1 00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:49,040 THE WORLD CAN'T TEAR ME DOWN 2 00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:05,320 NO INVASION NO ETHNIC REPLACEMENT 3 00:01:10,640 --> 00:01:11,640 POLICE 4 00:01:28,920 --> 00:01:30,760 POLICE STATION 5 00:01:56,520 --> 00:01:58,000 Wait here. 6 00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:07,240 Let me start at the beginning, otherwise everyone will be confused. 7 00:02:07,840 --> 00:02:09,000 It was Wednesday morning. 8 00:02:09,080 --> 00:02:11,520 I remember that Secco was pressing me with a question, 9 00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:13,440 and I was struggling to answer. 10 00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:14,760 Which would you choose? 11 00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:17,400 I don't know. I need my fingers to work. 12 00:02:17,480 --> 00:02:20,440 - You have to choose. - God, you're such a pain! 13 00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:24,320 Wait! Maybe we need to go back further, from why we were meeting up that day. 14 00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:28,000 We were gonna talk about important stuff. 15 00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:31,400 I don't remember what exactly, but it's easy to figure it out. 16 00:02:31,480 --> 00:02:33,640 On my way there, I already had a conceptual plan 17 00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:35,280 of what we might say to each other. 18 00:02:35,360 --> 00:02:38,840 Remember, you are white, cis, heterosexual males born in the '80s, 19 00:02:38,920 --> 00:02:40,360 so you absolutely can't talk about 20 00:02:40,440 --> 00:02:44,240 feelings, positive emotions, being fragile, doubts, vegetables, jams, 21 00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:47,880 pets, legumes, unless it's related to flatulence... 22 00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:48,800 Feel free to release. 23 00:02:48,880 --> 00:02:51,760 Umbrellas, scissors, nail clippers, or silk scissors. 24 00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:55,640 Work is fine. But with Secco, it's like talking to a dog in the desert. 25 00:02:55,720 --> 00:02:57,560 What common ground could there possibly be? 26 00:02:58,520 --> 00:03:01,520 So, as conversation starters, you're left with gossip and fights. 27 00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:02,840 Which, lucky for you, 28 00:03:02,920 --> 00:03:05,200 those are the only two things in life 29 00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:07,520 that Secco thinks are worth leaving the house for 30 00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:09,600 to discuss with other human beings. 31 00:03:13,240 --> 00:03:16,000 Mind you, Secco's vision of the world isn't run-of-the-mill. 32 00:03:16,080 --> 00:03:19,480 It makes an unexpected connection between Bridgerton, 33 00:03:19,560 --> 00:03:24,000 with the whole English court discussing Lady Whistledown's juicy articles... 34 00:03:26,280 --> 00:03:29,640 and the classic hooligan mentality of Anglo-Saxon tradition. 35 00:03:29,720 --> 00:03:33,000 Lady Marian smashed a bottle in the duke's face outside the stadium. 36 00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:38,960 The Queen is here! Now let's drink beer! 37 00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:44,120 I'm happy he wants to discuss these things in person, 38 00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:48,320 because, objectively, these issues shouldn't be talked about on the phone. 39 00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:51,040 It's delicate stuff, sometimes even criminally significant. 40 00:03:51,120 --> 00:03:54,760 If you remember, Berlusconi always said this country is full of wiretaps. 41 00:03:54,840 --> 00:03:58,200 And I'm terrified that one day, my conversations will come out. 42 00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:00,680 Not for me, but because the controversial topics 43 00:04:00,760 --> 00:04:03,360 could put the people I love in danger. 44 00:04:03,440 --> 00:04:06,760 EXCLUSIVE WIRETAPS FROM CARTOONIST: "I SWEAR, HE FUCKS DOGS!" 45 00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:07,880 I'd have to kill myself. 46 00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:10,680 That's why I always have a cyanide capsule in my cheeks, 47 00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:12,480 like a squirrel with acorns. 48 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:18,280 SORRY, PARENT 1 IT'S THE BAD INFLUENCES 49 00:04:18,360 --> 00:04:21,880 I don't know. We might have talked about when Enrichetto beat Federicone... 50 00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:24,920 Look, I'd have to check the dates in my fight diary. 51 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:26,520 But we sorted it out quickly 52 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:28,040 because with social media, 53 00:04:28,120 --> 00:04:31,120 this has become the city of promised slaps that never materialize. 54 00:04:36,120 --> 00:04:37,920 It took us ten minutes to wrap it up, 55 00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:40,160 then we moved on to philosophical speculations. 56 00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:44,160 They may be idle, but they're still of a high standard. 57 00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:47,520 Come on, choose. Would you rather have a finger for a dick 58 00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:49,680 or five dicks instead of fingers? 59 00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:51,920 I don't know. It depends if I need to work. 60 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:54,440 Everything is the same as now. You have the same job, 61 00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:56,600 but either a finger-dick or a dick-hand. 62 00:04:58,080 --> 00:05:00,080 Left or right hand? 63 00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:02,560 You're overthinking it. I can't do this with you. 64 00:05:02,640 --> 00:05:04,080 Wanna get an ice cream? 65 00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:07,400 I need to go home. This afternoon I have a work thing. Maybe... 66 00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:10,240 - Wanna get an ice cream? - Let me go home and take a shower. 67 00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:12,440 - Wanna get an ice cream? - The same tone. 68 00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:15,960 It's like he's recorded this phrase and just keeps pressing "play." 69 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:18,640 Wanna get an ice cream? 70 00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:20,720 It's like talking to a rubber wall. 71 00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:24,200 Like hitting quicksand with a pickaxe. Forget it. It's not worth it. 72 00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:27,680 Let's go get this ice cream. 73 00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:49,760 CLOSE THE MIGRANT SHELTER 74 00:05:49,840 --> 00:05:52,760 NO INVASION NO ETHNIC REPLACEMENT 75 00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:06,600 I don't know exactly what time it was, 76 00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:09,880 but that was the first time I'd seen those shitty posters. 77 00:06:11,800 --> 00:06:15,280 God, I'm so tired of this bullshit. 78 00:06:15,360 --> 00:06:17,840 - What? - The shelter, over here. 79 00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:20,840 - No idea what you're talking about. - The posters you ripped down! 80 00:06:20,920 --> 00:06:22,480 I like ripping things. 81 00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:24,960 So, it's like this. 82 00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:28,440 Imagine a package arrived a month ago that no one wanted to sign for. 83 00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:31,080 It was in the way, no delivery note. 84 00:06:31,160 --> 00:06:33,040 So, they took it all round the houses, 85 00:06:33,120 --> 00:06:37,200 and it ended up in a neighborhood that we'll call "Dicksville." 86 00:06:38,240 --> 00:06:39,160 DICKSVILLE 87 00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:40,720 Much like every time, 88 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:44,120 the Nazis quickly showed up and started winding people up. 89 00:06:44,800 --> 00:06:46,960 Are we supposed to sign for this package? 90 00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:50,120 With all the shit we have going on, we have to deal with this too? 91 00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:53,760 There's always someone who's pissed off here. 92 00:06:53,840 --> 00:06:57,080 They get poked and prodded, until a pogrom happens. 93 00:06:57,160 --> 00:06:59,440 It's not so out of this world. 94 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:02,000 Guys, we gotta choose. We either eat fish in Ostia, 95 00:07:02,080 --> 00:07:05,000 or we gather with clubs like at Frankenstein's castle. 96 00:07:05,080 --> 00:07:07,000 We can't do both. It's already 6 p.m. 97 00:07:07,080 --> 00:07:09,360 By then, things in Dicksville had gotten messy. 98 00:07:09,440 --> 00:07:12,960 The Nazis wanted to burn the package, the cops were in the middle, 99 00:07:13,040 --> 00:07:16,840 and some of our friends were quietly disagreeing with the Nazis. 100 00:07:16,920 --> 00:07:19,040 It really was an unmanageable situation. 101 00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:20,320 So, someone said... 102 00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:21,520 Okay, we get it. 103 00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:24,400 This package is scrap. We'll move it somewhere else. 104 00:07:24,480 --> 00:07:26,320 And they brought it to our neighborhood. 105 00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:31,040 So, that was an extremely simplified diagram 106 00:07:31,120 --> 00:07:32,720 to explain the dynamics. 107 00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:36,520 But the package is actually 35 people. Men, women, and children 108 00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:38,800 who arrived from Libya a month ago. 109 00:07:38,880 --> 00:07:42,160 It's hard to even imagine we're talking about human beings. 110 00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:44,440 You don't see them or know shit about them. 111 00:07:44,520 --> 00:07:46,600 Just that they've been thrown into a shelter 112 00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:48,880 behind the school, near the house of the guy 113 00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:51,520 who cut his mother-in-law's chihuahua's head off, 114 00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:53,160 a kilometer and a half from here. 115 00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:55,840 For the past three days, these shitty posters 116 00:07:55,920 --> 00:07:57,560 have been popping up here too. 117 00:07:58,160 --> 00:07:59,520 Should we go fight them? 118 00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:02,160 Fight them? You're obsessed with fights. 119 00:08:02,240 --> 00:08:04,160 You sound like my mom this morning. 120 00:08:04,240 --> 00:08:08,080 Have you seen all those Nazi posters near the bakery? 121 00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:11,640 Please don't fight them. You can't go to jail. 122 00:08:11,720 --> 00:08:13,640 You have sensitive adenoids. 123 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:15,880 My mom has an anxiety problem. 124 00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:18,360 Nothing to do with jail. A lot to do with adenoids. 125 00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:22,320 Don't go barefoot. Put your slippers on. Otherwise, you'll get a sore throat. 126 00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:23,560 Mind your adenoids! 127 00:08:23,640 --> 00:08:25,400 Mom, I'm going to Syria! 128 00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:28,640 If ISIS kidnaps you, tell them about your adenoids 129 00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:30,560 so they give you some woolly socks. 130 00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:32,880 Anyway, the adenoids are a lost battle, 131 00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:35,280 so I focused on the issue of jail. 132 00:08:35,360 --> 00:08:38,560 Mom, please! Look, one, these guys aren't coming. 133 00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:42,400 They made all this noise in Dicksville because they have a little following, 134 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:43,840 but there are no Nazis here. 135 00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:45,920 And two, I'm not getting arrested! 136 00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:49,520 I made a series for Netflix. I can do as I fucking like now! 137 00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:53,240 Whatever, you're too sure of yourself. Remember Daedalus's son, 138 00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:54,680 what's his name, Icarus. 139 00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:56,920 He was obsessed with flying higher and higher, 140 00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:59,720 but never wore a scarf to protect his throat, and look what happened. 141 00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:01,760 ICARUS TAKEN FROM US BY BAD BRONCHITIS 142 00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:05,480 And think about your friends in Dicksville who are still in jail. 143 00:09:05,560 --> 00:09:07,160 Mom, I dare them to try! 144 00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:09,840 In my line of work, jail sells like hotcakes. 145 00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:13,080 Think about all those gangster things that talk about prison, 146 00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:14,840 like Tupac or Gramsci. 147 00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:17,080 Gramsci bought himself a house. 148 00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:18,280 MIXTAPE FROM PRISON 149 00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:20,720 I hate indifferent peeps I'll knock out their teeth 150 00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:23,320 Damn you, Benito Got me put in prison 151 00:09:23,400 --> 00:09:25,960 Tony Gramsci won't stay quiet! 152 00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:29,840 I swear, I don't understand how you're such an ass. 153 00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:31,840 My mom is ancient. She doesn't get it. 154 00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:33,880 Anyway, we went to get that ice cream. 155 00:09:35,280 --> 00:09:37,920 So, your intentions were already set? 156 00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:40,360 Going to get ice cream. 157 00:09:40,440 --> 00:09:43,920 Yes, but apart from the circumstances, what was your state of mind? 158 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:47,160 I was pissed because they said they didn't have any dark chocolate, 159 00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:48,720 but I knew it was coming out. 160 00:09:49,760 --> 00:09:51,560 Do you understand what he's saying? 161 00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:53,960 Could you please articulate your words better? 162 00:09:54,040 --> 00:09:56,320 If I articulate more, I get nosebleeds. 163 00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:59,040 Munchausen nosebleed! He says it's the scientific name. 164 00:09:59,120 --> 00:10:01,560 The poor man behind the counter! 165 00:10:02,080 --> 00:10:03,320 Can I have dark chocolate? 166 00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:06,040 Sorry, we don't have dark chocolate, just normal chocolate. 167 00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:07,680 No, I only eat dark chocolate. 168 00:10:07,760 --> 00:10:10,120 Normal chocolate gives me nosebleeds. 169 00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:11,920 He says that about everything. 170 00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:14,320 I have to sit in the front or I get nosebleeds. 171 00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:17,200 I have to choose the film or I get nosebleeds. 172 00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:19,600 I have to eat the last one or I get nosebleeds. 173 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:21,960 No one knows what to say to him. 174 00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:23,160 He just confuses you. 175 00:10:23,720 --> 00:10:26,440 - I understand, but we've run out... - Now we move to... 176 00:10:26,520 --> 00:10:28,200 They're talking about Dicksville! 177 00:10:28,280 --> 00:10:32,360 The investigating judge had a meeting in prison today with the 11 people 178 00:10:32,440 --> 00:10:34,480 arrested for the events in Dicksville. 179 00:10:34,560 --> 00:10:36,680 We'll talk about that after seeing this footage 180 00:10:36,760 --> 00:10:38,200 summarizing the day. 181 00:10:38,280 --> 00:10:40,160 REPORT BY MARTA KNOW-IT-ALL 182 00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:41,720 These are graphic scenes, 183 00:10:41,800 --> 00:10:45,720 but we believe that this is what public services should provide. 184 00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:51,240 Not hypocrisy and niceties, but brutality and resentment! 185 00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:53,560 This news was distressing for me 186 00:10:53,640 --> 00:10:56,760 because in every report talking about brutal, violent people... 187 00:10:56,840 --> 00:10:57,840 GET THE NAZIS OUT 188 00:10:58,440 --> 00:11:00,240 ...you saw an image of a woman 189 00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:03,440 being taken away like she was a ferocious beast. 190 00:11:04,720 --> 00:11:08,000 But that ferocious beast is Sandrina, the librarian in Dicksville. 191 00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:10,800 If you see her, she looks like Heidi. She's soft and sweet, 192 00:11:10,880 --> 00:11:14,240 with rosy cheeks and a voice like the Nokia ringtone. 193 00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:18,840 She does all the workshops with children in her local area, 194 00:11:18,920 --> 00:11:21,160 and the first time I saw her, she saved my life. 195 00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:23,160 Please, can you draw me a sheep? 196 00:11:23,240 --> 00:11:26,320 I don't know how to draw sheep. Why don't we do a dinosaur? 197 00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:27,920 How about a Plesiosaurus? 198 00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:28,840 No, a sheep! 199 00:11:28,920 --> 00:11:30,120 Okay, but... 200 00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:33,520 You said you draw comics, didn't you? Draw him a fucking sheep! 201 00:11:37,560 --> 00:11:39,520 Sheep's ears don't look like that. 202 00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:42,120 - Guys, he's not a cartoonist. - Who are you really? 203 00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:44,560 Children! Pie's ready! 204 00:11:50,200 --> 00:11:53,280 That was worse than when Tottenham fans wanted to beat me up 205 00:11:53,360 --> 00:11:55,360 because they'd mistaken me for someone else. 206 00:11:55,440 --> 00:11:57,560 - Thanks, because... - You can't work like this. 207 00:11:58,160 --> 00:12:01,760 You need to control your emotions. They can sense fear. 208 00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:03,440 You gotta understand who they are. 209 00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:06,000 The little boy. Never look him directly in the eye. 210 00:12:06,080 --> 00:12:07,600 He bites and carries diseases. 211 00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:17,200 Why is Sandrina dressed like she's cosplaying the Gabibbo? 212 00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:19,720 They're all in black. She's the only one in red. 213 00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:23,520 You'd have to be a real idiot to go and fight dressed like that. 214 00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:28,000 BERLIN 2006 AN ITALIAN ARRESTED 215 00:12:28,520 --> 00:12:30,480 "HE LOOKED LIKE THE GIRL IN SCHINDLER'S LIST" 216 00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:33,560 If you dress like that, of course they nick you. 217 00:12:33,640 --> 00:12:34,680 Excuse me! 218 00:12:34,760 --> 00:12:37,240 Mr. Armadillo, what does "nick" mean? 219 00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:39,080 I don't know. I'm from South Tyrol. 220 00:12:39,160 --> 00:12:41,160 It means "they arrest him," Mrs... 221 00:12:41,240 --> 00:12:43,040 Whatever the fuck your name is. 222 00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:46,040 They arrest him, ma'am. They get him, grab him, snatch him. 223 00:12:46,120 --> 00:12:47,680 It all means the same thing. 224 00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:51,600 "Grab his balls in Vipiteno." 225 00:12:51,680 --> 00:12:54,000 Seeing as you remember these synonyms, 226 00:12:54,080 --> 00:12:56,000 you can take home three credits. 227 00:12:56,080 --> 00:12:58,120 That's useful if you want to put on Facebook 228 00:12:58,200 --> 00:13:00,440 that you graduated from the University of Life. 229 00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:04,160 Now, I don't want to cry, "Oh, my poor friends!" 230 00:13:04,240 --> 00:13:06,600 Because I know they lose their temper sometimes. 231 00:13:06,680 --> 00:13:08,480 But I'm always a bit perplexed 232 00:13:08,560 --> 00:13:11,720 when I see who they call to comment on news like this. 233 00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:14,160 A Random Show! 234 00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:15,080 Mr. Mario, 235 00:13:15,160 --> 00:13:18,080 please tell us the key to understanding this phenomenon. 236 00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:21,000 I was walking my dog, he's a two-year-old puppy, 237 00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:24,120 and he freaked out. Of course he would! 238 00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:27,600 But how do you explain to a bulldog, looking at you with those big eyes, 239 00:13:27,680 --> 00:13:29,240 that such people are on the loose? 240 00:13:29,320 --> 00:13:31,400 I don't know the reasons for this chaos. 241 00:13:31,480 --> 00:13:33,360 I don't want to. I'm not a politician. 242 00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:36,720 I just think that in a civilized country these people should die in jail, 243 00:13:36,800 --> 00:13:40,280 or, in any case, experience terrible things in dark places. 244 00:13:40,360 --> 00:13:43,000 Like cleaning old people's butts in Potenza. 245 00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:47,360 You see? It seemed to me that everything contributed to a slightly hostile climate, 246 00:13:47,440 --> 00:13:51,560 which threw this heavy cloak of worry over us. 247 00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:55,680 I don't give a shit. I was thinking about ice cream. 248 00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:58,880 Of course, why should you? I'm the one who'll be a guest 249 00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:01,160 on that shitty show next week. 250 00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:03,240 Why? Because of the fights? 251 00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:05,440 No, I'm going to talk about my work. 252 00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:07,040 But after this report, 253 00:14:07,120 --> 00:14:09,480 I'll have to say a few words about this. 254 00:14:09,560 --> 00:14:10,680 Hey, losers! 255 00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:14,960 Okay, maybe the music was a bit over-the-top, 256 00:14:15,040 --> 00:14:17,400 but there's a reason I experienced it like this. 257 00:14:19,360 --> 00:14:21,040 Sarah and I hadn't spoken for a while 258 00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:24,240 because once I ignored her call and she got mad. 259 00:14:24,320 --> 00:14:25,760 In theory, I just had to apologize. 260 00:14:25,840 --> 00:14:28,520 But she wants apologies in Dolby Surround and poetic verse, 261 00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:30,640 so I procrastinated, and two months went by. 262 00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:32,600 And I couldn't even say that I was busy. 263 00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:36,000 I was there eating ice cream, and she was sure to have a go at me. 264 00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:39,000 She'd think we were involved in a great plot amongst men 265 00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:40,920 who meet up without her. 266 00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:45,520 Are you having ice cream? What flavor did you get? 267 00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:47,840 We're waiting for the dark chocolate to come out. 268 00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:50,920 I'll get one too. Shall we go eat it at the park? 269 00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:53,720 I was speechless. Like waiting for the train to hit me, 270 00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:56,160 I could see it coming, I clenched my teeth, 271 00:14:56,240 --> 00:14:58,960 and instead of the train there was a cute unicorn 272 00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:00,160 giving me a kiss. 273 00:15:03,040 --> 00:15:06,600 I thought, "Maybe I've died from the force of this fit of anger, 274 00:15:06,680 --> 00:15:08,320 and I haven't realized." So I asked... 275 00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:09,520 Aren't you mad at me? 276 00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:10,680 Why should I be? 277 00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:12,640 Maybe because I missed your call. 278 00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:15,600 Come on! That's because you're an ass. That's nothing new. 279 00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:18,880 It's even on the fortune cookies at the Chinese restaurant in Rebibbia. 280 00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:21,680 YOUR FRIEND IS A RIGHT ASS 281 00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:25,160 I know who makes those. He's a piece of shit. 282 00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:26,400 He's not even Chinese. 283 00:15:26,480 --> 00:15:28,720 But it's strange for you to be smiling so much. 284 00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:30,520 Do you have something to tell us? 285 00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:32,040 Did you get laid? 286 00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:34,480 I've been living with Stella for three years 287 00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:37,520 and we agreed to fuck every 72 hours. 288 00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:39,200 And that was yesterday. 289 00:15:42,280 --> 00:15:45,520 So, yes, I got laid. But I don't see why that should change anything. 290 00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:47,680 Do you still say "laid" when it's two women? 291 00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:50,440 Yes, what would I say otherwise? That we play bridge? 292 00:15:50,520 --> 00:15:54,520 No, but if I do what you do with a girl, mechanically speaking, 293 00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:57,640 I don't know if I can technically say I got laid. 294 00:15:58,920 --> 00:16:01,840 I'm going to pretend I didn't get it or I'd have to beat you up. 295 00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:05,440 Plus, thinking about you doing those things is horrifying. 296 00:16:05,520 --> 00:16:08,400 I'd rather picture you reproducing through spores. 297 00:16:09,920 --> 00:16:13,000 Mitospores, which are more hygienic, like fungi. 298 00:16:17,040 --> 00:16:19,280 But he's right. You're not usually like this. 299 00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:20,720 Tell us what's happened. 300 00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:23,400 Well, today I had an interview and... 301 00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:26,360 I don't want to count my chickens, but I think I got it. 302 00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:28,000 I'll start teaching in September. 303 00:16:28,080 --> 00:16:30,320 Fucking hallelujah! 304 00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:34,680 Hey, I don't give a shit either, but just say something to be polite. 305 00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:36,840 Now you're like a proper cop. 306 00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:40,000 I know that you have a troubled relationship with school authority, 307 00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:42,960 but at least I can get out of that shithole I was in. 308 00:16:43,040 --> 00:16:45,160 Yes, I don't think it was very rewarding. 309 00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:48,800 When you have some time, I've been through all the candidates 310 00:16:48,880 --> 00:16:51,040 and I've found the perfect graphic designer. 311 00:16:51,120 --> 00:16:53,840 Thanks, hun, but we've chosen a young artist 312 00:16:53,920 --> 00:16:55,920 who shares the company's vision. 313 00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:58,000 Can't you do this logo any better? 314 00:16:58,080 --> 00:17:00,640 Why the fuck did I give him those crayons for Christmas? 315 00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:03,000 Fine. 316 00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:05,440 The malcontent committee declares that for today 317 00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:07,640 you have a valid reason to be happy. 318 00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:11,600 It's not confirmed yet, 319 00:17:11,680 --> 00:17:15,360 but at least I have something to cling onto, a glimmer of hope. 320 00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:18,080 I should tell you that I'm taking an important step too. 321 00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:19,880 I haven't told anyone yet. 322 00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:22,440 - I think I already know. - How do you know? 323 00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:24,640 It's something to do with elocution, isn't it? 324 00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:26,080 No. What elocution? 325 00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:28,280 No, I don't know, then. Come on, tell me. 326 00:17:28,360 --> 00:17:29,880 No. What is it about elocution? 327 00:17:29,960 --> 00:17:32,760 No, I got it wrong. Tell me about your step. 328 00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:34,880 Tell me about the elocution thing! 329 00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:38,040 Nothing. I thought you were taking elocution lessons. 330 00:17:38,120 --> 00:17:41,720 I thought I'd understood that it could be important for your work. 331 00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:43,520 But why? I speak perfectly fine. 332 00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:46,080 My mom says that I have a clear, baritone voice. 333 00:17:48,720 --> 00:17:52,160 Yes, but you know some say you mumble a bit. 334 00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:55,200 It could be a way... Anyway, who cares? Go on, tell me. 335 00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:56,880 I don't understand. 336 00:17:56,960 --> 00:17:59,600 I don't know of anyone ever complaining about how I speak. 337 00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:02,120 CONTROVERSY ON ROMAN DIALECT. ZEROCALCARE, "GOD, GUYS" 338 00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:04,120 TOO MUCH DIALECT HE TALKS WAY TOO FAST 339 00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:10,440 So, are you going to tell me? 340 00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:13,080 Fine, the thing is, I'm going to be making... a film. 341 00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:15,480 A cartoon, but a long one, that'll be in theaters. 342 00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:18,000 I'd never found a producer for it before. 343 00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:20,880 That's amazing! Much better than elocution lessons. 344 00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:23,400 Only three people have done this in Italy. 345 00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:25,880 I found someone to invest a load of money. 346 00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:27,960 But I didn't know who to tell. 347 00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:29,560 You could have called me, idiot. 348 00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:30,920 Look, I'll be honest. 349 00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:33,360 I was anxious that we hadn't spoken for two months. 350 00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:35,360 And I was uncomfortable because, honestly, 351 00:18:35,440 --> 00:18:37,560 I can tell you this now, your job is shit. 352 00:18:37,640 --> 00:18:40,640 I didn't want to boast about something good happening to me. 353 00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:44,000 Thank goodness you're having a career change now. 354 00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:47,280 You're triumphantly leaving the field of bitter losers, 355 00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:50,120 where you were a top scorer, 356 00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:54,520 and you've earned your spot in the guilt-ridden team 357 00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:56,880 of those who have made it on their own. 358 00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:59,280 Don't tell me. I already feel a bit like that. 359 00:18:59,360 --> 00:19:02,200 Of course, like everyone who has been saying for 30 years 360 00:19:02,280 --> 00:19:04,440 that the only solution is a collective one. 361 00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:06,840 That everyone makes it, or no one does. 362 00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:10,160 Instead, in the end, you make it, but you can't enjoy shit 363 00:19:10,240 --> 00:19:11,880 because you're surrounded by rubble. 364 00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:14,600 And what fucking scavenger is okay in the rubble? 365 00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:17,520 Okay, now you're making me sad. 366 00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:19,400 Will you let me have one happy day? 367 00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:21,400 Yes, but keep a low profile. 368 00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:23,880 Besides, it's my way of not messing with karma. 369 00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:26,920 If it sees you being arrogant, it might kick you in the ass. 370 00:19:28,720 --> 00:19:32,120 At that moment, I realized we always laugh a lot, 371 00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:34,320 but we almost never smile. 372 00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:38,920 This feeling of soft, relaxed, smiling faces is strange. 373 00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:41,840 It's very different to how our faces usually are. 374 00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:44,640 All crumpled up because we're laughing so loud 375 00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:47,920 and we don't hear the monsters inside us screaming. 376 00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:50,920 Or all tensed up because we're eating ourselves up 377 00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:53,040 and we're this close to exploding. 378 00:19:53,120 --> 00:19:56,120 We're basically never calm and relaxed. 379 00:19:58,040 --> 00:20:00,200 That's why I remember it so well. 380 00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:24,920 Anyway, it was a nice moment. 381 00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:27,680 I didn't have time to go home, but it gave me the strength 382 00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:30,120 to go to that meeting with the program writers. 383 00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:33,240 I'll describe them like the Lickers from Resident Evil, 384 00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:35,440 those monsters with very long tongues, 385 00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:38,560 but not because they're damn ass-lickers, of course. 386 00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:40,320 It's just to protect their privacy. 387 00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:43,480 Plus, we might have to work together. You never know. 388 00:20:43,560 --> 00:20:46,280 Are you nervous? You don't need to be nervous! 389 00:20:46,360 --> 00:20:48,760 It's like a walk in the park. 390 00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:50,960 Look, I'm not nervous. 391 00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:53,600 It's just that I get a bit tongue-tied with the cameras. 392 00:20:53,680 --> 00:20:58,000 Have you not seen the program? Mauro is great at putting guests at ease. 393 00:20:58,080 --> 00:21:01,080 After ten seconds, it'll be like talking with a friend. 394 00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:02,520 With a friend? 395 00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:06,880 So, finger-dick or dick-fingers? 396 00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:09,440 Mr. Mauro, my mother is watching! 397 00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:12,840 I'm not sure if I want to go on TV to talk to a friend. 398 00:21:12,920 --> 00:21:15,640 So, we were thinking of something funny. 399 00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:18,520 We wanted you to talk about the film, of course. 400 00:21:18,600 --> 00:21:21,680 But first you could do a fun scene. Something silly. 401 00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:24,640 Maybe you say your famous ice cream catchphrase. 402 00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:26,520 You know? Like in the series. 403 00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:28,840 Remember? "Wanna get an ice cream?" 404 00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:30,600 I wanted to say, "Of course I remember." 405 00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:32,760 "That's my friend who's obsessed with ice cream." 406 00:21:32,840 --> 00:21:34,600 Instead, I tried to pitch something. 407 00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:37,920 You think I have one minute to say a quick thing? 408 00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:40,200 You talked about the riots in Dicksville, 409 00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:43,400 and the journalist was very tough, and I'm in a bit of a pickle... 410 00:21:43,480 --> 00:21:45,040 I don't think so. 411 00:21:45,120 --> 00:21:47,000 But we can make the ice cream melt. 412 00:21:47,080 --> 00:21:49,040 You'll get annoyed and let out a fart. 413 00:21:49,640 --> 00:21:50,680 Yeah! 414 00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:52,760 Can you really fart the tune of Für Elise? 415 00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:55,480 If not, we'll ask the director. He has loads of sounds. 416 00:21:58,960 --> 00:22:00,480 No, that was the dog. 417 00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:01,800 I'm only asking 418 00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:04,120 because I don't have a problem coming on the show. 419 00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:06,480 But I'm worried that if I don't clarify things, 420 00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:07,640 it'll look like I agree... 421 00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:09,200 Look, she's breastfeeding a dog! 422 00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:11,080 Oh, sorry, I wasn't following. 423 00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:13,960 I think that you're getting really bogged down. 424 00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:16,640 It's not like we're in Bertolucci's 1900. 425 00:22:16,720 --> 00:22:18,720 I don't know what you're picturing. 426 00:22:20,120 --> 00:22:23,640 The armadillo represents the false bourgeois consciousness 427 00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:27,000 exploited by the imperialist state against the popular masses... 428 00:22:27,080 --> 00:22:29,280 Enough with this shit, you damn lefty! 429 00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:35,360 Listen to me, you can't do it. 430 00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:39,400 You're not in the business. The riots are a sensitive issue. 431 00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:41,800 It's not like science. Anyone can talk about that. 432 00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:45,160 Yes. However, let me say that this is about people fighting Nazis. 433 00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:48,640 I don't get it. Indiana Jones whipped them, and everyone was like, 434 00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:50,760 "You go! Genius!" 435 00:22:50,840 --> 00:22:53,680 The Blues Brothers ran them over and everyone laughed. 436 00:22:54,360 --> 00:22:56,720 But Sandrina is a leper. 437 00:22:57,960 --> 00:22:59,040 Do you like it? 438 00:22:59,120 --> 00:23:00,800 There's even a looser one, 439 00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:03,360 like a duck running off between your legs. 440 00:23:05,360 --> 00:23:07,360 I LOVE YOU BUT WE'RE SIBLINGS 441 00:23:08,440 --> 00:23:11,440 By the way, do you always talk like that, or is it a character? 442 00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:14,560 My sister is a speech therapist. She's quite cheap. 443 00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:28,800 - Do you think I talk weird? - Weird, how? 444 00:23:28,880 --> 00:23:32,160 With a Roman accent that no one understands... Weird. 445 00:23:32,240 --> 00:23:35,160 No way! At most, you have a bit of an accent. 446 00:23:35,240 --> 00:23:38,680 But you could be a guy from Trieste who watches I Cesaroni. 447 00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:41,480 I think I talk normal, but I'm starting to worry that maybe... 448 00:23:41,560 --> 00:23:44,240 Trust me, you talk better than Google Maps. 449 00:23:44,320 --> 00:23:47,520 But as your conscience, let me say that you're obsessing over this 450 00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:49,480 to avoid thinking about Wednesday. 451 00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:51,480 You have a problem, my friend. 452 00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:55,040 Because you're keeping quiet about your friends in jail, 453 00:23:55,120 --> 00:23:58,360 which contravenes the first rule of human decency. 454 00:23:58,960 --> 00:23:59,960 Which is... 455 00:24:00,040 --> 00:24:02,880 Even more important than letting women and children onto the lifeboats 456 00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:04,160 when everything is sinking... 457 00:24:05,840 --> 00:24:08,320 you don't abandon people in jail. 458 00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:10,560 I know. 459 00:24:10,640 --> 00:24:12,360 I know that you know. 460 00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:14,840 But this is a penitent's first step towards darkness. 461 00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:24,440 Be careful not to become a bald blob with asthma. 462 00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:25,920 Careful! 463 00:24:27,080 --> 00:24:30,120 My moral hero 464 00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:33,440 has always been Massimo Giletti, 465 00:24:33,520 --> 00:24:35,360 who is a great professional. 466 00:24:37,920 --> 00:24:39,200 You decide. 467 00:24:39,280 --> 00:24:41,480 As always, I never judge you. 468 00:24:41,560 --> 00:24:46,200 SOLD-OUT TRAITOR 469 00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:03,080 I didn't say anything to Secco about my worries, 470 00:25:03,160 --> 00:25:05,200 because he's as flat as a piece of turf. 471 00:25:05,280 --> 00:25:07,120 But then I saw these other posters, 472 00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:09,320 right where we had torn them down. 473 00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:11,320 I got weirded out and I said... 474 00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:13,600 How horrible. They put them straight back up. 475 00:25:13,680 --> 00:25:16,560 There might be someone in the area who checks. 476 00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:18,200 They're not the same ones. 477 00:25:18,680 --> 00:25:19,920 And they weren't the same. 478 00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:23,840 These were about a meeting on Wednesday outside the shelter. 479 00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:26,280 No, this is bad. 480 00:25:26,360 --> 00:25:28,800 - I told you we were going to fight. - What a pain! 481 00:25:28,880 --> 00:25:30,040 Hey, idiots! 482 00:25:30,120 --> 00:25:32,480 Have you been keeping the bench warm for me? 483 00:25:32,560 --> 00:25:35,320 We turned around and we didn't know who it was. 484 00:25:35,400 --> 00:25:37,800 It was just a silhouette in the shadows. 485 00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:40,120 We couldn't even tell if it was a man or a demon. 486 00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:44,000 And from its mouth came something truly evil, 487 00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:48,280 like a knife with a blade forged in the flames of hell. 488 00:25:48,800 --> 00:25:50,200 Losing your hair, huh? 489 00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:52,920 You look like your dad. 490 00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:56,720 Fuck you! Cesare, what the fuck are you doing here? 491 00:25:56,800 --> 00:25:59,360 What am I doing? Is it not my home anymore? 492 00:25:59,440 --> 00:26:02,280 I know it's your home, but it's been 20 years! 493 00:26:02,360 --> 00:26:04,400 I don't know what we said to each other. 494 00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:07,120 It was late. We talked for five minutes, more or less. 495 00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:09,440 To be honest, I didn't know what to ask him. 496 00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:11,520 You know Orpheus and Eurydice? 497 00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:14,440 It's like that. Imagine that asshole didn't turn around, 498 00:26:14,520 --> 00:26:18,000 managed to get Eurydice out of hell, and then asked her... 499 00:26:18,080 --> 00:26:21,040 What are we doing this weekend? Do you play padel? 500 00:26:21,120 --> 00:26:23,600 Is there somewhere we can watch soccer? 501 00:26:24,840 --> 00:26:26,960 Understandably, she doesn't know what to say. 502 00:26:27,040 --> 00:26:28,720 Who knows what she went through. 503 00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:31,800 It seems fair to me. 504 00:26:32,720 --> 00:26:35,280 This is why it's so difficult to have stupid chats. 505 00:26:35,360 --> 00:26:36,760 Come on, move! 506 00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:41,600 Come on! 507 00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:42,960 Let's get out of here! 508 00:26:44,840 --> 00:26:47,880 I don't know what you ask someone who's just come out of hell. 509 00:26:47,960 --> 00:26:49,120 ITALY FOR ITALIANS 510 00:26:51,080 --> 00:26:54,400 MIGRANT SHELTER OPENING HOURS 511 00:29:37,280 --> 00:29:40,200 Subtitle translation by: Luisa Zamboni