1 00:03:19,030 --> 00:03:21,233 Law enforcement officials have had the hospital 2 00:03:21,267 --> 00:03:24,270 under lockdown since she was admitted earlier today. 3 00:03:24,304 --> 00:03:27,207 She was discovered wandering the Hollywood Hills 4 00:03:27,239 --> 00:03:29,643 with multiple stab wounds and dressed only 5 00:03:29,676 --> 00:03:31,346 in blood soaked bandages. 6 00:03:34,483 --> 00:03:36,686 The victim has been unable to identify 7 00:03:36,718 --> 00:03:38,486 her attacker at this time. 8 00:03:38,520 --> 00:03:40,390 Thousands of fans have flocked 9 00:03:40,422 --> 00:03:43,726 to social networking sites to express their sympathy, 10 00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:47,465 while others, strangely, are not so sympathetic. 11 00:03:47,498 --> 00:03:50,135 I've never seen so many cute boys 12 00:03:50,167 --> 00:03:53,638 on the beach at one time. 13 00:03:53,672 --> 00:03:56,276 Wait a minute, why are we all by ourselves? 14 00:03:56,309 --> 00:03:57,710 They were just intimidated. 15 00:03:57,744 --> 00:03:59,545 That is so true. 16 00:03:59,579 --> 00:04:03,684 Wait. Two cute girls looking for boys. Whoo! 17 00:04:03,716 --> 00:04:05,618 Okay, girls. Let's call it a night. 18 00:04:05,651 --> 00:04:07,489 No point in this bloody rain. 19 00:04:07,521 --> 00:04:10,024 Would somebody get me a blanket? 20 00:04:10,057 --> 00:04:11,326 I'm freezing. 21 00:04:14,529 --> 00:04:16,164 Hey, are you coming? 22 00:04:16,197 --> 00:04:17,399 I'll catch you later. 23 00:05:04,389 --> 00:05:08,692 L.A. is in such a sad state these days. 24 00:05:08,726 --> 00:05:11,530 It's always been the go-to place for people talking bullshit, 25 00:05:11,563 --> 00:05:13,265 but this... 26 00:05:13,299 --> 00:05:15,535 This is a whole other level. 27 00:05:15,569 --> 00:05:17,571 Reality TV. 28 00:05:17,603 --> 00:05:20,106 The birthplace of the moron. 29 00:05:20,139 --> 00:05:24,578 Some of us laugh with them, but most of us at them. 30 00:05:24,611 --> 00:05:27,749 All you have to do is act like a jackass 31 00:05:27,783 --> 00:05:30,653 and the offers will start rolling in. 32 00:05:30,686 --> 00:05:34,591 Welcome to Hollyweird. 33 00:06:04,358 --> 00:06:07,662 Famous for being famous? You know what? 34 00:06:07,696 --> 00:06:11,869 I think it's time these people learn the true price of fame. 35 00:06:18,508 --> 00:06:19,843 -Hey. -Hi. 36 00:06:19,876 --> 00:06:21,478 -How are you? -Good, how are you? 37 00:06:21,511 --> 00:06:24,215 I'm good. Thank you. 38 00:06:24,249 --> 00:06:25,317 Hey, ladies. 39 00:06:25,350 --> 00:06:26,684 What can I get you? 40 00:06:26,718 --> 00:06:28,387 Can we just get the usual, please? 41 00:06:28,421 --> 00:06:30,223 And can we turn this off? 42 00:06:30,255 --> 00:06:31,841 This song really hurts my head. 43 00:06:31,842 --> 00:06:33,426 Yes, of course. 44 00:06:33,459 --> 00:06:34,862 So, my agent called. 45 00:06:34,863 --> 00:06:36,263 Yes. Okay. 46 00:06:36,297 --> 00:06:38,123 And they want me on that show I was telling you about. 47 00:06:38,124 --> 00:06:38,732 My God. 48 00:06:38,766 --> 00:06:41,469 I know. Isn't it crazy? I'm going to be on TV. 49 00:06:41,502 --> 00:06:43,738 Okay, you're always on TV, but... 50 00:06:43,772 --> 00:06:46,100 Yeah, but always for the wrong reasons. 51 00:06:46,101 --> 00:06:46,876 Yeah. 52 00:06:46,909 --> 00:06:49,546 Now at least they'll get to see how amazing my personality is. 53 00:06:49,578 --> 00:06:51,214 And how sweet and humble I am. 54 00:06:51,247 --> 00:06:53,216 -You know? -Yeah. 55 00:06:53,250 --> 00:06:56,587 My Twitter followers are going to be insane. 56 00:06:56,621 --> 00:06:58,890 I should totally try and hook you up. 57 00:06:58,923 --> 00:07:01,905 Yeah, I mean, I've actually already been there, 58 00:07:01,906 --> 00:07:03,396 done that with reality TV and... 59 00:07:03,429 --> 00:07:04,864 I'm already a household name. 60 00:07:04,896 --> 00:07:07,232 So I'm concentrating on my serious acting 61 00:07:07,266 --> 00:07:09,170 and hip hop career now. 62 00:07:10,971 --> 00:07:13,842 So I definitely won't do reality TV. 63 00:07:15,475 --> 00:07:17,444 I mean, you'd be really good. 64 00:07:17,477 --> 00:07:19,348 So... 65 00:07:19,380 --> 00:07:21,649 Well, you'll just have to wait and see. 66 00:07:24,988 --> 00:07:26,756 My God, save this weather. 67 00:07:26,789 --> 00:07:28,792 I was laying out in the sun earlier, 68 00:07:28,825 --> 00:07:31,662 I can't believe I've spent a lifetime away from this. 69 00:07:31,694 --> 00:07:33,797 My God. I could not imagine 70 00:07:33,831 --> 00:07:35,398 being pasty white all year round. 71 00:07:35,432 --> 00:07:36,767 Girl... 72 00:07:36,801 --> 00:07:38,803 Thank God you have that spray tan. 73 00:07:38,837 --> 00:07:41,241 Well, yeah. I mean, obviously I've spent my 21 years 74 00:07:41,273 --> 00:07:42,975 out of the sun, which means I'll have naturally 75 00:07:43,009 --> 00:07:44,944 wrinkle-free skin, like, forever, 76 00:07:44,977 --> 00:07:46,746 unlike everyone else around here. So... 77 00:07:46,779 --> 00:07:48,548 That's what Botox is for, girl. 78 00:07:48,582 --> 00:07:50,284 Because I really want to throw this party, 79 00:07:50,317 --> 00:07:52,621 I hooked up with this hot DJ last summer 80 00:07:52,653 --> 00:07:54,288 and he can probably have a friend. 81 00:07:54,321 --> 00:07:56,691 And, they love English accents. 82 00:07:56,724 --> 00:07:58,594 Yeah, tell me about it. 83 00:07:58,627 --> 00:08:01,730 I can't go anywhere without getting loads of attention. 84 00:08:01,764 --> 00:08:03,665 Same. So annoying. 85 00:08:03,700 --> 00:08:05,569 Yeah, it must be really annoying, 86 00:08:05,601 --> 00:08:08,005 people pursuing you for your English accent all the time. 87 00:08:08,037 --> 00:08:12,377 So, anyway, this is the address you're going to. 88 00:08:12,410 --> 00:08:14,712 Thank you so much for doing this. I really appreciate it. 89 00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:18,049 Yeah, I mean, you know if my parents found out they would kill me. 90 00:08:18,082 --> 00:08:19,851 I mean, like, actually kill me. 91 00:08:19,885 --> 00:08:22,621 They think I'm, like, this princess. 92 00:08:22,655 --> 00:08:25,991 So, I wanted to ask you 93 00:08:26,025 --> 00:08:27,828 I was thinking about changing my look up 94 00:08:27,860 --> 00:08:29,863 and going blonde for the show 95 00:08:29,896 --> 00:08:32,433 because I feel like blond really accentuates my eyes. 96 00:08:32,467 --> 00:08:33,835 What do you think? 97 00:08:33,867 --> 00:08:35,453 Like if all of it was blond? 98 00:08:35,454 --> 00:08:37,039 Yeah. 99 00:08:37,072 --> 00:08:40,977 I mean, aren't you in, like, one episode for 15 seconds? 100 00:08:41,010 --> 00:08:43,045 I mean, like, you'd look great whatever. 101 00:08:43,079 --> 00:08:45,883 I just mean don't go red. 102 00:08:45,916 --> 00:08:47,685 You're such a doll. 103 00:08:47,718 --> 00:08:48,820 I know. 104 00:08:54,927 --> 00:08:58,397 Glucose, sugar, and... 105 00:08:58,429 --> 00:09:00,300 Close. One more. 106 00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:03,636 Water. 107 00:09:03,669 --> 00:09:05,405 You already had that one. 108 00:09:05,438 --> 00:09:07,408 A 14-year-old girl walks into a hair salon 109 00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:09,377 carrying a Twinkie. 110 00:09:09,410 --> 00:09:12,046 She sits down, hairdresser puts a plastic cover on her 111 00:09:12,080 --> 00:09:14,115 and starts cutting her hair. 112 00:09:14,148 --> 00:09:16,618 So the girl kicks back and starts eating the Twinkie. 113 00:09:16,651 --> 00:09:20,056 Not realizing that the hair that's being cut is dropping onto the Twinkie. 114 00:09:20,089 --> 00:09:23,928 The hairdresser is trying to be polite. 115 00:09:23,961 --> 00:09:27,998 He says, "Young lady, you're getting hair on your Twinkie." 116 00:09:28,030 --> 00:09:29,934 The girl jumps up, she smiles real big. 117 00:09:29,967 --> 00:09:33,005 She says, "I know. I'm getting tits, too." 118 00:09:35,974 --> 00:09:38,711 I'll give you a clue. It rhymes with... 119 00:09:40,113 --> 00:09:41,715 Rhymes with... 120 00:09:41,748 --> 00:09:43,816 It rhymes with street power. 121 00:09:43,849 --> 00:09:45,051 Street power. 122 00:09:46,453 --> 00:09:47,822 Street power. 123 00:09:49,757 --> 00:09:51,394 Press you for an answer. 124 00:09:51,427 --> 00:09:53,662 Man, I can't think with all this pressure. 125 00:09:55,096 --> 00:09:56,532 Street... 126 00:09:56,565 --> 00:09:57,867 Tree flower. 127 00:10:00,136 --> 00:10:02,106 What the fuck is tree flower? 128 00:10:02,138 --> 00:10:05,175 It sounds like something that would go into a Twinkie. 129 00:10:05,209 --> 00:10:07,679 Why do you always give me a hard time? 130 00:10:07,711 --> 00:10:10,148 Flour. Flour. It's not something that grows out of the ground. 131 00:10:10,181 --> 00:10:12,017 It's not something that has fucking petals. 132 00:10:12,050 --> 00:10:14,821 Flour. F-L-O-U-R. Flour. 133 00:10:14,854 --> 00:10:16,790 I don't give a fuck anyway. 134 00:10:16,822 --> 00:10:19,559 Why are we sitting here playing guess what's in the Twinkie, 135 00:10:19,592 --> 00:10:22,929 and don't eat that shit anyway. It's fucking horrible for you. 136 00:10:44,889 --> 00:10:46,991 It'll give you cancer. 137 00:11:13,121 --> 00:11:15,157 You must be the bullies? 138 00:11:17,693 --> 00:11:19,163 You look like bullies. 139 00:11:21,565 --> 00:11:23,569 I'm here for the, you know... 140 00:11:24,702 --> 00:11:25,971 One sec. 141 00:11:33,779 --> 00:11:35,548 I'm here for the exchange. 142 00:11:38,119 --> 00:11:40,822 Okay. First of all, I think everybody needs to calm down 143 00:11:40,855 --> 00:11:42,591 and then we can get on with business. 144 00:11:51,066 --> 00:11:52,318 Twinkie? 145 00:11:52,319 --> 00:11:53,569 No thank you. 146 00:11:53,603 --> 00:11:55,840 Like I said, if we could just get on with the exchange. 147 00:11:55,873 --> 00:11:57,608 Exchange. That's the first time 148 00:11:57,641 --> 00:11:59,710 I've ever heard it called an exchange. 149 00:11:59,743 --> 00:12:01,013 But I like it. 150 00:12:01,046 --> 00:12:02,648 It's classy. 151 00:12:02,681 --> 00:12:06,119 I've never actually done this before. 152 00:12:06,151 --> 00:12:09,321 And I'm really not sure what I'm supposed to do. 153 00:12:09,355 --> 00:12:11,124 I'm a little bit nervous, actually. 154 00:12:11,157 --> 00:12:13,127 So if you could just walk me through this. 155 00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:15,194 I'll walk you through it, honey. 156 00:12:15,227 --> 00:12:17,131 Don't worry. I'll walk you through it, honey. 157 00:12:17,164 --> 00:12:19,034 Here. This should take care it. 158 00:12:19,066 --> 00:12:21,302 Okay, I'm so confused. I should be paying you. 159 00:12:22,903 --> 00:12:25,107 My reputation precedes me. 160 00:12:36,687 --> 00:12:38,306 You've been walked through. 161 00:12:38,307 --> 00:12:39,925 Thank you. 162 00:12:39,958 --> 00:12:41,059 Fuck off. 163 00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:47,234 Get the fuck out. 164 00:12:49,969 --> 00:12:51,172 Okay. 165 00:12:56,811 --> 00:12:58,614 Aren't we gonna get no pussy? 166 00:12:58,647 --> 00:13:01,050 Just eat your fucking Twinkie, man. 167 00:13:05,654 --> 00:13:07,991 Look, you can't avoid this forever. 168 00:13:08,024 --> 00:13:11,127 I think if you agree to rehab, the judge might be lenient with you. 169 00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:15,200 Remember, you're not the star you were anymore. You're another nobody. 170 00:13:15,233 --> 00:13:17,935 That reality show doesn't count as an acting job. 171 00:13:17,969 --> 00:13:20,138 It's time to give up the dream and get a real job. 172 00:13:26,245 --> 00:13:27,187 Hey. 173 00:13:27,188 --> 00:13:30,016 the grizzly discovery in the Hollywood Hills. 174 00:13:30,049 --> 00:13:32,777 The mystery continues to unravel as someone calling himself 175 00:13:32,778 --> 00:13:33,687 Here you go. 176 00:13:33,721 --> 00:13:36,257 The LA Slasher has claimed responsibility 177 00:13:36,290 --> 00:13:39,294 for the violent attack on the reality TV star 178 00:13:39,327 --> 00:13:41,830 by posting an incriminating video online. 179 00:13:41,863 --> 00:13:43,767 The video has already gone viral. 180 00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:45,252 It was posted earlier today. 181 00:13:45,253 --> 00:13:46,703 Thanks. 182 00:14:53,380 --> 00:14:54,782 Hey, sugar tits. 183 00:14:54,783 --> 00:14:56,184 Hey. 184 00:14:56,218 --> 00:14:57,302 How are you doing? 185 00:14:57,303 --> 00:14:58,386 Good. How are you? 186 00:14:58,420 --> 00:15:01,057 I'm good. I'm really good. 187 00:15:01,090 --> 00:15:03,225 Hey, I saw that reality show the other night. 188 00:15:03,226 --> 00:15:04,293 Really? What'd you think? 189 00:15:04,326 --> 00:15:06,011 -That shit is awful. -Great. 190 00:15:06,012 --> 00:15:07,464 Why'd you even bother? 191 00:15:07,498 --> 00:15:10,401 Hey, you should be doing one of these movies up there. 192 00:15:10,433 --> 00:15:12,203 There might be a role in it for you 193 00:15:12,236 --> 00:15:13,938 if you show me how much you really want it. 194 00:15:13,971 --> 00:15:15,908 -What kind of movie? -It's like a horror movie. 195 00:15:15,941 --> 00:15:18,278 -A horror movie? -Yeah. We're taking it to Cannes. 196 00:15:18,310 --> 00:15:19,428 You been to Cannes? 197 00:15:19,429 --> 00:15:20,546 No. 198 00:15:20,579 --> 00:15:23,082 So, you know this party we're doing? 199 00:15:23,116 --> 00:15:25,118 -You mean the one I'm doing? -Yeah. 200 00:15:25,151 --> 00:15:28,455 I'll bring all the right people. It'll be crawling with celebs 201 00:15:28,488 --> 00:15:31,125 if you make it worth my while. 202 00:15:31,158 --> 00:15:32,960 -You know what I mean, gorgeous? -I'm good. 203 00:15:32,993 --> 00:15:35,097 -All right, well, enjoy your night. -Absolutely. 204 00:15:35,130 --> 00:15:36,866 -Bye. -Take it easy. 205 00:15:44,540 --> 00:15:46,377 Leave a message. 206 00:15:46,410 --> 00:15:48,847 Hey, babe. What are you up to? 207 00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:50,849 I lost my voice. I went to this rager. 208 00:15:50,881 --> 00:15:53,985 It was amazing. You should've been there. 209 00:15:54,018 --> 00:15:56,321 Hey wait, I'm at work. 210 00:15:56,354 --> 00:15:58,524 So, what'd you end up doing last night? 211 00:15:58,557 --> 00:16:01,194 Hey, did you hear that girl who's supposed to guest star 212 00:16:01,228 --> 00:16:02,529 on our show next month? 213 00:16:02,561 --> 00:16:05,133 I mean, small fucking world, right? 214 00:16:05,166 --> 00:16:07,368 That's kinda crazy and kinda scary. 215 00:16:07,401 --> 00:16:10,105 Anyway, guess who I ran into at the club tonight? 216 00:16:10,138 --> 00:16:12,374 That creepy ass producer guy. 217 00:16:12,407 --> 00:16:14,443 I don't know about having him organize our party. 218 00:16:14,477 --> 00:16:16,980 I kinda feel like it's going to be a bunch of lame old dudes 219 00:16:17,012 --> 00:16:19,448 hanging around, just gonna sit around and stare at us. 220 00:16:19,482 --> 00:16:21,419 I know. Like I don't get enough of that at work. 221 00:16:21,452 --> 00:16:24,288 Anyway, let me let you go. I'll call you later. 222 00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:26,424 I have a hot date tonight and I got to get ready. 223 00:16:26,458 --> 00:16:28,394 But I love you lots. Mwa. Bye. 224 00:17:23,291 --> 00:17:25,092 That's awful. 225 00:17:25,126 --> 00:17:27,095 I can't believe all these people are in my house. 226 00:17:27,128 --> 00:17:29,466 I know. I am so Tweeting this. 227 00:17:32,301 --> 00:17:35,572 I know. I'm sorry. But it's kinda funny, right? I mean... 228 00:17:35,604 --> 00:17:37,473 Who invited all these people? 229 00:17:37,506 --> 00:17:39,576 Probably a Facebook invite or something. 230 00:17:39,610 --> 00:17:42,130 Is there any men here? 231 00:17:42,131 --> 00:17:44,650 No. 232 00:17:44,682 --> 00:17:47,585 No, dude, I know. It's like Star 80 on steroids or something. 233 00:17:47,619 --> 00:17:50,023 No, seriously, it's creeping me out. 234 00:17:50,056 --> 00:17:52,459 Someone sent me a link to all that shit he's been streaming online. 235 00:17:52,491 --> 00:17:54,260 -Did you watch it? -Hell no. 236 00:17:54,294 --> 00:17:56,130 I act in horror movies for a living. 237 00:17:56,163 --> 00:17:59,400 I don't want to watch that shit in real life. 238 00:17:59,432 --> 00:18:04,272 But, hey, on the upside, they'll probably be making a movie about this soon. 239 00:18:04,306 --> 00:18:09,079 This party is so tragic. It's actually kind of funny. It's kinda entertaining. 240 00:18:09,111 --> 00:18:12,682 My God, I totally see that douchebag producer over there. 241 00:18:12,715 --> 00:18:15,019 -Hey, girl. -Why do you still hang out with him? 242 00:18:15,051 --> 00:18:16,170 I... because he's rich. 243 00:18:16,171 --> 00:18:17,288 That's disgusting. 244 00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:19,023 I know. He is disgusting. 245 00:18:19,056 --> 00:18:20,624 And now it's raining. 246 00:18:20,658 --> 00:18:22,627 -Are you kidding? -Like it could get any worse. 247 00:18:22,659 --> 00:18:24,663 Yeah, this party sucks. 248 00:18:24,697 --> 00:18:27,332 Do we have to stay at our own party? 249 00:18:27,366 --> 00:18:28,668 I don't know. Want to go eat? 250 00:18:28,700 --> 00:18:30,737 It's not funny. This is my house. 251 00:18:30,771 --> 00:18:33,107 We should just call the cops and get them to empty it out. 252 00:18:33,140 --> 00:18:35,377 No, but I mean, come on. It will make for a good story. 253 00:18:35,410 --> 00:18:37,478 You know what's an even better story? 254 00:18:37,511 --> 00:18:39,713 What if The Slasher showed up tonight? 255 00:18:39,747 --> 00:18:41,549 My God, you would love that. 256 00:18:41,583 --> 00:18:43,585 -Did you watch the news last night? -Yes. 257 00:18:43,619 --> 00:18:45,354 You're sick in the head. 258 00:18:45,386 --> 00:18:47,590 No, I'm just all about entertainment. 259 00:18:47,624 --> 00:18:49,759 I mean, it's kinda crazy. 260 00:18:49,793 --> 00:18:53,664 I mean, it could be anybody here. 261 00:18:53,696 --> 00:18:55,799 Yeah. Maybe it's you. 262 00:18:55,833 --> 00:18:57,736 Maybe it's me. 263 00:18:57,769 --> 00:19:01,507 Maybe I'm The Slasher. Who will be my next victim? 264 00:19:01,540 --> 00:19:02,808 That girl over there. 265 00:19:02,840 --> 00:19:05,477 What? The one with the weave? 266 00:19:05,511 --> 00:19:07,481 Or the one with the Payless shoes? 267 00:19:08,782 --> 00:19:10,551 How's my hair? How's my tits? 268 00:19:10,583 --> 00:19:11,835 Another one? You look great. 269 00:19:11,836 --> 00:19:13,086 You ready? 270 00:19:13,119 --> 00:19:14,755 Let's go eat. Come on. I'm starving. 271 00:19:14,789 --> 00:19:17,092 I'm not leaving all these people in my house. 272 00:19:17,125 --> 00:19:19,594 Lock it up, let them stay on the roof, let's go grab some food. 273 00:19:19,627 --> 00:19:21,531 I'm, like, dying for a milkshake. 274 00:19:25,567 --> 00:19:26,803 Look at this girl. 275 00:20:32,446 --> 00:20:35,518 The infamous star of numerous accidentally released sex tapes 276 00:20:35,550 --> 00:20:38,620 was attending a party with friends at this home. 277 00:20:38,653 --> 00:20:42,526 Several witnesses state she had not been seen since around 11:30 p.m. 278 00:20:42,558 --> 00:20:44,828 Excuse me. Sir? 279 00:20:44,862 --> 00:20:48,299 Can you tell us what happened here tonight? 280 00:20:48,331 --> 00:20:50,502 Yeah, hey. 281 00:20:50,534 --> 00:20:52,271 Well, they wouldn't let me in the party, 282 00:20:52,303 --> 00:20:55,473 but I stuck around because that smoking hot chick 283 00:20:55,506 --> 00:20:57,509 from one of those sex tapes was here. 284 00:20:57,542 --> 00:20:59,745 But I heard someone drowned. 285 00:20:59,779 --> 00:21:01,749 I mean, someone killed that girl. 286 00:21:01,782 --> 00:21:05,351 You know, you are one pretty girl. Is this Channel 6? 287 00:21:05,385 --> 00:21:06,654 I usually watch Channel 4. 288 00:21:06,655 --> 00:21:07,923 Exciting development. 289 00:21:07,956 --> 00:21:09,957 You know, I got a few comments I could throw in. 290 00:21:09,991 --> 00:21:12,694 I wasn't done talking. If y'all let me say a few words. 291 00:21:12,726 --> 00:21:15,597 Because I know y'all's doing that promo for America's Got Talent. 292 00:21:15,631 --> 00:21:17,266 I couldn't make it, so I was thinking 293 00:21:17,298 --> 00:21:19,335 you give me the microphone and just show off 294 00:21:19,369 --> 00:21:21,772 some of my singing abilities. Wouldn't that be pretty cool? 295 00:21:21,805 --> 00:21:24,276 -I mean, you're not talking into it. -Seriously? 296 00:21:29,346 --> 00:21:31,683 What's going on, guys? We're coming at you raw right now. 297 00:21:31,717 --> 00:21:33,519 You might know this girl from... 298 00:21:33,551 --> 00:21:36,722 Well, you know where you know her from. 299 00:21:36,756 --> 00:21:38,491 I wasn't supposed to do that? 300 00:21:38,523 --> 00:21:40,859 All right, man, I hope she gets home safely. 301 00:21:40,893 --> 00:21:42,597 I don't know. I want to see another tape. 302 00:21:42,629 --> 00:21:44,497 I jerk off to her sometimes. 303 00:21:44,530 --> 00:21:46,299 Like you don't jerk off to her. Whatever. 304 00:21:46,332 --> 00:21:48,236 Hey, it's me. 305 00:21:48,270 --> 00:21:49,937 I know we haven't spoken in a long time. 306 00:21:49,971 --> 00:21:51,873 It's your agent, by the way. 307 00:21:51,906 --> 00:21:54,577 I just wanted to call to say it really sucks 308 00:21:54,609 --> 00:21:58,248 about what happened at your house last night. Well, to the girl anyhow. 309 00:21:58,282 --> 00:22:03,688 On the other hand, this is fantastic. You're all over the news. 310 00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:07,592 No such thing as bad publicity. Am I right or what? 311 00:23:04,458 --> 00:23:09,632 Thank you, thank you, my wonderful darlings. 312 00:23:09,664 --> 00:23:13,969 It means so much to myself 313 00:23:14,002 --> 00:23:18,742 and my delicious little wifey here 314 00:23:18,776 --> 00:23:24,750 to have you welcome us to our new life in Los Angeles, of course, 315 00:23:24,782 --> 00:23:27,985 with such wide open arms 316 00:23:28,019 --> 00:23:33,694 and such friendly loving smiles. 317 00:23:53,082 --> 00:23:55,619 This stuff is fucking incredible. 318 00:23:55,651 --> 00:23:59,690 It's the same sort of thing we have every week darling, but thank you. 319 00:23:59,724 --> 00:24:01,360 You're talking about the food? 320 00:24:26,621 --> 00:24:29,024 Hello. 321 00:24:29,058 --> 00:24:29,992 Hello. 322 00:24:30,026 --> 00:24:31,729 Who's a good boy? 323 00:24:31,762 --> 00:24:33,998 Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy? 324 00:24:34,031 --> 00:24:36,033 You being a good boy? Who's a little sweety? 325 00:24:36,067 --> 00:24:38,603 Hey. Who's a little sweety? 326 00:24:46,512 --> 00:24:47,782 Hey. 327 00:24:53,688 --> 00:24:55,857 Yeah? 328 00:24:55,890 --> 00:24:58,026 Aren't you dead yet? 329 00:24:58,058 --> 00:25:02,197 Sweetheart, why don't we have a little talk outside? 330 00:25:43,111 --> 00:25:45,849 Hey. 331 00:25:45,881 --> 00:25:48,818 I'm grounded. 332 00:25:48,852 --> 00:25:50,854 You're what? 333 00:25:50,888 --> 00:25:52,524 Grounded. 334 00:25:52,556 --> 00:25:55,728 That's too funny. Seriously? 335 00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:58,830 No, but you're coming, right? You have to come. 336 00:25:58,864 --> 00:26:00,834 You have everything on you. 337 00:26:00,866 --> 00:26:06,039 Yeah. Babe, seriously, they're, like, really, really mad. 338 00:26:10,310 --> 00:26:15,283 So one of those guys was, like, huge. 339 00:26:15,317 --> 00:26:18,588 And he was really really rude to me. 340 00:26:18,620 --> 00:26:21,690 And the other guy thought I was, like, a prostitute. 341 00:26:21,723 --> 00:26:25,195 Seriously, you can get your own stuff next time. 342 00:26:25,227 --> 00:26:30,302 And by the way, in other news... 343 00:26:30,334 --> 00:26:35,874 I just had the best and worst dinner party of my life. 344 00:26:35,908 --> 00:26:39,011 Hey, what's with you? 345 00:26:39,044 --> 00:26:42,015 Nothing. I'm good. Like, I'm great. 346 00:26:42,047 --> 00:26:43,983 You're acting kind of strange. 347 00:26:44,016 --> 00:26:45,285 You better save some for me. 348 00:26:45,318 --> 00:26:47,021 I have no idea what you mean. 349 00:26:49,190 --> 00:26:52,126 Look, just get your ass down that drain pipe ASAP, okay? 350 00:26:52,160 --> 00:26:55,364 I'm sure you're going to be flying off that shit anyways. 351 00:26:55,396 --> 00:27:00,202 Seriously, I'm not sure. Like, I feel like shit. 352 00:27:00,236 --> 00:27:04,041 Shut up. Get over here, like, now 353 00:27:04,074 --> 00:27:07,778 before I go over there and tell your parents a shitload of stuff 354 00:27:07,810 --> 00:27:10,648 they don't want to hear about their little princess. Okay? 355 00:27:10,682 --> 00:27:14,186 Okay. 356 00:27:16,821 --> 00:27:18,190 Give me an hour. 357 00:27:27,968 --> 00:27:30,005 Hey, hon. 358 00:27:30,037 --> 00:27:32,941 I'm sorry about yelling at you earlier. 359 00:27:32,975 --> 00:27:34,644 I shouldn't have done that. 360 00:27:34,677 --> 00:27:38,015 But I just really want to see you tonight. 361 00:27:38,047 --> 00:27:39,682 Call me back. 362 00:27:39,716 --> 00:27:41,118 Bye. 363 00:27:51,762 --> 00:27:53,332 Hey, hon. 364 00:27:53,365 --> 00:27:56,102 I'm sorry about yelling at you earlier. 365 00:27:56,135 --> 00:27:57,936 I shouldn't have done that. 366 00:27:57,970 --> 00:28:00,307 But I just really want to see you tonight. 367 00:28:00,339 --> 00:28:02,010 Call me back. 368 00:28:57,907 --> 00:28:59,342 Yeah. 369 00:29:00,779 --> 00:29:01,714 Well... 370 00:29:03,982 --> 00:29:07,486 I'm actually just leaving this event. I had to make an appearance. 371 00:29:11,791 --> 00:29:14,861 I'd really love to, but I can't tonight. 372 00:29:14,895 --> 00:29:19,200 I have actually to, I have to go home and feed my dogs. 373 00:29:19,233 --> 00:29:23,105 Yeah. All right. Bye. 374 00:30:02,015 --> 00:30:04,920 It's me. Where the hell were you? 375 00:30:04,954 --> 00:30:06,856 I'm on my way home. 376 00:30:06,888 --> 00:30:10,360 Just get your cute butt over as soon as you can, okay? 377 00:30:10,392 --> 00:30:12,495 I'm here with one of the biggest pop stars in the world. 378 00:30:12,528 --> 00:30:15,032 Thanks for joining us. 379 00:30:15,065 --> 00:30:17,434 Have you been following the news about the L.A. Slasher? 380 00:30:17,467 --> 00:30:20,038 I mean I've heard about it. I don't follow that shit, though. 381 00:30:20,072 --> 00:30:22,007 Do you have any messages that you want to send 382 00:30:22,039 --> 00:30:25,244 to the victims of the L.A. Slasher? 383 00:30:25,277 --> 00:30:28,882 Wait, yeah. Maybe if they had any talent, everybody wouldn't hate them 384 00:30:28,914 --> 00:30:30,584 and the Slasher wouldn't have gone after them. 385 00:30:30,616 --> 00:30:32,854 Ouch. That's pretty harsh. 386 00:30:32,886 --> 00:30:34,888 Do you think the Slasher would ever go after you? 387 00:30:34,922 --> 00:30:37,291 Why would the Slasher possibly go after me? 388 00:30:37,325 --> 00:30:40,295 I actually have talent unlike these other fools he's going after. 389 00:30:40,327 --> 00:30:42,866 Speaking of talent, you've been in the spotlight a lot, 390 00:30:42,898 --> 00:30:44,500 for everything but your music. 391 00:30:44,532 --> 00:30:46,401 Can you tell us what's been going on? 392 00:30:46,434 --> 00:30:48,571 Whatever. Just trying to have a good time. 393 00:30:48,605 --> 00:30:51,608 I'm so pissed I didn't win a Grammy, which I totally deserved. 394 00:30:51,641 --> 00:30:53,377 Only now I don't even care. 395 00:30:53,410 --> 00:30:55,479 People are unfair to me. 396 00:30:55,513 --> 00:30:58,082 They make up stories about me to make me look bad. 397 00:30:58,116 --> 00:31:01,420 Reports have surfaced that you've been spitting on your fans. 398 00:31:01,453 --> 00:31:04,389 That is so no true. I love my fans. I bought them hot chocolate 399 00:31:04,423 --> 00:31:06,293 and let them listen to my new song. 400 00:31:06,325 --> 00:31:08,594 And reports of you peeing in a restaurant mop bucket 401 00:31:08,628 --> 00:31:11,032 and cursing a former president? 402 00:31:11,064 --> 00:31:12,933 You know, sometimes people make mistakes. 403 00:31:12,967 --> 00:31:14,569 Haters just try to tear you down. 404 00:31:14,602 --> 00:31:16,939 Just trying to stay positive, you know? 405 00:31:16,971 --> 00:31:19,374 We also heard a lot of controversy with you speeding 406 00:31:19,408 --> 00:31:21,544 through the neighborhood that you live in. 407 00:31:21,545 --> 00:31:23,387 Your neighbors must hate you. 408 00:31:23,388 --> 00:31:26,249 That's the risk you take in the same neighborhood as a superstar. 409 00:31:26,281 --> 00:31:30,020 I mean, they should just know to look out for me. I'm royalty. 410 00:31:30,054 --> 00:31:31,389 Cinnabun! 411 00:31:33,991 --> 00:31:35,394 Cinnabun! 412 00:31:38,296 --> 00:31:39,699 Cinnabun! 413 00:31:39,732 --> 00:31:41,001 Come here, girl! 414 00:31:45,438 --> 00:31:47,675 You know not to go outside. 415 00:31:49,275 --> 00:31:50,611 Come here, girl! 416 00:31:54,682 --> 00:31:56,019 Cinnabun! 417 00:32:01,256 --> 00:32:03,294 Cinnabun, come out! 418 00:32:05,261 --> 00:32:06,530 Cinnabun. 419 00:32:12,536 --> 00:32:15,173 What's going on, lovely people? 420 00:32:15,207 --> 00:32:18,244 We got some raw footage to show you that just hit the net right now. 421 00:32:18,277 --> 00:32:21,280 Just a head's up. It might get a little gnarly for some viewers. 422 00:32:21,314 --> 00:32:24,652 Twerk it, girl. Twerk it. Hip hop it out, baby. 423 00:32:24,684 --> 00:32:27,355 Don't make me come over there. 424 00:32:27,387 --> 00:32:31,193 Damn. Look, all right, we're making a public shout out 425 00:32:31,225 --> 00:32:34,295 right now to all of you to stop using any and all social media 426 00:32:34,328 --> 00:32:36,366 that might be helping this L.A. Slasher fool. 427 00:32:36,398 --> 00:32:38,633 I mean, we're getting a lot of stories coming out. 428 00:32:38,666 --> 00:32:41,037 It looks like this dude is no joke, all right? For real. 429 00:32:41,070 --> 00:32:45,743 L.A. Slasher is for real. God bless. 430 00:32:45,775 --> 00:32:48,379 Yo, can we run that tape again? She was hot. 431 00:32:48,412 --> 00:32:51,582 Please, sir, whoever you are, 432 00:32:51,616 --> 00:32:55,553 we urge you, bring our daughter home 433 00:32:55,586 --> 00:32:58,157 A child of privilege, yes, I give you. 434 00:32:58,190 --> 00:33:00,660 But she does not deserve to be punished. 435 00:33:00,692 --> 00:33:05,332 Bitch, please. She needs to be put in her place. 436 00:33:05,365 --> 00:33:07,634 Look, I'm actually doing you a favor. 437 00:33:50,686 --> 00:33:52,621 -You're an animal. -She's our only daughter. 438 00:33:52,653 --> 00:33:54,206 You're an animal. 439 00:33:54,207 --> 00:33:55,758 Any... any amount of money. Any. 440 00:33:55,792 --> 00:33:59,530 Everybody hates reality TV, but they watch it 441 00:33:59,563 --> 00:34:03,200 just so they can tell you about how much they hate it. 442 00:34:03,234 --> 00:34:06,371 Whatever problems you have, change the channel until you find somebody 443 00:34:06,403 --> 00:34:09,441 who's worse off and then suddenly your life doesn't seem so bad. 444 00:34:09,473 --> 00:34:11,677 Let me tell you something, it is that bad. 445 00:34:11,710 --> 00:34:13,779 Life just keeps going round and round, 446 00:34:13,813 --> 00:34:16,317 only you have to clean it, wash it out. 447 00:34:16,350 --> 00:34:18,752 Wash out the shit. 448 00:34:18,785 --> 00:34:22,157 The mayor has spoken out against the L.A. Slasher today 449 00:34:22,190 --> 00:34:24,425 and urges the public to disregard any material 450 00:34:24,458 --> 00:34:26,328 that's been posted online. 451 00:34:26,360 --> 00:34:29,131 The Mayor is quoted as saying the L.A. Slasher 452 00:34:29,164 --> 00:34:31,666 is a despicable menace to society. 453 00:34:31,700 --> 00:34:35,839 He's just another fame chaser looking for his 15 minutes. 454 00:34:35,871 --> 00:34:38,174 I'm despicable? 455 00:34:38,208 --> 00:34:41,513 Look who's talking, you fucking man whore. 456 00:34:41,546 --> 00:34:43,181 What would your wife say? 457 00:34:43,213 --> 00:34:44,816 Baby. 458 00:34:48,620 --> 00:34:50,289 Martin. 459 00:34:59,232 --> 00:35:00,734 Mama mia. 460 00:35:05,507 --> 00:35:07,611 Martin. 461 00:35:09,979 --> 00:35:12,549 Look what I got for you, pal. 462 00:35:12,583 --> 00:35:14,218 Look what I got for you. 463 00:35:14,250 --> 00:35:16,352 Lots and lots of this. 464 00:35:16,386 --> 00:35:18,689 A lot of money. 465 00:35:18,722 --> 00:35:22,560 This is a five. I'm going to keep this. 466 00:35:24,529 --> 00:35:26,265 Okay, Martin. 467 00:35:27,933 --> 00:35:30,370 Wish me luck. 468 00:35:30,403 --> 00:35:32,372 Ladies... 469 00:35:32,405 --> 00:35:34,542 Ladies. 470 00:35:36,643 --> 00:35:37,946 Buy me another drink. 471 00:36:27,904 --> 00:36:30,306 We're out in the middle of nowhere. 472 00:36:30,339 --> 00:36:35,479 I know. I'm not really sure where the nav is taking us. 473 00:36:35,512 --> 00:36:37,014 Why didn't he send a driver? 474 00:36:37,015 --> 00:36:38,516 I don't think they can afford one. 475 00:36:38,549 --> 00:36:44,490 God. Let's just hope your lovely car doesn't cut out on us. 476 00:36:44,523 --> 00:36:46,325 I've had this car since I was 17. 477 00:36:46,358 --> 00:36:47,726 It hasn't failed me yet. 478 00:36:47,760 --> 00:36:49,897 I love this car, but like you said, 479 00:36:49,930 --> 00:36:51,999 you've had it since you were 17. 480 00:36:52,031 --> 00:36:54,835 And this is not the place we want to break down. 481 00:36:54,869 --> 00:36:57,372 I mean, what if the Slasher is out here? 482 00:36:57,405 --> 00:36:59,608 Don't you think it's ironic that he's picking on girls 483 00:36:59,641 --> 00:37:02,477 who are kind of exactly like us? 484 00:37:02,511 --> 00:37:05,749 Since when does everyone just want to be famous? 485 00:37:16,126 --> 00:37:18,363 -No way are you smoking that in here. -Really? 486 00:37:18,397 --> 00:37:19,699 Yeah. 487 00:37:19,732 --> 00:37:21,900 God, you fucking health freaks. 488 00:37:21,933 --> 00:37:23,503 Let's just do a little blow. 489 00:37:23,504 --> 00:37:25,072 -My God. -Stop. 490 00:37:25,104 --> 00:37:27,340 -You just killed my lady boner. -Lady boner? 491 00:37:27,374 --> 00:37:29,110 1987. 492 00:37:29,111 --> 00:37:30,844 Aw, isn't his accent just really cute? 493 00:37:30,877 --> 00:37:32,913 In a short bus kind of way. 494 00:37:32,946 --> 00:37:35,350 No, we are not drunk... yet. 495 00:37:35,383 --> 00:37:37,019 -Hey. -Whoo. 496 00:37:37,052 --> 00:37:39,388 So you're making a movie about this. 497 00:37:39,422 --> 00:37:41,925 Yeah, I'm thinking about making a movie about this Slasher guy. 498 00:37:41,957 --> 00:37:43,826 That's how you make money. Horror movies. 499 00:37:43,859 --> 00:37:45,395 Ass sewn to mouth. 500 00:37:47,130 --> 00:37:48,548 All in the name of fun. 501 00:37:48,549 --> 00:37:49,966 Yes. Those are actual films. 502 00:37:49,999 --> 00:37:51,736 -With scripts and you know... -Yeah. 503 00:37:51,770 --> 00:37:53,472 Awesome. 504 00:37:53,504 --> 00:37:55,807 Are you going to put your pants on first? 505 00:37:55,839 --> 00:37:57,009 I'm taking my pants off. 506 00:37:57,041 --> 00:37:59,145 See? I'm comfortable. 507 00:37:59,177 --> 00:38:01,614 You think this is the casting couch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 508 00:38:01,646 --> 00:38:03,950 -I don't think so. -It's going to take a little bit more... 509 00:38:03,984 --> 00:38:06,387 Come on. Who wants a fucking role in the sequel or not? 510 00:38:06,419 --> 00:38:07,938 Are we being punked? 511 00:38:07,939 --> 00:38:09,456 Well... 512 00:38:09,489 --> 00:38:12,159 -Okay, let's stop. I'm getting out. -Driver! 513 00:38:12,192 --> 00:38:14,863 We're fucking late. I can't believe we're fucking late. 514 00:38:14,896 --> 00:38:16,310 This is only going to take a minute. 515 00:38:16,311 --> 00:38:18,433 You know none of us are going to fuck you, right? 516 00:38:18,466 --> 00:38:20,904 Really? 517 00:38:20,937 --> 00:38:22,039 My God. 518 00:38:22,040 --> 00:38:23,140 I'm going to get out. 519 00:38:23,172 --> 00:38:25,642 Going to find out what the fuck is going on. 520 00:38:25,675 --> 00:38:27,144 Driver! 521 00:38:32,683 --> 00:38:34,018 Hey, buddy! 522 00:38:34,051 --> 00:38:36,522 Move this fucking piece of shit. 523 00:38:36,556 --> 00:38:39,826 I got a fucking red carpet, got some babes in the back. 524 00:38:39,858 --> 00:38:41,495 Move your fucking piece of shit. 525 00:39:10,062 --> 00:39:12,665 Maybe I wish the Slasher would come for me. 526 00:39:12,697 --> 00:39:15,601 Aw, sweetie, you're not famous enough to be abducted. 527 00:39:15,635 --> 00:39:19,171 But how cool would that be if we were actually abducted? 528 00:39:19,204 --> 00:39:22,242 Our ratings would go through the roof. 529 00:39:22,276 --> 00:39:26,914 But speaking of, we really do need to get our ratings up. 530 00:39:26,947 --> 00:39:29,517 I mean, reality TV is no longer real. 531 00:39:29,550 --> 00:39:31,219 It's totally scripted. 532 00:39:31,253 --> 00:39:34,022 This is real. 533 00:39:34,055 --> 00:39:36,091 Yeah, he's really killing people. 534 00:39:36,125 --> 00:39:38,796 Yeah, but who cares? These are, like, worthless people. 535 00:39:38,829 --> 00:39:40,931 They contribute nothing to society. 536 00:39:40,963 --> 00:39:43,067 So it's okay for them to die? 537 00:39:43,099 --> 00:39:45,035 I mean, who's really gonna miss them? 538 00:39:45,069 --> 00:39:47,939 We are those people. 539 00:39:47,972 --> 00:39:50,275 It's like he's trying to get rid of anybody 540 00:39:50,308 --> 00:39:52,811 who just wants to be famous for five minutes 541 00:39:52,844 --> 00:39:54,514 and has no real talent. 542 00:39:54,548 --> 00:39:56,883 It's like some kind of weird social statement 543 00:39:56,917 --> 00:39:59,119 about everything that's wrong with the world. 544 00:39:59,151 --> 00:40:01,989 Well, I actually think that's a great statement. 545 00:41:30,293 --> 00:41:33,797 I didn't do anything. 546 00:42:14,744 --> 00:42:18,716 Well, hello, ladies and douchebags. 547 00:42:18,750 --> 00:42:21,888 Thanks for joining me. It's so nice to have you here. 548 00:42:21,920 --> 00:42:24,256 First up, auditions. 549 00:42:24,289 --> 00:42:27,694 Yay. We all know you're not famous for your talents, 550 00:42:27,727 --> 00:42:29,729 but just for shits and giggles, 551 00:42:29,763 --> 00:42:33,101 let's see if there's a brain beneath all that makeup. 552 00:42:33,134 --> 00:42:36,337 You're not auditioning for some stupid TV show here. 553 00:42:36,369 --> 00:42:40,742 No, no, no. This is much more important. 554 00:42:40,776 --> 00:42:43,245 Best get to running those lines 555 00:42:43,278 --> 00:42:46,449 and practice, practice, practice. 556 00:42:56,861 --> 00:42:59,897 And you, Needledick, you're going to film these girls. 557 00:42:59,931 --> 00:43:02,267 But this time you're the one who's going to be naked. 558 00:43:02,300 --> 00:43:06,239 You're going to get what you always wanted, a worldwide hit. 559 00:43:12,880 --> 00:43:15,182 The police are working around the clock 560 00:43:15,215 --> 00:43:19,187 to remove all the videos placed online by the L.A. Slasher. 561 00:43:19,220 --> 00:43:23,793 However, the online auditions have already attracted millions of views. 562 00:43:23,826 --> 00:43:25,428 I think that there's a lot more to me 563 00:43:25,462 --> 00:43:28,465 than just being from a very wealthy family. 564 00:43:28,498 --> 00:43:32,904 I'm famous, and I'm very well liked. 565 00:43:32,937 --> 00:43:34,840 Very well liked. 566 00:43:34,873 --> 00:43:37,342 Raging rock and... 567 00:43:37,375 --> 00:43:41,113 Shall break the locks of prison gates. 568 00:43:43,416 --> 00:43:46,554 I think I should be a star of the show because... 569 00:43:46,587 --> 00:43:49,957 well, a lot of people want to watch me. 570 00:43:52,327 --> 00:43:56,132 I could play... 571 00:43:57,966 --> 00:43:59,968 I definitely think it's my great sense of style. 572 00:44:00,002 --> 00:44:04,108 I have great hair, and I like to have a good time. 573 00:44:07,543 --> 00:44:08,946 Fuck. 574 00:44:13,183 --> 00:44:15,253 Why are we doing this? 575 00:44:15,286 --> 00:44:17,455 Three, two... 576 00:44:17,489 --> 00:44:21,127 A looming fear increases that the Slasher's antics 577 00:44:21,160 --> 00:44:24,831 may be building to a climax. 578 00:44:24,865 --> 00:44:27,201 And we are out. Whoo. Good job. 579 00:44:27,235 --> 00:44:30,138 Here we go. Here we go. 580 00:44:30,170 --> 00:44:30,972 Hurry up. Come on. 581 00:44:30,973 --> 00:44:32,574 Sorry. Sorry. Here we are. Here we are. 582 00:44:32,608 --> 00:44:33,809 Stress level's high. 583 00:44:33,810 --> 00:44:35,010 I've got a great idea. 584 00:44:35,042 --> 00:44:37,246 Let's hear this one. 585 00:44:37,279 --> 00:44:40,917 I'm going to go on Twitter so I can tell the world where I am all the time. 586 00:44:40,949 --> 00:44:43,420 So I can get into the tabloids, like, all the time. 587 00:44:43,454 --> 00:44:46,122 You're crazy. This sounds like a grand plan. 588 00:44:46,155 --> 00:44:47,492 Lighter. Thanks. 589 00:44:49,928 --> 00:44:50,930 Take that in. 590 00:44:53,031 --> 00:44:53,934 Let it in. 591 00:44:57,269 --> 00:44:59,506 It's fucking moronic. 592 00:44:59,538 --> 00:45:02,209 They might as well give the guy a map and paint a big fucking X 593 00:45:02,241 --> 00:45:03,260 on their foreheads. 594 00:45:03,261 --> 00:45:04,278 That's a bit drastic. 595 00:45:06,380 --> 00:45:08,583 All right, come on. Let's get out of here. 596 00:45:08,616 --> 00:45:10,051 Let's go. 597 00:45:10,084 --> 00:45:11,287 Come on. 598 00:45:14,656 --> 00:45:16,893 Hello, lovely people. 599 00:45:16,927 --> 00:45:19,329 We're here today talking about the L.A. Slasher 600 00:45:19,362 --> 00:45:22,433 How super exciting. The critics' reviews are in. 601 00:45:22,466 --> 00:45:25,069 Your performance was like a big freaking horse's ass. 602 00:45:25,102 --> 00:45:27,373 It's full of hot wind. I don't know whether to slap that thing 603 00:45:27,406 --> 00:45:28,857 or sadly want to feed your head. 604 00:45:28,858 --> 00:45:30,308 Fucking love you, dude. 605 00:45:30,342 --> 00:45:31,343 We like his mask. 606 00:45:31,344 --> 00:45:32,344 We love the mask. 607 00:45:32,377 --> 00:45:34,314 I don't know. I don't know if anyone's saying it, 608 00:45:34,347 --> 00:45:37,217 but is it just me or is he doing a good thing? 609 00:45:37,249 --> 00:45:39,386 Hey, Sugar, forget the talking. 610 00:45:39,419 --> 00:45:43,523 Keep the moaning with a big juicy cock in your ass. 611 00:45:43,556 --> 00:45:46,295 We love the L.A. Slasher. We like what he's doing. We love it. 612 00:45:46,327 --> 00:45:48,563 I mean, I don't know. I'm not going to arrest a garbageman 613 00:45:48,595 --> 00:45:51,366 because he's throwing away my garbage, you know what I'm sayin'? 614 00:45:51,399 --> 00:45:54,236 Stuck up English bitch. You think you're prettier than me? 615 00:45:54,270 --> 00:45:56,640 You make me go fucking... On my fucking fat thighs. 616 00:45:56,672 --> 00:45:59,119 Yo, L.A. Slasher, we love you. Fuck those reality stars. 617 00:45:59,120 --> 00:46:00,343 Fuck those reality stars. 618 00:46:00,376 --> 00:46:03,180 Golddiggers get famous overnight. 619 00:46:03,214 --> 00:46:05,116 I mean these people are stupid. 620 00:46:05,149 --> 00:46:08,654 -They're reality TV stars. -Who gives a? 621 00:46:17,030 --> 00:46:18,565 God, you're pathetic. 622 00:46:18,598 --> 00:46:21,168 A teenage girl desperate for fame. 623 00:46:21,201 --> 00:46:23,671 Let me see, I can't sing and I can't dance. 624 00:46:23,704 --> 00:46:27,241 I know, I have a womb. I'm going to get myself pregnant. 625 00:46:27,274 --> 00:46:30,279 You fucking bitch. So now you got a baby. 626 00:46:30,312 --> 00:46:32,515 And the next spark of genius that pops into 627 00:46:32,547 --> 00:46:35,485 your little fucking pea brain... porn. I'm sorry. 628 00:46:35,519 --> 00:46:38,155 I mean, sex tapes, because that's a little more refined. 629 00:46:38,188 --> 00:46:40,658 Why don't you show your loving family 630 00:46:40,692 --> 00:46:43,161 what you've been up to these days. Use it. 631 00:46:43,194 --> 00:46:44,763 Enjoy it. 632 00:46:44,796 --> 00:46:48,034 Potato. Potahto. You're a fucking whore. 633 00:46:48,066 --> 00:46:49,568 You should be used to this by now. 634 00:46:49,601 --> 00:46:51,637 You love people watching, right? 635 00:46:54,073 --> 00:46:56,175 Don't tell me you're ashamed. 636 00:46:56,209 --> 00:47:00,048 Look, if you don't watch, she dies. 637 00:47:03,551 --> 00:47:05,421 This is it, bro. 638 00:47:05,454 --> 00:47:07,289 We're the big cats. 639 00:47:07,321 --> 00:47:09,292 King of the jungle. 640 00:47:09,324 --> 00:47:12,061 Tigers, man. Fucking tigers. 641 00:47:12,094 --> 00:47:15,166 We're lions. If we're kings of the jungle, we're fucking lions. 642 00:47:15,198 --> 00:47:19,470 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hakuna matada. We're top dogs, baby. 643 00:47:19,503 --> 00:47:21,339 Before we go talking about the dogs, 644 00:47:21,373 --> 00:47:23,342 let's finish talking about the cats. 645 00:47:23,375 --> 00:47:27,380 Hey. My cousin's giving us the crown, bro. 646 00:47:27,412 --> 00:47:32,053 Your cousin's in prison... bro. 647 00:47:32,085 --> 00:47:34,221 I told you, if we to do this, we're going to do this my way. 648 00:47:34,254 --> 00:47:37,393 Direct, protected, and right under the radar. 649 00:48:21,710 --> 00:48:24,647 I've got a lot of sex appeal and, you know, 650 00:48:24,680 --> 00:48:26,750 I just really bring the boys out to play. 651 00:48:28,885 --> 00:48:32,856 Well, a porcupine walks straight through a pride of lions. 652 00:48:32,889 --> 00:48:34,825 And the cubs may attack because the cubs 653 00:48:34,859 --> 00:48:37,129 are fucking idiots and they don't know any better. 654 00:48:37,162 --> 00:48:40,465 But the elders, the elders are smart. 655 00:48:40,498 --> 00:48:42,701 They know better. 656 00:48:42,735 --> 00:48:46,906 Mr. Porcupine is armed. Mr. Porcupine is ready. 657 00:48:46,939 --> 00:48:51,245 Mr. Porcupine will pierce right through their skin and fuck them up. 658 00:48:51,279 --> 00:48:53,915 See? We're the porcupine. 659 00:48:53,947 --> 00:48:56,284 So we're porcupines, amigo. 660 00:48:56,318 --> 00:48:58,419 Not the lion. 661 00:48:58,452 --> 00:48:59,788 Or the tigers. 662 00:49:01,357 --> 00:49:03,692 Porcupine. 663 00:49:03,726 --> 00:49:07,331 Wake me up when we get there. 664 00:49:07,363 --> 00:49:09,867 The mayor of Los Angeles remains missing. 665 00:49:09,899 --> 00:49:12,638 And speculation increases that the mayor may have been 666 00:49:12,670 --> 00:49:15,207 the latest victim of the L.A. Slasher. 667 00:49:32,293 --> 00:49:33,695 Hey, it's me. 668 00:49:33,728 --> 00:49:36,499 Where are you? 669 00:49:36,531 --> 00:49:38,633 I've been calling you all day. 670 00:49:38,667 --> 00:49:41,538 The show's looking for you. 671 00:49:41,570 --> 00:49:43,607 Look, this isn't funny anymore. 672 00:49:46,510 --> 00:49:47,845 I'm coming over. 673 00:49:53,918 --> 00:49:56,554 I just want to be the first to say from the bottom of my heart, 674 00:49:56,587 --> 00:50:00,860 who gives a? She's a stupid bitch, right? 675 00:50:00,892 --> 00:50:03,630 Who cares? Hey, Slasher. Good one. 676 00:50:07,768 --> 00:50:10,496 Hey, Channel 6. Do you see a direct link between the victims? 677 00:50:10,497 --> 00:50:11,406 Yeah. 678 00:50:11,438 --> 00:50:13,374 They're all hot. 679 00:50:13,407 --> 00:50:15,944 -Do you feel safe on the streets? -I'm safe. 680 00:50:15,977 --> 00:50:18,280 I don't have a damn thing to worry about. 681 00:50:18,314 --> 00:50:20,016 Who do you think the Slasher's next victim will be? 682 00:50:20,050 --> 00:50:22,686 I hope it's not a hot blonde. 683 00:50:22,719 --> 00:50:24,621 Kardashians got it coming, I gotta say. 684 00:50:24,655 --> 00:50:26,358 There's no victims. 685 00:50:26,390 --> 00:50:28,292 Is there anybody else you think has it coming? 686 00:50:28,325 --> 00:50:30,594 Do I even need to say the word Snooki? 687 00:50:30,627 --> 00:50:33,431 -Have you watching online? -I follow the news. Yeah, of course. 688 00:50:33,465 --> 00:50:35,268 -Of course. -I have. 689 00:50:35,300 --> 00:50:36,868 You find it entertaining? 690 00:50:36,869 --> 00:50:38,437 All up until the end. 691 00:50:38,470 --> 00:50:39,889 Are you watching the clips online? 692 00:50:39,890 --> 00:50:41,307 I've seen a few of them, yeah. 693 00:50:41,341 --> 00:50:43,644 Are you afraid of the clips that you've seen? 694 00:50:43,645 --> 00:50:44,412 Not at all. 695 00:50:44,444 --> 00:50:46,847 People like watching train wrecks. It's ridiculous. 696 00:50:46,880 --> 00:50:48,457 Do you think these people had it coming? 697 00:50:48,458 --> 00:50:48,983 Yeah. 698 00:50:49,017 --> 00:50:51,197 So, you agree with what the Slasher's doing? 699 00:50:51,198 --> 00:50:52,288 Wholeheartedly. 700 00:50:52,320 --> 00:50:55,591 I think they're pretending to be real, but they're really not real. 701 00:50:55,625 --> 00:50:57,327 They just want attention. 702 00:50:57,359 --> 00:50:59,563 Yeah, it's kinda like Greece with the Coliseum. 703 00:50:59,595 --> 00:51:02,365 We're just watching people kill each other for fun at this point. 704 00:51:02,398 --> 00:51:03,900 We've come full circle. 705 00:51:03,934 --> 00:51:06,538 Somebody help me! 706 00:51:15,648 --> 00:51:20,421 Everyone is so sick and tired of seeing your stupid fucking face. 707 00:51:20,453 --> 00:51:23,391 And by the way, why do you call the paparazzi 708 00:51:23,423 --> 00:51:25,460 every time you have to wipe your fucking ass 709 00:51:25,492 --> 00:51:27,494 and then act like they're bothering you? 710 00:51:27,527 --> 00:51:30,632 Don't forget, they helped you get you where you are, 711 00:51:30,665 --> 00:51:32,600 you fucking idiot. 712 00:51:32,633 --> 00:51:35,938 In all the time you spent typing away on Twitter 713 00:51:35,971 --> 00:51:38,040 and posting selfies and pictures 714 00:51:38,074 --> 00:51:40,678 of your fucking breakfast burrito, 715 00:51:40,711 --> 00:51:44,683 you did not use your fame for a good cause or to help anyone else. 716 00:51:44,716 --> 00:51:47,786 You could have rescued a cute furry fucking cat from a tree, 717 00:51:47,819 --> 00:51:54,026 or help an old bitch lady cross the street or something. 718 00:51:54,059 --> 00:51:56,963 You got married just for the TV ratings. 719 00:51:56,996 --> 00:52:00,000 Do you even have a soul? 720 00:52:09,779 --> 00:52:12,950 You know, a dog is a huge responsibility. 721 00:52:14,550 --> 00:52:16,386 No. No. 722 00:52:16,420 --> 00:52:19,156 No. 723 00:52:19,189 --> 00:52:23,461 No, not my baby. No, please. No, not my baby. 724 00:52:24,996 --> 00:52:27,465 No. 725 00:52:27,498 --> 00:52:29,100 All right, sweetie. 726 00:52:29,134 --> 00:52:31,604 Make him sit. 727 00:52:31,638 --> 00:52:34,007 Come on, baby. Come on, baby. 728 00:52:35,909 --> 00:52:38,712 Sit for mommy. Sit for mommy, baby. Sit! 729 00:52:38,746 --> 00:52:41,183 Sit for mommy, baby, please! 730 00:52:41,215 --> 00:52:42,834 Sit. Sit down now. 731 00:52:42,835 --> 00:52:44,452 -Dear. -That's a. 732 00:52:44,486 --> 00:52:46,488 Sit, buddy, sit. 733 00:52:46,521 --> 00:52:48,757 Sit. 734 00:52:48,790 --> 00:52:50,559 No. 735 00:52:50,592 --> 00:52:51,828 No. 736 00:52:51,861 --> 00:52:54,831 No! 737 00:53:28,804 --> 00:53:31,140 I have a really big fan base. 738 00:53:31,174 --> 00:53:33,510 And I have a lot of followers on Twitter. 739 00:54:13,189 --> 00:54:16,528 Okay, welcome to the midnight meeting of Killers Anonymous. 740 00:54:16,560 --> 00:54:19,831 I'm your fearless leader tonight, and I'm a killer. 741 00:54:19,864 --> 00:54:21,866 I've identified myself as a killer. 742 00:54:21,900 --> 00:54:25,238 Anyone else here a killer? If so, signify by raising your hand. 743 00:54:25,271 --> 00:54:27,841 Good to see you guys here again. 744 00:54:27,874 --> 00:54:30,545 Mark. Quentin. 745 00:54:30,578 --> 00:54:33,014 Big Joe, it's good to see you out on probation again. 746 00:54:33,047 --> 00:54:34,983 You're a solid dude. 747 00:54:35,015 --> 00:54:38,052 I would trust you with my life. I mean that. 748 00:54:38,086 --> 00:54:41,757 So, anyway, that's my share today. 749 00:54:41,790 --> 00:54:44,126 I've got six minutes, so, Delores, 750 00:54:44,160 --> 00:54:46,329 you want to give me four and two, time that. 751 00:54:46,362 --> 00:54:49,866 And remember about the can, of course, the fumes. 752 00:54:49,900 --> 00:54:53,004 Remember what we said? Okay? 753 00:54:53,037 --> 00:54:57,143 Okay. So I've read the big red book, 754 00:54:57,175 --> 00:54:59,177 and I was thinking about the fourth step. 755 00:54:59,210 --> 00:55:02,014 You know, we talked about triggers and what sets us off. 756 00:55:02,048 --> 00:55:04,318 You know. You know what I'm talking about. 757 00:55:04,350 --> 00:55:06,619 Things that really get to you. 758 00:55:06,653 --> 00:55:09,056 Anyway, I think it was Thursday. I was cooking a chicken. 759 00:55:09,090 --> 00:55:11,092 You know, I'm getting ready, cooking dinner. 760 00:55:11,125 --> 00:55:13,195 And I'm cutting the chicken up. I got the knife in there 761 00:55:13,227 --> 00:55:15,697 between the breast bone and the thigh. 762 00:55:15,731 --> 00:55:19,134 And the fucking knife sticks in the bone. 763 00:55:19,168 --> 00:55:20,904 You know what I'm saying? 764 00:55:20,936 --> 00:55:22,806 You know how that feels, you know? 765 00:55:22,839 --> 00:55:25,142 When you get the knife stuck in the bone like that? 766 00:55:25,175 --> 00:55:29,013 I mean, it just... It just... 767 00:55:29,046 --> 00:55:30,949 Hey, sir, welcome. 768 00:55:30,982 --> 00:55:33,217 Welcome. This is the midnight meeting of KA. 769 00:55:33,250 --> 00:55:37,322 Do you want to join us here? Yeah. 770 00:55:37,356 --> 00:55:40,360 Come on in. Got a seat here for you right next to Big Joe. 771 00:55:40,392 --> 00:55:42,596 Don't need to be afraid. Come on in. 772 00:55:44,864 --> 00:55:45,966 Sir? 773 00:55:47,434 --> 00:55:50,871 Hey, we're here every week at midnight. 774 00:55:50,905 --> 00:55:53,409 He's probably afraid. He'll be back. 775 00:55:53,441 --> 00:55:57,078 So, anyway, I was saying this set me off. 776 00:55:57,111 --> 00:55:59,248 And then later in the week I'm at the dog park 777 00:55:59,282 --> 00:56:01,285 and I swear I was not stalking anyone. 778 00:57:39,232 --> 00:57:42,370 Guys, it looks like it's a sad day in the world of autotune pop music. 779 00:57:42,402 --> 00:57:45,005 As one of the world's largest pop stars got abducted today. 780 00:57:45,039 --> 00:57:48,077 From a gym. Can you believe that little bitch was at a gym? 781 00:57:48,109 --> 00:57:50,178 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I love your music. 782 00:57:50,211 --> 00:57:52,081 I do. I love his music. 783 00:57:52,114 --> 00:57:53,516 Whatever. 784 00:58:14,574 --> 00:58:16,277 Better grab a seat. 785 00:58:18,011 --> 00:58:20,916 I love party games. 786 00:58:20,949 --> 00:58:24,888 Why am I not surprised at you, you fucking rich bitch? 787 00:58:32,561 --> 00:58:33,563 Hello? 788 00:58:35,298 --> 00:58:38,536 Can anyone hear me? Hello? 789 00:58:38,569 --> 00:58:42,041 Look, the sun rises in the east, sets in the west. 790 00:58:42,074 --> 00:58:45,110 We gotta go east, I'm telling you. 791 00:58:45,143 --> 00:58:46,945 It's east. 792 00:58:46,978 --> 00:58:49,949 Fucking lost in the middle of the fucking desert. 793 00:58:49,983 --> 00:58:51,584 Fuck. Fuck. 794 00:58:51,618 --> 00:58:54,389 The sun's over my left shoulder. 795 00:59:01,562 --> 00:59:06,169 We got to go... It's gotta be east. 796 00:59:06,201 --> 00:59:09,873 Okay. I can't believe they actually want me to broadcast this bullshit. 797 00:59:09,907 --> 00:59:13,309 Poor girls, evil men, are you fucking kidding? 798 00:59:13,342 --> 00:59:16,046 Do they have no clue who these people are? 799 00:59:16,080 --> 00:59:19,317 They're the villains wasting your time, my time, 800 00:59:19,350 --> 00:59:23,456 with their pointless shit and their fucking idiocy. 801 00:59:23,489 --> 00:59:25,391 Fucking idiocy. Here we go. 802 00:59:25,423 --> 00:59:27,560 We're on in three, two... 803 00:59:32,265 --> 00:59:35,202 The hunt for the Slasher continues across Los Angeles 804 00:59:35,235 --> 00:59:37,538 as the families of these poor victims 805 00:59:37,570 --> 00:59:40,276 plead to the public for any information. 806 00:59:40,309 --> 00:59:44,281 The beloved popstar's spokeswoman said earlier, quote, 807 00:59:44,313 --> 00:59:47,449 "He plays a huge role in the artistry of this city 808 00:59:47,482 --> 00:59:49,987 and without him we are weak." 809 00:59:52,388 --> 00:59:55,359 You know what? I'm done. 810 00:59:55,393 --> 00:59:59,498 Wait. 811 01:01:01,803 --> 01:01:05,075 Mommy and Daddy's money can't save you now. 812 01:01:21,627 --> 01:01:22,394 Please. 813 01:01:22,395 --> 01:01:24,698 You've bought your way out of trouble so many times, 814 01:01:24,731 --> 01:01:28,770 You must think life is just a big party. 815 01:01:39,281 --> 01:01:40,516 Please. 816 01:01:40,549 --> 01:01:43,253 Please leave me alone. 817 01:01:43,287 --> 01:01:46,024 Please. 818 01:02:03,442 --> 01:02:07,782 Tell me, who do you hate more, your friends or your enemies? 819 01:02:07,815 --> 01:02:11,386 Or is it hard to tell when you're stabbing them in the back? 820 01:02:12,720 --> 01:02:15,723 Fuck you, bitch. 821 01:02:15,756 --> 01:02:18,127 That feels good. 822 01:02:36,682 --> 01:02:40,187 Everybody knows me for having a lot of money. 823 01:02:40,219 --> 01:02:43,690 Well, it's my daddy's money, but it's mine. 824 01:03:11,856 --> 01:03:13,859 Just moment's ago, a 2000 Honda Civic 825 01:03:13,892 --> 01:03:15,861 was found, which is believed to be the vehicle 826 01:03:15,894 --> 01:03:18,132 of the L.A. Slasher's latest victim. 827 01:03:20,967 --> 01:03:22,837 Look, we got some news for you. 828 01:03:22,869 --> 01:03:24,740 Another chick got taken today. 829 01:03:24,772 --> 01:03:27,309 Reality TV star. She's hot as fuck. 830 01:03:27,341 --> 01:03:29,411 Ass and titties. I don't know why she's gone. 831 01:03:29,444 --> 01:03:30,946 I'm sorry, I got a little emotional. 832 01:03:30,980 --> 01:03:32,815 She's hot. Let's get her home. 833 01:03:32,848 --> 01:03:35,318 All right, I'm sorry. Peace and love. 834 01:03:36,820 --> 01:03:38,222 No. 835 01:03:38,255 --> 01:03:41,426 No, don't you fucking touch me. 836 01:03:41,458 --> 01:03:44,629 Don't you fucking come near me. 837 01:03:44,661 --> 01:03:47,365 No, get away from me. 838 01:03:47,398 --> 01:03:49,001 Don't fucking touch me. 839 01:03:49,002 --> 01:03:50,603 My God. You are the worst of them all. 840 01:03:50,635 --> 01:03:52,672 You have destroyed marriages, 841 01:03:52,705 --> 01:03:55,642 grabbed headlines, dragged names through the mud. 842 01:03:55,674 --> 01:03:58,545 And I want you to know how that feels. 843 01:04:00,447 --> 01:04:04,720 I'm going to leave you to work that one out, genius. 844 01:04:17,834 --> 01:04:19,269 No. 845 01:04:20,438 --> 01:04:22,308 No. No. 846 01:05:00,951 --> 01:05:02,820 Whoops. 847 01:05:02,853 --> 01:05:06,025 Hi. You're going the wrong way, you stupid bitch. 848 01:05:06,059 --> 01:05:09,763 Go that way, please, because this is a cat and mouse game. 849 01:05:09,796 --> 01:05:14,402 And you're the little mouse and I'm the big fat cat. 850 01:05:14,435 --> 01:05:16,704 So, move along. Go along. 851 01:05:16,738 --> 01:05:18,340 Go ahead. 852 01:05:18,372 --> 01:05:19,474 Come on, honey. 853 01:05:19,506 --> 01:05:21,276 That way. 854 01:08:31,600 --> 01:08:32,767 Hello? 855 01:08:32,801 --> 01:08:34,971 Hey. Hey! 856 01:08:35,004 --> 01:08:36,706 Can anyone hear me? 857 01:08:36,739 --> 01:08:37,874 Help! 858 01:08:37,906 --> 01:08:39,276 Please, I need help! 859 01:08:39,309 --> 01:08:42,179 Hello? Can anyone hear me? Please! 860 01:08:43,746 --> 01:08:45,183 Come on, please help me! 861 01:11:11,889 --> 01:11:14,358 Come on. Come on. 862 01:11:14,390 --> 01:11:15,794 Come on! 863 01:12:03,483 --> 01:12:05,318 It's bullshit, man. 864 01:12:05,350 --> 01:12:06,919 Freezing my balls off. 865 01:12:06,920 --> 01:12:08,488 Hey, relax, man. 866 01:12:08,521 --> 01:12:11,292 According to this map, it's right around here somewhere. 867 01:12:11,324 --> 01:12:13,494 What the fuck you mean relax? 868 01:12:13,528 --> 01:12:16,365 We're out here trying to find an underground drug lab 869 01:12:16,397 --> 01:12:18,232 in the middle of the desert 870 01:12:18,266 --> 01:12:20,436 with an X marks the spot map at night 871 01:12:20,468 --> 01:12:22,905 with a fucking torchlight with the say so 872 01:12:22,938 --> 01:12:25,175 of your goddamned cousin who's in prison. 873 01:12:25,209 --> 01:12:27,510 Why? Because he fucking got caught selling 874 01:12:27,544 --> 01:12:29,380 said drugs from said lab. 875 01:12:29,412 --> 01:12:31,382 So excuse the fuck out of me 876 01:12:31,416 --> 01:12:33,351 if I'm a little anxious at the moment. 877 01:12:33,384 --> 01:12:35,052 Hey, what the fuck was that? 878 01:12:35,086 --> 01:12:38,024 Who's out there? 879 01:12:38,056 --> 01:12:40,059 It's probably just a coyote. 880 01:12:40,092 --> 01:12:41,361 Or an alien. 881 01:13:06,056 --> 01:13:08,193 Jesus. Fuck. 882 01:13:19,505 --> 01:13:21,442 I'm so fucking sorry you got to find out this way. 883 01:13:21,475 --> 01:13:23,344 Dispatch. Patch me through. 884 01:13:23,376 --> 01:13:26,045 This is narcotics division officer number 3-0. 885 01:13:26,078 --> 01:13:27,515 No fucking way. 886 01:13:30,051 --> 01:13:31,953 Just let me help this woman. 887 01:13:31,985 --> 01:13:33,255 Then we can talk, bro. 888 01:13:33,289 --> 01:13:35,591 I'm your bro now? 889 01:13:35,624 --> 01:13:37,159 Fuck you. 890 01:14:42,168 --> 01:14:44,171 Come on, baby. 891 01:14:44,204 --> 01:14:49,211 You, of all people, know you don't need to be afraid of me. 892 01:14:49,244 --> 01:14:50,413 Come on. 893 01:15:15,508 --> 01:15:17,078 You understand me. 894 01:15:19,446 --> 01:15:20,748 Thank you, baby. 895 01:16:52,623 --> 01:16:56,228 More tears are shed on reality TV shows 896 01:16:56,261 --> 01:16:59,731 than in all the funerals of the world. 897 01:16:59,763 --> 01:17:01,666 And it doesn't matter if the tears are real. 898 01:17:01,700 --> 01:17:03,336 Or if the tears are fake. 899 01:17:03,369 --> 01:17:05,705 You, my friend, have been sucked in. 900 01:17:05,737 --> 01:17:08,841 Bamboozled. So enjoy that, people. 901 01:17:08,875 --> 01:17:11,845 Because like it or not, this is us. 902 01:17:11,877 --> 01:17:15,716 We're a people of savage sentimentality. 903 01:17:15,749 --> 01:17:19,655 Weeping and waiting for fame. 904 01:17:26,862 --> 01:17:30,535 I do not believe I did anything illegal. 905 01:17:30,568 --> 01:17:33,204 I just want to say one thing to the American people. 906 01:17:33,237 --> 01:17:37,309 I did an awful awful lot that was wrong. 907 01:17:37,341 --> 01:17:41,647 I did not have sexual relations with that woman, 908 01:17:41,681 --> 01:17:43,482 Miss Lewinsky. 909 01:17:43,516 --> 01:17:45,886 I never told anybody to lie. 910 01:17:45,919 --> 01:17:48,622 Not a single time. Never. 911 01:17:48,655 --> 01:17:51,159 These allegations are false.