1 00:00:14,260 --> 00:00:16,040 No. What? Out. Why? 2 00:00:16,260 --> 00:00:17,460 Sunday, football, go. 3 00:00:17,880 --> 00:00:19,340 Sister, married, eight. 4 00:00:22,980 --> 00:00:26,820 Okay, you can stay and watch, but you have to be quiet. This is a big game. 5 00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:28,900 Don't worry. You won't even know I'm here. 6 00:00:32,780 --> 00:00:35,860 See, now, why do they make them wear those helmets? You can't even pick out 7 00:00:35,860 --> 00:00:36,860 cute ones. 8 00:00:37,380 --> 00:00:40,020 I suppose you can tell something from their butts. 9 00:00:41,280 --> 00:00:42,600 I'm starting to know you're here. 10 00:00:44,730 --> 00:00:46,130 He's got a great butt. 11 00:00:46,730 --> 00:00:48,290 Ooh, that guy's butt's better. 12 00:00:49,330 --> 00:00:50,390 Whose butt do you prefer? 13 00:00:54,310 --> 00:00:57,050 Where are you going? The guy's running with a thingy. 14 00:00:59,210 --> 00:01:01,790 Yeah, well, just let me know if he scores the watch -a -ma -hoozy. 15 00:01:03,630 --> 00:01:06,490 Ah, there she is. My favorite child. 16 00:01:06,730 --> 00:01:08,350 I am not babysitting Aunt Faith again. 17 00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:11,950 Please? I'll send you to college. 18 00:01:13,520 --> 00:01:16,360 You made me watch four hours of The Sacred and the Sinful. On video? 19 00:01:16,700 --> 00:01:17,700 In person. 20 00:01:18,100 --> 00:01:21,860 She reenacted three weddings, two comas, and an exorcism. 21 00:01:22,800 --> 00:01:23,960 Hey. Hey. 22 00:01:24,580 --> 00:01:25,580 Guess what I'm doing. 23 00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:27,960 I'm watching football with Faith. 24 00:01:28,220 --> 00:01:29,220 It sucked. 25 00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:34,220 Oh, she's driving us crazy. 26 00:01:34,480 --> 00:01:37,780 Now, come on. She hasn't made any friends here yet. So even though it 27 00:01:37,780 --> 00:01:41,200 challenging at times, we need to include her. 28 00:01:41,760 --> 00:01:45,780 So? Why don't you include her in your book club tomorrow night? Yeah, she 29 00:01:45,780 --> 00:01:46,780 start reading right now. 30 00:01:46,880 --> 00:01:48,020 I doubt she'd be interested. 31 00:01:48,380 --> 00:01:49,380 Interested in what? 32 00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:51,980 Her book club. Oh, I love clubs. 33 00:01:52,460 --> 00:01:53,940 When is it? Tomorrow night. 34 00:01:54,140 --> 00:01:57,620 Oh, could you excuse us for a second? 35 00:01:57,900 --> 00:01:59,960 Hey, you can excuse me until the playoffs. 36 00:02:01,840 --> 00:02:02,840 Faith, 37 00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:07,380 look, book club is the one thing that I do just for myself. I mean, Charlie even 38 00:02:07,380 --> 00:02:10,139 takes the kids out so there won't be any interruptions. Oh, thank God. 39 00:02:10,560 --> 00:02:13,120 Because as much as I love playing with the kids, I need some downtime. 40 00:02:13,340 --> 00:02:16,080 I mean, it's to the point where I see them and I have to run the other way. 41 00:02:19,680 --> 00:02:20,680 Okay. 42 00:02:21,020 --> 00:02:26,580 What I'm trying to say is, book club is... Well, what I really need is... I'm 43 00:02:26,580 --> 00:02:28,180 not a psychic! Spit it out! 44 00:02:29,780 --> 00:02:30,780 I love you. 45 00:02:31,420 --> 00:02:32,420 You're not invited. 46 00:02:39,310 --> 00:02:40,310 Please don't be upset. 47 00:02:40,910 --> 00:02:41,910 I'm not upset. 48 00:02:43,150 --> 00:02:44,150 Not at all. 49 00:02:45,390 --> 00:02:47,970 I don't need you or anyone else to have a good time. 50 00:02:48,910 --> 00:02:49,910 Justin! 51 00:02:50,890 --> 00:02:53,190 Come play beauty pageant with Aunt Faith again! 52 00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:24,960 You'll make me snickerdoodles for Jerry's birthday. 53 00:03:25,300 --> 00:03:29,220 All right, that's next week at the Oak Room. Just keep your husband away from 54 00:03:29,220 --> 00:03:30,320 the karaoke machine, please. 55 00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:33,800 How can one man know so many songs by air supply? 56 00:03:34,640 --> 00:03:37,280 Just be glad you missed his MC Hammer face, okay? 57 00:03:54,120 --> 00:03:55,120 pretend I'm not here. 58 00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:56,700 I thought you went to a movie. 59 00:03:56,920 --> 00:04:00,120 I was going to, but I hadn't finished my chores, and I know how you get. 60 00:04:03,060 --> 00:04:05,180 You all remember my sister, Faith. 61 00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:07,400 Yes, hello. Nice to see you again. 62 00:04:07,640 --> 00:04:11,080 Please carry on. I just came down to get clean rags. 63 00:04:11,860 --> 00:04:15,100 Oh, before I forget, I borrowed your book. 64 00:04:15,780 --> 00:04:18,000 I couldn't put it down. What a read. 65 00:04:18,779 --> 00:04:19,779 What a journey. 66 00:04:20,300 --> 00:04:22,880 I was particularly moved by the flowers in the snow. 67 00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:24,420 Really? Us too. 68 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:29,280 Oh, are those Hope's famous knicker doodles? Yes, would you like one? 69 00:04:30,780 --> 00:04:31,780 I'd better not. 70 00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:38,200 I'll just be upstairs in my room that I share with Hope's children. 71 00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:42,260 Faith, could I have a word in the kitchen? 72 00:04:42,480 --> 00:04:43,500 Was something not clean enough? 73 00:04:44,280 --> 00:04:45,280 Now. 74 00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:52,580 What do you think you're doing? Well, I was about to get started on the sheet. 75 00:04:52,660 --> 00:04:53,660 Knock it. Get off. 76 00:04:54,820 --> 00:04:56,460 How long were you listening on the stairs? 77 00:04:56,900 --> 00:04:58,480 I don't know what you're talking about. 78 00:04:58,740 --> 00:04:59,619 Yeah, right. 79 00:04:59,620 --> 00:05:02,420 You made it look like you were Cinderella and I was the evil 80 00:05:02,680 --> 00:05:04,180 Now there's an interesting metaphor. 81 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:07,640 Please. 82 00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:10,800 All right. 83 00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:14,480 If it means that much to you, you can come to book club. Oh, thank you, thank 84 00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:17,500 you. You won't regret it. Now come upstairs and help me pick out what to 85 00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:18,980 What you're wearing is fine. 86 00:05:19,660 --> 00:05:22,020 Fine? Fine isn't going to turn any heads. 87 00:05:22,380 --> 00:05:23,560 Stop. Right there. 88 00:05:23,820 --> 00:05:27,160 No one cares what you're wearing. This is not about you or your life on the 89 00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:29,300 or your thousands of boyfriends or your Emmy. 90 00:05:29,540 --> 00:05:33,640 We're here to talk about the book. I get it, I get it. So jeans, cardigan, maybe 91 00:05:33,640 --> 00:05:34,760 reading glasses on a chain. 92 00:05:38,640 --> 00:05:39,640 Great news, everyone. 93 00:05:40,080 --> 00:05:41,380 Faith is joining book club tonight. 94 00:05:41,700 --> 00:05:42,700 Oh, welcome. 95 00:05:42,900 --> 00:05:44,440 This is such an honor. 96 00:05:45,280 --> 00:05:46,280 How about that book? 97 00:05:46,440 --> 00:05:48,340 I was hooked on page one. 98 00:05:48,580 --> 00:05:51,540 I'll tell you what hooked me. The photo of the author on the back cover. 99 00:05:51,950 --> 00:05:53,090 I could take a dip in those dimples. 100 00:05:54,810 --> 00:05:59,230 Moving beyond the cover. Is it your first book club? Yes, yes. I'm afraid I 101 00:05:59,230 --> 00:06:01,610 didn't get a chance to read as much as I liked when I was on the soap. 102 00:06:03,270 --> 00:06:04,209 Oh, yes. 103 00:06:04,210 --> 00:06:07,350 Tell us. Oh, you must have a lot of wild stories. 104 00:06:08,530 --> 00:06:09,750 Nope. Nope. 105 00:06:10,050 --> 00:06:11,890 Not a one. It was surprisingly dull. 106 00:06:12,410 --> 00:06:13,510 Let's talk about the book. 107 00:06:14,190 --> 00:06:17,650 So, we were talking about Ileana finding the flowers in the snow. 108 00:06:17,890 --> 00:06:20,350 Yes, I thought the snow was so oppressive. 109 00:06:20,650 --> 00:06:22,230 I could really relate to her situation. 110 00:06:22,550 --> 00:06:26,010 Because when I was trapped in that avalanche for three weeks and forced to 111 00:06:26,010 --> 00:06:30,510 my half -sister... Getting back to the book. I love that storyline. 112 00:06:30,730 --> 00:06:33,410 Was that the time your plane crashed in the Andes while you were bringing 113 00:06:33,410 --> 00:06:34,410 vaccine to the villagers? 114 00:06:34,690 --> 00:06:36,790 That plane crash was so terrifying. 115 00:06:37,250 --> 00:06:41,070 Little secret, the set wasn't even moving. We were all just going like 116 00:06:41,610 --> 00:06:42,610 No! 117 00:06:54,270 --> 00:06:55,750 Oh, I have one. 118 00:06:57,770 --> 00:07:01,430 Well, I suppose one margarita wouldn't hurt. 119 00:07:45,360 --> 00:07:48,900 A special night out with me and my kids. All right, who's ready for a little 120 00:07:48,900 --> 00:07:49,900 family fun? Come on. 121 00:07:51,780 --> 00:07:52,780 Fun! 122 00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:56,040 Why couldn't we go to the observatory? 123 00:07:56,340 --> 00:07:58,940 Don't worry. I think you'll find just as many losers here. 124 00:07:59,180 --> 00:08:00,180 Oh, come on. 125 00:08:00,420 --> 00:08:03,280 Let's find a game we can all play together. Ooh, is that Mr. Boostball at 126 00:08:03,280 --> 00:08:04,320 'clock? Cool! 127 00:08:04,980 --> 00:08:05,980 Roadkill! 128 00:08:07,700 --> 00:08:08,700 I'll be in the food court. 129 00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:13,660 Well, looks like it's just you and me, kiddo. 130 00:08:15,300 --> 00:08:21,560 Well, I thought maybe we could play a little... Good times. 131 00:08:25,360 --> 00:08:26,700 Did your kids ditch you, too? 132 00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:52,820 We have some unfinished business to attend to, you and I. 133 00:10:46,570 --> 00:10:47,710 We're going home. 134 00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:11,140 And prison is cold for something else. 135 00:14:11,420 --> 00:14:12,980 You may have just proposed. 136 00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:17,320 She didn't mean that. 137 00:14:17,720 --> 00:14:18,780 She hates your hair. 138 00:14:42,890 --> 00:14:43,950 I should have known better. 139 00:14:44,730 --> 00:14:48,130 Faith was just doing what she always does, and I let it happen. 140 00:14:49,010 --> 00:14:50,430 There's no one to blame here but me. 141 00:14:51,470 --> 00:14:52,470 That's true. 142 00:14:55,210 --> 00:14:57,890 You don't see that you had any part in it? Me? 143 00:14:58,330 --> 00:14:59,330 What did I do? 144 00:14:59,570 --> 00:15:00,570 Let's tally it up. 145 00:15:00,990 --> 00:15:03,390 First, I said, I don't want you to come to book club. 146 00:15:03,730 --> 00:15:06,350 And what did you do? I came to book club. Won nothing. 147 00:15:07,930 --> 00:15:09,910 Second, I said I didn't want to go to a strip club. 148 00:15:10,230 --> 00:15:11,230 And what did we do? 149 00:15:11,470 --> 00:15:14,070 We went to a strip club. Honey, if you don't make these questions more 150 00:15:14,070 --> 00:15:15,470 difficult, I'm totally going to win. 151 00:15:15,890 --> 00:15:19,290 Third, I said I didn't want to toilet paper Mr. Murphy's house. 152 00:15:19,830 --> 00:15:24,430 And what happened? We plastered the hell out of it. But you stayed in the car, 153 00:15:24,490 --> 00:15:28,150 so I'm going to give you a half a point for that one. This isn't a game. You can 154 00:15:28,150 --> 00:15:29,150 say that again. 155 00:15:29,230 --> 00:15:30,230 Let's play I Spy. 156 00:15:30,410 --> 00:15:31,410 Faith! 157 00:15:32,210 --> 00:15:35,370 Okay, okay, I'm sorry I took over your book club. 158 00:15:36,310 --> 00:15:38,630 But I can't help it if I'm fun and spontaneous. 159 00:15:39,150 --> 00:15:40,150 You have to be the center of attention. 160 00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:45,280 and make me feel like a big boar. You're not a boar. Not at all. You're a lot of 161 00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:46,860 fun. Remember Cancun? 162 00:15:47,420 --> 00:15:51,080 You're the one who got us all to parent sale. And remember those belly dancing 163 00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:54,300 classes? Those were your ideas. After three kids, I didn't think this belly 164 00:15:54,300 --> 00:15:55,300 could shake. 165 00:15:57,060 --> 00:15:58,580 Yeah, it was a pretty good ab workout. 166 00:16:01,260 --> 00:16:03,940 I thought book club was at our house, not the big house. 167 00:16:05,300 --> 00:16:07,640 Ladies, your husbands are here. You're free to go. 168 00:16:24,940 --> 00:16:27,700 the kids now, or do you want to just show them the mug shots in the morning? 169 00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:30,640 Well, look on the bright side. 170 00:16:30,880 --> 00:16:33,180 At least we have a headline for our family Christmas letter. 171 00:16:34,740 --> 00:16:37,960 I'll be upstairs just in case you want to have a conjugal visit. 172 00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:40,640 Hmm. 173 00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:43,180 Hope goes good with a big sister lecture. 174 00:16:43,760 --> 00:16:45,080 There's not going to be a lecture. 175 00:16:45,340 --> 00:16:46,340 I'm going to bed. 176 00:16:46,540 --> 00:16:48,720 Okay, but you know what they say, never go to bed angry. 177 00:16:49,520 --> 00:16:50,520 I'm not angry. 178 00:16:50,740 --> 00:16:51,599 Yes, you are. 179 00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:52,880 No, I'm not. Yes, you are. 180 00:16:53,120 --> 00:16:54,120 No, I'm not. 181 00:16:54,140 --> 00:16:55,140 Okay. 182 00:16:56,160 --> 00:16:59,000 Hmm, that looks good. Pizza ice cream. 183 00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:04,180 Ooh, nothing says I told you so like waffle smothered in hard feelings and 184 00:17:04,180 --> 00:17:05,180 blame. 185 00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:10,040 See, this is what drives me crazy. All you do is make jokes. 186 00:17:10,260 --> 00:17:11,819 Why can't you just be real for once? 187 00:17:12,359 --> 00:17:14,819 What are you talking about? I'm always real. 188 00:17:15,420 --> 00:17:19,000 No, you're not. You always have to be on. Like tonight. 189 00:17:19,359 --> 00:17:22,619 It's not enough that you're just part of my book club. You have to be the life 190 00:17:22,619 --> 00:17:23,619 of the party. 191 00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:25,060 That's what people like about me. 192 00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:26,280 No, it isn't. 193 00:17:26,540 --> 00:17:28,240 Are you always on with your friends? 194 00:17:29,180 --> 00:17:30,180 I don't know. 195 00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:31,440 I don't have any friends. 196 00:17:31,720 --> 00:17:32,860 Of course you do. 197 00:17:33,140 --> 00:17:36,240 You have lots of friends out there in Hollywood. Like Stan. 198 00:17:36,620 --> 00:17:37,840 You two were inseparable. 199 00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:39,420 He was my publicist. 200 00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:41,219 What about Jim? 201 00:17:41,220 --> 00:17:42,220 Agent. 202 00:17:42,820 --> 00:17:44,780 Richard and Doreen? Trainer. Psychic. 203 00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:48,020 They're still your friends. 204 00:17:48,300 --> 00:17:49,300 Were. 205 00:17:49,460 --> 00:17:51,220 We seem to have grown apart. 206 00:17:51,660 --> 00:17:53,160 You know, since I stopped. 207 00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:54,440 Paying them. 208 00:17:55,600 --> 00:17:56,720 I don't believe that. 209 00:17:58,100 --> 00:17:59,560 I'm not like you, Hope. 210 00:17:59,780 --> 00:18:03,240 You have real friends that want to hang out with you for no apparent reason. 211 00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:06,440 Thanks a lot. 212 00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:07,800 You know what I mean. 213 00:18:08,340 --> 00:18:11,880 You don't have to be rich or famous for people to like you. 214 00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:13,440 Neither do you. 215 00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:15,220 You just have to be yourself. 216 00:18:16,760 --> 00:18:17,760 That's so boring. 217 00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:19,980 Can I be a little fabulous? 218 00:18:22,340 --> 00:18:26,760 Trust me. With you, a little fabulous goes a long way. 219 00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:29,200 How about those waffles? 220 00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:32,740 Hey, you know what goes great with waffles? 221 00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:34,600 Margaritas. 222 00:18:36,140 --> 00:18:37,140 Or milk. 223 00:18:38,040 --> 00:18:39,040 Milk is good. 224 00:18:45,380 --> 00:18:47,900 Okay, everyone check your order. Make sure they got it right. 225 00:18:48,260 --> 00:18:50,960 I didn't get my whistle. 226 00:18:51,260 --> 00:18:52,280 I'm sick of eating out. 227 00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:56,060 I'm sorry. We have to until your mother finishes her community service. Excuse 228 00:18:56,060 --> 00:18:58,180 me. You forgot our fries. 229 00:19:02,820 --> 00:19:03,820 Fries! 230 00:19:07,660 --> 00:19:11,280 Next time, try to speak directly into the clown's mouth.