1
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Hello?
2
00:00:37,694 --> 00:00:39,662
Hello?
3
00:00:40,430 --> 00:00:42,298
Hola?
4
00:00:42,299 --> 00:00:43,999
Bonjour?
5
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Chinese hello?
6
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Hello?
7
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Hello?
8
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Hello?
9
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Hello?
10
00:02:09,513 --> 00:02:11,514
Home, sweet home.
11
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♪ I think I'm sophisticated ♪
12
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♪ 'cause I'm living my life ♪
13
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♪ like a good homo sapien ♪
14
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♪ but all around me ♪
15
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♪ everybody's multiplying ♪
16
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♪ and they're walking
around like flies, man ♪
17
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♪ So I'm no better ♪
18
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♪ than the animals sitting
in the cages in the zoo, man ♪
19
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♪ 'Cause compared to the flowers ♪
20
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♪ And the birds and the trees ♪
21
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♪ I am an ape man ♪
22
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♪ I'm an ape man ♪
23
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♪ I'm an ape ape man ♪
24
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♪ oh, I'm an ape man ♪
25
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♪ I'm a king Kong man ♪
26
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♪ I'm an ape ape man ♪
27
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♪ oh, I'm an ape man ♪
28
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♪ come on and love me ♪
29
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♪ be my ape man girl ♪
30
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♪ and we'll be so happy ♪
31
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♪ in my ape man world ♪
32
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♪ I'm an ape man ♪
33
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♪ I'm an ape ape man ♪
34
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♪ oh, I'm an ape man ♪
35
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♪ I'm a king Kong man ♪
36
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♪ I'm a voodoo man ♪
37
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♪ oh, I'm an ape man ♪
38
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♪ just like an ape man. ♪
39
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Boop.
40
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Hello, God.
41
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First of all, uh, apologies
42
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for all the recent masturbation,
43
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but I got to say, that's kind of on you.
44
00:03:45,237 --> 00:03:48,673
So I just got back from
traveling around the country,
45
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looking for anyone who might
have survived the virus.
46
00:03:50,943 --> 00:03:53,276
Uh, put up a bunch of
signs all over the place,
47
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saying that I'm here in Tucson.
48
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So, uh, you know, who knows?
49
00:03:56,981 --> 00:03:58,315
And it's not all bad.
50
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I mean, in the old world,
51
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I could never live in a house like this.
52
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And these are Hugh Hefner's actual pajamas.
53
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Yeah.
54
00:04:06,123 --> 00:04:07,157
I washed them.
55
00:04:07,158 --> 00:04:09,826
There are some drawbacks.
56
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I know you know that.
57
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The whole women situation is...
58
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The craps.
59
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If you could send some my way...
60
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Or one my way.
61
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Oh, one more thing.
62
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If you could please send
63
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a special thank-you to the
previous owner of my new house.
64
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Just let him know I'm gonna take
65
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real good care of this place.
66
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Fixing the toilet.
67
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Fixing the toilet. Fixing the toilet.
68
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Salud.
69
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That's a $10,000 bottle
of wine, by the way.
70
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Goes great with the spaghettios.
71
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That was, like, a $400 sip.
72
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Not as good.
73
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♪ Sun, shine on me today... ♪
74
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Aw, split.
75
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♪ Sun, dry my tears away ♪
76
00:07:03,323 --> 00:07:05,958
♪ how I need your warm embrace ♪
77
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♪ to shine upon my crying face ♪
78
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♪ sun, shine on me today ♪
79
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♪ sun, give me a little light... ♪
80
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♪ Take me out of this darkened night ♪
81
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♪ You know what a little light can do ♪
82
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♪ You change the sky
from black to blue ♪
83
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♪ Sun, shine on me today ♪
84
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♪ sunshine ♪
85
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♪ come on, sunshine ♪
86
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♪ let me have one of your rays ♪
87
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♪ just one ♪
88
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♪ only one... Oh, left, left! ♪
89
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Left, left, left, left!
90
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♪ To get this started ♪
91
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♪ on my way. ♪
92
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Straighten, straighten,
straighten! Straight...
93
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Ha!
94
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Oh, yes!
95
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Yes!
96
00:08:03,981 --> 00:08:06,549
No way. No way!
97
00:08:06,550 --> 00:08:07,849
That would never happen!
98
00:08:07,850 --> 00:08:09,350
That's all that's left.
99
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That is so stupid.
100
00:08:10,753 --> 00:08:13,521
I got news for you, Tom Hanks.
101
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I will never, ever talk to a volleyball.
102
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No, we have time. We do!
103
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- We have time.
- Not buying it!
104
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Balls aren't people, dude!
105
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I know.
106
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Balls are for fun.
107
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Hey! Okay, I get it!
108
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Nobody's coming!
109
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You're not giving me anybody.
110
00:09:29,294 --> 00:09:30,594
Well, guess what.
111
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I don't even care!
112
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I don't need people. Okay?
113
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I can make it work on my own.
114
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Watch me! Watch me!
115
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Hey, Phil, what's up?
116
00:09:39,637 --> 00:09:40,971
Oh, I'm great, Phil. How are you?
117
00:09:40,972 --> 00:09:42,605
Oh, I'm doing great. Thank
you very much for asking.
118
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See? I'm already doing it.
119
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Ha!
120
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I don't need people.
121
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I'm gonna be just fine.
122
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Morning, Phil.
123
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How are you, Phil?
124
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Fine, Phil, how are you, Phil?
125
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♪ Take the jib, sail down, boys ♪
126
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♪ Take the jib, sail down ♪
127
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♪ turn this ship around, boys ♪
128
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♪ before we run aground ♪
129
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♪ the fish aren't biting today, boys ♪
130
00:10:46,726 --> 00:10:49,094
♪ Fish aren't biting today ♪
131
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♪ gonna lay on my bunk
and get drunk as a skunk ♪
132
00:10:52,932 --> 00:10:56,001
♪ Oh, the fish aren't biting today ♪
133
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♪ There's six-foot waves
and my stomach craves ♪
134
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♪ Some good old Antiguan rum
135
00:11:02,775 --> 00:11:05,009
♪ I put some away for a rainy day ♪
136
00:11:05,010 --> 00:11:08,713
♪ And the rain she is
starting to come now ♪
137
00:11:15,586 --> 00:11:18,355
♪ The fish aren't biting today, boys ♪
138
00:11:18,356 --> 00:11:20,390
♪ The fish aren't biting today
139
00:11:20,391 --> 00:11:24,093
♪ gonna lay in my bunk
and get drunk as a skunk ♪
140
00:11:24,094 --> 00:11:27,130
♪ 'Cause the fish
aren't biting today. ♪
141
00:11:29,767 --> 00:11:33,469
♪ Bah, bah, bah-bah ♪
142
00:11:33,470 --> 00:11:35,137
♪ bah ♪
143
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♪ bah-ah-ah ♪
144
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♪ bah-bah-bah, bah-bah-bah... ♪
145
00:11:43,913 --> 00:11:45,881
Hey, what's up?
146
00:11:45,882 --> 00:11:47,516
Just had to get out of the
house; It's been a rough day.
147
00:11:47,517 --> 00:11:49,083
Hey, I'm gonna have a whiskey.
148
00:11:49,084 --> 00:11:51,052
You want a whiskey, Gary? Whiskey?
149
00:11:52,087 --> 00:11:53,221
You sure? How about you, Jimmy?
150
00:11:54,657 --> 00:11:57,359
No? Okay, well, does
anyone want a whiskey, huh?
151
00:11:57,360 --> 00:11:58,460
Greg?
152
00:11:58,461 --> 00:12:00,528
Kevin?
153
00:12:00,529 --> 00:12:01,863
Antawn?
154
00:12:03,432 --> 00:12:04,699
No? Really? Nobody?
155
00:12:04,700 --> 00:12:05,799
Trevor?
156
00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:07,534
Terrence?
157
00:12:07,535 --> 00:12:09,636
Trent? Darby?
158
00:12:09,637 --> 00:12:11,472
Bryce? Marshall?
159
00:12:11,473 --> 00:12:12,606
Peter?
160
00:12:12,607 --> 00:12:14,174
Thomas? Max?
161
00:12:14,175 --> 00:12:15,208
Dashiel?
162
00:12:15,209 --> 00:12:17,110
Diego? Clementine?
163
00:12:17,111 --> 00:12:18,545
Nobody wants a whiskey?!
164
00:12:18,546 --> 00:12:19,913
Okay, well, more for me.
165
00:12:19,914 --> 00:12:22,015
Jerry, now, you look like
you lost a little weight.
166
00:12:22,016 --> 00:12:24,316
What, are you exercising, skipping carbs?
167
00:12:24,317 --> 00:12:25,918
Well, whatever you're doing, keep it up.
168
00:12:25,919 --> 00:12:27,920
Okay. Cheersies.
169
00:12:29,956 --> 00:12:33,125
I miss breakfast burritos.
170
00:12:33,126 --> 00:12:35,762
Getting mail.
171
00:12:35,763 --> 00:12:38,498
Skinny jeans on dudes.
172
00:12:38,499 --> 00:12:40,699
Just kidding. Skinny jeans on dudes suck.
173
00:12:43,469 --> 00:12:44,636
People.
174
00:12:44,637 --> 00:12:46,004
And women.
175
00:12:46,005 --> 00:12:47,873
Oh, my God, women.
176
00:12:47,874 --> 00:12:50,709
Oh, I would give anything
to see another woman again.
177
00:12:50,710 --> 00:12:55,280
I would, I would never complain
about anything ever again...
178
00:12:55,281 --> 00:12:57,314
If I just got to see one more woman.
179
00:13:05,156 --> 00:13:06,557
Hey.
180
00:13:06,558 --> 00:13:09,794
Gary, you want to come
hang at my place tonight?
181
00:13:09,795 --> 00:13:11,495
I mean... sh-shut up, guys.
182
00:13:11,496 --> 00:13:13,596
That's really homophobic, Bryce.
183
00:13:13,597 --> 00:13:15,532
Even for you.
184
00:13:17,401 --> 00:13:19,068
That's her.
185
00:13:19,069 --> 00:13:20,804
Well, I don't know her name.
186
00:13:20,805 --> 00:13:22,906
I've never talked to her.
187
00:13:22,907 --> 00:13:24,407
No, Gary, come on!
188
00:13:24,408 --> 00:13:25,475
What would I say?
189
00:13:25,476 --> 00:13:26,776
I'm so bad in these situations.
190
00:13:26,777 --> 00:13:28,711
There is nothing
191
00:13:28,712 --> 00:13:31,547
you can say that would convince
me to go talk to her, okay?
192
00:13:35,117 --> 00:13:37,853
That's a pretty convincing argument.
193
00:13:41,357 --> 00:13:44,960
Don't honk the horn.
194
00:14:03,445 --> 00:14:05,311
Windows, right?
195
00:14:06,881 --> 00:14:10,283
Uh, my friend Gary dared
me to come say hi to you.
196
00:14:10,284 --> 00:14:12,051
He's in the truck, the white fella.
197
00:14:13,788 --> 00:14:16,322
Uh, so, anyway, hello, I guess.
198
00:14:17,959 --> 00:14:19,392
Actually, I saw you a long time ago,
199
00:14:19,393 --> 00:14:21,027
and I always wanted to come say hi,
200
00:14:21,028 --> 00:14:23,696
but, well, I don't know, I just, uh...
201
00:14:23,697 --> 00:14:25,598
It never felt like the right time.
202
00:14:27,467 --> 00:14:30,102
I like your outfit.
203
00:14:30,103 --> 00:14:33,238
You make good style choices.
204
00:14:54,827 --> 00:14:57,260
Sorry, I-I'm being so...
205
00:14:57,261 --> 00:14:59,129
Forward.
206
00:14:59,130 --> 00:15:00,831
It's just, I've been through a lot lately.
207
00:15:00,832 --> 00:15:03,000
I just realized that having
208
00:15:03,001 --> 00:15:06,904
other people around is really
what makes life worth living.
209
00:15:06,905 --> 00:15:08,872
Where are my manners?
210
00:15:08,873 --> 00:15:10,607
I'm Phil.
211
00:15:29,759 --> 00:15:31,760
You win.
212
00:15:33,629 --> 00:15:34,930
You win.
213
00:15:58,486 --> 00:16:01,388
Well, in about two minutes,
214
00:16:01,389 --> 00:16:03,523
we will lay to rest Phil Miller.
215
00:16:03,524 --> 00:16:05,692
Uh...
216
00:16:05,693 --> 00:16:08,027
I'm sorry for giving up.
217
00:16:12,733 --> 00:16:14,567
Oh, and I just got to say,
218
00:16:14,568 --> 00:16:16,669
huge apology to Tom
Hanks and the whole crew
219
00:16:16,670 --> 00:16:18,170
that put together Castaway.
220
00:16:18,171 --> 00:16:20,006
'Cause they nailed it.
221
00:16:20,007 --> 00:16:21,372
They friggin' nailed it.
222
00:16:21,373 --> 00:16:24,375
You guys were
223
00:16:24,376 --> 00:16:27,079
the best friends that I could ask for.
224
00:16:27,580 --> 00:16:29,447
But you're not people.
225
00:16:31,884 --> 00:16:33,384
You're not people.
226
00:18:44,977 --> 00:18:47,460
Hello! Hello!
227
00:18:48,010 --> 00:18:50,178
Are you okay?
228
00:18:50,179 --> 00:18:51,246
Um...
229
00:18:51,247 --> 00:18:53,714
Uh... I think so.
230
00:18:53,715 --> 00:18:54,983
Wh-where'd you get here? What happened?
231
00:18:54,984 --> 00:18:56,584
I saw all your billboards.
232
00:18:56,585 --> 00:18:58,753
I can't believe you found me!
233
00:18:58,754 --> 00:19:00,288
I... I thought I was...
234
00:19:00,289 --> 00:19:02,290
Your voice is like...
235
00:19:02,291 --> 00:19:05,192
It's like music to my ears.
236
00:19:05,193 --> 00:19:07,060
May I sing to you?
237
00:19:09,097 --> 00:19:10,764
Yeah, I would love that.
238
00:19:10,765 --> 00:19:14,034
♪ If there's something strange ♪
239
00:19:14,035 --> 00:19:16,003
♪ in your neighborhood ♪
240
00:19:16,004 --> 00:19:17,304
♪ who you gonna call? ♪
241
00:19:17,305 --> 00:19:20,606
♪ Ghostbusters ♪
242
00:19:22,075 --> 00:19:24,443
♪ I ain't afraid of no ghost. ♪
243
00:19:24,444 --> 00:19:27,413
Is this a dream?
244
00:19:28,448 --> 00:19:31,617
This is very, very real.
245
00:19:44,730 --> 00:19:46,364
What are you, uh...?
246
00:19:46,365 --> 00:19:48,566
Like to plug that nose up?
247
00:19:48,567 --> 00:19:50,202
What? What's going...?
248
00:19:54,472 --> 00:19:55,706
What are you doing? What are you doing?
249
00:19:55,707 --> 00:19:56,740
I was doing mouth to mouth.
250
00:19:56,741 --> 00:19:58,209
Where did that
wo-wo-woman go?!
251
00:19:58,210 --> 00:19:59,476
You passed out, you wet your underpants.
252
00:19:59,477 --> 00:20:00,845
I thought you were dying.
253
00:20:00,846 --> 00:20:02,746
I did not wet my underpants, okay?
254
00:20:02,747 --> 00:20:04,481
They're... oh, they're wet. Ew!
255
00:20:04,482 --> 00:20:06,183
Super wet. But that was
256
00:20:06,184 --> 00:20:08,719
from something else before.
257
00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:09,887
I-I was-was, uh,
258
00:20:09,888 --> 00:20:11,921
swimming the front, the... the front side.
259
00:20:11,922 --> 00:20:13,193
Okay, I just thought that
you were in trouble...
260
00:20:13,194 --> 00:20:14,324
Well, you thought wrong!
261
00:20:14,325 --> 00:20:15,825
That was from something
else before, I told you!
262
00:20:15,826 --> 00:20:18,128
- I'm not accusing you...
- I'm not saying you're accusing me!
263
00:20:18,129 --> 00:20:20,697
- I'm telling you they were wet before.
- Okay, okay! Oh, gosh!
264
00:20:20,698 --> 00:20:22,565
- Okay, back up! Back up!
- Okay, whoa, whoa,
265
00:20:22,566 --> 00:20:23,933
- whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Put your hands where I can see them!
266
00:20:23,934 --> 00:20:25,568
- Okay, okay, okay, okay...
- Hands where I can see them!
267
00:20:25,569 --> 00:20:27,570
- Okay, okay.
- Drop my bra.
268
00:20:27,571 --> 00:20:29,371
Okay, okay, okay.
269
00:20:29,372 --> 00:20:30,673
No!
270
00:20:30,674 --> 00:20:31,940
Drop it!
271
00:20:33,710 --> 00:20:35,711
Gross.
272
00:20:35,712 --> 00:20:37,680
- Are you nice?
- What?
273
00:20:37,681 --> 00:20:39,882
Are you a nice person?!
274
00:20:39,883 --> 00:20:41,183
Okay, yes, yes! I'm really nice!
275
00:20:41,184 --> 00:20:42,651
I'm very, very, very nice!
276
00:20:42,652 --> 00:20:44,319
I'm so nice, seriously. I promise you.
277
00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:46,487
There is nothing to be afraid of.
278
00:20:46,488 --> 00:20:48,856
- Nothing of which to be afraid.
- But I just said that.
279
00:20:48,857 --> 00:20:50,291
You can't end sentences with prepositions!
280
00:20:50,292 --> 00:20:52,426
"Nothing of which to be
afraid" is the proper grammar!
281
00:20:52,427 --> 00:20:53,494
Fine, yes, okay.
282
00:20:53,495 --> 00:20:55,229
- There's nothing of which...
- Yes.
283
00:20:55,230 --> 00:20:56,430
Huh?
284
00:20:56,431 --> 00:20:57,531
- That's better.
- Good with that?
285
00:20:57,532 --> 00:20:59,667
Of which to be afraid, okay?
286
00:20:59,668 --> 00:21:00,702
- Mm-hmm.
- Huh?
287
00:21:00,703 --> 00:21:02,402
You can trust me, seriously.
288
00:21:02,403 --> 00:21:05,672
Honestly? I did wet my underpants.
289
00:21:05,673 --> 00:21:07,908
They were totally dry before I soaked them.
290
00:21:07,909 --> 00:21:10,077
- I soaked them.
- Why did you lie to me?
291
00:21:10,078 --> 00:21:12,278
'Cause I'm an adult
and I wet my underpants.
292
00:21:12,279 --> 00:21:14,614
Are you the one who put up all
those "alive in Tucson" signs?
293
00:21:14,615 --> 00:21:16,750
Yes! Yes! That was me.
294
00:21:16,751 --> 00:21:18,585
That was me. I did that. Look.
295
00:21:18,586 --> 00:21:20,086
I am so sorry.
296
00:21:20,087 --> 00:21:22,688
I haven't seen another human
being in, like, two years.
297
00:21:22,689 --> 00:21:23,856
And I was literally
298
00:21:23,857 --> 00:21:25,725
about to kill myself five minutes ago.
299
00:21:25,726 --> 00:21:27,259
I'm harmless, okay?
300
00:21:27,260 --> 00:21:29,161
Why don't you put that gun away?
301
00:21:29,162 --> 00:21:30,629
What do you need that gun out for?
302
00:21:30,630 --> 00:21:32,598
Don't you mean "out for
what do you need that gun"?
303
00:21:32,599 --> 00:21:33,933
Okay, that can't be right.
304
00:21:33,934 --> 00:21:35,267
- It is.
- No, come on.
305
00:21:35,268 --> 00:21:37,936
No, no, no! You don't
have to cock that thing!
306
00:21:37,937 --> 00:21:39,370
Fine. Look.
307
00:21:39,371 --> 00:21:41,505
Out for what do you need that gun?
308
00:21:41,506 --> 00:21:42,941
Huh?
309
00:21:42,942 --> 00:21:44,175
Come on.
310
00:21:45,410 --> 00:21:47,378
I'm not gonna hurt you.
311
00:21:47,379 --> 00:21:50,882
Why don't you put that thing away?
312
00:21:50,883 --> 00:21:51,950
There you go.
313
00:21:51,951 --> 00:21:53,650
I'm a quick draw.
314
00:21:53,651 --> 00:21:55,318
So watch yourself.
315
00:21:55,319 --> 00:21:57,454
Thank you, thank you.
316
00:21:57,455 --> 00:21:59,489
Can we start over?
317
00:21:59,490 --> 00:22:00,457
Yeah, okay.
318
00:22:00,458 --> 00:22:02,092
Phil Miller.
319
00:22:02,093 --> 00:22:03,794
Last man on earth.
320
00:22:03,795 --> 00:22:06,964
Carol Pilbasian.
321
00:22:06,965 --> 00:22:08,799
Last woman on earth.
322
00:22:11,769 --> 00:22:14,103
♪ Amen ♪
323
00:22:15,472 --> 00:22:18,440
♪ amen ♪
324
00:22:18,441 --> 00:22:20,576
♪ amen, amen... ♪
325
00:22:20,577 --> 00:22:22,945
Oh, makes my mouth
water just thinking about those.
326
00:22:22,946 --> 00:22:26,249
Then in Tampa, I scored,
ah, just a ton of radishes.
327
00:22:26,250 --> 00:22:28,449
You wouldn't think Florida for radishes,
328
00:22:28,450 --> 00:22:29,584
but they are absolutely chockablock.
329
00:22:29,585 --> 00:22:31,586
They say if you can't
find a radish in Tampa,
330
00:22:31,587 --> 00:22:32,921
just walk five feet.
331
00:22:32,922 --> 00:22:33,955
They're abundant.
332
00:22:35,158 --> 00:22:37,759
Oh, God, how long have I been talking?
333
00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:39,427
Uh, like, you know, 45 minutes.
334
00:22:39,428 --> 00:22:40,428
It's fine, it's fine.
335
00:22:40,429 --> 00:22:41,763
I am so sorry.
336
00:22:41,764 --> 00:22:43,931
I must have all this conversation
337
00:22:43,932 --> 00:22:46,066
that's just been waiting
to get out inside of me.
338
00:22:46,067 --> 00:22:47,601
Yeah.
339
00:22:49,370 --> 00:22:51,038
Well, it's all coming out now, right?
340
00:22:51,039 --> 00:22:52,239
Flowing.
341
00:22:57,946 --> 00:22:59,113
So, wh-what about you?
342
00:22:59,114 --> 00:23:00,980
Um, what did you do for a job?
343
00:23:00,981 --> 00:23:02,282
I was a temp.
344
00:23:02,283 --> 00:23:04,284
Oh, I'm sorry.
345
00:23:04,285 --> 00:23:05,518
How old are you?
346
00:23:05,519 --> 00:23:06,552
I'm 41.
347
00:23:06,553 --> 00:23:08,221
Oh.
348
00:23:08,222 --> 00:23:10,023
Okay.
349
00:23:10,024 --> 00:23:11,691
Well, you know,
350
00:23:11,692 --> 00:23:13,159
it's not something I'm super-proud of.
351
00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:15,661
You mean not something of
which you are super-proud.
352
00:23:15,662 --> 00:23:16,662
- Yeah.
- Mmhmm.
353
00:23:16,663 --> 00:23:17,730
Were you an English teacher?
354
00:23:17,731 --> 00:23:20,065
No, I was an office manager
355
00:23:20,066 --> 00:23:21,834
at a hot sauce bottling company.
356
00:23:22,869 --> 00:23:25,337
Sounds like a spicy job.
357
00:23:25,338 --> 00:23:27,339
No, it... I didn't work with the spices.
358
00:23:27,340 --> 00:23:28,506
I was filing.
359
00:23:30,743 --> 00:23:32,244
Cheers.
360
00:23:32,245 --> 00:23:33,245
Cheers.
361
00:23:33,246 --> 00:23:34,379
Oh, whoa, whoa.
362
00:23:35,380 --> 00:23:37,014
I want to protect the ceramic.
363
00:23:37,015 --> 00:23:39,317
Noted.
364
00:23:39,318 --> 00:23:41,152
And you have to make eye
contact, or it won't come true.
365
00:23:41,153 --> 00:23:42,820
Oh, okay.
366
00:23:42,821 --> 00:23:44,188
- Well, let's try it again.
- Okay.
367
00:23:44,189 --> 00:23:45,089
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
368
00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:04,741
Uh, oh.
369
00:24:04,742 --> 00:24:06,442
That was a stop sign.
370
00:24:06,443 --> 00:24:07,777
Y-yeah, it was.
371
00:24:07,778 --> 00:24:09,111
You just went right through it.
372
00:24:09,112 --> 00:24:11,280
Uh, y-yes, I did.
373
00:24:11,281 --> 00:24:14,750
Well, could you do me a flavor
and stop at the next one?
374
00:24:14,751 --> 00:24:17,753
Carol, stop signs are
there to mediate traffic.
375
00:24:17,754 --> 00:24:20,256
And traffic doesn't exist anymore,
376
00:24:20,257 --> 00:24:22,124
so essentially stop signs don't either.
377
00:24:22,125 --> 00:24:23,658
Yeah, except that they do.
378
00:24:23,659 --> 00:24:25,194
And I'd rather you stopped at them.
379
00:24:25,195 --> 00:24:26,527
Oh, here's one. Here's one.
380
00:24:26,528 --> 00:24:27,528
- Here's one.
- Okay, okay, okay.
381
00:24:27,529 --> 00:24:28,729
Stopping.
382
00:24:31,533 --> 00:24:33,601
Looking both ways.
383
00:24:33,602 --> 00:24:35,270
And moving on.
384
00:24:35,271 --> 00:24:36,271
Here we go.
385
00:24:36,272 --> 00:24:38,239
I'm gonna ease into it.
386
00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:39,240
Feel better?
387
00:24:39,241 --> 00:24:40,241
Thank you, Phil.
388
00:24:40,242 --> 00:24:41,910
Yeah.
389
00:24:41,911 --> 00:24:43,944
I can't wait to see your house.
390
00:24:43,945 --> 00:24:47,381
They say a person's home is
a reflection of their soul.
391
00:24:47,382 --> 00:24:49,549
So this is my toilet pool.
392
00:24:49,550 --> 00:24:50,550
Mmm.
393
00:24:52,553 --> 00:24:54,554
And here's my garbage pool.
394
00:24:54,555 --> 00:24:56,723
And, uh, this is my Margarita pool.
395
00:24:56,724 --> 00:24:59,192
You swim in that?
396
00:24:59,193 --> 00:25:01,527
Well, I swim in it, I drink out of it.
397
00:25:01,528 --> 00:25:03,862
There's really no wrong
way to use a Margarita pool,
398
00:25:03,863 --> 00:25:05,531
you know what I mean?
399
00:25:06,900 --> 00:25:09,902
Work your way through here.
400
00:25:09,903 --> 00:25:12,405
Sorry, it's kind of messy right now.
401
00:25:12,406 --> 00:25:15,074
What a collection of cans.
402
00:25:15,075 --> 00:25:18,076
Oh, where'd you get all these paintings?
403
00:25:18,077 --> 00:25:19,577
You know, I took them from, uh...
404
00:25:19,578 --> 00:25:21,246
Various museums.
405
00:25:21,247 --> 00:25:24,349
I got some Van Goghs and Monets.
406
00:25:24,350 --> 00:25:25,683
In that pile alone, there's, like,
407
00:25:25,684 --> 00:25:27,518
a billion dollars worth
of famous paintings.
408
00:25:27,519 --> 00:25:30,021
So you stole all these paintings?
409
00:25:30,022 --> 00:25:32,090
What? No. No.
410
00:25:32,091 --> 00:25:34,624
Plus, I take very good care
of this stuff... oh, shoot.
411
00:25:34,625 --> 00:25:37,962
Uh, I'd better dry this baby off.
412
00:25:37,963 --> 00:25:39,296
There we go.
413
00:25:39,297 --> 00:25:40,630
Dry as new.
414
00:25:40,631 --> 00:25:41,865
Sorry, Rembrandt.
415
00:25:41,866 --> 00:25:43,167
Phil, what are these?
416
00:25:43,168 --> 00:25:44,468
Uh...
417
00:25:44,469 --> 00:25:47,771
And those and those and that?
418
00:25:47,772 --> 00:25:50,441
They are... magazines.
419
00:25:50,442 --> 00:25:52,608
Oh. What kind of magazines?
420
00:25:52,609 --> 00:25:54,877
Well, they are...
421
00:25:54,878 --> 00:25:57,513
Masturbatory magazines.
422
00:25:57,514 --> 00:26:00,116
Okay. Okay.
423
00:26:00,117 --> 00:26:01,117
What?
424
00:26:01,118 --> 00:26:03,053
Is there, uh... Something wrong?
425
00:26:03,054 --> 00:26:06,990
You know, I'm just trying not
to judge the book by its cover.
426
00:26:06,991 --> 00:26:09,858
And-and what book are
you referring to, Carol?
427
00:26:09,859 --> 00:26:12,160
The book to which I'm referring
428
00:26:12,161 --> 00:26:13,862
is called Phil Miller.
429
00:26:13,863 --> 00:26:15,730
Sounds like a good book.
430
00:26:15,731 --> 00:26:18,066
It's the story of a man
with a brothel of a home
431
00:26:18,067 --> 00:26:19,734
and a pool filled with human excrement.
432
00:26:19,735 --> 00:26:21,769
Carol, there is no running water.
433
00:26:21,770 --> 00:26:23,505
Did you ever try to fix that?
434
00:26:23,506 --> 00:26:26,040
I did fix it. With a toilet pool.
435
00:26:26,041 --> 00:26:27,208
- Mmm.
- You probably would have done
436
00:26:27,209 --> 00:26:28,309
the exact same thing.
437
00:26:28,310 --> 00:26:30,244
Oh, no, I know that I wouldn't have.
438
00:26:30,245 --> 00:26:31,545
Because I'm not an animal.
439
00:26:31,546 --> 00:26:33,080
Oh, so I'm an animal now?
440
00:26:33,081 --> 00:26:34,081
Okay, thank you.
441
00:26:34,082 --> 00:26:35,416
I'm just saying
442
00:26:35,417 --> 00:26:38,085
that if you diverted a small percentage
443
00:26:38,086 --> 00:26:39,420
of your masturbation energy
444
00:26:39,421 --> 00:26:41,322
towards fixing the water problem,
445
00:26:41,323 --> 00:26:45,025
you might be going potty
in a toilet right now.
446
00:26:45,026 --> 00:26:47,994
Maybe we should get you
back to that campsite.
447
00:26:54,101 --> 00:26:55,935
Look, I know you've been
through a hard time...
448
00:26:55,936 --> 00:26:57,870
We both have...
449
00:26:57,871 --> 00:27:00,005
But I'm gonna help you get
your life back together.
450
00:27:00,006 --> 00:27:02,241
Well, I am looking forward to that.
451
00:27:02,242 --> 00:27:03,608
Good first day.
452
00:27:03,609 --> 00:27:05,244
Great first day.
453
00:27:05,245 --> 00:27:06,846
See you tom...
454
00:27:15,317 --> 00:27:16,784
Carol?
455
00:27:16,785 --> 00:27:17,818
What are you doing in here?
456
00:27:17,819 --> 00:27:18,853
Good morning!
457
00:27:18,854 --> 00:27:20,688
Remember how I said
458
00:27:20,689 --> 00:27:22,690
your home was a reflection of your soul?
459
00:27:22,691 --> 00:27:24,959
Well, I'm cleaning up your soul.
460
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:27,295
Well, uh, next time you
want to clean up my soul,
461
00:27:27,296 --> 00:27:28,662
could you please give me
462
00:27:28,663 --> 00:27:29,996
a little advanced notice beforehand?
463
00:27:29,997 --> 00:27:31,665
- Of course.
- Yeah.
464
00:27:31,666 --> 00:27:33,100
- Sorry.
- Okay.
465
00:27:33,101 --> 00:27:35,936
Uh, here, I'll just put
it back the way you had it.
466
00:27:35,937 --> 00:27:37,071
That'd be great.
467
00:27:38,139 --> 00:27:39,139
Whoa, whoa, wait!
468
00:27:39,140 --> 00:27:40,140
Now, no, no, no!
469
00:27:40,141 --> 00:27:42,042
Be gentle! Carol, Carol!
470
00:27:42,043 --> 00:27:43,710
Watch out for my Jenga tower, okay?
471
00:27:43,711 --> 00:27:45,278
I spent a lot of time on that.
472
00:27:45,279 --> 00:27:48,247
Oh, and you think that's
time well spent, Phil?
473
00:27:50,016 --> 00:27:51,016
Yes, I do.
474
00:27:51,017 --> 00:27:52,418
Phil, you can't just be playing
475
00:27:52,419 --> 00:27:53,786
with your Yenga all day.
476
00:27:53,787 --> 00:27:55,788
We have work to do.
477
00:27:55,789 --> 00:27:58,691
I need gardening supplies,
you need cleaning supplies.
478
00:27:58,692 --> 00:27:59,992
We're going to the store.
479
00:27:59,993 --> 00:28:02,527
No, we're n...
480
00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:10,102
Whoa, whoa, what are you doing?
481
00:28:10,103 --> 00:28:11,103
What now?
482
00:28:12,205 --> 00:28:13,871
This is a handicapped parking spot.
483
00:28:13,872 --> 00:28:15,307
Okay, Carol.
484
00:28:15,308 --> 00:28:17,041
We're the last two people on earth.
485
00:28:17,042 --> 00:28:19,143
If by some tiny chance
486
00:28:19,144 --> 00:28:22,045
a handicapped person happens
to be driving through Tucson
487
00:28:22,046 --> 00:28:24,215
and makes a beeline
for this hardware store,
488
00:28:24,216 --> 00:28:25,549
they can park right over there,
489
00:28:25,550 --> 00:28:27,551
which is even closer to the store.
490
00:28:27,552 --> 00:28:29,186
That's not a parking spot.
491
00:28:29,187 --> 00:28:30,488
That is a spot, Carol!
492
00:28:30,489 --> 00:28:31,755
No, it's not a spot.
493
00:28:31,756 --> 00:28:33,056
And that is a parking spot...
494
00:28:33,057 --> 00:28:34,691
- No.
- And that is a parking spot.
495
00:28:34,692 --> 00:28:36,026
Look all around you.
496
00:28:36,027 --> 00:28:38,428
Everything you see right
now is a parking spot.
497
00:28:38,429 --> 00:28:39,862
You're a parking spot.
498
00:28:39,863 --> 00:28:41,197
Yes, I am!
499
00:28:41,198 --> 00:28:42,599
Now you're getting it.
500
00:28:42,600 --> 00:28:45,668
The whole freaking world
is a parking spot now.
501
00:28:45,669 --> 00:28:48,004
It's one of the only
benefits of our situation.
502
00:28:48,005 --> 00:28:49,339
In fact, you know what?
503
00:28:49,340 --> 00:28:51,007
I want to park a little closer...
504
00:28:51,008 --> 00:28:52,808
I want to park a little closer.
505
00:28:52,809 --> 00:28:54,943
What are you doing?
506
00:28:54,944 --> 00:28:57,045
Getting a closer parking spot.
507
00:29:06,556 --> 00:29:08,323
This spot feels right to me.
508
00:29:08,324 --> 00:29:09,658
This feels good.
509
00:29:13,094 --> 00:29:14,262
So that's it, huh?
510
00:29:14,263 --> 00:29:16,597
You don't care about rules or laws anymore?
511
00:29:16,598 --> 00:29:17,931
What's next?
512
00:29:17,932 --> 00:29:19,367
You gonna burn down a church?
513
00:29:19,368 --> 00:29:21,636
Carol, I would never burn down a church.
514
00:29:21,637 --> 00:29:23,971
- Why?
- It's a church!
515
00:29:23,972 --> 00:29:27,507
And this is a store, and that
is a handicapped parking spot!
516
00:29:29,544 --> 00:29:31,344
Fine.
517
00:29:39,287 --> 00:29:42,222
So, uh, guess who's not
the last person on earth anymore.
518
00:29:42,223 --> 00:29:44,490
It should be the best
day of my life, right?
519
00:29:44,491 --> 00:29:46,592
I mean, you guys know how horny I've been.
520
00:29:46,593 --> 00:29:48,227
Just so, so, so, so, so horny.
521
00:29:48,228 --> 00:29:50,229
Just next-level horny.
522
00:29:50,230 --> 00:29:52,130
But this woman is just a turd.
523
00:29:52,131 --> 00:29:54,433
Eight ball, corner pocket.
524
00:29:54,434 --> 00:29:56,435
Maybe I'm being too harsh.
525
00:29:56,436 --> 00:29:57,936
At times she's almost kind of cute.
526
00:29:57,937 --> 00:30:00,406
Then she opens her
mouth, and it just sucks.
527
00:30:00,407 --> 00:30:02,139
What a turd. Eight ball, corner pocket.
528
00:30:02,140 --> 00:30:03,474
Ugh!
529
00:30:03,475 --> 00:30:05,677
"Ooh, I want to fix you, Phil."
530
00:30:05,678 --> 00:30:07,245
That's what she said to me.
531
00:30:07,246 --> 00:30:08,613
I'm a work in progress, sure,
532
00:30:08,614 --> 00:30:10,114
but I've progressed to
the point where it's...
533
00:30:10,115 --> 00:30:11,949
I'm very close, I'm very close.
534
00:30:11,950 --> 00:30:14,018
Eight ball, corner pocket.
535
00:30:14,019 --> 00:30:15,853
Bottom line, and I can't
believe I'm saying this,
536
00:30:15,854 --> 00:30:17,755
I think I need a little space.
537
00:30:33,638 --> 00:30:36,339
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no...
538
00:30:36,340 --> 00:30:38,006
No, no, no, no, no!
539
00:30:38,007 --> 00:30:39,808
No, no, no, no no, no, no, no.
540
00:30:39,809 --> 00:30:41,477
No, no, no, no. Carol, Carol.
541
00:30:41,478 --> 00:30:42,478
Carol, Carol, Carol?
542
00:30:42,479 --> 00:30:43,812
- Yeah.
- What are you doing?
543
00:30:43,813 --> 00:30:45,114
Huh? I'm moving in next door.
544
00:30:45,115 --> 00:30:46,616
- Carol...
- Yeah.
545
00:30:46,617 --> 00:30:47,816
There are, no exaggeration,
546
00:30:47,817 --> 00:30:49,685
all the houses in the world to choose from.
547
00:30:49,686 --> 00:30:52,621
Okay, why does it have to be the
house right next door to mine?
548
00:30:52,622 --> 00:30:54,389
What's wrong?
549
00:30:54,390 --> 00:30:56,224
Do you do weird stuff in your house
550
00:30:56,225 --> 00:30:57,825
that you don't want me to see?
551
00:30:57,826 --> 00:30:59,494
I... no, I do not do weird stuff.
552
00:30:59,495 --> 00:31:00,828
I do normal stuff.
553
00:31:00,829 --> 00:31:03,164
But I'd like to do that
normal stuff in private.
554
00:31:03,165 --> 00:31:04,832
Are you afraid I'm gonna see you naked?
555
00:31:08,304 --> 00:31:09,637
Does this answer your question?
556
00:31:09,638 --> 00:31:11,905
Do you want me to look at it? Hello.
557
00:31:11,906 --> 00:31:13,307
- No! No, Carol.
- What do you say, little guy?
558
00:31:13,308 --> 00:31:15,208
Is this what you want?
I'm looking right at it.
559
00:31:15,209 --> 00:31:16,209
- Carol, stop this.
- Ooh.
560
00:31:16,210 --> 00:31:17,344
- Don't be scared.
- Come on, Carol.
561
00:31:17,345 --> 00:31:19,380
Carol.
562
00:31:19,381 --> 00:31:20,881
Look, I'll choose a different house,
563
00:31:20,882 --> 00:31:22,349
but I'm staying in this neighborhood.
564
00:31:24,319 --> 00:31:26,653
All right.
565
00:31:26,654 --> 00:31:29,389
How much longer are we
gonna dance around this?
566
00:31:29,390 --> 00:31:31,424
Dance around what?
567
00:31:31,425 --> 00:31:33,760
The reason we both survived... our purpose.
568
00:31:33,761 --> 00:31:35,728
We were chosen.
569
00:31:35,729 --> 00:31:38,030
W-would you just say
what you're trying to say?
570
00:31:38,031 --> 00:31:39,932
Repopulation, you dumb donkey!
571
00:31:39,933 --> 00:31:41,901
Something we have to do!
572
00:31:41,902 --> 00:31:43,402
Together!
573
00:31:43,403 --> 00:31:46,271
Carol, no disrespect here,
574
00:31:46,272 --> 00:31:48,674
but have you ever heard the phrase,
575
00:31:48,675 --> 00:31:49,908
"I wouldn't have sex with you
576
00:31:49,909 --> 00:31:51,543
if you were the last person on earth"?
577
00:31:51,544 --> 00:31:54,245
You think I want to repopulate with you?
578
00:31:54,246 --> 00:31:57,349
Oh, I would rather eat a cat.
579
00:31:57,350 --> 00:31:59,117
And I love cats.
580
00:31:59,118 --> 00:32:01,385
And the
thought of killing a cat
581
00:32:01,386 --> 00:32:03,887
and then eating its little furry body,
582
00:32:03,888 --> 00:32:06,624
like, that's how I feel
about making love to you.
583
00:32:06,625 --> 00:32:08,225
So we're done here, then?
584
00:32:08,226 --> 00:32:09,727
Oh, not by a long shot.
585
00:32:11,095 --> 00:32:13,764
The fate of the human
race is depending on us.
586
00:32:13,765 --> 00:32:16,900
You may hide behind that
rat's nest of a beard of yours
587
00:32:16,901 --> 00:32:19,035
and pretend that you
don't care about anything,
588
00:32:19,036 --> 00:32:21,538
but I know that deep down inside of you,
589
00:32:21,539 --> 00:32:24,874
there is a nice-smelling person
who actually gives a hoot,
590
00:32:24,875 --> 00:32:27,310
and I am not giving up until I find him!
591
00:32:27,311 --> 00:32:30,279
Well, good luck with that, Carol.
592
00:32:31,615 --> 00:32:34,283
I'm gonna find him!
593
00:32:34,284 --> 00:32:36,385
You're a great guy, Phil!
594
00:32:36,386 --> 00:32:39,054
Somewhere in there!
595
00:32:39,055 --> 00:32:40,389
Hidden.
596
00:32:40,390 --> 00:32:41,891
Far away.
597
00:32:48,938 --> 00:32:49,938
Hi, Phil.
598
00:32:49,939 --> 00:32:51,106
Carol!
599
00:32:51,107 --> 00:32:53,308
Geez! Can I get a little privacy here?!
600
00:32:53,309 --> 00:32:56,144
Oh, definitely... if you
used your inside toilet.
601
00:32:56,145 --> 00:32:58,446
What part of "no running
water" do you not understand?
602
00:32:58,447 --> 00:32:59,748
All of it.
603
00:32:59,749 --> 00:33:01,650
I mean, look
at what you're doing, Phil.
604
00:33:01,651 --> 00:33:04,319
Carol, this works for me.
605
00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:06,854
The fact that it doesn't work
for you is not my problem.
606
00:33:06,855 --> 00:33:09,356
I just want to live
like a human being again.
607
00:33:09,357 --> 00:33:10,857
I want to take a shower.
608
00:33:10,858 --> 00:33:12,192
I want to water my garden.
609
00:33:12,193 --> 00:33:14,361
I want our kids to have
fresh fruits and vegetables.
610
00:33:14,362 --> 00:33:15,362
Our kids?!
611
00:33:15,363 --> 00:33:16,797
- Yes.
- Carol,
612
00:33:16,798 --> 00:33:19,533
I am definitely not having kids with you.
613
00:33:19,534 --> 00:33:21,868
Fine, I want fresh fruits and vegetables.
614
00:33:21,869 --> 00:33:23,136
Don't you want that?
615
00:33:23,137 --> 00:33:25,205
I honestly don't care.
616
00:33:25,206 --> 00:33:27,407
Suit yourself.
617
00:33:27,408 --> 00:33:28,641
Whoa...
618
00:33:28,642 --> 00:33:31,076
Mmm.
619
00:33:31,077 --> 00:33:32,211
What is that?
620
00:33:32,212 --> 00:33:33,646
Oh.
621
00:33:33,647 --> 00:33:34,647
This to-mah-to?
622
00:33:34,648 --> 00:33:36,649
Carol, just say "tomato."
623
00:33:36,650 --> 00:33:37,983
Phil, some people say "to-mah-to."
624
00:33:37,984 --> 00:33:39,084
I'm one of those people.
625
00:33:39,085 --> 00:33:40,986
Of course you are.
626
00:33:40,987 --> 00:33:43,988
Now, I grew this personally,
and I would love to grow more,
627
00:33:43,989 --> 00:33:45,791
but I need help getting water to my garden.
628
00:33:45,792 --> 00:33:47,726
Are you in? Are you out?
629
00:33:47,727 --> 00:33:48,760
Oh, I'm definitely out.
630
00:33:48,761 --> 00:33:50,228
I was never even close to being in.
631
00:33:50,229 --> 00:33:51,229
In any way.
632
00:33:51,230 --> 00:33:52,897
All right.
633
00:33:52,898 --> 00:33:54,666
But those that don't help don't eat.
634
00:33:54,667 --> 00:33:56,501
- Bye.
- Mmm...
635
00:33:56,502 --> 00:33:58,102
Mmm...
636
00:33:58,103 --> 00:33:59,904
- Mmm.
- Yeah. Looks... disgusting.
637
00:33:59,905 --> 00:34:01,672
Mm-mm-mm!
638
00:34:01,673 --> 00:34:03,641
Oh, so juicy!
639
00:34:03,642 --> 00:34:05,743
Oh!
640
00:34:05,744 --> 00:34:07,678
Ah!
641
00:34:09,180 --> 00:34:10,180
Ah!
642
00:34:10,181 --> 00:34:12,383
Son of a bee sting!
643
00:34:16,521 --> 00:34:19,155
Ah! That really hurt!
644
00:34:56,925 --> 00:34:58,826
You enjoy those to-mah-toes, Phil?
645
00:34:58,827 --> 00:35:01,429
I don't know what you're talking about.
646
00:35:01,430 --> 00:35:03,398
You stole my to-mah-toes, Phil.
647
00:35:03,399 --> 00:35:04,231
Did not.
648
00:35:04,232 --> 00:35:05,833
You stole my to-mah-toes
649
00:35:05,834 --> 00:35:07,935
and you left poop in my garden.
650
00:35:07,936 --> 00:35:09,936
Must've been a raccoon.
651
00:35:17,278 --> 00:35:19,279
You're a terrorist.
652
00:35:23,851 --> 00:35:25,285
What happened to your foot?
653
00:35:25,286 --> 00:35:28,821
I dropped the manhole cover on it.
654
00:35:28,822 --> 00:35:29,822
I'm fine.
655
00:35:29,823 --> 00:35:31,123
You don't look fine.
656
00:35:31,124 --> 00:35:33,091
I'm fine.
657
00:35:37,798 --> 00:35:40,633
Ah!
658
00:35:45,137 --> 00:35:47,772
Son of a bee sting!
659
00:35:48,808 --> 00:35:50,508
Ah!
660
00:35:54,480 --> 00:35:57,281
You win, manhole!
661
00:36:25,509 --> 00:36:28,210
Carol, what are you doing?
662
00:36:28,211 --> 00:36:30,045
What does it look like?
663
00:36:30,046 --> 00:36:32,314
It looks like you're
making a toilet fountain.
664
00:36:32,315 --> 00:36:34,583
Bingo.
665
00:36:34,584 --> 00:36:36,117
And you'll be happy to hear
666
00:36:36,118 --> 00:36:37,786
I've given up on the water project.
667
00:36:37,787 --> 00:36:38,954
And everything else, too.
668
00:36:38,955 --> 00:36:41,055
Are-are your pants on?
669
00:36:41,056 --> 00:36:43,024
For now.
670
00:36:43,025 --> 00:36:46,327
Look, wh... what are you talking about?
671
00:36:46,328 --> 00:36:49,364
- I can't even raise a to-mah-to.
- Tomato.
672
00:36:49,365 --> 00:36:51,098
What makes me think I could ever give birth
673
00:36:51,099 --> 00:36:53,100
to a whole new civilization?
674
00:36:53,101 --> 00:36:55,369
Carol, I think you're
overreacting a little.
675
00:36:55,370 --> 00:36:56,504
Look, you're off the hook.
676
00:36:56,505 --> 00:36:58,606
I was wrong about our purpose.
677
00:36:58,607 --> 00:37:00,741
We weren't chosen.
678
00:37:00,742 --> 00:37:02,676
We were forgotten.
679
00:37:02,677 --> 00:37:05,479
Carol, it's just a stupid garden.
680
00:37:05,480 --> 00:37:07,347
Yeah.
681
00:37:07,348 --> 00:37:09,081
It's also a parking spot.
682
00:37:11,151 --> 00:37:12,785
I really do have to go.
683
00:37:12,786 --> 00:37:14,020
Like, bad.
684
00:37:39,661 --> 00:37:41,595
♪ I'm gonna tell you a story... ♪
685
00:37:41,596 --> 00:37:42,596
Damn it!
686
00:37:42,597 --> 00:37:45,799
♪ It's all about my town ♪
687
00:37:47,535 --> 00:37:50,804
♪ yeah, down by the river damn it! ♪
688
00:37:52,206 --> 00:37:53,774
♪ Down by the banks damn it! ♪
689
00:37:53,775 --> 00:37:57,043
♪ Of the river Charles ♪
690
00:37:57,044 --> 00:37:58,711
- ♪ aw, that's what's happening, baby... ♪
- Damn it!
691
00:37:58,712 --> 00:38:00,345
Ah! Damn it!
692
00:38:01,615 --> 00:38:04,550
♪ That's where you'll find me... ♪
693
00:38:06,152 --> 00:38:07,653
♪ Along with lovers damn it! ♪
694
00:38:07,654 --> 00:38:10,322
♪ Buggers and thieves oh! ♪
695
00:38:10,323 --> 00:38:12,323
- ♪ Aw, but they're cool people oh! ♪
- Ah!
696
00:38:14,827 --> 00:38:18,697
♪ But I love that dirty water ♪
697
00:38:18,698 --> 00:38:22,767
♪ oh, Boston, you're my home ♪
698
00:38:24,436 --> 00:38:26,204
- ♪ oh, you're the number one place... ♪
- Damn it!
699
00:38:26,205 --> 00:38:27,939
Damn it, damn it, damn it!
700
00:38:27,940 --> 00:38:29,640
Damn it!
701
00:38:32,210 --> 00:38:33,944
You've been tamed, sir.
702
00:38:33,945 --> 00:38:36,146
♪ Well, I love that dirty water... ♪
703
00:38:36,147 --> 00:38:37,414
Damn it!
704
00:38:37,415 --> 00:38:39,116
♪ Baby ♪
705
00:38:39,117 --> 00:38:41,919
♪ love that dirty water ♪
706
00:38:41,920 --> 00:38:44,989
- ♪ love that dirty water ♪
Ah!
707
00:38:44,990 --> 00:38:46,422
- ♪ Love that dirty... ♪
- Damn it!
708
00:38:51,428 --> 00:38:52,762
Carol.
709
00:38:52,763 --> 00:38:53,763
Hello, Phil.
710
00:38:53,764 --> 00:38:55,431
- How's the foot?
- Not great.
711
00:38:55,432 --> 00:38:57,466
- How's the toilet fountain?
- Full.
712
00:38:57,467 --> 00:38:59,035
Ah, geez, Carol.
713
00:38:59,036 --> 00:39:00,369
Could you come with me for a minute?
714
00:39:08,611 --> 00:39:10,779
You know anything about this?
715
00:39:10,780 --> 00:39:12,481
Nope.
716
00:39:12,482 --> 00:39:13,682
Can't help you.
717
00:39:13,683 --> 00:39:15,383
Really?
718
00:39:15,384 --> 00:39:17,753
No. Carol, I mean, look at this thing.
719
00:39:17,754 --> 00:39:19,387
Whoever did this would've had to
720
00:39:19,388 --> 00:39:20,488
stay up all night
721
00:39:20,489 --> 00:39:22,590
and go research water systems at a library
722
00:39:22,591 --> 00:39:24,459
and then put all this stuff together.
723
00:39:24,460 --> 00:39:27,061
Do I look like somebody who
could do something like that?
724
00:39:27,062 --> 00:39:29,163
Y-you're right. Couldn't have been you.
725
00:39:32,300 --> 00:39:35,002
Hey. You want to come
over for dinner tonight?
726
00:39:38,439 --> 00:39:40,440
Yeah. I'd like that.
727
00:39:40,441 --> 00:39:42,609
Okay.
728
00:39:42,610 --> 00:39:45,345
Well, see you.
729
00:39:47,381 --> 00:39:49,415
Hey, uh, Carol?
730
00:39:50,451 --> 00:39:52,719
You know I did this, right?
731
00:39:52,720 --> 00:39:55,053
Yeah, I know, Phil.
732
00:39:55,054 --> 00:39:57,690
It was... a lot of work
and it took all night
733
00:39:57,691 --> 00:40:00,626
and I had to go to a library
and read a bunch of crap.
734
00:40:00,627 --> 00:40:02,962
Yeah, it's very, very
obvious it was you who did it.
735
00:40:02,963 --> 00:40:04,597
Feels good, I'll admit.
736
00:40:04,598 --> 00:40:07,299
It feels good to be so selfless.
737
00:40:08,334 --> 00:40:10,135
Anyway, we can talk more about it
738
00:40:10,136 --> 00:40:11,803
at dinner.
739
00:40:11,804 --> 00:40:13,905
Okay.
740
00:40:13,906 --> 00:40:15,573
I have a feeling we're gonna remember
741
00:40:15,574 --> 00:40:17,542
what I did here today for a long time.
742
00:40:17,543 --> 00:40:19,210
And that's cool.
743
00:40:29,921 --> 00:40:33,624
There's a fork, if... If you need it.
744
00:40:33,625 --> 00:40:35,191
Oh.
745
00:40:35,192 --> 00:40:36,760
I'm good.
746
00:40:38,029 --> 00:40:39,997
This is really nice.
747
00:40:39,998 --> 00:40:41,164
Mmm, I know.
748
00:40:42,700 --> 00:40:44,767
You showed a lot of chutzpah today, Phil.
749
00:40:44,768 --> 00:40:46,335
And it made me
750
00:40:46,336 --> 00:40:49,906
think that maybe God does
want us to lay together.
751
00:40:53,309 --> 00:40:55,077
- Okay.
- Oh.
752
00:40:55,078 --> 00:40:56,445
I've been really horny, so...
753
00:40:56,446 --> 00:40:59,015
Well, that's nice.
754
00:40:59,016 --> 00:41:02,017
I should probably go wash my balls first.
755
00:41:02,018 --> 00:41:03,217
- Mmm!
- Meet you back here in five?
756
00:41:03,218 --> 00:41:04,619
Want to knock it out?
757
00:41:04,620 --> 00:41:05,754
No.
758
00:41:05,755 --> 00:41:07,188
Wait, I don't... What do you mean?
759
00:41:07,189 --> 00:41:09,858
I'm not gonna have sex with
you unless we're married.
760
00:41:12,461 --> 00:41:14,563
Oh, it's nice to see you smile.
761
00:41:14,564 --> 00:41:17,032
That is your first really good joke.
762
00:41:17,033 --> 00:41:18,166
That's very funny.
763
00:41:18,167 --> 00:41:19,967
Phil, I'm not kidding.
764
00:41:19,968 --> 00:41:22,302
We have to be married first.
765
00:41:22,303 --> 00:41:23,837
You're serious.
766
00:41:23,838 --> 00:41:25,005
- Yes.
- Oh.
767
00:41:25,006 --> 00:41:26,139
Then, no.
768
00:41:26,140 --> 00:41:27,074
Phil, we can't...
769
00:41:27,075 --> 00:41:28,141
Absolute no.
770
00:41:28,142 --> 00:41:29,242
Why not?
771
00:41:29,243 --> 00:41:30,945
Wh... what do you mean, "why not?"
772
00:41:30,946 --> 00:41:32,345
Why?
773
00:41:32,346 --> 00:41:34,481
The first child of this new
world is not gonna be a bastard.
774
00:41:34,482 --> 00:41:36,049
Yeah, 'cause it's not gonna exist,
775
00:41:36,050 --> 00:41:37,349
'cause I'm not gonna marry you.
776
00:41:37,350 --> 00:41:39,052
Then you're the bastard.
777
00:41:39,053 --> 00:41:40,219
Fine, I'm the bastard.
778
00:41:40,220 --> 00:41:41,487
And good-bye human race.
779
00:41:41,488 --> 00:41:43,289
Thank you for dinner.
780
00:41:43,290 --> 00:41:46,225
I am going to go back to my house...
781
00:41:46,226 --> 00:41:47,259
Right.
782
00:41:47,260 --> 00:41:49,195
Think about how crazy you are.
783
00:41:49,196 --> 00:41:50,529
Okay.
784
00:41:50,530 --> 00:41:51,965
Enjoy those... You are being serious?!
785
00:41:51,966 --> 00:41:52,965
Yes.
786
00:41:52,966 --> 00:41:54,700
Why do you have to be married?
787
00:41:54,701 --> 00:41:57,135
It-it doesn't mean anything anymore.
788
00:41:57,136 --> 00:41:58,737
It means something to me, Phil.
789
00:41:58,738 --> 00:42:00,672
Well, it doesn't mean anything to me.
790
00:42:00,673 --> 00:42:02,107
Then why do you care?
791
00:42:11,783 --> 00:42:14,384
What is happening here?!
792
00:42:14,385 --> 00:42:18,089
It's tomato! It's tomato!
793
00:42:27,364 --> 00:42:29,032
Oh, hi.
794
00:42:30,801 --> 00:42:32,468
Fine.
795
00:42:32,469 --> 00:42:33,737
We're married.
796
00:42:33,738 --> 00:42:37,406
Phil, get down on one
knee and do it properly.
797
00:42:37,407 --> 00:42:39,442
This is so stupid.
798
00:42:39,443 --> 00:42:41,111
- Can you do it over here?
- Carol...
799
00:42:41,112 --> 00:42:42,112
- Well, do it...
- We...
800
00:42:42,113 --> 00:42:43,179
Get it over here... Over here...
801
00:42:43,180 --> 00:42:45,380
No! This is where the
proposal is happening.
802
00:42:45,381 --> 00:42:48,017
Okay. You want it, you
come over here and get it.
803
00:42:48,018 --> 00:42:49,018
Okay.
804
00:42:49,019 --> 00:42:51,120
Carol... What's your middle name?
805
00:42:51,121 --> 00:42:52,021
Andrew.
806
00:42:52,022 --> 00:42:53,255
- Andrew?
- Yeah.
807
00:42:53,256 --> 00:42:54,623
What is that, a family name?
808
00:42:54,624 --> 00:42:55,724
No.
809
00:42:58,128 --> 00:43:00,895
Carol... Andrew Pilbasian...
810
00:43:01,964 --> 00:43:03,230
will you marry me?
811
00:43:03,231 --> 00:43:04,732
Yes!
812
00:43:04,733 --> 00:43:06,433
Yes, I will!
813
00:43:06,434 --> 00:43:07,802
- Yes, I will!
- You will?
814
00:43:07,803 --> 00:43:10,038
- Yes!
- Oh!
815
00:43:10,039 --> 00:43:11,973
Did you... have any doubt?
816
00:43:11,974 --> 00:43:13,440
I was so nervous.
817
00:43:13,441 --> 00:43:15,609
Oh!
818
00:43:15,610 --> 00:43:16,711
Yay!
819
00:43:16,712 --> 00:43:20,023
We're getting married! Yay! Yeah.
820
00:43:20,624 --> 00:43:24,544
- Synced and Corrected by peterbrito -
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