1 00:00:01,640 --> 00:00:05,540 The Saturday Sports Spectacular continues with the National Junior 2 00:00:05,540 --> 00:00:07,900 Cheerleader Quarterfinals, Blonde Division. 3 00:00:08,320 --> 00:00:09,320 All right! 4 00:00:09,680 --> 00:00:11,100 So don't touch that dial. 5 00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:12,320 I ain't touching nothing. 6 00:00:13,440 --> 00:00:14,480 What are you watching, Ben? 7 00:00:15,180 --> 00:00:17,900 Oh, Chrissy, do you have to eat your breakfast in here? 8 00:00:18,100 --> 00:00:19,100 Yes, she does. 9 00:00:19,300 --> 00:00:20,420 What are you watching? 10 00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:22,480 Cartoons, apparently. 11 00:00:25,340 --> 00:00:26,340 Hey, Dad? 12 00:00:26,400 --> 00:00:27,400 He's upstairs. 13 00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:28,560 Hey, Dad! 14 00:00:28,700 --> 00:00:30,740 Master, you! How else is he gonna hear me? 15 00:00:31,120 --> 00:00:34,360 Hey, Dad, you want me to go to the gym with you? And I'm ready. I didn't shower 16 00:00:34,360 --> 00:00:35,360 and everything. 17 00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:37,900 He's in bed, Mike. 18 00:00:38,500 --> 00:00:39,500 What is he doing asleep? 19 00:00:39,680 --> 00:00:40,680 It's 9 .30. 20 00:00:40,900 --> 00:00:43,600 I didn't say he was... sleeping. 21 00:00:45,520 --> 00:00:46,740 Oh. Hello, 22 00:00:48,460 --> 00:00:50,700 Saturdays. Hello, what Saturdays? 23 00:00:51,040 --> 00:00:52,140 Eh, you know. 24 00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:53,560 Mike, do you mind? 25 00:00:53,740 --> 00:00:55,280 Mike, I haven't heard a word from him. 26 00:00:56,620 --> 00:00:59,000 What are you guys talking about? Ben, go back to your cartoon. 27 00:00:59,340 --> 00:01:00,360 They're not my cartoons. 28 00:01:00,860 --> 00:01:02,960 If it was up to me, I'd be up to here on the blonde division. 29 00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:05,000 Now, what are Mom and Dad doing upstairs? 30 00:01:05,500 --> 00:01:06,620 You seriously don't know? 31 00:01:07,340 --> 00:01:08,340 Come on, Ben. 32 00:01:08,840 --> 00:01:09,840 Chrissy? 33 00:01:10,040 --> 00:01:11,040 We've met. 34 00:01:12,140 --> 00:01:14,120 We know what we're talking about. 35 00:01:15,180 --> 00:01:19,700 Look, Ben, what do little hornballs your age think of every waking moment of 36 00:01:19,700 --> 00:01:20,458 their lives? 37 00:01:20,460 --> 00:01:21,460 Food. 38 00:01:22,920 --> 00:01:24,660 Hey, she took my answer. 39 00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:27,840 I think it's safe to let go of Chrissy's ears. 40 00:01:29,180 --> 00:01:30,180 No, food. 41 00:01:30,650 --> 00:01:31,650 I want to sit there. 42 00:01:36,770 --> 00:01:38,510 That makes you want to puke, huh? 43 00:01:40,830 --> 00:01:42,130 So stupid. 44 00:01:42,550 --> 00:01:43,550 So he knows, too. 45 00:02:56,430 --> 00:02:58,170 It sure won't be a year until I come back. 46 00:02:58,490 --> 00:02:59,610 What are you after, Mike? 47 00:03:01,030 --> 00:03:04,550 Come on, you actually think that I'm saying all this just to hit you up for a 48 00:03:04,550 --> 00:03:05,429 few dollars? 49 00:03:05,430 --> 00:03:06,430 How few? 50 00:03:06,670 --> 00:03:07,670 Two hundred. 51 00:03:07,950 --> 00:03:09,470 Peg and I want to go in on a beach house. 52 00:03:09,730 --> 00:03:12,170 Where? Well, it kind of depends on how this goes. 53 00:03:12,550 --> 00:03:13,810 You're nowhere near there. 54 00:03:55,429 --> 00:03:56,429 Happens occasionally. 55 00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:58,570 And you were coming up to her. 56 00:03:58,930 --> 00:04:00,390 Oh, come on. Are you kidding? 57 00:04:00,790 --> 00:04:02,610 I barely noticed she was attractive. 58 00:04:03,030 --> 00:04:04,030 Oh, come on, Dad. 59 00:04:04,110 --> 00:04:07,290 You're doing exactly what I do with women. Only not nearly as well. 60 00:04:08,490 --> 00:04:11,450 I don't know what you're talking about, Mike. I was just being nice to her. 61 00:04:11,550 --> 00:04:12,550 Mike! 62 00:04:12,870 --> 00:04:13,950 Dad, you were flirting. 63 00:04:14,810 --> 00:04:15,910 And you're a married man. 64 00:04:16,670 --> 00:04:19,350 Since when did being married mean you couldn't talk to a woman? 65 00:04:20,170 --> 00:04:23,730 Dad, I'm not saying that. All I'm saying is that for just $200... 66 00:04:24,390 --> 00:04:25,970 My mom may never have to answer that question. 67 00:04:27,610 --> 00:04:28,730 Mike, Mike. 68 00:04:29,170 --> 00:04:34,030 You know, you have no idea, no clue what a worthwhile relationship is all about. 69 00:04:34,750 --> 00:04:41,630 175. For your information, not only would your mother not mind if a young 70 00:04:41,630 --> 00:04:46,870 and I shot the breeze, but it is my opinion, and this is my professional gut 71 00:04:46,870 --> 00:04:50,110 instinct now, my guess is your mother would think it's kind of cute. 72 00:04:50,690 --> 00:04:52,210 Cute? Yeah, cute. 73 00:04:52,970 --> 00:04:57,910 Guess what happened? You see, when your mom sees me, you know, kind of... 74 00:04:57,910 --> 00:05:03,110 Shooting the breeze? Shooting the breeze with another woman, it reminds her that 75 00:05:03,110 --> 00:05:05,570 I belong to her and she has something of value. 76 00:05:09,470 --> 00:05:11,050 115, this never happened. 77 00:05:26,990 --> 00:05:28,190 to be entertaining Chrissy. 78 00:05:28,590 --> 00:05:29,590 I am. 79 00:05:29,770 --> 00:05:32,950 Ben, the commercial's over. You're missing a blonde pyramid. 80 00:05:33,910 --> 00:05:35,330 It's okay. I'm taping it. 81 00:05:39,250 --> 00:05:40,250 Is anything wrong? 82 00:05:41,010 --> 00:05:42,010 No. 83 00:05:42,570 --> 00:05:44,030 Did you want to talk about something? 84 00:05:44,490 --> 00:05:46,350 Did you want to talk to me about something? 85 00:05:48,090 --> 00:05:51,770 Ben, you have a problem. You look more lost and confused than usual. 86 00:05:52,470 --> 00:05:53,630 Let's just say I'm stunned. 87 00:05:56,980 --> 00:05:59,460 Nothing I can talk to you about. I need my space. 88 00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:04,960 Well, okay. Well, whenever you want to talk about whatever's on your mind, I'm 89 00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:05,960 available. 90 00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:07,180 That's what I hear. 91 00:06:10,280 --> 00:06:11,680 Ben, Ben, come here. 92 00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:14,920 You know, honey, you can ask me anything. 93 00:06:15,140 --> 00:06:16,340 I was once your age. 94 00:06:16,660 --> 00:06:19,300 I was once a confused kid with bad skin, too. 95 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:22,000 My skin. 96 00:06:22,240 --> 00:06:24,800 Oh, nothing, sweetheart. I just meant I'm human. 97 00:06:29,020 --> 00:06:31,380 Human? She's human? Since when? 98 00:06:42,240 --> 00:06:43,240 She's human. 99 00:06:44,180 --> 00:06:45,180 Or dead. 100 00:06:46,680 --> 00:06:47,840 They have needs. 101 00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:52,920 They take their pants off one leg at a time. 102 00:06:56,280 --> 00:06:57,660 Parents are people. 103 00:07:11,039 --> 00:07:14,860 Ben, how dare you have our little sister watch a blonde pyramid? 104 00:07:45,130 --> 00:07:48,470 I don't know why you weren't as nice to the towel guy as you were to the juice 105 00:07:48,470 --> 00:07:49,470 bunny. 106 00:07:49,810 --> 00:07:51,350 Okay, okay, all right, I admit. 107 00:07:51,670 --> 00:07:55,810 Maybe I was a little nicer to the juice girl than I was to the towel guy. I 108 00:07:55,810 --> 00:07:59,270 don't think your mother would mind that I'm a little nicer to people who are a 109 00:07:59,270 --> 00:08:00,270 little nicer to me. 110 00:08:00,630 --> 00:08:01,630 Enough said. 111 00:08:04,370 --> 00:08:06,210 Oh, like Mom's dumb enough to buy that. 112 00:08:06,810 --> 00:08:08,090 Mom's dumb enough to buy what? 113 00:08:08,830 --> 00:08:09,809 Hi, Daddy! 114 00:08:09,810 --> 00:08:10,810 Hiya, sweetheart. 115 00:08:13,520 --> 00:08:15,040 Isn't that a bit too much makeup? 116 00:08:15,640 --> 00:08:16,900 Don't change the subject. 117 00:08:17,180 --> 00:08:20,980 Mom's dumb enough to buy one. I'm glad you're here, Maggie. I need you to help 118 00:08:20,980 --> 00:08:22,400 me demonstrate something to the boy. 119 00:08:22,620 --> 00:08:26,520 Okay. Seems that Mike here has the mistaken impression that you as a woman 120 00:08:26,520 --> 00:08:29,160 be upset if I as a man were to speak to another woman. 121 00:08:30,020 --> 00:08:31,020 Speak? 122 00:08:32,620 --> 00:08:35,080 Pardon me? 123 00:08:35,480 --> 00:08:37,919 Nothing, honey. Mike, come on. All we did was talk. 124 00:08:38,320 --> 00:08:39,320 Oh, who? 125 00:08:39,539 --> 00:08:42,320 Well, apparently she likes to talk with her hands. Who? 126 00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:47,500 pat at my stomach and tap at my chest. 127 00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:49,440 And grab at your butt. 128 00:08:51,160 --> 00:08:52,160 Well, 129 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:54,300 who are you talking about? 130 00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:56,720 Gretchen. Oh, Gretchen. 131 00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:59,960 Who in the hell is Gretchen and where did she grab you again? 132 00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:02,200 In the gym. 133 00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:07,380 Because the mistaken impression that you as a woman would be upset if I as a 134 00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:09,240 man... Jason, just tell me what you're trying to say. 135 00:09:09,580 --> 00:09:12,220 Yeah, Dad, I'd kind of like to hear how you explain this babe, too. 136 00:09:13,020 --> 00:09:17,260 Listen, let's not be chauvinistic here. A babe did not grab me, Mike. 137 00:09:17,480 --> 00:09:18,480 A woman did. 138 00:09:20,380 --> 00:09:21,380 What? 139 00:09:22,540 --> 00:09:24,680 And I think we could have avoided all this ugliness. 140 00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:30,900 That's not fair. Now, all I did was be nice to her. You know that. How nice? 141 00:09:31,469 --> 00:09:35,110 Let me put it this way. I was basically the same to the towel guy. 142 00:09:36,010 --> 00:09:39,090 Come on, Dad. The towel guy didn't pat you on the behind. 143 00:09:40,390 --> 00:09:42,010 He could have. Nobody was stopping. 144 00:09:43,730 --> 00:09:49,150 Now, wait a minute. Wait a minute. It's very simple. I was judged as a man to a 145 00:09:49,150 --> 00:09:50,510 woman. Not you, Jason. 146 00:09:50,850 --> 00:09:52,210 Mike? Come on. 147 00:09:53,110 --> 00:09:55,530 This babe, goose dad. 148 00:09:58,090 --> 00:10:00,250 This is such an exaggeration. 149 00:10:00,910 --> 00:10:04,790 It was totally innocent, and it all developed out of a conversation about my 150 00:10:04,790 --> 00:10:05,790 body. 151 00:10:08,750 --> 00:10:12,730 And I bet your dad went, well, hello there. 152 00:10:15,190 --> 00:10:16,370 You know me too well. 153 00:10:16,610 --> 00:10:20,630 You really don't mind, do you? 154 00:10:21,630 --> 00:10:25,630 And we hope that someday you will have a mature relationship like your mom and I 155 00:10:25,630 --> 00:10:26,630 do. 156 00:10:26,650 --> 00:10:27,670 Well, I don't. 157 00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:31,200 This is kind of sick. 158 00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:35,580 I mean, if... Mom, if I had a husband and he was flirting around with other 159 00:10:35,580 --> 00:10:36,620 women, I would be pretty upset. 160 00:10:37,120 --> 00:10:38,120 So would we. 161 00:10:41,300 --> 00:10:43,260 How can you think this is cute? 162 00:10:43,700 --> 00:10:48,360 Pardon me? Well, yeah, Dad thinks that you think it's cute when he flirts with 163 00:10:48,360 --> 00:10:50,620 other women because it makes you feel like a lucky dog. 164 00:10:53,640 --> 00:10:56,540 Hey, Dad, why don't you give Mom a real hoot and take this babe out for a spin? 165 00:10:59,790 --> 00:11:01,430 Boy, he's got a lot to learn, huh? 166 00:11:08,350 --> 00:11:10,770 Maggie, dinner reservation's in ten minutes. 167 00:11:11,410 --> 00:11:13,510 Carol, make sure Christy's in bed by eight. 168 00:11:14,190 --> 00:11:15,870 Nine. 8 .15. 169 00:11:16,190 --> 00:11:17,190 8 .45. 170 00:11:17,310 --> 00:11:18,310 8 .30. 171 00:11:18,530 --> 00:11:19,530 Done. 172 00:11:20,650 --> 00:11:22,030 I'm getting too old for this. 173 00:11:22,530 --> 00:11:24,550 Hey, Dad, am I still covered by your auto insurance? 174 00:11:24,910 --> 00:11:27,190 Yeah. Good. What good? Why? No, no, no. 175 00:11:27,410 --> 00:11:28,610 I didn't get in an accident. 176 00:11:29,070 --> 00:11:32,210 Well, since I'm financially unable to afford a beach house, I'm going to be 177 00:11:32,210 --> 00:11:34,290 doing a lot of driving this summer. Sorry, I add. 178 00:11:35,490 --> 00:11:36,910 Reservations in eight minutes, Maggie. 179 00:11:38,010 --> 00:11:39,610 So, you're all dressed up. 180 00:11:39,930 --> 00:11:42,370 Yeah, taking your mother out for a little dinner this evening. 181 00:11:42,650 --> 00:11:43,870 In your groveling suits? 182 00:11:44,330 --> 00:11:47,850 I'm not groveling. This isn't groveling. No, I just carefully planned a 183 00:11:47,850 --> 00:11:48,850 spontaneous evening. 184 00:11:49,070 --> 00:11:51,230 Well, Mom must be pretty upset about your flirting, huh? 185 00:11:51,550 --> 00:11:53,250 No, she isn't, and I didn't. 186 00:11:53,690 --> 00:11:56,450 You know, women can be strange, that's all. I mean, who knows what's really the 187 00:11:56,450 --> 00:11:59,890 matter. Maybe one of her dresses didn't fit this morning. Maybe it's the age 188 00:11:59,890 --> 00:12:02,490 thing. Maybe she just feels her best years are behind her. 189 00:12:03,010 --> 00:12:05,750 Maybe... Maybe it's my marriage. 190 00:12:06,390 --> 00:12:11,850 Maybe... Mike, don't ever talk to me again. 191 00:12:13,050 --> 00:12:14,530 I mean, ever. Ever. 192 00:12:15,510 --> 00:12:17,770 An excellent choice of wine. Thank you, Marcus. 193 00:12:18,150 --> 00:12:19,150 Enjoy. 194 00:12:19,810 --> 00:12:21,130 Isn't it fun to spend money? 195 00:12:22,860 --> 00:12:24,540 I may even order soup tonight. 196 00:12:25,360 --> 00:12:27,880 Good idea, though. You and I being out alone, don't you think? 197 00:12:28,100 --> 00:12:31,840 Just a spur of the moment kind of thing. A special occasion with no special 198 00:12:31,840 --> 00:12:32,840 occasion. 199 00:12:33,020 --> 00:12:36,660 I just wanted a chance to tell you how I truly feel about you. I'm happy. 200 00:12:37,880 --> 00:12:40,160 And you're beautiful. Did I mention that? 201 00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:41,539 Sixteen times. 202 00:12:41,540 --> 00:12:43,440 Well, I deserve a seventeen. You are beautiful. 203 00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:45,620 Well, thank you again. 204 00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:47,160 Again. 205 00:12:48,220 --> 00:12:50,480 So, what shall we start off with, my dear? 206 00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:52,820 Well, everything looks so good. 207 00:12:53,660 --> 00:12:54,660 Oh, 208 00:12:55,180 --> 00:12:57,600 I think I'll have the goose liver pate. 209 00:12:58,720 --> 00:13:00,680 Fine, okay. All right, all right. Let's just deal with it. 210 00:13:02,420 --> 00:13:04,560 What? Goose, Maggie's head goose. 211 00:13:06,900 --> 00:13:08,880 We know what you're aiming at here, Maggie. Come on. 212 00:13:09,500 --> 00:13:10,960 Jason, what in the world are you talking about? 213 00:13:11,260 --> 00:13:12,960 What am I talking about, Maggie? 214 00:13:15,660 --> 00:13:17,120 Pate, the goose pate. 215 00:13:19,940 --> 00:13:20,739 Let's see. 216 00:13:20,740 --> 00:13:22,020 Stuffed chicken breast? 217 00:13:23,020 --> 00:13:24,020 No. 218 00:13:25,040 --> 00:13:27,620 See, oh, lobster with drawn butter. That's a possibility. 219 00:13:28,680 --> 00:13:29,680 Very smooth. 220 00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:31,200 What? 221 00:13:31,340 --> 00:13:34,740 Maggie, come on. You've been on my back ever since Mike told you about the gym. 222 00:13:35,220 --> 00:13:36,400 Jason, I haven't said a word. 223 00:13:36,680 --> 00:13:39,060 Well, you don't say a word louder than any woman I know. 224 00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:43,840 Jason. Maggie, you mean you just didn't use those words on purpose? Come on. 225 00:13:44,140 --> 00:13:45,460 Goose. Breast. 226 00:13:46,160 --> 00:13:47,160 Drawn butter. 227 00:13:47,820 --> 00:13:49,360 Drawn butter? That's right. Butt. 228 00:13:54,649 --> 00:13:59,530 If you got something to say, just say it, honey. Honey, it's okay. I 229 00:13:59,610 --> 00:14:00,850 I am not upset. 230 00:14:01,850 --> 00:14:02,609 You're not? 231 00:14:02,610 --> 00:14:03,610 No. 232 00:14:03,850 --> 00:14:04,850 Okay. 233 00:14:05,290 --> 00:14:06,290 Too odd. 234 00:14:07,590 --> 00:14:09,250 Just don't do your flirting around me. 235 00:14:09,630 --> 00:14:11,250 Maggie, I wasn't flirting. 236 00:14:11,810 --> 00:14:14,650 Then what would you call it? I don't know, but I didn't flirt. 237 00:14:14,850 --> 00:14:18,110 Okay, honey, how would you like it if I didn't flirt like you didn't flirt? 238 00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:22,660 I wouldn't mind at all. Oh, you wouldn't mind if I said to the waiter, nice 239 00:14:22,660 --> 00:14:23,660 buns? 240 00:14:23,780 --> 00:14:24,780 Why, thank you. 241 00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:27,480 You're welcome. 242 00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:31,240 Isn't walking around saying that kind of thing to women make it? Because I'm 243 00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:32,800 not. Well, Jason, they're saying it to you. 244 00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:35,540 Why, do you think it's easy walking around with a rear end like this? 245 00:14:36,700 --> 00:14:39,040 With this jocularity, a good time will grow. 246 00:14:40,060 --> 00:14:44,200 Fine. Fine. We won't have a serious conversation about your middle -aged 247 00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:45,200 insecurity. 248 00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:47,200 I'm not middle -aged. 249 00:14:48,259 --> 00:14:49,940 Oh, you plan to live to be 86? 250 00:14:51,740 --> 00:14:52,740 Not happily. 251 00:14:53,980 --> 00:14:57,760 Maggie, come on. I've known men who flirt. I've seen men flirt. I've even 252 00:14:57,760 --> 00:14:59,140 fella or two flirt with me, okay? 253 00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:01,680 And I'm telling you, what I do is not flirting. 254 00:15:02,520 --> 00:15:04,420 Fine. If you can live with that. 255 00:15:09,550 --> 00:15:14,770 If I make eye contact with a woman and I intimate that maybe I would like to be 256 00:15:14,770 --> 00:15:19,830 intimate and then she... There's some intimacy that... There's some... 257 00:15:19,830 --> 00:15:26,410 Where was I? Oh, Jason. No, I was not flirting. See, that was 258 00:15:26,410 --> 00:15:29,430 noticing, Maggie. I am a doctor. She was very healthy. 259 00:15:31,850 --> 00:15:34,370 Jason, for me, can't you at least apologize? 260 00:15:34,970 --> 00:15:36,690 Okay, I'm sorry. I am sorry. 261 00:15:37,900 --> 00:15:41,360 And as soon as I figure out what I did wrong, I'll never do it again. Now, 262 00:15:41,360 --> 00:15:42,360 see. 263 00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:43,960 Let's dance. 264 00:15:50,940 --> 00:15:53,900 But, Carol, if Mom and Dad are just people, then this changes everything. 265 00:15:54,340 --> 00:15:55,340 There's a thought there, Ben. 266 00:15:56,160 --> 00:15:57,700 Carol, you're not listening to me. 267 00:15:57,960 --> 00:15:59,140 There's a thought there, Ben. 268 00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:00,680 Carol! 269 00:16:01,940 --> 00:16:04,600 Okay. Of course they're people, Ben. Look. 270 00:16:05,320 --> 00:16:09,220 These may be giant discoveries for someone with a sloped forehead. 271 00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:14,460 But they don't interest me. I had these thoughts when I was six. 272 00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:19,880 You mean you knew Mom and Dad were human beings all along and you never told me? 273 00:16:21,160 --> 00:16:22,480 Would you have believed me? 274 00:16:23,920 --> 00:16:24,920 No. 275 00:16:26,020 --> 00:16:27,540 So Dad's just like me? 276 00:16:28,580 --> 00:16:29,580 Unfortunately. 277 00:16:30,360 --> 00:16:32,660 So you've actually seen the magazines under his bed? 278 00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:40,160 Chrissy up so we can do a happy dance that we're girls. 279 00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:46,880 Good night, Ben. 280 00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:51,080 Mom and I are a little tired, so we're just going to go up to bed. 281 00:17:12,040 --> 00:17:14,940 You minded me doing the lumbata with a handsome young man? 282 00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:18,079 Maggie, there was no dance floor. 283 00:17:19,380 --> 00:17:22,260 And just to be picky about it, there was no music. 284 00:17:23,619 --> 00:17:24,619 There wasn't? 285 00:17:25,619 --> 00:17:29,040 And for your information, the lumbata is a forbidden dance. 286 00:17:33,300 --> 00:17:34,760 This is the thanks I get, Maggie? 287 00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:39,500 I have been true to you for every second of the 22 years we've been married, 288 00:17:39,580 --> 00:17:43,160 Maggie. And I can say this to you. I've never had a serious thought. I can say 289 00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:46,660 this. I have never had a serious thought about cheating on you. 290 00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:49,260 Well, then let's deal with your frivolous thoughts. 291 00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:51,320 I'm disappointed in you, Maggie. 292 00:17:51,660 --> 00:17:53,340 Oh, you're disappointed in me? 293 00:17:53,660 --> 00:17:57,320 Yeah. After all these years of you saying you don't mind if I exchange 294 00:17:57,320 --> 00:18:00,860 pleasantries with a young woman, now I found out you were lying. 295 00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:03,740 What else have you withheld on me, Maggie? 296 00:18:05,610 --> 00:18:09,050 It wouldn't be too much trouble. Could we please deal first with your midlife 297 00:18:09,050 --> 00:18:10,610 crisis before we deal with your insanity? 298 00:18:10,950 --> 00:18:11,950 Oh, yeah. 299 00:18:12,010 --> 00:18:15,610 Oh, yeah, just as long as we keep enough time open to deal with your outrageous 300 00:18:15,610 --> 00:18:17,670 behavior at that expensive restaurant. 301 00:18:18,170 --> 00:18:22,390 There were no bottoms grabbed except when the dance called for it. 302 00:18:24,210 --> 00:18:26,470 Well, I didn't do anything of it. All right. 303 00:18:26,990 --> 00:18:30,010 Oh, Maggie, come on, look at the subconscious facts here. 304 00:18:30,510 --> 00:18:36,150 I talk to a woman your height, your hair color, your eye color, except a little 305 00:18:36,150 --> 00:18:38,950 flecks of amber in hers. So what does that tell you? 306 00:18:40,490 --> 00:18:43,910 It tells me that you were too stinking close to her. 307 00:18:44,450 --> 00:18:49,070 No, baby, what it says is symbolically I'm really flirting with you. 308 00:18:49,850 --> 00:18:52,030 Not only should you not be mad, you should be honored. 309 00:18:53,210 --> 00:18:54,610 I should have listened to Oprah. 310 00:18:55,430 --> 00:18:59,030 I mean, you can't count on a marriage even when it has lasted for 22 years and 311 00:18:59,030 --> 00:19:00,030 four months. 312 00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:02,280 Oprah didn't do a show on that. 313 00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:06,800 Her point being that a woman shouldn't trust her marriage when it's built on 314 00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:08,980 fragile psyche of the aging male. 315 00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:11,740 Oh, yeah? Well, what does Phil Donahue say? 316 00:19:12,120 --> 00:19:16,740 Oh, Jason, what's wrong with me? 317 00:19:17,440 --> 00:19:19,600 What makes you think anything's wrong with you, Maggie? 318 00:19:20,500 --> 00:19:21,980 Don't I excite you anymore? 319 00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:23,560 Not anymore. 320 00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:25,320 Not any less, either. 321 00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:28,000 Oh, where does he come up with these? 322 00:19:28,980 --> 00:19:29,980 Admit it, Jason. 323 00:19:30,300 --> 00:19:34,480 You find a 20 -year -old woman with a fully conditioned body and beautiful 324 00:19:34,480 --> 00:19:35,480 and eyes attractive. 325 00:19:35,660 --> 00:19:39,360 Oh, Maggie, sweetheart, what do I need with a beautiful woman when I've got 326 00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:45,700 I mean, you are so beautiful. You're just, you know, you're not young. You're 327 00:19:45,700 --> 00:19:48,120 not old. I don't mean that. Oh, save it, Jason. 328 00:19:49,360 --> 00:19:52,720 Don't you see what happened today was simply a reflection of your subconscious 329 00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:53,720 need? 330 00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:56,840 No, sweetheart, I don't. I'll tell you what I do see. 331 00:19:57,710 --> 00:20:01,130 I see a woman going through a middle -aged crisis for no reason whatsoever. 332 00:20:03,410 --> 00:20:06,950 You really don't think I have a reason? Honey, come on. You're gorgeous. 333 00:20:07,550 --> 00:20:10,250 You're intelligent. You're better today than the day I met you. 334 00:20:10,990 --> 00:20:11,990 Oh, Jesus. 335 00:20:12,030 --> 00:20:13,930 So why are we arguing? I don't remember. 336 00:20:14,650 --> 00:20:16,170 Good. Oh, yes, I do. 337 00:20:18,710 --> 00:20:21,910 Honey, it's not your flirting. It's your attitude. 338 00:20:22,150 --> 00:20:26,700 It's your unrelenting sureness that you have done nothing wrong. Are you sure? 339 00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:29,640 Are you sure about that? Because I thought what I'm... Doesn't matter what 340 00:20:30,700 --> 00:20:32,560 Jason, you just don't get it, do you? 341 00:20:33,460 --> 00:20:35,120 Maggie, tell me what you want. 342 00:20:35,360 --> 00:20:36,640 I want you to have some guilt. 343 00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:37,880 Done. 344 00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:41,880 And some awareness, too. You got it, Maggie. 345 00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:44,380 Jason, sometimes you are so thick. 346 00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:48,640 I mean, whether you flirted or not, right or wrong, think for a second. 347 00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:53,800 If it might appear to me for one moment that you might have flirted, then how 348 00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:54,800 would I feel? 349 00:21:09,610 --> 00:21:14,070 So if you thought that nothing was something, even if nothing was nothing, 350 00:21:14,070 --> 00:21:19,150 the fact that you think that nothing was something means I hurt you. 351 00:21:22,650 --> 00:21:24,550 Peggy, I'm a slope -headed jerk. 352 00:21:25,730 --> 00:21:27,150 I feel terrible. 353 00:21:27,490 --> 00:21:28,490 It's great. 354 00:21:28,710 --> 00:21:30,430 You think it's great I feel terrible? 355 00:21:30,730 --> 00:21:31,730 Yes, I do. 356 00:21:33,230 --> 00:21:36,490 How could I be so insensitive? I am the worst person. 357 00:21:37,630 --> 00:21:38,770 Please forgive me. 358 00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:40,240 I think it's okay. 359 00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:41,560 How can it be okay? 360 00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:47,820 Because I just found out that your midlife crisis is worse than my midlife 361 00:21:47,820 --> 00:21:48,820 crisis. 362 00:21:51,740 --> 00:21:54,860 You know, somewhere in the world, it is still Saturday morning. 363 00:22:01,160 --> 00:22:03,800 Your parents don't mind us taking all this food? 364 00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:06,020 Oh, no. Just as long as I don't touch their fiber. 365 00:22:10,669 --> 00:22:12,630 Mom, meet Gretchen. Hi. 366 00:22:13,110 --> 00:22:14,630 I feel like I already have. 367 00:22:15,970 --> 00:22:17,230 Damn, they are Amber. 368 00:22:18,950 --> 00:22:19,950 One star. 369 00:22:20,410 --> 00:22:21,269 Well, hi. 370 00:22:21,270 --> 00:22:22,630 Hi. Get out. 371 00:22:25,950 --> 00:22:27,450 Okay, we'll see you later. 372 00:22:28,210 --> 00:22:29,570 Nice to meet you, Mrs. 373 00:22:29,850 --> 00:22:30,850 Fever. 374 00:22:31,450 --> 00:22:32,450 You know what's funny? 375 00:22:32,930 --> 00:22:36,170 Before you called me up for a date, I never had a clue your dad was married. 376 00:22:41,130 --> 00:22:42,130 She could have asked. 377 00:22:57,550 --> 00:23:01,310 Next week on Growing Pains, don't miss a one -hour Halloween special. 378 00:23:01,550 --> 00:23:06,490 Join us for tricks, treats, and really scary stories at a special time, 8 379 00:23:06,490 --> 00:23:08,110 Eastern and Pacific, 7 Central. 380 00:23:08,610 --> 00:23:12,350 I'm talking about... Really scary story. 381 00:23:13,030 --> 00:23:14,030 How? 382 00:23:15,610 --> 00:23:19,390 Don't forget Halloween with the Seavers, 8 Eastern and Pacific, 7 Central.