1
00:00:02,059 --> 00:00:02,939
Great, Stinky.

2
00:00:02,940 --> 00:00:05,780
I'll meet you at the mall in 20 minutes.
I'll be in women's underwear.

3
00:00:07,740 --> 00:00:10,520
No, I didn't get permission yet, but
don't worry. It's no sweat.

4
00:00:11,980 --> 00:00:14,320
Betty, excuse me, women's underwear?

5
00:00:15,300 --> 00:00:16,300
Hey!

6
00:00:16,740 --> 00:00:19,620
What's that for? I'm not going to be
wearing it. I'm just going to be in the

7
00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:20,620
women's underwear department.

8
00:00:20,920 --> 00:00:21,920
Oh, and that makes it okay?

9
00:00:22,520 --> 00:00:27,160
Hey! Come on, Mike. Me and Stinky are
just going down to the mall to get our

10
00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:28,320
ears pierced in ladies' jewelry.

11
00:00:32,299 --> 00:00:33,660
A lot of guys get their ears pierced
now.

12
00:00:33,920 --> 00:00:35,560
I know. I just like smacking you around.

13
00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:38,200
Cut it out.

14
00:00:38,280 --> 00:00:40,420
I gotta stay cool for when I ask Mom for
permission.

15
00:00:41,260 --> 00:00:42,260
Mom?

16
00:00:42,380 --> 00:00:44,780
Benny, look, you've got a better shot at
getting permission to wear women's

17
00:00:44,780 --> 00:00:45,780
underwear.

18
00:00:46,060 --> 00:00:46,999
You think so?

19
00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:50,560
Oh, Benny, the woman has no sense of
humor. I mean, if you even ask her,

20
00:00:50,560 --> 00:00:52,820
probably wash something out with soap.
Your mouth, if you're lucky.

21
00:00:53,640 --> 00:00:55,600
No, no, no. See, Mike, you don't get it.

22
00:00:56,040 --> 00:01:01,440
I didn't want to have to tell you this,
but... Well, I am the woman's favorite

23
00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:02,760
child. She told me so.

24
00:01:03,020 --> 00:01:05,640
Oh, come on, Benny. She tells every one
of us that, and we're supposed to keep

25
00:01:05,640 --> 00:01:06,640
it some big secret.

26
00:01:07,640 --> 00:01:08,640
Oh, no.

27
00:01:08,780 --> 00:01:11,260
Look, take my advice. Ask Dad to get
your ear pierced.

28
00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:12,640
And he'll say yes?

29
00:01:12,780 --> 00:01:16,680
Oh, not a shot. He'll say, Son, is this
really what you want?

30
00:01:17,040 --> 00:01:18,040
I think not.

31
00:01:19,960 --> 00:01:21,160
Then how is that better?

32
00:01:21,480 --> 00:01:24,240
Because for a long time, you guys can
discuss it.

33
00:01:24,570 --> 00:01:27,610
And as you discuss it, you can bring up
a couple of other things that you want,

34
00:01:27,670 --> 00:01:31,710
like a leather jacket or some boots with
metal toes on them, and then Dad will

35
00:01:31,710 --> 00:01:34,950
feel so bad about saying no to the
earrings that he'll cave on that.

36
00:01:36,090 --> 00:01:37,430
You've actually tried this?

37
00:01:40,530 --> 00:01:41,530
Um,

38
00:01:43,030 --> 00:01:46,530
thanks for the advice, Mike, but I think
I'll work my magic with Mom.

39
00:01:46,810 --> 00:01:49,350
Benny, I'm telling you... Hello, Mother.

40
00:01:49,650 --> 00:01:50,650
Hi, Benny.

41
00:01:50,810 --> 00:01:53,210
Mike. Uh, me and Stinky are going down
to the mall.

42
00:01:53,430 --> 00:01:54,169
Oh, fine.

43
00:01:54,170 --> 00:01:55,170
Be back by dinner.

44
00:01:55,370 --> 00:01:57,750
Fine. Oh, there it is.

45
00:01:58,250 --> 00:01:59,890
I'm gonna get my ear pierced if that's
okay.

46
00:02:00,270 --> 00:02:01,270
Fine.

47
00:02:04,210 --> 00:02:07,570
Well, Mike, I guess we know she was
lying to one of us when she said he was

48
00:02:07,570 --> 00:02:08,570
favorite child.

49
00:02:09,350 --> 00:02:11,050
Get your ear pierced.

50
00:02:11,690 --> 00:02:12,690
Uh, yeah.

51
00:02:12,790 --> 00:02:13,790
Right, Benny.

52
00:02:14,310 --> 00:02:15,510
In your dream.

53
00:02:22,410 --> 00:02:23,410
Don't waste another.

54
00:03:22,480 --> 00:03:25,640
Dad, I am not going to have a child of
mine defiguring his face for fashion.

55
00:03:26,940 --> 00:03:27,960
That's what I told him.

56
00:03:29,100 --> 00:03:32,280
Mike, what do you have to do with this?
Oh, I'm just here to help, Mom. I mean,

57
00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:34,940
if you need the kids smacked around a
little bit, I'm happy to serve.

58
00:03:36,160 --> 00:03:37,160
Hi, everybody.

59
00:03:37,420 --> 00:03:39,960
Dad, will you tell Mom it's just a small
hole that can grow shut?

60
00:03:40,980 --> 00:03:41,980
Home.

61
00:03:42,760 --> 00:03:46,340
Plus, all the other guys are getting
them. And I suppose if all the other

62
00:03:46,340 --> 00:03:48,000
were wearing women's underwear, you
would, too?

63
00:03:49,940 --> 00:03:50,940
Welcome home, Pop.

64
00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:52,209
What's all this? Elizabeth.

65
00:03:52,210 --> 00:03:54,650
The lad wants to get his low blanced.
His what?

66
00:03:55,010 --> 00:03:58,090
My ear pierced. I mean, if I don't have
an earring, all the guys are going to

67
00:03:58,090 --> 00:03:58,929
think I'm a sissy.

68
00:03:58,930 --> 00:04:00,810
And don't say I'd be disfiguring my
face.

69
00:04:01,050 --> 00:04:04,110
Oh, come on, Ben. When I say something
ridiculous like that... Uh, Jason.

70
00:04:04,350 --> 00:04:05,109
One second.

71
00:04:05,110 --> 00:04:07,530
One second, honey. Ben, we ought to
discuss this.

72
00:04:08,150 --> 00:04:10,690
Perfect. Let's talk man -to -man in the
kitchen.

73
00:04:12,410 --> 00:04:15,430
Jason. Don't worry, honey. Don't worry.
I'll nip this in the bud. I bet you

74
00:04:15,430 --> 00:04:18,950
should jump in and take over like that.
I mean, I was doing just fine.

75
00:04:19,829 --> 00:04:22,630
Honey, I'm sorry. I was just... Well, I
know what you were doing, and for the

76
00:04:22,630 --> 00:04:25,970
last five years, it was your job to do
it. But I am home now to deal with the

77
00:04:25,970 --> 00:04:29,470
kids' everyday problems, and you're out
there working, so let me deal with the

78
00:04:29,470 --> 00:04:30,510
kids' everyday problems.

79
00:04:30,750 --> 00:04:34,290
Okay. Okay. Sorry, I didn't know you
felt this strongly about it. Well, I do.

80
00:04:35,210 --> 00:04:37,250
Fine, fine. I'm backing off. Good.

81
00:04:37,730 --> 00:04:38,730
Thanks.

82
00:04:42,150 --> 00:04:45,230
Dad? Mike, I don't know what you're
going to say. No, but Dad, I... Save it.

83
00:04:45,230 --> 00:04:47,610
Save it. It's not what it looks like,
okay? I'm not whipped.

84
00:04:51,510 --> 00:04:55,650
with your mother's position here. She
wants me to step aside so she can do the

85
00:04:55,650 --> 00:04:58,670
parenting in this case, and that's very
important for her own self -worth.

86
00:04:59,990 --> 00:05:01,490
I was just going to ask you about some
money.

87
00:05:03,630 --> 00:05:10,590
I thought you wanted to talk about...
What do

88
00:05:10,590 --> 00:05:11,069
you say?

89
00:05:11,070 --> 00:05:12,070
Nah, nah.

90
00:05:13,790 --> 00:05:15,370
Where do you get these ideas?

91
00:05:15,710 --> 00:05:19,100
From now on... I'm going to have to keep
a much closer eye on your friends, your

92
00:05:19,100 --> 00:05:23,800
TV viewing habits, your record albums,
and maybe I'll even monitor a phone call

93
00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:24,800
or two.

94
00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:27,660
Ben, you've had far too much freedom,
and it's coming to a halt.

95
00:05:28,940 --> 00:05:30,080
Dad coming in soon?

96
00:05:32,480 --> 00:05:35,820
No, Ben, I am handling this, not your
father.

97
00:05:36,300 --> 00:05:37,300
Yes, ma 'am.

98
00:05:39,880 --> 00:05:43,700
Gee, and I was just telling Stinky how
you're so understanding, and you're so

99
00:05:43,700 --> 00:05:44,900
much better than Dad is.

100
00:05:45,450 --> 00:05:46,750
Don't try to con me.

101
00:05:47,630 --> 00:05:48,630
Really?

102
00:05:49,490 --> 00:05:52,870
No, no, Ben. Getting the earring is just
not something I'm going to allow you to

103
00:05:52,870 --> 00:05:56,070
do. But you have your ears pierced,
right? Yes, I do. And so does Terrell,

104
00:05:56,150 --> 00:05:57,870
right? Yes, but that's nothing. So
there's no sexism.

105
00:05:58,890 --> 00:06:02,590
Sexism? Yeah, it means making a
decision. I know what it means, Ben.

106
00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:04,850
Nice try, but uh -uh.

107
00:06:05,450 --> 00:06:08,090
Well, can I at least go down to the mall
and tell Stinky I'm not allowed?

108
00:06:09,370 --> 00:06:10,410
Stinky's already there?

109
00:06:10,910 --> 00:06:12,330
Yeah, he's waiting for me in women's
underwear.

110
00:06:14,250 --> 00:06:15,570
Fine. I'm go -telling.

111
00:06:16,170 --> 00:06:18,850
But he'll be the first friend you won't
be hanging around with anymore.

112
00:06:19,610 --> 00:06:20,610
Right.

113
00:06:23,190 --> 00:06:24,190
Women's underwear.

114
00:06:24,530 --> 00:06:26,890
I guess I should be glad he only wanted
an earring.

115
00:06:28,690 --> 00:06:29,690
So, how'd it go?

116
00:06:30,170 --> 00:06:32,910
Fine. It went just fine. Oh, good, good.

117
00:06:34,330 --> 00:06:37,550
And you know exactly how it went because
you were eavesdropping on the stairs.

118
00:06:38,190 --> 00:06:40,110
Eavesdropping? Oh, Maggie, come on.

119
00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:45,000
I might have accidentally overheard a
sentence or two, but I wouldn't say it

120
00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:46,160
eavesdropping. Right.

121
00:06:46,540 --> 00:06:47,920
So, go ahead.

122
00:06:48,560 --> 00:06:49,560
Go ahead, what?

123
00:06:49,780 --> 00:06:53,200
Tell me how you would have handled it
differently and far more effectively.

124
00:06:54,040 --> 00:07:01,000
Well, since you asked, actually, I would
have handled it exactly

125
00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:02,260
the same as you did.

126
00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:05,620
Really? Absolutely.

127
00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:10,480
You know, pretty much.

128
00:07:13,380 --> 00:07:14,380
Pretty much.

129
00:07:15,140 --> 00:07:21,240
I might have just taken a slightly

130
00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:23,300
different approach.

131
00:07:25,060 --> 00:07:26,060
Like what?

132
00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:31,060
Well, I think... No, Jason, I don't even
want to hear it. Jason, I am fully

133
00:07:31,060 --> 00:07:35,160
capable of dealing with things like
this, as I did for years before I went

134
00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:37,260
to work, and as I just did again.

135
00:07:37,880 --> 00:07:38,880
Fine.

136
00:07:41,290 --> 00:07:45,390
Being sensitive to your needs here,
Maggie, I recognize that you want to get

137
00:07:45,390 --> 00:07:49,370
back into that day -to -day parenting
mode without me over your shoulder

138
00:07:49,370 --> 00:07:50,470
-guessing you all the time.

139
00:07:50,750 --> 00:07:55,710
Even though, you know, not all the
things you do are quite right.

140
00:07:59,330 --> 00:08:02,890
I see. I don't mean that they're wrong
either, Maggie. Oh, God.

141
00:08:03,890 --> 00:08:04,890
Boy,

142
00:08:05,210 --> 00:08:06,730
something smells good around here.

143
00:08:06,970 --> 00:08:08,430
I can't imagine why.

144
00:08:08,700 --> 00:08:11,480
I haven't started dinner yet. No, that's
my point. Imagine how good it's going

145
00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:12,480
to smell when you do.

146
00:08:14,900 --> 00:08:16,340
So Stinky's not there either.

147
00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:20,520
Uh -huh. Well, when Ben shows up, please
send him home. He was due back an hour

148
00:08:20,520 --> 00:08:22,660
ago. Yes. Thank you, Mrs. Sullivan.

149
00:08:25,260 --> 00:08:26,260
Don't say it.

150
00:08:27,180 --> 00:08:28,180
What?

151
00:08:28,340 --> 00:08:30,960
I wasn't going to say a word about the
fact that it's the first time I can

152
00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:32,320
remember Ben being late for a meal.

153
00:08:34,530 --> 00:08:36,450
Oh, Mom, I am starved. When's dinner?

154
00:08:36,669 --> 00:08:40,770
After Ben gets home and I check his ears
for holes, which I better not find or

155
00:08:40,770 --> 00:08:42,330
he will rue the day he was born.

156
00:08:42,610 --> 00:08:43,610
Well, can I get something to go?

157
00:08:45,690 --> 00:08:46,690
Oh, wait.

158
00:08:48,210 --> 00:08:49,490
Hey, Ted, why are you smiling?

159
00:08:50,130 --> 00:08:51,130
No, no, not smiling.

160
00:08:53,810 --> 00:08:58,210
Yes, I'm smiling, but it's just the love
that I have for all of you bubbling up.

161
00:08:59,770 --> 00:09:02,910
Hi. Sorry I'm late for dinner. You're
not. Mom and Dad are fighting.

162
00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:04,210
We are?

163
00:09:04,370 --> 00:09:05,370
See?

164
00:09:06,690 --> 00:09:10,190
Carol said, we'll eat it as soon as Ben
gets back. Back from where? From not

165
00:09:10,190 --> 00:09:14,010
getting an earring. An earring? Well,
Dad, I assume you nipped that in the

166
00:09:14,550 --> 00:09:16,150
No, he didn't. I did.

167
00:09:16,510 --> 00:09:17,510
Not your father.

168
00:09:17,790 --> 00:09:20,990
Me. The woman who bore you after 18
hours of labor.

169
00:09:22,890 --> 00:09:26,310
Sorry, I just assumed that Dad jumped in
and took over like he always does.

170
00:09:26,570 --> 00:09:31,030
I certainly did not. Yeah, Dad is just
backing off so Mom doesn't feel like a

171
00:09:31,030 --> 00:09:32,030
failure.

172
00:09:36,110 --> 00:09:37,110
I didn't say it. You did.

173
00:09:37,170 --> 00:09:40,870
What? Maggie, who are you going to
believe, your husband or this no

174
00:09:40,870 --> 00:09:42,830
son? Go on, Mike.

175
00:09:43,090 --> 00:09:45,010
Well, all right. I just... Ow!

176
00:09:45,850 --> 00:09:47,870
All I know is Dad is not whipped.

177
00:09:51,470 --> 00:09:55,390
Well, it's about time Dad backed off and
let you handle some everyday kid

178
00:09:55,390 --> 00:09:57,950
problems. And this from our smartest
child.

179
00:09:59,350 --> 00:10:03,200
Well, if Dad had... backed off when Mike
was Ben's age, maybe you wouldn't have

180
00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:05,520
grown into the disgusting scuzzball he
is today.

181
00:10:05,860 --> 00:10:10,120
I was 14 years old. It was Mom who was
at home with me. So if anyone's

182
00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:12,400
responsible for me being a scuzzball,
it's this woman.

183
00:10:14,760 --> 00:10:15,760
Mom,

184
00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:18,980
maybe you should let Dad handle this.

185
00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:22,000
This is from our smartest child.

186
00:10:23,580 --> 00:10:27,000
Why don't we just ask our most lovable
child what they think of this whole

187
00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:29,340
earring deal? I already told them.

188
00:10:30,240 --> 00:10:33,660
I'm talking about me, Carol, and I just
happen to agree with Mom to crush Ben

189
00:10:33,660 --> 00:10:35,120
like the little bug that he is.

190
00:10:36,140 --> 00:10:37,140
Thank you, Mike.

191
00:10:37,500 --> 00:10:40,020
Yeah, especially after what happened
when Carol got her ears pierced.

192
00:10:40,480 --> 00:10:43,260
What? Well, come on. Don't you remember,
Carol, when they made that little hole,

193
00:10:43,340 --> 00:10:45,160
the smell that came out cleared the
whole department?

194
00:10:48,540 --> 00:10:49,540
Everybody's turning white.

195
00:10:49,700 --> 00:10:51,340
Okay, Ben, inspection time.

196
00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:52,600
Ears, please.

197
00:10:53,660 --> 00:10:55,920
Just a joke.

198
00:11:00,889 --> 00:11:01,889
No holes.

199
00:11:02,230 --> 00:11:03,230
Good.

200
00:11:03,730 --> 00:11:07,830
Mom, I told you I wouldn't get an
earring, so I didn't. Well, good boy. Go

201
00:11:07,830 --> 00:11:08,830
up for dinner.

202
00:11:08,910 --> 00:11:11,110
Instead, I got a tattoo.

203
00:11:16,830 --> 00:11:22,350
A tattoo.

204
00:11:22,770 --> 00:11:24,690
A tattoo. You got a tattoo?

205
00:11:25,450 --> 00:11:26,490
But it says mother.

206
00:11:30,220 --> 00:11:34,460
your life you'll be walking around with
my name on your arm well we could like

207
00:11:34,460 --> 00:11:40,580
add an s and it's a smother oh don't
tempt me ben how could you do this to

208
00:11:40,580 --> 00:11:44,400
body do you realize that when i was
pregnant with you i walked around for

209
00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:49,160
months and didn't have a single cup of
coffee so that your body'd be perfect

210
00:11:49,160 --> 00:11:52,200
look at you i could have gone to
columbia and sucked beans

211
00:11:56,200 --> 00:11:59,500
You never said I couldn't get a tattoo.
Okay, fine, fine. Then let's go over all

212
00:11:59,500 --> 00:12:00,500
the other possibilities.

213
00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:04,700
You may not stick knives up your nose,
you may not gargle with razor blades,

214
00:12:04,700 --> 00:12:07,120
you may not drink water directly out of
the toilet.

215
00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:13,700
So, Mom, are you saying that this tattoo
is a lot worse than a little hole in my

216
00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:14,960
ear? No.

217
00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:19,480
I'm saying that it means no more short
-sleeved shirts ever.

218
00:12:22,180 --> 00:12:23,960
Up there and straighten this thing out.

219
00:12:25,360 --> 00:12:27,520
fair to your mother. Ben, I am starting
to get angry.

220
00:12:28,320 --> 00:12:31,300
Don't you think she's a little nuts over
some tattoo that just washes off?

221
00:12:31,760 --> 00:12:32,760
Yeah.

222
00:12:33,900 --> 00:12:37,280
You think maybe she doesn't even know
that it's a fake? Hey, Mike, it's not my

223
00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:40,460
place to second guess what your mother
does or does not know about these

224
00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:43,220
matters. Oh, come on. Somebody's got to
tell her that Ben's just trying to freak

225
00:12:43,220 --> 00:12:45,420
her out with this tattoo so an earring
would be a relief.

226
00:12:45,780 --> 00:12:47,200
Hey, hey, wait, wait. Don't you go
anywhere.

227
00:12:47,700 --> 00:12:49,900
Dad, if this keeps up, she's going to
throw him out the window.

228
00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:52,600
He's young. He'll bounce.

229
00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:58,000
Your mother's got to figure this out on
her own. She needs the validation.

230
00:12:58,520 --> 00:13:02,840
Yeah, but... Oh, I get it. You're just
getting even.

231
00:13:03,140 --> 00:13:08,080
Yeah. No, no. You know, I mean, Mom
wanted to handle this, so you're just

232
00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:11,140
to let her blow it. And then you're
going to jump in with the right answer.

233
00:13:11,140 --> 00:13:13,680
know, sometimes I forget what a crafty
dude you are.

234
00:13:14,900 --> 00:13:15,900
I am not.

235
00:13:17,480 --> 00:13:20,820
Okay, I was tempted to handle Ben, and
if I would have done it, it would have

236
00:13:20,820 --> 00:13:21,820
turned out a lot different.

237
00:13:21,860 --> 00:13:22,860
Yeah? Like how?

238
00:13:23,520 --> 00:13:26,420
Well, like, I would have told Ben. I
would have said, fine, you want to get

239
00:13:26,420 --> 00:13:28,200
ear pierced? Get your ear pierced.
That's okay with me.

240
00:13:28,680 --> 00:13:31,120
What? Yeah, but in, like, two months.

241
00:13:31,320 --> 00:13:36,220
That way, eight weeks go by, and Ben
forgets about getting his ear pierced,

242
00:13:36,220 --> 00:13:38,340
then he moves on to some other goofy
thing he wants to do.

243
00:13:38,740 --> 00:13:39,840
Well, what if he doesn't forget?

244
00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:41,400
Well, you give him a choice.

245
00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:45,640
You say, all right, you can either get
your ears pierced or take driver's ed.

246
00:13:46,080 --> 00:13:47,080
Boy, you're good.

247
00:13:48,130 --> 00:13:51,310
Hey, wait a minute. You made me choose
driver's ed over spring break at Fort

248
00:13:51,310 --> 00:13:53,890
Lauderdale with Eddie and Boner. Yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah.

249
00:13:55,850 --> 00:13:58,090
Come on, Mom. Let me show you something
about my tattoo.

250
00:13:58,410 --> 00:13:59,990
What? You can make it dance?

251
00:14:02,610 --> 00:14:07,290
And I guarantee that if I were handling
this thing right now, he wouldn't be up

252
00:14:07,290 --> 00:14:10,030
there running those mind games on your
mother over this phony tattoo.

253
00:14:10,510 --> 00:14:15,310
But she told me to butt out, and butt
out I will. So she comes to me begging

254
00:14:15,310 --> 00:14:16,310
help.

255
00:14:17,110 --> 00:14:18,210
You're not just getting even.

256
00:14:20,710 --> 00:14:22,090
Haven't you heard a word I've said?

257
00:14:26,510 --> 00:14:29,990
And you'll stay in this room, young man,
until I tell you to come out. Remember,

258
00:14:30,030 --> 00:14:31,450
something you should know about my
tattoo.

259
00:14:31,850 --> 00:14:34,130
Roseanne Barr has one. You mentioned it.

260
00:14:35,630 --> 00:14:39,150
Mom, I just want... Carol, please, I
don't need any more advice right now.

261
00:14:39,210 --> 00:14:43,050
Please. But, Mom, I see your strategy
here, and I just want to tell you, woman

262
00:14:43,050 --> 00:14:44,790
to woman, I think it's brilliant.

263
00:14:45,589 --> 00:14:48,270
Pardon me? You're going to have the last
laugh on Dad.

264
00:14:48,890 --> 00:14:52,450
What are you talking about? He's down
there with Mike just waiting for you to

265
00:14:52,450 --> 00:14:53,450
blow it.

266
00:14:53,610 --> 00:14:58,150
He is? He actually thinks that you're
foolish enough to believe Ben's tattoo

267
00:14:58,150 --> 00:14:59,150
real.

268
00:15:00,270 --> 00:15:01,270
He does?

269
00:15:02,130 --> 00:15:04,290
Now I see what Ben gets with
gullibility.

270
00:15:04,630 --> 00:15:07,570
Yeah, well, I... So, what's next?

271
00:15:07,830 --> 00:15:11,470
Well, I, uh... Of course you let the
weasel stew in his own juices until he

272
00:15:11,470 --> 00:15:14,620
admits it. What he was trying to pull...
Carol, there's never an excuse for

273
00:15:14,620 --> 00:15:15,620
calling your father a weasel.

274
00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:16,920
I meant Ben.

275
00:15:17,920 --> 00:15:21,780
Oh, uh... Well, right. I can see, Carol,
that you're on to my plan.

276
00:15:23,020 --> 00:15:24,740
Men. Who needs them?

277
00:15:25,700 --> 00:15:28,780
Ben. Mom, there's something I want to
tell you. Let me guess.

278
00:15:29,080 --> 00:15:31,340
That that tattoo washes off.

279
00:15:32,680 --> 00:15:33,680
You knew that?

280
00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:35,560
Of course I did.

281
00:15:37,540 --> 00:15:39,860
Wow. Didn't you expect me to be that
smart?

282
00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:41,480
No.

283
00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:43,840
It's not like I'm dealing with Dad here.

284
00:15:45,220 --> 00:15:47,100
Not that you're that dumb.

285
00:15:48,300 --> 00:15:49,300
Mom,

286
00:15:49,440 --> 00:15:52,380
the devil has taken control of my mouth
and is making me say things I'll regret.

287
00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:59,700
Admit it, Finn. You probably figured I'd
be so glad you didn't get a real tattoo

288
00:15:59,700 --> 00:16:01,340
that I'd give in on the earring.

289
00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:04,220
Yeah, that was my pathetic, pointless
hope.

290
00:16:06,020 --> 00:16:07,020
Did it work?

291
00:16:15,819 --> 00:16:17,480
So, quite an evening.

292
00:16:17,920 --> 00:16:18,920
Mm -hmm.

293
00:16:19,240 --> 00:16:22,480
Yeah, I had earrings and tattoos and
yelling.

294
00:16:22,700 --> 00:16:23,740
Boy, oh, boy.

295
00:16:24,160 --> 00:16:25,160
Mm -hmm.

296
00:16:25,300 --> 00:16:30,780
Yeah. So, uh, I guess everything went
pretty well with you and Ben, huh?

297
00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:32,760
Mm -hmm. Yeah.

298
00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:34,960
Well, I'm sure you did just great.

299
00:16:35,180 --> 00:16:36,119
Are you?

300
00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:37,120
Of course I am.

301
00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:40,280
And that's why you're doing this? Doing
what?

302
00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:41,960
Pumping me.

303
00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:43,400
I'm not pumping you.

304
00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:47,540
Jason, I happen to know when I'm being
pumped.

305
00:16:50,420 --> 00:16:55,060
Well, maybe I'm a little bit curious
about exactly what happened between you

306
00:16:55,060 --> 00:16:56,060
Ben. Why?

307
00:16:56,740 --> 00:17:00,840
You think maybe I didn't handle it well?
Yes. What? No, yes. I mean, you handled

308
00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:01,900
it. I know you handled it well.

309
00:17:02,280 --> 00:17:05,420
That, I'm just wondering. You know, I'm
exactly, you know.

310
00:17:06,420 --> 00:17:07,420
Oh.

311
00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:12,040
Jason, is it too much to expect you to
trust me to handle a little thing like

312
00:17:12,040 --> 00:17:15,670
this? Well, is it too much for me to ask
you exactly what was that?

313
00:17:15,890 --> 00:17:18,970
No, no, no. It's just the reason why
you're asking.

314
00:17:19,230 --> 00:17:23,270
I mean, you were dying to jump in to
tell me what to do, and now you're dying

315
00:17:23,270 --> 00:17:27,670
know what I did so you can see that I
didn't blow it. Oh, honey, come on. No,

316
00:17:27,710 --> 00:17:28,710
that's not true.

317
00:17:29,630 --> 00:17:33,790
You know, just at all those years that
you worked, well, this was my job.

318
00:17:34,490 --> 00:17:35,850
And I kind of miss it.

319
00:17:36,610 --> 00:17:37,610
Oh.

320
00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:42,120
And I have every confidence that you
just dealt with it great.

321
00:17:43,040 --> 00:17:44,040
Good.

322
00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:46,640
Good night.

323
00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:52,620
I bet I can even tell you what you did.

324
00:17:53,620 --> 00:17:54,620
Oh?

325
00:17:55,900 --> 00:17:56,900
Yep.

326
00:17:57,140 --> 00:18:01,680
I'll bet you punished Ben for that whole
tattoo scam, and then you hung tough on

327
00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:03,100
your decision for no earring, right?

328
00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:05,200
Possibly.

329
00:18:09,680 --> 00:18:15,100
Possibly. Oh, Jason, if I tell you what
I did, do you promise not to criticize

330
00:18:15,100 --> 00:18:17,340
me? Promise not to second guess? Word of
honor.

331
00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:23,840
Okay. I didn't punish Ben for his fake
tattoo thing. Oh, maybe you promised.

332
00:18:24,780 --> 00:18:28,660
And I told him if it was really
important to him, that he could have his

333
00:18:28,660 --> 00:18:29,660
earring.

334
00:18:29,860 --> 00:18:31,540
No, come on, Maggie.

335
00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:38,540
Jason. I was going like this. That's
all.

336
00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:44,920
Oh, hey, Dad. Dad, what did Ben get?

337
00:18:45,220 --> 00:18:47,020
Mike, this doesn't concern you.

338
00:18:47,780 --> 00:18:51,100
Oh, come on, Dad. I mean, what did Mom
give him? One month? Two months? No

339
00:18:51,100 --> 00:18:55,220
allowance? Well, let's just say that the
size of the punishment was unexpected.

340
00:18:56,140 --> 00:18:57,840
Oh, he got no punishment at all.

341
00:18:58,080 --> 00:18:59,080
You got it.

342
00:18:59,620 --> 00:19:02,740
Oh, and don't tell me he's going to get
his stinking earring. That's what I

343
00:19:02,740 --> 00:19:05,100
hear. And you said I could have seen it.
I can.

344
00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:07,600
Look, Dad.

345
00:19:07,850 --> 00:19:09,550
You want me to put in a word to Mom for
you?

346
00:19:10,750 --> 00:19:13,570
Mike, this was your mother's call. She
made it. That settles it.

347
00:19:13,990 --> 00:19:17,310
Well, it sure gives me second thoughts
about ever getting married. Good. Go

348
00:19:17,310 --> 00:19:18,310
that.

349
00:19:18,890 --> 00:19:19,890
Morning.

350
00:19:19,950 --> 00:19:20,950
Good morning, Mom.

351
00:19:21,070 --> 00:19:23,650
Oh, and don't worry. We weren't talking
about how you muffed the bend deal.

352
00:19:25,070 --> 00:19:26,670
Oh, uh, is that my phone ring?

353
00:19:27,070 --> 00:19:28,150
I don't hear anything.

354
00:19:28,390 --> 00:19:29,410
Well, why take a chance?

355
00:19:31,030 --> 00:19:32,450
Ah, feel like some eggs?

356
00:19:32,670 --> 00:19:33,670
Sure, yeah.

357
00:19:33,910 --> 00:19:36,710
And go ahead and cook them any way you
want to. I won't second guess you.

358
00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:40,980
Are you still upset about last night?

359
00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:42,820
Oh, nook, nook, nook, nook, nook.

360
00:19:43,220 --> 00:19:45,360
Who am I to interfere with the boy's
father?

361
00:19:45,980 --> 00:19:47,860
Honey, have I been unfair about this?

362
00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:50,640
Well, yes.

363
00:19:52,180 --> 00:19:53,220
Oh, Chrissy.

364
00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:55,280
You need a change.

365
00:19:55,740 --> 00:19:56,740
Oh, yes.

366
00:19:58,980 --> 00:20:02,860
And when you come back, we are going to
talk about this because I have had it up

367
00:20:02,860 --> 00:20:05,140
to here with this validation self -worth
class.

368
00:20:05,620 --> 00:20:06,620
I bet.

369
00:20:08,780 --> 00:20:11,240
Ben, this earring decision is far from
final.

370
00:20:12,100 --> 00:20:16,220
Really? Yes, your mother and I will
discuss it, and I guarantee you the

371
00:20:16,220 --> 00:20:17,220
will be far different.

372
00:20:17,540 --> 00:20:18,560
Then I'm not grounded?

373
00:20:18,900 --> 00:20:21,540
Oh, this is great. I've got to call
Stinky and tell him I don't have to wait

374
00:20:21,540 --> 00:20:23,020
months to get my ear pierced. What?

375
00:20:23,340 --> 00:20:26,140
He told Ben he'd get his ear pierced
now?

376
00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:29,400
Oh, I don't know what I told him, Meg.
Wait a minute, isn't that what you told

377
00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:33,240
him? No, I told him he had to wait two
months and then see if he really wanted

378
00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:35,360
it. Well, you didn't mention that last
night.

379
00:20:35,820 --> 00:20:38,060
Well, with all the clapping, it must
have slipped my mind.

380
00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:43,280
Did I hear the little rat face right?
Dad put his two cents in and messed

381
00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:44,280
everything up?

382
00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:46,980
Carol, basically, yes.

383
00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:51,400
Carol, go tell Ben that my original
punishment stands.

384
00:20:52,100 --> 00:20:54,820
Gladly. And if he resists, I'll slop him
around.

385
00:20:58,160 --> 00:20:59,460
You were playing with me.

386
00:20:59,710 --> 00:21:01,070
God help me, I was.

387
00:21:01,670 --> 00:21:06,330
Why? Oh, Jason, it's important that you
trust me. I mean, totally trust me to

388
00:21:06,330 --> 00:21:09,430
deal with the kids now that you're gone
during the day. Honey, I trust you.

389
00:21:09,550 --> 00:21:10,550
Sure, now.

390
00:21:11,410 --> 00:21:12,890
It was still a dirty trick.

391
00:21:13,670 --> 00:21:14,670
Thank you.

392
00:21:16,130 --> 00:21:18,550
Honey, believe me, I know what you're
going through.

393
00:21:19,510 --> 00:21:23,530
You're here with them all day, every day
for all those years, and then suddenly

394
00:21:23,530 --> 00:21:26,910
you're out there in the world working,
and you're not here to deal with every

395
00:21:26,910 --> 00:21:29,190
problem. Then I know what you're going
through.

396
00:21:29,560 --> 00:21:33,140
Three o 'clock in the afternoon and all
hell breaks loose and yours is the only

397
00:21:33,140 --> 00:21:35,720
voice of reason. And you're not even
sure about that.

398
00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:38,580
We do understand each other.

399
00:21:38,860 --> 00:21:39,860
We always have.

400
00:21:44,780 --> 00:21:49,640
You know, I could point out that the way
you ended up handling Ben was exactly

401
00:21:49,640 --> 00:21:50,760
the way I would have done it.

402
00:21:51,160 --> 00:21:52,940
You could, but you won't, right?

403
00:21:53,180 --> 00:21:54,180
Right.

404
00:21:57,770 --> 00:22:02,910
I could point out that two parents
parenting as parents is what parenting

405
00:22:02,910 --> 00:22:03,910
about, Maggie.

406
00:22:04,750 --> 00:22:09,150
I could point out that with my training
and experience with child rearing, it's

407
00:22:09,150 --> 00:22:12,850
a very valuable tool in guiding our kids
on the path of life.

408
00:22:14,050 --> 00:22:16,770
I could point out all of that, Maggie,
but I won't.

409
00:22:20,690 --> 00:22:24,010
And that's why I won't.

410
00:22:29,320 --> 00:22:30,500
We'll be back in a moment.

411
00:22:33,760 --> 00:22:35,860
I'm really happy with the way things are
right now.

412
00:22:36,500 --> 00:22:41,660
So you're saying you kind of like being
my girlfriend?

413
00:22:41,900 --> 00:22:43,240
I love being your girlfriend.

414
00:22:43,900 --> 00:22:47,700
Hey. Bonjour, my name is Julie, and I'll
be your waitress this evening.

415
00:22:47,980 --> 00:22:48,980
Uh, Julie?

416
00:22:51,740 --> 00:22:54,380
Mike, let's just pretend this whole
night never happened.

417
00:22:54,700 --> 00:22:55,700
Okay.

418
00:22:56,760 --> 00:22:57,760
What night?

419
00:23:00,170 --> 00:23:02,050
Good night, Kate. I'll call you later.

420
00:23:05,430 --> 00:23:06,470
You still love her?