1 00:00:32,741 --> 00:00:37,078 So that's what you look like. You're ugly. Horrible. 2 00:00:37,746 --> 00:00:40,540 Go on. Try your intellect on me. 3 00:00:41,124 --> 00:00:43,501 I'll see you in hell first. 4 00:00:46,505 --> 00:00:48,632 Help! Help! 5 00:00:50,342 --> 00:00:51,468 Get out of here. 6 00:00:52,010 --> 00:00:54,971 - Call off your troops. - Cease firing. 7 00:01:07,317 --> 00:01:08,860 He acted like. He knew him. 8 00:01:09,695 --> 00:01:12,656 He did. He learned almost too late... 9 00:01:13,282 --> 00:01:15,534 That man is a feeling creature. 10 00:01:16,243 --> 00:01:18,703 And because of it, the greatest in the universe. 11 00:01:19,621 --> 00:01:20,830 There is hope. 12 00:01:21,623 --> 00:01:24,626 But it has to come from man himself. 13 00:01:25,752 --> 00:01:29,213 I have to go. I'm gonna eat now. Hold on just a second. 14 00:01:37,347 --> 00:01:40,975 Hello, Darling. It's me again. Yours cruelly, Elvira. 15 00:01:41,143 --> 00:01:44,396 The gal with the enormous... ratings. 16 00:01:44,896 --> 00:01:49,358 Well, that's our show. I hope you enjoyed watching it... 17 00:01:49,568 --> 00:01:51,486 ...as much as I did. 18 00:01:52,863 --> 00:01:55,740 Oh, boy. Could you believe that cheesy-looking Monster? 19 00:01:55,907 --> 00:02:00,286 Looked like gumby on steroids. Well, at least the movie had a moral. 20 00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:02,163 Where is the... 21 00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:05,041 We're ready for the loop... 22 00:02:06,501 --> 00:02:08,461 Does anybody know what that movie was about? 23 00:02:08,545 --> 00:02:12,840 Uh, I'll tell you what it was about. About an hour and a half too long. 24 00:02:13,550 --> 00:02:16,094 Oh, and don't forget next week. 25 00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:19,305 It's the head with two thing, I mean the thing with two heads. 26 00:02:19,681 --> 00:02:21,974 And until then, this is Elvira... 27 00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:25,436 ...the gal who put the boob back into boob tube... 28 00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:29,316 ...saying, "unpleasant dreams." 29 00:02:32,778 --> 00:02:35,781 Got the news In one minute and counting. 30 00:02:36,907 --> 00:02:38,867 Hey, put me down, will you? 31 00:02:38,950 --> 00:02:42,119 How do you expect me to fix your hair when you're moving around? 32 00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:48,084 Is there anything that could possibly shame you? 33 00:02:48,251 --> 00:02:50,920 Yeah. Wearing this in a public place might do it. 34 00:02:51,088 --> 00:02:52,923 Ha! 35 00:02:54,091 --> 00:02:56,551 Get it, girlfriend. 36 00:02:56,593 --> 00:02:58,511 You got your news and counting. 37 00:03:00,305 --> 00:03:02,015 - Elvira. - Not now, Rudy. 38 00:03:02,057 --> 00:03:05,393 Wait a sec. Wait a sec. See that guy over there? 39 00:03:05,894 --> 00:03:08,021 What, the lard bucket in the ten-gallon hat? 40 00:03:08,146 --> 00:03:10,231 That's the station's new owner. 41 00:03:10,607 --> 00:03:13,151 From the edge of the sea to the end of the valley. 42 00:03:13,235 --> 00:03:14,945 You what? Shut up! 43 00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:18,406 Relax. Relax. This guy is a millionaire, okay? 44 00:03:19,366 --> 00:03:20,742 Mr. Hooter. 45 00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:24,204 This is Elvira. 46 00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:26,247 Name's Earl... 47 00:03:26,331 --> 00:03:28,875 ...but the ladies back home call me Longhorn. 48 00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:31,211 Maybe you can guess why. 49 00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:35,507 Gee, uh, I don't know. Does it have anything to do with your breath? 50 00:03:36,007 --> 00:03:38,801 Why don't we let this little Filly get herself gussied up? 51 00:03:39,761 --> 00:03:42,221 The sooner I get in the saddle, the better. 52 00:03:43,306 --> 00:03:46,392 Well, I'm sorry, partner, but looks like it's gonna be you... 53 00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:48,227 ...and your trusty ol' right hand. 54 00:03:48,437 --> 00:03:52,023 Sounds like you're looking to get yourself fired, little lady. 55 00:03:52,107 --> 00:03:56,111 Go ahead and fire me. I need this job like a leper needs a three-way mirror. 56 00:03:56,486 --> 00:03:57,862 It just so happens... 57 00:03:57,988 --> 00:04:00,156 ...I have an act opening up in Las Vegas. 58 00:04:00,323 --> 00:04:03,617 Well, terrific. You can try your act out on me. 59 00:04:03,702 --> 00:04:06,621 It's milkin' time. Ow! 60 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:10,333 That's it! I'm walking! I don't have to take this from anybody! 61 00:04:10,459 --> 00:04:12,878 As for you, you cretinous cowpoke... 62 00:04:12,961 --> 00:04:16,714 Look, it's hooter. Somebody on the floor get her out of there. 63 00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:18,675 Within so much as ten feet of me... 64 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:21,677 ...and I'm gonna tie your weenie in a granny knot! 65 00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:26,683 - You said she was a nympho! - Come on, will you? 66 00:04:26,850 --> 00:04:28,643 Not the ball game! 67 00:04:30,645 --> 00:04:33,272 You can't quit. What's the big deal? 68 00:04:33,398 --> 00:04:35,358 As soon as my show opens in Las Vegas... 69 00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:38,486 ...I'll never have to host one of those Crapola horror movies again. 70 00:04:39,237 --> 00:04:41,447 There's no problem with the show, is there? Problem? 71 00:04:42,866 --> 00:04:45,368 Complications maybe, but never a problem. 72 00:04:45,410 --> 00:04:47,537 All right. Out with it, Manny. 73 00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:51,457 Okay. The flamingo won't go ahead with the show... 74 00:04:51,541 --> 00:04:53,876 Unless you come up with some money to help finance it. 75 00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:57,880 - How much do they want? - Fifty thousand dollars. 76 00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:01,551 Fifty thousand dollars? Are you nuts? 77 00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:04,304 Where am I gonna come up with that kind of money? 78 00:05:04,346 --> 00:05:06,681 Maybe it's not too late to get your job back. 79 00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:09,935 Forget it, Manny. I am never working for that sleazeball again. 80 00:05:11,394 --> 00:05:13,479 I just have to find another sleazeball. 81 00:05:15,690 --> 00:05:18,859 Oh! Telegram for Miss Elvira. I'll take it. 82 00:05:22,531 --> 00:05:27,031 Dear Elvira, as executor of the estate of your Great-Aunt, Miss Morgana Talbot... 83 00:05:27,118 --> 00:05:30,996 ...I am sorry to inform you of her untimely passing. 84 00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:34,083 Whoa. I don't even know I had a good aunt, much less a great one. 85 00:05:34,251 --> 00:05:35,627 Let me see that. 86 00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:39,046 Says here all I have to do is come to Fallwell... 87 00:05:39,130 --> 00:05:40,965 ...Massachusetts, for the reading of the will... 88 00:05:41,132 --> 00:05:42,800 ...and I'll pick up my inheritance. 89 00:05:43,468 --> 00:05:44,886 Is that timing or what? 90 00:05:49,474 --> 00:05:53,436 ...and lastly, to my enchanting niece Elvira... 91 00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:55,855 ...who has unflinchingly withstood... 92 00:05:55,897 --> 00:05:58,524 ...the slings and arrows of an imperfect world. 93 00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:02,028 Without so much as a whimper or complaint, 94 00:06:03,780 --> 00:06:07,074 I bequeath my entire fortune. 95 00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:16,000 Let's show Elvira exactly what she's inherited! 96 00:06:21,131 --> 00:06:25,631 Elvira, you are going to start with something that dreams are made of... 97 00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:28,846 a beautiful new sailboat! 98 00:06:29,681 --> 00:06:32,141 You're going to sail away... 99 00:06:32,142 --> 00:06:35,436 in a sporty Sunchaser ll from Stark. 100 00:06:36,271 --> 00:06:39,023 And that's not all. When you're tired of sailing, 101 00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:43,110 you'll drive home in this brand-new Jeep Wrangler. 102 00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:46,781 I needed one of those! And you'll sit down to dinner... 103 00:06:46,823 --> 00:06:51,323 at this beautiful ten-piece dining room set from American Heritage. 104 00:06:52,662 --> 00:06:56,290 And on top of all of that, 105 00:06:57,542 --> 00:06:58,668 Money! 106 00:06:59,336 --> 00:07:02,380 Lots and lots of money! 107 00:07:07,344 --> 00:07:10,180 Elvira? Elvira, are you all right? 108 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:13,182 Hmm? Go ahead and call the Flamingo, Manny. 109 00:07:13,308 --> 00:07:16,811 Tell them I'll have that 50 Grand as soon as I get back from Massachusetts. 110 00:07:17,479 --> 00:07:19,397 Las Vegas, here I come. 111 00:07:23,193 --> 00:07:24,235 Hag, hag 112 00:07:26,321 --> 00:07:27,363 Hag, hag 113 00:07:29,407 --> 00:07:30,449 Hag, hag 114 00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:35,872 Hag, hag We been around, round and round 115 00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:40,293 I vaulted up, but you shot me down, down, down 116 00:07:41,878 --> 00:07:43,170 Oh, Yeah 117 00:07:44,881 --> 00:07:48,384 Hop in, Sailor. 118 00:08:01,272 --> 00:08:02,982 Here. You forgot your ax. 119 00:08:35,765 --> 00:08:40,265 - You know you were doing 50 in a 25 mile-per hour zone? - Um, no. 120 00:08:40,645 --> 00:08:42,647 But if you hum a few bars, I'll fake it. 121 00:08:49,070 --> 00:08:50,488 I gotta get a new joke. 122 00:08:50,822 --> 00:08:52,740 This one's costing me a fortune. 123 00:09:20,185 --> 00:09:22,520 Hey?! How about some gas? 124 00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:33,073 Pump this. 125 00:10:14,322 --> 00:10:16,741 You know, those things will kill you. 126 00:10:19,661 --> 00:10:21,454 Have a nice day! 127 00:11:54,172 --> 00:11:55,173 WOW! 128 00:12:05,016 --> 00:12:08,394 I can make darn sure he doesn't get. I have my ways, you know. 129 00:12:17,195 --> 00:12:20,031 - Keep the kids back. Keep the kids back. - Well. 130 00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:22,700 Oh! Oh! 131 00:12:23,868 --> 00:12:25,119 Well, I never! 132 00:12:25,203 --> 00:12:28,122 Yeah, and you never will with them soup cans on your head. 133 00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:32,000 Listen, young lady, I don't know who you are or where you came from... 134 00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:34,337 ...but you most certainly don't fit in this town. 135 00:12:34,545 --> 00:12:36,630 Why, you don't even fit in that dress. 136 00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:41,385 Listen, sister, if I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of ya. 137 00:12:41,636 --> 00:12:43,346 Ah! Anita! 138 00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:47,058 Anita, it's the Antichrist, I tell you, the Antichrist. 139 00:12:47,475 --> 00:12:50,060 Can someone tell me where there's a garage around here? 140 00:12:50,395 --> 00:12:52,397 There's one right up the street. 141 00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:55,233 Oh. Well, uh... 142 00:12:55,358 --> 00:12:57,735 ...would one of you big, strong men... 143 00:12:57,860 --> 00:13:00,404 ...mind giving me a little push? 144 00:13:06,494 --> 00:13:09,330 Easy, easy. Don't scratch the paint. 145 00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:16,504 She's incredible. 146 00:13:16,671 --> 00:13:19,632 What I wouldn't do for just one peek at those Gazongas. 147 00:13:19,757 --> 00:13:21,133 They're unreal! 148 00:13:21,759 --> 00:13:24,261 Oh, great. That means I'm stuck in this hellhole. 149 00:13:24,470 --> 00:13:26,763 I mean this quaint, little hellhole. 150 00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:29,392 Is there a motel or something around here? 151 00:13:29,892 --> 00:13:31,435 Well, there's the Cozy Cot... 152 00:13:31,477 --> 00:13:34,062 ...down by the widow Bishop's feed store. 153 00:13:34,230 --> 00:13:36,106 Of course her son sort of took that oven... 154 00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:38,609 ...after she had that spell of gingivitis. 155 00:13:38,985 --> 00:13:43,364 Her whole mouth swoll up. It looked like she ate a box of staples. 156 00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:47,118 Folks are saying she got it from kissing that old dog of hers. 157 00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:51,497 Nice tits. 158 00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:05,719 Yoo-hoo! 159 00:14:10,058 --> 00:14:11,350 Can I get a room? 160 00:14:16,397 --> 00:14:18,065 Sorry, we're booked solid. 161 00:14:18,232 --> 00:14:20,275 So how come it says "Vacancy" out there? 162 00:14:26,074 --> 00:14:28,284 Look, we do have a room. 163 00:14:28,493 --> 00:14:31,537 Remember the trucker with the bad skin that checked out this morning? 164 00:14:31,621 --> 00:14:33,581 Eew. I hope you changed the sheets. 165 00:14:39,587 --> 00:14:40,629 Hi. 166 00:14:40,671 --> 00:14:44,383 Is that Make-up I see on your face, young lady? 167 00:14:45,134 --> 00:14:48,846 No, Ma'am I mean yes, Ma'am. Well, just a little. 168 00:14:48,930 --> 00:14:52,266 How many times have I told you you're too young to wear make-up? 169 00:14:52,433 --> 00:14:55,018 - Now, mother, I don't think... - Shut up, Leslie! 170 00:14:55,103 --> 00:14:57,480 All the other girls at school are wearing make-up. 171 00:14:57,563 --> 00:15:01,858 If all the other girls at school jumped off a cliff, would you jump off a cliff? 172 00:15:01,943 --> 00:15:03,569 All right. I won't wear any. 173 00:15:03,653 --> 00:15:06,530 You don't have the sense that you were born with. 174 00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:10,743 I hate to interrupt this little episode of The Walton's, but could I get a room? 175 00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:14,163 Okay, but it's cash up-front. 176 00:15:14,872 --> 00:15:17,165 I know what you Pinko... 177 00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:20,086 ...Heavy-Metal weirdos do to motel rooms. 178 00:15:20,545 --> 00:15:22,630 Read all about it in the STAR. 179 00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:26,008 I'll, I'll show the lady to her room. Oh, no, you don't. 180 00:15:35,351 --> 00:15:38,645 Don't let them get you down. I used to get the same line about make-up... 181 00:15:38,729 --> 00:15:40,188 ...from the nuns at the Orphanage. 182 00:15:40,523 --> 00:15:41,899 Of course I was only eight. 183 00:15:42,024 --> 00:15:45,944 - Uh, I'm Elvira. - I'm Robin. 184 00:15:47,071 --> 00:15:50,449 So, Robin, what's there to do for fun around here anyway? 185 00:15:50,741 --> 00:15:52,909 This town isn't real big on fun. 186 00:15:53,035 --> 00:15:55,579 Well, there is one place that's open. 187 00:15:55,913 --> 00:15:59,124 The Bowling Alley. That gets real wild on league night. 188 00:16:00,001 --> 00:16:03,254 Gee, I think I can handle it. 189 00:16:11,095 --> 00:16:13,013 Oh, I am so sure. 190 00:16:13,639 --> 00:16:15,390 They must think we've really stupid. 191 00:16:15,641 --> 00:16:17,934 They're gonna kill Spider-Man with Plutonium? 192 00:16:18,102 --> 00:16:19,770 He's got radioactive blood. 193 00:16:20,146 --> 00:16:22,982 Yeah? Let me see that. 194 00:16:25,776 --> 00:16:27,986 Hey, man. What you do that for? 195 00:16:28,070 --> 00:16:29,196 Shut up. 196 00:16:35,870 --> 00:16:38,122 Look at what just walked in. 197 00:16:45,922 --> 00:16:48,341 Oh, Bloody Mary. 198 00:16:48,633 --> 00:16:51,552 No hard liquor served past 8:00. Do you want Virgin? 199 00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:55,389 Maybe, but I'll have a couple of drinks first. 200 00:17:07,109 --> 00:17:08,193 Hey, Baby, 201 00:17:09,111 --> 00:17:10,862 I got something to show you. 202 00:17:12,281 --> 00:17:14,825 Sorry. I left my magnifying glass at home. 203 00:17:17,286 --> 00:17:20,706 Hey, that's pretty good. Billy! 204 00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:23,709 That is no way to talk to a lady. 205 00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:26,545 So, how about a blow job? 206 00:17:46,357 --> 00:17:49,068 I bet you think that was pretty funny, don't you? 207 00:17:49,485 --> 00:17:51,153 - I enjoyed it. - Yeah? 208 00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:55,390 - Well, you're gonna enjoy this even more. - I cut you, man. 209 00:17:55,950 --> 00:17:57,493 She stabbed me. 210 00:17:58,869 --> 00:18:01,580 - Faked you out. - Yeah? Well, this ain't fake, Baby. 211 00:18:01,789 --> 00:18:03,749 - Hey! - Stand still 'cause I'm gonna... 212 00:18:10,715 --> 00:18:12,383 Uh, my name's Elvira... 213 00:18:12,633 --> 00:18:15,302 ...but you can call me Tonight. 214 00:18:16,679 --> 00:18:18,472 I'm Bob. Bob Redding. 215 00:18:18,931 --> 00:18:20,682 Pleased to meet you. 216 00:18:21,267 --> 00:18:24,144 Look at this mess, who the heck is gonna pay for it? 217 00:18:24,270 --> 00:18:26,480 It's all right, Patty. I'll take care of the damages. 218 00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:30,109 Seems to me it's all this cheap, little tart's fault. 219 00:18:30,401 --> 00:18:32,403 Cheap? Who are you. calling cheap? 220 00:18:32,695 --> 00:18:35,072 What's that perfume you're wearing? Catch of the day? 221 00:18:35,281 --> 00:18:38,909 Look, Honey, I don't know which hole you crawled out of... 222 00:18:38,993 --> 00:18:42,454 ...but I suggest you crawl right back in if you know what's good for you. 223 00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:46,500 Yeah, yeah. Watch out. You could put somebody's eyes with them things. 224 00:18:49,170 --> 00:18:52,006 - Break it up! - We better go. 225 00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:58,346 It looks like you've got some competition, Patty. 226 00:18:59,764 --> 00:19:04,264 Charlie, trash does not compete with class. 227 00:19:06,896 --> 00:19:09,982 I'm right down the street at the Cozy Cot. 228 00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:13,735 Oh. So, what brought you to Fallwell? 229 00:19:13,903 --> 00:19:15,654 Uh, my car. 230 00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:21,202 No, really I'm here for the reading of my great-aunt Morgana's will. 231 00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:24,830 Morgana Talbot? She's your aunt? 232 00:19:25,373 --> 00:19:27,666 Yeah. It came as a surprise to me too. 233 00:19:27,792 --> 00:19:30,920 I never really knew her, but I admired her spunk. 234 00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:34,631 She never caved in the way everybody else in this town has. 235 00:19:34,965 --> 00:19:37,592 Well, I don't wanna bore you with local politics. 236 00:19:38,886 --> 00:19:41,555 Go ahead. Bore me. 237 00:19:41,764 --> 00:19:43,849 Okay. We've got this town council... 238 00:19:43,891 --> 00:19:45,559 ...that lives in mortal fear... 239 00:19:45,851 --> 00:19:49,729 ...that somewhere, somehow, somebody in Fallwell is having a good time. 240 00:19:49,897 --> 00:19:52,900 Oh. Bunch of real preservatives, huh? 241 00:19:53,442 --> 00:19:54,609 Oh. 242 00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:57,487 - I run the movie house and... - Oh, really? 243 00:19:57,613 --> 00:19:58,905 I'm in movies too. 244 00:19:59,156 --> 00:20:02,075 Have you ever show, uh... 'I Married Satan?' 245 00:20:02,576 --> 00:20:06,204 - No. - How about the sequel, I Married Satan II? 246 00:20:06,664 --> 00:20:07,790 No. 247 00:20:09,083 --> 00:20:10,125 Um... 248 00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:13,420 I can only play G-rated movies. 249 00:20:13,587 --> 00:20:16,381 Oh, well, there's nothing wrong with G-rated movies. 250 00:20:16,757 --> 00:20:18,633 As long as there's lots of sex and violence. 251 00:20:18,759 --> 00:20:20,719 Um, hey, listen, Bob. 252 00:20:20,803 --> 00:20:23,096 I'm only gonna be in town for a couple of days. 253 00:20:23,180 --> 00:20:27,642 And I can't think of anyone who I'd rather squeeze into my... 254 00:20:28,102 --> 00:20:29,269 ...Agenda. 255 00:20:30,604 --> 00:20:32,689 Gee, that'll be swell. 256 00:20:54,670 --> 00:20:56,672 Oh, MY. Talbot, 257 00:20:57,339 --> 00:21:01,551 your sister was like a mother to me. 258 00:21:01,969 --> 00:21:04,012 She was a mother to me too, Dear. 259 00:21:04,388 --> 00:21:08,183 Well, now that we've dispensed with the obligatory display of bereavement... 260 00:21:08,476 --> 00:21:10,811 ...you may begin the proceedings, Mr. Bigelow. 261 00:21:10,936 --> 00:21:13,730 But, it was Mrs. Talbot's wish to have all her... 262 00:21:13,856 --> 00:21:16,316 ...relatives present for the reading of the will. 263 00:21:16,484 --> 00:21:19,069 All of her relatives are present. 264 00:21:19,195 --> 00:21:22,573 Me, myself and I. 265 00:21:24,325 --> 00:21:28,412 Well, apparently, Mrs. Talbot has a grandniece, Elvira... 266 00:21:28,579 --> 00:21:32,124 - “who is also one of the beneficiaries. - That's impossible. 267 00:21:32,500 --> 00:21:35,753 - Uh, well... - Who is this grandniece? 268 00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:38,964 - Hey, guys. Sorry I'm late. 269 00:21:39,089 --> 00:21:41,174 But then, so is my aunt. 270 00:21:41,342 --> 00:21:43,802 Hey, what she die of? Nothing serious, I hope. 271 00:21:44,094 --> 00:21:47,055 Say, nice jacket. Who shot the couch? 272 00:21:48,599 --> 00:21:50,350 Is there a bathroom around here? 273 00:21:50,434 --> 00:21:53,603 That toilet over at the Cozy Cot looks like somebody's science project. 274 00:21:54,021 --> 00:21:55,981 Who is this woman? 275 00:21:56,190 --> 00:21:59,776 This must be Mrs. Talbot's grandniece. 276 00:22:00,277 --> 00:22:04,777 Uh, Elvira, this is your great-aunt's brother, Vincent Talbot. 277 00:22:06,033 --> 00:22:08,702 If she was my aunt and you're her brother... 278 00:22:08,786 --> 00:22:12,414 ...then you must be my... Uncle Vinnie! 279 00:22:12,790 --> 00:22:15,000 Get this woman off of me. 280 00:22:15,417 --> 00:22:18,545 Oh, and you must be Auntie Em and Uncle Remus. 281 00:22:18,629 --> 00:22:20,631 Oh, there's no place like home. 282 00:22:20,756 --> 00:22:23,091 There's no place like home. 283 00:22:23,425 --> 00:22:26,261 Hurry up, Begelow. Let's get on with it. 284 00:22:26,387 --> 00:22:30,599 Yeah, really. Let's get going before somebody else dies. 285 00:22:36,063 --> 00:22:38,732 This is the certified and only last will and testament... 286 00:22:38,816 --> 00:22:41,443 of the deceased Morgana Talbot. 287 00:22:41,527 --> 00:22:44,196 To my housekeeper, Mrs. Morissey... 288 00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:46,240 ...for years of loyalty and devotion, 289 00:22:46,282 --> 00:22:50,035 I leave my silver tea service and a cash allotment of $ 5,000. 290 00:22:50,202 --> 00:22:53,163 Oh, no. 291 00:22:53,622 --> 00:22:56,750 Hey Babe, what you wishing about? You made out like a bandit. 292 00:22:56,917 --> 00:23:00,337 To Mr. Morissey, my driver... 293 00:23:00,504 --> 00:23:04,591 ...I leave my automobile and an allotment of $ 5,000. 294 00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:07,427 Whoa, dude! Ten grand just for the help? 295 00:23:07,511 --> 00:23:09,679 That old gal must've really been loaded. 296 00:23:10,222 --> 00:23:14,184 On, I mean dear, sweet aunt Morgana Certainly was generous. 297 00:23:14,602 --> 00:23:18,647 What's this say about me? What'd I get? What'd I get? What'd I get? 298 00:23:19,398 --> 00:23:22,359 To my grandniece Elvira... 299 00:23:22,693 --> 00:23:25,946 Come on, lay it on me, aunt Morgana. Big bucks. Big Bucks! 300 00:23:26,155 --> 00:23:27,614 Uh, Uh...! 301 00:23:28,324 --> 00:23:29,575 Uh...Uh... 302 00:23:29,700 --> 00:23:32,953 I bequeath my house my beloved poodle, Algonquin... 303 00:23:33,037 --> 00:23:35,414 ...and my precious book of recipes. 304 00:23:35,789 --> 00:23:39,542 That's it? A house, a dog and a book? 305 00:23:40,210 --> 00:23:42,921 Please, if you would allow me to finish. 306 00:23:43,380 --> 00:23:46,049 And finally, to my dear brother Vincent... 307 00:23:46,133 --> 00:23:48,885 ...I leave the rest of my Estate and Holdings... 308 00:23:49,386 --> 00:23:51,554 ...of which there is none. 309 00:23:53,307 --> 00:23:57,807 Where's the cash? Where's the furniture? Where's Bob Eubanks? 310 00:24:00,856 --> 00:24:02,232 He wasn't mentioned. 311 00:24:03,567 --> 00:24:07,320 I don't get it, man. Boss, what's so important about a dumb recipe book? 312 00:24:07,529 --> 00:24:11,115 That dumb recipe book contains more power... 313 00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:13,785 ...than your feeble little mind can ever imagine. 314 00:24:13,953 --> 00:24:15,704 And it rightfully belongs to me. 315 00:24:15,829 --> 00:24:18,122 I must have that book. 316 00:24:19,291 --> 00:24:21,084 Great. just what I need, a house. 317 00:24:21,293 --> 00:24:24,629 I need a house in Fallwell like I need a padded bra. 318 00:24:25,255 --> 00:24:28,675 I can't live here! I'll go crazy, I tell you! 319 00:24:30,719 --> 00:24:31,720 Crazy! 320 00:24:34,390 --> 00:24:37,684 - May I offer you a ride? - Buzz off, creep. I'm not in the mood. 321 00:24:37,893 --> 00:24:40,812 - Oh, it's you, uncle Vinnie. - Yes. 322 00:24:41,772 --> 00:24:43,315 Uncle Vinnie. 323 00:24:43,482 --> 00:24:46,026 I must apologize for my behavior in the office. 324 00:24:46,110 --> 00:24:49,279 It's just that your appearance was a bit of a shock to me. 325 00:24:49,446 --> 00:24:51,739 It's okay. My appearance is kind of a shock to everybody. 326 00:24:51,865 --> 00:24:54,325 Yes, well, as you may have surmised... 327 00:24:54,410 --> 00:24:58,910 ...my sister and I... Well, let's just say we had our differences. 328 00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:02,709 Yeah, I guess. You really got shafted. 329 00:25:03,085 --> 00:25:04,920 Look, I'll tell you what, uncle Vinnie. 330 00:25:05,004 --> 00:25:07,047 I'll share my inheritance with you. 331 00:25:07,172 --> 00:25:09,424 You can have the dog. No! Thank you. 332 00:25:09,633 --> 00:25:13,762 But I would be interested in acquiring that recipe book. 333 00:25:13,929 --> 00:25:15,722 You know, for sentimental reasons. 334 00:25:15,889 --> 00:25:18,558 I'd be willing to pay you, say, $ 50. 335 00:25:18,976 --> 00:25:20,894 Sure, I'll do it for 50 Bucks. 336 00:25:21,145 --> 00:25:24,982 Oh! Vinnie, you got yourself a cookbook. 337 00:25:25,232 --> 00:25:28,151 That lawyer guy's taking me over to the house, so you can pick it up there later. 338 00:25:28,277 --> 00:25:30,362 Fine. I'll see you there. 339 00:25:30,863 --> 00:25:33,282 Oh, uh, don't forget to bring the cash. 340 00:25:36,035 --> 00:25:37,161 Drive! 341 00:25:37,619 --> 00:25:41,122 If one of those bottles should happen to fall, ninety... Oh, we're here. 342 00:25:48,547 --> 00:25:50,340 Hey, this place ain't half bad. 343 00:25:50,716 --> 00:25:52,426 Bet you could get a bundle for it. 344 00:25:52,551 --> 00:25:56,680 Yes, you could. But your house is over there. 345 00:26:09,109 --> 00:26:10,568 Oh, Mr. Talbot... 346 00:26:10,652 --> 00:26:12,779 ...I just wanted to thank you for that generous 347 00:26:12,863 --> 00:26:14,990 ...donation you made to the morality club. 348 00:26:15,032 --> 00:26:18,660 - You're quite welcome. - As I always say, morals aren't cheap. 349 00:26:18,744 --> 00:26:21,997 And speaking of cheap, uh, a little birdie told me... 350 00:26:22,081 --> 00:26:25,084 ...that that Elvira woman is related to you. 351 00:26:25,167 --> 00:26:29,462 Not that it's any of my business. But, then, of course everything is. 352 00:26:29,671 --> 00:26:32,799 Believe me, I'm as anxious to get rid of her as you are. 353 00:26:32,925 --> 00:26:35,969 Oh, good. Because someone like that comes to town. 354 00:26:36,220 --> 00:26:39,389 The next thing you know they're teaching sex education in the schools... 355 00:26:39,473 --> 00:26:41,600 ...and they're passing out condoms to kindergarteners. 356 00:26:41,642 --> 00:26:43,185 Remember when those swarthy fellows... 357 00:26:43,310 --> 00:26:45,854 She won't be with us very long. 358 00:26:46,355 --> 00:26:48,190 Oh, um... 359 00:26:49,233 --> 00:26:50,359 Why... 360 00:26:51,110 --> 00:26:54,988 Well, I know I'm needed somewhere. Chastity Pariah can do. 361 00:26:55,072 --> 00:26:56,907 Bye-bye now. 362 00:27:00,869 --> 00:27:03,621 Careful. Some of the boards are loose. 363 00:27:06,875 --> 00:27:08,293 What a dump. 364 00:27:08,418 --> 00:27:11,629 Like I said, the house needs a little something. 365 00:27:12,131 --> 00:27:15,008 Yeah, like a wrecking ball. 366 00:27:18,846 --> 00:27:20,889 I think Algonquin likes you. 367 00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:25,310 Here, doggy. Go on. Go chase this into the street. 368 00:27:26,436 --> 00:27:28,563 I can't stand nelly little dogs. 369 00:27:28,730 --> 00:27:30,898 Boy, if my aunt wasn't dead, I'd kill her. 370 00:27:34,194 --> 00:27:37,238 Sorry, aunt Morgana, just kidding. 371 00:27:41,285 --> 00:27:43,245 Here's the rest of your inheritance. 372 00:27:44,246 --> 00:27:46,790 Your great-aunt's recipe book. 373 00:27:51,253 --> 00:27:55,048 Oh, yeah. Some inheritance. Well, at least I'm getting 50 bucks for it. 374 00:27:56,592 --> 00:27:58,385 Say, how much you think I can get for this place? 375 00:27:58,594 --> 00:28:02,431 Well, even though the house is in disrepair, it is in a prime location. 376 00:28:02,639 --> 00:28:05,642 I'd venture to say you could get $ 70,000. 377 00:28:05,809 --> 00:28:08,728 - Seventy grand? - Maybe more, if it were fixed up. 378 00:28:08,854 --> 00:28:12,107 Would you be interested in selling? Does a chicken have a pecker? 379 00:28:12,191 --> 00:28:14,484 Of course I'm interested. 380 00:28:21,950 --> 00:28:24,202 Now, what am I gonna do with you? 381 00:28:34,213 --> 00:28:35,797 That's more like it, Algonquin. 382 00:28:37,382 --> 00:28:40,718 Algonquin. What a sissy name. 383 00:28:41,011 --> 00:28:42,804 Let's see. What'll I call you? 384 00:28:43,055 --> 00:28:45,766 I know. Gonk. How do you like that? 385 00:28:58,195 --> 00:28:59,779 Yeah. Hold your horses. 386 00:29:03,283 --> 00:29:05,410 Hi, uncle Vinnie. You're here for the book, right? 387 00:29:05,494 --> 00:29:06,786 - Yes. - Come on in. 388 00:29:06,995 --> 00:29:08,329 Can I make you a cup of tea or something? 389 00:29:08,372 --> 00:29:11,792 - I wouldn't want to put you to any trouble. - Mm, good point. 390 00:29:12,167 --> 00:29:14,294 I can't stay very long anyway. 391 00:29:14,670 --> 00:29:16,630 Say, you wouldn't wanna buy a house, would ya? 392 00:29:16,672 --> 00:29:18,882 - I'm afraid not. - I'll sell it to you really cheap. 393 00:29:18,966 --> 00:29:20,258 No, thank you. 394 00:29:20,342 --> 00:29:23,970 Vinnie, they don't make houses like this anymore. Look at that detailing. 395 00:29:24,096 --> 00:29:26,389 Look at that craftsmanship. 396 00:29:27,724 --> 00:29:29,809 What would you pay for a house like this? Don't answer. 397 00:29:29,935 --> 00:29:34,230 You not only get a house. If you act right now, you get all this beautiful furniture. 398 00:29:34,356 --> 00:29:38,568 Now what would you pay? It's a jewel box, a gem, a love hutch for two. 399 00:29:38,652 --> 00:29:41,196 I'd bend over backwards to make you a deal. I'll bend over forwards. 400 00:29:41,321 --> 00:29:44,073 - Why, I'd stand on my head and eat a bug. - No! 401 00:29:44,157 --> 00:29:46,409 Just the book! 402 00:29:47,202 --> 00:29:50,079 Okay. I mean, if you're gonna get crabby about it. 403 00:29:57,379 --> 00:30:00,715 That's weird. I would've sworn the book was just on that table. 404 00:30:00,841 --> 00:30:02,884 You promised me that book. 405 00:30:03,093 --> 00:30:06,471 Hey, don't get your panties in a bunch. It didn't just walk away. 406 00:30:06,680 --> 00:30:09,224 - I'm sure it'll turn up. - Yes! 407 00:30:09,641 --> 00:30:11,392 Of course it will. 408 00:30:12,686 --> 00:30:14,562 Forgive me. 409 00:30:19,693 --> 00:30:21,695 He thinks he's a pit bull. 410 00:30:34,082 --> 00:30:37,960 Good thing I'm not gonna be here very long. The neighbors would never get any sleep. 411 00:30:45,177 --> 00:30:48,180 About time, Doofus. Did you bring the camera? 412 00:30:48,430 --> 00:30:50,849 - What do I look like, an idiot? - You really want me to answer that? 413 00:30:50,932 --> 00:30:53,225 Shut up, you guys. She's gonna hear us. 414 00:31:04,696 --> 00:31:06,614 Mirror, Mirror on the wall... 415 00:31:06,782 --> 00:31:10,243 ...who's the most drop-dead gorgeous one of all? 416 00:31:11,286 --> 00:31:14,038 Oh, you're just saying that. 417 00:31:34,684 --> 00:31:37,436 - What do you see? What do you see? - In a minute. In a minute. 418 00:31:37,729 --> 00:31:41,315 - My fingers. - Guys, I can't see a thing, in a minute. 419 00:31:47,072 --> 00:31:48,156 WOW! 420 00:31:53,495 --> 00:31:55,580 Hag, don't drop it. 421 00:32:14,933 --> 00:32:16,100 Awesome! 422 00:32:19,271 --> 00:32:20,438 I got you. 423 00:32:29,865 --> 00:32:32,909 Haven't you boys got someplace else to hang around? 424 00:32:33,034 --> 00:32:36,120 We heard you might need a little help fixing up the place. 425 00:32:36,997 --> 00:32:40,333 That's very thoughtful. But why don't you come back when the lights better? 426 00:32:40,500 --> 00:32:42,752 Good night. 427 00:32:47,549 --> 00:32:50,301 - You blew it. - Did you see those gazongas? 428 00:32:51,136 --> 00:32:53,263 - I got it! - All right! 429 00:32:53,346 --> 00:32:55,306 All right! 430 00:33:03,315 --> 00:33:05,608 Elvira. 431 00:33:09,237 --> 00:33:11,489 Elvira? 432 00:33:20,999 --> 00:33:23,084 Elvira. 433 00:33:32,761 --> 00:33:34,554 Elvira? 434 00:34:17,556 --> 00:34:19,891 Oh, out, out, out! 435 00:34:42,372 --> 00:34:43,664 - Hi, Elvira. - Hi. 436 00:34:44,165 --> 00:34:45,583 Oh, hi! You're here. 437 00:34:45,709 --> 00:34:48,670 Rich's folks run the hardware store and we got lots of paint. 438 00:34:48,920 --> 00:34:53,215 Oh. Too bad they don't own the bank. I'll be right down. 439 00:34:55,635 --> 00:34:58,638 - Let's do it. You know, you make me wanna shout 440 00:34:58,722 --> 00:35:01,141 Kick my heels up Throw my hands up 441 00:35:02,684 --> 00:35:05,353 Hey, Elvira, we got us a couple more volunteers. 442 00:35:06,187 --> 00:35:08,647 Great. just grab a tool and start banging. 443 00:35:08,898 --> 00:35:10,858 Yeah, yeah, yeah 444 00:35:10,942 --> 00:35:14,570 Say you will Say it right now, Baby 445 00:35:14,654 --> 00:35:16,864 Come on Come on now 446 00:35:16,948 --> 00:35:20,284 Whoo-oo Say it, say it! 447 00:35:20,493 --> 00:35:23,078 - Hi, Elvira. - Hi, Robin. Come on in. 448 00:35:23,371 --> 00:35:26,874 Say that you need me You wanna please me 449 00:35:26,958 --> 00:35:29,335 Come on now Come on now 450 00:35:29,461 --> 00:35:31,212 Randy, can you hand me that rag? 451 00:35:32,672 --> 00:35:33,673 Randy!? 452 00:35:33,798 --> 00:35:37,426 Uh...Uh... Yeah, yeah, sure. 453 00:35:41,723 --> 00:35:43,558 Young lady! 454 00:35:44,267 --> 00:35:48,145 Robin Meeker, what in the name of tarnation are you doing here? 455 00:35:48,355 --> 00:35:49,939 - Robin... - Robin! 456 00:35:50,190 --> 00:35:52,317 I'm gonna find out about this, young lady. 457 00:35:52,442 --> 00:35:53,443 Robin! 458 00:35:53,526 --> 00:35:56,195 When are you gonna learn to do what you're told? 459 00:35:56,279 --> 00:35:59,198 If you don't wanna do what you're told... 460 00:35:59,699 --> 00:36:02,785 You know, you make me wanna lift my head up 461 00:36:02,869 --> 00:36:04,328 Throw my hands back 462 00:36:04,454 --> 00:36:07,457 Come on now Come on now 463 00:36:07,540 --> 00:36:10,167 Come on now All right now 464 00:36:10,752 --> 00:36:13,629 Come on, y'all Come on, yeah 465 00:36:13,713 --> 00:36:16,674 Come on now Come on, yeah 466 00:36:16,841 --> 00:36:19,885 Come on, come on... 467 00:36:19,969 --> 00:36:21,053 Lemonade? 468 00:36:21,221 --> 00:36:24,265 Come on now Come on, yeah 469 00:36:24,641 --> 00:36:26,809 Come on now Shout! 470 00:36:31,356 --> 00:36:32,482 It's fabulous. 471 00:36:32,565 --> 00:36:36,110 You know, you make me wanna shout... 472 00:36:39,322 --> 00:36:41,115 I tell you, I nearly died. 473 00:36:41,324 --> 00:36:43,409 There she was parading around. 474 00:36:43,743 --> 00:36:46,871 In clothes that couldn't keep a titmouse dry in a drizzle. 475 00:36:46,996 --> 00:36:49,164 I mean, it was next to nothing. 476 00:36:49,833 --> 00:36:54,333 - I say it was next to plenty. - And she had half the teenagers in town... 477 00:36:54,963 --> 00:36:57,924 ...writing around to that jungle Music. 478 00:36:58,425 --> 00:37:01,594 And this morning on my regular tour of the boys lavatory... 479 00:37:01,761 --> 00:37:04,346 ...I confiscated this. 480 00:37:10,353 --> 00:37:12,688 I'll be making the Announcement this afternoon. 481 00:37:12,856 --> 00:37:17,318 Henceforth, all students will be subject to immediate expulsion... 482 00:37:17,485 --> 00:37:20,988 ...if they are found in the company of that floozy. 483 00:37:21,531 --> 00:37:24,992 Please, I don't think we need to resort to name-calling. 484 00:37:25,243 --> 00:37:27,453 What Calvin is trying to say is... 485 00:37:27,579 --> 00:37:31,249 ...that this Elvira is a person of easy virtue. 486 00:37:31,499 --> 00:37:33,501 A purveyor of pulchritude. 487 00:37:33,668 --> 00:37:36,295 A one-woman Sodom and Gomorrah, if you will. 488 00:37:36,880 --> 00:37:39,799 A slimy, slithering succubus... 489 00:37:39,924 --> 00:37:42,635 ...a concubine, a streetwalker, a tramp, a slut... 490 00:37:42,719 --> 00:37:44,595 ...a cheap whore! 491 00:37:46,014 --> 00:37:49,434 She'll be nothing but a bad dream just as soon as she sells that property. 492 00:37:49,601 --> 00:37:51,519 An open house has already been planned for tomorrow. 493 00:37:51,603 --> 00:37:54,230 But what if she decides not to sell? 494 00:37:54,564 --> 00:37:56,774 What if she decides to settle here? 495 00:37:57,066 --> 00:37:58,859 Well, if she's morally unfit... 496 00:37:59,068 --> 00:38:02,654 ...then we have every right to do anything to get her out of this town. 497 00:38:02,906 --> 00:38:04,991 - Are we agreed? - Absolutely. 498 00:38:05,200 --> 00:38:07,994 Maybe we're not being entirely objective about this. 499 00:38:08,119 --> 00:38:11,038 - Shut up, Leslie! - Then it's unanimous. 500 00:38:13,792 --> 00:38:16,169 Harold Lawter, Fallwell Real Estate. 501 00:38:17,128 --> 00:38:18,838 Boy, I sure hope you got a buyer. 502 00:38:19,589 --> 00:38:23,009 - I haven't had so such as a lookie-loo. - Don't worry. 503 00:38:25,053 --> 00:38:27,972 I have some wealthy investor friends that'd buy this house in a minute. 504 00:38:28,181 --> 00:38:31,100 That is, if you play your cards right. 505 00:38:31,309 --> 00:38:34,353 Oh! Honey, I'll do anything to get rid of this rattrap. 506 00:38:34,813 --> 00:38:37,649 That's what I like, a motivated seller. 507 00:38:37,982 --> 00:38:39,400 It's all a matter of technique. 508 00:38:39,609 --> 00:38:42,445 For starters, let's try and... 509 00:38:43,988 --> 00:38:45,322 ...set the proper mood. 510 00:38:45,949 --> 00:38:48,868 Oh, good idea. The less they seem the better. 511 00:38:49,285 --> 00:38:52,621 Yeah. It's simply matter of getting close to the buyer. 512 00:38:53,748 --> 00:38:55,291 Tell him all about the potential appreciation... 513 00:38:55,458 --> 00:38:58,878 ...and guide him through every nook and cranny. 514 00:38:59,128 --> 00:39:02,965 Slowly unveil everything, from the balcony to the basement. 515 00:39:03,132 --> 00:39:07,010 One area at a time. Then when he's so enthralled, he's ready to burst, 516 00:39:07,136 --> 00:39:09,888 You clinch the deal! 517 00:39:10,265 --> 00:39:11,849 Ah, ow! 518 00:39:12,016 --> 00:39:15,060 You'll be sorry. You'll never sell this place without me. 519 00:39:15,478 --> 00:39:19,315 Just because this house is up for grabs doesn't mean I am. 520 00:39:21,442 --> 00:39:23,444 - Ah! Get this dog off! 521 00:39:23,862 --> 00:39:25,029 Ah! 522 00:39:27,031 --> 00:39:29,533 Get back. Get out of here. 523 00:40:02,775 --> 00:40:04,902 Calm down, Manny, she says. 524 00:40:05,153 --> 00:40:08,990 I've got the flamingo breathing down my neck to cough up the dough to hold that showroom. 525 00:40:09,115 --> 00:40:10,658 And you're telling me to calm down? 526 00:40:10,783 --> 00:40:12,868 I told you, I'll come up with the money. 527 00:40:13,161 --> 00:40:16,873 Heck, I was just six inches from selling this house today. 528 00:40:17,123 --> 00:40:21,418 Look, kid, you better get that money here pronto or you're through. 529 00:40:21,502 --> 00:40:26,002 Do you hear me? The only showroom you'll see in Vegas will have Toyotas in it. 530 00:40:37,268 --> 00:40:41,188 And now, I understand, she is out looking for a job?! 531 00:40:49,739 --> 00:40:51,699 There she is. 532 00:40:53,159 --> 00:40:54,410 Let's go. 533 00:41:17,558 --> 00:41:22,058 There's no book upstairs, but I found these panties. Try on. They're edible. 534 00:41:28,319 --> 00:41:29,862 Now, keep looking. 535 00:41:47,672 --> 00:41:50,049 Excuses, Excuses. 536 00:41:50,758 --> 00:41:54,720 We turned the place inside out. And tell him about the dog. 537 00:41:55,680 --> 00:41:57,765 It must've been the size of a Water Buffalo. 538 00:41:57,849 --> 00:41:59,058 Quiet! 539 00:42:01,269 --> 00:42:03,145 Now, listen to me very carefully. 540 00:42:03,354 --> 00:42:06,690 Go to the courthouse and remove all the records of the town ordinances... 541 00:42:07,025 --> 00:42:08,651 And bring them back to me. 542 00:42:08,818 --> 00:42:11,654 - Do you understand? - Yeah. - Yeah. 543 00:42:11,738 --> 00:42:13,322 Then get out! 544 00:42:30,590 --> 00:42:31,591 Oh! 545 00:42:43,770 --> 00:42:46,189 - OW! . Oh, my gosh 546 00:42:46,355 --> 00:42:49,358 Elvira, I'm sorry. Are you all right? 547 00:42:49,942 --> 00:42:52,152 Yeah, I think so. How's your head? 548 00:42:52,528 --> 00:42:55,489 - I haven't had any complaints yet. - Excuse me? 549 00:42:56,824 --> 00:42:58,992 Oh, uh, I think I'll live. 550 00:42:59,285 --> 00:43:01,578 Believe me, it's not the worst thing that's happened to me today. 551 00:43:01,704 --> 00:43:04,748 I've been to every place in this town and no one will give me a job. 552 00:43:05,166 --> 00:43:07,334 It's like it's a conspiracy or something. 553 00:43:08,628 --> 00:43:10,004 You know what your problem is? 554 00:43:10,505 --> 00:43:13,508 Chastity Pariah. Oh, I thought that cleared up. 555 00:43:13,883 --> 00:43:15,968 No. Chastity Pariah. 556 00:43:16,135 --> 00:43:18,679 She's the old biddy. She's got the whole town turned against you. 557 00:43:18,846 --> 00:43:23,058 Oh, well. So now no one will hire me and I'm flat busted. 558 00:43:24,644 --> 00:43:26,896 No, I mean I'm broke. 559 00:43:27,522 --> 00:43:29,982 I'd hire you if I could, but I'm barely making... 560 00:43:30,066 --> 00:43:31,859 ...enough money to stay in business as it is. 561 00:43:32,026 --> 00:43:36,526 Duh. I'm not surprised. Who wants to pay to see some quack making duck calls? 562 00:43:37,115 --> 00:43:38,908 And besides that, Bob. 563 00:43:38,991 --> 00:43:41,743 You got an extra "E" in Matinee. No, I don't. 564 00:43:41,828 --> 00:43:43,329 That's how you spell it. 565 00:43:43,788 --> 00:43:48,288 Bob, I'm in show business. I think I know how to spell 'Matinee'. 566 00:44:10,231 --> 00:44:12,775 Oh, Bob. How can I ever repay you? 567 00:44:13,317 --> 00:44:15,360 Here. Let me try. 568 00:44:17,071 --> 00:44:18,238 Witch! 569 00:44:28,291 --> 00:44:31,669 I guess I better get back to work. Matinee's gonna start soon. 570 00:44:32,211 --> 00:44:34,755 Oh, yeah. I can see the crowds lining up now. 571 00:44:35,214 --> 00:44:39,384 Bobby, Baby, you are gonna go broke showing turkeys like these. 572 00:44:40,928 --> 00:44:42,262 You got a better idea? 573 00:44:43,431 --> 00:44:47,810 It just so happens that I have some of the classic films of all time... 574 00:44:47,935 --> 00:44:49,895 ...in the trunk of my car. 575 00:44:50,855 --> 00:44:53,399 As a matter of fact... 576 00:45:42,782 --> 00:45:45,075 He who holds the book of sight. 577 00:45:45,159 --> 00:45:48,078 When the moon is drained of all its light... 578 00:45:48,371 --> 00:45:50,539 ...will then be ruler of the night... 579 00:45:50,665 --> 00:45:53,459 ...Master of the dark. 580 00:45:55,294 --> 00:45:57,212 The lunar eclipse, Morgana... 581 00:45:58,005 --> 00:46:00,132 ...is less than a week away. 582 00:46:00,883 --> 00:46:04,761 When the moon is drained of all its light. 583 00:46:10,309 --> 00:46:12,894 There's nothing you can do. 584 00:46:13,980 --> 00:46:16,565 You're dead, and I'm not. 585 00:46:32,999 --> 00:46:36,711 Oh, there you are. I have been looking all over for you guys. 586 00:46:37,128 --> 00:46:39,130 You are not gonna believe the good news. 587 00:46:39,380 --> 00:46:43,880 Yours truly is hosting a special midnight screening at Bob's theater... 588 00:46:44,093 --> 00:46:46,220 ...of one of the worst movies ever made. 589 00:46:46,429 --> 00:46:48,514 I mean, it is bad. 590 00:46:49,598 --> 00:46:52,058 You know, like bad is in bad. 591 00:46:52,184 --> 00:46:55,896 Like "I'm bad, come on, you know it." 592 00:46:56,272 --> 00:46:59,358 Hey, what is this? Invasion of the Body Snatchers? 593 00:47:00,067 --> 00:47:03,278 - Two days ago we were bosom buddies. - It's the principal. 594 00:47:03,738 --> 00:47:06,449 Yeah, you're darn right, it's the principle, friends ought to stick together. 595 00:47:06,532 --> 00:47:09,243 No, I mean the principal, Mr. Cobb. 596 00:47:09,410 --> 00:47:11,161 He'd kill us if we went to your show. 597 00:47:11,329 --> 00:47:14,999 - Not to mention our parents. - He'd kill your parents too? 598 00:47:15,249 --> 00:47:17,960 No. Our parents would never let us stay out that late. 599 00:47:18,919 --> 00:47:20,712 Oh. I see. 600 00:47:22,214 --> 00:47:26,343 Well, the last thing I would do is get you guys in any trouble. 601 00:47:26,927 --> 00:47:31,097 I mean, so what if it blows my only chance at making a living? 602 00:47:32,099 --> 00:47:33,934 I mean, that's not your problem. 603 00:47:34,185 --> 00:47:36,937 And if I get so depressed... 604 00:47:38,481 --> 00:47:41,108 ...I wind up hanging myself in the oven. 605 00:47:41,233 --> 00:47:43,652 Heck! Those are the breaks. 606 00:47:46,614 --> 00:47:48,324 But if they ever ask about me... 607 00:47:48,449 --> 00:47:51,368 ...tell them I was more than just a great set of boobs. 608 00:47:52,661 --> 00:47:55,830 I was also an incredible pair of legs. 609 00:47:55,998 --> 00:47:58,959 And thell them... tell them that I never turned down a friend. 610 00:48:00,961 --> 00:48:04,047 I never turned down a stranger, for that matter. 611 00:48:04,256 --> 00:48:07,217 And tell them... Tell them that when all is said and done... 612 00:48:07,343 --> 00:48:11,722 ...I only ask that people remember me by to simple words: 613 00:48:14,600 --> 00:48:17,519 Any two, as long as they are simple. 614 00:48:25,027 --> 00:48:27,738 If we all decide to help Elvira, what can Cobb do? 615 00:48:27,988 --> 00:48:30,115 He can expel us all. 616 00:48:30,574 --> 00:48:34,160 I don't know about the rest of you, but I'll be there. 617 00:48:38,374 --> 00:48:41,251 - Me too. - Count on me. 618 00:48:43,129 --> 00:48:46,340 We're sorry, Elvira. We'll all come to your show. 619 00:48:48,759 --> 00:48:50,802 Great. 12:00 am sharp. 620 00:48:51,053 --> 00:48:53,472 Be there or be square. 621 00:48:56,225 --> 00:48:59,394 12:30 am my old man's out watching Letterman. 622 00:50:20,017 --> 00:50:22,060 - Oh, that looks great. - You really like it? 623 00:50:22,144 --> 00:50:23,145 Yeah! 624 00:50:23,229 --> 00:50:25,648 Elvira, where do you want this? just right up there. 625 00:50:25,773 --> 00:50:27,733 Okay. What's the bucket for? 626 00:50:27,858 --> 00:50:30,777 Didn't tell you? Oh, it's so cool. 627 00:50:30,903 --> 00:50:32,571 This is the part that I ripped off... 628 00:50:32,738 --> 00:50:34,698 I mean, that was inspired by Flashdance. 629 00:50:35,032 --> 00:50:37,993 I reach up, I pull this rope... 630 00:50:38,160 --> 00:50:42,660 ...and my entire body is covered in gold glitter. 631 00:50:43,249 --> 00:50:45,167 Could you die? All right! 632 00:50:45,417 --> 00:50:49,254 Oh, God, I'm telling you, it's a guaranteed standing ovulation. 633 00:51:17,283 --> 00:51:21,078 - You're late. - Here's where the guy gets pureed. 634 00:51:21,954 --> 00:51:23,997 Don't worry. They're Italian. 635 00:51:24,164 --> 00:51:26,541 They'll wind up making a great marinara sauce. 636 00:51:32,965 --> 00:51:34,091 Robin? 637 00:51:36,635 --> 00:51:38,470 It that you? 638 00:51:42,224 --> 00:51:45,810 This is where the heroine gets zapped by the tomatoes. I can't look. 639 00:52:14,298 --> 00:52:16,508 Boy, this endings so bad, the tomatoes ought... 640 00:52:16,592 --> 00:52:19,428 ...out start throwing rotten people at the screen. 641 00:52:29,730 --> 00:52:31,148 Okay, don't even move... 642 00:52:31,398 --> 00:52:33,149 Because the best is yet to come. 643 00:52:33,275 --> 00:52:37,654 Ladies and Dobermen, it's time for the grand finale. 644 00:52:51,251 --> 00:52:54,212 Just steel town girl on a Saturday night 645 00:52:54,296 --> 00:52:56,965 Lookin' for the fight of her life 646 00:52:57,341 --> 00:53:00,218 in a real-time world no one sees her at all 647 00:53:00,386 --> 00:53:03,305 they all say she's crazy 648 00:53:03,389 --> 00:53:06,683 locking rhythms to the heat of her heart 649 00:53:06,809 --> 00:53:09,061 changing movement into light. 650 00:53:09,269 --> 00:53:12,438 She has danced into the danger zone 651 00:53:12,564 --> 00:53:15,358 when the dancer becomes the dance. 652 00:53:16,694 --> 00:53:19,071 It can cut you like a knife, 653 00:53:19,196 --> 00:53:22,908 If the gift becomes the fire 654 00:53:22,991 --> 00:53:27,328 On the wire between will and what will be. 655 00:53:27,913 --> 00:53:32,413 She's a maniac, maniac on the floor. 656 00:53:46,098 --> 00:53:47,891 Patty, you... 657 00:53:56,525 --> 00:54:00,570 Ooh, I have never been so humiliated in my entire life. 658 00:54:00,654 --> 00:54:03,907 Just wait till I get my hands on that Patty. 659 00:54:04,241 --> 00:54:08,411 I am gonna rip every single bleach blond hair out of her scalp. 660 00:54:08,662 --> 00:54:11,623 Gouge out her eyeballs and use her head for a bowling ball! 661 00:54:12,708 --> 00:54:15,377 I'm telling you, they are not gonna get away with it! 662 00:54:15,627 --> 00:54:18,504 That barf bag chastity blacklisted me out of a job... 663 00:54:18,839 --> 00:54:22,884 ...and then that sleazoid of a high school principal turning all the kids against me. 664 00:54:23,135 --> 00:54:26,513 And that bitch-sniffing real estate letch. 665 00:54:26,722 --> 00:54:28,682 Trying to get his commission in the sack. 666 00:54:28,932 --> 00:54:32,769 I'll get even with every one of them if it's the last thing I do! 667 00:54:39,818 --> 00:54:42,570 What's that perfume you're wearing? Super unleaded. 668 00:54:43,071 --> 00:54:45,698 Don't smoke. 669 00:54:50,954 --> 00:54:53,247 Well, here's to my big opening. 670 00:54:54,249 --> 00:54:55,500 I mean... 671 00:54:56,835 --> 00:54:59,254 Forget it. 672 00:55:04,510 --> 00:55:07,346 Ah, don't you kids think it's past your bedtime? 673 00:55:07,513 --> 00:55:09,640 Ah, heck no, I'm not tired... Ouch! 674 00:55:09,765 --> 00:55:11,808 It is getting awfully late. 675 00:55:12,017 --> 00:55:15,103 Yeah. We better be going. 676 00:55:15,521 --> 00:55:18,690 Yep. Well, see you dudes tomorrow. 677 00:55:53,600 --> 00:55:54,767 Ow! 678 00:55:58,438 --> 00:56:01,357 Here is the darn recipe book. How did it get under there? 679 00:56:07,030 --> 00:56:09,449 That reminds me, I'm starving. 680 00:56:09,950 --> 00:56:11,409 Mmh. Me too. 681 00:56:12,369 --> 00:56:13,953 Alright, let's got get something to eat. 682 00:56:14,288 --> 00:56:18,788 There's an all-night truck stop out on the interstate. - No, no, no,. Bob. 683 00:56:19,293 --> 00:56:23,005 I've got a better idea, Why don't you set the table... 684 00:56:23,088 --> 00:56:27,092 ...while I see what I can whip up in the kitchen. 685 00:56:32,931 --> 00:56:35,183 My aunt sure had lousy penmanship. 686 00:56:35,642 --> 00:56:37,769 I can't read a word of this stuff. 687 00:56:38,687 --> 00:56:41,898 Looks like it was written in some kind of foreign language or something. 688 00:56:44,318 --> 00:56:47,446 Hey, wait. Look at this. Adraka Kozirol. 689 00:56:48,280 --> 00:56:51,199 Kozirol. Oh, Casserol. 690 00:56:51,658 --> 00:56:54,661 Mmh, that sounds good. Okay, let's see. What does it says here? 691 00:56:55,245 --> 00:56:57,747 One Adriziba. 692 00:56:59,082 --> 00:57:01,959 Oh, I wonder where whe keeps Adriziba around here. 693 00:57:09,801 --> 00:57:11,677 Oh, this is some spice rack. 694 00:57:13,472 --> 00:57:14,931 Trulizol. 695 00:57:15,098 --> 00:57:17,391 Kalimbra. Quotoroks. 696 00:57:17,559 --> 00:57:20,687 Oh, here it is. Adriziba. 697 00:57:27,069 --> 00:57:29,237 One Adviziba. 698 00:57:34,534 --> 00:57:36,911 Okay, one half of Limgra. 699 00:57:39,539 --> 00:57:42,166 Whoa! Looks like this Limgra went bad. 700 00:57:43,585 --> 00:57:46,129 Well, I don't know. It says it's good till June of next year. 701 00:57:46,338 --> 00:57:49,132 What the heck. I got a cast-iron stomach. 702 00:57:49,841 --> 00:57:51,843 Okay, then, let's see. 703 00:57:52,010 --> 00:57:55,304 Two to three Goletra. Goletra. 704 00:57:58,100 --> 00:58:00,227 Let's see. One Quotoroks. 705 00:58:00,727 --> 00:58:03,396 Quotoroks. Where could they be? Where could... 706 00:58:10,070 --> 00:58:12,447 Mmh. Doesn't smell too bad... 707 00:58:12,864 --> 00:58:15,116 ...but it looks like Caca Doodoo. 708 00:58:42,185 --> 00:58:44,437 There. That's much better. 709 00:58:51,903 --> 00:58:53,821 It's soup! 710 00:58:56,950 --> 00:58:59,202 Smells great. What is it? 711 00:58:59,619 --> 00:59:02,121 Oh, it's just a little something I conjured up. 712 00:59:06,668 --> 00:59:08,127 Allow me. 713 00:59:08,670 --> 00:59:11,047 Thank you ever so. 714 00:59:13,341 --> 00:59:15,843 Well, I hope you're hungry... 715 00:59:16,303 --> 00:59:17,929 ...'cause here's dinner. 716 00:59:59,721 --> 01:00:01,639 The switch Bob, the switch! 717 01:00:17,823 --> 01:00:20,492 First time I was ever an appetizer for the main course. 718 01:00:20,617 --> 01:00:23,328 - Where did you learn how to cook? - I didn't. 719 01:00:23,537 --> 01:00:25,247 I just followed the directions in my aunt's... 720 01:00:25,330 --> 01:00:27,832 Gonk, what are you doing? Give me that cookbook. 721 01:00:32,379 --> 01:00:34,130 Gonk? Gonk!!! 722 01:00:35,006 --> 01:00:38,384 Gonk, you get back here right now or you are grounded for one week. 723 01:00:39,761 --> 01:00:40,887 Gonk! 724 01:00:41,304 --> 01:00:43,139 Dog, come here. 725 01:00:48,436 --> 01:00:50,354 Deja vu. 726 01:00:58,446 --> 01:00:59,613 WOW! 727 01:01:00,574 --> 01:01:01,616 Gonk? 728 01:01:02,534 --> 01:01:04,077 Gonk, are you in here? 729 01:01:09,583 --> 01:01:14,083 Gonk, you are a very bad, bad dog. 730 01:01:16,673 --> 01:01:18,758 Oh, yuck! You slobbered all over it. 731 01:01:21,303 --> 01:01:23,138 Now what do you want? 732 01:01:28,685 --> 01:01:30,937 I think he wants you to open the trunk. 733 01:01:31,271 --> 01:01:33,815 Why didn't you just say so? 734 01:01:41,114 --> 01:01:43,074 Wow! Look at all this cool junk! 735 01:01:45,368 --> 01:01:47,328 This could be you, Gonk. 736 01:01:49,372 --> 01:01:51,916 I think I used to go out with this guy. 737 01:01:58,924 --> 01:02:00,467 Take a look at this! 738 01:02:02,677 --> 01:02:03,969 You think it's for me? 739 01:02:04,638 --> 01:02:06,598 Go ahead. Open it. 740 01:02:06,848 --> 01:02:08,891 You open it. 741 01:02:13,855 --> 01:02:16,607 “Dearest Elvira, for all these years... 742 01:02:16,691 --> 01:02:20,277 ...I protected you from the truth, but the time has now come... 743 01:02:20,362 --> 01:02:22,781 ...when your only protection is the truth." 744 01:02:23,907 --> 01:02:24,991 Say what? 745 01:02:25,242 --> 01:02:27,577 Let me see this. 746 01:02:28,203 --> 01:02:32,703 "Your mother Devana was an extraordinary woman." 747 01:02:33,124 --> 01:02:35,334 "She was the true mistress of the dark... 748 01:02:35,669 --> 01:02:38,338 "but her power did not go unchallenged... 749 01:02:38,546 --> 01:02:40,506 for 300 years... 750 01:02:40,632 --> 01:02:44,260 "your great-uncle Vincent coveted her Dominion." 751 01:02:45,679 --> 01:02:47,138 Three hundred? 752 01:02:47,222 --> 01:02:49,891 God, I hope I look that good when I'm that old. 753 01:02:50,350 --> 01:02:54,437 "He would have destroyed you as he did her had I not sent you away." 754 01:02:54,604 --> 01:02:57,690 "I left you with all the power you would need to protect yourself... 755 01:02:57,774 --> 01:03:01,068 ...and entrusted you to my loyal familiar - What's a familiar?? 756 01:03:01,403 --> 01:03:04,030 Haven't you seen any old Roger Corman movies? 757 01:03:04,322 --> 01:03:08,159 Every witch has one. They're like a pet that can change into almost anything. 758 01:03:08,576 --> 01:03:10,786 Where was I? Oh, yeah. 759 01:03:10,829 --> 01:03:14,207 Um.. "It wasn't you alone that I sought to protect". 760 01:03:14,374 --> 01:03:18,378 It was the book that contained your mother's magic." 761 01:03:19,504 --> 01:03:21,464 “Our enemy is a formidable one.“ 762 01:03:21,798 --> 01:03:23,549 “Protect the book, Elvira... 763 01:03:23,717 --> 01:03:26,219 wand above all, keep it from Vincent. 764 01:03:26,553 --> 01:03:29,847 'when the moon falls under the earth's shadow... 765 01:03:30,056 --> 01:03:33,851 “remember, you carry the power with you." 766 01:03:35,270 --> 01:03:37,897 “Your loving aunt, Morgana.“ 767 01:03:38,440 --> 01:03:40,233 Too macabre! 768 01:03:40,483 --> 01:03:43,861 I knew I was different, but I didn't think I was quite that different. 769 01:03:44,487 --> 01:03:47,907 No wonder Vinnie had such a 'spaz' attack when I couldn't find the book. 770 01:03:48,533 --> 01:03:51,577 Yeah, and you heard what your aunt said. He can't get his hands on it. 771 01:03:51,870 --> 01:03:53,454 No way he's getting it now. 772 01:03:53,747 --> 01:03:57,250 And here I am knocking myself out to make a living as a horror hostess... 773 01:03:57,334 --> 01:04:01,379 ...when I'm actually descended from like a major metaphysical celebrity. 774 01:04:03,757 --> 01:04:06,217 All I have to do is just find the right spell... 775 01:04:06,301 --> 01:04:08,636 ...and I can make the money I need for Vegas. 776 01:04:08,803 --> 01:04:11,722 I mean really make the money. 777 01:04:12,057 --> 01:04:15,351 - I don't think you should go fooling with that book again. - Wait! Wait! Look! 778 01:04:15,477 --> 01:04:18,730 Bob, here it is! "Selzba Riki Moola." 779 01:04:18,813 --> 01:04:21,482 That's exactly what I need. Lots of Moola! 780 01:04:22,317 --> 01:04:26,529 Okay, okay. "Selzba Riki Moola Sheen." 781 01:04:26,613 --> 01:04:31,113 - Elvira, I don't think - "Pasera Floctum Kezrah Flome." 782 01:04:32,952 --> 01:04:35,996 It's working, Bob. It's working! 783 01:04:40,126 --> 01:04:41,919 Bob, are you still here? 784 01:04:42,128 --> 01:04:44,130 Right here 785 01:04:50,678 --> 01:04:52,262 What is this? 786 01:04:53,348 --> 01:04:56,809 Oh, why, Bob. 787 01:04:57,519 --> 01:04:59,854 Mmh, You know, Bob. 788 01:05:00,480 --> 01:05:03,733 I may be wrong, but I think that might have been a love spell. 789 01:05:04,484 --> 01:05:05,485 Really? 790 01:05:06,694 --> 01:05:11,073 Oh, Bob! Bob! Ohh! 791 01:05:23,044 --> 01:05:26,005 Hold me, Bob. Hold me. 792 01:05:48,027 --> 01:05:50,696 Stand up. UP! 793 01:05:51,781 --> 01:05:54,325 Chastity, the picnic's a great success. 794 01:05:54,701 --> 01:05:58,663 Yes. I think it's something we can all be proud of me for. 795 01:06:06,129 --> 01:06:08,422 Come and get it! 796 01:06:09,757 --> 01:06:12,551 Ooh! Now, you children, you're acting like wild animals. 797 01:06:13,344 --> 01:06:15,054 Get to the end of the line. 798 01:06:17,015 --> 01:06:18,474 It all looks so good. 799 01:06:19,100 --> 01:06:21,519 I can't remember when I've been this hungry. 800 01:06:22,437 --> 01:06:23,896 Ooh, Melody. 801 01:06:24,189 --> 01:06:27,483 I see you've made your famous tic tac pie. 802 01:06:33,490 --> 01:06:35,992 Ah! Bob, what are you doing? 803 01:06:36,075 --> 01:06:38,368 - You scared the hell out of me. - What's going on? 804 01:06:38,453 --> 01:06:42,248 Let's just say, I'm settling the score. 805 01:06:42,540 --> 01:06:45,876 - Oh, no! - Well, it is a potluck. 806 01:06:46,044 --> 01:06:49,255 When they open that pot, they're gonna need all the luck they can get. 807 01:06:51,966 --> 01:06:54,051 Oh, I don't believe I've had any of this. 808 01:06:54,469 --> 01:06:57,054 Revenge is better than Christmas. 809 01:07:03,436 --> 01:07:05,104 I don't get it. What happened? 810 01:07:06,439 --> 01:07:08,732 Looks like some sort of casserole. 811 01:07:12,111 --> 01:07:15,405 Mmh, mmh! This is marvelous. 812 01:07:15,782 --> 01:07:19,160 I must get this recipe. Mmh. 813 01:07:24,123 --> 01:07:26,250 Oh, shoot! I must have screwed it up... 814 01:07:26,334 --> 01:07:29,337 ...when I substituted the Falendra with some hamburger helper. 815 01:07:30,338 --> 01:07:33,466 Oh, yes. Thank you for my drink. There! 816 01:07:34,551 --> 01:07:36,844 Ah! Oh! 817 01:07:42,016 --> 01:07:43,308 Mmh! 818 01:07:45,061 --> 01:07:46,729 Mmh! 819 01:08:00,660 --> 01:08:02,411 I feel a little odd. 820 01:08:05,540 --> 01:08:06,999 Suddenly, it's very warm. 821 01:08:11,879 --> 01:08:15,257 I put a spell on you! 822 01:08:19,429 --> 01:08:23,433 - Remind you of anything? Because you're mine 823 01:08:23,850 --> 01:08:26,894 Remind you of anything? 824 01:08:27,061 --> 01:08:30,689 Oh I love you! 825 01:08:32,108 --> 01:08:34,276 I LOVE YOU - Give me that! That's mine! 826 01:08:35,278 --> 01:08:39,156 I don't care if you don't want me 827 01:08:39,490 --> 01:08:43,990 I'm yours right now! 828 01:08:44,704 --> 01:08:49,204 I put a spell on you! - Oh, boy, am I a born dog. 829 01:08:50,877 --> 01:08:55,377 Because you're mine 830 01:08:57,091 --> 01:08:58,592 Excuse me, is this face taken? 831 01:09:16,069 --> 01:09:17,904 Come on, stud. Let's boogie! 832 01:09:18,112 --> 01:09:19,113 Bob! 833 01:09:28,581 --> 01:09:32,167 Hey, let's Mambo! 834 01:09:40,718 --> 01:09:43,554 Toto. Toto! 835 01:09:46,808 --> 01:09:49,811 That's an interesting dish. 836 01:09:50,019 --> 01:09:52,438 Where did you learn how to make it? 837 01:09:52,689 --> 01:09:54,732 Oh, it's just an old family recipe. 838 01:09:56,275 --> 01:10:00,775 All right, I'll give you $500 for the book. 839 01:10:01,989 --> 01:10:04,616 Do I look like I just feel off the tuna truck? 840 01:10:04,659 --> 01:10:06,619 The deal's off, Uncle. 841 01:10:06,744 --> 01:10:08,746 You think you're pretty clever, don't you? 842 01:10:08,830 --> 01:10:11,457 Well, mark my words! 843 01:10:11,541 --> 01:10:14,627 I'll get you and your little dog too! 844 01:10:19,006 --> 01:10:21,508 - Hey! ' Help! 845 01:10:26,389 --> 01:10:29,975 - No! - Oh, you again. 846 01:10:30,560 --> 01:10:32,979 Do you always wear the same dress? 847 01:10:33,396 --> 01:10:36,732 No, sometimes I like to wear something low-cut and sexy. 848 01:10:38,443 --> 01:10:41,863 Well, I guess in your business, it pays to advertise. 849 01:10:44,407 --> 01:10:48,077 Come here, Bob. Let me how you how a real woman does it. 850 01:10:50,121 --> 01:10:51,539 Excuse me. 851 01:11:06,179 --> 01:11:08,890 You all saw him. He attacked me in broad daylight... 852 01:11:08,973 --> 01:11:11,016 - ...and he had his way with me - Me? 853 01:11:11,267 --> 01:11:13,143 I barely got away with my life. 854 01:11:13,311 --> 01:11:15,938 You could have worn out a mechanical bull. 855 01:11:16,022 --> 01:11:20,109 Ooh! You're not gonna get away with this, you sex-addled maniac. 856 01:11:20,359 --> 01:11:22,819 I demand that the council remove this pervert. 857 01:11:22,904 --> 01:11:26,032 I never laid a hand on those sheep, so help me. 858 01:11:26,324 --> 01:11:29,327 Calvin was the one who was painting everybody with apple butter. 859 01:11:29,410 --> 01:11:31,286 I was just an innocent on-licker. 860 01:11:31,704 --> 01:11:34,707 I did no such thing!... 861 01:11:35,666 --> 01:11:36,708 Silence! 862 01:11:39,629 --> 01:11:40,796 Don't you see? 863 01:11:42,507 --> 01:11:45,051 You're playing right into her hands. 864 01:11:46,677 --> 01:11:49,388 It's Elvira who, is responsible for all this. 865 01:11:50,640 --> 01:11:53,392 Of course. I should've known, it was that little Harlot. 866 01:11:53,684 --> 01:11:57,187 We oughta ride her out of town on a big, fat rail. 867 01:11:57,396 --> 01:11:59,272 She might enjoy that too much. 868 01:12:00,066 --> 01:12:02,693 There is a much more satisfactory solution. 869 01:12:05,404 --> 01:12:07,030 We can have her arrested. 870 01:12:07,657 --> 01:12:09,450 Arrested? On what charges? 871 01:12:10,076 --> 01:12:12,828 It so happens that there is a law on the books... 872 01:12:13,120 --> 01:12:15,372 ...that dates back to the Salem trials. 873 01:12:16,040 --> 01:12:18,876 It specifically forbids, and I quote... 874 01:12:18,960 --> 01:12:23,460 "Any townsperson from practicing the ancient arts of spell casting... 875 01:12:24,841 --> 01:12:27,218 "Demonology, Alchemy... 876 01:12:27,593 --> 01:12:29,803 ...and conjuration." 877 01:12:31,347 --> 01:12:35,517 The charge, my fellow council members, is... 878 01:12:37,228 --> 01:12:39,313 ...witchcraft. 879 01:12:43,442 --> 01:12:45,277 Let me out of here! Let me out of here! 880 01:12:45,862 --> 01:12:49,031 - Pipe down in there! - Hey, I seen the people's court. 881 01:12:49,532 --> 01:12:51,951 I'm entitled to one phone call and a strip search. 882 01:12:52,577 --> 01:12:54,787 Well, there's a pay phone right across the street. 883 01:12:54,912 --> 01:12:57,581 What's the matter? You forget where you put your broom? 884 01:12:57,832 --> 01:12:59,917 Listen, Fatso, if I had a broom... 885 01:13:00,001 --> 01:13:03,170 ...I'd new exactly where I'd put it! 886 01:13:05,256 --> 01:13:08,133 Oh, this is swell. I can just hear Manny now. 887 01:13:08,593 --> 01:13:11,304 "Hello, Vegas, we got a slight crimp in the plans for the show." 888 01:13:11,721 --> 01:13:13,806 "Yeah, the star was burned at the stake." 889 01:13:14,307 --> 01:13:18,060 Elivira, great news. I got you the best lawyer in the country. 890 01:13:18,311 --> 01:13:22,231 He'll be here first thing in the morning, Bob, in the morning? 891 01:13:22,398 --> 01:13:25,567 First thing in the morning, I'll be able to fit in an ashtray. 892 01:13:26,068 --> 01:13:28,737 - You gotta get me out of here. - But how? 893 01:13:29,447 --> 01:13:31,407 The book! It's my only chance! 894 01:13:31,532 --> 01:13:33,700 - Quick! Run to the house and get it! - Okay. 895 01:13:33,910 --> 01:13:36,913 - Oh, Bob, wait! - What? 896 01:13:37,580 --> 01:13:39,999 I hid it under the floorboard in the living room. 897 01:13:40,207 --> 01:13:41,333 Okay. 898 01:13:41,709 --> 01:13:45,087 - Oh, and, Bob! - What? 899 01:13:45,463 --> 01:13:46,630 Hurry! 900 01:13:53,387 --> 01:13:57,015 - Stay low. - Keep down low. 901 01:14:08,361 --> 01:14:09,445 NOW! 902 01:14:15,076 --> 01:14:16,368 What are you whining about? 903 01:14:16,452 --> 01:14:18,829 I'm the one getting barbecued. 904 01:14:27,797 --> 01:14:29,799 Oh, sorry. 905 01:14:46,774 --> 01:14:48,942 At last, it's mine. 906 01:14:49,068 --> 01:14:51,361 The power is mine! 907 01:15:00,371 --> 01:15:02,331 Gonk, don't have a conniption fit. 908 01:15:13,300 --> 01:15:17,095 Whoa, I must have done too much antacid in the '60th. 909 01:15:17,972 --> 01:15:20,140 Two, Four, Six, Eight! 910 01:15:20,349 --> 01:15:22,476 Who do we incinerate? 911 01:15:22,560 --> 01:15:25,896 Elvira! Elvira! Elvira! 912 01:15:37,366 --> 01:15:39,076 Thank goodness, Padre. 913 01:15:39,368 --> 01:15:41,078 I am here to save you, my child. 914 01:15:41,328 --> 01:15:44,205 At last, someone who can talk some sense into these people. 915 01:15:46,500 --> 01:15:50,545 God save this wretched creature's soul... 916 01:15:50,796 --> 01:15:54,382 ...even though her creamy white flesh... 917 01:15:54,550 --> 01:15:57,010 ...will burn and sizzle. 918 01:16:05,936 --> 01:16:08,855 Well, isn't that convenient? 919 01:16:12,026 --> 01:16:13,902 Thanks for trying, you guys. 920 01:16:14,779 --> 01:16:16,197 Elvira! 921 01:16:31,587 --> 01:16:34,756 Gonk? Is that you, Boy? 922 01:16:43,891 --> 01:16:45,142 Good work, Gonk. 923 01:16:45,267 --> 01:16:49,767 Burn the witch! Burn the witch! Burn the witch! 924 01:16:50,606 --> 01:16:54,109 - Do you smoke? - I guess we'll find out soon enough. 925 01:16:54,276 --> 01:16:57,445 Burn the witch! Burn the witch! Burn the witch! 926 01:16:57,696 --> 01:17:02,196 Burn the witch! Burn the witch! Burn the witch! 927 01:17:03,327 --> 01:17:04,328 Get back! 928 01:17:04,411 --> 01:17:05,620 All right, over there. 929 01:17:05,704 --> 01:17:09,916 Burn the witch! Burn the witch! Burn the witch! 930 01:17:10,000 --> 01:17:14,462 Take her to the world of the flames that will soon engulf her! 931 01:17:16,507 --> 01:17:19,551 Oh no! You're not gonna believe this. I left my oven on. 932 01:17:19,677 --> 01:17:22,513 - I'll just be a minute. - Oh, no, you don't! 933 01:17:22,930 --> 01:17:24,932 Burn the witch! Burn the witch! 934 01:17:25,015 --> 01:17:27,434 Burn the witch! Burn the witch! 935 01:17:27,518 --> 01:17:29,853 - Burn the witch! - Burn her! 936 01:17:30,646 --> 01:17:33,231 - Burn her! - Burn the with! 937 01:17:33,357 --> 01:17:36,526 - Any last words? - Uh, just one. 938 01:17:36,694 --> 01:17:38,821 Help!!! 939 01:17:41,490 --> 01:17:44,451 Burn the witch! Burn the witch! 940 01:17:45,161 --> 01:17:48,706 Hold it! Hold it down! Quiet! Quiet there! 941 01:17:52,543 --> 01:17:55,212 And now by the power vested in me... 942 01:17:55,421 --> 01:17:57,673 “by the sovereign state of Massachusetts... 943 01:17:58,007 --> 01:18:02,507 ...I do hereby pronounce sentence on Elvira, the prisoner. 944 01:18:03,304 --> 01:18:05,639 Death by fire! 945 01:18:08,017 --> 01:18:09,518 - Hold it, Sheriff. - Huh? 946 01:18:10,686 --> 01:18:13,980 - What you're doing is wrong. - Patty? 947 01:18:14,190 --> 01:18:17,776 It'll catch faster, if you light it in several places. 948 01:18:19,111 --> 01:18:20,779 Patty, no! 949 01:18:23,741 --> 01:18:26,368 We ought to have one of these every year! 950 01:18:27,161 --> 01:18:30,205 - Burn in hell, witch! - Patty! 951 01:18:43,344 --> 01:18:47,844 - Burn her! - Bye, Kids. It's been swell. 952 01:18:49,099 --> 01:18:51,017 Just send my ashes to Las Vegas. 953 01:18:51,810 --> 01:18:53,853 Let me through! 954 01:18:55,439 --> 01:18:58,066 - Elvira! - Bob! 955 01:19:03,322 --> 01:19:05,866 - Hi, Bob. - Patty, 956 01:19:06,200 --> 01:19:08,368 You're not a very nice person. 957 01:19:11,830 --> 01:19:13,373 Dry kindling. 958 01:19:16,835 --> 01:19:18,336 Gonk? 959 01:19:24,301 --> 01:19:28,596 Remember, you carry the power with you. 960 01:19:32,768 --> 01:19:34,519 The ring! 961 01:20:11,098 --> 01:20:12,808 Are you alright? 962 01:20:21,442 --> 01:20:24,069 Look, the lunar eclipse. 963 01:20:25,571 --> 01:20:27,906 Remember? Your aunt's letter? 964 01:20:27,948 --> 01:20:30,742 'When the moon falls under the earth's shadow." 965 01:20:31,660 --> 01:20:32,786 Yeah, so? 966 01:20:32,911 --> 01:20:35,455 Vincent's got the book! 967 01:20:46,550 --> 01:20:49,427 Elvira! 968 01:20:51,597 --> 01:20:53,974 Elvira! 969 01:20:54,641 --> 01:20:56,684 Gonk! Where's Gong? 970 01:20:59,646 --> 01:21:01,856 Oh, you tricky little devil. 971 01:21:06,111 --> 01:21:08,655 Ohh! Vincent! 972 01:21:08,781 --> 01:21:11,617 Remember us? We're on your side. 973 01:21:11,867 --> 01:21:14,411 Swine. 974 01:21:27,800 --> 01:21:29,259 Stay back. 975 01:21:37,101 --> 01:21:40,104 Sic him, Gonk! 976 01:21:49,780 --> 01:21:51,698 Don't make me use this! 977 01:21:56,995 --> 01:21:59,706 The amulet could not protect your mother... 978 01:21:59,873 --> 01:22:01,749 ...and it won't save you. 979 01:22:02,042 --> 01:22:05,587 Kaldozar Ipsolay. 980 01:22:10,717 --> 01:22:14,595 Oh, so you want to play rough, eh? Well, take this! 981 01:22:20,769 --> 01:22:22,729 Huh? What? 982 01:22:43,459 --> 01:22:46,420 You cannot escape me, daughter of Devana. 983 01:22:46,837 --> 01:22:50,006 I shall destroy you as I did her. 984 01:23:00,434 --> 01:23:03,186 You are lookin' for me? 985 01:23:09,359 --> 01:23:12,695 Did you think you could stop me with your toys? 986 01:23:14,072 --> 01:23:16,199 No, but I figured it would be worth a shot. 987 01:23:16,366 --> 01:23:17,492 Look! 988 01:24:04,623 --> 01:24:08,460 Cosa Term Obtan. 989 01:24:09,962 --> 01:24:12,297 Sure, that's easy for you to say. 990 01:24:38,699 --> 01:24:40,158 Ohh! 991 01:24:40,701 --> 01:24:42,953 That hurts! 992 01:24:50,002 --> 01:24:51,878 Now, Baby... 993 01:24:55,424 --> 01:24:56,466 Hey! 994 01:24:57,426 --> 01:25:01,012 We have a little unfinished... business. 995 01:25:01,972 --> 01:25:05,725 Yeah, well, uh, I think we can do business. 996 01:25:06,476 --> 01:25:08,311 Yeah, sure. I can dig it. 997 01:25:08,395 --> 01:25:10,188 Uh, I'm cool, bro. 998 01:25:10,606 --> 01:25:13,233 You know, what it is, where it's at. 999 01:25:14,067 --> 01:25:16,360 I'll show you where it's at. 1000 01:25:57,361 --> 01:26:01,406 I'm the Master of the dark! 1001 01:26:02,157 --> 01:26:04,993 I'll see you in hell first. 1002 01:26:51,123 --> 01:26:55,085 And now, Elvira, you die! 1003 01:27:26,783 --> 01:27:30,578 Remember, you carry the power with you. 1004 01:27:52,768 --> 01:27:55,645 So what did the insurance guy say? 1005 01:27:56,521 --> 01:27:59,482 My policy doesn't cover acts of demons. 1006 01:28:01,902 --> 01:28:04,529 Well, at least you've still got the ring. 1007 01:28:05,238 --> 01:28:08,532 Yeah, but the only thing I can get it do anymore is to look cheap. 1008 01:28:11,828 --> 01:28:13,830 Gosh, Elvira, I'm sorry. 1009 01:28:14,331 --> 01:28:16,958 I know you had your heart set on playing Las Vegas. 1010 01:28:19,002 --> 01:28:21,796 I'm just not the kind of girl whose dreams come true. 1011 01:28:22,798 --> 01:28:24,800 I do better on nightmares. 1012 01:28:29,012 --> 01:28:31,347 I wish there was something I could do. 1013 01:28:33,016 --> 01:28:34,809 Ah, don't worry about me, Bob. 1014 01:28:34,976 --> 01:28:37,770 I'm like fake fruit. I don't bruise that easy. 1015 01:28:38,271 --> 01:28:42,483 There he is, up there. 1016 01:28:44,861 --> 01:28:46,821 Uh-oh. Here comes the lynch mob. 1017 01:28:47,113 --> 01:28:49,156 Take it easy, take it easy. I'm leaving. 1018 01:28:49,282 --> 01:28:51,742 - We don't want you to go. - No, we don't. 1019 01:28:52,202 --> 01:28:55,955 This is our way of saying we were wrong about you, and we're sorry. 1020 01:28:56,206 --> 01:28:59,125 Elvira, you're the best thing that ever happened to your town. 1021 01:28:59,334 --> 01:29:01,419 You touched a part of my son that... 1022 01:29:01,628 --> 01:29:04,672 - ...that nobody ever touched before. - I wish. 1023 01:29:05,757 --> 01:29:07,550 As long as you're in FallwelL... 1024 01:29:07,676 --> 01:29:10,637 ...you'll always have a free room at the Cozy Cot. 1025 01:29:13,640 --> 01:29:17,101 - Wait just a minute, Leslie! - Shut up, you old bag! 1026 01:29:21,398 --> 01:29:22,399 Oh! 1027 01:29:24,442 --> 01:29:28,112 - Well, I finally got it running. - That's great. 1028 01:29:28,613 --> 01:29:31,616 At least now I'll have a place to live. 1029 01:29:32,742 --> 01:29:34,869 But I still don't know how I'm gonna pay you for it. 1030 01:29:34,953 --> 01:29:37,121 Don't worry. We'll work out something. 1031 01:29:38,290 --> 01:29:39,541 Elvira. 1032 01:29:41,251 --> 01:29:44,337 I'm... I'm... 1033 01:29:44,421 --> 01:29:48,007 Sorry that I set you on fire and everything, and... 1034 01:29:48,091 --> 01:29:50,218 I hope there are no hard feelings. 1035 01:29:50,677 --> 01:29:53,096 Don't worry. She's bigger than that. 1036 01:29:53,263 --> 01:29:55,306 Yeah! A lot bigger. 1037 01:29:56,766 --> 01:29:57,767 Elvira... 1038 01:29:57,893 --> 01:30:00,562 ...I've got some important papers that you're going to have to sign. 1039 01:30:00,812 --> 01:30:03,981 With your uncle gone, you're the only heir to this estate. 1040 01:30:04,983 --> 01:30:08,444 - I am? - Not an inconsiderable on at that. 1041 01:30:09,487 --> 01:30:12,990 - Las Vegas. - Elvira, that's fantastic! 1042 01:30:13,325 --> 01:30:15,577 Las Vegas! 1043 01:30:15,869 --> 01:30:19,497 Las Vegas! Las Vegas! 1044 01:30:23,752 --> 01:30:25,462 Ladies and Gentlemen... 1045 01:30:25,795 --> 01:30:29,465 ...the Flamingo Hotel is proud to present... 1046 01:30:29,549 --> 01:30:34,011 "The Mistress of the Dark, Elvira! 1047 01:30:34,346 --> 01:30:38,141 I've always dreamed of doing this... 1048 01:30:38,308 --> 01:30:42,103 ...and now I've got my chance. 1049 01:30:42,896 --> 01:30:46,691 So excuse me while I indulge myself... 1050 01:30:47,150 --> 01:30:51,650 ...in a little song and dance. 1051 01:31:12,342 --> 01:31:14,802 Well, if you're looking for trouble? 1052 01:31:16,137 --> 01:31:19,557 Here l am. 1053 01:31:19,683 --> 01:31:23,353 And if you want to see double, 1054 01:31:23,436 --> 01:31:26,689 Here I am 1055 01:31:27,273 --> 01:31:31,235 I don't do what the good girls do 1056 01:31:31,486 --> 01:31:35,615 Bad dreams really do come true 1057 01:31:43,039 --> 01:31:47,539 Here I am 1058 01:31:50,588 --> 01:31:52,381 I'm bitch in black so you better stand back... 1059 01:31:52,716 --> 01:31:54,426 "you might get motion sickness or a heart attack. 1060 01:31:54,467 --> 01:31:56,260 I can really rap up with the swelling in your pocket... 1061 01:31:56,386 --> 01:31:58,137 ...make your eyeballs drop right out of their socket. 1062 01:31:58,221 --> 01:32:00,056 I'm rough, I'm tough I'm woman enough. 1063 01:32:00,140 --> 01:32:01,933 So get ready I'm gonna do my stuff. 1064 01:32:02,017 --> 01:32:03,852 I can take it, I can shake it I can cook it, I can bake it. 1065 01:32:03,935 --> 01:32:05,770 If I don't have the recipe I'll fake it. 1066 01:32:05,895 --> 01:32:07,855 I'm a volcano that's ready to blow. 1067 01:32:07,897 --> 01:32:10,149 Look out, you all because here I go. 1068 01:33:05,580 --> 01:33:07,790 Yeah! All right! 1069 01:33:15,215 --> 01:33:17,926 For me? Ah!!! 1070 01:33:30,021 --> 01:33:32,356 Unpleasant dreams.