1
00:00:03,414 --> 00:00:04,648
* *

2
00:00:04,749 --> 00:00:07,050
(cheering)

3
00:00:07,150 --> 00:00:09,817
Okay, Danica, spill the beans.

4
00:00:09,917 --> 00:00:12,318
Where are we going for
my bachelorette party, hmm?

5
00:00:12,417 --> 00:00:15,518
Burlesque seafood buffet
in Reno?

6
00:00:15,618 --> 00:00:18,187
The theme was going to be
"Trapped in a Mine."

7
00:00:18,287 --> 00:00:20,955
You know, because
marriage is a trap.

8
00:00:21,055 --> 00:00:22,688
But Carly vetoed my idea

9
00:00:22,789 --> 00:00:25,089
without so much as
a petite rendezvous.

10
00:00:25,189 --> 00:00:28,490
We are going to...

11
00:00:28,590 --> 00:00:30,658
Ohio!

12
00:00:32,492 --> 00:00:33,760
I said...

13
00:00:33,860 --> 00:00:35,860
Ohio!

14
00:00:35,960 --> 00:00:38,294
We heard you.

15
00:00:38,394 --> 00:00:40,828
Wait. Are we gonna be
on my favorite TV show

16
00:00:40,928 --> 00:00:41,996
Toledo House Flip?

17
00:00:42,095 --> 00:00:43,863
No.

18
00:00:44,696 --> 00:00:47,497
But we are going to the
"Party Like They Do

19
00:00:47,597 --> 00:00:51,232
on Toledo House Flip
Experience."

20
00:00:51,932 --> 00:00:53,933
You know how gals go to New York

21
00:00:54,033 --> 00:00:55,633
to do the Sex and the City
tours?

22
00:00:55,734 --> 00:00:58,634
So, it's gonna be exactly like
that, except we're going to be

23
00:00:58,735 --> 00:01:02,702
"remodeling" a house
in the Midwest.

24
00:01:02,803 --> 00:01:05,137
We're gonna have so much fun.

25
00:01:05,237 --> 00:01:06,671
Placing succulents in corners,

26
00:01:06,772 --> 00:01:10,039
and choosing between zebra
and giraffe wallpaper.

27
00:01:10,138 --> 00:01:14,140
And screwing in Edison light
bulbs while drinking mimosas.

28
00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:17,041
So you changed the entire
weekend on a whim?

29
00:01:17,141 --> 00:01:19,276
Classic Carly.

30
00:01:20,142 --> 00:01:24,277
Don't worry. I approved Carly's
itinerary, which means a lot

31
00:01:24,377 --> 00:01:26,411
because I'm the queen
of bachelorette parties.

32
00:01:26,511 --> 00:01:28,279
You've been
a maid of honor before?

33
00:01:28,379 --> 00:01:31,814
14 times. All featured in
Bachelorette Party magazine.

34
00:01:31,914 --> 00:01:33,247
Self-published.

35
00:01:35,281 --> 00:01:36,915
Hey. Did you tell her?

36
00:01:37,014 --> 00:01:38,582
Did you tell her?
Did she freak out?

37
00:01:38,682 --> 00:01:40,583
Did she... flip?

38
00:01:41,648 --> 00:01:43,150
Yoo-hoo, Freddie, a word?

39
00:01:43,250 --> 00:01:45,585
Hey, um, question.

40
00:01:46,484 --> 00:01:48,619
When you hear
"Classic Carly"...

41
00:01:48,719 --> 00:01:51,219
Oh, no. My mom said
"Classic Carly"?

42
00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:53,087
Why, what does it mean?

43
00:01:53,188 --> 00:01:55,421
My mom kind of thinks
that you're...

44
00:01:55,520 --> 00:01:57,255
impulsive, unreliable,
disrespectful to elders,

45
00:01:57,355 --> 00:01:59,089
and prone to
hijacking a weekend.

46
00:01:59,190 --> 00:02:00,590
Is that all?

47
00:02:00,690 --> 00:02:02,657
No. She also thinks
you have poor posture.

48
00:02:02,758 --> 00:02:04,092
But that's all.

49
00:02:05,192 --> 00:02:07,259
I am going to prove
to her this weekend

50
00:02:07,359 --> 00:02:09,526
that I am respectful, reliable,

51
00:02:09,626 --> 00:02:11,928
and that I can
stand up straight.

52
00:02:12,028 --> 00:02:13,528
God, my spine burns.

53
00:02:14,295 --> 00:02:17,196
Don't worry, okay?
She's gonna love it.

54
00:02:17,296 --> 00:02:19,898
Have fun. I love you.

55
00:02:19,998 --> 00:02:21,598
And I love you, Millicent.

56
00:02:22,799 --> 00:02:24,732
-Millicent?
-Bye.

57
00:02:24,833 --> 00:02:26,433
Fredward, I just--

58
00:02:26,533 --> 00:02:27,433
Bye, Danica.

59
00:02:27,533 --> 00:02:29,367
-Take care, Harps.
-Oh.

60
00:02:29,467 --> 00:02:33,002
And now a goodbye to the one
I'm going to miss the most...

61
00:02:33,102 --> 00:02:34,602
Ooh.

62
00:02:34,702 --> 00:02:35,703
Carly.

63
00:02:35,804 --> 00:02:38,137
(laughing)

64
00:02:39,404 --> 00:02:41,238
Sorry, what did you want
to tell me, Mom?

65
00:02:41,338 --> 00:02:42,772
I don't recall.

66
00:02:42,872 --> 00:02:45,173
Then it must not have
been important. (chuckles)

67
00:02:45,273 --> 00:02:46,774
See ya, Mama. Hang loose.

68
00:02:46,874 --> 00:02:48,908
Hang looser.

69
00:02:49,008 --> 00:02:51,042
(sighs)

70
00:02:51,142 --> 00:02:53,209
Classic Carly.

71
00:02:57,377 --> 00:02:58,845
* I know *

72
00:02:58,945 --> 00:03:00,478
* You see *

73
00:03:00,578 --> 00:03:02,546
* Somehow the world
will change for me *

74
00:03:02,645 --> 00:03:05,814
* And be so wonderful *

75
00:03:05,914 --> 00:03:09,481
* So wake up
the members of my nation *

76
00:03:09,581 --> 00:03:11,682
* It's your time to be *

77
00:03:11,783 --> 00:03:14,784
* There's no chance
unless you take one *

78
00:03:14,884 --> 00:03:17,118
* And the time to see
the brighter side *

79
00:03:17,218 --> 00:03:20,685
* Of every situation *

80
00:03:20,786 --> 00:03:22,653
* Some things are meant to be *

81
00:03:22,753 --> 00:03:27,488
* So give your best
and leave the rest to me. *

82
00:03:27,587 --> 00:03:31,556
* *

83
00:03:32,522 --> 00:03:35,191
How fun is flying Southwest?

84
00:03:35,291 --> 00:03:38,092
You never know where
you're gonna sit.

85
00:03:38,192 --> 00:03:41,360
And yet somehow I ended up
next to you.

86
00:03:43,427 --> 00:03:44,794
Is this a murder house?

87
00:03:44,894 --> 00:03:46,195
(all scream)

88
00:03:46,294 --> 00:03:49,262
(singsongy):
There was never a conviction.

89
00:03:49,363 --> 00:03:55,632
Hi. So, the brochure made
it seem less, um, meth-y?

90
00:03:56,899 --> 00:03:58,433
And I'm very dependable,

91
00:03:58,533 --> 00:04:01,667
so I wouldn't have
booked something meth-y.

92
00:04:01,767 --> 00:04:05,368
You're saying meth a lot.
Let me see your teeth.

93
00:04:06,768 --> 00:04:08,137
Welcome, ladies.

94
00:04:08,236 --> 00:04:11,171
I'm Emily Haines,
and I'm honored you booked

95
00:04:11,270 --> 00:04:16,005
the "Party Like They Do on
Toledo House Flip Experience."

96
00:04:16,105 --> 00:04:18,740
Rehabbing a home
is good for the soul.

97
00:04:18,841 --> 00:04:20,240
Talk to Carly about rehab,

98
00:04:20,341 --> 00:04:22,808
she's the one who's
babbling on about meth.

99
00:04:23,908 --> 00:04:25,109
This is the bride, Marissa.

100
00:04:25,209 --> 00:04:26,609
I'm the maid of honor.

101
00:04:26,709 --> 00:04:28,244
One would think I
would've been the one

102
00:04:28,344 --> 00:04:29,677
to pick what we're
doing this weekend,

103
00:04:29,777 --> 00:04:31,145
but one would be wrong.

104
00:04:32,445 --> 00:04:34,646
Now, I just need one member
of the group

105
00:04:34,745 --> 00:04:36,813
to sign here
so we can get started.

106
00:04:36,912 --> 00:04:40,981
I know it's called "Party Like
They Do on Toledo House Flip,"

107
00:04:41,081 --> 00:04:43,049
but it's strange
because it seems like

108
00:04:43,149 --> 00:04:46,116
we're about to be
doing actual labor?

109
00:04:46,216 --> 00:04:49,417
Relax, it's all part
of the experience.

110
00:04:49,517 --> 00:04:53,986
Plus, you get to wear jumpsuits!

111
00:04:54,086 --> 00:04:55,519
Oh, good.

112
00:04:55,619 --> 00:04:59,121
Manual labor and you're making
it harder for me to pee.

113
00:04:59,221 --> 00:05:03,389
Never underestimate the power
of women in pink jumpsuits.

114
00:05:03,489 --> 00:05:05,023
Amen.

115
00:05:05,123 --> 00:05:07,790
Now, hand over your phones.

116
00:05:07,891 --> 00:05:10,125
When we unplug from the world,

117
00:05:10,225 --> 00:05:11,993
we plug in with each other.

118
00:05:12,093 --> 00:05:14,226
Ooh, plug language.

119
00:05:14,927 --> 00:05:16,394
I definitely want to plug in
with y'all.

120
00:05:16,494 --> 00:05:19,462
So, hand them over, ladies.

121
00:05:21,329 --> 00:05:25,697
Where we're going,
we don't need phones.

122
00:05:25,797 --> 00:05:27,998
It's weird. For someone
so claustrophobic,

123
00:05:28,098 --> 00:05:31,366
you sure do enjoy invading
others' personal space.

124
00:05:33,033 --> 00:05:35,068
* *

125
00:05:36,468 --> 00:05:38,801
4.2% ABV?

126
00:05:38,902 --> 00:05:40,836
Well, I guess it is a Saturday.

127
00:05:40,936 --> 00:05:41,936
Oh!

128
00:05:42,036 --> 00:05:43,071
-Aah!
-Lewbert.

129
00:05:43,171 --> 00:05:44,571
What the hell are you doing?

130
00:05:44,671 --> 00:05:47,105
Well, Marissa said you'd
throw me a bachelor party.

131
00:05:47,205 --> 00:05:48,505
Didn't she tell you?

132
00:05:48,605 --> 00:05:51,139
(sighs) I think she tried to.

133
00:05:52,140 --> 00:05:53,040
What's in the growler?

134
00:05:53,140 --> 00:05:54,774
Oh, a family recipe:

135
00:05:54,875 --> 00:05:56,141
Lewb Juice.

136
00:05:56,241 --> 00:05:57,342
It's a delicious libation

137
00:05:57,442 --> 00:06:00,742
and a darn strong
foot exfoliant.

138
00:06:00,843 --> 00:06:02,111
Shall I pour?

139
00:06:02,210 --> 00:06:05,012
That's gross and I don't want
to do this

140
00:06:05,112 --> 00:06:06,879
and I'm mad at my mom now.

141
00:06:06,979 --> 00:06:08,313
Okay. You know,

142
00:06:08,412 --> 00:06:09,847
Marissa said your
unreliable girlfriend

143
00:06:09,946 --> 00:06:11,947
would rub off on you.

144
00:06:12,047 --> 00:06:13,982
Classic Carly.

145
00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:17,449
Wait. Fine.
I'll give you a party.

146
00:06:17,549 --> 00:06:19,117
Who do you want me to invite?

147
00:06:19,217 --> 00:06:20,450
(grunting)

148
00:06:21,851 --> 00:06:24,085
(phone ringing)

149
00:06:26,152 --> 00:06:27,853
Hello?

150
00:06:27,953 --> 00:06:29,720
Hey, man, you busy?

151
00:06:29,820 --> 00:06:31,588
No, what's up?

152
00:06:31,688 --> 00:06:33,388
Apparently,
my mom promised Lewbert

153
00:06:33,488 --> 00:06:35,289
I would throw him
a bachelor party tonight.

154
00:06:35,389 --> 00:06:36,990
Oh, hey, hey, can I invite Paul?

155
00:06:37,090 --> 00:06:39,491
He seems like somebody I can
pretend to like IPAs with.

156
00:06:39,591 --> 00:06:42,791
Yeah, sure, he's an additional
human male.

157
00:06:42,892 --> 00:06:45,359
In five, four, three...

158
00:06:45,459 --> 00:06:49,694
* This is The Paul Show,
and I am Paul *

159
00:06:49,794 --> 00:06:50,660
(phone ringing)

160
00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:52,695
Damn it, when is it my turn?

161
00:06:53,795 --> 00:06:58,131
You've got Paul, manager,
impresario, size 15 shoe.

162
00:06:58,231 --> 00:07:00,498
Oh, yeah, we're gonna
be friends.

163
00:07:00,598 --> 00:07:03,199
Oh, hey, what's up, man?
It's Spencer Shay.

164
00:07:03,299 --> 00:07:06,867
Uh, yeah, I was just wondering,
uh, you into bachelor parties?

165
00:07:06,967 --> 00:07:09,002
Oh, I'm not into
bachelor parties.

166
00:07:09,102 --> 00:07:11,568
I'm the king of
bachelor parties.

167
00:07:11,668 --> 00:07:13,769
How soon can you be
in my apartment?

168
00:07:13,870 --> 00:07:15,536
Oh, an hour. I-I'm upstairs

169
00:07:15,636 --> 00:07:18,704
but I got to go home
and get my poppers.

170
00:07:18,804 --> 00:07:20,538
Zut alors.

171
00:07:20,638 --> 00:07:24,273
I didn't realize
this would be so physical.

172
00:07:24,373 --> 00:07:26,840
It's not so bad.

173
00:07:26,941 --> 00:07:30,409
Normally, people pay $50
to do hungover Pilates.

174
00:07:30,509 --> 00:07:33,476
This is just like that,
only with more tetanus.

175
00:07:33,576 --> 00:07:37,444
If I get tetanus,
can I sit down?

176
00:07:38,844 --> 00:07:41,779
You know what?
Let's play a game.

177
00:07:43,746 --> 00:07:49,516
And the name of the game
that I'm about to say is...

178
00:07:50,449 --> 00:07:52,717
"Truth or Hammer!"

179
00:07:52,817 --> 00:07:57,019
Oh, yes. The famous party
game that everyone knows.

180
00:07:57,119 --> 00:08:03,187
Truth or Hammer is
a very real game that exists...

181
00:08:03,287 --> 00:08:08,855
where we go around and ask each
other penetrating questions.

182
00:08:08,956 --> 00:08:12,590
And if anyone doesn't
want to answer,

183
00:08:12,690 --> 00:08:17,192
then it's hammer time. (laughs)

184
00:08:17,292 --> 00:08:20,527
Wow, that actually kind of
made sense.

185
00:08:20,627 --> 00:08:23,962
And as
Bachelorette Party Tsarina,

186
00:08:24,062 --> 00:08:28,730
I brought Mrs. B's
favorite libation. Grenadine!

187
00:08:28,830 --> 00:08:30,031
(cheering)

188
00:08:30,131 --> 00:08:34,097
Shots! Shots!
Non-alcoholic shots!

189
00:08:34,198 --> 00:08:36,764
Wow, is this party
iconic or what?

190
00:08:36,864 --> 00:08:42,335
Danica, have you ever flirted
with a man you knew was taken?

191
00:08:42,434 --> 00:08:45,302
Oui oui. But the French
never kiss and tell.

192
00:08:45,402 --> 00:08:47,303
You're from Idaho.

193
00:08:47,403 --> 00:08:49,503
I guess it's hammer time.

194
00:08:49,603 --> 00:08:51,138
(cheering)

195
00:08:54,039 --> 00:08:56,540
(cheering)

196
00:08:58,773 --> 00:09:00,474
Okay. Harper!

197
00:09:03,442 --> 00:09:06,144
Who is your best kiss?

198
00:09:06,244 --> 00:09:11,012
Ooh, you want me to choose
between 100-- lies-- 300 people?

199
00:09:11,111 --> 00:09:12,878
It's hammer time!

200
00:09:12,979 --> 00:09:14,913
(cheering)

201
00:09:16,613 --> 00:09:18,814
(cheering)

202
00:09:18,914 --> 00:09:20,781
Okay, Carly's turn.

203
00:09:20,881 --> 00:09:23,815
What's the most romantic place
you've been with Freddie?

204
00:09:23,916 --> 00:09:25,350
-(growls)
-Ooh.

205
00:09:26,151 --> 00:09:28,152
Oh. I know where
it's going to be.

206
00:09:28,252 --> 00:09:29,552
(snarls)

207
00:09:29,652 --> 00:09:32,586
Freddie's taking me
on a two-day cruise...

208
00:09:32,686 --> 00:09:33,819
(growls)

209
00:09:33,920 --> 00:09:35,020
...to Jamaica...

210
00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:36,120
(yells)

211
00:09:36,220 --> 00:09:38,021
...on the second Sunday in May.

212
00:09:38,121 --> 00:09:40,122
Mother's Day weekend?!

213
00:09:40,222 --> 00:09:41,822
(screaming)

214
00:09:44,023 --> 00:09:46,491
Why wasn't I invited?

215
00:09:46,591 --> 00:09:49,759
Because that would be weird.

216
00:09:49,859 --> 00:09:52,060
Oh, no. Not weird.

217
00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:54,761
No, that's so normal.

218
00:09:54,860 --> 00:09:56,461
Come with, girlfriend.

219
00:09:56,561 --> 00:09:58,428
We can even set up a cot
in the cabin.

220
00:09:58,528 --> 00:10:02,330
-(growls)
-That I will be sleeping on.

221
00:10:02,430 --> 00:10:05,365
Marissa, let's put
down the hammer.

222
00:10:05,465 --> 00:10:07,598
You're not storming
the Bastille.

223
00:10:09,399 --> 00:10:11,467
I want to go home.

224
00:10:11,567 --> 00:10:12,934
(sobbing)

225
00:10:13,733 --> 00:10:17,902
Well, you tried, Carly.
Poorly, but you tried.

226
00:10:18,003 --> 00:10:20,403
Ah, stay the course.

227
00:10:20,503 --> 00:10:22,504
This is a part
of every bachelorette party:

228
00:10:22,604 --> 00:10:25,605
the bride must cry
for no rhyme or reason.

229
00:10:25,705 --> 00:10:27,872
You're doing great, sweetie.

230
00:10:27,973 --> 00:10:30,574
Screw this party.

231
00:10:30,674 --> 00:10:33,241
I just wanted Mrs. B to like me.

232
00:10:34,041 --> 00:10:36,742
Ladies, let's go.

233
00:10:38,043 --> 00:10:38,943
Oh, hey, girl.

234
00:10:39,043 --> 00:10:40,443
(screams)

235
00:10:40,543 --> 00:10:42,411
Where do you think you're going?

236
00:10:42,511 --> 00:10:44,379
You're trapped.

237
00:10:50,781 --> 00:10:53,848
-Trapped?
-Perhaps I was being
a dot dramatic.

238
00:10:53,949 --> 00:10:55,449
You can leave anytime.

239
00:10:55,549 --> 00:10:56,984
Once the house is flipped.

240
00:10:57,084 --> 00:10:58,549
It's all explained here.

241
00:10:58,650 --> 00:11:02,085
That waiver? But none of us
signed it except Carly.

242
00:11:02,185 --> 00:11:05,053
She signed for your entire
group unilaterally.

243
00:11:05,953 --> 00:11:08,387
-Classic Carly.
-Classic Carly.

244
00:11:08,487 --> 00:11:09,820
So now I'm what?

245
00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:12,189
Someone who signs waivers
on behalf of a group?

246
00:11:12,289 --> 00:11:13,522
Yup.

247
00:11:13,622 --> 00:11:15,523
It's not a waiver.

248
00:11:15,623 --> 00:11:16,991
It's an employment contract.

249
00:11:17,091 --> 00:11:21,925
And that HGTV B-I-T-C-H
has our phones.

250
00:11:22,026 --> 00:11:23,959
I say we smash that case.

251
00:11:24,059 --> 00:11:25,027
EMILY:
Go ahead.

252
00:11:25,127 --> 00:11:26,994
My fiancé made this lockbox,

253
00:11:27,094 --> 00:11:29,495
and he designed the deathtraps
for the movie Saw.

254
00:11:29,595 --> 00:11:33,862
Ladies, you're just
contracted construction workers

255
00:11:33,963 --> 00:11:36,897
until the home is done.
Simple pimple.

256
00:11:36,998 --> 00:11:39,332
This contract doesn't include
a minor's permit.

257
00:11:39,432 --> 00:11:41,732
I'm well-versed
in Ohio's child labor laws.

258
00:11:41,832 --> 00:11:45,501
Guess that makes you
my co-captain.

259
00:11:45,601 --> 00:11:46,934
You up for delineating tasks

260
00:11:47,035 --> 00:11:49,068
while drinking cold
sparkling apple cider?

261
00:11:49,168 --> 00:11:50,702
Keep the meaningless title.

262
00:11:50,802 --> 00:11:52,769
I accept the power
and the juice.

263
00:11:52,869 --> 00:11:54,370
How long will this take?

264
00:11:54,470 --> 00:11:58,338
I left my mouse Julien with
a bowl of food and a note.

265
00:11:58,438 --> 00:12:00,406
That mouse is dead.

266
00:12:01,472 --> 00:12:04,540
I had a party flip a house
in two days.

267
00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:06,674
Well, a 500-square-foot studio.

268
00:12:06,774 --> 00:12:11,443
Never underestimate the power
of women in pink jumpsuits.

269
00:12:11,543 --> 00:12:13,411
Don't worry, we've got this.

270
00:12:13,511 --> 00:12:15,444
Because we, including me,

271
00:12:15,544 --> 00:12:18,979
are dependable, decisive,
straight-spined gals.

272
00:12:19,079 --> 00:12:21,147
Oh, has anyone been up
to the second floor?

273
00:12:21,247 --> 00:12:23,614
ALL:
There's a second floor?

274
00:12:24,548 --> 00:12:28,983
Oh, I can't believe you went
to all this trouble for me.

275
00:12:29,083 --> 00:12:32,218
Well, a boy's best friend
is his mother.

276
00:12:32,318 --> 00:12:33,684
By the way,
have you heard from her?

277
00:12:33,784 --> 00:12:35,252
Oh, not a peep.

278
00:12:35,352 --> 00:12:38,186
Although, sometimes Marissa
pretends to go missing.

279
00:12:38,286 --> 00:12:41,953
It's sort of an elaborate
psychosexual prank. You see--

280
00:12:42,054 --> 00:12:44,722
Now! For the love of God, now!

281
00:12:44,822 --> 00:12:46,223
* *

282
00:12:46,323 --> 00:12:49,057
Lock the doors
and lower the blinds!

283
00:12:49,157 --> 00:12:53,325
It's bachelor party time!

284
00:12:53,425 --> 00:12:55,792
(whooping)

285
00:12:55,892 --> 00:13:00,161
Oh, it's happening!
I'm the bachie!

286
00:13:00,261 --> 00:13:03,029
ALL (chanting):
Bachie! Bachie! Bachie!

287
00:13:03,129 --> 00:13:05,329
(chanting continues)

288
00:13:05,429 --> 00:13:06,796
(yelling)

289
00:13:06,895 --> 00:13:08,696
All my friends are here!

290
00:13:08,796 --> 00:13:11,365
Best bachelor party ever!

291
00:13:11,465 --> 00:13:13,598
(cheering)

292
00:13:13,698 --> 00:13:15,599
So...

293
00:13:15,699 --> 00:13:17,500
what's next?

294
00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:19,135
Next?

295
00:13:20,168 --> 00:13:21,535
This is the thing.

296
00:13:21,635 --> 00:13:23,269
Or...

297
00:13:24,536 --> 00:13:26,403
Lewb Juice?

298
00:13:27,237 --> 00:13:30,871
So, it's a drink
and a foot exfoliant?

299
00:13:31,672 --> 00:13:33,173
You know, I thought Lewb Juice
would taste terrible

300
00:13:33,273 --> 00:13:37,407
because the name,
like Lewbert, is disgusting.

301
00:13:38,541 --> 00:13:40,008
-Lewbert is disgusting.
-Yeah.

302
00:13:40,108 --> 00:13:41,442
You are disgusting.

303
00:13:42,243 --> 00:13:44,609
Does Lewb Juice make you mean?

304
00:13:44,709 --> 00:13:46,110
No, it just makes you honest.

305
00:13:46,210 --> 00:13:47,710
Dissolves the skin off your feet

306
00:13:47,810 --> 00:13:49,778
and the filter off your brain.

307
00:13:49,878 --> 00:13:51,279
Go ahead, try to lie.

308
00:13:51,379 --> 00:13:54,847
I like Ben Affleck's back
tattoo. I think it's hip.

309
00:13:54,947 --> 00:13:56,081
(gasps)

310
00:13:56,181 --> 00:13:58,215
That's incredible.

311
00:13:58,315 --> 00:13:59,915
I wish you weren't
marrying my mother.

312
00:14:00,015 --> 00:14:01,882
I wish you weren't her son.

313
00:14:02,616 --> 00:14:03,883
Sometimes I wonder how far

314
00:14:03,983 --> 00:14:05,517
I can take this lovable
goofball thing.

315
00:14:05,617 --> 00:14:06,951
Will I ever have to grow up?

316
00:14:07,052 --> 00:14:08,885
If I did, I'd want
to be like you.

317
00:14:08,985 --> 00:14:11,253
Please, you're the cool one,
Captain Charisma.

318
00:14:11,353 --> 00:14:12,420
Oh.

319
00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:13,554
(phone chimes)

320
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:15,754
Oh, my God, no.

321
00:14:15,854 --> 00:14:17,321
Is it that bitch Trina
from poison control?

322
00:14:17,421 --> 00:14:19,022
She said I could
still drink Lewb Juice

323
00:14:19,122 --> 00:14:20,889
as long as I didn't sell it!

324
00:14:20,989 --> 00:14:23,224
Guys, this is an emergency.
We got to go.

325
00:14:24,224 --> 00:14:25,724
-Oh, God!
-My feet!

326
00:14:25,824 --> 00:14:26,724
-My feet!
-It burns!

327
00:14:26,824 --> 00:14:28,792
I have friends.

328
00:14:28,892 --> 00:14:30,560
(groaning)

329
00:14:31,860 --> 00:14:36,328
Carly, you really know how
to plan a bachelorette party.

330
00:14:37,495 --> 00:14:40,430
Danica, when you're done with
the wall, paint my nails.

331
00:14:40,530 --> 00:14:42,564
(sobbing)

332
00:14:42,664 --> 00:14:44,031
Hey, hey.

333
00:14:44,131 --> 00:14:45,465
At least the hard hats are pink.

334
00:14:45,565 --> 00:14:46,898
(whirring)

335
00:14:48,033 --> 00:14:50,167
Okay, ladies, quick vibe check.

336
00:14:50,267 --> 00:14:53,601
The vibe? It's giving "hostage."

337
00:14:53,701 --> 00:14:56,769
Then it's time for Stockholm
Syndrome because I'm thinking

338
00:14:56,869 --> 00:14:59,370
Scandinavian modern
for these floors.

339
00:14:59,470 --> 00:15:02,372
Then we need to go over
a long list of other changes.

340
00:15:02,471 --> 00:15:06,573
Ugh, changes? Why can't things
just stay the same?

341
00:15:06,673 --> 00:15:10,340
Same house, same walls,
same little boy who kisses me

342
00:15:10,440 --> 00:15:15,142
on the cheek before anyone else
when saying goodbye!

343
00:15:15,242 --> 00:15:18,477
Oh, this is about Freddie.

344
00:15:18,577 --> 00:15:20,010
Who's Freddie again?

345
00:15:20,111 --> 00:15:22,612
It's Carly's boyfriend
and Millicent's dad.

346
00:15:22,712 --> 00:15:26,380
He was my son first!

347
00:15:26,480 --> 00:15:27,980
(yells)

348
00:15:28,914 --> 00:15:31,048
-Mrs. B, wait!
-No, no.

349
00:15:31,148 --> 00:15:33,049
This is a part of it.

350
00:15:33,149 --> 00:15:36,849
Phase one, shots. Phase two,
the bride wants to leave.

351
00:15:36,949 --> 00:15:38,085
Phase three, the coolest person

352
00:15:38,185 --> 00:15:39,485
at the party
calms everyone down.

353
00:15:39,585 --> 00:15:41,086
That's what's currently
happening.

354
00:15:41,186 --> 00:15:43,786
MRS. BENSON:
Screw you, ladies!

355
00:15:43,886 --> 00:15:45,620
(cackling)

356
00:15:45,720 --> 00:15:48,721
Mrs. Benson, where are you?

357
00:15:48,821 --> 00:15:50,489
You're kind of freaking us out.

358
00:15:50,589 --> 00:15:53,523
-(staple gun clacking)
-I'm in the walls, suckas!

359
00:15:53,623 --> 00:15:56,991
This is not a known phase.

360
00:16:03,227 --> 00:16:05,527
I can't sell this house
with a woman in the wall.

361
00:16:05,627 --> 00:16:06,794
That's a $20,000 markdown.

362
00:16:06,894 --> 00:16:09,229
Wait, I thought you were
an event planner.

363
00:16:09,329 --> 00:16:10,829
You're also the realtor?

364
00:16:10,929 --> 00:16:13,930
Damn, girl, you got
capitalism figured out.

365
00:16:14,030 --> 00:16:15,664
If any of you ever
want to leave,

366
00:16:15,764 --> 00:16:17,964
you better get her out of there.

367
00:16:18,765 --> 00:16:20,632
Now it looks like we're
talking to something

368
00:16:20,732 --> 00:16:22,166
and not an actual wall.

369
00:16:22,266 --> 00:16:24,967
Mrs. B, I know you can hear me.

370
00:16:25,068 --> 00:16:27,402
MRS. BENSON:
I can't hear you, Carly.

371
00:16:27,502 --> 00:16:29,503
We have to get you out of there.

372
00:16:29,603 --> 00:16:31,936
Leave me be.
This is my safe space.

373
00:16:32,036 --> 00:16:34,737
Do most safe spaces
have asbestos?

374
00:16:34,837 --> 00:16:37,506
-Hey.
-We're here!

375
00:16:41,507 --> 00:16:42,873
You came to rescue us?

376
00:16:42,973 --> 00:16:44,208
Yes, we did.

377
00:16:44,308 --> 00:16:46,142
Like four gallant kni-aah!

378
00:16:46,242 --> 00:16:47,309
(screaming)

379
00:16:47,409 --> 00:16:49,910
What in God's name is happening?

380
00:16:50,676 --> 00:16:52,111
We've been drinking Lewb Juice.

381
00:16:52,211 --> 00:16:55,145
It's a foot exfoliant,
which is why we can't walk.

382
00:16:55,245 --> 00:16:57,546
It's also a truth serum,

383
00:16:57,646 --> 00:16:59,713
which is why I want one of those
jumpsuits in an XL

384
00:16:59,813 --> 00:17:01,847
so I can feel like I belong.

385
00:17:01,947 --> 00:17:03,215
Oh!

386
00:17:04,448 --> 00:17:05,516
Where's my mom?

387
00:17:05,616 --> 00:17:07,150
Funny story, actually.

388
00:17:07,250 --> 00:17:10,683
Um, your mother hates me
and this weekend so much

389
00:17:10,782 --> 00:17:13,152
that she is... in the walls.

390
00:17:14,419 --> 00:17:15,719
Classic Mommy.

391
00:17:15,818 --> 00:17:17,353
All right, I'll get her out.

392
00:17:17,452 --> 00:17:18,620
(yells)

393
00:17:18,719 --> 00:17:21,122
(sobbing) I can't do this.

394
00:17:21,222 --> 00:17:24,489
Well, then I have no choice.

395
00:17:24,588 --> 00:17:27,557
Mrs. Benson, I'm coming for you!

396
00:17:27,656 --> 00:17:28,824
You can depend on me!

397
00:17:28,924 --> 00:17:32,159
MRS. BENSON:
I can hear you slouching.

398
00:17:33,292 --> 00:17:34,492
Oh, the crawlspace.

399
00:17:34,592 --> 00:17:35,826
Carly, your claustrophobia.

400
00:17:35,926 --> 00:17:39,094
Grease up my shoulders,
I am going in.

401
00:17:40,394 --> 00:17:43,629
(hyperventilating)

402
00:17:48,197 --> 00:17:51,465
Come to Toledo, get together,
flip a house,

403
00:17:51,565 --> 00:17:53,766
have a few laughs...

404
00:17:55,100 --> 00:17:57,834
Bruce Willis,
you damn national treasure,

405
00:17:57,934 --> 00:18:01,969
how the hell did you
make it look so easy?

406
00:18:02,068 --> 00:18:04,103
(moaning)

407
00:18:05,138 --> 00:18:06,204
Aah!

408
00:18:06,304 --> 00:18:09,071
Oh, yippee-ki-yay,
Freddie's mother.

409
00:18:09,172 --> 00:18:11,439
Thank God you're okay!

410
00:18:11,539 --> 00:18:14,307
Oh, look. I went into
my safe space,

411
00:18:14,407 --> 00:18:16,474
and you ran in and took over.

412
00:18:16,574 --> 00:18:18,508
Classic Carly.

413
00:18:18,608 --> 00:18:20,309
Enough.

414
00:18:20,409 --> 00:18:22,576
We both love Freddie so much.

415
00:18:22,676 --> 00:18:24,577
We should be on the same team.

416
00:18:24,677 --> 00:18:27,211
Freddie and I were a team.

417
00:18:27,311 --> 00:18:28,479
But ever since you showed up,

418
00:18:28,578 --> 00:18:30,179
it's like he put me
on the bench.

419
00:18:30,279 --> 00:18:32,213
I hate sports.

420
00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:37,081
I never really looked
at it that way.

421
00:18:37,182 --> 00:18:38,081
(loud thumping)

422
00:18:38,182 --> 00:18:40,216
Carly, that's so loud.

423
00:18:41,216 --> 00:18:44,417
Marissa! I will get you
out of there!

424
00:18:44,517 --> 00:18:45,585
I see a saw.

425
00:18:45,685 --> 00:18:48,586
Could someone saw off my feet?!

426
00:18:48,686 --> 00:18:50,354
How did you guys find us?

427
00:18:50,453 --> 00:18:51,987
I texted Dad.

428
00:18:52,086 --> 00:18:54,321
When Emily wasn't looking,
I took a crack at her lockbox.

429
00:18:54,421 --> 00:18:57,289
The code was 1234.

430
00:18:57,389 --> 00:18:58,956
Simple pimple indeed.

431
00:19:00,022 --> 00:19:01,790
Wait, you got to our phones?

432
00:19:01,890 --> 00:19:03,191
I could've called Julien

433
00:19:03,291 --> 00:19:05,325
and told him how to get
a bottle of water.

434
00:19:05,425 --> 00:19:07,193
Don't challenge my methods.

435
00:19:07,293 --> 00:19:08,193
I'm the hero.

436
00:19:08,293 --> 00:19:11,894
I'm the real hero!

437
00:19:15,762 --> 00:19:18,297
I bet you hate me now
more than ever.

438
00:19:18,397 --> 00:19:19,864
I don't hate you, Carly.

439
00:19:19,964 --> 00:19:24,632
I just hate change, especially
when it comes to Freddie.

440
00:19:24,732 --> 00:19:27,066
Also, I truly hate your posture.

441
00:19:27,167 --> 00:19:32,101
But I can't believe you crawled
into the wall for me.

442
00:19:32,202 --> 00:19:33,902
Both because of
your claustrophobia

443
00:19:34,002 --> 00:19:36,903
and your obvious
character flaws.

444
00:19:38,070 --> 00:19:41,172
Of course I did.
I love Team Benson.

445
00:19:41,272 --> 00:19:44,239
And I'm always going to
be your biggest cheerleader.

446
00:19:45,273 --> 00:19:49,375
And maybe someday,
I'll be a Benson, too.

447
00:19:49,475 --> 00:19:51,142
-Mm.
-Sorry.

448
00:19:51,242 --> 00:19:53,509
Yeah, I-I shouldn't
have said that.

449
00:19:53,609 --> 00:19:55,510
Could you just keep
that between us?

450
00:19:55,610 --> 00:19:57,843
What happens in the wall
stays in the wall.

451
00:19:57,943 --> 00:20:00,545
But if you think he's marrying
Little Miss Scoliosis,

452
00:20:00,645 --> 00:20:03,346
you've had a bit
too much grenadine.

453
00:20:03,446 --> 00:20:05,680
Yeah, let's get out of here.

454
00:20:07,013 --> 00:20:09,782
I think we've had enough truth.

455
00:20:09,882 --> 00:20:12,983
How about some hammer?

456
00:20:16,550 --> 00:20:18,651
(grunting)

457
00:20:20,452 --> 00:20:23,052
Here's Mommy!

458
00:20:23,153 --> 00:20:25,120
(crashing)

459
00:20:27,621 --> 00:20:28,954
Hey!

460
00:20:29,755 --> 00:20:33,123
Your girlfriend faced her
worst fears to rescue me.

461
00:20:33,224 --> 00:20:35,123
Classic Carly.

462
00:20:35,224 --> 00:20:38,125
Oh, my favorite girls,
get in here.

463
00:20:38,225 --> 00:20:39,493
Carly, Mom, Millicent!

464
00:20:39,593 --> 00:20:41,227
I'm a'ight.

465
00:20:41,326 --> 00:20:42,893
Well, ladies,

466
00:20:42,993 --> 00:20:45,060
this house looks even worse
than when you started.

467
00:20:45,161 --> 00:20:46,961
I'm glad you found
a passel of men to help,

468
00:20:47,061 --> 00:20:49,396
because at the pace
you're going,

469
00:20:49,496 --> 00:20:50,729
you'll be in Ohio for months

470
00:20:50,829 --> 00:20:53,097
to fulfill the terms
of your contract.

471
00:20:53,198 --> 00:20:54,564
I'd like to talk about
your little...

472
00:20:54,664 --> 00:20:56,399
employment contract.

473
00:20:56,499 --> 00:20:59,666
Oh, snap, it's his lawyer voice.

474
00:20:59,766 --> 00:21:03,301
I perused your contract
and it fails to address

475
00:21:03,401 --> 00:21:06,635
the fact that Ohio
is an at-will employment state.

476
00:21:06,735 --> 00:21:08,303
-But they signed--
-Which means...

477
00:21:08,403 --> 00:21:12,271
an employee may quit their job
at any time for any reason.

478
00:21:12,371 --> 00:21:15,372
Regardless of a contact.

479
00:21:15,472 --> 00:21:17,239
Tell her, Pop Pop.

480
00:21:17,339 --> 00:21:21,208
So, unless you'd like to face
charges of kidnapping, fraud,

481
00:21:21,308 --> 00:21:24,609
then I suggest you refund
these ladies' money

482
00:21:24,709 --> 00:21:26,543
and never speak of this again.

483
00:21:27,376 --> 00:21:28,610
(yelps)

484
00:21:30,644 --> 00:21:32,345
(cheering)

485
00:21:32,445 --> 00:21:34,279
Yeah!

486
00:21:34,379 --> 00:21:36,846
The bride cried, we took shots--

487
00:21:36,946 --> 00:21:39,647
I came to rescue you
and you rescued my mom.

488
00:21:39,747 --> 00:21:41,315
Bruce Willis could never.

489
00:21:41,415 --> 00:21:42,481
Mm.

490
00:21:42,581 --> 00:21:44,982
Ooh, and someone made out.

491
00:21:45,082 --> 00:21:48,817
With their boyfriend.
Still counts. We did it, Joe.

492
00:21:48,917 --> 00:21:50,384
Ooh!

493
00:21:50,484 --> 00:21:52,285
* *

494
00:21:52,385 --> 00:21:54,653
-* Y'all ready for this *
-Oh, my God!

495
00:21:54,752 --> 00:21:56,386
(screaming)

496
00:21:56,486 --> 00:21:59,387
* *

497
00:22:00,688 --> 00:22:07,824
* This is The Paul Show
and I am Paul *

498
00:22:07,924 --> 00:22:09,358
Welcome back to Paul or Nothing.

499
00:22:09,458 --> 00:22:12,392
Today, respected doorman-
turned-lawyer Lewbert Sline

500
00:22:12,492 --> 00:22:14,992
is gonna show us how to
make his famous Lewb Juice.

501
00:22:15,092 --> 00:22:19,229
Step one. Warm cough syrup,

502
00:22:19,329 --> 00:22:23,863
boiled in the mouth
of an active volcano.

503
00:22:23,963 --> 00:22:29,332
Step two. Some nice,
expired nut milk.

504
00:22:29,432 --> 00:22:32,366
And I don't mean almonds.

505
00:22:32,466 --> 00:22:34,800
That's my man.

506
00:22:35,934 --> 00:22:38,068
You're welcome, Internet.

507
00:22:43,603 --> 00:22:45,638
* *

508
00:23:07,612 --> 00:23:09,513
Ooh!

509
00:23:09,613 --> 00:23:11,613
* *