1
00:00:03,464 --> 00:00:06,177
[ Whistling ]

2
00:00:06,177 --> 00:00:09,050
[ Shaver buzzing ]

3
00:00:09,050 --> 00:00:11,132
What are you doing?

4
00:00:11,132 --> 00:00:13,514
It's a stare-down, baby.
It's a stare-down.

5
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:16,597
What's a stare-down?
 Stay out of it, michael!

6
00:00:16,597 --> 00:00:18,559
It's between
me and the scale,

7
00:00:18,559 --> 00:00:20,901
Otherwise known as
the fat detector.

8
00:00:20,901 --> 00:00:23,644
Oh, yes.
It's weigh day, honey.

9
00:00:23,644 --> 00:00:24,605
What's weigh day?
 Whoo.

10
00:00:24,605 --> 00:00:26,197
Weigh day.

11
00:00:26,197 --> 00:00:27,648
Ever since I've been training
for the marathon,

12
00:00:27,648 --> 00:00:29,950
I weigh myself once a week,
and today is the day.

13
00:00:29,950 --> 00:00:31,532
Well, then, hop on.
Let's see what --

14
00:00:31,532 --> 00:00:33,654
No, no, no! No!

15
00:00:33,654 --> 00:00:35,156
Ooh?
 No!

16
00:00:35,156 --> 00:00:36,997
You just don't hop on.

17
00:00:36,997 --> 00:00:37,998
I didn't know.

18
00:00:37,998 --> 00:00:39,460
Just wait a minute.

19
00:00:39,460 --> 00:00:41,922
Now, first, you hold
my slippers.
 Okay.

20
00:00:41,922 --> 00:00:44,165
Then you get this earring.

21
00:00:44,165 --> 00:00:45,756
Don't forget
your wedding ring.

22
00:00:45,756 --> 00:00:49,670
Oh, that's a good idea
'cause you know...

23
00:00:49,670 --> 00:00:52,803
Okay, well, I'll just deduct
three pounds for that.

24
00:00:52,803 --> 00:00:54,305
Three pounds?

25
00:00:54,305 --> 00:00:56,637
Yeah, that's about
three pounds.

26
00:00:56,637 --> 00:00:59,019
When I bought it, I said, "could
I get that three-pounder?"

27
00:00:59,019 --> 00:01:01,182
Three pounds. That's right.

28
00:01:01,182 --> 00:01:02,773
Oh, you know what?
I almost forgot.

29
00:01:02,773 --> 00:01:04,895
Just move out of my way
for a second, move out.

30
00:01:04,895 --> 00:01:08,609
See, this is gonna help a lot
when i, uh...

31
00:01:08,609 --> 00:01:10,191
Yeah, I'm lighter.

32
00:01:10,191 --> 00:01:12,493
Jay, come on, baby.
What are you doing to yourself?

33
00:01:12,493 --> 00:01:14,074
You look
fantastic already.

34
00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:15,956
Michael, I am running
a marathon.

35
00:01:15,956 --> 00:01:18,499
That's something you just
can't take lightly, honey.

36
00:01:18,499 --> 00:01:21,462
Aw, sure you can!

37
00:01:21,462 --> 00:01:23,334
It's only 26 miles.

38
00:01:23,334 --> 00:01:25,005
You act like it's hard
or something.

39
00:01:25,005 --> 00:01:27,298
And if it's so easy,
why did you back out?

40
00:01:27,298 --> 00:01:29,260
You were supposed to run
it with me.

41
00:01:29,260 --> 00:01:31,672
I didn't back out.
I'm gonna run it with you.

42
00:01:31,672 --> 00:01:32,973
Without training?

43
00:01:32,973 --> 00:01:34,595
Come on, jay,
I'm in great shape.

44
00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:36,307
I box, I lift weights.

45
00:01:36,307 --> 00:01:39,310
You've seen me naked.
I only got one bulge.

46
00:01:42,433 --> 00:01:45,396
Besides, men are just more
superior physically.

47
00:01:45,396 --> 00:01:46,897
You know, we're tougher.

48
00:01:46,897 --> 00:01:49,780
Ow! I think I got a nicky.
Am I bleeding?

49
00:01:49,780 --> 00:01:51,282
Get out of here, michael.

50
00:01:51,282 --> 00:01:52,493
Just hold this, okay?

51
00:01:52,493 --> 00:01:53,784
So I could do this, please.
 Okay.

52
00:01:53,784 --> 00:01:54,945
Thank you.

53
00:01:54,945 --> 00:01:56,327
You gonna take
your pajamas off?

54
00:01:56,327 --> 00:01:57,698
No. See, see, see?

55
00:01:57,698 --> 00:01:59,290
Now the pajamas weigh
exactly one half pound.

56
00:01:59,290 --> 00:02:01,452
Now, that gives me
psychological edge.

57
00:02:01,452 --> 00:02:04,165
So no matter what the scale
says, I could deduct it, plus --

58
00:02:04,165 --> 00:02:06,337
The three pounds.
 For the ring.

59
00:02:06,337 --> 00:02:08,209
And the rest of the hair.
 That's right.

60
00:02:08,209 --> 00:02:09,880
Right.

61
00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:12,803
Okay, it's time.
It's time.

62
00:02:12,803 --> 00:02:14,425
Let me do this.

63
00:02:14,425 --> 00:02:18,259
Okay, for real, extra air
is weighing me down.

64
00:02:18,259 --> 00:02:20,020
Just back up.

65
00:02:20,020 --> 00:02:21,522
So, what does it say?

66
00:02:21,522 --> 00:02:23,524
Baby, the needle --
the needle is still moving.

67
00:02:23,524 --> 00:02:25,065
Michael, you know what?
Just -- can you --

68
00:02:25,065 --> 00:02:26,817
I'll stand here.

69
00:02:26,817 --> 00:02:28,979
He didn't mean it.
He don't know.

70
00:02:31,402 --> 00:02:33,944
Come on, be the number,
be the number, be the number.

71
00:02:33,944 --> 00:02:36,237
Just a little bit.
Be the number!

72
00:02:36,237 --> 00:02:39,830
Yes! I lost three pounds!

73
00:02:39,830 --> 00:02:42,122
I thought it was 10.

74
00:02:42,122 --> 00:02:44,415
Oh, wait, no, it's three.

75
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:48,128
Oh.

76
00:02:50,501 --> 00:02:52,002
Would you like something?

77
00:02:52,002 --> 00:02:55,135
We have some honeybuns in here
and also some melons.

78
00:02:56,597 --> 00:02:58,138
Oh.

79
00:02:58,138 --> 00:03:01,802
Uh -- uh, got any milk?

80
00:03:01,802 --> 00:03:03,354
Sure. You want some?

81
00:03:03,354 --> 00:03:05,976
Oh, no.
No, I don't.

82
00:03:05,976 --> 00:03:10,571
Actually, can I --
can I just get some water?

83
00:03:10,571 --> 00:03:13,574
Sure.
 Yeah.

84
00:03:13,574 --> 00:03:14,945
Oh.

85
00:03:14,945 --> 00:03:17,778
[ Gasps ] I splashed water
all over myself.

86
00:03:17,778 --> 00:03:19,450
Look at me.
I'm all wet.

87
00:03:19,450 --> 00:03:22,122
Haah!

88
00:03:22,122 --> 00:03:24,745
Oh!

89
00:03:24,745 --> 00:03:26,457
Oh. Ah.

90
00:03:26,457 --> 00:03:28,088
What's wrong with you?

91
00:03:28,088 --> 00:03:32,713
Uh, what makes you think,
uh...something's wrong?

92
00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:35,796
Well, you're sweating, and you
keep making that noise.

93
00:03:35,796 --> 00:03:37,968
What noise?

94
00:03:37,968 --> 00:03:39,680
This noise --

95
00:03:39,680 --> 00:03:42,303
[ Pants ]

96
00:03:42,303 --> 00:03:43,764
Okay, you know what?

97
00:03:43,764 --> 00:03:46,347
I guess I'd better
come clean, okay?

98
00:03:46,347 --> 00:03:50,561
Uh -- uh, claire,
I'm having a problem.

99
00:03:50,561 --> 00:03:52,563
Oh, what kind of problem?

100
00:03:52,563 --> 00:03:54,815
You.

101
00:03:54,815 --> 00:03:56,857
Me?
What did I do?

102
00:03:56,857 --> 00:03:58,909
You fill me with lust,
claire, okay?

103
00:03:58,909 --> 00:04:01,742
Every minute I'm not with you,
I just can't wait to see you.

104
00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:04,785
And then every time
I'm with you...

105
00:04:04,785 --> 00:04:07,918
Oh, god, I just want
to jump on you.

106
00:04:07,918 --> 00:04:09,460
Well, that's a good thing.

107
00:04:11,542 --> 00:04:13,334
No!

108
00:04:13,334 --> 00:04:14,925
No, no, it's not.

109
00:04:14,925 --> 00:04:17,718
Look -- look, you just don't
understand, okay?

110
00:04:17,718 --> 00:04:19,800
I'm trying.

111
00:04:19,800 --> 00:04:21,722
Look, it's as
simple as this --

112
00:04:21,722 --> 00:04:23,554
"And if your right eye
offends thee,

113
00:04:23,554 --> 00:04:25,806
"Then pluck it out
and cast it from thee,

114
00:04:25,806 --> 00:04:28,599
"For it is more profitable to
have one of thy members perish

115
00:04:28,599 --> 00:04:31,652
And not thy whole body
be cast into hell."

116
00:04:31,652 --> 00:04:33,654
[Sighs] amen.

117
00:04:33,654 --> 00:04:35,776
What?

118
00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:37,358
Matthew 5:29?

119
00:04:37,358 --> 00:04:39,239
Oh, boy.
Here we go again.

120
00:04:39,239 --> 00:04:41,952
Look, tony, I respect
your spirituality,

121
00:04:41,952 --> 00:04:44,455
But sometimes you carry it
too far.

122
00:04:44,455 --> 00:04:46,457
Look, I understand that's
your opinion, claire.

123
00:04:46,457 --> 00:04:48,829
But you're wrong, okay?
You can't argue with the bible.

124
00:04:48,829 --> 00:04:51,462
Fine, what am I
supposed to do?

125
00:04:51,462 --> 00:04:53,794
Well, I mean,
you could start...

126
00:04:55,416 --> 00:04:57,628
By being --

127
00:04:57,628 --> 00:05:00,681
You could start by being
a little less sexy.

128
00:05:00,681 --> 00:05:04,134
[ Laughs ]
are you serious?

129
00:05:04,134 --> 00:05:06,186
I'm very serious, claire.

130
00:05:06,186 --> 00:05:08,519
How am I supposed to be
less sexy?

131
00:05:08,519 --> 00:05:09,980
I'm not trying to be sexy.

132
00:05:09,980 --> 00:05:12,983
[ Breathing heavily ]

133
00:05:12,983 --> 00:05:14,605
Oow!

134
00:05:14,605 --> 00:05:15,986
Aah!

135
00:05:15,986 --> 00:05:17,107
What?

136
00:05:17,107 --> 00:05:18,529
You're right, you know.

137
00:05:18,529 --> 00:05:20,441
It's not you,
it's me, okay?

138
00:05:20,441 --> 00:05:24,535
But I just find everything you
do to be so incredibly erotic.

139
00:05:24,535 --> 00:05:26,246
I can't help it
if you're crazy.

140
00:05:26,246 --> 00:05:27,868
Yes, you can, okay?

141
00:05:27,868 --> 00:05:29,159
There are definitely steps

142
00:05:29,159 --> 00:05:30,160
You could take
that would help me.

143
00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:31,792
You know I love you, tony.

144
00:05:31,792 --> 00:05:33,714
I'll do anything
to make you happy.

145
00:05:33,714 --> 00:05:35,085
Don't say that!

146
00:05:35,085 --> 00:05:37,458
I'm sorry.
It's just so hard.

147
00:05:37,458 --> 00:05:42,132
Yeah, well, it's getting hard
for me, too.

148
00:05:44,925 --> 00:05:47,888
Okay, now that you're taking
a parenting class,

149
00:05:47,888 --> 00:05:50,681
Kady and I are going to ask you
a series of questions

150
00:05:50,681 --> 00:05:52,393
To see if you're fit
to be a father.

151
00:05:52,393 --> 00:05:54,024
Bring it on.

152
00:05:54,024 --> 00:05:57,237
Number one -- what is
the human gestation period?

153
00:05:57,237 --> 00:05:58,859
About 30 seconds.

154
00:05:58,859 --> 00:06:01,111
Well, at least that's
how long it was for me!

155
00:06:01,111 --> 00:06:03,864
[ Laughs ]

156
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:06,076
How often should you
feed the baby?

157
00:06:06,076 --> 00:06:08,038
That depends on how big
you want it to get.

158
00:06:08,038 --> 00:06:10,290
Whoa.
 Whoa.

159
00:06:12,082 --> 00:06:14,164
How often should you
change the baby?

160
00:06:14,164 --> 00:06:15,956
Whenever you get sick of
smelling it.

161
00:06:15,956 --> 00:06:17,798
Okay, I've heard enough.

162
00:06:17,798 --> 00:06:19,670
So how'd I do?

163
00:06:19,670 --> 00:06:21,632
According to the feldman scale
developed at johns hopkins,

164
00:06:21,632 --> 00:06:23,634
Not only shouldn't
you have children,

165
00:06:23,634 --> 00:06:25,596
You shouldn't have
opposable thumbs.

166
00:06:25,596 --> 00:06:27,638
[ Laughs ]

167
00:06:29,430 --> 00:06:31,271
That would have been funny

168
00:06:31,271 --> 00:06:34,104
If you were smart enough
to understand it.

169
00:06:34,104 --> 00:06:36,146
Does that mean
I'd be a bad dad?

170
00:06:36,146 --> 00:06:39,780
No, it means you're
a functional idiot.

171
00:06:39,780 --> 00:06:43,073
Functional! Yes!
I'm functional, yeah!

172
00:06:44,324 --> 00:06:46,987
That's not a good thing.
 No?

173
00:06:46,987 --> 00:06:50,290
No, because the emphasis
is on the word "idiot."

174
00:06:50,290 --> 00:06:52,332
[ Sighs ]
so what should I do?

175
00:06:52,332 --> 00:06:55,085
Well, you should pick someone
smart and emulate them.

176
00:06:55,085 --> 00:06:56,917
Okay, who?

177
00:06:56,917 --> 00:07:00,210
Well, I would say me, but let's
lower the bar a little bit.

178
00:07:00,210 --> 00:07:01,712
How about your dad?

179
00:07:01,712 --> 00:07:03,884
Ew! I'm not gonna
emulate my dad.

180
00:07:03,884 --> 00:07:05,175
That's disgusting!

181
00:07:05,175 --> 00:07:07,307
Emulate means "to copy."

182
00:07:07,307 --> 00:07:10,891
Oh. Oh, then I emulated all
through high school.

183
00:07:10,891 --> 00:07:13,263
[ Laughs ]

184
00:07:16,477 --> 00:07:18,939
Hey, franklin, just the man
I wanted to see.

185
00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:21,191
Listen, you told me I should eat
for my blood type, right?

186
00:07:21,191 --> 00:07:23,614
Then, are nuts
good for me?

187
00:07:23,614 --> 00:07:25,826
Well, you survived
this one!

188
00:07:25,826 --> 00:07:27,658
[ Laughs ]

189
00:07:27,658 --> 00:07:29,409
But, no.

190
00:07:29,409 --> 00:07:31,331
Even though they're
a good source of protein,

191
00:07:31,331 --> 00:07:33,874
They're still too fattening
for someone in training.

192
00:07:33,874 --> 00:07:35,536
Okay, coach.

193
00:07:35,536 --> 00:07:37,878
Mr. Kyle,
you're a lucky man.

194
00:07:37,878 --> 00:07:41,171
Your wife is the most dedicated
athlete I've ever worked with.

195
00:07:41,171 --> 00:07:44,675
Well, thank you, but what
qualifies you to train athletes?

196
00:07:44,675 --> 00:07:46,797
I have a degree
in kinesiology.

197
00:07:46,797 --> 00:07:49,009
Oh, what's that?
The study of the kinees?

198
00:07:49,009 --> 00:07:51,261
Ha, no.

199
00:07:51,261 --> 00:07:53,764
Mr. Kyle, when are you gonna
start your regimen?

200
00:07:53,764 --> 00:07:55,265
I'm already on a regimen.

201
00:07:55,265 --> 00:07:57,808
I'm on the "eat, drink,
and be merry" plan.

202
00:07:57,808 --> 00:08:00,651
That's great if you're training
to be fat albert.

203
00:08:00,651 --> 00:08:04,274
Hey, hey, hey!
[ Laughs ]

204
00:08:04,274 --> 00:08:07,277
Come on, look at me, franklin.
I am ready.

205
00:08:07,277 --> 00:08:10,661
But, mr. Kyle, a marathon is
a test of endurance.

206
00:08:10,661 --> 00:08:14,995
No, it is a test of wills.

207
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:18,669
If you believe in that,
you will lose.

208
00:08:18,669 --> 00:08:20,961
[ Laughs ]

209
00:08:20,961 --> 00:08:25,716
Anyhoo...my point is, without
the right conditioning,

210
00:08:25,716 --> 00:08:28,128
You have no chance
of beating mrs. Kyle.

211
00:08:28,128 --> 00:08:29,469
That is not true.

212
00:08:29,469 --> 00:08:32,262
See, my point is
that superior athletes

213
00:08:32,262 --> 00:08:34,474
Like myself
and michael jordan

214
00:08:34,474 --> 00:08:38,098
Are able to go to a place
deep within themselves

215
00:08:38,098 --> 00:08:39,810
And pull out
that warrior spirit

216
00:08:39,810 --> 00:08:42,232
Which helps them to overcome
every obstacle.

217
00:08:42,232 --> 00:08:43,814
I'm sorry.

218
00:08:43,814 --> 00:08:46,947
My mother won't let me eat
this much bologna.

219
00:08:46,947 --> 00:08:48,528
[ Laughs ]

220
00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:51,612
Tss! I'm on fire today!

221
00:08:53,413 --> 00:08:55,786
[ Knock on door ]

222
00:08:57,708 --> 00:08:58,869
Hey, tony.

223
00:08:58,869 --> 00:09:00,711
Good evening, mr. Kyle.

224
00:09:00,711 --> 00:09:02,252
How are you doing?
 Pretty good.

225
00:09:02,252 --> 00:09:03,794
What are you guys
doing tonight?

226
00:09:03,794 --> 00:09:04,925
We're going to
the movies.

227
00:09:04,925 --> 00:09:06,086
Really?
What are you gonna go see?

228
00:09:06,086 --> 00:09:08,468
Oh, we're going to see "bambi."

229
00:09:08,468 --> 00:09:11,842
You're an odd child.

230
00:09:11,842 --> 00:09:14,224
Hey, I thought you said
you was going to the movies,

231
00:09:14,224 --> 00:09:17,267
Not the "little house
on the prairie."

232
00:09:17,267 --> 00:09:20,020
Very funny, dad.

233
00:09:20,020 --> 00:09:22,062
What's up with
the moms mabley look?

234
00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:24,354
That's what I was going for.
I'm supporting tony's celibacy.

235
00:09:24,354 --> 00:09:25,485
Ah.

236
00:09:25,485 --> 00:09:26,987
Let's go, tony.

237
00:09:26,987 --> 00:09:28,148
Good night, guys.

238
00:09:28,148 --> 00:09:30,861
Well, I'm off.
Mrs. Kyle?

239
00:09:30,861 --> 00:09:32,402
Yeah, coach?
What's up?

240
00:09:32,402 --> 00:09:34,995
I'll see you at 5:00 a.m.
For our morning run.

241
00:09:34,995 --> 00:09:38,408
Mr. Kyle, you're
welcome to join us.

242
00:09:38,408 --> 00:09:41,291
A-a-a-w, phooey.

243
00:09:41,291 --> 00:09:43,123
I'm gonna lay in my bed.

244
00:09:43,123 --> 00:09:45,205
I'm gonna roll over and eat
pancakes, sausages,

245
00:09:45,205 --> 00:09:48,629
And I'm still gonna beat you
in that race.

246
00:09:48,629 --> 00:09:50,170
In crazy land.

247
00:09:50,170 --> 00:09:54,174
Ha ha ha ha!
I kill myself.

248
00:09:56,717 --> 00:09:58,979
You know what?
I'm about tired of you.

249
00:09:58,979 --> 00:10:00,520
Let's make this
interesting.

250
00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:02,983
Let's put your money
where your mouth is.

251
00:10:02,983 --> 00:10:04,484
Okay, I'll tell you what.

252
00:10:04,484 --> 00:10:07,487
If I win, then I take you
to a restaurant,

253
00:10:07,487 --> 00:10:10,610
And you have to eat spaghetti,
bread, fish sticks,

254
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:14,114
Fudge sticks, anchovy,
and chocolate souffle.

255
00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:17,948
Okay, and if I win,
I get anything I want.

256
00:10:17,948 --> 00:10:19,159
Deal.

257
00:10:19,159 --> 00:10:21,581
Deal.

258
00:10:21,581 --> 00:10:23,874
[ Laughs ]

259
00:10:32,302 --> 00:10:34,214
So when's the marathon?

260
00:10:34,214 --> 00:10:35,886
Oh, that would be
tomorrow, son.

261
00:10:35,886 --> 00:10:37,307
Still feel confident?

262
00:10:37,307 --> 00:10:40,430
[ Chuckles ] extremely.

263
00:10:40,430 --> 00:10:42,813
[ Gulping ]

264
00:10:42,813 --> 00:10:45,355
Dad, don't you think you should
train just a little bit?

265
00:10:45,355 --> 00:10:47,397
I mean, mom's been working out
pretty hard.

266
00:10:47,397 --> 00:10:49,029
Listen to you.

267
00:10:49,029 --> 00:10:50,981
[ Mockingly ] don't you
think you should be training?

268
00:10:50,981 --> 00:10:54,614
I mean, mom is working out
pretty hard.

269
00:10:54,614 --> 00:10:56,777
Well, your mother needs
to work out.

270
00:10:56,777 --> 00:10:59,119
She's all flab and gab
like her mother.

271
00:10:59,119 --> 00:11:01,121
Me -- I'm a machine.
Feel that.

272
00:11:01,121 --> 00:11:03,493
That feel like I need
to do some running?

273
00:11:03,493 --> 00:11:06,496
Your biceps are fine, but you
got little calves, dad.

274
00:11:06,496 --> 00:11:12,002
Yeah, but that's because the
arms are what carry the legs.

275
00:11:12,002 --> 00:11:13,964
But they're still little.

276
00:11:13,964 --> 00:11:16,636
The arms connect.
It's like pinocchio.

277
00:11:16,636 --> 00:11:20,390
You know why he ran away?
Because he had big arms.

278
00:11:20,390 --> 00:11:21,722
Whoo!

279
00:11:21,722 --> 00:11:24,184
Two minutes better
than yesterday.

280
00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:26,356
[ Imitates mickey from "rocky" ]
you're a machine, rock.

281
00:11:26,356 --> 00:11:28,809
You eat lightning
and crap thunder.

282
00:11:28,809 --> 00:11:30,310
That's right.
He's right.

283
00:11:30,310 --> 00:11:32,272
I'm a running machine.
I don't get tired.

284
00:11:32,272 --> 00:11:34,274
Pain is just a word to me.
Whoo-hoo-hoo!

285
00:11:34,274 --> 00:11:35,816
Well, don't get too cocky,
rocky,

286
00:11:35,816 --> 00:11:37,657
'Cause tomorrow,
I'm gonna embarrass you.

287
00:11:37,657 --> 00:11:39,740
By the way, would you like
a nice slice of pizza?

288
00:11:39,740 --> 00:11:41,621
No, I don't want
any of that pizza.

289
00:11:41,621 --> 00:11:44,414
I'd much prefer the taste of
victory, thank you very much.

290
00:11:44,414 --> 00:11:45,916
And you're gonna
regret eating that

291
00:11:45,916 --> 00:11:47,748
Because it's gonna weigh
you down like a rock.

292
00:11:47,748 --> 00:11:51,131
See, I'm doing what all great
athletes of my caliber do.

293
00:11:51,131 --> 00:11:52,632
I'm carbo-loading.

294
00:11:52,632 --> 00:11:54,795
That's right.
Carbo-loading.

295
00:11:54,795 --> 00:11:56,296
Loading up the carbs.

296
00:11:56,296 --> 00:11:58,258
That's right,
and after I finish this,

297
00:11:58,258 --> 00:12:00,430
I'm gonna run out and get me
a nice hero sandwich.

298
00:12:00,430 --> 00:12:03,844
Not just any hero,
like superman or spider-man.

299
00:12:03,844 --> 00:12:07,147
This right here, right there --
that's sandwich man.

300
00:12:07,147 --> 00:12:09,729
Yeah, and after
I finish the sandwich,

301
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,731
I'm gonna go out and get me
a nice chocolate milkshake

302
00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:13,443
And wash it down.

303
00:12:13,443 --> 00:12:16,116
♪ Oh, shake, shake, shake,
shake, shake, shake ♪

304
00:12:16,116 --> 00:12:19,119
♪ Shake your milkshake,
oh, shake your milkshake ♪

305
00:12:19,119 --> 00:12:22,742
Boy, you better get your little
narrow behind off me.

306
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:25,826
Go ahead, michael.
Have another slice of pizza.

307
00:12:25,826 --> 00:12:28,498
Top off your tank.
You're gonna need it.

308
00:12:28,498 --> 00:12:30,791
I don't mind if I do.
Watch this.

309
00:12:30,791 --> 00:12:33,964
Ew! Ew! Ew! Yuck.

310
00:12:35,175 --> 00:12:37,377
This is gonna be so easy.

311
00:12:37,377 --> 00:12:38,758
[ Imitating mickey from
"rocky" ] come on, rock.

312
00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:40,430
You hit the showers.
 Okay.

313
00:12:40,430 --> 00:12:43,934
I'll get some milk and cookies
and take a nice, long nap.

314
00:12:43,934 --> 00:12:46,186
All right, all right.
Here we go!

315
00:12:46,186 --> 00:12:48,849
Mom does look pretty good.

316
00:12:48,849 --> 00:12:50,891
Oh, I'm scared.
I'm shaking.

317
00:12:50,891 --> 00:12:53,483
♪ Shake, shake, shake,
shake, shake, shake ♪

318
00:12:53,483 --> 00:12:56,656
♪ Shake your milkshake,
oh, shake your milkshake ♪

319
00:13:01,992 --> 00:13:04,114
That's perfect.
That's perfect.

320
00:13:04,114 --> 00:13:05,745
I'm cured.

321
00:13:05,745 --> 00:13:07,497
Tony --
 don't look at me!

322
00:13:07,497 --> 00:13:09,830
Oh, god.
You ruined it.

323
00:13:09,830 --> 00:13:11,581
I can see your eyes,
and you know what they're doing?

324
00:13:11,581 --> 00:13:13,213
They're tempting me.
You know what they're saying?

325
00:13:13,213 --> 00:13:15,375
They're saying, "hey, you
wanna take a peek, big boy?"

326
00:13:15,375 --> 00:13:16,796
Okay, I give up.

327
00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:19,129
What can I do
to turn you off?

328
00:13:19,129 --> 00:13:21,381
Oh, god, you are so beautiful
without your veil.

329
00:13:21,381 --> 00:13:22,722
Oh...

330
00:13:22,722 --> 00:13:24,224
Stop it!
You're acting like an idiot!

331
00:13:24,224 --> 00:13:26,766
I love it when you're angry.
Oh!

332
00:13:26,766 --> 00:13:28,348
If you don't knock it off,
I'm gonna get

333
00:13:28,348 --> 00:13:29,479
Really angry and slap you.

334
00:13:29,479 --> 00:13:30,560
No, that'd be physical contact.

335
00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:32,642
I could not handle that now.

336
00:13:32,642 --> 00:13:35,565
I might explode.
Oh!

337
00:13:35,565 --> 00:13:37,237
You've lost your mind, tony.

338
00:13:37,237 --> 00:13:38,568
You know what?

339
00:13:38,568 --> 00:13:39,699
I don't think
I can see you anymore

340
00:13:39,699 --> 00:13:41,071
Until you come
to your senses.

341
00:13:41,071 --> 00:13:42,282
Okay, you know what?

342
00:13:42,282 --> 00:13:44,154
I have got
one last idea, okay?

343
00:13:44,154 --> 00:13:47,747
Look, here.
Here, put these on, okay?

344
00:13:53,453 --> 00:13:55,956
Oy vey, you're hot!

345
00:13:55,956 --> 00:13:56,957
Oh!

346
00:13:56,957 --> 00:13:58,458
Oh!

347
00:13:58,458 --> 00:14:00,510
Okay, that's not working,
either.

348
00:14:00,510 --> 00:14:02,342
Okay, you know what?
I'm fine.

349
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:04,594
I am just not gonna look at you.
Not gonna look at you.

350
00:14:04,594 --> 00:14:07,427
Yeah, see, this is working.
Okay.

351
00:14:07,427 --> 00:14:10,140
Oh.

352
00:14:10,140 --> 00:14:12,352
Oh, god, I can smell you.

353
00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:13,473
That's it, get out, tony.
Get out.

354
00:14:13,473 --> 00:14:15,235
That's physical contact!

355
00:14:15,235 --> 00:14:17,317
Oh! Oh! Don't touch me --
don't touch me!

356
00:14:19,779 --> 00:14:22,782
I can still smell you.

357
00:14:32,622 --> 00:14:35,085
[ Grunts ]

358
00:14:38,708 --> 00:14:41,211
You know, jay, it's not too late
for you to bail out.

359
00:14:41,211 --> 00:14:43,133
What are you talking about?

360
00:14:43,133 --> 00:14:45,505
I'm talking about you could save
yourself some embarrassment.

361
00:14:45,505 --> 00:14:47,347
We could just go home
and make love.

362
00:14:47,347 --> 00:14:50,390
Sound a little nervous,
pizza boy.

363
00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:52,352
No, I feel stronger
than ever, jay.

364
00:14:52,352 --> 00:14:54,724
In fact, I got this thing
already in the bag.

365
00:14:54,724 --> 00:14:56,356
You just
don't know it yet.

366
00:14:56,356 --> 00:14:58,608
Announcer:
your attention please.

367
00:14:58,608 --> 00:15:00,570
The race will begin
in 30 seconds.

368
00:15:00,570 --> 00:15:03,113
I'm gonna go stand over there
with them kenyan brothers.

369
00:15:03,113 --> 00:15:04,864
Hey, matumbo,
hold my spot!

370
00:15:04,864 --> 00:15:06,866
[ Imitating swahili ]

371
00:15:09,029 --> 00:15:10,870
[ Speaking swahili ]

372
00:15:12,742 --> 00:15:14,744
Good luck.

373
00:15:14,744 --> 00:15:16,296
[ Imitating swahili ]

374
00:15:21,381 --> 00:15:23,423
[ Starting pistol shoots ]

375
00:15:27,307 --> 00:15:29,469
[ Crowd cheering ]

376
00:15:54,124 --> 00:15:55,955
[ Panting ]

377
00:16:54,264 --> 00:16:57,437
[ Whistling ]

378
00:17:02,902 --> 00:17:04,314
What?

379
00:17:04,314 --> 00:17:07,147
You're amazing,
that's all.

380
00:17:07,147 --> 00:17:08,908
What do you mean?

381
00:17:08,908 --> 00:17:10,240
What do I mean?

382
00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:12,952
You know, I passed you
a mile into the race,

383
00:17:12,952 --> 00:17:15,155
And you were huffing
and puffing.

384
00:17:15,155 --> 00:17:18,618
And then, yet, yet...
There you were at the finish

385
00:17:18,618 --> 00:17:21,621
Just stronger than ever.

386
00:17:21,621 --> 00:17:23,963
That was the rope a dope.

387
00:17:23,963 --> 00:17:25,295
You fell for that?

388
00:17:25,295 --> 00:17:27,507
Jay, that was all
part of the plan.

389
00:17:27,507 --> 00:17:29,969
What I did was I laid there,
and I played possum,

390
00:17:29,969 --> 00:17:32,342
And I let everybody just
sprint past me.

391
00:17:32,342 --> 00:17:35,305
And then when my carbs kicked
in, I shot out of there.

392
00:17:35,305 --> 00:17:37,227
Yeah, I'm running like that.

393
00:17:38,938 --> 00:17:41,351
You are a cheater.

394
00:17:41,351 --> 00:17:44,394
Ouch.

395
00:17:44,394 --> 00:17:47,357
It hurts me to my heart

396
00:17:47,357 --> 00:17:51,781
That you would reduce my
accomplishment to ch--

397
00:17:51,781 --> 00:17:54,033
I can't even say it!

398
00:17:54,033 --> 00:17:57,197
I will say it for you.
Cheater, cheater, cheater!

399
00:17:57,197 --> 00:17:58,458
And I want you
to stand right here

400
00:17:58,458 --> 00:18:00,330
And you tell me
how you did it.

401
00:18:00,330 --> 00:18:04,874
I should not even dignify
that...

402
00:18:04,874 --> 00:18:07,257
With a response,

403
00:18:07,257 --> 00:18:09,799
But if you have to know,
brown eyes...

404
00:18:11,171 --> 00:18:13,883
I took the carbs.

405
00:18:13,883 --> 00:18:17,217
Are you gonna start lying to me
at this point in our marriage?

406
00:18:17,217 --> 00:18:18,808
Is that what
you're gonna do?

407
00:18:18,808 --> 00:18:21,060
I'm not lying.
I told you, I took the carbs.

408
00:18:21,060 --> 00:18:25,315
What kind of carbs?

409
00:18:25,315 --> 00:18:26,486
A taxi carb.

410
00:18:26,486 --> 00:18:28,568
I knew it! I knew it!
Michael, ooh!

411
00:18:28,568 --> 00:18:30,990
I knew you could not beat me
fair and square!

412
00:18:30,990 --> 00:18:32,732
I knew it, michael!

413
00:18:32,732 --> 00:18:34,154
Look, in my defense, jay...

414
00:18:34,154 --> 00:18:36,115
I can't believe you.
 I only took the cab

415
00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:39,409
For 25.9.5 of the miles.

416
00:18:39,409 --> 00:18:41,161
The rest of it, I ran.

417
00:18:41,161 --> 00:18:42,832
I can't believe you cheated.

418
00:18:42,832 --> 00:18:44,584
Michael, you are a cheater.

419
00:18:44,584 --> 00:18:46,085
You cheater.
 Baby, don't.

420
00:18:46,085 --> 00:18:48,208
That's an ugly word.
It's ugly.

421
00:18:48,208 --> 00:18:50,550
It's a no-no.

422
00:18:50,550 --> 00:18:52,672
Okay, I'm sorry,
all right?

423
00:18:52,672 --> 00:18:56,716
My pride wouldn't let me lose,
and my legs wouldn't let me win.

424
00:18:56,716 --> 00:18:59,309
You deserve an apology.

425
00:18:59,309 --> 00:19:00,970
I'm sorry.

426
00:19:00,970 --> 00:19:03,933
I mean, I had no idea how much
work you had to put in

427
00:19:03,933 --> 00:19:06,976
To get in the condition that
you're in to run that race.

428
00:19:06,976 --> 00:19:08,358
Really?
 Baby...

429
00:19:08,358 --> 00:19:09,819
You're
an amazing woman --

430
00:19:09,819 --> 00:19:12,111
That focus and discipline.

431
00:19:12,111 --> 00:19:15,235
You know, when I was in the cab
and I looked out...

432
00:19:17,036 --> 00:19:21,951
I told the driver,
"slow down, habib, slow down.

433
00:19:21,951 --> 00:19:24,664
That's my wife right there."

434
00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:26,786
You know what he said?

435
00:19:26,786 --> 00:19:31,170
[ Middle eastern accent ]
he said, "she certainly
is beautiful.

436
00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:35,345
She has two humps
just like a camel."

437
00:19:35,345 --> 00:19:38,388
And I said,
"yep, that's my wife."

438
00:19:38,388 --> 00:19:40,300
So technically,
you know what?

439
00:19:40,300 --> 00:19:42,101
I'm calling off
the whole bet.

440
00:19:42,101 --> 00:19:43,563
Baby, you'd do that for me?

441
00:19:43,563 --> 00:19:45,895
I'd do it for us, jay.

442
00:19:45,895 --> 00:19:47,647
[ Chuckles ]
 you know?

443
00:19:47,647 --> 00:19:49,188
You're not buying it.

444
00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:51,070
Not at all.
Mnh-mnh, nope, not buying it.

445
00:19:51,070 --> 00:19:52,902
Okay, so I won.

446
00:19:52,902 --> 00:19:54,984
As I recall, I can have
anything I want.

447
00:19:54,984 --> 00:19:56,776
Is that right? Is that right?
What? What? What?

448
00:19:56,776 --> 00:19:58,868
Within reason,
within reason.
All right.

449
00:19:58,868 --> 00:20:01,531
Let's be reasonable.

450
00:20:01,531 --> 00:20:06,286
I want my husband...

451
00:20:06,286 --> 00:20:09,589
To be my training partner next
year in the race.

452
00:20:09,589 --> 00:20:12,292
We run together
side by side,

453
00:20:12,292 --> 00:20:14,384
The way we were supposed
to this year.

454
00:20:14,384 --> 00:20:16,135
Deal?

455
00:20:16,135 --> 00:20:18,388
Okay, a deal's a deal.
 Deal?

456
00:20:18,388 --> 00:20:20,800
Mm-hmm. Can we shake on it?
 Yeah.

457
00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:23,142
♪ Shake, shake, shake ♪
come on.

458
00:20:23,142 --> 00:20:24,844
Do I have to?
 Yes.

459
00:20:24,844 --> 00:20:26,306
♪ Shake that booty, ow ♪

460
00:20:26,306 --> 00:20:29,349
♪ Shake that booty, ow ♪

461
00:20:31,941 --> 00:20:34,484
Okay, I've thought about it
and thought about it, tony,

462
00:20:34,484 --> 00:20:36,025
And this is
the best solution.

463
00:20:36,025 --> 00:20:37,657
I tried covering up,
and that didn't work.

464
00:20:37,657 --> 00:20:39,028
So what we're gonna do

465
00:20:39,028 --> 00:20:41,160
Is build up your
tolerance for looking at me.

466
00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:43,122
I want you to stare at me
until you're bored.

467
00:20:43,122 --> 00:20:44,163
Ready?

468
00:20:45,705 --> 00:20:49,289
[ Gasping ]

469
00:20:58,468 --> 00:21:01,220
[ Panting ]

470
00:21:01,220 --> 00:21:02,221
Hi, tony.

471
00:21:02,221 --> 00:21:03,933
Aah!

472
00:21:21,110 --> 00:21:24,073
Look, I'm sorry, okay?

473
00:21:24,073 --> 00:21:26,366
My pride wouldn't let me lose,
and my ego wouldn't let me win.

474
00:21:26,366 --> 00:21:30,289
[ Laughter ]

475
00:21:30,289 --> 00:21:32,372
Okay, I'm sorry.

476
00:21:32,372 --> 00:21:36,416
My pride wouldn't let me win,
and my ego wouldn't let me lose,

477
00:21:36,416 --> 00:21:39,048
And nothing is
making sense here.

478
00:21:39,048 --> 00:21:40,089
[ Laughs ]