1 00:00:04,425 --> 00:00:05,545 MM. MMM-MM. 2 00:00:05,546 --> 00:00:06,886 HEY, BABY. HEY. 3 00:00:06,887 --> 00:00:08,047 WHAT YOU COOKIN'? 4 00:00:08,049 --> 00:00:09,509 RUMP ROAST. 5 00:00:09,510 --> 00:00:11,300 MM-HMM, I SEE. 6 00:00:11,302 --> 00:00:13,012 IT'S LOOKIN' MIGHTY FINE, TOO. 7 00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:14,313 GET AWAY FROM ME. 8 00:00:14,305 --> 00:00:16,685 NO, I'M GETTING A LITTLE SLICE OF THAT RUMP ROAST. 9 00:00:16,687 --> 00:00:18,307 NO, MICHAEL! THE KIDS ARE AT HOME. 10 00:00:18,309 --> 00:00:19,139 WHAT'S THAT MEAN? 11 00:00:19,140 --> 00:00:21,310 YOU KNOW ME, I'M QUICK AND QUIET. 12 00:00:21,312 --> 00:00:22,982 I'M TRYING TO COOK. 13 00:00:22,983 --> 00:00:25,613 I KNOW, AND YOU GOT ME ALL HEATED UP. 14 00:00:25,606 --> 00:00:27,106 COME ON, PUT IT UP HERE. 15 00:00:27,108 --> 00:00:28,148 [ LAUGHING ] 16 00:00:28,149 --> 00:00:29,949 ARE THEY ALWAYS LIKE THIS? 17 00:00:29,950 --> 00:00:31,070 ALWAYS. HELLO! 18 00:00:31,072 --> 00:00:33,152 THERE ARE PEOPLE HERE. 19 00:00:33,154 --> 00:00:34,834 WELL, WELL, WELL. 20 00:00:34,825 --> 00:00:37,415 IF IT ISN'T OUR FAVORITE YOUNG COUPLE. 21 00:00:37,418 --> 00:00:39,118 WHAT CAN WE DO YOU FOR? 22 00:00:39,120 --> 00:00:42,460 UM...TONY AND I NEED TO TALK TO YOU. 23 00:00:42,463 --> 00:00:43,623 REALLY? 24 00:00:43,624 --> 00:00:45,054 THAT'S GREAT. 25 00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:47,255 YOU KNOW WHAT I APPRECIATE ABOUT YOU GUYS? 26 00:00:47,258 --> 00:00:48,928 THE FACT THAT YOU INCLUDE US 27 00:00:48,929 --> 00:00:50,379 IN YOUR DECISION MAKING. 28 00:00:50,381 --> 00:00:52,131 THAT'S WHAT PARENTS WANT. 29 00:00:52,133 --> 00:00:54,183 AS PARENTS, IT MAKES US FEEL GOOD. 30 00:00:54,175 --> 00:00:55,935 SO, WHAT IS IT? LAY IT ON US. 31 00:00:55,936 --> 00:00:57,306 UH, CLAIRE AND I HAVE DECIDED 32 00:00:57,308 --> 00:00:58,638 TO HAVE SEXUAL INTERCOURSE. 33 00:00:58,639 --> 00:00:59,769 YOU SON OF A -- 34 00:00:59,770 --> 00:01:02,020 MICHAEL! MICHAEL! 35 00:01:02,022 --> 00:01:04,112 DID YOU HEAR WHAT HE SAID?! 36 00:01:04,105 --> 00:01:05,235 WAIT, WAIT, WAIT! 37 00:01:05,236 --> 00:01:07,606 DAD, YOU SAID WE COULD TALK TO YOU ABOUT ANYTHING! 38 00:01:07,608 --> 00:01:09,358 THAT'S RIGHT, MICHAEL. WE DID SAY THAT. 39 00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:11,070 LET'S TRY TO BE CALM AND RATIONAL 40 00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:13,071 AND LISTEN TO WHAT THE KIDS ARE TRYING TO TELL US. 41 00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:15,253 THANKS, MOM, 'CAUSE I WANNA HAVE SEX, TOO. 42 00:01:15,246 --> 00:01:17,116 YOU LITTLE -- [ SCREAMS ] 43 00:01:17,118 --> 00:01:19,958 YOU KNOW I WILL KILL YOU! 44 00:01:19,960 --> 00:01:21,120 WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. 45 00:01:21,122 --> 00:01:23,002 YOU SAID CALM AND RATIONAL. 46 00:01:23,003 --> 00:01:25,013 LET'S TRY TO BE CALM AND RATIONAL. 47 00:01:25,005 --> 00:01:27,255 I WILL TRY TO BE CALM AND RATIONAL AFTER I KILL HER! 48 00:01:27,258 --> 00:01:29,588 SEE? I TOLD YOU THEY'D REACT THIS WAY. 49 00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:31,210 WE SHOULD HAVE JUST DONE IT. 50 00:01:31,212 --> 00:01:32,762 BUT THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN WRONG. 51 00:01:32,763 --> 00:01:34,683 THIS IS A JOKE. 52 00:01:34,675 --> 00:01:36,055 IT'S APRIL FOOLS. 53 00:01:36,056 --> 00:01:38,266 COME ON, TONY. YOU'RE JOSHING WITH ME. 54 00:01:38,269 --> 00:01:40,059 YOU'RE PULLING MY CHAIN, HUH? 55 00:01:40,060 --> 00:01:41,220 UH, NO. 56 00:01:41,222 --> 00:01:43,312 WE'RE VERY SERIOUS ABOUT HAVING SEX. 57 00:01:43,314 --> 00:01:44,324 YOU SON OF A -- 58 00:01:44,315 --> 00:01:46,225 MICHAEL! 59 00:01:46,227 --> 00:01:48,487 HELP ME! HELP ME! 60 00:01:48,489 --> 00:01:50,149 MICHAEL! 61 00:01:50,151 --> 00:01:51,191 DAD! 62 00:01:51,192 --> 00:01:54,032 WE'RE ALMOST 17 YEARS OLD, 63 00:01:54,034 --> 00:01:56,624 AND WE'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS FOR A LONG TIME. 64 00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:59,407 WE FEEL LIKE WE'RE THE ONLY VIRGINS LEFT. 65 00:01:59,410 --> 00:02:01,290 AND WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT? 66 00:02:01,292 --> 00:02:03,372 WHAT'S WRONG WITH BEING A VIRGIN THESE DAYS? 67 00:02:03,374 --> 00:02:05,134 AND, TONY -- YOU, OF ALL PEOPLE. 68 00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:07,125 WHAT WOULD BIBLE-LEADER TOM SAY ABOUT THIS? 69 00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:08,547 WELL, ACTUALLY, 70 00:02:08,549 --> 00:02:10,749 BIBLE-LEADER TOM WAS THE CATALYST 71 00:02:10,751 --> 00:02:12,051 FOR THIS DECISION. 72 00:02:12,052 --> 00:02:13,172 HE FELL FROM GRACE. 73 00:02:13,174 --> 00:02:15,354 SO WHAT? HE HAD A LITTLE LOSS OF FAITH. 74 00:02:15,346 --> 00:02:18,056 NO. HE ACTUALLY FELL OFF A WOMAN NAMED GRACE. 75 00:02:20,221 --> 00:02:22,431 THEY WERE FORNICATING IN THE BASEMENT. 76 00:02:22,433 --> 00:02:24,143 I DECIDED IF A MAN THAT DEVOUT 77 00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:26,154 COULD SUCCUMB TO THE TEMPTATION OF THE FLESH, 78 00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:27,726 THEN WHAT CHANCE DO I HAVE? 79 00:02:27,728 --> 00:02:29,318 I MIGHT AS WELL JUST GIVE IN. 80 00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:30,530 THEN CALL GRACE. 81 00:02:30,531 --> 00:02:33,231 SHE SOUNDS LIKE A REALLY FUN CHICK. 82 00:02:33,234 --> 00:02:34,334 CALL HER UP. 83 00:02:34,325 --> 00:02:36,275 JUST LEAVE MY LITTLE CLAIRE OUT OF THIS. 84 00:02:36,277 --> 00:02:37,867 BUT I WANNA HAVE SEX, TOO. 85 00:02:37,868 --> 00:02:39,828 THEN CALL BIBLE-LEADER TOM. HE SOUNDS LIKE -- 86 00:02:39,830 --> 00:02:40,830 OH, THAT'S WRONG. 87 00:02:40,831 --> 00:02:42,491 GET OUT OF THE WAY! 88 00:02:45,336 --> 00:02:47,876 LOOK, WE'RE VERY HAPPY THAT YOU'VE COME TO US 89 00:02:47,878 --> 00:02:49,958 TO TRY TO TALK TO US ABOUT YOUR DECISION. 90 00:02:49,960 --> 00:02:52,170 BUT THE BOTTOM LINE IS -- 91 00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:54,352 WE FORBID IT. THAT RIGHT, MICHAEL? 92 00:02:54,345 --> 00:02:56,345 ABSOLUTELY FORBIDDEN. END OF STORY. 93 00:02:56,347 --> 00:02:58,177 I'M SORRY, BUT WE'RE IN LOVE, 94 00:02:58,178 --> 00:02:59,968 AND WE SHOULD BE FREE TO PARTAKE 95 00:02:59,970 --> 00:03:02,260 IN THE ULTIMATE EXPRESSION OF THAT LOVE. 96 00:03:02,263 --> 00:03:03,563 WE'RE COMMITTED TO OUR PLAN, 97 00:03:03,564 --> 00:03:05,694 AND WE'VE DECIDED WE'RE GOING TO DO IT 98 00:03:05,686 --> 00:03:07,306 10:00 THIS FRIDAY NIGHT. 99 00:03:09,900 --> 00:03:11,310 [ SIGHS ] 100 00:03:11,312 --> 00:03:13,652 I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT I FEEL A LOT BETTER. 101 00:03:13,654 --> 00:03:14,824 MAN. 102 00:03:14,815 --> 00:03:16,905 YOU SON OF A -- MICHAEL! 103 00:03:16,907 --> 00:03:18,407 DAD! 104 00:03:20,371 --> 00:03:21,951 THE NERVE OF THAT BOY! 105 00:03:21,952 --> 00:03:23,082 THE NERVE OF THAT BOY! 106 00:03:23,083 --> 00:03:24,163 COMING IN OUR HOUSE... 107 00:03:24,164 --> 00:03:25,044 ...WHERE WE LIVE. 108 00:03:25,035 --> 00:03:26,375 AND ASKING OUR PERMISSION... 109 00:03:26,377 --> 00:03:27,627 OUR PERMISSION... 110 00:03:27,628 --> 00:03:28,748 TO SLEEP WITH OUR BABY GIRL. 111 00:03:28,749 --> 00:03:29,879 OUR BABY GIRL! 112 00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:31,210 YOU KNOW THIS IS YOUR FAULT. 113 00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:33,501 IT'S ALL MY FAU-- MY FAULT? 114 00:03:33,504 --> 00:03:36,224 YEAH, SEE, YOU'RE THE ONE THAT SAID, 115 00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:38,136 "HEY, LET CLAIRE START DATING. 116 00:03:38,138 --> 00:03:39,838 "TONY SEEMS LIKE A NICE BOY. 117 00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:41,890 HE'S RELIGIOUS. HE'S UPSTANDING." 118 00:03:41,892 --> 00:03:43,262 YOU WERE RIGHT, JAY. 119 00:03:43,264 --> 00:03:44,314 HE'S STANDING UP RIGHT NOW. 120 00:03:44,305 --> 00:03:45,645 HOW YOU GONNA BLAME ME? 121 00:03:45,646 --> 00:03:47,226 BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T LISTEN TO ME 122 00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:48,937 WHEN I SAID, "LOCK THE GIRL IN HER ROOM 123 00:03:48,939 --> 00:03:50,689 AND PUT HER ON THE JELLY-DOUGHNUT DIET." 124 00:03:50,691 --> 00:03:53,061 WE'D HAVE HAD A 300-POUND VIRGIN, JAY. 125 00:03:53,063 --> 00:03:55,743 ONLY THING SHE'D BE ABLE TO OPEN IS HER EYES. 126 00:03:59,159 --> 00:04:00,449 SHE'D HAVE BEEN SAFE 127 00:04:00,451 --> 00:04:02,071 IN THE CONFINES OF THE FOLDS OF HER FLESH. 128 00:04:02,072 --> 00:04:04,032 YOU SAY, "HEY, CLAIRE. YOU IN THERE?" 129 00:04:04,034 --> 00:04:07,174 SHE'D GO, "YES, DADDY... 130 00:04:07,167 --> 00:04:09,247 "AND I DON'T WANT NO SEX, 131 00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:11,499 BUT I'LL TAKE ANOTHER BURGER." 132 00:04:11,502 --> 00:04:15,182 I STILL STAND BY MY DECISION TO LET HER DATE. 133 00:04:15,175 --> 00:04:17,715 AT LEAST THEY CAME TO US FIRST. 134 00:04:17,718 --> 00:04:19,838 NO, NO, NO. SEE. THAT WAS THE PLAN. 135 00:04:19,840 --> 00:04:22,550 YOU COME AND ASK FOR OUR PERMISSION. 136 00:04:22,553 --> 00:04:24,013 DON'T YOU GET IT? 137 00:04:24,014 --> 00:04:26,564 IT'S SCIENTIFIC IN ITS SIMPLICITY. 138 00:04:26,557 --> 00:04:28,557 THIS IS THE "BIG BANG THEORY." 139 00:04:28,559 --> 00:04:29,939 THE WHAT? 140 00:04:29,940 --> 00:04:32,060 IT'S THE BIG BANG THEORY. THE BBT AT ITS BEST. 141 00:04:32,062 --> 00:04:33,812 YOU GET IT? NO. 142 00:04:33,814 --> 00:04:36,244 HE'S BEING ASSIVE/AGGRESSIVE. 143 00:04:36,236 --> 00:04:38,656 DON'T YOU MEAN PASSIVE/AGGRESSIVE? 144 00:04:38,659 --> 00:04:40,989 NO, I HAD IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME. 145 00:04:40,991 --> 00:04:44,241 HE IS AGGRESSIVELY TRYING TO GET SOME ASSET FROM CLAIRE. 146 00:04:44,244 --> 00:04:46,124 WAIT A MINUTE. HOLD UP. 147 00:04:46,116 --> 00:04:47,326 I SEE. YOU SEE IT? 148 00:04:47,328 --> 00:04:49,618 THEY COME RIGHT OUT FRONT TO GO BEHIND OUR BACKS. 149 00:04:49,620 --> 00:04:50,830 EXACTLY! 150 00:04:50,831 --> 00:04:52,291 THEY TELL US WHAT THEY WANT TO DO, 151 00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:54,292 AND WHILE WE'RE WORRYING WHAT THEY'RE GONNA DO, 152 00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:56,764 THEY GO OUT AND DO WHAT THEY SAID THEY WERE GONNA DO! 153 00:04:56,757 --> 00:04:58,257 WHAT WE GONNA DO? 154 00:04:58,258 --> 00:05:01,178 I DON'T KNOW, BUT WE AIN'T GONNA LET THEM DO WHAT THEY WANNA DO. 155 00:05:01,181 --> 00:05:02,971 HOW WE GONNA STOP THEM? 156 00:05:02,973 --> 00:05:04,133 WE GOT TO SCARE THEM. 157 00:05:04,134 --> 00:05:05,274 OH, THAT'S GOOD. THAT'S GOOD. 158 00:05:05,265 --> 00:05:07,475 I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I'M GONNA DO, TOO. 159 00:05:07,478 --> 00:05:08,808 NO THREATS WITH GUNS, MICHAEL. 160 00:05:08,809 --> 00:05:11,689 OH, MAN. THAT WAS PLAN A! 161 00:05:11,692 --> 00:05:12,692 NO. 162 00:05:12,693 --> 00:05:14,143 WHAT ABOUT MY O.J. KNIFE? 163 00:05:14,144 --> 00:05:15,574 NO. 164 00:05:15,566 --> 00:05:17,736 A BULU DART? HEY, TONY. 165 00:05:17,738 --> 00:05:19,028 NO! 166 00:05:19,029 --> 00:05:21,529 NO WEAPONS. JUST WORDS. 167 00:05:21,532 --> 00:05:23,362 I'LL TAKE TONY. YOU TAKE CLAIRE. 168 00:05:23,364 --> 00:05:24,154 GOOD IDEA. 169 00:05:25,996 --> 00:05:27,616 [ HUMMING ] 170 00:05:27,618 --> 00:05:30,248 [ Low voice ] HEY, BABY. MY NAME IS JUNIOR. 171 00:05:30,250 --> 00:05:31,500 WHAT YOUR NAME IS? 172 00:05:31,502 --> 00:05:34,252 [ High-pitched ] HEE-HEE. DELILAH. 173 00:05:34,254 --> 00:05:36,304 [ Low voice ] HMMM. THAT'S REAL PRETTY. 174 00:05:36,296 --> 00:05:37,456 LET'S DO IT. 175 00:05:37,458 --> 00:05:38,758 [ High-pitched voice ] NO! NO! 176 00:05:38,759 --> 00:05:40,549 [ Low voice ] COME HERE, GIRL. COME HERE, GIRL. 177 00:05:40,551 --> 00:05:41,921 JUNIOR, DO YOU HAVE MY DOLLS? 178 00:05:41,922 --> 00:05:43,052 NO. 179 00:05:43,053 --> 00:05:44,223 WHY WOULD I HAVE YOUR STUPID DOLLS? 180 00:05:44,224 --> 00:05:46,024 WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM ANYWAY? 181 00:05:46,016 --> 00:05:47,136 GET OUT! 182 00:05:47,137 --> 00:05:50,387 THIS ISN'T YOUR ROOM! IT'S THE GARAGE. 183 00:05:50,391 --> 00:05:52,351 EVERYTHING BETWEEN THE MOTOR OIL 184 00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:54,062 AND THE DIRTY LAUNDRY IS MY ROOM. 185 00:05:54,064 --> 00:05:55,114 SO GET OUT. 186 00:05:55,105 --> 00:05:56,815 YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME. 187 00:05:56,817 --> 00:05:58,237 GET OUT! NO. 188 00:05:58,238 --> 00:05:59,898 GET OUT OR BE THROWN OUT. 189 00:05:59,900 --> 00:06:01,320 TRY IT. OKAY. 190 00:06:01,321 --> 00:06:02,401 PUT ME DOWN! 191 00:06:02,403 --> 00:06:03,483 PUT ME DOWN! 192 00:06:03,484 --> 00:06:05,544 I'LL PUT YOU DOWN OUTSIDE. 193 00:06:05,536 --> 00:06:06,616 AND STAY OUT! 194 00:06:06,617 --> 00:06:09,327 I HATE YOU. I HOPE YOU GET SICK AND DIE! 195 00:06:09,329 --> 00:06:11,119 YOU SHOULDN'T SAY THINGS LIKE THAT. 196 00:06:11,121 --> 00:06:12,121 YOU COULD -- 197 00:06:12,122 --> 00:06:14,372 [ GAGGING ] 198 00:06:16,667 --> 00:06:18,377 GETTING WEAK. 199 00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:21,958 LOSING...VOCABULARY. 200 00:06:21,962 --> 00:06:23,632 MOUTH... 201 00:06:23,634 --> 00:06:26,224 DRY... 202 00:06:26,216 --> 00:06:29,176 JUNIOR, YOU ARE FAKING, AREN'T YOU? 203 00:06:29,179 --> 00:06:31,309 NO. YOU KILLED ME. 204 00:06:31,311 --> 00:06:32,971 NO, I DIDN'T! NO, NO, NO! 205 00:06:32,973 --> 00:06:34,103 I DIDN'T MEAN IT! 206 00:06:34,104 --> 00:06:35,444 I MUST BID YOU...ADIEU. 207 00:06:35,436 --> 00:06:36,606 NO, JUNIOR! 208 00:06:36,607 --> 00:06:38,397 NO, JUNIOR! UNLESS... 209 00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:40,018 UNLESS WHAT, JUNIOR? 210 00:06:40,020 --> 00:06:41,440 UNLESS YOU MAKE ME A JELLY, 211 00:06:41,442 --> 00:06:43,732 RELISH, MAYO, AND BOILED EGG SANDWICH. 212 00:06:43,734 --> 00:06:45,334 RIGHT AWAY! 213 00:06:45,325 --> 00:06:48,195 OH, THIS IS GONNA BE GOOD. 214 00:06:48,198 --> 00:06:49,618 [ CHUCKLES ] 215 00:06:51,662 --> 00:06:54,712 Woman: SLOWLY LIFT YOUR RIGHT LEG TO THE HEAVENS. 216 00:06:54,705 --> 00:06:56,665 DOESN'T THAT FEEL GOOD? 217 00:06:56,667 --> 00:06:58,837 YES! YES, IT FEELS GOOD! 218 00:06:58,839 --> 00:07:01,339 CAN'T YOU WAIT TILL FRIDAY?! 219 00:07:01,341 --> 00:07:04,301 MOM! I WAS JUST FINISHING UP MY YOGA. 220 00:07:04,304 --> 00:07:07,014 CLAIRE! WHEN DID YOU START GETTING INTO YOGA? 221 00:07:07,007 --> 00:07:08,307 ACTUALLY, TONY SUGGESTED IT. 222 00:07:08,308 --> 00:07:10,388 HE SAID THE MORE FLEXIBLE YOU ARE, 223 00:07:10,390 --> 00:07:11,310 THE BETTER THE SEX -- 224 00:07:11,311 --> 00:07:13,101 YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. 225 00:07:13,103 --> 00:07:15,773 LOOK, THAT'S WHAT I CAME IN HERE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT. 226 00:07:15,766 --> 00:07:17,396 PLEASE, DON'T TRY TO CHANGE MY MIND. 227 00:07:17,397 --> 00:07:19,477 TONY AND I ARE BOTH IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER. 228 00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:21,480 I AM NOT TRYING TO CHANGE YOUR MIND. 229 00:07:21,482 --> 00:07:23,112 I JUST WANT YOU TO LOOK AT THIS BOOK. 230 00:07:23,113 --> 00:07:24,323 WHAT IS IT? 231 00:07:24,324 --> 00:07:26,204 A BOOK ON SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES. 232 00:07:26,196 --> 00:07:27,406 MOM... 233 00:07:27,407 --> 00:07:29,447 YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO WORRY ABOUT 234 00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:31,329 BECAUSE TONY AND I ARE BOTH VIRGINS. 235 00:07:31,331 --> 00:07:32,331 CLAIRE. 236 00:07:32,332 --> 00:07:34,582 TONY MAY SAY HE IS A VIRGIN, 237 00:07:34,575 --> 00:07:37,335 BUT DO YOU REALLY, REALLY BELIEVE HIM? 238 00:07:37,337 --> 00:07:38,377 YES. 239 00:07:38,378 --> 00:07:39,288 YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT. 240 00:07:39,289 --> 00:07:41,579 MOM, YOU'RE THE ONE WHO ALWAYS SAID 241 00:07:41,582 --> 00:07:43,212 I'LL KNOW WHEN I'M READY. 242 00:07:43,213 --> 00:07:44,763 WELL... 243 00:07:44,755 --> 00:07:45,845 I'M READY. 244 00:07:45,846 --> 00:07:46,796 I'M REALLY READY. 245 00:07:46,797 --> 00:07:49,137 I'M REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY -- 246 00:07:49,139 --> 00:07:50,259 YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. 247 00:07:50,260 --> 00:07:52,430 CLAIRE. CLAIRE, I GOT YOU. 248 00:07:52,432 --> 00:07:54,902 YOU MAY THINK THAT YOU'RE READY, 249 00:07:54,895 --> 00:07:57,055 BUT THERE'S A LOT OF THINGS THAT COME ALONG WITH SEX 250 00:07:57,057 --> 00:07:58,897 THAT I DON'T THINK YOU'RE READY FOR. 251 00:07:58,899 --> 00:07:59,769 SEX CHANGES YOU, CLAIRE. 252 00:07:59,770 --> 00:08:01,900 I UNDERSTAND THAT, AND I'M READY TO CHANGE. 253 00:08:01,902 --> 00:08:03,652 CLAIRE, YOU'RE TOO YOUNG! 254 00:08:03,654 --> 00:08:06,284 YOU'RE NOT EMOTIONALLY MATURE ENOUGH TO HANDLE SEX. 255 00:08:06,276 --> 00:08:07,446 AND YOU WERE? HEY! 256 00:08:07,447 --> 00:08:08,567 WATCH IT. 257 00:08:08,569 --> 00:08:11,029 YOU TOLD ME TO COME AND TALK TO YOU FIRST, 258 00:08:11,031 --> 00:08:12,071 AND I DID. 259 00:08:12,072 --> 00:08:13,782 THAT WAS OUR AGREEMENT. 260 00:08:13,784 --> 00:08:16,294 WHAT IS THE POINT IN YOU COMING AND TALKING TO ME 261 00:08:16,286 --> 00:08:18,376 IF YOU DON'T EVEN RESPECT MY OPINION? 262 00:08:18,378 --> 00:08:20,828 I RESPECT IT. I JUST DON'T AGREE WITH IT. 263 00:08:20,831 --> 00:08:22,961 PUT YOUR LEG DOWN. 264 00:08:29,299 --> 00:08:31,299 HEY, TONY. GLAD YOU CAME OVER. 265 00:08:31,301 --> 00:08:32,511 NO PROBLEM. 266 00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:34,902 LISTEN, I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU 267 00:08:34,895 --> 00:08:36,845 ABOUT YOUR PLAN TO HAVE SEX WITH CLAIRE. 268 00:08:36,847 --> 00:08:38,977 OH, YEAH, I'M REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO IT. 269 00:08:38,979 --> 00:08:40,519 YEAH. I KNOW. 270 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,440 I ACTUALLY RENTED A HOTEL ROOM AND EVERYTHING. 271 00:08:42,442 --> 00:08:44,862 I WANT IT TO BE ROMANTIC, SO I TOOK IT FOR TWO HOURS. 272 00:08:44,855 --> 00:08:46,815 FRIDAY NIGHT, IT'S ON! 273 00:08:46,817 --> 00:08:47,947 YEAH! 274 00:08:47,948 --> 00:08:51,858 OKAY, HAVE A SEAT, TONY. 275 00:08:51,862 --> 00:08:53,032 OKAY. 276 00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:54,583 LISTEN... 277 00:08:54,575 --> 00:08:57,955 I WANTED YOU TO COME OVER BECAUSE I NEEDED TO TALK TO YOU 278 00:08:57,958 --> 00:08:59,618 ABOUT MY OTHER SON, JIMMY. 279 00:08:59,620 --> 00:09:01,330 YOU HAVE ANOTHER SON? 280 00:09:01,331 --> 00:09:03,001 HAD, TONY. HAD. 281 00:09:03,003 --> 00:09:04,843 WHAT HAPPENED TO JIMMY? 282 00:09:04,835 --> 00:09:06,165 WELL, JIMMY DIED 283 00:09:06,166 --> 00:09:09,546 IN A VERY TERRIBLE SEXUAL-INTERCOURSE ACCIDENT. 284 00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:10,929 WHAT HAPPENED? 285 00:09:10,931 --> 00:09:12,881 HE BLEW UP! 286 00:09:12,883 --> 00:09:13,933 OH, MY GOD! 287 00:09:13,934 --> 00:09:15,394 I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THAT WAS POSSIBLE! 288 00:09:15,385 --> 00:09:17,515 YEAH, IT HAPPENS TO A LOT OF FIRST TIMERS. 289 00:09:17,517 --> 00:09:18,887 YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING, 290 00:09:18,889 --> 00:09:20,229 YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT BUTTONS TO PUSH, 291 00:09:20,230 --> 00:09:23,020 WRONG COMBINATION -- BOOM! 292 00:09:23,023 --> 00:09:26,073 WHY ISN'T THIS MORE WIDELY REPORTED? 293 00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:27,856 THE PANIC, TONY. DON'T YOU GET IT? 294 00:09:27,858 --> 00:09:29,948 IF MORE PEOPLE KNEW ABOUT THIS, 295 00:09:29,950 --> 00:09:31,820 LESS PEOPLE WOULD HAVE SEX, 296 00:09:31,822 --> 00:09:33,532 AND THE WHOLE SPECIES WOULD DIE. 297 00:09:33,533 --> 00:09:35,543 I SURE HOPE THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN TO CLAIRE AND ME. 298 00:09:35,535 --> 00:09:37,075 AND IT WON'T, TONY, 299 00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:39,497 IF YOU DON'T GO THROUGH WITH THIS. 300 00:09:39,499 --> 00:09:40,659 NO WAY, MR. KYLE! 301 00:09:40,661 --> 00:09:41,961 I HAVE TO BE BRAVE. 302 00:09:41,962 --> 00:09:43,372 WE ALL HAVE TO TAKE RISKS 303 00:09:43,373 --> 00:09:45,513 IF WE WANT THE SPECIES TO CONTINUE. 304 00:09:45,505 --> 00:09:48,045 I WILL HAVE SEX WITH YOUR DAUGHTER EVEN IF IT KILLS ME. 305 00:09:48,048 --> 00:09:51,418 YOU KNOW WHAT? IT JUST MIGHT, TONY. 306 00:09:51,421 --> 00:09:54,011 OKAY, LOOK, LOOK, LOOK. OKAY. 307 00:09:54,014 --> 00:09:57,524 THE THING IS, YOU ARE SO INEXPERIENCED. 308 00:09:57,517 --> 00:09:58,927 WELL, YEAH. I AGREE, MR. KYLE. 309 00:09:58,929 --> 00:10:01,139 THAT'S WHY I'VE BEEN TRYING TO EDUCATE MYSELF. 310 00:10:01,141 --> 00:10:02,721 I'VE BEEN READING THIS BOOK. 311 00:10:02,723 --> 00:10:04,863 "KAMASUTRA"? 312 00:10:04,855 --> 00:10:07,185 YEAH. SEE, LOOK. 313 00:10:07,187 --> 00:10:08,857 THAT'S THE ONE WE'RE GONNA DO. 314 00:10:08,859 --> 00:10:10,029 THAT ONE RIGHT THERE. 315 00:10:10,030 --> 00:10:12,780 BUT, OH! 316 00:10:12,783 --> 00:10:15,873 OH, MY GOD. THAT'S PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE. 317 00:10:15,866 --> 00:10:17,236 I KNOW IT'S GOING TO BE DIFFICULT, 318 00:10:17,237 --> 00:10:18,787 BUT CLAIRE AND I HAVE BEEN TAKING YOGA. 319 00:10:18,789 --> 00:10:20,659 I'M ACTUALLY GETTING PRETTY LIMBER. 320 00:10:20,661 --> 00:10:23,791 TA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA. BAM! 321 00:10:27,047 --> 00:10:29,377 LOOK, FORGET THE BOOK. FORGET YOGA, OKAY? 322 00:10:29,379 --> 00:10:31,799 WHAT I'M TRYING TO IMPRESS UPON YOU 323 00:10:31,802 --> 00:10:33,052 IS THAT SEX CAN BE DEADLY. 324 00:10:33,053 --> 00:10:36,023 I AGREE, MR. KYLE. THAT'S WHY I'VE GOT THESE. 325 00:10:38,308 --> 00:10:40,308 WILT CHAMBERLAIN'S XLs? 326 00:10:42,102 --> 00:10:45,192 THE LORD'S BLESSED ME IN MANY WAYS, MR. KYLE. 327 00:10:45,185 --> 00:10:46,855 [ SIGHS ] TONY... 328 00:10:46,857 --> 00:10:48,817 WHAT AM I GONNA DO, TONY? 329 00:10:48,819 --> 00:10:52,609 BUT THERE ACTUALLY IS A CONCERN THAT I HAVE. 330 00:10:52,612 --> 00:10:56,042 WHAT DOES IT FEEL LIKE? 331 00:10:56,036 --> 00:10:58,156 IT? YOU'VE NEVER DONE -- 332 00:10:58,158 --> 00:10:59,158 NO. 333 00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:01,409 YOU'VE NEVER EVEN -- NEVER. 334 00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:04,203 YEAH. LOOK, UM... 335 00:11:04,204 --> 00:11:05,674 YOU KNOW WHAT? I CAN HELP YOU. 336 00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:07,375 I CAN SHOW YOU WHAT IT'S GONNA -- 337 00:11:07,377 --> 00:11:08,787 SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN. 338 00:11:08,789 --> 00:11:10,549 I CAN TELL YOU WHAT IT'S GONNA FEEL LIKE. 339 00:11:10,550 --> 00:11:13,000 NOW, I WANT YOU TO PUT YOUR HANDS UP ON THE TABLE. 340 00:11:13,003 --> 00:11:16,893 THEN I WANT YOU TO VISUALIZE YOU AND CLAIRE. 341 00:11:16,887 --> 00:11:19,297 CLOSE YOUR EYES. SEE YOU WRITHING IN ECSTASY. 342 00:11:19,299 --> 00:11:20,759 YOU GOT THAT IMAGE IN YOUR HEAD? 343 00:11:20,761 --> 00:11:21,761 YEAH. 344 00:11:21,762 --> 00:11:23,472 YOU GOT IT? YEAH. 345 00:11:23,473 --> 00:11:25,023 OOOOOOOOOOW! MY HANDS! 346 00:11:25,015 --> 00:11:27,225 AND A LITTLE LEMON JUICE. 347 00:11:27,227 --> 00:11:30,067 OW, MY EYES! MY EYES! 348 00:11:30,070 --> 00:11:31,610 AAAAH! YOU SEE? 349 00:11:31,611 --> 00:11:33,651 THAT'S WHY YOU SHOULDN'T DO IT. 350 00:11:33,653 --> 00:11:35,743 WAIT. 351 00:11:35,736 --> 00:11:39,366 IT'S KIND OF STARTING TO TINGLE A LITTLE BIT. 352 00:11:41,031 --> 00:11:43,451 KINDA FEELS GOOD. OH, MAN! 353 00:11:43,453 --> 00:11:45,213 YOU GOTTA FEEL THAT! 354 00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:48,085 OW! OW! MY EYES! MY EYES! 355 00:11:48,088 --> 00:11:51,998 OW! MY HAND! AAAH! OOH! OOH! OOH! 356 00:11:52,002 --> 00:11:54,042 AAAH! OOOH! AAAAH! 357 00:11:54,044 --> 00:11:56,604 GOOD TALK, MR. KYLE. 358 00:11:56,596 --> 00:11:57,676 THANKS. 359 00:11:57,677 --> 00:11:59,007 AAAH. AAAH. 360 00:12:03,683 --> 00:12:07,443 HI, MON CHéRI. THESE ARE FOR YOU. 361 00:12:07,437 --> 00:12:08,687 MMM, GREAT. 362 00:12:08,688 --> 00:12:10,978 CAN'T TALK RIGHT NOW. I'M BUSY. 363 00:12:10,981 --> 00:12:12,731 SO WHAT'S GOING ON? 364 00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:14,732 FRANKLIN, IF YOU'RE GONNA TALK TO ME, 365 00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:16,994 YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO DO IT WHILE FOLDING JUNIOR'S LAUNDRY. 366 00:12:16,987 --> 00:12:19,777 CERTAINLY, MY DEAR, SWEET -- 367 00:12:19,780 --> 00:12:22,030 YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. SHUT UP AND FOLD. 368 00:12:22,032 --> 00:12:23,862 I'M TRYING TO FINISH KNITTING THIS HAT. 369 00:12:23,864 --> 00:12:24,924 FOR WHO? 370 00:12:24,915 --> 00:12:26,125 FOR JUNIOR. 371 00:12:26,126 --> 00:12:28,076 HE NEEDS TO KEEP HIS HEAD WARM, 372 00:12:28,078 --> 00:12:29,918 BEING AS SICK AS HE IS. 373 00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:32,500 YOU'RE GONNA NEED A LOT MORE YARN THAN THAT. 374 00:12:32,502 --> 00:12:34,502 HA. IT'S NOT FUNNY. 375 00:12:34,504 --> 00:12:35,514 OH. 376 00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:38,336 AND DON'T MAKE ANY JOKES ABOUT MY BROTHER. 377 00:12:38,338 --> 00:12:39,798 HE'S VERY SICK RIGHT NOW. 378 00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:40,930 WHAT'S WRONG? 379 00:12:40,931 --> 00:12:42,681 I WISHED HE'D GET SICK AND DIE, 380 00:12:42,682 --> 00:12:43,842 AND HE DID GET SICK, 381 00:12:43,844 --> 00:12:45,564 SO NOW I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF HIM 382 00:12:45,555 --> 00:12:46,595 BEFORE HE DIES. 383 00:12:46,596 --> 00:12:47,766 THAT'S FUNNY. 384 00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:50,437 I JUST SAW HIM PLAYING WITH DOLLS IN THE GARAGE. 385 00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:52,890 HE SAYS HE GOES IN AND OUT OF HIS COMAS. 386 00:12:52,893 --> 00:12:55,903 I THINK HE'S TAKING ADVANTAGE OF YOUR BIG HEART. 387 00:12:55,896 --> 00:12:57,066 WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 388 00:12:57,067 --> 00:12:59,817 I MEAN, I THINK YOU'RE BEING WORKED. 389 00:12:59,820 --> 00:13:01,990 HE'S PLAYING YOU FOR A FOOL. 390 00:13:01,992 --> 00:13:03,362 DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? 391 00:13:03,363 --> 00:13:05,623 THAT BIG HEAD HAS EVIL IN IT. 392 00:13:05,615 --> 00:13:06,995 REALLY? 393 00:13:06,997 --> 00:13:08,407 I'M AFRAID SO. 394 00:13:08,408 --> 00:13:09,788 WHAT A JERK. 395 00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:13,749 YEAH, BUT I HAVE A PLAN TO TURN THE TABLES. 396 00:13:13,753 --> 00:13:15,343 LISTEN CAREFULLY. 397 00:13:15,335 --> 00:13:17,045 [ WHISPERING ] OOH! 398 00:13:22,552 --> 00:13:23,762 HI, CLAIRE. 399 00:13:23,763 --> 00:13:24,803 HI, TONY. 400 00:13:26,226 --> 00:13:28,096 WELL, TONIGHT'S THE BIG NIGHT. 401 00:13:28,098 --> 00:13:29,058 I KNOW. I'M EXCITED. 402 00:13:29,059 --> 00:13:30,059 YEAH, ME, TOO. 403 00:13:30,060 --> 00:13:31,560 MICHAEL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THEM? 404 00:13:31,561 --> 00:13:32,931 THE SCARE TACTIC ISN'T WORKING. 405 00:13:32,933 --> 00:13:33,933 I KNOW, I KNOW. 406 00:13:33,934 --> 00:13:35,944 GONNA HAVE TO GO WITH PLAN B. THE GUN? 407 00:13:35,936 --> 00:13:37,066 NO! PLAN C. 408 00:13:37,067 --> 00:13:39,027 OH, YEAH. OH, YEAH, YEAH. 409 00:13:39,029 --> 00:13:41,489 OH, HI, MR. AND MRS. KYLE! 410 00:13:41,491 --> 00:13:42,491 HEY! HEY! 411 00:13:42,492 --> 00:13:43,652 LOOK, IT'S TONY. 412 00:13:43,653 --> 00:13:44,703 TONY! 413 00:13:44,704 --> 00:13:46,914 RIGHT ON TIME TO DEVIRGINIZE OUR DAUGHTER. 414 00:13:46,907 --> 00:13:47,997 SURE ENOUGH. 415 00:13:47,998 --> 00:13:49,658 SO, YOU READY FOR THE BIG NIGHT? 416 00:13:49,659 --> 00:13:51,619 OH, YEAH, I'VE BEEN PRACTICING FOR THREE NIGHTS. 417 00:13:51,621 --> 00:13:52,951 GOT YOUR HIPS ALL LOOSENED UP? 418 00:13:52,953 --> 00:13:54,373 ALL LOOSENED UP. GOOD. GOOD. 419 00:13:54,374 --> 00:13:55,674 YOU HAVE YOUR CONDOMS? 420 00:13:55,665 --> 00:13:57,715 YEP. HORSE IS ALL READY TO BE SADDLED. 421 00:13:57,717 --> 00:13:59,047 GOOD. GET THE HOTEL SET UP? 422 00:13:59,049 --> 00:14:00,669 GOT THE CONFIRMATION NUMBER? 423 00:14:00,670 --> 00:14:01,800 EVERYTHING'S SET. 424 00:14:01,801 --> 00:14:03,671 OKAY, I WANNA GIVE YOU A LITTLE SOMETHING. 425 00:14:03,673 --> 00:14:05,023 THIS HERE IS AN HERB. 426 00:14:05,015 --> 00:14:06,555 IT'S CALLED YOHIMBé. 427 00:14:06,556 --> 00:14:07,806 YOU TAKE THAT... 428 00:14:07,807 --> 00:14:08,967 HA! ALL NIGHT LONG. 429 00:14:08,969 --> 00:14:10,099 ALL NIGHT LONG. 430 00:14:10,100 --> 00:14:12,060 THAT'S WHAT I USE ON HER. 431 00:14:12,062 --> 00:14:13,142 HA HA HA! 432 00:14:13,143 --> 00:14:14,853 OH, YEAH. 433 00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:17,074 LET THAT GO DOWN. OKAY. 434 00:14:17,067 --> 00:14:19,357 HUH? YEAH, YOU JUST SWALLOW THAT DOWN. 435 00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:20,739 MAN, THANKS, MR. KYLE. 436 00:14:20,740 --> 00:14:23,150 THANKS FOR BEING SO COOL WITH EVERYTHING. 437 00:14:23,153 --> 00:14:25,333 HEY! COME ON, YOU SON OF A GUN! 438 00:14:25,325 --> 00:14:28,655 YOU'RE GONNA TAKE MY DAUGHTER INTO WOMANHOOD. 439 00:14:28,658 --> 00:14:30,538 YOU SON OF A GUN! 440 00:14:30,540 --> 00:14:31,990 SON OF A GUN!! 441 00:14:31,992 --> 00:14:34,202 SO, YOU GUYS... 442 00:14:34,204 --> 00:14:35,344 YOU JUST -- 443 00:14:35,335 --> 00:14:36,835 WHAT ARE YOU STANDING AROUND HERE FOR? 444 00:14:36,836 --> 00:14:39,166 GET OUT OF HERE, YOU LITTLE HORN TOADS. 445 00:14:39,169 --> 00:14:40,339 BYE, GUYS. 446 00:14:40,340 --> 00:14:42,420 WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. 447 00:14:42,422 --> 00:14:44,422 THERE'S ONE LITTLE THING I FORGOT. 448 00:14:46,056 --> 00:14:47,136 CLAIRE CAN'T GO WITH YOU. 449 00:14:47,137 --> 00:14:48,267 SHE SURE CAN'T. 450 00:14:48,268 --> 00:14:50,058 WHY NOT? 451 00:14:50,060 --> 00:14:51,810 SHE'S ON PUNISHMENT. 452 00:14:51,811 --> 00:14:52,891 SHE SURE IS. 453 00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,182 FOR WHAT? 454 00:14:54,184 --> 00:14:55,614 YOU -- FOR WHAT? 455 00:14:55,605 --> 00:14:56,815 FOR BREAKING THE GLASS. 456 00:14:56,816 --> 00:14:57,896 YOU BROKE THE GLASS. 457 00:14:57,897 --> 00:14:59,067 WHAT GLASS? 458 00:14:59,069 --> 00:15:01,229 OH, THIS GLASS. 459 00:15:01,231 --> 00:15:02,231 LOOK AT THAT! 460 00:15:02,232 --> 00:15:03,572 I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU, CLAIRE! 461 00:15:03,573 --> 00:15:05,833 MY FAVORITE GLASS! 462 00:15:05,825 --> 00:15:08,155 YOU KNOW WHAT, MISS? YOU ARE GROUNDED. 463 00:15:08,158 --> 00:15:09,698 HOW LONG IS SHE GROUNDED FOR? 464 00:15:09,699 --> 00:15:11,989 ABOUT...TWO YEARS. 465 00:15:11,992 --> 00:15:13,242 WHAT?! 466 00:15:13,243 --> 00:15:14,163 YEP, YEP. 467 00:15:14,164 --> 00:15:15,634 THAT GLASS WAS A VERY SPECIAL GLASS. 468 00:15:15,625 --> 00:15:18,035 YOU KNOW THAT GLASS WAS GIVEN TO US BY... 469 00:15:18,038 --> 00:15:19,208 ...SAMMY DAVIS, JR. 470 00:15:19,209 --> 00:15:20,419 THAT'S RIGHT. SAMMY SAID, 471 00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:22,210 [ Imitating Sammy ] HERE, KIDS. 472 00:15:22,212 --> 00:15:23,132 HOLD THIS FOR ME, CATS. 473 00:15:23,133 --> 00:15:24,753 [ Normal voice ] THAT WAS HIS EYE GLASS. 474 00:15:24,754 --> 00:15:26,354 HE USED TO KEEP HIS EYE IN THAT GLASS. 475 00:15:26,346 --> 00:15:27,846 THE END OF THE NIGHT, HE'D GO -- 476 00:15:27,847 --> 00:15:28,967 [ CLICKS TONGUE ] 477 00:15:28,969 --> 00:15:31,889 PUT THE EYE IN THERE, LET IT SOAK. 478 00:15:31,891 --> 00:15:33,181 YOU RUN UPSTAIRS, 479 00:15:33,183 --> 00:15:35,113 AND I WANT YOU TO THINK ABOUT HOW SAMMY MUST FEEL 480 00:15:35,105 --> 00:15:36,395 WITHOUT THAT GLASS. 481 00:15:36,396 --> 00:15:39,226 OH, I HATE THIS HOUSE! YOU GUYS ARE SO UNFAIR! 482 00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:42,771 YOU KNOW, TONY, 483 00:15:42,772 --> 00:15:46,072 I JUST COULDN'T LET YOU GO THROUGH WITH YOUR EVIL PLAN. 484 00:15:46,066 --> 00:15:48,066 YOU CAN'T FOOL THE MASTER. 485 00:15:48,068 --> 00:15:50,158 I WASN'T TRYING TO FOOL YOU, MR. KYLE. 486 00:15:50,160 --> 00:15:52,120 I WAS JUST TRYING TO BE HONEST. 487 00:15:52,122 --> 00:15:54,662 YOU GO BE HONEST WITH SOMEONE ELSE'S LITTLE GIRL, 488 00:15:54,664 --> 00:15:55,754 NOT MINE. 489 00:15:55,745 --> 00:15:57,535 YOU BETTER HURRY UP. 490 00:15:57,537 --> 00:16:00,377 YOU GOT ABOUT 30 MINUTES BEFORE THAT YOHIMBé KICK IN. 491 00:16:00,380 --> 00:16:02,500 YOU'RE GONNA BE WALKING WITH A LIMP. 492 00:16:09,049 --> 00:16:10,549 HI, JUNIOR. 493 00:16:10,550 --> 00:16:12,180 [ GROANING ] 494 00:16:14,684 --> 00:16:16,654 ARE YOU OKAY? NO. 495 00:16:16,646 --> 00:16:18,896 I'M NEAR DEATH. 496 00:16:18,898 --> 00:16:21,148 I CAN SEE THAT. 497 00:16:21,151 --> 00:16:23,101 YOUR EYES ARE ALL YELLOW AND ROOMY. 498 00:16:23,103 --> 00:16:24,403 THEY ARE? 499 00:16:24,404 --> 00:16:25,534 YEAH! 500 00:16:25,525 --> 00:16:28,155 AND YOUR PULSE IS REALLY WEAK, TOO. 501 00:16:28,158 --> 00:16:29,608 IT -- IT IS? 502 00:16:29,609 --> 00:16:31,659 YEAH. 503 00:16:31,661 --> 00:16:34,241 GEE WHIZ! YOU'RE BURNING UP! 504 00:16:34,244 --> 00:16:35,254 ARE YOU SURE? 505 00:16:35,245 --> 00:16:38,325 YEAH, MY DAD'S AN EPIDEMIOLOGIST. 506 00:16:38,328 --> 00:16:41,418 A EP-HULAPALULA WHAT? 507 00:16:41,421 --> 00:16:42,621 AN EPIDEMIOLOGIST -- 508 00:16:42,622 --> 00:16:45,342 A DOCTOR WHO STUDIES INFECTIOUS DISEASES. 509 00:16:45,335 --> 00:16:47,125 [ GASPS ] 510 00:16:47,127 --> 00:16:49,387 HAVE YOU BEEN TO THE CONGO LATELY? 511 00:16:49,389 --> 00:16:50,799 NO. 512 00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:53,090 HAVE YOU BEEN PLAYING WITH SEWAGE? 513 00:16:53,093 --> 00:16:54,263 NO. 514 00:16:54,264 --> 00:16:56,984 YOU HAVEN'T BEEN CURSED BY ANY CHANCE, HAVE YOU? 515 00:16:56,976 --> 00:16:58,766 YES! YES! KADY! JUST THE OTHER DAY! 516 00:16:58,768 --> 00:17:00,438 SHE WISHED I'D GET SICK AND DIE. 517 00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:02,270 WELL, THERE'S YOUR ANSWER. 518 00:17:02,272 --> 00:17:05,072 THAT'S NONSENSE. CURSES AREN'T REAL. 519 00:17:05,065 --> 00:17:08,355 MY GOOD MAN, I BEG TO DIFFER. 520 00:17:08,358 --> 00:17:10,648 I'LL PROVE IT TO YOU. 521 00:17:10,650 --> 00:17:12,320 THERE ARE A FEW SIMPLE TESTS. 522 00:17:12,322 --> 00:17:13,322 SHHH! 523 00:17:13,323 --> 00:17:15,333 LISTEN. DID YOU HEAR THAT? 524 00:17:15,325 --> 00:17:17,365 NO, NO. I DON'T HEAR ANYTHING. 525 00:17:17,367 --> 00:17:20,247 OOOOH. THAT'S REALLY BAD. 526 00:17:20,250 --> 00:17:23,580 STICK OUT YOUR TONGUE. 527 00:17:24,664 --> 00:17:27,554 SAY "EEEEEEEEE." 528 00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:30,467 EEEEEEEEEE. 529 00:17:30,470 --> 00:17:33,130 OOH, YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE ABLE TO DO THAT. 530 00:17:33,133 --> 00:17:36,233 I HATE TO TELL YOU THIS, JUNIOR, 531 00:17:36,226 --> 00:17:38,846 BUT YOU'RE NOT GONNA SURVIVE THE NIGHT. 532 00:17:38,848 --> 00:17:40,678 WH-WH-WHAT CAN I DO? I DON'T KNOW! 533 00:17:40,680 --> 00:17:41,810 COME ON! 534 00:17:41,811 --> 00:17:45,321 YOUR DAD'S A EPI-HOCAWACALOLLIPOP. 535 00:17:45,315 --> 00:17:48,395 YOUR ONLY HOPE IS TO GO TO KADY 536 00:17:48,398 --> 00:17:51,568 AND BEG HER TO REMOVE THE CURSE. 537 00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:53,031 BUT WHAT IF SHE SAYS "NO"? 538 00:17:53,032 --> 00:17:55,372 THEN IT'S CURTAINS, KID. 539 00:17:57,867 --> 00:17:58,957 MICHAEL! WHAT? 540 00:17:58,958 --> 00:18:00,038 MICHAEL! WHAT?! 541 00:18:00,039 --> 00:18:02,039 I JUST CHECKED IN ON CLAIRE. SHE'S GONE! 542 00:18:02,041 --> 00:18:03,791 SHE MUST HAVE SNUCK OUT OF HER WINDOW! 543 00:18:03,793 --> 00:18:05,213 OH, NO, THEY WERE GOING TO DO IT AT 10:00. 544 00:18:05,205 --> 00:18:06,335 WHAT TIME IS IT? 545 00:18:06,336 --> 00:18:07,336 IT'S 10:03. 546 00:18:07,337 --> 00:18:10,337 OH, GOD, IT'S OVER! 547 00:18:10,340 --> 00:18:12,050 IT'S OVER! 548 00:18:12,051 --> 00:18:14,261 HEY, EVERYBODY. WE'RE BACK. 549 00:18:14,264 --> 00:18:16,394 DON'T YOU "HEY, EVERYBODY" ME! 550 00:18:16,386 --> 00:18:18,716 MICHAEL! 551 00:18:18,718 --> 00:18:21,388 [ SCREAMING ] 552 00:18:21,391 --> 00:18:23,811 YOU LITTLE... 553 00:18:23,813 --> 00:18:25,323 COME BACK! 554 00:18:25,315 --> 00:18:26,645 MICHAEL! 555 00:18:26,646 --> 00:18:28,316 WE DIDN'T DO IT! 556 00:18:28,318 --> 00:18:30,488 WE DIDN'T DO IT, DAD! 557 00:18:30,490 --> 00:18:33,110 HE DIDN'T DO IT. THEY DIDN'T DO IT! 558 00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:34,362 HE DIDN'T DO IT! 559 00:18:34,364 --> 00:18:35,374 [ LAUGHING ] 560 00:18:37,197 --> 00:18:38,327 I WAS JUST KIDDING. 561 00:18:38,328 --> 00:18:39,538 TRYING TO GET IN A LITTLE EXERCISE. 562 00:18:39,539 --> 00:18:40,909 WHEW! 563 00:18:40,910 --> 00:18:44,700 PRETTY FAST, EH, KID? 564 00:18:44,704 --> 00:18:45,804 OW. 565 00:18:48,378 --> 00:18:49,918 YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE SO HAPPY. 566 00:18:49,919 --> 00:18:51,419 YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TALK BACK 567 00:18:51,421 --> 00:18:54,051 AFTER YOU BROKE SAMMY'S FAKE-GLASS EYEGLASS GLASS. 568 00:18:54,053 --> 00:18:55,683 THAT'S RIGHT. 569 00:18:55,675 --> 00:18:57,635 ARE YOU GUYS GETTING SOME SENSE IN YOUR HEAD 570 00:18:57,637 --> 00:18:59,347 AND FINALLY LISTENING TO WHAT WE HAVE TO SAY? 571 00:18:59,349 --> 00:19:02,469 ACTUALLY, IT WASN'T EVEN ANYTHING ANYBODY SAID. 572 00:19:02,472 --> 00:19:04,722 IT WAS A SIGN DIRECTLY FROM THE MAN UPSTAIRS. 573 00:19:04,724 --> 00:19:05,984 REALLY. 574 00:19:05,975 --> 00:19:07,355 YOU WON'T BELIEVE IT, MR. KYLE. 575 00:19:07,357 --> 00:19:10,477 WHEN I OPENED THE BEDSIDE TABLE DRAWER TO PUT THE WALLET AWAY, 576 00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:11,400 GUESS WHAT I SAW? 577 00:19:11,401 --> 00:19:13,361 THE BIBLE -- SOMEONE LEFT THE BIBLE. 578 00:19:13,363 --> 00:19:14,533 WOW. 579 00:19:14,534 --> 00:19:15,914 NOW, WHAT MORE CLEAR SIGN THAN THAT? 580 00:19:15,905 --> 00:19:16,865 YEAH, BUT THERE'S A BIBLE -- 581 00:19:16,866 --> 00:19:18,196 NO, THAT WAS A SIGN. 582 00:19:18,198 --> 00:19:19,328 THERE'S ALWAYS -- 583 00:19:19,329 --> 00:19:20,489 NO, IT WAS A SIGN. 584 00:19:20,490 --> 00:19:22,490 YOU KNOW WHEN YOU -- IT WAS A SIGN, JAY! 585 00:19:22,492 --> 00:19:26,292 OH! A SIGN! 586 00:19:26,286 --> 00:19:27,836 GOT IT. 587 00:19:27,837 --> 00:19:29,497 WELL, I GUESS I HAVE TO GET GOING. 588 00:19:29,499 --> 00:19:31,089 GOODNIGHT, EVERYBODY. 589 00:19:31,090 --> 00:19:32,050 GOODNIGHT, TONY. 590 00:19:32,051 --> 00:19:33,131 Claire: BYE, TONY. 591 00:19:33,132 --> 00:19:34,422 I'M GONNA GO UP TO MY ROOM. 592 00:19:34,424 --> 00:19:35,854 YEAH, YOU GO UP TO YOUR ROOM. 593 00:19:35,845 --> 00:19:37,595 WE'RE GOING TO TALK IN THE MORNING, YOUNG LADY. 594 00:19:37,597 --> 00:19:38,597 GOODNIGHT. 595 00:19:40,510 --> 00:19:44,930 MICHAEL...WE DODGED A REALLY BIG BULLET THAT TIME. 596 00:19:44,934 --> 00:19:45,984 I KNOW. 597 00:19:45,975 --> 00:19:47,105 [ SIGHS ] 598 00:19:47,106 --> 00:19:50,066 YOU KNOW SHE'S GONNA DO IT EVENTUALLY. 599 00:19:50,069 --> 00:19:52,229 YEAH, I KNOW THAT, TOO. 600 00:19:52,232 --> 00:19:54,402 SO WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO? 601 00:19:54,404 --> 00:19:56,414 WE'RE GONNA HOPE AND PRAY 602 00:19:56,406 --> 00:19:59,576 THAT EVENTUALLY IS A LONG TIME FROM NOW. 603 00:19:59,579 --> 00:20:01,239 I KNOW THAT'S RIGHT. 604 00:20:14,384 --> 00:20:18,554 WHAT YEAR IS THIS GRAPE JUICE? 605 00:20:18,548 --> 00:20:20,548 IT'S A TUESDAY. 606 00:20:20,550 --> 00:20:21,550 IT'S DREADFUL. 607 00:20:21,551 --> 00:20:23,301 TAKE IT BACK AND FETCH US A NEW ONE. 608 00:20:23,303 --> 00:20:24,433 YES, SIR. 609 00:20:24,434 --> 00:20:27,234 THEN, WILL YOU TAKE OFF THE CURSE, PLEASE? 610 00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:29,016 MAYBE AFTER LUNCH. 611 00:20:29,018 --> 00:20:32,268 WAIT! WHERE ARE THE JELLY BEANS? 612 00:20:32,272 --> 00:20:35,232 COMING RIGHT UP, MILADY. 613 00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:37,324 AND NO GREEN ONES! 614 00:20:37,317 --> 00:20:40,237 HOW LONG ARE WE GONNA KEEP THIS UP? 615 00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:41,489 UNTIL HE FIGURES IT OUT. 616 00:20:41,491 --> 00:20:43,531 THAT COULD BE A LONG TIME. 617 00:20:43,533 --> 00:20:44,823 YEAH. 618 00:20:44,824 --> 00:20:48,924 THERE'S A LOT MORE THAN EVIL IN THAT BIG HEAD. 619 00:20:48,918 --> 00:20:51,958 THERE'S ALSO A LOT OF EMPTY SPACE! 620 00:20:51,961 --> 00:20:53,251 [ GIGGLES ] 621 00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:55,172 DON'T MAKE JOKES ABOUT MY BROTHER. 622 00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:03,470 DON'T YOU TALK BACK TO US, YOUNG LADY, 623 00:21:03,473 --> 00:21:06,153 AFTER YOU BROKE SAMMY'S EYEGLASS GLASS... 624 00:21:06,145 --> 00:21:08,475 [ LAUGHS ] 625 00:21:08,478 --> 00:21:11,688 AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE TALKIN' BACK TO US 626 00:21:11,691 --> 00:21:14,271 AFTER YOU BROKE FAMMY -- FF-- 627 00:21:14,273 --> 00:21:16,533 DON'T YOU TALK BACK TO US, YOUNG LADY, 628 00:21:16,526 --> 00:21:17,896 AFTER YOU -- [ LAUGHS ] 629 00:21:17,897 --> 00:21:19,567 YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TALK BACK 630 00:21:19,569 --> 00:21:22,359 AFTER YOU BROKE SAMMY'S FAKE-GLASS EYEGLASS GLASS. 631 00:21:22,362 --> 00:21:23,952 YEAH, YOU LAUGH, YOUNG LADY. 632 00:21:23,953 --> 00:21:25,913 I SAID IT RIGHT! 633 00:21:25,905 --> 00:21:27,455 [ LAUGHTER ]