1
00:00:04,019 --> 00:00:06,540
Okay, we'll be back right after lunch.
You have the number of the restaurant in

2
00:00:06,540 --> 00:00:07,540
case anything happens.

3
00:00:07,720 --> 00:00:10,500
Yeah, don't worry. If Ben and Carol act
up, I'll slap them around a little bit.

4
00:00:11,380 --> 00:00:12,380
Just kidding, Dad.

5
00:00:12,500 --> 00:00:13,500
Let's go, honey.

6
00:00:13,520 --> 00:00:14,520
Ben, we're leaving.

7
00:00:15,100 --> 00:00:17,380
Oh, he's over at Stinky Sullivan's
playing Rambo.

8
00:00:17,940 --> 00:00:20,380
It's too chilly for him to be shooting
people without a shirt.

9
00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:25,480
Honey, we could cancel our romantic
luncheon and track down our little

10
00:00:25,780 --> 00:00:29,780
Or we could simply let our most
trustworthy and reliable child take

11
00:00:30,620 --> 00:00:31,880
Okay, okay, I'll do it.

12
00:00:33,930 --> 00:00:35,350
Have fun, guys. Bye. See you later.

13
00:00:35,670 --> 00:00:36,670
Bye -bye.

14
00:00:38,090 --> 00:00:39,830
Oh, I thought they'd never leave.

15
00:00:40,870 --> 00:00:42,550
You said you were going to take Ben a
shirt.

16
00:00:43,050 --> 00:00:44,790
I also said I was going to slap you
around.

17
00:00:46,730 --> 00:00:47,730
Yo.

18
00:00:50,730 --> 00:00:52,190
Ben, put on a shirt.

19
00:00:53,070 --> 00:00:54,850
Where's Mom and Dad? They're gone.

20
00:00:55,530 --> 00:00:58,610
Gone? Yeah, you know, the first Saturday
of every month they always go out for

21
00:00:58,610 --> 00:01:00,070
their little private thing lunch deal.

22
00:01:00,710 --> 00:01:02,830
Yeah, but I need their help with the
school project.

23
00:01:07,950 --> 00:01:10,010
Maybe you shouldn't have been playing
with stinky felt in the morning.

24
00:01:10,470 --> 00:01:12,430
Hey, what could I do? I was a POW.

25
00:01:15,770 --> 00:01:17,830
So welcome home. Now get out.

26
00:01:18,710 --> 00:01:20,010
Can you guys help me?

27
00:01:20,270 --> 00:01:22,630
I mean, this history has to be good.

28
00:01:23,030 --> 00:01:27,970
Half the kids in my class have really
neat histories with divorces, tragedies,

29
00:01:27,970 --> 00:01:28,970
family disasters.

30
00:01:30,270 --> 00:01:31,270
Oh, lucky.

31
00:01:31,290 --> 00:01:32,290
You've got Mike.

32
00:01:45,800 --> 00:01:48,520
even got an uncle who was flown out of
three countries.

33
00:01:49,940 --> 00:01:53,220
Now this is full of Dad's old stuff from
his college days.

34
00:01:54,340 --> 00:01:55,340
Wow.

35
00:01:59,060 --> 00:02:02,360
The 60s were a very strange time, Ben.

36
00:02:02,880 --> 00:02:06,780
If I didn't find the days Dad wore
these, I'm going to have a family

37
00:02:06,780 --> 00:02:08,660
that leaves stinkies in the dust.

38
00:02:10,259 --> 00:02:12,520
Family records have to be around here
somewhere.

39
00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:25,640
to the Swingin' 60 surefire tips on how
to get chicks into... Ben,

40
00:02:25,980 --> 00:02:27,220
you're not a single dude.

41
00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:28,480
What, you are?

42
00:02:30,160 --> 00:02:31,920
Ben, this isn't for your eyes.

43
00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:40,040
To Jason, from the other interns, we
thought this might come in handy now

44
00:02:40,040 --> 00:02:41,940
that you're divorced.

45
00:02:43,380 --> 00:02:46,140
So I got a divorce for my family
history.

46
00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:49,240
I guess.

47
00:04:11,720 --> 00:04:12,720
had my doubts about them.

48
00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:20,540
Now hold it, okay? This could be a
mistake. I just can't believe this about

49
00:04:20,540 --> 00:04:21,540
wonderful dad.

50
00:04:21,740 --> 00:04:23,840
Come on, Carol. The evidence is right
here.

51
00:04:24,100 --> 00:04:25,100
Yeah.

52
00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:26,740
Well, it could be a big mistake.

53
00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:28,840
Carol, it's obvious.

54
00:04:29,320 --> 00:04:30,320
Yeah.

55
00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:31,640
What's obvious?

56
00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:33,140
That dad's divorced.

57
00:04:33,700 --> 00:04:34,740
We're living a lie.

58
00:04:36,040 --> 00:04:39,480
You know, I wouldn't be a bit surprised
if dad wasn't his real name.

59
00:04:45,610 --> 00:04:48,910
after all the times he's told us about
their huge wedding.

60
00:04:49,770 --> 00:04:52,170
You know, Grandpa Ed fainted when he got
the bill.

61
00:04:53,030 --> 00:04:55,090
Happy stay of mom's life.

62
00:04:55,930 --> 00:05:00,610
Yeah, and how Dad toasted her and said
she was the only woman he ever wanted to

63
00:05:00,610 --> 00:05:01,650
marry. Yeah.

64
00:05:03,310 --> 00:05:07,530
I mean, if he lied about this, then...
Well, we don't know that he lied. He

65
00:05:07,530 --> 00:05:08,530
didn't tell us.

66
00:05:08,590 --> 00:05:09,590
Same thing.

67
00:05:10,050 --> 00:05:11,050
Not exactly.

68
00:05:11,590 --> 00:05:14,590
It was a lie last year when I cut school
and didn't tell him.

69
00:05:16,240 --> 00:05:20,540
No. See, that was different. See, when
they asked you how school was, you said,

70
00:05:20,660 --> 00:05:22,660
extremely pleasant.

71
00:05:24,520 --> 00:05:25,520
Which it was.

72
00:05:25,780 --> 00:05:28,120
No, it wasn't. It was, too. Wasn't. Was.

73
00:05:28,660 --> 00:05:29,660
What's your point?

74
00:05:31,540 --> 00:05:36,180
My point is, if Dad kept this divorce
such a big secret, then what else didn't

75
00:05:36,180 --> 00:05:37,099
he tell her?

76
00:05:37,100 --> 00:05:39,260
And how do we know that what he did tell
her is the truth?

77
00:05:39,540 --> 00:05:41,580
I mean, we already know the wedding
toast was a lie.

78
00:05:42,640 --> 00:05:44,620
So how well do we really know this man?

79
00:05:45,560 --> 00:05:47,200
I've known him since I was a kid.

80
00:05:48,860 --> 00:05:50,260
Mike, you're getting carried away.

81
00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:51,499
Oh, I am, huh?

82
00:05:51,500 --> 00:05:55,920
Well, listen to this. I think that if he
was married before, that probably means

83
00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:56,920
he had another wife.

84
00:05:59,420 --> 00:06:00,420
Brilliant.

85
00:06:01,060 --> 00:06:04,480
And if he had another wife, that
probably means he had other kids.

86
00:06:06,340 --> 00:06:07,340
Oh, no.

87
00:06:08,260 --> 00:06:11,700
And I wouldn't be a bit surprised if
they're living somewhere on Long Island.

88
00:06:14,080 --> 00:06:16,740
Dad wouldn't want to live far away from
his kids.

89
00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:18,120
What kids?

90
00:06:18,460 --> 00:06:21,380
The ones he goes and visits when he says
he's going to get a haircut.

91
00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:24,300
Ben.

92
00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:26,860
Nobody gets a haircut as often as Dad.

93
00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:29,200
This is true.

94
00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:32,340
Mike. I got it.

95
00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:36,580
Dad's other wife cuts his hair while he
plays with his other kids.

96
00:06:44,490 --> 00:06:45,490
when we're at school.

97
00:06:46,290 --> 00:06:47,570
And wear our clothes.

98
00:06:48,770 --> 00:06:50,130
And play with our stuff.

99
00:06:51,530 --> 00:06:53,670
That's why my room gets so messed up.

100
00:06:58,550 --> 00:07:02,410
You're crazy. And Mike, you're worse. I
mean, I can't even believe that I'm

101
00:07:02,410 --> 00:07:06,790
related to... That's it.

102
00:07:07,190 --> 00:07:08,810
It all makes sense. It's true.

103
00:07:09,610 --> 00:07:10,610
What?

104
00:07:11,170 --> 00:07:13,070
Dad did have kids with his first wife.

105
00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:14,840
At least one.

106
00:07:15,220 --> 00:07:19,560
And when they split, he kept that child,
and when he met Mom, they swore an oath

107
00:07:19,560 --> 00:07:23,340
never to tell him that he was the
painfully slow half -brother of me and

108
00:07:45,930 --> 00:07:47,270
It's a picture of Dad's first wife.

109
00:07:47,490 --> 00:07:48,490
Let me see.

110
00:07:50,790 --> 00:07:52,470
Well, how do you know that's his first
wife?

111
00:07:53,370 --> 00:07:55,690
That's the only woman's picture we found
after an hour of looking.

112
00:07:57,750 --> 00:07:58,750
So?

113
00:07:59,050 --> 00:08:01,090
So, look at it. It's even signed.

114
00:08:01,530 --> 00:08:04,490
To my dear Jason, I know a place.

115
00:08:04,710 --> 00:08:05,710
Love, Petula.

116
00:08:08,390 --> 00:08:09,390
Wow.

117
00:08:10,090 --> 00:08:11,730
You sure don't look like your mother.

118
00:08:14,070 --> 00:08:15,070
Okay.

119
00:08:15,610 --> 00:08:18,610
I just say we gotta find out more about
this woman. Well, where else do we look?

120
00:08:19,050 --> 00:08:23,750
Well, you know, if I were Dad, and I
wanted to hide the mementos of some

121
00:08:23,750 --> 00:08:26,150
mistake, I know where I'd stash them.

122
00:08:26,930 --> 00:08:27,930
Oh, where?

123
00:08:28,670 --> 00:08:31,890
What's the one room in this house that
we're not allowed to hang out in?

124
00:08:32,390 --> 00:08:33,390
Their bedroom?

125
00:08:34,250 --> 00:08:35,250
The other one.

126
00:08:38,150 --> 00:08:39,429
Not Dad's office.

127
00:08:41,530 --> 00:08:44,090
Well, I guess we know who the smart one
in the family is now.

128
00:08:51,660 --> 00:08:52,660
in the family is.

129
00:08:53,660 --> 00:08:57,800
Thanks, but I haven't found anything
yet. Most of these are Dad's patient

130
00:08:57,800 --> 00:08:58,800
and they're locked.

131
00:08:59,160 --> 00:09:02,140
Oh, Ben, you're getting peanut butter
all over Dad's stuff.

132
00:09:02,580 --> 00:09:03,620
So I'll lick it off.

133
00:09:05,820 --> 00:09:07,920
Ben, why are you eating that anyway?

134
00:09:08,260 --> 00:09:09,920
When I get bummed, I get hungry.

135
00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:14,200
Well, I don't want any part of this
because it's wrong, okay?

136
00:09:15,220 --> 00:09:16,660
I'm gonna go ransack their bedroom.

137
00:09:24,569 --> 00:09:26,850
No? I think that book was all a big
joke.

138
00:09:27,410 --> 00:09:31,570
I mean, the people who gave it to him
were all doctors. You know what nutty

139
00:09:31,570 --> 00:09:32,570
they are.

140
00:09:33,670 --> 00:09:36,630
Yeah, but I found a picture of his first
wife. And get this, her name was

141
00:09:36,630 --> 00:09:38,930
Petula, and she had a fake mole painted
on her face.

142
00:09:39,930 --> 00:09:40,930
Oh.

143
00:09:41,190 --> 00:09:42,250
Yeah, I've seen it.

144
00:09:43,170 --> 00:09:44,530
I need another sandwich.

145
00:09:46,150 --> 00:09:47,290
Hey, hey, hey, what's this?

146
00:09:47,750 --> 00:09:48,750
What?

147
00:09:49,590 --> 00:09:50,590
Oh, no.

148
00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:01,200
Then why do you hide it?

149
00:10:02,380 --> 00:10:05,540
Oh, I don't know. I'm just saying that I
don't want to jump to any conclusions

150
00:10:05,540 --> 00:10:06,720
without a complete search.

151
00:10:07,020 --> 00:10:09,880
Please, Carol, stop looking before you
find any more wives.

152
00:10:11,700 --> 00:10:13,820
Mike, are you dealing with this box?

153
00:10:14,140 --> 00:10:16,240
Yeah. Yeah, where'd Dad get all these
clothes?

154
00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:19,060
What's he doing with all these sweater
vests?

155
00:10:19,680 --> 00:10:23,640
He probably gets Father's Day presents
from his hundreds of other kids, too.

156
00:10:25,280 --> 00:10:26,280
Hey, look at this.

157
00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:28,120
My first issue.

158
00:10:28,750 --> 00:10:30,490
This is when Mom started working at
Newsweek.

159
00:10:30,930 --> 00:10:33,910
Wow. She saved this from 1969.

160
00:10:34,910 --> 00:10:36,250
Mom saves everything.

161
00:10:36,750 --> 00:10:38,870
Cards, letters, mics for C.

162
00:10:43,170 --> 00:10:44,210
Guys, guys.

163
00:10:44,570 --> 00:10:47,150
There's something very strange about
this. The year?

164
00:10:48,390 --> 00:10:49,390
1969?

165
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:53,150
That was the year Dad supposedly did his
internship in Phoenix?

166
00:10:53,950 --> 00:10:57,150
So? So, the second year of Mom and Dad's
marriage?

167
00:10:57,560 --> 00:11:00,640
The year they lived in a trailer park
and ate beans all the time?

168
00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:03,600
So what?

169
00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:09,020
So how could Mom be in New York working
for Newsweek and be in Phoenix eating

170
00:11:09,020 --> 00:11:10,380
beans at the same time, hmm?

171
00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:12,780
I need another sandwich.

172
00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:16,440
What else is in here?

173
00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:20,480
Ah, just the usual stuff. Baby pictures,
some fresh flowers, a charm bracelet.

174
00:11:20,860 --> 00:11:21,880
An old letter to Mom.

175
00:11:22,320 --> 00:11:23,320
Oh, oh, read it.

176
00:11:24,820 --> 00:11:25,900
No, we shouldn't.

177
00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:31,160
It's from Grandpa Ed.

178
00:11:32,620 --> 00:11:37,320
Dear Margaret Casper, in all the
confusion of the past few weeks, I

179
00:11:37,320 --> 00:11:40,120
found the time to tell you that your mom
and I still love you very much.

180
00:11:40,480 --> 00:11:45,180
There's no reason to lose heart just
because that ex -husband of yours

181
00:11:45,180 --> 00:11:50,820
turned out to be a lunkhead.

182
00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:56,940
So that means Mom was divorced, too.

183
00:12:03,400 --> 00:12:05,780
Good thing Ben wasn't in here. He'd be
eating the furniture.

184
00:12:34,890 --> 00:12:35,890
went for a haircut.

185
00:12:38,530 --> 00:12:39,529
Hi, honey.

186
00:12:39,530 --> 00:12:40,530
Hi.

187
00:12:40,710 --> 00:12:42,030
Oh, I thought you were getting the
haircut.

188
00:12:42,550 --> 00:12:43,550
I did.

189
00:12:43,970 --> 00:12:48,090
It doesn't look like it. Of course it
doesn't. That's why they charge so much.

190
00:12:49,210 --> 00:12:50,210
Where are the kids?

191
00:12:50,510 --> 00:12:53,570
Oh, they're all sitting side by side on
the couch.

192
00:12:54,450 --> 00:12:57,910
Jason, it's eerie. They aren't yelling.
They aren't fighting. They aren't even

193
00:12:57,910 --> 00:12:58,910
watching TV.

194
00:12:59,390 --> 00:13:00,590
This is a bad thing?

195
00:13:11,660 --> 00:13:12,660
the fake mole?

196
00:13:14,740 --> 00:13:15,740
No.

197
00:13:15,900 --> 00:13:16,900
Yeah, right.

198
00:13:21,780 --> 00:13:24,000
Ben, don't eat too much. You'll spoil
your appetite.

199
00:13:24,380 --> 00:13:25,380
Not a chance.

200
00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:29,580
Why don't we just ask them about these
divorces?

201
00:13:30,180 --> 00:13:33,160
Carol, after everything we've learned,
do you really think they're going to

202
00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:34,160
us the truth?

203
00:13:40,590 --> 00:13:41,650
Who's sticking out of them?

204
00:13:42,950 --> 00:13:45,270
Okay, listen, guys, I've formulated a
plan. What?

205
00:13:45,510 --> 00:13:49,710
Okay. Now, when we do something wrong,
only Mom and Dad don't know quite what

206
00:13:49,710 --> 00:13:54,010
is, they usually get us into this
conversation about other junk just to

207
00:13:54,010 --> 00:13:55,330
into saying too much.

208
00:13:55,870 --> 00:13:57,390
So let's just do that to them.

209
00:13:58,310 --> 00:13:59,610
They never do that to me.

210
00:14:01,170 --> 00:14:04,750
Well, Carol, that's because you lead a
very sad, uninteresting, and boring...

211
00:14:07,210 --> 00:14:09,670
Now, do you want to talk about that or
do you want to talk about this plan?

212
00:14:09,910 --> 00:14:10,709
The plan!

213
00:14:10,710 --> 00:14:13,830
All right, okay. All right, I'll work on
Dad and Carol, you work on Mom. What do

214
00:14:13,830 --> 00:14:14,830
I work on?

215
00:14:15,370 --> 00:14:16,370
Losing weight.

216
00:14:18,910 --> 00:14:19,910
Dad,

217
00:14:21,130 --> 00:14:23,030
do you have a second to rap with me?

218
00:14:24,710 --> 00:14:25,710
You want to rap?

219
00:14:27,430 --> 00:14:28,430
Yeah, is that the right word?

220
00:14:28,890 --> 00:14:30,410
Sure, if you're Sammy Davis Jr.

221
00:14:32,390 --> 00:14:36,310
No, no, you know what I mean. Talk,
chat, have one of our meaningful

222
00:14:37,520 --> 00:14:39,340
Yeah, uh, nice haircut, by the way, Dad.

223
00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:44,200
Um, no, no, you know what I mean. Um,
you know, just kind of a chance for us

224
00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:45,900
guys to get together and see how the
heck we're doing.

225
00:14:46,560 --> 00:14:48,440
I mean, uh, you're my only dad, right?

226
00:14:50,520 --> 00:14:53,060
And, uh, I'm one of your three only
kids, aren't I?

227
00:14:54,380 --> 00:14:56,000
So what kind of trouble are you in,
Mike?

228
00:15:05,680 --> 00:15:07,780
have to be up just because I want to
come in here and talk to you?

229
00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:10,760
I mean, boy, I want to hang out with you
and I get accused of something being

230
00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:11,760
up.

231
00:15:16,340 --> 00:15:18,540
So, Dad, did you hear? I'm dating a new
girl now.

232
00:15:19,180 --> 00:15:22,480
Why? You're always dating a new girl
because nobody will go out with you

233
00:15:24,420 --> 00:15:25,920
No, no, no, Dad, this one's special.

234
00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:27,320
Her name's Petula.

235
00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:32,060
She wouldn't be a barber, would she?

236
00:15:32,540 --> 00:15:33,540
A barber?

237
00:15:33,680 --> 00:15:36,180
Why do you ask, Dad? Do you know any
Petula who's a barber?

238
00:15:36,580 --> 00:15:38,700
One with, oh, say, a mole painted on her
face?

239
00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:41,960
No.

240
00:15:42,500 --> 00:15:43,500
Ben mentioned it.

241
00:15:44,580 --> 00:15:45,580
Mm -hmm. I see.

242
00:15:48,600 --> 00:15:51,660
Mike, are you enjoying this
conversation?

243
00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:55,720
Okay, um... All right, here it is.

244
00:15:58,480 --> 00:16:00,220
I'm having a little problem with my
social life, Dad.

245
00:16:00,680 --> 00:16:03,840
And, um, you know, I figured that a guy
like you is probably dating around a

246
00:16:03,840 --> 00:16:07,880
lot. Yeah, well, it was a long time ago,
but, uh, yeah.

247
00:16:08,960 --> 00:16:12,460
Yeah. Yeah, you probably even, uh, went
steady a time or two, right?

248
00:16:13,520 --> 00:16:16,320
Yeah. Oh, heck, you probably even
married a few of them, right?

249
00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:18,560
What?

250
00:16:20,460 --> 00:16:25,720
Did you know that most divorced people
never have to set the table?

251
00:16:30,020 --> 00:16:31,020
What?

252
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:35,440
Well, it's a well -known fact that they
eat most meals hunched over a sink.

253
00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:37,460
Oh, Carol.

254
00:16:38,320 --> 00:16:40,440
You wouldn't think it was so funny if
you were divorced.

255
00:16:40,780 --> 00:16:43,020
Well, it sure would save me a lot of
time in the kitchen.

256
00:16:44,300 --> 00:16:46,040
Oh, fine. Duck the question.

257
00:16:46,460 --> 00:16:48,540
Carol, what question am I ducking?

258
00:16:49,180 --> 00:16:51,580
Mom, how can I make it any clearer?

259
00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:56,960
But it feels weird eating at the table,
huh?

260
00:17:00,650 --> 00:17:03,650
Well, that makes it unanimous. None of
my children are making sense.

261
00:17:03,990 --> 00:17:07,150
Tell me about it. They're either staring
at me like I'm back from the grave or

262
00:17:07,150 --> 00:17:09,270
telling me interesting facts about
divorce people.

263
00:17:09,849 --> 00:17:13,050
Well, there's something up. Mike was
just asking me how many times I've been

264
00:17:13,050 --> 00:17:15,910
married, and I... Wait a minute.

265
00:17:17,270 --> 00:17:18,270
They know.

266
00:17:22,089 --> 00:17:25,710
Oh, look, just like I told you. They've
been into everything down here.

267
00:17:27,500 --> 00:17:30,240
I found the stocking you gave me for the
intern's comedy review.

268
00:17:31,980 --> 00:17:32,980
That's not mine.

269
00:17:35,280 --> 00:17:36,280
Sure it is.

270
00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:39,120
Mike, Carol, Ben.

271
00:17:39,580 --> 00:17:41,820
No, I wear tall. This is petite.

272
00:17:43,260 --> 00:17:45,100
Well, we're getting off the subject
here.

273
00:17:48,380 --> 00:17:51,020
All right, kids, your mom and I would
like to talk to you.

274
00:17:51,300 --> 00:17:52,159
Oh, Beck.

275
00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:53,160
We're listening.

276
00:17:53,580 --> 00:17:54,920
Jay, then I'll handle this.

277
00:17:59,950 --> 00:18:00,950
I'll handle this, okay?

278
00:18:02,690 --> 00:18:05,250
This is gonna take a while. I'm gonna
call for a pizza.

279
00:18:06,130 --> 00:18:07,130
Sit down, Ben.

280
00:18:08,410 --> 00:18:11,430
Now, your mother and I were married in
1968.

281
00:18:11,890 --> 00:18:14,530
Oh, come on, Dad. We already know you
weren't even living together in 1969.

282
00:18:15,150 --> 00:18:16,029
Well, yes.

283
00:18:16,030 --> 00:18:17,270
And we know you were divorced.

284
00:18:18,230 --> 00:18:19,790
From somebody named Fatula.

285
00:18:20,950 --> 00:18:22,290
Who? I don't know.

286
00:18:26,060 --> 00:18:28,960
Mom, don't try to deny the fact that you
were married to some guy that your dad

287
00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:29,960
called a lunkhead.

288
00:18:31,540 --> 00:18:32,540
That's right.

289
00:18:32,740 --> 00:18:34,220
The lunkhead's your dad.

290
00:18:35,120 --> 00:18:36,120
Thank you.

291
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:38,640
That explains it all.

292
00:18:39,380 --> 00:18:40,920
I feel much better.

293
00:18:41,380 --> 00:18:43,180
No, no, no. That explains nothing.

294
00:18:44,700 --> 00:18:47,180
Kids, this is difficult to explain.

295
00:18:47,420 --> 00:18:52,280
But see, your dad and I went through a
period where we thought it was

296
00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:54,200
to have two careers and a marriage.

297
00:18:54,460 --> 00:18:55,460
It was.

298
00:18:55,610 --> 00:18:59,730
I was doing my internship in Phoenix and
your mom had the new job at Newsweek.

299
00:18:59,890 --> 00:19:02,430
Yes, and we... Well, we split up.

300
00:19:06,690 --> 00:19:10,110
But when you spend your life working for
a goal, it's tough to give it up just

301
00:19:10,110 --> 00:19:11,069
like that.

302
00:19:11,070 --> 00:19:12,070
It's impossible.

303
00:19:12,430 --> 00:19:14,010
So we went our separate ways.

304
00:19:15,350 --> 00:19:17,130
It was the worst time of my life.

305
00:19:18,090 --> 00:19:19,090
Me too.

306
00:19:20,370 --> 00:19:22,330
See, we didn't disagree about anything.

307
00:19:22,940 --> 00:19:26,220
In fact, it got so at one point, my
lawyer got up in court and he blurted

308
00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:29,720
well, why don't you just save everybody
a lot of trouble and stay married?

309
00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:36,860
Well, we looked at each other and
realized at once that how stupid we'd

310
00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:38,900
As well as what was really important.

311
00:19:39,300 --> 00:19:40,740
And the divorce never went through?

312
00:19:41,020 --> 00:19:42,020
Thank God.

313
00:19:42,820 --> 00:19:45,600
All right. All right, well, then explain
who this babe is.

314
00:19:48,300 --> 00:19:50,910
Well, this babe... is Petula Clark.

315
00:19:51,130 --> 00:19:53,150
She was a popular singer in the 60s.

316
00:19:53,430 --> 00:19:55,690
I was a member of her fan club.

317
00:19:56,730 --> 00:19:57,730
Okay, president.

318
00:19:59,130 --> 00:20:01,250
For a very short time, okay?

319
00:20:02,210 --> 00:20:04,130
I told you there was nothing to worry
about.

320
00:20:05,770 --> 00:20:07,370
Well, why didn't you tell us this
before?

321
00:20:08,330 --> 00:20:11,310
Well, we weren't trying to keep it a
secret on purpose. It's just that we

322
00:20:11,310 --> 00:20:13,250
waiting, well, for you to be old enough.

323
00:20:13,530 --> 00:20:15,830
And then by the time you were, then Ben
came along.

324
00:20:16,470 --> 00:20:19,710
And after a while, it just seemed the
whole thing was... Ancient history. It

325
00:20:19,710 --> 00:20:20,810
really didn't matter at all.

326
00:20:21,050 --> 00:20:23,970
What matters is how much we love each
other and you.

327
00:20:24,570 --> 00:20:27,410
Each of you, every day of the last 17
years.

328
00:20:28,010 --> 00:20:31,790
And I like to think that it's because we
came so close to making a mistake like

329
00:20:31,790 --> 00:20:33,650
that that the last 17 have been so good.

330
00:20:34,390 --> 00:20:36,810
It made us learn the fine art of
compromise.

331
00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:42,990
And we care enough to give each other a
little room and the right to his own

332
00:20:42,990 --> 00:20:43,990
point of view.

333
00:20:44,290 --> 00:20:47,930
And like I said at the wedding, you're
the only woman I ever wanted to marry.

334
00:20:49,260 --> 00:20:50,640
So they told you it wasn't a lie?

335
00:20:51,060 --> 00:20:52,060
No.

336
00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:55,940
So you guys split up just to get it out
of the way?

337
00:20:57,600 --> 00:21:00,060
Well, I couldn't have said it any better
myself, Ben.

338
00:21:00,540 --> 00:21:05,380
Well, I'm going to have a family history
that's going to make Stinky Sullivan

339
00:21:05,380 --> 00:21:06,380
smell.

340
00:21:09,860 --> 00:21:16,260
Well, I just think that that is the most
beautiful, most romantic...

341
00:21:18,220 --> 00:21:21,520
I have ever heard... God bless you.

342
00:21:25,860 --> 00:21:28,140
Look, I told them they were getting
carried away.

343
00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:30,160
Sure.

344
00:21:30,740 --> 00:21:34,860
And I speak for all of us when I say
that I am really glad you guys got back

345
00:21:34,860 --> 00:21:35,860
together when you did.

346
00:21:36,500 --> 00:21:39,080
Oh, little wee monk.

347
00:21:40,260 --> 00:21:42,680
I mean, if he had waited one more year,
I'd have been Carol.

348
00:21:57,640 --> 00:21:58,339
Excuse me?

349
00:21:58,340 --> 00:22:00,640
Yeah, I just remembered. Maria
Flakenhofer.

350
00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:02,440
That's who gave me the pantyhose.

351
00:22:03,420 --> 00:22:04,520
She's a proctologist.

352
00:22:05,880 --> 00:22:07,700
Now... Fine.

353
00:22:09,380 --> 00:22:10,760
Honey, I'm not jealous.

354
00:22:11,780 --> 00:22:15,540
All right, I just wanted you to know
where I got them, you know, just in

355
00:22:16,120 --> 00:22:17,560
It's a pretty good story, though.

356
00:22:18,500 --> 00:22:19,500
I don't care.

357
00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:21,780
No? No.

358
00:22:22,820 --> 00:22:24,620
Particularly when I say that she was a
bit...

359
00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:25,980
Thick in the thigh.

360
00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:33,360
Oh, no, not Maria. No, she was, uh...
Well, yeah, she was 15, 18 pounds

361
00:22:33,360 --> 00:22:34,360
overweight.

362
00:22:35,180 --> 00:22:37,740
What am I saying? 25 pounds that she was
lucky.

363
00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:40,460
Jason, what's past is past.

364
00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:42,840
Good, yes.

365
00:22:43,740 --> 00:22:47,840
From the look of her picture, she looks
like a nice person. Oh, yeah, she was.

366
00:22:49,180 --> 00:22:50,440
Fun lady, I guess.

367
00:22:50,780 --> 00:22:51,780
Oh, yeah.

368
00:22:51,940 --> 00:22:53,420
She had a great sense of humor.

369
00:22:56,300 --> 00:22:57,540
Yeah, she loved to laugh.

370
00:22:57,840 --> 00:23:00,260
And you gave her plenty to laugh at,
I'll bet.

371
00:23:00,900 --> 00:23:01,900
Oh, Maggie.

372
00:23:02,180 --> 00:23:03,420
Oh, you've got a lot of nerve.

373
00:23:03,780 --> 00:23:04,780
Maggie.

374
00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:07,940
Maggie. Oh, come on. She was 35 pounds
overweight.