1
00:02:24,920 --> 00:02:26,240
8 HOURS EARLIER

2
00:02:26,320 --> 00:02:27,840
Napoleon, come.

3
00:02:33,360 --> 00:02:34,600
Ugh, shit.

4
00:02:54,640 --> 00:02:55,920
Fuck that.

5
00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:57,560
Shit.

6
00:03:02,200 --> 00:03:05,400
It's going to be a lot of fun, dude.
Mr. Waggle.

7
00:03:13,640 --> 00:03:16,200
Dad.

8
00:03:16,760 --> 00:03:19,440
Dad, can I have the car keys?
I'm going to work for a while.

9
00:03:20,920 --> 00:03:22,080
-You mean, now?
-Yes.

10
00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:25,320
-What's going on?
-I'm going to work for a while. Thanks.

11
00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:28,440
-Those chickens again?
-There are more than 300 breeds, Dad.

12
00:03:28,520 --> 00:03:31,120
-Why don't you just sleep?
-It's not that simple.

13
00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:32,480
-No.
-What?

14
00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:34,280
There is nothing to worry about.

15
00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:38,800
I'll just finish up quickly, so I can go
on holiday with peace of mind. Okay, bye.

16
00:03:38,880 --> 00:03:41,680
I told you. She needs to move out again.

17
00:03:56,960 --> 00:04:00,160
<i>Ni hao,</i> this is Emma.
Are you still open?

18
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:04,280
Ah, great. The Tau Sie Kai Lucky House
with rice noodles, please.

19
00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:07,080
Yes, very well. Thank you.

20
00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:10,400
Chickens, chickens, chickens.

21
00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:15,720
"Chickens are smarter than you think.
Recent studies show that they…"

22
00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:21,279
"The most common parasite is
most often found around the cloaca."

23
00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:23,040
Ew, gross.

24
00:04:25,360 --> 00:04:26,360
Hey.

25
00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:30,000
-Hi-dee-hi.
<i>-Hey, sweetheart.</i>

26
00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:35,400
<i>It's great here. I've already spoken</i>
<i>to talent scouts. Producers.</i>

27
00:04:37,080 --> 00:04:39,400
<i>-I can feel it.</i>
-Wow, that's great.

28
00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:42,640
<i>-Why aren't you in bed?</i>
-Deadline.

29
00:04:42,720 --> 00:04:45,720
Editing is 24/7. Plus: sleep is overrated.

30
00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:47,560
<i>You're working too hard.</i>

31
00:04:47,640 --> 00:04:52,480
<i>What book is so important that it keeps</i>
<i>you there instead of here with me?</i>

32
00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:55,400
<i>And don't you dare say</i>
<i>that chicken encyclopedia.</i>

33
00:04:55,480 --> 00:04:58,720
No, man. Are you crazy?
No, I'm working on…

34
00:04:58,800 --> 00:05:03,040
<i>The Sky Falls</i> by Marten Polak.
Here, our star author.

35
00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:07,920
<i>-Jesus, what a depressing title.</i>
-Babe, I've got to go.

36
00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:11,160
Make sure you're on time tomorrow,
because I can't do this without you.

37
00:05:11,240 --> 00:05:13,000
Yes, sure. I will. Love you, okay?

38
00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:14,080
<i>Love you too.</i>

39
00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:16,000
The Tau Sie Kai Lucky House,
with noodles.

40
00:05:16,080 --> 00:05:19,440
-That's me. Yummy. Have a nice evening.
-You too.

41
00:05:20,080 --> 00:05:22,480
<i>The Sky Falls.</i>

42
00:05:28,840 --> 00:05:30,160
What a load of rubbish.

43
00:05:30,240 --> 00:05:31,720
Right.

44
00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:48,200
Well, the sky is falling,
starting with the title.

45
00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:52,960
It starts with a disaster.

46
00:05:54,240 --> 00:05:56,320
Totally random. Very hard to follow.

47
00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:01,920
And the ending is very abrupt.

48
00:06:06,080 --> 00:06:06,880
Emma?

49
00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:14,680
-Emma?
-Oh, yeah.

50
00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:16,720
-Hey.
-Hey, did you stay up all night?

51
00:06:17,280 --> 00:06:19,920
-Good morning.
-What have you done?

52
00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:21,920
Yes, I spotted a few more things.

53
00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:23,960
But Polak is not yours.

54
00:06:24,040 --> 00:06:26,080
Leo said it needs no further editing.

55
00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:28,960
-Just a good cover.
-Yes, I know. But not quite.

56
00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:31,120
And now
we can still do something about it.

57
00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:32,560
What?

58
00:06:32,640 --> 00:06:36,800
Stop that book.

59
00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:39,120
Good morning.

60
00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:41,920
Hey.
Weren't you supposed to be on vacation?

61
00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:43,960
Almost. Really looking forward to it. Leo?

62
00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:47,120
-Has anyone seen <i>The Sky Falls?</i>
-Yes.

63
00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:50,080
It can't go to print like this.
I read it twice last night.

64
00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:53,120
-All 548 pages?
-Yes, and it is…

65
00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:57,640
-Vague? Hard to follow? Pretentious?
-Yes. All of the above.

66
00:06:57,720 --> 00:07:01,160
By the first chapter, you've already
lost the main character. He does nothing.

67
00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:04,720
I thought the only thing left
was to pick the cover color.

68
00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:06,400
Azure or indigo…

69
00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:09,440
You should go with indigo anyway.
That's just a nicer color.

70
00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:11,960
But it's weird to choose a cover color

71
00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:15,120
-when the book itself is colorless.
-That's not up to you.

72
00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:16,720
He's one of our flagship authors.

73
00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:18,880
You'll end up with an unreadable flagship.

74
00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:21,880
With people thinking,
"What the hell is he saying?"

75
00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:25,760
What are you actually doing here?
You're off work, aren't you?

76
00:07:25,840 --> 00:07:27,120
Off work? What for?

77
00:07:28,480 --> 00:07:31,240
-What you need is a vacation.
-A vacation?

78
00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:33,960
So, Leo. About the chicken encyclopedia.

79
00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:37,320
I just need to cover the Danish Land Fowl
and the Tournai Bantam…

80
00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:39,560
Emma, go on vacation.

81
00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:43,000
All right. Whatever…

82
00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:44,360
Are you okay?

83
00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:47,720
What? Yes. I'm doing really well.

84
00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:49,560
-And you?
-Yeah, okay.

85
00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:54,200
-Do you want a hug?
-Oh, well…

86
00:07:55,240 --> 00:07:56,160
Thank you.

87
00:07:57,080 --> 00:07:59,640
We'll see each other again in a few weeks.

88
00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:02,360
Completely recharged. Yay!

89
00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:21,880
<i>Hey babe, how are you getting on?</i>
<i>I'll see you in a minute, right?</i>

90
00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:23,240
Yeah, shit.

91
00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:29,560
Hey, baby!

92
00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:34,919
Yeah, so I won't actually be able to come.

93
00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:37,039
No, it's a crisis situation here.

94
00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:40,840
Terrible book, author's upset. So…

95
00:08:40,919 --> 00:08:43,919
So actually I really cannot
leave here right now.

96
00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:50,600
Yeah, okay. Love you.

97
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:54,480
Hey.

98
00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:10,720
Come on.

99
00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:14,280
Okay.

100
00:09:40,920 --> 00:09:43,000
These are happy tears.

101
00:09:51,520 --> 00:09:52,680
Oh, come on.

102
00:10:26,440 --> 00:10:27,240
Sorry.

103
00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:43,960
-Yes…
-Yes?

104
00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:52,240
Can I go now? I have a boat to catch.

105
00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:53,880
Ah. Yes, thanks.

106
00:11:56,040 --> 00:11:59,400
-Emma Nieuwenhuis…
-Really? That's my name too.

107
00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:03,240
They really examined me thoroughly.

108
00:12:03,320 --> 00:12:06,520
Yes, I can see that.
But I still have a few questions.

109
00:12:08,120 --> 00:12:10,680
Okay, so I was on my way home from work.

110
00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:13,920
I am an editor at Vita Brevis publishing.
Have you heard of it?

111
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:15,520
Doesn't matter.

112
00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:17,960
So I was driving home from work.
There was a bend.

113
00:12:18,040 --> 00:12:20,440
I swerved. Splash, end of story.

114
00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:23,000
Oh, sorry.
I haven't introduced myself yet.

115
00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:26,600
My name is Dr. Visser.
I am a psychiatrist.

116
00:12:26,680 --> 00:12:28,520
Hi.

117
00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:33,360
Emma Nieuwenhuis. Editor. Anyway…

118
00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:38,400
I have to go.
Because I'm actually going on vacation.

119
00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:42,600
-On vacation?
-Yes, so nice. With my boyfriend.

120
00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:48,560
The emergency services said
that you didn't want help. Emma?

121
00:12:49,680 --> 00:12:52,800
-Shock reaction?
-Maybe.

122
00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:56,000
But I'm still worried.

123
00:12:56,080 --> 00:12:59,360
I think it would be good if you stayed
on the psychiatric ward for a bit.

124
00:13:01,160 --> 00:13:02,680
The psychiatric ward?

125
00:13:16,560 --> 00:13:18,080
I was just talking to Emma.

126
00:13:19,440 --> 00:13:22,160
Whether it might be a good idea

127
00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:25,080
to take her in for observation at the BHU.

128
00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:31,200
B-H-U. the Behavioral Health Unit
of a general hospital.

129
00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:34,480
Do you know why you're here, Emma?

130
00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:38,280
Yes, we just talked about it, didn't we?

131
00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:40,960
This was bound to happen.

132
00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:45,520
Dick, it was a car accident.
These things happen. Right?

133
00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:49,200
I mean, this is all just a mistake,
isn't it?

134
00:13:49,280 --> 00:13:51,600
-That's exactly what I said, Mom.
-Yes.

135
00:13:51,680 --> 00:13:55,720
There's nothing seriously wrong, right?

136
00:13:57,080 --> 00:14:00,240
Yeah, I really don't understand it either.

137
00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:01,240
No.

138
00:14:01,320 --> 00:14:05,800
Maybe I might potentially be
a tiny bit overworked.

139
00:14:05,880 --> 00:14:08,120
But I feel that all my colleagues
are overworked.

140
00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:09,800
-And they're not all in here.
-No.

141
00:14:09,880 --> 00:14:12,040
It is an occupational hazard.

142
00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:14,880
Strict authors, super-tight deadlines.

143
00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:19,000
I read in your medical file that you
haven't been admitted before?

144
00:14:19,080 --> 00:14:20,240
-No.
-No.

145
00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:23,120
-Outpatient care?
-What do you mean exactly?

146
00:14:23,800 --> 00:14:26,680
-Psychologist, psychiatrist.
-No, nothing like that.

147
00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:28,040
No.

148
00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:31,760
But maybe this is a good time, Pipsqueak.

149
00:14:31,840 --> 00:14:33,880
-To take a short break.
-Dick.

150
00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:36,520
But Dad, I was just about
to go on vacation.

151
00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:38,040
-Why not?
-Are you serious?

152
00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:40,520
What actually happens
if I don't want this?

153
00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:42,520
If necessary, I can force an admission.

154
00:14:43,080 --> 00:14:46,240
But that takes much longer
than it really needs to.

155
00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:47,960
I'd really rather not do that.

156
00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:51,080
But I also don't want to
send you home like this.

157
00:14:51,160 --> 00:14:54,800
"Like this"? There's nothing wrong
with her. What do you mean, "like this"?

158
00:14:54,880 --> 00:14:59,320
If I really must,
I'll just stay one night, okay?

159
00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:00,680
That seems like a good start.

160
00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:04,080
Or two. Max.

161
00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:09,240
If you'd like to fill this out, please?

162
00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:10,120
Photo.

163
00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:16,880
Oops. No worries.

164
00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:21,840
Sorry, we're confiscating these.

165
00:15:23,760 --> 00:15:24,560
Oh, right.

166
00:15:25,120 --> 00:15:26,280
And your hairbrush.

167
00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:30,320
My hairbrush? What would I do with that?
Comb myself to death?

168
00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:32,520
Sorry.

169
00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:39,200
-All done.
-Right. Thanks.

170
00:15:39,280 --> 00:15:42,320
Emma Nieuwenhuis, editor.

171
00:15:43,640 --> 00:15:47,880
We have Dien's bed,
but it needs to be made first.

172
00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:52,480
-Wow, that's a lot of pills.
-Yes, I have a lot of headaches.

173
00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:54,480
Or rather, I get headaches very often.

174
00:15:54,560 --> 00:15:57,480
Best to have a stash, or it's back
and forth to the pharmacy.

175
00:15:57,560 --> 00:15:58,960
And I don't have time for that.

176
00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:01,680
I'm off on holiday now
with my boyfriend, to Terschelling.

177
00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:03,600
He's being discovered
at an open mic event.

178
00:16:03,680 --> 00:16:07,520
So we're just tacking on some camping,
mudflat walking, and relaxing.

179
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:10,960
If you have any questions,
you can ask Sandra or Jesse.

180
00:16:11,040 --> 00:16:12,360
Sure.

181
00:16:12,440 --> 00:16:15,160
These are the house rules.
Practical info about the ward.

182
00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:19,360
Take a look at them,
so you know how things work here.

183
00:16:19,440 --> 00:16:21,400
Here you go.

184
00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:23,840
The rules are simple.

185
00:16:23,920 --> 00:16:26,320
For now, no staying
in your room during the day.

186
00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:28,920
No smoking in your room,
no eating in your room.

187
00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:33,160
-No sleeping in your room?
-Well, you get pills for that.

188
00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:37,440
And this is your room.

189
00:16:38,320 --> 00:16:40,600
Marja, this is Emma. Emma, Marja.

190
00:16:40,680 --> 00:16:43,080
-Marja, can you show Emma around?
-Yes.

191
00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:45,440
If you have any questions,
you know where to find me.

192
00:16:45,520 --> 00:16:46,800
Everything will be fine.

193
00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:50,200
-Hi.
-Hi.

194
00:16:50,280 --> 00:16:54,080
So, this is your bed,
bedside table, wardrobe.

195
00:16:54,160 --> 00:16:57,080
I don't really need it.
I'll be out of here in no time.

196
00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:03,280
It won't open any further.

197
00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:11,560
Shit. Everything is soaking wet.

198
00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:14,359
Oh no, this is work.

199
00:17:14,440 --> 00:17:17,200
This is the chicken encyclopedia
I'm editing.

200
00:17:17,280 --> 00:17:19,960
I have A to D done,
but D to Z still needs work.

201
00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:24,440
Anyway, I'm going on holiday
with my boyfriend, so…

202
00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:28,200
-Come on, I haven't had my coffee yet.
-Sure.

203
00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:31,640
He's sitting on the couch, coffee in hand.

204
00:17:31,720 --> 00:17:34,280
I say, "Guus, you're asleep."

205
00:17:34,360 --> 00:17:37,840
He opens his eyes and says,
"I'm just thinking."

206
00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:40,560
-Hi.
-Hey.

207
00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:44,240
-Nice hair.
-Thanks. You too.

208
00:17:46,640 --> 00:17:49,440
Well, the coffee sucks here.
Just so you know.

209
00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:53,040
Jesse, I can't function without coffee.
I'm shaking just thinking about it.

210
00:17:53,120 --> 00:17:55,960
And I'm not the only one.
That goes for every normal person.

211
00:17:56,040 --> 00:17:58,280
Here. Joyce, coffee. Dimitri, coffee.

212
00:17:58,360 --> 00:18:01,200
-Johan, you drink coffee. How much a day?
-44.

213
00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:03,880
That seems a bit excessive.

214
00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:08,680
Everyone, this is Emma.
Emma, this is everyone.

215
00:18:09,680 --> 00:18:14,400
-Emma's not really supposed to be here.
-Yeah, a bit of a mix-up.

216
00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:20,520
Oh. Hey. My super-hot boyfriend.

217
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:22,560
-Hi.
-Emma?

218
00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:25,120
-No phones at the table.
<i>-Honey.</i>

219
00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:28,360
And unfortunately no walking off
during meals either.

220
00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:29,280
<i>Em.</i>

221
00:18:29,360 --> 00:18:31,040
-I'll call you right back.
<i>-But, Em--</i>

222
00:18:31,120 --> 00:18:32,480
-Yeah.
<i>-No.</i>

223
00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:37,560
<i>Babe, finally. I've tried calling you</i>
<i>a million times. Where are you?</i>

224
00:18:37,640 --> 00:18:40,360
Hey, baby. Yeah, something's up.

225
00:18:41,360 --> 00:18:44,040
-I'm kind of at a hospital.
<i>-Kind of?</i>

226
00:18:44,120 --> 00:18:46,640
Like a psychiatric retreat.

227
00:18:46,720 --> 00:18:48,440
<i>A psychiatric retreat?</i>

228
00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:52,680
Darling. I had a minor accident. Drove
the car into the canal. Nothing serious.

229
00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:55,880
<i>-What? I'm coming to you. Where are you?</i>
-No, babe, no.

230
00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:58,280
-Listen, don't do anything.
<i>-I will.</i>

231
00:18:58,360 --> 00:19:00,960
I don't want you putting everything
on the line for me.

232
00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:03,600
Focus on your music.
There's nothing you can do here.

233
00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:06,240
-I'll probably be home tomorrow.
<i>-You could've died.</i>

234
00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:09,760
Really, don't. Go rock it there
and blow them away, okay?

235
00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:12,080
-Love you.
<i>-No, Em. Come on.</i>

236
00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:25,640
I think it's so dull. Guus loves fishing.

237
00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:29,560
I just sit there. It's not too bad
when the weather is nice.

238
00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:32,520
No, it is not right,
that I only get two pills.

239
00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:36,040
One temazepam for
Ms. Nieuwenhuis. Is that right?

240
00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:39,360
I don't know. What's in it?

241
00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:42,160
It is sleep medication.
No need for concern.

242
00:19:42,240 --> 00:19:44,480
Everyone here is taking it.

243
00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:49,880
If you don't take your meds,
I must report it to the psychiatrist.

244
00:19:49,960 --> 00:19:54,360
Then we'll find another way
to make sure you take it anyway.

245
00:19:58,360 --> 00:20:01,560
-Well done.
-There you go.

246
00:20:06,360 --> 00:20:07,160
Yummy.

247
00:20:19,280 --> 00:20:22,080
I have a weirdly heavy head.

248
00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:25,320
Just let the pill do its job.

249
00:20:28,040 --> 00:20:30,120
-What is that?
-Meditation.

250
00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:35,240
It's either this or googling all night
if I can do without my organs.

251
00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:38,200
No, I don't mean that. I mean…

252
00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:42,360
You scared me.

253
00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:44,520
-You're Emma, right?
-Yes.

254
00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:48,280
We do a round three times a night,
so you can go back to sleep.

255
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:50,800
Yeah.

256
00:20:53,040 --> 00:20:56,520
How am I supposed to sleep
if they come by three times a night?

257
00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:58,440
You meditate.

258
00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:01,040
Meditate? I'd rather die.

259
00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:15,720
<i>Chickens are much smarter than you think.</i>
<i>Wait, I already covered that.</i>

260
00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:20,360
<i>The most common parasite is</i>
<i>often found around the cloaca.</i>

261
00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:22,680
<i>Ew, gross.</i>

262
00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:37,800
Ouch.

263
00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:43,560
Oh, shit.

264
00:21:44,440 --> 00:21:45,280
Hey.

265
00:21:45,360 --> 00:21:46,600
<i>-Hey.</i>
Hey.

266
00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:51,160
<i>-Hey. I'm back.</i>
-What? How come you're back already?

267
00:21:51,240 --> 00:21:54,680
<i>Yeah, well… Just look behind you.</i>

268
00:21:54,760 --> 00:21:56,920
<i>-Hi.</i>
-Hey.

269
00:21:57,000 --> 00:21:59,120
<i>I thought I'd call you first.</i>

270
00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:00,800
Could you open the door?

271
00:22:02,440 --> 00:22:04,240
Hi.

272
00:22:04,320 --> 00:22:06,280
-Come on in.
-Thanks.

273
00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:09,880
Hey, babe.

274
00:22:11,760 --> 00:22:14,400
-How was it?
-Yeah, how are you?

275
00:22:15,120 --> 00:22:19,120
-You look good. Just normal.
-Yes, I think so too. Come.

276
00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:23,400
Hi.

277
00:22:24,440 --> 00:22:26,200
No running, Mr. De Bruin.

278
00:22:26,280 --> 00:22:28,760
What would Guus think
if we sold everything

279
00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:31,240
to travel the world in a camper?

280
00:22:31,320 --> 00:22:35,480
-Sorry, I don't know Guus, Joyce.
-We have never even met him.

281
00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:41,920
Hi. I'm Sergei. I'm Emma's boyfriend.

282
00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:44,440
-Hi.
-Nice to meet you. Cute.

283
00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:46,960
Come on.

284
00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:51,240
I'm glad to see
a normal person for a change.

285
00:22:51,320 --> 00:22:53,560
Yeah, I get that.

286
00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:57,280
-Babe, what are you doing here?
-Tell me, how was it?

287
00:22:57,360 --> 00:23:01,040
-Huh? Oh well… It sucked.
-Yeah?

288
00:23:01,120 --> 00:23:04,040
Maybe you shouldn't just
sing other people's songs all the time.

289
00:23:04,120 --> 00:23:08,160
Maybe. But babe, why are you here?

290
00:23:08,240 --> 00:23:11,120
-I need to stay a little longer.
-Huh?

291
00:23:12,120 --> 00:23:15,000
No, why?

292
00:23:15,080 --> 00:23:19,160
I've just been working too hard.
I need to rest here for a bit.

293
00:23:19,240 --> 00:23:22,480
I totally get that. But why here?
You could rest at my place.

294
00:23:22,560 --> 00:23:26,600
Baby, if something serious were wrong
with me, you'd have noticed, right?

295
00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:27,480
Yeah.

296
00:23:29,200 --> 00:23:32,840
-Of course.
-There you go.

297
00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:36,200
Well… Here.

298
00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:42,680
This one doesn't talk much,
but is always positive.

299
00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:46,880
How sweet. Thank you.

300
00:23:48,120 --> 00:23:49,520
Thanks.

301
00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:58,800
I'm scared because you never know
what you'll be thinking next.

302
00:23:58,880 --> 00:24:02,040
Like how you can't see
the back of your own head.

303
00:24:02,120 --> 00:24:04,160
If you think about that,
it drives you mad.

304
00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:07,720
If you think about things like that,
I reckon you're mad anyway.

305
00:24:07,800 --> 00:24:08,600
Joyce.

306
00:24:09,920 --> 00:24:12,880
Is there anyone else
who'd like to respond to Marja?

307
00:24:12,960 --> 00:24:14,200
No.

308
00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:16,320
Go ahead.

309
00:24:17,760 --> 00:24:20,080
-Now I have to go home.
-That's great.

310
00:24:21,320 --> 00:24:24,480
-I mean, that's a good thing, right?
-Yeah, well…

311
00:24:24,560 --> 00:24:26,840
My whole life was fine for a long time.

312
00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:30,080
Until they had to drag me
out of the neighbors’ kitchen.

313
00:24:30,160 --> 00:24:32,320
Naked, screaming.

314
00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:34,760
I broke my son's nose.

315
00:24:34,840 --> 00:24:37,880
Why the neighbors' kitchen?
Didn't you have one yourself?

316
00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:45,040
But being allowed to go home,
that's positive, right?

317
00:24:45,120 --> 00:24:46,640
I'd kill to be allowed to go home.

318
00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:50,440
I think Guus would really like it
if I came home now too.

319
00:24:50,520 --> 00:24:53,640
Yeah, nobody wants to be here, do they?

320
00:24:53,720 --> 00:24:55,280
-Emma.
-Yes?

321
00:24:55,360 --> 00:24:58,960
Is there anything you'd like to share
with the group? About yourself?

322
00:24:59,040 --> 00:25:01,120
No.

323
00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:03,800
No, I'm completely fine.

324
00:25:03,880 --> 00:25:05,240
What?

325
00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:10,080
-Emma…
-It's fine. I'm fine.

326
00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:11,480
I'm okay.

327
00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:20,680
Can you just check if that's correct?

328
00:25:36,160 --> 00:25:39,600
-Mr. De Bruin is in a hurry again.
-Sprint to the finish.

329
00:25:51,040 --> 00:25:53,320
Chickens sleep better on a raised perch.

330
00:25:53,400 --> 00:25:56,240
It stops their feathers getting dirty
when they poo at night.

331
00:26:21,360 --> 00:26:24,280
-Hi.
-Hey.

332
00:26:24,360 --> 00:26:27,000
Hi, sweetheart.

333
00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:28,840
-Hi, Dad.
-Hello, hon.

334
00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:32,200
-Nice.
-Yeah.

335
00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:34,720
Right.

336
00:26:37,560 --> 00:26:40,560
So, how are you?

337
00:26:40,640 --> 00:26:44,080
-We're adapting.
-Yeah. No, I get it.

338
00:26:44,160 --> 00:26:46,360
It's not easy for us either, of course.

339
00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:49,800
But well, a burnout, it's just a phase.
It's just a blip.

340
00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:52,760
You just need to take a step back
for a bit.

341
00:26:55,040 --> 00:26:57,960
-Did you bring them?
-Yes.

342
00:27:04,800 --> 00:27:08,120
-What are you doing?
-Well, she asked for them.

343
00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:10,640
-You can't do this.
-Dick, she asked for them.

344
00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:14,080
-So you're just carrying on working here?
-No running, Mr. De Bruin.

345
00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:16,760
No, this isn't working. This is…

346
00:27:16,840 --> 00:27:19,880
therapeutically
staying in touch with reality.

347
00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:23,920
It's like micro-dosing. Very on-trend
in the therapy world right now.

348
00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:27,840
-If you want to… If it helps…
-Is that what they say here?

349
00:27:27,920 --> 00:27:30,880
I just need to stay connected
to my healthy productive self, Dad.

350
00:27:30,960 --> 00:27:33,520
-That's completely normal.
-Yeah, that's really good.

351
00:27:34,080 --> 00:27:35,920
I'm so glad you're doing a bit better.

352
00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:39,040
-Are you going for walks much?
-In my head, Mom.

353
00:27:39,120 --> 00:27:43,360
Exercise and good sleep.
That's the best medicine.

354
00:27:44,440 --> 00:27:46,400
Yeah. Absolutely.

355
00:27:49,320 --> 00:27:54,000
Sometimes you've got to disappear
for a bit, if you don't want to drown.

356
00:27:54,080 --> 00:27:57,440
-Hi.
-Well, I never. Dientje.

357
00:27:57,520 --> 00:28:01,000
-No, back so soon?
-Yeah, I missed you guys.

358
00:28:02,800 --> 00:28:05,440
Oh, love. Hey.

359
00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:09,240
For fuck's sake. I told you
it was too soon, didn't I?

360
00:28:09,320 --> 00:28:11,480
-Come and sit down.
-Thanks.

361
00:28:12,120 --> 00:28:14,120
What's happened, love?

362
00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:17,320
Well, I bought a rope.

363
00:28:17,400 --> 00:28:20,600
And I took the train to a forest.

364
00:28:20,680 --> 00:28:23,880
-And I chose a tree.
-And…

365
00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:27,880
And the rope was too long.

366
00:28:30,760 --> 00:28:31,840
Yeah.

367
00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:39,960
Apparently karma had other plans.

368
00:28:42,280 --> 00:28:43,600
Fuck karma.

369
00:28:49,880 --> 00:28:52,040
Do you recognize this?

370
00:28:56,320 --> 00:28:59,400
Emma, do you recognize yourself in this?

371
00:29:06,840 --> 00:29:10,720
I honestly really do not understand
why I'm even here, okay?

372
00:29:10,800 --> 00:29:14,960
It doesn't make sense. There is nothing
wrong with me. I just want to go home.

373
00:29:15,040 --> 00:29:18,280
What I'm hearing from the therapist is:
you're still not sleeping.

374
00:29:18,360 --> 00:29:21,280
You're suppressing your feelings.
You're barely engaging in therapy.

375
00:29:21,360 --> 00:29:23,880
Well, those are things I'll work on
at home. All right?

376
00:29:23,960 --> 00:29:25,560
Scout's honor.

377
00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:29,040
Do you know what it is?

378
00:29:29,120 --> 00:29:32,920
I'm worried about what will happen
to you if you go home now.

379
00:29:33,000 --> 00:29:35,040
Oh, you really don't need to.

380
00:29:36,680 --> 00:29:39,280
Do you ever think about suicide?

381
00:29:42,640 --> 00:29:44,120
Oof.

382
00:29:46,240 --> 00:29:48,920
No more than the average person.
What about you?

383
00:29:49,480 --> 00:29:53,400
The average person
doesn't think about suicide, Emma.

384
00:29:56,240 --> 00:29:58,480
I have several plans to end my life.

385
00:29:58,560 --> 00:30:00,920
But that doesn't mean
I'm going to do it. Come on.

386
00:30:01,000 --> 00:30:04,600
They're thoughts.
That's not a reason to be sectioned.

387
00:30:04,680 --> 00:30:07,520
-Isn't it?
-No. It's completely normal.

388
00:30:08,160 --> 00:30:10,520
And what exactly is "normal"?

389
00:30:11,400 --> 00:30:13,960
Okay, I'm not saying
I'm talking about myself.

390
00:30:14,040 --> 00:30:16,040
But everyone wants to die sometimes.

391
00:30:17,760 --> 00:30:20,480
Some people
maybe a bit more often than others.

392
00:30:20,560 --> 00:30:25,400
As long as it's just thoughts… Right?

393
00:30:25,480 --> 00:30:27,680
Everyone has dark thoughts sometimes.

394
00:30:27,760 --> 00:30:30,840
And as long as it stays that way…
But your accident?

395
00:30:30,920 --> 00:30:33,400
All those pills in your suitcase…
That worries me.

396
00:30:33,480 --> 00:30:36,400
They have nothing to do with each other,
Dr. Visser. Honestly.

397
00:30:36,480 --> 00:30:39,160
Maybe not, but…

398
00:30:39,240 --> 00:30:42,880
All things considered,
I think you're suicidal.

399
00:30:42,960 --> 00:30:44,560
Probably due to depression.

400
00:30:49,800 --> 00:30:51,200
Sorry, but… Depressed?

401
00:30:54,040 --> 00:30:57,800
Sorry, but if I had depression,

402
00:30:57,880 --> 00:31:01,240
I wouldn't be laughing this much
right now, would I?

403
00:31:01,320 --> 00:31:03,400
It's not that clear-cut.

404
00:31:09,600 --> 00:31:10,640
Sorry, never mind me.

405
00:31:10,720 --> 00:31:14,520
I've been having that a lot lately.
Hormones, I reckon.

406
00:31:14,600 --> 00:31:17,240
According to protocol
I want you to stay here for now.

407
00:31:19,960 --> 00:31:23,280
For now? And what does that mean?
Are we talking a day?

408
00:31:23,360 --> 00:31:27,800
-A week? A month?
-We'll have to see.

409
00:31:27,880 --> 00:31:31,000
In the meantime, it would be good
to keep a journal.

410
00:31:31,600 --> 00:31:33,000
I don't have time for that.

411
00:31:33,080 --> 00:31:35,040
You've got all the time in the world here.

412
00:31:35,120 --> 00:31:40,160
And I really think it could help.
To get a grip on things.

413
00:31:58,720 --> 00:31:59,760
Thanks.

414
00:32:05,840 --> 00:32:07,120
Hey.

415
00:32:28,480 --> 00:32:31,000
No, because we were running late.
That's why.

416
00:32:31,800 --> 00:32:33,080
Yes.

417
00:32:38,120 --> 00:32:40,160
Chickens are descended from dinosaurs.

418
00:32:40,240 --> 00:32:42,160
They are very closely related
to the T-Rex.

419
00:32:42,240 --> 00:32:44,160
T-Rexes are terrifying creatures.

420
00:32:44,240 --> 00:32:47,640
They wait until you are weak.
Then they strike. No mercy.

421
00:32:47,720 --> 00:32:51,000
Focus. I need to find the source
of domestication in Egypt.

422
00:32:51,080 --> 00:32:53,680
Where is it?
When in danger, some chickens…

423
00:32:53,760 --> 00:32:55,560
Some chickens, when they're in danger…

424
00:32:55,640 --> 00:32:58,440
When in danger,
some chickens pretend to be dead.

425
00:32:58,520 --> 00:33:00,680
I find that hilarious.
I'll jot that down later.

426
00:33:00,760 --> 00:33:04,000
So basically, my whole life,
I've been pretending to be alive.

427
00:33:17,800 --> 00:33:20,240
-Can you cut a bit more gently?
-Chickens.

428
00:33:20,320 --> 00:33:22,280
-Cutting.
-Okay.

429
00:33:28,320 --> 00:33:31,840
So many vowels.

430
00:33:31,920 --> 00:33:33,240
-D?
-No, no D.

431
00:33:33,320 --> 00:33:37,240
-Then O, possibly? No?
-Afraid not.

432
00:33:37,320 --> 00:33:40,400
Oh, gosh. I'm nearly dead.

433
00:33:51,720 --> 00:33:53,120
Hey.

434
00:33:54,440 --> 00:33:59,000
Jesus, you scared me. Couldn't sleep?

435
00:33:59,080 --> 00:34:01,880
-I'm not a very good sleeper.
-No, me neither.

436
00:34:08,280 --> 00:34:09,560
Oh, nice.

437
00:34:12,520 --> 00:34:18,040
My dad wants me to take over
the barbershop once I'm done here.

438
00:34:18,120 --> 00:34:21,199
But how?

439
00:34:21,280 --> 00:34:26,639
When I'm scared of touching anything
without disinfecting it first?

440
00:34:27,760 --> 00:34:30,320
Maybe you should
start with something really small.

441
00:34:33,920 --> 00:34:35,080
Do you want to try?

442
00:34:37,760 --> 00:34:40,280
Here. Just a small strand.

443
00:34:43,960 --> 00:34:45,199
Okay.

444
00:34:48,159 --> 00:34:49,719
Okay.

445
00:34:55,800 --> 00:34:58,600
Okay, okay.

446
00:35:01,480 --> 00:35:03,040
Thank you.

447
00:35:04,400 --> 00:35:10,400
And what's got you out of bed,
Emma Nieuwenhuis?

448
00:35:44,040 --> 00:35:45,360
Hi.

449
00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:55,840
-Hey.
-Hey, there you are.

450
00:35:56,680 --> 00:36:01,320
Jesus, Em. How are you?
Your parents filled me in a bit.

451
00:36:01,400 --> 00:36:02,800
-Yeah, really great.
-Okay.

452
00:36:02,880 --> 00:36:05,960
Here you go. From the publishing house.
From us.

453
00:36:06,040 --> 00:36:07,240
Yay!

454
00:36:10,160 --> 00:36:14,040
-Is it something bad?
-Oh, no.

455
00:36:14,120 --> 00:36:16,680
-Thank God.
-Not at all, no.

456
00:36:16,760 --> 00:36:20,520
They just think that little accident
was down to exhaustion, or something.

457
00:36:20,600 --> 00:36:23,480
So I have to rest here for a bit.

458
00:36:24,080 --> 00:36:25,840
Okay, yeah.

459
00:36:28,880 --> 00:36:30,160
Do you want to see my room?

460
00:36:37,080 --> 00:36:39,320
Nice, right?
The text is as good as finished.

461
00:36:39,400 --> 00:36:42,360
The illustrations
just need perfecting, and then…

462
00:36:42,440 --> 00:36:43,920
Oh, dear.

463
00:36:44,000 --> 00:36:48,560
Em, it's already at the printer's.
I just finished it myself.

464
00:36:53,320 --> 00:36:54,800
Okay.

465
00:36:58,400 --> 00:37:00,360
That's great. I mean, brilliant, right?

466
00:37:00,440 --> 00:37:02,800
Saves me a job. Super.

467
00:37:06,320 --> 00:37:08,240
As long as it turned out nicely.

468
00:37:11,560 --> 00:37:13,920
I should get going now.
I've got therapy and all that.

469
00:37:15,040 --> 00:37:17,120
Are you sure you're okay?

470
00:37:18,240 --> 00:37:21,160
No, but I'm sure they've got
a pill for that too.

471
00:37:26,520 --> 00:37:29,040
-Good luck.
-Already got it.

472
00:37:30,000 --> 00:37:31,600
Hey.

473
00:37:31,680 --> 00:37:33,800
-Okay.
-Okay, bye.

474
00:37:54,880 --> 00:37:58,440
-You all right?
-Yeah.

475
00:37:58,520 --> 00:38:00,480
I'm meditating.

476
00:38:20,040 --> 00:38:21,400
Emma?

477
00:38:26,920 --> 00:38:28,320
Hey, babe.

478
00:38:31,840 --> 00:38:34,720
Hello. What's up?

479
00:38:34,800 --> 00:38:36,040
-Hi.
-Hello.

480
00:38:43,400 --> 00:38:46,160
-How's it going?
-Super.

481
00:38:46,240 --> 00:38:48,440
-Yeah?
-Yeah.

482
00:38:50,480 --> 00:38:52,680
Are you cold?

483
00:38:52,760 --> 00:38:56,080
You're shivering all over. Here, wait.

484
00:39:06,200 --> 00:39:07,560
There.

485
00:39:09,240 --> 00:39:10,840
Hey…

486
00:39:11,800 --> 00:39:15,440
My love? I made something for you.

487
00:39:15,520 --> 00:39:19,440
I thought maybe it'd cheer you up.
It's not finished yet, but…

488
00:39:19,520 --> 00:39:24,400
It's more of a start, a kind of sketch.
Wrote it myself.

489
00:39:28,880 --> 00:39:33,880
<i>Tears in your beautiful eyes</i>
<i>And your hands in your hair</i>

490
00:39:35,520 --> 00:39:41,520
<i>My darling, I'll make the sun shine again</i>

491
00:39:41,600 --> 00:39:43,840
<i>Trust me</i>

492
00:39:45,080 --> 00:39:48,080
<i>I'll turn on the light for you</i>

493
00:39:48,160 --> 00:39:50,320
<i>Just follow me</i>

494
00:39:50,400 --> 00:39:53,080
<i>When you're weak, I'll be strong</i>

495
00:39:55,000 --> 00:39:57,240
That's as far as I've got.

496
00:39:58,280 --> 00:39:59,880
So cool.

497
00:40:02,680 --> 00:40:04,320
-Yeah?
-Yeah.

498
00:40:04,400 --> 00:40:08,040
It is not finished yet. Obviously.

499
00:40:08,120 --> 00:40:10,920
It'll get… Later. More. Better.

500
00:40:11,000 --> 00:40:13,760
I think better later, okay?
I have a bit of a headache. Sorry.

501
00:40:13,840 --> 00:40:15,960
-Oh, is that it?
-Yeah.

502
00:40:20,680 --> 00:40:23,480
Hey. Em?

503
00:40:25,040 --> 00:40:26,800
How are you really?

504
00:40:28,600 --> 00:40:29,960
I hate that question.

505
00:40:52,520 --> 00:40:53,840
-Cramps.
-Careful.

506
00:40:53,920 --> 00:40:55,440
-Cramps.
-Mr. De Bruin?

507
00:42:04,960 --> 00:42:06,640
Were you waiting for the bus?

508
00:42:08,000 --> 00:42:09,160
Not exactly.

509
00:42:11,320 --> 00:42:13,200
There are two loonies at a bus stop.

510
00:42:13,280 --> 00:42:16,720
One says to the other,
"Are you taking the bus?"

511
00:42:16,800 --> 00:42:20,560
The other replies,
"No, I'm going for pills."

512
00:42:24,600 --> 00:42:26,320
-Marja?
-Yes?

513
00:42:27,240 --> 00:42:30,520
-Do you ever want to die?
-No.

514
00:42:30,600 --> 00:42:34,000
No. I'm scared of living.

515
00:42:36,320 --> 00:42:38,680
-That's pretty rough too.
-Yeah.

516
00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:45,160
-Come on.
-Yeah.

517
00:43:07,200 --> 00:43:09,560
Okay. Here I go.

518
00:43:11,240 --> 00:43:12,880
I'm Emma.

519
00:43:15,080 --> 00:43:18,440
Successful woman. Junior editor.

520
00:43:18,520 --> 00:43:23,360
Perfect life with a perfect boyfriend.
Perfect. Everything just perfect.

521
00:43:23,440 --> 00:43:25,720
But apparently I'm a danger.

522
00:43:25,800 --> 00:43:29,320
Not for others, but to myself.
And now here I am.

523
00:43:29,400 --> 00:43:30,960
In this place.

524
00:43:31,040 --> 00:43:32,800
Stuck in my own head.

525
00:43:34,240 --> 00:43:37,000
And in a way, I get it.

526
00:43:37,080 --> 00:43:40,360
I often just feel completely empty.

527
00:43:40,440 --> 00:43:41,840
Do you know what it is?

528
00:43:41,920 --> 00:43:44,080
It feels like I have to keep moving
all the time.

529
00:43:44,160 --> 00:43:46,760
Because if I stop,
everything will catch up with me.

530
00:43:46,840 --> 00:43:49,240
-Five.
-Seven.

531
00:43:50,680 --> 00:43:52,040
What?

532
00:43:52,120 --> 00:43:53,640
I know, Johan. Counting is hard.

533
00:43:56,520 --> 00:43:57,880
Was that necessary?

534
00:44:00,200 --> 00:44:03,520
Just trying to help. Someone's got to
prepare him for the real world.

535
00:44:03,600 --> 00:44:07,360
-And you're a shining example of that.
-I didn't say that.

536
00:44:07,440 --> 00:44:10,080
But if you're going to do something,
do it properly.

537
00:44:10,640 --> 00:44:11,560
Hi.

538
00:44:13,880 --> 00:44:18,520
-Are you a writer?
-No, I'm an editor.

539
00:44:19,200 --> 00:44:23,600
A professional at improving things
that were already good enough.

540
00:44:23,680 --> 00:44:27,800
No, a professional at improving things
that people think are good enough.

541
00:44:27,880 --> 00:44:31,680
-I'm Boudewijn.
-Emma.

542
00:44:31,760 --> 00:44:33,920
-I'm a chef.
-What kind of chef?

543
00:44:34,000 --> 00:44:35,880
One with a hat.

544
00:44:36,520 --> 00:44:39,200
No, seriously,
I work as a head chef at Hotel UP.

545
00:44:39,280 --> 00:44:41,560
Really? They've got a star, haven't they?

546
00:44:41,640 --> 00:44:43,680
You are sitting opposite a celebrity.

547
00:44:43,760 --> 00:44:46,560
That star lost its shine
when you started hitting people.

548
00:44:46,640 --> 00:44:50,120
Details, Marja. How long
have you been in here again?

549
00:44:50,200 --> 00:44:54,240
Long enough to see you return, Boudewijn.

550
00:44:54,320 --> 00:44:56,600
-Why are you here?
-Why are you here?

551
00:44:56,680 --> 00:44:58,520
You first.

552
00:45:00,280 --> 00:45:03,040
-I'm in here for delusions of grandeur.
-Oh, yeah?

553
00:45:03,120 --> 00:45:06,800
Just yesterday, I tried to invade Belgium
on a rocking horse.

554
00:45:06,880 --> 00:45:08,480
Let me guess. Didn't work?

555
00:45:09,120 --> 00:45:13,120
Not quite, but I'll keep trying. And you?

556
00:45:13,200 --> 00:45:15,080
Drama.

557
00:45:15,160 --> 00:45:19,800
I was five when I saw my mother
get eaten by vultures at Artis Zoo.

558
00:45:23,440 --> 00:45:26,480
Look, that's a smile.

559
00:45:26,560 --> 00:45:28,600
-I'm not smiling.
-Oh, no. Of course not.

560
00:45:28,680 --> 00:45:30,640
You're really annoying.

561
00:45:33,800 --> 00:45:36,400
You'll get there, Marja.

562
00:45:36,480 --> 00:45:38,280
Thanks.

563
00:45:43,280 --> 00:45:45,320
So, you're abandoning me?

564
00:45:48,040 --> 00:45:51,960
If it were up to me, I'd move in here
for good. You know that.

565
00:45:53,280 --> 00:45:56,680
-I'm never getting out of here.
-Of course you will. Give it a chance.

566
00:45:56,760 --> 00:46:00,200
Oh, a chance? That's a good one. Sure.

567
00:46:05,600 --> 00:46:07,080
{\an8}Take care of yourself.

568
00:46:07,160 --> 00:46:10,720
That is quite a responsibility.
Not really my strong suit, you know that.

569
00:46:20,440 --> 00:46:22,000
Fancy a jigsaw?

570
00:46:22,080 --> 00:46:25,000
A therapeutic stroll round the garden?

571
00:46:25,080 --> 00:46:26,880
Game of ping-pong later?

572
00:46:26,960 --> 00:46:29,080
If that's what you want to call it…

573
00:46:36,760 --> 00:46:38,520
And this is your room.

574
00:46:39,520 --> 00:46:42,120
Emma, this is Kim. Kim, this is Emma.

575
00:46:42,200 --> 00:46:45,400
Emma, could you show Kim the ropes?

576
00:46:45,480 --> 00:46:48,800
If you have any questions,
you know where I am.

577
00:46:48,880 --> 00:46:52,040
Hi, I'm Kim. I'm new.

578
00:46:52,120 --> 00:46:54,760
I'm Emma. Old guard.

579
00:46:55,760 --> 00:46:58,680
Well, that's your bed.
And that's your wardrobe.

580
00:46:58,760 --> 00:47:03,320
No need. I'll be gone tomorrow.
I still have to hand in my thesis.

581
00:47:03,400 --> 00:47:05,520
That's your noticeboard. Your desk.

582
00:47:08,400 --> 00:47:11,760
I drank a bottle of bleach because I
thought my dad might finally notice me.

583
00:47:11,840 --> 00:47:13,520
Spoiler: he didn't.

584
00:47:13,600 --> 00:47:15,680
Oh, and I hear voices. Well, sometimes.

585
00:47:15,760 --> 00:47:19,520
Nothing scary, though.
More like shopping lists.

586
00:47:19,600 --> 00:47:22,160
Okay, come on.

587
00:47:26,760 --> 00:47:29,040
-My deepest wish?
-Yes.

588
00:47:29,120 --> 00:47:32,040
What do you really want, deep down?

589
00:47:32,120 --> 00:47:34,600
I could say 'death' again,
but that's such a cliché.

590
00:47:34,680 --> 00:47:38,280
But wanting to die, that's the pathology.
That's what you're suffering from.

591
00:47:38,360 --> 00:47:41,280
You're not the pain in your big toe
or your rotten tooth.

592
00:47:41,360 --> 00:47:44,520
-What does Emma want?
-Yeah.

593
00:47:45,280 --> 00:47:47,280
What does Emma really want?

594
00:47:48,760 --> 00:47:50,440
How should I know?

595
00:47:50,520 --> 00:47:53,480
Apparently I'm not my pain
and I'm not my mood,

596
00:47:53,560 --> 00:47:56,920
but the pills for that mood
change the way I think.

597
00:47:57,000 --> 00:48:00,200
So how would I know?
What am I supposed to be, then?

598
00:48:00,280 --> 00:48:01,800
Interesting you should say that.

599
00:48:03,000 --> 00:48:06,720
-That I say what?
-About the pills.

600
00:48:06,800 --> 00:48:07,880
It's true, isn't it?

601
00:48:08,440 --> 00:48:12,720
But what did you want
before you wanted to die?

602
00:48:13,440 --> 00:48:14,840
Tell me.

603
00:48:16,120 --> 00:48:20,160
Emma has always wanted to die. Right?

604
00:48:23,360 --> 00:48:25,480
Just like everyone else, she thinks.

605
00:48:27,240 --> 00:48:28,280
Not me.

606
00:48:28,360 --> 00:48:30,160
-Me neither.
-Or me.

607
00:48:30,240 --> 00:48:31,040
Me neither.

608
00:48:38,240 --> 00:48:42,400
Okay, I'm going to confess something.
I'm officially fucked up.

609
00:48:42,480 --> 00:48:45,120
No, okay. That sounds way too dramatic.

610
00:48:45,200 --> 00:48:48,960
But the people here are actually
pretty all right. Most of them.

611
00:48:51,520 --> 00:48:53,880
Shit, I fell out of bed. Sorry.

612
00:48:57,040 --> 00:48:59,680
In here, we're all just a bit broken.

613
00:49:03,080 --> 00:49:04,440
Now for a ghastly coffee.

614
00:49:32,880 --> 00:49:34,880
-Hey.
-Hi.

615
00:49:36,840 --> 00:49:38,440
Want to play ping-pong?

616
00:49:40,000 --> 00:49:43,120
No, I don't want trouble.

617
00:49:52,000 --> 00:49:54,400
Fine. I'll put something on.

618
00:49:59,600 --> 00:50:01,200
Don't bother.

619
00:50:05,760 --> 00:50:07,160
Wait.

620
00:50:07,960 --> 00:50:09,360
Duck.

621
00:50:11,760 --> 00:50:13,360
Hurry.

622
00:50:21,240 --> 00:50:23,520
Come on.

623
00:50:23,600 --> 00:50:25,440
Look, you can see it from here.

624
00:50:29,400 --> 00:50:31,960
That's where I work.

625
00:50:32,040 --> 00:50:35,080
Or… Well, not right now.

626
00:50:35,160 --> 00:50:39,680
A customer complained about
the temperature of his swordfish.

627
00:50:39,760 --> 00:50:43,640
So I walked into the restaurant
to tell him it was perfect.

628
00:50:45,880 --> 00:50:48,120
Then I punched him in the face.

629
00:50:50,560 --> 00:50:53,040
My boss, also my ex-wife…

630
00:50:53,120 --> 00:50:57,440
mother of my son Ollie,
was not too happy about that.

631
00:50:57,520 --> 00:51:00,480
Maybe I shouldn't have headbutted him.

632
00:51:02,320 --> 00:51:05,120
Or dragged him across three tables.

633
00:51:06,600 --> 00:51:09,880
So they gave me a choice.
Criminal charges. Or this.

634
00:51:10,720 --> 00:51:13,240
In the end, I wasn't happy with it either.

635
00:51:15,200 --> 00:51:17,760
That's why I went back to the psych ward.

636
00:51:23,920 --> 00:51:26,760
-All right, here we go.
-Bring it on.

637
00:51:40,360 --> 00:51:41,880
Yes. Point for me.

638
00:51:41,960 --> 00:51:43,920
-Phew.
-There.

639
00:51:44,000 --> 00:51:45,200
Hey.

640
00:51:49,360 --> 00:51:52,080
Bam.

641
00:51:53,720 --> 00:51:55,240
Sorry.

642
00:51:59,880 --> 00:52:02,160
Bam.

643
00:52:02,840 --> 00:52:05,320
-Point for Emma.
-Boudewijn, come on.

644
00:52:09,840 --> 00:52:12,520
-Bam.
-Point for Emma.

645
00:52:18,720 --> 00:52:20,240
Come on, Boudewijn. Come on.

646
00:52:20,320 --> 00:52:22,760
Hi. Is it exciting?

647
00:52:24,280 --> 00:52:25,720
Yes, very.

648
00:52:25,800 --> 00:52:26,920
Oh, my God.

649
00:52:27,800 --> 00:52:30,960
Shh. Quiet for Emma.

650
00:52:31,040 --> 00:52:32,680
-Yes!
-Point for Boudewijn.

651
00:52:32,760 --> 00:52:33,840
Yeah, Boudewijn.

652
00:52:42,480 --> 00:52:44,320
One more point and you'll bite the dust.

653
00:52:44,400 --> 00:52:46,480
Who taught you to count? Huh?

654
00:52:46,560 --> 00:52:48,960
-I…
-Bou, stop.

655
00:52:50,680 --> 00:52:52,560
-Okay, match point.
-Match point.

656
00:53:05,080 --> 00:53:06,800
Yes!

657
00:53:06,880 --> 00:53:07,760
Yes, bam!

658
00:53:07,840 --> 00:53:09,680
Nice one, Em!

659
00:53:09,760 --> 00:53:10,680
21, 19, Emma wins.

660
00:53:11,160 --> 00:53:13,080
No, you just can't count, man.

661
00:53:16,880 --> 00:53:20,120
-You're such a pathetic loser.
-Bou, come on.

662
00:53:21,040 --> 00:53:24,120
You're yelling at someone trying
to keep score in a ping-pong game

663
00:53:24,200 --> 00:53:26,720
like they're your sous chef.

664
00:53:26,800 --> 00:53:30,600
Going great, huh? Mr. Tough Guy.
Look at yourself. In your bathrobe.

665
00:53:30,680 --> 00:53:32,040
Cut it out.

666
00:53:32,120 --> 00:53:33,000
Stop it.

667
00:53:34,720 --> 00:53:35,960
What is going on here?

668
00:53:37,640 --> 00:53:40,000
-What is this your idea, Boudewijn?
-Shit. I…

669
00:53:40,080 --> 00:53:41,520
No, no.

670
00:53:42,520 --> 00:53:44,120
I challenged him.

671
00:53:45,640 --> 00:53:47,200
Everyone to bed, now.

672
00:53:51,800 --> 00:53:52,680
Come on.

673
00:54:18,880 --> 00:54:22,000
<i>Well, day… I don't even know anymore,</i>
<i>I've lost track.</i>

674
00:54:22,080 --> 00:54:24,640
<i>But I'm still in the psych ward.</i>

675
00:54:24,720 --> 00:54:26,240
Another day.

676
00:54:27,240 --> 00:54:28,480
Another one leaving.

677
00:54:35,240 --> 00:54:37,360
Even more pills now.

678
00:54:40,160 --> 00:54:42,400
They say it'll get better,
but when, exactly?

679
00:54:42,480 --> 00:54:44,800
I don't even know
what "better" feels like.

680
00:54:44,880 --> 00:54:49,040
Structure is important, they say.
So breakfast, lunch, therapy.

681
00:54:49,120 --> 00:54:53,400
The only thing I really know for sure
is that I know nothing for sure.

682
00:54:53,480 --> 00:54:55,400
I don't know what I want anymore.

683
00:54:55,480 --> 00:54:58,040
What I do know is that
I don't want to live like this.

684
00:54:58,120 --> 00:54:59,960
-Thanks, Lars.
-Thank you.

685
00:55:00,040 --> 00:55:01,800
See you tomorrow.

686
00:55:01,880 --> 00:55:04,720
-Until tomorrow.
-See you.

687
00:55:10,480 --> 00:55:12,600
Maybe this is enough.

688
00:55:13,800 --> 00:55:18,280
Not understanding everything,
just carrying on. Maybe that's better.

689
00:55:22,960 --> 00:55:26,280
I want to stop thinking. Stop thinking
about wanting to stop thinking.

690
00:55:28,600 --> 00:55:31,080
Emma. Got a minute?

691
00:55:31,880 --> 00:55:33,680
Yeah, I've got all day.

692
00:55:39,120 --> 00:55:40,440
How are you feeling?

693
00:55:42,240 --> 00:55:45,800
I don't know. You are the psychiatrist.
Am I on track?

694
00:55:45,880 --> 00:55:49,720
-How do you think it is going?
-Yeah, great.

695
00:55:51,760 --> 00:55:55,120
I think that we have to try
a different approach.

696
00:55:55,840 --> 00:55:57,520
Stop the antidepressants.

697
00:55:57,600 --> 00:56:00,000
They're clearly not doing
what we hoped they would.

698
00:56:00,080 --> 00:56:01,760
Stop?

699
00:56:01,840 --> 00:56:05,000
-Yes, stop. And then--
-Let me guess.

700
00:56:05,080 --> 00:56:08,360
-New pills, doctor?
-Yes.

701
00:56:08,440 --> 00:56:11,200
New medication, Emma.

702
00:56:11,280 --> 00:56:15,400
I understand this is frustrating, but
you need to start taking this seriously.

703
00:56:16,640 --> 00:56:20,680
Give it a chance.
Work with it, not against it.

704
00:56:21,880 --> 00:56:24,960
So if I understand correctly, I get pills
for my so-called depression.

705
00:56:25,040 --> 00:56:27,360
But I still have to stay positive,
or they won't work.

706
00:56:27,440 --> 00:56:30,080
-I'm trying to help you.
-Yeah, I noticed.

707
00:56:33,560 --> 00:56:37,800
You have to ask yourself whether pills
can solve your problems at all.

708
00:56:37,880 --> 00:56:39,080
How do you mean?

709
00:56:40,160 --> 00:56:43,320
Maybe the BHU isn't right for you anymore.

710
00:56:49,400 --> 00:56:51,320
I do want to get better and go home.

711
00:56:51,400 --> 00:56:54,320
But maybe you'd be better off
somewhere else.

712
00:56:54,400 --> 00:56:58,040
Sometimes it's better not to wait for
a solution, but to try something new.

713
00:57:02,560 --> 00:57:03,360
Oh, right.

714
00:57:06,160 --> 00:57:10,600
Hey, great. Let me know when you
come up with another brilliant idea.

715
00:57:26,000 --> 00:57:29,840
-Emma. Emma? Hey, hello?
-I'm not doing anything. I'm fine.

716
00:57:45,560 --> 00:57:47,120
-Not allowed, you know?
-No.

717
00:57:50,080 --> 00:57:52,600
Can you please stay out of this?

718
00:57:55,400 --> 00:57:57,320
Not allowed either, right?

719
00:58:09,960 --> 00:58:12,680
My ex won't let me see my son anymore.

720
00:58:13,640 --> 00:58:16,400
She says it's too dangerous.

721
00:58:18,120 --> 00:58:20,680
Probably her new boyfriend's idea.

722
00:58:21,640 --> 00:58:23,360
Prick.

723
00:58:26,600 --> 00:58:28,440
Probably for the best.

724
00:58:30,080 --> 00:58:33,920
I have never been a role model.
Not as a brother, not as a son.

725
00:58:34,000 --> 00:58:36,240
And now not as a father either.

726
00:58:37,960 --> 00:58:41,600
They used to say I was too sensitive.
That I didn't fit in with the family.

727
00:58:43,480 --> 00:58:47,720
Until I got a star.
Then suddenly I did belong.

728
00:58:48,720 --> 00:58:54,600
You know, I don't even know
how to do that. Belong somewhere.

729
00:58:56,520 --> 00:58:58,720
I don't even belong with my own child.

730
00:59:11,640 --> 00:59:14,280
Do you ever wish you could fall asleep
and not wake up?

731
00:59:20,600 --> 00:59:22,280
I've wanted that for so long.

732
00:59:22,360 --> 00:59:25,040
I don't even know
what it's like not to want that.

733
00:59:26,280 --> 00:59:29,800
Just that thought comforts me.
That it could just happen.

734
00:59:29,880 --> 00:59:32,560
-That you have it as a fallback?
-Yeah.

735
00:59:32,640 --> 00:59:36,440
-That you're just one step away.
-Yeah, duh.

736
00:59:43,520 --> 00:59:45,320
Why don't we just do it?

737
00:59:48,920 --> 00:59:50,840
What? Now?

738
00:59:51,960 --> 00:59:54,640
Yeah. Together.

739
00:59:59,400 --> 01:00:00,840
But not here.

740
01:00:04,720 --> 01:00:05,840
Come on.

741
01:00:27,560 --> 01:00:28,360
Look.

742
01:00:47,400 --> 01:00:50,720
-Go.
-Where are you going with those balloons?

743
01:00:58,400 --> 01:00:59,800
Wait.

744
01:00:59,880 --> 01:01:01,080
Thank you.

745
01:01:06,000 --> 01:01:07,280
Okay, what do we do now?

746
01:01:08,160 --> 01:01:12,000
First we eat, obviously. Dying on
an empty stomach is not done.

747
01:01:12,080 --> 01:01:15,160
What are you in the mood for,
after all that delicious hospital food?

748
01:01:15,240 --> 01:01:17,600
-I want Lucky House.
-Lucky House.

749
01:01:20,240 --> 01:01:22,200
<i>Ni hao.</i> Welcome.

750
01:01:22,280 --> 01:01:25,120
<i>Zhé ge.</i>

751
01:01:25,200 --> 01:01:27,360
<i>Zhé ge.</i> And Tau Sie Kai.

752
01:01:27,440 --> 01:01:29,600
Can I get a vodka?

753
01:01:29,680 --> 01:01:31,800
Actually, make it the whole bottle.

754
01:01:31,880 --> 01:01:33,600
Put it on the publisher's tab.

755
01:01:33,680 --> 01:01:36,360
-You're hungry.
-Starving.

756
01:01:38,560 --> 01:01:40,960
Hello, Mr. Crab. Hello.

757
01:01:50,320 --> 01:01:52,800
-Do you believe in life after death?
-Fuck, no.

758
01:01:53,520 --> 01:01:56,920
I hope not, at least.
Otherwise all this effort is for nothing.

759
01:01:58,120 --> 01:02:01,760
I used to want to come back
as a butterfly. They seem so cheerful.

760
01:02:03,320 --> 01:02:04,920
-Seriously?
-Yeah.

761
01:02:05,000 --> 01:02:08,880
Until I realized they can probably
get just as depressed as people.

762
01:02:09,920 --> 01:02:11,720
And why do you think that?

763
01:02:11,800 --> 01:02:15,280
Because looking happy
says nothing about how you feel.

764
01:02:18,560 --> 01:02:21,760
So why have you
never written a book yourself?

765
01:02:21,840 --> 01:02:24,360
Instead of scribbling in those of others?

766
01:02:25,400 --> 01:02:26,400
I can't.

767
01:02:27,280 --> 01:02:30,560
A fairytale about a very beautiful,
funny, sometimes slightly cynical girl?

768
01:02:30,640 --> 01:02:34,480
-In a mental hospital? I'd buy it.
-You?

769
01:02:35,080 --> 01:02:38,880
If you can touch
even one person with it? Why not?

770
01:02:41,320 --> 01:02:43,200
You know what I think?

771
01:02:43,280 --> 01:02:46,040
That there's nothing more intimate
than dying together.

772
01:02:47,080 --> 01:02:48,400
Yeah.

773
01:02:49,520 --> 01:02:54,680
I think it's an honor to go
into death together with you.

774
01:02:54,760 --> 01:02:57,160
Well, the honor is all mine.

775
01:03:02,120 --> 01:03:06,600
Tomorrow morning, at sunrise, we do it.

776
01:03:08,160 --> 01:03:11,240
-What do we do in the meantime?
-Live, obviously.

777
01:03:52,200 --> 01:03:55,960
-Hey. You bunch of lunatics.
-Hey.

778
01:03:59,680 --> 01:04:02,280
-Come in, come in.
-Hello.

779
01:04:03,680 --> 01:04:05,720
-Right…
-Welcome.

780
01:04:05,800 --> 01:04:07,880
What are you doing here?

781
01:04:07,960 --> 01:04:10,040
We just been given a bit more freedom.

782
01:04:10,120 --> 01:04:11,800
-Completely free.
-Yeah.

783
01:04:14,800 --> 01:04:18,160
Emma, no.

784
01:04:18,240 --> 01:04:21,560
-Your hair, it feels dead.
-Really?

785
01:04:21,640 --> 01:04:23,640
That's just great, for my hair.

786
01:04:23,720 --> 01:04:25,600
No, I won't stand for this.

787
01:04:25,680 --> 01:04:29,240
I've got my life somewhat under control.
And you're getting some color.

788
01:04:29,320 --> 01:04:30,240
Really?

789
01:04:54,440 --> 01:04:57,480
You're doing really well, aren't you?
I'm really happy for you.

790
01:04:57,560 --> 01:04:59,880
Yeah, thanks.

791
01:04:59,960 --> 01:05:01,040
So how are you?

792
01:05:06,320 --> 01:05:09,840
Emma, it will pass, okay?

793
01:05:09,920 --> 01:05:12,280
It won't always be like this.

794
01:05:14,880 --> 01:05:17,520
-Ta-da!
-Wow.

795
01:05:19,080 --> 01:05:22,240
Easy lies the head
that wears the pink crown.

796
01:05:23,960 --> 01:05:27,440
-Cool.
-Oh, shit.

797
01:05:29,840 --> 01:05:31,280
-Come on.
-Yeah.

798
01:05:32,160 --> 01:05:34,360
-Bye, Dimitri.
-So long.

799
01:06:08,560 --> 01:06:10,800
Tomorrow around this time
we won't be here anymore.

800
01:06:10,880 --> 01:06:14,360
-There is no tomorrow around this time.
-There will be.

801
01:06:14,440 --> 01:06:16,640
But without us.

802
01:06:44,160 --> 01:06:46,280
I want to show you something.

803
01:06:51,960 --> 01:06:52,880
Hey, Boudewijn.

804
01:06:55,360 --> 01:06:57,040
I am his twin brother: Jaap.

805
01:06:59,200 --> 01:07:01,000
Nice to meet you.

806
01:07:10,480 --> 01:07:14,600
This is what I wanted to show you.
My sanctuary.

807
01:07:19,400 --> 01:07:21,800
Perfect.

808
01:07:21,880 --> 01:07:24,080
Look.

809
01:07:25,040 --> 01:07:26,640
No… Yes.

810
01:07:42,960 --> 01:07:45,640
-Jesus, this is delicious.
-Right?

811
01:07:45,720 --> 01:07:46,800
Let's see.

812
01:07:47,840 --> 01:07:48,840
Yes.

813
01:07:51,680 --> 01:07:52,920
A little acidity.

814
01:07:58,960 --> 01:08:00,560
Bou.

815
01:08:03,000 --> 01:08:04,080
What are you doing here?

816
01:08:05,600 --> 01:08:08,200
I just wanted to show her our pride.

817
01:08:08,280 --> 01:08:10,160
You don't work here anymore.

818
01:08:10,240 --> 01:08:13,120
What the fuck? What's he sticking
his nose into?

819
01:08:13,200 --> 01:08:16,240
I blink once and he has taken over
not just you, but also my kitchen?

820
01:08:16,319 --> 01:08:19,359
Your problems go way back, Bou.
As you well know.

821
01:08:19,439 --> 01:08:21,520
Shouldn't you be in the loony bin?

822
01:08:26,240 --> 01:08:28,760
So it was your idea to take my kid
away from me, was it?

823
01:08:28,840 --> 01:08:31,479
It's not like you're exactly
a role model, is it?

824
01:08:31,560 --> 01:08:33,560
You should be shitting your pants
with shame.

825
01:08:33,640 --> 01:08:36,040
If it were up to me,
you'd never see your kid again.

826
01:08:36,120 --> 01:08:37,840
Felix, please.

827
01:08:39,560 --> 01:08:41,319
Why are you doing this?

828
01:08:42,279 --> 01:08:44,279
Bou, will you please leave?

829
01:08:45,080 --> 01:08:48,800
I love you, but I can't do this anymore.
I just can't.

830
01:08:51,080 --> 01:08:52,399
Do it for Ollie.

831
01:08:59,040 --> 01:09:00,920
Hello.

832
01:09:03,600 --> 01:09:04,960
I'm sorry.

833
01:09:05,760 --> 01:09:07,479
I get it.

834
01:09:11,560 --> 01:09:13,160
Hang on.

835
01:09:35,319 --> 01:09:36,760
Yeah…

836
01:09:43,720 --> 01:09:45,479
-Wow.
-Yeah.

837
01:09:47,680 --> 01:09:49,760
-Nice, right?
-Yeah.

838
01:10:12,200 --> 01:10:13,600
What are you doing?

839
01:10:16,640 --> 01:10:18,400
Making a wish.

840
01:10:19,320 --> 01:10:21,440
You've got nothing left to wish for,
have you?

841
01:11:31,840 --> 01:11:32,680
Perfect.

842
01:11:32,760 --> 01:11:34,280
-Hey..
-Oh, hi.

843
01:11:34,360 --> 01:11:36,000
What are you doing here?

844
01:13:10,040 --> 01:13:11,760
-Did you…?
-No.

845
01:13:15,600 --> 01:13:17,800
But I loved it.

846
01:13:21,000 --> 01:13:25,520
-And you? Did you…?
-Very much so.

847
01:13:59,080 --> 01:14:00,720
It's time.

848
01:14:07,200 --> 01:14:08,560
Are you afraid?

849
01:14:13,760 --> 01:14:15,600
No, I'm not afraid.

850
01:14:19,440 --> 01:14:20,560
But Bou…

851
01:14:25,800 --> 01:14:29,080
I think for the first time,
I actually feel alive.

852
01:14:30,720 --> 01:14:31,920
What?

853
01:14:35,440 --> 01:14:40,400
Maybe it's because of last night,
or because of you, or…

854
01:14:42,040 --> 01:14:44,800
I think it's just everything
that's happened lately.

855
01:14:44,880 --> 01:14:46,840
All those conversations…

856
01:14:46,920 --> 01:14:50,120
And the ping-pong, and the puzzles,
and the stews.

857
01:14:50,200 --> 01:14:55,280
And everyone on the ward.
Even that bloody coffee machine.

858
01:14:56,640 --> 01:15:00,600
I don't know.
I just feel bits of myself coming back.

859
01:15:00,680 --> 01:15:03,680
No. This whole night
has led to this moment.

860
01:15:03,760 --> 01:15:07,320
-That we end it all together.
-Yeah, about that--

861
01:15:07,400 --> 01:15:11,360
What are you even saying? That you
want to go back? Back to what?

862
01:15:11,440 --> 01:15:13,200
Your perfect life?

863
01:15:17,160 --> 01:15:18,480
No…

864
01:15:20,000 --> 01:15:22,400
I don't really know
what I want to go back to.

865
01:15:25,000 --> 01:15:27,160
But I'm just not done yet.

866
01:15:34,520 --> 01:15:37,040
At least you've got
something to go back to.

867
01:15:38,360 --> 01:15:40,280
-I just want to…
-Live.

868
01:15:40,360 --> 01:15:43,400
Not die.

869
01:15:46,440 --> 01:15:47,880
Sorry.

870
01:15:52,480 --> 01:15:53,560
Open the door.

871
01:16:04,600 --> 01:16:05,920
Hey. No.

872
01:16:07,520 --> 01:16:11,880
Stop it. Let me go.

873
01:16:34,120 --> 01:16:35,640
May I?

874
01:16:38,480 --> 01:16:42,320
You really gave me a fright.

875
01:16:44,240 --> 01:16:45,760
Were you going to jump?

876
01:16:48,680 --> 01:16:50,680
Well, apparently not.

877
01:16:52,760 --> 01:16:55,960
Not this time. But last time, yeah.

878
01:16:56,040 --> 01:16:56,840
In the car.

879
01:17:00,560 --> 01:17:04,520
You better get some rest first.

880
01:17:06,200 --> 01:17:08,040
See you later.

881
01:17:22,760 --> 01:17:23,560
Cool.

882
01:17:24,960 --> 01:17:26,480
Have you seen my voice recorder?

883
01:17:40,920 --> 01:17:42,440
-You okay?
-No.

884
01:17:45,840 --> 01:17:47,160
No running in the corridors.

885
01:17:47,240 --> 01:17:50,080
Sorry, but Kim fell
and she is in a lot of pain.

886
01:17:53,520 --> 01:17:54,840
You gave us quite a scare.

887
01:17:54,920 --> 01:17:57,280
Can't bear to think about
what could have happened.

888
01:17:57,360 --> 01:18:00,040
-Then don't. Because it didn't.
-Come on.

889
01:18:03,520 --> 01:18:05,360
-Do you get enough to eat here?
-Yes.

890
01:18:05,920 --> 01:18:09,080
I started with one sleeping pill.
Now it's three. And a few others.

891
01:18:13,720 --> 01:18:15,240
So what are you two up to?

892
01:18:15,320 --> 01:18:18,520
Your mother is still cheating on me
with Emperor Hadrian.

893
01:18:18,600 --> 01:18:22,320
Sometimes I think she's deliberately
not finishing that thesis.

894
01:18:22,400 --> 01:18:25,640
And I've just decided
I am going into beekeeping.

895
01:18:25,720 --> 01:18:28,040
-You're what?
-Beekeeping.

896
01:18:29,120 --> 01:18:30,320
With bees.

897
01:18:30,400 --> 01:18:33,080
Yeah, beekeeping without bees
seems a bit sad.

898
01:18:33,160 --> 01:18:36,160
Standing there in your suit. Without bees.

899
01:18:38,280 --> 01:18:41,520
You'll probably be better soon.

900
01:18:41,600 --> 01:18:44,080
But you really have to want it, okay?
That's key.

901
01:18:44,640 --> 01:18:47,840
Yes, Mom, of course I want it.
Why wouldn't I?

902
01:18:47,920 --> 01:18:49,680
Yeah, sure.

903
01:18:52,160 --> 01:18:54,600
Hey, cuckoo.

904
01:18:54,680 --> 01:18:56,520
Where's my old Emma?

905
01:18:57,120 --> 01:18:58,680
Hey, cuckoo.

906
01:18:59,680 --> 01:19:02,480
That old Emma…
She's not coming back, you know, Mom.

907
01:19:02,560 --> 01:19:07,080
-That supposedly perfect daughter.
-Just act normal for once.

908
01:19:07,160 --> 01:19:11,160
-I mean… You know we support you, right?
-Flossie…

909
01:19:11,240 --> 01:19:13,120
-"Act normal"?
-Yeah.

910
01:19:13,200 --> 01:19:17,440
-I'm so done with acting normal.
-Emma…

911
01:19:19,040 --> 01:19:20,280
Sweetheart…

912
01:19:21,240 --> 01:19:23,120
I just want to be alone.

913
01:19:23,720 --> 01:19:24,800
For a while.

914
01:19:24,880 --> 01:19:26,840
I have to do this myself.

915
01:19:28,520 --> 01:19:32,200
Sorry, but… I have to…

916
01:19:36,080 --> 01:19:37,240
Flossie!

917
01:19:43,920 --> 01:19:45,080
Boudewijn?

918
01:19:48,360 --> 01:19:49,680
-Hey.
-Hi.

919
01:19:49,760 --> 01:19:52,600
119… 120…

920
01:19:56,520 --> 01:19:58,080
Are we okay?

921
01:19:58,160 --> 01:20:01,200
Are we okay? We're amazing.

922
01:20:03,640 --> 01:20:05,400
Was that it?

923
01:20:08,200 --> 01:20:09,920
You won't let me down, will you?

924
01:20:11,080 --> 01:20:13,040
I'm doing my best.

925
01:20:16,440 --> 01:20:17,840
Bye.

926
01:20:23,280 --> 01:20:25,120
-Hi.
-Hi.

927
01:20:40,640 --> 01:20:41,880
There.

928
01:20:41,960 --> 01:20:44,480
Look. A bit like camping.

929
01:20:45,680 --> 01:20:49,280
Japanese people also sleep low
to the ground and live to 103. So…

930
01:20:49,360 --> 01:20:51,600
103. I don't even want to think about it.

931
01:20:58,960 --> 01:21:00,360
Move away from the window.

932
01:21:00,440 --> 01:21:04,440
-It is Boudewijn.
-People, away from that window.

933
01:22:08,280 --> 01:22:13,560
People don’t die on the pavement outside
the hospital. Jesus, bloody hell, fuck!

934
01:22:24,240 --> 01:22:25,800
Hey.

935
01:22:42,000 --> 01:22:43,960
-Hey, Emma.
-Hey.

936
01:22:52,760 --> 01:22:55,880
Oh. For the next patient?

937
01:22:57,200 --> 01:23:01,840
Yeah, that's what it looks like.
But it doesn't feel like that.

938
01:23:03,600 --> 01:23:05,200
No.

939
01:24:10,920 --> 01:24:14,360
Hey, Emma. Did we have an appointment?

940
01:24:14,440 --> 01:24:15,840
Did you sleep here?

941
01:24:19,840 --> 01:24:22,040
I need your help.

942
01:24:23,760 --> 01:24:25,120
Sure.

943
01:24:35,720 --> 01:24:38,600
Hey, chicken with black beans and noodles.

944
01:24:38,680 --> 01:24:41,480
Yes, don't mind the mess.

945
01:24:45,240 --> 01:24:46,640
Here.

946
01:24:48,040 --> 01:24:50,520
Just scared I might actually
use it otherwise.

947
01:24:54,440 --> 01:24:57,280
-How are you feeling?
-Shitty.

948
01:24:58,800 --> 01:25:01,040
Do you want to talk about it?

949
01:25:02,560 --> 01:25:04,120
Okay.

950
01:25:07,200 --> 01:25:09,160
Look.

951
01:25:09,240 --> 01:25:14,080
Can't you just give me a pill
that makes me numb again?

952
01:25:14,160 --> 01:25:16,680
Because now I'm scared.
Afraid of my own thoughts.

953
01:25:16,760 --> 01:25:19,120
Afraid that it won't just stay
at thoughts.

954
01:25:19,200 --> 01:25:21,400
Afraid that I might actually do something.

955
01:25:22,720 --> 01:25:27,520
What if you didn't think at all?
How would you feel then?

956
01:25:29,480 --> 01:25:32,840
Terrible. Guilt, loss.

957
01:25:38,240 --> 01:25:40,760
Maybe you're not suicidal right now…

958
01:25:41,560 --> 01:25:44,000
but just grieving.

959
01:25:45,320 --> 01:25:46,480
Yeah.

960
01:25:47,400 --> 01:25:48,840
Yeah…

961
01:26:15,920 --> 01:26:18,440
-Feels good.
-Yeah?

962
01:26:19,920 --> 01:26:21,520
Yeah.

963
01:26:25,000 --> 01:26:28,520
-Just normal, I guess.
-What do you mean by "normal"?

964
01:26:28,600 --> 01:26:32,200
You fall out of bed regularly.
That's not exactly normal.

965
01:26:32,280 --> 01:26:35,480
Just force of habit.

966
01:26:35,560 --> 01:26:39,600
I thought if I fell really hard,
maybe they'd notice me.

967
01:26:39,680 --> 01:26:42,520
Started when I was five. Spoiler alert.

968
01:26:42,600 --> 01:26:44,720
They don't notice me. My father, at least.

969
01:26:44,800 --> 01:26:47,280
My mother's gone, so I can't ask her.

970
01:26:48,040 --> 01:26:53,280
I'm just some kind of background noise
for him, which he ignores.

971
01:26:54,280 --> 01:26:56,720
Does anyone recognize this feeling?

972
01:27:00,840 --> 01:27:02,880
I think…

973
01:27:03,400 --> 01:27:08,320
I think I've always wanted
to be invisible.

974
01:27:08,400 --> 01:27:11,040
Even as a child. I didn't want to be
a burden to my parents.

975
01:27:11,120 --> 01:27:14,160
They were so caught up in their own stuff.

976
01:27:16,200 --> 01:27:19,120
So I felt like I shouldn't make a fuss.

977
01:27:19,200 --> 01:27:21,480
I just had to be perfect.

978
01:27:25,920 --> 01:27:29,720
I can relate to that.
The need to be perfect.

979
01:27:29,800 --> 01:27:31,520
For your parents?

980
01:27:31,600 --> 01:27:34,920
Yes, my dad used to say
that nothing is impossible.

981
01:27:35,000 --> 01:27:38,360
And I did try. Every day, I did nothing.

982
01:27:39,960 --> 01:27:42,400
And you, Emma? Go on.

983
01:27:47,560 --> 01:27:52,160
Well, right now, I mostly just
don't want to die anymore.

984
01:27:55,160 --> 01:27:56,960
Crazy, right?

985
01:27:58,120 --> 01:28:00,440
That's actually a really good thing.

986
01:28:01,720 --> 01:28:04,440
Yeah. Yeah, I guess it is.

987
01:28:30,840 --> 01:28:32,760
It's a bit stuffy here.

988
01:28:32,840 --> 01:28:35,120
I get that we can't open the windows
all the way.

989
01:28:35,200 --> 01:28:38,880
But then put up a screen,
or get a proper air conditioner.

990
01:28:46,080 --> 01:28:48,720
-What are you doing?
-I'm meditating.

991
01:28:48,800 --> 01:28:51,000
Oh, cool.

992
01:29:03,520 --> 01:29:05,200
Half past eight?

993
01:29:07,440 --> 01:29:09,640
It's half past eight. I've overslept.

994
01:29:09,720 --> 01:29:14,160
-Emma, congratulations.
-Nice one.

995
01:29:14,240 --> 01:29:16,520
-Good job.
-Yes.

996
01:29:41,880 --> 01:29:44,000
-Hey.
<i>-Hi.</i>

997
01:29:45,280 --> 01:29:47,800
I just wanted to wish you
a Merry Christmas.

998
01:29:47,880 --> 01:29:49,680
<i>Merry Christmas.</i>

999
01:29:51,720 --> 01:29:54,960
Yeah, you too. Merry Christmas.

1000
01:29:55,840 --> 01:29:57,200
Bye.

1001
01:30:01,560 --> 01:30:03,000
Ms. Nieuwenhuis?

1002
01:30:03,080 --> 01:30:05,280
-Have a good day.
-You too.

1003
01:30:08,720 --> 01:30:10,640
Waiting for Guus?

1004
01:30:37,320 --> 01:30:38,800
Hey.

1005
01:30:40,560 --> 01:30:42,240
Caught in the act.

1006
01:30:44,440 --> 01:30:48,560
Shouldn't you be doing the "peace
on earth and good will to all men" thing?

1007
01:30:48,640 --> 01:30:52,880
Awkwardness around a table full
of candles and getting way too drunk?

1008
01:30:54,160 --> 01:30:56,120
Hey, are you okay?

1009
01:30:58,800 --> 01:31:03,080
My girlfriend thought Christmas was
the perfect time to pick up her stuff.

1010
01:31:03,160 --> 01:31:06,440
I can see how that would
set the mood, yeah.

1011
01:31:06,520 --> 01:31:08,040
That's why home…

1012
01:31:08,120 --> 01:31:13,120
isn't really feeling like home for me
right now.

1013
01:31:14,800 --> 01:31:18,040
Yeah, so I made a choice for my work. And…

1014
01:31:19,720 --> 01:31:21,640
She made the choice for herself.

1015
01:31:27,520 --> 01:31:28,760
What a lovely couple we are.

1016
01:31:29,320 --> 01:31:32,800
You got dumped. And I'm…

1017
01:31:34,280 --> 01:31:35,600
Depressed?

1018
01:31:39,920 --> 01:31:40,720
Yeah.

1019
01:31:47,600 --> 01:31:48,880
Hungry?

1020
01:31:49,560 --> 01:31:52,040
-Hey.
-Hello?

1021
01:31:53,320 --> 01:31:54,760
-Hey.
-Hey.

1022
01:31:55,920 --> 01:31:57,440
Huh?

1023
01:32:01,440 --> 01:32:04,160
Hey, Mr. Waggle. Hi.

1024
01:32:04,240 --> 01:32:07,000
Hey, boy. Hey, you little rascal.

1025
01:32:08,000 --> 01:32:09,640
I thought you were Lucky House.

1026
01:32:09,720 --> 01:32:12,720
No, we're Nieuwenhuis Catering.

1027
01:32:12,800 --> 01:32:14,560
The competition.

1028
01:32:15,040 --> 01:32:19,000
We just wanted to drop this off.
We don't want to bother you.

1029
01:32:19,720 --> 01:32:22,400
-There you go.
-Well, it's Christmas. So…

1030
01:32:22,480 --> 01:32:24,480
Of course you can stay.

1031
01:32:26,320 --> 01:32:28,200
-Okay.
-Oh, really?

1032
01:32:28,280 --> 01:32:30,520
-Well…
-Yes, please.

1033
01:32:35,120 --> 01:32:36,560
Let me help you.

1034
01:32:37,920 --> 01:32:41,120
More plates.

1035
01:32:46,520 --> 01:32:48,320
-Here you go.
-Forks…

1036
01:33:04,000 --> 01:33:05,720
About that incident with the car…

1037
01:33:06,920 --> 01:33:09,040
Back then, I didn't want…

1038
01:33:11,640 --> 01:33:13,720
To be helped. So I…

1039
01:33:13,800 --> 01:33:17,160
I wanted them to leave.
To just leave me alone.

1040
01:33:19,400 --> 01:33:20,680
Oh, Emma…

1041
01:33:22,840 --> 01:33:24,400
It wasn't an accident.

1042
01:33:29,640 --> 01:33:31,400
I didn't really know what it was.

1043
01:33:31,480 --> 01:33:35,160
But I did know that something
wasn't quite right in my head.

1044
01:33:35,240 --> 01:33:41,240
And I… I just felt so stupid.

1045
01:33:42,240 --> 01:33:46,320
And I was ashamed all the time

1046
01:33:46,400 --> 01:33:49,320
because of the things I said
and the things I thought.

1047
01:33:49,400 --> 01:33:52,760
And the idea that I'd have to
talk about it with you

1048
01:33:52,840 --> 01:33:56,000
or tell you about it,
that just felt impossible.

1049
01:33:56,080 --> 01:33:58,800
Or tell Sergei. Or anyone.

1050
01:34:01,960 --> 01:34:03,880
So I thought…

1051
01:34:05,920 --> 01:34:08,640
Maybe it would just be easier
if I were dead?

1052
01:34:08,720 --> 01:34:12,040
For you. And for myself too. Really.

1053
01:34:21,880 --> 01:34:23,920
So yeah. I'm depressed.

1054
01:34:25,600 --> 01:34:30,680
And I've been that way for a long time,
Much longer than I care to admit.

1055
01:34:34,680 --> 01:34:36,600
God…

1056
01:34:36,680 --> 01:34:39,600
God, why didn't I know?

1057
01:34:39,680 --> 01:34:41,880
I didn't know either.

1058
01:34:41,960 --> 01:34:45,680
-It's just complicated.
-Yeah.

1059
01:34:52,480 --> 01:34:54,800
Oh, I'll go.

1060
01:34:54,880 --> 01:34:56,520
Here.

1061
01:35:02,960 --> 01:35:04,800
-Bye.
-Bye.

1062
01:35:18,840 --> 01:35:21,120
I don't think he's coming anymore, Joyce.

1063
01:35:28,840 --> 01:35:30,400
Look.

1064
01:35:30,480 --> 01:35:31,680
Here.

1065
01:35:32,560 --> 01:35:34,680
Right. This is nice.

1066
01:35:37,120 --> 01:35:39,480
Guus can go fuck himself.

1067
01:35:39,560 --> 01:35:41,920
Look. This one's for you.

1068
01:35:42,000 --> 01:35:43,560
-Really?
-Yeah.

1069
01:35:43,640 --> 01:35:47,520
-This one's for you.
-Oh, that's nice, Mr. De Bruin.

1070
01:35:49,400 --> 01:35:51,000
-Nice box.
-This one for you.

1071
01:35:51,080 --> 01:35:53,240
-For me?
-Yeah.

1072
01:35:53,320 --> 01:35:57,400
I forgot I still had to give you something
because of the trouble with Guus.

1073
01:35:57,480 --> 01:35:59,000
Here.

1074
01:35:59,880 --> 01:36:02,240
-Hey.
-From Boudewijn.

1075
01:36:03,600 --> 01:36:05,240
From Boudewijn?

1076
01:36:16,560 --> 01:36:22,600
<i>Hey Emma, a little message from me,</i>
<i>from the other side.</i>

1077
01:36:22,680 --> 01:36:26,000
<i>I really, really don't want you</i>
<i>to feel guilty.</i>

1078
01:36:26,080 --> 01:36:27,640
<i>Not at all.</i>

1079
01:36:27,720 --> 01:36:30,040
<i>This was my deepest wish.</i>

1080
01:36:30,120 --> 01:36:33,240
<i>And besides, if I don't take those pills,</i>
<i>I come in ten seconds.</i>

1081
01:36:33,320 --> 01:36:34,720
<i>Six, max.</i>

1082
01:36:35,400 --> 01:36:37,280
<i>Especially with someone like you.</i>

1083
01:36:38,400 --> 01:36:41,160
<i>So, Nieuwenhuis. Make something of it.</i>

1084
01:36:41,240 --> 01:36:44,000
<i>And honestly, I think you're actually</i>
<i>going to pull it off.</i>

1085
01:36:45,080 --> 01:36:46,680
<i>-And that… Oh.</i>
<i>-Boudewijn?</i>

1086
01:36:46,760 --> 01:36:48,280
<i>Someone's knocking.</i>

1087
01:36:48,360 --> 01:36:51,080
<i>I'll go open the door.</i>
<i>Probably some nutcase.</i>

1088
01:36:51,160 --> 01:36:52,720
<i>Bye for now.</i>

1089
01:36:54,440 --> 01:36:55,880
<i>-Hey.</i>
<i>-Hi.</i>

1090
01:36:55,960 --> 01:36:57,720
<i>Are we okay?</i>

1091
01:37:02,080 --> 01:37:03,440
Well…

1092
01:37:05,280 --> 01:37:08,760
-To Boudewijn.
-Yeah, to Boudewijn.

1093
01:37:08,840 --> 01:37:10,920
Cheers.

1094
01:37:43,560 --> 01:37:45,560
<i>Okay, here I go.</i>

1095
01:37:47,600 --> 01:37:49,000
<i>I'm Emma.</i>

1096
01:37:49,720 --> 01:37:52,760
<i>Successful woman. Junior redact--</i>

1097
01:37:52,840 --> 01:37:55,200
<i>It feels like I have to keep moving</i>
<i>all the time.</i>

1098
01:37:55,280 --> 01:37:57,920
<i>Because if I stop, everything will--</i>

1099
01:37:58,000 --> 01:38:01,800
<i>I don't know what I want anymore.</i>
<i>I do know I don't want to live like this.</i>

1100
01:38:01,880 --> 01:38:05,640
<i>They say it will get better. But when,</i>
<i>exactly? I don't even know how to--</i>

1101
01:38:06,440 --> 01:38:09,160
<i>At first glance, the psychiatric ward</i>

1102
01:38:09,240 --> 01:38:12,000
<i>is no different from any other</i>
<i>hospital department.</i>

1103
01:38:12,080 --> 01:38:16,000
<i>You come in with a problem</i>
<i>and you leave again. Cured, or not.</i>

1104
01:38:16,080 --> 01:38:19,080
<i>When you break your arm, you go to the ER.</i>

1105
01:38:19,160 --> 01:38:21,760
<i>You tell the doctor what happened,</i>
<i>where it hurts</i>

1106
01:38:21,840 --> 01:38:23,760
<i>and then you wait for their advice.</i>

1107
01:38:35,560 --> 01:38:39,200
Here. I hope you get to leave soon too.

1108
01:38:39,280 --> 01:38:42,760
Yeah, maybe.
But for now, I'm happy for you.

1109
01:38:48,200 --> 01:38:50,520
-You've got this, Emma.
-Yeah. See you soon.

1110
01:38:50,600 --> 01:38:52,320
No, not "see you soon."

1111
01:38:54,040 --> 01:38:55,440
Bye.

1112
01:38:57,520 --> 01:38:59,920
-Bye now.
-Bye.

1113
01:39:07,320 --> 01:39:09,200
How are you feeling?

1114
01:39:10,360 --> 01:39:14,040
Yeah… Okay. I think.
I'm not entirely sure.

1115
01:39:14,120 --> 01:39:17,120
It does feel a bit daunting.
I don't have that much energy.

1116
01:39:17,200 --> 01:39:19,160
Especially compared to
when I first came in.

1117
01:39:19,240 --> 01:39:23,280
Back then, I felt like I could take on
the world. Or at least, I thought I could.

1118
01:39:24,440 --> 01:39:26,160
You'll find a middle ground.

1119
01:39:26,240 --> 01:39:30,240
Slightly lower highs,
slightly less deep lows.

1120
01:39:30,320 --> 01:39:32,080
Give it time.

1121
01:39:33,160 --> 01:39:35,920
Finding a middle ground
sounds pretty boring, though.

1122
01:39:36,000 --> 01:39:39,320
You'll still be you,
and that's not boring.

1123
01:39:40,240 --> 01:39:41,040
No.

1124
01:39:43,160 --> 01:39:46,040
-And you? What are you going to do?
-I'm taking a break.

1125
01:39:46,120 --> 01:39:50,000
-Oh, nice. A mental-health break?
-Uh, no.

1126
01:39:52,200 --> 01:39:53,600
Okay.

1127
01:40:00,360 --> 01:40:02,120
Can I give you a hug?

1128
01:40:02,680 --> 01:40:05,440
-That would be very unprofessional.
-Yeah.

1129
01:40:13,480 --> 01:40:15,560
-Well, bye.
-Bye.

1130
01:40:29,640 --> 01:40:32,080
We just go straight here.

1131
01:40:32,160 --> 01:40:35,280
-Where is it exactly?
-A little further.

1132
01:40:35,360 --> 01:40:37,440
-Is this it?
-Yes.

1133
01:40:37,520 --> 01:40:41,240
-Time to get out.
-Yeah, definitely. One hundred percent.

1134
01:40:41,320 --> 01:40:44,040
Emma, Emma, go, go, go.

1135
01:40:44,120 --> 01:40:45,800
Thanks, Guus. Excellent.

1136
01:40:48,480 --> 01:40:49,840
-There?
-Yes.

1137
01:40:49,920 --> 01:40:51,320
Come on.

1138
01:40:51,400 --> 01:40:53,080
There's posters everywhere.

1139
01:40:53,160 --> 01:40:54,920
-Wow, look at that.
-Look!

1140
01:40:57,560 --> 01:41:01,080
-Hey, hi. You look great.
-Can I take one? Thank you.

1141
01:41:01,160 --> 01:41:02,920
-Hey, Pipsqueak.
-Hey, Dad.

1142
01:41:03,520 --> 01:41:04,920
Good coffee here.

1143
01:41:06,560 --> 01:41:09,160
Emma. Emma Nieuwenhuis.

1144
01:41:10,800 --> 01:41:15,080
She looked at me, shook my hand
and smiled when she came to apply.

1145
01:41:15,160 --> 01:41:18,040
She pointed out a few irregularities
on the website

1146
01:41:18,120 --> 01:41:21,160
and suggested making a list
of corrections.

1147
01:41:22,560 --> 01:41:25,280
And now you've written a book yourself.

1148
01:41:25,360 --> 01:41:29,960
The only manuscript ever submitted
completely error-free.

1149
01:41:30,040 --> 01:41:34,960
Emma. You have written a beautiful book.

1150
01:41:35,040 --> 01:41:36,640
-Thank you.
-Congratulations.

1151
01:41:36,720 --> 01:41:38,280
Thank you.

1152
01:41:45,160 --> 01:41:46,240
Okay.

1153
01:41:47,640 --> 01:41:49,040
Hi.

1154
01:41:53,800 --> 01:41:58,400
"I always thought that being broken
meant you could never be whole again."

1155
01:41:58,480 --> 01:42:00,560
"But that isn't true."

1156
01:42:00,640 --> 01:42:04,600
"Being broken just means
that you need a different form."

1157
01:42:05,240 --> 01:42:07,240
"Life doesn't come with a manual."

1158
01:42:07,320 --> 01:42:11,320
"No instructions for putting
yourself back together."

1159
01:42:11,400 --> 01:42:14,160
"But this is what I've learned."

1160
01:42:15,160 --> 01:42:18,120
"You don't have to know
everything at once."

1161
01:42:18,200 --> 01:42:19,880
"You just have to keep going."

1162
01:42:19,960 --> 01:42:23,240
"Step by step. Day by day."

1163
01:42:24,240 --> 01:42:27,160
"Maybe I didn't become
who I wanted to be."

1164
01:42:28,000 --> 01:42:30,160
"But I am who I am."

1165
01:42:30,240 --> 01:42:31,400
"And that is enough."

1166
01:42:37,120 --> 01:42:40,280
Oh, these are happy tears. Really.

1167
01:42:48,840 --> 01:42:49,640
Emma!

1168
01:42:54,720 --> 01:42:56,520
Oh, sweetheart…

1169
01:42:56,600 --> 01:42:59,680
<i>Sometimes you disappear into the shadows</i>

1170
01:42:59,760 --> 01:43:06,240
<i>Turn into a dark alley</i>
<i>Where no one can see you anymore</i>

1171
01:43:06,320 --> 01:43:11,920
<i>Sometimes I have no idea</i>
<i>Where you are going</i>

1172
01:43:12,000 --> 01:43:13,920
<i>And neither, it seems, do you</i>

1173
01:43:16,160 --> 01:43:20,360
<i>But if you ever want to disappear again</i>

1174
01:43:20,440 --> 01:43:24,920
<i>If your world comes crashing down</i>
<i>Once more</i>

1175
01:43:26,680 --> 01:43:30,600
<i>Know that I will always be here</i>

1176
01:43:31,760 --> 01:43:36,080
<i>I'll let you go</i>
<i>But I'll never leave you alone</i>

1177
01:43:36,880 --> 01:43:40,520
<i>Wherever you go</i>
<i>I'll be close by your side</i>

1178
01:43:40,600 --> 01:43:43,440
<i>Even if you've sunk</i>
<i>Into the deepest of depths</i>

1179
01:43:43,520 --> 01:43:46,600
<i>I'm no longer afraid of your darkness</i>

1180
01:43:46,680 --> 01:43:52,640
<i>I don't need to turn on a light for you</i>
<i>My love</i>

1181
01:43:53,240 --> 01:43:57,720
<i>I'm no longer afraid of your darkness</i>

1182
01:44:22,560 --> 01:44:26,480
Have you been affected by this topic?
Contact the MIND helpline at 0900-1450.

1183
01:44:26,560 --> 01:44:29,440
Are you thinking about suicide?
Call 113 or chat at 113.nl.