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Big news, everybody.

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Ashley Storm is back.

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Back? What are you talking about?

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The Sacred and the Sinful has just
announced that Ashley Storm, the role

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famous by Faith Fairfield, is returning
to Cedar Valley.

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I'm going back to Hollywood.

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Kids, look away.

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Your daddy's gonna cry.

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idea hey it's three o 'clock let's turn
on the show and see how they're setting

10
00:01:05,330 --> 00:01:10,490
up my return ashley storm is that really
you

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wait a minute

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that's not me of course it's me nando no
no it isn't that's not me nando yeah

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that's not her nando

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my sister killed me and then killed
herself because I was wearing a

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vest.

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They recast my role.

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Aw, honey.

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Well, clearly they didn't think that
girl was good enough to play twins like

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did.

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I'm sure you remember my twin Angela.

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But I don't think you ever met my other
twin.

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Or rather...

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Alexandra, raised in a Parisian nunnery.

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Bonjour.

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Oh, God.

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I'm going to be stuck here forever.

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Oh, God.

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She's going to be stuck here forever.

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But you know in the end we can laugh
about it. Even though we can drive each

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other crazy.

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You know we don't have to worry.

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We will live, we will laugh, and we'll
love each other anyway.

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La, la, la, la, la, la.

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And now, back to The Sacred and the
Syndrome.

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Oh, Nando.

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You don't know how hard it was for me to
get my baby up for adoption.

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My baby. My baby. I'm the one that
carried that child for 18 months.

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Okay, that's it. It's been three days.
You have to get off this couch.

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You know what might make you feel
better?

40
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Starring in a soap opera?

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I was thinking of a cup of tea.

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Hey, Aunt Faith, this will cheer you up.

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All the girls at school say they hate
the new Ashley Storm.

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They do?

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Really? Yeah.

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There is no way she's a physicist slash
spy.

47
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First of all, she's like 19, and we all
think she looks more like a supermodel.

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So, did someone get a part in the
holiday pageant today?

49
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Mom, you're the director.

50
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You dropped off the cast list this
morning.

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I know.

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Congratulations!

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Haley, here's some advice.

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Watch your back, or they'll replace you
with some sexy little tramp from the

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third grade.

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Haley has the most important speech in
the play.

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Mom, it's just a few lines at the end. A
few lines?

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You're the magic fountain.

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When your moment comes, that whole
theater is going to fall silent. And

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single person is going to have their
eyes and ears locked on you.

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Honey, like a laser beam.

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Oh, my gosh.

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I'd rather go practice my lines.

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Good job, Mom.

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That's not how you speak to an actress.

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At least that's not how they used to.

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Back when I had a job.

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Hey, that gives me an idea.

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Why don't you help me with Haley's play?

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I can't star in a sixth grade play.

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No, not star in it. You can be the
acting coach.

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Let's not forget, you started your
career in the theater. Remember, third

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Pirates of Penzance?

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Who was the...

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Saltiest little pirate on that stage.

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I was.

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Come on. Give me a little arrr.

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Arr. You can do better than that.

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Shiver me timbers.

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Arr. Arr.

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Arr. Arr.

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What? I can't play?

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What do you say? Will you do it?

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Yes, I'll do it.

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Thank you, Hope. You're welcome.

86
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So when can we start?

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As soon as you shower.

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Good idea.

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Oh, and you might want to steam clean
the couch.

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Justin, it's freezing out. Where's your
jacket?

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The new kid at school took it. He took
it?

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Why? Because he wanted it.

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What's his name? I'll call his mother.
Honey, you can't call his mom.

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Why not?

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Justin?

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Atomic wedgie.

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Let me handle this. I'll just go to this
kid's house, have a chat with his dad,

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and get your jacket back. How's that
sound, buddy?

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I thank you from the bottom of my butt.

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Yes?

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00:06:18,810 --> 00:06:19,810
Hank Jones?

102
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One and the same.

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I'm Charlie Schnowski. I live down the
street.

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My son Justin goes to school with your
son Matt.

105
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Oh, yeah? Well, good to meet you,
Charlie. We're new in town. I'm glad

106
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making some friends.

107
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Well, actually, the reason I'm here is
your son took my son's jacket.

108
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God, that's terrible.

109
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Well, let's get to the bottom of this
right now.

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Matt, get down here!

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Hey, Dad.

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Hello, sir.

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Hey, Maddie.

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Did you take a jacket from a boy named
Justin? No, Dad.

115
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Okay, thanks, sport.

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Well, sorry about that, Charlie. I guess
it wasn't him.

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Are you sure? I mean, I don't know why
my son would say he took it if he didn't

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take it.

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So you're calling my son a liar? No, no,
no, of course not. I'm just... Where do

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you get off coming to my house making
false accusations? Hey, there's no need

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get short with me.

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Okay, here we go with the short jokes.

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I wasn't making a short joke. I may be
little, but that doesn't mean I have to

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take any of your crap. So stay away from
me and my family, you big jolly green

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jerk.

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Ah, to be back in the theater.

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That's how you say theater in theater.

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Theater.

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I'll keep that in mind. You were so
right. This is just what I needed.

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To be back in the theater on stage.

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That's how you say stage. Okay, okay.

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Let's get started.

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Now, I want to make one thing perfectly
clear. Hey, you with the gigantic

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00:08:06,810 --> 00:08:09,750
foreheads, listen up. Her name is
Melanie.

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And a prominent brow is a sign of
intelligence.

136
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Now, you all have copies of your play,
so let's just read through them once.

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Just for fun. No, wait.

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The actor begins from a blank page.

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So I want you all to rip up your script.
What?

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conventional way.

141
00:08:40,210 --> 00:08:43,929
But can we at least start with some
vocal exercises, or is that too radical?

142
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No, I... I think that'll be okay.

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Thank you.

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Okay, now, children, I want you to watch
and repeat.

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The one with...

146
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The big forehead sure runs funny.

147
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These jackets suck.

148
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Come on, they're not that bad. It's late
in the season. There wasn't a lot of

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choice left. Besides, we match.

150
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We're jacket buddies.

151
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How cool is that?

152
00:09:28,050 --> 00:09:32,070
Hey, check out Dorky the Snow Dork and
his little dorky tattoo.

153
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Why don't we just turn these inside out?

154
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Hey, there's my jacket. Matt's wearing
my jacket.

155
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Come on, go kick his butt.

156
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We Shanowskis do not kick people's butt.

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We're going to behave like mature adults
and go over there and ask for your

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jacket back. Come on.

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What, are you stalking me?

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It's not enough that you come to my
house and insult me, but you come to my

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00:10:00,510 --> 00:10:01,650
place of business as well?

162
00:10:01,990 --> 00:10:04,010
Looks like your son did take my son's
jacket.

163
00:10:04,810 --> 00:10:05,589
Oh, really?

164
00:10:05,590 --> 00:10:08,030
Well, it looks to me like your son has
his own jacket.

165
00:10:08,630 --> 00:10:09,630
No flake?

166
00:10:11,290 --> 00:10:15,070
That's because I just bought it for him.
Oh, yeah, sure.

167
00:10:15,510 --> 00:10:17,970
Hey, look over there. That guy's wearing
a Rolex watch.

168
00:10:18,250 --> 00:10:20,050
I bet you that's yours, too, right,
Charlie?

169
00:10:20,270 --> 00:10:22,670
Because everything is Charlie's in
Charlie Town.

170
00:10:24,530 --> 00:10:28,130
Okay, there is an easy way to settle
this. Let's just look inside the jacket

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00:10:28,130 --> 00:10:30,710
see if Justin's initials are in there.
Hey, let go of my kid!

172
00:10:31,010 --> 00:10:32,010
Hey,

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00:10:32,330 --> 00:10:33,410
leave the elf alone!

174
00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:06,340
everything in the store. Cut!

175
00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:08,820
Edwin, what are you doing with your
eyes?

176
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Nothing.

177
00:11:10,600 --> 00:11:14,780
Exactly. Open them wider. If you can't
make them sparkle, I've got 25 kids who

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00:11:14,780 --> 00:11:15,780
can.

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All right, let's just jump ahead to the
fairy speech.

180
00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:22,820
Hey, Sally, what are you doing here?

181
00:11:23,080 --> 00:11:26,940
I was just curious why Edwin's stress
asthma has suddenly returned.

182
00:11:40,940 --> 00:11:41,940
Cheers, sweetie.

183
00:11:42,620 --> 00:11:43,620
Let's see.

184
00:11:43,860 --> 00:11:44,880
What to do?

185
00:11:46,140 --> 00:11:50,840
Oh, here's something.

186
00:11:51,420 --> 00:11:55,520
Listen, I want you to imagine that you
have the cutest, fluffiest little dog in

187
00:11:55,520 --> 00:11:57,020
the world and you love him more than
anything.

188
00:11:57,580 --> 00:11:58,960
Can I call him Muffin?

189
00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:01,460
Absolutely. Muffin's a great name.

190
00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:06,160
Now, I want you to imagine Muffin being
hit by a car.

191
00:12:20,910 --> 00:12:22,370
I'll get a performance out of him yet.

192
00:12:23,530 --> 00:12:27,650
Listen, Faith, this isn't about you.
This is about the kids.

193
00:12:27,910 --> 00:12:29,270
They're supposed to be having fun.

194
00:12:29,590 --> 00:12:32,270
They're having loads of fun. You have to
pull back.

195
00:12:32,610 --> 00:12:33,610
Way back.

196
00:12:33,870 --> 00:12:36,570
I will not compromise my artistic
integrity.

197
00:12:37,190 --> 00:12:38,670
Then I'm going to have to ask you to
quit.

198
00:12:38,910 --> 00:12:40,030
What if I don't want to quit?

199
00:12:40,770 --> 00:12:41,770
Then you're fired.

200
00:12:42,530 --> 00:12:45,070
Well, it shouldn't be up to you. It
should be up to the children.

201
00:12:46,370 --> 00:12:49,250
Kids, who here wants me to stay? Raise
your hand.

202
00:12:54,060 --> 00:12:55,080
If you want me to stay.

203
00:12:57,060 --> 00:12:58,880
No, kids, you're confused.

204
00:12:59,980 --> 00:13:03,100
Don't not raise your hands if you don't
want me to not stay.

205
00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:10,380
Faith, you're not directing this play.

206
00:13:10,860 --> 00:13:12,820
Fine. Have it your way.

207
00:13:13,940 --> 00:13:17,940
Children, as of this moment, you no
longer have an acting coach.

208
00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:19,660
And you can thank Mr.

209
00:13:20,060 --> 00:13:21,060
Schnauzky.

210
00:13:40,880 --> 00:13:43,960
if the fountain just stood there and the
people could draw their own holiday

211
00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:44,960
conclusions.

212
00:13:46,040 --> 00:13:48,740
Honey, you're going to do great.

213
00:13:49,700 --> 00:13:54,380
The play is going to be beautiful and
everyone is going to love you.

214
00:13:56,780 --> 00:13:58,380
Come on, buddy. It's cold out.

215
00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:00,920
Hey, you got your jacket back.

216
00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:02,079
What happened?

217
00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:04,220
It was awesome. Dad was... Nope.

218
00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:07,820
Justin, what do we say?

219
00:14:08,920 --> 00:14:10,860
What? Rosald in Santa's Village?

220
00:14:11,340 --> 00:14:12,860
Steve in Santa's Village.

221
00:14:14,180 --> 00:14:17,900
All my friends went to go see The White
Stripes, but I get to go see a sixth

222
00:14:17,900 --> 00:14:18,699
-grade play.

223
00:14:18,700 --> 00:14:19,700
Woo -hoo!

224
00:14:20,500 --> 00:14:21,820
Faith, come on, let's go.

225
00:14:23,060 --> 00:14:24,060
Why aren't you dressed?

226
00:14:24,680 --> 00:14:28,300
After the humiliation you put me
through, you're dreaming if you think

227
00:14:28,300 --> 00:14:30,580
show my face at Buzz Aldrin Middle
School.

228
00:14:30,940 --> 00:14:32,340
I did not humiliate you.

229
00:14:32,640 --> 00:14:33,640
Ow. What?

230
00:14:34,140 --> 00:14:35,140
Oh, it's nothing.

231
00:14:35,220 --> 00:14:38,340
Just a little sore from where you
stabbed me in the back.

232
00:14:42,280 --> 00:14:45,920
I'll just explain to Haley that her aunt
cares more about herself than she does

233
00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:46,920
her niece.

234
00:14:47,560 --> 00:14:48,620
But you know what gets me?

235
00:14:49,380 --> 00:14:53,200
You spend all that time directing those
kids, and you miss the whole message of

236
00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:54,200
the play.

237
00:14:54,980 --> 00:14:56,320
Life is not about what you get.

238
00:14:57,380 --> 00:14:58,480
It's about what you give.

239
00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:03,120
Excuse me. I have to go to the theater.

240
00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:10,260
It's pronounced theater!

241
00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:19,420
I'm too ashamed to return home without a
gift from my mother.

242
00:15:19,700 --> 00:15:22,180
I'll spend the night sleeping by this
fountain.

243
00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:29,920
Hey,

244
00:15:29,920 --> 00:15:38,780
look,

245
00:15:38,980 --> 00:15:40,320
a shimmering sixpence.

246
00:15:40,760 --> 00:15:41,760
I'll make a wish.

247
00:15:45,580 --> 00:15:50,040
I wish I could buy my mother a wonderful
gift to make her happy.

248
00:15:57,740 --> 00:16:03,780
I said, I wish I could buy my mother a
wonderful gift to make her happy.

249
00:16:08,380 --> 00:16:10,200
Haley, that's your cue.

250
00:16:12,440 --> 00:16:14,280
She knows those lines.

251
00:16:15,370 --> 00:16:16,390
Come on, Haley.

252
00:16:16,890 --> 00:16:19,550
Davy McDoodle, you have come to this
magical fountain.

253
00:16:20,550 --> 00:16:24,330
Maybe the fountain didn't hear the
sixpence fall in the water.

254
00:16:30,530 --> 00:16:31,530
Close the curtain.

255
00:16:31,850 --> 00:16:32,850
No, wait.

256
00:16:33,290 --> 00:16:34,310
When did you get here?

257
00:16:34,530 --> 00:16:35,870
I've been here the whole time.

258
00:16:36,170 --> 00:16:39,370
And by the way, I think I broke Justin's
bike.

259
00:16:41,710 --> 00:16:43,910
Edwin, can you improvise?

260
00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:59,560
Sometimes founders don't come to life
until you say hello in 30

261
00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:00,560
different languages.

262
00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:03,640
Spanish. Hola.

263
00:17:04,859 --> 00:17:07,220
Chinese. Ni hao.

264
00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:09,960
Italian.

265
00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:12,000
Buongiorno.

266
00:17:42,120 --> 00:17:43,120
understand.

267
00:17:43,580 --> 00:17:44,800
About being scared?

268
00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:47,020
Of course I understand.

269
00:17:47,740 --> 00:17:50,360
I remember my first audition. I was
terrified.

270
00:17:51,020 --> 00:17:53,720
I was sweating and shivering the whole
time.

271
00:17:54,540 --> 00:17:55,620
You know what happened?

272
00:17:56,720 --> 00:17:57,820
You froze up?

273
00:17:58,340 --> 00:17:59,620
No, I got the job.

274
00:17:59,820 --> 00:18:01,340
Turns out it was for a cold medicine.

275
00:18:04,180 --> 00:18:05,180
Don't you see?

276
00:18:05,580 --> 00:18:10,880
Being scared to do something and doing
it anyway, that's what makes you strong.

277
00:18:11,899 --> 00:18:14,620
And you are one of the strongest people
I've ever met.

278
00:18:17,260 --> 00:18:18,260
Really?

279
00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:20,200
Really.

280
00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:22,360
I love you, Aunt Faith.

281
00:18:23,060 --> 00:18:24,240
I love you too, sweetie.

282
00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:28,240
So what do you say?

283
00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:30,340
You ready to go down?

284
00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:38,540
So, let's see.

285
00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:40,320
Have I done Hungarian yet?

286
00:18:48,490 --> 00:18:54,070
Just to recap, the little kid here is
bummed because he's broke, and there's a

287
00:18:54,070 --> 00:18:58,850
magical wind, and voila, the fountain
has come to life it.

288
00:19:12,450 --> 00:19:15,510
Davy, you've come to this magical
fountain every day.

289
00:19:16,010 --> 00:19:19,510
And every day you wish for enough money
to buy a gift for your poor mother.

290
00:19:20,330 --> 00:19:23,590
But the truth is, it's not about the
gifts you get.

291
00:19:23,970 --> 00:19:25,970
It's about the love you give.

292
00:19:26,490 --> 00:19:29,870
So go home, Davy McDoodle, and be with
your family.

293
00:19:30,350 --> 00:19:33,330
Because that's what the holidays are all
about.

294
00:20:08,910 --> 00:20:11,770
You were awesome, Haley. What a great
night.

295
00:20:12,390 --> 00:20:14,490
We are all so proud of you.

296
00:20:15,390 --> 00:20:16,390
You were great.

297
00:20:16,690 --> 00:20:18,790
And those five hours flew by.

298
00:20:20,190 --> 00:20:22,430
Well, I couldn't have done it without
Aunt Faith.

299
00:20:23,710 --> 00:20:24,730
Where is Aunt Faith?