1
00:00:09,569 --> 00:00:11,720
- So, I guess that decides it.
- Yup.

2
00:00:11,730 --> 00:00:13,166
Hanging out at a coffee place

3
00:00:13,176 --> 00:00:15,908
is not nearly as much fun
as hanging out at a bar.

4
00:00:17,874 --> 00:00:19,332
Man, what's that?

5
00:00:19,651 --> 00:00:20,841
What?

6
00:00:20,986 --> 00:00:24,718
That cute coffee girl
wrote a heart by your name.

7
00:00:24,728 --> 00:00:27,282
Somebody has a crush on you.

8
00:00:27,292 --> 00:00:30,260
Somebody thinks you're me.

9
00:00:30,881 --> 00:00:32,906
Do you really
think she likes me?

10
00:00:33,042 --> 00:00:34,795
I mean, I guess
it's not that surprising.

11
00:00:34,808 --> 00:00:37,533
Every time I come in here,
I totally crack her up.

12
00:00:37,540 --> 00:00:39,543
Marshall, here's
your pumpkin latte.

13
00:00:39,555 --> 00:00:43,719
Wow. How did you fit a
pumpkin in this little cup?

14
00:00:45,160 --> 00:00:47,011
I'll have a pumpkin latte.

15
00:00:47,037 --> 00:00:49,471
How do they even fit a
pumpkin in those little cups?

16
00:00:49,485 --> 00:00:51,442
What? You got a shrink
ray back there?

17
00:00:52,275 --> 00:00:53,258
Yeah.

18
00:00:53,886 --> 00:00:56,307
Hey, remember that
time I said that thing

19
00:00:56,324 --> 00:00:59,179
about how do they fit a
pumpkin into that little cup?

20
00:00:59,192 --> 00:01:00,976
- Which time?
- The first time.

21
00:01:00,991 --> 00:01:03,935
Yeah. That was really funny.

22
00:01:04,092 --> 00:01:05,037
Right.

23
00:01:05,051 --> 00:01:06,976
All right, there's only two
reasons she'd laugh at that.

24
00:01:07,010 --> 00:01:09,415
One, it's the first
joke she's ever heard,

25
00:01:09,429 --> 00:01:12,355
or two, she likes you.
You should totally ask her out.

26
00:01:12,368 --> 00:01:12,964
You think?

27
00:01:12,978 --> 00:01:14,473
Yeah, that why you're not
back with Lily, right?

28
00:01:14,506 --> 00:01:16,953
So you can experience what
it's like to be single.

29
00:01:17,808 --> 00:01:19,433
Well, what if the heart
doesn't mean anything?

30
00:01:19,467 --> 00:01:21,442
What if she writes
it on all the cups?

31
00:01:21,456 --> 00:01:23,501
Mine says "Ted," no heart.

32
00:01:23,514 --> 00:01:26,530
Mine says... "Swarley."

33
00:01:27,393 --> 00:01:29,526
How'd they get
"Swarley" from "Barney"?

34
00:01:29,542 --> 00:01:30,626
It's not even a name.

35
00:01:30,643 --> 00:01:32,736
Who would ever be
called "Swarley"?

36
00:01:34,741 --> 00:01:37,674
Oh, please don't start
calling me "Swarley."

37
00:01:39,648 --> 00:01:42,094
This would never
happen at a bar!

38
00:01:43,989 --> 00:01:46,164
Man! What's up with Swarley?

39
00:01:46,176 --> 00:01:49,061
I know. You almost never see
old Swarlz get that upset.

40
00:01:50,422 --> 00:01:52,922
Sync by vNaru

41
00:02:05,044 --> 00:02:06,589
Hey, guess what?

42
00:02:06,605 --> 00:02:07,527
Oh, sorry.

43
00:02:07,541 --> 00:02:08,568
It's only my mom.

44
00:02:08,582 --> 00:02:10,715
She's just rambling
on like always.

45
00:02:11,211 --> 00:02:12,488
What happened?

46
00:02:12,500 --> 00:02:13,864
Marshall asked out a girl.

47
00:02:13,882 --> 00:02:14,886
Wow.

48
00:02:14,899 --> 00:02:16,884
Well, if anything,
that's Dad's fault.

49
00:02:16,898 --> 00:02:18,862
That'll keep her going a while.

50
00:02:18,880 --> 00:02:21,324
Oh, of course, you know,
he had a little help.

51
00:02:21,339 --> 00:02:22,414
Swarley hooked him up?

52
00:02:22,429 --> 00:02:23,514
Oh, good. You got my text.

53
00:02:23,529 --> 00:02:25,192
- Yeah.
- Oh. No, it was me.

54
00:02:25,208 --> 00:02:27,120
I gave Marshall
one of my secrets.

55
00:02:27,875 --> 00:02:29,922
- So, what she say?
- Nothing.

56
00:02:30,756 --> 00:02:33,609
I don't think she heard me.
It's pretty busy up there.

57
00:02:33,626 --> 00:02:35,410
What? You gave her
the look right?

58
00:02:35,425 --> 00:02:37,346
Head down, eyes looking up,

59
00:02:37,362 --> 00:02:39,487
hands in pockets, shoulders up,

60
00:02:39,503 --> 00:02:42,418
head slightly tilted,
conveying shy vulnerability.

61
00:02:43,059 --> 00:02:44,727
I think so.

62
00:02:50,688 --> 00:02:52,274
Look, can we just go?

63
00:02:52,759 --> 00:02:54,981
Pumpkin latte for Marshall.

64
00:02:56,146 --> 00:02:58,160
I didn't order that.

65
00:03:04,545 --> 00:03:06,877
Phone number.

66
00:03:07,814 --> 00:03:09,177
I love that look.

67
00:03:09,192 --> 00:03:11,897
I think I slept with you
because of that look.

68
00:03:11,910 --> 00:03:13,025
And it's fake?

69
00:03:13,039 --> 00:03:15,556
Oh, and you biting your lower lip,
shyly looking away

70
00:03:15,568 --> 00:03:18,094
and thrusting your
chest out is natural?

71
00:03:18,110 --> 00:03:19,774
Yeah, I hear you.

72
00:03:20,910 --> 00:03:22,483
- Hey!
- Hey, guys.

73
00:03:22,699 --> 00:03:24,503
Are you free tomorrow night?

74
00:03:24,518 --> 00:03:26,592
I was thinking of having
a wine tasting slash

75
00:03:26,605 --> 00:03:29,050
"help me catch the rat
in my apartment" party.

76
00:03:29,066 --> 00:03:31,751
That's a great idea.
You can put out cheese for both.

77
00:03:32,795 --> 00:03:34,639
I should invite
Marshall, right?

78
00:03:34,653 --> 00:03:35,978
It'd be weird if I didn't.

79
00:03:35,995 --> 00:03:38,048
Yeah, I don't think he can go.

80
00:03:38,071 --> 00:03:39,655
Really? Why not?

81
00:03:39,672 --> 00:03:41,996
Uh, okay, um...

82
00:03:42,050 --> 00:03:44,236
Lily, we have to
tell you something.

83
00:03:44,250 --> 00:03:46,114
Marshall has a date.

84
00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:49,532
Oh. Well... good for him.

85
00:03:49,548 --> 00:03:50,895
Really? You're okay with it?

86
00:03:50,909 --> 00:03:52,843
Look, we've been broken
up almost six months.

87
00:03:52,858 --> 00:03:55,082
I mean,
I'm not thrilled about the idea,

88
00:03:55,096 --> 00:03:58,240
but he has every right
to date someone else.

89
00:03:58,254 --> 00:04:00,202
That's very mature.

90
00:04:00,216 --> 00:04:01,868
Why are you holding the phone?

91
00:04:01,885 --> 00:04:03,588
Oh, shoot.

92
00:04:04,774 --> 00:04:07,439
That's hilarious, Mom.

93
00:04:07,452 --> 00:04:09,575
Didn't even notice.

94
00:04:11,113 --> 00:04:13,764
Hey, dude, by the way,
I really like that suit.

95
00:04:13,780 --> 00:04:15,964
Tell me about the fabric.
Is it foreign or something?

96
00:04:15,981 --> 00:04:18,903
Wow. It is foreign.
I'm impressed, Ted.

97
00:04:18,918 --> 00:04:20,362
- It's Moroccan, actually.
- Whoa.

98
00:04:20,380 --> 00:04:22,872
I got a call for Swarley.

99
00:04:22,886 --> 00:04:25,021
Is there a Swarley here?

100
00:04:25,037 --> 00:04:27,083
You weren't interested in
my suit at all, were you?

101
00:04:27,097 --> 00:04:29,249
- Hmm?
- Swarley!

102
00:04:30,586 --> 00:04:33,580
Yeah, I know he's there.
It's really important.

103
00:04:33,593 --> 00:04:35,089
Could you ask again?

104
00:04:35,102 --> 00:04:37,177
Important call for Swarley!

105
00:04:37,194 --> 00:04:39,646
Geez, can't you hear him, Swarley?
There's a call for you.

106
00:04:39,661 --> 00:04:42,147
Stop calling me that.

107
00:04:42,161 --> 00:04:44,695
Uh... Hey, I'd like you guys
to officially meet Chloe.

108
00:04:44,709 --> 00:04:45,696
- Hi.
- Hi.

109
00:04:45,708 --> 00:04:46,593
Hi.

110
00:04:46,609 --> 00:04:48,123
It's nice to meet you guys.

111
00:04:48,140 --> 00:04:50,443
- I'll be right back.
- It's right back there.

112
00:04:54,648 --> 00:04:57,109
Right? Right? She's hot!

113
00:04:57,125 --> 00:04:58,592
And she likes me?

114
00:04:58,605 --> 00:05:01,890
She likes Italian food.
I also like Italian food.

115
00:05:01,905 --> 00:05:05,318
She likes Billy Joel.
I also like... music.

116
00:05:05,332 --> 00:05:08,277
And I think we're
going to go out again.

117
00:05:08,292 --> 00:05:10,857
- Dude, you gotta ditch her.
- Obviously.

118
00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:12,246
Why?

119
00:05:12,259 --> 00:05:13,556
She's got the crazy eyes.

120
00:05:13,570 --> 00:05:15,514
Dude. The eyes.

121
00:05:15,530 --> 00:05:17,214
They're crazy.

122
00:05:17,231 --> 00:05:19,223
What are you guys talking about,
the crazy eyes?

123
00:05:19,239 --> 00:05:23,303
It's a well-documented condition
of the pupils, or pupi.

124
00:05:23,318 --> 00:05:24,581
No. Just pupils.

125
00:05:24,597 --> 00:05:28,061
It's an indicator of
future mental instability.

126
00:05:28,076 --> 00:05:30,820
She does not have
the crazy eyes.

127
00:05:30,836 --> 00:05:32,538
You just can't see it
because you're afflicted

128
00:05:32,574 --> 00:05:35,449
with "haven't been laid
in a while" blindness.

129
00:05:35,465 --> 00:05:37,318
She was too far away
in the coffee place,

130
00:05:37,333 --> 00:05:40,238
but when I saw her
up close just now...

131
00:05:40,251 --> 00:05:42,236
Hey, I'd like you guys to
officially meet Chloe.

132
00:05:42,249 --> 00:05:43,334
- Hi.
- Hi.

133
00:05:43,349 --> 00:05:44,295
Hi.

134
00:05:44,311 --> 00:05:46,073
It's nice to meet you guys.

135
00:05:51,476 --> 00:05:53,263
You guys,
I'm not going to stop dating Chloe

136
00:05:53,279 --> 00:05:55,750
just because you think
she has the crazy eyes.

137
00:05:55,765 --> 00:05:57,810
You can keep going out with her,
but you're gonna regret it.

138
00:05:57,846 --> 00:06:00,270
One time,
I met a girl at this very bar.

139
00:06:00,284 --> 00:06:03,359
I saw that she had
the crazy eyes...

140
00:06:05,265 --> 00:06:06,539
...but I ignored it.

141
00:06:06,552 --> 00:06:08,887
And then, sure enough.

142
00:06:09,553 --> 00:06:11,628
Barney, can I ask
you a question?

143
00:06:11,642 --> 00:06:13,097
Anything.

144
00:06:13,472 --> 00:06:16,133
Would you like to
have a threesome?

145
00:06:16,476 --> 00:06:17,791
Of course.

146
00:06:17,798 --> 00:06:20,552
Great. It'll be you,
me and Mr. Weasels.

147
00:06:22,793 --> 00:06:24,407
So, did you do it?

148
00:06:24,419 --> 00:06:26,910
No. It ended up
being just a twosome

149
00:06:26,924 --> 00:06:29,281
with the third one
watching from a chair.

150
00:06:29,715 --> 00:06:31,318
Which one were you?

151
00:06:32,146 --> 00:06:33,899
I'd rather not say.

152
00:06:34,212 --> 00:06:36,757
Look, there was a time I didn't
believe in the crazy eyes either,

153
00:06:36,793 --> 00:06:38,706
and then I met Jeanine.

154
00:06:38,773 --> 00:06:41,468
She had serious crazy eyes.

155
00:06:41,920 --> 00:06:45,355
I told myself I was
just imagining it, but then...

156
00:06:45,370 --> 00:06:47,133
So, should we go get a drink?

157
00:06:47,151 --> 00:06:49,553
As long as it's in
your apartment.

158
00:06:50,817 --> 00:06:51,873
Whoa, I'm sorry.

159
00:06:51,889 --> 00:06:56,790
Watch! Where! You're! Going!

160
00:06:58,686 --> 00:07:00,880
So, where do you live?

161
00:07:01,715 --> 00:07:04,520
You guys, Chloe is not
gonna do any of that stuff.

162
00:07:04,534 --> 00:07:06,328
She's a nice girl
from Nebraska.

163
00:07:06,343 --> 00:07:07,536
She's not crazy.

164
00:07:07,552 --> 00:07:09,706
She's... she's awesome.

165
00:07:09,723 --> 00:07:11,924
But you can't avoid
the crazy eyes forever.

166
00:07:11,939 --> 00:07:14,866
Sooner or later, the crazy
comes bubbling to the surface.

167
00:07:14,879 --> 00:07:15,664
Hello?

168
00:07:15,681 --> 00:07:17,304
Marshall, it's Chloe.

169
00:07:17,319 --> 00:07:19,915
Are you the one who's
called me like nine times?

170
00:07:19,927 --> 00:07:22,023
Yeah. Could you come get me?

171
00:07:22,037 --> 00:07:24,482
I'm in the middle
of taking a test.

172
00:07:24,496 --> 00:07:26,450
Please. I'm so scared.

173
00:07:26,697 --> 00:07:28,110
Well, what's going on?

174
00:07:28,124 --> 00:07:30,139
This weird midget guy
started following me

175
00:07:30,153 --> 00:07:31,331
and he was screaming at me

176
00:07:31,344 --> 00:07:33,570
and he had a limp and
a big hump on his back

177
00:07:33,585 --> 00:07:34,977
and the police
didn't believe me

178
00:07:34,994 --> 00:07:37,828
and I almost got trampled
by a horse and...

179
00:07:37,842 --> 00:07:40,718
God I must sound totally
crazy to you right now.

180
00:07:41,331 --> 00:07:43,685
No. Pfft.

181
00:07:43,701 --> 00:07:44,973
Not at all.

182
00:07:45,601 --> 00:07:47,322
So, she's needy crazy.

183
00:07:47,340 --> 00:07:49,114
That's one of the worst kinds.

184
00:07:49,128 --> 00:07:50,434
I've had one of those.

185
00:07:50,447 --> 00:07:52,132
Makes up stories
to get attention.

186
00:07:52,147 --> 00:07:55,333
Went out with her for three weeks--
her dad died twice.

187
00:07:55,346 --> 00:07:58,180
Guys, she was really
freaked out, okay?

188
00:07:58,196 --> 00:07:59,750
Maybe the story is true.

189
00:07:59,766 --> 00:08:02,497
What in the world would make
you believe that's a true story?

190
00:08:02,515 --> 00:08:05,040
She's really hot.

191
00:08:05,115 --> 00:08:07,359
They always are.

192
00:08:08,630 --> 00:08:10,267
- You all done with that, Ted?
- Yeah.

193
00:08:10,281 --> 00:08:12,976
Ned. I told you
to call him Ned.

194
00:08:13,131 --> 00:08:14,983
That's just sad.

195
00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:16,765
Sorry, Swarley.

196
00:08:18,020 --> 00:08:20,492
So, do just you
and Ted live here

197
00:08:20,507 --> 00:08:22,271
or does Swarley live here, too?

198
00:08:22,288 --> 00:08:25,211
Nah. Swarley has his own place.

199
00:08:28,575 --> 00:08:29,600
What was that?

200
00:08:29,616 --> 00:08:31,330
Oh, I, uh, dropped my keys.

201
00:08:33,493 --> 00:08:35,217
So, here you go.

202
00:08:35,231 --> 00:08:37,667
Two pumpkin beers.

203
00:08:37,823 --> 00:08:40,537
I was joking.
They're regular beers.

204
00:08:43,391 --> 00:08:45,055
What is that?

205
00:08:51,958 --> 00:08:53,843
This picture is broken.

206
00:08:53,855 --> 00:08:56,749
Oh. That's too bad.

207
00:08:56,765 --> 00:08:58,571
Is that Lily?

208
00:08:58,587 --> 00:09:00,868
Is that the girl you
were going to marry?

209
00:09:00,886 --> 00:09:03,038
Yeah. Is that what
that sound was?

210
00:09:03,054 --> 00:09:05,276
Did you just smash this?

211
00:09:05,294 --> 00:09:06,577
No.

212
00:09:06,592 --> 00:09:08,865
Why would I do that?

213
00:09:09,882 --> 00:09:12,205
Let me look into your eyes.

214
00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:14,375
Okay.

215
00:09:17,348 --> 00:09:19,944
I had a really
nice time tonight.

216
00:09:19,959 --> 00:09:22,234
Yeah, me, too. Stop blinking.

217
00:09:22,566 --> 00:09:26,009
I like your eyes a lot, too.

218
00:09:28,017 --> 00:09:29,281
Stop!

219
00:09:32,844 --> 00:09:35,529
Hi. I'm Lily.

220
00:09:39,384 --> 00:09:41,328
Stop!

221
00:09:41,343 --> 00:09:43,430
Now, kids,
I know Lily hiding in the apartment

222
00:09:43,446 --> 00:09:46,729
while Marshall was on a date with
another girl seems pretty crazy,

223
00:09:46,745 --> 00:09:49,087
but when you hear her
side of the story,

224
00:09:49,103 --> 00:09:51,155
well, it's still pretty crazy.

225
00:09:51,832 --> 00:09:53,386
What's up Swarlz?

226
00:09:53,401 --> 00:09:55,606
No. Okay? No. No more.

227
00:09:55,619 --> 00:09:57,675
I will not let this
become a thing. It's over.

228
00:09:57,691 --> 00:09:59,652
No more Swarley. No Swarlz.

229
00:09:59,667 --> 00:10:02,142
No more Swar-lay.

230
00:10:02,160 --> 00:10:05,121
No more Swar...
wait for it... ley.

231
00:10:05,139 --> 00:10:07,711
No more Bob Swarley, mon.

232
00:10:07,726 --> 00:10:10,669
No more. No! It's over.

233
00:10:10,686 --> 00:10:12,258
Do you understand?

234
00:10:12,275 --> 00:10:13,098
- Yes.
- Yes.

235
00:10:13,116 --> 00:10:14,608
Thank you.

236
00:10:17,334 --> 00:10:18,197
Nice.

237
00:10:18,214 --> 00:10:20,387
- Why didn't you call me?
- Was I supposed to call you?

238
00:10:20,401 --> 00:10:23,656
Yes, about the whole Marshall-
dating-another-girl thing.

239
00:10:23,670 --> 00:10:24,786
You said you were fine with it.

240
00:10:24,819 --> 00:10:27,815
Yeah, in front of Ted,
but then I shot you a look.

241
00:10:27,829 --> 00:10:30,162
- What look?
- This.

242
00:10:31,999 --> 00:10:33,704
That doesn't seem like a look.

243
00:10:33,717 --> 00:10:36,292
Yes it is. It means,
"I'm upset call me later."

244
00:10:36,308 --> 00:10:38,572
You should have pulled me aside
and told me what the look meant.

245
00:10:38,604 --> 00:10:40,451
If I pulled you aside,
I wouldn't need the look.

246
00:10:40,487 --> 00:10:41,711
Well, maybe if it was a
more distinctive look...

247
00:10:41,743 --> 00:10:43,580
Okay, the look isn't important.

248
00:10:43,594 --> 00:10:46,657
What's important is that
I can't stand the idea

249
00:10:46,675 --> 00:10:48,406
of Marshall dating
another woman.

250
00:10:48,421 --> 00:10:50,885
I mean, what if
he falls in love with her?

251
00:10:50,901 --> 00:10:52,675
Well, if it makes
you feel any better,

252
00:10:52,690 --> 00:10:55,234
Ted says she has
the crazy eyes.

253
00:10:55,251 --> 00:10:55,964
What's that?

254
00:10:55,980 --> 00:10:58,356
Apparently, a thing women
have that guys can see

255
00:10:58,370 --> 00:11:00,244
and it tells them that
the girl's crazy.

256
00:11:00,259 --> 00:11:02,931
Oh, kind of like how you
never want to date a guy

257
00:11:02,949 --> 00:11:04,302
with perfect fingernails?

258
00:11:04,317 --> 00:11:06,182
Jerk nails. Exactly.

259
00:11:06,198 --> 00:11:09,512
Well, did-did Ted say
whether she was good-looking?

260
00:11:09,524 --> 00:11:11,089
I mean,
'cause if I knew she was ugly,

261
00:11:11,103 --> 00:11:13,199
then maybe I wouldn't
be so freaked out.

262
00:11:13,214 --> 00:11:15,467
Uh, he didn't say,
but you can find out.

263
00:11:15,482 --> 00:11:18,986
I think her name is Chloe--
she works at Cosa Coffee on 78th.

264
00:11:19,004 --> 00:11:22,416
Phone call for Swarles Barkley?

265
00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:25,976
Hey, Ted. No, he's not here.

266
00:11:25,989 --> 00:11:28,204
Good one, though--
remember that one.

267
00:11:33,817 --> 00:11:35,792
Is, um, Chloe here?

268
00:11:35,805 --> 00:11:38,021
She just left.
You can probably still catch her.

269
00:11:38,034 --> 00:11:40,811
She's easy to spot--
she's got a pink umbrella.

270
00:11:40,824 --> 00:11:42,469
Oh, thanks, Brian.

271
00:11:42,484 --> 00:11:44,120
My name is Scott.

272
00:11:44,133 --> 00:11:45,899
Your tag says Brian.

273
00:11:45,913 --> 00:11:47,397
I know. Funny story.

274
00:11:47,411 --> 00:11:48,829
So, I wake up this
morning, and...

275
00:11:48,844 --> 00:11:50,835
Yeah, see you later, Brian.

276
00:12:00,298 --> 00:12:01,864
There she is.

277
00:12:01,878 --> 00:12:03,794
She doesn't look that great.

278
00:12:03,808 --> 00:12:06,183
She's not fat,
but that doesn't mean anything.

279
00:12:06,195 --> 00:12:08,691
I know tons of skinny,
ugly women.

280
00:12:08,704 --> 00:12:11,341
That's right,
snotty girl in my yoga class,

281
00:12:11,353 --> 00:12:13,598
I'm talking to you.

282
00:12:13,615 --> 00:12:17,209
Come on, Chloe, turn around.

283
00:12:17,554 --> 00:12:19,998
Here we go. Turn around, Chloe.

284
00:12:20,012 --> 00:12:23,737
Come on,
show me that hideous face.

285
00:12:23,782 --> 00:12:25,624
Damn it!

286
00:12:25,690 --> 00:12:28,096
Ooh, I know,
I'll get ahead of her,

287
00:12:28,108 --> 00:12:30,525
then I'll cut back so I... Aah!

288
00:12:30,540 --> 00:12:33,231
Oh, my God, that hurts!

289
00:12:33,477 --> 00:12:36,380
Turn around! Come on!

290
00:12:36,397 --> 00:12:38,290
Just turn around!

291
00:12:38,307 --> 00:12:40,681
Okay, this is ridiculous.

292
00:12:40,696 --> 00:12:42,431
Hey!

293
00:12:45,004 --> 00:12:47,667
Turn around!
What's the matter with you?

294
00:12:47,681 --> 00:12:49,757
Hey, you!

295
00:12:51,203 --> 00:12:53,107
Turn around!

296
00:12:54,660 --> 00:12:57,304
Turn around, Chloe!

297
00:13:03,119 --> 00:13:05,650
She's hot? I'm so sorry.

298
00:13:05,667 --> 00:13:07,040
No, it's fine.

299
00:13:07,058 --> 00:13:08,850
I-It just makes things easier.

300
00:13:08,864 --> 00:13:10,528
Now that I know she's a threat,

301
00:13:10,546 --> 00:13:13,598
all I have to do is keep Marshall
from ever seeing her again.

302
00:13:13,615 --> 00:13:15,899
Okay, I have two plans--
you can help me choose.

303
00:13:15,912 --> 00:13:17,069
Plan A--

304
00:13:17,084 --> 00:13:19,888
remember that time Marshall
and I had sex in the bathroom?

305
00:13:19,903 --> 00:13:21,866
Oops, I got knocked up.

306
00:13:21,882 --> 00:13:24,005
- Lily.
- Okay, plan B

307
00:13:24,021 --> 00:13:26,325
is called "Chloe's Accident."

308
00:13:26,341 --> 00:13:27,815
- Just stop.
- What?

309
00:13:27,831 --> 00:13:30,132
Lily, you can't do
any of those things.

310
00:13:30,148 --> 00:13:31,903
If you two are ever
gonna get back together,

311
00:13:31,907 --> 00:13:34,763
you have to let him work
out whatever this is.

312
00:13:34,778 --> 00:13:37,133
I know. You're right.

313
00:13:37,148 --> 00:13:39,329
Now, come on,
Ted asked us to be upstairs at 6:00.

314
00:13:39,345 --> 00:13:41,358
Some surprise for Barney.

315
00:13:41,376 --> 00:13:43,358
- Barney?
- Uh, Swarley.

316
00:13:44,652 --> 00:13:46,989
- Hey, guys.
- Hey.

317
00:13:47,004 --> 00:13:48,357
Where's Marshall?

318
00:13:48,373 --> 00:13:49,745
Oh, he's getting a haircut.

319
00:13:49,761 --> 00:13:51,956
Oh. For his date.

320
00:13:51,972 --> 00:13:53,516
Good for him.

321
00:13:53,529 --> 00:13:55,393
Hope he has a good
time tonight.

322
00:13:55,408 --> 00:13:57,275
Relax, you've got
nothing to worry about.

323
00:13:57,290 --> 00:13:58,723
The girl's crazy.

324
00:13:58,739 --> 00:14:00,275
Thanks!

325
00:14:00,287 --> 00:14:02,713
He'll just have wild monkey
sex with her five times, max,

326
00:14:02,729 --> 00:14:04,131
and be done with her.

327
00:14:04,146 --> 00:14:05,723
Thanks again.

328
00:14:07,587 --> 00:14:08,931
What are you doing?

329
00:14:08,945 --> 00:14:12,141
I just wanted to listen to
a little music, that's all.

330
00:14:12,156 --> 00:14:14,708
And this next one's
going out to Swarley.

331
00:14:14,723 --> 00:14:16,606
All your friends know
you miss Barney,

332
00:14:16,621 --> 00:14:19,168
but he's gone,
and you got to accept that, baby.

333
00:14:19,222 --> 00:14:22,054
And, Swarley, you're gonna be
a better woman for it.

334
00:14:22,070 --> 00:14:25,145
Here's "I Am Woman"
by Helen Reddy.

335
00:14:25,161 --> 00:14:28,942
Ha-ha! Now I'm a woman.
I love it!

336
00:14:28,959 --> 00:14:31,743
You know, I was thinking about this
whole new name thing last night,

337
00:14:31,757 --> 00:14:33,961
and you know what I realized?
I like it.

338
00:14:33,976 --> 00:14:35,683
You like being called Swarley?

339
00:14:35,696 --> 00:14:37,530
Are you kidding?
I want you to call me that.

340
00:14:37,547 --> 00:14:38,821
Do you really think
this is gonna work?

341
00:14:38,855 --> 00:14:41,249
Do I think what's gonna work?
I'm just saying, I love my new name,

342
00:14:41,284 --> 00:14:44,588
so please only call
me that from now on.

343
00:14:45,034 --> 00:14:46,877
Call you what?

344
00:14:47,053 --> 00:14:51,267
You know, that-that-that new name
that you've been calling me.

345
00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:52,634
Say it.

346
00:14:52,650 --> 00:14:54,494
Why? You guys know what it is.

347
00:14:54,509 --> 00:14:56,185
Say the name.

348
00:14:57,101 --> 00:14:59,714
No, I don't want to! I hate it!

349
00:14:59,730 --> 00:15:02,194
I hate it! It's not funny!

350
00:15:02,206 --> 00:15:04,643
It's never been funny!
I've never done any...

351
00:15:04,657 --> 00:15:06,180
No!

352
00:15:06,835 --> 00:15:08,930
Man, he is really gonna lose it

353
00:15:08,945 --> 00:15:11,911
when all the magazine
subscriptions start coming in.

354
00:15:11,975 --> 00:15:14,518
I signed him up for
People in Espanol,

355
00:15:14,534 --> 00:15:17,316
but I addressed it to Swarlos.

356
00:15:17,334 --> 00:15:20,957
Hey, where's the picture of
Marshall and me at the pier?

357
00:15:20,973 --> 00:15:23,065
Didn't it used to
be by that window?

358
00:15:23,081 --> 00:15:26,576
Oh, yeah, he, uh,
he sort of took it down when you left.

359
00:15:26,588 --> 00:15:28,324
Put it behind some books,
I think.

360
00:15:28,339 --> 00:15:30,655
Oh, well-well,
maybe I should put it back up.

361
00:15:30,667 --> 00:15:32,712
Why, so Chloe'll see
it and get scared off?

362
00:15:32,729 --> 00:15:33,823
No.

363
00:15:33,835 --> 00:15:36,433
So Marshall'll see
it and feel guilty.

364
00:15:37,424 --> 00:15:39,379
Yeah, okay.

365
00:15:39,524 --> 00:15:41,558
But she wasn't okay.

366
00:15:41,576 --> 00:15:44,290
Later that night,
while Marshall was on his date,

367
00:15:44,304 --> 00:15:46,489
Lily came back.

368
00:16:03,169 --> 00:16:05,020
...anymore.

369
00:16:05,037 --> 00:16:06,729
Pretty impressive, huh?

370
00:16:06,744 --> 00:16:10,760
Wow, you really did memorize all the
lyrics to "We Didn't Start the Fire."

371
00:16:11,125 --> 00:16:12,929
Can I, uh,
can I get you a drink?

372
00:16:12,945 --> 00:16:14,357
I'd love a beer.

373
00:16:14,375 --> 00:16:16,068
You got it.

374
00:16:18,662 --> 00:16:21,265
Lily did what any
sensible woman would do.

375
00:16:21,281 --> 00:16:23,614
She hid under the desk.

376
00:16:24,092 --> 00:16:26,415
And she stayed there,
listening to her ex-fiance

377
00:16:26,430 --> 00:16:28,635
on a date with another woman.

378
00:16:28,789 --> 00:16:31,263
I had a really
nice time tonight.

379
00:16:31,279 --> 00:16:33,312
Yeah, me, too. Stop blinking.

380
00:16:33,329 --> 00:16:36,010
I like your eyes a lot, too.

381
00:16:36,026 --> 00:16:38,689
Finally, much like Billy Joel,

382
00:16:38,705 --> 00:16:40,400
she couldn't take it anymore.

383
00:16:40,413 --> 00:16:42,221
Stop!

384
00:16:44,442 --> 00:16:47,156
Hi. I'm Lily.

385
00:16:49,293 --> 00:16:51,827
Lily... Lily,
what the hell are you doing?

386
00:16:51,842 --> 00:16:55,154
I don't know. I...
I don't know... what I'm doing.

387
00:16:55,168 --> 00:16:58,515
Oh, pumpkin beer--
that was a good one.

388
00:16:58,550 --> 00:17:01,924
I'm just... I'm gonna go.
I... I'm so sorry.

389
00:17:01,939 --> 00:17:04,963
En-Enjoy the rest of your date.

390
00:17:09,524 --> 00:17:11,940
She seems nice.

391
00:17:23,260 --> 00:17:26,443
- Lilly, what the hell...
- I'm sorry.

392
00:17:26,461 --> 00:17:28,595
I only snuck up
there because...

393
00:17:28,608 --> 00:17:31,331
when I saw how cute she was yesterday,
I freaked out.

394
00:17:31,347 --> 00:17:33,693
Lily, you saw her yesterday?

395
00:17:33,878 --> 00:17:37,919
Yeah, I...
kind of chased her down the street.

396
00:17:40,933 --> 00:17:44,279
Wait, so you were the
hunchback with the limp?

397
00:17:44,292 --> 00:17:45,819
Yeah.

398
00:17:45,831 --> 00:17:49,226
And she didn't break the picture,
I did.

399
00:17:51,621 --> 00:17:54,663
So Chloe's not crazy, she's...

400
00:17:54,991 --> 00:17:58,333
just a nice, normal girl.

401
00:17:58,647 --> 00:18:01,213
Yeah, she is.

402
00:18:01,976 --> 00:18:05,421
And you deserve a nice,
normal girl.

403
00:18:06,045 --> 00:18:08,609
So, why don't you
just go back up there

404
00:18:08,624 --> 00:18:11,270
and-and finish your date.

405
00:18:12,992 --> 00:18:14,830
Yeah.

406
00:18:15,162 --> 00:18:16,289
Okay.

407
00:18:16,392 --> 00:18:18,196
Okay.

408
00:18:20,551 --> 00:18:24,095
Wait, if you were the hunchback,
then why did she think you were a guy?

409
00:18:25,529 --> 00:18:29,823
I-I might have used a voice
that sounded like this.

410
00:18:30,429 --> 00:18:31,902
- Why?
- Because I didn't want

411
00:18:31,918 --> 00:18:35,102
her to know it was me, which
I now realize doesn't make sense,

412
00:18:35,117 --> 00:18:37,670
because she hadn't even met me.

413
00:18:37,886 --> 00:18:40,000
You're crazy.

414
00:18:41,555 --> 00:18:47,895
You have... crazier eyes than
anybody that I have ever met.

415
00:18:49,390 --> 00:18:50,944
Shouldn't you be
going back up...

416
00:18:50,959 --> 00:18:52,985
I mean,
you're out of your mind.

417
00:18:53,001 --> 00:18:57,224
You're... just
absolutely insane.

418
00:18:59,679 --> 00:19:03,551
Shouldn't you be
going back upstairs?

419
00:19:06,914 --> 00:19:09,670
I've missed you so much.

420
00:19:16,632 --> 00:19:18,807
Okay, I ran it by the group,

421
00:19:18,821 --> 00:19:20,235
and we decided we're
gonna give you a choice.

422
00:19:20,271 --> 00:19:22,787
We will agree to stop
calling you Swarley,

423
00:19:22,801 --> 00:19:26,303
but instead,
we'll call you Jennifer.

424
00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:29,412
Well?

425
00:19:29,427 --> 00:19:31,231
I'm thinking.

426
00:19:32,348 --> 00:19:35,639
How about this?
On Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays...

427
00:19:35,656 --> 00:19:37,370
Hey.

428
00:19:37,385 --> 00:19:38,999
Look at this.

429
00:19:39,016 --> 00:19:40,941
So right there,
in the exact same place

430
00:19:40,953 --> 00:19:44,118
that six months earlier I had
walked up and found Marshall alone,

431
00:19:44,135 --> 00:19:47,866
crying over his breakup with Lily,
I found him again.

432
00:19:47,883 --> 00:19:50,196
Only this time he wasn't alone,

433
00:19:50,210 --> 00:19:52,035
and he was happy.

434
00:19:52,051 --> 00:19:55,283
So we went to the bar to celebrate,
and it was great.

435
00:19:55,300 --> 00:19:58,164
I was with Robin,
Marshall and Lily were back together,

436
00:19:58,178 --> 00:20:00,101
and Barney had a cool new name.

437
00:20:00,117 --> 00:20:02,470
All was right with the world...

438
00:20:02,485 --> 00:20:04,613
until we got back
to the apartment.

439
00:20:04,628 --> 00:20:06,750
Oh, my God.

440
00:20:07,036 --> 00:20:08,770
Hey, Chloe, I...

441
00:20:08,785 --> 00:20:10,710
guess I forgot I
left you up here.

442
00:20:10,724 --> 00:20:14,406
I was gonna leave,
but I can't find my keys.

443
00:20:15,504 --> 00:20:18,385
They're right there
on the coffee table.

444
00:20:20,101 --> 00:20:21,806
Silly me.

445
00:20:21,820 --> 00:20:24,794
I must have looked
everywhere else.

446
00:20:27,658 --> 00:20:30,812
Well... I'm just gonna go.

447
00:20:31,386 --> 00:20:33,860
Oh, I don't think we've met.
I'm Chloe.

448
00:20:33,877 --> 00:20:34,871
Robin.

449
00:20:34,885 --> 00:20:37,209
It's nice to meet you, Roland.

450
00:20:37,356 --> 00:20:39,431
I'll see you guys later.

451
00:20:42,163 --> 00:20:44,079
Roland?

452
00:20:44,793 --> 00:20:47,088
Your name's Roland.

453
00:20:47,610 --> 00:20:50,086
That's funny, right?

454
00:20:50,103 --> 00:20:52,366
Rock and Roland.

455
00:20:52,379 --> 00:20:56,094
Warsaw is the capital
of what? Roland.

456
00:20:56,527 --> 00:20:59,382
You're Monica Roland-ski.

457
00:21:00,677 --> 00:21:05,100
Hey, yeah,
that's just how I Roland.

458
00:21:05,407 --> 00:21:07,371
- Nice try, Swarley.
- Damn it.

459
00:21:15,811 --> 00:21:18,715
Swarley!

460
00:21:18,761 --> 00:21:21,034
♪ Sometimes you want to go ♪

461
00:21:21,051 --> 00:21:25,794
♪ Where everybody ♪
♪ knows your name ♪

462
00:21:26,110 --> 00:21:28,984
♪ And they're always ♪
♪ glad you came... ♪