1 00:00:05,173 --> 00:00:06,640 Just not the Christmas season 2 00:00:06,740 --> 00:00:09,610 until Tina puts out her Black Santas. 3 00:00:09,710 --> 00:00:12,797 You mean Santas, right? 4 00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:14,265 Isn't that what I said? 5 00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:16,450 Kind of. 6 00:00:17,285 --> 00:00:19,687 Hey, hey, Malcolm, let me use your phone 7 00:00:19,820 --> 00:00:20,938 before your mom gets back. 8 00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:22,390 I need to use your app 9 00:00:22,490 --> 00:00:24,409 to make reservations for our date-a-versary. 10 00:00:24,492 --> 00:00:25,759 No, Pop. 11 00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:27,245 I don't want you using my app. 12 00:00:27,328 --> 00:00:29,563 Look, I got a perfect five-star rating, man, 13 00:00:29,697 --> 00:00:30,898 and I know you, okay? 14 00:00:30,998 --> 00:00:32,533 First off, you gonna be late, 15 00:00:32,633 --> 00:00:34,252 and then you gonna send stuff back, 16 00:00:34,335 --> 00:00:37,488 and then you gonna say, "Well, my table's under a vent." 17 00:00:37,571 --> 00:00:38,506 -Fine. -Yup. 18 00:00:38,606 --> 00:00:40,208 Marty, let me see your phone. 19 00:00:40,341 --> 00:00:41,759 Oh, no, Daddy, you don't want mine. 20 00:00:41,842 --> 00:00:43,477 I'm in the doghouse with that app. 21 00:00:43,577 --> 00:00:45,496 A couple of months ago, Daphne threw up at Brunch and Beyond, 22 00:00:45,579 --> 00:00:48,582 now I got a three-star rating and I can't get in anywhere. 23 00:00:51,485 --> 00:00:55,223 Malcolm, come on. I'm not gonna ruin your rating. 24 00:00:55,356 --> 00:00:56,890 They know me at Giovani's. 25 00:00:56,990 --> 00:00:59,677 It's been our special place for 38 years. 26 00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:01,395 -Come on, man. -(sighs) Okay. 27 00:01:01,495 --> 00:01:03,748 -All right. -Table for two, tomorrow night, 6:30. 28 00:01:03,831 --> 00:01:05,866 -Okay. All right. -Do that for me. 29 00:01:05,966 --> 00:01:08,301 Good. Hey, hey, but if they put me under a vent, 30 00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:09,487 they gonna hear about that. 31 00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:11,739 No, Pop! We just talked about that. 32 00:01:11,872 --> 00:01:13,307 Hey. 33 00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:14,859 Uh, uh, uh, uh. 34 00:01:14,942 --> 00:01:16,076 Put Isaac down. 35 00:01:16,210 --> 00:01:18,346 Isaac? You named this Black Santa? 36 00:01:18,446 --> 00:01:20,614 ALL: It's just Santa. 37 00:01:21,249 --> 00:01:22,700 Yeah, come on. 38 00:01:22,783 --> 00:01:25,553 Yes, let's get these out and looking good. 39 00:01:25,652 --> 00:01:27,164 Katrina's coming over tomorrow. 40 00:01:27,255 --> 00:01:28,673 Katrina? 41 00:01:28,756 --> 00:01:30,441 That's the lady from the salon you've been talking about. 42 00:01:30,524 --> 00:01:32,126 Yeah. We get along so well, 43 00:01:32,226 --> 00:01:34,845 we decided to take our friendship beyond the salon. 44 00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:36,930 Huh, look at this. 45 00:01:37,064 --> 00:01:38,098 Santa's surfing. 46 00:01:38,199 --> 00:01:39,517 Why is that surprising? 47 00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:41,119 It's not surprising. It's just... 48 00:01:41,202 --> 00:01:43,571 Just, uh, just what, Dave? 49 00:01:44,672 --> 00:01:46,456 I-I just didn't think that Black Santa... 50 00:01:46,539 --> 00:01:48,642 -A what? -Yeah, take your time. 51 00:01:49,910 --> 00:01:52,545 -Uh, that a Santa of color... -(clears throat) 52 00:01:52,646 --> 00:01:55,616 I just wasn't aware that there were waves at the North Pole. 53 00:01:55,749 --> 00:01:57,585 I'm gonna scoot. 54 00:01:57,685 --> 00:01:59,637 ♪ Welcome to the block, welcome to the neighborhood ♪ 55 00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:01,355 ♪ Welcome to the hood. ♪ 56 00:02:06,860 --> 00:02:07,861 Oh, the elf. 57 00:02:07,995 --> 00:02:09,896 On the shelf. 58 00:02:10,830 --> 00:02:12,566 So we're still doing that? 59 00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:14,368 Well, how else will Santa know 60 00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:16,121 if Grover has been naughty or nice? 61 00:02:16,204 --> 00:02:19,490 He's 14. He doesn't care what that elf sees. 62 00:02:19,573 --> 00:02:21,875 True. He doesn't care what I see either. 63 00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:23,027 You know, just the other day... 64 00:02:23,110 --> 00:02:26,414 Dave, do not ruin my Christmas. 65 00:02:26,547 --> 00:02:27,715 Gemma, do not worry. 66 00:02:27,815 --> 00:02:29,950 This Christmas is going to be epic. 67 00:02:30,050 --> 00:02:32,553 Yeah, about that. 68 00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:34,439 Let's not go crazy with the gifts this year. 69 00:02:34,522 --> 00:02:35,889 Totally agree. Don't worry. 70 00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:37,508 We're gonna keep things small, but next year, 71 00:02:37,591 --> 00:02:39,710 when I have some great new job, I'm going bananas. 72 00:02:39,793 --> 00:02:42,730 An elf on every shelf. 73 00:02:42,863 --> 00:02:44,965 Oh, good. 74 00:02:46,534 --> 00:02:47,501 (knocking) 75 00:02:47,601 --> 00:02:49,154 -Knock, knock. -Oh, hey, Marty. 76 00:02:49,237 --> 00:02:50,188 Oh, hey. 77 00:02:50,271 --> 00:02:52,072 Um... 78 00:02:52,206 --> 00:02:53,241 Dave. 79 00:02:53,374 --> 00:02:54,875 I need your help 80 00:02:54,975 --> 00:02:56,777 -with something delicate. -Oh. 81 00:02:56,877 --> 00:02:59,513 I am a delicate man. 82 00:03:00,348 --> 00:03:03,150 I am gonna buy something for Courtney. 83 00:03:03,751 --> 00:03:05,118 An engagement ring. 84 00:03:05,219 --> 00:03:07,004 -Ooh! Marty. Congratulations. -(laughs) Thanks. 85 00:03:07,087 --> 00:03:09,140 Yes, I will be your best man. And yes, I will 86 00:03:09,223 --> 00:03:11,892 break the news to Malcolm. 87 00:03:11,992 --> 00:03:14,628 No, no, man, a-actually, I-I just need your help 88 00:03:14,728 --> 00:03:16,347 getting the ring while she's out of town. 89 00:03:16,430 --> 00:03:17,882 Oh, well, of course. 90 00:03:17,965 --> 00:03:19,267 Oh, thanks, man. 91 00:03:19,367 --> 00:03:21,051 I was worried she was never gonna be ready, 92 00:03:21,134 --> 00:03:23,721 but she's going to her third bachelorette party this year. 93 00:03:23,804 --> 00:03:25,556 Her single friends are dropping like flies, 94 00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:27,040 and she is weakening. 95 00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:30,878 And I'm going to prey on that weakness. 96 00:03:31,679 --> 00:03:33,781 Well, that is very romantic, Marty. 97 00:03:33,914 --> 00:03:36,049 Yes. Oh, b-but 98 00:03:36,149 --> 00:03:37,168 you-you can't tell Gemma 99 00:03:37,251 --> 00:03:38,203 'cause it'll get back to my mom, 100 00:03:38,286 --> 00:03:39,370 and this has to be a secret. 101 00:03:39,453 --> 00:03:41,038 Oh, don't worry, this stays 102 00:03:41,121 --> 00:03:43,491 between you, me and the elf. 103 00:03:43,591 --> 00:03:45,293 Oh, you mean the white elf? 104 00:03:45,426 --> 00:03:47,194 No, no, no, Marty, it's just an elf. 105 00:03:47,295 --> 00:03:48,529 Exactly. 106 00:03:52,966 --> 00:03:53,966 (knocking) 107 00:03:54,101 --> 00:03:55,585 Hey, hold on, Mercedes. 108 00:03:55,668 --> 00:03:57,338 One second. (grunts) Sorry, 109 00:03:57,471 --> 00:04:00,341 -I was just... -Excuse me. Who are you? 110 00:04:00,474 --> 00:04:02,543 I'm Gwenny, Mercedes' producer. 111 00:04:02,643 --> 00:04:04,845 -Uh, okay, hey. (stammers) -Roland. Uh-uh. 112 00:04:04,978 --> 00:04:06,231 Pillows are all wrong. 113 00:04:06,314 --> 00:04:09,099 -What are you doing here? -Decorating the set. 114 00:04:09,182 --> 00:04:11,151 The set? Hey, no, no. This is my house. 115 00:04:11,285 --> 00:04:14,071 -Malcolm. -Hey. Okay. 116 00:04:14,154 --> 00:04:15,989 Look... 117 00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:19,059 Mercedes. Mercedes. Hey, hey, hey. What's going on? 118 00:04:19,159 --> 00:04:20,744 I-I thought we were meeting about the book, 119 00:04:20,827 --> 00:04:23,764 and these people seem to think we are filming it. 120 00:04:23,864 --> 00:04:26,584 Oh, my God. (laughs) I take it as a given. I'm sorry. 121 00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:28,168 This is reality television. 122 00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:29,754 We film everything, but that's okay with you right? 123 00:04:29,837 --> 00:04:31,756 -Actually, I think... -You're a sweetheart. 124 00:04:31,839 --> 00:04:33,791 We're doing something about this table, right? 125 00:04:33,874 --> 00:04:35,426 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Roland, kill the table. 126 00:04:35,509 --> 00:04:38,045 Whoa, whoa. Do not kill my table, Roland. 127 00:04:39,046 --> 00:04:41,682 Now, what... Oh... Oh, my God. Mercedes, 128 00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:45,419 you-you... I'm sorry. You are making a reality show 129 00:04:45,519 --> 00:04:47,137 and you're getting rid of my reality? 130 00:04:47,220 --> 00:04:49,323 Yes, we need it to be more aspirational. 131 00:04:49,423 --> 00:04:52,025 This whole place gives "starving writer." 132 00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:54,728 I am a starving writer. 133 00:04:55,563 --> 00:04:58,983 Mercedes, what is even going on? I don't know how to do this. 134 00:04:59,066 --> 00:05:00,951 Look, don't worry. This is reality. 135 00:05:01,034 --> 00:05:02,536 Just be yourself. 136 00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:05,205 So, what, just-just sit here and-and be your writer? 137 00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:07,558 Well, actually, we want the audience to think that 138 00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:09,560 I'm writing the book, so you're my editor. 139 00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:12,813 Ah, okay, yeah. (laughs) That is not being myself. 140 00:05:15,182 --> 00:05:18,135 -Wow. Okay, I like this one. -Mm-hmm. 141 00:05:18,218 --> 00:05:20,220 Good God! If I get that ring, 142 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,418 Courtney and I are gonna have to live in it. 143 00:05:23,290 --> 00:05:24,409 It's beautiful, isn't it? 144 00:05:24,492 --> 00:05:26,326 (sighs) I-I love it. It's just... 145 00:05:26,427 --> 00:05:29,430 But my price range is a few zeroes lower. 146 00:05:29,563 --> 00:05:33,300 Uh, why don't you show us some of the lab-grown diamonds? 147 00:05:33,401 --> 00:05:34,835 Of course. 148 00:05:38,772 --> 00:05:42,009 Now, the-the lab diamonds are... They're nice, right? 149 00:05:42,109 --> 00:05:43,411 Absolutely. 150 00:05:43,544 --> 00:05:44,995 Most people won't even know it's not the real thing. 151 00:05:45,078 --> 00:05:47,448 -Oh, great. -But you will. 152 00:05:48,582 --> 00:05:50,082 What it comes down to is this: 153 00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:51,890 what does your heart tell you to do? 154 00:05:51,985 --> 00:05:54,505 Does it want a stone that's as real as your love, 155 00:05:54,588 --> 00:05:56,641 that's been in the earth for a million years, 156 00:05:56,724 --> 00:05:59,677 waiting for you and your soulmate to find it? 157 00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:02,896 Or something a guy made in Arkansas? 158 00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:05,933 I want the real one. 159 00:06:07,167 --> 00:06:09,169 I hope you're proud of yourself. 160 00:06:12,740 --> 00:06:16,176 (sighs) This is just over my credit limit. 161 00:06:17,177 --> 00:06:20,313 Hey, uh, Marty, I have an idea. 162 00:06:20,414 --> 00:06:22,315 Why don't you put the rest on my card? 163 00:06:22,416 --> 00:06:24,369 Yeah, look, I... you can pay me back 164 00:06:24,452 --> 00:06:26,119 and I can get the travel points. 165 00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:28,321 -Are you sure? -Yeah, definitely. 166 00:06:28,422 --> 00:06:29,707 Look, I can use them to give Gemma 167 00:06:29,790 --> 00:06:31,442 a free weekend in Ojai for Christmas. 168 00:06:31,525 --> 00:06:34,495 Gemma sounds like a lucky lady. 169 00:06:34,628 --> 00:06:36,013 You are about five seconds away 170 00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:38,365 from getting a scathing Yelp review. 171 00:06:45,138 --> 00:06:47,174 Oh, my goodness, that salon is crazy. 172 00:06:47,274 --> 00:06:49,810 Were you there when Zenay told us her top three? 173 00:06:49,943 --> 00:06:51,545 Oh, my God, yes. 174 00:06:51,645 --> 00:06:54,381 Blair Underwood, Morris Chestnut 175 00:06:54,482 --> 00:06:57,067 and that skinny white boy who used to date Kim Kardashian. 176 00:06:57,150 --> 00:06:58,752 -Pete Davidson. -Yes. 177 00:06:59,787 --> 00:07:01,855 He's kind of hot in a weird way. 178 00:07:01,955 --> 00:07:03,023 Y'all can have that. 179 00:07:03,156 --> 00:07:04,858 (phone chimes) 180 00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:08,228 Huh. Our credit card just sent me 181 00:07:08,328 --> 00:07:10,498 a large transaction alert. 182 00:07:10,598 --> 00:07:11,665 Oh, from where? 183 00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:14,802 Oh, God, it's from a jewelry store. 184 00:07:14,902 --> 00:07:16,770 Oh, Dave, we talked about this. 185 00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:18,672 No extravagant gifts. 186 00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:20,808 -(sighs, groans) -Hey, everybody. 187 00:07:20,908 --> 00:07:22,342 -Gemma, you okay? -No. 188 00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:25,378 Your best friend just bought me expensive jewelry. 189 00:07:25,479 --> 00:07:26,897 Ooh, I hope it's a tennis bracelet. 190 00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:28,882 Oh, but it better not be! 191 00:07:31,118 --> 00:07:32,886 Okay, that was interesting. 192 00:07:32,986 --> 00:07:34,138 -Hi, babe. -Hi, honey. Mm. 193 00:07:34,221 --> 00:07:35,756 Meet Katrina. 194 00:07:35,856 --> 00:07:37,475 -Calvin? -Trina? -What? 195 00:07:37,558 --> 00:07:39,927 Trina, Trina Bo-Bina. (laughs) 196 00:07:40,027 --> 00:07:41,779 -How you doing? -Okay... oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. 197 00:07:41,862 --> 00:07:43,997 Hold on. What the hell is going on here? 198 00:07:44,097 --> 00:07:46,500 Well, we actually know each other. 199 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:47,334 We used to date. 200 00:07:47,433 --> 00:07:48,401 -Okay. -Oh. 201 00:07:48,536 --> 00:07:50,203 Isn't that... that-that's funny. 202 00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:51,956 -Right? Isn't that... -It's so funny. 203 00:07:52,039 --> 00:07:54,141 That's hilarious. 204 00:07:54,908 --> 00:07:56,694 Yeah, let me know the year and I'll let you know 205 00:07:56,777 --> 00:07:58,240 -if it's hilarious or not. -Oh. 206 00:07:59,012 --> 00:08:02,750 Oh, babe, it was long before you and I met. 207 00:08:02,883 --> 00:08:05,553 (laughs): Oh. Then it's hilarious. 208 00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:07,938 Well, how long have you two been together? 209 00:08:08,021 --> 00:08:09,289 Uh, uh, 38 years. 210 00:08:09,389 --> 00:08:10,708 -Can you believe it? -Yes, yes. Yeah, yeah. 211 00:08:10,791 --> 00:08:12,826 And in fact, tonight we are celebrating 212 00:08:12,926 --> 00:08:16,229 our date-a-versary at this restaurant, Giovani's. 213 00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:18,649 Giovani's? I haven't been there in years. 214 00:08:18,732 --> 00:08:20,439 -Oh, you've been there? -Well, yeah. 215 00:08:20,534 --> 00:08:21,935 Calvin and I discovered it. 216 00:08:22,069 --> 00:08:23,604 Oh. 217 00:08:25,773 --> 00:08:28,742 Girl, the chicken parm, you have got to try it. 218 00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:29,910 It is so good. 219 00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:31,311 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have. 220 00:08:31,411 --> 00:08:34,147 (laughs) Thirty-eight times. 221 00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:37,001 I should probably be going. 222 00:08:37,084 --> 00:08:39,820 Yeah. Yeah. That'd be good. Yeah. 223 00:08:40,654 --> 00:08:43,390 -Bye, now. -Calvin, it was so great to see you. 224 00:08:43,490 --> 00:08:44,858 (chuckles) 225 00:08:44,958 --> 00:08:46,293 (mouths) 226 00:08:49,897 --> 00:08:51,264 You know what, babe? 227 00:08:51,398 --> 00:08:53,417 I'm actually proud of you that that didn't get weird 228 00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:54,652 between y'all, you know? 229 00:08:54,735 --> 00:08:56,150 Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's... 230 00:08:56,236 --> 00:08:58,305 it's weird between me and you. 231 00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:01,308 Oh, I mean, come on, Tina. 232 00:09:01,408 --> 00:09:03,561 I mean, we both dated other people before... 233 00:09:03,644 --> 00:09:07,047 Calvin, I don't give a damn about who you dated before me. 234 00:09:07,147 --> 00:09:08,982 But for 38 years, 235 00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:12,152 you've been letting me think that Giovani's was special. 236 00:09:12,285 --> 00:09:13,538 That it was our place. 237 00:09:13,621 --> 00:09:15,706 Well, I mean, a-a lot of people go there. 238 00:09:15,789 --> 00:09:17,725 You know, it's, it's-it's... 239 00:09:17,825 --> 00:09:19,492 it's Giovani's place, 240 00:09:19,627 --> 00:09:21,294 you know, when you think about it. 241 00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:23,964 I ain't thinking about it that way. 242 00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:25,249 I mean, Trina... T-Tina. 243 00:09:25,332 --> 00:09:27,084 -"Trina"? What? -(stammers) Tina. Honey. 244 00:09:27,167 --> 00:09:29,536 Hey. 245 00:09:30,638 --> 00:09:32,840 -Look, it was our first date. -Uhp. 246 00:09:32,940 --> 00:09:35,560 I wanted to take you to a place I knew was good. 247 00:09:35,643 --> 00:09:38,545 You liked it, we went back over and over again 248 00:09:38,646 --> 00:09:40,430 and it became our special place. 249 00:09:40,513 --> 00:09:42,783 Now our place is ruined. 250 00:09:42,883 --> 00:09:45,452 Maybe if you would have said, in all those years, 251 00:09:45,552 --> 00:09:48,155 that our place was your place with someone else, 252 00:09:48,255 --> 00:09:51,358 I would have picked a different place to be our place! 253 00:09:57,264 --> 00:10:00,484 As a writer, it's scary to face the blank page. 254 00:10:00,567 --> 00:10:03,236 But it's also freeing. No limits. 255 00:10:03,336 --> 00:10:05,538 Yeah. Uh... 256 00:10:08,742 --> 00:10:11,244 Okay, he's just looking right into the camera. 257 00:10:11,378 --> 00:10:14,047 -Malcolm. -I-I'm sorry, I don't know how to do this. 258 00:10:14,147 --> 00:10:15,649 I-I know, I know. He's green. 259 00:10:15,749 --> 00:10:17,284 And shiny. Roland. 260 00:10:17,384 --> 00:10:19,670 Well, maybe I'm shiny 'cause you put me in a turtleneck 261 00:10:19,753 --> 00:10:21,438 under hot lights like I'm a rotisserie chicken. 262 00:10:21,521 --> 00:10:22,756 Move, Roland. 263 00:10:22,890 --> 00:10:24,457 Okay. 264 00:10:24,557 --> 00:10:26,459 We need to get to the good stuff, okay? 265 00:10:26,593 --> 00:10:28,012 So, just ask her where the inspiration came from 266 00:10:28,095 --> 00:10:29,596 for chapter three. 267 00:10:29,697 --> 00:10:31,531 -Got it? Let's roll. -Okay. Yeah. 268 00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:33,433 Let's roll. 269 00:10:33,566 --> 00:10:35,135 So... 270 00:10:35,235 --> 00:10:38,856 So, let's get into, uh, chapter three. 271 00:10:38,939 --> 00:10:42,275 Uh, Serafina's older sister Lexi. 272 00:10:43,276 --> 00:10:45,779 Where did you get the inspiration for her? 273 00:10:45,913 --> 00:10:47,815 I was in rehab, 274 00:10:47,948 --> 00:10:50,317 after my first divorce. 275 00:10:51,952 --> 00:10:54,955 -(crying) -Oh. 276 00:10:55,055 --> 00:10:56,456 Oh, damn. 277 00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:01,795 I was devastated. 278 00:11:01,895 --> 00:11:05,065 I was broke. I had no one to turn to. 279 00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:07,100 I had alienated everyone. 280 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:10,637 Everyone except my big sister. 281 00:11:11,404 --> 00:11:13,373 She was my rock. (sniffles) 282 00:11:13,473 --> 00:11:14,892 And she said, "Don't worry about the money. 283 00:11:14,975 --> 00:11:16,409 I will do whatever it takes." 284 00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:18,511 And I said, 285 00:11:18,611 --> 00:11:20,397 "You can't afford equestrian therapy. 286 00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:22,149 Not in Malibu." 287 00:11:24,151 --> 00:11:26,937 But my sister... she wouldn't hear of it. 288 00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:29,222 God, I love her. 289 00:11:29,322 --> 00:11:31,024 Uh... 290 00:11:31,158 --> 00:11:33,693 Wow. Mercedes, I had no idea. 291 00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:36,864 Your sister sounds like an amazing woman. 292 00:11:38,999 --> 00:11:40,284 All right, cut. 293 00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:43,136 Aah! That was so great. (laughs) 294 00:11:43,236 --> 00:11:45,122 -Wasn't it? -Yes. 295 00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:46,539 I'm sorry, are you okay? 296 00:11:46,639 --> 00:11:49,076 I'm fine. Did he look into the camera? 297 00:11:49,176 --> 00:11:51,411 -Almost constantly. -Ugh. 298 00:11:52,846 --> 00:11:54,347 Question. 299 00:11:54,447 --> 00:11:55,883 Oh, Lord. 300 00:11:58,852 --> 00:12:02,956 What other traditions do we have that aren't really ours? 301 00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:04,391 Tina, come on. 302 00:12:04,491 --> 00:12:06,860 No, really, is Harlem Nights really our movie? 303 00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:08,779 Is "You're All I Need" really our song? 304 00:12:08,862 --> 00:12:11,631 Is Honey Bunches of Oats really our cereal? 305 00:12:12,532 --> 00:12:14,501 I-I didn't know we had a cereal. 306 00:12:14,601 --> 00:12:16,069 But you had one with her? 307 00:12:17,004 --> 00:12:18,205 No, Tina. 308 00:12:18,305 --> 00:12:20,774 Look, babe, I was gonna surprise you. 309 00:12:20,874 --> 00:12:22,827 -Mm-hmm. -We're not going to Giovani's. 310 00:12:22,910 --> 00:12:26,413 I made some calls, and I got us into Sandalwood. 311 00:12:26,513 --> 00:12:28,298 That new restaurant in Beverly Hills? 312 00:12:28,381 --> 00:12:30,717 You know, the-the chef has a Michelin star. 313 00:12:30,851 --> 00:12:33,637 I know. Only the best for my baby. 314 00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:35,422 -Oh. -And it just opened, 315 00:12:35,555 --> 00:12:38,058 so you know that I have no history there 316 00:12:38,158 --> 00:12:40,727 with anybody at all, ever. 317 00:12:40,861 --> 00:12:42,813 Okay, well, baby, that sounds nice, 318 00:12:42,896 --> 00:12:44,248 but we're not taking your truck. 319 00:12:44,331 --> 00:12:46,834 God only knows what y'all did in there. 320 00:12:56,743 --> 00:12:57,911 Oh, hey, honey. 321 00:12:58,011 --> 00:12:59,612 Hello, David. 322 00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:01,949 Uh, just curious. 323 00:13:02,082 --> 00:13:05,085 If I asked the elf, would he tell me you've been naughty? 324 00:13:05,185 --> 00:13:07,420 Ooh, not at all. Why don't you tell her? 325 00:13:07,554 --> 00:13:11,124 He's been a jolly good lad, he has. Yeah. 326 00:13:11,959 --> 00:13:14,327 Ugh, please don't do that. 327 00:13:15,395 --> 00:13:17,965 Well, I know something you will like. 328 00:13:18,065 --> 00:13:20,717 I know it's early, but I got you a little gift. 329 00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,802 Dave, a gift? 330 00:13:22,903 --> 00:13:25,022 I thought we agreed we weren't gonna do this. 331 00:13:25,105 --> 00:13:26,506 You jerk. 332 00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:29,960 Oh, it's in an envelope? 333 00:13:30,043 --> 00:13:31,478 Well, why wouldn't it be? 334 00:13:31,611 --> 00:13:32,980 No reason. 335 00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:38,702 W-Well, look at this. A gift certificate. 336 00:13:38,785 --> 00:13:41,989 Yeah, it's a spa weekend getaway in Ojai. 337 00:13:42,089 --> 00:13:43,991 Just the two of us. 338 00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:46,911 Where's the jewelry, Dave? 339 00:13:46,994 --> 00:13:48,828 The jewelry? What are... 340 00:13:49,596 --> 00:13:50,881 What are you-what are you talking about? 341 00:13:50,964 --> 00:13:53,033 We agreed not to spend any money. 342 00:13:53,133 --> 00:13:54,651 Yes, we did, but then I got an alert 343 00:13:54,734 --> 00:13:56,636 that said you spent quite a bit of money 344 00:13:56,736 --> 00:13:58,671 at a jewelry store. 345 00:13:58,771 --> 00:14:00,607 Who's the jewelry for, Dave? 346 00:14:00,707 --> 00:14:02,842 -Another woman? -It's not what you think, 347 00:14:02,943 --> 00:14:04,561 I just can't tell you what it is, 348 00:14:04,644 --> 00:14:06,813 but it is not what you think. 349 00:14:06,914 --> 00:14:08,432 Dave, you better start telling me something, 350 00:14:08,515 --> 00:14:10,767 or that elf is gonna jingle all the way up your... 351 00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:12,986 Okay, fine, fine, I will... I will tell you. 352 00:14:13,086 --> 00:14:15,005 But you have to swear not to say anything. 353 00:14:15,088 --> 00:14:17,190 Okay? I... I just fronted the money to Marty 354 00:14:17,324 --> 00:14:20,744 so he could buy a ring. For Courtney. 355 00:14:20,827 --> 00:14:23,096 An engagement ring? 356 00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:24,631 Yes. 357 00:14:25,432 --> 00:14:27,451 Dave, why would you tell me that? 358 00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:30,921 Ugh. You know I can't hold something like that in. 359 00:14:31,004 --> 00:14:34,507 Oh, now I can't see or talk to Tina until he tells her. 360 00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:36,876 Why couldn't you just have cheated on me? 361 00:14:40,547 --> 00:14:43,415 Well, you know, I think we have us a new tradition. 362 00:14:43,516 --> 00:14:46,519 -Yeah, yeah, yeah. -Because Sandalwood was... 363 00:14:46,653 --> 00:14:48,021 (chuckles) wow. 364 00:14:48,121 --> 00:14:49,306 Yeah, yeah, and, uh, 365 00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:51,224 we got a chance to try so many things. 366 00:14:51,358 --> 00:14:53,310 Yeah, oh, yeah, the portions very pretty small. 367 00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:55,895 Yeah, yeah, tiny, tiny. But the foam. 368 00:14:55,996 --> 00:14:58,999 Oh. Oh, the foam. The foam. 369 00:14:59,832 --> 00:15:01,368 I hated it. 370 00:15:01,468 --> 00:15:03,036 Was it even food? 371 00:15:04,104 --> 00:15:05,822 And all I could think about was how much 372 00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:10,160 I missed celebrating our date-a-versary at Giovani's. 373 00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:12,679 I know about that. Tina... 374 00:15:12,779 --> 00:15:16,049 When I first went to Giovani's, it was just a place to eat. 375 00:15:16,183 --> 00:15:18,218 It wasn't special until I took you there. 376 00:15:18,351 --> 00:15:20,387 And it only became special 377 00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:24,591 because we put 38 years of memories into it, together. 378 00:15:25,392 --> 00:15:28,095 Baby, why didn't you say that four hours ago? 379 00:15:29,862 --> 00:15:31,315 Look, I know it's kind of late, 380 00:15:31,398 --> 00:15:33,617 but you want to get some takeout from Giovani's? 381 00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:36,069 -Are you sure? -Ugh. I am so sure. 382 00:15:36,169 --> 00:15:37,604 I am starving. 383 00:15:37,704 --> 00:15:39,423 And I'm so hungry that I don't even care 384 00:15:39,506 --> 00:15:41,741 what you and Katrina did in there. 385 00:15:42,842 --> 00:15:45,512 It's a restaurant. 386 00:15:46,913 --> 00:15:50,083 Okay. I think we got some stuff that was useable. 387 00:15:50,183 --> 00:15:53,020 Luckily, we've got you in close-up, so we can cut around, 388 00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:54,871 you know... 389 00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:57,090 I know you're talking about me, Gwenny. 390 00:15:57,190 --> 00:15:59,859 Oh, I'm being coy, honey, I just forgot your name. 391 00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:01,628 -Okay. -Okay. It's fine. 392 00:16:01,761 --> 00:16:03,263 It's fine. 393 00:16:05,665 --> 00:16:07,684 You did great, Malcolm. 394 00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:09,636 Uh, Mercedes, this isn't for me. 395 00:16:09,769 --> 00:16:11,355 Okay? I am a writer. 396 00:16:11,438 --> 00:16:13,523 But whatever today was... that was not writing. 397 00:16:13,606 --> 00:16:15,642 I don't want to be on camera, 398 00:16:15,742 --> 00:16:17,449 I don't want to have my table killed 399 00:16:17,544 --> 00:16:19,179 and this turtleneck is itchy. 400 00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:21,414 Okay. My bad. 401 00:16:21,514 --> 00:16:22,799 I shouldn't have thrown you into the deep end. 402 00:16:22,882 --> 00:16:24,201 (chuckles) In my world, 403 00:16:24,284 --> 00:16:25,735 sometimes I forget 404 00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:27,304 that there are genuine people out there like you. 405 00:16:27,387 --> 00:16:29,289 I mean, one minute, you were crying, 406 00:16:29,389 --> 00:16:30,707 the next minute, you're all business. 407 00:16:30,790 --> 00:16:32,109 And you know, you really had me going 408 00:16:32,192 --> 00:16:34,078 with that whole story about your sister. 409 00:16:34,161 --> 00:16:35,395 But now, I don't even... 410 00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:37,197 Do you even have a sister? 411 00:16:38,631 --> 00:16:40,733 Yes, I have a sister, 412 00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:42,969 and that story was real. 413 00:16:43,770 --> 00:16:45,172 Well, real-adjacent. 414 00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:47,757 -That's what I'm talking about. -Uh... 415 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:49,093 No, no. Um... 416 00:16:49,176 --> 00:16:52,812 Everything I said really happened, except... 417 00:16:53,813 --> 00:16:56,649 ...my sister is the one who ended up in rehab. 418 00:16:56,783 --> 00:16:59,486 I'm the one who took care of her. 419 00:16:59,586 --> 00:17:02,106 So, you're the one who's amazing. 420 00:17:02,189 --> 00:17:03,490 (scoffs) 421 00:17:03,623 --> 00:17:06,259 Mercedes, that's a much nicer story. 422 00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:08,361 Exactly. (laughs) 423 00:17:08,494 --> 00:17:11,330 No one wants nice Mercedes stories. They're boring. 424 00:17:11,464 --> 00:17:13,150 And plus, my sister didn't sign up for this. 425 00:17:13,233 --> 00:17:15,885 She doesn't need me airing the details of her personal life. 426 00:17:15,968 --> 00:17:18,238 Well, I... 427 00:17:18,338 --> 00:17:20,406 You are not who I thought you were. 428 00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:23,041 Is that a good thing? 429 00:17:23,175 --> 00:17:25,244 Yes. 430 00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:28,465 (clears throat) Okay, look. 431 00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:30,517 If we are going to be working together, 432 00:17:30,617 --> 00:17:32,769 I need you to give me some type of heads-up 433 00:17:32,852 --> 00:17:34,387 when I'm seeing the real you. 434 00:17:34,521 --> 00:17:36,106 Okay. Here's a clue. 435 00:17:36,189 --> 00:17:40,227 When the cameras are around, that's Mercedes. 436 00:17:40,327 --> 00:17:42,028 And when the cameras are gone? 437 00:17:42,129 --> 00:17:43,730 I'm just Sadie. 438 00:17:43,863 --> 00:17:45,432 That's what my friends call me. 439 00:17:46,633 --> 00:17:49,269 (clears throat) Well... 440 00:17:50,537 --> 00:17:52,405 It's nice to meet you, Sadie. 441 00:17:53,540 --> 00:17:56,042 (laughs) 442 00:17:56,176 --> 00:17:57,477 So, we're good? 443 00:17:58,378 --> 00:17:59,329 Good-adjacent. 444 00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:00,980 (both laugh) 445 00:18:03,150 --> 00:18:04,884 Oh. 446 00:18:05,718 --> 00:18:07,454 Okay. 447 00:18:07,554 --> 00:18:09,256 Oh, look what we're standing under. 448 00:18:09,356 --> 00:18:11,691 Yeah, because you dragged me under it. 449 00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:15,212 It doesn't matter how we got here. 450 00:18:15,295 --> 00:18:17,063 Got to respect tradition. 451 00:18:17,197 --> 00:18:19,065 (clears throat) 452 00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:23,670 Let's try that again. 453 00:18:23,770 --> 00:18:24,737 (laughs softly) 454 00:18:24,871 --> 00:18:26,539 Oh... 455 00:18:32,011 --> 00:18:34,998 I don't know which one of y'all that was, but, uh... 456 00:18:35,081 --> 00:18:36,516 yeah, I liked it. 457 00:18:46,426 --> 00:18:47,677 Girl, this is just a tree trimming. 458 00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:49,045 You didn't have to bring anything. 459 00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:51,030 I know, but I was raised right, 460 00:18:51,164 --> 00:18:53,800 so I brought my famous sweet potato pie. 461 00:18:53,900 --> 00:18:56,903 Ooh, I remember that. 462 00:18:58,271 --> 00:19:00,373 That's cool. Thank you, thank you so much. 463 00:19:01,441 --> 00:19:04,177 Oh. Ho, ho, ho, everyone. 464 00:19:04,311 --> 00:19:05,845 -Hey. -Hey. 465 00:19:07,013 --> 00:19:08,715 Merry Christmas, Marty. 466 00:19:08,848 --> 00:19:10,217 Oh, same to you, Gemma. 467 00:19:10,350 --> 00:19:13,920 I hope all your dreams come true in the New Year. 468 00:19:20,860 --> 00:19:22,429 David. You told her? 469 00:19:22,529 --> 00:19:26,065 She's my wife, Marty. Trust me, you'll understand soon. 470 00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:31,204 -Hey, merry Christmas, everybody. -Hey. 471 00:19:31,304 --> 00:19:32,872 Hey, hey, hey. Oh, this must be 472 00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:34,874 the famous Katrina from the salon. 473 00:19:34,974 --> 00:19:36,993 And you must be Malcolm, the famous writer. 474 00:19:37,076 --> 00:19:39,163 -Yes. -Yes. How was your meeting with Mercedes? 475 00:19:39,246 --> 00:19:40,930 Did she slap anybody? Did she slap you? 476 00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:42,615 Please say yes. 477 00:19:44,217 --> 00:19:46,170 No, uh, Gemma, it was... 478 00:19:46,253 --> 00:19:47,620 very uneventful. 479 00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:49,273 -Oh, come on! -You're such a liar. 480 00:19:49,356 --> 00:19:51,308 -Give us the deets. -I don't buy that for a second. 481 00:19:51,391 --> 00:19:53,310 Hey, hey. Y'all leave the boy alone. 482 00:19:53,393 --> 00:19:54,727 M-Malcolm. 483 00:19:54,827 --> 00:19:55,912 Get you some of this chicken parm. 484 00:19:55,995 --> 00:19:57,347 It's better the next day. 485 00:19:57,430 --> 00:19:58,831 Thank you, Pop. 486 00:19:58,931 --> 00:20:00,467 Yeah. Giovani's. 487 00:20:00,567 --> 00:20:02,018 Did y'all have a good date-a-versary? 488 00:20:02,101 --> 00:20:03,636 -Uh, eventually. -Mm. 489 00:20:03,736 --> 00:20:05,989 You know, we went to a place with a Michelin star first, 490 00:20:06,072 --> 00:20:07,139 and it was terrible. 491 00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:08,608 But then we ordered takeout 492 00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:10,643 -from our very special place. -Yes. 493 00:20:10,743 --> 00:20:12,862 -Mm. -No, no. Please p-pause. Stop. 494 00:20:12,945 --> 00:20:15,532 A-Are you saying y'all missed your reservation at Giovani's? 495 00:20:15,615 --> 00:20:16,683 T-The one I made you? 496 00:20:16,783 --> 00:20:18,718 -Yeah, I guess we did. -Yeah. 497 00:20:18,818 --> 00:20:19,952 But it all worked out. 498 00:20:20,086 --> 00:20:21,521 -You know? -Mm... 499 00:20:21,621 --> 00:20:24,924 No. No, no, no. Pop, it did not work out. 500 00:20:25,024 --> 00:20:27,260 You have to cancel the reservation or... 501 00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:28,545 You see? There it is. 502 00:20:28,628 --> 00:20:31,598 Now I've been downgraded to three stars. 503 00:20:31,698 --> 00:20:33,766 Ah, yes. 504 00:20:33,866 --> 00:20:36,152 Welcome to the three-star club, Malcolm. (chuckles) 505 00:20:36,235 --> 00:20:38,805 Hope you like eating next to the bathroom. 506 00:20:39,806 --> 00:20:42,192 Well, all I know... it's been the best date-a-versary 507 00:20:42,275 --> 00:20:43,560 since the one we made Marty. 508 00:20:43,643 --> 00:20:45,412 -(laughs) -GEMMA: Aw. 509 00:20:45,512 --> 00:20:46,896 -MALCOLM: That's just disturbing. -Really could've kept that one 510 00:20:46,979 --> 00:20:49,282 to yourself. 511 00:20:49,382 --> 00:20:51,684 -♪ -(indistinct chatter) 512 00:21:00,893 --> 00:21:03,913 Captioning sponsored by CBS 513 00:21:03,996 --> 00:21:06,666 and TOYOTA. 514 00:21:06,799 --> 00:21:10,202 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org