1 00:00:10,047 --> 00:00:13,547 (theme music playing) 2 00:00:26,714 --> 00:00:29,756 ♪ ♪ 3 00:00:32,798 --> 00:00:34,964 Larry: Hello? Mr. Porter? 4 00:00:41,631 --> 00:00:44,005 (blues song plays softly in background) 5 00:00:44,089 --> 00:00:46,005 Are you Chulu Porter? 6 00:00:46,089 --> 00:00:47,839 -Who are you? -Um... 7 00:00:47,964 --> 00:00:51,255 My name is Larry David, and I've been looking all over for you. 8 00:00:51,339 --> 00:00:54,214 -Oh. Come on in. -Thank you. 9 00:00:54,297 --> 00:00:56,297 -Have a seat. -Um... 10 00:00:57,631 --> 00:00:58,964 So... 11 00:00:59,631 --> 00:01:03,381 You were the pastry chef at the Waldorf Astoria in New York. Were you not? 12 00:01:03,464 --> 00:01:05,381 It's been a while, long time ago. 13 00:01:05,464 --> 00:01:07,589 What a hotel. I mean, there were a couple of problems, 14 00:01:07,673 --> 00:01:11,381 like the air conditioning was... not great, I have to say. 15 00:01:11,464 --> 00:01:14,005 I like a cold room, Chulu, you know, 64 degrees. 16 00:01:14,089 --> 00:01:16,631 -Mm-hmm. -And the tub was too small. But besides that, 17 00:01:16,714 --> 00:01:18,881 what I loved about it was, every morning, 18 00:01:18,964 --> 00:01:21,172 I'd go downstairs to the restaurant, 19 00:01:21,255 --> 00:01:23,547 and I'd have a cup of coffee, 20 00:01:23,631 --> 00:01:25,547 and a scone. 21 00:01:25,839 --> 00:01:29,130 -And those scones were the best scones I've ever had... -(Chulu chuckles) 22 00:01:29,214 --> 00:01:31,172 ...anywhere in my-- I've never forgotten them. 23 00:01:31,255 --> 00:01:33,172 Well, I was known for my scones. 24 00:01:33,255 --> 00:01:36,005 Anyway, I'm opening up a coffee shop, and... 25 00:01:36,673 --> 00:01:38,631 I need you to make me those scones. 26 00:01:38,714 --> 00:01:41,047 I'm sorry, I haven't touched a whisk... 27 00:01:41,130 --> 00:01:42,381 20 years. 28 00:01:42,464 --> 00:01:46,047 See, Chulu, the thing is, there's this man. 29 00:01:46,130 --> 00:01:48,339 He's got this coffee place. He's... 30 00:01:48,422 --> 00:01:50,589 kicked me out of it. He's banned me from it. 31 00:01:50,673 --> 00:01:53,005 And I opened up a place next door to his. 32 00:01:53,089 --> 00:01:55,297 I've sworn revenge, and with your help, 33 00:01:55,381 --> 00:01:57,089 maybe I can get it. 34 00:01:57,172 --> 00:01:59,756 -Oh, a spite store. -Spite store, right. 35 00:01:59,839 --> 00:02:01,964 Well, what's this guy's name, anyway? 36 00:02:02,047 --> 00:02:05,339 -(spaghetti western music plays) -He goes by the name of... 37 00:02:05,964 --> 00:02:07,422 Mocha Joe. 38 00:02:07,506 --> 00:02:10,089 Did you say Mocha Joe? 39 00:02:10,172 --> 00:02:11,255 You know him? 40 00:02:11,339 --> 00:02:13,339 Nasty motherfucker. 41 00:02:14,422 --> 00:02:15,756 (timer dings) 42 00:02:16,881 --> 00:02:20,381 (suspenseful music plays) 43 00:02:26,005 --> 00:02:28,756 Well... whatcha think? 44 00:02:31,589 --> 00:02:33,923 -Pretty good! -(laughs) 45 00:02:34,005 --> 00:02:37,172 Pretty... pretty... 46 00:02:37,756 --> 00:02:40,089 pretty, pretty good. 47 00:02:41,047 --> 00:02:42,881 Yeah, I was just trying to stop her from leaving, 48 00:02:42,964 --> 00:02:45,381 -so as I grabbed her wrist-- -Sure, Larry, but I think-- 49 00:02:45,464 --> 00:02:47,714 I think we're beyond the details of what happened at this point, 50 00:02:47,798 --> 00:02:49,798 because her attitude has completely changed. 51 00:02:49,881 --> 00:02:51,547 Alice and her attorneys are out for blood, 52 00:02:51,631 --> 00:02:54,923 and I think the priority now is keeping this from going public. 53 00:02:55,005 --> 00:02:57,631 You know, you have, uh, Seinfeld syndication, 54 00:02:57,714 --> 00:02:59,005 you have the Hulu deal. 55 00:02:59,089 --> 00:03:01,422 You don't want headlines about you being sued 56 00:03:01,506 --> 00:03:03,214 for sexual harassment by a former assistant. 57 00:03:03,297 --> 00:03:06,005 Side-sitting, I can't believe what it did to me. 58 00:03:06,089 --> 00:03:07,464 I think, unfortunately, we're in a different 59 00:03:07,547 --> 00:03:09,255 category now, settlement-wise. 60 00:03:09,339 --> 00:03:12,339 But, uh, in your case, I think it's eminently worth it 61 00:03:12,422 --> 00:03:15,964 for the value to you of having this thing over with 62 00:03:16,047 --> 00:03:18,923 and not lying around to be discovered by the public. 63 00:03:20,172 --> 00:03:22,798 What? Get the fuck outta here! 64 00:03:22,881 --> 00:03:24,881 -Are you kidding? What? -Roger: Well, that's not it-- 65 00:03:24,964 --> 00:03:26,172 That money is not for her. 66 00:03:26,255 --> 00:03:28,798 It's for a charity called Survivors United, 67 00:03:28,881 --> 00:03:30,964 devoted to victims of sexual harassment. 68 00:03:31,047 --> 00:03:33,798 -Alice's charity of choice. -Yeah, my, my cousin Andy's wife 69 00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:36,047 is involved with that. Cassie. Yeah. -Roger: That's great, 70 00:03:36,130 --> 00:03:39,089 because in addition to the financial remuneration, 71 00:03:39,172 --> 00:03:41,839 they would like you to, uh, make a speech. 72 00:03:41,923 --> 00:03:44,714 They want me to make a speech? What am I supposed to say? 73 00:03:44,798 --> 00:03:48,172 I think she wants you to, in a public way, 74 00:03:48,255 --> 00:03:51,297 show contrition and show that this has moved you a step forward, 75 00:03:51,381 --> 00:03:53,339 that you've evolved as a result of this experience. 76 00:03:53,422 --> 00:03:55,881 I'm gonna call Alice's attorneys immediately to let her know 77 00:03:55,964 --> 00:03:58,172 -that you're on board with this. -(crunches) 78 00:03:58,255 --> 00:04:00,339 What are you doing? 79 00:04:01,047 --> 00:04:03,172 -I think I'm eating an apple. -Okay. 80 00:04:03,255 --> 00:04:04,714 I'm worried you're not taking this seriously. 81 00:04:04,798 --> 00:04:06,214 You're blithely eating an apple here. 82 00:04:06,297 --> 00:04:07,714 -We're really talking about-- -"Blithely eating"-- 83 00:04:07,798 --> 00:04:09,339 There's no other way to eat an apple but blithely. 84 00:04:09,422 --> 00:04:11,214 -Yeah, but I need you-- -That's how apples are eaten. 85 00:04:11,297 --> 00:04:13,464 I think you're incorrect about that. My dad ate angry apples 86 00:04:13,547 --> 00:04:14,839 -all the time. -Larry: An angry apple? 87 00:04:14,923 --> 00:04:16,589 He communicated a tremendous amount of hostility-- 88 00:04:16,673 --> 00:04:18,589 -Cannot eat an apple angry. It's impossible. -In fact, I think 89 00:04:18,673 --> 00:04:20,756 there are a lot of emotional colors available when eating an apple. 90 00:04:20,839 --> 00:04:22,631 -Not just blitheness. -Well, I completely disagree with you. 91 00:04:22,714 --> 00:04:24,673 I'm concerned you're not taking this seriously. 92 00:04:25,005 --> 00:04:27,881 I'm, I'm taking it seriously! I'm gonna pay a shitload of money, 93 00:04:27,964 --> 00:04:29,881 and I'm gonna make a fuckin' speech 94 00:04:29,964 --> 00:04:31,673 about something I-I know nothing about. 95 00:04:31,756 --> 00:04:34,422 Those aren't even apples for eating, anyway. They're decorative. 96 00:04:34,506 --> 00:04:36,130 Decorative? What, are you kidding? 97 00:04:36,214 --> 00:04:38,005 What? I've never heard of that in my life. Why don't you get 98 00:04:38,089 --> 00:04:39,673 -the artificial fruit? -You never heard of decorative apples? 99 00:04:39,756 --> 00:04:41,381 Yes, and they're artificial. 100 00:04:41,464 --> 00:04:43,673 I never heard of anybody using real fruit 101 00:04:43,756 --> 00:04:45,297 as, for decoration purposes. 102 00:04:45,381 --> 00:04:47,839 Larry, I'd feel better if we just stopped the eating for now, 103 00:04:47,923 --> 00:04:50,714 just long enough to get a few basic points down 104 00:04:50,798 --> 00:04:53,756 -for the speech. Okay. No eating. -Okay. No worries. 105 00:04:53,839 --> 00:04:55,798 -(apple thuds) -I'll put the apple away. 106 00:04:55,881 --> 00:04:57,756 -Just... Yeah. -What? 107 00:04:57,839 --> 00:05:00,381 Now I have a half-eaten apple in my, uh, basket, here. 108 00:05:00,464 --> 00:05:02,422 (stammers) Where are you supposed to put it? 109 00:05:02,506 --> 00:05:03,923 It's a garbage-- It's a garbage can. 110 00:05:04,005 --> 00:05:06,464 Larry, it's not a garbage can. That's a, that's... 111 00:05:06,547 --> 00:05:08,464 It's an unlined receptacle 112 00:05:08,547 --> 00:05:11,089 -that's sitting next to a desk. -Yes, for garbage! 113 00:05:11,172 --> 00:05:12,422 It's for paper. It's not a lined garbage can. 114 00:05:12,506 --> 00:05:13,881 How am I supposed to know it's for paper? 115 00:05:13,964 --> 00:05:16,130 If I see a garbage can, I throw garbage in there. 116 00:05:16,214 --> 00:05:17,839 I think you're conflating garbage with paper. 117 00:05:17,923 --> 00:05:20,547 -I mean, it's, really, it's for paper, it's not... -Yeah. 118 00:05:20,631 --> 00:05:21,714 This is the oddest office. 119 00:05:21,798 --> 00:05:22,923 You have fruit that's not for eating, 120 00:05:23,005 --> 00:05:24,464 you have garbage that's not for garbage, 121 00:05:24,547 --> 00:05:26,339 and you have a bathroom that nobody can use. 122 00:05:26,422 --> 00:05:27,923 It's unbelievable. 123 00:05:28,005 --> 00:05:30,172 ♪ ♪ 124 00:05:30,255 --> 00:05:32,172 Hot off the presses, baby. 125 00:05:32,255 --> 00:05:35,714 This is it. This is the scone. 126 00:05:35,798 --> 00:05:37,964 -Go head. Take a bite. -I'm good. 127 00:05:38,047 --> 00:05:39,464 -What? -I'm good. 128 00:05:39,547 --> 00:05:41,714 What are you-- What are you, nuts? Take a bite. 129 00:05:41,798 --> 00:05:43,506 -I'm good. -How are you good? 130 00:05:43,589 --> 00:05:45,714 -I'll eat it later. -All right. Fine. 131 00:05:46,214 --> 00:05:48,714 Hey. So, get this. 132 00:05:48,798 --> 00:05:50,923 I have to do this speech 133 00:05:51,005 --> 00:05:53,047 at a Survivor's United event. 134 00:05:53,130 --> 00:05:56,130 Remember that psychotic assistant I had who thought you were Harvey Weinstein? 135 00:05:56,214 --> 00:05:57,631 This is all because of her. I have to give a speech, 136 00:05:57,714 --> 00:05:59,422 I have to give money to the organization-- 137 00:05:59,506 --> 00:06:01,464 -Speech and money. That's bullshit. -Yeah-- 138 00:06:01,547 --> 00:06:04,089 -By the way, a lot of money. -You didn't do anything! 139 00:06:04,172 --> 00:06:05,839 -I know. I didn't do anything. -That's bullshit! 140 00:06:05,923 --> 00:06:07,923 Total bullshit. I'm so pissed. 141 00:06:08,005 --> 00:06:10,464 Susie: Ah-ah-ah, Lar. It's fake. 142 00:06:11,089 --> 00:06:13,339 -What? (scoffs) -It's artificial fruit. 143 00:06:13,422 --> 00:06:15,673 -Good, right? -Holy mackerel. 144 00:06:15,756 --> 00:06:17,631 I know. There's no fruit flies, nothing. 145 00:06:17,714 --> 00:06:20,506 -It just sits there all day looking beautiful. -Holy mackerel. 146 00:06:20,589 --> 00:06:22,673 My mother would go nuts for this. 147 00:06:22,756 --> 00:06:24,631 -They didn't make 'em like that in the old days. -Larry: No, my God. 148 00:06:24,714 --> 00:06:26,214 This is a whole new technology. 149 00:06:26,297 --> 00:06:28,255 Do me a favor. Text me the number of where you got this. 150 00:06:28,339 --> 00:06:30,631 All right. Jeff, what is that piece of shit you're eating? 151 00:06:30,714 --> 00:06:32,047 -Larry: Piece of shit? -Susie: Yeah. 152 00:06:32,130 --> 00:06:33,923 That piece of shit happens to be a scone 153 00:06:34,005 --> 00:06:35,923 that I'm gonna be selling at, uh, Latte Larry's. 154 00:06:36,005 --> 00:06:37,547 Uck. I don't like a scone. 155 00:06:37,631 --> 00:06:39,130 -Oh, you don't? Who cares what you like? -Susie: No. 156 00:06:39,214 --> 00:06:40,798 You have such pedestrian taste anyway. 157 00:06:40,881 --> 00:06:43,881 I like a delicious, moist cupcake. 158 00:06:43,964 --> 00:06:46,214 -What is that? -Susie: What? 159 00:06:46,297 --> 00:06:47,756 That picture. 160 00:06:49,964 --> 00:06:51,631 Susie: What? Oh, remember that wedding 161 00:06:51,714 --> 00:06:53,214 in Malibu, the four of us? 162 00:06:53,297 --> 00:06:55,172 We used to have such good times together. 163 00:06:55,255 --> 00:06:57,714 Oh, that was so nice, Jeff. Remember that? 164 00:06:57,798 --> 00:06:59,673 This picture is very painful for me now. 165 00:06:59,756 --> 00:07:01,422 Why? 'Cause Cheryl's in it? 166 00:07:01,506 --> 00:07:02,964 Yeah. I want you to take it down. 167 00:07:03,047 --> 00:07:05,172 I'm not taking it down. It's part of our history. 168 00:07:05,255 --> 00:07:07,964 I'm not gonna deny our history, or rewrite it. 169 00:07:08,047 --> 00:07:09,714 It's like looking at a Confederate war monument. 170 00:07:09,798 --> 00:07:12,297 -It's a history that's very hurtful for me. -Well, I'm sorry. 171 00:07:12,381 --> 00:07:14,673 I want to honor our history, our heritage. 172 00:07:14,756 --> 00:07:17,255 This picture being up is very offensive to me, Susie. 173 00:07:17,339 --> 00:07:19,297 Well, I'm sorry! Put it the fuck back! 174 00:07:19,381 --> 00:07:22,255 And get that fuckin' crusty scone out of my house, too. 175 00:07:22,339 --> 00:07:25,506 -Taste it, will ya? -I... I'm good. 176 00:07:27,130 --> 00:07:28,881 Larry: I'm gonna go out on a limb and tell you, 177 00:07:28,964 --> 00:07:31,589 this is gonna be one of the best scones you've ever had in your life. 178 00:07:31,673 --> 00:07:34,005 -Really? I can't wait. Can't wait. Okay. -I'm just telling you. Okay? 179 00:07:34,089 --> 00:07:35,756 -And I'm not even overselling it. -They look great. 180 00:07:35,839 --> 00:07:37,798 What are these? Are these chocolate chips or are they blueberries? 181 00:07:37,881 --> 00:07:39,673 -Chips. -Whoa. 182 00:07:41,547 --> 00:07:42,798 Mm-mm. 183 00:07:42,881 --> 00:07:44,506 -Mm-mm. Mm-mm. No. -What? 184 00:07:44,589 --> 00:07:45,964 -They're not good. They're not good. -What are you-- 185 00:07:46,047 --> 00:07:47,881 -What are you talking about? -It's dry. 186 00:07:47,964 --> 00:07:49,673 -What? You're crazy. -Oh, my God. 187 00:07:49,756 --> 00:07:51,297 I mean, it's like I could out there and choke, 188 00:07:51,381 --> 00:07:53,130 -eating this thing. -Scones are, scones are dry. 189 00:07:53,214 --> 00:07:55,255 -Well, then, okay. Well, then, okay. -They're supposed to be dry. 190 00:07:55,339 --> 00:07:56,881 -Then you got what you paid for. -Yeah. 191 00:07:56,964 --> 00:07:59,506 'Cause I've never tasted anything dry, this granuley. 192 00:07:59,589 --> 00:08:01,964 It's like a buttermilk biscuit without the buttermilk. 193 00:08:02,047 --> 00:08:04,422 Then don't come in the store! Go to Mocha Joe's! 194 00:08:04,506 --> 00:08:07,214 Stop it. I'm not gonna get into-- Oh, what a pretty sweater. 195 00:08:07,297 --> 00:08:09,631 -Oh, this is so nice. Where'd you get this? -Yeah. Cheryl gave it to me. 196 00:08:09,714 --> 00:08:11,964 -Cheryl gave it to me. Get out of here. -Where is this from? 197 00:08:12,047 --> 00:08:13,714 -Who the hell cares? -Hold on. Okay, okay. 198 00:08:13,798 --> 00:08:16,673 It's like a fireplace cardigan, is what it is. -Huh? 199 00:08:16,756 --> 00:08:18,714 Hey, Larry. 200 00:08:18,798 --> 00:08:21,589 I was just gonna call you. I'm so happy to see you. 201 00:08:21,673 --> 00:08:23,798 -Larry: Oh, really? -You're like my hero. 202 00:08:23,881 --> 00:08:27,130 You gave-- He gave the biggest, I mean, the biggest donation 203 00:08:27,214 --> 00:08:28,964 -to Survivors United. -Stop it. 204 00:08:29,047 --> 00:08:31,089 -You did? Why didn't you tell me? -Yeah, I did. 205 00:08:31,172 --> 00:08:32,964 Uh, you know, I give to a lot of charities. 206 00:08:33,047 --> 00:08:34,881 I don't tell everybody, you know. I just... 207 00:08:34,964 --> 00:08:37,005 -It's really sweet. -Well, you know, you were 208 00:08:37,089 --> 00:08:38,673 connected with it, so I thought 209 00:08:38,756 --> 00:08:40,506 it would be a nice, uh, gesture, you know. 210 00:08:40,589 --> 00:08:42,172 -You didn't? -Is that why you did that? 211 00:08:42,255 --> 00:08:45,047 That's part of the reason, and I think it's a great cause. 212 00:08:45,130 --> 00:08:48,339 -That almost makes me cry. That is the sweetest thing ever. -Ha! 213 00:08:48,422 --> 00:08:51,130 -And you're doing a speech. -Wait till you hear the speech. 214 00:08:51,214 --> 00:08:54,130 -Listen, I want to ask you a favor, okay? -Larry: Sure. 215 00:08:54,214 --> 00:08:56,005 Uh, you've already done so much, 216 00:08:56,089 --> 00:08:57,631 so this shouldn't be that big of a deal. 217 00:08:57,714 --> 00:08:59,381 I just need a doodle from you. 218 00:08:59,464 --> 00:09:02,172 -We're doing like an auction with celebrity doodles. -Doodle. 219 00:09:02,255 --> 00:09:04,005 I don't really draw at all. 220 00:09:04,089 --> 00:09:06,339 -It's a doodle. -It doesn't matter. That's the whole point. 221 00:09:06,422 --> 00:09:09,547 -It's a doodle. -It's literally like "This is a Larry David doodle." 222 00:09:09,631 --> 00:09:12,047 -Doesn't matter what it looks like. -I can do a doodle. 223 00:09:12,130 --> 00:09:13,964 -Okay. Thank you. Thank you, truly. -Okay. Yeah, sure. 224 00:09:14,047 --> 00:09:15,714 -Andy: You're a pal. -Thank you for the doodle. 225 00:09:15,798 --> 00:09:17,714 -Yeah. -So what'd you get for dinner? 226 00:09:17,798 --> 00:09:18,923 Uh, we're gonna have artichokes, 227 00:09:19,005 --> 00:09:20,714 which we haven't had in forever, 228 00:09:20,798 --> 00:09:22,589 and I'm gonna roast a chicken, and-- 229 00:09:22,673 --> 00:09:24,339 -What's going on? What's going on? -No, no, no, no. 230 00:09:24,422 --> 00:09:26,547 -Please don't. No, no. Please don't do that. -Larry: What? 231 00:09:26,631 --> 00:09:29,881 -I-- Sorry. We don't use this. -Cassie: Yeah. 232 00:09:29,964 --> 00:09:31,714 We throw our trash in the pantry. 233 00:09:31,798 --> 00:09:33,673 So what is this? This is a show can? 234 00:09:33,756 --> 00:09:36,589 It indicates that we know how to throw things out. 235 00:09:36,673 --> 00:09:37,923 I-I can't believe what's going on. 236 00:09:38,005 --> 00:09:39,756 The same thing happened in my lawyer's office. 237 00:09:39,839 --> 00:09:41,297 Well, we like to keep the place clean. 238 00:09:41,381 --> 00:09:42,547 I was keeping the place clean 239 00:09:42,631 --> 00:09:44,297 by throwing my garbage in the garbage. 240 00:09:44,381 --> 00:09:46,047 We don't even have a liner in there. Take a look. 241 00:09:46,130 --> 00:09:47,839 -We don't, we don't use that at all. -I can't, I can't have it. 242 00:09:47,923 --> 00:09:49,422 So if I have some garbage in my hand and I say, 243 00:09:49,506 --> 00:09:50,714 -"Where's the garbage can?" -Yeah. 244 00:09:50,798 --> 00:09:52,756 -What do you say? -We say the garbage can 245 00:09:52,839 --> 00:09:54,255 -is here. -Garbage can is here. 246 00:09:54,339 --> 00:09:55,839 -Throw it in the pantry. -Yeah. 247 00:09:56,756 --> 00:09:58,297 -Okay. -Cassie: Okay. 248 00:09:58,381 --> 00:10:00,255 ♪ ♪ 249 00:10:00,339 --> 00:10:01,798 What the hell are you doing here? 250 00:10:01,881 --> 00:10:03,255 Yeah. I want you to taste this. 251 00:10:03,339 --> 00:10:04,589 Yeah, but you know I don't like surprises. 252 00:10:04,673 --> 00:10:05,839 Oh, shut up. 253 00:10:06,214 --> 00:10:07,964 -Here. Taste this. -Oh. 254 00:10:08,047 --> 00:10:09,381 -It's a scone. -Scone. 255 00:10:09,464 --> 00:10:10,589 -Yeah. -Forget about it. 256 00:10:10,673 --> 00:10:13,255 -What? -I would never touch a scone. 257 00:10:13,339 --> 00:10:14,714 -(scoffs) Are you nuts? -It's hard and it-- 258 00:10:14,798 --> 00:10:16,422 -and it breaks off. -Yeah, it's good. 259 00:10:16,506 --> 00:10:18,255 -That's the way it's supposed to be. -Then the powder falls 260 00:10:18,339 --> 00:10:20,798 all over the floor, and then you gotta vacuum after you eat. 261 00:10:20,881 --> 00:10:23,089 Who needs all this shit when you're eating a snack? 262 00:10:23,172 --> 00:10:24,839 -What are you, a senile old man? -No! 263 00:10:24,923 --> 00:10:26,881 -You're eating all over yourself? Huh? -No. I wanna-- No. 264 00:10:26,964 --> 00:10:29,923 It's the scone's fault. If it's-- Put it away. 265 00:10:30,005 --> 00:10:31,297 I'm sorry Funkhouser's not around. 266 00:10:31,381 --> 00:10:32,964 -He loves scones. -He's in China. 267 00:10:33,047 --> 00:10:35,089 -When's he coming back? -I don't know, but he would hate it. 268 00:10:35,172 --> 00:10:38,089 He would love it. I've had coffee with Funkhouser many times. 269 00:10:38,172 --> 00:10:39,714 Scones are his pastry of choice. Okay? 270 00:10:39,798 --> 00:10:41,464 Yeah, by the way, what a sweater. 271 00:10:41,547 --> 00:10:43,923 You know I don't like sweaters, but that's gorgeous. 272 00:10:44,005 --> 00:10:45,714 -Really? Okay, you know what? -Gorgeous. What? 273 00:10:45,798 --> 00:10:47,255 -Here, take it. I don't want it. -Oh, come on. 274 00:10:47,339 --> 00:10:49,923 Cheryl gave it to me, and I don't like the reminder. 275 00:10:50,005 --> 00:10:52,631 -Thank you very much. -It hurts me to wear it, actually. 276 00:10:52,714 --> 00:10:54,589 Well, it won't hurt me if I ever wear it. 277 00:10:54,673 --> 00:10:57,005 -All right. Are we having lunch tomorrow? -Zaragoza. 278 00:10:57,089 --> 00:10:58,130 (with Castilian accent): Tharagoza. 279 00:10:58,214 --> 00:10:59,547 What happened? You bite your tongue? 280 00:10:59,631 --> 00:11:01,714 -It's Castilian. -Really? What's Castilian mean? 281 00:11:01,798 --> 00:11:05,297 -Isn't that a soup? -Castilian. It's a dialect of, of Spanish. 282 00:11:05,381 --> 00:11:07,673 And they pronounce their "Z"s as "TH"s. 283 00:11:07,756 --> 00:11:10,547 -(in Castilian accent): Tha, Tharagoza. -All right, but I'm paying. 284 00:11:10,631 --> 00:11:12,589 You're paying for what? Lunch? 285 00:11:12,673 --> 00:11:14,714 -I, I-- You have never paid for me. -That's what you think. 286 00:11:14,798 --> 00:11:17,506 -I'm paying, okay. You're not gonna-- -You are not paying, 287 00:11:17,589 --> 00:11:19,798 because I have my own bread, and I can treat you. 288 00:11:19,881 --> 00:11:21,381 I know you can, and you always do. 289 00:11:21,464 --> 00:11:23,339 You never let me pay, and I'm sick of it. 290 00:11:23,422 --> 00:11:26,339 -No, fuck you, and I'm paying. -Fuck you, you're not paying. I'm paying. 291 00:11:26,422 --> 00:11:27,714 -Yeah, we'll see. -Yeah, we'll see. 292 00:11:27,798 --> 00:11:29,255 -Yeah, we'll see. -Yeah, we will see. 293 00:11:29,339 --> 00:11:30,798 Take your scones and get the hell out of here and I'll s-- 294 00:11:30,881 --> 00:11:32,172 Yeah, with pleasure. 295 00:11:32,255 --> 00:11:34,547 But before I go, I think I'll just leave you one. 296 00:11:34,631 --> 00:11:35,964 -Just in case. -Yeah, thanks a lot. 297 00:11:36,047 --> 00:11:38,839 Fuck you. I'm paying, and I'll see you tomorrow. 298 00:11:38,923 --> 00:11:41,297 -You fuckin' idiot. -(scone thunks) 299 00:11:45,047 --> 00:11:47,923 -Welcome back to Zaragoza. -Thank you very much. 300 00:11:48,005 --> 00:11:50,130 Do you know I have a reservation tomorrow? 301 00:11:50,214 --> 00:11:52,631 I'm having lunch with Richard Lewis. You know him? 302 00:11:52,714 --> 00:11:55,172 Yeah, yeah. He always comes earlier to leave us the card. 303 00:11:55,255 --> 00:11:57,255 -I want to pay tomorrow. -Okay. 304 00:11:57,339 --> 00:11:59,130 And so, I want to beat him to the punch. 305 00:11:59,214 --> 00:12:00,881 That's why I'm here, 306 00:12:00,964 --> 00:12:02,631 'cause I want to leave my credit card. 307 00:12:02,714 --> 00:12:06,130 -Now? -Yes. This will be for my bill tomorrow. 308 00:12:06,214 --> 00:12:08,589 No, we're not comfortable doing that. 309 00:12:08,673 --> 00:12:10,047 Why? What's the big deal? 310 00:12:10,339 --> 00:12:13,130 It's too much responsibility, because it may get stolen. 311 00:12:13,214 --> 00:12:16,172 Listen, listen. He's just gonna come very early tomorrow. 312 00:12:16,255 --> 00:12:17,798 He's gonna give you the credit card. 313 00:12:17,881 --> 00:12:19,839 I want to pay. Just take my credit card. 314 00:12:19,923 --> 00:12:21,464 Beat him. Come earlier. 315 00:12:21,547 --> 00:12:24,506 I, I don't wanna come at six o'clock in the morning. I, I, I-- 316 00:12:24,589 --> 00:12:26,589 I'm so sorry. I mean, I wish I could, but I-- 317 00:12:26,673 --> 00:12:29,005 Wh-- Where's Francisco? He'll take it. 318 00:12:29,089 --> 00:12:31,881 -He waits on me all the time. -Unfortunately, his auntie died. 319 00:12:31,964 --> 00:12:34,756 He's at the visitación of Concepción Zarzal. 320 00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:37,005 He's where? 321 00:12:37,089 --> 00:12:38,673 -His auntie died. -Yeah. 322 00:12:38,756 --> 00:12:41,422 So he's at the visitación of Concepción Zarzal. 323 00:12:41,506 --> 00:12:43,255 Concepción Zarzal? 324 00:12:43,339 --> 00:12:47,589 -Yes. Yes. -Oh, that's her name, Concepción Zarzal. 325 00:12:47,673 --> 00:12:49,923 -Oh. -By the way, your friend Ted Danson 326 00:12:50,005 --> 00:12:52,005 came yesterday with a very attractive blonde. 327 00:12:52,089 --> 00:12:54,381 -Oh, did he? -Yeah, they had a fantastic time. 328 00:12:54,464 --> 00:12:55,631 What, wh-- 329 00:12:55,714 --> 00:12:58,714 Cecilio? What was the name of yesterday's blonde? 330 00:12:58,798 --> 00:13:00,506 -Cheryl. -Cheryl. 331 00:13:00,589 --> 00:13:03,381 -You know her? -I do, yeah. 332 00:13:03,464 --> 00:13:05,089 Lucky you. 333 00:13:05,172 --> 00:13:06,422 Okay. 334 00:13:06,506 --> 00:13:08,631 ♪ ♪ 335 00:13:12,923 --> 00:13:17,047 Where is the location of that visitation? 336 00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:19,839 La dirección de la visitación de Concepción Zarzal. 337 00:13:19,923 --> 00:13:21,631 Yeah. Yeah, that one. 338 00:13:21,714 --> 00:13:23,547 ♪ ♪ 339 00:13:24,255 --> 00:13:25,798 Yeah. 340 00:13:25,881 --> 00:13:28,506 (voices murmuring) 341 00:13:31,297 --> 00:13:34,381 (whispering): Lo siento. Lo siento. 342 00:13:35,172 --> 00:13:36,589 Lo, lo siento. 343 00:13:36,673 --> 00:13:39,381 Oh, sorry. Excuse me. Con permiso. 344 00:13:39,464 --> 00:13:42,047 (sobbing quietly) 345 00:13:42,714 --> 00:13:44,714 -Francisco. -Larry. 346 00:13:44,798 --> 00:13:48,297 -Lo siento. Lo siento. -Thank you. Thank you for coming. 347 00:13:48,381 --> 00:13:51,547 -Lo siento. -Did, did you know my aunt, Concepción? 348 00:13:51,631 --> 00:13:53,214 I didn't know her. 349 00:13:53,297 --> 00:13:54,631 Um, 350 00:13:54,714 --> 00:13:57,089 I'm sure she was a wonderful woman. 351 00:13:57,172 --> 00:13:59,422 -She was like a mother to me. -Is that so? 352 00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:01,756 -Yes. -Let me ask you a question. Are you... 353 00:14:01,839 --> 00:14:03,964 working at, uh, Zaragoza tomorrow? 354 00:14:04,339 --> 00:14:05,756 -Zaragoza? -Zaragoza. 355 00:14:05,839 --> 00:14:07,506 -Yes, of course. -Oh, okay. 356 00:14:07,589 --> 00:14:09,839 -'Cause I'm having lunch with Richard Lewis. -Okay. 357 00:14:09,923 --> 00:14:12,172 -And-- -Can, can we talk about this another time? 358 00:14:12,255 --> 00:14:14,130 Yeah, yeah. It'll take two seconds. 359 00:14:14,214 --> 00:14:15,964 Um, and he always pays for lunch. 360 00:14:16,047 --> 00:14:18,130 -I'd just like to get a little head start on him... -Yeah, okay, okay. 361 00:14:18,214 --> 00:14:20,047 ...and just give you my credit card beforehand. 362 00:14:20,130 --> 00:14:21,839 -Is that possible? -(sighs) Please. 363 00:14:21,923 --> 00:14:23,839 -Would, would you mind doing that? -Seriously? 364 00:14:23,923 --> 00:14:26,381 Lo siento. Lo siento. I'm sorry. 365 00:14:26,464 --> 00:14:29,172 Ah, thank you. Hey. 366 00:14:29,255 --> 00:14:31,422 -What the-- What are you doing here? -Me? What are you doing here? 367 00:14:31,506 --> 00:14:33,839 -What are you doing here? -Francisco, I'm so sorry. 368 00:14:33,923 --> 00:14:36,130 (whispering): Hey, I've already paid. You're too late. Get lost. 369 00:14:36,214 --> 00:14:39,005 -Yeah, I've already paid. -Don't even start it. I always have to pay-- 370 00:14:39,089 --> 00:14:40,839 -Give me that card. Give me that card. -No! 371 00:14:40,923 --> 00:14:42,756 No, no. Don't. 372 00:14:44,547 --> 00:14:46,673 (guests gasping. murmuring) 373 00:14:46,756 --> 00:14:49,506 (Larry, Richard grunting) 374 00:14:49,589 --> 00:14:51,673 Larry: Give me that. Urgh. Give it! 375 00:14:51,756 --> 00:14:54,089 Give it! Aah! Aah! 376 00:14:55,297 --> 00:14:57,714 Larry: Hey, did, uh, did you try the scone? 377 00:14:57,798 --> 00:14:59,714 Yeah, yeah. 378 00:14:59,798 --> 00:15:01,422 You know, I-- I didn't love it. 379 00:15:01,506 --> 00:15:03,923 -Are you kidding? -It's like a fancy muffin. 380 00:15:04,005 --> 00:15:05,255 Don't say it's a fancy muffin, Jeff. 381 00:15:05,339 --> 00:15:06,714 You don't know what you're talking about. 382 00:15:06,798 --> 00:15:08,464 What aren't you getting? It's a fancy muffin. 383 00:15:08,547 --> 00:15:11,214 It's like you're saying roast beef is chicken. Roast beef is not chicken. 384 00:15:11,297 --> 00:15:12,547 Eh. 385 00:15:12,631 --> 00:15:14,798 -Did Susie like it? -Fuckin' hated it. 386 00:15:14,881 --> 00:15:16,923 -Okay, fuck you guys. You're so stupid. -Hated it. Hated it. 387 00:15:17,005 --> 00:15:18,255 And could you do me one favor, please? 388 00:15:18,339 --> 00:15:20,673 Can you take down that picture of me and Cheryl? 389 00:15:20,756 --> 00:15:22,547 -In your house? -Susie won't let me. 390 00:15:22,631 --> 00:15:25,339 Su-- Oh, you, you know what, I can't even... 391 00:15:27,047 --> 00:15:28,673 What the fuck? 392 00:15:29,339 --> 00:15:30,923 Holy shit. 393 00:15:31,005 --> 00:15:33,923 Let me tell you something. Get used to it. He's gonna be everywhere. 394 00:15:34,005 --> 00:15:36,422 It's a big movie. Billboards, 395 00:15:36,506 --> 00:15:39,964 talk shows, everywhere you look, it's gonna be Ted Danson. 396 00:15:40,047 --> 00:15:41,923 Inundated, that's what we're gonna be. 397 00:15:42,005 --> 00:15:43,464 You know, he came to my house last year, 398 00:15:43,547 --> 00:15:44,839 asked me if he can go out with Cheryl. 399 00:15:44,923 --> 00:15:46,673 I said no, but he did it anyway. 400 00:15:46,756 --> 00:15:48,297 -Jeff: What kind of friend is that? -Larry: I don't know. 401 00:15:48,381 --> 00:15:50,089 -Your most vulnerable moment. -Yeah. 402 00:15:50,172 --> 00:15:52,089 You're getting divorced. Oh, and he's gonna 403 00:15:52,172 --> 00:15:54,714 -swoop in and take your ex-wife. -No. Friends don't do that. 404 00:15:54,798 --> 00:15:56,422 -Both: Friends don't do that. -Larry: No, they don't. 405 00:15:56,506 --> 00:15:57,881 -Who does something-- -Larry: Who does something like that? 406 00:15:57,964 --> 00:15:59,172 That motherfucker! 407 00:15:59,631 --> 00:16:02,631 -(grunts) Son of a bitch! -What are you doing? 408 00:16:02,714 --> 00:16:04,464 No, no, no, no! Larry! 409 00:16:04,547 --> 00:16:05,964 -(thuds) -Larry: Aah! 410 00:16:06,047 --> 00:16:08,422 -(Jeff groaning) Oh, my tongue! -Oh... 411 00:16:08,506 --> 00:16:10,047 (Jeff stammering) 412 00:16:10,130 --> 00:16:12,631 -(lisping): I can't believe you did something like that. -Uh... 413 00:16:12,714 --> 00:16:14,631 Bit my fuckin' tongue. 414 00:16:14,714 --> 00:16:17,130 -Fuck. -I'm so sorry. 415 00:16:17,214 --> 00:16:20,089 Jeff: Oh, goddamn it! 416 00:16:20,172 --> 00:16:22,255 ♪ ♪ 417 00:16:24,673 --> 00:16:27,005 Leon: Ah, yeah. 418 00:16:27,381 --> 00:16:29,130 Stir it up real good. 419 00:16:29,214 --> 00:16:31,839 Put a little tea, a little bit of lemonade together. 420 00:16:31,923 --> 00:16:33,464 -Mm-hmm. -Hello, Arnold Palmer. 421 00:16:33,547 --> 00:16:36,422 -Congratulations. -That motherfucker got away with that shit. 422 00:16:36,506 --> 00:16:39,214 -Yeah, I didn't think he was the first one to do it. -Fuckin' right. 423 00:16:39,297 --> 00:16:42,130 You know how many times I fuckin' put milk and Mountain Dew together? 424 00:16:42,214 --> 00:16:43,464 You know what I mean? I could have had my own-- 425 00:16:43,547 --> 00:16:45,297 my own fuckin' drink, the Leon Black. 426 00:16:45,381 --> 00:16:47,589 Milk and Mountain Dew? Disgusting. 427 00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:49,547 There's certain taste buds that you motherfuckers like. 428 00:16:49,631 --> 00:16:52,089 But you get away with that shit. I don't know how the fuck you get away with it. 429 00:16:52,172 --> 00:16:54,839 When you say "you motherfuckers," you're referring to white people? 430 00:16:54,923 --> 00:16:56,255 Of course I am. You motherfuckers 431 00:16:56,339 --> 00:16:58,089 will accept all kind of stupid shit in your mouth. 432 00:16:58,172 --> 00:17:02,172 -Oh, is that so? Oh. -Escargots, and, and, and fuckin' wheat grass. 433 00:17:02,255 --> 00:17:04,089 Who the fuck drinks fuckin' grass? 434 00:17:04,172 --> 00:17:07,464 -Oh, okay, okay. I-I must-- -What kind of motherfucker, cutting your grass? 435 00:17:07,547 --> 00:17:10,089 And what about, um, chitlins? 436 00:17:10,172 --> 00:17:12,547 -Humph. (sniffs) -And pigs' knuckles? 437 00:17:12,631 --> 00:17:15,923 -Hmm. -And pigs' brains and pigs' feet? 438 00:17:16,005 --> 00:17:17,964 Anything to do with the pig. 439 00:17:18,047 --> 00:17:20,381 -Huh? -Touché, motherfucker. 440 00:17:20,464 --> 00:17:22,005 -Touché. -Motherfucker. 441 00:17:22,089 --> 00:17:23,673 Right there. Hey, man. 442 00:17:23,756 --> 00:17:26,005 (chuckles) Shit. What the fuck is that? 443 00:17:26,089 --> 00:17:29,005 I hope your speech is better than that goddamned doodle right there. 444 00:17:29,631 --> 00:17:31,005 Hey, fuckface, 445 00:17:31,089 --> 00:17:33,547 you really shouldn't be insulting a doodle. It's a doodle. 446 00:17:33,631 --> 00:17:36,506 It's just horrible. Are you fuckin' kidding me, man? 447 00:17:37,839 --> 00:17:38,923 Whoo! 448 00:17:39,005 --> 00:17:40,547 (chomps, groans) 449 00:17:40,631 --> 00:17:44,381 -(screams) -What the fuck? That's artificial fruit! 450 00:17:44,839 --> 00:17:47,130 -(lisping): Is my tooth chipped? -It's chipped! 451 00:17:47,214 --> 00:17:49,172 -(lisping): Is my tooth chipped? -Yes! You chipped it! 452 00:17:49,255 --> 00:17:52,881 -What the fuck, Larry? -What, what are you eating artificial fruit for? 453 00:17:52,964 --> 00:17:54,381 Who the fuck puts artificial fruit on the table? 454 00:17:54,464 --> 00:17:56,381 I don't know. I saw it at Jeff's house. I liked it. 455 00:17:56,464 --> 00:17:59,214 You put the shit on the table, in the fucking kitchen! 456 00:17:59,297 --> 00:18:01,214 What the fuck else am I gonna do with it? 457 00:18:01,297 --> 00:18:03,339 -I don't know. You couldn't tell? -No! You should put 458 00:18:03,422 --> 00:18:05,464 that shit somewhere else, like the living room or somewhere 459 00:18:05,547 --> 00:18:07,631 where nobody's gonna fuckin' eat it! 460 00:18:07,714 --> 00:18:10,964 My tooth is chipped. 461 00:18:11,047 --> 00:18:12,714 Sorry. 462 00:18:14,506 --> 00:18:17,005 (patrons chatting) 463 00:18:17,089 --> 00:18:20,255 How do you serve eggs without toast? It's unbelievable. 464 00:18:20,339 --> 00:18:22,089 Some people are allergic to toast. 465 00:18:22,172 --> 00:18:24,714 Is that an answer? What is that? 466 00:18:24,798 --> 00:18:27,172 -(chuckles) It's, it's imbecilic. -Are some people-- 467 00:18:27,255 --> 00:18:28,881 Why is it imbecilic? 468 00:18:28,964 --> 00:18:31,297 Well, everybody, you can't serve the eggs without the toast. 469 00:18:31,381 --> 00:18:32,798 -Yes-- -They're a team. 470 00:18:32,881 --> 00:18:35,422 You know, you are like a president in the 18th century 471 00:18:35,506 --> 00:18:39,589 on the back of a train, saying, "And there will always be toast!" 472 00:18:39,673 --> 00:18:41,631 -(Larry chuckling) -"With eggs! 473 00:18:41,714 --> 00:18:44,089 And two turkeys in every garage!" 474 00:18:44,172 --> 00:18:47,631 Stop lecturing the world on your point of view. 475 00:18:47,714 --> 00:18:48,964 Ah. Excuse me. 476 00:18:49,047 --> 00:18:50,631 Oh. Yes, sir. 477 00:18:50,714 --> 00:18:53,798 Um, there's no toast with the eggs. 478 00:18:53,881 --> 00:18:56,339 Lo siento. Our cocinero Cecilio must have forgotten. 479 00:18:56,422 --> 00:18:58,673 -All right. All right. Thank you very much. -Lo siento. 480 00:18:58,756 --> 00:19:01,130 -You're driving him nuts, man. -What is this? 481 00:19:01,214 --> 00:19:03,923 -What is what? -The sweater. You're wearing the sweater? 482 00:19:04,005 --> 00:19:05,547 -It's a gift. -I told you before, 483 00:19:05,631 --> 00:19:08,005 I didn't want to see it anymore. It has painful memories for me. 484 00:19:08,089 --> 00:19:10,130 -So take it off. -What kind of gift is that? 485 00:19:10,214 --> 00:19:13,130 (stammers) I'll wear whatever I want. It's mine now. 486 00:19:13,214 --> 00:19:15,130 -This is selfish. It's very selfish. -How can it be selfish? 487 00:19:15,214 --> 00:19:16,881 -You gave me an espresso machine from Rome. -Okay. Yeah? 488 00:19:16,964 --> 00:19:18,798 -I'm gonna throw it out? -Okay, take off that sweater. 489 00:19:18,881 --> 00:19:20,798 -I'm not takin' it off. It's mine. -I want you to take-- 490 00:19:20,881 --> 00:19:22,798 -I want you to take off that fuckin' sweater. -Hey, are you out of your-- 491 00:19:22,881 --> 00:19:24,339 Hey, get the fuck, hey-- 492 00:19:24,422 --> 00:19:26,464 Get out of here! Hey, stop. 493 00:19:26,547 --> 00:19:29,714 -(indistinct muttering) No. Don't touch me! -Oh. Oh! 494 00:19:29,798 --> 00:19:33,130 Um, yeah. Thank you. 495 00:19:33,214 --> 00:19:35,339 -Here's your toast. -Larry: Thank you. 496 00:19:35,422 --> 00:19:36,881 And, uh, Señor Lewis. 497 00:19:36,964 --> 00:19:38,798 -Oh, yes. -The check. Thank you so much. 498 00:19:38,881 --> 00:19:41,089 -What? What are you talking about? -As always. Thank you, really. 499 00:19:41,172 --> 00:19:44,339 -It means a lot. Thank you. -No, no, no, no. I gave Francisco my credit card. 500 00:19:44,422 --> 00:19:46,964 Francisco is not here. He is mourning the death of his aunt, 501 00:19:47,047 --> 00:19:48,673 Concepción Zarzal. 502 00:19:49,089 --> 00:19:51,005 Richard: God bless you, and God bless him, 503 00:19:51,089 --> 00:19:53,255 and his aunt, and... Generous tip, by the way. 504 00:19:53,339 --> 00:19:55,756 -Oh, yes. Thank you. -As usual. Am I right, or am I wrong? 505 00:20:00,339 --> 00:20:02,381 -Larry: Ah! -Larry David. 506 00:20:02,464 --> 00:20:04,339 Well, well. Hello, Laverne! 507 00:20:04,422 --> 00:20:07,339 It's so good to meet you. I have a cold. 508 00:20:07,422 --> 00:20:09,297 -You have a cold. -I don't want to get you sick. 509 00:20:09,381 --> 00:20:11,881 You have-- That is so considerate of you. 510 00:20:11,964 --> 00:20:14,047 Thank you so much. You know what? 511 00:20:14,130 --> 00:20:15,714 -Most people don't do that. -(coughs, clears throat) 512 00:20:15,798 --> 00:20:18,339 -They keep it to themselves. -I like to think... 513 00:20:18,422 --> 00:20:21,506 what would I want someone to do if I were on the other side. 514 00:20:21,589 --> 00:20:23,714 And I want someone to tell me, and I want them to protect me. 515 00:20:23,798 --> 00:20:26,506 -You know what you're doing? You're golden-ruling it. -I'm golden-ruling it. 516 00:20:26,589 --> 00:20:28,255 You're golden-ruling it, Laverne. 517 00:20:28,339 --> 00:20:31,339 You know, Larry, I just wanted to take this moment to say 518 00:20:31,422 --> 00:20:33,631 how grateful I am for you to be here. 519 00:20:33,714 --> 00:20:36,547 I think it's so important that straight white men, 520 00:20:36,631 --> 00:20:38,255 particularly in your age group, 521 00:20:38,339 --> 00:20:40,214 be part of the movement. 522 00:20:40,297 --> 00:20:44,130 And I think you, Larry, are gonna be a role model to so many people. 523 00:20:44,214 --> 00:20:46,422 -And you'll be introducing me? -Absolutely. 524 00:20:46,506 --> 00:20:48,964 Do you know what you're gonna say yet? I have a couple of ideas. 525 00:20:49,047 --> 00:20:52,881 -Oh, yeah. What? -I think you can introduce me sort of as a, uh... 526 00:20:52,964 --> 00:20:54,172 as a Renaissance man. 527 00:20:54,255 --> 00:20:56,714 -Oh! -You know, a guy who... 528 00:20:56,798 --> 00:20:58,422 speaks six languages. 529 00:20:58,506 --> 00:21:00,798 You speak six languages, Larry? Oh, my God. 530 00:21:00,881 --> 00:21:03,422 -That's amazing. -No, I, I only speak one language. 531 00:21:03,506 --> 00:21:05,589 Yeah, I know a little bit of Yiddish. 532 00:21:05,673 --> 00:21:07,756 Vo den? Vos machstu. 533 00:21:07,839 --> 00:21:09,547 What a meshugganah. 534 00:21:09,631 --> 00:21:12,589 (speaks Yiddish) You know, a couple things I picked up from my parents. 535 00:21:12,673 --> 00:21:16,756 So you want me to get onstage at a charity and lie? 536 00:21:16,839 --> 00:21:19,130 No, you just say these things. It'll, it will impress them. 537 00:21:19,214 --> 00:21:21,756 You wanna impress people with lies? 538 00:21:21,839 --> 00:21:23,714 Well, how else do you impress them? 539 00:21:24,172 --> 00:21:26,130 Larry, I, I-- 540 00:21:26,214 --> 00:21:27,881 First of all, I don't lie. 541 00:21:27,964 --> 00:21:30,506 So much of this event is about being in the truth. 542 00:21:30,589 --> 00:21:33,005 All right. You know what? Introduce me any way you'd like. How about that? 543 00:21:33,089 --> 00:21:35,798 -Okay. -By the way, you know, I have a, uh, I have a friend. 544 00:21:35,881 --> 00:21:38,214 Marty Funkhouser, his daughter... 545 00:21:38,297 --> 00:21:41,130 is transitioning to be a man. 546 00:21:41,214 --> 00:21:43,881 -That's beautiful. That's so beautiful. -Yeah. 547 00:21:43,964 --> 00:21:47,756 Can I ask you a question about the whole transitioning thing? 548 00:21:47,839 --> 00:21:50,297 -Okay. -Okay, like, I'm an organ donor, 549 00:21:50,381 --> 00:21:53,506 and on my driver's license, it says I'm an organ donor. 550 00:21:53,589 --> 00:21:55,547 Can you, can you donate 551 00:21:55,631 --> 00:21:59,005 a-a penis to a person who's transitioning? 552 00:21:59,714 --> 00:22:02,422 -'Cause that's not-- -You... 553 00:22:02,506 --> 00:22:05,631 How about this one? Could a white transitioner 554 00:22:05,714 --> 00:22:07,631 get a black penis? 555 00:22:07,714 --> 00:22:09,464 Okay. I-I think I got it. 556 00:22:09,547 --> 00:22:12,631 I think I understand. All righty, Larry. It was... 557 00:22:12,714 --> 00:22:14,756 great to... great to meet you. 558 00:22:14,839 --> 00:22:18,005 -Okay. See you out there. -(whispers): Okay. 559 00:22:21,297 --> 00:22:23,839 Larry, how are you? 560 00:22:23,923 --> 00:22:26,255 How about this, huh? Nice event, huh? 561 00:22:26,714 --> 00:22:29,214 Wha-- wha-- What the hell is this? 562 00:22:29,297 --> 00:22:30,547 What? 563 00:22:30,631 --> 00:22:32,506 -This sweater. Wh-- What are you doing? -I know. 564 00:22:32,589 --> 00:22:34,547 -Isn't it nice? -Okay. Take it off. 565 00:22:34,631 --> 00:22:35,881 Okay? I want you to take it off. 566 00:22:35,964 --> 00:22:37,047 What are you talking about? 567 00:22:37,130 --> 00:22:38,923 I don't want you to wear that sweater. 568 00:22:39,005 --> 00:22:41,589 -Why? -'Cause Cheryl gave it to me. I gave mine to Richard, 569 00:22:41,673 --> 00:22:43,255 'cause I didn't wanna be reminded of it, 570 00:22:43,339 --> 00:22:44,673 and now you're reminding me of it. 571 00:22:44,756 --> 00:22:46,798 -I'm not taking this off. -Take it off. 572 00:22:46,881 --> 00:22:48,589 -It goes with all my pants, it's great. -Cassie: Yes. Sexy. 573 00:22:48,673 --> 00:22:50,297 -Take it off. -What are you-- Get out of here! 574 00:22:50,381 --> 00:22:53,255 Larry, stop it. He's got like a polo shirt on under this. 575 00:22:53,339 --> 00:22:55,673 -Yeah, I got a golf shirt. I can't take this off. -We're at an event! 576 00:22:55,756 --> 00:22:57,923 Okay, anyway, can we talk about something important? 577 00:22:58,005 --> 00:23:01,005 -Yeah, sure. -Okay. I'd like to talk to you about this. 578 00:23:01,089 --> 00:23:02,798 Okay. What about it? 579 00:23:02,881 --> 00:23:05,589 This is the doodle you give me for charity? 580 00:23:05,673 --> 00:23:07,881 -Yeah. -It's terrible, Larry. 581 00:23:07,964 --> 00:23:10,839 -We can't use this. -Larry: You said it doesn't matter what it looks like. 582 00:23:10,923 --> 00:23:12,839 -It's a doodle. -No. This is a doodle. 583 00:23:12,923 --> 00:23:14,631 -This is Christine Lahti's. -That's a doodle? 584 00:23:14,714 --> 00:23:16,214 -Cassie: That's a doodle. -Andy: This is beautiful. 585 00:23:16,297 --> 00:23:18,506 Larry: That is not a doodle. That is a work of art, okay? 586 00:23:18,589 --> 00:23:20,130 -You know what? -This is gonna get so much money. 587 00:23:20,214 --> 00:23:21,923 -So much money. This, what? A nickel? -This is-- 588 00:23:22,005 --> 00:23:23,381 -Honest to God-- -I'll give you two pence. 589 00:23:23,464 --> 00:23:24,673 You're not holding it the right way. 590 00:23:24,756 --> 00:23:26,255 -You hold it like this. Okay? -Oh, oh! 591 00:23:26,339 --> 00:23:27,714 That's so much better. Let's get it framed! 592 00:23:27,798 --> 00:23:29,130 Yeah, you know, it could be anything. 593 00:23:29,214 --> 00:23:30,881 Could be a roller coaster. It could be a shoe. 594 00:23:30,964 --> 00:23:33,130 It could be a large intestine. You gotta think a little bit. 595 00:23:33,214 --> 00:23:35,798 Oh, I'm think-- You know what it is? It's what you find in a large intestine. 596 00:23:35,881 --> 00:23:37,923 -That's what that is. -Andy: Oh, my gosh. Wow. 597 00:23:38,005 --> 00:23:39,714 -It's a piece of shit. It is! -Okay, yeah? 598 00:23:39,798 --> 00:23:42,214 It is, honestly, that's what I think of it, okay? 599 00:23:42,297 --> 00:23:44,381 Because we can't sell it. We can't do anything with it. 600 00:23:44,464 --> 00:23:46,005 I gotta hang this up. 601 00:23:46,714 --> 00:23:48,130 -See this? -Larry: Oh, oh. 602 00:23:48,214 --> 00:23:49,631 -You're throwing it in there? -Whoops! 603 00:23:49,714 --> 00:23:51,839 -Oh, now it's a garbage can. -Yeah, and that's garbage. 604 00:23:51,923 --> 00:23:54,005 -So thank you. -Oh, yeah, thank you. 605 00:23:55,381 --> 00:23:58,673 (lively chatter) 606 00:24:04,130 --> 00:24:05,923 Larry: Christine. 607 00:24:06,005 --> 00:24:08,130 -Yes. -Hey. Larry David. 608 00:24:08,214 --> 00:24:09,714 -Hey, Larry. How are you? -Hi. 609 00:24:09,798 --> 00:24:12,798 -I'm good. -Good. I'm kind of surprised to see you here. 610 00:24:12,881 --> 00:24:15,089 -Oh, yeah? Why's that? -Um, I don't know. I mean, 611 00:24:15,172 --> 00:24:16,839 you're known for other things. 612 00:24:16,923 --> 00:24:20,047 Not your activism, or your advocacy for women. 613 00:24:20,130 --> 00:24:23,255 No, I've spent a good deal of my life advocating for women. 614 00:24:23,339 --> 00:24:26,547 -Well, I didn't know that. -And, and, and pursuing them. 615 00:24:26,631 --> 00:24:29,297 -Right. Purs-- Right. Okay. Yeah. -Yes. 616 00:24:29,381 --> 00:24:33,381 That's advocacy in a way, in that I'm pursuing them, I want them. 617 00:24:33,464 --> 00:24:36,714 -I'm advocating for them by pursuing them. -Right. Okay. 618 00:24:36,798 --> 00:24:40,464 Especially if, uh, sex resulted from it, that would be fine. 619 00:24:40,547 --> 00:24:42,130 That's not exactly what I meant. 620 00:24:42,214 --> 00:24:44,381 But, you know, it's a cause that I really believe in, 621 00:24:44,464 --> 00:24:46,547 and I'm really passionate about, so I'm just... 622 00:24:46,631 --> 00:24:48,673 -happy to hear that you are, too. -Oh, yes. Of course. 623 00:24:48,756 --> 00:24:51,130 But anyway, um, so, did you do a doodle? 624 00:24:51,214 --> 00:24:53,381 -Did you-- I didn't-- -Uh, yes, I did. 625 00:24:53,464 --> 00:24:55,714 -I didn't, I didn't-- Oh. -No, it's not on the wall. 626 00:24:55,798 --> 00:24:58,297 It's not on the wall. I noticed your doodle is on the wall. 627 00:24:58,381 --> 00:24:59,798 -Yes. Yes. -Yeah. 628 00:24:59,881 --> 00:25:02,964 -Do you like it? -I like it. I think it's very well done. 629 00:25:03,047 --> 00:25:05,130 -How long did it take you to do that? -I mean, maybe, 630 00:25:05,214 --> 00:25:07,172 I don't know, 20 minutes, half, half an hour. 631 00:25:07,547 --> 00:25:09,839 -Half an hour? -I didn't, I don't-- I didn't time it. 632 00:25:09,923 --> 00:25:12,297 Yeah, but that's not a doodle. That is not a doodle. 633 00:25:12,381 --> 00:25:14,506 -It's a doodle. They're all doodles. -No, it's not a doodle. 634 00:25:14,589 --> 00:25:16,506 That's a p-- Yeah, this is like the Louvre, this place. 635 00:25:16,589 --> 00:25:18,506 -I mean, come on. I, I-- You know what? -Christine: Yes. 636 00:25:18,589 --> 00:25:21,297 -What was yours like? -It was open to interpretation. 637 00:25:21,381 --> 00:25:23,589 -Oh, abstract. -That's the beauty of a doodle. 638 00:25:23,673 --> 00:25:24,714 You don't know what it is. 639 00:25:24,798 --> 00:25:26,798 Okay. Did you put any effort into it? 640 00:25:26,881 --> 00:25:29,047 I put the same amount of effort I put into the doodle 641 00:25:29,130 --> 00:25:31,047 as I would if I was talking on the phone doodling. 642 00:25:31,130 --> 00:25:33,214 -Which is to say, none. -Larry, Larry. 643 00:25:33,297 --> 00:25:34,839 if you don't put effort into it, 644 00:25:34,923 --> 00:25:36,839 it just smacks of, I'm sorry to say this, 645 00:25:36,923 --> 00:25:39,297 it smacks of kind of a white male privilege. 646 00:25:39,381 --> 00:25:41,506 You know, that you don't have to put any effort into anything, 647 00:25:41,589 --> 00:25:44,005 you could get away with anything, because you're a white man. Right? 648 00:25:44,089 --> 00:25:45,756 Oh, that's just... That's just nonsense. 649 00:25:45,839 --> 00:25:47,381 Well, then, why didn't you put effort into it? 650 00:25:47,464 --> 00:25:49,047 I'm the only one who followed instructions 651 00:25:49,130 --> 00:25:50,506 out of everybody on this wall. 652 00:25:50,589 --> 00:25:52,047 -There's no doodles here. -I think-- 653 00:25:52,130 --> 00:25:54,547 -They're all doodles, in fact. -None of them are doodles. 654 00:25:54,631 --> 00:25:57,381 Passionate doodles, because we care about this cause, 655 00:25:57,464 --> 00:25:59,172 -and you don't. -Oh, I don't care about the cause? 656 00:25:59,255 --> 00:26:01,089 -No, I don't think you do. -Oh, I don't? I don't, huh? 657 00:26:01,172 --> 00:26:02,881 -What is that? -What is that, a doodle? 658 00:26:02,964 --> 00:26:06,506 That's a speech that I'll be giving that you'll be listening to 659 00:26:06,589 --> 00:26:08,297 -and apologizing to me later... -I don't think so. 660 00:26:08,381 --> 00:26:09,964 -...for ever talking to me like this. Okay? -I don't think so. 661 00:26:10,047 --> 00:26:11,798 -Who wrote that? Your assistant? -I wrote it. 662 00:26:11,881 --> 00:26:13,547 And it took a lot less time than it took 663 00:26:13,631 --> 00:26:15,547 -for you to do that painting. I can tell you that. -Well, yeah-- 664 00:26:15,631 --> 00:26:18,381 Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Laverne Cox. 665 00:26:18,464 --> 00:26:21,464 (cheering) 666 00:26:22,506 --> 00:26:24,130 Woo! 667 00:26:25,214 --> 00:26:26,673 Laverne: Good afternoon. 668 00:26:26,756 --> 00:26:30,047 My name is Laverne Cox, and I am so honored to be here 669 00:26:30,130 --> 00:26:32,381 with each and every one of you, 670 00:26:32,464 --> 00:26:36,589 and to welcome you on behalf of Survivors United. 671 00:26:36,673 --> 00:26:38,547 Now I know these events can be triggering, 672 00:26:38,631 --> 00:26:42,047 but I want to remind you that you are more than your pain. 673 00:26:42,130 --> 00:26:46,964 I want to remind you that you are more than what happened to you. 674 00:26:50,756 --> 00:26:52,172 Our first speaker. 675 00:26:52,255 --> 00:26:54,714 We know them as the cocreator 676 00:26:54,798 --> 00:26:57,631 of the legendary sitcom Seinfeld. 677 00:26:57,714 --> 00:27:01,673 Please join me in welcoming Larry David. 678 00:27:02,339 --> 00:27:05,005 -(cheering) -Oh, this is so nice of you. 679 00:27:05,089 --> 00:27:08,005 Well, thank you. Thank you so much. 680 00:27:08,714 --> 00:27:10,339 Ah, stop it. 681 00:27:14,381 --> 00:27:17,798 Oh, no. To you. To you. You're the heroes. 682 00:27:17,881 --> 00:27:19,130 You're the heroes. 683 00:27:19,214 --> 00:27:21,381 (cheering continues) 684 00:27:23,172 --> 00:27:24,547 -Whoa! -(audience gasps) 685 00:27:24,631 --> 00:27:26,798 (audience booing) 686 00:27:26,881 --> 00:27:29,506 -Asshole! -What are you doing? 687 00:27:29,589 --> 00:27:31,214 -No, she has a cold! -(booing) 688 00:27:31,297 --> 00:27:33,673 -Alice: What is wrong with you? -She has a cold! 689 00:27:33,756 --> 00:27:37,297 -You're such a disgrace! Why would you even come here? -(angry booing) 690 00:27:37,381 --> 00:27:39,547 -She has-- -Alice: Honestly, what is wrong with you? 691 00:27:39,631 --> 00:27:41,964 -Tell 'em you have a cold! -Alice: Asshole! 692 00:27:42,047 --> 00:27:44,047 -Yeah, yeah, yeah. -You need to go home! 693 00:27:44,130 --> 00:27:45,881 -(thudding) -Hey! Hey! 694 00:27:45,964 --> 00:27:47,130 Alice: My God! 695 00:27:47,214 --> 00:27:49,381 -(angry shouting) -Alice: What the hell? 696 00:27:49,464 --> 00:27:50,881 Larry: Hey! Hey! 697 00:27:51,255 --> 00:27:54,547 (angry shouting continues) 698 00:27:56,172 --> 00:27:58,506 Well, what was I supposed to do? She had a cold. 699 00:27:58,589 --> 00:28:00,339 -She had a cold? She had a cold. -Larry: Yeah. 700 00:28:00,422 --> 00:28:01,964 What if she didn't have a cold? 701 00:28:02,047 --> 00:28:03,255 Ah, well... 702 00:28:03,339 --> 00:28:05,172 You're supposed to kiss her. It's a social nicety. 703 00:28:05,255 --> 00:28:06,839 No, I, you know-- I, I-- 704 00:28:06,923 --> 00:28:09,589 All right, well now we gotta walk this back, I mean, the optics, Larry. 705 00:28:09,673 --> 00:28:12,464 The optics were terrible. This was the way out, do you understand that? 706 00:28:12,547 --> 00:28:15,464 -This, this was, this was supposed to be the olive branch. -Okay. 707 00:28:15,547 --> 00:28:17,923 Okay, okay. I'll, I'll... 708 00:28:18,005 --> 00:28:20,756 make out with Laverne Cox on national television. 709 00:28:20,839 --> 00:28:22,506 We'll-- I'll have a make-out session with her. 710 00:28:22,589 --> 00:28:26,089 No, forget that. How about a, a, a, a nice hug. 711 00:28:26,172 --> 00:28:27,547 I'll give her a hug. 712 00:28:27,631 --> 00:28:29,381 -All right, we'll spitball. -You know. 713 00:28:29,464 --> 00:28:31,839 -But let me set up the meeting, okay? -Slow dance with her. 714 00:28:31,923 --> 00:28:33,631 -A slow dance. -Okay. Okay. 715 00:28:33,714 --> 00:28:35,255 But more of an old-fashioned dance. 716 00:28:35,339 --> 00:28:36,506 -Not, not, you know-- -I, I, I-- 717 00:28:36,589 --> 00:28:38,798 Don't, don't come up with any more ideas. 718 00:28:38,881 --> 00:28:41,422 Okay? Our problem is that Alice does not feel 719 00:28:41,506 --> 00:28:44,089 that what happened was a good-faith fulfillment of the agreement. 720 00:28:44,172 --> 00:28:46,506 Alice, Alice, Alice, Alice. 721 00:28:46,589 --> 00:28:48,589 Oh, I am so sick of this woman! 722 00:28:48,673 --> 00:28:50,464 -Roger: So she is now seeking-- -I'm so sick of her! 723 00:28:50,547 --> 00:28:52,714 She is now seeking a personal settlement, 724 00:28:52,798 --> 00:28:54,798 on top of the original donation and speech. 725 00:28:54,881 --> 00:28:56,714 I felt sorry for her. That's why I hired-- 726 00:28:56,798 --> 00:28:58,297 What are you doing? You're writing down again? 727 00:28:58,381 --> 00:29:00,089 Are you kidding? 728 00:29:00,506 --> 00:29:02,214 Oh, get the fuck outta here! 729 00:29:02,297 --> 00:29:05,631 -That's insane! -Well, that's the price of buying back your legacy, 730 00:29:05,714 --> 00:29:07,047 my friend. That's where we are. 731 00:29:07,130 --> 00:29:08,464 Wait, wait. I got an idea. Remem-- 732 00:29:08,547 --> 00:29:11,589 Remember that old, uh, John Lennon, Yoko Ono album 733 00:29:11,673 --> 00:29:14,714 where they're in bed together? The bed-in? Whatever that was? -Yeah. 734 00:29:14,798 --> 00:29:17,089 I'll be in bed with Laverne Cox. 735 00:29:17,172 --> 00:29:18,589 Some kind-- We get a picture. 736 00:29:18,673 --> 00:29:19,923 -Okay. How about this? -You know? 737 00:29:20,005 --> 00:29:21,964 I think there is one last glimmer of hope, 738 00:29:22,047 --> 00:29:23,673 if we're lucky enough to execute it. 739 00:29:23,756 --> 00:29:26,923 And that is to sit down face-to-face, one last time, 740 00:29:27,005 --> 00:29:29,089 if they will have it, with Alice and her attorneys, 741 00:29:29,172 --> 00:29:32,422 and explain that what happened was a legitimate misunderstanding. 742 00:29:32,506 --> 00:29:35,673 You know what? I think you should put me on the phone with that attorney. 743 00:29:35,756 --> 00:29:37,589 Black women really like me. 744 00:29:37,673 --> 00:29:40,631 Let me set up the meeting, and then we'll go from there. 745 00:29:40,714 --> 00:29:43,673 -You okay with that? -Yeah. I mean, sure. 746 00:29:43,756 --> 00:29:45,172 Roger: Good. 747 00:29:45,673 --> 00:29:47,047 Oh, have an apple. 748 00:29:47,339 --> 00:29:49,005 -What? -Yeah. 749 00:29:49,255 --> 00:29:53,130 -Maybe I overreacted last time. Have one. -Wow. 750 00:29:53,547 --> 00:29:55,464 Very proud of you! 751 00:29:55,547 --> 00:29:57,631 You are making progress. 752 00:29:57,923 --> 00:30:00,464 -Aah. Larry-- No, no! -(cracks) 753 00:30:00,547 --> 00:30:02,506 Larry: Oh! Oh! (spitting) 754 00:30:02,589 --> 00:30:05,047 -What the fuck? -Oh, my God. 755 00:30:05,130 --> 00:30:07,464 -(screams) -Roger: Oh, my God! 756 00:30:07,547 --> 00:30:09,422 (screams) 757 00:30:09,506 --> 00:30:12,631 (shrieking) I chipped my tooth! 758 00:30:12,714 --> 00:30:14,255 I didn't think you'd bite it. It was artificial! 759 00:30:14,339 --> 00:30:16,047 Then what the fuck did you offer it to me for? 760 00:30:16,130 --> 00:30:18,130 I thought you'd pick it up and think it was great. 761 00:30:18,214 --> 00:30:19,798 -What are you, fucking stupid? -I'm sorry. 762 00:30:19,881 --> 00:30:22,172 (lisping): You're sorry? You're sorry? 763 00:30:22,255 --> 00:30:23,964 You think you're sorry? 764 00:30:24,047 --> 00:30:25,464 Shove it up your ass! 765 00:30:25,547 --> 00:30:27,923 (announcer speaks indistinctly) 766 00:30:29,881 --> 00:30:32,631 (lisping): Kill that bastard. I should sue him! 767 00:30:32,714 --> 00:30:34,631 At least yours was an accident. 768 00:30:34,714 --> 00:30:36,923 My lawyer, he offered me the fruit on purpose. 769 00:30:37,005 --> 00:30:38,297 At least I didn't offer it to you. 770 00:30:38,381 --> 00:30:39,673 (lisping): Well, now you know how I feel. 771 00:30:39,756 --> 00:30:41,714 You smirked when I bit it. You smirked! 772 00:30:41,798 --> 00:30:44,005 -(stammers) There was no smirk. Get out of here. -Smirk. 773 00:30:44,089 --> 00:30:46,506 And my dentist, also. What? 774 00:30:46,589 --> 00:30:49,923 Can't see me till tomorrow? I need that? It's an emergency! 775 00:30:50,005 --> 00:30:52,130 (phone chiming) 776 00:30:53,631 --> 00:30:54,839 Hello? 777 00:30:55,589 --> 00:30:58,589 (lisping): Suspicious activity? On my credit card? 778 00:30:58,923 --> 00:31:02,756 A thousand dollars of papas bravas, manchego cheese, paella? 779 00:31:03,255 --> 00:31:05,589 Uh! No! 780 00:31:05,673 --> 00:31:07,714 I didn't order that. But I know who did! 781 00:31:07,798 --> 00:31:10,297 Francisco Zarzal. Cancel my credit card! 782 00:31:10,381 --> 00:31:13,005 Come on. we have to find Francisco Zarzal. 783 00:31:13,089 --> 00:31:14,964 -Francisco Zarzal. -Let's go. 784 00:31:15,047 --> 00:31:16,756 Larry: This guy's got some nerve. 785 00:31:16,839 --> 00:31:18,464 He play you for a sucker. 786 00:31:18,547 --> 00:31:20,464 -He play you for a straight sucker. -Yeah. 787 00:31:20,547 --> 00:31:23,005 -It's stealing. It's just stealing, plain and simple. -It's bullshit. 788 00:31:23,089 --> 00:31:25,422 It's bullshit. This is bullshit. 789 00:31:25,506 --> 00:31:28,381 -What the--? -You'll see. Take a ride. 790 00:31:28,464 --> 00:31:31,506 -Jeff: All right. -Leon: Bullshit. Straight bullshit. 791 00:31:31,589 --> 00:31:32,964 (sighs) 792 00:31:33,798 --> 00:31:35,339 He's playing us for suckers. 793 00:31:35,422 --> 00:31:36,881 (lisping): Why do you sound like that? 794 00:31:36,964 --> 00:31:39,047 I chipped my tooth. How about you? 795 00:31:39,130 --> 00:31:41,381 My tongue's all swollen. It sucks. 796 00:31:41,464 --> 00:31:44,964 I have to call Zaragoza. See if I can track down Francisco Zarzal. 797 00:31:45,631 --> 00:31:48,297 (tires screech) 798 00:31:50,422 --> 00:31:52,506 ♪ ♪ 799 00:31:54,297 --> 00:31:56,130 -(Leon clears throat) -Wow. 800 00:31:56,214 --> 00:31:58,923 (lisping): Look at this. This has to be it. 801 00:32:00,089 --> 00:32:02,005 -What is this? - I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 802 00:32:02,089 --> 00:32:05,255 -I'm sorry. I'm sorry. -Leon: I'm really sorry. 803 00:32:05,339 --> 00:32:06,923 -I'm sorry. -Leon: I'm really sorry. 804 00:32:07,005 --> 00:32:10,255 Excuse me. Have you seen Francisco Zarzal? 805 00:32:10,339 --> 00:32:12,005 He's a server at Zaragoza? 806 00:32:12,089 --> 00:32:14,005 No, I haven't seen Francisco. 807 00:32:14,089 --> 00:32:15,673 -I'm sorry. -I'm sorry. 808 00:32:15,756 --> 00:32:19,172 -I'm sorry. -I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 809 00:32:20,381 --> 00:32:22,130 (sighs) 810 00:32:22,464 --> 00:32:24,839 I don't see him anywhere. You know what I see? 811 00:32:24,923 --> 00:32:28,297 I see everything I paid for: Floral arrangements, the candles, 812 00:32:28,381 --> 00:32:29,923 the alcohol, everything. 813 00:32:30,005 --> 00:32:31,673 -Look at the sumptuous spread. -Yeah. 814 00:32:31,756 --> 00:32:33,714 I paid for that, too. Come on. Let's eat. 815 00:32:33,798 --> 00:32:37,089 -Hey, where the fuck you-- -Hey, hey. I'm already going this way. 816 00:32:37,172 --> 00:32:39,172 -Give me a plate. -(plates clattering) 817 00:32:39,255 --> 00:32:41,589 -Leon: Gimme some of that. -(silverware, dishes clattering) 818 00:32:41,673 --> 00:32:44,172 -Give me some eggs. -No toast? 819 00:32:45,297 --> 00:32:47,881 -There's no toast. -You? 820 00:32:48,714 --> 00:32:50,214 Again with the toast? 821 00:32:50,297 --> 00:32:53,714 You have to have toast when you eat eggs. It's a necessity. 822 00:32:53,798 --> 00:32:55,464 What are you even doing here? 823 00:32:55,547 --> 00:32:57,923 (scoffs) Francisco! 824 00:32:58,839 --> 00:33:00,130 Excuse me. 825 00:33:00,214 --> 00:33:01,798 -Excuse me. -Excuse me. 826 00:33:01,881 --> 00:33:03,881 Hello, Francisco. 827 00:33:03,964 --> 00:33:07,964 It seems as if you've been using... 828 00:33:08,047 --> 00:33:09,673 my credit card. 829 00:33:09,756 --> 00:33:11,422 What do you have to say for yourself? 830 00:33:11,506 --> 00:33:14,881 Excuse me, this is not a conversación en la recepción de Concepción Zarzal. 831 00:33:15,130 --> 00:33:16,714 Will you repeat that, please? 832 00:33:16,798 --> 00:33:20,631 I don't think this is a conversación en la recepción de Concepción Zarzal. 833 00:33:20,714 --> 00:33:21,923 We do it in Zaragoza. 834 00:33:22,005 --> 00:33:24,130 (lisping): Oh, the conversation. 835 00:33:24,214 --> 00:33:26,255 (stammers) You want to have the conversation at Zaragoza. 836 00:33:26,339 --> 00:33:27,964 Were these charges from Zaragoza? 837 00:33:28,047 --> 00:33:29,673 No, not from Zaragoza. From here. 838 00:33:29,756 --> 00:33:31,506 Or perhaps this is a mistake, 839 00:33:31,589 --> 00:33:33,839 because our cards, they look very similar. 840 00:33:33,923 --> 00:33:37,005 -But perhaps I used the number, but I don't under-- -Larry: Similar? 841 00:33:37,381 --> 00:33:40,214 How are they similar? The numbers are not the same. 842 00:33:40,297 --> 00:33:43,464 The names are certainly not the same. One says Larry David, 843 00:33:43,547 --> 00:33:46,130 the other says Francisco Zarzal. 844 00:33:46,214 --> 00:33:48,506 -It's not Zarzal, it's Tharthal. -(lisping): Zarzal. 845 00:33:48,589 --> 00:33:49,923 -Tharthal. -(lisping): Zarzal. 846 00:33:50,005 --> 00:33:51,422 -Tharthal. -(lisping): Zarzal. 847 00:33:51,506 --> 00:33:52,881 -Tharthal! -(lisping): Zarzal. 848 00:33:52,964 --> 00:33:54,756 -Tharthal! Hijo de puta. -(lisping): Zarzal? 849 00:33:54,839 --> 00:33:56,881 - Oye. You're making fun of the way we speak. -No! 850 00:33:56,964 --> 00:33:59,547 -No, I'm not making fun. My tooth is chipped. -Don't mock me. 851 00:33:59,631 --> 00:34:01,673 -Lo siento. -Lo siento. 852 00:34:01,756 --> 00:34:03,089 -They're making fun. -They're making fun. 853 00:34:03,172 --> 00:34:04,631 -Larry: What? No, no, no! -You're making fun. 854 00:34:04,714 --> 00:34:06,673 -What are you doing? No, no, no, no. -Lo siento. 855 00:34:06,756 --> 00:34:08,839 -Lo siento! -Lo siento! 856 00:34:08,923 --> 00:34:10,714 -No disrespect! No disrespect! -Lo siento! 857 00:34:10,798 --> 00:34:14,297 They're making fun of us. They're disrespecting us. 858 00:34:14,381 --> 00:34:16,297 (nervous chatter) 859 00:34:16,381 --> 00:34:18,381 (yelling) 860 00:34:19,130 --> 00:34:23,255 Leon: Motherfuckers! (muttering) Get the fuck off me! 861 00:34:23,339 --> 00:34:26,547 Lo siento. Lo siento. Lo siento. 862 00:34:26,631 --> 00:34:28,422 -Basura! -Basura! 863 00:34:28,506 --> 00:34:31,547 No dumping in the garbage can! No dumping in the garbage can! 864 00:34:31,631 --> 00:34:35,881 I said lo siento! I said lo siento! I said l o siento! 865 00:34:35,964 --> 00:34:40,130 ( Three Stooges theme plays) 866 00:34:44,631 --> 00:34:46,005 (car door shuts) 867 00:34:46,089 --> 00:34:47,964 (beeps) 868 00:34:49,839 --> 00:34:53,172 (shouting on TV) 869 00:34:54,964 --> 00:34:57,631 (instinct shouting, guns firing on TV) 870 00:35:00,839 --> 00:35:02,422 Sir, the Union broke through our lines, 871 00:35:02,506 --> 00:35:04,964 and our troops have retreated across the Appomattox. 872 00:35:05,047 --> 00:35:07,756 (dramatic music plays on TV) 873 00:35:07,839 --> 00:35:11,673 Gentlemen, I believe I need some time to myself. 874 00:35:11,756 --> 00:35:17,005 Narrator (on TV): Ted Danson is... Lee. 875 00:35:17,339 --> 00:35:18,839 (scoffs quietly) 876 00:35:26,756 --> 00:35:28,172 Ahem. 877 00:35:29,047 --> 00:35:32,589 -So, look, I'm sure we'll go over all this stuff upstairs-- -I don't think we should speak 878 00:35:32,673 --> 00:35:34,339 unless our attorneys are present. 879 00:35:34,422 --> 00:35:37,297 You just have to know that that whole thing was a-- It was a huge-- 880 00:35:37,381 --> 00:35:40,547 The audience misunderstood because I, I, she had a cold. 881 00:35:40,631 --> 00:35:43,214 You made a mockery of the entire event. 882 00:35:43,297 --> 00:35:46,005 You made a mockery of sexual harassment survivors. 883 00:35:46,089 --> 00:35:48,005 And you violated the terms of our agreement. 884 00:35:48,089 --> 00:35:49,756 I think we should just wait for the lawyers. 885 00:35:49,839 --> 00:35:52,756 Yeah, I had, I had a whole speech prepared. It was a great speech. 886 00:35:52,839 --> 00:35:54,964 I talked about Gloria Steinem. You know, I had a picture of her 887 00:35:55,047 --> 00:35:57,089 up on my wall when I was a teenager. 888 00:35:57,172 --> 00:35:59,089 She was really attractive. 889 00:35:59,172 --> 00:36:00,839 Excuse me? 890 00:36:00,923 --> 00:36:01,923 No? 891 00:36:02,005 --> 00:36:05,381 That's just completely inappropriate. 892 00:36:05,464 --> 00:36:08,714 Okay. You know what? Are you hungry? 893 00:36:09,047 --> 00:36:10,673 Um, a little. 894 00:36:10,756 --> 00:36:12,130 Stay right there. I have something for you. 895 00:36:12,214 --> 00:36:13,631 Don't, don't move. Stay right there. 896 00:36:13,714 --> 00:36:16,214 -If the elevators come, I'm getting in one. -(beeping) 897 00:36:20,464 --> 00:36:23,130 Okay. All right. 898 00:36:23,214 --> 00:36:24,714 -Here you go. -What is this? 899 00:36:24,798 --> 00:36:27,673 This is a scone. They're fantastic. 900 00:36:27,756 --> 00:36:29,422 -(elevator dings) -Why do you have these? 901 00:36:29,506 --> 00:36:32,756 Well, because I have a, uh, I'm opening up a store. 902 00:36:32,839 --> 00:36:36,255 T-try it. You'll love it. Thank you. 903 00:36:38,714 --> 00:36:41,172 Huh? What do you think? 904 00:36:41,255 --> 00:36:42,881 Pretty good, right? 905 00:36:42,964 --> 00:36:45,255 Yeah. Darn right, they're good. 906 00:36:46,506 --> 00:36:47,964 (coughs) Ahem. 907 00:36:49,089 --> 00:36:52,047 -It's so dry. (coughs) -Dry? Dry? 908 00:36:52,130 --> 00:36:54,339 (coughs, gags) 909 00:36:54,422 --> 00:36:56,214 -Can't breathe. -Uh? 910 00:36:56,297 --> 00:36:59,089 Oh, my God! What? Heimlich? Oh! 911 00:36:59,172 --> 00:37:01,589 -Uh... Oh. -(choking) 912 00:37:01,673 --> 00:37:03,547 Ooh. 913 00:37:03,631 --> 00:37:05,130 (gagging) 914 00:37:05,214 --> 00:37:07,714 Oh. Aah! 915 00:37:07,798 --> 00:37:09,297 (body thuds) 916 00:37:09,381 --> 00:37:11,089 (elevator dings) 917 00:37:13,464 --> 00:37:15,839 (theme music playing) 918 00:38:17,923 --> 00:38:19,255 You don't invite a divorced couple to a wedding, 919 00:38:19,339 --> 00:38:21,047 it's a very combustible situation. 920 00:38:21,214 --> 00:38:22,881 You should-- Two sides, pick one! 921 00:38:22,964 --> 00:38:24,381 ♪ (MUSIC PLAYS) ♪ 922 00:38:24,464 --> 00:38:25,673 I need your weights, by the way. 923 00:38:25,756 --> 00:38:27,297 -SUSIE GREENE: What do you mean? -For the plane. 924 00:38:27,381 --> 00:38:29,964 I'd rather be dead in the Sea of Cortez 925 00:38:30,047 --> 00:38:32,214 than have you know what I weigh. 926 00:38:32,714 --> 00:38:34,673 -Oh! ¿Qué pasa, Larry? -What? 927 00:38:34,881 --> 00:38:37,339 -Are you kidding me? -Yeah, not bad, huh? 928 00:38:37,714 --> 00:38:39,422 -How's your room? -It stinks! 929 00:38:39,506 --> 00:38:40,798 SUSIE: Why did you even come here? 930 00:38:41,214 --> 00:38:43,881 'Cause everybody was going. It was presented to me like it would be fun. 931 00:38:44,381 --> 00:38:46,255 -SUSIE: We're having fun. -JEFF GREENE: It is fun. 932 00:38:46,506 --> 00:38:47,756 Yeah... I'm having fun. 933 00:38:48,673 --> 00:38:50,923 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪