1
00:00:12,527 --> 00:00:16,527
www.titlovi.com
2
00:00:19,527 --> 00:00:22,724
MAN 1 ON COMPUTER: Mistress,
spank my bottom. Spank it really hard!
3
00:00:22,807 --> 00:00:24,320
Please, spank my bottom!
4
00:00:24,487 --> 00:00:26,557
-That is unpleasant.
-Spank it really hard.
5
00:00:27,327 --> 00:00:28,965
WOMAN ON COMPUTER.. Lick my nipples.
6
00:00:29,047 --> 00:00:30,799
No, thank you, pregnant lady.
7
00:00:31,727 --> 00:00:32,921
MAN 2 ON COMPUTER: Strip, soldier!
8
00:00:33,007 --> 00:00:35,475
You're gonna find out
why they call me the drill sergeant.
9
00:00:35,567 --> 00:00:36,966
(WHIP CRACKS)
10
00:00:37,287 --> 00:00:38,436
(SIGHS)
11
00:01:24,647 --> 00:01:28,083
That's... That's nice, baby.
12
00:01:31,327 --> 00:01:32,760
No, Frizzy! No!
13
00:01:32,847 --> 00:01:34,121
(GROANING)
14
00:01:34,527 --> 00:01:35,721
(GASPING)
15
00:01:38,167 --> 00:01:39,964
No, no, no, Frizzy! No!
16
00:01:40,287 --> 00:01:41,276
Frizzy.
17
00:01:41,367 --> 00:01:42,356
(PHONE BEEPS)
18
00:01:42,447 --> 00:01:44,881
No, no, no, wait! Cody! No.
19
00:02:05,767 --> 00:02:06,756
ROB ON PHONE: No, no, no, Frizzy! No!
20
00:02:06,847 --> 00:02:09,236
Don't worry about it, man.
Everyone's got a sex tape.
21
00:02:09,327 --> 00:02:10,362
Please.
22
00:02:10,447 --> 00:02:12,358
Yeah, except they're having sex with people.
23
00:02:13,407 --> 00:02:14,442
-(GRO ANING) Frizzy.
-Right.
24
00:02:14,527 --> 00:02:18,122
It's not technically incest
if your family member's a different species.
25
00:02:18,367 --> 00:02:19,925
So, are you getting close with Dana yet?
26
00:02:20,007 --> 00:02:22,441
The rumours are true. She's taken the pledge.
27
00:02:22,527 --> 00:02:24,961
No sex? She was your sure thing.
28
00:02:25,087 --> 00:02:28,557
-Faith-camp propaganda, man.
-NATHAN: She's waiting until marriage.
29
00:02:28,767 --> 00:02:30,723
I thought she had sex with six guys.
30
00:02:35,447 --> 00:02:36,596
What?
31
00:02:37,727 --> 00:02:38,955
Get to class.
32
00:02:39,607 --> 00:02:41,120
No cell phones in the hall, Alyson.
33
00:02:41,207 --> 00:02:43,482
You can pick this up from my office
today after school.
34
00:02:43,567 --> 00:02:47,003
No, no, no, Frizzy! No! Frizzy!
35
00:02:47,407 --> 00:02:49,079
Well, I've seen worse.
36
00:02:51,087 --> 00:02:52,122
No, no, no, Frizzy! No!
37
00:02:52,207 --> 00:02:53,686
(CLEARS THROAT)
38
00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:56,077
Miss Johnson. Lunch today?
39
00:02:56,967 --> 00:03:00,084
I'll have to check my calendar, perv... Pete.
40
00:03:03,647 --> 00:03:06,844
No, no, no, Frizzy! No! Frizzy!
41
00:03:07,007 --> 00:03:08,599
Look. Look. Look at that.
42
00:03:09,247 --> 00:03:12,478
No, no, no, Frizzy! No! Frizzy!
43
00:03:12,647 --> 00:03:14,205
(CHEERLEADER EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST)
44
00:03:14,287 --> 00:03:17,996
-Hey, just ignore them.
-Oh, God. You saw it, too?
45
00:03:19,367 --> 00:03:21,722
-Just so you know, it's not at all...
-Hey, don't worry about it.
46
00:03:22,007 --> 00:03:24,521
Frizzy's a good-looking dog.
47
00:03:25,447 --> 00:03:28,757
So, do you wanna do it? Are we on?
48
00:03:30,327 --> 00:03:33,239
Rob? Rob? Are we on for seventh period?
49
00:03:33,367 --> 00:03:35,756
Yeah. I... I'll...
50
00:03:36,567 --> 00:03:38,637
-I'll meet you over there.
-Okay.
51
00:03:41,087 --> 00:03:42,964
-Doggy style!
-Hey, Stifler.
52
00:03:43,047 --> 00:03:44,446
Is that your girlfriend?
53
00:03:44,527 --> 00:03:46,802
No, we're just... We're just... We're friends.
54
00:03:47,167 --> 00:03:49,476
Just friends? How sweet.
55
00:03:50,167 --> 00:03:53,603
Well, she seems awful ripe.
If you don't pick the fruit, I will.
56
00:03:54,887 --> 00:03:56,764
STIFLER: Hey, beautiful.
57
00:04:00,807 --> 00:04:01,842
STIFLER: Wow!
58
00:04:01,927 --> 00:04:02,837
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)
59
00:04:03,087 --> 00:04:05,885
CHARLES ON PA: Good morning,
East Great Falls Blazers.
60
00:04:05,967 --> 00:04:08,765
Don't forget about the big game
against Central this week
61
00:04:08,847 --> 00:04:12,760
and the Aloha Dance this Friday
from 7:00 to midnight.
62
00:04:12,847 --> 00:04:16,886
Hawaiian shirts and leis
are recommended for entrance.
63
00:04:16,967 --> 00:04:17,956
(CHARLES GIGGLES)
64
00:04:18,087 --> 00:04:21,159
-PRINCIPAL ON PA: Charles, knock that off.
-Sorry.
65
00:04:39,807 --> 00:04:41,877
(MR O'DONNELL CLEARS THROAT)
66
00:04:42,527 --> 00:04:44,597
Let's focus on the quiz, please.
67
00:04:55,167 --> 00:04:56,600
Douche bag.
68
00:05:23,647 --> 00:05:25,603
I'm serious about this pledge, you know.
69
00:05:25,727 --> 00:05:26,762
I know.
70
00:05:26,847 --> 00:05:29,759
-So just dancing tonight.
-Yeah. Just dancing.
71
00:05:30,127 --> 00:05:31,640
The horizontal hula.
72
00:05:31,727 --> 00:05:33,399
Nathan.
73
00:05:40,287 --> 00:05:41,515
Poor Nathan.
74
00:05:41,607 --> 00:05:44,121
His willy must be hard enough
to cut glass by now.
75
00:05:44,207 --> 00:05:46,482
Nathan loves me, and Nathan respects me.
76
00:05:46,567 --> 00:05:50,640
Okay. A, a guy never respects a girl
enough to give up sex.
77
00:05:50,927 --> 00:05:52,918
And, B, well, what about you?
78
00:05:53,207 --> 00:05:55,880
You must be feeling
pretty randy by now, Dana.
79
00:05:56,647 --> 00:05:59,115
Okay, well, yeah, maybe, like, the tiniest bit,
80
00:05:59,207 --> 00:06:01,562
but I really feel like I'm connecting
with the higher power here.
81
00:06:01,647 --> 00:06:04,115
Yes, I know, and that is totally fab,
82
00:06:04,207 --> 00:06:07,438
but I know I couldn't do it.
I'm way too into giving blow jobs.
83
00:06:07,967 --> 00:06:09,400
Ask Richard.
84
00:06:10,047 --> 00:06:12,197
Hey, don't listen to lmogen, okay?
85
00:06:12,287 --> 00:06:15,165
Sex is a really big deal,
and if you feel like you're not ready,
86
00:06:15,247 --> 00:06:17,317
then I think you should wait.
87
00:06:18,847 --> 00:06:19,962
DANA: But...
88
00:06:20,047 --> 00:06:23,278
No offence, Heidi, but you have no idea
what you're talking about.
89
00:06:26,487 --> 00:06:28,045
Text me later.
90
00:06:34,847 --> 00:06:36,678
-Hey, Rob.
-ROB: Yeah?
91
00:06:37,167 --> 00:06:39,283
-Can I ask you something?
-Sure. What's up?
92
00:06:39,367 --> 00:06:41,278
Well, it's kind of personal.
93
00:06:43,167 --> 00:06:44,361
Okay.
94
00:06:45,247 --> 00:06:48,842
I've been thinking.
You know I'm a virgin, right?
95
00:06:49,847 --> 00:06:51,121
It's just... I don't know.
96
00:06:51,207 --> 00:06:53,437
Everyone's already done it
like a million times already,
97
00:06:53,567 --> 00:06:56,843
and I know I don't have a boyfriend
or whatever, but...
98
00:06:57,687 --> 00:06:59,803
But sometimes I feel like I should just
get it over with.
99
00:06:59,887 --> 00:07:03,926
You know? I mean,
just get past this whole thing, this virgin.
100
00:07:04,487 --> 00:07:06,478
What does that even mean, anyway?
101
00:07:06,847 --> 00:07:09,998
So I've never had a penis in my vagina,
but so what?
102
00:07:10,327 --> 00:07:13,558
Why do I have to label everything?
Like, "She's too innocent.
103
00:07:13,647 --> 00:07:16,525
"She can't handle it." I'm not that innocent.
104
00:07:16,607 --> 00:07:18,802
I've seen Showgirls and Blue Lagoon.
105
00:07:21,247 --> 00:07:25,559
Anyways, I think I've decided to just do it.
But what do you think?
106
00:07:26,047 --> 00:07:31,201
Yeah. I think you should definitely
go ahead and get it over with.
107
00:07:31,327 --> 00:07:32,999
(LAUGHS) Thanks.
108
00:07:36,007 --> 00:07:37,406
Let's get back to work.
109
00:07:38,847 --> 00:07:40,599
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
110
00:07:48,767 --> 00:07:49,916
(WHOOPS)
111
00:07:56,927 --> 00:07:59,839
Stifcam coming at you live
from the Aloha Dance
112
00:07:59,967 --> 00:08:01,958
here at the East Great Falls...
113
00:08:02,447 --> 00:08:03,960
This chick just grabbed my ass.
114
00:08:04,047 --> 00:08:06,481
She wants to play
the Stifmeister's flute skin.
115
00:08:06,567 --> 00:08:09,286
Let go find some of that
sweet-looking pinoche, Gibbsy.
116
00:08:33,407 --> 00:08:35,238
Hey, check it out. There's Heidi.
117
00:08:36,207 --> 00:08:38,675
LUBE: All right, all right.
She looks highly doable.
118
00:08:39,247 --> 00:08:41,158
All right, so what's the game plan here?
119
00:08:41,247 --> 00:08:43,078
I don't know. Ask her to dance, I guess.
120
00:08:43,167 --> 00:08:46,477
You need a plan, all right?
It's all about establishing your intentions.
121
00:08:46,567 --> 00:08:49,525
See, right now,
she thinks of you as just a friend.
122
00:08:49,807 --> 00:08:51,286
You need to break that paradigm.
123
00:08:51,367 --> 00:08:54,837
Remember, friends don't let friends
just be friends.
124
00:08:54,927 --> 00:08:57,646
-Right.
-I'm serious. You cannot puss out here.
125
00:08:57,727 --> 00:09:00,287
All right, take it easy.
I'm gonna go talk to her.
126
00:09:01,687 --> 00:09:04,201
Wait. Aren't you forgetting something?
127
00:09:06,567 --> 00:09:07,920
Oh. Oh. Oh.
128
00:09:08,047 --> 00:09:09,685
Here, don't forget these.
129
00:09:10,447 --> 00:09:12,563
You only need those when you're alone.
130
00:09:13,407 --> 00:09:14,760
Right. Right. Okay.
131
00:09:26,607 --> 00:09:29,167
-(EXCLAIMS) Okay!
-What? What's wrong?
132
00:09:29,247 --> 00:09:30,475
I can't.
133
00:09:30,567 --> 00:09:33,525
-But it's only second base.
-I know. But if we go there,
134
00:09:33,607 --> 00:09:35,598
then we're gonna wanna go further.
135
00:09:36,527 --> 00:09:38,358
But Adam and Eve did it.
136
00:09:38,447 --> 00:09:39,482
(GASPS)
137
00:09:39,567 --> 00:09:41,876
I'm sorry. Hey, hey.
138
00:09:42,087 --> 00:09:44,601
I love you. Do you know that?
139
00:09:47,527 --> 00:09:48,846
Come here.
140
00:09:53,127 --> 00:09:54,321
Is God okay with a blow job?
141
00:09:54,407 --> 00:09:55,522
(GASPS)
142
00:09:56,487 --> 00:09:58,603
I thought you understood
how I felt about this.
143
00:09:58,687 --> 00:10:01,360
I told you, it's important for me
to save myself until marriage.
144
00:10:01,447 --> 00:10:02,960
You've had sex with seven guys.
145
00:10:03,047 --> 00:10:04,241
(GASPING)
146
00:10:07,127 --> 00:10:09,482
And it was six, not seven!
147
00:10:09,687 --> 00:10:12,155
Well, one was a black guy,
so he counts as two.
148
00:10:13,207 --> 00:10:14,196
Dana.
149
00:10:15,287 --> 00:10:17,084
-Dana, come on.
-Fuck off.
150
00:10:17,527 --> 00:10:20,405
Dana. Come on, Dana. Dana!
151
00:10:20,487 --> 00:10:21,840
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
152
00:10:28,247 --> 00:10:31,398
Hey, girls.
This is gonna be for Sit-on-my-face-book.
153
00:10:31,487 --> 00:10:33,762
I need you to kiss one time, okay?
154
00:10:34,407 --> 00:10:35,556
I don't know.
155
00:10:35,647 --> 00:10:38,719
Come on.
It's gonna be seen by millions of people.
156
00:10:40,087 --> 00:10:41,156
(LAUGHS) Okay.
157
00:10:42,727 --> 00:10:44,206
(BOYS CHEERING)
158
00:10:45,407 --> 00:10:46,681
Okay, we're gonna go again,
159
00:10:46,767 --> 00:10:49,440
but this time,
sneak in some tongue for daddy.
160
00:10:49,527 --> 00:10:50,801
Okay.
161
00:10:53,807 --> 00:10:55,445
(LAUGHS EXCITEDLY)
162
00:10:56,087 --> 00:10:59,523
(HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
That's what I'm talking about, baby!
163
00:10:59,847 --> 00:11:01,326
(BOYS CHEERING)
164
00:11:02,167 --> 00:11:04,078
Stifmeister strikes again!
165
00:11:05,847 --> 00:11:06,962
Dude.
166
00:11:08,007 --> 00:11:10,077
You're gonna love this. Check this out.
167
00:11:12,407 --> 00:11:13,840
Yeah. So?
168
00:11:14,207 --> 00:11:15,481
Watch and learn.
169
00:11:18,807 --> 00:11:21,526
"You're hot.
170
00:11:22,007 --> 00:11:27,206
"Give me your number
and let's get together."
171
00:11:29,847 --> 00:11:32,122
I throw this at a hot girl,
172
00:11:32,207 --> 00:11:35,483
and she's so impressed
that I'm literally throwing around a Benjamin
173
00:11:35,607 --> 00:11:37,802
that she wants to hook up with me.
174
00:11:37,887 --> 00:11:40,321
Yeah. Good luck with that.
175
00:11:40,847 --> 00:11:43,156
-I'm gonna go find Dana.
-All right, man.
176
00:12:06,127 --> 00:12:08,721
Oh, no.
177
00:12:09,047 --> 00:12:10,480
Oh, God.
178
00:12:14,007 --> 00:12:16,567
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Watch out. Coming through.
179
00:12:16,647 --> 00:12:18,319
(DANCE SONG PLAYING)
180
00:12:18,807 --> 00:12:22,720
So, I was thinking about what
we were talking about, you know, before.
181
00:12:22,967 --> 00:12:27,916
-Yeah. Yeah, I remember.
-Right. So I was thinking, why wait?
182
00:12:28,167 --> 00:12:30,806
Right? I mean, you might as well,
you know, get it over with.
183
00:12:30,887 --> 00:12:33,037
What? Like, here? At the dance?
184
00:12:33,127 --> 00:12:34,958
Well, there's always the library.
185
00:12:35,127 --> 00:12:37,687
-Yeah, the library.
-I'm kidding.
186
00:12:37,847 --> 00:12:40,566
-Yeah. I know.
-But seriously, after the dance,
187
00:12:40,647 --> 00:12:41,682
I don't know if you...
188
00:12:44,247 --> 00:12:46,966
-What are you doing?
-Looking for my money.
189
00:12:47,407 --> 00:12:49,523
-C-note thing?
-Yeah.
190
00:12:49,927 --> 00:12:51,804
-Lose your money?
-Shut up.
191
00:12:52,087 --> 00:12:53,156
Ooh.
192
00:12:57,007 --> 00:13:00,522
And we're back. What's up, dude?
Where's Heidi?
193
00:13:02,167 --> 00:13:03,441
I don't know.
194
00:13:04,287 --> 00:13:07,245
-She was here a second ago.
-Maybe she went to the bathroom.
195
00:13:07,407 --> 00:13:10,240
-Yeah, maybe.
-Dana's pissed at me.
196
00:13:10,647 --> 00:13:12,797
Dude, you gotta play along
with this whole pledge thing.
197
00:13:12,887 --> 00:13:14,366
Well, that's easy for you to say.
198
00:13:14,447 --> 00:13:16,085
You haven't exactly
broken the seal yet, either.
199
00:13:16,167 --> 00:13:18,522
Dude, I've been getting to third base
on a regular basis.
200
00:13:18,607 --> 00:13:20,723
I can't go back to jacking off now.
201
00:13:20,807 --> 00:13:24,686
Dude, just use your left hand.
It feels completely different.
202
00:13:26,007 --> 00:13:28,965
-I'm gonna go find Heidi.
-I'm gonna go find Dana.
203
00:13:53,167 --> 00:13:56,239
BOY: (LAUGHS) No! Dude,
you're gonna make me hurl.
204
00:14:03,927 --> 00:14:05,246
Heidi?
205
00:14:12,567 --> 00:14:14,717
LUBE: No, no, no, no!
206
00:14:15,927 --> 00:14:17,042
Wait.
207
00:14:18,407 --> 00:14:19,726
Dude, yo.
208
00:14:21,047 --> 00:14:22,526
(LAUGHS) Sluts.
209
00:14:30,527 --> 00:14:31,676
(FARTING)
210
00:14:46,247 --> 00:14:47,441
What the hell?
211
00:14:48,687 --> 00:14:50,086
(LUBE GRUNTS)
212
00:14:50,647 --> 00:14:51,796
Relax, dude.
213
00:14:55,967 --> 00:14:57,400
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
214
00:14:58,487 --> 00:14:59,806
Get off me, you freak!
215
00:15:06,087 --> 00:15:08,078
Hey, a hundred bucks!
216
00:15:25,967 --> 00:15:27,286
What are you doing?
217
00:15:28,127 --> 00:15:30,277
Rob? You said...
218
00:15:30,807 --> 00:15:31,796
Rob!
219
00:15:32,127 --> 00:15:33,446
(EXCLAIMS)
220
00:15:33,887 --> 00:15:35,559
Dude, nice cock block.
221
00:15:38,767 --> 00:15:39,995
(SHRIEKS)
222
00:15:40,207 --> 00:15:41,526
I'm on fire.
223
00:15:42,287 --> 00:15:43,720
-I'm on fire.
-Oh, my God.
224
00:15:43,807 --> 00:15:47,436
There's a fire. There's a fire, and it's on me.
225
00:15:52,447 --> 00:15:53,675
Oh, my God.
226
00:15:54,487 --> 00:15:59,083
HEIDl: Rob! Rob! Put it out. Take off
your pants! Take off... Take your pants off!
227
00:15:59,367 --> 00:16:00,641
Oh, God!
228
00:16:00,767 --> 00:16:02,359
(SHRIEKS) Come on!
229
00:16:03,687 --> 00:16:04,802
(SHRIEKS)
230
00:16:04,887 --> 00:16:07,640
Oh, my God. Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
231
00:16:07,727 --> 00:16:10,116
Hurry, Rob, come on.
232
00:16:10,567 --> 00:16:12,239
Get it out! Get it out!
233
00:16:14,607 --> 00:16:15,926
(FIRE ALARM RINGING)
234
00:16:16,007 --> 00:16:17,042
(SHRIEKS)
235
00:16:17,127 --> 00:16:18,162
Oh, God.
236
00:16:21,847 --> 00:16:23,758
What the hell is going on in here?
237
00:16:29,407 --> 00:16:32,797
Two months seems like an awfully long time
for Saturday detention.
238
00:16:33,047 --> 00:16:34,878
We're supposed to clean up the library.
239
00:16:35,687 --> 00:16:37,484
Do you guys know where the vacuum is?
240
00:16:37,567 --> 00:16:38,682
Nope.
241
00:16:40,767 --> 00:16:42,962
What were you doing in the library anyway?
242
00:16:44,047 --> 00:16:45,878
I wasn't doing anything.
Heidi was already in there.
243
00:16:45,967 --> 00:16:48,765
-I was just looking for her.
-I heard she was blowing some dude.
244
00:16:48,847 --> 00:16:52,681
Cody! Well, I don't know
how you're gonna go on the school ski trip
245
00:16:52,767 --> 00:16:54,120
if you're still on detention.
246
00:16:54,207 --> 00:16:56,880
Mom, I don't see what that has to do with it.
I didn't do anything.
247
00:16:56,967 --> 00:16:58,446
I heard you were the fluffer.
248
00:16:59,247 --> 00:17:01,078
-Cody.
-Look. His lips are chapped.
249
00:17:01,207 --> 00:17:02,196
(EXCLAIMS)
250
00:17:02,287 --> 00:17:03,561
Well, we'll see.
251
00:17:04,527 --> 00:17:06,916
All right. I have to go get ready.
252
00:17:09,487 --> 00:17:11,318
Maybe it's in the garage.
253
00:17:14,727 --> 00:17:17,639
Rob? I wanna have a little chat with you.
254
00:17:17,927 --> 00:17:18,962
Do we have to?
255
00:17:19,047 --> 00:17:22,357
Honey, I know that you're growing older,
256
00:17:22,447 --> 00:17:25,962
and I don't know what your father
has told you about things,
257
00:17:26,047 --> 00:17:28,959
but I think it's important to discuss
everything, you know?
258
00:17:29,047 --> 00:17:30,765
Like about sex.
259
00:17:32,607 --> 00:17:35,075
-Are you having sex?
-Mom, I don't wanna talk about this.
260
00:17:35,167 --> 00:17:39,683
No, well, it's just that I found
this sock in the laundry, and, well...
261
00:17:40,127 --> 00:17:42,436
Oh, God, Mom. Put that away.
262
00:17:44,887 --> 00:17:49,836
And, also,
somebody sent me a link to this video.
263
00:17:50,327 --> 00:17:52,204
ROB: No, no, no, Frizzy! No.
264
00:17:52,287 --> 00:17:53,879
-Mom, just turn it off!
-I don't know how!
265
00:17:53,967 --> 00:17:55,525
Your brother made it my start-up screen.
266
00:17:55,607 --> 00:17:57,518
-Okay, I can... I can fix that.
-You can? Great.
267
00:17:57,607 --> 00:17:58,596
-Yeah.
-Thanks.
268
00:17:58,687 --> 00:18:00,405
-No, no, no, Frizzy! No!
-Thank you for that.
269
00:18:00,487 --> 00:18:02,045
-Okay.
-And we're done. Right? Yeah.
270
00:18:02,127 --> 00:18:04,357
Well, honey, please.
There's no reason to be ashamed.
271
00:18:04,447 --> 00:18:06,039
Masturbation is perfectly natural.
272
00:18:06,127 --> 00:18:09,915
I mean, boys your age
are maybe into experimentation
273
00:18:10,007 --> 00:18:13,124
and trying new things with animals.
274
00:18:13,647 --> 00:18:17,117
I mean, Frizzy, she's been in our family for...
Since she was a puppy...
275
00:18:17,247 --> 00:18:19,158
(STAMMERS) Hey, I'm late.
276
00:18:29,487 --> 00:18:31,876
-You're tardy.
-Sorry.
277
00:18:32,927 --> 00:18:35,077
You can start by cleaning off
all the damaged books
278
00:18:35,167 --> 00:18:38,557
and separating the ruined ones.
I'll be checking on you.
279
00:18:41,207 --> 00:18:43,846
Heidi. Look, about last night...
280
00:18:44,487 --> 00:18:45,806
I don't wanna talk about it.
281
00:18:47,007 --> 00:18:49,396
-Well, I just wanted to tell you...
-Rob.
282
00:18:51,567 --> 00:18:53,364
I'm gonna go empty this bucket.
283
00:19:41,807 --> 00:19:43,923
Do you have any idea what I found here?
284
00:19:44,007 --> 00:19:46,396
-This is the bible.
-I thought that was an urban legend.
285
00:19:46,487 --> 00:19:48,762
No. This is real. This goes back decades.
286
00:19:48,847 --> 00:19:50,678
Okay. So what?
287
00:19:50,767 --> 00:19:53,235
This is exactly what we need
to finally get laid.
288
00:19:53,967 --> 00:19:56,356
How is this thing gonna help us get laid?
It's ruined.
289
00:19:56,527 --> 00:19:58,597
You can't even read most of it.
290
00:19:58,687 --> 00:20:01,485
This book has helped one lucky guy
each year at Great Falls.
291
00:20:01,687 --> 00:20:04,679
And this year, that lucky guy is us.
292
00:20:05,247 --> 00:20:08,683
Even with the damage, it still has
a ton of useful stuff. Check this out.
293
00:20:09,687 --> 00:20:13,043
"February 1st, 1977. The G-spot."
294
00:20:15,487 --> 00:20:18,081
-I can dig it.
-LUBE: What else you got?
295
00:20:18,487 --> 00:20:21,957
"1991 . How to shave your pubes
to make your dick look bigger."
296
00:20:22,447 --> 00:20:23,960
Dad showed me that one.
297
00:20:24,047 --> 00:20:28,006
"2003. I just had
the most amazing sexual experience."
298
00:20:28,247 --> 00:20:32,001
Something I can't read.
"She used a breath mint."
299
00:20:32,527 --> 00:20:34,961
A breath mint? For what?
300
00:20:35,407 --> 00:20:39,719
You moron. You stick it up your tailpipe and
the minty-ness makes your asshole twitch.
301
00:20:40,767 --> 00:20:42,280
Everyone knows that.
302
00:20:43,167 --> 00:20:45,283
Dude, I don't know. This sounds pretty weak.
303
00:20:45,367 --> 00:20:47,835
Plus, I mean, we can find most of this stuff
on the internet anyway.
304
00:20:47,927 --> 00:20:50,600
No, this is different.
This has personal experiences.
305
00:20:50,687 --> 00:20:52,996
Plus, it's custom-tailored to Great Falls girls.
306
00:20:53,087 --> 00:20:54,805
Since when does punani have a zip code?
307
00:20:54,887 --> 00:20:57,845
What have we got to lose? Nathan,
you've been working on Dana for, what?
308
00:20:57,927 --> 00:21:01,636
Like six months? Only to find out that
she loves the Lord more than sex?
309
00:21:03,447 --> 00:21:06,564
And, Lube, how have all your schemes
to get laid been working out so far?
310
00:21:06,647 --> 00:21:07,716
Minus $100.
311
00:21:07,807 --> 00:21:12,323
Exactly, and me, well, I've been wasting
all my time on some fantasy that someday
312
00:21:12,407 --> 00:21:15,444
Heidi's gonna fall madly in love with me.
Face it, guys, we need help.
313
00:21:15,567 --> 00:21:17,956
And this is it, staring us right in the face.
314
00:21:19,527 --> 00:21:20,721
-I'm in.
-All right.
315
00:21:21,447 --> 00:21:22,596
I'm in.
316
00:21:22,767 --> 00:21:23,756
-Yeah.
-Yes.
317
00:21:23,887 --> 00:21:25,036
(ALL WHOOPING)
318
00:21:25,127 --> 00:21:26,162
-Yeah!
-Yeah!
319
00:21:26,327 --> 00:21:27,965
Hey, easy. Guys, it's old.
320
00:21:28,527 --> 00:21:30,404
"May 1st, 1990.
321
00:21:32,047 --> 00:21:35,596
"The simplest way into a girl's pants
is still basic flattery."
322
00:21:37,087 --> 00:21:39,442
That's it? Just flatter her?
323
00:21:39,727 --> 00:21:41,399
-That's it.
-Well, think about it.
324
00:21:41,487 --> 00:21:43,284
How many times do you actually do it?
325
00:21:43,607 --> 00:21:46,405
Walk up to a girl and say,
"Wow, you have beautiful eyes."
326
00:21:46,487 --> 00:21:51,083
Like, never. It's telling us the only proven
way to get women is to be an asshole,
327
00:21:51,167 --> 00:21:54,284
'cause the guys that actually spew
that kind of crap get laid.
328
00:21:54,367 --> 00:21:56,756
Check it out. Twelve o'clock.
329
00:21:56,847 --> 00:21:58,439
(NATHAN EXCLAIMS)
330
00:22:00,207 --> 00:22:01,526
(CHATTERING)
331
00:22:26,967 --> 00:22:28,241
(WHISTLES)
332
00:22:29,087 --> 00:22:32,796
-All right. Let's put this bible to a test.
-Yes.
333
00:22:33,127 --> 00:22:35,687
-You go talk to her.
-I'm not trying it out on Ashley.
334
00:22:35,767 --> 00:22:38,679
Why don't you go talk to her,
'cause you're the one who likes her?
335
00:22:39,967 --> 00:22:42,117
-I'm eating.
-Okay. I'll do it.
336
00:23:12,567 --> 00:23:14,523
Hey, Ashley.
337
00:23:14,607 --> 00:23:16,563
Hey, Rob. Shopping for your girlfriend?
338
00:23:16,647 --> 00:23:19,844
No... This is... It's for my mom.
339
00:23:21,727 --> 00:23:23,001
She's dating again.
340
00:23:34,367 --> 00:23:35,880
(NERVOUS LAUGH)
341
00:23:36,207 --> 00:23:39,836
Well, you know, I...
Actually, I wanted to say,
342
00:23:40,567 --> 00:23:44,685
you know,
you have the most gorgeous teeth.
343
00:23:49,407 --> 00:23:52,604
Hey. Come with me.
344
00:23:56,847 --> 00:23:59,725
Jealous? He's making a move
on your lady friend.
345
00:24:00,007 --> 00:24:02,362
Unlike you, I don't mind sharing my women.
346
00:24:03,167 --> 00:24:05,237
(LAUGHS) And what are
you wankers up to today?
347
00:24:05,327 --> 00:24:07,158
-(IN BRITISH ACCENT) Cheerio.
-(IN BRITISH ACCENT) Hello, love.
348
00:24:07,247 --> 00:24:08,236
Word to your mumsie.
349
00:24:08,327 --> 00:24:10,443
Just waiting for some ladies
to join us, in fact.
350
00:24:10,527 --> 00:24:13,041
You nancy boys couldn't get laid
at a Jonas Brothers concert
351
00:24:13,127 --> 00:24:16,597
with a fistful of backstage passes. Cheerio.
352
00:24:19,047 --> 00:24:20,526
(IN NORMAL ACCENT)
Was that a slam?
353
00:24:20,847 --> 00:24:22,360
(IN NORMAL ACCENT)
You bet your bollocks.
354
00:24:22,567 --> 00:24:23,886
-Hold this.
-Yeah.
355
00:24:37,567 --> 00:24:39,080
How does this look?
356
00:24:41,327 --> 00:24:42,726
Great, I'll take it.
357
00:24:43,927 --> 00:24:44,916
Stand up.
358
00:24:48,687 --> 00:24:51,963
Wait, what... What's... Wait, hold... Hold on.
359
00:24:52,687 --> 00:24:53,676
Oh.
360
00:24:56,447 --> 00:24:57,641
(GROANS)
361
00:24:59,567 --> 00:25:00,761
(GASPING)
362
00:25:06,127 --> 00:25:07,401
Should I call you?
363
00:25:08,687 --> 00:25:11,406
Just walk out of the store
and meet me at the food court.
364
00:25:13,647 --> 00:25:14,762
Act natural.
365
00:25:39,087 --> 00:25:40,406
(INAUDIBLE)
366
00:25:41,527 --> 00:25:42,562
Can I help you?
367
00:25:42,647 --> 00:25:46,799
No. No. I'm... I'm just browsing.
368
00:25:49,247 --> 00:25:50,566
Okay, then.
369
00:25:50,967 --> 00:25:53,322
-Have a nice day.
-You, too.
370
00:25:58,327 --> 00:25:59,316
(ALARM SOUNDING)
371
00:25:59,407 --> 00:26:02,922
I'm sorry! I wasn't stealing.
It was a... It was a prank.
372
00:26:03,007 --> 00:26:05,885
I am so sorry.
I think we left the tags on your garments.
373
00:26:05,967 --> 00:26:09,642
Please come back to the register.
We'll figure this out. I'm so embarrassed.
374
00:26:19,967 --> 00:26:21,719
Oh, my God.
375
00:26:23,407 --> 00:26:25,523
Sorry, I... I got excited.
376
00:26:26,127 --> 00:26:27,560
(CLEARS THROAT)
377
00:26:30,447 --> 00:26:31,766
(WHISPERS)
378
00:26:32,087 --> 00:26:33,679
That'll be 1 49.90.
379
00:26:34,847 --> 00:26:37,122
-How much?
-1 49.90.
380
00:26:38,087 --> 00:26:39,566
But they're so small.
381
00:26:46,207 --> 00:26:49,961
-Madeleine?
-It's my mom. I'm... I have a note.
382
00:26:54,447 --> 00:26:55,641
(LAUGHS)
383
00:27:04,007 --> 00:27:05,963
-Thank you.
-Have a nice day.
384
00:27:06,647 --> 00:27:07,966
Come again.
385
00:27:16,287 --> 00:27:17,959
What took you so long? Did you get it?
386
00:27:18,047 --> 00:27:21,881
Sure did. I even stole you a bag so
you don't have to touch it till you get home.
387
00:27:21,967 --> 00:27:23,400
Great. Thanks.
388
00:27:24,007 --> 00:27:25,998
Hey. What's up, Ashley?
389
00:27:26,127 --> 00:27:27,958
What are you pillow biters doing here?
390
00:27:28,047 --> 00:27:29,082
Stifler.
391
00:27:29,327 --> 00:27:31,761
Don't eat that. You're gonna get fat.
392
00:27:31,847 --> 00:27:34,884
I'm super horny.
Wanna suck me off in the Sharper lmage?
393
00:27:35,087 --> 00:27:36,156
Okay.
394
00:27:38,487 --> 00:27:39,761
(GIGGLING)
395
00:27:43,727 --> 00:27:44,603
(CHURCH ORGAN PLAYING)
396
00:27:50,767 --> 00:27:54,316
(WHISPERING) Dana.
Excuse me. I'm so sorry.
397
00:27:54,447 --> 00:27:57,041
Didn't mean to disrupt the...
This morning's mass.
398
00:27:57,127 --> 00:27:59,595
(WHISPERING) What are you doing here?
399
00:27:59,887 --> 00:28:01,798
I wanted to say I'm sorry.
400
00:28:02,167 --> 00:28:05,079
Did you really think that
this is the best time to discuss this?
401
00:28:06,127 --> 00:28:07,765
Well, you weren't answering any of my texts.
402
00:28:07,847 --> 00:28:09,121
(SHUSHING)
403
00:28:09,807 --> 00:28:11,718
-I'll be right back, okay?
-(WHISPERING) Okay.
404
00:28:11,807 --> 00:28:13,843
PRIEST ON PA: What is faith?
405
00:28:14,007 --> 00:28:16,282
When you flip the light switch
in your kitchen,
406
00:28:16,367 --> 00:28:18,676
you know that the light will turn on.
407
00:28:18,767 --> 00:28:24,000
Some might call that faith, but I tell you,
that is not the real faith.
408
00:28:24,527 --> 00:28:28,042
Okay, so what is so important that
you needed to come and interrupt church?
409
00:28:28,127 --> 00:28:29,765
I don't really get why
you're so mad at me right now.
410
00:28:29,847 --> 00:28:33,806
Because you don't respect me.
This is all just a big joke to you.
411
00:28:33,967 --> 00:28:37,323
You know what? You're right,
because this is just another phase for you.
412
00:28:37,407 --> 00:28:38,886
Just like your little stint on yearbook.
413
00:28:38,967 --> 00:28:41,322
You stuck with that for, what,
two weeks before you got bored with it?
414
00:28:41,407 --> 00:28:43,762
Why is it so hard for you to believe
that I wanna
415
00:28:43,847 --> 00:28:45,166
(ON PA) wait until marriage?
416
00:28:45,247 --> 00:28:46,396
NATHAN ON PA:
Because you slept with Doug Wheeler
417
00:28:46,487 --> 00:28:48,523
and Scott Thompson on the same night.
418
00:28:48,607 --> 00:28:50,598
DANA: That doesn't count. I was drunk.
419
00:28:50,687 --> 00:28:51,756
(WHISPERING) Is that Dana?
420
00:28:51,847 --> 00:28:53,644
As soon as you get bored
with this whole pledge thing,
421
00:28:54,647 --> 00:28:56,365
you're just gonna jump right back
in the saddle again.
422
00:28:56,527 --> 00:28:58,563
And when you get to college,
don't even tell me
423
00:28:58,647 --> 00:29:01,366
that you won't be experimenting
with the standard lesbian hookups,
424
00:29:01,447 --> 00:29:03,642
having three-ways, trying anal.
425
00:29:03,727 --> 00:29:04,716
(ALL GASPING)
426
00:29:04,807 --> 00:29:05,796
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
427
00:29:05,887 --> 00:29:06,876
That's what I'm talking...
428
00:29:06,967 --> 00:29:08,161
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) Fine. Just relax.
429
00:29:08,327 --> 00:29:09,316
-Do something!
-PRIEST: Faith is...
430
00:29:09,407 --> 00:29:10,760
-She's your daughter.
-Go!
431
00:29:10,847 --> 00:29:12,405
PRIEST: Faith is the rock-solid...
432
00:29:12,487 --> 00:29:15,285
DANA: You don't think I'm committed to this?
My parents waited until marriage.
433
00:29:15,367 --> 00:29:18,404
NATHAN: (LAUGHS) My dad
went to high school with your mom.
434
00:29:18,487 --> 00:29:19,920
He said she blew the whole football team
435
00:29:20,007 --> 00:29:21,326
and had to have her stomach pumped.
436
00:29:21,487 --> 00:29:22,602
(ALL GASPING)
437
00:29:22,687 --> 00:29:24,120
DANA: Don't be gross, okay?
438
00:29:24,407 --> 00:29:25,840
Plus, your dad was a Beta.
439
00:29:25,927 --> 00:29:27,565
Those guys are notorious poon slayers.
440
00:29:28,367 --> 00:29:30,437
Fuck it! This is bullshit!
441
00:29:30,727 --> 00:29:32,365
(PEOPLE MUTTERING)
442
00:29:32,687 --> 00:29:34,518
You know you want this.
443
00:29:35,287 --> 00:29:36,561
Did we miss communion?
444
00:29:38,007 --> 00:29:38,644
(STUDENTS CHEERING)
445
00:29:38,727 --> 00:29:39,603
COMMENTATOR 1 ON PA:
Been a rough go for the
446
00:29:39,687 --> 00:29:40,881
East Great Falls Blazers in this game...
447
00:29:40,967 --> 00:29:42,286
CHEERLEADERS:
Go, Blazers!
448
00:29:42,367 --> 00:29:45,564
...which is surprising, since this is
the last home game of the season.
449
00:29:45,647 --> 00:29:47,558
You'd think they'd really
pump up the power there.
450
00:29:47,647 --> 00:29:49,319
Look at him! Watch that guy! Watch that guy!
451
00:29:49,407 --> 00:29:53,446
Even though it's close to a tie,
we were hoping for better defence from the...
452
00:29:53,527 --> 00:29:56,200
Oh, my gosh, wait.
So, what did your dad say?
453
00:29:56,287 --> 00:29:58,517
He said if he ever sees Nathan
within 100 feet of me,
454
00:29:58,607 --> 00:30:00,598
he's gonna castrate him
with a rusty Garden Weasel.
455
00:30:00,687 --> 00:30:04,236
Oh, no. So what?
Is it over between you guys or what?
456
00:30:04,327 --> 00:30:05,476
I don't know.
457
00:30:05,567 --> 00:30:09,003
Well, if you ever want to try a m�nage,
you're welcome to join Richard and me.
458
00:30:10,407 --> 00:30:11,601
-No.
-No.
459
00:30:11,927 --> 00:30:14,122
COMMENTATOR 1: Please don't say
"young boy" around Coach Daly.
460
00:30:14,207 --> 00:30:15,606
COMMENTATOR 2 ON PA:
Yeah, out here he's...
461
00:30:15,687 --> 00:30:17,006
-What about you, missy?
-What?
462
00:30:17,087 --> 00:30:18,486
How's your sex life?
463
00:30:18,567 --> 00:30:21,081
You guys, I'm gonna go through with it.
I am. I am.
464
00:30:21,167 --> 00:30:24,239
You're so boring.
I would've thought you'd be fielding offers
465
00:30:24,327 --> 00:30:26,283
after your striptease in the library.
466
00:30:27,207 --> 00:30:29,675
Yeah, I'm...
I'm still just waiting for the right time.
467
00:30:32,567 --> 00:30:38,085
CHEERLEADERS: Blue and white,
let's go, fight, win. Let's go, fight, win.
468
00:30:38,287 --> 00:30:43,202
Blue and white, let's go, fight, win. Blazers!
469
00:30:43,287 --> 00:30:46,279
Fight, win.
Blue and white, let's go, fight, win.
470
00:30:46,367 --> 00:30:47,402
(CAMERA CLICKING)
471
00:31:13,487 --> 00:31:16,240
I think that is quite enough pictures
of the cheerleaders.
472
00:31:16,327 --> 00:31:18,636
How about we get some of the game?
473
00:31:27,407 --> 00:31:28,999
(CAMERA CLICKING)
474
00:31:34,447 --> 00:31:35,596
(GRUNTS)
475
00:31:36,967 --> 00:31:38,400
As you were.
476
00:31:43,167 --> 00:31:44,441
Douche bag.
477
00:31:44,847 --> 00:31:46,439
CHEERLEADERS: Blue and white...
478
00:31:46,527 --> 00:31:47,846
COMMENTATOR 1:
Shearson's bringing the ball up court.
479
00:31:47,927 --> 00:31:50,236
He passes it off to Scott Stifler.
480
00:31:56,447 --> 00:31:57,436
(STUDENTS EXCLAIM)
481
00:31:57,527 --> 00:32:00,200
Central takes a charge from Shearson.
482
00:32:00,287 --> 00:32:03,245
Time out, Blazers.
What are we gonna do now, Bill?
483
00:32:03,607 --> 00:32:04,596
COMMENTATOR 2:
Ten seconds in the game.
484
00:32:04,687 --> 00:32:06,245
I think these guys
really need to get their act...
485
00:32:06,327 --> 00:32:09,876
Get your head in the game, doggy style.
You can finish your wet dream later.
486
00:32:09,967 --> 00:32:11,685
-I'm sorry.
-This is it for this game.
487
00:32:11,767 --> 00:32:13,678
Hey, Scott? Can I talk to you for a sec?
488
00:32:13,767 --> 00:32:16,327
-Are you nuts? I'm in the middle of a game.
-Last home game of the season.
489
00:32:16,407 --> 00:32:17,442
(GIGGLES)
490
00:32:17,527 --> 00:32:18,642
Really gotta get their act together.
491
00:32:18,727 --> 00:32:20,080
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
492
00:32:20,167 --> 00:32:24,160
Tie game, 89 all, 3.9 seconds left.
Let's see what's gonna happen here.
493
00:32:24,247 --> 00:32:25,521
-Central's got the ball.
-CHEERLEADERS: Go, Blazers!
494
00:32:25,607 --> 00:32:28,246
They have the advantage.
495
00:32:29,007 --> 00:32:30,235
Looks like... Double screen!
496
00:32:30,327 --> 00:32:33,399
Shearson gets the ball.
He passes it to Scott Stifler. It's good! It's in!
497
00:32:33,487 --> 00:32:34,476
(BUZZER BUZZING)
498
00:32:34,567 --> 00:32:38,082
The game's over.
91-89 for East Great Falls Blazers.
499
00:32:38,167 --> 00:32:41,796
This is incredible, folks!
This means we're going on to the playoffs!
500
00:32:41,887 --> 00:32:43,923
Unbelievable! It's exciting.
501
00:32:44,567 --> 00:32:48,037
What a chain of events
that has occurred here today!
502
00:32:51,887 --> 00:32:53,479
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
503
00:32:53,767 --> 00:32:55,883
Honey, I need to talk to you.
504
00:32:56,647 --> 00:32:57,966
Yeah, sure.
505
00:32:59,087 --> 00:33:00,805
Is... Is that a Bible?
506
00:33:00,967 --> 00:33:02,366
What? No. No, it's...
507
00:33:02,447 --> 00:33:05,359
Well, honey, it's okay to read the Bible.
I mean, gosh, you act like
508
00:33:05,447 --> 00:33:06,436
I caught you reading pornography.
509
00:33:06,527 --> 00:33:07,960
(FORCED LAUGH)
510
00:33:08,607 --> 00:33:10,040
What did you wanna talk about?
511
00:33:10,127 --> 00:33:12,800
Well, I just got
my credit card statement and...
512
00:33:12,887 --> 00:33:16,197
And here on your card
there's a charge here for a lingerie store.
513
00:33:17,007 --> 00:33:19,567
Yeah, I'm...
I'm gonna pay you back for that, Mom.
514
00:33:21,367 --> 00:33:22,925
Is there a girl you're seeing?
515
00:33:23,007 --> 00:33:26,079
No. Mom, it's complicated.
516
00:33:27,247 --> 00:33:29,807
-Did you buy something for yourself?
-No!
517
00:33:29,887 --> 00:33:31,559
Because it's a very normal area
of exploration.
518
00:33:31,647 --> 00:33:34,923
My book says that most fetishes are not
homosexual in nature,
519
00:33:35,007 --> 00:33:36,759
and, well, you know, boys, they tend to...
520
00:33:36,847 --> 00:33:40,317
Yes, Mom, that's it. You figured it out.
I love wearing women's underwear.
521
00:33:40,407 --> 00:33:42,921
Thongs, G-strings,
a little teddy now and then.
522
00:33:43,007 --> 00:33:45,441
It's so soft and silky smooth.
The frillier the better.
523
00:33:45,527 --> 00:33:46,516
Sexy.
524
00:33:46,607 --> 00:33:48,723
Oh, God! Come on.
525
00:33:48,807 --> 00:33:49,796
Gotcha.
526
00:33:49,887 --> 00:33:51,081
(HUMMING)
527
00:33:51,407 --> 00:33:52,635
(HISSING)
528
00:33:54,287 --> 00:33:56,164
So it was for a girl.
529
00:33:57,487 --> 00:33:58,761
Yeah, Mom.
530
00:33:59,327 --> 00:34:00,442
Great.
531
00:34:14,407 --> 00:34:17,285
So, you know that thing
you told me before the dance?
532
00:34:17,367 --> 00:34:18,402
Yeah.
533
00:34:18,487 --> 00:34:20,842
Right, well,
I was thinking about that conversation.
534
00:34:20,927 --> 00:34:22,599
So, what about it?
535
00:34:22,807 --> 00:34:26,686
I was just thinking, you know,
maybe you should wait.
536
00:34:27,607 --> 00:34:31,236
I know. You know, I've thought about it, too,
537
00:34:31,327 --> 00:34:33,795
but I still feel like
I'm making this whole thing
538
00:34:33,887 --> 00:34:37,880
into, like, this huge deal. I mean,
it's consuming my every thought.
539
00:34:39,327 --> 00:34:40,521
(SIGHS)
540
00:34:41,327 --> 00:34:43,079
I don't know, Rob.
541
00:34:43,167 --> 00:34:46,443
I still feel like it's best
if I just get it over with.
542
00:34:46,807 --> 00:34:49,401
Yeah. I can see that.
543
00:34:52,967 --> 00:34:55,037
ROB ON PHONE: You figured it out.
I love wearing women's underwear.
544
00:34:55,127 --> 00:34:57,357
Thongs, G-strings,
a little teddy now and then.
545
00:34:57,447 --> 00:35:00,086
It's so soft and silky smooth.
The frillier the better.
546
00:35:00,167 --> 00:35:02,283
What is up with this crap, butt nugget?
547
00:35:02,367 --> 00:35:06,121
That was taken completely out of context.
All right? I was being facetious.
548
00:35:07,487 --> 00:35:09,000
That means he wasn't being serious.
549
00:35:10,367 --> 00:35:12,961
I know what facetious means, dick face.
550
00:35:13,367 --> 00:35:15,597
Are you trying to repel
all the pussy in school?
551
00:35:15,687 --> 00:35:17,166
-No...
-Tick tock, doggy boy.
552
00:35:17,247 --> 00:35:18,600
You cock is on the clock.
553
00:35:19,607 --> 00:35:22,758
Excuse me. Take notes.
554
00:35:26,087 --> 00:35:28,806
-Hey, lmogen.
-Stifler.
555
00:35:29,527 --> 00:35:31,643
The word for the day is "legs."
556
00:35:32,527 --> 00:35:33,516
So?
557
00:35:33,607 --> 00:35:36,997
So, why don't we go back to my place
and spread the word?
558
00:35:37,887 --> 00:35:40,355
Well, how about you save your breath?
559
00:35:40,607 --> 00:35:42,802
You're gonna need it
to inflate your date later.
560
00:35:47,087 --> 00:35:49,647
Gentlemen, it is time we got laid.
561
00:35:49,767 --> 00:35:52,076
Really? And what is it
we've been trying to do all this time?
562
00:35:52,167 --> 00:35:57,002
No, no. We need to get laid.
Right here. September 9th, 1995.
563
00:35:58,087 --> 00:36:00,362
Can you give us the executive summary?
564
00:36:00,447 --> 00:36:04,235
No, not that. This.
565
00:36:06,167 --> 00:36:09,000
LUBE: We are going on a road trip.
566
00:36:27,127 --> 00:36:28,879
How long do you intend
on staying in Canada?
567
00:36:29,807 --> 00:36:31,604
Just a couple of hours.
568
00:36:32,687 --> 00:36:34,120
What's the nature of your visit?
569
00:36:34,207 --> 00:36:37,643
We've driven many miles
in search of vertical smiles.
570
00:36:37,727 --> 00:36:39,206
(BOYS LAUGHING)
571
00:36:39,927 --> 00:36:41,758
We use kilometres here.
572
00:36:43,327 --> 00:36:48,959
Then we've driven many clicks
to wet our dicks?
573
00:36:49,647 --> 00:36:50,796
LUBE: Yes!
ROB: Yeah!
574
00:36:50,887 --> 00:36:52,559
-That works, right?
-Bye-bye.
575
00:36:52,647 --> 00:36:53,796
(LAUGHS)
576
00:36:55,167 --> 00:36:56,520
Fucking Americans.
577
00:36:57,807 --> 00:36:59,320
(BOYS CHEERING)
578
00:36:59,727 --> 00:37:02,082
You know, the exchange rate on the dollar
is really gonna help us out.
579
00:37:02,167 --> 00:37:03,156
Yeah.
580
00:37:03,247 --> 00:37:04,839
Okay, up ahead, turn right.
581
00:37:04,927 --> 00:37:06,155
-You sure?
-Yes. Turn right.
582
00:37:23,767 --> 00:37:26,122
Okay, boys. Let's do this.
583
00:37:26,207 --> 00:37:27,686
Are you sure this is a good idea?
584
00:37:27,767 --> 00:37:29,644
Come on, you pussy. Let's get laid.
585
00:37:32,847 --> 00:37:34,803
The bible says to ask for Monique.
586
00:37:42,767 --> 00:37:44,359
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
587
00:37:44,687 --> 00:37:46,996
Hi. Are you Monique?
588
00:37:47,087 --> 00:37:51,080
(IN FRENCH ACCENT) No, moi, no, no, no.
Mais, Monique, she is inside.
589
00:37:51,527 --> 00:37:52,926
Come. Come, boys.
590
00:37:53,087 --> 00:37:54,645
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
591
00:37:55,447 --> 00:37:57,039
(POP SONG PLAYING)
592
00:37:59,727 --> 00:38:03,402
Boys, entrez chez nous.
593
00:38:03,487 --> 00:38:08,117
C'est magnifique, no? I will get Monique.
594
00:38:08,367 --> 00:38:12,440
She will be so happy to see you.
595
00:38:12,527 --> 00:38:15,325
In the meantime, make yourselves at home.
596
00:38:15,407 --> 00:38:16,681
(EXCLAIMS)
597
00:38:18,687 --> 00:38:21,485
Jesus, tits. We came to the right place.
598
00:38:22,087 --> 00:38:23,600
Is that a moose?
599
00:38:24,047 --> 00:38:25,196
Condom?
600
00:38:25,807 --> 00:38:28,037
Why, thank you.
601
00:38:29,367 --> 00:38:30,641
Gentlemen.
602
00:38:33,967 --> 00:38:35,082
Thank you.
603
00:38:35,287 --> 00:38:36,561
Very much.
604
00:38:36,847 --> 00:38:38,166
Thank you.
605
00:38:40,847 --> 00:38:42,280
LUBE: Can't wait to see Monique.
606
00:38:44,687 --> 00:38:46,006
(DOOR OPENING)
607
00:38:46,087 --> 00:38:47,361
(ALL GASP)
608
00:38:57,207 --> 00:38:59,482
(STAMMERING) We're here to see Monique.
609
00:38:59,567 --> 00:39:01,125
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
610
00:39:02,167 --> 00:39:05,477
(IN FRENCH ACCENT) I am Monique.
611
00:39:07,047 --> 00:39:09,880
Well, that's... That's okay.
612
00:39:10,607 --> 00:39:16,364
Come, come. I make you a nice drink.
613
00:39:19,327 --> 00:39:20,316
(BONE CRACKS)
614
00:39:20,407 --> 00:39:21,635
(GRUNTING)
615
00:39:36,527 --> 00:39:39,405
Could you just give us just one minute?
616
00:39:44,007 --> 00:39:47,124
Okay. Let's go.
617
00:39:47,247 --> 00:39:48,600
(STAMMERING)
618
00:39:48,687 --> 00:39:50,484
Let's just talk about this for a second here.
619
00:39:50,567 --> 00:39:53,604
-Yeah, I mean, it can't be that bad, right?
-Are you insane?
620
00:39:53,687 --> 00:39:57,475
Listen, I put a lot of mileage on my mom's
minivan coming all the way up here.
621
00:39:57,567 --> 00:40:00,035
The bible says she's got a lot of experience.
622
00:40:04,847 --> 00:40:08,965
-This could be very educational for all of us.
-Really?
623
00:40:16,767 --> 00:40:19,327
-He's up.
-No, no. Why am I first?
624
00:40:19,407 --> 00:40:20,681
NATHAN: It was your idea.
625
00:40:20,767 --> 00:40:23,759
Don't... Don't insult Monique.
She has an entire chapter in the bible.
626
00:40:23,847 --> 00:40:25,360
Come on, you're going to have a nice time.
627
00:40:25,447 --> 00:40:28,200
LUBE: (LAUGHS)
You two crazy kids have fun.
628
00:40:36,927 --> 00:40:38,758
(WOMAN SPEAKING FRENCH)
629
00:40:42,407 --> 00:40:43,965
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
630
00:40:48,847 --> 00:40:50,724
And welcome.
631
00:40:54,247 --> 00:40:57,398
So... So, how does this work?
Am I supposed to pay you?
632
00:40:57,487 --> 00:40:59,239
No, no, no. Not yet.
633
00:40:59,327 --> 00:41:00,840
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
634
00:41:03,327 --> 00:41:04,521
(LAUGHS)
635
00:41:06,607 --> 00:41:08,040
I see.
636
00:41:10,447 --> 00:41:12,199
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
637
00:41:54,047 --> 00:41:55,446
(UNZIPPING PANTS)
638
00:41:55,527 --> 00:41:56,721
(MOANING)
639
00:41:57,167 --> 00:41:58,361
(MOANING)
640
00:42:01,247 --> 00:42:04,159
You've got one active imagination, boy.
641
00:42:04,767 --> 00:42:05,961
(GASPS)
642
00:42:08,087 --> 00:42:09,486
How long was I out?
643
00:42:09,967 --> 00:42:11,559
Only about eight seconds that time.
644
00:42:15,087 --> 00:42:16,236
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
645
00:42:16,327 --> 00:42:17,396
(BONE CRACKING)
646
00:42:17,487 --> 00:42:18,681
(GROANS)
647
00:42:29,127 --> 00:42:32,756
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No. No. No, no, no.
648
00:42:32,847 --> 00:42:35,236
Yes. Yes.
649
00:42:35,687 --> 00:42:36,915
(MOANING)
650
00:42:38,607 --> 00:42:40,359
(ROB MOANING LOUDLY)
651
00:42:40,807 --> 00:42:44,846
ROB: Monique! That's really nice.
652
00:42:46,687 --> 00:42:48,006
(CLACKING)
653
00:42:57,607 --> 00:42:58,881
ROB: That's it.
654
00:43:05,167 --> 00:43:08,523
I'm so sorry. I usually last a lot longer.
655
00:43:10,487 --> 00:43:11,476
Hey.
656
00:43:12,047 --> 00:43:15,403
Hey, was I supposed to
tap you on the shoulder or something?
657
00:43:17,527 --> 00:43:19,085
Oh, no. No.
658
00:43:20,527 --> 00:43:24,156
Help! Help! Help, help, help!
659
00:43:24,967 --> 00:43:27,242
NATHAN: Go, go, go! Go!
LUBE: I'm coming!
660
00:43:29,047 --> 00:43:30,162
-Jesus. Dude.
-Oh, God!
661
00:43:30,247 --> 00:43:31,475
What, do you need an audience?
662
00:43:31,567 --> 00:43:33,239
No, no. Wait, guys. I think she's dead!
663
00:43:33,807 --> 00:43:34,842
Excuse me?
664
00:43:34,927 --> 00:43:36,645
Oh, my God. This is not good.
665
00:43:36,727 --> 00:43:39,241
I can't get her off.
I think she had a heart attack.
666
00:43:39,327 --> 00:43:41,318
Help! She's got lockjaw. Get her off of me!
667
00:43:41,407 --> 00:43:43,557
-Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
-It's lockjaw.
668
00:43:43,647 --> 00:43:46,525
Lockjaw! Lockjaw, lockjaw, lockjaw,
lockjaw, lockjaw!
669
00:43:46,607 --> 00:43:48,199
-Okay.
-Get her off!
670
00:43:48,287 --> 00:43:49,766
(ALL CLAMOURING)
671
00:43:52,047 --> 00:43:53,275
I'm sorry!
672
00:43:54,207 --> 00:43:55,242
(SCREAMING)
673
00:43:55,327 --> 00:43:59,206
Phone. Phone. Wait. Clear!
674
00:44:01,047 --> 00:44:02,639
Shit. What am I doing?
675
00:44:02,727 --> 00:44:04,319
Clear, clear!
676
00:44:04,447 --> 00:44:05,721
(SCREAMING)
677
00:44:07,527 --> 00:44:11,884
Okay. Come down here.
Grab her legs. One, two, three.
678
00:44:13,927 --> 00:44:16,805
Forget it. It's totally screwed up. Oh, God.
679
00:44:17,407 --> 00:44:18,442
(DOOR OPENING)
680
00:44:18,527 --> 00:44:19,516
(MAN SPEAKING FRENCH)
681
00:44:20,007 --> 00:44:21,725
What you do to maman?
682
00:44:23,247 --> 00:44:24,475
(SHRIEKS)
683
00:44:25,887 --> 00:44:27,400
(BOYS SCREAMING)
684
00:44:30,127 --> 00:44:33,722
(CRYING) Maman! You killed maman!
You killed maman!
685
00:44:33,887 --> 00:44:35,081
(ROARING)
686
00:44:49,807 --> 00:44:55,040
Fucking Americans! Come back here.
I'll kill you! I'll kill you, you cowards!
687
00:44:57,447 --> 00:44:58,766
ROB: I killed her.
688
00:44:58,847 --> 00:45:00,565
I killed her with my sperm!
689
00:45:00,647 --> 00:45:03,605
Hey, man, when it's your time to go,
it's your time to go. She led a full life.
690
00:45:03,687 --> 00:45:04,676
How do you know that?
691
00:45:04,767 --> 00:45:06,917
Man, what do you want me to say?
You're the one that murdered her!
692
00:45:07,007 --> 00:45:10,443
I can't believe that was the woman
the bible said we should have sex with.
693
00:45:10,527 --> 00:45:13,917
Right here. "September 9th, 1995."
694
00:45:14,727 --> 00:45:16,046
Let me see that.
695
00:45:17,007 --> 00:45:22,764
No. No, that's a seven!
That's 1975. It's from the '70s.
696
00:45:23,207 --> 00:45:25,323
-I thought it was a nine.
-NATHAN: Shut up! Shut up!
697
00:45:25,407 --> 00:45:29,798
-I didn't do anything!
-Shut up! Just shut up! I wanna go home.
698
00:45:29,887 --> 00:45:31,036
I don't wanna be here.
699
00:45:31,167 --> 00:45:32,156
(THUDS)
700
00:45:32,247 --> 00:45:34,283
Oh, my God! I just hit a squirrel.
701
00:45:37,247 --> 00:45:38,965
LUBE: Well, that went well.
702
00:45:39,287 --> 00:45:41,517
ROB: Guys, I think it's time
we try my interpretation.
703
00:45:41,607 --> 00:45:44,599
Look, Nathan, you've been trying to
convince Dana to sleep with you,
704
00:45:44,687 --> 00:45:46,757
instead of just listening to her.
Right, you know?
705
00:45:46,847 --> 00:45:49,759
Trying to see things from her point of view?
Showing just...
706
00:45:49,847 --> 00:45:51,758
Just a little respect.
707
00:45:51,847 --> 00:45:54,645
And you, you're still trying
to trick women into sleeping with you,
708
00:45:54,807 --> 00:45:56,684
instead of just being honest.
709
00:45:57,167 --> 00:46:00,364
And you're still too much of a pussy
to tell Heidi you're into her.
710
00:46:09,247 --> 00:46:11,283
You going to Stifler's house tonight?
711
00:46:11,367 --> 00:46:13,642
Yeah. I'll probably go with Dana.
712
00:46:13,767 --> 00:46:17,157
So any luck losing that thing you were
trying to get rid of?
713
00:46:17,247 --> 00:46:19,556
-Rob.
-I'm just asking.
714
00:46:19,647 --> 00:46:21,683
Maybe you should mind your own business.
715
00:46:25,527 --> 00:46:27,085
What's with you today?
716
00:46:36,567 --> 00:46:40,321
I wanna tell you something that
I've been wanting to say for a long time.
717
00:46:40,407 --> 00:46:41,442
Okay.
718
00:46:46,447 --> 00:46:48,039
I really like you.
719
00:46:48,647 --> 00:46:50,603
I really like you, too.
720
00:46:51,287 --> 00:46:56,202
No, not like that. I really like you.
721
00:46:58,367 --> 00:46:59,356
Oh.
722
00:47:01,527 --> 00:47:02,755
-Rob...
-I think you're great.
723
00:47:03,127 --> 00:47:07,678
You have a great personality.
I laugh at all your jokes. You're pretty.
724
00:47:07,767 --> 00:47:12,283
Oh, God, you're pretty. You even smell great.
725
00:47:13,927 --> 00:47:16,964
I don't know. I'm just...
I'm happy when I'm around you.
726
00:47:17,047 --> 00:47:18,799
Now, I don't know if you feel the same way,
but if you do...
727
00:47:18,887 --> 00:47:20,798
Let's not waste any more time. Right?
Let's just
728
00:47:21,847 --> 00:47:24,122
see where our feelings take us.
729
00:47:27,807 --> 00:47:29,399
I feel the same way.
730
00:47:30,527 --> 00:47:32,518
-You do?
-Yes.
731
00:47:32,607 --> 00:47:35,679
This is great.
Why didn't you say something?
732
00:47:35,767 --> 00:47:37,200
Why didn't you?
733
00:47:37,887 --> 00:47:39,161
(LAUGHING)
734
00:47:39,247 --> 00:47:40,441
(CELL PHONE BUZZING)
735
00:47:40,527 --> 00:47:45,965
It's about that time, so I gotta go.
But I'll see you tonight?
736
00:47:46,767 --> 00:47:47,802
Yes.
737
00:48:06,767 --> 00:48:07,802
-DANA: Dad?
-Mmm-hmm?
738
00:48:08,527 --> 00:48:09,926
There she is.
739
00:48:17,447 --> 00:48:20,120
(GASPING) They saw me!
Get down! Get down!
740
00:48:23,647 --> 00:48:25,603
-Oh, my God. Oh, my gosh.
-Drive. Drive.
741
00:48:25,687 --> 00:48:27,405
It's cool. It's cool.
742
00:48:28,487 --> 00:48:31,399
Nathan, look, I've been thinking.
743
00:48:32,527 --> 00:48:34,165
Maybe I've been too hard on you.
744
00:48:34,967 --> 00:48:36,195
You have?
745
00:48:36,447 --> 00:48:40,122
You obviously love my daughter,
and you two should be together.
746
00:48:41,087 --> 00:48:43,521
-We should?
-Absolutely.
747
00:48:44,047 --> 00:48:47,676
Honey, it is not right
to give a man blue balls.
748
00:48:47,767 --> 00:48:52,477
If you want boys to like you, you gotta
put out. Here, start with Nathan's friend.
749
00:49:04,007 --> 00:49:05,326
This is so not cool.
750
00:49:05,407 --> 00:49:07,875
I mean, fantasising about
your best friend's girlfriend?
751
00:49:09,167 --> 00:49:10,998
(SCREAMING) Oh, my God!
752
00:49:12,207 --> 00:49:14,118
-Dad! Stop! Stop.
-Fucknut!
753
00:49:34,887 --> 00:49:36,559
(ALL CHEERING)
754
00:49:39,167 --> 00:49:40,998
All right, girls.
755
00:49:41,327 --> 00:49:43,158
-Party looks good.
-Yeah.
756
00:49:43,247 --> 00:49:44,362
Uh-huh.
757
00:49:44,807 --> 00:49:47,321
All right, listen to me. Stay focused.
758
00:49:47,407 --> 00:49:50,604
Be honest, show respect
and just say whatever's on your mind.
759
00:49:50,687 --> 00:49:51,676
Stop, jerk.
760
00:49:51,767 --> 00:49:52,802
I can't even get near Dana.
761
00:49:52,887 --> 00:49:54,240
She'll be here. She's coming with Heidi.
762
00:49:54,327 --> 00:49:56,761
Just try and think of things
from her point of view.
763
00:49:56,847 --> 00:49:59,441
Yeah, and I might as well just crack
the Da Vinci Code while I'm at it.
764
00:49:59,527 --> 00:50:01,483
Just get her some frankincense and myrrh.
765
00:50:01,567 --> 00:50:02,556
That's a great idea.
766
00:50:02,647 --> 00:50:04,842
I'll just pick up some roofies for you
while I'm out.
767
00:50:04,927 --> 00:50:08,044
You need a prescription for that,
from what I hear.
768
00:50:08,127 --> 00:50:09,958
Lube, pay attention. This applies to you, too.
769
00:50:10,047 --> 00:50:13,835
All right.
Let's try to go in there and just be real.
770
00:50:14,767 --> 00:50:16,359
All right, Oprah.
771
00:50:18,967 --> 00:50:20,685
(POP MUSIC PLAYING)
772
00:50:35,647 --> 00:50:37,365
(BOY EXCLAIMING)
773
00:50:38,927 --> 00:50:43,523
So, here is my sister getting undressed.
774
00:50:44,327 --> 00:50:49,162
And this one is my cousin in the shower.
She's hot, huh?
775
00:50:49,927 --> 00:50:55,206
And this one is
my grandma masturbating. Yeah?
776
00:50:55,287 --> 00:50:57,198
I love Grandma's work.
777
00:50:57,287 --> 00:50:58,561
(LAUGHING)
778
00:50:59,087 --> 00:51:03,717
So, anyway, every time I'm in the hardware
store and I pass by the stud-finder station,
779
00:51:03,807 --> 00:51:05,684
they always go off.
780
00:51:05,767 --> 00:51:06,756
(MOCK LAUGHING)
781
00:51:06,847 --> 00:51:08,075
(WHOOPING)
782
00:51:16,487 --> 00:51:17,966
(GIRLS EXCLAIMING)
783
00:51:19,247 --> 00:51:20,316
Fuck!
784
00:51:22,247 --> 00:51:23,600
(SHUDDERING)
785
00:51:24,087 --> 00:51:25,406
(RETCHING)
786
00:51:29,607 --> 00:51:32,201
Hey. Isn't that that chick from Central?
787
00:51:33,847 --> 00:51:34,916
Yeah.
788
00:51:35,287 --> 00:51:36,686
Hey, Stifler.
789
00:51:37,127 --> 00:51:38,560
Oh, hey, there...
790
00:51:39,047 --> 00:51:40,196
Katie.
791
00:51:40,407 --> 00:51:43,843
Katie, right. I knew that.
Just having some fun with you.
792
00:51:44,167 --> 00:51:47,716
Can I talk to you for a second,
like, in private?
793
00:51:48,367 --> 00:51:49,436
Yeah, sure, you know what?
794
00:51:49,527 --> 00:51:52,405
Let me just grab another beer
and I'll be right back with you.
795
00:51:52,487 --> 00:51:54,239
Don't you flake on me.
796
00:51:56,407 --> 00:51:59,205
Dude, you been working out?
Didn't think so.
797
00:51:59,327 --> 00:52:02,603
You two, stay amazing. My God.
798
00:52:02,727 --> 00:52:04,206
(GIGGLES)
799
00:52:05,887 --> 00:52:07,445
Hey, what's up, beautiful?
800
00:52:07,527 --> 00:52:09,358
You know, I got so drunk last weekend
801
00:52:09,447 --> 00:52:12,723
that I nailed my cock to a table,
then set it on fire.
802
00:52:13,127 --> 00:52:14,560
Wanna check it out?
803
00:52:14,647 --> 00:52:16,444
The table or your cock?
804
00:52:16,727 --> 00:52:18,558
God, I love that accent.
805
00:52:18,647 --> 00:52:20,399
Could you do me a favour and just say,
806
00:52:20,487 --> 00:52:24,162
"Spank me, Stifler.
Spank me wee little bum."
807
00:52:25,407 --> 00:52:27,921
How did you know I like to be spanked?
808
00:52:28,767 --> 00:52:30,917
(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Awesome!
809
00:52:32,007 --> 00:52:35,682
So where's this boyfriend Richard you keep
talking about non-stop all the time?
810
00:52:35,767 --> 00:52:38,201
He doesn't attend high-school parties.
811
00:52:38,287 --> 00:52:42,644
Sounds like you might be in the market
for some home-grown American beef.
812
00:52:42,727 --> 00:52:44,285
Sorry, I'm vegan.
813
00:52:45,327 --> 00:52:46,476
Cheers.
814
00:52:49,527 --> 00:52:51,324
What if I use a cucumber?
815
00:52:51,487 --> 00:52:56,959
Jackie, Sarah, and Krissi with an "I,"
here's how the game works.
816
00:52:57,047 --> 00:53:00,198
Every time you get a question wrong,
you get to pop your top.
817
00:53:00,607 --> 00:53:03,724
-Hey, I've played this game before.
-Krissi,
818
00:53:04,207 --> 00:53:07,916
do you believe that new drugs should be
tested on Animal Crackers?
819
00:53:08,167 --> 00:53:10,397
Absolutely not. Wait...
820
00:53:10,487 --> 00:53:12,159
(IMITATING GAME SHOW BUZZER)
821
00:53:12,247 --> 00:53:15,523
Poppy toppy! If only you listened better.
822
00:53:18,447 --> 00:53:21,166
All right, boys. Tonight's the night.
Wish me luck.
823
00:53:21,247 --> 00:53:22,396
Good luck, buddy.
824
00:53:22,487 --> 00:53:24,842
Good luck, dude.
Tonight, you become a man.
825
00:53:24,927 --> 00:53:27,043
That's it. Tonight, I'm getting laid!
826
00:53:27,327 --> 00:53:29,283
-Yeah, buddy! Yes!
-Yeah, buddy.
827
00:53:29,367 --> 00:53:30,720
-Yes!
-Right here.
828
00:53:30,807 --> 00:53:32,684
Just give it to her nice and slow at first.
829
00:53:32,767 --> 00:53:34,405
Then speed her up.
830
00:53:34,727 --> 00:53:35,796
Dana!
831
00:53:36,807 --> 00:53:38,081
Dana!
832
00:53:42,447 --> 00:53:43,436
Yeah!
833
00:53:43,647 --> 00:53:44,636
(WHOOPS)
834
00:53:44,727 --> 00:53:47,446
Sarah, have you ever made out
with a thespian?
835
00:53:48,647 --> 00:53:50,558
-What?
-Sorry.
836
00:53:51,647 --> 00:53:52,875
(GIRLS LAUGHING)
837
00:54:00,647 --> 00:54:03,400
-I can't find Heidi anywhere.
-Maybe she didn't come.
838
00:54:03,487 --> 00:54:05,523
No, no. Her car is outside.
839
00:54:06,567 --> 00:54:07,682
How you making out?
840
00:54:07,767 --> 00:54:09,200
Check it out.
841
00:54:10,807 --> 00:54:14,243
Don't you think maybe Ashley's
just a little bit out of your league?
842
00:54:14,327 --> 00:54:18,400
I don't know. I'm just saying, you know,
you've been at it for years.
843
00:54:18,567 --> 00:54:20,762
Maybe it's just not in the cards for you.
844
00:54:20,847 --> 00:54:22,246
I'm a man of refinement.
845
00:54:22,327 --> 00:54:25,444
Why settle for a six
when you can get a perfect 10?
846
00:54:28,327 --> 00:54:31,399
Okay, whatever you say, man. Good luck.
847
00:54:31,607 --> 00:54:33,916
Right. I'm gonna do it.
848
00:54:35,407 --> 00:54:37,284
Hey, what's up, Ashley?
849
00:54:37,767 --> 00:54:39,041
Hey, Lube.
850
00:54:39,127 --> 00:54:40,355
You want a beer?
851
00:54:40,447 --> 00:54:41,766
Got a beer.
852
00:54:41,927 --> 00:54:43,042
Right.
853
00:54:44,407 --> 00:54:45,476
So...
854
00:54:48,327 --> 00:54:51,876
You obviously know that I'm,
like, totally into you. Right?
855
00:54:52,127 --> 00:54:53,640
Yeah. I've seen the shrine.
856
00:54:54,687 --> 00:54:55,676
(LAUGHS)
857
00:54:55,967 --> 00:54:57,525
All right.
858
00:54:58,447 --> 00:55:01,996
Okay, so I'm just gonna be honest with you.
I'm just gonna lay it out on the line.
859
00:55:02,087 --> 00:55:04,476
No tricks, no hidden agenda at all.
860
00:55:05,847 --> 00:55:08,839
I happen to be a sensitive and expert lover.
861
00:55:09,087 --> 00:55:10,486
(GIRLS LAUGHING)
862
00:55:13,447 --> 00:55:16,996
I can guarantee that I will satisfy you
in every way possible,
863
00:55:17,087 --> 00:55:19,203
and I shall not stop until I'm certain
864
00:55:19,287 --> 00:55:22,438
that you are completely happy
with my endeavours.
865
00:55:26,567 --> 00:55:27,636
Okay.
866
00:55:34,207 --> 00:55:35,435
(SIGHS)
867
00:55:35,567 --> 00:55:40,595
Look, that was a really interesting speech,
868
00:55:40,687 --> 00:55:44,646
and I don't really wanna embarrass you
in front of everyone, but...
869
00:55:45,407 --> 00:55:47,238
But it's not gonna happen.
870
00:55:47,327 --> 00:55:50,683
I mean, I think that you're,
like, really super cool,
871
00:55:50,767 --> 00:55:52,485
and you're really funny in class
and everything,
872
00:55:52,567 --> 00:55:55,206
but I don't wanna have sex with you.
873
00:55:56,047 --> 00:55:57,082
Okay?
874
00:55:57,527 --> 00:55:59,324
Yeah, yeah. Sure. Okay.
875
00:56:00,647 --> 00:56:03,002
-So are we cool?
-Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
876
00:56:03,327 --> 00:56:04,476
All right.
877
00:56:04,567 --> 00:56:06,080
Well, I'm gonna go get another beer.
Do you want one?
878
00:56:06,167 --> 00:56:08,727
No, no. I'm... I'm good. I'm good.
879
00:56:13,367 --> 00:56:15,085
-Hey.
-Hey.
880
00:56:15,327 --> 00:56:18,205
(CLEARS THROAT) What you said just now?
881
00:56:18,487 --> 00:56:19,556
Yeah?
882
00:56:19,687 --> 00:56:21,166
Was that true?
883
00:56:21,727 --> 00:56:27,006
Guaranteed satisfaction and you won't stop
until a girl is completely satisfied?
884
00:56:28,127 --> 00:56:29,162
Yeah.
885
00:56:30,767 --> 00:56:33,327
All right. Well, what the hell.
886
00:56:34,007 --> 00:56:37,079
Meet me upstairs
in the first bedroom to the left.
887
00:56:39,727 --> 00:56:40,955
(LAUGHS)
888
00:56:49,727 --> 00:56:52,480
NATHAN: The truth is, yes,
I was trying to pressure you,
889
00:56:52,567 --> 00:56:55,206
because I really, really wanna have sex.
890
00:56:55,327 --> 00:56:59,206
But I really wanna have sex with you.
891
00:57:00,127 --> 00:57:03,836
And, also, I mean, with us,
hooking up has always been about me.
892
00:57:05,887 --> 00:57:10,039
I wanna forget myself for once
and try to make you feel good for a change.
893
00:57:10,127 --> 00:57:14,837
Like, maybe try and make you feel
the way that you make me feel.
894
00:57:21,247 --> 00:57:23,966
So Stifler tells me
you're a foreign exchange student.
895
00:57:24,087 --> 00:57:25,076
Ja, ja.
896
00:57:25,167 --> 00:57:27,920
My cousin, Nadia, was student here
at East Great Falls 10 years ago.
897
00:57:28,047 --> 00:57:29,321
Not Nadia, Nadia.
898
00:57:29,407 --> 00:57:30,476
Ja, ja.
899
00:57:30,567 --> 00:57:33,127
You mean the Nadia? The legendarily hot...
900
00:57:33,207 --> 00:57:37,086
I mean, really academically gifted Nadia?
901
00:57:37,167 --> 00:57:39,158
Ja, ja.
902
00:57:39,247 --> 00:57:41,283
Well, how do I know for sure?
903
00:57:46,647 --> 00:57:48,603
(GASPING)
904
00:57:51,167 --> 00:57:53,044
You are Nadia's cousin.
905
00:57:56,247 --> 00:57:57,236
Oh!
906
00:58:08,087 --> 00:58:09,122
(PHONE BEEPS)
907
00:58:09,207 --> 00:58:10,196
Oh.
908
00:58:11,287 --> 00:58:13,801
You shouldn't... You shouldn't...
It's my phone.
909
00:58:13,887 --> 00:58:15,286
Don't read my phone.
910
00:58:15,367 --> 00:58:19,645
What's this supposed to mean?
"Give her a dose of manthrax"?
911
00:58:19,847 --> 00:58:20,836
Well, I don't... What does that...
912
00:58:20,927 --> 00:58:22,679
I don't know what that...
Do you know what that means?
913
00:58:22,767 --> 00:58:24,598
"I'm getting laid"?
914
00:58:25,727 --> 00:58:27,957
You're advertising this
before it even happens?
915
00:58:28,047 --> 00:58:29,082
-No.
-Wow.
916
00:58:29,167 --> 00:58:31,442
You must be some special kind of asshole.
917
00:58:31,527 --> 00:58:33,722
No. No, no, no! No. I didn't... It was...
918
00:58:33,807 --> 00:58:34,796
(GRUNTS ANGRILY)
919
00:58:34,887 --> 00:58:36,286
Later, loser.
920
00:58:41,047 --> 00:58:45,006
Faster. Okay. Now, slower. Yes, yes.
921
00:58:45,327 --> 00:58:47,966
Slower. Tickle the bunny. Yes, yes.
922
00:58:48,047 --> 00:58:50,481
Oh, God, the man in the boat is out.
923
00:58:50,567 --> 00:58:52,797
Paddle, paddle, do the alphabet. Swirl.
924
00:58:52,887 --> 00:58:56,357
Back to the bunny. That's it.
Okay. Now, more to the left.
925
00:58:56,767 --> 00:58:58,359
More to the left!
926
00:58:58,607 --> 00:59:00,245
-My left or your left?
-My left, my left, my left!
927
00:59:00,327 --> 00:59:01,316
All right.
928
00:59:03,007 --> 00:59:04,918
Hey, have you seen Heidi?
929
00:59:05,647 --> 00:59:06,796
Thanks.
930
00:59:08,327 --> 00:59:09,555
Hey, Rob.
931
00:59:11,287 --> 00:59:12,436
Heidi?
932
00:59:13,447 --> 00:59:16,723
Hey, doggy style.
I told you, you snooze, you lose.
933
00:59:16,807 --> 00:59:20,117
So unless you want mop-up duty,
close the door, pervert.
934
00:59:20,287 --> 00:59:21,276
(STIFLER GIGGLES)
935
00:59:30,367 --> 00:59:31,482
STIFLER: Hey, where are you going?
936
00:59:31,567 --> 00:59:33,683
This was a horrible idea.
937
00:59:40,687 --> 00:59:42,484
Rob? Excuse me.
938
00:59:43,687 --> 00:59:47,282
Excuse me. Rob. Rob.
939
00:59:48,167 --> 00:59:49,839
-Go away.
-I didn't. I...
940
00:59:49,927 --> 00:59:52,395
I don't wanna see your face right now.
941
00:59:53,247 --> 00:59:54,316
Rob.
942
00:59:58,647 --> 00:59:59,841
(GASPING)
943
01:00:00,767 --> 01:00:01,756
(LAUGHS)
944
01:00:06,887 --> 01:00:08,798
Whoa, whoa.
945
01:00:08,967 --> 01:00:10,002
What are you doing?
946
01:00:10,087 --> 01:00:14,000
What happened to forgetting about yourself
and making me feel good?
947
01:00:14,767 --> 01:00:16,405
But I thought I just...
948
01:00:16,487 --> 01:00:17,920
What? You thought that what, Nathan?
949
01:00:18,007 --> 01:00:21,204
That you could just pretend that you cared
about my feelings and my pledge
950
01:00:21,287 --> 01:00:24,085
and then just go
and try again when my guard was down?
951
01:00:24,167 --> 01:00:26,362
No. You don't get it. I...
952
01:00:26,447 --> 01:00:29,359
No. No, you're the one
that's not gonna get it.
953
01:00:39,607 --> 01:00:42,201
Dude, you need to slow down.
954
01:00:42,287 --> 01:00:44,482
Yeah, seriously. Let's just go home.
955
01:00:44,567 --> 01:00:47,923
You, sir...
You, sir, were right about the bible.
956
01:00:48,687 --> 01:00:51,360
Because assholes get laid!
957
01:00:51,447 --> 01:00:52,482
(BOYS CHEERING)
958
01:00:52,567 --> 01:00:53,556
Yes.
959
01:00:55,967 --> 01:00:58,800
No. No, no, dude. You were right.
960
01:00:59,127 --> 01:01:01,197
-There's something to it.
-What are you talking about?
961
01:01:01,287 --> 01:01:04,757
We tried the nice guy thing
and I believe we're all still virgins.
962
01:01:04,847 --> 01:01:08,078
Well, the nice guy vibe got me
past the bouncer, man.
963
01:01:08,767 --> 01:01:09,836
Hey.
964
01:01:13,687 --> 01:01:19,876
Well, gentlemen, you failed,
and the proof, as they say, is in the Jell-o.
965
01:01:20,847 --> 01:01:23,236
So I will see you later, nice guys.
966
01:01:26,847 --> 01:01:28,644
-Hey.
-Hey.
967
01:01:28,927 --> 01:01:30,440
I know you want me.
968
01:01:30,527 --> 01:01:33,678
I'm gonna let you take me upstairs
and do me right now.
969
01:01:34,127 --> 01:01:35,606
-Really?
-Yeah.
970
01:01:36,287 --> 01:01:37,481
Kiss me.
971
01:01:41,647 --> 01:01:43,603
STIFLER: Y'all ready for some pain?
972
01:01:47,887 --> 01:01:49,764
Hey, ladies.
973
01:01:51,487 --> 01:01:52,806
(GIRLS SCREAMING)
974
01:01:58,527 --> 01:01:59,880
GIRL: Oh, my God.
975
01:02:00,447 --> 01:02:01,960
STIFLER: Oh, my God!
976
01:02:02,447 --> 01:02:04,199
Look at those taters!
977
01:02:12,727 --> 01:02:14,365
Do me from behind.
978
01:02:14,687 --> 01:02:15,756
What?
979
01:02:17,327 --> 01:02:19,716
I thought you liked it doggy style.
980
01:02:24,087 --> 01:02:25,315
ROB: Huh?
981
01:02:25,967 --> 01:02:28,401
What are you doing back there? Let's go.
982
01:02:29,687 --> 01:02:32,565
You're not putting your dick in that,
are you?
983
01:02:33,087 --> 01:02:34,406
(SCREAMS)
984
01:02:34,807 --> 01:02:37,275
Are you kidding me? Gross.
985
01:02:39,647 --> 01:02:40,557
(THUDS)
986
01:02:56,927 --> 01:02:58,201
(GROANS)
987
01:02:58,287 --> 01:02:59,959
Here. This'll help.
988
01:03:00,247 --> 01:03:01,396
Thanks.
989
01:03:02,287 --> 01:03:05,563
Honey, I know that I can't stop you
from doing certain things,
990
01:03:05,647 --> 01:03:08,684
but I can insist that you are safe.
991
01:03:09,127 --> 01:03:10,765
Did you drink and drive?
992
01:03:10,847 --> 01:03:13,236
No. John Costello drove me home.
993
01:03:13,847 --> 01:03:18,796
Well, I want you to know that if
you find yourself in any carnal situation,
994
01:03:18,887 --> 01:03:21,321
that you... You will use protection.
995
01:03:21,727 --> 01:03:23,718
What do you mean by carnal?
996
01:03:26,287 --> 01:03:27,276
This.
997
01:03:31,087 --> 01:03:32,076
(GROANS)
998
01:03:32,167 --> 01:03:33,885
GIRL: Are you kidding me? Gross.
999
01:03:33,967 --> 01:03:35,958
Is there no such thing as privacy any more?
1000
01:03:36,047 --> 01:03:39,642
I will tell your father that
you're just not up to seeing him today.
1001
01:03:39,727 --> 01:03:41,558
You're not feeling well.
1002
01:03:42,367 --> 01:03:43,561
Thanks.
1003
01:03:47,127 --> 01:03:48,526
How was she?
1004
01:03:50,007 --> 01:03:51,918
-How was who?
-Vomit girl.
1005
01:03:52,287 --> 01:03:53,322
How do you know about that?
1006
01:03:53,407 --> 01:03:56,604
Who do you think is forwarding
all those videos to Mom?
1007
01:04:01,287 --> 01:04:03,005
ROB: I'm ready to give up.
1008
01:04:03,367 --> 01:04:04,641
I thought I had the answers.
1009
01:04:04,727 --> 01:04:08,276
It's too bad that 99% of the bible's
completely unreadable.
1010
01:04:10,127 --> 01:04:11,401
That's it.
1011
01:04:12,087 --> 01:04:14,123
We need to reconstruct the bible.
1012
01:04:14,207 --> 01:04:15,242
Why?
1013
01:04:15,327 --> 01:04:16,680
The secrets are in there.
1014
01:04:16,767 --> 01:04:19,565
I mean, there's no one single answer
to getting laid.
1015
01:04:19,647 --> 01:04:21,524
Right? We need the whole book
to understand.
1016
01:04:21,607 --> 01:04:23,598
Probably has a lot of crap in there
that we need to know, too,
1017
01:04:23,687 --> 01:04:26,565
like positions, techniques,
angle of insertion.
1018
01:04:26,647 --> 01:04:30,686
Exactly. That's what the bible was
created for, to help guys like us.
1019
01:04:30,847 --> 01:04:33,839
And we owe it to the others.
I ruined the bible.
1020
01:04:34,167 --> 01:04:36,601
I owe it to future generations
to restore its wisdom.
1021
01:04:36,687 --> 01:04:39,326
Dude, I'm all for it, but how?
1022
01:04:45,087 --> 01:04:46,679
Where do we start?
1023
01:04:48,647 --> 01:04:50,285
From the beginning.
1024
01:04:50,727 --> 01:04:52,445
LUBE: This must be the guy
who created the bible.
1025
01:04:54,167 --> 01:04:55,680
(RINGING)
1026
01:04:57,407 --> 01:04:58,556
Hello?
1027
01:04:58,647 --> 01:05:01,320
ROB: Hi. May I speak
to Noah Levenstein, please?
1028
01:05:01,407 --> 01:05:02,396
Speaking.
1029
01:05:02,487 --> 01:05:04,717
Are you the one who created the bible?
1030
01:05:06,007 --> 01:05:08,316
No, that would be God.
1031
01:05:08,487 --> 01:05:10,239
No, no, no. Hold on.
1032
01:05:10,527 --> 01:05:13,724
I'm referring to the bible.
1033
01:05:14,607 --> 01:05:16,279
I'm calling from
East Great Falls High School.
1034
01:05:19,367 --> 01:05:23,246
NOAH: It was the summer
of my junior year, 1969,
1035
01:05:23,327 --> 01:05:25,966
and my buddies and I,
we take this trip to Amsterdam,
1036
01:05:26,047 --> 01:05:29,801
where we run into a group
of semi-attractive Dutch nymphos
1037
01:05:29,887 --> 01:05:33,926
who were willing to trade their bodies
for a handful of Jimi Hendrix LPs.
1038
01:05:34,007 --> 01:05:38,319
Well, needless to say, we had ourselves
one super weekend with those gals,
1039
01:05:38,527 --> 01:05:41,121
sexually speaking, if you get my drift.
1040
01:05:41,887 --> 01:05:44,640
But the sad news was,
we had no idea what we were doing.
1041
01:05:44,727 --> 01:05:46,399
We had no technique.
1042
01:05:46,767 --> 01:05:49,406
And then one day, we were out sight-seeing,
1043
01:05:49,487 --> 01:05:52,320
and we run into this Dutch hooker
in the red-light district,
1044
01:05:52,407 --> 01:05:54,716
and she tells us about this book.
1045
01:05:55,847 --> 01:06:00,682
It was a sex manual, evidently written
in the 19th century by some priest.
1046
01:06:00,767 --> 01:06:03,042
Well, we read that thing cover to cover,
1047
01:06:03,127 --> 01:06:05,482
and then when we got back
to East Great Falls,
1048
01:06:05,567 --> 01:06:08,206
I had the bright idea to write my own book
1049
01:06:08,287 --> 01:06:12,166
and add my own observations
and experiences and advice
1050
01:06:12,247 --> 01:06:16,001
and leave it in the library for some
other hapless virgin in the class below us.
1051
01:06:16,087 --> 01:06:20,000
But I had no idea it had been
passed down for 40 years.
1052
01:06:20,207 --> 01:06:22,721
Your book is a legend, Mr Levenstein.
1053
01:06:25,127 --> 01:06:26,560
Do you have it here?
1054
01:06:26,647 --> 01:06:27,682
Yeah.
1055
01:06:27,767 --> 01:06:29,359
May I see it?
1056
01:06:33,047 --> 01:06:34,162
Oh.
1057
01:06:34,527 --> 01:06:35,676
Oh, my.
1058
01:06:37,167 --> 01:06:38,202
Boys.
1059
01:06:39,807 --> 01:06:42,480
This is a real piece of history here.
1060
01:06:43,167 --> 01:06:44,885
What happened to it?
1061
01:06:45,047 --> 01:06:46,719
Well, that's why we're here.
1062
01:06:46,807 --> 01:06:48,001
The bible kinda got ruined,
1063
01:06:48,087 --> 01:06:51,875
so we wanna call everyone on the list
and try to reconstruct it.
1064
01:06:52,967 --> 01:06:54,161
Oh.
1065
01:06:55,207 --> 01:06:58,961
Well, I think you boys might need
some help.
1066
01:07:00,887 --> 01:07:04,641
Well, girls have the advantage,
because girls talk to each other,
1067
01:07:04,727 --> 01:07:07,321
and don't kid yourself,
they talk about the penis.
1068
01:07:07,407 --> 01:07:10,683
Penis size, penis shape,
the angle of the bend.
1069
01:07:11,007 --> 01:07:12,645
Whether it winks at you. They talk.
1070
01:07:12,727 --> 01:07:16,481
Now, to really make love to a woman,
you gotta really care about her.
1071
01:07:16,567 --> 01:07:20,355
But... Hey, sex is great, but sex with
someone you love? That's awesome.
1072
01:07:20,447 --> 01:07:22,119
Dude, that is so profound.
1073
01:07:22,207 --> 01:07:23,322
Telling you.
1074
01:07:23,407 --> 01:07:25,204
Yeah, definitely gets lonely on the road.
1075
01:07:25,287 --> 01:07:27,721
Sure, I made love to all kinds
of different food groups.
1076
01:07:27,807 --> 01:07:29,923
Did you ever try making love
to a peanut-butter sandwich?
1077
01:07:30,007 --> 01:07:31,235
Nothing comes close.
1078
01:07:31,327 --> 01:07:32,362
What?
1079
01:07:32,447 --> 01:07:36,520
Well, maybe a deboned ham hock,
but that takes a whole lot of prep.
1080
01:07:37,087 --> 01:07:38,122
Bend your knees.
1081
01:07:38,207 --> 01:07:40,880
Next time you spank it, sit Indian-style.
1082
01:07:41,087 --> 01:07:42,759
You won't come, not in a million years.
1083
01:07:42,847 --> 01:07:45,441
MAN: Our sex organs
are like musical instruments.
1084
01:07:45,527 --> 01:07:47,358
Sure, you can have any technician
blow on your horn,
1085
01:07:47,447 --> 01:07:50,405
but to place your instrument into
the hands of a true expert?
1086
01:07:50,487 --> 01:07:53,081
That, my young friend, is true harmony.
1087
01:07:53,167 --> 01:07:55,044
NOAH: Guys don't talk to each other
1088
01:07:55,127 --> 01:07:56,958
because they view each other
as competitors,
1089
01:07:57,047 --> 01:07:58,685
which I think is crazy. You know?
1090
01:07:58,767 --> 01:08:02,077
Because men need to help each other
and work together to get laid.
1091
01:08:02,487 --> 01:08:04,364
NO AH: Noah Levenstein, class of '70.
1092
01:08:04,447 --> 01:08:07,041
ROB: Pete Sambrelli?
NO AH: That's right, the Noah Levenstein.
1093
01:08:07,127 --> 01:08:08,116
ROB: Do you have a number for him?
1094
01:08:08,207 --> 01:08:10,562
Hi. This is regarding his advice
on the lubricants.
1095
01:08:10,647 --> 01:08:13,719
We found the tongue tornado in Regina.
1096
01:08:13,807 --> 01:08:14,796
(BOYS CHEERING)
1097
01:08:15,047 --> 01:08:17,163
You said bros befo' hos.
1098
01:08:17,247 --> 01:08:21,081
Isn't that what you said? Bros befo' hos.
And then you screwed my girlfriend.
1099
01:08:21,167 --> 01:08:24,079
Well, so did the entire glee club, Carlito.
What's your point?
1100
01:08:24,167 --> 01:08:27,159
I married her, you asshole!
1101
01:08:27,247 --> 01:08:29,807
-Noah Levenstein.
-Janice?
1102
01:08:29,887 --> 01:08:30,956
Jessica.
1103
01:08:31,407 --> 01:08:35,002
Well, congratulations!
Who didn't see that coming?
1104
01:08:35,087 --> 01:08:37,237
Look at the time. Gotta go.
1105
01:08:40,047 --> 01:08:43,244
It's all about chemistry,
and confidence is the key.
1106
01:08:47,327 --> 01:08:49,887
MAN: R-E-S-P-E-C-T,
you've heard that song, right?
1107
01:08:49,967 --> 01:08:51,639
Boys, we got another confirmation.
1108
01:08:51,727 --> 01:08:53,240
MAN: You gotta treat your lady right.
1109
01:08:53,327 --> 01:08:57,957
You've got to be gentle, kind
and respectful to the one you love.
1110
01:08:58,367 --> 01:09:00,597
-Who are you talking to?
-Shut the fuck up.
1111
01:09:00,687 --> 01:09:02,439
This is how you get her really excited.
1112
01:09:02,527 --> 01:09:05,758
Stick your finger in her ass. Trust me.
1113
01:09:05,967 --> 01:09:08,003
Was that two fingers or one?
1114
01:09:08,767 --> 01:09:10,485
LUBE: I'm sorry.
Confidential matter.
1115
01:09:11,967 --> 01:09:13,559
NOAH: Phone, phone. Okay.
1116
01:09:14,127 --> 01:09:15,116
LUBE: Then what happened?
1117
01:09:15,207 --> 01:09:18,165
Hello. Yeah. Class of '77.
1118
01:09:18,247 --> 01:09:19,726
Yeah, hold on. Let me get a pen.
1119
01:09:19,807 --> 01:09:20,876
Pete O'Donnell, please.
1120
01:09:21,607 --> 01:09:22,960
Who is this?
1121
01:09:23,807 --> 01:09:26,844
Mr O'Donnell, this is Marshall Lubetski.
1122
01:09:26,927 --> 01:09:29,646
I just wanted to talk to you about
what you wrote in the bible.
1123
01:09:29,727 --> 01:09:33,561
You know, about having anal sex
with Miss Johnson.
1124
01:09:35,367 --> 01:09:37,198
(ALL CLAMOURING)
1125
01:09:45,247 --> 01:09:47,966
...very much! Mark S.!
1126
01:09:49,567 --> 01:09:51,000
(ALL CHEERING)
1127
01:09:58,327 --> 01:10:00,602
This is not a sex manual.
1128
01:10:01,887 --> 01:10:04,321
It is a life manual.
1129
01:10:05,887 --> 01:10:08,355
Now, I've been married for 35 years
1130
01:10:08,447 --> 01:10:11,837
and not just because
I'm this handsome dude
1131
01:10:11,927 --> 01:10:14,202
who knows how to satisfy a woman.
1132
01:10:14,367 --> 01:10:18,280
I've been married 35 years
because I love my wife
1133
01:10:18,367 --> 01:10:21,165
and I respect my wife.
1134
01:10:21,487 --> 01:10:24,047
And whether it's Amsterdam
or East Great Falls,
1135
01:10:24,127 --> 01:10:25,765
it all comes down to this.
1136
01:10:25,847 --> 01:10:29,556
If you're honest and treat a girl with respect,
1137
01:10:30,567 --> 01:10:36,039
then whatever happens is meant to happen,
because it's all perfectly natural.
1138
01:10:40,927 --> 01:10:43,885
Boys, I've prepared you for this quest.
1139
01:10:44,247 --> 01:10:47,603
And before you lies
the biggest test of your lives.
1140
01:10:56,007 --> 01:10:58,202
This book is a powerful weapon,
1141
01:11:00,487 --> 01:11:02,205
so use it for good,
1142
01:11:03,807 --> 01:11:05,001
not evil.
1143
01:11:52,567 --> 01:11:53,602
Yes.
1144
01:11:53,887 --> 01:11:54,876
(SIGHS)
1145
01:11:54,967 --> 01:11:55,956
(DOOR CLOSING)
1146
01:12:00,127 --> 01:12:01,685
ROB: You still looking for the vacuum?
1147
01:12:01,767 --> 01:12:04,725
No. I found it in Cody's room. So strange.
1148
01:12:04,807 --> 01:12:07,719
I mean, I just don't remember
leaving it there.
1149
01:12:07,807 --> 01:12:09,559
(LAUGHS) Losing my mind, clearly.
1150
01:12:09,647 --> 01:12:12,081
Hey, Mom, can I go on the ski trip?
1151
01:12:13,887 --> 01:12:14,922
Yes.
1152
01:12:15,487 --> 01:12:19,560
But no drinking,
and if you do drink, no driving.
1153
01:12:19,647 --> 01:12:23,037
Don't worry. If I do anything wrong,
I'm sure it'll end up on YouTube, so...
1154
01:12:23,127 --> 01:12:25,038
Call you when I get there.
1155
01:12:39,807 --> 01:12:40,922
(CHATTERING)
1156
01:12:41,007 --> 01:12:42,326
(ALL WHOOPING)
1157
01:12:43,927 --> 01:12:45,246
Drinking round!
1158
01:12:53,527 --> 01:12:55,882
-Deal me in.
-What are you doing here?
1159
01:12:55,967 --> 01:12:56,956
Katie.
1160
01:12:57,047 --> 01:12:59,277
I know. But what are you doing here?
1161
01:12:59,367 --> 01:13:01,756
-I wanna play.
-Right.
1162
01:13:01,847 --> 01:13:03,997
Just deal her in, Stifler. What's the big deal?
1163
01:13:04,087 --> 01:13:05,679
AMY: Yeah, deal her in.
1164
01:13:11,807 --> 01:13:13,126
Hi, Nathan.
1165
01:13:15,847 --> 01:13:17,439
Thanks for the flowers.
1166
01:13:17,527 --> 01:13:20,837
I'm sorry about being a jerk.
And, for the record, I've learned my lesson.
1167
01:13:20,927 --> 01:13:23,760
I'm ready to respect you
and support you on your pledge.
1168
01:13:23,847 --> 01:13:27,157
Really? But why?
1169
01:13:28,447 --> 01:13:31,644
I'm in this for you.
I'm not in it just to have sex.
1170
01:13:32,127 --> 01:13:34,880
Well, I realised that I'm in this for you,
1171
01:13:34,967 --> 01:13:38,642
and if the pledge gets in the way of that,
then how good can it really be?
1172
01:13:38,727 --> 01:13:43,243
Sounds like a good basis for the two of us
to just relax and see what happens.
1173
01:13:43,607 --> 01:13:46,075
Look. I bought a book.
1174
01:13:46,887 --> 01:13:48,798
I was thinking that we could
1175
01:13:48,887 --> 01:13:52,163
start on page one
and then see how far we get this weekend.
1176
01:13:52,967 --> 01:13:55,037
The first three chapters are foreplay.
1177
01:13:55,127 --> 01:13:56,162
Wow.
1178
01:13:56,847 --> 01:13:59,964
You know, I've actually been
reading a book, as well.
1179
01:14:00,047 --> 01:14:02,959
Have you ever heard of the tongue tornado?
1180
01:14:03,527 --> 01:14:05,006
Okay, let's go.
1181
01:14:09,287 --> 01:14:11,357
This is supposed to be fun.
1182
01:14:11,727 --> 01:14:13,206
This isn't fun.
1183
01:14:13,367 --> 01:14:16,404
Just you wait. You possess wisdom now.
1184
01:14:17,127 --> 01:14:18,719
Trust in the book.
1185
01:14:23,127 --> 01:14:27,006
I mean, what does that mean, anyway?
Do you think I'm too clingy?
1186
01:14:27,207 --> 01:14:29,357
No. No, of course not.
1187
01:14:29,687 --> 01:14:31,245
Do you even know how to play poker?
1188
01:14:31,327 --> 01:14:32,316
KATIE: I know the game.
1189
01:14:32,407 --> 01:14:36,002
And I tell you what,
if I lose, I'll take off all my clothes.
1190
01:14:36,087 --> 01:14:37,486
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
1191
01:14:38,487 --> 01:14:39,920
AMY: Snap.
ASHLEY: Nice.
1192
01:14:40,007 --> 01:14:41,440
And if I lose?
1193
01:14:41,807 --> 01:14:43,525
You apologise to me.
1194
01:14:44,687 --> 01:14:46,678
-For what? Blowing you off?
-KATIE: Yes.
1195
01:14:46,767 --> 01:14:49,440
If it's not enough, it was my first time.
1196
01:14:49,647 --> 01:14:50,636
I deserve better.
1197
01:14:50,727 --> 01:14:51,955
(GASPS)
1198
01:14:52,887 --> 01:14:56,277
But if I win,
not only do you apologise to me,
1199
01:14:56,367 --> 01:14:58,483
you gotta run through the snow naked.
1200
01:14:58,567 --> 01:15:00,080
(ALL CHEERING)
1201
01:15:00,447 --> 01:15:03,200
-Yeah.
-It's a deal.
1202
01:15:10,887 --> 01:15:12,957
Start stripping, sweetheart.
1203
01:15:13,247 --> 01:15:14,839
It's not over yet.
1204
01:15:17,407 --> 01:15:18,840
Feeling lucky?
1205
01:15:20,767 --> 01:15:23,679
You better hope for a five on the river, baby.
1206
01:15:31,367 --> 01:15:33,597
ASHLEY: She got the five! Unbelievable.
1207
01:15:33,687 --> 01:15:34,961
(SCREAMING)
1208
01:15:35,047 --> 01:15:36,321
Oh, my God.
1209
01:15:37,927 --> 01:15:39,519
-Strip.
-Hold on a second.
1210
01:15:39,607 --> 01:15:41,040
-Strip.
-Strip.
1211
01:15:41,127 --> 01:15:43,960
ALL: (CHANTING)
Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip!
1212
01:15:44,047 --> 01:15:48,916
Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip!
1213
01:15:49,007 --> 01:15:51,965
You want me to strip?
You want some of this?
1214
01:15:52,647 --> 01:15:55,480
It's time to get it going, baby!
1215
01:15:55,567 --> 01:15:56,966
(ALL CHEERING)
1216
01:15:57,207 --> 01:16:00,085
All right, let's go! Here we go, baby.
1217
01:16:01,647 --> 01:16:03,683
STIFLER: Wait, let's talk this over.
1218
01:16:05,887 --> 01:16:08,720
Shit. It's freezing out here.
1219
01:16:08,887 --> 01:16:10,366
Now apologise.
1220
01:16:10,647 --> 01:16:12,365
-I'm sorry.
-For what?
1221
01:16:12,727 --> 01:16:15,116
I'm sorry for not calling you afterwards.
1222
01:16:15,207 --> 01:16:16,401
And what else?
1223
01:16:16,487 --> 01:16:18,796
I'm sorry for being a dick, okay?
1224
01:16:19,167 --> 01:16:21,203
Now, open the stinking door.
1225
01:16:21,687 --> 01:16:22,676
GIRLS: Oh!
1226
01:16:23,447 --> 01:16:24,721
(EXCLAIMING)
1227
01:16:31,847 --> 01:16:33,326
Open the door!
1228
01:16:33,407 --> 01:16:37,719
Now, tell everyone how you cry
like a little girl after you come.
1229
01:16:37,807 --> 01:16:40,275
I cry like a girl after I come, okay?
1230
01:16:40,967 --> 01:16:43,322
It's a very intense experience for me.
1231
01:16:44,607 --> 01:16:46,086
(MOOSE BELLOWING)
1232
01:16:48,927 --> 01:16:49,962
Call 91 1 .
1233
01:16:50,047 --> 01:16:51,321
(SCREAMING)
1234
01:16:53,847 --> 01:16:54,836
(SNORTING)
1235
01:16:55,327 --> 01:16:56,316
(GRUNTING)
1236
01:16:57,887 --> 01:16:58,876
(SCREECHING)
1237
01:17:22,807 --> 01:17:24,240
Lube, get the rifle.
1238
01:17:27,807 --> 01:17:28,796
(DANA SCREAMING)
1239
01:17:28,887 --> 01:17:30,115
Oh, my God!
1240
01:17:32,247 --> 01:17:34,715
-Was that a moose?
-Was that the tongue tornado?
1241
01:17:34,807 --> 01:17:36,206
(DANA SIGHING)
1242
01:17:38,847 --> 01:17:40,246
Go get 'em.
1243
01:18:16,687 --> 01:18:18,359
Hey, I'll meet you at the lodge later.
1244
01:18:18,447 --> 01:18:19,675
Yeah, yeah, sure. Go.
1245
01:18:21,247 --> 01:18:23,078
ROB: Heidi. Wait up.
1246
01:18:30,967 --> 01:18:33,322
Do you mind if I ride up with you?
1247
01:18:33,727 --> 01:18:34,762
Okay.
1248
01:19:02,607 --> 01:19:04,802
Hey. What's up?
1249
01:19:05,847 --> 01:19:08,645
We... We're in the same gondola.
1250
01:19:09,487 --> 01:19:10,886
Yeah, look at that.
1251
01:19:17,047 --> 01:19:18,321
(GROANING)
1252
01:19:22,007 --> 01:19:23,235
Oh, God.
1253
01:19:39,527 --> 01:19:40,846
I didn't sleep with Stifler.
1254
01:19:40,927 --> 01:19:42,565
Yeah. I heard.
1255
01:19:43,687 --> 01:19:45,723
-But you still hate me?
-No.
1256
01:19:47,247 --> 01:19:49,158
No. Why would you say that?
1257
01:19:49,247 --> 01:19:52,205
You haven't said a word to me
since that night.
1258
01:19:52,847 --> 01:19:54,758
I know. I'm sorry.
1259
01:19:55,607 --> 01:19:59,236
I guess I just...
I needed time to work through my feelings.
1260
01:20:04,207 --> 01:20:07,119
And? What did you decide?
1261
01:20:10,287 --> 01:20:13,836
Gibbs says that Stifler has to sit on
a foam rubber doughnut for six weeks.
1262
01:20:13,927 --> 01:20:17,556
And he says they're talking about
amputating his feet from frostbite.
1263
01:20:17,647 --> 01:20:20,684
Gibbs is a liar.
Stifler doesn't need amputation.
1264
01:20:20,767 --> 01:20:23,235
That's too bad. I got an A in Shop.
1265
01:20:27,727 --> 01:20:28,716
(SNORTS)
1266
01:20:28,807 --> 01:20:30,604
Oh, my. Was that a snort?
1267
01:20:45,007 --> 01:20:46,201
Come to gloat?
1268
01:20:46,287 --> 01:20:48,323
No. Just looking for a fag.
1269
01:20:48,487 --> 01:20:52,036
Just 'cause I took a moose pickle up my ass
doesn't mean I'm gay.
1270
01:20:52,127 --> 01:20:54,846
Very funny. How's your bum?
1271
01:20:54,927 --> 01:20:58,886
Feels like I gave birth to a mayonnaise jar,
but thanks for asking.
1272
01:20:59,607 --> 01:21:02,599
Hey, I heard about your boyfriend.
That really sucks.
1273
01:21:02,687 --> 01:21:05,759
Yeah. I thought only high school boys
were jerks.
1274
01:21:05,847 --> 01:21:07,485
It turns out they never outgrow it.
1275
01:21:07,567 --> 01:21:11,116
Imogen, no offence,
and you're the most mature girl I know,
1276
01:21:11,767 --> 01:21:15,521
but a 24-year-old dude isn't gonna take
a high-school girl seriously.
1277
01:21:15,607 --> 01:21:16,960
I suppose not.
1278
01:21:18,007 --> 01:21:19,679
You wanna sit down?
1279
01:21:20,327 --> 01:21:21,521
What for?
1280
01:21:21,687 --> 01:21:24,520
I just thought we could both use
a friend right now.
1281
01:21:36,687 --> 01:21:37,676
Stifler.
1282
01:21:37,767 --> 01:21:39,246
My bad. Reflex.
1283
01:21:39,327 --> 01:21:40,555
(LAUGHS)
1284
01:21:42,247 --> 01:21:43,566
ROB: I'm sorry.
1285
01:21:43,967 --> 01:21:45,195
You have to make your own decisions.
1286
01:21:45,287 --> 01:21:49,075
You know, I just...
I thought we had something.
1287
01:21:49,167 --> 01:21:50,361
We did.
1288
01:21:51,967 --> 01:21:53,116
We do.
1289
01:21:54,447 --> 01:21:55,846
I was scared.
1290
01:21:56,527 --> 01:21:57,721
Of what?
1291
01:22:01,487 --> 01:22:03,045
I really like you.
1292
01:22:04,487 --> 01:22:06,717
And I want it to be special.
1293
01:22:08,087 --> 01:22:11,124
I guess I just wanted to be ready.
1294
01:22:13,047 --> 01:22:17,279
So you almost had sex with Stifler
so you'd be ready for me.
1295
01:22:18,647 --> 01:22:19,682
Yeah.
1296
01:22:20,567 --> 01:22:23,286
That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
1297
01:22:24,327 --> 01:22:26,795
Well, I heard you got some practise.
1298
01:22:27,447 --> 01:22:30,245
You know, the truth is,
is nothing happened.
1299
01:22:32,127 --> 01:22:34,800
I didn't want it to be random like that.
1300
01:22:35,007 --> 01:22:36,156
And...
1301
01:22:38,807 --> 01:22:42,686
I couldn't picture my first time
being with anybody else but you.
1302
01:23:02,327 --> 01:23:03,760
What was that?
1303
01:23:04,487 --> 01:23:06,045
I don't know.
1304
01:23:09,247 --> 01:23:11,124
-Looks like we're stuck.
-Yeah.
1305
01:23:16,807 --> 01:23:20,004
You know, we could be up here for a while.
1306
01:23:20,087 --> 01:23:21,122
Yeah.
1307
01:23:46,167 --> 01:23:47,885
LUBE: Hey, can I ask you a question?
1308
01:23:47,967 --> 01:23:49,605
Yeah, sure. Whatever.
1309
01:23:49,687 --> 01:23:52,121
Why do you hook up with assholes
like Scott Stifler anyway?
1310
01:23:52,207 --> 01:23:54,402
Excuse me, but you don't know me.
1311
01:23:54,487 --> 01:23:57,524
(SCOFFS) You know,
you're just the same as all the rest.
1312
01:23:57,607 --> 01:23:58,722
I'm just some sort of trophy to you.
1313
01:23:58,807 --> 01:24:01,162
You don't care about me.
You just wanna sleep with me,
1314
01:24:01,247 --> 01:24:03,966
because you think
it's some sort of status symbol.
1315
01:24:04,047 --> 01:24:05,162
Sorry.
1316
01:24:06,367 --> 01:24:07,402
(ASHLEY SIGHS)
1317
01:24:07,487 --> 01:24:08,476
God.
1318
01:24:10,007 --> 01:24:12,282
How long are we gonna be up here?
1319
01:24:14,047 --> 01:24:15,480
I'll get help.
1320
01:24:17,047 --> 01:24:18,400
ASHLEY: What are you doing?
1321
01:24:18,487 --> 01:24:21,126
It's not that far down,
and there's, like, 20 feet of snow.
1322
01:24:21,207 --> 01:24:23,118
What, is this supposed to impress me?
1323
01:24:23,207 --> 01:24:25,163
The thought had crossed my mind.
1324
01:24:25,247 --> 01:24:27,238
Absolutely not. First of all, it's just wrong.
1325
01:24:27,327 --> 01:24:29,522
Second of all,
you're not even supposed to touch the door.
1326
01:24:29,607 --> 01:24:33,680
And third, it's just really dangerous, okay?
So just get away from there.
1327
01:24:33,767 --> 01:24:36,122
Right. What was I thinking?
1328
01:24:39,887 --> 01:24:40,922
Whoa!
1329
01:24:41,007 --> 01:24:42,599
(ASHLEY SCREAMING)
1330
01:24:44,287 --> 01:24:45,606
Are you okay?
1331
01:24:45,687 --> 01:24:47,120
I think I hurt my leg.
1332
01:24:47,207 --> 01:24:48,401
(SIGHS)
1333
01:24:48,607 --> 01:24:49,676
Idiot.
1334
01:25:04,407 --> 01:25:05,840
Are you okay?
1335
01:25:06,727 --> 01:25:08,206
Are you crazy?
1336
01:25:09,327 --> 01:25:10,726
Are you okay?
1337
01:25:11,327 --> 01:25:14,399
Yeah, I'm fine. No, I'm fine. I'm fine.
1338
01:25:14,487 --> 01:25:17,877
About what you said
about how I don't care about you
1339
01:25:17,967 --> 01:25:20,606
and you're just a trophy,
that's actually not true.
1340
01:25:20,687 --> 01:25:25,044
I really like you.
We went to elementary school together.
1341
01:25:25,327 --> 01:25:28,364
I remember when you sang Hey Ya!
in the sixth-grade talent show.
1342
01:25:28,447 --> 01:25:32,406
I remember when you fell off the pyramid
at the homecoming game, freshman year.
1343
01:25:32,487 --> 01:25:35,240
You were so embarrassed, but I didn't care.
1344
01:25:35,407 --> 01:25:38,956
I just liked how you played it off
like it was all part of the routine.
1345
01:25:39,047 --> 01:25:45,361
I mean, yeah, sure, you're a super-hot babe,
but I actually like you for you.
1346
01:25:47,447 --> 01:25:50,041
Look, this may be a shock to you,
1347
01:25:50,127 --> 01:25:54,200
but I have no idea what I'm doing with girls.
1348
01:25:55,687 --> 01:25:58,884
But I really wanna learn.
You just give me a chance.
1349
01:25:59,767 --> 01:26:01,564
That's all I'm asking.
1350
01:26:02,247 --> 01:26:06,081
And I guarantee that
I will make it my life's mission
1351
01:26:06,167 --> 01:26:09,364
to satisfy you in every way possible.
1352
01:26:44,487 --> 01:26:47,001
-Let's go back to the...
-To the cabin.
1353
01:27:42,007 --> 01:27:44,601
Dude. You forgot to sign it.
1354
01:27:51,847 --> 01:27:54,315
You sure we can't just keep it
for one more year?
1355
01:27:54,407 --> 01:27:56,318
No, guys, it's someone else's turn.
1356
01:28:38,167 --> 01:28:40,442
ROB ON COMPUTER:
This is my little brother, Cody,
1357
01:28:40,767 --> 01:28:44,396
and this is what he does
with the vacuum every day.
1358
01:28:45,327 --> 01:28:47,204
No! Hey! No!
1359
01:28:47,687 --> 01:28:50,645
COD Y: Help! It's stuck! I can't get it off!
1360
01:28:50,887 --> 01:28:51,876
(COD Y GRO ANING)
1361
01:28:52,207 --> 01:28:54,596
Help! Help! It's stuck.
1362
01:28:55,207 --> 01:28:56,322
(LAUGHS) Gotcha.
1363
01:28:57,567 --> 01:28:58,636
COD Y: Help!
1364
01:29:01,807 --> 01:29:02,796
No!
1365
01:29:06,207 --> 01:29:10,678
She was using me. I... That was really bad.
1366
01:29:11,047 --> 01:29:13,356
Father, why hast Thou forsaken me?
1367
01:29:14,207 --> 01:29:16,767
Wanna suck me off in the Sharper lmage?
1368
01:29:17,047 --> 01:29:19,607
Rob, are you some kind of jive turkey?
1369
01:29:21,567 --> 01:29:24,479
He's like an inch away from the real McCoy.
1370
01:29:25,127 --> 01:29:26,924
Did you bring condoms?
1371
01:29:27,087 --> 01:29:28,122
What?
1372
01:29:28,207 --> 01:29:31,199
I wet the bed until I was 13 years old, okay?
1373
01:29:31,327 --> 01:29:33,761
You nancy boys couldn't get lucky
at a Jonas Brothers concert
1374
01:29:33,847 --> 01:29:35,883
with a fistful of backstage passes.
1375
01:29:36,247 --> 01:29:39,842
Faith in God and His promise of eternal life.
1376
01:29:41,367 --> 01:29:44,200
Now, put the condom on the banana.
1377
01:29:45,207 --> 01:29:48,722
Who didn't see that coming?
Look at the time. Gotta go.
1378
01:29:49,727 --> 01:29:52,366
I think that is quite enough pictures
of the cheerleaders.
1379
01:29:52,447 --> 01:29:53,846
How about we get some of the game?
1380
01:29:55,287 --> 01:29:56,322
We're eating.
1381
01:29:56,807 --> 01:29:57,796
(FARTS)
1382
01:29:58,367 --> 01:30:00,676
You've been fucking Americans or...
1383
01:30:01,287 --> 01:30:02,925
Watching, loving...
1384
01:30:06,447 --> 01:30:07,436
Bear with me.
1385
01:30:07,527 --> 01:30:10,280
If she's down, bring her flowers.
1386
01:30:10,567 --> 01:30:12,956
If she's thirsty, serve her fine champagne.
1387
01:30:13,047 --> 01:30:15,322
Yeah, 'cause, I'm telling you,
my wife is pretty effing hot.
1388
01:30:15,407 --> 01:30:18,717
I'm talking a tight, tight ass
and squeaky clean.
1389
01:30:19,527 --> 01:30:22,121
Is that cream-filled? You rock.
1390
01:30:22,687 --> 01:30:24,757
Oh. Don't mention that, okay?
1391
01:30:25,367 --> 01:30:29,599
And whenever it comes to making out,
put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV.
1392
01:30:32,599 --> 01:30:36,599
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