1
00:00:09,791 --> 00:00:11,082
It won't work.

2
00:00:11,396 --> 00:00:13,901
Look and learn, look and learn.

3
00:00:14,040 --> 00:00:16,955
If you surprise people it shakes 'em up.

4
00:00:17,080 --> 00:00:19,035
It's your prices that shakes 'em up.

5
00:00:19,783 --> 00:00:22,315
No, you watch.
Kath will be in in a minute.

6
00:00:22,440 --> 00:00:26,475
One small loaf, correct change,
turns round and then she's gone.

7
00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:28,355
But not today.

8
00:00:28,481 --> 00:00:30,486
Not today.

9
00:00:30,612 --> 00:00:36,875
Today I'm going to shake her out of that
"I'm not buying anything else" mood.

10
00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:38,746
Good luck with that.

11
00:00:39,172 --> 00:00:41,065
Hey up, hey, here she comes.

12
00:00:41,191 --> 00:00:43,563
OK.
Stand by.

13
00:00:50,213 --> 00:00:51,723
Good day to you, Katherine.

14
00:00:52,160 --> 00:00:54,836
Well, nice and polite but nobody's moving.

15
00:00:55,960 --> 00:00:57,675
Well, who's serving?

16
00:00:58,042 --> 00:01:00,642
Knock on the counter.
Go on.

17
00:01:12,120 --> 00:01:13,901
How are you today, Kath?

18
00:01:22,453 --> 00:01:24,208
Why are you wearing a wig?

19
00:01:24,334 --> 00:01:26,495
Are you sure it's a wig?

20
00:01:27,080 --> 00:01:28,748
Maybe I've just released

21
00:01:28,874 --> 00:01:33,363
the full glory of my own
abundant head of hair.

22
00:01:34,330 --> 00:01:35,844
You wish.

23
00:01:37,307 --> 00:01:38,782
What have you been doing to him?

24
00:01:38,908 --> 00:01:42,948
Don't blame me. He is quite capable
of going fully on his own.

25
00:01:46,596 --> 00:01:48,431
I don't buy stuff like this.

26
00:01:48,816 --> 00:01:50,875
Now, Kath, this...

27
00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:53,052
elegant hairpiece

28
00:01:53,178 --> 00:01:56,256
helps me pair the customer
with the right product.

29
00:01:58,059 --> 00:02:01,446
If the wig moves it means

30
00:02:01,572 --> 00:02:05,612
that the product is exactly right for you.

31
00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:09,046
Watch the wig...

32
00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:17,367
Yes.

33
00:02:18,661 --> 00:02:21,021
The wig knows.

34
00:02:23,578 --> 00:02:26,879
The wig needs its head examining.

35
00:02:28,240 --> 00:02:31,195
Well, I've heard of some
things but this one...

36
00:02:31,320 --> 00:02:34,195
You're trying to get some bread...

37
00:02:38,248 --> 00:02:42,848
Corrections and Sync: minouhse
www.addic7ed.com

38
00:03:50,320 --> 00:03:52,007
Come on.

39
00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:56,155
What's the matter with you?
Is it something I said?

40
00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:09,066
Stop playing about and open up.

41
00:04:16,643 --> 00:04:19,123
Well, you get nothing this morning for that.

42
00:04:21,280 --> 00:04:24,333
Well, he was wearing a wig and it moved.

43
00:04:24,459 --> 00:04:28,155
He should've said.
I could've sold him one that didn't move.

44
00:04:28,280 --> 00:04:31,519
But it's very unnerving when they
come at you with an unstable wig.

45
00:04:31,645 --> 00:04:33,412
One no sugar.

46
00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:37,124
- What time's this wedding?
- This afternoon.

47
00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:39,054
I always cry.

48
00:04:39,180 --> 00:04:42,375
I don't know why.
It can't be worse than your own.

49
00:04:42,501 --> 00:04:44,380
I told you not to marry him.

50
00:04:44,506 --> 00:04:48,207
He said I couldn't back out.
We had to think about the children.

51
00:04:48,333 --> 00:04:49,955
Well, you never had any.

52
00:04:50,080 --> 00:04:52,871
I knew there was a flaw
in his argument somewhere.

53
00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:57,115
I wonder why Granville's never wigged at me.

54
00:04:57,240 --> 00:05:00,458
I imagine in a wig he'd
be a mature-woman magnet.

55
00:05:01,320 --> 00:05:03,333
I must've missed that.

56
00:05:03,521 --> 00:05:06,915
He's probably waiting till he's
learnt how to stop it moving.

57
00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:10,278
I expect he'll wig me when he's got
everything under control.

58
00:05:10,575 --> 00:05:14,915
He claims that it matches the
customer to the right product.

59
00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:16,383
"The wig knows."

60
00:05:16,509 --> 00:05:19,995
You've got to admire
his steady pursuit of profit.

61
00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:23,395
He needs a good woman, his equal in avarice.

62
00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:25,115
What about love?

63
00:05:25,240 --> 00:05:28,810
No. No, it's very inconvenient
when you're busy.

64
00:05:38,360 --> 00:05:40,206
This is not a happy ship.

65
00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:42,435
Look at the faces on ya.

66
00:05:42,838 --> 00:05:45,195
- And you.
- Admitted.

67
00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:46,835
We're all in the same boat.

68
00:05:47,022 --> 00:05:49,117
Aye, and it's sinking.

69
00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:52,795
Mine sprung a leak when her
mother came to live with us.

70
00:05:53,087 --> 00:05:56,835
Hey, it's worse than that,
it's our own fault.

71
00:05:56,960 --> 00:05:58,355
Are you sure?

72
00:05:58,480 --> 00:06:01,969
I'm only asking because
after much consideration

73
00:06:02,095 --> 00:06:04,795
I came to the conclusion it were theirs.

74
00:06:04,920 --> 00:06:06,437
We can't blame our women.

75
00:06:06,640 --> 00:06:10,555
That's going to put a boot
through some of my basic beliefs.

76
00:06:11,101 --> 00:06:15,998
We've allowed our women folk to lose that
shiver of excitement whenever they see us.

77
00:06:16,560 --> 00:06:19,027
I think I'd have to plead guilty to that.

78
00:06:19,293 --> 00:06:22,995
Maybe they got better at hiding it.

79
00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:27,315
No, it's because we've overwhelmed
them with all our macho swaggering.

80
00:06:27,561 --> 00:06:29,860
We've forced them into acting tough.

81
00:06:30,160 --> 00:06:32,126
Mine was so overwhelmed

82
00:06:32,252 --> 00:06:35,546
she slapped me yesterday
with a freezer pack of kippers.

83
00:06:37,080 --> 00:06:38,435
It were a call for help.

84
00:06:38,560 --> 00:06:40,029
No, that were me.

85
00:06:40,707 --> 00:06:42,372
It were a call for love.

86
00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:44,947
She was reaching out,

87
00:06:45,081 --> 00:06:47,888
she was saying "notice me".

88
00:06:48,014 --> 00:06:53,296
They come at you with a frozen pack
of kippers, I promise you'll notice.

89
00:06:53,422 --> 00:06:59,103
I can't say I've ever suffered violence
at the hands of Mrs Featherstone yet.

90
00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:01,595
But she does have a personality

91
00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:03,837
every bit the equal

92
00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:06,230
of a frozen kipper.

93
00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:10,897
Because they daren't show us
their loving tenderness.

94
00:07:12,108 --> 00:07:13,668
We've crushed it.

95
00:07:15,906 --> 00:07:17,324
Crushed it.

96
00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:31,472
How are you going to slice that thin
enough to give it away for free?

97
00:07:54,936 --> 00:07:57,191
We've been overdoing this brutal male thing.

98
00:07:58,440 --> 00:08:00,955
- Really?
- You're saying lose the tough-guy image?

99
00:08:01,087 --> 00:08:03,139
I'm telling you now, I'm going to miss it.

100
00:08:03,615 --> 00:08:07,975
We're not losing Mr Hard Man,
we're just playing him down.

101
00:08:08,640 --> 00:08:12,423
He'll still be there for us when
we need him for our man time.

102
00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:15,275
But for our girls...

103
00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:17,880
we need to show 'em our feminine side.

104
00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:24,075
Hello, Mavis.

105
00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:25,749
Hello, Granville.

106
00:08:26,324 --> 00:08:30,275
I was thinking, er, why don't you
come round this afternoon

107
00:08:30,401 --> 00:08:34,580
and we can have a cake and, er, some coffee?

108
00:08:34,706 --> 00:08:37,997
I can't.
We're off to a wedding.

109
00:08:38,123 --> 00:08:42,532
Where I suppose I'm going to have to
be nice to an old boyfriend of mine.

110
00:08:42,738 --> 00:08:44,253
How nice?

111
00:08:44,742 --> 00:08:49,035
You know how it is, you have
to put that frozen smile on.

112
00:08:49,513 --> 00:08:53,857
Funny thing is, I used
to think he was gorgeous.

113
00:08:54,280 --> 00:08:57,160
Second thoughts are always best.

114
00:08:59,960 --> 00:09:03,276
You know, dangerous places, weddings,

115
00:09:04,065 --> 00:09:07,552
with all those hormones racketing about.

116
00:09:09,224 --> 00:09:10,675
I shall never sleep.

117
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:12,765
We'll be back before you're asleep.

118
00:09:12,891 --> 00:09:14,958
Right, good, yeah.
What time?

119
00:09:15,084 --> 00:09:19,838
Not late, I hope, as long as we
don't get entangled in the disco.

120
00:09:19,964 --> 00:09:24,998
Disco? No, no, no, no, no,
you stay away from the disco.

121
00:09:25,124 --> 00:09:26,350
I intend to.

122
00:09:26,476 --> 00:09:30,589
Terrible things happen at discos
and that's just the music.

123
00:09:31,720 --> 00:09:33,715
- I won't stay for the disco.
- Good.

124
00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:35,893
Call me if there's any trouble.

125
00:09:36,381 --> 00:09:37,696
You'd come?

126
00:09:37,822 --> 00:09:39,965
Yes, of course I'd come.

127
00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:43,178
Y... You'd close the shop?

128
00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:48,719
Almost certainly.

129
00:09:58,520 --> 00:10:00,055
Only me.

130
00:10:03,756 --> 00:10:06,076
Come through, she's out.

131
00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:09,320
She'll have gone to her mother's.

132
00:10:13,760 --> 00:10:17,411
You're wondering what I meant
by showing our feminine sides.

133
00:10:17,537 --> 00:10:20,875
If it means wearing a frock,
you can forget it.

134
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:22,331
I'm with him.

135
00:10:22,457 --> 00:10:24,195
Sit down, I'll show you what I mean.

136
00:10:24,320 --> 00:10:28,355
- Back in a jiffy.
- Jiffy? Who says jiffy any more?

137
00:10:28,480 --> 00:10:31,318
- All right, then. Back in ten.
- Ten what?

138
00:10:32,439 --> 00:10:35,135
I hate it when they don't
give you full details -

139
00:10:35,261 --> 00:10:38,021
it's supposed to be the information age.

140
00:10:41,520 --> 00:10:44,880
Have we got a feminine side?

141
00:10:46,607 --> 00:10:50,355
I haven't and if you've heard
otherwise, it's a lie.

142
00:10:50,480 --> 00:10:52,670
There's something called the new man.

143
00:10:52,796 --> 00:10:55,412
I think moisturisers are acceptable.

144
00:10:57,058 --> 00:10:59,395
- What does Mrs Featherstone use?
- Pressure.

145
00:10:59,520 --> 00:11:02,200
Just a little short of violence, usually.

146
00:11:09,520 --> 00:11:11,180
Dig the poet, daddios.

147
00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:18,461
Check out the creative thoughts
arising from these artistic threads.

148
00:11:26,148 --> 00:11:28,007
Where is this Craig, then?

149
00:11:28,133 --> 00:11:30,195
He'll be here.
He said he'll be here.

150
00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:32,189
Tell him not to hurry on my account.

151
00:11:32,315 --> 00:11:34,635
Stop being like that -
he's coming on your account.

152
00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:36,075
Well, I didn't ask him.

153
00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:38,176
No, he asked him for ya.

154
00:11:38,302 --> 00:11:40,937
You need to get out more, meet people.

155
00:11:41,217 --> 00:11:44,835
- He'll be a creep.
- That's it, girl, think positive.

156
00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:47,835
Here he is.
Right, I'll go fetch him.

157
00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:50,195
Cheer up, Ruby, you'll be fine.
You're an engineer,

158
00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:52,915
you can test him for stress or
measure him for something.

159
00:11:59,867 --> 00:12:02,547
You were right, he was a creep.

160
00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:09,904
They gossip about me.
I can feel it, Granville.

161
00:12:10,030 --> 00:12:13,870
"There she goes.
She married an Italian."

162
00:12:14,560 --> 00:12:16,435
I'll take some salami.

163
00:12:16,560 --> 00:12:18,835
Er, salami coming right up, Mrs Rossi.

164
00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:21,955
But in a plain wrap or they'll
see it as evidence

165
00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:25,149
of scandalous continental taste.

166
00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:33,155
Good day to you, Mrs Rossi.

167
00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:35,567
And to you, Mrs Featherstone.

168
00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:39,900
I see you prefer the continental meats.

169
00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:42,901
It's for a friend. I'll, er...

170
00:12:43,027 --> 00:12:46,030
I'll take a few Pontefract cakes, Granville,

171
00:12:46,405 --> 00:12:49,867
and if that doesn't establish
citizenship, I give up.

172
00:12:49,993 --> 00:12:52,629
You must miss the excitements of Italy.

173
00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:55,397
I missed them when I was there,

174
00:12:55,523 --> 00:12:58,035
he was always at his mother's.

175
00:12:58,160 --> 00:13:00,382
I'll pick my stuff up later, Granville.

176
00:13:01,023 --> 00:13:03,334
It'll be ready for you, Mrs Rossi.

177
00:13:03,460 --> 00:13:05,020
- Ciao.
- Ciao.

178
00:13:15,413 --> 00:13:17,053
She called you Granville.

179
00:13:17,217 --> 00:13:20,008
Yes, in English.
What's the problem, Mrs Featherstone?

180
00:13:20,134 --> 00:13:21,755
When they get cosy with your name,

181
00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:24,763
the next thing they're poking
about in your money belt.

182
00:13:26,459 --> 00:13:30,838
Don't say that.
I just had a feeling that somebody

183
00:13:30,964 --> 00:13:33,435
walked across my small change.

184
00:13:33,865 --> 00:13:37,677
You want to be careful with that woman,
Granville. She's steeped

185
00:13:37,803 --> 00:13:41,474
in continental bedtime practices
that are way above your pay grade.

186
00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:45,244
No, no, she has Horlicks
at bedtime, Mrs Featherstone.

187
00:13:45,370 --> 00:13:48,467
When you get behind the Horlicks
it's wall-to-wall garlic.

188
00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:55,435
I can't draw for toffee.

189
00:13:55,762 --> 00:14:00,788
Well, it don't matter these days,
none of 'em can. Just look the part.

190
00:14:01,560 --> 00:14:04,555
OK, that's you gone poetic,

191
00:14:04,680 --> 00:14:06,795
he's a painter.
What am I going to be?

192
00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:11,275
I think ballet's a bit of a nonstarter.

193
00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:13,235
- I'm not doing ballet.
- Agreed.

194
00:14:13,360 --> 00:14:15,235
Relax, we'll find you something.

195
00:14:15,360 --> 00:14:17,835
I don't see how this is actually helping me

196
00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:19,915
with my Mrs Featherstone situation.

197
00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:22,209
It's going to knock her for six.

198
00:14:22,482 --> 00:14:25,758
She's always seen you as
respectable, reliable.

199
00:14:26,039 --> 00:14:28,738
Look at you now.
Painter.

200
00:14:29,457 --> 00:14:31,614
These people have nude models, you know.

201
00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:34,086
Could there be room for two painters?

202
00:14:34,243 --> 00:14:35,874
Nah, it's pushing it.

203
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:42,035
I still don't see how I can paint
myself free from Mrs Featherstone.

204
00:14:42,238 --> 00:14:45,450
You won't have to.
She'll drop you.

205
00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:49,902
Once she sees you as this
wild, free-living artist,

206
00:14:50,028 --> 00:14:52,027
different woman in every postcode.

207
00:14:52,153 --> 00:14:55,531
- I could do oils, and he's watercolour.
- Just forget it.

208
00:14:56,120 --> 00:14:59,306
- I'm not doing ballet.
- We'll find you something.

209
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,995
Genuine Mongolian fish paste?

210
00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:06,100
Yes, every jar numbered and signed

211
00:15:06,226 --> 00:15:10,448
by the Minister of Mongolian
Fisheries himself.

212
00:15:10,574 --> 00:15:13,789
I thought Mongolia was landlocked.
It hasn't got a coastline.

213
00:15:15,619 --> 00:15:17,419
They rent one.

214
00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:20,475
Look, I don't think this is for me.

215
00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:23,469
I just popped in for some
Braithwaite's fish paste.

216
00:15:23,595 --> 00:15:26,867
Er, I used to stock Braithwaite

217
00:15:26,993 --> 00:15:30,886
until I learned about their
links to the mafia.

218
00:15:31,012 --> 00:15:35,463
Braithwaite's?
Proudly made in Pudsey since 1837?

219
00:15:35,589 --> 00:15:39,279
Yeah, I know, it shocked me too.
But then, er, people kept

220
00:15:39,405 --> 00:15:44,783
turning up dead with Braithwaite's
fish paste in their mouths...

221
00:15:46,063 --> 00:15:47,834
still in the jar.

222
00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:49,780
Turning up dead?

223
00:15:49,906 --> 00:15:52,469
You've heard of sleeps with the fishes?

224
00:15:52,595 --> 00:15:55,185
You know, that great mafia saying,

225
00:15:55,311 --> 00:15:59,306
the threat, you know - you're going
to sleep-a with the fishes.

226
00:15:59,431 --> 00:16:02,489
- Yeah, it was in The Godfather.
- Yeah, that's it, that's the one.

227
00:16:02,615 --> 00:16:05,581
Well, unfortunately, some of
the younger mafia types,

228
00:16:05,707 --> 00:16:09,182
they were getting it wrong
and they were saying things like...

229
00:16:09,682 --> 00:16:12,602
"You're going to sleep
with the dishes."

230
00:16:14,871 --> 00:16:16,891
Yeah, and some of them were heard to say

231
00:16:17,017 --> 00:16:19,221
"You're going to sleep-a with the quiches."

232
00:16:19,805 --> 00:16:21,024
Quiches?

233
00:16:21,150 --> 00:16:25,323
Anyway, gives you some idea
why he - Cappo di Tutti Cappi -

234
00:16:25,449 --> 00:16:28,453
er, you know, that's old
Cappo himself, he said,

235
00:16:28,579 --> 00:16:33,254
"Enough.
No more-a sleeping with the fishes."

236
00:16:33,565 --> 00:16:38,244
"You want to scare a guy, you say to him,"

237
00:16:38,370 --> 00:16:42,495
"You're going to sleep-a
with the Braithwaite's-a fish-a paste.""

238
00:16:42,775 --> 00:16:44,260
I see.

239
00:16:44,386 --> 00:16:48,123
So buy Mongolian and avoid the mafia.

240
00:16:48,438 --> 00:16:50,638
It's an offer you can't refuse.

241
00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:02,954
Have you cleaned inside thoroughly?

242
00:17:06,404 --> 00:17:08,841
- What are you gaping at?
- Madge,

243
00:17:09,031 --> 00:17:14,040
you look like a shiny new set of spanners.

244
00:17:15,958 --> 00:17:17,473
Do you like the hat?

245
00:17:17,598 --> 00:17:21,791
I love the hat. I could follow
you anywhere in that hat.

246
00:17:21,917 --> 00:17:24,273
I don't want you following
me wearing this hat.

247
00:17:24,398 --> 00:17:27,220
- No, I meant to...
- I know what you meant.

248
00:17:29,583 --> 00:17:31,250
Close your mouth.

249
00:17:31,376 --> 00:17:34,958
Just bring your top lip
down to the lower one.

250
00:17:36,065 --> 00:17:37,265
Yes, that's it.

251
00:17:43,118 --> 00:17:45,678
Be with you in a second..

252
00:17:48,114 --> 00:17:49,591
Yeah...

253
00:17:56,878 --> 00:17:59,158
So the wig does move, then.

254
00:18:01,438 --> 00:18:02,873
Ooh, hee-hee.

255
00:18:02,998 --> 00:18:05,633
You see what you do to people?

256
00:18:08,976 --> 00:18:12,376
Didn't I see you in My Fair Lady?

257
00:18:13,853 --> 00:18:17,248
We're off, then, and I'll
take some breath mints.

258
00:18:17,522 --> 00:18:20,180
Stay away from the disco.

259
00:18:20,306 --> 00:18:21,864
I hate discos.

260
00:18:22,030 --> 00:18:23,418
Good thinking.

261
00:18:24,318 --> 00:18:25,993
Are you coming?

262
00:18:26,118 --> 00:18:28,233
Or are you going to stand here all day

263
00:18:28,358 --> 00:18:30,970
giving him every opportunity
to sell you something?

264
00:18:31,096 --> 00:18:34,833
Well, you know what he's like.
You stand still for a moment

265
00:18:34,958 --> 00:18:37,308
in this shop and he thinks
it amounts to a contract.

266
00:18:37,956 --> 00:18:40,386
I'll come when I'm ready,
thank you very much.

267
00:18:43,758 --> 00:18:45,252
And I will take the mints.

268
00:18:45,378 --> 00:18:46,733
Good for you.

269
00:18:46,859 --> 00:18:52,173
Right. Now, don't forget
to read the instructions.

270
00:18:52,299 --> 00:18:55,302
They say "stay away from the disco".

271
00:18:56,575 --> 00:18:58,997
Please, please...

272
00:18:59,419 --> 00:19:03,236
they are...
They're on the house.

273
00:19:04,055 --> 00:19:05,661
You're slipping.

274
00:19:06,703 --> 00:19:08,583
I'll adjust your next bill.

275
00:19:15,174 --> 00:19:18,752
I don't know. Mrs Rossi's all
right, she's just a bit twitchy.

276
00:19:18,878 --> 00:19:21,479
But is she twitchy in English or Italian?

277
00:19:21,671 --> 00:19:22,906
Is there a difference?

278
00:19:23,032 --> 00:19:26,101
Well, your English is neutral
but your Italian can slip

279
00:19:26,227 --> 00:19:28,233
three suggestions into every twitch.

280
00:19:28,358 --> 00:19:31,273
It's more foreplay than
you can get around here.

281
00:19:31,398 --> 00:19:34,838
I worry about her hanging
about Granville in that shop.

282
00:19:35,809 --> 00:19:37,204
He can handle Mrs Rossi.

283
00:19:37,330 --> 00:19:40,685
Yes, I know he can, I don't think he
ought to be given the opportunity.

284
00:19:40,811 --> 00:19:42,503
Hey, it's Mavis you should be worried about.

285
00:19:42,628 --> 00:19:46,199
Mavis? I don't worry
about that shy little thing.

286
00:19:57,358 --> 00:19:59,200
- Ladies...
- Ladies...

287
00:19:59,655 --> 00:20:01,255
Ladies.

288
00:20:02,215 --> 00:20:03,615
Hold it.

289
00:20:05,198 --> 00:20:06,616
I'll get to the bottom of this.

290
00:20:13,294 --> 00:20:14,875
Where did you get the hat?

291
00:20:15,352 --> 00:20:17,477
I've always had the hat.

292
00:20:17,603 --> 00:20:19,052
Well, I haven't seen it.

293
00:20:19,296 --> 00:20:21,171
Well, I keep it at me mother's.

294
00:20:21,583 --> 00:20:23,073
All this time?

295
00:20:23,198 --> 00:20:25,193
You've been keeping a secret hat?

296
00:20:25,568 --> 00:20:27,342
What else have you been keeping there?

297
00:20:28,873 --> 00:20:30,131
A goldfish.

298
00:20:31,038 --> 00:20:32,873
You look ridiculous.

299
00:20:33,284 --> 00:20:34,684
I feel ridiculous.

300
00:20:34,810 --> 00:20:36,433
Well, why don't you take it off?

301
00:20:36,558 --> 00:20:38,598
One has to suffer for one's art.

302
00:20:39,680 --> 00:20:42,198
Why didn't you tell me
you wanted a goldfish?

303
00:20:42,638 --> 00:20:44,798
It'd destroy me macho image.

304
00:20:46,118 --> 00:20:49,915
I am no longer afraid to celebrate
my feminine side. This...

305
00:20:51,278 --> 00:20:52,986
is my poetry hat.

306
00:20:54,103 --> 00:20:55,703
What's he come as?

307
00:21:00,249 --> 00:21:03,873
Songwriter with a focus
on your romantic ballads.

308
00:21:04,380 --> 00:21:06,980
Sounds like a load of old ballads to me.

309
00:21:08,078 --> 00:21:09,553
You want to be a painter?

310
00:21:09,678 --> 00:21:11,919
You can come and emulsion my hallway.

311
00:21:12,798 --> 00:21:15,208
Come on, let's go and get your goldfish.

312
00:21:16,187 --> 00:21:17,403
Really?

313
00:21:18,369 --> 00:21:20,644
You'll like her, she's lovely.

314
00:21:20,770 --> 00:21:22,285
She's called Imogen.

315
00:21:26,889 --> 00:21:29,209
Go with t'flow, man.

316
00:21:33,322 --> 00:21:34,957
I think we have to trust them.

317
00:21:35,083 --> 00:21:37,798
Yes, we will trust them...

318
00:21:38,158 --> 00:21:40,382
as far as the disco.

319
00:21:40,508 --> 00:21:46,529
You know, 67% of single women at
weddings find new relationships.

320
00:21:46,655 --> 00:21:50,970
I had a cousin who went astray at a wedding.

321
00:21:51,096 --> 00:21:53,971
Yes, thank you, we don't want to know.

322
00:21:54,558 --> 00:21:55,998
I'd like to know.

323
00:21:57,000 --> 00:21:59,655
Our Maureen met this guy at a wedding.

324
00:22:00,046 --> 00:22:02,098
They had this immediate chemistry.

325
00:22:03,112 --> 00:22:05,416
Nearly ruined her hat.

326
00:22:06,518 --> 00:22:08,473
All right, that's enough.

327
00:22:08,598 --> 00:22:13,105
Well, when I say met this guy,
she were found under this bloke

328
00:22:13,231 --> 00:22:15,105
from Darlington.

329
00:22:15,675 --> 00:22:19,483
He'd had too much.
She were there where he fell.

330
00:22:19,609 --> 00:22:22,383
No, that's it.

331
00:22:22,509 --> 00:22:27,387
Now you've got me thinking of all
these drunks surrounding Mavis.

332
00:22:27,513 --> 00:22:30,348
Well, they've got four kids
now and the Labradoodle.

333
00:22:30,474 --> 00:22:32,247
Yes, all right, enough.

334
00:22:32,373 --> 00:22:34,283
Happens all the time.

335
00:22:34,409 --> 00:22:38,904
You show me a wedding and I'll show
you new relationships blossoming.

336
00:22:39,282 --> 00:22:42,229
We should go. We should go in your Mini,
Gastric, and pick 'em up.

337
00:22:42,355 --> 00:22:44,624
We can't have them drinking and driving.

338
00:22:44,750 --> 00:22:46,636
Well, they're not big drinkers.

339
00:22:46,762 --> 00:22:48,277
No, I want them out of there

340
00:22:48,403 --> 00:22:51,158
before they meet some bloke from Darlington.

341
00:22:51,284 --> 00:22:53,768
- Who will be looking after the shop?
- You.

342
00:22:54,643 --> 00:22:56,198
Is that fair, do you think?

343
00:22:56,324 --> 00:22:58,679
I'm ironing a shirt, I've got Beth coming.

344
00:22:58,805 --> 00:23:02,845
67% of people who want to
meet Beth get delayed.

345
00:23:06,238 --> 00:23:07,623
What time shall we go?

346
00:23:07,749 --> 00:23:11,243
Any time.
As long as it's before the disco.

347
00:23:16,409 --> 00:23:19,329
Hey, Gastric, have a listen to this.

348
00:23:23,031 --> 00:23:26,612
You're the lady...

349
00:23:27,702 --> 00:23:31,086
Of my dreams...

350
00:23:32,790 --> 00:23:34,063
Go on.

351
00:23:34,838 --> 00:23:36,399
That's it so far.

352
00:23:38,001 --> 00:23:42,372
I like the sense of unbridgeable
loneliness you've caught with the lyrics.

353
00:23:47,668 --> 00:23:48,888
Thanks, man.

354
00:23:59,758 --> 00:24:03,911
You said you were going to a wedding didn't
realise it was you two getting married.

355
00:24:04,598 --> 00:24:07,504
We want to look our best for the ladies.

356
00:24:07,630 --> 00:24:10,075
Just you watch the shop while we're gone.

357
00:24:10,201 --> 00:24:11,723
Is this tie straight?

358
00:24:11,998 --> 00:24:15,779
Yes, not only is it straight,
it is madge straight.

359
00:24:17,221 --> 00:24:19,988
- Right, where's your car?
- She's outside.

360
00:24:20,114 --> 00:24:22,940
There's not going to be
much room for Madge and Mavis.

361
00:24:23,066 --> 00:24:25,181
It's going to be a tight fit, isn't it?

362
00:24:25,886 --> 00:24:28,373
I'm looking forward to it.

363
00:24:28,838 --> 00:24:31,713
Now, come on, let's just get there
before the disco.

364
00:24:33,638 --> 00:24:36,073
All right, come on.
On your marks, go on, off you go.

365
00:24:36,198 --> 00:24:37,559
Yeah, I'm going, I'm going.

366
00:24:37,685 --> 00:24:40,874
And try to move some of that
Mongolian fish paste, will you?

367
00:24:41,574 --> 00:24:43,534
Yeah, go on, off you go, right.

368
00:24:44,651 --> 00:24:47,326
I hope that Madge is being faithful to me.

369
00:24:47,751 --> 00:24:52,426
You're on a good thing there.
She's too bad-tempered to be unfaithful.

370
00:24:52,552 --> 00:24:55,454
- You're not just saying that?
- No, of course not.

371
00:24:55,580 --> 00:25:00,073
Do you know, Madge is one of the
foulest-tempered people that I know.

372
00:25:00,198 --> 00:25:02,179
She is, ain't she?

373
00:25:02,305 --> 00:25:05,780
That should keep 'em off, I must've
been born lucky.

374
00:25:06,038 --> 00:25:10,015
- Come on, let's stay lucky.
- Let's get there, let's go.

375
00:25:10,452 --> 00:25:12,637
Hey, hey, hey, hang on, hang on.

376
00:25:12,763 --> 00:25:16,567
- What?
- There's a new customer in the shop, a Mr Cliff.

377
00:25:16,879 --> 00:25:19,856
He's just moved here,
he's brought a big order.

378
00:25:19,982 --> 00:25:21,231
A big order?

379
00:25:21,357 --> 00:25:23,913
Very big, I'm going to need some help here.

380
00:25:31,847 --> 00:25:33,327
What would you do?

381
00:25:34,678 --> 00:25:37,147
I think I know what you would do...

382
00:25:37,273 --> 00:25:38,879
but that's you.

383
00:25:40,038 --> 00:25:41,598
I'm me.

384
00:25:43,017 --> 00:25:45,921
- Well?
- I'm on a miscue ression.

385
00:25:48,753 --> 00:25:51,267
I'm on a rescue mission.

386
00:25:51,518 --> 00:25:53,997
You will have to handle it.

387
00:25:56,278 --> 00:25:59,333
That's it, way to go, you tell him.

388
00:25:59,718 --> 00:26:03,612
A man has to do what a man has to do.

389
00:26:04,331 --> 00:26:05,918
Proud to know you, son.

390
00:26:06,044 --> 00:26:08,833
- Yes, yes.
- I know how much this must hurt.

391
00:26:20,798 --> 00:26:22,109
Big order, you say?

392
00:26:22,410 --> 00:26:23,656
Very big.

393
00:26:33,647 --> 00:26:35,167
How big is very big?

394
00:26:38,678 --> 00:26:41,142
- That's very big.
- Very big.

395
00:26:42,009 --> 00:26:43,209
Gastric.

396
00:26:43,516 --> 00:26:45,602
You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

397
00:26:46,201 --> 00:26:48,456
Me? What for?

398
00:26:48,582 --> 00:26:51,113
For not trusting our two good ladies.

399
00:26:51,238 --> 00:26:52,517
Right.

400
00:26:53,158 --> 00:26:58,235
Ha, ha. Mr Cliff,
welcome to our little shop.

401
00:26:58,361 --> 00:27:00,401
Right, let's have a look.

402
00:27:08,798 --> 00:27:13,422
I bet that disco is going full belt by now.

403
00:27:14,078 --> 00:27:20,787
Crowded, half in darkness, she'll
be entangled in strange braces.

404
00:27:21,638 --> 00:27:23,033
I tried.

405
00:27:23,158 --> 00:27:25,913
That Leroy can tell her I tried.

406
00:27:26,225 --> 00:27:28,117
I very nearly went.

407
00:27:30,972 --> 00:27:34,098
Took years of grocer's iron
discipline to keep me

408
00:27:34,224 --> 00:27:36,799
from rushing away from new business.

409
00:27:43,679 --> 00:27:46,540
It was going to be a crush in that Mini.

410
00:27:47,026 --> 00:27:51,194
I even abandoned me money belt
so we could fit more comfortably.

411
00:27:52,337 --> 00:27:53,579
Hello, Granville.

412
00:27:54,196 --> 00:27:55,991
Hello, Mavis.

413
00:27:56,398 --> 00:27:58,743
You didn't go to the disco, then?

414
00:27:59,187 --> 00:28:00,742
I'm not much for dancing.

415
00:28:01,118 --> 00:28:03,737
I always forget which leg went last.

416
00:28:04,385 --> 00:28:09,020
Hey, you stick with me, I'll keep
an eye on both of them for you.

417
00:28:09,478 --> 00:28:12,097
- Give us a hand with them, will ya?
- Yeah.

418
00:28:18,964 --> 00:28:23,564
Corrections and Sync: minouhse
www.addic7ed.com