1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:00:06,056 --> 00:00:08,048 THEME MUSIC 2 00:00:34,088 --> 00:00:36,048 (GRUNTS) 3 00:00:44,040 --> 00:00:47,024 'I'm Stanley James McDermott. 4 00:00:47,024 --> 00:00:51,004 A man you could set your clock by.' 5 00:00:51,004 --> 00:00:52,048 RADIO ANNOUNCER: It's seven o'clock... 6 00:00:52,048 --> 00:00:54,012 Getting a cold. 7 00:00:54,012 --> 00:00:55,056 You're not. 8 00:00:56,096 --> 00:00:58,072 (SIGHS) 9 00:00:58,072 --> 00:01:00,060 'Married to Brenda, 46 years.' 10 00:01:03,004 --> 00:01:05,064 (Make a proper pot.) 11 00:01:05,064 --> 00:01:07,064 Make a proper pot! 12 00:01:10,028 --> 00:01:12,028 (SIGHS) 13 00:01:13,032 --> 00:01:17,016 'In 46 years, we've slept apart only once 14 00:01:17,016 --> 00:01:20,020 and that was when she was in hospital giving birth to our Nicola. 15 00:01:21,020 --> 00:01:23,012 Never strayed, me. 16 00:01:23,012 --> 00:01:25,004 Never even fancied straying.' 17 00:01:27,076 --> 00:01:30,000 RADIO STATIC AND CHATTER 18 00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:34,008 DJ: ..they're not obliged to do at the moment, who'll pay for it? 19 00:01:34,008 --> 00:01:37,008 RADIO GUEST: Well, first let me say this is the first ever government- 20 00:01:37,008 --> 00:01:39,000 RADIO STATIC AND POP PLAYS 21 00:01:40,056 --> 00:01:44,040 'And in those 46 years, she's had one mission in life.' 22 00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:46,000 ON RADIO: Green, yellow... 23 00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:50,008 'To drown out anything I'm remotely interested.' 24 00:01:52,056 --> 00:01:54,008 ON RADIO: ..feeling like drunkenness... 25 00:01:54,008 --> 00:01:56,028 'Especially the Today program.' 26 00:02:00,012 --> 00:02:03,092 (BLOWS NOSE ANIMATEDLY) Please! 27 00:02:03,092 --> 00:02:06,068 It's this cold I'm not getting. 28 00:02:09,044 --> 00:02:12,064 'It all started the day Katie Quinn got run over. 29 00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:15,096 TYRES SQUEAL 30 00:02:19,032 --> 00:02:21,068 Get out of the car! 31 00:02:21,068 --> 00:02:24,036 Get out of the car, you bastard! Get out of the car! 32 00:02:26,024 --> 00:02:28,000 Is she OK? 33 00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:32,048 It was like slow motion. 34 00:02:32,048 --> 00:02:35,004 I had plenty of time to do something, shout something, 35 00:02:35,004 --> 00:02:38,000 grab her... But I did nothing. 36 00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:40,004 I froze. I just watched it. 37 00:02:40,004 --> 00:02:41,072 Would you like a Garibaldi? 38 00:02:41,072 --> 00:02:43,040 Uh, no thanks. 39 00:02:43,040 --> 00:02:45,008 Not getting any younger. 40 00:02:45,008 --> 00:02:48,016 Shall we take you to the hospital, get that bump looked at? 41 00:02:48,016 --> 00:02:51,044 Can't, I'm late for work. 42 00:02:51,044 --> 00:02:53,032 I'm never late. 43 00:02:55,088 --> 00:02:59,008 All right, mate? I'm late. 44 00:03:01,016 --> 00:03:02,092 ID please, Stan. 45 00:03:02,092 --> 00:03:04,060 ID please, Stan. Stan! 46 00:03:08,072 --> 00:03:11,008 Come on, Stan. You're late, lad! 47 00:03:12,036 --> 00:03:15,024 That lot on the shelves, quick as you like. 48 00:03:15,024 --> 00:03:17,008 I'm sorry. For Christ's sake, Stan. 49 00:03:17,008 --> 00:03:19,012 Today of all days! 50 00:03:19,012 --> 00:03:21,060 I saw an accident, I had to make a statement. 51 00:03:21,060 --> 00:03:24,016 You come in two hours late! 52 00:03:24,016 --> 00:03:26,068 I had to make a statement to the police! Couldn't you have phoned? 53 00:03:26,068 --> 00:03:28,024 I haven't got a mobile! 54 00:03:28,024 --> 00:03:30,000 You've not got a mobile? 55 00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:32,076 It's the 21st Century, you f-king dinosaur! 56 00:03:32,076 --> 00:03:34,032 I'm not a dinosaur! 57 00:03:34,032 --> 00:03:36,056 If you call me a dinosaur again, 58 00:03:36,056 --> 00:03:39,036 I'll clock you one, you arrogant git! 59 00:03:40,072 --> 00:03:42,088 All right. 60 00:03:42,088 --> 00:03:44,028 No problem. 61 00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:51,088 What you looking at? There's vans need loading. 62 00:04:03,052 --> 00:04:05,088 'Scuse me! 63 00:04:05,088 --> 00:04:08,064 ♪ Call me indispensable 64 00:04:08,064 --> 00:04:11,096 ♪ Call me irreplaceable. ♪ 65 00:04:11,096 --> 00:04:14,044 You all right, Stan? Lunch. 66 00:04:16,020 --> 00:04:18,040 Easy, easy. 67 00:04:29,064 --> 00:04:31,088 Hit him with it. I've taken loads. 68 00:04:31,088 --> 00:04:33,036 You were in the lead. 69 00:04:33,036 --> 00:04:35,000 Now! Look, I've taken loads. 70 00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:36,072 Going for the lot. Give him the slot. 71 00:04:36,072 --> 00:04:39,080 But can I win? No, so stop brown-nosing the foreman 72 00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:41,096 and give him the bloody slot. You're in the lead! 73 00:04:41,096 --> 00:04:43,096 Trying to play the game the way it should be. 74 00:04:43,096 --> 00:04:46,032 How am I in the lead? Just count 'em up. 75 00:04:46,032 --> 00:04:49,016 You can't go for the lot without declaring it first. 76 00:04:49,016 --> 00:04:51,068 I'm going to play the game the way it should be played. 77 00:04:51,068 --> 00:04:54,032 You've got to hit him with it. And you're the leader. 78 00:04:54,032 --> 00:04:56,076 (GROANS) That's my boy! 79 00:04:56,076 --> 00:04:59,004 I gave you every bloody lead you wanted. 80 00:04:59,004 --> 00:05:01,004 What's the use in playing the game 81 00:05:01,004 --> 00:05:03,012 if you're not going to play it properly? 82 00:05:03,012 --> 00:05:05,008 If you're going to suck up to the foreman? 83 00:05:05,008 --> 00:05:07,000 What's the use if you're going to do that? 84 00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:09,076 Thanks, lads. (CHUCKLES) 85 00:05:09,076 --> 00:05:12,064 Back to work, lads. Suck-hole. 86 00:05:12,064 --> 00:05:15,040 Oh, yes, yes, he's fine now. 87 00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:17,084 Why are you bothering her? Just a minute, Nic. 88 00:05:17,084 --> 00:05:20,036 Because you collapsed! I fainted! 89 00:05:20,036 --> 00:05:23,060 Said he was getting a cold this morning, you know what that means. 90 00:05:23,060 --> 00:05:27,016 Like the athlete's foot he was supposed to have. 91 00:05:27,016 --> 00:05:30,052 Were you worrying? Oh, you must be joking. 92 00:05:31,052 --> 00:05:33,044 You'll have to speak up, love. 93 00:05:33,044 --> 00:05:36,080 Your dad keeps highering the telly. 94 00:05:36,080 --> 00:05:38,092 Oh, I don't know. 95 00:05:38,092 --> 00:05:41,064 He says he wants to do it when he gets a bit of time. 96 00:05:42,068 --> 00:05:44,044 Well, I wanted to get an electrician in 97 00:05:44,044 --> 00:05:47,000 but you know what your dad's like, he'll want to do it himself. 98 00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:49,044 Won't part with his farting strings. 99 00:05:49,044 --> 00:05:51,096 What are you doing to me, Stan? What's up? 100 00:05:51,096 --> 00:05:53,064 You told them I wasn't watching. 101 00:05:53,064 --> 00:05:55,092 I'm sorry, Peter, you're a good man- 102 00:05:55,092 --> 00:05:57,080 There was nothing I could do! 103 00:05:57,080 --> 00:05:59,080 I'm not going to lie over something like this. 104 00:05:59,080 --> 00:06:01,088 It was slow motion for me, Peter. She froze. 105 00:06:01,088 --> 00:06:04,052 She didn't freeze. She just stepped into the path of the car! 106 00:06:04,052 --> 00:06:07,004 I was looking! There's no way you were! 107 00:06:07,004 --> 00:06:08,072 You had plenty of time to break. 108 00:06:08,072 --> 00:06:12,016 I'm sorry, Peter. That's what I saw and that's what I'm saying. 109 00:06:27,076 --> 00:06:31,000 DJ: It's seven o'clock on Radio 4. The headlines. 110 00:06:32,044 --> 00:06:36,044 Further disturbances across France have grown into a small scale riot. 111 00:06:39,008 --> 00:06:41,012 I've had a stroke. 112 00:06:44,056 --> 00:06:46,092 You've been lying on your arm. 113 00:06:47,096 --> 00:06:51,056 You try looking after a family with a child in hospital. 114 00:06:51,056 --> 00:06:54,036 See if you can find time for buses. How is she? 115 00:07:17,068 --> 00:07:19,080 Steve wants to see you, Stan. 116 00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:21,036 Now? 117 00:07:21,036 --> 00:07:24,020 All right, Barbara? You're looking nice today. 118 00:07:24,020 --> 00:07:27,024 Thank you, Colin. Is that an all-over tan? 119 00:07:27,024 --> 00:07:31,000 That's for me to know and you to find out. 120 00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:32,088 Looks all over from here. 121 00:07:34,048 --> 00:07:36,032 Come on, then. 122 00:07:54,076 --> 00:07:56,056 Stan! 123 00:07:57,056 --> 00:08:00,020 Mother of all cock-ups here, mate. 124 00:08:00,020 --> 00:08:02,096 You're 65 soon. Yeah. 125 00:08:02,096 --> 00:08:05,080 Yeah, and you've still got three weeks holiday entitlement. 126 00:08:05,080 --> 00:08:08,000 I thought I'd just work it. 127 00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:10,088 (CHUCKLES) Well, you can't. Can't afford it. 128 00:08:10,088 --> 00:08:13,000 You'd best go now, mate. 129 00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:14,076 Go? 130 00:08:14,076 --> 00:08:17,076 Church Street! Oh, shit. 131 00:08:17,076 --> 00:08:20,096 Oh, hiya, Burney. You said you'd keep me on. 132 00:08:20,096 --> 00:08:23,068 Not fulltime, I know you can't do that with part-time. 133 00:08:23,068 --> 00:08:25,052 Part-time means you don't lose me. 134 00:08:25,052 --> 00:08:27,060 We've got to lose you, you're 65. 135 00:08:27,060 --> 00:08:30,076 Look, if you take your holiday now, it'll give us time- 136 00:08:30,076 --> 00:08:33,080 Burney, can you just give me a couple more seconds? 137 00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:37,016 It'll give me some time to organise your leaving do. 138 00:08:37,016 --> 00:08:39,072 I'm not going to let you go, not somebody like you, 139 00:08:39,072 --> 00:08:41,084 not without a proper send-off! 140 00:08:41,084 --> 00:08:44,068 I'm to go now? 141 00:08:44,068 --> 00:08:46,096 (SIGHS) You're on your holidays, mate. 142 00:08:47,096 --> 00:08:50,020 Now, Burney, what is it? 143 00:08:50,020 --> 00:08:52,088 Is this cos of yesterday? Should've arrived by now. 144 00:08:52,088 --> 00:08:55,016 Is this cos of yesterday? What? 145 00:08:55,016 --> 00:08:58,012 Sorry, mate, you're just going to have to give me a minute. What? 146 00:08:58,012 --> 00:09:01,080 Is this cos I kicked off on you yesterday? 147 00:09:01,080 --> 00:09:04,076 No, it's cos you're 65. 148 00:09:12,096 --> 00:09:15,020 Were you out with your boyfriend last night? 149 00:09:15,020 --> 00:09:17,044 Yeah. Where? 150 00:09:17,044 --> 00:09:21,040 Pub. Did you...go back for coffee? 151 00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:22,092 Yeah. 152 00:09:22,092 --> 00:09:25,004 Any good, was it? 153 00:09:26,008 --> 00:09:29,040 Ish. Don't even think about it, Colin. 154 00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:32,008 On no account look for a bit of love in your life 155 00:09:32,008 --> 00:09:35,036 cos time flies and you're 65 before you know it. 156 00:09:35,036 --> 00:09:37,052 On no account find a job you love. 157 00:09:37,052 --> 00:09:40,028 On no account look for a bit of excitement. 158 00:09:40,028 --> 00:09:42,020 Just lock yourself in a room. 159 00:09:42,020 --> 00:09:44,036 No stimulation whatsoever. 160 00:09:44,036 --> 00:09:47,092 Make every second seem like an hour. 161 00:09:47,092 --> 00:09:50,000 That's my advice, son. 162 00:09:56,008 --> 00:09:58,008 RELAXING ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYS 163 00:10:11,080 --> 00:10:13,068 You OK? 164 00:10:13,068 --> 00:10:15,008 Yeah. 165 00:10:16,008 --> 00:10:17,072 Work OK? 166 00:10:17,072 --> 00:10:19,092 Yeah. 167 00:10:20,092 --> 00:10:23,060 (SIGHS) 168 00:10:40,080 --> 00:10:42,052 Not that one. 169 00:10:49,016 --> 00:10:50,092 What's all this, Stan? 170 00:10:50,092 --> 00:10:53,000 I'm coming on for a while, part-time. 171 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:55,020 Pass on everything I know to the young callin' here. 172 00:10:55,020 --> 00:10:57,004 You can't lose a man of my experience. 173 00:10:57,004 --> 00:11:00,024 You're retired, mate! I'm just thinking of the company. 174 00:11:00,024 --> 00:11:02,052 You can't, you're not insured. 175 00:11:02,052 --> 00:11:06,016 I'll sign a waiver. If I have an accident, there's no comeback. 176 00:11:06,016 --> 00:11:09,032 Yeah, but it wouldn't be legal. Anyway, we can't afford you. 177 00:11:11,012 --> 00:11:13,016 I'll work for nothing. 178 00:11:16,028 --> 00:11:17,076 Please. 179 00:11:20,016 --> 00:11:21,076 Give us a minute, Ma'am. 180 00:11:24,024 --> 00:11:26,060 I've worked here 40-odd years, Steve. 181 00:11:26,060 --> 00:11:29,096 Just a year or so, part-time, so's I got a job. 182 00:11:29,096 --> 00:11:32,012 I loved it here. 183 00:11:32,012 --> 00:11:34,016 Other fellas hate their jobs, can't wait for retirement. 184 00:11:34,016 --> 00:11:35,096 I've loved every minute of it. 185 00:11:35,096 --> 00:11:39,080 That's what makes it so hard for me Steve. It's so hard. 186 00:11:42,096 --> 00:11:47,076 Oh, Stan... don't make me call security. 187 00:11:59,008 --> 00:12:01,024 We'll give you a great send-off, mate! 188 00:12:18,008 --> 00:12:20,008 Oh. 189 00:12:23,012 --> 00:12:24,084 Would you like a cup of tea? 190 00:12:29,060 --> 00:12:32,016 'Sixty bloody five.' 191 00:12:33,072 --> 00:12:35,044 WOMAN'S VOICE ON TV: '..with the changing moon. 192 00:12:35,044 --> 00:12:38,016 In today's edition of Woman's Hour we discuss...' 193 00:12:41,052 --> 00:12:45,044 'Sean waiting for his kids to grow up so he can have a bit of freedom... 194 00:12:45,044 --> 00:12:47,064 ..it'll come too soon, Sean. 195 00:12:49,012 --> 00:12:52,076 Brian trying to stave off middle age... 196 00:12:52,076 --> 00:12:55,092 ..and me, invisible.' 197 00:12:58,036 --> 00:13:01,016 POKER MACHINE BEEPS 198 00:13:06,020 --> 00:13:10,092 'And us old codgers - I never thought I'd hear myself say this - 199 00:13:10,092 --> 00:13:15,092 but I wish I'd taken up golf. Cos without golf, what is there? 200 00:13:15,092 --> 00:13:20,028 Only this - the waiting room... 201 00:13:20,028 --> 00:13:23,084 ..where we're all waiting to die. 202 00:13:26,056 --> 00:13:30,064 When you're 20, a year is a twentieth of what you've already lived. 203 00:13:30,064 --> 00:13:33,092 That's still a fair bit. But when you're 65, 204 00:13:33,092 --> 00:13:36,016 a year's only a sixty-fifth of what you've lived, 205 00:13:36,016 --> 00:13:37,096 and that's nothing. 206 00:13:37,096 --> 00:13:41,032 It'll race by, - and the year after that, 207 00:13:41,032 --> 00:13:45,068 and the year after that. Racing by.' 208 00:13:50,008 --> 00:13:52,068 (COMMENTATOR SHOUTS) Go on, go on! 209 00:13:52,068 --> 00:13:55,060 '..and it's Solarina in front of Archibald at the last. 210 00:13:55,060 --> 00:13:58,064 Solarina, big jump- oh, she's down at the last! 211 00:13:58,064 --> 00:14:01,016 And it's Archibald who wins...' Fuck! 212 00:14:08,096 --> 00:14:10,048 You shouldn't be doing this, Stan. 213 00:14:11,092 --> 00:14:15,056 Please stop, Stan. Please, stop, mate! 214 00:14:21,044 --> 00:14:24,004 'Sixty bloody five.' 215 00:14:25,020 --> 00:14:27,072 WOMAN ON TV: 'Exactly! It's our children and grandchildren 216 00:14:27,072 --> 00:14:30,012 who are going to pay.' MAN: 'But that's always been the case. 217 00:14:30,012 --> 00:14:32,064 The burden of the old is carried by the young.' 218 00:14:32,064 --> 00:14:34,028 '..to help themselves, but they haven't! 219 00:14:34,028 --> 00:14:37,096 You're talking about a generation who've got richer and richer 220 00:14:37,096 --> 00:14:40,020 all their lives, and they've squandered it. 221 00:14:40,020 --> 00:14:42,004 And as for you, Stanley James McDermott, 222 00:14:42,004 --> 00:14:44,064 you've had it too soft, too long. 223 00:14:44,064 --> 00:14:47,044 you, and all those baby boomers that came after you, 224 00:14:47,044 --> 00:14:50,088 millions of you, you're too many, mate. Too sodding many. 225 00:14:50,088 --> 00:14:54,012 So, you're gonna have to die. 226 00:14:54,012 --> 00:14:57,072 Five or six million of you are gonna have to snuff it. 227 00:14:57,072 --> 00:15:01,000 Hypothermia, malnourishment, something like that. 228 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:04,096 And when we've got you down to more manageable proportions, 229 00:15:04,096 --> 00:15:06,088 then we might toss you the odd crust.' 230 00:15:15,072 --> 00:15:17,072 GENTLE CLASSICAL FLUTE PIECE 231 00:15:24,056 --> 00:15:26,056 MUSIC STOPS 232 00:15:29,036 --> 00:15:34,008 Lost £12 today. Two on the fruit and cheese, ten on the horses. 233 00:15:34,008 --> 00:15:36,044 It wasn't Saturday. 234 00:15:36,044 --> 00:15:40,056 You've got to earn good money to afford not to work. 235 00:15:50,004 --> 00:15:52,072 Ah, don't even think about it. Go on, hit him with it! 236 00:15:52,072 --> 00:15:54,028 I've gotta get rid of it. 237 00:15:54,028 --> 00:15:56,060 If I don't get rid of it, I'll take it me'self, so... 238 00:15:56,060 --> 00:15:58,016 Oh, for Christ's sake! 239 00:15:58,016 --> 00:16:00,048 I'm the bloody foreman now, so why don't you brown-nose me 240 00:16:00,048 --> 00:16:02,040 like you brown-nosed that old twat, Stan?! 241 00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:04,024 Why am I so different from that old git, eh? 242 00:16:05,096 --> 00:16:07,044 (What?) 243 00:16:11,028 --> 00:16:12,084 Oh, Stan. 244 00:16:14,064 --> 00:16:16,012 Fancy a pint? 245 00:16:33,032 --> 00:16:36,028 Got some whisky, if you're interested, Stan - half-price. 246 00:16:36,028 --> 00:16:37,084 What, knock-off? Yeah. 247 00:16:37,084 --> 00:16:40,064 Why now? What? 248 00:16:40,064 --> 00:16:43,040 You never offered me stolen goods before. Why are you asking- 249 00:16:43,040 --> 00:16:46,024 Shh! Have I got a stamp here?! "Pensioner, skint, desperate?" 250 00:16:46,024 --> 00:16:48,080 Is that why you're asking?! Piss off. 251 00:17:00,036 --> 00:17:05,056 'Insurance man. Posh car, sharp suit... 252 00:17:05,056 --> 00:17:09,048 ..both p aid for by mugs like me.' 253 00:17:09,048 --> 00:17:12,008 Mr McDermott? Stan. 254 00:17:12,008 --> 00:17:14,024 Bruce. Come on. 255 00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:21,044 This is Brenda, my wife. 256 00:17:21,044 --> 00:17:23,060 How do you do? Daughter, surely. 257 00:17:23,060 --> 00:17:26,072 Oh! As if. Lovely place. 258 00:17:26,072 --> 00:17:29,016 Thank you. Well, it's not much, but we do try. 259 00:17:29,016 --> 00:17:31,016 Well, you've got it lovely. Thank you. 260 00:17:31,016 --> 00:17:35,012 Who are these? Oh, that's our daughter and her husband, 261 00:17:35,012 --> 00:17:37,056 and the three grandkids. Tremendous. 262 00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:40,052 I can see Stan in your daughter... Oh. 263 00:17:40,052 --> 00:17:43,052 ..and, my God, that little one's the image of you. 264 00:17:43,052 --> 00:17:47,032 Oh...little Emma. Gorgeous. 265 00:17:47,032 --> 00:17:49,064 'Putty in his hands.' 266 00:17:52,008 --> 00:17:54,008 Would you like a cup of tea? 267 00:17:58,076 --> 00:18:02,048 The value of your pension fund is just on £36,000. 268 00:18:02,048 --> 00:18:06,072 I'm going to talk about investing it, making it work for you. 269 00:18:06,072 --> 00:18:11,000 But for now, you're entitled to a lump sum of £9,000, 270 00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:13,048 and an annuity of 1,700. 271 00:18:14,068 --> 00:18:16,028 A month? A year. 272 00:18:16,028 --> 00:18:20,080 What?! 1,700 a year. About £34 a week. 273 00:18:22,036 --> 00:18:27,028 £36,000 gets me £34 a week?! 274 00:18:27,028 --> 00:18:31,044 I'll have it all back. You can't. It's against the law. 275 00:18:31,044 --> 00:18:34,072 Well, so's robbery. Stan! What?! 276 00:18:34,072 --> 00:18:38,036 The only way to get it all back is to die before your 65th birthday, 277 00:18:38,036 --> 00:18:40,004 but that's a bit counter-productive. 278 00:18:42,068 --> 00:18:45,028 We thought we'd be on easy street. 279 00:18:45,028 --> 00:18:48,080 Do you smoke? Stopped a few years ago. 280 00:18:48,080 --> 00:18:51,016 Were you a heavy smoker? Fairly, yeah. 281 00:18:51,016 --> 00:18:52,076 Drink? Yeah. 282 00:18:52,076 --> 00:18:55,092 If there's anything wrong with you - 283 00:18:55,092 --> 00:18:58,032 if you might die early in retirement - 284 00:18:58,032 --> 00:19:00,032 you could get a lot more than 34 a week. 285 00:19:01,076 --> 00:19:05,088 And out...in... (BREATHES DEEPLY) 286 00:19:05,088 --> 00:19:09,068 ..out...and again... 287 00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:13,052 ..out...thanks. 288 00:19:13,052 --> 00:19:18,036 Well, your blood pressure's normal, your heartbeat is perfect, 289 00:19:18,036 --> 00:19:22,084 and your lung capacity is excellent. There's nothing wrong with you. 290 00:19:22,084 --> 00:19:25,016 (Bullshit.) What? 291 00:19:25,016 --> 00:19:29,008 I've got piles - I can't remember the last time I enjoyed a good shit. 292 00:19:29,008 --> 00:19:32,000 I can't remember the last time I pissed without pain. 293 00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:34,064 I remember exactly the last time I had an erection - 294 00:19:34,064 --> 00:19:36,060 four years and forty-nine weeks ago. 295 00:19:36,060 --> 00:19:39,008 My 60th birthday. The lads got me a strippergram. 296 00:19:39,008 --> 00:19:42,024 I've got pain in my knees, pain in my back. 297 00:19:42,024 --> 00:19:44,068 My ears are going, me eyes are going, everything's bloody going, 298 00:19:44,068 --> 00:19:46,048 and you tell me there's nothing wrong with me! 299 00:19:46,048 --> 00:19:49,064 It's just age, Stan. (GROANS) 300 00:19:49,064 --> 00:19:53,028 Look - I'll give you some suppositories for the piles, 301 00:19:53,028 --> 00:19:55,056 and, uh...anti-depressants. 302 00:19:55,056 --> 00:19:58,084 You stick your anti-depressants up your arse. 303 00:20:01,016 --> 00:20:03,052 And your suppositories. 304 00:20:03,052 --> 00:20:06,084 I've worked it out. I've got to live to be 112 just to get the money back. 305 00:20:06,084 --> 00:20:09,016 I did what they told me to do. 306 00:20:09,016 --> 00:20:12,088 Save for me old age, invest it in my pension. 307 00:20:12,088 --> 00:20:16,044 All the fellas were taking out big mortgages, buying big houses, 308 00:20:16,044 --> 00:20:19,012 but we carried on living here, saving for our old age, 309 00:20:19,012 --> 00:20:24,048 and look where it's got us - £34 a week. A pittance! 310 00:20:24,048 --> 00:20:27,064 (SNIFFS) Onions. 311 00:20:27,064 --> 00:20:32,088 I suppose this is my last confession, because I'm gonna top me'self. 312 00:20:32,088 --> 00:20:35,048 Not that there's much to confess, really. 313 00:20:35,048 --> 00:20:38,000 Four years and forty-nine weeks ago 314 00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:39,088 I touched the arse of a dental hygienist 315 00:20:39,088 --> 00:20:42,020 who was working part-time as a strippergram. 316 00:20:43,088 --> 00:20:49,028 Apart from that...46 years of snapping at the wife. 317 00:20:49,028 --> 00:20:54,048 Two snaps a day...60 a month, 720 a year. 318 00:20:54,048 --> 00:20:59,048 What's that? 50 times 7... 35,000 snaps at the wife. 319 00:21:01,036 --> 00:21:04,056 Not much else...insignificant. 320 00:21:04,056 --> 00:21:08,052 I'm the kind of man that's easily ignored. 321 00:21:12,016 --> 00:21:15,040 I said, I'm the kind of man that's easily ignored! 322 00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:17,064 You're a priest, you're supposed to reassure me - 323 00:21:17,064 --> 00:21:20,016 "No, you're not, you really matter," something like that. 324 00:21:21,048 --> 00:21:22,096 Hello? 325 00:21:24,028 --> 00:21:26,092 You're in the wrong box. I'm next door. 326 00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:37,044 ♪ Blue moon. ♪ 327 00:21:37,044 --> 00:21:41,036 CROWD HECKLES, CHEERS 328 00:21:41,036 --> 00:21:46,016 ♪ Without a dream in my heart. ♪ 329 00:21:46,016 --> 00:21:50,052 SECTIONS OF CROWD SING ALONG 330 00:21:53,052 --> 00:21:56,032 ♪ Blue moon 331 00:21:56,032 --> 00:22:00,020 ♪ You knew just what I was there for. ♪ 332 00:22:01,020 --> 00:22:03,036 CHEERFUL CHATTER 333 00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:10,064 ♪ Someone I really could care for 334 00:22:12,024 --> 00:22:15,076 ♪ And then there suddenly appeared before me 335 00:22:15,076 --> 00:22:20,056 ♪ The only one my arms will ever hold 336 00:22:20,056 --> 00:22:26,016 ♪ I heard somebody whisper Please adore me 337 00:22:26,016 --> 00:22:29,076 ♪ And when I looked at her the moon had turned to gold 338 00:22:29,076 --> 00:22:33,084 ♪ Gold ♪ Blue moon 339 00:22:33,084 --> 00:22:37,012 ♪ (MUMBLES LYRICS) 340 00:22:37,012 --> 00:22:41,052 ♪ Without a care in my heart 341 00:22:41,052 --> 00:22:46,060 ♪ Without a love of my own. ♪ 342 00:22:50,020 --> 00:22:53,016 WARM ROUND OF APPLAUSE 343 00:22:54,024 --> 00:22:57,000 ALL: Chug! Chug! Chug! 344 00:23:12,092 --> 00:23:14,040 Dan! 345 00:23:16,092 --> 00:23:18,048 Yeah? 346 00:23:18,048 --> 00:23:20,012 Come on, son, it's your big moment. 347 00:23:20,012 --> 00:23:22,072 Presentation, speech. 348 00:23:25,060 --> 00:23:27,020 Right. 349 00:23:34,088 --> 00:23:36,092 There you go, Stan. 350 00:23:36,092 --> 00:23:42,072 The traditional clock and a bottle of cham...hey, steady... 351 00:23:42,072 --> 00:23:44,092 ..(LAUGHS) and a bottle of champagne. 352 00:23:44,092 --> 00:23:46,040 There you go, son. 353 00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:47,080 (APPLAUSE) 354 00:23:51,068 --> 00:23:54,044 Fancy a coffee? Yeah. 355 00:23:56,020 --> 00:23:58,060 You do know what coffee means, don't you? 356 00:23:58,060 --> 00:24:00,032 I'm going to kill myself. (ROOM FALLS SILENT) 357 00:24:00,032 --> 00:24:02,008 A SHAG! 358 00:24:02,008 --> 00:24:03,048 (WHOOPS AND HOOTS) 359 00:24:05,028 --> 00:24:08,012 I'm serious. 360 00:24:08,012 --> 00:24:10,068 I'm going to kill myself, I'm only 65. 361 00:24:10,068 --> 00:24:12,044 (LAUGHTER) 362 00:24:16,048 --> 00:24:18,012 Just give them a moment. 363 00:24:27,024 --> 00:24:29,020 That'll be five eighty, pal. 364 00:24:29,020 --> 00:24:33,016 65 years I've lived here. 365 00:24:33,016 --> 00:24:36,008 Seen 'em all come and go. 366 00:24:38,048 --> 00:24:43,044 Blind John. Arthur and Angela. 367 00:24:43,044 --> 00:24:44,092 Yeah, five eighty. 368 00:24:44,092 --> 00:24:46,048 Ryan the teach. 369 00:24:46,048 --> 00:24:50,024 Sean and Yvonne, Eddie... you know Eddie? The taxi drive? 370 00:24:50,024 --> 00:24:51,080 No, don't know him, Pop. 371 00:24:51,080 --> 00:24:56,060 I used to sit on that step with me dad. 372 00:24:56,060 --> 00:25:00,020 Point out the Plough. 373 00:25:00,020 --> 00:25:04,072 He'd say, "Wherever you are on this Earth, son, 374 00:25:04,072 --> 00:25:08,008 the Plough points to the North Star." 375 00:25:08,008 --> 00:25:10,064 How much was it? 376 00:25:10,064 --> 00:25:12,012 Five eighty, Pop. 377 00:25:12,012 --> 00:25:14,012 COINS CHATTER 378 00:25:14,012 --> 00:25:15,084 Keep the change. 379 00:25:17,084 --> 00:25:19,092 (GRUNTS) 380 00:25:19,092 --> 00:25:22,004 Mind how you go. 381 00:25:31,004 --> 00:25:32,056 What time is it? 382 00:25:36,092 --> 00:25:39,052 Did you make a speech? Short one. 383 00:25:41,068 --> 00:25:44,064 Oh well, that's nice... 384 00:25:44,064 --> 00:25:46,052 Champagne as well. 385 00:25:46,052 --> 00:25:49,024 Ooh! I left it behind. 386 00:25:49,024 --> 00:25:50,080 Don't like the stuff. 387 00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:53,060 You do. I don't. 388 00:25:53,060 --> 00:25:55,080 You said that about beans. 389 00:25:55,080 --> 00:25:58,020 That was 40 odd years ago, 390 00:25:58,020 --> 00:26:01,044 when I said I didn't like beans I didn't like beans. 391 00:26:02,060 --> 00:26:04,092 I got to like them over 40 years, 392 00:26:04,092 --> 00:26:08,012 but when I said I didn't like them I didn't like them. 393 00:26:08,012 --> 00:26:10,036 It's the same with champagne. 394 00:26:10,036 --> 00:26:14,036 Right now, at this point, 395 00:26:14,036 --> 00:26:16,088 in the history of our planet, 396 00:26:16,088 --> 00:26:20,032 I do not like champagne. Right? 397 00:26:20,032 --> 00:26:21,072 Had a few, have we? 398 00:26:24,028 --> 00:26:25,092 Don't pee in the wardrobe again. 399 00:26:27,092 --> 00:26:29,048 'I read up on suicide. 400 00:26:29,048 --> 00:26:31,052 Became an expert. 401 00:26:31,052 --> 00:26:34,076 Apparently, when men hang they can get an erection. 402 00:26:34,076 --> 00:26:36,056 They can even ejaculate. 403 00:26:36,056 --> 00:26:38,072 Pointless, of course.' 404 00:26:38,072 --> 00:26:41,016 Who's going to bring it back? 405 00:26:42,020 --> 00:26:45,000 'But so's life, and that's why hanging appeals to me. 406 00:26:47,012 --> 00:26:50,032 In China, condemned men get drunk on whiskey." 407 00:26:50,032 --> 00:26:52,012 All right, Sean? 408 00:26:52,012 --> 00:26:54,020 "And then, blind drunk, 409 00:26:54,020 --> 00:26:56,060 they're driven to the gallows in an open-topped car 410 00:26:56,060 --> 00:27:00,004 singing all the way, the crowd applauding." 411 00:27:01,048 --> 00:27:03,012 Police, please. 412 00:27:03,012 --> 00:27:06,008 Can you come to 8 Bold Street? 413 00:27:06,008 --> 00:27:09,064 Stanley James McDermott has killed himself. 414 00:27:09,064 --> 00:27:11,024 Your name, sir? 415 00:27:11,024 --> 00:27:13,000 My name is Stanley James McDermott. 416 00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:14,048 Would you like to talk to someone? 417 00:27:14,048 --> 00:27:16,084 No, I don't want to talk to anyone. 418 00:27:16,084 --> 00:27:20,072 I just want to make sure you cut down my body before the wife gets back. 419 00:27:20,072 --> 00:27:22,020 Are you mad? 420 00:27:22,020 --> 00:27:24,024 Mad? Oh, I'm mad all right. 421 00:27:24,024 --> 00:27:26,076 PHONE RECEIVER CLATTERS IN CRADLE 422 00:27:26,076 --> 00:27:29,084 'My mother's favourite. 423 00:27:29,084 --> 00:27:32,060 Edmund Hockridge.' 424 00:27:32,060 --> 00:27:38,064 ♪ Hey there, you with the stars in your eyes 425 00:27:39,092 --> 00:27:44,016 ♪ Love never made a fool of you 426 00:27:44,016 --> 00:27:52,008 ♪ You used to be too wise 427 00:27:52,008 --> 00:27:59,052 ♪ Hey there, you on that high-flying cloud 428 00:27:59,052 --> 00:28:04,084 ♪ Though she won't throw a crumb to you 429 00:28:04,084 --> 00:28:10,020 ♪ You think some day she'll come to you 430 00:28:10,020 --> 00:28:14,044 ♪ Better forget her 431 00:28:14,044 --> 00:28:16,060 CRASH! (GASPS) 432 00:28:16,060 --> 00:28:19,096 ♪ Her with her nose in the air 433 00:28:20,096 --> 00:28:26,032 ♪ She has you dancin' on a string 434 00:28:26,032 --> 00:28:31,044 ♪ Break it and she won't care 435 00:28:31,044 --> 00:28:32,092 WATER SLOSHES 436 00:28:32,092 --> 00:28:36,024 ♪ Will you take this advice 437 00:28:36,024 --> 00:28:40,012 ♪ I hand you like a brother 438 00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:48,052 ♪ Or are you not seein' things too clear 439 00:28:48,052 --> 00:28:52,092 ♪ Are you too much in love to hear... ♪ 440 00:28:52,092 --> 00:28:56,020 'Five minutes ago I was rockin' round the clock. 441 00:28:56,020 --> 00:29:00,004 Little Richard, Buddy Holly, Elvis, Chubby Checker. 442 00:29:00,004 --> 00:29:04,004 Drainpipe trousers, bootlace ties, winklepickers. 443 00:29:04,004 --> 00:29:06,072 The men of '65 rolled. 444 00:29:06,072 --> 00:29:09,016 They weren't like me. 445 00:29:09,016 --> 00:29:12,008 They were old, they were ancient. 446 00:29:12,008 --> 00:29:14,056 Not like me.' 447 00:29:14,056 --> 00:29:16,032 (HYPERVENTILATES) 448 00:29:16,032 --> 00:29:18,000 'They couldn't have been like me.' 449 00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:20,060 SPARKING AND POPPING 450 00:29:20,060 --> 00:29:22,084 (RECORD PLAYER DISTORTS AND STOPS) 451 00:29:22,084 --> 00:29:24,024 (GROANS) 452 00:29:29,084 --> 00:29:31,032 (SIGHS) 453 00:29:36,044 --> 00:29:38,084 'When Dad spoke of the war 454 00:29:38,084 --> 00:29:42,020 it was always the journey to Egypt on the Queen Mary 455 00:29:42,020 --> 00:29:45,068 and playing cards and winning all night 456 00:29:45,068 --> 00:29:48,088 and getting pissed and sleeping it off in the toilets. 457 00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:53,020 No heroics from Dad.' 458 00:30:11,068 --> 00:30:13,016 Stan? 459 00:30:17,036 --> 00:30:18,088 Stan! 460 00:30:24,036 --> 00:30:26,008 What are you doing here? 461 00:30:26,008 --> 00:30:27,080 Oh, Stan. 462 00:30:28,088 --> 00:30:30,052 What happened? 463 00:30:30,052 --> 00:30:32,092 You're supposed to be at Nicola's. I left the presents behind. 464 00:30:32,092 --> 00:30:34,068 What happened in the sitting room? 465 00:30:34,068 --> 00:30:36,072 What? 466 00:30:36,072 --> 00:30:38,020 The sitting room. 467 00:30:38,020 --> 00:30:42,028 Chandelier fell. Fused everything. 468 00:30:42,028 --> 00:30:44,016 Oh, dear Lord... 469 00:30:51,028 --> 00:30:52,076 VACUUM HUMS, TV CHATTERS 470 00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:05,088 Are you smoking again? 471 00:31:05,088 --> 00:31:08,076 Yeah. High tar, the highest they had. 472 00:31:08,076 --> 00:31:10,016 Why? 473 00:31:15,004 --> 00:31:17,048 It's been five years. Why start again now? 474 00:31:17,048 --> 00:31:19,016 I'm retired. 475 00:31:19,016 --> 00:31:20,080 Do you want to kill yourself? Yep. 476 00:31:20,080 --> 00:31:22,044 Well, do it the quick way, 477 00:31:22,044 --> 00:31:25,008 because I'm not going to be nursing you, watching you dying in agony. 478 00:31:25,008 --> 00:31:26,064 Right. 479 00:31:28,084 --> 00:31:31,000 Look at me. Put the telly on. 480 00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:32,040 Look at me. 481 00:31:33,048 --> 00:31:35,044 How much are they? 482 00:31:35,044 --> 00:31:37,096 Fiver a pack. 483 00:31:37,096 --> 00:31:39,084 A fiver a day. 484 00:31:39,084 --> 00:31:43,024 That's 35 pounds a week. That's your pension. 485 00:31:43,024 --> 00:31:45,048 No, paper as well. 486 00:31:45,048 --> 00:31:47,096 A packet of ciggies and a paper each day, 487 00:31:47,096 --> 00:31:50,040 that's how much my pension's worth. 488 00:31:50,040 --> 00:31:53,032 You are selfish, self-pitying and selfish! 489 00:31:53,032 --> 00:31:55,000 Lord knows I'm not selfish. 490 00:31:55,000 --> 00:31:56,040 DOORBELL RINGS 491 00:32:06,072 --> 00:32:08,060 Stan... Yeah? 492 00:32:08,060 --> 00:32:10,068 There's a policeman here to cut down a body. 493 00:32:25,052 --> 00:32:27,012 Do you want a cup of tea? 494 00:32:37,044 --> 00:32:39,052 GLASS CLINKS 495 00:32:39,052 --> 00:32:41,000 What's in the boxes? 496 00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:42,084 Whiskey. 497 00:32:42,084 --> 00:32:45,048 Where'd you get it? 498 00:32:45,048 --> 00:32:47,000 Um, offie. 499 00:32:49,024 --> 00:32:50,084 Put it in there? 500 00:32:50,084 --> 00:32:52,024 Yeah. 501 00:32:53,056 --> 00:32:55,016 Need to open it, then. 502 00:32:55,016 --> 00:32:57,024 Yeah. 503 00:33:04,016 --> 00:33:07,056 Oh. Key is, um... 504 00:33:10,092 --> 00:33:13,004 (LAUGHS) 505 00:33:13,004 --> 00:33:14,048 Sale on, was there? 506 00:33:15,080 --> 00:33:17,076 Take a few. 507 00:33:17,076 --> 00:33:22,016 (CLICKS TONGUE) 508 00:33:24,044 --> 00:33:26,048 Oh! 509 00:33:28,064 --> 00:33:31,008 All right, all right, all right. Ow! HANDCUFFS GRIND 510 00:33:31,008 --> 00:33:33,036 What you doing here, anyway? 511 00:33:33,036 --> 00:33:36,000 A fella tried to kill himself. Only tried? 512 00:33:45,064 --> 00:33:47,020 Why did you do it? 513 00:33:47,020 --> 00:33:48,068 Do you want this? 514 00:33:48,068 --> 00:33:50,052 No. 515 00:33:50,052 --> 00:33:52,064 Why? 516 00:33:52,064 --> 00:33:55,092 I'll die soon anyway. 517 00:33:55,092 --> 00:33:59,000 I'd sooner face death when I'm still strong. 518 00:33:59,000 --> 00:34:01,012 I don't want it creeping upon me when I'm weak. 519 00:34:03,004 --> 00:34:05,048 I don't believe you. It's the truth. 520 00:34:07,012 --> 00:34:09,052 It's cos you've lost your job. 521 00:34:09,052 --> 00:34:11,088 I'm not talking about it 522 00:34:11,088 --> 00:34:14,064 cos you'll turn on the waterworks and expect to get your own way. 523 00:34:14,064 --> 00:34:16,060 Well, not this time. 524 00:34:16,060 --> 00:34:20,016 It's because you've lost your job. Do you want a coffee? 525 00:34:20,016 --> 00:34:23,092 46 years married, a lovely daughter, three lovely grandkids 526 00:34:23,092 --> 00:34:27,020 and it's nothing, is it, compared to that bloody job. 527 00:34:27,020 --> 00:34:31,076 The thought of losing you hurts, Stan, but that hurts most of all. 528 00:34:31,076 --> 00:34:33,044 That we mean nothing. 529 00:34:33,044 --> 00:34:35,064 I knew you'd do this, I knew you'd twist everything. 530 00:34:35,064 --> 00:34:38,012 You care more for that job than you do about me. 531 00:34:38,012 --> 00:34:41,080 I don't. I'm taking sugar again now. Will you try it again? 532 00:34:41,080 --> 00:34:43,072 Next time you go to the shops, get a bag. 533 00:34:43,072 --> 00:34:45,040 Will you try it again?! 534 00:34:45,040 --> 00:34:48,072 I'm going to rewire the house, I can't leave it in the state it is 535 00:34:48,072 --> 00:34:51,032 and when I've done that, yes, I'm gonna kill myself. 536 00:34:51,032 --> 00:34:53,084 You bastard! I'm doing it for you. 537 00:34:53,084 --> 00:34:56,048 What?! I'm doing it for you. 538 00:34:56,048 --> 00:35:00,016 If I live past 65, we struggle on in poverty. 539 00:35:00,016 --> 00:35:03,036 If I die now, you get 36 grand. 540 00:35:05,000 --> 00:35:06,048 Oh... 541 00:35:08,064 --> 00:35:10,012 (SOBS) 542 00:35:21,084 --> 00:35:23,052 What are you doing? 543 00:35:23,052 --> 00:35:26,064 Why didn't you do it 10 years ago? 544 00:35:26,064 --> 00:35:28,096 I was only 53 then. 545 00:35:28,096 --> 00:35:32,016 Or better still 20 years ago, when I was only 43 546 00:35:32,016 --> 00:35:33,084 and I could turn a few heads? 547 00:35:33,084 --> 00:35:37,088 But no, I'm 63, Stan, and a widow of 63 doesn't get a man of your age. 548 00:35:37,088 --> 00:35:40,032 She gets some old codger in his 70s. 549 00:35:40,032 --> 00:35:43,028 Oh, it'll give me a few years, but then I'll have to bury him 550 00:35:43,028 --> 00:35:45,020 and then go looking for another old codger. 551 00:35:45,020 --> 00:35:46,088 Thanks. 552 00:35:46,088 --> 00:35:50,016 That's how you're looking at it - profit and loss, mathematics. 553 00:35:50,016 --> 00:35:53,016 So don't come the martyr when I do it to you, you selfish old bugger. 554 00:35:53,016 --> 00:35:54,084 I'm not selfish. 555 00:35:54,084 --> 00:35:57,076 How long have I got? Five years, ten at the most? 556 00:35:57,076 --> 00:36:00,048 It'll fly by and you know it. 557 00:36:00,048 --> 00:36:02,068 Let me go now and there's still money in it. 558 00:36:02,068 --> 00:36:05,068 Do you think that I would touch that money? 559 00:36:05,068 --> 00:36:08,092 I'd burn it first. 560 00:36:08,092 --> 00:36:11,012 Well, just so long as they don't keep it. 561 00:36:11,012 --> 00:36:13,048 So you're not doing it for me. 562 00:36:13,048 --> 00:36:17,016 You're doing it to prove some stupid point, you... 563 00:36:19,040 --> 00:36:24,072 Mad. 564 00:36:43,004 --> 00:36:44,092 DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS 565 00:36:48,020 --> 00:36:49,084 What do you think you're playing at? 566 00:36:49,084 --> 00:36:52,056 £36,000? 567 00:36:52,056 --> 00:36:57,000 If you were dying and £36,000 could pay for an operation somewhere 568 00:36:57,000 --> 00:36:58,076 do you think we'd say no? 569 00:36:58,076 --> 00:37:02,020 Of course we'll find the money and we'll find it now. 570 00:37:02,020 --> 00:37:04,000 You can have the money. 571 00:37:04,000 --> 00:37:06,044 We'll get a second mortgage or something. 572 00:37:06,044 --> 00:37:09,036 Just don't kill yourself, you stupid git. 573 00:37:09,036 --> 00:37:11,080 Don't swear. Don't swear?! 574 00:37:11,080 --> 00:37:14,028 I'll swear all I fucking well like. 575 00:37:14,028 --> 00:37:16,048 You're breaking my mother's heart. 576 00:37:16,048 --> 00:37:18,084 Honestly, the state she's in. 577 00:37:18,084 --> 00:37:21,012 And that's now before you've done it. 578 00:37:21,012 --> 00:37:23,048 What's she gonna be like after you've done it? 579 00:37:23,048 --> 00:37:27,048 Oh, you'll be all right, you selfish bastard, cos you'll be dead. 580 00:37:27,048 --> 00:37:29,080 Oblivious, but she'll be heartbroken. 581 00:37:29,080 --> 00:37:33,084 And it's suicide, you stupid git. 582 00:37:33,084 --> 00:37:35,052 People will be pointing at her. 583 00:37:35,052 --> 00:37:38,032 'If I'd succeeded first time, there wouldn't have been any of that.' 584 00:37:38,032 --> 00:37:39,092 (CONTINUES BERATING) 585 00:37:39,092 --> 00:37:42,012 'No explanations, no recriminations.' 586 00:37:43,020 --> 00:37:45,020 Just the act itself. 587 00:37:45,020 --> 00:37:48,020 And that's enough - no note required. 588 00:37:48,020 --> 00:37:50,000 It's the note that's selfish. 589 00:37:50,000 --> 00:37:51,052 The note is cruel. 590 00:37:52,072 --> 00:37:55,044 Those who love you find their own explanation. 591 00:37:55,044 --> 00:37:57,048 The one that most comforts them. 592 00:37:57,048 --> 00:37:59,024 This might be selfish, I know. 593 00:37:59,024 --> 00:38:01,024 'I didn't succeed first time.' 594 00:38:01,024 --> 00:38:03,052 But... 595 00:38:03,052 --> 00:38:05,048 I want my kids to remember their grandparents 596 00:38:05,048 --> 00:38:07,028 the way that I remembered them. 597 00:38:07,028 --> 00:38:11,000 Loving and funny. 598 00:38:11,000 --> 00:38:12,052 Funny the way you bicker. 599 00:38:14,028 --> 00:38:16,024 Funny the way you correct each other. 600 00:38:18,032 --> 00:38:20,096 Funny... (SOBS) 601 00:38:20,096 --> 00:38:23,016 Funny! 602 00:38:23,016 --> 00:38:25,000 Fun. 603 00:38:27,044 --> 00:38:29,084 I don't want you dead and her a broken woman. 604 00:38:29,084 --> 00:38:31,068 I don't want them to see that. 605 00:38:31,068 --> 00:38:34,004 I won't let them rob me. 606 00:38:34,004 --> 00:38:36,084 It's only money. 607 00:38:36,084 --> 00:38:39,060 It's much more than money. 608 00:38:45,060 --> 00:38:48,052 'I remember my parents dying. 609 00:38:48,052 --> 00:38:51,088 At the time I'd have done anything to keep them alive. 610 00:38:51,088 --> 00:38:55,064 But now. Don't want them back now. 611 00:38:55,064 --> 00:39:00,028 Would I want two more people to love and be responsible for? 612 00:39:00,028 --> 00:39:02,024 No. 613 00:39:02,024 --> 00:39:06,016 That's what parents are supposed to do - die.' 614 00:39:06,016 --> 00:39:08,008 'But not yet, Dad. 615 00:39:08,008 --> 00:39:10,072 Please. Not just yet.' 616 00:39:25,040 --> 00:39:27,040 DOOR SHUTS 617 00:39:35,000 --> 00:39:37,016 'My earliest memory. 618 00:39:37,016 --> 00:39:40,044 Dad was coming home at six o'clock. 619 00:39:40,044 --> 00:39:42,012 So...' 620 00:39:42,012 --> 00:39:45,044 Moving the clock on doesn't move the time on, son. 621 00:39:49,004 --> 00:39:51,000 'But it did move time on. 622 00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:53,032 Cos Dad came.' 623 00:39:53,032 --> 00:39:55,020 Dad's home. Don't be silly. 624 00:39:55,020 --> 00:39:56,080 Hello, Stanley. 625 00:40:09,000 --> 00:40:11,056 (SOBS) 626 00:40:11,056 --> 00:40:14,024 'Don't send me out to play. Please don't send me out to play.' 627 00:40:53,024 --> 00:40:54,092 Do you want a cup of tea? 628 00:40:56,044 --> 00:40:58,060 I'll make a proper pot. 629 00:41:07,092 --> 00:41:09,092 WATER RUNS 630 00:41:17,060 --> 00:41:19,048 What's all this? 631 00:41:19,048 --> 00:41:21,068 You're not well, Stan. 632 00:41:21,068 --> 00:41:23,060 I'd like you to go to hospital. 633 00:41:26,056 --> 00:41:28,048 I'm not going. 634 00:41:28,048 --> 00:41:31,020 Brenda's signed a form, Stan. 635 00:41:31,020 --> 00:41:33,044 Under the terms of Mental Health Act, 636 00:41:33,044 --> 00:41:35,092 we're taking you to hospital for your own good. 637 00:41:35,092 --> 00:41:37,052 I'm being sectioned? 638 00:41:37,052 --> 00:41:39,072 Yes. 639 00:41:39,072 --> 00:41:42,060 I...want you alive. 640 00:41:43,080 --> 00:41:45,092 (PROTESTS) 641 00:41:45,092 --> 00:41:49,020 'For our generation, the loony bin's the ultimate disgrace 642 00:41:49,020 --> 00:41:51,048 and death's preferable to the loony bin. 643 00:41:51,048 --> 00:41:55,092 But not for her. That's how much she loves me. 644 00:41:55,092 --> 00:41:59,080 I wanted to get out of the car and say, "I know how much you love me." 645 00:41:59,080 --> 00:42:02,080 So I was struggling. I couldn't get out. 646 00:42:02,080 --> 00:42:04,032 All she saw was me struggling. 647 00:42:05,080 --> 00:42:07,064 God knows what that did to her.' 648 00:42:10,000 --> 00:42:11,076 That's how I ended up here. 649 00:42:11,076 --> 00:42:13,036 What about you? 650 00:42:14,080 --> 00:42:16,072 I'll send you a sign. 651 00:42:18,064 --> 00:42:22,016 When you most need it, I'll send you a sign. 652 00:42:22,016 --> 00:42:24,016 Why are you here? 653 00:42:24,016 --> 00:42:26,088 They don't fucking believe me, do they? 654 00:42:28,060 --> 00:42:30,080 Believe what? That I'm God. 655 00:42:33,008 --> 00:42:35,028 Jesus Christ. 656 00:42:35,028 --> 00:42:37,044 I miss him too. 657 00:42:38,068 --> 00:42:42,056 ♪ And the radio said, here's another shot dead 658 00:42:42,056 --> 00:42:45,080 ♪ And he died with a gun in his hand 659 00:42:45,080 --> 00:42:49,052 ♪ But they didn't why Billy Reid had to die 660 00:42:49,052 --> 00:42:53,012 ♪ He died to free Ireland 661 00:42:53,012 --> 00:42:56,000 ♪ He died to free Ireland. ♪ 662 00:43:05,048 --> 00:43:07,080 I was saying I shouldn't be here. 663 00:43:07,080 --> 00:43:10,012 We're all saying, mate. 664 00:43:10,012 --> 00:43:15,012 It pisses me off, it really does. Labelling someone insane. 665 00:43:15,012 --> 00:43:16,096 That's my work they're knockin'. 666 00:43:16,096 --> 00:43:18,092 I made us all. 667 00:43:18,092 --> 00:43:22,072 You just made one living thing. Just one. 668 00:43:22,072 --> 00:43:27,000 Dolly the fucking sheep, and she only lasted five minutes. 669 00:43:27,000 --> 00:43:30,060 How dare they criticise my work. 670 00:43:35,044 --> 00:43:38,004 Have you been in the sauna yet? 671 00:43:41,076 --> 00:43:44,044 It was watching that twat Tony Blair, 672 00:43:44,044 --> 00:43:47,012 smiling, lying through his bleeding teeth. 673 00:43:47,012 --> 00:43:49,012 That's the first time I remember wanting to get cancer. 674 00:43:49,012 --> 00:43:50,092 (MUMBLES) 675 00:43:50,092 --> 00:43:52,084 I wanted to be sure - I self-harm. 676 00:43:52,084 --> 00:43:55,052 ..know that I wasn't throwing years away - Not suicide. 677 00:43:55,052 --> 00:43:58,044 ..to that lion's - Self-harm. 678 00:43:58,044 --> 00:44:00,052 ..stab him and stab him and stab him... 679 00:44:00,052 --> 00:44:02,080 First time I tried it, I picked a railway line. 680 00:44:02,080 --> 00:44:08,004 One of those new tilted intercities, 200 miles an hour. 681 00:44:08,004 --> 00:44:09,064 We've all self-harmed. 682 00:44:09,064 --> 00:44:11,032 We'll discover for sure. 683 00:44:11,032 --> 00:44:14,012 No way, cos you describe this as a cry for help. 684 00:44:14,012 --> 00:44:16,060 Squeezed a pimple. 685 00:44:16,060 --> 00:44:19,008 ..my resolve weakened. Turned my back... 686 00:44:19,008 --> 00:44:21,016 You think you decide when you die? 687 00:44:21,016 --> 00:44:25,072 You think suicide empowers you? That's a joke. Does it? 688 00:44:25,072 --> 00:44:27,052 ..don't drink. Train had passed me. 689 00:44:27,052 --> 00:44:30,060 But you still choose me. I'm still in fucking charge. 690 00:44:30,060 --> 00:44:33,032 Picked the wrong line. I just self-harm. 691 00:44:33,032 --> 00:44:35,060 I wanted you to change your mind, send you a sign. 692 00:44:35,060 --> 00:44:37,000 You're aged 65... 693 00:44:37,000 --> 00:44:40,020 And it'll be so bleeding convincing you'd never go through with it. 694 00:44:40,020 --> 00:44:42,068 That's a myth. 695 00:44:42,068 --> 00:44:45,008 They get your pension if it comes to that. 696 00:44:45,008 --> 00:44:49,024 They dole it out when they see fit and that is handing justice. 697 00:44:49,024 --> 00:44:51,004 Bleeding loads. That's what I'm fighting. 698 00:44:51,004 --> 00:44:52,076 I'm fighting injustice. 699 00:44:52,076 --> 00:44:54,052 It had to be a suicide bomber. 700 00:44:54,052 --> 00:44:57,080 If I had the courage, I'd walk up the steps of the insurance company 701 00:44:57,080 --> 00:45:00,036 and set fire to myself, but I haven't. 702 00:45:00,036 --> 00:45:02,048 I have to find another way and find it I will. 703 00:45:02,048 --> 00:45:04,004 Bye-bye Blair. 704 00:45:04,004 --> 00:45:07,060 Listen, none of this shite about suicide being a sin 705 00:45:07,060 --> 00:45:09,000 and you can't get a Christian funeral 706 00:45:09,000 --> 00:45:10,056 because you topped yourself. 707 00:45:10,056 --> 00:45:12,088 It's hardly house. You hypocritical twat. 708 00:45:12,088 --> 00:45:15,016 I love my suicides. 709 00:45:15,016 --> 00:45:16,092 They practice what I preach, 710 00:45:16,092 --> 00:45:19,044 that this life is fuck-all. 711 00:45:19,044 --> 00:45:20,092 It's the next one that counts. 712 00:45:20,092 --> 00:45:23,048 He was here during '72... 713 00:45:23,048 --> 00:45:26,060 It does my head in the way people cling onto life. 714 00:45:26,060 --> 00:45:27,084 ..and my resolve weakened... 715 00:45:27,084 --> 00:45:31,008 Fuckin' Americans most of all. Christian country, my arse. 716 00:45:31,008 --> 00:45:33,072 Bye-bye David Blunt-head and your manky stock. 717 00:45:33,072 --> 00:45:36,000 Having a smoke in a bleeding bar over there, 718 00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:38,016 they swim, they jog, they do fucking yoga. 719 00:45:38,016 --> 00:45:39,024 Over to intensive care... 720 00:45:39,024 --> 00:45:41,080 They're terrified of dying. 721 00:45:41,080 --> 00:45:43,052 A country that doles out death and bleeding destruction 722 00:45:43,052 --> 00:45:45,080 all over the world, 723 00:45:45,080 --> 00:45:48,064 and they're terrified of it themselves! 724 00:45:48,064 --> 00:45:51,004 ..tears through skulls like molten lead. 725 00:45:56,016 --> 00:45:57,096 King Lear. 726 00:45:57,096 --> 00:46:01,000 Is it wrong for a man of my age to fight injustice, 727 00:46:01,000 --> 00:46:02,076 to feel passion for a cause? 728 00:46:02,076 --> 00:46:04,032 Is that just for the young? 729 00:46:04,032 --> 00:46:07,048 I am prepared to give my life for a cause, 730 00:46:07,048 --> 00:46:09,020 and for that I am banged up here. 731 00:46:10,028 --> 00:46:12,012 You say that to somebody younger, 732 00:46:12,012 --> 00:46:15,084 Irish hunger strikers, young men with years ahead of them, 733 00:46:15,084 --> 00:46:18,028 starved to death for a cause. 734 00:46:18,028 --> 00:46:21,056 Would you have the arrogance to say to them that they were mad? No! 735 00:46:21,056 --> 00:46:25,060 So, how dare you do it to me! 736 00:46:25,060 --> 00:46:29,052 I have been cheated all my life 737 00:46:29,052 --> 00:46:33,080 and I'm fighting back in the only way I can. 738 00:46:33,080 --> 00:46:35,092 How is that insane? 739 00:46:35,092 --> 00:46:38,024 It isn't. 740 00:47:08,044 --> 00:47:14,096 ♪ For I am not seeing things too clear 741 00:47:14,096 --> 00:47:20,044 ♪ Are you too much in love to heal? 742 00:47:20,044 --> 00:47:27,060 ♪ Is it all going in one ear and out the other? ♪ 743 00:47:27,060 --> 00:47:30,072 DOOR CLOSES 744 00:47:40,032 --> 00:47:43,064 I want you to tell the truth in that courtroom, Stan. 745 00:47:43,064 --> 00:47:46,012 I want that bastard to get what's coming to him. 746 00:47:50,020 --> 00:47:54,016 ♪ Yet I was once 747 00:47:54,016 --> 00:47:56,080 ♪ I hear you 748 00:47:56,080 --> 00:48:01,084 ♪ You are my high-flying cloud. ♪ 749 00:48:06,008 --> 00:48:08,048 DOOR OPENS 750 00:48:10,032 --> 00:48:11,080 DOOR THUDS 751 00:48:13,072 --> 00:48:15,052 (PUFFS) Have you been running? 752 00:48:15,052 --> 00:48:17,004 (SIGHS) 753 00:48:17,004 --> 00:48:18,092 Why? 754 00:48:18,092 --> 00:48:21,056 (HUFFS) Why?! 755 00:48:23,080 --> 00:48:25,028 They need me. 756 00:48:26,068 --> 00:48:28,056 Little Katie and her mother. 757 00:48:31,060 --> 00:48:33,068 We all need you. 758 00:48:35,076 --> 00:48:38,036 ♪ Happy birthday to you... ♪ 759 00:48:38,036 --> 00:48:41,000 Ohhh! (CHUCKLES) Didn't do too bad today! 760 00:48:41,000 --> 00:48:44,056 ♪ ..birthday to you 761 00:48:44,056 --> 00:48:49,004 ♪ Happy birthday, dear Stan. ♪ Thank you. Thank you. 762 00:48:49,004 --> 00:48:53,000 ♪ Happy birthday to you! ♪ 763 00:48:53,000 --> 00:48:55,020 (ALL CLAP) 764 00:48:55,020 --> 00:48:57,020 I don't know, I don't think I've got the puff. 765 00:48:57,020 --> 00:49:00,044 Will you give us a hand, Gabby? Come on. One, two, three. 766 00:49:00,044 --> 00:49:02,012 (ALL CHEER) 767 00:49:06,088 --> 00:49:09,004 Dad? A bit more? 768 00:49:11,032 --> 00:49:13,016 Cheers. Mum? 769 00:49:13,016 --> 00:49:15,024 I'm getting to like this stuff. 770 00:49:18,084 --> 00:49:20,080 Take it easy. Oh, cheers. 771 00:49:20,080 --> 00:49:22,052 Beg your pardon. Mmm. 772 00:49:22,052 --> 00:49:24,012 Told you you'd like it. 773 00:49:24,012 --> 00:49:26,020 I do like it...now. 774 00:49:36,052 --> 00:49:38,000 Stan? 775 00:49:39,068 --> 00:49:41,016 Stan?! 776 00:49:46,008 --> 00:49:48,080 Stan! Stan! 777 00:49:48,080 --> 00:49:51,088 That's the wardrobe, you drunken old fool, 778 00:49:51,088 --> 00:49:53,044 it's the wardrobe! 779 00:49:53,044 --> 00:49:55,056 Oh... Come on. 780 00:49:57,032 --> 00:49:59,056 (There you go.) Alright. 781 00:50:04,016 --> 00:50:06,076 (You drunken old fool.) 782 00:50:06,076 --> 00:50:08,072 (URINATES) 783 00:50:08,072 --> 00:50:10,092 I'm absolutely certain of that, Your Honour. 784 00:50:10,092 --> 00:50:12,080 No doubt whatsoever. 785 00:50:16,096 --> 00:50:20,088 We're going to remand you on bail for sentencing at the crown court. 786 00:50:21,092 --> 00:50:24,068 I warn you to expect a custodial sentence. 787 00:50:31,004 --> 00:50:33,016 I've got to go to the crown. 788 00:50:33,016 --> 00:50:34,056 Prick! 789 00:50:39,024 --> 00:50:44,004 In your statement you say, "It all seemed to happen in slow motion." 790 00:50:44,004 --> 00:50:46,016 Is that right? Yes. 791 00:50:46,016 --> 00:50:50,024 Is 15-20 miles an hour slow motion? 792 00:50:55,056 --> 00:50:59,012 You say the defendant wasn't looking where he was going. 793 00:50:59,012 --> 00:51:01,020 He wasn't. He was looking away? 794 00:51:02,048 --> 00:51:04,016 Yes. 795 00:51:04,016 --> 00:51:05,068 At what? 796 00:51:05,068 --> 00:51:07,092 I don't know. 797 00:51:10,012 --> 00:51:14,004 Have you recently spent time in a mental hospital, Mr McDermott? 798 00:51:19,032 --> 00:51:20,040 Have you? 799 00:51:23,004 --> 00:51:25,048 Yes, I have. 800 00:51:29,008 --> 00:51:32,044 No further questions. 801 00:51:36,068 --> 00:51:40,084 We are satisfied that this was an accident. 802 00:51:40,084 --> 00:51:43,076 The accused obviously feels great remorse. 803 00:51:43,076 --> 00:51:46,024 But if it's any comfort to him, 804 00:51:46,024 --> 00:51:50,000 it is our opinion that he is not to blame in any way whatsoever. 805 00:51:50,000 --> 00:51:52,056 Court will rise. 806 00:53:06,096 --> 00:53:10,000 Oi! Oi! 807 00:53:10,000 --> 00:53:11,088 That copper nicked me. 808 00:53:11,088 --> 00:53:14,028 The copper that came around to your house nicked me! 809 00:53:14,028 --> 00:53:15,088 So next time you try and top yourself, 810 00:53:15,088 --> 00:53:18,008 give us a shout and I'll give you a hand, alright? 811 00:53:18,008 --> 00:53:19,088 You think you're hard? I'll make sure you succeed. 812 00:53:19,088 --> 00:53:21,068 You think you're hard? Yeah, I know I'm hard! 813 00:53:21,068 --> 00:53:23,016 So, come on then. Look at you. 814 00:53:23,016 --> 00:53:24,076 Come on then! What you trying to do? 815 00:53:24,076 --> 00:53:26,068 Do you think you're hard? Come on then. 816 00:53:26,068 --> 00:53:30,008 You ought to act your age, mate. Alright? 817 00:53:41,056 --> 00:53:43,068 SUPPORTERS CHATTER 818 00:53:52,004 --> 00:53:53,080 I hate your team. 819 00:53:55,008 --> 00:53:58,016 I was 19 when that plane crashed and the Busby babes dies. 820 00:53:58,016 --> 00:53:59,064 And you know what? What? 821 00:53:59,064 --> 00:54:02,036 It was the best thing that ever happened to Manchester United, 822 00:54:02,036 --> 00:54:05,076 cos until then, no-one gave a damn about the club. 823 00:54:05,076 --> 00:54:08,096 And everyone's so bloody ugly. 824 00:54:08,096 --> 00:54:11,080 Ferguson with a face like a smacked arse. 825 00:54:11,080 --> 00:54:15,000 Gary Neville the dead spit of Herman Munster. 826 00:54:15,000 --> 00:54:17,016 Van Horseface Nistelrooy. 827 00:54:17,016 --> 00:54:20,092 And that ugly fat money-grabbing bastard Rooney! 828 00:54:20,092 --> 00:54:24,032 God how I hate your fucking team! 829 00:54:24,032 --> 00:54:26,028 (SIGHS) 830 00:54:26,028 --> 00:54:28,096 WATER TRICKLES 831 00:54:31,064 --> 00:54:33,024 (SNIFFS) 832 00:54:38,080 --> 00:54:42,040 Buy us a pint. Oh, go away! 833 00:54:42,040 --> 00:54:44,080 Buy us a pint, you tightarse. Please go away. 834 00:54:44,080 --> 00:54:46,072 A half. Go away! 835 00:54:46,072 --> 00:54:48,028 No sign for you then. 836 00:54:48,028 --> 00:54:50,028 God sent me a sign as a matter of fact. 837 00:54:50,028 --> 00:54:53,076 Gave me a bit of a boost. God never sent you a sign. 838 00:54:53,076 --> 00:54:55,096 Do you know what? He just snatched it away again. 839 00:54:55,096 --> 00:54:58,060 I never sent any bleeding sign! You bloody weirdo. 840 00:54:58,060 --> 00:55:00,040 You know what you can do with your sign? 841 00:55:00,040 --> 00:55:01,088 You can stick it up your arse. 842 00:55:01,088 --> 00:55:03,088 I never sent you a sign, right? 843 00:55:03,088 --> 00:55:06,020 I never sent it. 844 00:55:06,020 --> 00:55:07,060 DOOR SLAMS 845 00:55:14,044 --> 00:55:18,056 CONTEMPLATIVE MUSIC 846 00:55:55,020 --> 00:56:10,012 (STRAINS) 847 00:56:13,072 --> 00:56:16,056 (GROANS) WHEELCHAIR CLATTERS 848 00:56:22,040 --> 00:56:24,044 Katie? 849 00:56:24,044 --> 00:56:26,020 What's happened? Are you alright? 850 00:56:29,008 --> 00:56:30,080 I did this for you. 851 00:56:37,012 --> 00:56:38,072 Is that what you call me? 852 00:56:38,072 --> 00:56:40,080 Mr Mack? 853 00:56:40,080 --> 00:56:42,020 Mmm. 854 00:56:50,076 --> 00:56:54,076 (SOBS) 855 00:57:06,068 --> 00:57:08,016 SINGLE CRACK 856 00:57:13,092 --> 00:57:15,064 (SIGHS) 857 00:57:21,060 --> 00:57:24,008 What happened? 858 00:57:24,008 --> 00:57:26,036 I fell. 859 00:57:26,036 --> 00:57:28,004 Oh. 860 00:57:32,092 --> 00:57:34,076 Katie Quinn. 861 00:57:34,076 --> 00:57:36,004 Me. 862 00:57:43,088 --> 00:57:45,036 To life. 863 00:58:03,008 --> 00:58:06,016 Closed Captions by CSI