1
00:00:12,010 --> 00:00:18,950
I bet we've been together for a million
years And I bet we'll be

2
00:00:18,950 --> 00:00:25,390
together for a million more Oh, it's
like I started breathing

3
00:00:25,390 --> 00:00:31,910
on the night we kissed And I can't
remember what I ever

4
00:00:31,910 --> 00:00:38,150
did before What would we do, baby,
without us?

5
00:00:39,350 --> 00:00:41,070
What would we do?

6
00:00:56,270 --> 00:00:57,270
Hey,

7
00:01:04,750 --> 00:01:06,010
honey. Oh, you're up early.

8
00:01:06,230 --> 00:01:07,930
I want to get a head start on making
breakfast.

9
00:01:08,290 --> 00:01:09,290
Well, what is all this?

10
00:01:09,630 --> 00:01:10,750
Pancakes, bacon, eggs?

11
00:01:11,070 --> 00:01:13,690
And freshly squeezed orange juice.

12
00:01:13,950 --> 00:01:17,670
I am very impressed. That's hard to do
without a juicer. It's even harder to do

13
00:01:17,670 --> 00:01:18,670
without oranges.

14
00:01:19,990 --> 00:01:20,990
That's the occasion.

15
00:01:21,330 --> 00:01:25,530
You know, I got up this morning and I
realized how incredible it is. Alec is a

16
00:01:25,530 --> 00:01:26,530
junior at Leland.

17
00:01:26,830 --> 00:01:28,930
Mallory is a freshman at Grant College.

18
00:01:29,170 --> 00:01:30,510
Jennifer's in junior high.

19
00:01:30,750 --> 00:01:32,930
And Andy starts preschool today.

20
00:01:33,890 --> 00:01:37,170
It made me think about how much we've
all been through together.

21
00:01:37,630 --> 00:01:39,250
How much I love this family.

22
00:01:39,930 --> 00:01:44,650
How much I love you and how unbelievably
expensive this year is going to be.

23
00:01:47,170 --> 00:01:48,810
Maybe we should cancel this breakfast?

24
00:01:49,230 --> 00:01:51,070
Ah, let's live dangerously.

25
00:01:55,450 --> 00:01:57,650
These people are going to go through
midlife crisis.

26
00:01:58,630 --> 00:02:00,350
Alex, Jennifer, sit down.

27
00:02:00,570 --> 00:02:03,910
I hope you're hungry because we've
got... pancakes. We've got eggs. We've

28
00:02:03,910 --> 00:02:06,870
bacon. Looks great. Put the junior class
in heaven and welcome back breakfast.

29
00:02:07,210 --> 00:02:09,210
How about you, Jen? What's it going to
be?

30
00:02:09,710 --> 00:02:11,090
Eggs? Pancakes?

31
00:02:11,490 --> 00:02:13,490
I ate already, Dad. I've been up for
three hours.

32
00:02:13,930 --> 00:02:14,930
I see.

33
00:02:16,410 --> 00:02:18,530
Mallory, how about some pancakes?

34
00:02:19,130 --> 00:02:20,109
Please, Dad.

35
00:02:20,110 --> 00:02:22,470
If I even look at food today, I'm going
to be sick.

36
00:02:22,970 --> 00:02:24,130
This worked out nicely.

37
00:02:26,320 --> 00:02:28,620
Jennifer, Andy's ready for you. He just
needs his hair brushed.

38
00:02:28,860 --> 00:02:30,960
Isn't that cute? It's his first day of
preschool.

39
00:02:31,780 --> 00:02:33,360
Mallory, are you sure you don't want
some breakfast?

40
00:02:33,700 --> 00:02:36,120
No, Dad, it's my first day of college.
I'm very nervous.

41
00:02:36,720 --> 00:02:38,060
Well, you got nothing to worry about.

42
00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:41,080
I mean, it's not like you're going to a
real college.

43
00:02:47,700 --> 00:02:48,700
What's that supposed to mean?

44
00:02:48,860 --> 00:02:52,620
Oh, come on. How can you get nervous
about going to a college that advertises

45
00:02:52,620 --> 00:02:53,620
Hot Rod magazine?

46
00:02:56,799 --> 00:02:59,820
That's not true, Alex. Oh, come on, Mal.
I saw the ad.

47
00:03:00,460 --> 00:03:02,060
Grant College introductory offer.

48
00:03:02,340 --> 00:03:04,320
Buy one semester, get the rest free.

49
00:03:06,980 --> 00:03:10,540
Then there's that radio spot. At Grant
College, we have a modern library, fully

50
00:03:10,540 --> 00:03:14,300
qualified professors, and thick, juicy
steak cooked just the way you like them.

51
00:03:15,880 --> 00:03:18,920
Alex, Grant College is a very fine
school. It's very hard to get in.

52
00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:21,680
Hello, fellow Grant College freshmen.

53
00:03:26,570 --> 00:03:28,350
Looks like it's even harder to stay out.

54
00:03:30,250 --> 00:03:34,310
Skip, how about some breakfast on your
first day at Grand College? No, no, no.

55
00:03:34,370 --> 00:03:37,850
Thank you, Mr. Keaton. No, I'm saving my
appetite for those thick, juicy steaks.

56
00:03:43,410 --> 00:03:44,410
Hi.

57
00:03:47,150 --> 00:03:50,770
Is this Tygo, Alex?

58
00:03:52,110 --> 00:03:54,230
Is this Tygo? You.

59
00:03:55,100 --> 00:03:56,240
Look like a million bucks.

60
00:03:56,900 --> 00:03:57,900
That's free.

61
00:03:59,960 --> 00:04:04,060
Is it too late to take Andy to the woods
and have him raised by wolves?

62
00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:08,060
Come on, Dad. You know how long I had to
wait to have a little brother?

63
00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:09,520
When I had the old door?

64
00:04:10,060 --> 00:04:11,400
Just excited, that's all.

65
00:04:12,560 --> 00:04:15,960
Come on, Andy. Do you want to wave
goodbye to your sister on her first day

66
00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:18,279
college? It's not a real college.

67
00:04:27,390 --> 00:04:28,390
Where's Andy?

68
00:04:29,050 --> 00:04:33,750
He's upstairs taking a nap. I wanted to
find out how his first day of preschool

69
00:04:33,750 --> 00:04:35,550
was. I called there three times.

70
00:04:35,850 --> 00:04:37,930
Every time I called, they said it was
nap time.

71
00:04:39,870 --> 00:04:42,130
Well, he's upstairs taking another nap
now.

72
00:04:42,570 --> 00:04:45,030
I've got to talk to this kid. He's
sleeping his life away.

73
00:04:47,330 --> 00:04:49,510
Hi. How was your first day of college?

74
00:04:49,730 --> 00:04:53,390
It was so exciting. It's so different
from high school. Taking this amazing

75
00:04:53,390 --> 00:04:54,390
philosophy course.

76
00:04:54,590 --> 00:04:58,130
We talked about life and death, the
nature of reality and existence, the

77
00:04:58,130 --> 00:04:59,130
and non -being.

78
00:04:59,290 --> 00:05:01,150
I mean, this could change the whole way
I dress.

79
00:05:05,090 --> 00:05:06,610
How was your first day, Jim?

80
00:05:07,450 --> 00:05:08,490
Not quite as good.

81
00:05:08,750 --> 00:05:12,730
Due to a computer error, I spent the
whole day at the registrar trying to

82
00:05:12,730 --> 00:05:13,950
that I'm not a laboratory rat.

83
00:05:16,670 --> 00:05:17,670
Were you successful?

84
00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:20,720
I have to go back tomorrow with my birth
certificate.

85
00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:25,580
No, Jennifer. I think philosophy may be
my true calling.

86
00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:27,320
There's just so many interesting
questions.

87
00:05:27,700 --> 00:05:31,520
Today, the professor asked, what proof
do I have that I really exist?

88
00:05:32,100 --> 00:05:33,320
Show him your phone, Bill.

89
00:05:36,760 --> 00:05:39,660
Laugh if you want, Alice, but I started
my first paper.

90
00:05:40,620 --> 00:05:42,480
I shop, therefore I am.

91
00:05:45,840 --> 00:05:47,500
It's only a first draft, too.

92
00:05:48,620 --> 00:05:50,900
Well, let's go to the mall and do some
research on the paper.

93
00:05:51,460 --> 00:05:54,820
That's a good idea, Jen. You're going to
do really well in college.

94
00:05:56,820 --> 00:05:57,699
Oh, hey.

95
00:05:57,700 --> 00:05:58,840
Is Andy asleep yet?

96
00:05:59,180 --> 00:06:01,980
He's out like a light, honey. He's had a
very full day.

97
00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:03,380
I'm a little sleepy myself.

98
00:06:03,920 --> 00:06:05,780
I've got a big day on campus tomorrow.

99
00:06:06,060 --> 00:06:09,660
I have to run through a maze and ring a
bell to get a piece of Swiss cheese.

100
00:06:10,980 --> 00:06:13,160
You crazy college kids.

101
00:06:16,040 --> 00:06:17,460
So, Andy liked preschool.

102
00:06:17,700 --> 00:06:22,060
That's great. Tell me all about it.
Well, he was a little nervous at first.

103
00:06:22,300 --> 00:06:24,840
Yeah, well, that's all right. I mean,
that speaks for itself. But after a

104
00:06:24,840 --> 00:06:26,340
of minutes, he started to enjoy himself.

105
00:06:26,700 --> 00:06:28,680
What were his favorite subjects? Finger
painting?

106
00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:30,000
Block?

107
00:06:30,100 --> 00:06:31,100
Supply chain economics?

108
00:06:31,960 --> 00:06:35,120
I think he said his part he liked best
was sharing time.

109
00:06:35,880 --> 00:06:37,640
Sharing time?

110
00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:39,960
What's that?

111
00:06:40,280 --> 00:06:43,820
One of the objectives of the school is
to teach kids that sharing is fun, so

112
00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:47,700
everything is shared equally. All the
toys in the room belong to the group,

113
00:06:47,700 --> 00:06:48,840
they're considered communal property.

114
00:06:49,580 --> 00:06:51,520
What is this, the Karl Marx preschool?

115
00:06:56,830 --> 00:06:59,350
She just keeps to support each other, to
feel good about themselves.

116
00:06:59,730 --> 00:07:02,710
They even have this method of
encouraging the children who are a

117
00:07:02,930 --> 00:07:07,050
They give them patches to wear that say,
I know how to say goodbye, or I know

118
00:07:07,050 --> 00:07:09,550
how to nap, or I know how to speak in
sentences.

119
00:07:10,570 --> 00:07:12,010
Sounds like an insane asylum.

120
00:07:14,750 --> 00:07:17,990
Preschool is supposed to prepare Andy
for real life.

121
00:07:18,650 --> 00:07:22,950
In a couple of years, he's going to be
out there in the dog -eat -dog world of

122
00:07:22,950 --> 00:07:23,950
kindergarten.

123
00:07:24,330 --> 00:07:27,750
He's got to be ready. He's got to build
his character, sharpen his mental

124
00:07:27,750 --> 00:07:29,830
skills, improve his physical endurance.

125
00:07:30,370 --> 00:07:33,110
So basically, you're suggesting a
military preschool.

126
00:07:34,450 --> 00:07:39,250
I just don't want to see Andy on the
street 20 years from now with a patch

127
00:07:39,250 --> 00:07:40,450
says, I know how to say goodbye.

128
00:07:45,030 --> 00:07:46,310
Okay, Andy.

129
00:07:47,620 --> 00:07:48,920
Here's your lunchbox.

130
00:07:49,220 --> 00:07:53,080
Now, these are your coloring books and
your crayons. Remember, how do we feel

131
00:07:53,080 --> 00:07:54,080
about sharing?

132
00:07:57,320 --> 00:08:04,220
Okay, now you just wear this,

133
00:08:04,340 --> 00:08:06,220
and I don't think we'll have any
problems.

134
00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:12,680
Good morning, Andy.

135
00:08:12,980 --> 00:08:14,500
Good morning, Mr. Kluger.

136
00:08:14,900 --> 00:08:16,440
Good morning, Mr. Kluger. I'm...

137
00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:17,820
Alex Keaton, Andy's brother?

138
00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:19,460
I'm Mrs. Kluger, the director.

139
00:08:19,980 --> 00:08:23,560
Oh, listen, Andy, I gotta run to class
now, but remember, tonight we're gonna

140
00:08:23,560 --> 00:08:26,520
out, we're gonna get ice cream, and I'm
gonna take you and show you how the

141
00:08:26,520 --> 00:08:27,980
automated teller machines work.

142
00:08:29,860 --> 00:08:32,400
Okay? Remember, we love you.

143
00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:33,640
Alex loves me.

144
00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:34,960
You know it.

145
00:08:37,659 --> 00:08:38,659
So, uh...

146
00:08:39,849 --> 00:08:40,709
How's he doing?

147
00:08:40,710 --> 00:08:44,590
Oh, he's a terrific child. He's very
sensitive and very thoughtful of the

148
00:08:44,590 --> 00:08:47,110
children. Well, I can't help that. It's
my parents' influence.

149
00:08:50,330 --> 00:08:52,970
You know, Andrew talks about you all the
time, Alex.

150
00:08:53,570 --> 00:08:57,770
Really? Yeah. He mentions your name so
often, you'd think someone was paying

151
00:08:57,770 --> 00:08:58,770
to talk about you.

152
00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:08,920
Mrs. Kluger, do you mind if I take a
little look around here?

153
00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:13,580
Oh, no, feel free. We encourage
visitors. We're completely open and free

154
00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:15,200
There's nothing to brag about.

155
00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:21,940
So this is the library. Yeah, and we try
to fill it with colorful, interesting

156
00:09:21,940 --> 00:09:27,920
books. We've got, uh, Oh, Charlie Goes
to School, A Snowy Day, The Curious Cow.

157
00:09:28,260 --> 00:09:29,740
Yeah, we've got that one at home.

158
00:09:30,980 --> 00:09:31,980
Mallory's reading it.

159
00:09:34,220 --> 00:09:35,220
My sister.

160
00:09:35,650 --> 00:09:37,590
You've also got a sister in preschool.

161
00:09:39,930 --> 00:09:41,750
No, Mallory couldn't get into preschool.

162
00:09:43,890 --> 00:09:45,610
So she's going to grad college.

163
00:09:51,230 --> 00:09:53,030
Hi, Mrs. Kruger.

164
00:09:53,270 --> 00:09:54,270
Hi, Michael.

165
00:09:54,390 --> 00:09:55,930
What does your patch say?

166
00:09:56,790 --> 00:09:59,250
I know how to say goodbye to my daddy.

167
00:09:59,830 --> 00:10:01,190
Very good, sweetie.

168
00:10:01,510 --> 00:10:03,190
Isn't that wonderful, Alex?

169
00:10:04,210 --> 00:10:05,630
What's so wonderful about that?

170
00:10:06,410 --> 00:10:09,210
I don't want to say goodbye to my daddy.
You don't see me wearing a patch.

171
00:10:10,990 --> 00:10:13,830
Well, we try to encourage Michael. He's
very shy.

172
00:10:14,430 --> 00:10:16,130
This gives him a sense of
accomplishment.

173
00:10:16,430 --> 00:10:19,430
Well, I'm all for creating a sense of
accomplishment, Mrs. Kluger. I just

174
00:10:19,430 --> 00:10:20,450
question your message.

175
00:10:21,270 --> 00:10:22,370
Oh, well, what do you suggest?

176
00:10:23,490 --> 00:10:27,170
Well, have you thought about dividing
the children into different playgroups?

177
00:10:27,570 --> 00:10:28,850
Giving them IQ tests?

178
00:10:30,310 --> 00:10:33,450
Well, Alex, we're trying to foster a non
-competitive environment.

179
00:10:34,110 --> 00:10:35,270
Oh, come on, Mrs.

180
00:10:35,610 --> 00:10:36,610
Kluger.

181
00:10:40,090 --> 00:10:41,830
Join us in the real world here.

182
00:10:43,190 --> 00:10:45,250
Do you see people out there who are non
-competitive?

183
00:10:45,770 --> 00:10:46,770
People sharing?

184
00:10:47,170 --> 00:10:48,630
People taking naps on mats?

185
00:10:51,150 --> 00:10:53,270
Stephen and Melissa Keaton are your
parents?

186
00:10:54,510 --> 00:10:58,230
Oh, Mrs. Kluger, I gotta go. I'm just
gonna think about Andy and I'll be on my

187
00:10:58,230 --> 00:11:00,210
way. Sure. He's over there playing
house.

188
00:11:01,350 --> 00:11:03,830
No, no, that's impossible. Andy doesn't
play house.

189
00:11:04,110 --> 00:11:06,130
Well, of course he does. See him
diapering that doll?

190
00:11:07,250 --> 00:11:08,270
He's diapering a doll?

191
00:11:10,230 --> 00:11:11,330
Andy, what are you doing?

192
00:11:11,970 --> 00:11:12,970
Diapering a doll.

193
00:11:14,690 --> 00:11:15,690
Where's your wife?

194
00:11:15,870 --> 00:11:16,870
Out working.

195
00:11:24,330 --> 00:11:25,330
We're out of here.

196
00:11:26,670 --> 00:11:27,670
That's good.

197
00:11:30,670 --> 00:11:33,950
Today was the first day... I really felt
like a real college student.

198
00:11:34,450 --> 00:11:37,870
Of course, today was the first day I
wasn't getting shocked for running

199
00:11:37,870 --> 00:11:38,870
the traffic in our maid.

200
00:11:40,250 --> 00:11:42,310
Could we do mine? I'm trying to do some
work here.

201
00:11:42,530 --> 00:11:45,110
Sorry, Mal. It's a great feeling to be
human again.

202
00:11:45,790 --> 00:11:48,290
Wait a minute. You just gave me a great
idea.

203
00:11:48,610 --> 00:11:53,230
I did? My next assignment in philosophy
is to pick someone and try to prove they

204
00:11:53,230 --> 00:11:54,690
exist. I mean, I could do that on you.

205
00:11:54,930 --> 00:11:56,130
Wow, what a challenge.

206
00:11:57,550 --> 00:12:00,630
If I could prove you exist, I'd
definitely get an A.

207
00:12:01,170 --> 00:12:03,450
And you'd be able to settle a bet I have
with my grandfather.

208
00:12:08,190 --> 00:12:11,550
Oh, oh, Mallory, do you have to work
here? We could really use this space.

209
00:12:11,830 --> 00:12:15,010
Oh, no, no, no, you can't stop us now,
Alex. See, Mallory is going to prove

210
00:12:15,010 --> 00:12:16,010
I exist.

211
00:12:16,130 --> 00:12:17,250
That could get a little messy.

212
00:12:18,390 --> 00:12:19,710
Why don't you do that in the kitchen,
huh?

213
00:12:20,030 --> 00:12:21,030
All right, all right.

214
00:12:22,430 --> 00:12:25,230
Okay, a couple of questions to give you.
First of all, what would you say

215
00:12:25,230 --> 00:12:26,990
distinguishes you from an inanimate
object?

216
00:12:27,550 --> 00:12:28,550
My allergies?

217
00:12:31,130 --> 00:12:34,710
Alex, this is crazy. Don't you think Mom
and Dad are going to find out that Andy

218
00:12:34,710 --> 00:12:35,710
isn't in preschool?

219
00:12:36,150 --> 00:12:39,530
Yeah, well, I can't worry about that
now. The important thing is to deprogram

220
00:12:39,530 --> 00:12:40,530
Andy.

221
00:12:40,990 --> 00:12:43,010
Before anything you learned in
preschool, think then.

222
00:12:43,670 --> 00:12:44,950
What do you want me to do first?

223
00:12:45,410 --> 00:12:46,830
Okay, we're going to play house.

224
00:12:47,810 --> 00:12:50,850
I'm going to be the father, you're going
to be the mother. We're going to show

225
00:12:50,850 --> 00:12:52,550
Andy how a normal family functions.

226
00:12:52,890 --> 00:12:53,890
Are you watching, Andy?

227
00:12:54,070 --> 00:12:55,070
Yes, sir.

228
00:12:57,200 --> 00:12:58,260
Honey, I'm home.

229
00:12:59,080 --> 00:13:00,080
Hi there, dear.

230
00:13:01,860 --> 00:13:04,820
What did you do today while I was out
working hard to support you?

231
00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:09,740
I had an affair with the milkman.

232
00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:17,780
That's very funny, dear.

233
00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:22,660
Does that mean you didn't make any
dinner for your husband even though I

234
00:13:22,660 --> 00:13:23,980
slaving away at the office?

235
00:13:24,420 --> 00:13:25,840
At least you get paid.

236
00:13:26,440 --> 00:13:29,960
Cost work is just as tough as your job,
and I don't get a dime. I want a

237
00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:30,980
divorce. All right, then.

238
00:13:34,900 --> 00:13:38,480
If you can't play nicely, let's not play
at all, okay?

239
00:13:40,180 --> 00:13:41,620
That's all right, Andy. We don't need
her.

240
00:13:43,040 --> 00:13:45,960
Hey, Alex. Hey, there's my guy. Hi.

241
00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:47,480
Hey,

242
00:13:47,700 --> 00:13:49,120
what's this patch?

243
00:13:49,660 --> 00:13:50,660
Ah, that's nothing.

244
00:13:50,940 --> 00:13:53,740
I know how to itemize deductions.

245
00:13:56,760 --> 00:13:59,420
Boy, they're really moving ahead quickly
there.

246
00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:02,660
Mom, Dad, sit down.

247
00:14:03,380 --> 00:14:06,140
Something very bad is going to happen
now.

248
00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:09,580
Just hear me out before you say
anything, okay?

249
00:14:09,820 --> 00:14:11,220
This is worse than we thought.

250
00:14:11,940 --> 00:14:13,840
Andy withdrew from preschool today.

251
00:14:14,480 --> 00:14:18,420
What? And I want to tell you something.
I admire him for it.

252
00:14:20,800 --> 00:14:23,280
Okay, all right, all right. And he
didn't withdraw.

253
00:14:23,620 --> 00:14:27,600
I withdrew him. But that preschool
wasn't for him. He was picking up a lot

254
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:31,580
bad habits there. Alex, the Harper
Preschool is one of the best in the

255
00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:35,800
It's a humanistic approach to child care
based on affection, mutual

256
00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:37,320
understanding, and respect.

257
00:14:38,360 --> 00:14:42,640
Granted, you have no regard for these
things, but other members of our species

258
00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:44,340
cling blindly to them.

259
00:14:45,020 --> 00:14:48,400
I'm going to call Mrs. Kruger. There's
no way she could have taken any of this

260
00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:49,880
seriously. All right.

261
00:14:50,860 --> 00:14:53,260
Look, I'm sorry things turned out the
way they did.

262
00:14:55,020 --> 00:14:56,620
But you have to understand one thing.

263
00:14:58,180 --> 00:15:01,100
I only did what I did because I thought
it was best for Andy.

264
00:15:02,480 --> 00:15:03,540
I love that kid.

265
00:15:04,880 --> 00:15:06,280
I'd never do anything to hurt him.

266
00:15:07,300 --> 00:15:10,540
All right, Alex, but you have to
understand one thing.

267
00:15:11,860 --> 00:15:14,240
We're his parents, and this is our
decision.

268
00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:16,360
You're right.

269
00:15:16,880 --> 00:15:18,180
Hey, you're right.

270
00:15:21,420 --> 00:15:23,020
Wait a minute. You got Mallory.

271
00:15:25,900 --> 00:15:29,200
You got Jennifer. You got carte blanche
on them.

272
00:15:29,940 --> 00:15:33,520
Do whatever you want. I'll even throw in
Skippy if you want, but Andrew...

273
00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:34,800
Andrew's mine.

274
00:15:39,720 --> 00:15:45,260
Well, if he throws in Skippy... Good

275
00:15:45,260 --> 00:15:48,220
morning, Andrew.

276
00:15:48,460 --> 00:15:51,260
Good morning, Alec. Good morning, Mrs.
Kluger.

277
00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:57,860
It's nice to see you back at school,
Andy. I think Mrs. Calvin's waiting for

278
00:15:57,860 --> 00:15:59,260
you. Go ahead, Andy. Be strong.

279
00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:05,580
Mrs. Kluger, I'm sorry about what
happened yesterday.

280
00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:09,260
I was way out of line, and I shouldn't
have told you how to run your school.

281
00:16:10,840 --> 00:16:13,020
I get a little emotional when it comes
to Andy.

282
00:16:13,480 --> 00:16:16,360
Well, would you like to stay and watch
him play for a while?

283
00:16:17,540 --> 00:16:18,780
Actually, I can't. I gotta go.

284
00:16:19,370 --> 00:16:21,350
Thanks anyway. All right. Have a nice
day.

285
00:16:21,590 --> 00:16:24,530
Okay. This morning, we're really going
to have fun.

286
00:16:25,190 --> 00:16:27,790
Let's pretend that we're going to run a
little business.

287
00:16:28,790 --> 00:16:29,790
Business?

288
00:16:31,650 --> 00:16:33,070
Now, what should we sell?

289
00:16:33,830 --> 00:16:34,830
Turtles.

290
00:16:36,470 --> 00:16:37,470
Turtles.

291
00:16:38,290 --> 00:16:40,330
Turtle market's been depressed since 81.

292
00:16:43,850 --> 00:16:46,590
Now, if we're going to have a turtle
store...

293
00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:50,080
We have to decide how much to sell the
turtles for.

294
00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:51,380
Now, what do you think, everybody?

295
00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:52,760
For free.

296
00:16:52,780 --> 00:16:57,680
Oh, well, that is very nice of you,
Rhonda. We won't charge anything for the

297
00:16:57,680 --> 00:17:00,540
turtles. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

298
00:17:01,180 --> 00:17:03,860
At that rate, you're going to be out of
business by nap time.

299
00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:06,240
Would you excuse me, please?

300
00:17:07,099 --> 00:17:10,980
Now, what's the first thing we need for
our store?

301
00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:14,760
Turtles. Turtles. That's exactly right,
Andy.

302
00:17:16,879 --> 00:17:20,839
Once we have turtles, I guess we're
ready to open up. No, come on. Look,

303
00:17:20,839 --> 00:17:24,660
are a million decisions to be made here.
First of all, what kind of turtles are

304
00:17:24,660 --> 00:17:25,660
you going to sell?

305
00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:28,560
Myself, I'd suggest dividing the stock
up in the following manner.

306
00:17:28,940 --> 00:17:30,720
70 % disposable turtles.

307
00:17:31,140 --> 00:17:32,059
Disposable turtles?

308
00:17:32,060 --> 00:17:34,100
Yeah, you know, the kind that die as
soon as you bring them home.

309
00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:44,200
And then the other 30%, I'd have those
big sea turtles for soups.

310
00:17:45,970 --> 00:17:49,390
But you need a store manager to make
these decisions. Now, who wants to be a

311
00:17:49,390 --> 00:17:50,390
store manager?

312
00:17:50,850 --> 00:17:53,710
Oh, I see Andrew Keaton has his hand up.
I like a boy with initiative.

313
00:17:56,190 --> 00:17:58,290
I got an idea. We need co -managers.

314
00:17:58,590 --> 00:18:01,350
Hey, Michael, why don't you and Andy
both manage the store?

315
00:18:02,390 --> 00:18:05,770
Good. Great. Okay, now, we need an
advertising campaign.

316
00:18:06,090 --> 00:18:07,250
Rhonda, you ever do any modeling?

317
00:18:16,780 --> 00:18:17,960
Let's take the business line.

318
00:18:19,260 --> 00:18:24,860
Okay, we're gonna need a picture, a
photograph of you and a turtle, and a

319
00:18:24,860 --> 00:18:27,940
saying, uh, what? What? Uh, welcome to
our grand opening.

320
00:18:28,460 --> 00:18:29,640
Come out of your shelf there.

321
00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:32,260
Right? Okay, we're gonna need a sign.

322
00:18:32,540 --> 00:18:33,840
Uh, who wants to paint a sign?

323
00:18:34,580 --> 00:18:37,580
Excuse me, but I work here. Fabulous.
Get some paint, will you?

324
00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:43,780
Some red, white, and blue decorations.

325
00:18:44,180 --> 00:18:47,800
Okay, now, we're going to need a
business manager to help us avoid paying

326
00:18:49,220 --> 00:18:50,500
What's taxes?

327
00:18:51,020 --> 00:18:57,480
A tax is a terrible, hairy, liberal
monster

328
00:18:57,480 --> 00:19:01,320
with big teeth.

329
00:19:02,280 --> 00:19:08,720
And the only thing, the only thing that
can stop the terrible tax monster

330
00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:10,380
is a Republican.

331
00:19:19,020 --> 00:19:20,020
Wants to be a Republican.

332
00:19:22,340 --> 00:19:23,340
What's all this?

333
00:19:25,260 --> 00:19:28,660
Oh, it's very simple, Elise. If the back
-to -school breakfast didn't work, we'd

334
00:19:28,660 --> 00:19:30,940
just switch gears and try the back -to
-school dinner.

335
00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:33,960
But the kids have been back to school
for over a week now.

336
00:19:34,520 --> 00:19:36,380
So they've had time to work up an
appetite.

337
00:19:38,100 --> 00:19:38,979
See you later.

338
00:19:38,980 --> 00:19:40,600
Okay. Hey, where are you going?

339
00:19:42,580 --> 00:19:45,320
I'm having dinner at Chrissy's house.
They said I could go last week.

340
00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:48,910
This is a school... night, Jennifer.
Shouldn't you be staying home and

341
00:19:49,490 --> 00:19:53,050
I finished studying. And anyway, I got a
98 on my first test.

342
00:19:53,290 --> 00:19:56,550
I would have got a hundred except that I
put Mandalay down as the capital of

343
00:19:56,550 --> 00:19:57,710
Burma instead of Rangoon.

344
00:19:58,170 --> 00:20:00,230
And you expect us to just overlook that?

345
00:20:04,090 --> 00:20:05,490
Hi. Hey, Mal.

346
00:20:05,930 --> 00:20:09,490
Mallory, it's not your fault. You did
everything you could. Nah, thanks,

347
00:20:09,550 --> 00:20:11,730
And don't worry, you'll get over it.
What happened?

348
00:20:11,990 --> 00:20:13,900
Well, I got an F on my philosophy paper.

349
00:20:14,120 --> 00:20:15,420
I couldn't prove that Skippy existed.

350
00:20:18,060 --> 00:20:20,440
Maybe I'll just go back to the lab and
the other rats.

351
00:20:21,060 --> 00:20:22,360
At least I was accepted there.

352
00:20:29,900 --> 00:20:30,900
Bye -bye.

353
00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:36,760
Well, I hope you're hungry, Mel. We're
planning a big dinner.

354
00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:40,320
Um, I can't, Dad. Nick and I are going
to an art exhibit. It starts in half an

355
00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:41,320
hour. I'll see you later.

356
00:20:47,409 --> 00:20:48,870
Well, here we are again, Elise.

357
00:20:50,150 --> 00:20:53,550
You, me, and huge amounts of food.

358
00:20:55,870 --> 00:20:56,870
Hey. Hey.

359
00:20:56,970 --> 00:20:57,970
Hey, Alex.

360
00:20:58,190 --> 00:20:59,190
Andy.

361
00:20:59,490 --> 00:21:00,750
Hey, how are your classes?

362
00:21:01,190 --> 00:21:02,190
I don't know.

363
00:21:02,350 --> 00:21:04,690
Didn't make it. I spent the whole day at
preschool with Andy.

364
00:21:05,070 --> 00:21:06,190
Why? Was there a problem?

365
00:21:06,610 --> 00:21:07,930
He's still enrolled, isn't he?

366
00:21:08,770 --> 00:21:12,010
Yeah, he's still enrolled. As a matter
of fact, he got his report card today.

367
00:21:13,270 --> 00:21:14,690
Doesn't get along with other children.

368
00:21:15,110 --> 00:21:18,090
Has a tendency to try to run every
activity his own way.

369
00:21:18,610 --> 00:21:19,910
Wait a minute, that's mine.

370
00:21:27,170 --> 00:21:28,250
Here's Andy's right here.

371
00:21:29,150 --> 00:21:32,810
Oh, well, yeah. Andy is a delightful boy
who's very popular with the other

372
00:21:32,810 --> 00:21:35,310
children. It's a pleasure having him in
the class.

373
00:21:35,810 --> 00:21:36,810
Wonderful, Andy.

374
00:21:37,570 --> 00:21:41,310
Maybe I wasn't completely in the right
on this whole preschool thing.

375
00:21:41,610 --> 00:21:44,190
I mean, sure, they do some things
differently than I would.

376
00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:47,560
But on the whole, there's a whole lot of
love and affection there.

377
00:21:48,580 --> 00:21:54,360
With the proper supervision and the
right guest speakers, those kids could

378
00:21:54,360 --> 00:21:55,339
a lot.

379
00:21:55,340 --> 00:21:56,340
Guest speakers?

380
00:21:57,420 --> 00:21:59,160
I'm going to be lecturing there once a
week.

381
00:22:01,560 --> 00:22:04,080
By the way, you're planning on eating
here tonight, aren't you?

382
00:22:04,600 --> 00:22:08,500
Oh, Dad, listen, Andy and I are going to
have dinner alone tonight, kind of a

383
00:22:08,500 --> 00:22:10,420
brother's evening. That's all right,
isn't it?

384
00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:13,240
You're fine.

385
00:22:13,620 --> 00:22:16,330
Fine. I'll just put this in the back -to
-school freezer.

386
00:22:18,890 --> 00:22:19,890
I'll eat it.

387
00:22:20,070 --> 00:22:23,490
You're going to eat 15 hamburgers,
lasagna, and a rack of lamb, Elise?

388
00:22:24,010 --> 00:22:25,310
Well, not all at one sitting.

389
00:22:29,870 --> 00:22:30,870
Hey, Andy.

390
00:22:31,970 --> 00:22:33,830
Sorry I ruined your first week of
preschool.

391
00:22:35,630 --> 00:22:37,090
It's just that you're my only brother.

392
00:22:38,650 --> 00:22:43,290
I get a little crazy when it comes to
you. Because I know that you...

393
00:22:43,630 --> 00:22:47,830
are destined for greatness same way that
jennifer is destined for greatness the

394
00:22:47,830 --> 00:22:53,410
way i'm destined for greatness and uh
mallory's destined to be cared for by

395
00:22:53,410 --> 00:22:59,650
state but you can go at your own pace
okay i'm not gonna push you too hard

396
00:22:59,650 --> 00:23:06,190
if you ever need any advice come to me
you ever need anything come to your big

397
00:23:06,190 --> 00:23:12,230
brother all right don't ask me to beat
up anybody for you once you get past

398
00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:14,840
I close me.

399
00:23:16,780 --> 00:23:18,020
You bet he does.

400
00:23:19,200 --> 00:23:20,560
Let's go get some burgers, huh?

401
00:23:21,520 --> 00:23:22,520
Oh, Andy.

402
00:23:23,460 --> 00:23:24,460
You drive.

403
00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:55,200
Sit, Ubu, sit.

404
00:23:55,660 --> 00:23:56,660
Good dog.