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It's time for RiffTrax!

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RiffTrax! And it's not an easy job.

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They watch movies and they make up jokes about them.

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Tell their jokes to microphones.

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Put the jokes into a file. On a secret server

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deep beneath a mountain. Protected by a dragon.

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Who you gonna get to riff those tracks?

8
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I don't ever pick tracks where the riffs are missing.

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Why you always got pick RiffTrax?

10
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Only RiffTrax picks all the tracks worth riffing.

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It's your lucky day. It's time for RiffTrax!

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Hmm. Okay I think our logo design is complicated enough.

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No we don't really need that. Uh. Oh come on!

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Lines! Fancy.

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Seasonal film corporation.

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Unnecessarily restricting the time of year we make movies

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for no damn reason at all, since 1951.

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Seasonal Film presents Winnepeg. City on the move!

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Huh. They set Winnepeg in LA.

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I don't Gah. Shheeh.

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Musso and Franks? Can I get a steak?

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Oh. Hate eating at Karate.

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If you don't appreciate this title

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you were not born in the USA.

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Right.

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What? No no. I'm just sick of the illegals. Coming into

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this country and not respecting our movie titles.

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Ahh. Geez.

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H andamp; R Block! Hah!

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Wait? It is tax season.

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Wow. Teacher has a whole jacket made out of black belts.

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Sugarfoot named for his famous

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habit of storing candy in his shoes.

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JCVD as Ivan, the Belgian Russian.

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One step sparring.

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This can't be karate. Why aren't they

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standing with one leg up looking like dorky birds?

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Or doing repetitive chores for an eccentric janitor?

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Yeah or farting around with little bonsai trees.

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It makes no sense.

41
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Red belt means you're in love

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with your opponent, right?

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Even the me underwear guy from

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The Room is embarrassed for this kid.

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Jason, what are you doing?

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One step's in sync.

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Ha. Mustache dude in the back says I can

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out ham you even from here kid.

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Now get with the program okay?

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Yes Sensei.

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Everybody, continue!

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Mustache dude act your age dammit.

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Hoo.

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Hmm. Looks like some hotshot professional

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movie riffers just pulled up. Ready to show off their wealth and power.

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Made myself sad.

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There he is. Jean Claude Van Damme as Ivan the Scottsman.

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Russian. Yeah.

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Dismissed.

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Enjoy the Dragon Sound concert tonight kids.

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Okay, okay, okay.

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No retreat, no surrender. No money to

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replace this crappy old panel.

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Excuse me while I light my El Producto.

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Did you think over our proposal Mr Stillwell?

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Yes I did.

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And I'm sorry you came all the way from New York.

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But we don't need any motivational cat posters.

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I don't want to waste any more of your time.

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Meaning?

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Meaning I must decline your offer.

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If money's the problem

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We'll do a Kickstarter. It's perfect since you start

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a lot of kicks here. Right? Huh?!

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I won't join.

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Your organization.

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That's what I keep telling the

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CVS Extra Care Rewards program.

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Then my superiors will be quite insulted.

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I understood I had a choice in the matter.

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Are you that naive Mr. Stillwell?

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I'm over here.

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An example must be made.

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You see?

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This will solve nothing.

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Perhaps it'll prove instructive for others with the same ideas.

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I will not fight.

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Hoo! Them's fighting words.

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Karate is not to be used aggresively.

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But If I have no other choice.

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Then Ron Silver and I shall fight.

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They're showing concern.

93
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Wow look at the trophy cases in back.

94
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He must be a great bowler.

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Is this making you reconsider our offer?

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Well it's a compelling argument. Why don't you beat up

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my lawyer on Monday? We'll see what he says.

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Ha! Just defended injured friend by using

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him as your trampoline.

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Damn you Ivan the Argentinian!

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Russian?

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What, really?

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You bastards!

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Think of how many chair umps fantasized

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about doing this to John McEnroe over the years.

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Give us some hair. Ow!

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We'll be back with the contract Mr Stillwell.

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Until then.

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Get some rest.

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And eat healthy. And remember to stop and

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smell the roses. Oh sorry! Am I overdoing sarcasm?

112
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Whoa. Doesn't look like he's on fire. But that's

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the only conceivable reason for a scream like that.

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We'll get them. We'll make them pay.

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It's over.

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Fighting them is not the answer.

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What is the answer?

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The answer is retreating and surrendering. clearly.

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That bed pan disaster

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will haunt my dreams forever.

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That killer.

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It was Krishinsky the Russian.

123
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In the Billiard Room with the candle stick.

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They want all the major dojo's as

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fronts for the organized crime.

126
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I know they'll be back.

127
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What should I do?

128
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I can't lose my family.

129
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Or can I? Oh yeah, they're not so great.

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There's nothing else to do.

131
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But leave.

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Go ahead Sherman Oaks. Slap another

133
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Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf in there.

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We know you want to!

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Headed back to Appalachia. Teach karate to the hillbillies.

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Black belt pillies. Tonight on TLC.

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A Christopher Cross song keeps

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threatening to start but doesn't.

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Well it's not far down to paradise.

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But doesn't.

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The wind. Stop it!

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Sail away?

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Saskatoon. City of industry.

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Yeah. Soon as you pass that sign your

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shirt magically turns into plaid flannel.

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Seattle. Now a division of Amazon.com.

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I think they accidentally came back to Sherman Oaks.

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Well. Welcome to Seattle guys.

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Home of clear blue skies and dry lawns.

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This is it ladies and gentlemen. Last stop.

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Yes ma'am!

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Thanks for driving our car lady. Most strangers turn us down.

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Let me help you with that.

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That's it.

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Alright.

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Jason, quit screwing around and get to work.

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I don't like dad's new bitter Tiny Tim Shtick.

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Jason! Come here and help me with these things!

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Stop helping with those things and help with these things,

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is his parents basic message.

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Yeah but with an underlying note of you Jason.

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Can't believe mom and dad didn't notice

163
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that we're pulling this giant UHaul full of drugs!

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Finally a chance to dump mom's

165
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Precious Moments figurines at Goodwill.

166
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Oh well. Hello six hobos living in here. Oop.

167
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Sorry, seven. you two were having sex. you just looked like

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one old naked guy. anyway you're welcome to stay, no problem.

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Too soon to hang myself? Nah, I don't see

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this life going anywhere good.

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He is ready to take on any disembodied head

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dangling from a string.

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Technique was developed by Mr. Bean.

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Oh I know karate.

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Okay grandma ready to be unpacked?

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00:11:23,933 --> 00:11:27,053
Guys I believe this is what these modern kids

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of the 1980s refer to as fresh.

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No. Yeah check me out dude!

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I have far lamer basketball skills than most kids my age, yo!

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Hey nice moves.

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Hey thanks. My name's Rj. How you doing?

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Okay are we trapped in an anti drug PSA?

183
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Rayfer Jefferson Madison the Third.

184
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Hollywood in the 70s and 80s.

185
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Where every black person had an old president's name.

186
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No we just came for the weekend. We travel light.

187
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That's good.

188
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I was afraid the property values were going down.

189
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Well I'll tell my dad not to worry.

190
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Uh can I give you a hand with any of this?

191
00:12:10,463 --> 00:12:12,073
Yeah sure, we can always use some help.

192
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Forgot to give him a tshirt that says I am a fat guy.

193
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Hey dude. Remind me next time

194
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not to lend out my services so fast. Alright?

195
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Bruce Lee freak.

196
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That should go on my Grinder profile.

197
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Why me?

198
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Yes. Hmm.

199
00:12:36,353 --> 00:12:38,523
He's beating ball on a string now but

200
00:12:38,523 --> 00:12:40,523
after ball on a string's cool training montage,

201
00:12:40,523 --> 00:12:44,173
ball on a string vanquishes all comers.

202
00:12:44,173 --> 00:12:46,253
Sting like a bee! No, no no.

203
00:12:46,253 --> 00:12:48,123
That's not how you do it. Dodge it.

204
00:12:48,123 --> 00:12:49,643
Now add some other people

205
00:12:49,643 --> 00:12:52,463
for the perfect gym class nerd torment game.

206
00:12:52,463 --> 00:12:54,543
Look at you! Dodge it!

207
00:12:54,543 --> 00:12:56,243
Again!

208
00:12:56,243 --> 00:12:57,573
Whoa!

209
00:12:57,573 --> 00:13:00,643
Oh damn! I'm a professional nose model!

210
00:13:00,643 --> 00:13:03,143
Come over here and let me show you something else alright.

211
00:13:03,143 --> 00:13:04,573
Hey what is this?

212
00:13:04,573 --> 00:13:06,963
It's a wooden man. and it's used for like

213
00:13:06,963 --> 00:13:08,233
blocking and punching techniques. Watch.

214
00:13:08,233 --> 00:13:11,953
Careful I saw my uncle beat up by a coat rack like that.

215
00:13:11,953 --> 00:13:14,193
Ahh is that it? Well maybe it wasn't a coat rack.

216
00:13:14,193 --> 00:13:15,743
Might have been a guy wearing a coat.

217
00:13:15,743 --> 00:13:17,373
What's this?

218
00:13:17,373 --> 00:13:20,043
Ha ha ha.

219
00:13:23,923 --> 00:13:25,673
Well I dance a bit and now I'm really quick.

220
00:13:25,673 --> 00:13:26,953
Ladies and gentlemen we are

221
00:13:26,953 --> 00:13:28,473
witnessing the birth of hip hop.

222
00:13:28,473 --> 00:13:30,483
And its quick and brutal death.

223
00:13:30,483 --> 00:13:33,173
A year later actual hip hop was born after

224
00:13:33,173 --> 00:13:36,353
everyone made sure this guy wasn't in the room

225
00:13:36,353 --> 00:13:38,643
I'll rock to the beat. Watch my feet!

226
00:13:47,143 --> 00:13:50,283
That move right there is the first thing you learn at rap school.

227
00:13:50,283 --> 00:13:54,263
Yeah first year only has a 41% survival rate.

228
00:13:54,263 --> 00:13:57,853
Are you okay? Yeah.

229
00:13:57,853 --> 00:14:00,423
Boogaloo Shrimp watches in disgust.

230
00:14:00,423 --> 00:14:03,943
He's not even named for a crustacean.

231
00:14:03,943 --> 00:14:05,453
Not bad!

232
00:14:05,453 --> 00:14:07,683
Hey!

233
00:14:07,683 --> 00:14:09,453
This dancing machine.

234
00:14:09,453 --> 00:14:11,473
What gives anyway?

235
00:14:11,473 --> 00:14:13,353
You know, old houses and all.

236
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And idiots who put all their weight

237
00:14:14,893 --> 00:14:17,343
on unstable shelving and all.

238
00:14:17,343 --> 00:14:19,413
Three years.

239
00:14:19,413 --> 00:14:21,303
Oh then you must be pretty good.

240
00:14:21,303 --> 00:14:23,093
I've got some friends who have been doing it for about

241
00:14:23,093 --> 00:14:25,823
two years and one's even a second degree black belt.

242
00:14:25,823 --> 00:14:27,723
I'm not a black belt yet.

243
00:14:27,723 --> 00:14:29,663
What are you in?

244
00:14:29,663 --> 00:14:31,563
A special slow learners program or what?

245
00:14:31,563 --> 00:14:34,063
Achieve excellence immediately or quit? What the hell is wrong with you?

246
00:14:34,063 --> 00:14:35,703
Just like him.

247
00:14:35,703 --> 00:14:37,983
Hey I hear he's buried in Seattle. Do you know where?

248
00:14:37,983 --> 00:14:40,863
Yeah. I'll take you there tomorrow.

249
00:14:40,863 --> 00:14:42,363
Alright!

250
00:14:42,363 --> 00:14:44,643
We'll dig him up and taking funny pictures with his remains.

251
00:14:44,643 --> 00:14:46,473
Alright.

252
00:14:51,473 --> 00:14:54,823
The pictures say Bruce Lee but the music says Flashdance.

253
00:14:54,823 --> 00:14:59,803
He's a maniac! Maniac! In his garage.

254
00:15:04,963 --> 00:15:07,333
Wonder if he'd really need a piece of equipment that

255
00:15:07,333 --> 00:15:11,133
specialized when there are a lot of perfectly good trees around.

256
00:15:14,413 --> 00:15:15,893
Ah!

257
00:15:15,893 --> 00:15:18,493
Oh so that thing just beat him?

258
00:15:23,483 --> 00:15:25,483
Meanwhile ball on a string

259
00:15:25,483 --> 00:15:28,993
is looking on laughing Heh heh I'm next pal!

260
00:15:34,823 --> 00:15:39,743
Oh. He's learning the ancient karate wisdom. That when

261
00:15:39,743 --> 00:15:43,483
you hit your shin against something hard, well, kind of hurts.

262
00:15:46,503 --> 00:15:48,443
Whoa whoa whoa. Kid I was kidding.

263
00:15:48,443 --> 00:15:50,183
You won't hurt your old pal

264
00:15:50,183 --> 00:15:54,523
ball on a string will you now?

265
00:15:54,523 --> 00:15:56,693
Ah ha eat it you whelp!

266
00:15:56,693 --> 00:16:00,373
That's what happens when you mess with ball on a string.

267
00:16:05,973 --> 00:16:11,763
Whoa, the rare quadruple chin.

268
00:16:11,763 --> 00:16:15,223
Go ahead. Make my day.

269
00:16:15,223 --> 00:16:19,103
Ah Clint Eastwood please stop spraying the hose

270
00:16:19,103 --> 00:16:23,763
Could have sworn I just heard Clint Eastwood out here

271
00:16:23,763 --> 00:16:25,663
What are you doing?!

272
00:16:25,663 --> 00:16:27,543
Out here messing around?

273
00:16:27,543 --> 00:16:30,293
He learned his lines four words at a time.

274
00:16:30,293 --> 00:16:32,913
How many times have I given you something to do

275
00:16:32,913 --> 00:16:35,183
only to catch you goofing off?

276
00:16:35,183 --> 00:16:37,583
If I catch you doing this just one more time.

277
00:16:37,583 --> 00:16:39,283
Lots of face mugging in this film

278
00:16:39,283 --> 00:16:41,563
Someone tell these guys we're making a silent movie.

279
00:16:41,563 --> 00:16:43,193
Get to work!

280
00:16:43,193 --> 00:16:45,033
I'm going!

281
00:16:45,033 --> 00:16:47,353
Ha. Ugh.

282
00:16:47,353 --> 00:16:51,283
Gotta work Just gotta work.

283
00:16:51,283 --> 00:16:53,623
Treating me like a stepson.

284
00:16:53,623 --> 00:16:55,293
You know what? You know what?

285
00:16:55,293 --> 00:16:57,093
Well no. He did a little dance. I hope he's not

286
00:16:57,093 --> 00:16:59,033
about to make a little love.

287
00:17:02,653 --> 00:17:05,813
Stupid other people. Existing and all.

288
00:17:11,183 --> 00:17:16,613
Bastard. Flaunting his less than forty four inch waist.

289
00:17:19,303 --> 00:17:22,493
Ahh!

290
00:17:22,493 --> 00:17:25,863
Ahh! I'm ripping my skin off!

291
00:17:25,863 --> 00:17:27,783
Agh greasy fat sweat all over me!

292
00:17:27,783 --> 00:17:29,543
I'd rather have my skin ripped off.

293
00:17:29,543 --> 00:17:30,943
I told you you couldn't run away forever.

294
00:17:30,943 --> 00:17:32,723
You and that Bruce Lee freak!

295
00:17:32,723 --> 00:17:34,063
Aghh!

296
00:17:34,063 --> 00:17:35,793
Most vicious fat guy nose biting

297
00:17:35,793 --> 00:17:38,933
scene since Chris Farley and the Saigon Whore.

298
00:17:44,403 --> 00:17:47,253
Look out! Back to the Future rip off coming through!

299
00:17:54,743 --> 00:17:58,993
Hey come on big boy!

300
00:17:58,993 --> 00:18:01,893
If you think you've got the heart!

301
00:18:01,893 --> 00:18:04,023
Come on big boy! Jump it!

302
00:18:04,023 --> 00:18:06,573
You know you can do it. You can do it.

303
00:18:06,573 --> 00:18:08,043
Construction workers. Known for their

304
00:18:08,043 --> 00:18:09,943
nurturing encouragement.

305
00:18:14,363 --> 00:18:16,033
Still can't believe he beat out Peter O'Toole for

306
00:18:16,033 --> 00:18:18,473
the Oscar this year.

307
00:18:18,473 --> 00:18:20,663
Next time we meet buddy!

308
00:18:20,663 --> 00:18:22,873
I'm gonna beat you up so bad your mother

309
00:18:22,873 --> 00:18:25,713
won't even recognize you!

310
00:18:25,713 --> 00:18:27,363
Ah. He's gonna ask the wooden rack

311
00:18:27,363 --> 00:18:29,873
thing he punches to the prom.

312
00:18:29,873 --> 00:18:31,913
Yo Kimosabee.

313
00:18:31,913 --> 00:18:33,643
Thought we said ten o'clock RJ? Where have you been?

314
00:18:33,643 --> 00:18:36,733
Oh this new girl. She wouldn't let me leave.

315
00:18:36,733 --> 00:18:38,253
Save it for the National Enquirer.

316
00:18:38,253 --> 00:18:41,983
Yeah joke's on Jason. Rs banging bat boy's mom.

317
00:18:41,983 --> 00:18:44,593
But hey! You wouldn't believe what she can do with.

318
00:18:44,593 --> 00:18:46,993
Shut up and get in the car.

319
00:18:46,993 --> 00:18:49,113
You want me to drive?

320
00:18:49,113 --> 00:18:50,253
You know the way don't you?

321
00:18:50,253 --> 00:18:53,183
And a young Bob Uber gets a germ of an idea.

322
00:19:01,193 --> 00:19:03,753
The 1968 Ford LTD wagon.

323
00:19:03,753 --> 00:19:06,663
With room for 116 passengers, two tank battalions

324
00:19:06,663 --> 00:19:13,133
and six Harrier jets. Seat belts, optional

325
00:19:13,133 --> 00:19:15,203
Mixed The Exorcist theme for the 80s

326
00:19:15,203 --> 00:19:18,553
and called it Totally Tubular Bells.

327
00:19:21,253 --> 00:19:25,263
Jason's dad said, I'm gonna get me

328
00:19:25,263 --> 00:19:32,113
a car uglier than the Griswold's big green family truckster.

329
00:19:32,113 --> 00:19:37,793
Okay and none of this I'm coming to get you Barbara crap!

330
00:19:45,343 --> 00:19:48,993
Green Yamo's buried two rows over.

331
00:19:48,993 --> 00:19:52,503
My name is Jason Stillwell and I just moved here from Los Angeles.

332
00:19:52,503 --> 00:19:55,223
I'm here to severely overrate In and Out Burger at you.

333
00:19:55,223 --> 00:19:56,853
I'm a martial artist too.

334
00:19:56,853 --> 00:19:59,023
And I want to be like you someday.

335
00:19:59,023 --> 00:20:02,103
I practice what you teach, and I've read everything about you.

336
00:20:02,103 --> 00:20:05,353
That's how I knew that these were your favorite flowers.

337
00:20:05,353 --> 00:20:07,553
I'll eat them if you want me to.

338
00:20:07,553 --> 00:20:10,003
Please give the courage and strength.

339
00:20:10,003 --> 00:20:12,453
To stand up for what I believe.

340
00:20:12,453 --> 00:20:16,623
Thank you sensei Lee.

341
00:20:16,623 --> 00:20:19,793
James Michner scoffs at that puny little book.

342
00:20:28,803 --> 00:20:32,023
Peele struggled before he met Key.

343
00:20:38,513 --> 00:20:41,523
Wait a minute. That's Roy Orbison.

344
00:20:41,523 --> 00:20:46,793
I'm so tired of being dead!

345
00:20:46,793 --> 00:20:48,243
Alright, alright alright.

346
00:20:48,243 --> 00:20:50,403
Dig in. Eat until it hurts! It's on me!

347
00:20:50,403 --> 00:20:51,963
This is what those three hundred guys meant by

348
00:20:51,963 --> 00:20:55,053
tonight we dine in hell.

349
00:20:57,103 --> 00:21:01,243
Thanks for the lunch Scott. This is great.

350
00:21:01,243 --> 00:21:03,873
Oh no problem

351
00:21:03,873 --> 00:21:06,343
Hmm! Stick with me kids!

352
00:21:06,343 --> 00:21:08,213
You'll never go hungry.

353
00:21:08,213 --> 00:21:10,693
I did wonders for Scarlett O'Hara.

354
00:21:18,183 --> 00:21:20,513
Just wandering through fast

355
00:21:20,513 --> 00:21:23,933
food parking lots like I always do.

356
00:21:23,933 --> 00:21:30,233
What's the matter Scott?

357
00:21:30,233 --> 00:21:33,053
Yep this is how I spend my days.

358
00:21:33,053 --> 00:21:36,353
Just that slime ball RJ!

359
00:21:36,353 --> 00:21:39,353
Why do you hate that kid so much?

360
00:21:39,353 --> 00:21:41,593
I've got my reasons.

361
00:21:41,593 --> 00:21:43,023
Okay I'm a racist.

362
00:21:43,023 --> 00:21:45,123
Come here.

363
00:21:45,123 --> 00:21:47,163
Just keep him from going anywhere.

364
00:21:47,163 --> 00:21:49,253
That's all I ask.

365
00:21:49,253 --> 00:21:51,793
Alright.

366
00:21:51,793 --> 00:21:53,993
Why do I taste metal?

367
00:21:59,553 --> 00:22:03,623
Well. Peewee!

368
00:22:03,623 --> 00:22:06,613
Bike's not for sale Frances.

369
00:22:06,613 --> 00:22:09,623
Looks like you don't have anywhere else to run.

370
00:22:09,623 --> 00:22:11,853
Do ya?

371
00:22:11,853 --> 00:22:15,783
Yeah. It does look that way!

372
00:22:17,833 --> 00:22:19,033
Get him!

373
00:22:19,033 --> 00:22:20,503
Beat him unconscious and there's an extra

374
00:22:20,503 --> 00:22:23,203
bag of curly fries in it for you!

375
00:22:28,113 --> 00:22:30,573
You scared boss?

376
00:22:30,573 --> 00:22:32,833
With that guy's side rat tail? Hell yes!

377
00:22:32,833 --> 00:22:35,283
You'd better be.

378
00:22:35,283 --> 00:22:37,633
Because you've got no where else to run.

379
00:22:40,253 --> 00:22:42,203
The biggest fast food brawl since Dave Thomas

380
00:22:42,203 --> 00:22:46,063
kicked Arthur Treacher's ass in a Wendy's parking lot.

381
00:22:49,483 --> 00:22:51,973
They're still serving the Mc DLT!

382
00:22:55,303 --> 00:22:57,353
Jase!

383
00:22:57,353 --> 00:22:59,383
Hey RJ!

384
00:22:59,383 --> 00:23:01,823
Who's the lard ass?

385
00:23:01,823 --> 00:23:03,433
Beat it Brucey!

386
00:23:03,433 --> 00:23:05,063
I'm a proud gator!

387
00:23:05,063 --> 00:23:06,833
Go home and play with your wooden dolly!

388
00:23:06,833 --> 00:23:08,233
Take a walk fat boy.

389
00:23:08,233 --> 00:23:10,283
You stay out of this or you're gonna get hurt.

390
00:23:10,283 --> 00:23:12,773
This is between him and me.

391
00:23:12,773 --> 00:23:17,123
And Mayor Mc Cheese whose wife I ingested.

392
00:23:17,123 --> 00:23:19,453
No retreat, no surrender.

393
00:23:19,453 --> 00:23:21,583
Break it up, break it up!

394
00:23:21,583 --> 00:23:23,593
Brucey!

395
00:23:23,593 --> 00:23:27,823
Next time I'm gonna kill you!

396
00:23:27,823 --> 00:23:31,913
Listen closely and you can hear Candle Box sucking.

397
00:23:35,353 --> 00:23:40,093
Hmm. Getting a little chilly. I think I'll grab a couple of sleeves.

398
00:23:43,273 --> 00:23:45,493
I told you not to fight!

399
00:23:45,493 --> 00:23:49,123
May the audience come in?

400
00:23:49,123 --> 00:23:52,393
Jason, fighting is for punks!

401
00:23:52,393 --> 00:23:55,053
Dad I was helping a friend!

402
00:23:55,053 --> 00:23:56,703
Doesn't that mean anything to you?

403
00:23:56,703 --> 00:23:58,263
Fighting is wrong!

404
00:23:58,263 --> 00:24:00,363
Especially if you suck at it like me!

405
00:24:00,363 --> 00:24:02,043
It got me out of trouble today.

406
00:24:02,043 --> 00:24:03,893
Sure trouble you never would have been in before.

407
00:24:03,893 --> 00:24:05,783
Dad you never listen to me!

408
00:24:05,783 --> 00:24:07,673
I've heard it all before Jason.

409
00:24:07,673 --> 00:24:09,893
You don't know what the hell you're talking about!

410
00:24:09,893 --> 00:24:11,673
Watch your tone of voice with me young man!

411
00:24:11,673 --> 00:24:13,883
I bet karate's bad boy's Mike Barnes'

412
00:24:13,883 --> 00:24:15,853
dad never yells at him like this.

413
00:24:15,853 --> 00:24:18,483
Just because I don't agree doesn't mean I'm wrong.

414
00:24:18,483 --> 00:24:20,733
In this house what I say counts!

415
00:24:20,733 --> 00:24:23,203
Well then let's go next door.

416
00:24:23,203 --> 00:24:26,113
I don't know what I've raised?

417
00:24:26,113 --> 00:24:28,253
What? Go to your room.

418
00:24:28,253 --> 00:24:29,753
And you ought to be ashamed of yourself for

419
00:24:29,753 --> 00:24:32,033
fighting like some common street punk.

420
00:24:32,033 --> 00:24:34,113
But! No buts! Go to your room!

421
00:24:34,113 --> 00:24:36,713
A young Sir Mix-a-Lot was punished the same way.

422
00:24:36,713 --> 00:24:38,163
I'm not a child.

423
00:24:38,163 --> 00:24:39,933
Oh adults fight like this? I?

424
00:24:39,933 --> 00:24:41,593
Go to your room!

425
00:24:42,993 --> 00:24:45,653
Oh. He is going to the hell out of his room.

426
00:24:50,783 --> 00:24:55,633
I'll show dad. I'll become famous and chinese

427
00:24:55,633 --> 00:24:58,943
and die at 32. That'll teach him!

428
00:25:01,723 --> 00:25:07,673
Nowadays kids just bully their heavy bag online.

429
00:25:13,333 --> 00:25:16,413
And so Jason moved to Reno. Started a

430
00:25:16,413 --> 00:25:19,013
ventriloquist act and opened for Joan Rivers.

431
00:25:24,163 --> 00:25:26,423
Seven. Our next contestant will eat

432
00:25:26,423 --> 00:25:28,683
seven tubs of cottage cheese.

433
00:25:34,783 --> 00:25:36,633
In Reno this is what they do to you if

434
00:25:36,633 --> 00:25:38,833
they catch you counting cards at the black jack table.

435
00:25:38,833 --> 00:25:41,233
Yeah. Keeping a running count now you son of a.

436
00:25:45,293 --> 00:25:48,483
Is tripping a big part of this sport?

437
00:25:48,483 --> 00:25:50,503
It's a large part. But not as big as

438
00:25:50,503 --> 00:25:52,663
the hair pulling and eye gouging.

439
00:25:58,173 --> 00:26:02,613
Can barely make out the word participant.

440
00:26:02,613 --> 00:26:04,733
Hey Jase!! Check this out!

441
00:26:04,733 --> 00:26:06,873
Ian congratulations.

442
00:26:06,873 --> 00:26:09,683
Absolutely great match. you were fantastic.

443
00:26:09,683 --> 00:26:12,413
Boxing announcers. Known for their white sweater vests.

444
00:26:12,413 --> 00:26:16,033
National championship, is something I've

445
00:26:16,033 --> 00:26:18,173
been training for for quite some time.

446
00:26:18,173 --> 00:26:20,033
Well you certainly deserve it.

447
00:26:20,033 --> 00:26:23,133
As you can tell by the excitement in my voice.

448
00:26:23,133 --> 00:26:25,043
Seattle should be proud of you.

449
00:26:25,043 --> 00:26:26,773
Great fighter. Ian Reilly.

450
00:26:26,773 --> 00:26:28,403
Thank you thank you.

451
00:26:28,403 --> 00:26:29,883
You know that guy's place is around here.

452
00:26:29,883 --> 00:26:31,603
Let's dress in suits and muscle him out.

453
00:26:31,603 --> 00:26:33,993
Sure I go by there all the time. You want to go?

454
00:26:33,993 --> 00:26:36,043
Yeah you bet we can check it out.

455
00:26:36,043 --> 00:26:37,523
Tomorrow?

456
00:26:37,523 --> 00:26:38,753
Okay.

457
00:26:38,753 --> 00:26:42,293
Wow tomorrow comes quickly on the west coast.

458
00:26:42,293 --> 00:26:46,483
Look at these trophies.

459
00:26:46,483 --> 00:26:49,063
Competitive tickling, biggest earth worm,

460
00:26:49,063 --> 00:26:52,693
most teeth found in a tumor?

461
00:26:52,693 --> 00:27:00,033
Whoa! Check it out! They've got an exit sign!

462
00:27:00,033 --> 00:27:03,193
Hi can I help you?

463
00:27:03,193 --> 00:27:05,263
Yeah I was thinking about joining.

464
00:27:05,263 --> 00:27:08,793
Uh joining Scientology that is. This place eats.

465
00:27:08,793 --> 00:27:10,783
All you have to do is fill out these applications

466
00:27:10,783 --> 00:27:11,943
for me and I'll just take them to sensei.

467
00:27:11,943 --> 00:27:14,053
No just him, not me.

468
00:27:14,053 --> 00:27:15,063
Alright.

469
00:27:15,063 --> 00:27:16,853
I just like to watch him sign up for things.

470
00:27:16,853 --> 00:27:19,183
Do you know how to spell your name?

471
00:27:19,183 --> 00:27:22,033
Ha ha ha!

472
00:27:22,033 --> 00:27:24,713
Hi Sheryl have I had any calls?

473
00:27:24,713 --> 00:27:26,293
You don't get calls, you're a karate teacher.

474
00:27:26,293 --> 00:27:28,103
Tell them I'm in a meeting. Yeah sure.

475
00:27:28,103 --> 00:27:29,813
Huh. Jason Stillwell.

476
00:27:29,813 --> 00:27:32,623
Where did you study in Los Angeles? Uh Sherman Oaks Karate.

477
00:27:32,623 --> 00:27:34,473
Did you bring your gear? Yeah all set.

478
00:27:34,473 --> 00:27:36,293
Good because we have a class starting in a few minutes.

479
00:27:36,293 --> 00:27:38,663
That way you can take the class, give it a try, make a decision.

480
00:27:38,663 --> 00:27:40,883
Sounds fair. Alright right this way.

481
00:27:40,883 --> 00:27:44,613
Let's get you into the actual plot of this movie.

482
00:27:44,613 --> 00:27:47,373
That's him!

483
00:27:47,373 --> 00:27:49,403
Yeah that's sensei.

484
00:27:49,403 --> 00:27:50,643
He just took first at the nationals.

485
00:27:50,643 --> 00:27:52,033
Yeah I saw that on TV.

486
00:27:52,033 --> 00:27:54,323
And that's why he's not doing this, that's why I am. I'm Dean Ramsey.

487
00:27:54,323 --> 00:28:00,693
You're not one of those screw ups from Delta House are you?

488
00:28:00,693 --> 00:28:03,613
Hey! Where do sidekicks get dressed?

489
00:28:03,613 --> 00:28:06,773
Here's the locker.

490
00:28:06,773 --> 00:28:08,403
Go change in here.

491
00:28:08,403 --> 00:28:10,443
Class starts in about ten minutes.

492
00:28:10,443 --> 00:28:12,263
That way you can get some warm up in before that.

493
00:28:12,263 --> 00:28:14,613
Okay thanks.

494
00:28:18,303 --> 00:28:21,123
Sinister music sting for that guy?

495
00:28:21,123 --> 00:28:24,013
He deserves a tuba solo at best.

496
00:28:30,803 --> 00:28:33,483
Not bad! Not bad at all!

497
00:28:33,483 --> 00:28:35,033
Things you don't want to hear while

498
00:28:35,033 --> 00:28:36,843
you're changing in a locker room.

499
00:28:36,843 --> 00:28:39,613
Hey I told you, RJ always knows where to go.

500
00:28:39,613 --> 00:28:43,703
Damn Phi Sig stole all the purple belts.

501
00:28:43,703 --> 00:28:45,283
I ought to cancel their mixer!

502
00:28:45,283 --> 00:28:46,713
Excuse me, Dean.

503
00:28:46,713 --> 00:28:48,673
Dee. Do you want to talk?

504
00:28:48,673 --> 00:28:50,033
What's up?

505
00:28:50,033 --> 00:28:51,533
Who was that guy?

506
00:28:51,533 --> 00:28:53,513
My new student. Why?

507
00:28:53,513 --> 00:28:55,913
Did he say from was from LA? Yeah.

508
00:28:55,913 --> 00:28:57,673
Have they apologized to Seattle yet

509
00:28:57,673 --> 00:28:59,883
for Cameron Crowe's Singles?

510
00:28:59,883 --> 00:29:02,923
This. This.

511
00:29:02,923 --> 00:29:05,343
What about the man boobs?

512
00:29:05,343 --> 00:29:07,173
Well yeah he did those too.

513
00:29:07,173 --> 00:29:09,623
What did you fight about?

514
00:29:09,623 --> 00:29:14,783
Well um, he was talking about how bad Seattle karate is.

515
00:29:14,783 --> 00:29:18,333
What?

516
00:29:18,333 --> 00:29:20,453
That is the lamest insult ever.

517
00:29:20,453 --> 00:29:25,753
And talking about how wonderful Los Angeles karate is.

518
00:29:25,753 --> 00:29:28,913
Bragging about this Terry Silver guy.

519
00:29:28,913 --> 00:29:31,043
Pushing me around and stuff.

520
00:29:31,043 --> 00:29:32,623
And then the fight started.

521
00:29:32,623 --> 00:29:35,723
No I didn't want to fight.

522
00:29:35,723 --> 00:29:38,063
But what was I supposed to do?

523
00:29:38,063 --> 00:29:42,233
He's pretty good, but he uh fights dirty.

524
00:29:42,233 --> 00:29:45,673
He's like Greema Worm Tongue as played as Louis Anderson.

525
00:29:45,673 --> 00:29:48,393
Alright!

526
00:29:48,393 --> 00:29:50,523
Come here.

527
00:29:50,523 --> 00:29:53,603
Ah! Doppelgangers!

528
00:29:53,603 --> 00:29:55,723
I'm always ready to fight.

529
00:29:55,723 --> 00:29:57,403
Good, there's a good fighter here from LA.

530
00:29:57,403 --> 00:29:59,373
He wants to fight our best people.

531
00:29:59,373 --> 00:30:01,283
You're our best.

532
00:30:01,283 --> 00:30:03,713
Remember though he's good.

533
00:30:03,713 --> 00:30:06,553
If you relax at all, he'll eat you up.

534
00:30:06,553 --> 00:30:08,653
Eat him up? There's another member

535
00:30:08,653 --> 00:30:11,723
of this dojo I'm more worried about there.

536
00:30:11,723 --> 00:30:15,663
Let's bring it in, form a circle, by the ring right now.

537
00:30:15,663 --> 00:30:21,063
Yeah we form a circle near the ring. No a circle.

538
00:30:21,063 --> 00:30:22,813
What the hell is wrong with you people?

539
00:30:22,813 --> 00:30:25,333
It's not a good circle.

540
00:30:29,083 --> 00:30:32,883
Down.

541
00:30:32,883 --> 00:30:34,873
 Hey you'd better get out there, they're waiting for you.

542
00:30:34,873 --> 00:30:37,283
Your fame as one of many average high school kids

543
00:30:37,283 --> 00:30:40,293
from Los Angeles has spread far and wide.

544
00:30:45,323 --> 00:30:51,543
Class we have with us today, a distinguished visitor,

545
00:30:51,543 --> 00:30:53,933
who just arrived from LA. Hey.

546
00:30:53,933 --> 00:30:56,803
He'll never afford our towel fee.

547
00:30:56,803 --> 00:31:00,293
So I thought we might give him a taste of it.

548
00:31:00,293 --> 00:31:03,343
Fetal Oliver Hardy.

549
00:31:03,343 --> 00:31:04,513
Look, look.

550
00:31:04,513 --> 00:31:06,133
No excuses mister. You're in the ring.

551
00:31:06,133 --> 00:31:08,033
Let's see what you're made of.

552
00:31:08,033 --> 00:31:11,233
Frank, up.

553
00:31:11,233 --> 00:31:13,223
Toe the line. Toe the line.

554
00:31:13,223 --> 00:31:16,033
First draft of Beyonce's Irreplaceable.

555
00:31:16,033 --> 00:31:17,743
To the line, to the line.

556
00:31:17,743 --> 00:31:20,313
Bow to me.

557
00:31:20,313 --> 00:31:22,563
Bow to each other. Bow to General Zod.

558
00:31:22,563 --> 00:31:25,043
Come on Ray!

559
00:31:29,783 --> 00:31:35,583
So after this do I get a tour of the facility or?

560
00:31:42,973 --> 00:31:46,403
That big guy there. They implicitly trust him?

561
00:31:46,403 --> 00:31:50,403
At this dojo he is blameless karate angel.

562
00:31:54,523 --> 00:31:56,183
Ah yes. His extremely ad hoc and

563
00:31:56,183 --> 00:31:59,403
very likely to fail plan is somehow working out perfectly.

564
00:31:59,403 --> 00:32:01,743
Come on.

565
00:32:05,593 --> 00:32:07,323
And this is happening like a minute

566
00:32:07,323 --> 00:32:09,753
after he signed his application.

567
00:32:09,753 --> 00:32:12,053
Ha. Good thing he didn't join the Seattle Gun Club.

568
00:32:12,053 --> 00:32:14,123
They would have just shot him.

569
00:32:16,423 --> 00:32:18,503
So. This is LA karate.

570
00:32:18,503 --> 00:32:20,463
What the Eagles did for country music.

571
00:32:20,463 --> 00:32:22,523
That's what you're doing for karate.

572
00:32:26,643 --> 00:32:30,343
The epic LA versus Seattle karate battle

573
00:32:30,343 --> 00:32:33,803
was still remembered by, well. For those who witnessed

574
00:32:33,803 --> 00:32:36,853
and they never got much going in their lives.

575
00:32:36,853 --> 00:32:39,473
Fight!

576
00:32:39,473 --> 00:32:41,263
What are you afraid of?

577
00:32:41,263 --> 00:32:42,603
Fight!

578
00:32:42,603 --> 00:32:44,613
Well my mom's picking me up early to shop for dress pants.

579
00:32:44,613 --> 00:32:46,803
I said kill him!

580
00:32:52,063 --> 00:32:53,863
Ha ha ha!

581
00:32:53,863 --> 00:32:55,863
No Jase, stop!

582
00:32:55,863 --> 00:32:58,203
We're gonna break dance our way out of here.

583
00:33:00,833 --> 00:33:03,013
Later bro.

584
00:33:03,013 --> 00:33:05,113
What about my clothes? No time.

585
00:33:05,113 --> 00:33:08,113
But my wallet, my heart medication? Too late.

586
00:33:08,113 --> 00:33:12,113
LA karate.

587
00:33:12,113 --> 00:33:15,273
I'm impressed.

588
00:33:15,273 --> 00:33:17,823
There is no sense of humor in this dojo.

589
00:33:21,483 --> 00:33:23,323
All this party stuff is just an elaborate

590
00:33:23,323 --> 00:33:26,653
ruse to trap Andrew W Kay.

591
00:33:27,963 --> 00:33:29,193
You guys having fun?

592
00:33:29,193 --> 00:33:30,923
Yeah we're having a great time.

593
00:33:30,923 --> 00:33:32,523
Hi! Happy birthday!

594
00:33:32,523 --> 00:33:34,313
Is no one going to compliment my

595
00:33:34,313 --> 00:33:36,373
early 70s Robert Plant wig?

596
00:33:36,373 --> 00:33:38,593
This party's terrific. It's beautiful.

597
00:33:38,593 --> 00:33:40,453
Maybe later Bill.

598
00:33:40,453 --> 00:33:42,193
Okay. I'll tell you guys.

599
00:33:42,193 --> 00:33:43,653
Tonight's the night.

600
00:33:43,653 --> 00:33:48,253
After this party, Kelly's gonna be putty in my arms.

601
00:33:48,253 --> 00:33:51,073
Putty from Seinfeld that is.

602
00:33:51,073 --> 00:33:53,273
Hey Jason!

603
00:33:53,273 --> 00:33:57,433
Oh! Let me check you out!

604
00:33:57,433 --> 00:33:59,403
Yes! Don't we look cute!

605
00:33:59,403 --> 00:34:00,603
Though I'm kind of surprised you're not

606
00:34:00,603 --> 00:34:02,573
wearing a Bruce Lee skin suit yet.

607
00:34:02,573 --> 00:34:04,153
She must be pretty special huh?

608
00:34:04,153 --> 00:34:05,833
You better believe it.

609
00:34:05,833 --> 00:34:08,113
Cannon ball! Whoa!

610
00:34:08,113 --> 00:34:11,703
Ah I'm cramping from the entire spiral cut ham I just ate.

611
00:34:11,703 --> 00:34:14,223
It's hell being a stock fat guy character.

612
00:34:16,753 --> 00:34:19,083
I love him.

613
00:34:20,843 --> 00:34:23,103
Hi Kelly. Are you having a good time?

614
00:34:23,103 --> 00:34:25,313
I sure am. It's gonna be a great party.

615
00:34:25,313 --> 00:34:28,923
Gonna be. So this isn't the actual party. Well that's a relief.

616
00:34:28,923 --> 00:34:30,853
Can you talk like a human being Dean?

617
00:34:30,853 --> 00:34:34,753
Kelly, don't fight it.

618
00:34:34,753 --> 00:34:36,903
It's bigger than the both of us.

619
00:34:36,903 --> 00:34:40,523
My giant blouse I mean. I've gotta learn how to buy clothes.

620
00:34:40,523 --> 00:34:41,933
I'm not interested.

621
00:34:41,933 --> 00:34:43,733
Go find some other girl to pest.

622
00:34:43,733 --> 00:34:45,613
You're the only one I want to pest.

623
00:34:45,613 --> 00:34:47,993
Also John Leguizamo's pick up line

624
00:34:47,993 --> 00:34:51,563
Kelly? Kelly?

625
00:34:51,563 --> 00:34:54,283
I won at the hugest dork awards!

626
00:34:54,283 --> 00:34:58,253
How's my little sister?

627
00:34:58,253 --> 00:35:00,873
You know I think I missed you most of all.

628
00:35:00,873 --> 00:35:02,473
I missed you too.

629
00:35:02,473 --> 00:35:05,743
Anybody else picking up on a distinct Lannister mood here?

630
00:35:05,743 --> 00:35:07,783
Got this trophy too, for your room. Okay?

631
00:35:07,783 --> 00:35:09,443
Yeah I always wanted a trophy so big

632
00:35:09,443 --> 00:35:11,683
nobody could take it seriously.

633
00:35:11,683 --> 00:35:13,293
Come on guys.

634
00:35:13,293 --> 00:35:15,603
Congrats.

635
00:35:15,603 --> 00:35:17,803
Everything went great.

636
00:35:17,803 --> 00:35:19,073
Any problems while I was gone?

637
00:35:19,073 --> 00:35:22,053
Hope you didn't accept any obnoxious fat guys into dojo.

638
00:35:22,053 --> 00:35:24,233
Have I got stories to tell you guys.

639
00:35:24,233 --> 00:35:25,923
Ian there's a telephone call for you.

640
00:35:25,923 --> 00:35:28,493
Okay. Look, I've got to go.

641
00:35:28,493 --> 00:35:30,193
Catch you guys later.

642
00:35:30,193 --> 00:35:34,113
He's got that hip substitute teacher vibe you want in a sensei.

643
00:35:34,113 --> 00:35:36,333
Let's turn all the chairs around and just rap guys.

644
00:35:36,333 --> 00:35:37,843
Mr. Reilly?

645
00:35:37,843 --> 00:35:39,853
You're talking to him. What can I do for you?

646
00:35:39,853 --> 00:35:41,543
If you want to keep your business

647
00:35:41,543 --> 00:35:43,873
be down at your dojo in a half hour.

648
00:35:43,873 --> 00:35:45,613
Can I wear khaki? Who is this?

649
00:35:45,613 --> 00:35:47,763
A friend of yours from New York.

650
00:35:47,763 --> 00:35:50,343
I thought? Be there.

651
00:35:50,343 --> 00:35:54,753
He doesn't know what to think. Or where to look.

652
00:35:54,753 --> 00:35:58,543
Or how to think.

653
00:35:58,543 --> 00:36:02,993
Ha! He's gonna show everyone his woody.

654
00:36:02,993 --> 00:36:06,243
And after that he'll show them his car right?

655
00:36:06,243 --> 00:36:08,263
No. No?

656
00:36:08,263 --> 00:36:10,683
No he'll show them his car before his erect penis.

657
00:36:10,683 --> 00:36:13,073
Oh Mike! Geez! What?

658
00:36:13,073 --> 00:36:16,653
Goodness gracious.

659
00:36:21,803 --> 00:36:25,343
Jason! I'm so glad you came.

660
00:36:25,343 --> 00:36:27,613
I wouldn't have missed it for the world. Happy birthday.

661
00:36:27,613 --> 00:36:29,703
Also have we met?

662
00:36:34,223 --> 00:36:40,853
This table needs a few more chairs.

663
00:36:40,853 --> 00:36:46,023
Uh. Ten bucks says it's Gwynneth Paltrow's severed head.

664
00:36:46,023 --> 00:36:48,413
Oh!

665
00:36:48,413 --> 00:36:51,563
I hope you like it.

666
00:36:51,563 --> 00:36:53,713
Enjoy the unexpected responsibility!

667
00:36:53,713 --> 00:36:55,783
How did you know?

668
00:36:55,783 --> 00:36:57,363
You made such a fuss over it at the pet store

669
00:36:57,363 --> 00:36:58,883
the other day I decided to get him.

670
00:36:58,883 --> 00:37:00,023
He's perfect.

671
00:37:00,023 --> 00:37:02,913
It's a shame they had to cut that pet store scene, apparently.

672
00:37:04,183 --> 00:37:05,713
But I think so.

673
00:37:05,713 --> 00:37:07,453
You're so adorable. I'm gonna love you to death!

674
00:37:07,453 --> 00:37:10,583
Speaking of death. There was another bunny

675
00:37:10,583 --> 00:37:12,603
in there but then your brother slammed into me.

676
00:37:12,603 --> 00:37:14,073
Thank you Jason.

677
00:37:16,873 --> 00:37:21,403
Out of nowhere bunny inspired make out sesh?

678
00:37:21,403 --> 00:37:23,973
You fellas gotta see this!

679
00:37:28,723 --> 00:37:31,063
Alright first I take my shirt off. Then you take your shirt off.

680
00:37:31,063 --> 00:37:32,743
Then we go into the other room.

681
00:37:40,963 --> 00:37:44,663
Action Steve Irwin!

682
00:37:47,583 --> 00:37:49,713
How did you get in here?

683
00:37:49,713 --> 00:37:51,793
That's not important.

684
00:37:51,793 --> 00:37:54,473
What is important is that we are here.

685
00:37:54,473 --> 00:37:57,623
Pretty sound philosophy for life actually.

686
00:37:57,623 --> 00:37:59,913
I wasn't interested. I run my own show.

687
00:37:59,913 --> 00:38:01,773
Frankly Mr huh? Reilly.

688
00:38:01,773 --> 00:38:05,063
It isn't acceptable, you must join us.

689
00:38:05,063 --> 00:38:08,573
We've got a reservation at Cheesecake Factory and that's that.

690
00:38:08,573 --> 00:38:12,903
Oh yes! Your sister Kelly's party.

691
00:38:12,903 --> 00:38:15,363
She's uh, seventeen today?

692
00:38:15,363 --> 00:38:18,373
Please give her our love.

693
00:38:18,373 --> 00:38:19,863
I hear she'll give hers to any one with a

694
00:38:19,863 --> 00:38:21,533
small rodent in a box.

695
00:38:21,533 --> 00:38:23,593
I'd hate to see anything happen to her.

696
00:38:23,593 --> 00:38:25,633
Enough!

697
00:38:25,633 --> 00:38:28,723
We don't want any violence Ian.

698
00:38:28,723 --> 00:38:31,493
Tall Serpico, how's it going?

699
00:38:31,493 --> 00:38:36,593
Seattle's next on our list. and we will have your dojo.

700
00:38:36,593 --> 00:38:39,283
We'll be in touch.

701
00:38:39,283 --> 00:38:41,403
Seems like organized crime took a major detour

702
00:38:41,403 --> 00:38:44,193
into karate dojo ownership in the eighties.

703
00:38:44,193 --> 00:38:46,573
Yeah. They lost a whole lot of money.

704
00:38:46,573 --> 00:38:51,863
Not very organized really.

705
00:38:51,863 --> 00:38:53,363
Hi!

706
00:38:53,363 --> 00:38:55,463
Nervous bunny poop pellets.

707
00:38:55,463 --> 00:38:57,113
He's so adorable!

708
00:38:57,113 --> 00:38:59,523
He's so cute! Who gave it to you?

709
00:38:59,523 --> 00:39:01,443
Jason did.

710
00:39:01,443 --> 00:39:03,093
He's a friend of mine from Los Angeles. We met last summer.

711
00:39:03,093 --> 00:39:05,163
Also we went to a pet store recently

712
00:39:05,163 --> 00:39:07,163
but there's no proof of that.

713
00:39:07,163 --> 00:39:09,843
This is Jason. Nice to meet you.

714
00:39:13,373 --> 00:39:15,243
I''m dressed so much more formally than he is.

715
00:39:15,243 --> 00:39:17,493
How's my girl? What do you think you're doing?

716
00:39:17,493 --> 00:39:22,013
Well well. Look at what the cat drug in?

717
00:39:22,013 --> 00:39:25,583
Please, gentlemen. Not in front of The Party's Here sign.

718
00:39:25,583 --> 00:39:27,253
We're old pals.

719
00:39:27,253 --> 00:39:29,423
Aren't we Jason?

720
00:39:29,423 --> 00:39:31,333
How's it going buddy?

721
00:39:31,333 --> 00:39:34,103
What are you guys? Kelly! Kelly!

722
00:39:34,103 --> 00:39:35,853
Come on open your presents.

723
00:39:35,853 --> 00:39:38,303
Kelly floats through life as a confused clown.

724
00:39:38,303 --> 00:39:41,623
Stay out of the way punk. She's mine.

725
00:39:41,623 --> 00:39:43,413
I didn't see a ring did I?

726
00:39:43,413 --> 00:39:45,273
Are you thick? Her brother's my sensei.

727
00:39:45,273 --> 00:39:47,423
She's spoken for. By me!

728
00:39:47,423 --> 00:39:49,163
Or anyone else whose sensei is her brother,

729
00:39:49,163 --> 00:39:50,963
which is actually a lot of guys.

730
00:39:50,963 --> 00:39:52,713
We'll see about that.

731
00:39:57,873 --> 00:40:00,043
So is it raining or what?

732
00:40:00,043 --> 00:40:02,563
Oh man. They're almost out of cake. come on!

733
00:40:02,563 --> 00:40:06,763
Oh man, they're almost out of cake, come on! will be his epitaph.

734
00:40:09,403 --> 00:40:13,063
School full of seven year olds who got suddenly

735
00:40:13,063 --> 00:40:16,183
morphed into teenagers with some kind of magic ray?

736
00:40:16,183 --> 00:40:17,783
Just back off Dean.

737
00:40:17,783 --> 00:40:19,073
Get out of my face!

738
00:40:20,813 --> 00:40:23,083
That's all the proof we need. Theory confirmed Mike.

739
00:40:25,433 --> 00:40:28,593
Oh no! Our soda! And pie!

740
00:40:32,243 --> 00:40:34,313
I told you not to stay.

741
00:40:34,313 --> 00:40:36,383
The reverse Lisa Lobe.

742
00:40:36,383 --> 00:40:38,753
Oo.

743
00:40:38,753 --> 00:40:45,083
What in the name of Disney branded characters?

744
00:40:45,083 --> 00:40:47,453
Calm down, just having a little fun.

745
00:40:47,453 --> 00:40:51,073
Wait, gang land style decapitation. Just a little backyard fun.

746
00:40:51,073 --> 00:40:53,083
Hear that punk?

747
00:40:53,083 --> 00:40:54,973
She knows who's the best.

748
00:40:54,973 --> 00:40:57,433
No! Stop it!

749
00:40:57,433 --> 00:40:59,103
Please don't kill a man for my sake.

750
00:40:59,103 --> 00:41:02,783
That wouldn't be a turn on at all.

751
00:41:07,473 --> 00:41:10,543
And now the bunny slaps him.

752
00:41:10,543 --> 00:41:12,533
Jason wait for me!

753
00:41:12,533 --> 00:41:15,423
Bold move parking this heap in our driveway by the way.

754
00:41:15,423 --> 00:41:17,653
I had no idea. Yeah right!

755
00:41:17,653 --> 00:41:19,103
You really think I had something.

756
00:41:19,103 --> 00:41:21,583
What was I supposed to think? I didn't know anything!

757
00:41:21,583 --> 00:41:23,153
Oh give it a rest Kelly!

758
00:41:23,153 --> 00:41:25,293
That's our hero. A petulant baby shoving

759
00:41:25,293 --> 00:41:28,793
a girl because she invited him to her birthday party.

760
00:41:28,793 --> 00:41:34,233
Yeah I don't think that was quite tire squealing speed.

761
00:41:38,053 --> 00:41:41,513
Someday I'll be Rob Lowe. That'll show them.

762
00:41:44,633 --> 00:41:48,833
Oh right I almost forgot about the time you fell on the table.

763
00:41:48,833 --> 00:41:52,643
Stop it Dean! Don't hurt him!

764
00:41:52,643 --> 00:41:54,713
Oh right and then there was also this recent event.

765
00:41:54,713 --> 00:41:56,613
I remember now.

766
00:42:02,633 --> 00:42:04,673
Dah! So mad at her!

767
00:42:04,673 --> 00:42:06,693
Can't believe she loved the bunny I gave her,

768
00:42:06,693 --> 00:42:09,263
and then made out with me, and then defended me,

769
00:42:09,263 --> 00:42:13,673
and slapped that guy. and begged me not to leave. Wait.

770
00:42:13,673 --> 00:42:15,183
I don't know why.

771
00:42:15,183 --> 00:42:17,233
I can't, I can't handle it.

772
00:42:17,233 --> 00:42:20,023
I can't seem to get anything right.

773
00:42:20,023 --> 00:42:23,033
I'm trying but everything's going wrong.

774
00:42:23,033 --> 00:42:25,133
I'm sure talking to a celebrity's head stone

775
00:42:25,133 --> 00:42:27,833
is a step in the right direction.

776
00:42:27,833 --> 00:42:33,223
I can't do it. I need help! sensei Lee

777
00:42:33,223 --> 00:42:35,073
You have to help me!

778
00:42:35,073 --> 00:42:36,703
Also as my sensei if you have a sister you

779
00:42:36,703 --> 00:42:42,693
have to let me date her. It's a rule I just learned.

780
00:42:42,693 --> 00:42:45,773
Beat it nerd.

781
00:42:45,773 --> 00:42:48,493
Sensei Lee I've got no place else to go!

782
00:42:48,493 --> 00:42:52,583
No one but you.

783
00:42:52,583 --> 00:42:56,243
No one but you.

784
00:42:56,243 --> 00:42:57,873
Hey do me a favor. Cut away before

785
00:42:57,873 --> 00:43:02,993
he starts humping the earth.

786
00:43:02,993 --> 00:43:05,353
Meanwhile, cities exist.

787
00:43:10,123 --> 00:43:12,943
God, no one in the world but Bruce Lee. Oh well,

788
00:43:12,943 --> 00:43:15,113
back to my stupid caring family and my good

789
00:43:15,113 --> 00:43:19,693
supportive friend who lives next door.

790
00:43:23,223 --> 00:43:26,643
Is that Pepsi on your breath young man?

791
00:43:26,643 --> 00:43:28,163
Where you been? Nowhere.

792
00:43:28,163 --> 00:43:31,293
I asked where you were. And I told you didn't I?

793
00:43:31,293 --> 00:43:34,943
That cane turned dad into a mean old kook, real quick.

794
00:43:34,943 --> 00:43:36,263
I'll pretend I didn't hear that.

795
00:43:36,263 --> 00:43:37,823
Suit yourself. I pretend I didn't say it.

796
00:43:37,823 --> 00:43:39,553
Fighting again?

797
00:43:39,553 --> 00:43:40,823
So what?

798
00:43:40,823 --> 00:43:42,383
You know how I feel about fighting!

799
00:43:42,383 --> 00:43:45,113
But I love arguing! It's complicated.

800
00:43:45,113 --> 00:43:47,223
You're scared to death of it.

801
00:43:47,223 --> 00:43:51,603
Is that what you really think?

802
00:43:51,603 --> 00:43:53,123
Get it together son. You're dressed like

803
00:43:53,123 --> 00:43:54,983
it's Night of the Living Dead.

804
00:43:54,983 --> 00:43:58,093
I'm gonna get you Barbara.

805
00:43:58,093 --> 00:44:01,453
Instead of running away. If you'd been anything but a coward!

806
00:44:01,453 --> 00:44:02,843
Baby blue polo and haircut

807
00:44:02,843 --> 00:44:06,133
from the coward collection.

808
00:44:06,133 --> 00:44:08,163
That's it!

809
00:44:08,163 --> 00:44:11,263
From now on, the garage is off limits.

810
00:44:11,263 --> 00:44:13,593
And I don't want you going near it.

811
00:44:13,593 --> 00:44:15,173
You can't do that!

812
00:44:15,173 --> 00:44:16,473
Can't I?

813
00:44:16,473 --> 00:44:19,003
I'm really asking. I'm a total coward like you said.

814
00:44:19,003 --> 00:44:20,413
It's my house too!

815
00:44:20,413 --> 00:44:24,013
We'll call it your house, when you start paying the rent okay?

816
00:44:24,013 --> 00:44:28,273
Until then, you do as I say. Clear?

817
00:44:28,273 --> 00:44:30,223
Just leave me alone!

818
00:44:30,223 --> 00:44:32,033
I'm gonna go make sure the cat's in the cradle

819
00:44:32,033 --> 00:44:34,693
and polish our silver spoons.

820
00:44:38,053 --> 00:44:39,763
Right. Where's that old can of WD40?

821
00:44:39,763 --> 00:44:43,833
Daddy needs a huff when he's stressed.

822
00:44:43,833 --> 00:44:46,153
Useless junk!

823
00:44:46,153 --> 00:44:48,243
Hey, he doesn't even need the cane.

824
00:44:48,243 --> 00:44:51,243
What a gold bricker.

825
00:44:53,603 --> 00:44:57,293
Dad! Duh! Dad!

826
00:44:57,293 --> 00:44:59,263
What should have been done long ago.

827
00:44:59,263 --> 00:45:01,003
Let's go inside and talk dad. Please.

828
00:45:01,003 --> 00:45:03,553
There's no more to say. Now just get out!

829
00:45:03,553 --> 00:45:05,923
I hate fighting! I'll kick your ass to prove it!

830
00:45:05,923 --> 00:45:09,393
Don't do that! No!

831
00:45:10,813 --> 00:45:12,373
Oh no how will he replace that poster

832
00:45:12,373 --> 00:45:14,793
he probably got for free at a school book fair?

833
00:45:18,363 --> 00:45:21,653
I get it kid. I had the same fight with my dad when

834
00:45:21,653 --> 00:45:23,563
he ripped up my centerfold posters from

835
00:45:23,563 --> 00:45:26,203
canned mushrooms monthly.

836
00:45:31,983 --> 00:45:34,223
RJ! Come on buddy You got any Bruce Lee posters

837
00:45:34,223 --> 00:45:38,143
I can look at? I need a fix man. I need it bad!

838
00:45:39,473 --> 00:45:41,243
RJ?

839
00:45:41,243 --> 00:45:42,903
What the?

840
00:45:42,903 --> 00:45:45,103
RJ just got off his shift at the cafeteria.

841
00:45:45,103 --> 00:45:48,083
Dad trashed out the garage, everything's in the driveway.

842
00:45:48,083 --> 00:45:50,213
Wow. What are you gonna do?

843
00:45:50,213 --> 00:45:52,313
I don't know.

844
00:45:52,313 --> 00:45:54,313
Maybe go home, sleep in your bed?

845
00:45:54,313 --> 00:45:55,933
Any ideas?

846
00:45:55,933 --> 00:45:58,713
Yes! I know of an empty house near here.

847
00:45:58,713 --> 00:46:00,693
We can take the stuff there if you like.

848
00:46:00,693 --> 00:46:02,253
The stuff? Why are they talking about

849
00:46:02,253 --> 00:46:05,853
karate fan memorabilia? Like it's black tar heroin?

850
00:46:05,853 --> 00:46:09,373
You just wait here.

851
00:46:09,373 --> 00:46:11,663
Oh please tell me they're both wearing hair nets now.

852
00:46:11,663 --> 00:46:16,013
That'd be great.

853
00:46:16,013 --> 00:46:18,433
Yeah Seattle's known for three things. The space needle

854
00:46:18,433 --> 00:46:22,363
coffee, and large abandoned homes in nice neighborhoods.

855
00:46:25,033 --> 00:46:28,523
Thanks abandoned house for having an old tiny

856
00:46:28,523 --> 00:46:35,493
wick lamp at the ready, all filled with tiny lamp oil.

857
00:46:35,973 --> 00:46:38,323
Good, now light that box of crap on fire.

858
00:46:44,463 --> 00:46:47,133
Ah these teenage guys sure had a

859
00:46:47,133 --> 00:46:49,503
healthy supply of candles handy.

860
00:46:49,503 --> 00:46:52,263
Yep. Boys will be boys.

861
00:46:55,463 --> 00:46:58,653
We had a real weird thing going here, don't we RJ?

862
00:46:58,653 --> 00:47:02,153
That's the last of it.

863
00:47:02,153 --> 00:47:08,903
World's largest summer sausage was the final piece.

864
00:47:08,903 --> 00:47:12,243
One likes diet coke the other was

865
00:47:12,243 --> 00:47:15,823
into coke classic and yet they make it work.

866
00:47:15,823 --> 00:47:17,723
This settled quickly.

867
00:47:17,723 --> 00:47:19,503
Oh the man's gonna be pissed.

868
00:47:19,503 --> 00:47:21,333
You go ahead RJ. I'm gonna stick around here for a while.

869
00:47:21,333 --> 00:47:23,653
I thought you were staying at my house tonight?

870
00:47:23,653 --> 00:47:26,673
I got those blueberry mini muffins you like for breakfast.

871
00:47:26,673 --> 00:47:27,813
He'll call the cops.

872
00:47:27,813 --> 00:47:29,403
I know what you mean.

873
00:47:29,403 --> 00:47:31,073
So you go on and I'll catch you later.

874
00:47:31,073 --> 00:47:32,853
Sounds good to me.

875
00:47:32,853 --> 00:47:34,443
You wanna be alone with all these Bruce Lee

876
00:47:34,443 --> 00:47:36,503
photos and the candles. You got it.

877
00:47:36,503 --> 00:47:38,573
Thanks. I mean.

878
00:47:38,573 --> 00:47:41,433
I hope you don't get into trouble.

879
00:47:41,433 --> 00:47:43,693
Don't worry about me. I can handle it.

880
00:47:43,693 --> 00:47:46,133
No retreat, no surrender.

881
00:47:46,133 --> 00:47:48,923
Except for the two conflicts I retreated from today.

882
00:47:48,923 --> 00:47:52,193
Yeah. Later!

883
00:47:52,193 --> 00:47:56,873
Well, I guess there's no getting around it.

884
00:47:56,873 --> 00:48:01,223
It's time to take a dump on the floor of this abandoned house.

885
00:48:04,833 --> 00:48:06,353
It's thoughtful of RJ to stick around

886
00:48:06,353 --> 00:48:07,983
in the next room playing piano.

887
00:48:07,983 --> 00:48:10,193
Such a good friend.

888
00:48:12,783 --> 00:48:14,813
Taking a dump.

889
00:48:16,483 --> 00:48:18,503
Very nice. In a few minutes the hoards of insects

890
00:48:18,503 --> 00:48:21,553
and varmints who call this place home will come out

891
00:48:21,553 --> 00:48:24,603
of hiding to devour all your posters and your fighting stuff.

892
00:48:24,603 --> 00:48:31,606
Until nothing's left. But for now very nice.

893
00:48:32,013 --> 00:48:35,323
A little grim Mike.

894
00:48:38,103 --> 00:48:40,853
He buys them for the articles okay. The articles!

895
00:48:43,963 --> 00:48:50,583
Ah, Reader's Digest. Humor in uniform. Take me away.

896
00:48:54,953 --> 00:48:56,833
Bruce Lee's fighting method. Step one,

897
00:48:56,833 --> 00:48:58,673
don't spend your time sitting in an empty house reading

898
00:48:58,673 --> 00:49:02,243
a cheap pamphlet called Bruce Lee's fighting method.

899
00:49:06,763 --> 00:49:11,053
Wait. More of this? Where's the fat bully when you need him?

900
00:49:16,133 --> 00:49:18,523
It's uh, it's cool movie. You go ahead

901
00:49:18,523 --> 00:49:21,313
and take yourself a little break. We'll wait.

902
00:49:21,313 --> 00:49:26,543
Need a break. too. Okay that's enough.

903
00:49:26,543 --> 00:49:29,943
Gah! Prog rock is here!

904
00:49:34,973 --> 00:49:37,843
Oh I hope that's his dad with a bulldozer.

905
00:49:37,843 --> 00:49:43,593
I told you to get rid of this Bruce Lee junk!. Hmm. Hmm.

906
00:49:43,593 --> 00:49:46,423
Who's there? RJ is that you?

907
00:49:46,423 --> 00:49:49,363
You know. You asked me to come.

908
00:49:49,363 --> 00:49:53,593
Oh, could it be? No it couldn't be. It is!

909
00:49:53,593 --> 00:50:00,263
A waiter from a chinese restaurant. Unbelievable.

910
00:50:00,263 --> 00:50:04,393
Play it cool. Suppress the boner.

911
00:50:07,133 --> 00:50:09,023
I asked you?

912
00:50:11,223 --> 00:50:13,583
Sensei Lee?

913
00:50:13,583 --> 00:50:18,173
Lee you call me. Shall we begin?

914
00:50:18,173 --> 00:50:20,853
Don't they have better voice dubbers in the afterlife?

915
00:50:20,853 --> 00:50:22,413
Begin what?

916
00:50:22,413 --> 00:50:24,453
Your training. You asked me to help.

917
00:50:24,453 --> 00:50:27,123
I'm ready. I've studied a little.

918
00:50:27,123 --> 00:50:28,763
Just not enough to notice this guy looks

919
00:50:28,763 --> 00:50:31,783
nothing like the Bruce Lee in all those photos he's got everywhere.

920
00:50:31,783 --> 00:50:34,893
I know you can do better.

921
00:50:34,893 --> 00:50:39,503
Utilize what's up here, as your way.

922
00:50:39,503 --> 00:50:43,463
That's how you win. Come over here.

923
00:50:43,463 --> 00:50:45,503
Hopefully there's a life over here.

924
00:50:45,503 --> 00:50:49,053
Because you have got to get one, kid.

925
00:50:49,053 --> 00:50:51,493
This.

926
00:50:51,493 --> 00:50:56,413
This means grow some balls cupcake.

927
00:50:56,413 --> 00:50:59,943
This is your beginning.

928
00:50:59,943 --> 00:51:03,873
You must be

929
00:51:03,873 --> 00:51:06,073
We call it martial arts.

930
00:51:06,073 --> 00:51:07,503
Alright, gonna do a caricature of you.

931
00:51:07,503 --> 00:51:08,963
Do you have any hobbies?

932
00:51:08,963 --> 00:51:11,713
Made of coal, which means violence or force.

933
00:51:11,713 --> 00:51:13,723
Plus this meaning stop.

934
00:51:13,723 --> 00:51:16,523
Okay. I understood maybe three words of

935
00:51:16,523 --> 00:51:18,143
that gibberish.

936
00:51:18,143 --> 00:51:19,953
What you learn from me is from defense

937
00:51:19,953 --> 00:51:22,903
only, and should not be misused.

938
00:51:22,903 --> 00:51:25,393
That's the idea.

939
00:51:25,393 --> 00:51:27,433
My fees are quite reasonable, because as a ghost,

940
00:51:27,433 --> 00:51:29,553
money is worthless to me anyway.

941
00:51:29,553 --> 00:51:32,693
I don't wish revenge.

942
00:51:32,693 --> 00:51:35,413
I only want to learn. How to murder my enemies.

943
00:51:35,413 --> 00:51:38,033
What's that? I mean the noble martial arts.

944
00:51:38,033 --> 00:51:40,373
The cuff first.

945
00:51:40,373 --> 00:51:43,683
Pardon?

946
00:51:43,683 --> 00:51:45,393
Uh do me a favor. Drink this poison

947
00:51:45,393 --> 00:51:47,753
die, and take my place in hell.

948
00:51:47,753 --> 00:51:49,193
Okay. No!

949
00:51:49,193 --> 00:51:50,903
Come on!

950
00:51:50,903 --> 00:51:54,693
This cup as you, represents your knowledge.

951
00:51:54,693 --> 00:51:58,013
This cup is what I offer.

952
00:51:58,013 --> 00:52:00,143
Knowledge. Now with aspartame.

953
00:52:00,143 --> 00:52:03,703
More than your cup holds.

954
00:52:03,703 --> 00:52:07,363
And?

955
00:52:07,363 --> 00:52:11,423
The cup now is clean.

956
00:52:11,423 --> 00:52:13,673
You understand? Yes.

957
00:52:13,673 --> 00:52:15,113
You do? Because that's the biggest load

958
00:52:15,113 --> 00:52:18,363
of horse shit anyone has ever shoveled.

959
00:52:18,363 --> 00:52:21,573
Up. Get in the stance.

960
00:52:21,573 --> 00:52:25,333
Punch and power punch.

961
00:52:25,333 --> 00:52:27,183
It's all in the mind.

962
00:52:27,183 --> 00:52:28,703
If you want to test me now.

963
00:52:28,703 --> 00:52:30,613
I'm sure you're fine.

964
00:52:30,613 --> 00:52:33,823
No. This hand no power.

965
00:52:33,823 --> 00:52:38,573
Now. Hit here.

966
00:52:38,573 --> 00:52:42,403
I just shame ate a huge taco salad and I want to throw it up.

967
00:52:42,403 --> 00:52:45,473
Agh!

968
00:52:45,473 --> 00:52:48,033
Stand up.

969
00:52:48,033 --> 00:52:51,143
You corporeal beings disgust me!

970
00:52:51,143 --> 00:52:53,363
What was a mistake?

971
00:52:53,363 --> 00:52:56,753
Punch wasn't fast enough.

972
00:52:56,753 --> 00:52:58,383
Easy to defend against.

973
00:52:58,383 --> 00:53:02,943
Who knew ghost was such abusive a-holes?

974
00:53:02,943 --> 00:53:04,743
Now say that to me again.

975
00:53:04,743 --> 00:53:07,593
Not easy to defend against. How?

976
00:53:07,593 --> 00:53:10,543
Show me where to improve it?

977
00:53:10,543 --> 00:53:12,143
Show you?

978
00:53:12,143 --> 00:53:15,843
Better to be taught by the ghost of Ike Turner.

979
00:53:15,843 --> 00:53:18,343
Listen to the warrior inside.

980
00:53:18,343 --> 00:53:21,063
Move and I'll counter.

981
00:53:21,063 --> 00:53:24,023
You'll slap me condescendingly on the head. Got it.

982
00:53:24,023 --> 00:53:27,163
Think, of your technique.

983
00:53:27,163 --> 00:53:30,683
It's straight.

984
00:53:30,683 --> 00:53:35,563
Now my technique, is a long move.

985
00:53:35,563 --> 00:53:38,193
Abusive incoherent, not helpful.

986
00:53:38,193 --> 00:53:40,773
You know I think I'm just gonna sign up at a reputable studio

987
00:53:40,773 --> 00:53:43,693
pay my monthly fees like a normal person.

988
00:53:43,693 --> 00:53:45,443
Again!

989
00:53:47,983 --> 00:53:49,803
Okay, I never believed this was Bruce Lee's ghost.

990
00:53:49,803 --> 00:53:51,843
But now I'm convinced this is just a sadistic madman

991
00:53:51,843 --> 00:53:54,393
who wandered in off the streets.

992
00:53:54,393 --> 00:53:56,383
No Lee dega

993
00:53:56,383 --> 00:53:58,423
You live with a soda.

994
00:53:58,423 --> 00:54:01,013
You live with a soda. Sure!

995
00:54:01,013 --> 00:54:03,563
You do that, you're gonna get hit.

996
00:54:03,563 --> 00:54:05,013
Living with sodas!

997
00:54:05,013 --> 00:54:07,893
Utilizing chi!

998
00:54:07,893 --> 00:54:10,683
The result is power.

999
00:54:10,683 --> 00:54:12,363
Agh!

1000
00:54:12,363 --> 00:54:13,893
Okay. Now I hit your knee caps with

1001
00:54:13,893 --> 00:54:16,593
pipe wrench. you know, to teach you.

1002
00:54:16,593 --> 00:54:20,573
Chi. Power.

1003
00:54:20,573 --> 00:54:24,283
Never can succeed without a surprise.

1004
00:54:24,283 --> 00:54:26,673
Your training begins tomorrow.

1005
00:54:26,673 --> 00:54:28,683
But first, uh, stuff a bunch of

1006
00:54:28,683 --> 00:54:30,673
old zippo lighters into a fanny pack.

1007
00:54:30,673 --> 00:54:33,883
Just don't live with a soda and everything will go fine.

1008
00:54:41,103 --> 00:54:45,673
He's achieving old person mall walking speeds.

1009
00:54:50,903 --> 00:54:53,853
Ah young man could you not put your junk

1010
00:54:53,853 --> 00:54:56,763
on the place I'm gonna set my sandwich later?

1011
00:55:01,323 --> 00:55:05,403
His years heading his local chapter,

1012
00:55:05,403 --> 00:55:09,993
of Up with People did not go to waste.

1013
00:55:09,993 --> 00:55:12,503
Up! With people! Beat them!

1014
00:55:12,503 --> 00:55:15,023
Wherever you go! Uh uh!

1015
00:55:18,223 --> 00:55:21,553
He would later die of spring pinches to his upper arm.

1016
00:55:28,843 --> 00:55:31,193
You stole those from my

1017
00:55:31,193 --> 00:55:32,653
my hammock didn't you?

1018
00:55:32,653 --> 00:55:34,283
No. Yeah. Slap!

1019
00:55:34,283 --> 00:55:36,483
What's wrong?

1020
00:55:36,483 --> 00:55:39,183
I'm not sure

1021
00:55:39,183 --> 00:55:41,733
Think of what you are doing.

1022
00:55:41,733 --> 00:55:43,833
Stop living with a soda!

1023
00:55:43,833 --> 00:55:47,913
If you want to improve yourself, you must concentrate.

1024
00:55:47,913 --> 00:55:50,453
That's your strength.

1025
00:55:50,453 --> 00:55:53,313
So wait. Is Bruce's ghost rooming with him now?

1026
00:55:53,313 --> 00:55:56,373
No, no. He didn't want to mooch. got a place at the Y.

1027
00:55:56,373 --> 00:55:58,203
Picking up extra shifts at the

1028
00:55:58,203 --> 00:56:01,293
Coldstone Creamery at Brookdale Mall.

1029
00:56:04,483 --> 00:56:07,303
Now. Was that natural enough for you? Sure.

1030
00:56:07,303 --> 00:56:10,773
Yeah. Everything seems completely natural and normal here.

1031
00:56:10,773 --> 00:56:12,853
You just react.

1032
00:56:12,853 --> 00:56:15,353
From now on, be spontaneous.

1033
00:56:15,353 --> 00:56:18,083
Now. Come on.

1034
00:56:18,083 --> 00:56:19,763
We're gonna be spontaneous.

1035
00:56:19,763 --> 00:56:25,743
We're gonna go throw rocks at the Catholics.

1036
00:56:25,743 --> 00:56:28,173
Handling multiple strikes.

1037
00:56:28,173 --> 00:56:29,793
Requires timing.

1038
00:56:29,793 --> 00:56:32,283
Requires, time, time, timing!

1039
00:56:32,283 --> 00:56:38,193
Are you ready?

1040
00:56:38,193 --> 00:56:39,873
Agh! Agh!

1041
00:56:39,873 --> 00:56:41,763
Good. Now Patrick Swayze's ghost

1042
00:56:41,763 --> 00:56:44,373
is coming in and you two will make pottery together.

1043
00:56:44,373 --> 00:56:50,073
Agh! Agh!

1044
00:56:50,073 --> 00:56:51,963
Now why you being hit?

1045
00:56:51,963 --> 00:56:53,483
I don't know. I'm just standing here.

1046
00:56:53,483 --> 00:56:56,353
Agh!

1047
00:56:56,353 --> 00:57:01,203
Sensei Lee told him, Just go out and climb rope.

1048
00:57:01,203 --> 00:57:03,023
so that he had time to rifle through his drawers

1049
00:57:03,023 --> 00:57:05,753
for change and loose cigarettes.

1050
00:57:08,203 --> 00:57:09,663
Uh kid? Eight grade gym class

1051
00:57:09,663 --> 00:57:12,063
had this equipment reserved.

1052
00:57:17,723 --> 00:57:22,073
Sensei said face all the way into the crotch.

1053
00:57:22,073 --> 00:57:29,123
Video taping it. Now Bruce Lee's ghost is

1054
00:57:29,123 --> 00:57:31,933
getting tossed out of Ralph's for eating sliced

1055
00:57:31,933 --> 00:57:34,523
olives by the handful straight out of the salad bar.

1056
00:57:37,983 --> 00:57:43,763
I'm a trickster. Hee hee hee!

1057
00:57:43,763 --> 00:57:46,023
Here comes the fun!

1058
00:57:46,023 --> 00:57:48,503
Ow!

1059
00:57:48,503 --> 00:57:52,483
You cracked my spine. you lunatic!

1060
00:57:52,483 --> 00:57:55,163
You really have to ditch that friend of yours.

1061
00:57:55,163 --> 00:57:58,503
Yes I know he is literally the worst.

1062
00:57:58,503 --> 00:58:02,533
All these sandbags.

1063
00:58:02,533 --> 00:58:04,773
Are you adversaries.

1064
00:58:04,773 --> 00:58:07,733
Stand in the center.

1065
00:58:07,733 --> 00:58:09,683
Yeah this is gonna end with you slapping me isn't it?

1066
00:58:09,683 --> 00:58:11,033
you know it!

1067
00:58:11,033 --> 00:58:12,513
Ready?

1068
00:58:12,513 --> 00:58:14,393
Agh! Agh!

1069
00:58:14,393 --> 00:58:17,323
Ha! Agh! Uh!

1070
00:58:17,323 --> 00:58:19,343
Man hadn't seen that many swinging sacks

1071
00:58:19,343 --> 00:58:21,873
since senior citizen day at my health club.

1072
00:58:21,873 --> 00:58:26,303
Thank you very much. thank you very much.

1073
00:58:26,303 --> 00:58:28,623
Old man balls thank you.

1074
00:58:28,623 --> 00:58:32,593
Effectively you must empty all yourself.

1075
00:58:32,593 --> 00:58:34,923
Like right now? Here?

1076
00:58:34,923 --> 00:58:37,623
Must see in all directions.

1077
00:58:37,623 --> 00:58:42,803
Your ears shall be aware of all sound.

1078
00:58:42,803 --> 00:58:45,763
Like sound of me slapping your dumb ass head.

1079
00:58:45,763 --> 00:58:47,363
Oh you're gonna do that again?

1080
00:58:47,363 --> 00:58:49,163
It's what I do!

1081
00:58:49,163 --> 00:58:51,623
And be ready to react.

1082
00:58:51,623 --> 00:58:53,303
Try again.

1083
00:58:56,153 --> 00:58:58,753
So, just to be clear. The ghost of Bruce Lee went out,

1084
00:58:58,753 --> 00:59:01,603
bought a bunch of canvas bags, loaded them up with sand.

1085
00:59:01,603 --> 00:59:04,853
Reinforced the ceiling beams, meticulously hung the bags,

1086
00:59:04,853 --> 00:59:08,073
lit a bunch of candles then invited this idiot into the room?

1087
00:59:08,073 --> 00:59:10,253
Yeah yeah. He's a ghost. What the hell else does

1088
00:59:10,253 --> 00:59:12,123
he have going on in his life?

1089
00:59:12,123 --> 00:59:14,663
That's a good point.

1090
00:59:14,663 --> 00:59:18,053
Agh!

1091
00:59:18,053 --> 00:59:20,203
How's that?

1092
00:59:22,543 --> 00:59:23,993
Thanks to you.

1093
00:59:23,993 --> 00:59:27,803
Your emasculating head slaps have made me the man I am today.

1094
00:59:27,803 --> 00:59:31,593
Agh! Wa! Wa! Wa! Wa!

1095
00:59:31,593 --> 00:59:34,643
Wa! Agh! Wa!

1096
00:59:34,643 --> 00:59:36,493
This is worse than the time my friend

1097
00:59:36,493 --> 00:59:39,143
snuck in and caught me listening to Ace of Base.

1098
00:59:39,143 --> 00:59:41,523
Agh!

1099
00:59:41,523 --> 00:59:43,873
Is that right Lee dega?

1100
00:59:47,093 --> 00:59:49,773
Agh! Ah!

1101
00:59:49,773 --> 00:59:52,603
Hey! Are you crazy?

1102
00:59:52,603 --> 00:59:55,663
Would a crazy man do this?

1103
00:59:55,663 --> 00:59:58,753
Yes. Precisely that! Get the hell off our lunch table psycho!

1104
00:59:58,753 --> 01:00:00,643
No!

1105
01:00:05,033 --> 01:00:07,393
You want to talk about how you fell against me,

1106
01:00:07,393 --> 01:00:08,993
and we crashed through a door?

1107
01:00:08,993 --> 01:00:11,243
Hmm nope.

1108
01:00:11,243 --> 01:00:13,103
Best not to revisit it.

1109
01:00:14,853 --> 01:00:17,193
Faster! Faster!

1110
01:00:17,193 --> 01:00:20,143
Little Mac and Doc Lewis. The early years.

1111
01:00:20,143 --> 01:00:23,043
Come on Jase, man.

1112
01:00:23,043 --> 01:00:24,843
It's gotta be faster than that.

1113
01:00:24,843 --> 01:00:26,723
Come on get with it.

1114
01:00:26,723 --> 01:00:28,303
Let's go.

1115
01:00:28,303 --> 01:00:29,413
Yeah probably shouldn't be hanging around that old

1116
01:00:29,413 --> 01:00:32,713
soviet air prison anyway. Wow.

1117
01:00:35,863 --> 01:00:37,743
Kick me.

1118
01:00:37,743 --> 01:00:39,623
I'm into erotic trampling too. But this is what

1119
01:00:39,623 --> 01:00:42,543
I'm in the mood for today.

1120
01:00:42,543 --> 01:00:44,433
Agh! Wa!

1121
01:00:44,433 --> 01:00:46,373
What now?

1122
01:00:46,373 --> 01:00:49,523
Come on kid. Casper the friendly ghost could kick your ass.

1123
01:00:49,523 --> 01:00:54,053
This time, I'll kick you.

1124
01:00:54,053 --> 01:00:58,393
Any particular testicle like better than the other, or?

1125
01:00:58,393 --> 01:01:03,523
Agh! Ah! Wa!

1126
01:01:03,523 --> 01:01:07,243
Alright let's just go back to the slapping.

1127
01:01:07,243 --> 01:01:09,373
I actually prefer that.

1128
01:01:09,373 --> 01:01:12,603
You weren't ready.

1129
01:01:12,603 --> 01:01:14,993
Unexpected move are hard to counter.

1130
01:01:14,993 --> 01:01:18,453
So they present worst danger.

1131
01:01:18,453 --> 01:01:21,993
And these new ropes will finally make me cool?

1132
01:01:21,993 --> 01:01:24,553
Absolutely.

1133
01:01:24,553 --> 01:01:27,073
Pretend my arm trapped this leg.

1134
01:01:27,073 --> 01:01:29,833
That's your adversary.

1135
01:01:29,833 --> 01:01:31,473
Kick.

1136
01:01:31,473 --> 01:01:33,313
Cake? Do We really have to have ta cake right now?

1137
01:01:33,313 --> 01:01:36,123
Why don't I do this thing first?

1138
01:01:37,883 --> 01:01:39,993
Agh!

1139
01:01:39,993 --> 01:01:41,453
Okay, okay. How about I go to Dairy Queen,

1140
01:01:41,453 --> 01:01:43,003
pick up an ice cream cake,

1141
01:01:43,003 --> 01:01:44,673
in case we get hungry from training?

1142
01:01:44,673 --> 01:01:46,843
Would you forget about the cake please?

1143
01:01:46,843 --> 01:01:48,943
You're right. Dairy Queen too far.

1144
01:01:48,943 --> 01:01:51,073
There's a grocery store around the corner. I'm pretty

1145
01:01:51,073 --> 01:01:52,913
sure they have pre-made birthday cakes.

1146
01:01:52,913 --> 01:01:55,613
Sometimes there's even carrot cakes there in the deli.

1147
01:01:55,613 --> 01:01:58,863
Later! You always later but still no cake!

1148
01:02:10,423 --> 01:02:13,623
Pretty good table to do push ups on seems to me.

1149
01:02:18,643 --> 01:02:20,173
Bruce Lee's ghost comes here

1150
01:02:20,173 --> 01:02:22,843
to get hammered and you know, slap guys.

1151
01:02:22,843 --> 01:02:26,173
Hey! Get me another beer! Hurry up!

1152
01:02:26,173 --> 01:02:28,413
Coming right up.

1153
01:02:28,413 --> 01:02:30,253
You guys haven't seen my son have you?

1154
01:02:30,253 --> 01:02:32,613
Yeah never mind, it's not important.

1155
01:02:36,043 --> 01:02:41,103
No no no! Bring it over here.

1156
01:02:41,103 --> 01:02:42,873
Great. Now son and father will be

1157
01:02:42,873 --> 01:02:45,363
visited by the ghost of Patrick Swayze.

1158
01:02:45,363 --> 01:02:47,323
Yes but this time to slap him repeatedly

1159
01:02:47,323 --> 01:02:50,073
and teach him the lesson that pain don't hurt.

1160
01:02:53,543 --> 01:02:56,713
Come on! Come on!

1161
01:02:56,713 --> 01:02:59,923
Darker side of Chris Pratt.

1162
01:02:59,923 --> 01:03:03,113
What took you, boy?

1163
01:03:03,113 --> 01:03:04,673
I'm sorry I took so long.

1164
01:03:04,673 --> 01:03:07,313
What is this I hear? You used to teach karate?

1165
01:03:07,313 --> 01:03:09,723
I mean the bar is just abuzz with it.

1166
01:03:09,723 --> 01:03:11,483
Look I don't want any trouble.

1167
01:03:11,483 --> 01:03:13,553
Then answer my question.

1168
01:03:13,553 --> 01:03:15,763
What are you? Black belt?

1169
01:03:15,763 --> 01:03:19,943
Or are you loyal only to Der Fuhrer, huh? Fritz!

1170
01:03:19,943 --> 01:03:25,143
You'll go when I say you can go, karate man!

1171
01:03:25,143 --> 01:03:26,573
And no sooner.

1172
01:03:26,573 --> 01:03:29,443
Please. My father was karate man. Call me Darren.

1173
01:03:29,443 --> 01:03:33,943
Yes.

1174
01:03:33,943 --> 01:03:37,663
Clean yourself up. You're a mess.

1175
01:03:37,663 --> 01:03:39,923
Well that was Mic Golden Draft Light so it's

1176
01:03:39,923 --> 01:03:41,433
actually less viscous than water.

1177
01:03:41,433 --> 01:03:46,063
That's a good boy.

1178
01:03:46,063 --> 01:03:47,963
Get back here.

1179
01:03:47,963 --> 01:03:50,183
Hey! Get back here!

1180
01:03:50,183 --> 01:03:51,923
Aggh!

1181
01:03:51,923 --> 01:03:53,803
That's me at Subway when

1182
01:03:53,803 --> 01:03:59,023
they don't punch my sandwich card.

1183
01:03:59,023 --> 01:04:00,753
Don't you ever come back!

1184
01:04:00,753 --> 01:04:02,593
I'm gonna be back, and I'll get you!

1185
01:04:02,593 --> 01:04:05,253
Yep. My exact words every time I leave Subway.

1186
01:04:05,253 --> 01:04:09,583
I mean business.

1187
01:04:09,583 --> 01:04:12,533
OOoo. Putting his dad's dead body in the sand bag

1188
01:04:12,533 --> 01:04:15,083
was risky but should be quite an effect.

1189
01:04:15,083 --> 01:04:17,073
I'll never be able to hit it.

1190
01:04:17,073 --> 01:04:20,903
If you think that is impossible, you won't hit it.

1191
01:04:20,903 --> 01:04:23,713
Yep. If I think it's impossible and it actually is,

1192
01:04:23,713 --> 01:04:25,693
that means I'm sane and healthy.

1193
01:04:25,693 --> 01:04:28,223
Set images all in your head.

1194
01:04:28,223 --> 01:04:30,283
Can't believe them.

1195
01:04:30,283 --> 01:04:32,823
And no we can be stopped.

1196
01:04:32,823 --> 01:04:36,033
Cant be stopped. No, can be stopped.

1197
01:04:36,033 --> 01:04:39,373
Uh huh can be stopped. No it's ah never mind.

1198
01:04:39,373 --> 01:04:42,103
Believe that, I did it!

1199
01:04:42,103 --> 01:04:47,493
And I must go to some laundry, and then I think

1200
01:04:47,493 --> 01:04:50,083
they're shipping me to Sacramento to start slapping a fifth grader.

1201
01:04:50,083 --> 01:04:52,203
Bye!

1202
01:04:55,453 --> 01:04:57,253
Lee Daga Where are you?

1203
01:04:57,253 --> 01:04:59,513
Oh no. Who will abuse him now?

1204
01:04:59,513 --> 01:05:02,343
Oh his dad of course. Worked out well.

1205
01:05:08,503 --> 01:05:10,383
I did it.

1206
01:05:10,383 --> 01:05:16,923
I stole an outfit from the lead singer of Loverboy.

1207
01:05:16,923 --> 01:05:20,933
Rocky's one through seven called to say

1208
01:05:20,933 --> 01:05:24,273
Hey maybe dial it back on the repetitive training montages.

1209
01:05:34,323 --> 01:05:39,333
Your back is embedded.

1210
01:05:39,333 --> 01:05:43,753
With splinters from that plywood.

1211
01:05:43,753 --> 01:05:49,293
You really got to ditch those springs, they suck!

1212
01:05:53,723 --> 01:05:56,443
You've got no arm hair!

1213
01:05:56,443 --> 01:06:00,833
Because those springs pulled all of it off!

1214
01:06:00,833 --> 01:06:03,023
Does your friend have a brain stem?

1215
01:06:03,023 --> 01:06:06,993
The kid ain't right!

1216
01:06:06,993 --> 01:06:12,963
Probably shouldn't let him, sit directly on your crotch!

1217
01:06:12,963 --> 01:06:18,583
No. You'll be okay if you don't put lit candles

1218
01:06:18,583 --> 01:06:21,083
on the thing you're currently punching you idiot!

1219
01:06:21,083 --> 01:06:23,973
Left the song there. Geez!

1220
01:06:27,303 --> 01:06:31,583
Please stop training for love of god, or swallow a bottle

1221
01:06:31,583 --> 01:06:38,598
of pills. You can't possibly still be doing this!

1222
01:06:40,623 --> 01:06:44,203
You found my lifeless body in the bathroom with the.

1223
01:06:44,203 --> 01:06:46,143
Okay.

1224
01:06:46,143 --> 01:06:48,253
You okay?

1225
01:06:48,253 --> 01:06:50,103
Oh yeah. This training montage is ending.

1226
01:06:50,103 --> 01:06:53,833
Otherwise it's use a fifth of cabin still to wash down a bottle of percocet.

1227
01:06:53,833 --> 01:07:00,283
Fair enough. Sure.

1228
01:07:00,283 --> 01:07:04,043
Jase? Something must be wrong with this watch.

1229
01:07:04,043 --> 01:07:06,343
Come on let's get going.

1230
01:07:06,343 --> 01:07:08,263
I've got to somehow seduce a new ghost

1231
01:07:08,263 --> 01:07:12,093
into my being my trainer.

1232
01:07:12,093 --> 01:07:15,093
Agh!

1233
01:07:15,093 --> 01:07:17,583
We've secretly replaced Jason's sandbags

1234
01:07:17,583 --> 01:07:21,793
with balloons full of kerosene. Let's see if he notices.

1235
01:07:25,913 --> 01:07:29,603
Man. One of the toughest pinatas I've ever seen.

1236
01:07:35,023 --> 01:07:37,423
Agh! Meanwhile the ghost of Bruce Lee is

1237
01:07:37,423 --> 01:07:41,823
kicking Seth Rogan's ass for the Green Hornet movie.

1238
01:07:45,753 --> 01:07:50,333
Mom did I tell you I met the dad of that guy from the Crow?

1239
01:07:50,333 --> 01:07:53,893
Oh look at the time!

1240
01:07:53,893 --> 01:07:57,053
Your dad's getting off work and I was supposed to be there.

1241
01:07:57,053 --> 01:07:59,983
I worry that mom is too richly developed a character.

1242
01:08:01,913 --> 01:08:03,423
Think you can handle him?

1243
01:08:03,423 --> 01:08:05,823
I'll struggle along without you.

1244
01:08:05,823 --> 01:08:09,773
I'm making your favorite. hot buttered protein bars.

1245
01:08:15,783 --> 01:08:17,793
Hands on ten and two my pupil.

1246
01:08:17,793 --> 01:08:20,163
Oh not now sensei Lee.

1247
01:08:20,163 --> 01:08:25,263
I shall test or no?

1248
01:08:25,263 --> 01:08:27,413
Oh that's so sad. Dad just carries around

1249
01:08:27,413 --> 01:08:30,293
a little white surrender flag now?

1250
01:08:38,573 --> 01:08:42,153
It stinks!

1251
01:08:42,153 --> 01:08:43,553
Hey!

1252
01:08:46,533 --> 01:08:51,563
Hey! This is my hazing to become one of the guys right?

1253
01:08:51,563 --> 01:08:54,243
Karate man, we're going to teach you some manners!

1254
01:08:54,243 --> 01:08:55,693
Okay okay!

1255
01:08:55,693 --> 01:08:57,583
It won't happen again.

1256
01:08:57,583 --> 01:08:59,963
Oh no. It's too late for that.

1257
01:08:59,963 --> 01:09:01,553
Nobody breaks Emily Posts's revered

1258
01:09:01,553 --> 01:09:03,623
rules and etiquette on our turf.

1259
01:09:06,223 --> 01:09:09,373
Agh!

1260
01:09:09,373 --> 01:09:11,893
You will never mess with me again!

1261
01:09:11,893 --> 01:09:15,533
He's like a giant angry Cabbage Patch doll.

1262
01:09:21,933 --> 01:09:25,683
Yes! My chance to beat up to dad for ripping my poster!

1263
01:09:28,013 --> 01:09:31,413
Agh! Oh! That was like human bowling.

1264
01:09:42,063 --> 01:09:44,383
It's like the message of every martial arts movie.

1265
01:09:44,383 --> 01:09:48,273
Violence never solves anything. Just kidding! It totally does!

1266
01:09:52,763 --> 01:09:56,373
Whoa! Way to escalate Lizzy Borden!

1267
01:09:59,593 --> 01:10:03,073
It's extra humiliating to lose to someone

1268
01:10:03,073 --> 01:10:09,533
with his shirt tucked into his sweatpants.

1269
01:10:09,533 --> 01:10:12,363
Dad are you okay?

1270
01:10:12,363 --> 01:10:15,663
Okay? I'm great. Think those guys really like me.

1271
01:10:15,663 --> 01:10:18,593
I'm very proud of you son.

1272
01:10:18,593 --> 01:10:21,173
I've been such a fool!

1273
01:10:21,173 --> 01:10:24,333
The words every teenager most longs to hear from a parent.

1274
01:10:24,333 --> 01:10:28,093
Let's go home. Mom's making dinner, she's waiting.

1275
01:10:30,503 --> 01:10:31,763
Uh huh. Of course.

1276
01:10:31,763 --> 01:10:33,403
Dancing to the famous Michael Jackson song?

1277
01:10:33,403 --> 01:10:36,583
Um, must be a B side.

1278
01:10:41,373 --> 01:10:43,393
Wood paneled station wagons are considered

1279
01:10:43,393 --> 01:10:46,883
a form of birth control in many cultures.

1280
01:10:53,533 --> 01:10:56,853
Awfully young to be an admiral.

1281
01:10:56,853 --> 01:10:59,803
Let's go homeboy! Let's do it!

1282
01:11:03,073 --> 01:11:05,763
Huh. They didn't show us this cool light bulb

1283
01:11:05,763 --> 01:11:10,873
trick in my CPR class.

1284
01:11:10,873 --> 01:11:15,443
He's half electric eel on his mother's side.

1285
01:11:23,763 --> 01:11:27,513
OMG!

1286
01:11:27,513 --> 01:11:29,313
Look! There's Kelly!

1287
01:11:29,313 --> 01:11:32,703
Hey what's with you man?

1288
01:11:32,703 --> 01:11:34,073
There's your lady, and

1289
01:11:34,073 --> 01:11:35,573
you want to stand here with me?

1290
01:11:35,573 --> 01:11:37,083
I don't want to talk to her.

1291
01:11:37,083 --> 01:11:38,883
I thought he and RJ were a couple now, since their,

1292
01:11:38,883 --> 01:11:42,043
you know, special moment at the playground.

1293
01:11:47,083 --> 01:11:49,493
To start a moonwalking duel, you slap

1294
01:11:49,493 --> 01:11:52,123
someone with a sequined glove.

1295
01:11:56,683 --> 01:11:58,463
Uh, they only allow black people

1296
01:11:58,463 --> 01:12:02,433
in this club if they're costume?

1297
01:12:02,433 --> 01:12:07,183
Huh. See Rs been getting secret dance lessons

1298
01:12:07,183 --> 01:12:10,523
in his garage from Steven Segal.

1299
01:12:16,543 --> 01:12:19,143
Can't, stop, spinning. Please for the love of god,

1300
01:12:19,143 --> 01:12:21,873
someone help me!

1301
01:12:26,603 --> 01:12:30,133
Ah ha!

1302
01:12:34,073 --> 01:12:36,623
Alright, everybody get up and dance!

1303
01:12:36,623 --> 01:12:41,133
Dance my puppets! Dance! Dance! Ah ha ha ha!

1304
01:12:47,983 --> 01:12:50,813
Hey uh, that chimp you brought to play Bubbles has some

1305
01:12:50,813 --> 01:12:52,843
lady cornered in the bathroom?

1306
01:12:52,843 --> 01:12:55,443
You should probably go take care of it.

1307
01:12:58,243 --> 01:12:59,763
Come on let's dance!

1308
01:12:59,763 --> 01:13:02,263
No. I don't have any light bulbs.

1309
01:13:02,263 --> 01:13:05,333
Would you like to dance?

1310
01:13:05,333 --> 01:13:07,933
No thanks. I used to date Uncle Fester.

1311
01:13:07,933 --> 01:13:12,723
I'm over light bulb insertion.

1312
01:13:12,723 --> 01:13:16,543
Come on! Okay.

1313
01:13:16,543 --> 01:13:18,373
This club plays only the hottest

1314
01:13:18,373 --> 01:13:21,363
pre-recorded keyboard tracks.

1315
01:13:25,003 --> 01:13:29,143
Well, I thought I smelled emasculation and stale punch.

1316
01:13:37,483 --> 01:13:39,753
Ah, another slow dance? Such a cliche.

1317
01:13:39,753 --> 01:13:41,413
You know Hollywood really underestimates the

1318
01:13:41,413 --> 01:13:44,163
romantic power of a good honest square dance.

1319
01:13:44,163 --> 01:13:45,883
May I have this dance?

1320
01:13:45,883 --> 01:13:47,563
Thought you'd never ask?

1321
01:13:47,563 --> 01:13:51,113
I mean hoped. I hoped, you'd never ask.

1322
01:13:54,533 --> 01:13:59,963
I'm sorry about that day. I was a real jerk.

1323
01:13:59,963 --> 01:14:02,883
I was in more of a Darlington County mood that day.

1324
01:14:02,883 --> 01:14:05,223
You were a jerk.

1325
01:14:05,223 --> 01:14:08,613
Yeah I was, wasn't I? Come on.

1326
01:14:08,613 --> 01:14:11,613
It's all in the past. Let's just forget about it, okay?

1327
01:14:11,613 --> 01:14:13,893
Sounds good to me.

1328
01:14:13,893 --> 01:14:17,983
Let me eat that sweet face.

1329
01:14:21,063 --> 01:14:23,273
You smooth criminals, you.

1330
01:14:31,713 --> 01:14:33,863
Meanwhile, Jason's mom flew away to start

1331
01:14:33,863 --> 01:14:37,833
a new karate free family in Tampa.

1332
01:14:40,933 --> 01:14:43,313
Hey guys, guys.

1333
01:14:43,313 --> 01:14:45,433
Hey, let's do the Abbey Road thing guys!

1334
01:14:45,433 --> 01:14:47,683
Guys? Huh.

1335
01:14:52,143 --> 01:14:53,913
Nowadays at the airport at least three of them

1336
01:14:53,913 --> 01:14:56,713
would suddenly claim to need wheel chairs.

1337
01:15:00,783 --> 01:15:03,303
You think you're supposed to park there

1338
01:15:03,303 --> 01:15:06,293
because there's a big arrow pointing to it?

1339
01:15:10,953 --> 01:15:13,683
Norman Krasner had this limo before them.

1340
01:15:13,683 --> 01:15:16,963
Somehow spilled an entire gallon of baked beans in it.

1341
01:15:16,963 --> 01:15:18,833
Yes sir.

1342
01:15:18,833 --> 01:15:20,953
He jumped at the chance to settle this with a teen fight?

1343
01:15:20,953 --> 01:15:22,943
He wants a piece of us bad.

1344
01:15:22,943 --> 01:15:24,923
Fine, fine.

1345
01:15:24,923 --> 01:15:27,933
Wait. We're still talking about league of legends right?

1346
01:15:31,713 --> 01:15:34,563
Told me to put up 50 posters

1347
01:15:34,563 --> 01:15:38,183
Nobody said I had to spread them out.

1348
01:15:44,773 --> 01:15:48,873
Are you sure this is how you get rid of a tapeworm?

1349
01:15:52,813 --> 01:15:55,633
Good evening sir.

1350
01:15:55,633 --> 01:15:58,513
Good evening looming corner goon.

1351
01:15:58,513 --> 01:16:02,523
Our ad, will be in every paper.

1352
01:16:02,523 --> 01:16:04,583
Both morning and evening editions.

1353
01:16:04,583 --> 01:16:07,023
Representatives from print and TV will be there,

1354
01:16:07,023 --> 01:16:09,663
and two local radio stations will be covering it live.

1355
01:16:09,663 --> 01:16:13,403
The 24 hour polka station and their NPR affiliate.

1356
01:16:13,403 --> 01:16:14,903
Training very hard.

1357
01:16:14,903 --> 01:16:16,703
Will there be any problems?

1358
01:16:16,703 --> 01:16:19,073
Don't worry. Everything is under control.

1359
01:16:19,073 --> 01:16:22,063
Seattle is already yours. Just like my heart.

1360
01:16:22,063 --> 01:16:24,363
He will lose. Very good.

1361
01:16:24,363 --> 01:16:27,263
Very good.

1362
01:16:31,453 --> 01:16:33,503
God bless America. and Americans who

1363
01:16:33,503 --> 01:16:36,413
beat up other Americans for fun.

1364
01:16:40,283 --> 01:16:43,523
Now when do they fill it with Jello?

1365
01:16:50,183 --> 01:16:52,123
Come on honey. Let's sit up front so we

1366
01:16:52,123 --> 01:16:55,273
can really smell the blood.

1367
01:16:59,923 --> 01:17:04,113
Studied film at NYU for this?

1368
01:17:08,523 --> 01:17:13,363
A tooth hit me here last time. It was cool.

1369
01:17:13,363 --> 01:17:16,193
I made into a.

1370
01:17:16,193 --> 01:17:18,113
So much fun the other night.

1371
01:17:18,113 --> 01:17:20,133
I know. We should all do it again.

1372
01:17:20,133 --> 01:17:25,113
Another sparkling conversation from a pre-texting era.

1373
01:17:25,113 --> 01:17:28,583
A lost art, guys.

1374
01:17:28,583 --> 01:17:30,183
Hey!

1375
01:17:30,183 --> 01:17:33,093
The three Ninjas moonlight for alimony!

1376
01:17:33,093 --> 01:17:35,763
Are you guys ready?

1377
01:17:35,763 --> 01:17:37,263
Yeah!

1378
01:17:37,263 --> 01:17:39,873
Good. Because the fun's about to begin.

1379
01:17:39,873 --> 01:17:46,840
With strong arming tap dance studios now.

1380
01:17:47,103 --> 01:17:49,513
All pro guys!

1381
01:17:49,513 --> 01:17:50,953
We'll look good tonight.

1382
01:17:50,953 --> 01:17:53,243
The talent scout for the Power Rangers is here.

1383
01:17:53,243 --> 01:17:55,933
Yeah. But just remember if all else fails,

1384
01:17:55,933 --> 01:17:58,633
you've got the big man to fall back on.

1385
01:17:58,633 --> 01:18:01,643
Ah the gym hasn't been this packed

1386
01:18:01,643 --> 01:18:08,663
since the all nude production of Auntie Mame!

1387
01:18:08,663 --> 01:18:11,373
Could I interest you in a mutual fund sailor?

1388
01:18:11,373 --> 01:18:14,553
Everything is set.

1389
01:18:18,083 --> 01:18:22,213
Just looking for an extension cord. Don't mind me.

1390
01:18:27,113 --> 01:18:31,223
Subtle!

1391
01:18:31,223 --> 01:18:33,443
Alright it's cancelled. Everybody out!

1392
01:18:33,443 --> 01:18:35,503
Ladies and gentlemen.

1393
01:18:35,503 --> 01:18:37,253
Good evening and welcome to the

1394
01:18:37,253 --> 01:18:40,783
Kingswood Sports Center and our first ever

1395
01:18:40,783 --> 01:18:43,293
Double digit attendance.

1396
01:18:43,293 --> 01:18:45,333
Karate exhibition.

1397
01:18:45,333 --> 01:18:49,593
Tonight's match features two well known karate teams.

1398
01:18:49,593 --> 01:18:52,293
As ranked by bookers for amateur karate tournaments.

1399
01:18:52,293 --> 01:18:56,533
The visiting team the New York state champions,

1400
01:18:56,533 --> 01:18:59,173
the Manhattan Ballor!

1401
01:18:59,173 --> 01:19:03,603
Boo! Our taste in karate is in dojo proximity! Boo!

1402
01:19:10,703 --> 01:19:13,143
And in the black corner,

1403
01:19:13,143 --> 01:19:16,123
Wearing dunce caps and thinking about what they did.

1404
01:19:16,123 --> 01:19:20,193
The Kingswood kids, the Seattle Side Kicks!

1405
01:19:21,963 --> 01:19:25,753
Seattle Side Kicks. Our name means lucky assistants.

1406
01:19:28,683 --> 01:19:31,973
Yay! Even though we've also wished that

1407
01:19:31,973 --> 01:19:34,803
Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf would take over your dojo space!

1408
01:19:34,803 --> 01:19:36,823
Yay!

1409
01:19:39,423 --> 01:19:41,423
The Super Sonics are also playing tonight.

1410
01:19:41,423 --> 01:19:47,583
So this is by far the biggest crowd in Seattle right now.

1411
01:19:47,583 --> 01:19:53,783
Okay. Just stop fellas, what are we doing here?

1412
01:19:53,783 --> 01:19:56,033
And now for the Manhattan Maulers,

1413
01:19:56,033 --> 01:20:01,443
weighing at 180 pounds, Michael Rocco!

1414
01:20:01,443 --> 01:20:05,553
Yeah this is what I think of jobs that require shirts! Duh.

1415
01:20:05,553 --> 01:20:11,663
Tipping our regulation scales of 190 pounds, John Alavardo!

1416
01:20:11,663 --> 01:20:14,283
I disrupt PTA meetings like this.

1417
01:20:14,283 --> 01:20:16,683
And last, let's give a big welcome to

1418
01:20:16,683 --> 01:20:19,873
Pasad the headhunter Ashman!

1419
01:20:19,873 --> 01:20:23,553
Sacrifice bankable skills to be like me kids!

1420
01:20:23,553 --> 01:20:25,423
Seattle Side Kicks.

1421
01:20:25,423 --> 01:20:28,893
Introducing the Washington state light weight

1422
01:20:28,893 --> 01:20:32,483
karate champion, Frank Peters!

1423
01:20:33,903 --> 01:20:35,523
Oh that's the guy who bullied me in 5th grade honey.

1424
01:20:38,973 --> 01:20:43,253
Weighing in at 197 and 1/2 pounds.

1425
01:20:43,253 --> 01:20:45,993
Rounding up or down felt disingenuous.

1426
01:20:45,993 --> 01:20:49,593
Shooting star Ramsay!

1427
01:20:52,043 --> 01:20:54,503
Eh. It all seems pointless if you don't know

1428
01:20:54,503 --> 01:20:57,053
how many teen boys that can lift with his pelvis.

1429
01:20:57,053 --> 01:21:00,613
The reigning US national karate champion

1430
01:21:00,613 --> 01:21:04,503
Ian world wind Reilly!

1431
01:21:04,503 --> 01:21:05,923
Although he earned the nickname

1432
01:21:05,923 --> 01:21:08,603
as a vacuum repair man!

1433
01:21:11,693 --> 01:21:13,063
Yeah. We don't know where his

1434
01:21:13,063 --> 01:21:14,883
hubris comes from either folks.

1435
01:21:14,883 --> 01:21:16,653
Let's go to our places.

1436
01:21:16,653 --> 01:21:22,643
Ladies and gentlemen, the match is about to begin!

1437
01:21:22,643 --> 01:21:26,533
After this lengthy recap of what double elimination means.

1438
01:21:26,533 --> 01:21:30,493
This exhibition will consist of three round matches,

1439
01:21:30,493 --> 01:21:33,493
each round lasting two minutes.

1440
01:21:33,493 --> 01:21:36,663
To accommodate this dumb crowd's attention span!

1441
01:21:36,663 --> 01:21:38,623
Distinguished panel of judges.

1442
01:21:42,983 --> 01:21:45,003
Ladies and gentlemen.

1443
01:21:45,003 --> 01:21:47,163
Are karate schools a wise investment?

1444
01:21:47,163 --> 01:21:50,393
Lack of any serious competition here in Seattle.

1445
01:21:50,393 --> 01:21:54,253
There has been a change in the New York line up.

1446
01:21:54,253 --> 01:21:57,773
Webster reruns are now on at 7 and 7:30.

1447
01:21:57,773 --> 01:22:04,693
All we really need is one man to take on all three of your fighters

1448
01:22:04,693 --> 01:22:09,643
and anyone else that has the balls to get into the ring.

1449
01:22:10,773 --> 01:22:15,333
How dare he use that language at this blood sport event!

1450
01:22:15,333 --> 01:22:18,093
This one man.

1451
01:22:18,093 --> 01:22:21,253
This awesome machine of annihilation

1452
01:22:21,253 --> 01:22:24,103
is now making his way to the ring!

1453
01:22:24,103 --> 01:22:26,863
Fred Travalena ladies and gentlemen.

1454
01:22:33,113 --> 01:22:37,443
Flanked by the sales team from a Yugoslavian Guess store.

1455
01:22:41,663 --> 01:22:43,183
They're a little tired. They did that all

1456
01:22:43,183 --> 01:22:45,513
the way from the airport Marriot.

1457
01:22:47,443 --> 01:22:51,713
Shoulders hurt.

1458
01:22:51,713 --> 01:22:55,273
Oh yeah? Just wait until street fighter.

1459
01:23:01,893 --> 01:23:04,763
Alright, he's changed his mind. He's singing tonight.

1460
01:23:04,763 --> 01:23:09,313
I am pleased to present our Russian brother.

1461
01:23:09,313 --> 01:23:13,413
Eastern Europe's most feared martial artist.

1462
01:23:13,413 --> 01:23:15,993
And esteemed time cop.

1463
01:23:15,993 --> 01:23:18,643
Ivan Krashinksy!

1464
01:23:21,843 --> 01:23:24,223
Booo! Go back to whatever country I'm

1465
01:23:24,223 --> 01:23:27,703
always fighting in video games.

1466
01:23:31,043 --> 01:23:32,753
And Yakov Smirnov's three week

1467
01:23:32,753 --> 01:23:36,253
run in Seattle is quietly cancelled.

1468
01:23:40,503 --> 01:23:42,133
Hey! This seems like a great place

1469
01:23:42,133 --> 01:23:44,483
to justify all that training!

1470
01:23:47,313 --> 01:23:49,793
Looks kind of familiar. He's a got weird

1471
01:23:49,793 --> 01:23:52,723
I crippled your dad vibe about him.

1472
01:23:58,353 --> 01:24:00,743
Hmm. No. Doesn't ring a bell.

1473
01:24:04,823 --> 01:24:06,483
Ah, I can't think of who he is either.

1474
01:24:06,483 --> 01:24:09,493
Hey Jase? You looked like you've seen a ghost?

1475
01:24:09,493 --> 01:24:11,413
Think I have.

1476
01:24:11,413 --> 01:24:17,383
Be right back. Gotta buy one of those giant foam fingers.

1477
01:24:17,383 --> 01:24:19,333
Jason!

1478
01:24:19,333 --> 01:24:20,913
Where's your brother?

1479
01:24:20,913 --> 01:24:22,453
He's right here.

1480
01:24:22,453 --> 01:24:24,433
He said he wanted to buy the last giant foam finger.

1481
01:24:24,433 --> 01:24:26,113
That Russian's bad news.

1482
01:24:26,113 --> 01:24:28,013
Who's this? I'm Jason.

1483
01:24:28,013 --> 01:24:30,363
Well Jason, don't worry. We can take it.

1484
01:24:30,363 --> 01:24:32,673
No I mean it. I've seen this guy fight.

1485
01:24:32,673 --> 01:24:35,703
Yeah and you've seen us fight too bud. Ha ha ha!

1486
01:24:35,703 --> 01:24:38,613
My that is droll! Ah ha ha!

1487
01:24:38,613 --> 01:24:41,613
Good luck.

1488
01:24:41,613 --> 01:24:48,545
RJ going for irony there.

1489
01:24:51,263 --> 01:24:55,783
Let the destruction begin.

1490
01:24:55,783 --> 01:24:59,783
Eh, destruction. Eh eh.

1491
01:25:02,473 --> 01:25:05,553
Would you come in the ring please?

1492
01:25:05,553 --> 01:25:07,183
You can do it!

1493
01:25:07,183 --> 01:25:09,833
Bob Schneider smirks with superiority.

1494
01:25:11,943 --> 01:25:13,933
Gentlemen, just obey my commands.

1495
01:25:13,933 --> 01:25:17,633
When I ask you to break, I want you to break clean and fast.

1496
01:25:17,633 --> 01:25:19,613
As long as Simon says.

1497
01:25:19,613 --> 01:25:23,203
Go immediately to a neutral corner and stay there,

1498
01:25:23,203 --> 01:25:25,203
until I tell you to come out.

1499
01:25:25,203 --> 01:25:26,923
Do you understand?

1500
01:25:26,923 --> 01:25:28,643
Or will I have to unleash the bitch?

1501
01:25:28,643 --> 01:25:31,633
Fight!

1502
01:25:37,193 --> 01:25:40,003
No no. Punch to where the jugular is going, not where it is.

1503
01:25:40,003 --> 01:25:42,933
And uh, sting like a butterfly or something?

1504
01:25:47,023 --> 01:25:49,623
We enjoyed that one particular punch!

1505
01:25:54,053 --> 01:25:57,393
Feel him with my rhumba!

1506
01:26:00,883 --> 01:26:05,813
Gah. I think he just closed escrow.

1507
01:26:05,813 --> 01:26:09,133
One, two, three, four

1508
01:26:09,133 --> 01:26:11,163
Five, six.

1509
01:26:11,163 --> 01:26:13,873
Will I ever ruin a birthday party again?

1510
01:26:17,623 --> 01:26:20,603
Oh I hate LA karate.

1511
01:26:23,593 --> 01:26:25,773
Fight's over. That's it. You're out.

1512
01:26:25,773 --> 01:26:28,433
Now clean up that spleen.

1513
01:26:28,433 --> 01:26:33,433
Winner by knock out!

1514
01:26:39,743 --> 01:26:43,583
Yeah the splits. I guess that's kind of impressive.

1515
01:26:43,583 --> 01:26:45,193
Seems like any given gymnast can do that.

1516
01:26:45,193 --> 01:26:48,423
It isn't worth making a trademark. But hooray!

1517
01:26:48,423 --> 01:26:50,443
Yay!

1518
01:26:50,443 --> 01:26:53,473
The mean receiver freak!

1519
01:26:53,473 --> 01:26:59,353
Bruce Lee taught me that. Come on! He heh.

1520
01:26:59,353 --> 01:27:03,423
Just obey my commands. and let's have a good clean fight.

1521
01:27:03,423 --> 01:27:05,353
Are you ready? Yeah.

1522
01:27:05,353 --> 01:27:06,883
Well then let's get ready

1523
01:27:06,883 --> 01:27:10,823
to not be sued by Michael Buffer!

1524
01:27:10,823 --> 01:27:13,213
Fight!

1525
01:27:13,213 --> 01:27:16,093
Gah! I retreat and I surrender.

1526
01:27:19,113 --> 01:27:22,223
Break!

1527
01:27:22,223 --> 01:27:25,023
My adult Chris Partridge command thee!

1528
01:27:25,023 --> 01:27:28,413
One, two, three.

1529
01:27:32,443 --> 01:27:36,653
Now see. This is why nobody ever picks Balrog.

1530
01:27:36,653 --> 01:27:42,403
One, two, three.

1531
01:27:44,853 --> 01:27:47,133
Fight go bad friend.

1532
01:27:47,133 --> 01:27:51,503
Seven, eight, nine,

1533
01:27:51,503 --> 01:27:53,393
Are you alright?

1534
01:27:53,393 --> 01:27:54,903
Yeah.

1535
01:27:54,903 --> 01:27:56,293
Well I've lost faith in society's ability

1536
01:27:56,293 --> 01:27:58,813
to correct its ills, but otherwise good to go.

1537
01:28:04,483 --> 01:28:07,723
Ow! Ow! Organs I didn't even know I have are rupturing!

1538
01:28:12,403 --> 01:28:14,863
Agh!

1539
01:28:16,653 --> 01:28:18,373
Ah. Wish my old man had been this enthusiastic

1540
01:28:18,373 --> 01:28:21,153
in the bleachers when I was in poetry club.

1541
01:28:24,893 --> 01:28:30,743
Still they treat concussion victims better than the NFL.

1542
01:28:30,743 --> 01:28:34,213
The best! I'm the best!

1543
01:28:40,573 --> 01:28:43,943
Guys like my JJ Giddes cosplay? Pretty sweet huh?

1544
01:28:43,943 --> 01:28:45,763
Since we already won both fights, we're gonna

1545
01:28:45,763 --> 01:28:49,073
make this thing a little more interesting.

1546
01:28:49,073 --> 01:28:52,673
You emerald city yokels every heard of a yiff pile?

1547
01:28:52,673 --> 01:28:58,053
Winner take all. If Reilly wins, Seattle wins.

1548
01:29:02,133 --> 01:29:06,093
Shave my shoulders later guys. There's Russian ass to kick.

1549
01:29:08,483 --> 01:29:11,873
Alright look fellas. you both know all the rules.

1550
01:29:11,873 --> 01:29:14,953
I want a good clean fight!

1551
01:29:14,953 --> 01:29:17,503
You heard this before yes?

1552
01:29:17,503 --> 01:29:21,223
In Russia pre fight instructions give you.

1553
01:29:26,903 --> 01:29:28,913
Oh man, the character I kind of dislike

1554
01:29:28,913 --> 01:29:31,963
is in a death duel with a character I actively dislike.

1555
01:29:31,963 --> 01:29:34,913
The emotional stakes have never felt higher.

1556
01:29:37,963 --> 01:29:39,753
Dragon strike! Heart back lunge!

1557
01:29:39,753 --> 01:29:43,023
Vulture smooch! Dyspeptic Salamander!

1558
01:29:45,023 --> 01:29:47,713
Agh!

1559
01:29:47,713 --> 01:29:49,123
Well this is less embarrassing than

1560
01:29:49,123 --> 01:29:52,673
getting beat up by Jean Claude and Christo.

1561
01:30:03,053 --> 01:30:06,863
Some sweaty hairy mongoose approaching

1562
01:30:06,863 --> 01:30:09,333
a shaved, glycerin soaped toad.

1563
01:30:16,463 --> 01:30:20,643
Emu some! Snail notch!

1564
01:30:20,643 --> 01:30:24,693
Hamster bash! The vengeful wallabeeee!

1565
01:30:34,153 --> 01:30:37,813
Replacement light bulbs, not in the budget.

1566
01:30:39,813 --> 01:30:41,953
I said break it up!

1567
01:30:41,953 --> 01:30:43,743
Get back to your corner.

1568
01:30:43,743 --> 01:30:46,473
I physically mature Ricky Schroder compel you!

1569
01:30:51,393 --> 01:30:54,273
What are you doing?

1570
01:30:54,273 --> 01:30:56,603
Being a super kick ass karate dude. Duh!

1571
01:30:56,603 --> 01:30:58,673
Alright.

1572
01:30:58,673 --> 01:31:00,743
No problem man.

1573
01:31:00,743 --> 01:31:02,693
No problem. you got him right where you want.

1574
01:31:04,323 --> 01:31:06,783
Did somebody lose this giant number two?

1575
01:31:06,783 --> 01:31:10,483
Looking for the owner here people.

1576
01:31:10,483 --> 01:31:15,743
I massage you.

1577
01:31:18,583 --> 01:31:21,463
Let's go.

1578
01:31:21,463 --> 01:31:24,603
Come on, do it here!

1579
01:31:24,603 --> 01:31:28,563
I gotta get back to harassing that little breakdancer kid.

1580
01:31:28,563 --> 01:31:29,903
Fight!

1581
01:31:33,963 --> 01:31:37,353
That's for your half hearted performance in Expendables Two.

1582
01:31:40,113 --> 01:31:42,883
Get him!

1583
01:31:42,883 --> 01:31:44,453
Kill him!

1584
01:31:44,453 --> 01:31:47,693
Remind of the ultimate futility of all human endeavors!

1585
01:31:50,933 --> 01:31:55,153
Got one point there!

1586
01:31:55,153 --> 01:31:59,323
Van Damme's Beligian, so that was Flemish for Gah!!

1587
01:32:05,833 --> 01:32:07,903
Remember when this movie was about Jason?

1588
01:32:07,903 --> 01:32:10,443
No. Who now?

1589
01:32:15,893 --> 01:32:19,303
Okay, now this movie's gone too far. Murder attempt?

1590
01:32:19,303 --> 01:32:21,713
No no no. Unfastening a metal snap hook

1591
01:32:21,713 --> 01:32:24,713
wearing a sparring glove? Come on man!

1592
01:32:26,563 --> 01:32:29,563
I wish Double Team had been ninety minutes of Jean Claude

1593
01:32:29,563 --> 01:32:32,113
doing that to Dennis Rodman.

1594
01:32:34,013 --> 01:32:36,793
Agghh!

1595
01:32:36,793 --> 01:32:41,023
Trillions of funyon molecules raced

1596
01:32:41,023 --> 01:32:43,713
towards his cold Soviet heart.

1597
01:32:48,833 --> 01:32:51,083
Ah ha! Wee!

1598
01:32:58,653 --> 01:33:02,703
No! She just bleached her roots!

1599
01:33:09,323 --> 01:33:11,453
Yaaay.

1600
01:33:23,303 --> 01:33:26,453
You just reversed my Lasik you big bully!

1601
01:33:31,713 --> 01:33:33,063
No.

1602
01:33:33,063 --> 01:33:35,973
It is you son? Is it not?

1603
01:33:35,973 --> 01:33:37,793
Yes by definition I am a son.

1604
01:33:37,793 --> 01:33:41,343
But this time it will be different.

1605
01:33:41,343 --> 01:33:42,783
Russian!

1606
01:33:42,783 --> 01:33:45,593
Haa! Well what makes dismissive but

1607
01:33:45,593 --> 01:33:48,103
accurate reference to my country of origin!

1608
01:33:52,543 --> 01:33:55,153
Hey can I get a Coors Light over here?

1609
01:33:59,033 --> 01:34:01,373
You're good.

1610
01:34:01,373 --> 01:34:03,153
I get better.

1611
01:34:03,153 --> 01:34:05,583
Come here pinko, it's kissy time.

1612
01:34:09,303 --> 01:34:13,913
He's remembering all those times he was bad in LA with Snake.

1613
01:34:17,413 --> 01:34:20,473
And when your shoulder moves, I see it!

1614
01:34:20,473 --> 01:34:23,043
His ancient hokey pokey strategy.

1615
01:34:23,043 --> 01:34:24,473
Wait, and direct.

1616
01:34:28,093 --> 01:34:33,473
If somebody goes into a coma we get half off Papa Johns! Come on!

1617
01:34:33,473 --> 01:34:35,353
Coma! Coma!

1618
01:34:41,123 --> 01:34:45,423
Uh time out guys. Jason's controller disconnected again.

1619
01:34:45,423 --> 01:34:47,493
Blue tooth.

1620
01:35:01,233 --> 01:35:04,373
Ah ha! Smell that! Ring funk! Pretty gnarly right?

1621
01:35:04,373 --> 01:35:06,563
Agh!

1622
01:35:10,783 --> 01:35:15,433
He needs a power boost by imagining he's punching Chuck Norris.

1623
01:35:21,173 --> 01:35:23,793
And here we have the roping of

1624
01:35:23,793 --> 01:35:27,293
an actual non metaphorical dope.

1625
01:35:28,513 --> 01:35:31,333
Jase! No retreat! No surrender!

1626
01:35:31,333 --> 01:35:34,253
Huh.

1627
01:35:37,403 --> 01:35:40,203
Dolphin palm! Arthur punch!

1628
01:35:40,203 --> 01:35:43,553
Armadillo toss! The Randy sloth!

1629
01:35:52,133 --> 01:35:54,843
Oh it's like he's the best, around!

1630
01:35:54,843 --> 01:35:57,603
Are, are you saying nothing's ever gonna keep him down?

1631
01:35:57,603 --> 01:35:59,313
Well let me put it this way. Yes.

1632
01:35:59,313 --> 01:36:00,973
That is what I am saying.

1633
01:36:00,973 --> 01:36:03,103
Unexpected move is harder to counter.

1634
01:36:06,923 --> 01:36:10,023
Finishing move! Up, down, left, diagonal left, ABB.

1635
01:36:10,023 --> 01:36:13,653
No no. It's up down, diagonal left, ABA.

1636
01:36:13,653 --> 01:36:15,393
The move you're describing unleashes

1637
01:36:15,393 --> 01:36:17,623
Jason's feathered hair of fury.

1638
01:36:17,623 --> 01:36:21,283
Actually guys. Up down left diagonal left, ABA,

1639
01:36:21,283 --> 01:36:24,313
is Jason's terrifying eyebrows apocalypse.

1640
01:36:24,313 --> 01:36:26,183
Wow.

1641
01:36:29,403 --> 01:36:32,483
They're moving onto a less stupid plan.

1642
01:36:32,483 --> 01:36:35,873
Muscling out the owner of a model train museum.

1643
01:36:48,023 --> 01:36:50,093
Uh movie if you wanted a discounted Stan Bush,

1644
01:36:50,093 --> 01:36:52,713
there's already one available. His name is Stan Bush.

1645
01:36:58,683 --> 01:37:02,703
And appreciative ticket holders tossed Jason up and down,

1646
01:37:02,703 --> 01:37:06,523
up and down, deep into the night. The END.

1647
01:37:06,523 --> 01:37:09,013
And while Jason is being tossed up and down, friends.

1648
01:37:09,013 --> 01:37:11,333
If you happened upon this video anywhere other

1649
01:37:11,333 --> 01:37:14,083
than the RiffTrax dojo, please consider dropping

1650
01:37:14,083 --> 01:37:17,413
by RiffTrax.com/donate to make it right.

1651
01:37:17,413 --> 01:37:20,463
It's really the only way we can keep doing this thing we love to do.

1652
01:37:20,463 --> 01:37:22,963
Plus you know if you don't, we'll send Ivan the Russian

1653
01:37:22,963 --> 01:37:26,743
to your house to do that weird sneery thing with his lower lip.

1654
01:37:26,743 --> 01:37:28,493
And nobody wants that!

1655
01:37:28,493 --> 01:37:31,173
Uh uh. Actually, I do.

1656
01:37:31,173 --> 01:37:33,413
Okay. Nobody but Mike wants that

1657
01:37:33,413 --> 01:37:35,513
See you next time!

1658
01:37:35,513 --> 01:37:37,343
What the hell's wrong with you Nelson? Mike you need some help.

1659
01:37:37,343 --> 01:37:42,053
I like sneering Russians. Good bye.

1660
01:39:29,893 --> 01:39:36,493
 It's time for Rifftrax!

1661
01:39:36,493 --> 01:39:39,813
Rifftrax, Copyright by Rifftrax. All rights reserved.