1
00:00:13,960 --> 00:00:14,960
Where are you?

2
00:00:15,220 --> 00:00:17,160
What does that mean, almost home?

3
00:00:17,520 --> 00:00:18,680
How close is close?

4
00:00:22,340 --> 00:00:23,340
Pretty close.

5
00:00:24,600 --> 00:00:27,100
What is the big emergency?

6
00:00:27,460 --> 00:00:28,800
The movie doesn't start for an hour.

7
00:00:29,080 --> 00:00:32,820
Change of plans. We're not going to a
movie. We're going to be in a movie.

8
00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:34,560
Well, I am anyway.

9
00:00:36,160 --> 00:00:39,320
Nick Spinelli is shooting a movie
outside of Cleveland, and according to

10
00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:41,760
Daily Acorn, he eats at the same diner
every night.

11
00:00:42,060 --> 00:00:46,220
Imagine his surprise when he looks up
from his pasta puttanesca, allegedly his

12
00:00:46,220 --> 00:00:51,260
go -to meal, to see me dressed like
this. And you, not dressed like that.

13
00:00:51,260 --> 00:00:52,320
on. Cleveland?

14
00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:54,100
That's over an hour away.

15
00:00:54,420 --> 00:00:59,040
Come on, this is my big chance to break
into movies and get back to Hollywood. I

16
00:00:59,040 --> 00:01:01,220
mean, how many famous people come to
Ohio?

17
00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:04,200
Al Roker's doing Pippin at the Paperback
Players next month.

18
00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:08,000
Well, perhaps we should pinch a pair of
tickets prior to the performance.

19
00:01:11,080 --> 00:01:12,080
Let's go.

20
00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:14,740
Okay.

21
00:01:15,840 --> 00:01:19,220
Okay. Now, I'm off to Todd's to watch
the game. You know the rules.

22
00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:21,500
Yeah, yeah. Don't let Justin drink from
the toilet.

23
00:01:22,600 --> 00:01:23,579
What else?

24
00:01:23,580 --> 00:01:25,060
Don't make Justin drink from the toilet.

25
00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:27,760
Okay. I love you guys. Be good.

26
00:01:37,740 --> 00:01:44,740
course not you're having people over
it's just leslie

27
00:01:44,740 --> 00:01:50,640
ian and jeff hey is it cool if we have a
couple more people come by uh

28
00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:57,360
yeah sure i guess that's cool great he
says it's totally cool

29
00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:28,370
But you know I'm insane and we can laugh
about it. Even though we can drive each

30
00:02:28,370 --> 00:02:29,370
other crazy.

31
00:02:29,390 --> 00:02:31,390
You know we don't have to worry.

32
00:02:31,870 --> 00:02:35,570
We will live, we will laugh, and we'll
love each other anyway.

33
00:02:37,190 --> 00:02:44,090
Maybe Nick Spinelli

34
00:02:44,090 --> 00:02:45,090
isn't coming tonight.

35
00:02:45,170 --> 00:02:46,490
Well, I'm not giving up hope.

36
00:02:47,150 --> 00:02:49,130
You're the one that's always telling me
that I should go out.

37
00:02:56,140 --> 00:02:57,400
Mary Sunshine wants her table back.

38
00:03:05,040 --> 00:03:06,620
Excuse me, can I get a warm -up?

39
00:03:12,660 --> 00:03:13,660
It's warm enough.

40
00:03:14,380 --> 00:03:17,260
Now, let's wrap this up, all right? I
gave you a check an hour ago.

41
00:03:17,540 --> 00:03:18,760
We'd like another piece of pie.

42
00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:19,959
We're out of pie.

43
00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:21,440
We'd like some chili. We're out of
chili.

44
00:03:21,700 --> 00:03:22,700
You like Chinese?

45
00:03:22,890 --> 00:03:23,728
Love Chinese.

46
00:03:23,730 --> 00:03:27,810
Good. Hong Kong Charlie Wong's is open
24 hours. Tell him Marge sent ya. Now,

47
00:03:27,810 --> 00:03:28,810
beat it!

48
00:03:29,150 --> 00:03:33,250
Now, listen here, Marge. We are paying
customers. That means we have the right

49
00:03:33,250 --> 00:03:35,030
to sit here as long as we want to.

50
00:03:35,310 --> 00:03:40,750
Uh, Faith, no hope. This is a free
country, and this is my big night. And

51
00:03:40,750 --> 00:03:43,970
not gonna let some two -bit waitress in
a sweaty, grease -stained uniform ruin

52
00:03:43,970 --> 00:03:44,970
it for me.

53
00:03:46,310 --> 00:03:47,370
We don't have any money.

54
00:03:47,930 --> 00:03:49,130
You gave me the wrong purse.

55
00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:55,480
You know, Marge, sweating and grief pain
is so difficult to pull off, but you do

56
00:03:55,480 --> 00:03:56,480
it beautifully.

57
00:03:57,700 --> 00:03:58,700
Oh.

58
00:04:11,220 --> 00:04:13,700
Sheldon, the ball was coming towards me,
and I didn't know if I would catch it,

59
00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:19,040
and I was like, whoa, and the ball was
like, and then I caught it.

60
00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:20,880
Wow.

61
00:04:24,650 --> 00:04:25,770
You have to do something.

62
00:04:26,030 --> 00:04:26,729
You think?

63
00:04:26,730 --> 00:04:28,570
I kind of like it when the guy makes the
first move.

64
00:04:29,270 --> 00:04:30,310
About the party.

65
00:04:30,790 --> 00:04:33,010
Chill out. Mom and Dad will be home for
hours.

66
00:04:36,290 --> 00:04:37,290
Lizzie, it's Dad.

67
00:04:38,570 --> 00:04:40,150
Quiet, everyone. It's my father.

68
00:04:41,530 --> 00:04:42,530
Hello?

69
00:04:42,970 --> 00:04:43,970
Hi, Dad.

70
00:04:44,990 --> 00:04:46,530
Todd's cable went out. You're on your
way home?

71
00:04:47,430 --> 00:04:50,330
No, no, nothing's wrong. Haley, Justin,
and I are just playing chess.

72
00:04:50,730 --> 00:04:51,850
Gotta go, Dad. It's my role.

73
00:05:36,010 --> 00:05:39,530
Your mother and I go out. We trust you
to be responsible. And what do you do?

74
00:05:44,250 --> 00:05:45,970
You have chips and soda for dinner?

75
00:05:47,610 --> 00:05:49,030
You caught us. Sure did.

76
00:05:49,510 --> 00:05:50,510
Busted.

77
00:05:51,490 --> 00:05:57,510
Yeah, well, I'll let it slide this time.
But just remember, you can't pull one

78
00:05:57,510 --> 00:05:58,510
over.

79
00:06:06,370 --> 00:06:09,650
Looks like we got ourselves a little
problem here, ladies.

80
00:06:10,130 --> 00:06:11,250
Big problem.

81
00:06:12,670 --> 00:06:13,670
I can explain.

82
00:06:13,790 --> 00:06:16,030
You see, my sister... Enchante.

83
00:06:17,690 --> 00:06:24,550
My sister dragged me out of the house
and

84
00:06:24,550 --> 00:06:25,550
gave me the wrong purse.

85
00:06:25,670 --> 00:06:26,670
Tell it to the cops.

86
00:06:27,390 --> 00:06:31,570
Look, Leo, I don't think it's necessary
that we involve the authorities.

87
00:06:31,830 --> 00:06:34,790
I mean, we'll just drive home and we'll
mail you a check.

88
00:06:35,100 --> 00:06:38,740
Of course, you mail me a check, and
maybe you could include some snapshots

89
00:06:38,740 --> 00:06:40,100
your husband and kids, huh?

90
00:06:40,980 --> 00:06:42,560
I would be happy to.

91
00:06:44,300 --> 00:06:46,080
Two girls and a little guy.

92
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:50,360
Or you could just put the check in a
bottle, toss it into Lake Erie, and

93
00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:52,020
wash up right in front of the
restaurant.

94
00:06:52,700 --> 00:06:54,840
I don't know, that sounds a little
chancy.

95
00:06:58,040 --> 00:06:59,400
Are you a crazy woman?

96
00:06:59,980 --> 00:07:03,460
I came from the old country with nothing
but a bag of olives and a dream. You

97
00:07:03,460 --> 00:07:05,820
think I got where I am by letting people
mail me a check?

98
00:07:06,100 --> 00:07:08,420
All right, all right. We'll do her
bottle thing.

99
00:07:09,220 --> 00:07:11,440
Hey, let me handle this, okay?

100
00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:15,500
I respect the fact that you have a
business to run, and you... Well, you'll

101
00:07:15,500 --> 00:07:16,940
hearing from me on the customer comment
card.

102
00:07:18,340 --> 00:07:21,840
But I'm sure we all agree that an honest
mistake was made, and I'm sure we'll

103
00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:22,840
find a reasonable solution.

104
00:07:23,580 --> 00:07:26,000
I mean, it's not like you're going to
make us work it off.

105
00:07:30,440 --> 00:07:31,440
Thank you.

106
00:08:12,620 --> 00:08:13,620
so blind.

107
00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:20,500
What are you doing?

108
00:08:21,260 --> 00:08:24,000
Oh, I was just looking at the moon.

109
00:08:24,540 --> 00:08:26,160
It's so full and beautiful.

110
00:08:26,560 --> 00:08:27,900
Honey, there's no moon tonight.

111
00:08:28,480 --> 00:08:31,100
Oh, well, it must have been a street
lamp.

112
00:08:32,380 --> 00:08:33,380
Silly me.

113
00:08:35,440 --> 00:08:36,500
Where are you going?

114
00:08:36,940 --> 00:08:37,940
The kitchen.

115
00:08:38,179 --> 00:08:39,179
The kitchen?

116
00:08:43,990 --> 00:08:44,990
Yeah. Dad?

117
00:08:45,710 --> 00:08:46,710
Hey, sport.

118
00:08:46,970 --> 00:08:48,550
Where do babies come from?

119
00:08:51,030 --> 00:08:52,410
Good question, Justin.

120
00:08:53,870 --> 00:08:57,510
Dad, I'm gonna leave you two alone for a
little while. You know, for a real man

121
00:08:57,510 --> 00:08:58,510
-to -man.

122
00:09:03,490 --> 00:09:08,190
Uh... Well... Son?

123
00:09:15,040 --> 00:09:20,200
There's mommy and a daddy, and they're
super keen on each other.

124
00:09:20,460 --> 00:09:22,640
My friend Alex has two daddies.

125
00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:27,200
Okay.

126
00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:28,960
We'll get to that.

127
00:09:32,820 --> 00:09:34,680
Nick Spinelli, where are you?

128
00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:39,480
So, Fred, you're a trucker?

129
00:09:40,120 --> 00:09:42,140
Yep. Got a fry?

130
00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:43,600
Yep.

131
00:09:43,930 --> 00:09:44,930
Sweetie Holland.

132
00:09:45,230 --> 00:09:46,230
Renewer?

133
00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:51,250
Hey, I asked for ketchup.

134
00:09:51,550 --> 00:09:54,670
I'm sorry. Can we have some napkins over
here, please?

135
00:09:54,950 --> 00:09:57,830
Coming. Faith, we need napkins on table
six. Oh, gotcha.

136
00:10:17,070 --> 00:10:18,310
for cheese on my burger.

137
00:10:18,850 --> 00:10:21,050
Lady, my ribs are undercooked.

138
00:10:21,550 --> 00:10:22,449
Terribly sorry.

139
00:10:22,450 --> 00:10:25,030
I'll take those back to the kitchen.
Meantime, have some cheese.

140
00:10:25,970 --> 00:10:29,630
Hot back, hot plate, hot plate. Table
two needs a check and you've got food in

141
00:10:29,630 --> 00:10:31,010
the window. I'm not here to do your job.

142
00:10:35,990 --> 00:10:40,930
Don't you see? I'm totally swamped out
here. The expression is in the weave.

143
00:10:41,210 --> 00:10:44,030
Well, I'm in the weave because of you.

144
00:10:47,690 --> 00:10:51,450
You know what your problem is? You're
lazy. You're a lazy waitress and a lazy

145
00:10:51,450 --> 00:10:52,450
actress.

146
00:10:55,870 --> 00:10:57,190
What's that supposed to mean?

147
00:10:57,450 --> 00:11:00,970
Instead of doing any real work to get
your career going again, you think you

148
00:11:00,970 --> 00:11:06,390
just sit here in some crummy diner
waiting for some hot shot Hollywood

149
00:11:06,390 --> 00:11:08,810
to just walk in that door and give you a
part in his movie.

150
00:11:57,450 --> 00:11:58,750
Let me give you a hand. No!

151
00:11:59,210 --> 00:12:00,610
She said we should do it ourselves.

152
00:12:01,170 --> 00:12:03,030
The cleaning, not the caring.

153
00:12:36,940 --> 00:12:37,940
I'm not observant.

154
00:12:38,580 --> 00:12:40,580
Nothing slips under my radar.

155
00:12:44,780 --> 00:12:45,780
I'm going to get ready for bed.

156
00:12:46,020 --> 00:12:47,020
Great idea, Dad.

157
00:12:53,740 --> 00:12:55,440
Oh, are you okay?

158
00:12:56,260 --> 00:12:59,200
Yeah, but I think I blacked out when I
heard your dad say urethra.

159
00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:03,760
I'll see you in school tomorrow.

160
00:13:13,519 --> 00:13:14,680
Well, that's everyone.

161
00:13:15,160 --> 00:13:17,720
I can't believe we got away with it. Way
to go.

162
00:13:18,700 --> 00:13:19,700
Way to go?

163
00:13:20,060 --> 00:13:22,340
This was the most stressful night of my
life.

164
00:13:23,020 --> 00:13:24,040
You know what, Sydney?

165
00:13:24,440 --> 00:13:27,280
You're irresponsible and you don't care
about anyone but yourself.

166
00:13:27,760 --> 00:13:29,280
I said I was sorry.

167
00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:30,780
No, you didn't.

168
00:13:31,300 --> 00:13:33,000
Oh. So we're cool?

169
00:13:34,020 --> 00:13:38,840
No! You're my big sister. You're
supposed to be looking out for me, not

170
00:13:38,840 --> 00:13:39,840
other way around.

171
00:13:41,710 --> 00:13:42,710
I am sorry.

172
00:13:43,330 --> 00:13:45,030
And I do look out for you.

173
00:13:45,470 --> 00:13:47,070
It's just that you never do anything
wrong.

174
00:13:47,870 --> 00:13:49,570
Never do anything wrong?

175
00:13:50,090 --> 00:13:53,810
I just wrapped Bobby Spicer in Mom and
Dad's comforter and threw him out their

176
00:13:53,810 --> 00:13:54,810
window.

177
00:14:12,240 --> 00:14:13,860
problem is you don't believe in me.

178
00:14:14,660 --> 00:14:16,680
I'm not a lazy actress, and I'm going to
prove it.

179
00:14:16,940 --> 00:14:20,040
Nick Spinelli is here, and this is my
big break.

180
00:14:20,520 --> 00:14:24,280
This is my ticket out of this dead -end
job and this grimy, greasy spoon.

181
00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:27,520
Faith, you don't really work here.

182
00:14:27,740 --> 00:14:29,020
I know. I was acting.

183
00:14:30,760 --> 00:14:31,760
Now, wish me luck.

184
00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:34,040
What do you think you're doing?

185
00:14:36,160 --> 00:14:37,840
I'm going to wait on that table.

186
00:14:38,140 --> 00:14:42,040
Oh, no, you're not. That's my table, and
that guy left me a $100 tip last night.

187
00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:44,300
Fine. We'll leave you $200.

188
00:14:44,540 --> 00:14:45,540
Hope, pay her!

189
00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:49,560
We don't have any money. That's why
we're waitressing.

190
00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:52,240
Do you see that guy?

191
00:14:52,420 --> 00:14:54,120
He's a really big Hollywood director.

192
00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:57,740
He is? Yeah, and he's here doing a big
movie.

193
00:14:58,020 --> 00:14:59,020
Really?

194
00:14:59,260 --> 00:15:00,600
I've done a little acting myself.

195
00:15:02,620 --> 00:15:05,080
So if you'd just be a peach and let me
wait on that table.

196
00:15:05,700 --> 00:15:06,700
Sure.

197
00:15:08,770 --> 00:15:10,030
over my dead body.

198
00:15:11,470 --> 00:15:14,870
Listen, Missy, I've been doing this for
15 years.

199
00:15:15,770 --> 00:15:17,250
The people love me.

200
00:15:18,530 --> 00:15:21,030
You really think you can just step in
and do my job?

201
00:15:28,290 --> 00:15:29,430
I don't see why not.

202
00:15:30,370 --> 00:15:33,250
I got a pretty face, a hot bod, and a
big mouth. How hard can it be?

203
00:15:35,490 --> 00:15:37,190
Marge, don't you have table three?

204
00:15:37,840 --> 00:15:38,639
What's it to you?

205
00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:42,000
Uh, nothing. I just saw some kid grab
your tip and run out the door.

206
00:15:42,260 --> 00:15:44,720
That rotten punk. I'm going to tear his
lungs out.

207
00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:49,020
Oh, what are you doing?

208
00:15:49,940 --> 00:15:53,100
I didn't drive an hour. I ate a 4 ,000
-calorie dinner and wait tables so you

209
00:15:53,100 --> 00:15:54,100
could miss your big chance.

210
00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:55,240
Now, go.

211
00:15:57,120 --> 00:15:58,120
What's appropriate?

212
00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:04,140
Hi, I'm Faith Fairfield.

213
00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:07,480
I'll be your waitress tonight, although
you probably recognize me from The

214
00:16:07,480 --> 00:16:08,480
Sacred and the Sinful.

215
00:16:08,900 --> 00:16:10,480
The strip club on I -90?

216
00:16:12,540 --> 00:16:15,740
Oh, you're wicked.

217
00:16:16,420 --> 00:16:18,400
No, the soap opera.

218
00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:20,480
I'm not really a waitress. I'm an
actress.

219
00:16:21,100 --> 00:16:25,400
Oh, great. Well, maybe you could play
the role of a waitress and take my

220
00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:27,400
I can do that.

221
00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:30,920
So, what are the specials? I'd be happy
to tell you our specials.

222
00:16:31,340 --> 00:16:34,900
Although you'd probably find them more
enjoyable from a woman who's just lost

223
00:16:34,900 --> 00:16:36,740
her baby. Why, God?

224
00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:44,040
Why do we have rice pea lobster fried
with Chinese vegetables and snow peas?

225
00:16:45,740 --> 00:16:48,540
Actually, we're out of snow peas. No
snow peas?

226
00:16:48,900 --> 00:16:49,940
Why, God?

227
00:16:50,340 --> 00:16:51,340
Why?

228
00:16:53,300 --> 00:16:56,700
Or maybe you'd like to hear the specials
from a hooker with a heart of gold.

229
00:16:56,780 --> 00:16:58,020
Because we also have a...

230
00:16:58,360 --> 00:17:04,260
mouth -watering Mediterranean sandwich
with grilled peppers on a garlic roll.

231
00:17:04,599 --> 00:17:06,140
Is that what you want, Daddy?

232
00:17:08,300 --> 00:17:10,619
Because I'll give it to you if that's
what you need.

233
00:17:12,380 --> 00:17:14,300
Why don't we just start with some
coffee?

234
00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:20,660
Great. I'll send someone out with your
coffee. Who knows, it could be a Civil

235
00:17:20,660 --> 00:17:24,800
War bride just fixing up some mint
juleps for her fine gentleman callers.

236
00:17:27,109 --> 00:17:28,470
ought to quench a powerful thirst.

237
00:17:31,830 --> 00:17:33,390
What a nut job.

238
00:17:34,270 --> 00:17:35,890
I think it's going really well.

239
00:17:36,790 --> 00:17:40,730
What are you two doing? Where the hell
is Marge? I got hot dishes piling up at

240
00:17:40,730 --> 00:17:41,730
the window.

241
00:17:42,790 --> 00:17:48,450
You know, she went to the bathroom.

242
00:17:48,650 --> 00:17:49,650
Girl problems.

243
00:17:50,150 --> 00:17:53,710
Jason, I didn't come all the way from
Greece to listen to girl problems. Did I

244
00:17:53,710 --> 00:17:56,230
tell you I came to this country with...
Bag of olives, dream.

245
00:17:56,460 --> 00:17:59,240
Yeah, yeah, we know. Hey, do I smell
something burning?

246
00:17:59,700 --> 00:18:00,700
My burgers!

247
00:18:03,260 --> 00:18:08,040
Oh, yeah. Get in there and wow him
before Marge goes psycho. Oh, good idea!

248
00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:09,040
psycho character.

249
00:18:10,460 --> 00:18:11,460
Excuse me, miss.

250
00:18:11,620 --> 00:18:12,920
Are you talking to me?

251
00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:15,760
I said, are you talking to me?

252
00:18:19,280 --> 00:18:22,040
You must be talking to me, because I'm
the only one here.

253
00:18:23,300 --> 00:18:24,940
Are you in...

254
00:18:25,570 --> 00:18:26,570
Yes!

255
00:18:28,630 --> 00:18:33,890
And I also do a mean Jack Nicholson. You
want chili? You can't handle the chili.

256
00:18:36,210 --> 00:18:39,390
Look, lady, I am a director, an auteur.

257
00:18:39,670 --> 00:18:42,490
You think this hasn't happened before?
You think I haven't walked into a

258
00:18:42,490 --> 00:18:46,630
restaurant and had some waitress start
acting for me to try and get a role in

259
00:18:46,630 --> 00:18:47,630
one of my films?

260
00:18:47,690 --> 00:18:48,690
It's predictable.

261
00:18:49,730 --> 00:18:51,510
You want to know something that would
impress me?

262
00:18:52,810 --> 00:18:58,080
If someone did something... totally wild
because that's what my films are about

263
00:18:58,080 --> 00:19:02,200
the element of surprise the unexpected
twist

264
00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:47,000
want in my film.

265
00:20:02,540 --> 00:20:03,540
Hello?

266
00:20:04,280 --> 00:20:05,280
Alice?

267
00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:07,240
Care to explain?

268
00:20:08,700 --> 00:20:09,700
Not really.

269
00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:11,700
How was your night?

270
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:14,140
Oh, you know, Dad was on the job.

271
00:20:14,620 --> 00:20:15,620
Need I say more?

272
00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:34,120
Alicia Silverstone High School Movie.

273
00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:36,520
Clueless.