34,296
was a rock star.

184
00:09:34,297 --> 00:09:35,797
He used to date Kate Moss.

185
00:09:35,798 --> 00:09:37,866
No offense,
but dating Kate Moss

186
00:09:37,867 --> 00:09:40,568
is like a law in England.

187
00:09:40,569 --> 00:09:42,871
Everyone has to do it
when they turn 21.

188
00:09:42,872 --> 00:09:47,242
His name was Roland Glass,
and he has two gold records.

189
00:09:47,243 --> 00:09:48,910
I can't believe
I've never heard of him.

190
00:09:48,911 --> 00:09:50,478
I can.

191
00:09:50,479 --> 00:09:53,248
Your go-to jam
is the soundtrack from <i>Newsies.</i>

192
00:09:53,249 --> 00:09:57,185
Yesterday a rock star,
and today he's gone.

193
00:09:57,186 --> 00:10:00,055
You never know.
That's why I ordered us breakfast

194
00:10:00,056 --> 00:10:01,823
from the fancy breakfast place
on the corner.

195
00:10:01,824 --> 00:10:04,999
You ordered
from "Magna cum latte"?

196
00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:10,411
Everyday when I pass by it, I think
2 things. One, I wish I had a gun.

197
00:10:10,412 --> 00:10:13,915
And, two, someday I'm gonna
order breakfast to be delivered

198
00:10:13,916 --> 00:10:15,617
with one
of their fancy-ass croissants.

199
00:10:15,618 --> 00:10:17,848
Who knows, tonight
I could do too much heroin

200
00:10:17,849 --> 00:10:19,717
and die an unexpected death.

201
00:10:19,718 --> 00:10:22,920
But at least then I'd die
doing something my mother loved.

202
00:10:22,921 --> 00:10:24,788
You're right, Max.
You only live once.

203
00:10:24,789 --> 00:10:26,590
Yolo.

204
00:10:26,591 --> 00:10:31,662
And you only live till
the next time you say "yolo."

205
00:10:36,034 --> 00:10:37,935
Oh, no. More bad news.

206
00:10:37,936 --> 00:10:40,371
According to my Google alert
for Max's homemade cupcakes-

207
00:10:40,372 --> 00:10:42,273
you have a Google alert
for our business?

208
00:10:42,274 --> 00:10:45,376
I only have a Google alert
for "Oprah goes topless."

209
00:10:45,377 --> 00:10:47,378
I'm not saying
it's gonna happen,

210
00:10:47,379 --> 00:10:50,447
but I'm saying, if it does, I'm
gonna be the first one to know.

211
00:10:50,448 --> 00:10:54,618
Look, it's online that Roland
Glass died in front of our shop.

212
00:10:54,619 --> 00:10:58,122
And now my phone just died.
It's an epidemic.

213
00:10:58,123 --> 00:11:01,412
Oleg, what are you still doing
with the arrow from our shop?

214
00:11:01,413 --> 00:11:02,780
I thought that you said that was hung.

215
00:11:02,781 --> 00:11:05,880
No, I said I was hung.

216
00:11:05,881 --> 00:11:07,481
And I can't put it up now

217
00:11:07,482 --> 00:11:09,750
with that crowd of people
in front of your window.

218
00:11:09,751 --> 00:11:13,791
There are people
in front of our window?

219
00:11:13,792 --> 00:11:16,927
Dude, is this
where my man Roland died?

220
00:11:16,928 --> 00:11:18,829
Yeah, right over there.

221
00:11:18,830 --> 00:11:22,132
Then I'm gonna put this here,
next to Paddington bear.

222
00:11:22,133 --> 00:11:24,301
I caught this at his last concert.

223
00:11:24,302 --> 00:11:27,638
And I also caught this.

224
00:11:27,639 --> 00:11:30,674
So, like, what, dude?
He just dropped to the ground?

225
00:11:30,675 --> 00:11:33,644
Actually, he hit right here
first, smiled, then fell.

226
00:11:33,645 --> 00:11:37,314
He smiled? Dude.

227
00:11:37,315 --> 00:11:39,416
Max, can I see you over here?

228
00:11:39,417 --> 00:11:41,785
Sorry for your loss and dope hat.

229
00:11:41,786 --> 00:11:44,522
Thanks. I found it in a dumper.

230
00:11:44,523 --> 00:11:45,856
Max, what are you doing?

231
00:11:45,857 --> 00:11:47,591
Don't tell them
he hit our counter.

232
00:11:47,592 --> 00:11:49,860
We need to distance ourselves
from the entire event.

233
00:11:49,861 --> 00:11:52,162
This spells disaster
for our new business.

234
00:11:52,163 --> 00:11:55,166
Dude, can I get
three dozen cupcakes?

235
00:11:55,167 --> 00:11:57,869
Or it spells success.

236
00:11:57,870 --> 00:12:01,072
I have beaucoup friends coming
here for the midnight vigil.

237
00:12:01,073 --> 00:12:03,441
How much are your cupcakes?

238
00:12:03,442 --> 00:12:04,476
$7.

239
00:12:04,477 --> 00:12:06,177
That's a lot.

240
00:12:06,678 --> 00:12:10,681
Dude. Roland would've
wanted it that way.

241
00:12:17,059 --> 00:12:22,096
♪ Knock, knock,
knocking on heaven's door ♪

242
00:12:22,097 --> 00:12:25,166
And he hit right here
before he fell.

243
00:12:25,167 --> 00:12:29,837
And as he fell,
he looked up at me and smiled.

244
00:12:29,838 --> 00:12:33,207
Content. Peaceful.

245
00:12:33,208 --> 00:12:35,843
That'll be $7, cash only.

246
00:12:35,844 --> 00:12:37,945
Mira, can you break a 50?

247
00:12:37,946 --> 00:12:39,180
Max!

248
00:12:39,181 --> 00:12:42,116
Yeah, what do you need?

249
00:12:42,117 --> 00:12:43,551
Change for a 50.

250
00:12:43,552 --> 00:12:48,356
Got it. I mean, why, God, why?

251
00:12:48,357 --> 00:12:51,459
♪ Knock, knock,
knocking on heaven's door ♪

252
00:12:51,460 --> 00:12:56,197
Ten, ten, ten, ten.
♪ Heaven's door ♪

253
00:12:56,198 --> 00:12:57,698
Max, we're almost
sold out in here.

254
00:12:57,699 --> 00:12:58,966
I need more cupcakes
from the kitchen.

255
00:12:58,967 --> 00:13:00,101
Got it. I'll come right in.

256
00:13:00,102 --> 00:13:01,235
Earl?

257
00:13:01,236 --> 00:13:03,404
Yo!

258
00:13:03,405 --> 00:13:06,374
Same split as before.
30¢ on every dollar you sell.

259
00:13:06,375 --> 00:13:08,643
What a waste.

260
00:13:08,644 --> 00:13:12,413
You know how much money
we could make if we sold pot?

261
00:13:12,414 --> 00:13:15,850
Oh, you want in on that too?
Same split.

262
00:13:17,552 --> 00:13:19,620
Oh, man,
that hippie patchouli smell

263
00:13:19,621 --> 00:13:21,722
is worse than the poop was.

264
00:13:21,723 --> 00:13:25,660
Han. These people are
in mourning. Show some respect.

265
00:13:25,661 --> 00:13:27,595
Me? Me show some respect?

266
00:13:27,596 --> 00:13:28,929
What will <i>you</i> two do next,

267
00:13:28,930 --> 00:13:30,097
sell cupcakes
at the diabetes wing

268
00:13:30,098 --> 00:13:32,600
at the children's hospital?

269
00:13:32,601 --> 00:13:34,769
How dare
you doubt my sincerity?

270
00:13:34,770 --> 00:13:36,604
I personally have shooed
a homeless man

271
00:13:36,605 --> 00:13:38,506
away from peeing
on that shrine twice.

272
00:13:38,507 --> 00:13:40,841
I don't care what
I may or may not have said

273
00:13:40,842 --> 00:13:42,943
on the 27th at 4:15 P.M.

274
00:13:42,944 --> 00:13:45,579
Your business is booming,
and now I want rent.

275
00:13:45,580 --> 00:13:48,582
No way, Han. That man
could've overdosed anywhere.

276
00:13:48,583 --> 00:13:51,752
But God made him overdose in
front of our window as a gift.

277
00:13:51,753 --> 00:13:54,955
And, yes, we are accepting that
gift because you only live once.

278
00:13:54,956 --> 00:13:57,291
Yolo.

279
00:13:57,292 --> 00:13:58,859
This isn't "yolo" it's "hodo".

280
00:13:58,860 --> 00:14:00,828
"He Only Died Once."

281
00:14:00,829 --> 00:14:04,131
I'm surprised you aren't
selling "hodo" t-shirts.

282
00:14:04,132 --> 00:14:05,966
How dare you again?

283
00:14:05,967 --> 00:14:07,835
We are simply providing
some comfort food

284
00:14:07,836 --> 00:14:09,637
to people who need comfort.

285
00:14:09,638 --> 00:14:13,374
And, I might add, we are doing
it with the utmost respect.

286
00:14:13,375 --> 00:14:17,445
♪ Knock, knock, knocking
on the apple store's door ♪

287
00:14:17,446 --> 00:14:19,146
That's it,
your business is booming,

288
00:14:19,147 --> 00:14:20,781
I want rent. 200.

289
00:14:20,782 --> 00:14:22,483
A year?

290
00:14:22,484 --> 00:14:25,619
A month, and it's a bargain
for my beautiful space.

291
00:14:25,620 --> 00:14:28,589
This space is only beautiful
because we made it beautiful.

292
00:14:28,590 --> 00:14:29,724
Yeah, show 'em your bite marks!

293
00:14:29,725 --> 00:14:31,025
Max, I'd rather not.

294
00:14:31,026 --> 00:14:33,027
You will pay me $200 a month,

295
00:14:33,028 --> 00:14:35,029
and there is nothing
you can do to change my mind!

296
00:14:35,030 --> 00:14:38,966
Show him your bite marks! Fine!

297
00:14:38,967 --> 00:14:40,201
A rat bit her ass?

298
00:14:40,202 --> 00:14:42,136
Okay, 195.

299
00:14:42,137 --> 00:14:45,139
No rent, Han. That wasn't
the deal you made us.

300
00:14:45,140 --> 00:14:47,374
This is not personal,
it's business.

301
00:14:47,375 --> 00:14:50,010
I want a slice of grief pie!

302
00:14:50,011 --> 00:14:51,312
Show him your front bites!

303
00:14:51,313 --> 00:14:55,716
No! That's too personal.

304
00:14:55,717 --> 00:14:58,185
- Sorry you had to do that.
- So am I.

305
00:14:58,186 --> 00:15:01,655
- It's healing nicely.
- Don't lie to me.

306
00:15:03,892 --> 00:15:06,060
I think it's nice of us to add
our flowers to the others.

307
00:15:06,061 --> 00:15:07,528
Shows respect.

308
00:15:07,529 --> 00:15:09,663
You're acting
like you didn't steal them.

309
00:15:09,664 --> 00:15:11,699
Max, it's the thought
that counts.

310
00:15:11,700 --> 00:15:13,067
And I thought it'd be cheaper

311
00:15:13,068 --> 00:15:14,902
to pull them out
of someone's garden.

312
00:15:14,903 --> 00:15:17,872
Wait, where's the shrine?

313
00:15:17,873 --> 00:15:22,343
<i>Look, Han moved it
over to the diner door.</i>

314
00:15:22,344 --> 00:15:25,246
That insolent charlatan!

315
00:15:25,247 --> 00:15:28,449
Whatever that means.

316
00:15:28,450 --> 00:15:34,021
♪ Knock, knock,
knocking on heaven's door ♪

317
00:15:34,022 --> 00:15:36,223
Can you believe this, girls?

318
00:15:36,224 --> 00:15:38,692
He's cashing in on a man's death.

319
00:15:38,693 --> 00:15:40,961
Without us.

320
00:15:40,962 --> 00:15:42,963
And in his honor
tonight we a serving

321
00:15:42,964 --> 00:15:44,365
chicken ala Roland!

322
00:15:44,366 --> 00:15:47,101
At a mourner's discount
of just $8.95.

323
00:15:47,102 --> 00:15:51,272
Looks like Jiminy Cricket
turned to the dark side.

324
00:15:51,273 --> 00:15:54,809
<i>I also have rock star pudding.</i>

325
00:15:57,279 --> 00:15:59,713
Nope. No way, Max.
This is our shrine.

326
00:15:59,714 --> 00:16:01,282
Grab a handful of bears.

327
00:16:01,283 --> 00:16:04,218
We're moving
the dead guy's shrine back?

328
00:16:04,219 --> 00:16:06,554
Wait, let me just
light a candle for my dignity.

329
00:16:06,555 --> 00:16:08,088
It died here too.

330
00:16:08,089 --> 00:16:11,559
Max, do you want
to be successful or not?

331
00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:13,994
Because if you do,
grab one of these poems

332
00:16:13,995 --> 00:16:16,730
that doesn't follow
any of the rules of poetry,

333
00:16:16,731 --> 00:16:19,834
and move it back
to the cupcake window.

334
00:16:19,835 --> 00:16:22,570
Because this is our death.

335
00:16:22,571 --> 00:16:25,005
I think maybe
you're being a little harsh.

336
00:16:25,006 --> 00:16:28,108
"Rock out in heaven.
Love, Kevin."

337
00:16:28,109 --> 00:16:29,910
That is gold.

338
00:16:29,911 --> 00:16:34,481
Oops, knocked over a candle.
Ooh, small fire.

339
00:16:34,482 --> 00:16:36,584
Fire on the shoe.

340
00:16:36,585 --> 00:16:40,354
If I don't get this out, it's
gonna be my memorial service.

341
00:16:40,355 --> 00:16:42,022
Look, look.

342
00:16:42,023 --> 00:16:45,125
Those girls are disrupting
the shrine of a dead man!

343
00:16:45,126 --> 00:16:48,929
Look, look, a roach got out
of the diner! Quick, step on it!

344
00:16:48,930 --> 00:16:51,432
Look, hippies, look!
Put down those bongs and look.

345
00:16:51,433 --> 00:16:53,334
They're moving the place
where a man died

346
00:16:53,335 --> 00:16:54,869
for their own financial gain!

347
00:16:54,870 --> 00:16:57,928
Hey, that's so not cool, man.

348
00:16:57,929 --> 00:16:59,563
Yeah, me on. Yeah, boo!

349
00:16:59,564 --> 00:17:03,533
He's the not cool one.
Yeah, look at him!

350
00:17:05,703 --> 00:17:08,305
Roland Glass died horrible death

351
00:17:08,306 --> 00:17:10,073
in front
of our adorable cupcake window.

352
00:17:10,074 --> 00:17:11,708
See? "Horrible, adorable"?

353
00:17:11,709 --> 00:17:14,578
That rhyme just came
right off the top of my head.

354
00:17:14,579 --> 00:17:15,746
Hey! Hi.

355
00:17:15,747 --> 00:17:18,127
Hi. He knows!

356
00:17:18,128 --> 00:17:19,862
I told him to stop
peeing on the shrine

357
00:17:19,863 --> 00:17:21,364
when it was still over there!

358
00:17:21,365 --> 00:17:22,365
Isn't that right?

359
00:17:22,366 --> 00:17:24,133
Yep. That's the bitch.

360
00:17:24,134 --> 00:17:26,302
Yes! Yes! I'm the bitch!

361
00:17:26,303 --> 00:17:29,939
So not cool, dude.
Let's get him out of here.

362
00:17:32,442 --> 00:17:33,609
No! Stop!

363
00:17:33,610 --> 00:17:34,977
That's my wallet!

364
00:17:34,978 --> 00:17:37,980
Ooh, stop!
That's not my wallet.

365
00:17:37,981 --> 00:17:39,448
Stop!

366
00:17:39,449 --> 00:17:40,716
<i>Stop</i>

367
00:17:40,717 --> 00:17:44,387
Cast of <i>Rock of Ages,</i> stop!

368
00:17:44,388 --> 00:17:46,122
Put him down. He's cool.

369
00:17:46,123 --> 00:17:49,925
Even with those clothes
and that head.

370
00:17:49,926 --> 00:17:52,895
I mean, really. Are we
that desperate for success?

371
00:17:52,896 --> 00:17:55,364
We'd let Han be torn apart?

372
00:17:56,767 --> 00:17:58,134
I'm thinking.

373
00:17:58,135 --> 00:17:59,168
Caroline-

374
00:17:59,169 --> 00:18:03,795
Max, I'm <i>thinking.</i>

375
00:18:07,333 --> 00:18:11,136
Well, no one's knock, knock,
knocking on our door now.

376
00:18:11,137 --> 00:18:12,570
It's more dead out there

377
00:18:12,571 --> 00:18:14,406
than when there was
a dead guy out there.

378
00:18:14,407 --> 00:18:17,142
I'm having second thoughts
about how we behaved today.

379
00:18:17,143 --> 00:18:19,844
I mean, how could we
have let Han live?

380
00:18:19,845 --> 00:18:22,180
Hello.

381
00:18:22,181 --> 00:18:26,084
I brought you some rock star
pudding to say thank you.

382
00:18:26,085 --> 00:18:28,820
Oh, rock star pudding.
What's in it, pills?

383
00:18:28,821 --> 00:18:32,424
Broken dreams?
Tear-stained panties?

384
00:18:32,425 --> 00:18:34,459
Caroline?

385
00:18:34,460 --> 00:18:36,328
I'm not as easy as Max.

386
00:18:36,329 --> 00:18:39,431
Said every girl in
my seventh grade class.

387
00:18:39,432 --> 00:18:41,766
Look, I was wrong.

388
00:18:41,767 --> 00:18:43,034
No, Han, I was.

389
00:18:43,035 --> 00:18:44,669
We should pay rent.

390
00:18:44,670 --> 00:18:46,538
I wasn't talking
about the rent.

391
00:18:46,539 --> 00:18:50,241
Rent?
Who said anything about rent?

392
00:18:50,242 --> 00:18:51,609
I was wrong when I said

393
00:18:51,610 --> 00:18:53,511
it wasn't personal,
it was business.

394
00:18:53,512 --> 00:18:55,380
After Max stopped me
from being torn

395
00:18:55,381 --> 00:18:57,916
limb from limb
by the smelly hippies,

396
00:18:57,917 --> 00:19:01,586
I realized, with us,
it is mostly personal.

397
00:19:01,587 --> 00:19:03,254
And a little business.

398
00:19:03,255 --> 00:19:04,689
A little business?

399
00:19:04,690 --> 00:19:06,758
What other kind could you have?

400
00:19:06,759 --> 00:19:08,893
Max, let's not be hard on Han.

401
00:19:08,894 --> 00:19:10,795
He's giving us
this space rent-free.

402
00:19:10,796 --> 00:19:13,732
No one said "rent-free."

403
00:19:13,733 --> 00:19:16,034
I came up with a number
I think is fair.

404
00:19:16,035 --> 00:19:19,304
- $250,000.
- Yeah, sounds fair.

405
00:19:19,305 --> 00:19:22,774
I remembered that was
your original cupcake shop goal.

406
00:19:22,775 --> 00:19:26,578
So when you hit that amount,
we can talk rent.

407
00:19:26,579 --> 00:19:29,581
Han, that is so sweet.

408
00:19:29,582 --> 00:19:31,449
And I'm not gonna ruin it
by bringing up the fact

409
00:19:31,450 --> 00:19:33,985
that she just said
"hard on Han."

410
00:19:33,986 --> 00:19:37,021
Really, Han,
it's so, so generous.

411
00:19:37,022 --> 00:19:39,257
But I don't know
if we're comfortable with it...

412
00:19:39,258 --> 00:19:41,426
What if we offered you
a small piece of the business?

413
00:19:41,427 --> 00:19:45,330
I'll wait for the rent.
You two are good friends.

414
00:19:48,334 --> 00:19:49,667
A woman finally
offers Han a piece,

415
00:19:49,668 --> 00:19:52,370
and he turns it down.

416
00:19:55,174 --> 00:19:56,508
Max. Google alert.

417
00:19:56,509 --> 00:19:58,510
Oprah's topless?

418
00:19:58,511 --> 00:20:01,446
Max, let that go.
That's never gonna happen.

419
00:20:01,447 --> 00:20:03,815
Not with that attitude.

420
00:20:03,816 --> 00:20:06,684
No, the autopsy
says Roland Glass

421
00:20:06,685 --> 00:20:08,119
choked
on a Max's homemade cupcake.

422
00:20:08,120 --> 00:20:09,854
This is a disaster.

423
00:20:09,855 --> 00:20:13,758
Hey, where's your enthusiasm
now, Miss Rachael Ray?

424
00:20:13,759 --> 00:20:15,860
This place is the balls!

425
00:20:15,861 --> 00:20:17,695
And it's just a matter of time

426
00:20:17,696 --> 00:20:19,464
till those sicko hipsters
are lining up

427
00:20:19,465 --> 00:20:21,966
for "one of those cupcakes
that killed that dude".

428
00:20:21,967 --> 00:20:26,204
Open the window!
We're back, baby!

429
00:20:26,205 --> 00:20:28,540
But we can't count
on a guy dying every week.

430
00:20:28,541 --> 00:20:30,308
I mean, I have
a positive attitude,

431
00:20:30,309 --> 00:20:31,476
but that's too <i>pollyanna.</i>

432
00:20:31,477 --> 00:20:33,111
We don't have to.

433
00:20:33,112 --> 00:20:34,546
That's what's so great
about this window.

434
00:20:34,547 --> 00:20:36,214
Who knows what'll happen?

435
00:20:36,215 --> 00:20:38,016
Right, and we won't
have to chase business down

436
00:20:38,017 --> 00:20:39,951
because we'll be
right here on the street

437
00:20:39,952 --> 00:20:41,653
waiting for it to come to us.

438
00:20:41,654 --> 00:20:45,557
Max, I feel so good
about the possibilities.

439
00:20:45,558 --> 00:20:47,692
One night it could be
a black American express card,

440
00:20:47,693 --> 00:20:49,961
and the...

441
00:20:52,998 --> 00:20:55,300
Max, is it...

442
00:20:57,803 --> 00:21:01,005
Other nights,
it's a friendly little visit

443
00:21:01,006 --> 00:21:02,006
from our homeless guy.

444
00:21:02,015 --> 00:21:08,906
<b><u>Sync by No1, corrections by XhmikosR
www.addic7ed.com</u></b>

