1 00:00:04,300 --> 00:00:08,680 What would we do, baby, without us? 2 00:00:09,620 --> 00:00:14,360 What would we do, baby, without us? 3 00:00:15,520 --> 00:00:20,220 And there ain't no nothing we can't love each other through. 4 00:00:20,940 --> 00:00:25,700 What would we do, baby, without us? 5 00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:27,940 Sha la la la. 6 00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:31,640 I got it! 7 00:00:32,560 --> 00:00:33,880 Open it up before Long gets in here. 8 00:00:36,660 --> 00:00:37,920 Hey, hey, what's going on? 9 00:00:39,160 --> 00:00:40,580 Jennifer opened cereal. 10 00:00:40,820 --> 00:00:42,240 I couldn't stop her. 11 00:00:44,880 --> 00:00:47,800 No, look, there's a perfectly good box of cereal in there. Why do you have to 12 00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:49,640 open a new one? To find the clue. 13 00:00:50,020 --> 00:00:51,020 What clue? 14 00:00:51,320 --> 00:00:53,860 The clue to the Find the Colonel Crackle contest. 15 00:00:54,460 --> 00:00:57,260 I don't care about that. This is food. You just don't waste it. 16 00:00:58,000 --> 00:00:59,000 What contest? 17 00:01:00,459 --> 00:01:04,640 Mom, Colonel Crackle is lost somewhere in Ohio, and in every box there's a 18 00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:08,220 different clue to his whereabouts. If you find him, you call the Crackle 19 00:01:08,220 --> 00:01:09,220 and win $5 ,000. 20 00:01:10,260 --> 00:01:11,260 Let me see that. 21 00:01:15,480 --> 00:01:18,440 Hey, hey, Mom, Mom, Mom! 22 00:01:19,780 --> 00:01:22,620 Don't you think you're a little old to be fighting over a prize in a cereal 23 00:01:24,060 --> 00:01:25,800 Colonel Crackle's cereal is having a contest. 24 00:01:26,300 --> 00:01:27,300 It's kind of fun. 25 00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:32,980 Mom, remember who you're talking to. I'm 21 years old. I'm a senior in college. 26 00:01:33,060 --> 00:01:35,020 I couldn't care less about some cereal contest. 27 00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:37,400 You can win $5 ,000. 28 00:01:45,300 --> 00:01:46,960 Now, how about this for a solution? 29 00:01:47,260 --> 00:01:51,200 We can all help find Colonel Crackle, and then when we do find him, we will 30 00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:52,200 share the prize. 31 00:01:53,720 --> 00:01:54,720 All right. 32 00:01:54,750 --> 00:01:57,650 All right, okay, we'll split it four ways, but that's it, all right? We don't 33 00:01:57,650 --> 00:01:58,750 tell anybody else about this. 34 00:02:00,070 --> 00:02:01,330 Hey, what's going on? 35 00:02:02,450 --> 00:02:04,830 Oh, nothing, Mal. Nothing at all. Nothing at all. 36 00:02:05,430 --> 00:02:06,910 Hey, what's new in the world of knitwear? 37 00:02:09,030 --> 00:02:11,990 Hey. Hey, Dad, have you heard that Colonel Crackle is missing? 38 00:02:12,770 --> 00:02:15,130 And I never really got a chance to say goodbye. 39 00:02:16,470 --> 00:02:19,650 Hey, Dad, have you no respect for Colonel Crackle War? 40 00:02:20,300 --> 00:02:24,200 A kernel that meets 100 % of the minimum daily requirements of vitamins A 41 00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:27,420 through E. A kernel that remains crunchy even in milk. 42 00:02:29,620 --> 00:02:33,300 Exciting as that may be, I have some news from the non -cereal world that may 43 00:02:33,300 --> 00:02:35,920 interest you. There's a job opening up at the station. 44 00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:41,120 Oh, Dad, I'm so happy. 45 00:02:41,620 --> 00:02:43,340 You're leaving public television. 46 00:02:44,060 --> 00:02:46,120 Oh, Dad. Why? Why is this? 47 00:02:47,520 --> 00:02:49,820 Alex, it's not my job that's open. 48 00:02:52,220 --> 00:02:53,820 Why do you tease me like that? 49 00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:56,740 It's an intern position. 50 00:02:57,000 --> 00:03:00,780 An opportunity for the right young person to work at the station and really 51 00:03:00,780 --> 00:03:01,780 learn the ropes. 52 00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:04,360 That sounds great, Stephen. Do you have anyone in mind for the job? 53 00:03:04,740 --> 00:03:06,040 Well, as a matter of fact, I do. 54 00:03:06,460 --> 00:03:07,460 Mallory. 55 00:03:07,840 --> 00:03:08,840 What? 56 00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:11,820 What did I do? 57 00:03:12,820 --> 00:03:17,820 Well, I think it's a great idea. Alex worked at the station. He loved it, 58 00:03:17,820 --> 00:03:18,820 you? 59 00:03:19,760 --> 00:03:20,760 Absolutely. 60 00:03:21,720 --> 00:03:25,520 The finest experience I've ever had. I highly recommend it. See? 61 00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:28,840 All right. 62 00:03:28,940 --> 00:03:30,540 We know Crackle is out there. 63 00:03:31,540 --> 00:03:34,660 We know he's somewhere in the downtown Cleveland area. 64 00:03:35,880 --> 00:03:37,740 The question is where. Damn! 65 00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:39,420 Dad's not in here, is he? 66 00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:42,160 No, he's upstairs. I can go and get him for you. No. 67 00:03:42,510 --> 00:03:43,510 No, no. 68 00:03:44,310 --> 00:03:46,910 If I see him, he's going to try and bring up that PBS thing again. 69 00:03:47,210 --> 00:03:49,730 He won't take no for an answer. He's been going at it for hours. 70 00:03:50,270 --> 00:03:52,430 I need to have a chance to eat. I'm starving. 71 00:03:52,930 --> 00:03:57,430 Elise, this is a chance Mallory shouldn't miss. Every time an 72 00:03:57,430 --> 00:03:59,330 this comes up, she quits. 73 00:03:59,630 --> 00:04:02,970 Oh, come on. You guys are really making a mess with this crackle business. 74 00:04:03,290 --> 00:04:05,790 Come on, guys. Let's go upstairs and check out the crackle map. 75 00:04:06,030 --> 00:04:07,050 Okay, it's in my room. 76 00:04:09,910 --> 00:04:11,470 All right, let's go, Skippy. 77 00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:15,500 We'll find out how he's doing with Krakow's dental records and his hair 78 00:04:15,500 --> 00:04:16,500 analysis. 79 00:04:18,140 --> 00:04:22,600 Elise, I really think Mallory could benefit by working down at the station 80 00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:26,240 me. I don't know, Stephen. I was surprised he even offered her the job. I 81 00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:30,500 think it's the last place she'd want to work. Elise, I'm not blind. I realize 82 00:04:30,500 --> 00:04:34,180 there could be some problems with having Mallory work at the station, but I 83 00:04:34,180 --> 00:04:35,200 think it's worth the risk. 84 00:04:36,160 --> 00:04:37,160 Where's the mayonnaise? 85 00:04:42,700 --> 00:04:47,500 Now, I realize this job doesn't fall into what we normally call her area, but 86 00:04:47,500 --> 00:04:49,220 how do we really know what her area is? 87 00:04:49,620 --> 00:04:53,280 She's at an age where she could go in a lot of different directions. I just 88 00:04:53,280 --> 00:04:55,040 think this could be an opportunity to grow. 89 00:04:55,680 --> 00:04:56,920 Where is the mayonnaise? 90 00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:03,740 Well, I think we have to look at it from her point of view. You know, we've had 91 00:05:03,740 --> 00:05:04,820 this discussion before. 92 00:05:06,160 --> 00:05:11,580 Fashion is what she loves. She may be unsure now, but I think she'll learn a 93 00:05:11,580 --> 00:05:12,580 from this experience. 94 00:05:13,060 --> 00:05:17,560 Maybe I'm wrong, but I think I have a very good sense of where Mallory is at. 95 00:05:20,820 --> 00:05:22,940 What I don't know is where the mayonnaise is. 96 00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:24,800 I'll get another one. 97 00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:33,880 Mom, look. 98 00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:35,320 We both have mayonnaise. 99 00:05:36,810 --> 00:05:37,810 Dad, where's your jar? 100 00:05:41,070 --> 00:05:42,510 Mallory, where did you come from? 101 00:05:43,310 --> 00:05:44,310 I came from outside. 102 00:05:44,910 --> 00:05:46,450 Somebody must have left this in the driveway. 103 00:05:46,950 --> 00:05:48,970 Well, there it is. Enjoy it. I'll be in my room. 104 00:05:49,190 --> 00:05:51,410 Wait a minute. We never finished our conversation. 105 00:05:51,890 --> 00:05:52,930 Really? I thought we had. 106 00:05:53,930 --> 00:05:54,930 I'll leave you two alone. 107 00:05:56,910 --> 00:06:01,670 So, um, Mel, have you given any more thought to working at the station? 108 00:06:03,050 --> 00:06:04,090 I have, Dad. 109 00:06:05,450 --> 00:06:06,450 And? 110 00:06:06,830 --> 00:06:08,010 I just don't know, Dad. 111 00:06:09,050 --> 00:06:12,490 I don't want to pressure you at all. Whatever you decide will be fine with 112 00:06:13,110 --> 00:06:14,630 I just don't know, Dad. 113 00:06:15,750 --> 00:06:16,750 I'll tell you what. 114 00:06:17,190 --> 00:06:20,070 Why don't you come down to the station for a day? Just give it a try. 115 00:06:20,970 --> 00:06:21,970 I don't know, Dad. 116 00:06:23,130 --> 00:06:26,050 It's a wonderful opportunity, Mel. 117 00:06:26,290 --> 00:06:29,070 This thing can open up a whole new world for you. 118 00:06:29,290 --> 00:06:30,290 I don't know, Dad. 119 00:06:31,090 --> 00:06:34,870 And I'd be so proud to have you there with me. I just think you'd be terrific 120 00:06:34,870 --> 00:06:36,400 this. I don't know, Dad. 121 00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:38,520 Great! 122 00:06:39,660 --> 00:06:42,080 Oh, Mal, this is going to be fabulous. 123 00:06:44,560 --> 00:06:45,680 I don't know, Dad. 124 00:06:47,300 --> 00:06:51,660 Well, madam, according to our records, you pledged $150 during the last pledge 125 00:06:51,660 --> 00:06:53,720 drive, and we haven't received it yet. 126 00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:57,380 Well, could you tell us when it might be coming? 127 00:06:59,580 --> 00:07:01,340 Well, then you're not going to get your tote bag. 128 00:07:04,680 --> 00:07:08,980 Don't worry about it, Mallory. I mean, over the years, we've found that 20 % of 129 00:07:08,980 --> 00:07:12,140 our so -called patrons, just plain liars. 130 00:07:12,380 --> 00:07:14,180 And we're running out of tote bags anyhow. 131 00:07:17,280 --> 00:07:19,100 Now, there's a beautiful sight. 132 00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:22,060 My oldest daughter with her shoes on my lunch. 133 00:07:22,560 --> 00:07:23,560 Sorry, Dad. 134 00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:25,079 Oh, no. 135 00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:28,860 I don't mind a bit. It's great to walk into my office and see your smiling 136 00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:31,340 Oh, well, what about my smiling face, Steve? 137 00:07:31,890 --> 00:07:34,390 Don't you start competing with Mallory now, Gus. 138 00:07:35,010 --> 00:07:36,510 You're beautiful in your own way. 139 00:07:38,470 --> 00:07:40,010 Keep up the good work now, Mallory. 140 00:07:40,690 --> 00:07:43,490 Good work? I like the sound of that. You know, he doesn't say that to everybody. 141 00:07:43,830 --> 00:07:44,830 Good work, Steve. 142 00:07:46,830 --> 00:07:50,130 So, how's it going? Are you enjoying yourself? Is it everything you hoped it 143 00:07:50,130 --> 00:07:51,129 would be? 144 00:07:51,130 --> 00:07:53,390 Well, I got to talk on the phone a little. 145 00:07:53,670 --> 00:07:54,670 I like that. 146 00:07:55,350 --> 00:07:59,590 You know, Mel, my two greatest loves are my family and my work here at the 147 00:07:59,590 --> 00:08:03,080 station. Having you here brings those two worlds together. 148 00:08:03,820 --> 00:08:05,080 I couldn't be happier. 149 00:08:06,340 --> 00:08:07,340 I'm glad. 150 00:08:07,740 --> 00:08:11,660 Here, come here. I got a surprise for you. Something will make you happy and 151 00:08:11,660 --> 00:08:13,060 very excited. 152 00:08:13,420 --> 00:08:14,840 I don't have to work here anymore? 153 00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:19,080 Look, 154 00:08:19,920 --> 00:08:24,420 look, I know you're not completely sold on this yet, but I also know that when 155 00:08:24,420 --> 00:08:28,400 you're faced with a challenge, you accept it. You can do it. You rise to 156 00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:29,400 occasion. 157 00:08:30,020 --> 00:08:31,020 Not always. 158 00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:33,620 Most of the time. 159 00:08:35,039 --> 00:08:36,039 Not now. 160 00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:40,559 I've come up with a special assignment for you. I think you're really going to 161 00:08:40,559 --> 00:08:41,559 like it. 162 00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:42,880 Is it about fashion? 163 00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:46,660 Because I can do a great job if it's about fashion. Oh, no, no. You already 164 00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:50,520 everything about fashion. I think it's time for you to branch out and really 165 00:08:50,520 --> 00:08:51,520 something different. 166 00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:53,320 Beauty tips? 167 00:08:53,940 --> 00:08:56,200 No. You're going to work with me. 168 00:08:56,760 --> 00:08:57,760 All right. 169 00:09:02,020 --> 00:09:07,280 Yeah, I want you to write some copy for a short segment of Ohio in Review. It's 170 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:10,840 a show about what's going on in Ohio from political news to human interest 171 00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:11,840 stories. 172 00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:14,540 I'm flattered, Dad, but I've never even seen the show. 173 00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:18,100 What are you talking about? We watch it all the time. It's on Sundays at 4 after 174 00:09:18,100 --> 00:09:19,940 Animals, Animals, Everywhere, Animals. 175 00:09:23,160 --> 00:09:24,780 Oh, Ohio in Review. 176 00:09:24,980 --> 00:09:25,980 I love that show. 177 00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:28,200 We're going to work on it together. 178 00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:31,360 You behind the scenes, me on camera. 179 00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:33,440 Keaton's, Keaton's, everywhere Keaton's. 180 00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:40,560 All right, now. 181 00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:49,260 These dots trace the colonel's past since he was discovered missing. 182 00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:52,140 Can we end this thing, Alex? I have a life to lead. 183 00:09:53,590 --> 00:09:56,970 Now, we know he's definitely in the Columbus area. 184 00:09:57,270 --> 00:09:59,850 Mom, Mom, are you able to help us out on this? 185 00:10:00,250 --> 00:10:03,610 Look, I have more important things to do, if you don't mind. I like to work in 186 00:10:03,610 --> 00:10:07,470 peace. It's all right. It's all right. All right, Jen, give me that next clue. 187 00:10:07,870 --> 00:10:11,990 On a corner with a tree that cries, the sweetest birthday wins the prize. 188 00:10:12,810 --> 00:10:13,810 Sincerely, the Colonel. 189 00:10:14,130 --> 00:10:15,410 A tree that cries. 190 00:10:16,130 --> 00:10:17,130 Hmm. 191 00:10:17,610 --> 00:10:18,950 When would a tree cry? 192 00:10:19,290 --> 00:10:20,770 If he saw E .T. 193 00:10:22,790 --> 00:10:23,790 A tree that cries. 194 00:10:24,510 --> 00:10:25,870 A tree that cries. 195 00:10:27,550 --> 00:10:28,550 Weeping willow. 196 00:10:30,290 --> 00:10:31,069 Jen, quick. 197 00:10:31,070 --> 00:10:32,330 Look up weeping willow on the map. 198 00:10:35,270 --> 00:10:37,030 I found it, Alex. There's a willow street. 199 00:10:37,870 --> 00:10:39,110 You're a genius, Mom. 200 00:10:40,350 --> 00:10:43,450 All right, all right. I gave you a clue. Do me a favor. Take this in the other 201 00:10:43,450 --> 00:10:46,930 room. Oh, come on, Mom. Don't bail out on us now. Forget about this 202 00:10:46,930 --> 00:10:47,869 stuff, okay? 203 00:10:47,870 --> 00:10:49,830 You get a chance to win five grand here. 204 00:10:50,930 --> 00:10:55,370 Alex. Mom, okay. Now, the next part of the clue is sweetest birthday wins the 205 00:10:55,370 --> 00:10:59,570 prize. Sweetest birthday wins the prize. Alex, please. Come on. Sweetest 206 00:10:59,570 --> 00:11:00,429 birthday, Mom. 207 00:11:00,430 --> 00:11:03,370 Come on. Come on, Mom. Mommy. Come on. 208 00:11:03,570 --> 00:11:05,690 Sweetest birthday, Mom. Come on. Sweet 16. 209 00:11:07,150 --> 00:11:08,150 Jen, quick. 210 00:11:08,390 --> 00:11:09,390 Willow went 16th. 211 00:11:09,750 --> 00:11:12,650 That's it. We found it. We called the critical hotline. 212 00:11:13,170 --> 00:11:15,710 What's the number? What's the number? I don't know. It's on the cereal bar. 213 00:11:15,770 --> 00:11:16,609 Where's the cereal bar? 214 00:11:16,610 --> 00:11:17,910 It's in the kitchen. Where's the kitchen? 215 00:11:18,130 --> 00:11:19,130 Over there. 216 00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:33,720 Where are you going? 217 00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:35,600 Nowhere. I was stretching. 218 00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:39,340 You've still got a lot of work to do. 219 00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:43,660 Oh, good, good. I was afraid we were just going to do those nine hours. 220 00:11:44,560 --> 00:11:49,800 Come on. We've just scratched the surface. Now, here, take this folder. 221 00:11:50,580 --> 00:11:54,080 Now, let's look over the areas we want to cover. 222 00:11:54,440 --> 00:11:59,380 Now, I know I definitely want to touch on Congressman Willick's trip to the 223 00:11:59,380 --> 00:12:01,700 Persian Gulf. What approach do you think we should take? 224 00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:03,360 A fashion approach. 225 00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:08,520 Yeah, yeah, fashion does have its place, but there's something more important 226 00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:11,340 than color coordination. After all, there's a war going on. 227 00:12:11,900 --> 00:12:16,900 Dad, do you ever stop to think that maybe if the world were color 228 00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:18,040 there'd be no more wars? 229 00:12:20,460 --> 00:12:23,480 After all, when colors clash, men are soon to follow. 230 00:12:27,199 --> 00:12:31,800 Well, okay, you write a little fashion perspective, and I'll see if I can fit 231 00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:32,679 in the report. 232 00:12:32,680 --> 00:12:33,680 Oh, okay. 233 00:12:33,820 --> 00:12:34,820 Yeah. 234 00:12:35,700 --> 00:12:40,380 How can that be a crackle hotline if the line is always busy? I mean, what would 235 00:12:40,380 --> 00:12:42,280 happen if someone had an actual crackle crisis? 236 00:12:43,780 --> 00:12:46,720 I'm so glad you're here. I'm going completely nuts working with Dad at the 237 00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:48,000 station. It is a disaster. 238 00:12:49,260 --> 00:12:50,260 I told you so. 239 00:12:51,300 --> 00:12:52,420 It's such an ugly phrase. 240 00:12:54,560 --> 00:12:55,700 All right, give me the details. 241 00:12:56,590 --> 00:12:59,710 Alex, I'm so bored down there, I feel like I've entered one of Dad's 242 00:12:59,710 --> 00:13:00,710 documentaries. 243 00:13:05,310 --> 00:13:09,870 Like, like at any moment, I'm going to be shot with a tranquilizer gun, tagged, 244 00:13:09,990 --> 00:13:11,790 weighed, and shipped to a wildlife preserve. 245 00:13:13,570 --> 00:13:15,750 All right, look, Mal, why don't you just quit? 246 00:13:16,130 --> 00:13:17,590 Oh, I can't do that. 247 00:13:17,830 --> 00:13:21,810 It means the world to Dad that I'm working there. He's so proud of me. He 248 00:13:21,810 --> 00:13:23,330 calling staff meetings to introduce me. 249 00:13:23,630 --> 00:13:25,170 I've met Gus 80 times. 250 00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:31,140 All right, well, then look at it this way, okay? I had to go through it. Now 251 00:13:31,140 --> 00:13:34,020 have to go through it. I mean, it's a fact of life growing up in the Keaton 252 00:13:34,020 --> 00:13:38,240 household. I mean, right now, Jen is working on her segment of Ohioan Review. 253 00:13:39,620 --> 00:13:44,240 So just hang with it, and sooner or later, your basic incompetence will 254 00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:45,240 through. 255 00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:47,460 I sure hope so. 256 00:13:53,290 --> 00:13:56,610 Gus, have you seen Mallory? Uh, yeah, she's in the control room. She should be 257 00:13:56,610 --> 00:13:57,610 down here in a minute. 258 00:13:57,670 --> 00:14:00,370 I tell you, Elise, I'm getting a little worried. 259 00:14:00,750 --> 00:14:02,890 About Mallory? No, about me. 260 00:14:03,390 --> 00:14:07,630 If you and Steven keep shipping your offspring down here to the station, I 261 00:14:07,630 --> 00:14:09,610 the feeling I'm going to find myself out of a jar. 262 00:14:11,290 --> 00:14:14,790 Well, you know, Elise, one day this little girl is going to work at this 263 00:14:14,790 --> 00:14:15,790 station, too. 264 00:14:17,030 --> 00:14:19,150 Uh -huh, uh -huh, I'm packing my bags. 265 00:14:20,290 --> 00:14:22,830 Hello? Hello, operator, yeah, I'm... 266 00:14:23,160 --> 00:14:24,920 I'm trying to get through to the Crackle hotline. 267 00:14:26,100 --> 00:14:27,800 But the line is always busy. 268 00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:31,540 Oh, I... Oh, he's trying to call, too. 269 00:14:32,460 --> 00:14:33,439 Oh, really? 270 00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:34,840 Well, where do you think he is? 271 00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:43,820 The telephone operator thinks that Colonel Crackle is under a bus in 272 00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:45,780 We're gonna be... 273 00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:51,400 You better hurry, Mallory. We're going to go in about two minutes. Yeah, I'm 274 00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:53,900 ready. I just got to set the stuff up. Hey, how's my partner? 275 00:14:54,220 --> 00:14:55,980 Fine, fine. I did everything you said. 276 00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:59,240 I've got all the copyright here, and I put all the cassettes in the control 277 00:14:59,240 --> 00:15:01,100 room. Great, great. Way to go, Mal. 278 00:15:01,420 --> 00:15:03,120 All right, Stephen, I need you on stage now. 279 00:15:03,760 --> 00:15:07,660 All right. No, no, Crackle. C -R -A -C -K -L -E. 280 00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:09,400 Crackle. 281 00:15:10,780 --> 00:15:11,780 No, Crackle. 282 00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:15,480 L -E -K -S proudly presents Ohio Game Review. 283 00:15:15,840 --> 00:15:18,040 Colonel Crackle. C -R -A -C -K -L -E. 284 00:15:21,770 --> 00:15:22,770 and welcome. 285 00:15:22,790 --> 00:15:26,070 I'm the general manager of WKS, Stephen Crackle. 286 00:15:31,810 --> 00:15:34,870 That's, um, Stephen Crackle Keaton. 287 00:15:36,230 --> 00:15:40,870 Welcome to Ohio in Review. At the top of Ohio happenings tonight, Congressman 288 00:15:40,870 --> 00:15:45,170 Jim Willick returned from his recent fact -finding mission to the war -torn 289 00:15:45,170 --> 00:15:46,530 region of the Persian Gulf. 290 00:15:47,070 --> 00:15:51,230 The four -term congressman was dressed in a lovely chiffon gown with Diamante 291 00:15:51,230 --> 00:15:52,930 shoulder straps by Galvanos. 292 00:15:57,110 --> 00:15:58,110 He was? 293 00:15:58,510 --> 00:16:02,950 I'm sorry, Dad. I must have gotten mixed up with that fashion report I was 294 00:16:02,950 --> 00:16:05,670 working on. Here, okay, go ahead. 295 00:16:06,530 --> 00:16:07,530 Hi, Mom. 296 00:16:07,990 --> 00:16:09,110 I'm over here. Oh, hi. 297 00:16:16,970 --> 00:16:21,210 Willick reported that the Iranian leadership repeated their demands for a 298 00:16:21,210 --> 00:16:22,230 ceasefire with Iraq. 299 00:16:22,530 --> 00:16:27,630 These included free passage through the Straits of Hormuz, an embargo on Iraqi 300 00:16:27,630 --> 00:16:32,370 oil products, and a pair of slingback open -toed shoes for tomorrow night's 301 00:16:32,370 --> 00:16:33,370 dance. 302 00:16:33,770 --> 00:16:35,170 I'm sorry, Jim. 303 00:16:35,430 --> 00:16:41,410 No, it's okay. Let's roll the videotape. In national news, the president at a 304 00:16:41,410 --> 00:16:42,570 press conference today... 305 00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:46,240 stated that he and other government officials were hard at work trying to 306 00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:47,600 down on defense spending. 307 00:16:48,320 --> 00:16:51,620 He also said... Not now, not now, honey. 308 00:16:51,820 --> 00:16:56,220 The president emphasized that the huge federal deficit, while troublesome, was 309 00:16:56,220 --> 00:16:58,460 something we can't run away from. 310 00:17:00,020 --> 00:17:02,880 The key, he said, was to try to ride it out. 311 00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:07,079 Dad, I made a mistake. I think they're showing the wrong videotape. 312 00:17:09,639 --> 00:17:12,420 This just in. Monkeys, monkeys, everywhere monkeys. 313 00:17:14,660 --> 00:17:16,700 Go to a commercial. We don't have a commercial. 314 00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:24,099 I'm going 315 00:17:24,099 --> 00:17:31,940 to 316 00:17:31,940 --> 00:17:36,140 go up to put Andy to bed. I'll check on Mallory, too. Good idea. I'm just going 317 00:17:36,140 --> 00:17:37,140 to use the phone. 318 00:17:40,590 --> 00:17:42,710 Alex, don't you think you're being a little insensitive? 319 00:17:43,430 --> 00:17:45,830 Jennifer, we're talking about $5 ,000 here. 320 00:17:46,530 --> 00:17:47,530 Make the call. 321 00:17:49,070 --> 00:17:50,670 Ah, at last. It's ringing. It's ringing. 322 00:17:51,470 --> 00:17:55,390 Hello. Hello. I would like your complete and undivided attention. 323 00:17:55,810 --> 00:17:57,350 My name is Alex P. Keaton. 324 00:17:57,890 --> 00:18:03,210 Colonel Crackle is in downtown Columbus on the corner of Willow and... 325 00:18:03,210 --> 00:18:05,110 What? 326 00:18:07,150 --> 00:18:08,150 I beg your pardon? 327 00:18:09,890 --> 00:18:10,890 That's impossible. 328 00:18:12,990 --> 00:18:13,990 Really. 329 00:18:14,210 --> 00:18:15,210 I see. 330 00:18:16,150 --> 00:18:17,150 I see. 331 00:18:20,610 --> 00:18:21,750 Alex, what's the matter? 332 00:18:22,730 --> 00:18:26,310 Colonel Crackle was found under a bus in Dayton. 333 00:18:31,270 --> 00:18:32,710 By a telephone operator. 334 00:18:34,590 --> 00:18:35,970 My God, is he all right? 335 00:18:40,649 --> 00:18:41,830 Mallory's door is locked. 336 00:18:42,150 --> 00:18:43,370 She won't come down. 337 00:18:44,970 --> 00:18:48,170 Hey, you seem to be taking it awfully hard, Alex. 338 00:18:50,850 --> 00:18:55,250 It's okay. Hey, it's okay. The job just wasn't right for her. 339 00:18:57,330 --> 00:18:58,550 The telephone operator. 340 00:19:00,330 --> 00:19:01,690 Yeah, maybe she could do that. 341 00:19:03,990 --> 00:19:07,030 Mom, what should we tell Mallory about the show? I mean, should we tell her we 342 00:19:07,030 --> 00:19:08,030 liked it? 343 00:19:08,060 --> 00:19:12,000 We should just tell her the truth. Oh, Mom, come on. It was embarrassing. It 344 00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:16,840 humiliating. It was the dumbest thing I've ever seen. That is true. 345 00:19:17,500 --> 00:19:18,500 Hey, 346 00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:20,280 loved it, Mel. 347 00:19:20,340 --> 00:19:23,600 That was the finest piece of telejournalism I have ever seen. 348 00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:30,860 You're all very nice, but I know what it was. A complete disaster. 349 00:19:32,140 --> 00:19:34,780 Well, I'm afraid you're right on the money there. 350 00:19:42,999 --> 00:19:44,500 I'm so sorry, Dad. 351 00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:49,420 I mean, I swear I tried my best, but I was just in way over my head, and I 352 00:19:49,420 --> 00:19:50,420 apologize. 353 00:19:50,820 --> 00:19:52,280 I thought you were doing great. 354 00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:56,200 If it was too much for you, why didn't you come to me? 355 00:19:56,800 --> 00:19:58,000 Why didn't you say so? 356 00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:03,100 Oh, I go to work every day, and you were so happy I was there and so proud of 357 00:20:03,100 --> 00:20:04,120 every little thing I did. 358 00:20:04,830 --> 00:20:08,690 And there I was going through the motions and not really knowing what I 359 00:20:08,690 --> 00:20:09,690 doing. 360 00:20:09,790 --> 00:20:11,470 Except that I was doing it for you. 361 00:20:12,630 --> 00:20:14,250 And I didn't want to let you down. 362 00:20:15,170 --> 00:20:19,770 I think I'm the one who let you down. I pushed you into areas you didn't want to 363 00:20:19,770 --> 00:20:21,430 go. Areas you shouldn't go. 364 00:20:21,710 --> 00:20:22,710 I'm sorry. 365 00:20:23,710 --> 00:20:25,210 I really ruined your show. 366 00:20:25,870 --> 00:20:27,550 I hope your ratings don't drop. 367 00:20:29,090 --> 00:20:30,910 Fortunately, Mel, that's completely impossible. 368 00:20:34,730 --> 00:20:38,630 I love you so much, honey. I just want the whole world to open up for you to 369 00:20:38,630 --> 00:20:42,310 you go and do things that I didn't have a chance to do. 370 00:20:42,630 --> 00:20:47,170 I don't know. Maybe every father feels that way. But I am doing things I want, 371 00:20:47,230 --> 00:20:49,190 Dad. And I'm doing things I never thought I'd do. 372 00:20:49,450 --> 00:20:51,350 I'm going to college. You and Mom gave me that. 373 00:20:51,990 --> 00:20:52,990 Good. 374 00:20:53,250 --> 00:20:58,390 And even though I'll never, never, ever work at your station again. 375 00:21:01,210 --> 00:21:04,870 I've learned from you the value of work, but it has to be my kind of work. 376 00:21:06,570 --> 00:21:07,570 Okay. Okay. 377 00:21:10,810 --> 00:21:14,210 It was really nice having you down there. 378 00:21:14,490 --> 00:21:16,470 I loved seeing you so much. 379 00:21:16,870 --> 00:21:18,310 It was nice for me, too. 380 00:21:18,670 --> 00:21:24,150 Well, oh, I don't know. Maybe, you know, under better circumstances, you know, 381 00:21:24,150 --> 00:21:25,150 maybe if... 382 00:21:25,770 --> 00:21:27,890 You, Jennifer, were down there helping you. Alex. 383 00:21:28,330 --> 00:21:31,710 Alex, too. Andy. You know, maybe if you all worked there at the same time. 384 00:21:33,630 --> 00:21:34,710 I don't know, Dad. 385 00:21:39,250 --> 00:21:45,510 Watch the frog. 386 00:21:45,750 --> 00:21:48,770 San Diego's home for comedy has more laughs than ever. Touche. 387 00:21:48,990 --> 00:21:51,690 We can prove it. It should be good. Starting at six, it's brands. 388 00:21:51,910 --> 00:21:53,610 Yeah. Then say hello to Will and Grace. 389 00:21:53,810 --> 00:21:57,650 Hello. Then more friends at 7. And everybody loves Raymond at 7 .30. This 390 00:21:57,650 --> 00:22:01,990 showbiz. The laughs are on us. We are KSWB, San Diego's WB. 391 00:22:02,190 --> 00:22:03,190 Sit, Ubu, sit. 392 00:22:03,410 --> 00:22:04,410 Good dog.